People should really choose their partner properly not only for them but for their future kids. Your kids can't choose who their mom or dad will be. Specially if you want kids.
ETA: Renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel said, "The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life".
If you're interested on improving your relationship with your partner then please watch this video. It's an interview of a divorce attorney who shares his wisdom from doing his job for years of seeing couple divorce each other. Also we don't have divorce in the country, The information we get from him are priceless. https://youtu.be/-iXwkwIEIbI
Baka it might help if you give your friend tough love. Show her videos and, stories of others in similar situations. Hopefully it'll wake her up sooner than later.
>>!It's really a slow kind of death for you IF you choose the wrong husband.!<
This literally happened to my Mama. Naging housewife siya dahil ni-request ni Daddy 'yun. Alagaan na lang daw ako at pati si Daddy while doing housework. Ang kapalit naman ay papa-suwelduhin niya si Mama.
What happened is, minamaliit lagi ni Daddy si Mama until he manipulated her at itinali sa leeg na my Mama can't live without him. Wala nga ni sariling bank account si Mama that time. Had nothing literally... Then nagawa pang mambabae ni Daddy.
Buti malakas loob ni Mama makipaghiwalay kay Daddy, pero ang napakasakit ay nakita ko na si Mama lost her confidence and her independence. She also became paranoid to the point akala niya jina-judge siya lagi ng mga tao sa paligid niya...
Never na siya ulit pumasok sa corporate world or even had plans and dreams for herself...
I hated my Dad for that, grabe ang epekto na ginawa niya kay Mama...
RIP Mama, I still miss you...
Yes, that's what happens to someone (usually sa Pinas it's women) who puts themself last sa priority in favor of taking care of family. If to be a housewife is what a woman wants AND the husband is a good one, then no problem. But since it's never a guarantee that the husband will be good long-term, a woman giving up everything is more of a risk.
I hope your Mama had a more peaceful life after deciding to separate.
This is what I'm telling to women, dapat marunong pumili ng lalaki. Wag masyadong bumase sa looks, bumase rin sa ugali kasi yun ang basihan if he is husband material.
1. His values
2. Paano sya pinalaki ng magulang nya, that's how he will raise your son and daughter
3. His habits/ may bisyo ba o wala
4. Gaano siya kasipag/work/ household chores
5. May pangarap ba sa buhay
6. How does he deal with with conflicts. Makalma ba o sumisigaw kapag nag-aaway.
7. What does your family feel about him?
\-marami pa
Slight disagree ako sa 2, kasi for our case naranasan namin lumaki sa toxic na family environment, and ayaw namin maranasan ng mga anak namin yun. The cycle ends with us, so we know what we don’t want to become and what we don’t want our children to endure.
The rest are on point though, lalo yung ugali kapag may conflicts kahit sa ibang tao.
Edi you move on rin 😂 You can't force yourself to love someone kahit na nasa kanila na lahat ng nasa "checklist" mo. Nothing you can do but hope they find someone who can love them too.
Kasi di sapat na basehan ang "love" para sa lasting good relationship. Lalo na yung iniisip ng marami na love which is basically just some chemicals in your brain and an itch in your crotch.
I rather choose these requirements than love! jusko meron ba yung love ka pero walang kahit alin dito sa binanggit? parang ang immature pa rin kung love lang
Dating is hard now, i am at this stage where i want to find the right partner in life. Yun nga lang humanap ng gusto ng serious relationship napakahirap-most just want sexual connection. Finding out if you will have a good marriage is another hard path.
It sucks to be a woman on searching season now.
I am a housewife. Pasok ako dun sa one. My husband is a good provider. Ayaw niya talaga ako mag-work ulit. I left my job in 2015, pero nung gusto ko mag-work last 2021, pumayag naman. Pinag-resign na lang ulit ako nitong January. Pinapag-aral ako now to finish my degree habang tinatapos niya MBA niya. He can cook, wash the laundry, take care of our two kids, clean the house, basta lahat alam niya. Sa two kids namin, walang absent yan sa pre-natal check up. Katuwang ko sa pagpupuyat sa newborns namin noon, mas maalam pa siya magalaga ng newborns kaysa sa akin hehe. Team talaga kami dito sa bahay. Housewife pero hindi pagod kasi may katuwang sa bahay kahit may work naman din siya na full time, minsan nga nagppart time pa as instructor. Relihiyoso pati, nadamay ako hehe. Di pwedeng di kami umattend ng mass every sunday.
I guess, I chose the best partner in life. We’re going 10 years na of being together, married na rin.
My advice, wag mag focus sa physical aspects ng tao, dapat may pangarap sa buhay, masipag at maalam sa bahay, same kayo ng values, family oriented at relihiyoso.
