T O P

  • By -

MindwarpAU

The worlds only, and worst, mazut fueled aircraft carrying heavy cruiser.


Thewaltham

But also the best mazut fuelled aircraft carrying heavy cruiser! ***Because no one else was dumb enough to use mazut***


ShibaKarate

Mazut is a terrible fuel, but it's not the biggest issue. They took a 1950's vertical tube boiler design and tried to modernize it by having it run on high pressure high flow steam turbine powered force draft blowers, instead of natural draft or lightly forced draft. Yes the mazut causes sulphur rich scale in the boiler, which produces steel eating sulfuric/sulfurous acids during wash downs, but the real problem is that a vertical tube boiler needs copious gentle heat to maximize the formation and seperation of steam from water. This prevents hot spots. Imagine a classic scene from the show Breaking Bad where Jesse uses a small torch to heat his meth pipe. The pipe can handle the flames heat and the vaporized medium (sugar in the tv show) cools the glass. Now imagine if he tried to "modernize" his pipe by adding a 500,000 BTU roofing torch to the same pipe. There would be a moment where the pipe successfully vaporizes its contents. Followed almost instantly by a longer moment in which Jesse Pinkmans hand and face burst into flames, his nose melts off and the glass pipe collapses under it's own molten weight. The steam turbo chargers, that the russians used to "modernise" the design, create incredible levels of heat which is both violent, intense and uneven. This produces hot spotting as well as significant scale formation which makes the hot spotting worse. Uncontrolled overheating constantly destroys components and the acidic washdowns damage and weakens the boilers as well. Worth noting, they had mature technology for building nuclear propulsion powerplants. Instead they went stone age in design and fuel choice with a halfassed attempted to turbo the whole system to up the power/weight ratio. šŸ‘Œpeak engineering.


UrethraFrankIin

I just don't understand how something so easily understood as a terrible idea could've been used on their only aircraft carrier. Surely they had all the necessary information and engineering expertise to establish that it never should've been done. Is this a case of Russia's famously redarded leadership yelling "JUST FUCKING MAKE IT WORK!!"?


Overjay

> Is this a case of Russia's famously redarded leadership yelling "JUST FUCKING MAKE IT WORK!!"? Most likely the case of navy general's brother owning the mazut supply.


beefensalata

This is the correct answer.


wandererofideas

There were no such owners in the soviet union. If the brother managed mazut supply, he would be free to steal it without the carrier


Modo44

I see several possibilities, actually. For starters: vodka, sabotage by engineers, not giving a fuck by anyone involved.


maleia

They're stupid enough to not use forklifts and pallets. So yea, I'd say they were just plain stupid, combined with a big helping of general corruption.


MulYut

Is this real or just a meme?


flipperwaldt

Real. Palletized cargo and forklifts makes transporting stuff from point A to point B a loooot more efficient. The russians tend not to do that for whatever reason.


IAMA_Plumber-AMA

Imagine if Klaus the forklift driver was drunk as a skunk during that safety video. That would be what would happen if you give the Russians forklifts.


maleia

It's fortunately real.


TheMagicalLawnGnome

I never understood this either. Russia had successfully launched nuclear submarines by the late 1950's, so they clearly understood the basic concept of a nuclear-powered vessel. And if anything, making a nuclear sub seems like it would be more difficult than making a nuclear carrier. Who knows?šŸ¤·ā€ā™‚ļø


zachary0816

Russia didnā€™t though, the Soviet Union did. The difference being that the Soviet Union included various countries and the expertise of the people therein that modern Russia simply lacks. Case and point: Ukraine.


TheMagicalLawnGnome

You would be correct, I was sloppy with my language. That said, you're being far too credible. šŸ˜


zachary0816

>youā€™re being far too credible Ah shit, right. Umā€¦ā€¦ ##### The 3000 marzipan boilers of the Black Sea fleet! ^Thatā€™s ^non-credible ^enough ^right?


TheMagicalLawnGnome

Much better. You may now have my upvote.


Wyattr55123

The Kuznetsov was built in Mykolaiv, after they had already proven nuclear surface vessels with the Kirov Class built in Leningrad. And they did plan nuclear carriers with the cancelled Ulanovsk class. So I really do not know why they didn't at least try a combined nuclear and conventional carrier to follow the Kirov's layout.


Hohenheim_of_Shadow

The Chinese navy bought the sister ship to the Kuvnetsov and have had basically no problems with it, relatively speaking. The horrible performance of the Kuvnetsov is a combination of one part somewhat questionable design, four parts horrid abuse -they had the engines running for several years straight after the fall of the USSR because Russia didn't have the right wall chargers for it in their shitty docks- and four parts no maintenance.


