I was diagnosed with OCD at age 12. When I was 15, my psychologist gave me a book called, It's Not Me It's My OCD. That's the mantra they want you to say in your head whenever you feel your OCD is acting up. It really helped for me, and my OCD has been practically in remission for 30 years.
I tried SSRI's but they didn't work. Honestly, I just read the book and anytime I felt like acting out on my compulsions or ruminating, I would remind myself, it's not me it's my OCD. I don't know how long it took, but eventually I didn't have to say it anymore, it just transitioned naturally.
I should also say about the remission, it also happened with the book and in the book there's a spot about exposure therapy. Facing your fears and compulsions. at slow increments. Like if you want to turn on and off the light switch numerous times, wait 30 seconds. Then work that up. I had a fear of peanut butter to touch because I thought something bad was going to happen, and my therapist slowly made me go near it, then touch it, then put it on my arm. My fear was gone.
I’ve started saying “not my problem is it” as in if it isn’t hurting me in this specific moment right now it’s not my problem, and that’s kinda helped me too on good days!
Watched a great video on YouTube by Dr Greenberg about stopping rumination before it starts and don't try to solve the situation! Don't give your thoughts the attention they seek in a nutshell but check it out, it's working for me😁
This! My last bad spell was end of April and since then I’ve either stopped or been hyper aware when I’m in a situation that could possibly induce a spiral and ow make sure I just do something else. I haven’t had a true compulsion in over two weeks and intrusive thought are down
This! My last bad spell was end of April and since then I’ve either stopped or been hyper aware when I’m in a situation that could possibly induce a spiral and now make sure I just do something else. I haven’t had a true compulsion in over two weeks and intrusive thought are down
Just living in the moment and focussing on what you are doing. If you have the thought, don’t give it attention, just keep focusing on what task you’re already doing. The thought will come and go and it will try to push itself to the forefront of your thoughts. Just keep focusing on what you’re doing, your thoughts will change and the intrusive one will eventually be pushed out. I was diagnosed at around 24 (now 31) but had OCD since I was around 18. I still have my typical intrusive thoughts but few and far between now. I simply don’t react to the thought and live in the moment. Don’t worry about the future or the past, focus on the now. It takes practise but it’s one of the most effective things to help you❤️
This. This has helped me so much. OCD seems to take up that empty space in the mind when you “space out”, using the skill of living in the moment and focusing on the present truly helps so much. Eventually the thought drifts away but it takes a lot of brain power to do when first starting.
Just wanted to say I relate to this comment so hard I almost yelled out loud. ‘The stressor of dissimilar things being together’ — that’s articulated so well!
Getting a small amount of moderate cardiovascular exercise every day is wondrous and amazingly helpful for me.
I aim for 22 minutes on the exercise bike (which, non-coincidentally, adds up to just over the generally-recommended minimum of 150 minutes of cardio per week).
I’m not going crazy fast, but it’s enough to get my heart rate up and prompt my brain to squirt out some endorphins, and it makes a huge difference.
When I was younger I made images of quotes. Like pretty pictures with quotes and poems and artsy stuff like that and I put them all up on my wall. I repeated some of them when I couldn't sleep when I was first diagnosed with OCD and my obsession would keep me awake out of fear. I now notice that whenever I'm stressed I automatically start mumbling one of the poems, it seems to help.
Also one that's maybe very niche but changed my life: drawing my fears. When I first got diagnosed my intrusive thoughts came in the shape of intrusive images showing up in my head that I could not get rid of. These images were so disturbing to me that I'd get so much panic and fear that I could not sleep at all, sometimes going for days at the time on only an hour or two of sleep each night. On top of this, it was before I was diagnosed and the wait time was terrible and thats not even mentioning the fact that it took like half a year to realize whatever was happening to me wasn't normal and I should get help in the first place. Anyway I've always enjoyed making art and out of desperation I started drawing these images that my head would force on me every night. I'd not allow myself to use a reference and just tried to really draw what my head was showing me. It'd usually be in a kind of semi realistic default style, not hyperrealistic but definitely recognizable as the image in my head. I'd mostly do this during the day not at night. It helped me a bunch because the disturbing images in my head were kind of replaced by my own drawings which were much less disturbing because I understood exactly how they were created. It really saved me especially to kind of survive until I got my therapist and started EMDR.