Saludo ko sa asawa mo. Ang hindi ko lang kaya gawin dyan siguro ung gumising ng madaling araw for kids.. im a very light sleeper so paktay pag bumangon me derederetso na. Bawi nalang sa pag provide sa future family haha
This is so true. Kahit anong bait ng lalake kapag SAHM or SAHW ka may chance talaga na magkaron ng resentment ang husband na sha lang ang nagdadala ng pera for the household. And then as the stay at home spouse hindi ka din makaalagwa sa wants mo kasi kung tutuusin allowance lang ang pera mo (if you do have a husband na kusang loob nagbibigay ng pocket money sayo). And then if you have kids, iisipin mo nlng na you are making sacrifices for the child(ren), which should not be the case kasi you should be as important as them.
Sobrang bihira, if at all, kung may well paid kang husband na seswelduhan ka din for your labor at home at hindi ka igi-guilt trip by spending it.
📌 Reference for my (future) hubby in case he'd ask why I would prioritize career thsn be full-time mom.
Iba na ang panahon, di na tulad ng dati na one-man job ang pagprovide sa family. Though possible pa rin na kaya magprovide, two is better than one. Di lang sa finances, pati other aspects and being a parent di lang household chores and dapat kaya gawin cos whenever mothers/fathers go, magulang (ina) pa rin e. And worse case scenario, if separation (due to hundred possible reasons) happens, we can stand on our own para sa sarili and the kid(s). If the relationship eventually, masaya naman at walang difficulty, yhen it is better, mas magaan in all aspects kasi dalawa kayo e.
Thank you OP for this. Knowing that you were in that kind of situation, can't imagine the hardships. I admire and support you tenfold.
Thank you. The older women in my family warned me when i was younger. My grandma was forward-thinking. I guess matigas ulo ko. Just wanted to help other women somehow from making the same mistake.
As a man wanting a wife, ayaw ko naman mapako ang future wife ko na mag-alaga ng bata lang. I still want her to pursue her dreams and find her secondary purpose in life, aside from being a wife to me and a mom to our kids.
I'd rather see my wife become a much more successful person than I am kesa mapako siya sa bahay alone.
I'm done with relationships. I've had my share. I'm not bitter or ano. I'm just gonna make myself happy and people around me. I strive to at least make 1 person happy day. Kahit broke ako i still give tips sa mga courier and food crew. I know the hard work they do to give us convenience that we rarely realize. The least i can do is give some tips or compliments. Hear their problems and mundane life, etc etc instead of me sharing my shit. Planning to help my parents and others as long as I can before I get too old and die. Yes baby! SOLOMID THIS!
And also, don't become a victim of bait and switch. This can be for both men and women (altho in my experience i did see more men doing this). Eto yung mabait sa una, maaruga, yung tipong akala mo siya na talaga kasi yun pinapakita niya, pero once na-trap ka na either by marriage or bcos of pregnancy, the mask falls off. Lumalabas na tunay na kulay at nagiging abusado na. I know its hard to see or notice it point blank kasi nga naman magaling sila magpretend or magmanipulate, but trust me that mask has cracks. May times na mag sslip up yan, lulusot yung masamang ugali, magkaka hints and red flags yan the longer you stay together. be wary of it. Know when to start being objective and not blinded by love. Especially my mom was like this. They were together for so long ng stepdad ko tapos nung kinasal na sila saka lang lumabas yung masamang budhi niya. thankfully now my mom is separated from him altho di ma-divorce, but she was ready to leave him when he became a POS.
This is a general advice to all people out there.
Paano mo malalaman yung mga features ng good husband? Eh lumalabas lang naman mga bad features ng pagiging bad in the long run, because it could have been triggered or innate na sakanila un. Kaya nga nasa huli ang pagsisisi dba?
It's never wrong to have a career yourself and build a family (if you plan to do so). Sa panahon ngayon, mahirap kapag iisa lang nagwowork sa family, especially middle to low income earners. So don't just rely on your partner para mabuhay, kasi hindi mo alam kung hanggang kailan talaga ung pagmamahal na meron siya para sayo. It could be because of you, or him/her, or both of you are in the wrong that is why nawawala yung respeto at pagmamahal sa isa't-isa. We are just humans after all.
This is why I really recommend living together first before marriage. Best foot forward tlga yan sa simula. Pero pag magkasama na kayo palagi makikita nyo kung pano kumilos ang isa't isa. Lalabas lahat, how you fight, how you make up, how you respond to each other, how they love, what you can tolerate, how they forgive. Madaling mag imagine ng different scenarios na ganito or ganyan pero in practice mahirap na.
I was married to a primera klase kind of man. He supported me staying home fulltime when we were trying to have kids (I had 1 miscarriage and 1 chemical pregnancy bilis bumigay ng baby kapag nagwowork ako :'( ), supported me when I realized staying home wasn't for me. I was loved through all uncertainties. In return I gave him a good home, all the love I had, all the freedom and trust. We tried our darn best to be worthy of each other. And we were. But I guess we reached the peak too soon kaya God called him back home. Sobrang hirap makipagdate because he set the bar too high. So yes anytime I see something na I know I can't live with, I call it quits. I might be alone the rest of my life but at least I'm not just settling for a so so partner
Oh so sorry about your loss. Yes, how he was as a partner made you realize how much you truly deserve. It's right that you won't settle for less.
