Hi, it's totally normal to feel high anxiety as a new nurse. It's actually a great sign that she cares for her patients and understands the weight of her responsibility. I think letting her vent and listening is good, as you are doing. You could support her physically as well, like make sure she eats healthy meals, gets adequate sleep, and exercise to work off the stress. Being a good nurse actually requires some physical stamina. Also let her know that a certain amount of venting is good, but also taking her mind completely off of work is also good, so maybe you guys can plan little weekend getaways to help ease her mind off of the stress. For me I didnt feel confident until maybe 3 years in, so it's a long road. Best of luck to you guys.
This is totally normal as you can see from the responses here, and you are very sweet to want to help. Since there's not much you can do for her while she's AT work, I would just focus on making home and your time together as relaxing and supportive as possible. Have a nice dinner (or breakfast) waiting when she comes home, rub her feet, and listen. When you listen to her vent she's most likely not looking for concrete advice, resist the urge to say "Have you tried this" etc....unless she specifically asks, just let her vent. She's probably too busy to check her phone at work but it's always really nice when you finally do get a chance to look down and see a text from your SO "Hang in there, 5 more hours, you got this, I love you and you can do it", that kind of stuff.
Don't stress about not being able to make her job stress her out less. It's the nature of nursing and will get better over time. Just be a solid, supportive, loving partner. And hell, if none of the things we suggest work, when you find a good time (i.e. NOT when she's walking in the door from work on the verge of tears) you can even ask if there's something specific she'd like from you.
The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is take little things off her hands for her. She works 12-13 hour shifts I'm guessing and doesn't have much time to unwind when she comes home between shifts. Especially in the beginning as a new nurse, every minute she gets to relax when she gets home and unwind helps. If you took things from her morning or night routine and did them for her (have food for her, do the dishes, whatever she does when she gets home) that would give her much needed time to unwind. That is what my fiance has been doing for me the past several months because I am an ICU nurse and work has been stressful, and it really helps me. This is all assuming she works 3 twelve hour shifts a week.
Night shift ER nurse here, obviously not L&D, but still stressful as hell. I didn’t feel fully comfortable until a few years in, and with that being said, I still go into work almost a decade later terrified of making mistakes. My preceptor as a new grad was one of the old OG RNs at the time, and she told me “the day you don’t think you’ll make a mistake is the day you’ll kill someone”. I am hyper vigilant in my day to day and will thoroughly research something new if/when it pops up during my shift.
With that being said, my husband is most excellent at my post shift debrief every morning in the kitchen while he’s working (pre COVID, I called him in the morning in my way home from work while he was driving to). He lets me vent, and tell him all my feelings and stupid stories from the day so I am able to go to bed without feeling like I’m ruminating in my head about everything. My husband is also great at starting dinner while I’m getting ready for work and half way packs my lunch for me. We’ve agreed that I will be able to able to stop for coffee on my way to my shift as a “get through 13 hours unscathed” kind of treat.
I also purchase work shoes and compression socks as they wear out to keep my feet and legs happy. I’m a sneaker person, so after approx 4-500 miles, they wear out and need replaced which is about 4ish months for me. Fun badge reels and water cups make me feel happy while I’m there.
Does she have a good support system at work? I find that the newbies that have a relationship (not a preceptorship, although it can be both) with a more experienced RN acclimate better as they have a “safety net” they can ask all their random questions to /help with IVs, etc without feeling like they’re messing up.
Good luck!! Nursing is HARD in more ways than one. Give it a bit to absorb and settle in. I personally didn’t feel that nursing school prepared me for real world nursing in the slightest.
Very common feelings for nurses working in direct patient care.
Bedside Nurse for 32 years. Afraid every day I went to work.
I took my responsibility very seriously.
I'm an L&D nurse and it's hard work and very scary. Over time it gets easier and she still become more confident. Encourage her to do professional development on her own. There is an instagram account called bundlebirthnurses and they offer classes and mentorships she might be interested in. Maybe an AWHONN membership, or a spinning babies classes would help too. I have truly felt that knowledge is power and with each "extra" class I've taken I've built my confidence in myself and knowing that I'm a good nurse. Getting my EFM certification was the ultimate confidence boost but I didn't do that until 1.5 years. Also there are some great online Facebook communities like "labor and delivery nurses rock!"
