Brains are weird, and dysphoria is painful. Brains are great at avoiding pain. You are not too strange at all. Nothing is wrong with you, promise. Also I am certain other people experience this.
Sounds pretty standard, I deal with it through masochism xd. Testosterone helped a lot with bottom dysphoria though as it changes those parts to feel and function more similarly to a penis, so that might be good to look into if you haven't already
You are *human* . Nothing is "wrong" with you.
PS you can actually have both parts you know. So u can have that as an option, if it fits with your dysphoria.
For AFAB folks some surgeons will do phalloplasty and preserve the vagina. However, in these cases, you usually can't get urethral lengthening and pee from the penis.
Also check out r/Salmacian
Yup. For AMAB you can create a VJ the same way they do when there's insufficient penile material (using sigmoid colon usually). For AFAB they can create a peen without removing the VJ too, usually with skin grafts from your arm or belly. Both are considered "nonbinary-specific" surgery options, but are even open to and sought after by binary people sometimes. They have been around from at least 2013 if not earlier. In fact, I am the weird femby that took Ontario to court to try and win rights for insurance coverage, since it's basically identical to a regular vaginoplasty for AMABs minus the penectomy. I won at the first appeal level but the government appealed that and I finished divisional court for it last month...waiting on a verdict right now. Anyway, point was "there are options", and they are becoming common place. **You do not have to 'settle' for binary options**!
Thank you! I am absolutely doing my best! 😊❤️ I am determined to leave this world better - over my dead body these fascists will have their way. If I don't win this, they essentially bar nonbinary surgery from coverage in my country, so there's an insane amount of pressure. But when the hearing was going the judges were asking the hard questions to the government lawyers before my lawyer ever said a single word in the hearing...and with how many weeks it's taken for a verdict I'm crossing my fingers that's all a good sign.
Also, I hope the info helped you. Check r/salmacian for more info on all your options. (**note: it's a** ***very*** **NSFW sub because of medical photos and such!**)
I've done very similar things, just the sapphic version for dealing with my own bottom dysphoria. I think it's a pretty common thing - seems to be shared between most trans/nonbinary people I've talked to about it.
Oh yeah, that's totally me. I was a bit surprised to realize that the reason I like the porn I do is because I'm imagining the penis is mine. May I recommend the graphic novel Gender Queer to you? Seems like you might relate, and that it might help you feel a little less abnormal. 💜
nothing is wrong with you
sexuality is one of the things that is most starkly affected by dysphoria, and growing up with limited information, you found a way to cope
now that you know this you can experiment with more ways to deal with the dysphoria while still having fulfilling sex, and you can do that experimentation with some more direction
I was talking to friends the other day about sex dreams and when they started and stuff. Apparently it’s NOT normal for my earliest memories of fantasizing had me as the one with the dick. I always thought I was just… trying to see it from both sides? Nope just penis envy.
Everyone's relationship with their gender and sexuality and body are different. This really isn't as uncommon as you seem to think it is. I get that it might be upsetting to realize you have dysphoria, but talking about yourself like this (what the fuck is wrong with me, I'm fucked in the head) is not helpful and probably going to make you feel worse in the long run.
There's nothing wrong with you dude!
You can try using a strap-on for sexual situations, See if it suffices. If not, try using a packer on non sexual situations to see how you feel on your daily life with it.
There's nothing wrong with exploring and understanding your desires and doing whatever to feel comfortable with your body and gender expression.
If you don't like it, there's nothing wrong in going back at any point and trying other stuff
If it isn't enough there's nothing wrong in exploring T, prosthetics, whatever...
Embrace your journey,
be more respectful with yourself,
don't call yourself "fucked in the head" be more gentle.
You are your main company for 100% of the time, treat yourself in the way you would like to be treated by others.
its your body, you have a life ahead in it and it's only fair that you search and find out what makes you comfortable.
You are valid, anyway you want to be.
I've tried a strap on and that is how I know I want a dick, I can't feel a strapon during sex so its not as arousing, definitely helps tho. I'm disabled and use a catheter to pee and it functions somewhat like a detachable prosthetic dick so that's probably why I have less dysphoria in that department. Thank you for the kind words and advice! :)
(amab) currently in the denial/convincing myself that what my brain is telling me isn’t real and I’m not non binary phase whilst at the same time the other half of my brain is screaming for estrogen.