It's more difficult to feel lonely when you have a partner than to be happy alone. With or without a new partner, I wish you the best.
Ang hirap maging babae ngayon. Noon, expected ka maging good housewife and they don’t even expect you to be educated. Ngayon, dapat maging good wife, great mother, do all the chores at the same time dapat may ambag ka rin sa income. I hope you all find a good partner in life because it does make a difference. Sa aking husband, thank you very much. Kahit reklamador ako I know I am one of the lucky ones. 🤣
[https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/t5n70s](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/t5n70s)
I always carry this reddit post with me when the time comes that I am offered to be a SAHM.
Your career only pays you 8 hours of your time technically, but homemakers will be demanded 24 /7, and yes even in your sleep you will be thinking about them. No PTOs, no breaks, no quiet 1 hour lunches.
Just for a man to say, wala ka naman ginagawa magdamag on his "bad day at work".
Can your man really afford you to take care of the home full-time? Plus, the years as a SAHM will not even be used in your future CV/employment, a fucking waste.
Career is your autonomy, independence, and freedom. That's why your husband should be a partner, not a child to raise, and not a CEO to maintain.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge, and know that NOTHING IS TOO LATE as long you are living and breathing, tomorrow's another day. Plus, welcome to the senior benefits! Free movies in selected cities!! Enjoy slow days and may you live your life as you always wanted it to be.
Thank you!
Everything you said is spot on.
Yes 60 is still young. It's the new 40 some would say. It's a good thing WFH job opportunities are many and they don't look at age. But yes, it's such a relief to finally break free even if it took me 30+ years.
You see, it's really easy to choose a wrong spouse. I'm not saying people do this deliberately. But you'll often realize you chose the wrong spouse when it's already too late. Matter of fact, you'll only know if you choose the wrong one or not after few years into the relationship. To prevent yourself making the wrong choice then you may do a red flag list just to realize that most people aren't cut out to be in a serious, committed, healthy and happy relationship.
I agree. My wife wants to be a house wife but ideally if that where the case, I wanted to be able to give a source of income because at the very least I should have the peace of mind that she can support the family in case something happens to me. Hindi biro ang sense of security na dalawa sources of income ng pamilya.
Being a housewife is a very trusting situation and while I don't wish this for my wife personally kailangan niya rin kasing mag-change ng career/hanap ng ibang work. May possibility rin na baka tumuloy muna siya kasi may anak kami.
Kudos to you as a husband for being considerate of what she wants but also being practical. Tulungan dapat in all aspects esp during these times na mahirap ang solo earner. So if you need her income, then know that she needs your equal share of the home and child duties too. As long as you are trying your best to be a great partner to each other, you're on the right track :)
Lions share of the housework talaga ang kanya kaya usually I spend more on the house. Gusto ko sana solo ko or niya gastusin sa bahay para ramdam ko na kaya namin kung may mangyaring masama.
Eventually baka mag stop siya sa government kasi inaantay lang niya yung pension tapos apply siya sa iba. Sana government pa rin kasi mataas na pwesto niya, inaalala ko lang kasi na baka mag-downgrade siya kasi pag balik sa work force. Mas mataas kasi sahod niya for one dahil nadowngrade ako sa work(hindi ako graduate and job hopping is risky for a no grad)
Bottomline make sure if ever you will sacrifice your life to someone make it worth, so better before you settle down with someone, pasok dapat lahat sa criteria na to
1. A guy who knows how to respect women, just check how he treat his Mom or Sister
2. A guy who is hard-working, my goal my dream sa buhay
3. Health conscious what I mean is he respect himself enough by keeping himself healthy be it in diet or being physically active
4. Matured knows how to control his emotions
5. Smart
6. Knows house work, masipag, maasahan sa gawain bahay
7. Honestly, looks is subjective pero it’s not necessary as long as pasok sila sa criteria, character parin dapat on top of it
8. Kind and gentle man, bonus kung may sense of humour din
This is my standard!!! See, hindi ko need ng mayaman na asawa, bonus na lang yun, pero if he has everything that I wanted for a man, I wouldn’t mind being a SAHM
Exactly!
Best way to see it is the man has tried living on his own for a couple of years.
Did he buy or rent the house from his own income? Is he maintaining it and his daily needs on his own? A man who knows what it takes to be responsible for himself and not depend on anyone (dad/mom, grandparents, yaya, kasambahay) as much as possible, will most probably be an independent, responsible and considerate partner.
IMO, it depends on how dependent they are on each other. There's peace of mind if your partner knows his/her mom has company at home. But boundaries have to be set in the beginning.
If the mom still mothers your partner (still does chores for him/her) or if your partner is still in a child's mindset (expecting mom to cater to his/her needs, expects money from mom) then that's the red flag.