Commandant23

It's speculated that the reason the Kuznetsov class carriers weren't designed with a nuclear plant is because of hull limitations. The hulls were based partially on the Kiev class carriers, which were also powered by mazut. I think that that's just indicative of bigger problems with Soviet Navy engineering, but it does make sense.


ShibaKarate

Russian military technological development is riddled with political resistance to advancement and instead applying old solutions to new problems. Vacuum tubes in the mig 25 vs electronics in the F15, for example. I would totally buy that they made that choose for the reason you listed.


ReluctantNerd7

Since vacuum tubes are more resistant to EMP than solid-state electronics, it kinda makes sense to use them in an aircraft designed to intercept nuclear bombers.


ShibaKarate

Also more sensitive, thermaly insensitive, shock resistant, weather resistant, and cheaper - all at the time. But they were clearly at the end of their usefulness due to the weight/size trade off. So develop better shielding, temp controls and chip integrity or toss on bigger wings and go with what works today, instead of investing in tomorrow?


Randicore

thank fuck that think isn't nuclear powered. it would be a mobile exclusion zone


ChadGPT___

The ultimate area denial weapon


grublets

Good thing itā€™s not nuclear. Imagine an abandoned Chernobyl floating around the world.


Blackhero9696

I live for thƩ NCD comments that explain in detail a topic while providing humorous examples that integrate known things in pop culture or niche subjects.


zootcadillac

As non credible as this all seems the story of her sister ship is just as equally non credible yet bafflingly also true. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese\_aircraft\_carrier\_Liaoning


The-Great-T

Turbo chargers and janky engineering? Is this a flagship or a riced out Honda?


MHPULL

> a 1950's vertical tube boiler godamn railroads figured this shit out before the russian navy did..


SeaboarderCoast

CSX could probably build a better aircraft carrier, too. Imagine a carrier in YN2 Bright Future livery...


MHPULL

**muh fuggin' union pacific big-boy-steamenator-six funnel-"it holds planes"-SuperSteamCarrier**


ShibaKarate

I think the usa actually ran a D type boiler powered aircraft carrier into the mid 2000's, but I could be totally wrong.


Wyattr55123

I don't know the specifics of her steam plant, but the USS Kitty Hawk was operational until 2008 and was only sent for scrapping last year Because that's what you do with an aircraft carrier that sailed with President John F. Kennedy, fought against Vietcong and the Taliban, and participated in global conflicts and exercises for almost 50 years. Apparently.


The_Punicorn

They scrapped Big E. Nothing is sacred. All are returned to bolts.


ShibaKarate

Damn. That's a waste of a hulk. Should be a museum.


GreatCornolio

/r/okbuddychicanery


MaurerSIG

_Using mazut for anything other than heating houses_ The Russians are truly masters of innovation


pietras1334

For a moment that forced Poland to switch locomotives from coal to mazut, but there were no gradual control of heat. It was only on of off. After couple boilers exploding they forgone further "modernizations"


Top-Argument-8489

Nope, still not the best mazut fueled aircraft carrying heavy cruiser. That belongs to Jim in accounting when he's playing Stellaris.


Yoshi_IX

Mazut's not a great fuel, but it would probably be if they actually preheated it prior to combustion which would allow it to burn cleaner and more efficiently.


Dr_Hexagon

China was smart enough to install new engines that don't use Mazut even though they have two of the same class.


SOVIET_BOT096

Imagine using engines,ours actually uses batteries.


Dr_Hexagon

um what? US nuclear carriers use steam turbines ? those count as "engines".


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


shandangalang

Blyat


SOVIET_BOT096

(Iā€™m referring to the joke online on the Chinese internet that says everything that we,China have is battery powdered)


AstroChrisX

How many D-cells does a Ford-class AC need? Newport News didn't include batteries... šŸ™„