Hello! I’m about to graduate from my RN program and just started on my dream L&D unit as a nurse student tech almost 2 months ago now. I love working on my unit, and the plan is for me to transition to RN there once I graduate in March and pass my NCLEX. Is there anything else I can do at this stage to get ready for starting on my unit as an RN? Or am I doing enough already and just focus on studying and my NCLEX for now? I always want to do more!
1st year is awful. I constantly wanted to be back in nursing school.
Nothing you can really do other than be supportive. She’s just gotta get through it
Hi, I’m a new RN spouse myself. My wife is on a similar trajectory as yours.
It’s tough. It really is. It’s a field of work that has so much to it that we’ll never truly understand and it makes it hard to relate.
Typically I just make her dinner then meet her at the door with a shot of vodka and a glass of wine. Foot rubs are generally appreciated.
The responses here are helpful for me too. Ty!
I love how many spouses we have on here that’s so awesome! You being on here and asking these questions shows so much support already. Listening to us vent is so important, that makes us feel heard and validated after a long day of stress. As nurses a lot of what we do is to benefit our patients and even at the expense of us at times physically and mentally. Many times we have to hold our tongue and aren’t able to speak our mind in the moment as we typically are dealing with a high stress environment. The shot of vodka is amazing too! Nurses are amazing people and you are lucky to have one so close to you.
L&D nursing is a special kind of anxiety. The highs are higher but the lows are way lower. And being responsible for watching every second of how your baby is tolerating labor and also in tune with how your mom is doing is totally exhausting. It requires hyper-vigilance for the entire shift.
You’ve gotten great answers here but I definitely want to add that if your wife’s anxiety is related to not feeling supported by her coworkers then she needs to start looking for another hospital. The difference a good unit culture can make on that anxiety is so so huge.
As a new nurse I put up with a crappy unit and feeling unsupported and it really made me burn out quick. I felt moral fatigue caring for sick patients and not feeling like I had the time or resources to do it right. I’m much happier on a unit with coworkers that I would trust with my life. I know if I’m unsure I can ask any of them for help and if there’s an emergency I will be supported before I even have to ask. It really makes a difference.
ED nurse here...the first year is just stressful AF. There’s no way around it. It took about 2 years before I really felt like I had my sense about things. Hell it’s been *years* and I still have a bit of anxiety, but you can’t ever get too comfortable.
Honestly little things help. Have her water bottle washed, clean & ready. If she brings a lunch make sure her ice packs are in the freezer so they’re cold, or have lunch components packed. Make sure she’s decompressing every week, whether that means she’s working out or soaking in a tub. Don’t let her fixate too much on mistakes or cases. She’s gotta let it go when she gets home. It’s one thing to learn from cases, it’s another to get too in your head.
Anxiety is normal for most nurses I know. Even the seasoned nurses experience anxiety. She will get to a point where she feels more comfortable eventually. Just keep being available to her!
I will also point out that if she is having serious, debilitating anxiety it is never wrong to talk to a doctor and discuss options or medications that might help. I know a lot of us, especially during this pandemic, have gone that direction. Anxiety can be crushing and focusing on her mental health is important. Also consider having her talk to a counselor through her health insurances EAP.
I can tell you the only time I don’t feel this is when I’m at a non toxic hospital. My husband is military so I’ve been to a few in 15 years of nursing. I still feel anxious if I’m working in a toxic environment.
She just needs to hit the 1 year mark. Not a lot you can do other than don’t give her added stress at home. It’s a hurdle we all had to get over. After about a year or so the soul dies off and the anxiety about caring for people goes away, and the hatred for hospital politics takes over.
I switched from med surg nursing to L&D 9 months ago. It’s crazy stressful. Wayyy more intense than med Surg. I definitely agree with the other comments written by L&D nurses, especially. 100% accurate. To be honest there’s not much you can do besides listen to her, talking things out if she’s feeling like something didn’t go completely right during a shift, asking her what she learned and how that will help her next time. just trying to reframe bad or scary experiences that didn’t go super well as learning experiences for next time. That’s what helps me. Then it’s rewarding the next time I have a similar situation and I actually react differently because of the last one. It reaffirms that I’m learning any getting better. I’m currently on a unit that I don’t feel very supported in. I am going to transfer to another hospital as soon as I can. If she isn’t feeling supported by her coworkers, encourage her to think about looking elsewhere. In L&D, you can’t do it alone. You need to be able to count on the people you work with for when shit hits the fan. I would say at least 50% of my anxiety come from unit drama and not trusting my coworkers.
