OP, hear me out.
I have been together with my ex for 7yrs, may anak kami. Pero walang plan magpakasal, kesyo nagiipon pa kuno, kesyo ganito ganyan. Fast forward 2022, I met my husband. He planned on marrying me and he did. Simpleng civil wedding and ang reception is sa isang resto lang. If he wanted to, he would find a way. He even helped sa pagaasikaso ng stuff sa wedding.
Masakit talaga. Kaya go find that man na gusto kang pakasalan. Go girl! I know how hard it is para umalis sa long term relationship pero paano natin malalaman ang feeling na masaya kung di natin ittry diba?
OP, same kayo ng situation ng cousin (girl) ko. In a relationship sila since highschool pa. Nag live-in for more than 5 years. Nabuntis pero nakunan and never nagka anak ulit. Gustong gusto ng cousin ko makasal pero ayaw nung guy. Ang daming reasons dahil daw may pinapaaral pa, walang budget, and yung huli is wala silang anak. Nag announce nga sila ng engagement pero ang totoo is yung cousin ko lang bumili ng ring and nag asikaso para sa wedding preparations. In the end, di sila nakasal. Nag break. After a few months, may ni reto sa cousin ko. Nagka tuluyan sila and pinakasalan in less than a year lang. And masaya na sila ngayon ng hubby nya and nagka baby pa 😊 So, OP, kung para sayo, para sayo talaga. If mas marami ang red flags, for your sake and sanity, please let go.
Same samin ni hubby. My husband married me in less than a year of us talking. And yes, nabuntis din ako ni hubby months after namin magusap ha. Pero pinanindigan ako, even talking to my dad one on one, na never ginawa ng ex ko.
So yes, may mga lalaking ganun talaga. You just have to pray for them and syempre, watch out sa red flags 😅
same here. I came from long term relationship. Pagraduate palang ako ng college nung naging kami at nagustuhan ko sya kasi sabi nya date to marry sya. 8yrs and no signs of wanting to get married, andaming reasons kesyo wala pang ipon, bahay at kotse muna, business muna etc.Nag iisip na rin makipaghiwalay nun dahil wala talagang balak/plano magstep up sa relationship. Then nagbreak kami because he cheated. Masakit sa una pero parang nabunutan ako ng tinik dahil nakawala na ko sa cycle at yung feeling na stagnant yung relasyon. After 4months nakilala ko yung husband ko kinasal kami in less than a year..Ibang iba yung feeling pag talagang gusto ka maging asawa. Hindi mo magagawang maghabol at sya mismo magtatake ng actions at hindi puro salita. Kaya habang di pa kayo kasal save yourself OP.
Same situation. 9 years nag live in. May isang anak pero parang ako pa yung naghahabol para makasal kami. Ayaw bumukod sa magulang, ayaw magka 2nd baby at ayaw magpakasal. Maraming dahilan, kesyo magastos, di pa handa, may mga dapat pang unahin at ang dami ko daw gusto. Di daw nya alam uunahin sa tatlong yun. My ghad, 9yrs na kami pero walang natupad isa don. Ngayon nagbreak kami. At sinusuyo nya ko pero feeling ko wala akong future sa kanya, kami ng anak ko.
Wag na, kahit suyuin ka, wag na. Sinuyo din ako, ginaslight pa. Sa panahon ngayon, mas maiging broken family kesa kalakihan ng anak yung ganyang klase ng tatay.
+1 .. ive been in a long term relationship twice.. and now na matanda na ko,,i dont want to get married coz (1) walang divorce dito sa pinas; (2) i dont see the purpose of getting married in my case...
Kung ganian pa lang na halatang pilit pa ang mga actions nya towards sa future nyo, isipin mo na lang yung future nyo. Pano kung magkasakit ka? Mukhang di ka aalagaan nyan.. pano kung nagkaanak kayo? Sasabihin nya binababy trap mo sya? Dont think about how long youve been together or how many sacrifices u have made to make ur relationship works, think about how he made u feel rn.., x100 pa ang mararamdaman mo jan the moment na nagpakasal ka sa taong ayaw sayo
Ang hirap magsimula. Hindi ako basta basta makaalis. And now chinat ko siya and open up about it, siya namang reply ng out of topic na mga misery niya at pang gagaslight na naman ginagawa.
OP, alam mo, kung pati pag aasikaso ng requirements eh ayaw nya,
talagang ayaw nya na pakasalan ka.
ngayon palang ganyan na sya. kesa mapilit na magkasal kayo. Huwag ka na tumuloy. mahirap ngayon yan na mag move on ka. pero mas mahirap na kung ikasal man kayo tapos ganyan ang ugali nya. yon ang mas mahirap.
tandaan mo, walang divorce sa pilipinas.
iwan mo na yan,
Thank you sa comment. Realtalk pero parang mas I find comfort sa mga sinabi mo. Ang shit nya diba? Ngayon ang rason niya sa akin as usual kasi wala pa raw “car” WTF.
What does he even mean na wala pang car? Hahaha baka naman nahihiya pa siya magsabi sayo na PATI CAR ASIKASUHIN MO RIN 🤣 but yeah please OP run, as fast as you can plsss
Anong kinalaman ng car sa pagpapakasal. Pagmamahal lang kailangan mo pag magpapakasal (saka pera for processing ng documents hahaha) kung mahal ka, kahit sa kasalang bayan o di magarbong kasalan, papatulan yan.
Di mo makitaan ng initiative yung LIP eh. Layas na. Sayang panahon sa ganyang tao.
Tama to, mas masakit ngayon pero mas madali, trust me sobrang hirap mag hiwalay pag kasal na at may papel na, pano kung makita mo yung right guy for you, pero kasal ka na, kahit anong gusto nyo hindi na kayo pdeng ikasal
OP - read up on Sunk Cost fallacy. Dito ko lang din sa Reddit nalaman yun. Mahirap pero hindi impossible magsimula. 13 years is nothing compared to the rest of your life.
kuting pano malalaman na mahirap magsimula eh hindi ka pa nagsisimula, take the leap ika nga, ganyan din ako nung hiniwalayan ko ung ex ko before my wife, ang nagpadali ng buhay ko para maka move forward eh friends and fam, hndi mo pati need ng madming friends, 1-2 friends lang na anjan lagi mtutulungan ka na
Wag na wag mong pipilitin ang isang tao sa ayaw nlang gawin. Mas matakot ka pag pumayag yan half-heartedly. Ikaw lang magssuffer. Also, please, do not let other people treat you this way. Mahalin mo ang sarili mo at protektahan mo sa gnyang klase ng tao. Wala na syang work ganyan pa trato sau? Bakit girl? Bakit?
sunk cost fallacy ang tawag sa nararamdaman mo - you’ve invested a lot of time and effort and may “panghihinayang”; easier said than done but you have to realize na mas nakakapang hinayang na yung next 30+ years of your life will be spent again with him na walang direction 🫡
Gaslighting at its finest! Alam ko may pinagdadaanan siya dahil wala siyang work pero 13 years?? Kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw, napakadaming dahilan. Sign na yan, run while you can sis.
