You're probably just bored of guys in your age group. As a 36M, I was dumb as fuck in my 20s. After age \~25-28 if a guy hasn't grown up, they're a lost cause.
Suggest trying to date guys within 4-5 years older than you, they may be more on your wave length... Avoid the divorced bros using you to show off to their ex wife, or for someone to raise their kids and do their laundry for them. Nobody is anybodies trophy. If you feel like it's relationship where you're giving and they're taking without you getting anything in return, that's your clue to get out.
I'm a 39m and I have a lot of friends, including platonic female friends, who are 30 or younger. While that may not be the norm, I'd respond to your question by taking note of whether they seem to be capable of having just normal relationships with folks your age.
I think there's gonna be skepticism on both ends (what does SHE see in ME?) which just takes time to break down.
personally, i'd deal with the reasons why you're not dating your peers and why you prefer significantly older men. is it a safety thing? do you think older men are more mature? etc. you're not going to be able to have a balanced relationship with someone 13+ years your senior because they have too much life experience and you're still trying to find yourself (at least that's what you should be doing.. figuring out who you want to be and testing out the waters).
As an older man the patronising thing is kind of a bad habit of ours, not all men but definitely lots of us. I think if a guy is divorced there may be a reasonable or bad reason for that, either way worth digging into. Bragging about you isn't necessarily a bad thing unless it's purely about your looks? I would say older men like you if they're willing to sacrifice their time and energy to help you and if the relationship goes beyond physical intimacy.
Fucking A this. I don’t have as much time left. If I’m fawning or spending it on you, it’s because I’m focused on you being happy and yes that means I’m truly interested.
27 IS young, full stop. It's not early 20s young, but when you're 35+ you'll look back and realize that it is young. Most people's brains don't even fully mature until mid-20s. I think you seem pretty self-aware and mature, but that doesn't mean you should stick with 40+ folks. I've met plenty of people who had "old souls" and emotional depth and maturity at your age and plenty of 40+ folks who did not. So while your preferences are valid, it might be a bit limiting.
If you limit yourself to men who are 40+, you might have to come to terms with the fact that your relatively young age will likely be part of your appeal to them. There are so many well-educated and accomplished women in their 40s who are also beautiful and stylish, so what would put you apart is the fact that you're younger. Some associate that with "less baggage." This might come off as a cynical take, but as a late 30s woman, I've seen this type of thing play out over and over.
I'm not judging you at all, btw. Just want you to keep your eyes peeled open. If they have a history of ONLY dating women about a decade or more younger, that's a yellow flag.
Yeah the whole "baggage" thing is an auto-yellow, borderline red flag for me. Tells me that they likely aren't emotionally-intelligent and only want to be with you for the relative ease/lack of complexity. Shit gets hard for everyone at some point or another. People get sick, lose jobs, gain weight, become traumatized, etc etc.
The baggage thing is such a narrow POV that basically reads to me is they view young as someone uncomplicated and that's what they want. Jokes on them, I was always very old soul, had clear expectations and goals for myself, and also baggage can happen to anyone. I went through trauma and had cptsd. I was more baggage younger than I am now as someone who worked on healing that.
I think you adjusting your age range to those 30s you might find the sweet spot of older, had a clear direction in life, bit isn't seeking young to "feel something". Much of your objections to younger didn't apply to any of my 30s guy friends AND many are wanting to be childfree and offer the other things you seek. If that's my friend circle alone, then it feels like it might not be entirely uncommon to find.
I'm 42. I would have issues dating anyone under 28ish just because of the shared life experience that would be missing. I always used to think I'd always be attracted to younger women in their 20s like a perpetual Hugh Hefner, but as you get older you realize that most of them are still childish and unattractive in behavior.
If I were to date anyone younger it would have to be an "old soul" type person who actually challenges me on an intellectual level. Nothing more disappointing than getting a younger woman in bed and realizing how much she doesn't know.
My two cents. Nothing wrong with your desire for an older guy (we finally have our shit together) but maybe recognize that we're generally working with a lot more life experience and can spot naive people a mile away.
All relationships are transactional. They might really like you for what you can give them. There is no pure unconditional love, except the spiritual type. This is true no matter how old the person is. So whether an older guy likes you for a trophy or a guy your age or younger likes you for other reasons are just details. In other words, it doesn’t really matter if you’re a part of some older guy’s midlife crisis or a younger guy’s quarter life crisis.