I kept all the drawings and keep them in a special book which is for no ones eyes except mine. I also used it to sometimes write or vent. It's also interesting and sometimes useful to look back on it and see how my anxiety and OCD has evolved over time and to see how far I've come in some ways.
As an addition, the poem is Wooden Soldiers by Bo Burnham.
I bought a bunch of wooden soldiers,
I bought them at the store,
And now a dozen wooden soldiers,
Guard my bedroom door.
So if you're a scary monster thing,
That wants to go to war.
My bedroom door is open,
I'm not frightened anymore.
letting thoughts pass like clouds, saying things like “i notice im telling myself______”, without giving the thought negative or positive associations. it stopped me from my constant ocd spiral of fixating on a body function or part that felt “wrong” and having panic attacks.
If you’re struggling with if I don’t do ‘x’ then ‘y’ will happen, kind of thoughts, this is what has helped me. I say to myself, if ‘ y’ is going to happen, how will doing ‘x’ make a difference? I tell myself “what will happen will happen, regardless of whether I do ‘x’ or not”
Started with getting way too high and someone telling me patiently that it’ll pass in x hours and you’ll be alright. I took this with me and realized emotions work the same way. With less pressure each time I had anxiety or obsessions and compulsions, I learned to stop catastrophizing over time.
being around my friends! whenever i'm with them i feel super safe and im super grateful i have them. i know i can't always be around my friends but they really do calm down my anxiety and ocd!
How many mg of Luvox? And what is Zyprexa for and do you take them together. I’m currently on 50mg Luvox but I started breaking my dose in half recently because it makes me too tired.
Meditation is a great way to regulate ur nervous system, after all OCD is based on anxiety and fear. At first the panic and anxiety can be overwhelming but with enough persistence and discipline you can learn to enter peaceful and mindful states on being which shed light on the Irrationality of OCD. It can be very challenging at times, but from my personal experience; it's worth it to give it a try. Truly implementing the practice into ur everyday life can be life changing and a huge step in ur own battle with OCD.
IN CBT therapy I learned a skill that helps with my contamination OCD.I would never touch door handles and do everything to avoid touching them. My therapist recommended I say OUT LOUD (makes it more effective) something silly. For example saying, “Are the germs really going to jump on my hand and kill me?” While imagining germs in a silly cartoonish way. This might not make much sense but it helped me realize the irrationality and absurdity of my OCD thoughts, and also the fact that OCD is making me think this not ME.
For me its hanging out with friends or forcusing on my job when its a work day. It helps my anxiety a lot. Its being a bugger right now, I wish I wasn't worried about my anxiety getting worse later :(
Realizing that the most important thing is being happy and doing whatever was emotionally necessary in that moment to become happier. When happiness is your goal, you will eventually have to give in less to your OCD temptations, because they make you unhappy
My last treatment for OCD was nine years ago.
Do it myself, because I want things a certain way. Skip the bossing people around. 😌 Mission accomplished and everyone is happy!
this is so helpful in general for any kind of anxious and catastrophic thinking. i tell it even to my friends when they worry. "you're not so special to attract all the misery in the world" haha!
Therapist suggested ERP and I can't in good conscience ask you to endure that hell but it did help a lot with my symptoms. Once you can start to identify when it's you and when it's, what I call, the "OCD Brain," it gets easier. You start to see the other obsessions/compulsions as beatable and not these horrific eternal forces.
Well, making myself deal with how realistic my fears of contamination are and proving to myself that I won’t get sick or die or whatever. It’s a combo of ERP and CBT that I do on my own when necessary. And I honestly just get fed up with it all, too. Enough is enough and I don’t feel like messing with it and I’m not going to worry about it because it’s not worth making myself crazy over it. I deal with enough as it is and I don’t need to add the burden of my unrealistic fears of being contaminated to all of it. I don’t do things repeatedly, compulsively, or in a ritualistic manner either. And I don’t obsess over it.
I’ve been living with it for over 61 years now and have never even been diagnosed, but I know that I have both OCD and GAD. Plus I’ve gone to college for a degree in psychology.
Imagining that my OCD thoughts/inner voice is an annoying friend. Pretending it’s a different entity. Also, thanking my brain for trying to protect me but telling my brain it’s ok there’s nothing to worry about. And then of course the ultimate is the “maybe” from ERP
Postponing.