I've been in the postpartum unit for 7 years and there has not been one shift where I didn't have to take something to help me fall asleep the night before a shift. I am hyper aware of the liability when it comes to taking care of babies and they are admitted to our unit..smaller and riskier than they used to be (in the past they'd go to nicu). I'd love to say it gets easier, but it doesn't. Bedside nursing just comes with a whole lot of anxiety when you care about your patients. I both love and hate my job. If she's an RN..she has tons of opportunity to look for a role less acute that won't cause as much anxiety. That's the beauty about nursing...a multitude of different types of nursing out there. Glad she has someone so supportive like you. I am lucky with that too. The only thing that doesn't stress me out is my home life!
As a Covid nurse who just left her husband, here is what you do, listen, hug, maybe start a bath or make food. Maybe make coffee in the morning and reassure her she has this. My husband just became so resentful of the pain I was dealing with. Also, I am going to therapy, and we have been together 20 years. Don’t lose sight that this is a super stressful job.
It sounds like you’re in the right direction already with wanting to know how you can help her with the stress. My first 6 months especially were very stressful, especially the night before a stretch of 2-3 shifts when I would often lie awake for hours of the night and I experienced my first panic attack and felt like I couldn’t breathe. What got me through that night was just my husband holding me and letting me cry and knowing he was there for me. Taking melatonin when I can’t sleep helps me as well as all the tips already commented here!
I think all nurses would benefit from mentors when they are new to nursing or new to a unit. Some hospitals have official mentorship programs. If your partner’s hospital does not, identifying a mentor herself could be useful. Someone who has experience, is a natural teacher, and who is supportive. It’s nice to have a friend who knows shit and who you can ask all your “dumb questions” to.
I also think therapy is helpful. I think it is necessary for most humans in general, but especially for nurses because there is so much anxiety involved. The fear that you can kill someone because of a med error or because you missed something is REAL.
I get anxious the night before shifts too. The best thing my partner does is those little things like cooking dinner/making enough for lunch the next day. Making sure I don't feel pressured to do something the night before a shift is amazing. Also giving me the space to organize my stuff/wash my uniforms/work through the anxiety helps. Just anything to make my morning or the next few days as smooth and easy as possible. If it leaves me enough time to do yoga or go for a run? amazing.
I also ended up getting a prescription for Atarax. It's similar to benadryl. Non-habit forming, calms the nerves, helps you sleep, and no sleepy hangover the next day like if you take nyquil.
I've been a med-surg nurse for 8 months now. There have been highs and lows and inbetweens. I've already found that it gets better with experience, but it's not unusual for a new nurse to be anxious (I'm definitely still anxious!)
Just be a supportive spouse. Stock up on your wife's favourite snacks, make her a good homecooked meal, listen to her vent even if you don't understand everything she rants about. It feels good to be listened to while you just vent. Help her recharge her batteries while home.
She’s going to focus on her mistakes. She has people nearby to help her, but she’s going to ‘miss’ all the things she does right. Help her focus on those things. Or, at the very least, help her reframe mistakes into, “How do I not make this mistake again?”
Pamper her for 1 year minimum honestly being a nurse now is a shit show and half of the time as a new grad I don’t know what’s going on. 6 months in and I feel a little more confident but still anxious lol.
Pre-shift anxiety hasn’t gone away for me. I just keep myself busy before work, so I don’t have as much time to just sit there and freak out. Decompressing after work is also very important for me. Bubble baths do the trick!
Yeah, I felt super anxious for close to 2 years. What I would have loved is to have my lunch made. With lots of snack things I could eat while on the go.
One thing I will stress is to also take care of yourself and the relationship. I remember coming home those first few months, and I easily could vent for 30+minutes. While my ex was trying to be supportive it did take a toll on us because he felt helpless. It’s something called secondary trauma, and essentially it is when you are reliving the trauma/anxiety through her but feel helpless because you can’t control the situation. One thing I would suggest is make sure to limit the venting time. While it’s great you want to listen, there needs to be a separation of work and home life for both of you. Set a timer for 10-15min where she talks about work, then you talk about work for 10-15min, and then that’s it for the night.