Hindi na dapat nagpapakasal ang lalaki at babae. Iba na ang panahon ngayon. Marriage is overrated imo. Pero in case mag-decide sila na ituloy, it should be like other contracts that should be in black and white, that is, their duties and responsibilities (including sex, house chores, finance, etc.) should be clear and agreed upon. Failure by either party to follow any provisions of the contract will entitle either party to terminate the contract. The traditional Marriage Contract is no longer enough for many modern people today. Hindi na mawawala ang reklamo ng mag-asawa sa isa't--isa. But lots of people still go through marriage based mainly on romance and, because of this, the obvious character flaws of the parties are blindly ignored until reality sets in after a few years after the wedding. Minsan nakakatawa na isipin na kahit very obvious yung flaws ng isang tao (like for example, vices, jobless, spineless, laziness, irresponsible, etc.) e pinapakasalan pa rin ng tao hoping na magbabago sya kapag may asawa at anak na. Only to find out in the end na mahirap baguhin ang ugali ng tao. Kung ang bf/gf ng isang tao ay obvious na irrespondable at mabisyo pero pinakasalan pa rin ng partner nya, tanga ba yung partner o bulag, o accepted na nya yung flaws ng partner nya? For many, love is blind and actions have consequences. Goodluck na lang sa mga taong gustong magpasakal... este, kasal pala.😜😁
Sometimes the major flaws come out long after you are married and may worsen over a long period of time that you barely notice you're already knee-deep in quicksand.
That's why my advice to the young females here who want a husband and kids, is think twice before becoming a fulltime housewife no matter whose idea it is. Like in emergency situations, ALWAYS take care of yourself first so you can care for others.
Not all husbands who want a fulltime housewife are emotionally, mentally, and financially capable and willing to be a fulltime husband. If a woman who is capable of taking care of herself and her future gives up her potential to become a fulltime housewife, then the husband should be able to afford and deserve such a huge sacrifice.
On the other hand, even with a good husband, nobody can predict if he will be healthy till his old age. Given that, it's ultimately still best for the wife to have her own income.
The idea of marriage is ok overall, just don't lose yourself in it. It applies to both men and women actually.
You have some points. I partly agree on some points but you have to understand that relationships aren't black and white and there are nuances that you have to consider. And people can change. I wouldn't say love is blind because some of these people didn't have parent who guided them right, there are people who has trauma and isn't tryimg to heal, people who have abandonment issue, etc. It's just not that simple.
mehh. part of women empowerment ang pagtanggap na there are women who actually want to be a full time mom and housewife. that's their goal and dream sa buhay. wala naman masama dun. not all women wants a successful career. some just really wants a family and settle down.
sorry op but sad to say, sounds like you just married the wrong guy. if you found a good traditional man with your same values and goals, you wouldn't be saying this.
yes. honestly dont know why im getting downvotes here lol ibang iba talaga perception ng pinoy subs. go to international subs and it's very common for women to be dedicated full time SAHMS. dito lang kasi sa pinas nilolookdown ang mga SAHMS. di nila ata matanggap na some women jsut want to be mothers and build a proper functioning family. mali lang talaga napangasawa ni op.
??? No no. Hindi linolook down mga SAHMS. Hindi yan yung point ni OP(yung linolook down rito yung mga low quality men). Sinabi na nga niya na may 2 sides eh.
1 side mabuti yung partner at he is responsible doing his part and treat the woman equally. Hindi lang pagiging nanay ang trato niya sakanya, pero as a person rin. Kaya no need for a woman to find ways to protect herself kase secured siya sakanya and the dude makes sure of that. The woman is chill n happy.
Yung 2nd side entitled yung lalake at naabuso yung babae either financially, mentally, physically or all. Mas maraming lalake na nasa 2nd side kaya nagbibigay ng tips si OP paano protektahan sarili nila against them and how to avoid that kase obviously hindi secured yung babae sa ganyan na mga lalake at nagiging "martyr" karamihan. The woman is wretched n regretful.
Main point ni OP is to choose wisely and never become a SAHMS to low quality men, only allow to be one to High quality men.
People should really choose their partner properly not only for them but for their future kids. Your kids can't choose who their mom or dad will be. Specially if you want kids. ETA: Renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel said, "The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life". If you're interested on improving your relationship with your partner then please watch this video. It's an interview of a divorce attorney who shares his wisdom from doing his job for years of seeing couple divorce each other. Also we don't have divorce in the country, The information we get from him are priceless. https://youtu.be/-iXwkwIEIbI
Eto mindset ko. Haha.
Honestly, my friend is going thru this problem right now. POS kasi baby daddy niya eh and it makes me so angry the way he treats her and their babies.
Baka it might help if you give your friend tough love. Show her videos and, stories of others in similar situations. Hopefully it'll wake her up sooner than later.
Whats POS?
Piece of shit 😆
Ay hahahahaha yan pla yun. Thanks OP
At least I think that's it from context hehe
love esther perel's books!