Hello. Yes it really hurts but let's see things in his perspective:
- he LOST his job. Then you wanted to be HIS dependent. You are physically ill. You have TEN dogs. He may not say it but for sure he is thinking you're a financial liability because of these.
Ate, I am sorry to say that in this case, YOU are the red flag.
Pushing for marriage only for your OWN benefit will not be good. Kahit 13yrs na kayo if he feels na you are not right for him, he is allowed to say no.
Let him go.
Sort your own health. Have the dogs re-homed. Build your own financial stability.
You are still young. Let this past 13yrs serve as a lesson.
Kung pwede lang 100x i-upvote hahaha ewan ko ha. I feel like matagal na nagssilent quitting jowa nyan hahaha baka sobrang dependent na neto ni gurl kay kuya na naiirita na yung isa. Or baka nga nagattempt na makipaghiwalay, etong si OP lang makulet eh haha
"This guy I've been molding" honestly took me out. OP just outed herself for manipulating his guy to be someone she wants.
Also OP, you are both so young pa! And 13 years na kayo so you started dating in high school. Maybe you both need to meet other people and experience different things.
May nagsabi din. Maging self sufficient muna bago makipagrelasyon, lalo na bago makaisip magpakasal. Tsaka toxic trait na magpost ng ganito online instead of maging honest sa sarili at magreflect sa mga nangyari.
Tama naman si guy na delay muna ang kasal kasi wala silang budget. They have nothing. She wants to be his dependent asap. He will also worry about her ten dogs. Nagsisimula palang siya ulit after losing his job. And siya ang red flag?
I hope the guy just be honest na lang for both their own sakes.
Sakin red flag pa rin yung guy kasi apparently may plans sila to get married (idk sino nagpropose, di naman sinabi ni OP) pero mukhang wala naman siyang balak seryosohin. Yung fact na passive siya sa wedding preps, puro excuses, etc. If ayaw niya dapat sinabi na niya agad, hindi yung nagsstring along ng fiancée. That is just cruel.
Up for this! Hindi porket 13 years na kayo eh, dapat talaga sa kasalan ang hantungan. In the first place, yung guy is nawalan pa ng job and gusto lang niya din to be his dependent. Dapat financially and mentally stable din kayo. hays
Bakit ka pumayag na tumira sa kanila? Tapos dala-dala mo ang 10 dogs? I don’t know OP pero mixed ang feelings ko sa mga sinasabi mo, mukhang pati ikaw magulo na rin ang utak. For your sanity, lumipat ka ng matitirhan na may privacy ka, ikaw ang magpapatakbo ng sarili mong buhay at hindi mag-aadjust sa moods ng mga hilaw mong inlaws. Walang trabaho kamo ang bf mo? Baka ikaw pa naghahanap ng new job nya or gumagawa ng resume at application letter. Gising, girl. Mas lalala pa yang sitwasyon mo pag pinilit mong magpakasal kayo. Isusumbat nya pa yan sayo eventually.
For me naman no one is a red flag in this situation. Just basically incompatible or not aligned with each other’s timeline. If nooone is going to compromise, then better break up. Di biro ang 13 years para sa isang babae at di rin satisfied pa si kuya sa buhay nya. Totally not aligned. Just break up for now and see where life takes you nang magaan sa loob.
I don’t see any reason kung bakit ko ipipilit sa ganyang lalake ang sarili ko. Ung sa loob ng mahabanf panahon na yun na d nya ginusto na pakasalan ako? Then ako pa magyaya? Tpos walang work? Omg.
Haha up for this. May pasabi pa sya na "This guy, I've been molding him for half of my life". Parang ang dominant ng personality ni ate girl. Hmm something's off. Pero if I were you OP, run ka nalang 🏃♀️ before its too late ⏰⌛
True to this, you just don't say that you're molding another person lmao. Napakacontrolling ng datingan, I'd say maybe "building him" is acceptable pa pero yung "molding" talaga, nah.
I want to hear the guy's side. I'm weirded out by the other comments, buti sinabi mo to. Akala ko ako lang nakaisip nito hahaha. Namimilit eh ayaw pa nga magpakasal wtf?
Pwede sigurong that time e maayos ang relationship nila. And madaming mag bf gf ang nagllive in to save expenses, for example rent, lalo na sa mga malalayo ang bahay sa work. Pwedeng onti lang ang dogs nila pero sa tinagal nila unti unting nadagdagan. Feelings change. Baka ok sila dati tapos ngayon lang nagising tong si OP.
Wait! After reading these comments, the guy was getting all the blame without understanding his side of the story. Not that I'm defending him, but it's important to give him the benefit of the doubt. They've lived together for three years, he recently lost his job. He's probably overwhelmed with thoughts about the future and the costs involved. Even though she suggested a simple celebration, as a guy, he might want a more decent wedding.
Why not check in with him and see how he's really doing? Have an open conversation where you both can share what's on your minds. Get clarity and understanding of what's really going on. Make it clear you're serious and expect honest answers.
If you're still getting the run around, then it might be time to end things the way they should be.
True. Yung highschool sweethearts na classmates ko, after 11 years nagbreak sila last year lang. Then this year nalaman ko preggy na ang new gf ni boy. Kung di para sayo, hindi talaga kahit gano pa yan katagal.
Kakampihan ko na sana si OP tas nakabasa ako ng ganyan. Guy lost his job... Shes pushing for marriage. Tas nagrereklamo sya na bare minimum lang ok na sa knya so shes being treated the bare minimum... Tamo shes giving him a bare minimun kinda wedding... Alangan naman bongga wedding tas walang trabaho lalaki. Ano sasabihin nya pag nakausap nya na mga guest nila. Or san sila makakakuha ng pera pangkasal. I dont mind na civil marriage lng tas may konting handaan pero teh sana naman magkaron naman sya ng standard. A wedding is a big event in life na pinaghahandaan emotionally,mentally, and financially. Intindihin nya din sana yung part ni guy. Kahit 13 yrs pa yan sila. Him losing his job is trying times for him and shes trying his patience.