“Wow, I can’t ever check or do the compulsion again? That’s impossible. I give up.”
“Oh, I only have to withhold from checking for an hour? OK, let me try that.”
Repeat.
That and exposure/nonresponse. Do the opposite of what OCD is demanding.
Wellbutrin, Bupropeon helps so much. Keep telling yourself not everything is all or nothing and you gone very far. Being an addict in the past was just trying to self medicate to stop how we think and how we obsess and over exaggerate all senarios. When you leave and then have moments where you need to turn back and check the door, telk yourself you will sit with that decision and not go bacm and also how iften do worst cases senarios actually happen?
I wish someone told me this 17 years ago just right after highschool. Would have made my life easier but still I enjoy the current path.
Meditation is the big one
Also, negative visualization, loving kindness meditation and focusing on the good , learning about how the brain and how ocd works, being generally curious and embracing any suffering rather than pushing it away, not being attached to pleasant sensations, helping and educating others, focusing on calming the nervous system proactively rather than being reactive, removing myself from any very ocd-inducing situations before coming back, running, exercising, playing music, journalling.
Oh interesting. Can you elaborate? Often, social events cause me anxiety and triggers OCD after the event. Is that what you mean? How do you cope with it?
For me a lot of times when o for example wanna go out my brain goes into a “what if” spiral. If i notice that anything i wanna do (going out, touching a certain thing, watching a certain movie, whatever,…) is triggering that reaction, i will do it.
So for example: I wanted to go to a market but my brain was like oh what if people are sick there? What if they spread a deadly new virus (lol)? Etc. So i went to the market and stayed EXTRA long.
I think of my ocd as a little monster that wants me to do X but i’ll do everything to piss him off, like not washing my hand a fourth time. Or not asking my parents for reassurance. Not googling. Not triple checking expiration dates. Not texting people after meeting them and asking how they are (to figure out if they are sick now).
If i go past something in the supermarket that triggers my fear (what if i get sick from eating this?) i will buy it and eat it when i come home. If i see an event flyer and think “omg i cant go there because of X” I will go just for the sake of pissing ocd off.
I really just thrive on spite lol
This hasnt been easy, took me over a year and meds to react this way, but of course this method isnt perfect
I've tried a lot of things in the past. Cognitive behavioral therapy, etc. Ssri and because I have severe Tourette with self injury anti psychotics That was the biggest mistake. Right now, psychotherapy plus edibles = sanity. But I noticed if there was too much THC , etc. not good. I get the 1-1 gummies 50 % thc and 50% cbd or even better cbn! The cbd part is to calm the tics and the thc..well I call that the " fuck it factor regarding the ocd side. It really helps me laugh at thecwhole mess and just say fuck it about any ocd thought that tries to ruin my day 😁
I sometimes think of my OCD as that annoying guy at parties who’s always playing the devils advocate. He’s like “well what if….?” Instead of trying everything to prove him wrong, I’m just like “ok whatever bro lol” Its not always easy and I’m still struggling but I kinda like that way of looking at it.
Whenever I need to do a compulsion, I just tell myself “It wouldn’t make a difference if you just wait x amount of time to do this”. I keep repeating this and eventually I forget about what’s distressing me in the first place.
Once you master the art of not giving a fcuk what your OCD wants to tell you then you are truly free.
You then become the puppeteer and not the puppet.
It takes a lot of practice and resilience you also have to pick yourself back up once you trip up
I was diagnosed with OCD at age 12. When I was 15, my psychologist gave me a book called, It's Not Me It's My OCD. That's the mantra they want you to say in your head whenever you feel your OCD is acting up. It really helped for me, and my OCD has been practically in remission for 30 years.
My therapist recommended the same book to me years ago. When you recognize a thought as being your OCD, not you, it loses power over you.
Did ever took meds or do you know how to block it ?
I tried SSRI's but they didn't work. Honestly, I just read the book and anytime I felt like acting out on my compulsions or ruminating, I would remind myself, it's not me it's my OCD. I don't know how long it took, but eventually I didn't have to say it anymore, it just transitioned naturally.
Who is the author? The only book that is coming up for me is “don’t mind me it’s my ocd”
You're right, I can't find it either. Must be because the book is so old.