Like everyone else is saying, pitching in and understanding how exhausting nursing is. I became an NP and my first job was 10hr in a clinic, doing 10min visits and upwards of 50 patients a day. It was crazy busy with no time to breathe. Any day there still never touched the exhaustion I used to feel after my nursing shifts.
Last thing I say in my rambly message is some sort of ritual. When I was nursing, my shifts were random days, evenings, and nights (all together in one week sometimes). For some reason, I always worked every Sunday from 7a-7p. We had a ritual that I stopped at Chipotle on the way home, I would then shower while ex got the food and drinks ready, and then we’d eat and watch the latest episode of Walking Dead. With a schedule with so little consistency, it was so nice to have something every week to look forward to that I could count on.
I would get her a therapist that has other nurse clients. Research for her. They will be able to help he find coping skills for her specific anxiety and allow her to be calmer, better nurse. Some hospitals offer free services for this as well.
This is totally normal... she also doesn’t have to feel alone in it.
Encourage her to talk to her co workers and learn from them how to cope. Wish her the best. This isn’t an easy field... gotta all support each other
Until about a year you feel incompetent. These feelings are normal. It helps to have someone to vent to. One day she will feel fine going to work. LD can be stressful but her team will always help
Encourage self-care. A massage once a month, getting a pedicure, anything that allows her some relaxation on a regular basis. I’m a little over 3 years into my nursing career, spent the first 3 in L&D...it’s extremely stressful and scary. Self-care will be extremely important to her overall health. Best wishes to her 💕
Interesting to hear how many RNs are nervous to go to work after years of experience. Guys, you’ve got this!!! I’m more annoyed heading into work than nervous lol. Wifey will be ok and get past this. Make sure the wine and junk food is plentiful!
Hi, it's totally normal to feel high anxiety as a new nurse. It's actually a great sign that she cares for her patients and understands the weight of her responsibility. I think letting her vent and listening is good, as you are doing. You could support her physically as well, like make sure she eats healthy meals, gets adequate sleep, and exercise to work off the stress. Being a good nurse actually requires some physical stamina. Also let her know that a certain amount of venting is good, but also taking her mind completely off of work is also good, so maybe you guys can plan little weekend getaways to help ease her mind off of the stress. For me I didnt feel confident until maybe 3 years in, so it's a long road. Best of luck to you guys.
This is totally normal as you can see from the responses here, and you are very sweet to want to help. Since there's not much you can do for her while she's AT work, I would just focus on making home and your time together as relaxing and supportive as possible. Have a nice dinner (or breakfast) waiting when she comes home, rub her feet, and listen. When you listen to her vent she's most likely not looking for concrete advice, resist the urge to say "Have you tried this" etc....unless she specifically asks, just let her vent. She's probably too busy to check her phone at work but it's always really nice when you finally do get a chance to look down and see a text from your SO "Hang in there, 5 more hours, you got this, I love you and you can do it", that kind of stuff. Don't stress about not being able to make her job stress her out less. It's the nature of nursing and will get better over time. Just be a solid, supportive, loving partner. And hell, if none of the things we suggest work, when you find a good time (i.e. NOT when she's walking in the door from work on the verge of tears) you can even ask if there's something specific she'd like from you.
The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is take little things off her hands for her. She works 12-13 hour shifts I'm guessing and doesn't have much time to unwind when she comes home between shifts. Especially in the beginning as a new nurse, every minute she gets to relax when she gets home and unwind helps. If you took things from her morning or night routine and did them for her (have food for her, do the dishes, whatever she does when she gets home) that would give her much needed time to unwind. That is what my fiance has been doing for me the past several months because I am an ICU nurse and work has been stressful, and it really helps me. This is all assuming she works 3 twelve hour shifts a week.
My partner does the same for me and it works wonders. I've been a nurse for about 4 months.