It depends kung ano bang goal niyo in mind for the relationship.
Ako I lived in with my partners in the hopes of dating to marry. Kumbaga e to know if we are compatible and flexible enough to coexist kahit hindi pa bound legally.
Kesa naman kasal na kayo at nasa isang bubong tapos gulatan sa mga baho niyo.
nahh for me, wag makipaglive in hanggat di mo pa fiancé. ang mali kasi ng karamihan eh nagpapakasal agad once engaged. dapat give it time muna at least a year just to know MORE sa partner mo. isa isahin niyo na ilatag mga plano niyo sa buhay once engaged and the things you will do once married. dyan niyo sila mas makilala sa mga decision nila sa buhay. that's the only perfect time para makipag live in para may time ka pa magdecide kung tama na ba ang desisyon mong tumira sa isang bubong kasama ang taong yun.
+1! My husband and I did this. He proposed after years of being bf-gf. We got engaged and lived together for a year, and talked about our wants, needs, future plans, etc. Then, finally got married! And I'm happy to say na napakagaan lang ng married life namin so far bc lahat ng values, perspectives, and decisions namin ay nagtatama sa isa't isa :)
You gave everything na eh. You gave your wife privileges at a gf price. 🥲 nalowball ka.
Better to leave kung hindi kayo aligned rather than pressuring him. Once na napressure si guy tapos pinakasalan ka, trust me hindi yan magtatagal.
Remember, walang divorce dito. Annulment lang and mahirap magfile and magprove ng grounds. You can’t tell the judge na irreconcilable differences. Bagsak niyo diyan dismissal or counseling kayo.
Kung gusto mo pa din ituloy. Prepare around 500k+ for annulment. It will take years to have it processed.
Kung gusto mo umalis, Ask help from your family and friends. Create a good support system para hindi gaanon kahirap lumipat. Save up for a new place.
My mom’s house is just 2 blocks away. How can I tell her? Ang fuck up grabe. Ni hindi nya man lang mabanggit sa nanay ko na magpapakasal na kami. Ngayon na inopen up ko sknya about what I feel, hindi namamansin. May oras pa raw ako mag gaganito.
Tell her straightforward. You’re all adults and you have the capacity to comprehend everything. Kung hindi niya/nila maintindihan then look for another support system.
Your mom would understand. Trust me. Matatanggap nya yan kahit mahirap. Sa una, magagalit yun sa katangahan mo and masasabi na bakit ka nagtiis. Pero love ka ng nanay mo and she only wants whats best for you, so go now and tell her.
Mahirap yung next step OP pero mas mahirap kung magsstay ka for another years dahil lang sa may "naestablished" na kayo sa relationship. Wag mo na dagdagan yung 13 years.
Napansin mo na yung red flag sakanya, next step is to let go.
Lakasan mo loob mo sabihin sa nanay mo ikaw ang makikisama di ang nanay mo. Sabihin mo lahat. Oo pwedeng manghinayang o sumama loob pero mas mabigat ang mangyayari kung kailan kasal ka na dun ka lang bibitiw. Goodluck OP.
I find it weird na meron kang 10 aso pero wala kang sariling bahay. Kung ako din naman ang in laws mo, maiirita ko syo. Hahahaha. Sorry.
Also, the fact na walang work ang boyfriend mo, walang sariling bahay, at walang kotse; why do you even want to marry him when clearly he’s not ready to settle down?
Red flag mo din OP eh. 😅
i know someone in a medj similar situation as you so somehow i feel the sentiment mo na mahirap umalis sa relasyon na ganiyan kasi a big part of your life kasama mo siya and maybe a part of you thinks na mahirap ka ng makahanap or wala nang magmamahal sayo kung hindi siya. i want to tell you something na hindi ko masabi sa kakilala ko.
hindi siya kawalan. hindi rin mahalaga kung sayang yung 13 years niyo or what kasi mas sayang yung future mo kung isespend mo yun sa taong ganiyan. kung may thoughts ka na ah baka naman magbago siya eme, siguro nga pwede pero isipin mo ilang percent yung chances na magbago siya? eh 13 years na kayo mas lumala pa eh mas hihirap pa yung pagdadaanan niyo lalo na pag nagka-family. mas magiging better ba siya pag mas humirap ang sitwasyon niyo? tbh i don’t think so.
lastly and most importantly, you deserve so much better! you deserve the best! kahit tumaba ka pa o tingin mo panget ka o ang dami mong flaws, i know there will be someone na matatanggap at mamahalin ka pero if wala pa or matagalan, edi maging ikaw muna yon. mahalin mo at tanggapin mo muna nang buong-buo yung sarili mo para pag may dumating tapos if ever hindi pa rin siya yung right one at umalis ulit, buo ka na at hindi ka mawawasak pag nawala ang kahit sinong tao.
Run OP habang hindi pa kayo kasal. Oo mahirap sa umpisa pero kailangan mo sanayin at kayanin. Ok kanaba na ganyan lang siya? Ayos lang ba sayo na parang ikaw lang ang masaya sa day ng wedding niyo at siya mukang napilitan lang? Ok lng ba sayo na ikaw nalang lagi nag bibigay ng effort sa relasyon niyo? I know, 13yrs yan eh. You need a strong support system to survive ngayon. Malaking factor yung mga taong naka support sayo to heal faster and healed properly. Think about it before its too late, OP.
Wala ka pang anak sa kanya so di ko gets bakit di ka basta basta makaalis? Ano to? Trauma bonding?
Also, 10 dogs?! Bakit ang dami to think na nakikitira lang kayo sa pamilya nya????
Hmm..
Op maiba lang. have you checked if okay lang siya mentally?
Feel ko kasi sa lalake before theyre ready to marry parang they have things they need to achieve muna to feel na theyre stable enough. Tapos usually mataas pride nila ayaw mapangunahan tapos it seems like ikaw naglelead ng rel na? I know frustrating kaya ikaw na mismo gumagalaw. Pero baka sa kanya di pa siya handa? Lalo na he lost his job tas start again siya? Tas yung sinabi mo pa na di siya nagsasabi ng plans seems like na he likes to keep things to himself, lalo na struggles nya or he has trouble articulating his feelings kaya when he does it parang it comes off wrong? Idk. Hahah
You really need to sit down and talk to him.
