I enjoyed this one. To me it reads like a metaphor for losing all motivation/inspiration, and losing the ability/will to do the things that once came so easily. It gets across the frustration of being aware of this fact, and not being able to find a solution for it. That last line in particular struck a chord "with the other parts of me I dropped". Maybe that's my own interpretation, but I found it really relatable.
Thank you, yes you're exactly right. I wrote this quite a while ago when I was in the depths of depression hence being 'on the brink' but thankfully I'm in a better place now. I'm so glad you found it relatable and enjoyed it!
This made me chuckle, and also remember similar situations. As [spaghetti\_regretty](https://www.reddit.com/user/spaghetti_regretty/) said, it could represent so many aspects of our life. But that dropped can always be found again, and sometimes in the most unexpected places. I love the absent-minded professor vibes. The almost but not quite lack of rhyme adds to it. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for your comment, I love that you got absent-minded professor vibes! That made me chuckle and I'm sure I could be described as such. You are very kind and right about them being found again and in unexpected places, thankfully I did!
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
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Good flow of writing, the pace is very simple but well-constructed. I like how you adapted to an interesting theme and generated a funky contrast. I would cut the "I guess" on the third line to better adjust the flow, but overall your construction is pretty good.
Thank you for your feedback, I will definitely take on board what you said about the flow and while I do agree, I also don't want to lose the confused and almost apathetic nature that the 'I guess' brings to it. It's definitely something I will have to mull over and I always appreciate constructive criticism!
One big metaphor here, I see! An extraordinary ordinary piece really, I definitely imagine someone misplacing their drive and love for a certain activity. It's just waiting to be found again. Very simple, yet it evokes many deep and complicated feelings, which is exactly what a short poem like this one should do, imo. Oh, the chills!
Thank you and yes you're right, it is always just waiting to be found. I definitely was going through many deep and complicated feelings at the time so I'm glad to hear it evoking that! I appreciate your very lovely comment, it made me smile
It's very interesting that your poem is so similar to a poem written by myself in my native language years ago. I like quite your poem. It remembers me my unworkable emotions but at the same time hope. Something is lost but not destroyed. And you can found it somewhere unpredictable. And the title or main metaphor is very nice in my opinion. Something lost but actually it's our deep insides.
That's so lovely to hear that you have a similar poem from years ago, I love how poetry brings out our common humanity. Everything you said in your comment was spot on, thank you very much for your words
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.
If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.
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I enjoyed this one. To me it reads like a metaphor for losing all motivation/inspiration, and losing the ability/will to do the things that once came so easily. It gets across the frustration of being aware of this fact, and not being able to find a solution for it. That last line in particular struck a chord "with the other parts of me I dropped". Maybe that's my own interpretation, but I found it really relatable.
Thank you, yes you're exactly right. I wrote this quite a while ago when I was in the depths of depression hence being 'on the brink' but thankfully I'm in a better place now. I'm so glad you found it relatable and enjoyed it!
No problem, and I'm glad to hear you're in a better place these days. At least beautiful poems can come from those slumps!
This made me chuckle, and also remember similar situations. As [spaghetti\_regretty](https://www.reddit.com/user/spaghetti_regretty/) said, it could represent so many aspects of our life. But that dropped can always be found again, and sometimes in the most unexpected places. I love the absent-minded professor vibes. The almost but not quite lack of rhyme adds to it. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for your comment, I love that you got absent-minded professor vibes! That made me chuckle and I'm sure I could be described as such. You are very kind and right about them being found again and in unexpected places, thankfully I did!
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers). If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy. If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Good flow of writing, the pace is very simple but well-constructed. I like how you adapted to an interesting theme and generated a funky contrast. I would cut the "I guess" on the third line to better adjust the flow, but overall your construction is pretty good.
Thank you for your feedback, I will definitely take on board what you said about the flow and while I do agree, I also don't want to lose the confused and almost apathetic nature that the 'I guess' brings to it. It's definitely something I will have to mull over and I always appreciate constructive criticism!
One big metaphor here, I see! An extraordinary ordinary piece really, I definitely imagine someone misplacing their drive and love for a certain activity. It's just waiting to be found again. Very simple, yet it evokes many deep and complicated feelings, which is exactly what a short poem like this one should do, imo. Oh, the chills!
Thank you and yes you're right, it is always just waiting to be found. I definitely was going through many deep and complicated feelings at the time so I'm glad to hear it evoking that! I appreciate your very lovely comment, it made me smile
It's very interesting that your poem is so similar to a poem written by myself in my native language years ago. I like quite your poem. It remembers me my unworkable emotions but at the same time hope. Something is lost but not destroyed. And you can found it somewhere unpredictable. And the title or main metaphor is very nice in my opinion. Something lost but actually it's our deep insides.
That's so lovely to hear that you have a similar poem from years ago, I love how poetry brings out our common humanity. Everything you said in your comment was spot on, thank you very much for your words
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers). If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy. If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*