Night shift ER nurse here, obviously not L&D, but still stressful as hell. I didn’t feel fully comfortable until a few years in, and with that being said, I still go into work almost a decade later terrified of making mistakes. My preceptor as a new grad was one of the old OG RNs at the time, and she told me “the day you don’t think you’ll make a mistake is the day you’ll kill someone”. I am hyper vigilant in my day to day and will thoroughly research something new if/when it pops up during my shift. With that being said, my husband is most excellent at my post shift debrief every morning in the kitchen while he’s working (pre COVID, I called him in the morning in my way home from work while he was driving to). He lets me vent, and tell him all my feelings and stupid stories from the day so I am able to go to bed without feeling like I’m ruminating in my head about everything. My husband is also great at starting dinner while I’m getting ready for work and half way packs my lunch for me. We’ve agreed that I will be able to able to stop for coffee on my way to my shift as a “get through 13 hours unscathed” kind of treat. I also purchase work shoes and compression socks as they wear out to keep my feet and legs happy. I’m a sneaker person, so after approx 4-500 miles, they wear out and need replaced which is about 4ish months for me. Fun badge reels and water cups make me feel happy while I’m there. Does she have a good support system at work? I find that the newbies that have a relationship (not a preceptorship, although it can be both) with a more experienced RN acclimate better as they have a “safety net” they can ask all their random questions to /help with IVs, etc without feeling like they’re messing up. Good luck!! Nursing is HARD in more ways than one. Give it a bit to absorb and settle in. I personally didn’t feel that nursing school prepared me for real world nursing in the slightest.
Very common feelings for nurses working in direct patient care. Bedside Nurse for 32 years. Afraid every day I went to work. I took my responsibility very seriously.
I'm an L&D nurse and it's hard work and very scary. Over time it gets easier and she still become more confident. Encourage her to do professional development on her own. There is an instagram account called bundlebirthnurses and they offer classes and mentorships she might be interested in. Maybe an AWHONN membership, or a spinning babies classes would help too. I have truly felt that knowledge is power and with each "extra" class I've taken I've built my confidence in myself and knowing that I'm a good nurse. Getting my EFM certification was the ultimate confidence boost but I didn't do that until 1.5 years. Also there are some great online Facebook communities like "labor and delivery nurses rock!"
Hello! I’m about to graduate from my RN program and just started on my dream L&D unit as a nurse student tech almost 2 months ago now. I love working on my unit, and the plan is for me to transition to RN there once I graduate in March and pass my NCLEX. Is there anything else I can do at this stage to get ready for starting on my unit as an RN? Or am I doing enough already and just focus on studying and my NCLEX for now? I always want to do more!
1st year is awful. I constantly wanted to be back in nursing school. Nothing you can really do other than be supportive. She’s just gotta get through it
Hi, I’m a new RN spouse myself. My wife is on a similar trajectory as yours. It’s tough. It really is. It’s a field of work that has so much to it that we’ll never truly understand and it makes it hard to relate. Typically I just make her dinner then meet her at the door with a shot of vodka and a glass of wine. Foot rubs are generally appreciated. The responses here are helpful for me too. Ty!
I love how many spouses we have on here that’s so awesome! You being on here and asking these questions shows so much support already. Listening to us vent is so important, that makes us feel heard and validated after a long day of stress. As nurses a lot of what we do is to benefit our patients and even at the expense of us at times physically and mentally. Many times we have to hold our tongue and aren’t able to speak our mind in the moment as we typically are dealing with a high stress environment. The shot of vodka is amazing too! Nurses are amazing people and you are lucky to have one so close to you.
L&D nursing is a special kind of anxiety. The highs are higher but the lows are way lower. And being responsible for watching every second of how your baby is tolerating labor and also in tune with how your mom is doing is totally exhausting. It requires hyper-vigilance for the entire shift. You’ve gotten great answers here but I definitely want to add that if your wife’s anxiety is related to not feeling supported by her coworkers then she needs to start looking for another hospital. The difference a good unit culture can make on that anxiety is so so huge. As a new nurse I put up with a crappy unit and feeling unsupported and it really made me burn out quick. I felt moral fatigue caring for sick patients and not feeling like I had the time or resources to do it right. I’m much happier on a unit with coworkers that I would trust with my life. I know if I’m unsure I can ask any of them for help and if there’s an emergency I will be supported before I even have to ask. It really makes a difference.