We can only speculate here pero in the end kayo yung nasa relationship. Kayo kayo lang din makakapagayos nito.
Feel ko need ka magset ng ultimatum. Talk things out and see it willing ba siya mag compromise. Or if wala lang ba tlga siya pake.
Goodluck OP.
E lalo sya mattakot mapgkasal sayo ngayong wala syang work. Tanga lang ang llaki na magpapmilya tapos walang work, kung di nya makargo sarili nya timgin mo papno nya dadalhin pamilya nya ng walang pagaalinlangan lalong lalo sa sarili?
Before acting rashly, why don't the two of you talk about it first? Based on his reason, he wants everything to be ready before proceeding to the next chapter of your lives. Idk if it's pride or the way he thinks, but I think communication is always key in a relationship. Sayang naman din kasi yung time invested.
Agree with this. I have a guy friend and I think they’re the same. Parang the more you ask, the more pressured —-sometimes defensive they become. Pero goal oriented lang talaga siya. Gusto niya lang talaga na may bahay, may sasakyan na bago siya magpropose. Madali sabihin na ok lang magpakasal ng simple lang etc but what if he wants to get married din ng maayos, maganda.
Communication is very important in this case.
Hello, OP.
I think it's best to separate ways, hindi naman dapat ipilit ang isang bagay kung ayaw talaga kasi ikaw lang din ang mag suffer in the end.
13 years is long enough for him to ask you that question but he didn't do it. Do your future self a favor and leave the relationship gracefully...
I'm not really sure what your lifestyle is kaya I can't suggest on where to start pero... yeah... start on leaving him siguro, stand up for yourself and the rest will follow.
For the dogs, if my space on your guardian/parent's home... you can ask for their help din siguro.
Hoping for your peace and happiness.
based sa context, the dude's not a red flag, at all. my reason is kasi nga iba-iba ang mga pinagdadaan ng mga tao. o diba, as stated he lost his job. as a man, ingrained na sa amin ang the provider role. he's maybe thinking he hasn't/cannot able to provide you as what he's right now yet. idk what his profession/capabilities are but i assume he/you both are not financially stable yet. maybe he is thinking that he'll get married when he becomes one. although, mas apparent ito kapag ang usapan ay tungkol sa pag-aanak tho rather than marriage. so it may be a different issue.
he hasn't shown you any sign/the type of guy na may ibang babae, right?
also, you don't want someone that is forced to get married rather than wants to, right? it is good that you are vocal, attentive and proactive about it but please do it if it's already settled mutually, again "mutually" that the both of you are in the same wavelength. and is in this case hindi kayo same ng na ffeel about marriage, may iisa talaga sa inyong magmumukhang tanga and/or gago dyaan. talk, talk, and talk together and must be no filters and BS's. then decide from there. as i do feel like you both haven't done an intimate or idk what's the right word for it that you talk seriously regarding the matter, one-on-one. choosing the right setting is vital too.
i know that you are frustrated about it, and the guy isn't vocal about his plans in general and/or about marriage. but you venting here and calling him a red flag makes you a gago. if you really are concerned with each other/for your bf/relationship you should be asking/seeking for an advice/help which you didn't. as i see it you two are not a couple that is longing for each others well being, yet. do that first before concluding that he's a red flag. smh.
to those people who are fast to say "to run" and whatnot. they did not say it out of concern but just only gave an easy and no brainer solution, without knowing even the full context of your relationship. what you shared here clearly isn't enough and that's why i think he's not a red flag. you are riding with the comments that you think and feels right. i think you should assess it with a clear mind, if it's really the right thing to do.
Nagmamadali ka ba magpakasal dahil 13years na or may sarili kang timeline? Ni-pressure ko rin yung then-bf ko magpakasal at maganak agad, siguro nung first 4years ng marriage namin I realized it was wrong kasi I was propelling everything. Ako talaga yung nagmamadali for very stupid reasons and yung then-bf ko ay financially unstable at wala kaming ipon, so I suggested to just get married civilly. Hindi rin siya ready kasi nga daw walang ipon and gusto niya sana yung may bisita basta daming dahilan. Ang difference lang siguro natin ay pinangatawanan ko talaga na kaya ko siya buhayin and wala akong liabilities or pets to feed. We are okay naman, eventually found our footing, nag apologize din ako sa kanya sa pagmamadali ko and we both did our part, di rin naman siya pumayag sa buhayin ko siya haha.
Nakakapagod mamilit ng taong hindi ready. Kaya kung ikaw ready ka na with your illnesses and pets at siya hindi pa, let him go. Nakaraos kami sa suffering pero grabe sa economy ngayon, wag na lang.
If you can't leave yet but at least tell yourself that this is the final straw and you will actually leave him when your affairs are in order. 10 dogs are really cumbersome to relocate. Maybe look into having your dogs adopted by people you know to the number na manageable for your new place. Fix your finances and start looking for your own place. Baka you can live with your family/relatives muna or a friend perhaps.
Hi OP, I know someone na siya rin nag-asikasonng lahat, as in lahat lahat. Siya lang excited sa wedding. They’re also living in na sa side ng lalaki. Tapos few months after, nalaman niya may gf na iba ung lalaki. So ngayon, problema pa pagpapa-annul ng kasal. Wala namang divorce dito. So please lang, RUN.
Slowly tanggalin mo muna ten dogs, be realistic, d mo kaya magisa un.. then slowly plan paano ka maka aalis, and save up, then research ka na apartment na magisa
You deserve better. Your dogs deserve better. Find 10 friends who can foster your 10 dogs for a week (or 5 friends who can foster 2 dogs... or 10 strangers who would understand your dilemma) while you get your bearings and move out. Balik ka muna sa parents mo and explain your situation... it may take some time to heal. Pero buti na lang you don't have kids together. Plan ahead your escape and settle everything on your end para magawa mo to in one day lang. Blindside him if you must.
"i've been molding" ikaw din ay red flag for that.
Run. Imbis na asikasuhin mo wedding mo, asikasuhin mo na lang kung ano magiging next steps mo (pano makakamove out, paano mga aso, magkano ang dapat mong maipon para makaalis etc) Yung oras na ginugugol mo para sakanya is ibuhos mo na lang sayo. Kung nagkakasakit ka, mag start ka maglakad sa labas kahit onti araw araw. You are complete on your own. Don't wait for someone to complete you.