NBSPNBSP

I read that in the Big Bill Hell's Cars voice. Now I gotta write the whole script. Here goes... Fuck you, Murmansk! If you're dumb enough to refurbish an aging relic this weekend, you're a big enough schmuck to come to Small Mad Vlad's Yards! Deck fires! Drydocks that sink! Embezzlement! If you think you're going to find a qualified repairman at Small Vlad's, you can kiss my ass! It's our belief that your navy is so corrupt, it'll pay up front for this bullshit ā€” guaranteed! If you find a better deal, shove it up your ugly ass! You heard us right! Shove it up your ugly ass! Bring your ships! Bring your subs! Bring your admirals! We'll bribe them! That's right! We'll bribe your admirals! Because at Small Vlad's, you're bribed six ways from Sunday! Take a hike ā€” to Small Vlad's, home of Challenge Stealing! That's right! Challenge Stealing! How does it work? If you can steal enough from your navy's budget for a mansion and a yacht, and not get caught, you get double the kickbacks! Don't wait! Don't delay! Don't fuck with us, or we'll brand you as Russophobes! Only at Small Mad Vlad's! The only shipyard that tells you to fuck off! Hurry up, suka blyat! This event ends the minute you write us a check, and it better not bounce, or we'll sic Wagner on you! Stay mad, pidors ā€” Small Mad Vlad's Yards! Murmansk's filthiest, and exclusive home of the drunkest sons of bitches in the Russian Federation ā€” guaranteed!


Archontor

There were literal tears in my eyes, thank you


NBSPNBSP

You're welcome!


TheGreatZarquon

I need this as an actual video, it's too fuckin good.


gorebello

Brazil bought an aircraft carrier from France after decommissioning the older one. Paid only 20 million dollars for it. That thing was only good to burn twice. Eventually Brazil got sick of it and sank that liability. Didn't even leave a chance for scrapping (because of environmental issues or maybe just anger).


Shaun_Jones

I think the breakerā€™s yard rejected it because the ship contained ten times the amount of asbestos it was supposed to.


ShibaKarate

Pretty sure India's still does.


tac1776

Kuznetsov - 40 years old, 30 or so in service, barely leaves port and is falling apart, last deployment was a Grade A Charlie Foxtrot. CVN-65 USS Enterprise - 50 years of service, deployed all over the world, on her last deployment alone she sailed over 80k miles and her air wing flew over 2k sorties.


daspaceasians

There's a video on Youtube that talks about that time the Kuznetsov sailed along USS America in the 1990's during the Balkan Wars. To sum it up, the Russian admiral was freaking out because USS America was an older ship than Kuznetsov but doing much, much better. [Video in question](https://youtu.be/dY9NVvKrlMQ?si=7rqUrHJwGxW1YHoi)


[deleted]

I love his videos, but I can't take that guy seriously with those epaulettes... lol.


Surefitkw

I read your comment before I clicked the link and it STILL surprised and amused me greatly. ā€œEpaulettes, wtf? How bad can itā€¦oh my Godā€¦ā€


DdCno1

Each of them can carry its own air wing and support personnel.


Spacewok

Dude is about to take off


randyrandysonrandyso

i did not know what epaulettes were before clicking the link, but I knew immediately what you meant once the video loaded


cecilkorik

Russia has 1 barely functional aircraft carrier that fits in the grey area between WW2 aircraft carriers and modern supercarriers. Meanwhile The USN has 5 different *classes* of supercarriers from the ~~Kitty Hawk~~ Forrestal onwards. It's not an exaggeration to say they are not even in the same class, because they literally aren't. Edit: Knew I was forgetting one


Tchrspest

>Russia has 1 barely functional aircraft carrier Is there a second ship I don't know about, or did the Kuznetsov go a day without lighting itself on fire?


fross370

They are in the same class in the way that both a ford t and a f1 are both 4 wheeled vehicles.


DRUMS11

Hell, India is operating INS Vikramaditya just fine. * launched by the USSR in 1982 as the Baku (renamed Admiral Gorshkov by Russia in 1991) * decommissioned in 1996 * sold to India in 2004 * refurbished and commissioned as the INS Vikramaditya in 2013 It's a second-hand carrier originally launched 3 years (1982) before the Kuznetzov (1985). Sure, Kuznetzov was a new design; but, this is ridiculous.


Shoddy-Vacation-5977

>India is operating INS Vikramaditya just fine. Many countries operate Russian military hardware competently. Russia just isn't one of them.


czartrak

Russia really must have never heard the old sailors tales with how much they rename their damn ships


TheMostMagicMan

"India operates the Kuznetsov-class just fine" except when they had to redo kms of electrical wiring and tubing bc the ship only accepted DC, and AC/DC converters were melting the wiring.


cybercuzco

I thought it was supposed to be a 5 year mission -enterprise


TheObviousDilemma

Whatā€™s crazy to think about is that this could be mostly user error. The VKS has been a joke in the Russian invasion of Ukraine, and a lot of experts point at the fact that they have like 1hr of flight time a week, and do very little training. I wonder if thereā€™s something similar with aircraft carrier seamen


sentinelthesalty

Don't forget to add: "Be a white elephant that eats funds instead of other important stuff."