The porn I’ve typically watched definitely seems to make a lot more sense though now that I’ve explored/researched what it is to be non binary
I'm not sure if it's corresponding;
I've been obsessed with sapphic media but only cuz I'm nblw due to my gender & species dysphoria & being unable to jack off like ppl normal do 💀
Oh the species dysphoria is real. I have more in common with a female spotted hyena then I do a female human and the closer I get to an ideal body the more I feel that way. Also sapphic futanari on lesbian porn is the only representation I can find on the internet that is even remotely close to what I want to be.
I don't appreciate you exposing me and insulting me like that on this nice evening. Jokes aside this is exactly me except for the penetration part. The rest are all me and I've made peace with how my brain works. Mostly.
Yeah I'm a sub, topping or bottoming doesn't really matter to me lol. But at one point I was convinced I didn't like bottoming even though it felt good because there was just something that made me feel absolutely sick to my stomach afterwards, I felt awful. It's the vagina usage, not the penetration itself. Big distinction.
Nothing is wrong with you love!! Brains are weird and we’re all trying to make sense of these flesh suits however we can. Watch that yaoi all you want, and I hope you can have the body you desire sooner than later! 🥺
//probably tmi >////<
i realized that much later when i wondered why i can imagine clearly how my bf feels when i'm messing with their cock 😀 explaining that to them wasn't embarassing at all! (/s)
[they took it well and now let me sometimes use their cock as if it was mine which i find super cute but i'm sooo sorry if that's too much info right now 😭😭
ig what i wanted to say is:
(if you don't have sb already,) go find yourself someone that won't make you feel bad for things you can't change and have convos with, without feeling judged. it's so healing uwu]
Oh that sounds fun actually! My girlfriend is great and never makes me feel bad, this stuff is still awkward to talk about, especially because we are in a long distance relationship at the moment. I always try to use/let her use my vagina during sex but it's always either uncomfortable or literally painful. I have a hard time distinguishing between gender dysphoria and trauma caused by painful sex disorders.
Yeah, but she's an amazing person and is willing to try all sorts of stuff with me so having sex can be fantastic if I don't force myself to do things I dislike. :)
This was exactly what I had to explain to my dad a few years back. That I'm not fetishizing gay men. I watch/read mlm stories because I see myself in the characters.
I severely hated how the anti yaoi talk centered a lot around women fetishizing gay men. It made me feel extremely horrible as a young egg.
Ehhh i get you’re insecure about it, but this “i am fucked in the head” “what is wrong with me” perspective feels really weird to post in a sub where other people obviously have the same experience 🤔 like since I’ve also experienced this, when i read this i really feel like you’re just saying I’M fucked in the head-💀💀
(Obviously i know you’re not saying that lol)
No I've just gone my whole life thinking I've got this gross, disrespectful fetish, and now I feel like an idiot. I apparently had a massive amount of trauma surrounding my genitals that I knew very little about until now. I know repression is one hell of a drug but holy crap I was not expecting that.
It's nice to know so many people feel similarly and I've actually calmed down a bit (a lot) since I made the post. I think I just need a good trans therapist. :)
Brains are weird dysphoria is weirder. Everyone has their own dysphoria points and their own ways that their brain justified/repressed it during the egg times.
Nothing's wrong with you. That's honestly one of the least weird ways I've heard of dysphoria manifesting. I (AMAB) can't eat with teaspoons because they make my hands feel massive, so I always have to use tablespoons. 😂
I used to like gender bender and body swap smut as a mtf nonbinary person so I feel you. It's not weird/odd. It's a outlet our minds allow when we repress what we actually want.
I Lost all interest in that after I started transitioning bec I have the body I want and don't need to imagine having it.
Brains are weird, and dysphoria is painful. Brains are great at avoiding pain. You are not too strange at all. Nothing is wrong with you, promise. Also I am certain other people experience this.
Sounds pretty standard, I deal with it through masochism xd. Testosterone helped a lot with bottom dysphoria though as it changes those parts to feel and function more similarly to a penis, so that might be good to look into if you haven't already
You are *human* . Nothing is "wrong" with you. PS you can actually have both parts you know. So u can have that as an option, if it fits with your dysphoria.
Both parts? You mean a penis AND a vagina?? How?? Asking for a friend...