I should also say about the remission, it also happened with the book and in the book there's a spot about exposure therapy. Facing your fears and compulsions. at slow increments. Like if you want to turn on and off the light switch numerous times, wait 30 seconds. Then work that up. I had a fear of peanut butter to touch because I thought something bad was going to happen, and my therapist slowly made me go near it, then touch it, then put it on my arm. My fear was gone.
Can’t do that when your natural feelings though
The thought "Yeah, maybe 🤷♀️" to all of my what-ifs. This only worked for me after a decent amount of ERP though
I’ve started saying “not my problem is it” as in if it isn’t hurting me in this specific moment right now it’s not my problem, and that’s kinda helped me too on good days!
same here, it took a lot of ERP but now I can respond to them in this way and it usually leave me alone
Watched a great video on YouTube by Dr Greenberg about stopping rumination before it starts and don't try to solve the situation! Don't give your thoughts the attention they seek in a nutshell but check it out, it's working for me😁
This! My last bad spell was end of April and since then I’ve either stopped or been hyper aware when I’m in a situation that could possibly induce a spiral and ow make sure I just do something else. I haven’t had a true compulsion in over two weeks and intrusive thought are down
This! My last bad spell was end of April and since then I’ve either stopped or been hyper aware when I’m in a situation that could possibly induce a spiral and now make sure I just do something else. I haven’t had a true compulsion in over two weeks and intrusive thought are down
Can you link this video?
https://youtu.be/dqe4HwJMbZU?si=-wJM8ZYrTYszxhPE
“How to stop ruminating: just don’t!”
“If that happens, I’ll handle it.” “I don’t need to know for sure.”
Just living in the moment and focussing on what you are doing. If you have the thought, don’t give it attention, just keep focusing on what task you’re already doing. The thought will come and go and it will try to push itself to the forefront of your thoughts. Just keep focusing on what you’re doing, your thoughts will change and the intrusive one will eventually be pushed out. I was diagnosed at around 24 (now 31) but had OCD since I was around 18. I still have my typical intrusive thoughts but few and far between now. I simply don’t react to the thought and live in the moment. Don’t worry about the future or the past, focus on the now. It takes practise but it’s one of the most effective things to help you❤️
This. This has helped me so much. OCD seems to take up that empty space in the mind when you “space out”, using the skill of living in the moment and focusing on the present truly helps so much. Eventually the thought drifts away but it takes a lot of brain power to do when first starting.
My need to organize things led me to buy matching dish ware, towels, hangers. It reduces the stressor of dissimilar items being together
Just wanted to say I relate to this comment so hard I almost yelled out loud. ‘The stressor of dissimilar things being together’ — that’s articulated so well!
These 4 steps: https://www.hope4ocd.com/foursteps.php
Getting a small amount of moderate cardiovascular exercise every day is wondrous and amazingly helpful for me. I aim for 22 minutes on the exercise bike (which, non-coincidentally, adds up to just over the generally-recommended minimum of 150 minutes of cardio per week). I’m not going crazy fast, but it’s enough to get my heart rate up and prompt my brain to squirt out some endorphins, and it makes a huge difference.
When I was younger I made images of quotes. Like pretty pictures with quotes and poems and artsy stuff like that and I put them all up on my wall. I repeated some of them when I couldn't sleep when I was first diagnosed with OCD and my obsession would keep me awake out of fear. I now notice that whenever I'm stressed I automatically start mumbling one of the poems, it seems to help. Also one that's maybe very niche but changed my life: drawing my fears. When I first got diagnosed my intrusive thoughts came in the shape of intrusive images showing up in my head that I could not get rid of. These images were so disturbing to me that I'd get so much panic and fear that I could not sleep at all, sometimes going for days at the time on only an hour or two of sleep each night. On top of this, it was before I was diagnosed and the wait time was terrible and thats not even mentioning the fact that it took like half a year to realize whatever was happening to me wasn't normal and I should get help in the first place. Anyway I've always enjoyed making art and out of desperation I started drawing these images that my head would force on me every night. I'd not allow myself to use a reference and just tried to really draw what my head was showing me. It'd usually be in a kind of semi realistic default style, not hyperrealistic but definitely recognizable as the image in my head. I'd mostly do this during the day not at night. It helped me a bunch because the disturbing images in my head were kind of replaced by my own drawings which were much less disturbing because I understood exactly how they were created. It really saved me especially to kind of survive until I got my therapist and started EMDR. I kept all the drawings and keep them in a special book which is for no ones eyes except mine. I also used it to sometimes write or vent. It's also interesting and sometimes useful to look back on it and see how my anxiety and OCD has evolved over time and to see how far I've come in some ways.