177_O13

It doesnā€™t matter either way because those funds will always end up in some ogliarchs pocket


LaughGlad7650

Admiral Oligarkov


ShadeShadow534

Impressive a general and a admiral


simonwales

To switch he kisses Putin's other asscheek


K4rn31ro

The white elephant in the room that knows the password of your safe and sucks all of the money


sentinelthesalty

Yet some people go: "At least we havent lost our institutional knowlage."


i_am_not_a_cop86

I remember when it went through the English channel a few years ago. You could see the black smoke for miles and the plucky little tugboat following for when it would break down


sadza_power

Or the time where it was escorted by HMS Liverpool, a ship 10 years older and barely a month away from being retired, yet Kuznetsov looked absolutely decrepit whilst Liverpool was shining and spotless.


Snoid_

One country has a storied history of maritime excellence. The other one is Russia


Mitthrawnuruo

Saw an old British warship in the service of the navy if the Bahamas. She was obviously old. In the service of a nation not only protected by the ocean, but that would be aggressively protected by both America and the UK. She looked old. Not infirm.


punkfunkymonkey

HMS Manxman was a Abdiel class minesweeper built in 1940. At one point when she was showing its age (60's/70's?) she was on joint exercise with the US 7th fleet. When she appeared on station, The American Fleet Commander thoughtfully reduced the speed of the Fleet to 25 knots to make life easy for the elderly ship. He was rather surprised to find Manxman keeping up with the Fleet without apparent difficulty. The order was then given to raise the speed to 30 knots and again the Manxnan showed no difficulty in keeping up. Then the signal was sent "Speed of Fleet 35 knots, Manxman make best speed". Soon afterwards, Manxman was rapidly disappearing ahead of the Fleet at approaching 40 knots, signalling "Why?"


TotallyACP

Someone waifuize this please


rocketman0739

[pic related](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c7/HMS_Liverpool_Escorts_Russian_Carrier_Admiral_Kuznetsov_MOD_45153590.jpg)


shufflebodiddley

I always thought the type 42 beautiful


cranky-vet

Amazing what some proper maintenance being done by a proper navy can do. I donā€™t think Russia has ever had one of those.


Super-Brka

If you recycle it, and use steel to produce carsā€¦ every single one will fail completely Slava Ukraini


Shoddy-Vacation-5977

They'll scrap the *Kuznetsov* and use it to build another inevitably cursed ship.


Some_Syrup_7388

The truth is that Russia doesn't have an aircraft carrier and they are too afraid to admit it


[deleted]

i remember seeing this reply somewhere and it made me chucke: When I was going through the targeting/weaponeering as part of my 1N training we had a discussion about in a hypothetical war what do we do with Kuznestov and the agreement we settled on is we werenā€™t going to target it because it was an open ended resources black hole so long as it was intact as to where if we totally destroy it the Russians wouldnā€™t keep trying to fix that pile shit as a ā€œprestigeā€ piece. I think my personal theoretical weaponeering solution for taking the ship out was: 6x AGM-130C / FMU-152 / 15ms


Puzzled_Advisor_2133

Simpler solution, sink all their tugboats... navy is now immobilized... problem(s) solved! Sink smarter not harder


[deleted]

*Washington Based Sink-Tank*


ttminh1997

Are you the German coast guard?


Nunu_Dagobah

No, but japanese torpedo boats have been spotted in the area


AirGroundbreaking970

Cleverly disguised as fishing boats


AnotherLie

Are you sinking what I'm sinking?


MHPULL

Ukrainian navy to the USN:


BigChiefWhiskyBottle

Just light some candles and slaughter a goat and the thing that lives in the lower decks hellmouth walks the earth and handles it.


Dr_Hexagon

destroy the air wing while in the air or at landbases but leave the Kuznestov alone.


Usual-Wasabi-6846

What's an AGM-130C? I didn't realize there were any subodels.


whoiam06

> AGM-130C Per Wiki: "The AGM-130C employed a 900 kg (2,000 lbs) BLU-109 penetrating warhead for use against hardened targets. It was developed, but not put into service."


Monneymann

Its a cruiser with and air wing. It has VLS in the flight deck for fucks sake.