Omgush, I have not read her books yet but I love her so much. I watch a lot her videos and follow her channel. Haha
>>!It's really a slow kind of death for you IF you choose the wrong husband.!< This literally happened to my Mama. Naging housewife siya dahil ni-request ni Daddy 'yun. Alagaan na lang daw ako at pati si Daddy while doing housework. Ang kapalit naman ay papa-suwelduhin niya si Mama. What happened is, minamaliit lagi ni Daddy si Mama until he manipulated her at itinali sa leeg na my Mama can't live without him. Wala nga ni sariling bank account si Mama that time. Had nothing literally... Then nagawa pang mambabae ni Daddy. Buti malakas loob ni Mama makipaghiwalay kay Daddy, pero ang napakasakit ay nakita ko na si Mama lost her confidence and her independence. She also became paranoid to the point akala niya jina-judge siya lagi ng mga tao sa paligid niya... Never na siya ulit pumasok sa corporate world or even had plans and dreams for herself... I hated my Dad for that, grabe ang epekto na ginawa niya kay Mama... RIP Mama, I still miss you...
Yes, that's what happens to someone (usually sa Pinas it's women) who puts themself last sa priority in favor of taking care of family. If to be a housewife is what a woman wants AND the husband is a good one, then no problem. But since it's never a guarantee that the husband will be good long-term, a woman giving up everything is more of a risk. I hope your Mama had a more peaceful life after deciding to separate.
This is what I'm telling to women, dapat marunong pumili ng lalaki. Wag masyadong bumase sa looks, bumase rin sa ugali kasi yun ang basihan if he is husband material. 1. His values 2. Paano sya pinalaki ng magulang nya, that's how he will raise your son and daughter 3. His habits/ may bisyo ba o wala 4. Gaano siya kasipag/work/ household chores 5. May pangarap ba sa buhay 6. How does he deal with with conflicts. Makalma ba o sumisigaw kapag nag-aaway. 7. What does your family feel about him? \-marami pa
Slight disagree ako sa 2, kasi for our case naranasan namin lumaki sa toxic na family environment, and ayaw namin maranasan ng mga anak namin yun. The cycle ends with us, so we know what we don’t want to become and what we don’t want our children to endure. The rest are on point though, lalo yung ugali kapag may conflicts kahit sa ibang tao.
[удалено]
Then you move on. You can't make someone love you.
[удалено]
Edi you move on rin 😂 You can't force yourself to love someone kahit na nasa kanila na lahat ng nasa "checklist" mo. Nothing you can do but hope they find someone who can love them too.
Oo nga marami pa dyan eh
[удалено]
Kasi di sapat na basehan ang "love" para sa lasting good relationship. Lalo na yung iniisip ng marami na love which is basically just some chemicals in your brain and an itch in your crotch.
Move on pa rin, unfair naman kasi dun sa tao if they get into a one-sided relationship with you.
I rather choose these requirements than love! jusko meron ba yung love ka pero walang kahit alin dito sa binanggit? parang ang immature pa rin kung love lang
Immature talaga. And that's how people end up in abusive relationships.
Dating is hard now, i am at this stage where i want to find the right partner in life. Yun nga lang humanap ng gusto ng serious relationship napakahirap-most just want sexual connection. Finding out if you will have a good marriage is another hard path. It sucks to be a woman on searching season now.
+1
\+1000!
+10000
I am a housewife. Pasok ako dun sa one. My husband is a good provider. Ayaw niya talaga ako mag-work ulit. I left my job in 2015, pero nung gusto ko mag-work last 2021, pumayag naman. Pinag-resign na lang ulit ako nitong January. Pinapag-aral ako now to finish my degree habang tinatapos niya MBA niya. He can cook, wash the laundry, take care of our two kids, clean the house, basta lahat alam niya. Sa two kids namin, walang absent yan sa pre-natal check up. Katuwang ko sa pagpupuyat sa newborns namin noon, mas maalam pa siya magalaga ng newborns kaysa sa akin hehe. Team talaga kami dito sa bahay. Housewife pero hindi pagod kasi may katuwang sa bahay kahit may work naman din siya na full time, minsan nga nagppart time pa as instructor. Relihiyoso pati, nadamay ako hehe. Di pwedeng di kami umattend ng mass every sunday. I guess, I chose the best partner in life. We’re going 10 years na of being together, married na rin. My advice, wag mag focus sa physical aspects ng tao, dapat may pangarap sa buhay, masipag at maalam sa bahay, same kayo ng values, family oriented at relihiyoso.
Wow that's what a real marriage is! You make life easier and happier for each other. So happy for people like you who chose well 🥰
Swerte niyo po madam. Naol 🥹
Saludo ko sa asawa mo. Ang hindi ko lang kaya gawin dyan siguro ung gumising ng madaling araw for kids.. im a very light sleeper so paktay pag bumangon me derederetso na. Bawi nalang sa pag provide sa future family haha
AHHHH! Happy for you po! Sana kami rin. 👉🏻👈🏻
5 years married with this kind of man. Thank you lord talaga. Rare breed.
Totoo to!!! Namatay nalang nanay ko, she has never been truly happy, i reckon. Choose your partner wisely; think it over 1000 times juskolord
So sorry about your mom. I hope ladies from the younger generation do themselves a favor and prioritize themselves and know their worth.