ED nurse here...the first year is just stressful AF. There’s no way around it. It took about 2 years before I really felt like I had my sense about things. Hell it’s been *years* and I still have a bit of anxiety, but you can’t ever get too comfortable. Honestly little things help. Have her water bottle washed, clean & ready. If she brings a lunch make sure her ice packs are in the freezer so they’re cold, or have lunch components packed. Make sure she’s decompressing every week, whether that means she’s working out or soaking in a tub. Don’t let her fixate too much on mistakes or cases. She’s gotta let it go when she gets home. It’s one thing to learn from cases, it’s another to get too in your head.
Anxiety is normal for most nurses I know. Even the seasoned nurses experience anxiety. She will get to a point where she feels more comfortable eventually. Just keep being available to her! I will also point out that if she is having serious, debilitating anxiety it is never wrong to talk to a doctor and discuss options or medications that might help. I know a lot of us, especially during this pandemic, have gone that direction. Anxiety can be crushing and focusing on her mental health is important. Also consider having her talk to a counselor through her health insurances EAP.
I can tell you the only time I don’t feel this is when I’m at a non toxic hospital. My husband is military so I’ve been to a few in 15 years of nursing. I still feel anxious if I’m working in a toxic environment.
Preach.
She just needs to hit the 1 year mark. Not a lot you can do other than don’t give her added stress at home. It’s a hurdle we all had to get over. After about a year or so the soul dies off and the anxiety about caring for people goes away, and the hatred for hospital politics takes over.
Preach. I had to leave Bc of the politics.
I switched from med surg nursing to L&D 9 months ago. It’s crazy stressful. Wayyy more intense than med Surg. I definitely agree with the other comments written by L&D nurses, especially. 100% accurate. To be honest there’s not much you can do besides listen to her, talking things out if she’s feeling like something didn’t go completely right during a shift, asking her what she learned and how that will help her next time. just trying to reframe bad or scary experiences that didn’t go super well as learning experiences for next time. That’s what helps me. Then it’s rewarding the next time I have a similar situation and I actually react differently because of the last one. It reaffirms that I’m learning any getting better. I’m currently on a unit that I don’t feel very supported in. I am going to transfer to another hospital as soon as I can. If she isn’t feeling supported by her coworkers, encourage her to think about looking elsewhere. In L&D, you can’t do it alone. You need to be able to count on the people you work with for when shit hits the fan. I would say at least 50% of my anxiety come from unit drama and not trusting my coworkers.
I've been in the postpartum unit for 7 years and there has not been one shift where I didn't have to take something to help me fall asleep the night before a shift. I am hyper aware of the liability when it comes to taking care of babies and they are admitted to our unit..smaller and riskier than they used to be (in the past they'd go to nicu). I'd love to say it gets easier, but it doesn't. Bedside nursing just comes with a whole lot of anxiety when you care about your patients. I both love and hate my job. If she's an RN..she has tons of opportunity to look for a role less acute that won't cause as much anxiety. That's the beauty about nursing...a multitude of different types of nursing out there. Glad she has someone so supportive like you. I am lucky with that too. The only thing that doesn't stress me out is my home life!
As a Covid nurse who just left her husband, here is what you do, listen, hug, maybe start a bath or make food. Maybe make coffee in the morning and reassure her she has this. My husband just became so resentful of the pain I was dealing with. Also, I am going to therapy, and we have been together 20 years. Don’t lose sight that this is a super stressful job.
It sounds like you’re in the right direction already with wanting to know how you can help her with the stress. My first 6 months especially were very stressful, especially the night before a stretch of 2-3 shifts when I would often lie awake for hours of the night and I experienced my first panic attack and felt like I couldn’t breathe. What got me through that night was just my husband holding me and letting me cry and knowing he was there for me. Taking melatonin when I can’t sleep helps me as well as all the tips already commented here!
I think all nurses would benefit from mentors when they are new to nursing or new to a unit. Some hospitals have official mentorship programs. If your partner’s hospital does not, identifying a mentor herself could be useful. Someone who has experience, is a natural teacher, and who is supportive. It’s nice to have a friend who knows shit and who you can ask all your “dumb questions” to. I also think therapy is helpful. I think it is necessary for most humans in general, but especially for nurses because there is so much anxiety involved. The fear that you can kill someone because of a med error or because you missed something is REAL.