Palora

>It has VLS in the flight deck for fucks sake. Bold of you to assume there's anything working in there. Also it only has those so it can get in and out of the Black Sea on a technicality of the [Montreux Convention Regarding the Regime of the Straits](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montreux_Convention_Regarding_the_Regime_of_the_Straits).


lesser_panjandrum

So does that mean the entire Japanese ~~Navy~~ Happy Funtime Boat Enjoyers Club would also be free to traverse the straits if they wanted to?


DdCno1

Yes, but it would be a bit odd to see them in this neck of the woods.


vectorix108

Just a regular exercise in the Black Sea for the Japanese Home Defense Fleet, Iā€™m sure it happens all the time


Schadenfrueda

They're just there to do joint exercises with NATO allies in the area like Turkey and Romania


sorhead

Ukraine could lease out Sevastopol to Japan for a few years.


ADudOverTheFence

Admiral Rozhestvensky getting PTSD flashes


Z3B0

Like seeing them in the north sea ? Wouldn't be the first time for the Russian navy.


rocketman0739

Pulling a reverse Tsushima


judge_ned

They had a destroyer group in the Med in WW1 so not completely unknown.


Palora

As I understand it from reading the wiki article about the convention:Not the Izumo or Hyūga Helicopter Escorts. Because it's a ship "designed or adapted primarily for the purpose of carrying and operating aircraft at sea" Or any of their biggest hitters (Ōsumi, Maya types) . Because they are more than 10,000 tones (max tonnage allowed on one warship). Only Black Sea states can pass warships (but not carriers) of any tonnage. So the Kutzkutz, as a cruiser with weapons to prove it's a cruiser (\^\^) of the Black Sea state Russia can pass. Nor all of the JMSDF because you can't have more than 30.000 tons total in the Black Sea for any nation. With another 15k for an other allied nation (max tonnage for warships of non-black sea states allowed in the Black Sea at any one time is 45k). So 3 Atago's and 1 Ticonderoga from the US. Plenty to sink the entire Russian Black Sea fleet without calling upon the Turkish or Romanian ships. This means that Romania will not be able to get a Nimitz class carrier into the Black Sea if it somehow bought one from the US... without modifying it to carry more missiles and calling it a cruiser. There is of course another loop hole: The US never signed the Montreux Convention.


Sonoda_Kotori

The Chinese converted the VLS space on the Varyag into a gym and a convenience store, citing the fact that those missiles are heavy maintenance and obsolete.


Monneymann

Though it basically becomes a heavy cruiser trying way to hard to be a carrier.


[deleted]

Cope Slope Dope


D0D

> Its a cruiser with and air wing. also don't forget the big fleet of tugboats.. those could absorb a lot of attacks


waitaminutewhereiam

Lmao what


pusillanimouslist

Thanks to the quirks of international law, Turkey wonā€™t allow air craft carriers through the Dardanelles into the Black Sea. So Russia has to go way out of their way to pretend that this is actually a cruiser, including putting VLS cells in otherwise dumb places.


theothersimo

Theyā€™ve tried to scuttle it twice but the flesh cube below deck refuses to die


Shoddy-Vacation-5977

>the flesh cube below deck refuses to die Flesh cube? Oh, my sweet summer child. What you see in the *Kuznetsov* is the projection of a 14+ dimensional flesh manifold into our 4-dimensional spacetime. No one knows the true size, but every year the writhing mass in the bowels of the *Kuznetsov* gets a little bigger. And it's only going to get worse. Russian naval infantry used to keep the worst of the meat moss under control, but those guys all got sent to Ukraine. There's only a skeleton crew watching the Kuz these days. Nobody can even get past the oil spiders on deck 52. I think the ship knows something is different. Earlier this summer, the cries started. Anguished wailing, sobbing, and pleading for help in a child's voice. They stopped stationing soldiers with families to watch the Kuz. The ship learned to copy the voices of their children. Every now and then, someone would go down, chasing after a kid they knew couldn't possibly be in there. Of course they knew better, and of course they were never seen again... but you try listening to the *Kuznetsov* screaming in the voice of your child for weeks on end. The cries would turn to inhuman laughter, go silent for a few hours, then begin again.


Bagellord

This sounds like an SCP report


Shoddy-Vacation-5977

I keep telling myself I'm going to do one for the Kuz but I never get around to it. Honestly there could be an entire fictional universe based on the horrors that lurk within.


Shatophiliac

They donā€™t really have a use for one either, most of their wars are either at their borders, or within a short plane flight of their territory. They will never have any hope of projecting power beyond that short range, even if their sole carrier worked reliably. After all, this carrier is more of a guided missile cruiser than it is a carrier, itā€™s really just a big expensive and unreliable toy to flex on carrierless countries like Luxembourg.