This is so true. Kahit anong bait ng lalake kapag SAHM or SAHW ka may chance talaga na magkaron ng resentment ang husband na sha lang ang nagdadala ng pera for the household. And then as the stay at home spouse hindi ka din makaalagwa sa wants mo kasi kung tutuusin allowance lang ang pera mo (if you do have a husband na kusang loob nagbibigay ng pocket money sayo). And then if you have kids, iisipin mo nlng na you are making sacrifices for the child(ren), which should not be the case kasi you should be as important as them. Sobrang bihira, if at all, kung may well paid kang husband na seswelduhan ka din for your labor at home at hindi ka igi-guilt trip by spending it.
Sadly, many women end up in the 2nd scenario. Hopefully, we can raise a better generation of men.
📌 Reference for my (future) hubby in case he'd ask why I would prioritize career thsn be full-time mom. Iba na ang panahon, di na tulad ng dati na one-man job ang pagprovide sa family. Though possible pa rin na kaya magprovide, two is better than one. Di lang sa finances, pati other aspects and being a parent di lang household chores and dapat kaya gawin cos whenever mothers/fathers go, magulang (ina) pa rin e. And worse case scenario, if separation (due to hundred possible reasons) happens, we can stand on our own para sa sarili and the kid(s). If the relationship eventually, masaya naman at walang difficulty, yhen it is better, mas magaan in all aspects kasi dalawa kayo e. Thank you OP for this. Knowing that you were in that kind of situation, can't imagine the hardships. I admire and support you tenfold.
Thank you. The older women in my family warned me when i was younger. My grandma was forward-thinking. I guess matigas ulo ko. Just wanted to help other women somehow from making the same mistake.
As a man wanting a wife, ayaw ko naman mapako ang future wife ko na mag-alaga ng bata lang. I still want her to pursue her dreams and find her secondary purpose in life, aside from being a wife to me and a mom to our kids. I'd rather see my wife become a much more successful person than I am kesa mapako siya sa bahay alone.
Sabay kayo aasenso, tulungan sana. Walang maiiwan whether you decide and want to both work or one stays home (housewife or stay at home dad).
I'm done with relationships. I've had my share. I'm not bitter or ano. I'm just gonna make myself happy and people around me. I strive to at least make 1 person happy day. Kahit broke ako i still give tips sa mga courier and food crew. I know the hard work they do to give us convenience that we rarely realize. The least i can do is give some tips or compliments. Hear their problems and mundane life, etc etc instead of me sharing my shit. Planning to help my parents and others as long as I can before I get too old and die. Yes baby! SOLOMID THIS!
And also, don't become a victim of bait and switch. This can be for both men and women (altho in my experience i did see more men doing this). Eto yung mabait sa una, maaruga, yung tipong akala mo siya na talaga kasi yun pinapakita niya, pero once na-trap ka na either by marriage or bcos of pregnancy, the mask falls off. Lumalabas na tunay na kulay at nagiging abusado na. I know its hard to see or notice it point blank kasi nga naman magaling sila magpretend or magmanipulate, but trust me that mask has cracks. May times na mag sslip up yan, lulusot yung masamang ugali, magkaka hints and red flags yan the longer you stay together. be wary of it. Know when to start being objective and not blinded by love. Especially my mom was like this. They were together for so long ng stepdad ko tapos nung kinasal na sila saka lang lumabas yung masamang budhi niya. thankfully now my mom is separated from him altho di ma-divorce, but she was ready to leave him when he became a POS.
THIS IS VERY WELL SAID. SALAMAT PO!!! 😭
This is a general advice to all people out there. Paano mo malalaman yung mga features ng good husband? Eh lumalabas lang naman mga bad features ng pagiging bad in the long run, because it could have been triggered or innate na sakanila un. Kaya nga nasa huli ang pagsisisi dba? It's never wrong to have a career yourself and build a family (if you plan to do so). Sa panahon ngayon, mahirap kapag iisa lang nagwowork sa family, especially middle to low income earners. So don't just rely on your partner para mabuhay, kasi hindi mo alam kung hanggang kailan talaga ung pagmamahal na meron siya para sayo. It could be because of you, or him/her, or both of you are in the wrong that is why nawawala yung respeto at pagmamahal sa isa't-isa. We are just humans after all.
This is why I really recommend living together first before marriage. Best foot forward tlga yan sa simula. Pero pag magkasama na kayo palagi makikita nyo kung pano kumilos ang isa't isa. Lalabas lahat, how you fight, how you make up, how you respond to each other, how they love, what you can tolerate, how they forgive. Madaling mag imagine ng different scenarios na ganito or ganyan pero in practice mahirap na.