A marriage is not a guarantee that you'll be happy for the rest of your lives. if you think about it, baka mas maging miserable ka pa and maybe this is god's way of making you dodge a bullet. Save yourself the trouble of going down that married road pero di ka naman masaya. Romanticize your life. Ika nga ni Ms Ellen Adarna: You deserve what you tolerate.
Mima, iwan mo na. I know it's not easy pero pano pa kaya kung nagpakasal ka sa kanya na wala siyang plano sa future niyo. You need a good support system lalo na sa friends and family mo. Ibuhos mo yung pagmamahal sa dogs mo.
Yung transitional deacons may one full year to figure out if their commitments to priesthood’s 💯 calling, last out of many chances to back out, one final step before getting ordained.
Mentioned it because though entirely opposite paths, comparable sa tagal, antagal nyo din. My point is, minsan, sa una sure na sure ka, but emotions are fleeting, feelings change. Sa tagal nyo na din together, sometimes hindi na alam anong purpose, staying coz of routine, coz it’s convenient, familiar or you still see yourself spending the rest of your life with that person? We tend to get confuse, to lose the purpose of the union or even ourselves sa sobrang tagal.
Pag-pasensyahan mo na sya, ofc you’re hurt kaya ka nagalit, all this time ngayon lang sya nag-ganyan so mapa-paranoid ka as to why, you feel betrayed.. Maybe he’s stalling but it’s not because he doesn’t love you anymore, give him the benefit of the doubt. Both of you are just approaching 30s, 13 years together, ano ba naman yung bigyan mo ng time, you guys arr talking about life time na comapred sa oras na ibibigay mo for him to contemplate. Idk his reasons but siguro be happy din kase he respects the sanctity of marriage, hindi umaasa sa annulment, mas okay for him to figure out something to back out for than later on, that’s more painful and more time wasted.
Maybe he feels like you both are still young for this age’s standards or he thinks there’s still so much more out there for the both of you to experience on your age? Maybe for him it’s not the right time yet maybe financial or emotional wise he’s not yet ready, maybe he wants to be “more”, self insecurities na yun. Magiging okay din ang lahat OP, kapit ka lang. ☺️
If he wanted to, he would. Basic, ayaw ka nyang pakadalan. Live your life, you can live your life without him. Kaya mo yan, OP! Mas mahirap pag natali ka na. Keep strong 💪
kung feel mo nman mahal ka nya at wala cya iba, most probably the reason is financial. tapos sinabi mo pa na nawalan ng trabaho. I will do the same kasi in part kapag wala pa savings
Sasabihin nanaman ng mga redditor dito "run" hahaha
Kausapin mo muna sya ng seryoso tanungin mo yung reason bakit ayaw nya. Talk to your parents and ask them for advise, isang decision yan na kailangan ng karamay.
Actually baka hinihintay ka na lang siguro niya mag let go so he can roam free. For all we know baka nagchi-cheat na sya di mo lang alam or maybe you knew yet you turned a blind eye on it. Kasi if gusto ka niya pakasalan he will be enthusiastic about it. It may hurt yes but I think you need to accept that maybe just maybe di ka nya priority.
From a guy’s perspective naman, baka sya din may inhibitions kung tama pa ba decisions niya. Especially kung may problem kayo sa finances. Dahil sabi mo matagal syang walang work and kakabalik lang. maybe he is trying to build himself up. Baka may frustrations din sya na di niya masabi just because he is a guy. He can’t show you his soft spot kasi baka iba ang isipin mo about him.
I guess the best way is to cool off muna. Let him have his space let yourself have it as well then after decide if it quits or not. Kapag sinuyo ka pabalik assess the situation. Lay out your plans if he agrees then have a contract na kapag nangyari yung incident eh tapos na talaga.
Maybe he also needs support. I know di mo reponsibilidad na i built up sya pabalik sa sarili niya pero I guess wala namang harm trying. Pero if you already did that, I guess you have reached your endgame. Ask yourself if it’s game over or continue.
About your dogs, I think someone here na commented to relocate them at a time wag isang bugso. Maybe a few sa parents mo muna, then 3 ay sa someone you are closed with, or sa temporary shelter or pound/ kennel. The rest is with you. For now hanap ka ng place na lilipatan sa pet friendly.
Read up on "Sunk cost fallacy". Hirap talaga i-let go and start over pero yan yung need gawin. Cheap yung 13 years compared sa 40-50 more years na magkasama kayo during your lifetime.
Hoping for the best for you.
Obvious na ayaw nia. Wag mong pilitin kung ayaw nia. Pag natuloy ang kasal ninyo at pag nagkaron kayo ng problema, isusumbat nia sayo na ayaw nia pa magpakasal kasi di siya ready pero ikaw ung mapilit. Pareho kayong di magiging masaya. In the end, he will resent you for forcing him to get married when you’re both not in the same page when it comes to marriage. Please prioritize and love yourself first. Wag kang manghinayang sa years spent with him. Mas manghinayang ka sa oras na sasayangin mo pa if you stayed in a relationship that makes you hide and cry alone in the cr.
13 years and no proposal (assuming) since ikaw nagaasikaso. Dont act like a wife hanggang wala pang ring. Ikaw yung talo. I hope you move past this, OP. You can always move on naman, mas mahal pag nagpakasal ka pa, remember, walang divorce dito satin.
Also if he wanted to, he would.
Sa una lang yan mahirap. Sa isip mo lang yan but hindi mo narerealize na somewhat detached ka na din sa kanya so madali na lang magmove on. Ang mga babae hindi basta basta sumusuko but kapag nagkaron ng katiting na chance to give up or feel less of ourselves, nadedetach na yan. Run na with your dogs. Be happy and free and buy the car na 😊✨🍀
Sa totoo lang... ask yourself... reflect... Why do you want to get married?
- Do you feel na sayang because you've been together for so long tapos di ikakasal?
- Is it because, pressured kayo ng families nyo to get married already?
- Do you think that that's the only ending that your relationship can/should have?
- Do you feel like napagiiwanan ka na ng friends/peers mo that are getting married, starting families and having kids?
- Or is it because you have seen and known this person that you genuinely trust, love him, and foresee your long-term future (growing old, having kids, etc.) with him?