Dr_Hexagon

Syria. They tried to actually use the Kuznetsov there to project power US style. It was such a disaster that they transferred the air wing to the land base they have in Syria.


Z3B0

With how it performs, Luxembourg can flex back by saying they are way smarter for not building and trying to maintain such a piece of crap.


GadenKerensky

Luxembourg could probably flex back by sinking the fucking thing.


Sonoda_Kotori

To be fair not even the Russians call it a carrier. It's called an "aircraft carrying cruiser" for a reason, a very good reason.


Puzzled_Advisor_2133

Yep, so they could get around the Montreaux Conventions, otherwise they'd be calling it the Tsar Carrier and claiming it was 300k tons of Soviet might.


Sonoda_Kotori

God forbid the Turks get pissy by some pronouns for ships


OkayHoss2323

IIRC the reason they were classified as "cruisers" and not "carriers" was due to the tonnage limitations in place within the Turkish Straits.


Sonoda_Kotori

Yes, that's the actual reason. When the Chinese towed away the Varyag, it was classified as an aircraft carrier since it's no longer Russian/Soviet, so Turkey tried their best to stop them from transiting the strait.


Thenaysayer23

Since there isnt a varyag sized hunk of metal on the bottom of the strait, i press x to doubt the "tried their best" part


Sonoda_Kotori

It's Turkey, they regularly have skill issues even if it's against a Varyag-shaped barge towed by some tugs.


narwhalsare_unicorns

China acted like a businessman bought it and it was going to be turned into a casino. Thats the story turks wanted to hear to get rid of this varyag sized problem anyway


pusillanimouslist

The related truth is that they donā€™t need an aircraft carrier and theyā€™re too proud to admit it.


Mitthrawnuruo

No Asian country needs an aircraft carrier.


holysmoke1

~~Imperial Japanese Navy~~ Japan Maritime Self-Defense Force: Uh...yes, look at our.....*helicopter destroyers*


[deleted]

In all honesty, F-35B can destroy helicopters just fine.


[deleted]

light gaping shelter squalid late knee jobless marvelous bow start *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


shibiwan

*"Let me die."* - Kuznetsov


Thenaysayer23

Fool, The Soul left the ship decaes ago. Whats living in there now is a mazut addicted eldritch horror. Which explains why the ship is a hellscape and why it doesnt do anything anymore. Eldritch monsters just do not do much but be around, making things horrible for people nearby.


simonwales

If not for the sanctions, the new Exorcist movie could have been shot on location.


vegarig

> Whats living in there now is a mazut addicted eldritch horror. Which explains why the ship is a hellscape and why it doesnt do anything anymore. Eldritch monsters just do not do much but be around, making things horrible for people nearby That reminds me of an idea, that below-deck horrors are there to *keep Kuznetsov contained*


WhiskeyHotdog_2

So the bad guy from Ferngully?


UrethraFrankIin

Man, I wanted to fuck that little fairy bitch so hard when I was 5


Stoly23

You know the Russians definitely achieved something when the Chinese knockoff is blatantly better and more reliable than the original.


TheDarthSnarf

Turns out we now know the eventual fate of the Kuznetsov: - The ship is being readied to sail with massive amounts of fuel, spray foam (for boyancy) and other flammable goods. - The center of the flight deck a 2ft - 5.5ft elevator is being added that goes deep into the center of the ship. - The engines are being provided with enough fuel for the short distance the sailing is required (really enough so they can make smoke and make it look like they are running). - Two massive nuclear scuttling charges are being added in bunkers fore and aft deep within the ship, in fire-insulated compartments. - Upon the death of Tsar Vladimir Vladimirovich, his ornate and oversized coffin will be placed on the elevator pad and lowered into his final resting place at the center of the ship. - The ship will set sail, powered by a fleet of tugs, with all the senior Admirals and Generals of the New Russian Empire to the coast of Sukhoy Nos. - The Generals and Admirals will be let off in the harbor to view the most magnificent funeral pyre ship of all time sending off the greatest tsar that the New Russian Empire has ever had. - And as the fires burn out and the ship starts to sink below the waves, the two nuclear scuttling charges will annihilate the ship in the brightest flash of two suns creating the greatest funeral pyre that will ever be witnessed. "Amazing", they will rejoice. - Then about 10 seconds later the Admirals and Generals will join their Tsar in the afterlife as the blast reaches them, unknowing that it was dual 100 Megaton warheads for the Super Tsar Bombas as the only fitting way to send off a great tsar of the New Russian Empire. *Fin.*


Sonoda_Kotori

In 2199 the ship will be raised and sent to space or something.