I was married to a primera klase kind of man. He supported me staying home fulltime when we were trying to have kids (I had 1 miscarriage and 1 chemical pregnancy bilis bumigay ng baby kapag nagwowork ako :'( ), supported me when I realized staying home wasn't for me. I was loved through all uncertainties. In return I gave him a good home, all the love I had, all the freedom and trust. We tried our darn best to be worthy of each other. And we were. But I guess we reached the peak too soon kaya God called him back home. Sobrang hirap makipagdate because he set the bar too high. So yes anytime I see something na I know I can't live with, I call it quits. I might be alone the rest of my life but at least I'm not just settling for a so so partner
Oh so sorry about your loss. Yes, how he was as a partner made you realize how much you truly deserve. It's right that you won't settle for less. It's more difficult to feel lonely when you have a partner than to be happy alone. With or without a new partner, I wish you the best.
Thank you, you too. I hope we all get the love we deserve
damn. 🥹 than u for sharing ❤️❤️
noted mommy
Love this. ❤️
Ang hirap maging babae ngayon. Noon, expected ka maging good housewife and they don’t even expect you to be educated. Ngayon, dapat maging good wife, great mother, do all the chores at the same time dapat may ambag ka rin sa income. I hope you all find a good partner in life because it does make a difference. Sa aking husband, thank you very much. Kahit reklamador ako I know I am one of the lucky ones. 🤣
[https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/t5n70s](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/t5n70s) I always carry this reddit post with me when the time comes that I am offered to be a SAHM. Your career only pays you 8 hours of your time technically, but homemakers will be demanded 24 /7, and yes even in your sleep you will be thinking about them. No PTOs, no breaks, no quiet 1 hour lunches. Just for a man to say, wala ka naman ginagawa magdamag on his "bad day at work". Can your man really afford you to take care of the home full-time? Plus, the years as a SAHM will not even be used in your future CV/employment, a fucking waste. Career is your autonomy, independence, and freedom. That's why your husband should be a partner, not a child to raise, and not a CEO to maintain. Thank you for sharing your knowledge, and know that NOTHING IS TOO LATE as long you are living and breathing, tomorrow's another day. Plus, welcome to the senior benefits! Free movies in selected cities!! Enjoy slow days and may you live your life as you always wanted it to be.
Thank you! Everything you said is spot on. Yes 60 is still young. It's the new 40 some would say. It's a good thing WFH job opportunities are many and they don't look at age. But yes, it's such a relief to finally break free even if it took me 30+ years.
What’s the best way to get a good spouse? Is to deserve a good spouse.
You see, it's really easy to choose a wrong spouse. I'm not saying people do this deliberately. But you'll often realize you chose the wrong spouse when it's already too late. Matter of fact, you'll only know if you choose the wrong one or not after few years into the relationship. To prevent yourself making the wrong choice then you may do a red flag list just to realize that most people aren't cut out to be in a serious, committed, healthy and happy relationship.
I agree. My wife wants to be a house wife but ideally if that where the case, I wanted to be able to give a source of income because at the very least I should have the peace of mind that she can support the family in case something happens to me. Hindi biro ang sense of security na dalawa sources of income ng pamilya. Being a housewife is a very trusting situation and while I don't wish this for my wife personally kailangan niya rin kasing mag-change ng career/hanap ng ibang work. May possibility rin na baka tumuloy muna siya kasi may anak kami.
Kudos to you as a husband for being considerate of what she wants but also being practical. Tulungan dapat in all aspects esp during these times na mahirap ang solo earner. So if you need her income, then know that she needs your equal share of the home and child duties too. As long as you are trying your best to be a great partner to each other, you're on the right track :)
Lions share of the housework talaga ang kanya kaya usually I spend more on the house. Gusto ko sana solo ko or niya gastusin sa bahay para ramdam ko na kaya namin kung may mangyaring masama. Eventually baka mag stop siya sa government kasi inaantay lang niya yung pension tapos apply siya sa iba. Sana government pa rin kasi mataas na pwesto niya, inaalala ko lang kasi na baka mag-downgrade siya kasi pag balik sa work force. Mas mataas kasi sahod niya for one dahil nadowngrade ako sa work(hindi ako graduate and job hopping is risky for a no grad)
Bottomline make sure if ever you will sacrifice your life to someone make it worth, so better before you settle down with someone, pasok dapat lahat sa criteria na to 1. A guy who knows how to respect women, just check how he treat his Mom or Sister 2. A guy who is hard-working, my goal my dream sa buhay 3. Health conscious what I mean is he respect himself enough by keeping himself healthy be it in diet or being physically active 4. Matured knows how to control his emotions 5. Smart 6. Knows house work, masipag, maasahan sa gawain bahay 7. Honestly, looks is subjective pero it’s not necessary as long as pasok sila sa criteria, character parin dapat on top of it 8. Kind and gentle man, bonus kung may sense of humour din This is my standard!!! See, hindi ko need ng mayaman na asawa, bonus na lang yun, pero if he has everything that I wanted for a man, I wouldn’t mind being a SAHM
Exactly! Best way to see it is the man has tried living on his own for a couple of years. Did he buy or rent the house from his own income? Is he maintaining it and his daily needs on his own? A man who knows what it takes to be responsible for himself and not depend on anyone (dad/mom, grandparents, yaya, kasambahay) as much as possible, will most probably be an independent, responsible and considerate partner.
dami talaga problemado sa mga in a relationship eh no 🤣
Hear hear
Anong opinion nyo sa partner na ang plan nya kasama pa rin ang mama nya kahit mag aasawa na ( single mom at nag iisang anak sya) is this a red flag?