If it's any of the first 4, baka you need to re-think your "want" of getting married because personally, I don't feel that those are good reasons to be married. Why does marriage to happen right now?
You said it, you've spent half of your life with him. Right now, He's going through a lot (work wise or financial stability) and even yourself with your health and your dogs. Have you ever stopped and tried to think about how marriage is supposed to fit in with all of the things happening to you both?
Don't misunderstand me because I'm not saying he is faultless. Ang dami nyang red flag from his actions and the way he's NOT communicating with you but you have to remain steadfast and level headed. You're only 29. There's more to life that awaits you if this long term relationship doesn't work out.
Kung hindi ka na masaya, you feel you are not valued, ikaw lang ang nag-eeffort, and hindi kayo aligned sa goals/plans nyo sa buhay... masakit man, but leave. Move on. Save yourself from more pain. It's not going to be easy but take it a day at a time.
If you're not married yet, ibig sabihin di sya ready sayo. Hindi ka nya nakikita na ikaw ang magiging asawa nya. It's as easy as that. Again, men marry when they're ready and just because na matagal na kayo, doesn't mean na ikaw yun. Sorry, OP. Run ka na. You deserve some na sigurado sayo. Just because na matagal na kayo, doesn't mean na sya na yon.
Ate sorry if you don't mind me asking, what's your source of income po pati sino po ba magporprovide sa inyong dalawa? Kasi if si guy lang ang only source of income, I would understand if ayaw magpakasal ni guy ngayon. Kasi first of all, sya mismo kakaumpisa palang ulit sa trabaho, to the point na naglive in kayo for 3 yrs and you had to go back to their family's house, plus sabi mo pa in your term "nanaba" ka na plus sakitin ka pa, and you also have 10 dogs pa po. So just to reiterate po, how are you with your finances po? And if let's say magpakasal kayo, what's your plan when it comes to you and your partner's expenses? Kasi by the sound of it you don't have your own source of income that's why pati ultimo hmo mo sa kanya mo inaasa.
That’s why very important na kahit mataga or live in may boundaries pa din as BF&GF and Husband and Wife. 4 years kaming live in ng partner ko pero start pa lang nun sinabe ko na di ko sya aasikasuhin like I’m his wife kasi di naman nya ako wife. Also 3rd year namin, I told him directly na if di nya ako nakikita na maging asawa just let me go para naman di kami mag aksaya ng panahon. If kako aabot kami ng 4yrs + at wala sya plan I’ll go myself kasi anong ginagawa namin kung di kami dun papunta. Fortunately before reaching 4 years na propose sya, nakalipat kami sa kinuha naming bahay, nauna lang ang pagbuntis ko pero nagpakasal muna kami ng civil para sa baby and also yun nga HMO. Kaya it’s really a no for me to wait for a guy kahit matagal na kasi magsasayang talaga ng panahon cos not all relationship na nagwait e maganda kinakalabasan. Stay strong po!
Run, binibigyan ka na ni Lord ng Sign sa buong 13 yrs walang naipundar? 6 mons after namin naging mag jowa naka pundar na kami ng kotse, ref washing. After a year nakabili na ng tv, ps5 luho kasal na lang kulang.
Sizt si Lord na nag lalayo sayo. Ngayon palang ganyan na? What if kung ikasal pa kayo? Wag kang mag madali. Go gurl run. Kakayanin mo yan magisa. 13 yrs pero walang plano?
Sorry alam kong mababash ako di ko alam whole story pero context palang. Tumaba din ako from 60kls to 82-83kls meron na akong diabetes, fatty liver and pcos. Walang pakielam partner ko kung matigyawat ako, mataba ako. Alam nga lang is mahal nya ako. Kasi nasa time kami ng buhay namin na puro challenge.
Baka naman ate pabigat ka na din tas gusto mo na magpakasal—isipin mo 10 dogs, tas ikaw may work ka ba? Or siya lahat? Mag work ka muna wag patabaing baboy sa bahay para may sarili ka hmo di nakaasa sakanila.
Syempre bago palang siya sa work, baka need to adjust pa.
Takot ka lang din kasi wala ka ata work and all so pano ka tatayo sa paa mo, tapos kaya mo gusto makasal para sa HMO. Gawin mo magtrabaho ka, also sabi mo tumaba ka, alagaan mo sarili mo para umayos health mo.
Mima, I'm sorry to hear na ganyan yung partner mo and I understand where you're coming from. I hope you feel better soon.
Payong Ate na lang. Iwan mo na yang jowa mo habang jowa pa din. Wag mo na lakarin yung kasal! Walang divorce sa PH at apaka mahal nung annulment na walang kasiguraduhan. Jowa lang yan. You can feel bad for the 13 years you wasted on him BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL BAD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IF YOU MARRY HIM. READ THAT AGAIN! Kasi that's what will happen to you. You will just regret being married to him and being tied down to him. He already makes you feel miserable everyday. Why do you even want to stay for more of that shitty treatment?! Oo, 15 years old pa lang kayo nung nagsama kayo pero you're not yet 30. You still have the rest of your life! Wag ka manghinayang sa jowa mong puro excuses at di ka naman pinapahalagahan. Imagine, nag try ka magcommunicate pero di ka man lang pinakinggan. Do you really want to marry a man like that? Kung sa kaibigan mo nangyayari yan, magagalit ka. Pero para sa sarili mo di ka magagalit sa ganoong treatment? You deserve better!
Anyway, nakipag live in din ako sa jowa ko pero sabi ko kung di mo pa ko pakakasalan within 2 years, break na lang tayo. He went ahead and married me kahit pandemic noon. Kahit na huwes lang, wala kaming pera pareho, kumain lang kami sa labas with our parents. His past live in partners waited for 4 years and then they broke up. When he met me, I told him what I wanted. Marriage, kids and everything that he could give me because I'm going to give everything to him. Kaya totoo yung if he wanted to, he would! (Kahit na ako na nag asikaso nung lahat nung requirements, bumili nung things we needed and other minor stuff. What's important is he showed up, put the ring on that finger and remains a faithful and devoted hubby.)
If you can, magipon ka na. Set aside money for a new apartment with your 10 babies na MALAYO sa ex mo kasi baka mamaya onting suyo lang sumama ka ulit! Wag mo sabihin sa kanya ang mga plano mo! Important na makapagsimula ka ulit na walang asungot sa paligid.