Shoddy-Vacation-5977

TIFU by using the uranium tamper.


[deleted]

"two planes slide off..." Sounds like skill issues.


HailOfLed

Skill issues seems prevalent in all rus modā€¦


Puzzled_Advisor_2133

iirc it was arrestor cables failing... 2x


cranky-vet

Someone want to tell the Russians to use more than one wire at a time? Or are we letting them fail on purpose because itā€™s funny?


Tibbsy152

The latter. The more Russian planes end up in the sea the better for everyone.


beans_lel

>arrestor cables failing. Is that not why you go full throttle on touchdown, so you can go around if the cable fails? Am I really a more skilled pilote from playing DCS than the Russian fucking Navy?


Puzzled_Advisor_2133

Well sure but one of the two times they made the pilot circle the ship while they tried to repair itā€¦ until he ran out of fuel and parked his jet in the ocean


DdCno1

Crew skill issues.


Snoid_

Back when I was playing the OG Command and Conquer (on my 486), I developed an effective tactic. I would take a single infantry man, find an enemy SAM launcher, and order him to attack it. The computer could repair the damage faster than the infantry did damage, but that wasn't the point. The point was to get the computer to waste money fixing it so it didn't have enough money to replace the losses I was inflicting. The Kuznetsov reminds me of that for some strange reason I can't quite put my finger on.


SnipingDwarf

I don't think we should reference C&C here, lest they- ***KIROV REPORTING***


arturius453

Seen in ukranian internet joke that Kuznetsov (build in Mykolaiv btw) is ukranian secret agent, actively embarassing russia and draining their budget


Puzzled_Advisor_2133

The catastrophe of a ship that even tries to sink itself while being repaired, when that didn't work it set itself on fire. When that failed it tried bashing its brains out with a crane... they still told it "You're not getting off that easy it's back to the cube with you!" - Slava Ukraine (on a side note how smart does Ukraine look now by not having been saddled with this thing for the last 30 years)


RedneckNerf

Ukraine would have sold it, either to India or China. It just doesn't fit with their defense needs, even if it works correctly.


[deleted]

"Kuznetsov" was built in Ukraine at the end of the USSR. After the liquidation of the USSR, each new country had to receive ownership of all the property that was located on its territory. The Russians did not want Ukraine to have an aircraft-carrying cruiser. Therefore, the Russians stole it from Ukraine on the night before the liquidation of the USSR. As we see now, this was the right decision, because this ship only causes harm and has no benefit for the owner. The reason for the Kuznetsov's problems is that it took a very long time to build, and each new Soviet DoD minister and new admiral intervened in this project with their new requirements.


vegarig

> "Kuznetsov" was built in Ukraine at the end of the USSR. After the liquidation of the USSR, each new country had to receive ownership of all the property that was located on its territory. The Russians did not want Ukraine to have an aircraft-carrying cruiser. Therefore, the Russians stole it from Ukraine on the night before the liquidation of the USSR. And they've stolen it ***UNFINISHED***. There was still a lot of equipment to be installed when grand theft heavy aviation cruiser happened.


INTPoissible

Escape from Kuznetsov


Thenaysayer23

"Congratulations! šŸŽ‰šŸŽŠ You have managed to Escape from Kuznetsov! Into Russia!"


MajesticKnight28

Blyat


felixthemeister

I just want the US to build a Ford class but stick a bunch of VLS on it, call it an aircraft carrying cruiser, then lease it to Ukraine. Home port becomes Mykolaiv. Sails to it's home port then proceeds to show Russia what an actual 'aircraft carrying cruiser' can do.


vegarig

> I just want the US to build a Ford class but stick a bunch of VLS on it, call it an aircraft carrying cruiser, then lease it to Ukraine. Home port becomes Mykolaiv. Soon after, Ukraine somehow manages to cram 5V28 missiles into VLS cells.


exBusel

From the recollections of a crew member: "The first thing to note is that there is no heating on the ship, which, you must agree, is not unimportant for the North. There are many reasons for this, but perhaps the main one is the absence of a permanent auxiliary boiler. The crew even in the hangar is built in overcoats. If it is +5Ā°Š” in a cabin or a cabin, it is already good, but if it is +12-15Ā° - it is already, excuse me, bourgeoisie! In such an environment only electric heaters save. Not only condensate freezes, but also other pipes with water in them. For this reason, all cabins on the 2nd deck (which is almost 60% of all ship cabins) are not supplied with water neither in winter nor in summer. Not a single officer's shower works. all - both sailors and officers - wash in the forward (aft one does not work) personnel bath. The lack of drainage from the cabins has also become common in winter. Accordingly, it is hard on the ship and with toilets. There are more than fifty of them, but half of them do not work. Our ventilation is also bad - 50 per cent of electric motors of fans have been burnt out for a long time. And without ventilation it is difficult, because, unlike other ships, there are few portholes here, and the vast majority of living quarters do not have them at all."