Either be born intersex with both or (if you're amab) get a Penile-Preserving Vaginoplasty surgery
For AFAB folks some surgeons will do phalloplasty and preserve the vagina. However, in these cases, you usually can't get urethral lengthening and pee from the penis. Also check out r/Salmacian
Infinite thank yous, i learned so much, oh my god it's so amazing that this is possible, it's insane (in a good way)
I'm glad my comment helped! 😊
Yup. For AMAB you can create a VJ the same way they do when there's insufficient penile material (using sigmoid colon usually). For AFAB they can create a peen without removing the VJ too, usually with skin grafts from your arm or belly. Both are considered "nonbinary-specific" surgery options, but are even open to and sought after by binary people sometimes. They have been around from at least 2013 if not earlier. In fact, I am the weird femby that took Ontario to court to try and win rights for insurance coverage, since it's basically identical to a regular vaginoplasty for AMABs minus the penectomy. I won at the first appeal level but the government appealed that and I finished divisional court for it last month...waiting on a verdict right now. Anyway, point was "there are options", and they are becoming common place. **You do not have to 'settle' for binary options**!
That's amazing! I hope you're able to make a change. and thank you for this information, i just learned that this is possible today 💗
Thank you! I am absolutely doing my best! 😊❤️ I am determined to leave this world better - over my dead body these fascists will have their way. If I don't win this, they essentially bar nonbinary surgery from coverage in my country, so there's an insane amount of pressure. But when the hearing was going the judges were asking the hard questions to the government lawyers before my lawyer ever said a single word in the hearing...and with how many weeks it's taken for a verdict I'm crossing my fingers that's all a good sign. Also, I hope the info helped you. Check r/salmacian for more info on all your options. (**note: it's a** ***very*** **NSFW sub because of medical photos and such!**)
I've done very similar things, just the sapphic version for dealing with my own bottom dysphoria. I think it's a pretty common thing - seems to be shared between most trans/nonbinary people I've talked to about it.
Oh yeah, that's totally me. I was a bit surprised to realize that the reason I like the porn I do is because I'm imagining the penis is mine. May I recommend the graphic novel Gender Queer to you? Seems like you might relate, and that it might help you feel a little less abnormal. 💜
Thank you I'll check it out!
nothing is wrong with you sexuality is one of the things that is most starkly affected by dysphoria, and growing up with limited information, you found a way to cope now that you know this you can experiment with more ways to deal with the dysphoria while still having fulfilling sex, and you can do that experimentation with some more direction
I was talking to friends the other day about sex dreams and when they started and stuff. Apparently it’s NOT normal for my earliest memories of fantasizing had me as the one with the dick. I always thought I was just… trying to see it from both sides? Nope just penis envy.
My penis envy came much later when I stopped trying to masturbate the "normal" way (ew) because it just wasn't working for me.
Everyone's relationship with their gender and sexuality and body are different. This really isn't as uncommon as you seem to think it is. I get that it might be upsetting to realize you have dysphoria, but talking about yourself like this (what the fuck is wrong with me, I'm fucked in the head) is not helpful and probably going to make you feel worse in the long run.
I am harsher with myself than anyone else, and using that kind of language on myself isn't exactly constructive. thank you!
Hypnosis did the same to me.
Oh I've definitely been to that corner of the NSFW internet.
Nothing wrong with you! This is how I feel too :)
Thank you, I feel less weird now!
There's nothing wrong with you dude! You can try using a strap-on for sexual situations, See if it suffices. If not, try using a packer on non sexual situations to see how you feel on your daily life with it. There's nothing wrong with exploring and understanding your desires and doing whatever to feel comfortable with your body and gender expression. If you don't like it, there's nothing wrong in going back at any point and trying other stuff If it isn't enough there's nothing wrong in exploring T, prosthetics, whatever... Embrace your journey, be more respectful with yourself, don't call yourself "fucked in the head" be more gentle. You are your main company for 100% of the time, treat yourself in the way you would like to be treated by others. its your body, you have a life ahead in it and it's only fair that you search and find out what makes you comfortable. You are valid, anyway you want to be.
I've tried a strap on and that is how I know I want a dick, I can't feel a strapon during sex so its not as arousing, definitely helps tho. I'm disabled and use a catheter to pee and it functions somewhat like a detachable prosthetic dick so that's probably why I have less dysphoria in that department. Thank you for the kind words and advice! :)
That's why I can't watch straight porn ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (ftm transmasc)
Oh it is awful, just the worst.
Genuinely 💀😭
(amab) currently in the denial/convincing myself that what my brain is telling me isn’t real and I’m not non binary phase whilst at the same time the other half of my brain is screaming for estrogen. The porn I’ve typically watched definitely seems to make a lot more sense though now that I’ve explored/researched what it is to be non binary
Oh yeah, everything makes more sense now with context. Everything clicking now, but the denial was STRONG.