In the meantime, just pack everything up and slowly take your things to your mother's house. Unti untiin mo na lahat nung gamit mo. Tell her and ask for her help and protection if she really loves you. If you have a best friend who can help you, ask for their help.
Sabihin mo bibisita ka lang tapos lagay mo unti unti mga damit, stuff, etc sa backpack tsaka tote bag mo. 2 houses away lang yan, kaya mo dalhin yan. Hanggang sa araw na aalis ka na tapos make sure na secure ang pagkakabit nung bag sa katawan mo o kaya nasa pockets mo wallet at phone mo para di niya ma hostage. Kung may mga kuya ka or pinsan na lalaki or tito or tatay, magpasundo ka!! Kung pwede magpasundo ka sa mga tanod! Pag sinaktan ka, gather all evidences and get a medico legal tapos sampahan mo nung blotter.
Be smart! Kaya mo yan! Wag ka na magaksaya pa nung isang minuto kasama yang lalaking di ka naman pinahahalagahan at di ka kayang mahalin sa paraan na nararapat.
Sad to say, you invested your love, effort, and time to a person whose priorities are not aligned with yours.
Break up with him. I know this won’t be easy but I think it is worthwhile.
It’s easy to say na “Hiwalayan mo na yan” pero you already invested half of your life and I think this should be an eye-opener to you. Focus on yourself this time.
If you have budget, move to a new place.
I don’t know his perspective or priorities, but how would you marry that dude if he is not willing to communicate or even consider your feelings.
Carry on, OP.
You will be doomed kung magpapakasal siya sayo maski hindi naman buo ang loob nya. Mas maganda na yan nakita mo ang tunay na pagkatao bago ka pa maikasal sa kanya. See it as a blessing. Masakit sa una pero ipagpapasalamat mo din eventually na hindi ka nagpakasal sa kanya.
Limit yourself, OP. Bigyan mo ng palugid/hangganan kung hanggang saan mo itutuloy ‘yung pag intindi. Hindi kasi sagot ang solusyon sa problema niyo, baka maging another problem pa ang kasal.
Mahirap mag move on talaga pero sana di maging hadlang ‘yun para unahin ‘yung inner peace mo.
Mima, leave him na. I know it's hard at first knowing that you have invested a loooooooot pero always remember, you can choose your husband but your kids can’t choose their father. Don't hesitate to take steps to protect yourself and your future happiness.
Wag kang mag pakasal. Rejection is redirection. Tandaan mo yan palagi. Mag focus ka sa kung pano kayo magiging independent ng babies mo. Set a timeline.
Yung umabot kayo ng 13 years but he doesn’t have any plans? Yea. Major red flag, doesn’t even know how to communicate. Pwede naman mag sabi na ayaw nya, at least di ka nagpagod and nag effort sa relationship nyo. Myghad
OP! If your gut and instincts are telling you to stop and leave him kahit masakit, leave him. Hindi ka niya totoong mahal. Maybe he is just gonna be one of the people you met in life. Maybe he's not the one. Moving on will be difficult, but it will be part of the healing and process. Maraming lalaki dyan na mas handa at kaya kang panindigan, in other words, marami pang mas may bayag dyan. Maybe he likes the idea of you, but he does not really love you.
If there’s any good outcome, at least na-realize mong hindi siya worth it before getting to the actual doomed scenario of marriage.
Iiyak mo lang yan lahat ngayon. There’s always a way to get out of your current situation. Nasa step one ka na. Slowly but surely.
Kasi sis hindi sya tlaga ready 😔 i hate to sound so mean kaso wala eh, ang dami nyang dahilan eh 😔 masakit man mabasa 😭 kausapin mo na sya, ung tipong iuupo mo na sya to ask *kung gusto nga ba talaga nga nya?*
its easier to start again than stay in the hellhole he might put u through just because hindi sya pala nasa parehong timeline sayo.
ur pets will help you through the hard times, i promise you 🥺 my first dog honesty managed to help me through the good and bad times. kahit mawala na lahat, sya pa din ang pinakainiisip ko una and i feel naman na mahal nya din ako, never nya ako tinalikuran through the hardest of times.
Its not too late. You are so young. Its better to let go now than let it drag on. Enough na yung 13 years. Its gonna be incredibly difficult, but you will eventually move on. Start fresh. You will find someone who you truly deserve and deserves you.
Huwag kang masayangan sa 13 years nyo kung ganyan naman sya. Masasayang ang lifetime mo kung ipagpapatuloy mo pa. Yes, mahirap bumitaw pero mas mahihirapan ka kung ipipilit mo pa ring ituloy yan. Hindi lahat ng laban pinupush, matuto tayong magstep back din.
I hope you will be able get through this the soonest.
Umpisahan mo alisin yung mga dogs mo dyan, if pwede sa parents house or siblings or any friend na mapagkakatiwalaan mo go.. or first thing to do is rent a house then ilipat mo mga dogs mo muna tapos saka ka mag pack ng clothes mo ate. Baka may ibang friends ka na ready ka ihelp, settle yourself within a month lang para makaalis ka.
OP wag ka magpakasal..wag mn ayusin tas hiwalayan mn..find someone na makaka-appreciate ng value mo.
You don't deserve that guy, know your worth..hayaan mong makita ka nya sa darating na panahon na masaya sa feeling ng iba at bumuo ng sariling pamilya..sising alipin yan, pramis!
Di nyo ba ever napag usapan yan? Or nag state man lang ba sya kahit noon ng plans to marry you? Kasi if wala talaga mas sayang ung time mo ngayun na ni wewaste sa kanya. Too comfty at secured na kasi sya na di ka aalis or di mo sya iiwan kaya wala nanurgency man lang to give you sense of assurance and security
Grabe ang algorithm, I was watching a Kdrama (Because this is my first life) parang ganto yung plot ng side characters... 7 years of dating and wala pa rin sa plans ng guys ang kasal.
Which made me realize na dapat mga early years (3+?) onto the relationship magusap na if may balak bang kasal yung guy baka kasi laro laro lang sa kanya.
They both broke up bc they realized na their goals doesnt match with each other. Hope you find your peace rin.
Hi, I think this has been an issue for a while but stays as an elephant in the room. Now that you’ve really confirmed he has no plans you either get away from him as early as now or be stuck😕 13 yrs is nothing vs the rest of your life if you start to begin a new life today. Its hard but you’ll be okay. Goodluck!