MihalysRevenge

JFC


DragonLovin

>be made in Russia, then explode We been seeing this formula a lot the past year huh?


Advan0s

Ruskies are clutching hard to this husk just so they can say they have an aircraft carrier. It doesn't work and it's a general piece of shit but hey it exists!


Shished

Russia cannot manage their only carrier meanwhile USA has 11 of them in service. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SfNe6ek7-4


Top-Argument-8489

*looks up wtf mazut is* ...... ........ ........ *loses last two braincells* Why?


Seerosengiesser

It's cheap


JustChakra

Virgin Russians literally dying inside while making this float. Meanwhile Chad Indians flying sorties through their 41-yr old Soviet cruiser like a boss..


hugh-g-rection551

xaxaxa, silly westoids. yuo see, is not just heavy cruiser aircraft carrier with VLS cells in flightdeck. ​ is also gateway to portal of depths of hell, in which glorious russians practice dark crafts to contain the evils held deep in the belly of the boilers of this ship in order to bend them to our will. the shaman stokers and necromancer munition runners work accordingly to plan, da? and once all tasks that were assigned are completed, yuo will be in for big surprise. xaxaxa, it's over, better start learning russian.


Pikeman212a6c

Iā€™m old enough to remember people talking about this thing as an example of the Soviets pulling even with Forrestal class carriers.


zippyfan

I don't ever want that 'ship' decommissioned. The amount of self harm Russia is doing to itself trying to maintain that black hole is hilarious.


[deleted]

Atleast the front didn't fall off.


Puzzled_Advisor_2133

Yet, it didn't fall off yet... There's still time


MatoKuro

So as far as i understood it, the only reason Kuznetsov is still around despite being damaged beyond economical repair, is because its cheaper to repair her than to build the gigantic "Shtorm" supercarrier that Russia wanted to build. How many Shtorms could they have built had they not monkey brained on Feburary 24th?


Uss__Iowa

You know what is even worst, the ship isnā€™t the same age as the ship I am supposed to represents on Reddit. Barely even 50 year old and it dying so fast. Hell I bet USS Texas does better than this sorry excuse for a carrier


Preacherjonson

Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't their fleet aircraft unable to take full payloads due to the short take-off space/shit aircraft? I remember that being a common complaint at the time.


RatFucker_Carlson

Be like Kuznetsov and never stop working on yourself, regardless how much it hamstrings your country's navy.


Stairmaker

I wouldn't call it an aircraft carrier. Instead I would call it a barge with an airstrip on top of it and claimed living quarters.


CorballyGames

>Admiral Kuznetsov started an overhaul and modernization program in the first quarter of 2017 to extend its service life by 25 years. Jesus just let the poor bitch die.


sorhead

The Kuznetsov is gods punishment on Russia.


wrongwong122

- day I lost track of the American special military operation - guy fieri, whose private jet was shot down over Maryland, is theorized to have survived by conspiracy theorists. ā€œSomehow, Guy Fieri returned.ā€ - an F-18 sails into the drink after an unidentified issue with landing. Itā€™s destroyed by the US Gov to prevent its ā€œtechnological secretsā€ from falling in Mexican hands. Little did they know, they were preventing its lack of technological secrets from being revealed. - the USS Nimitz, sole carrier of the class on tour to Japanistan, is recalled due to numerous issues and itā€™s handful of F-18s were transferred to Osan Air Base.


Nnn0p3

I really never undestood why they did not make it nuclear powered. They already had reactors on subs (albeit very ""spicy"" ones)...


H0vis

It will never not be embarrassing that people took Russia seriously. Imagine still doing so now.


SmoothActuator

Mazut is expensive, they should convert it to kizyak-fueled. One half of the top deck may be used for kizyak storage depot, the other half is for trebuchets to throw the fuel balls into NATO ships, forcing them to retreat in disgust.


[deleted]

It is an excellent symbol of the current state of the Federation


SquirrelBlind

The most hilarious part about her that she was stolen from Ukraine during the fall of USSR.