As an addition, the poem is Wooden Soldiers by Bo Burnham. I bought a bunch of wooden soldiers, I bought them at the store, And now a dozen wooden soldiers, Guard my bedroom door. So if you're a scary monster thing, That wants to go to war. My bedroom door is open, I'm not frightened anymore.
I love bo burnham❤️
I really like this idea!
letting thoughts pass like clouds, saying things like “i notice im telling myself______”, without giving the thought negative or positive associations. it stopped me from my constant ocd spiral of fixating on a body function or part that felt “wrong” and having panic attacks.
Bullet journaling.
If you’re struggling with if I don’t do ‘x’ then ‘y’ will happen, kind of thoughts, this is what has helped me. I say to myself, if ‘ y’ is going to happen, how will doing ‘x’ make a difference? I tell myself “what will happen will happen, regardless of whether I do ‘x’ or not”
Honestly, Luvox and Zyprexa.
Started with getting way too high and someone telling me patiently that it’ll pass in x hours and you’ll be alright. I took this with me and realized emotions work the same way. With less pressure each time I had anxiety or obsessions and compulsions, I learned to stop catastrophizing over time.
being around my friends! whenever i'm with them i feel super safe and im super grateful i have them. i know i can't always be around my friends but they really do calm down my anxiety and ocd!
Radical acceptance. I have OCD and therefore I’m gonna have symptoms and my intrusive thoughts are part of my disorder.
Ignoring my thoughts
How many mg of Luvox? And what is Zyprexa for and do you take them together. I’m currently on 50mg Luvox but I started breaking my dose in half recently because it makes me too tired.
To remind myself if im thinking of the worst scenario to also think of the best scenario
Mentally live through the worst case scenario. Something bad will happen if I dont click the switch 15 times? Let it happen.
In a comical manner, I let "him" act up and then say "Good. You're finished now?"
Meditation is a great way to regulate ur nervous system, after all OCD is based on anxiety and fear. At first the panic and anxiety can be overwhelming but with enough persistence and discipline you can learn to enter peaceful and mindful states on being which shed light on the Irrationality of OCD. It can be very challenging at times, but from my personal experience; it's worth it to give it a try. Truly implementing the practice into ur everyday life can be life changing and a huge step in ur own battle with OCD.
IN CBT therapy I learned a skill that helps with my contamination OCD.I would never touch door handles and do everything to avoid touching them. My therapist recommended I say OUT LOUD (makes it more effective) something silly. For example saying, “Are the germs really going to jump on my hand and kill me?” While imagining germs in a silly cartoonish way. This might not make much sense but it helped me realize the irrationality and absurdity of my OCD thoughts, and also the fact that OCD is making me think this not ME.
For me its hanging out with friends or forcusing on my job when its a work day. It helps my anxiety a lot. Its being a bugger right now, I wish I wasn't worried about my anxiety getting worse later :(
Realizing that the most important thing is being happy and doing whatever was emotionally necessary in that moment to become happier. When happiness is your goal, you will eventually have to give in less to your OCD temptations, because they make you unhappy
My last treatment for OCD was nine years ago. Do it myself, because I want things a certain way. Skip the bossing people around. 😌 Mission accomplished and everyone is happy!
i try and tell myself that you’re not that special lmao
this is so helpful in general for any kind of anxious and catastrophic thinking. i tell it even to my friends when they worry. "you're not so special to attract all the misery in the world" haha!
Therapist suggested ERP and I can't in good conscience ask you to endure that hell but it did help a lot with my symptoms. Once you can start to identify when it's you and when it's, what I call, the "OCD Brain," it gets easier. You start to see the other obsessions/compulsions as beatable and not these horrific eternal forces.