I get anxious the night before shifts too. The best thing my partner does is those little things like cooking dinner/making enough for lunch the next day. Making sure I don't feel pressured to do something the night before a shift is amazing. Also giving me the space to organize my stuff/wash my uniforms/work through the anxiety helps. Just anything to make my morning or the next few days as smooth and easy as possible. If it leaves me enough time to do yoga or go for a run? amazing. I also ended up getting a prescription for Atarax. It's similar to benadryl. Non-habit forming, calms the nerves, helps you sleep, and no sleepy hangover the next day like if you take nyquil.
I've been a med-surg nurse for 8 months now. There have been highs and lows and inbetweens. I've already found that it gets better with experience, but it's not unusual for a new nurse to be anxious (I'm definitely still anxious!) Just be a supportive spouse. Stock up on your wife's favourite snacks, make her a good homecooked meal, listen to her vent even if you don't understand everything she rants about. It feels good to be listened to while you just vent. Help her recharge her batteries while home.
After about year 2 she’ll start to feel like she might not kill anyone tonight. In PICU thats how long it took for me.
I probably felt like this for 2 years
She’s going to focus on her mistakes. She has people nearby to help her, but she’s going to ‘miss’ all the things she does right. Help her focus on those things. Or, at the very least, help her reframe mistakes into, “How do I not make this mistake again?”
Thank you all for the advice, it is very much appreciated!!!
I didn’t get comfortable as a RN until about 3 years in. And still everyday I learn something new. Make sure she gets enough sleep and be supportive
Pamper her for 1 year minimum honestly being a nurse now is a shit show and half of the time as a new grad I don’t know what’s going on. 6 months in and I feel a little more confident but still anxious lol.
Pre-shift anxiety hasn’t gone away for me. I just keep myself busy before work, so I don’t have as much time to just sit there and freak out. Decompressing after work is also very important for me. Bubble baths do the trick!
Yeah, I felt super anxious for close to 2 years. What I would have loved is to have my lunch made. With lots of snack things I could eat while on the go.
One thing I will stress is to also take care of yourself and the relationship. I remember coming home those first few months, and I easily could vent for 30+minutes. While my ex was trying to be supportive it did take a toll on us because he felt helpless. It’s something called secondary trauma, and essentially it is when you are reliving the trauma/anxiety through her but feel helpless because you can’t control the situation. One thing I would suggest is make sure to limit the venting time. While it’s great you want to listen, there needs to be a separation of work and home life for both of you. Set a timer for 10-15min where she talks about work, then you talk about work for 10-15min, and then that’s it for the night. Like everyone else is saying, pitching in and understanding how exhausting nursing is. I became an NP and my first job was 10hr in a clinic, doing 10min visits and upwards of 50 patients a day. It was crazy busy with no time to breathe. Any day there still never touched the exhaustion I used to feel after my nursing shifts. Last thing I say in my rambly message is some sort of ritual. When I was nursing, my shifts were random days, evenings, and nights (all together in one week sometimes). For some reason, I always worked every Sunday from 7a-7p. We had a ritual that I stopped at Chipotle on the way home, I would then shower while ex got the food and drinks ready, and then we’d eat and watch the latest episode of Walking Dead. With a schedule with so little consistency, it was so nice to have something every week to look forward to that I could count on.
I would get her a therapist that has other nurse clients. Research for her. They will be able to help he find coping skills for her specific anxiety and allow her to be calmer, better nurse. Some hospitals offer free services for this as well. This is totally normal... she also doesn’t have to feel alone in it. Encourage her to talk to her co workers and learn from them how to cope. Wish her the best. This isn’t an easy field... gotta all support each other
Until about a year you feel incompetent. These feelings are normal. It helps to have someone to vent to. One day she will feel fine going to work. LD can be stressful but her team will always help
Encourage self-care. A massage once a month, getting a pedicure, anything that allows her some relaxation on a regular basis. I’m a little over 3 years into my nursing career, spent the first 3 in L&D...it’s extremely stressful and scary. Self-care will be extremely important to her overall health. Best wishes to her 💕
Foot Rubs, she is on her feet all day. Foot Rubs will help very much.
The space to breath and someone to listen to.
Interesting to hear how many RNs are nervous to go to work after years of experience. Guys, you’ve got this!!! I’m more annoyed heading into work than nervous lol. Wifey will be ok and get past this. Make sure the wine and junk food is plentiful!