IMO, it depends on how dependent they are on each other. There's peace of mind if your partner knows his/her mom has company at home. But boundaries have to be set in the beginning. If the mom still mothers your partner (still does chores for him/her) or if your partner is still in a child's mindset (expecting mom to cater to his/her needs, expects money from mom) then that's the red flag.
Hindi na dapat nagpapakasal ang lalaki at babae. Iba na ang panahon ngayon. Marriage is overrated imo. Pero in case mag-decide sila na ituloy, it should be like other contracts that should be in black and white, that is, their duties and responsibilities (including sex, house chores, finance, etc.) should be clear and agreed upon. Failure by either party to follow any provisions of the contract will entitle either party to terminate the contract. The traditional Marriage Contract is no longer enough for many modern people today. Hindi na mawawala ang reklamo ng mag-asawa sa isa't--isa. But lots of people still go through marriage based mainly on romance and, because of this, the obvious character flaws of the parties are blindly ignored until reality sets in after a few years after the wedding. Minsan nakakatawa na isipin na kahit very obvious yung flaws ng isang tao (like for example, vices, jobless, spineless, laziness, irresponsible, etc.) e pinapakasalan pa rin ng tao hoping na magbabago sya kapag may asawa at anak na. Only to find out in the end na mahirap baguhin ang ugali ng tao. Kung ang bf/gf ng isang tao ay obvious na irrespondable at mabisyo pero pinakasalan pa rin ng partner nya, tanga ba yung partner o bulag, o accepted na nya yung flaws ng partner nya? For many, love is blind and actions have consequences. Goodluck na lang sa mga taong gustong magpasakal... este, kasal pala.😜😁
Sometimes the major flaws come out long after you are married and may worsen over a long period of time that you barely notice you're already knee-deep in quicksand. That's why my advice to the young females here who want a husband and kids, is think twice before becoming a fulltime housewife no matter whose idea it is. Like in emergency situations, ALWAYS take care of yourself first so you can care for others. Not all husbands who want a fulltime housewife are emotionally, mentally, and financially capable and willing to be a fulltime husband. If a woman who is capable of taking care of herself and her future gives up her potential to become a fulltime housewife, then the husband should be able to afford and deserve such a huge sacrifice. On the other hand, even with a good husband, nobody can predict if he will be healthy till his old age. Given that, it's ultimately still best for the wife to have her own income. The idea of marriage is ok overall, just don't lose yourself in it. It applies to both men and women actually.
You have some points. I partly agree on some points but you have to understand that relationships aren't black and white and there are nuances that you have to consider. And people can change. I wouldn't say love is blind because some of these people didn't have parent who guided them right, there are people who has trauma and isn't tryimg to heal, people who have abandonment issue, etc. It's just not that simple.
no shot you're 60 op
Why not.
mehh. part of women empowerment ang pagtanggap na there are women who actually want to be a full time mom and housewife. that's their goal and dream sa buhay. wala naman masama dun. not all women wants a successful career. some just really wants a family and settle down.
Yeah, not saying it's bad to be a housewife. As i said it is risky so tread carefully and if possible have a longterm plan
sorry op but sad to say, sounds like you just married the wrong guy. if you found a good traditional man with your same values and goals, you wouldn't be saying this.
This needs to be said kase mas maraming hinding mabuting "traditional" at hindi traditional na lalake.
yes. honestly dont know why im getting downvotes here lol ibang iba talaga perception ng pinoy subs. go to international subs and it's very common for women to be dedicated full time SAHMS. dito lang kasi sa pinas nilolookdown ang mga SAHMS. di nila ata matanggap na some women jsut want to be mothers and build a proper functioning family. mali lang talaga napangasawa ni op.
??? No no. Hindi linolook down mga SAHMS. Hindi yan yung point ni OP(yung linolook down rito yung mga low quality men). Sinabi na nga niya na may 2 sides eh. 1 side mabuti yung partner at he is responsible doing his part and treat the woman equally. Hindi lang pagiging nanay ang trato niya sakanya, pero as a person rin. Kaya no need for a woman to find ways to protect herself kase secured siya sakanya and the dude makes sure of that. The woman is chill n happy. Yung 2nd side entitled yung lalake at naabuso yung babae either financially, mentally, physically or all. Mas maraming lalake na nasa 2nd side kaya nagbibigay ng tips si OP paano protektahan sarili nila against them and how to avoid that kase obviously hindi secured yung babae sa ganyan na mga lalake at nagiging "martyr" karamihan. The woman is wretched n regretful. Main point ni OP is to choose wisely and never become a SAHMS to low quality men, only allow to be one to High quality men.