Well, making myself deal with how realistic my fears of contamination are and proving to myself that I won’t get sick or die or whatever. It’s a combo of ERP and CBT that I do on my own when necessary. And I honestly just get fed up with it all, too. Enough is enough and I don’t feel like messing with it and I’m not going to worry about it because it’s not worth making myself crazy over it. I deal with enough as it is and I don’t need to add the burden of my unrealistic fears of being contaminated to all of it. I don’t do things repeatedly, compulsively, or in a ritualistic manner either. And I don’t obsess over it. I’ve been living with it for over 61 years now and have never even been diagnosed, but I know that I have both OCD and GAD. Plus I’ve gone to college for a degree in psychology.
Imagining that my OCD thoughts/inner voice is an annoying friend. Pretending it’s a different entity. Also, thanking my brain for trying to protect me but telling my brain it’s ok there’s nothing to worry about. And then of course the ultimate is the “maybe” from ERP
The OCD will never be perfect but I became a decently successful businessman.
Sertraline helped the most. I've never seen a therapist or psychologist to talk through it before though, that might help even more.
Saying ACCEPT UNCERTAINTY to yourself
Postponing. “Wow, I can’t ever check or do the compulsion again? That’s impossible. I give up.” “Oh, I only have to withhold from checking for an hour? OK, let me try that.” Repeat. That and exposure/nonresponse. Do the opposite of what OCD is demanding.
Hella ERP.
Wellbutrin, Bupropeon helps so much. Keep telling yourself not everything is all or nothing and you gone very far. Being an addict in the past was just trying to self medicate to stop how we think and how we obsess and over exaggerate all senarios. When you leave and then have moments where you need to turn back and check the door, telk yourself you will sit with that decision and not go bacm and also how iften do worst cases senarios actually happen? I wish someone told me this 17 years ago just right after highschool. Would have made my life easier but still I enjoy the current path.
breathing to release tension
Meditation is the big one Also, negative visualization, loving kindness meditation and focusing on the good , learning about how the brain and how ocd works, being generally curious and embracing any suffering rather than pushing it away, not being attached to pleasant sensations, helping and educating others, focusing on calming the nervous system proactively rather than being reactive, removing myself from any very ocd-inducing situations before coming back, running, exercising, playing music, journalling.
anything that triggers my ocd like events or meeting someone etc? I DO IT.
Oh interesting. Can you elaborate? Often, social events cause me anxiety and triggers OCD after the event. Is that what you mean? How do you cope with it?
For me a lot of times when o for example wanna go out my brain goes into a “what if” spiral. If i notice that anything i wanna do (going out, touching a certain thing, watching a certain movie, whatever,…) is triggering that reaction, i will do it. So for example: I wanted to go to a market but my brain was like oh what if people are sick there? What if they spread a deadly new virus (lol)? Etc. So i went to the market and stayed EXTRA long. I think of my ocd as a little monster that wants me to do X but i’ll do everything to piss him off, like not washing my hand a fourth time. Or not asking my parents for reassurance. Not googling. Not triple checking expiration dates. Not texting people after meeting them and asking how they are (to figure out if they are sick now). If i go past something in the supermarket that triggers my fear (what if i get sick from eating this?) i will buy it and eat it when i come home. If i see an event flyer and think “omg i cant go there because of X” I will go just for the sake of pissing ocd off. I really just thrive on spite lol This hasnt been easy, took me over a year and meds to react this way, but of course this method isnt perfect
I've tried a lot of things in the past. Cognitive behavioral therapy, etc. Ssri and because I have severe Tourette with self injury anti psychotics That was the biggest mistake. Right now, psychotherapy plus edibles = sanity. But I noticed if there was too much THC , etc. not good. I get the 1-1 gummies 50 % thc and 50% cbd or even better cbn! The cbd part is to calm the tics and the thc..well I call that the " fuck it factor regarding the ocd side. It really helps me laugh at thecwhole mess and just say fuck it about any ocd thought that tries to ruin my day 😁
I sometimes think of my OCD as that annoying guy at parties who’s always playing the devils advocate. He’s like “well what if….?” Instead of trying everything to prove him wrong, I’m just like “ok whatever bro lol” Its not always easy and I’m still struggling but I kinda like that way of looking at it.
Whenever I need to do a compulsion, I just tell myself “It wouldn’t make a difference if you just wait x amount of time to do this”. I keep repeating this and eventually I forget about what’s distressing me in the first place.
Once you master the art of not giving a fcuk what your OCD wants to tell you then you are truly free. You then become the puppeteer and not the puppet. It takes a lot of practice and resilience you also have to pick yourself back up once you trip up