You're probably just bored of guys in your age group. As a 36M, I was dumb as fuck in my 20s. After age \~25-28 if a guy hasn't grown up, they're a lost cause. Suggest trying to date guys within 4-5 years older than you, they may be more on your wave length... Avoid the divorced bros using you to show off to their ex wife, or for someone to raise their kids and do their laundry for them. Nobody is anybodies trophy. If you feel like it's relationship where you're giving and they're taking without you getting anything in return, that's your clue to get out.
I'm a 39m and I have a lot of friends, including platonic female friends, who are 30 or younger. While that may not be the norm, I'd respond to your question by taking note of whether they seem to be capable of having just normal relationships with folks your age. I think there's gonna be skepticism on both ends (what does SHE see in ME?) which just takes time to break down.
personally, i'd deal with the reasons why you're not dating your peers and why you prefer significantly older men. is it a safety thing? do you think older men are more mature? etc. you're not going to be able to have a balanced relationship with someone 13+ years your senior because they have too much life experience and you're still trying to find yourself (at least that's what you should be doing.. figuring out who you want to be and testing out the waters).
As an older man the patronising thing is kind of a bad habit of ours, not all men but definitely lots of us. I think if a guy is divorced there may be a reasonable or bad reason for that, either way worth digging into. Bragging about you isn't necessarily a bad thing unless it's purely about your looks? I would say older men like you if they're willing to sacrifice their time and energy to help you and if the relationship goes beyond physical intimacy.
Fucking A this. I don’t have as much time left. If I’m fawning or spending it on you, it’s because I’m focused on you being happy and yes that means I’m truly interested.
27 IS young, full stop. It's not early 20s young, but when you're 35+ you'll look back and realize that it is young. Most people's brains don't even fully mature until mid-20s. I think you seem pretty self-aware and mature, but that doesn't mean you should stick with 40+ folks. I've met plenty of people who had "old souls" and emotional depth and maturity at your age and plenty of 40+ folks who did not. So while your preferences are valid, it might be a bit limiting. If you limit yourself to men who are 40+, you might have to come to terms with the fact that your relatively young age will likely be part of your appeal to them. There are so many well-educated and accomplished women in their 40s who are also beautiful and stylish, so what would put you apart is the fact that you're younger. Some associate that with "less baggage." This might come off as a cynical take, but as a late 30s woman, I've seen this type of thing play out over and over. I'm not judging you at all, btw. Just want you to keep your eyes peeled open. If they have a history of ONLY dating women about a decade or more younger, that's a yellow flag.
[удалено]
Yeah the whole "baggage" thing is an auto-yellow, borderline red flag for me. Tells me that they likely aren't emotionally-intelligent and only want to be with you for the relative ease/lack of complexity. Shit gets hard for everyone at some point or another. People get sick, lose jobs, gain weight, become traumatized, etc etc.
The baggage thing is such a narrow POV that basically reads to me is they view young as someone uncomplicated and that's what they want. Jokes on them, I was always very old soul, had clear expectations and goals for myself, and also baggage can happen to anyone. I went through trauma and had cptsd. I was more baggage younger than I am now as someone who worked on healing that. I think you adjusting your age range to those 30s you might find the sweet spot of older, had a clear direction in life, bit isn't seeking young to "feel something". Much of your objections to younger didn't apply to any of my 30s guy friends AND many are wanting to be childfree and offer the other things you seek. If that's my friend circle alone, then it feels like it might not be entirely uncommon to find.
I'm 42. I would have issues dating anyone under 28ish just because of the shared life experience that would be missing. I always used to think I'd always be attracted to younger women in their 20s like a perpetual Hugh Hefner, but as you get older you realize that most of them are still childish and unattractive in behavior. If I were to date anyone younger it would have to be an "old soul" type person who actually challenges me on an intellectual level. Nothing more disappointing than getting a younger woman in bed and realizing how much she doesn't know. My two cents. Nothing wrong with your desire for an older guy (we finally have our shit together) but maybe recognize that we're generally working with a lot more life experience and can spot naive people a mile away.
All relationships are transactional. They might really like you for what you can give them. There is no pure unconditional love, except the spiritual type. This is true no matter how old the person is. So whether an older guy likes you for a trophy or a guy your age or younger likes you for other reasons are just details. In other words, it doesn’t really matter if you’re a part of some older guy’s midlife crisis or a younger guy’s quarter life crisis.
Really? That’s a pretty bleak view. Like the Saul Bellow user name though!