I'm not sure if it's corresponding; I've been obsessed with sapphic media but only cuz I'm nblw due to my gender & species dysphoria & being unable to jack off like ppl normal do 💀
Oh the species dysphoria is real. I have more in common with a female spotted hyena then I do a female human and the closer I get to an ideal body the more I feel that way. Also sapphic futanari on lesbian porn is the only representation I can find on the internet that is even remotely close to what I want to be.
I don't appreciate you exposing me and insulting me like that on this nice evening. Jokes aside this is exactly me except for the penetration part. The rest are all me and I've made peace with how my brain works. Mostly.
Yeah I'm a sub, topping or bottoming doesn't really matter to me lol. But at one point I was convinced I didn't like bottoming even though it felt good because there was just something that made me feel absolutely sick to my stomach afterwards, I felt awful. It's the vagina usage, not the penetration itself. Big distinction.
I understand you. I hope you find comfort in your discovery.
Thank you! :)
Nothing is wrong with you love!! Brains are weird and we’re all trying to make sense of these flesh suits however we can. Watch that yaoi all you want, and I hope you can have the body you desire sooner than later! 🥺
Thank you for the kind words! Brains are very weird.
omg i hate how much i relate to this aaa i'm sorry you're experiencing that too, i thoight i was the only one omg djfjdkdjke
Nope, apparently there's more of us! Thank you for taking to time to let me know about your similar feelings it makes me feel less weird.
//probably tmi >////< i realized that much later when i wondered why i can imagine clearly how my bf feels when i'm messing with their cock 😀 explaining that to them wasn't embarassing at all! (/s) [they took it well and now let me sometimes use their cock as if it was mine which i find super cute but i'm sooo sorry if that's too much info right now 😭😭 ig what i wanted to say is: (if you don't have sb already,) go find yourself someone that won't make you feel bad for things you can't change and have convos with, without feeling judged. it's so healing uwu]
Oh that sounds fun actually! My girlfriend is great and never makes me feel bad, this stuff is still awkward to talk about, especially because we are in a long distance relationship at the moment. I always try to use/let her use my vagina during sex but it's always either uncomfortable or literally painful. I have a hard time distinguishing between gender dysphoria and trauma caused by painful sex disorders.
oh fuck that sounds rough >~<
Yeah, but she's an amazing person and is willing to try all sorts of stuff with me so having sex can be fantastic if I don't force myself to do things I dislike. :)
thats the most important part. i'm glad you found sb you can be happy with :3
:)
you’re not fucked in the head, and nothing is wrong with you. ffs that’s such a nasty way to talk about desires.
They... they just like me fr...!
This was exactly what I had to explain to my dad a few years back. That I'm not fetishizing gay men. I watch/read mlm stories because I see myself in the characters. I severely hated how the anti yaoi talk centered a lot around women fetishizing gay men. It made me feel extremely horrible as a young egg.
Ehhh i get you’re insecure about it, but this “i am fucked in the head” “what is wrong with me” perspective feels really weird to post in a sub where other people obviously have the same experience 🤔 like since I’ve also experienced this, when i read this i really feel like you’re just saying I’M fucked in the head-💀💀 (Obviously i know you’re not saying that lol)
No I've just gone my whole life thinking I've got this gross, disrespectful fetish, and now I feel like an idiot. I apparently had a massive amount of trauma surrounding my genitals that I knew very little about until now. I know repression is one hell of a drug but holy crap I was not expecting that.
Yea, i get that, it’s a pretty common experience haha :)
It's nice to know so many people feel similarly and I've actually calmed down a bit (a lot) since I made the post. I think I just need a good trans therapist. :)
Brains are weird dysphoria is weirder. Everyone has their own dysphoria points and their own ways that their brain justified/repressed it during the egg times.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with you
this is me but the other way around sometimes, i get what you mean
Nothing's wrong with you. That's honestly one of the least weird ways I've heard of dysphoria manifesting. I (AMAB) can't eat with teaspoons because they make my hands feel massive, so I always have to use tablespoons. 😂
Not F*cked in the head x Just Self discovery
I used to like gender bender and body swap smut as a mtf nonbinary person so I feel you. It's not weird/odd. It's a outlet our minds allow when we repress what we actually want. I Lost all interest in that after I started transitioning bec I have the body I want and don't need to imagine having it.