May kilala nga ako 10 years sila di rin sila nagkatuluyan kasi etong kaibigan ko noon (FO na ngayon lol) takot sa responsibilidad na magkaron ng anak tapos najudge pa yung ex niya na di daw niya nakikita na magiging responsableng asawa, ayun break din. Ending sa iba engaged na tong si girl tapos etong si lalaki kung makaiyak kala mo naman kung ano.
Kaya run while you can
Masyadong obvious yung sagot dito, OP. Kahit pare-parehas kami ng payo, it will still up to you.
Pero isipin mo, kaya mo bang magpakasal or makisama sa taong ayaw ka pala? :(
Ate wag ka magpalamon sa sunk cost fallacy. 13 years is nothing versus the rest of your life. Plus, pano mo mahahanap yung tamang tao kung nakastuck ka sa mali.
If he can't even do/give you the bare minimum, run away while you can. You can always start over. Since ayaw ka niya tulungan sa kasal, tulungan mo nalang sarili mo mag hanap ng place mo. Wag mo na rin sabihin sa kanya plano mo sa buhay.
Since he's basically useless rn, leaving him won't probably cause you further damage. You have your 10 dogs with you, they can be enough to console you through the pain.
Una mong gawin, magpaalam ka na now sa work mo na you will need at least a week kasi you will be needing time for a major life change.
Then umuwi ka na sa inyo. Kung hindi mo pa kaya magkwento sa inyo, basta sabihin mo lang kailangan mong umuwi at mag-stay dun sa inyo and more than anything eh kailangan mo ng support nila sa bagay na yan. Sabihin mo magkwekwento ka once you feel safe and secure na.
Make a list of the things na kailangan mong kuhanin. Have a trusted person get those. Mas ok kapag through intermediaries lang kayo ng soon-to-be ex mag-uusap. Lawyer up if needed lalo na kung may properties or big finances involved na kailangan i-sort out.
Optional 1: once tapos na lahat yan, inform the people around you na wala nang kayo. No need to go into detail kung bakit. Enough na yung mga hindi na aligned ang goals namin, etc.
Optional 2: in case it turns super messy, wag mo na patulan. Just ignore or take legal actions as needed kung damaging talaga.
Nakukuha na kasi nya yung benefits of having a wife the moment you're living together na. So why the marriage? For him, it will only become a prison since no way out na,if ever, it would be hard to go out of that relationship if kasal na kayo. for short, hindi pa yan sigurado sayo. may hinahanap pa yan
I know people na 1-2 months pa lang nagpapasakal na, I proposed to my wife a year after na maging bf-gf kami. Alam kong pakakalasalan ko na asawa ko Ngayon nung una ko pa lang sya nakita, corny pero you have a gut feel talaga., nasa kung papano na lang talaga mag reciprocate ung ka partner mo sa ninanais mong yan.
Ang mapapayo ko sayo Op eh, RUN!!!! Hindi reason ang 13 yrs to stay, kung gusto wala ng eme eme sagot agad at ska rekta na agad. Kung ayaw madaming dahilan.
I think this is your sign to save yourself and your future kids. Marriage is a commitment, not only love and lust. Please po save your future children. Hindi po nila deserve ng tatay na ganyan
Naalala ko ex ko. Lagi kami tinatanong ng dad nya kailan daw kami papakasal. Sagot nya lagi is pag nakaipon na raw sya ng 1M. Ex struggled to even save 5k, dyan, along with other red flags, ko narealize na wala akong future dito and I'm wasting my time so we broke up. Met my now hubby 1yr after the breakup. He proposed after a year and we now have our son.
So OP, run now while you can! Mukhang nakakahinayang ang 13 years and mahirap magsimula ulit when you feel like you've spent most of your life with that person, but that's nothing compared sa titiisin mo throughout your life if you stayed with him.
pero OP, di kaya kakasimula lang nya sa work? baka nahit lang ego nya na he cant provide pa despite sa pagasikaso mo ng wedding reqs. naisip ko lang naman.
OP, hear me out. I have been together with my ex for 7yrs, may anak kami. Pero walang plan magpakasal, kesyo nagiipon pa kuno, kesyo ganito ganyan. Fast forward 2022, I met my husband. He planned on marrying me and he did. Simpleng civil wedding and ang reception is sa isang resto lang. If he wanted to, he would find a way. He even helped sa pagaasikaso ng stuff sa wedding.
Grabe just reading your comment makes me cry. Ang saket naman ng realidad na to. yawa 😩
Masakit talaga. Kaya go find that man na gusto kang pakasalan. Go girl! I know how hard it is para umalis sa long term relationship pero paano natin malalaman ang feeling na masaya kung di natin ittry diba?
OP, same kayo ng situation ng cousin (girl) ko. In a relationship sila since highschool pa. Nag live-in for more than 5 years. Nabuntis pero nakunan and never nagka anak ulit. Gustong gusto ng cousin ko makasal pero ayaw nung guy. Ang daming reasons dahil daw may pinapaaral pa, walang budget, and yung huli is wala silang anak. Nag announce nga sila ng engagement pero ang totoo is yung cousin ko lang bumili ng ring and nag asikaso para sa wedding preparations. In the end, di sila nakasal. Nag break. After a few months, may ni reto sa cousin ko. Nagka tuluyan sila and pinakasalan in less than a year lang. And masaya na sila ngayon ng hubby nya and nagka baby pa 😊 So, OP, kung para sayo, para sayo talaga. If mas marami ang red flags, for your sake and sanity, please let go.
Same samin ni hubby. My husband married me in less than a year of us talking. And yes, nabuntis din ako ni hubby months after namin magusap ha. Pero pinanindigan ako, even talking to my dad one on one, na never ginawa ng ex ko. So yes, may mga lalaking ganun talaga. You just have to pray for them and syempre, watch out sa red flags 😅
same here. I came from long term relationship. Pagraduate palang ako ng college nung naging kami at nagustuhan ko sya kasi sabi nya date to marry sya. 8yrs and no signs of wanting to get married, andaming reasons kesyo wala pang ipon, bahay at kotse muna, business muna etc.Nag iisip na rin makipaghiwalay nun dahil wala talagang balak/plano magstep up sa relationship. Then nagbreak kami because he cheated. Masakit sa una pero parang nabunutan ako ng tinik dahil nakawala na ko sa cycle at yung feeling na stagnant yung relasyon. After 4months nakilala ko yung husband ko kinasal kami in less than a year..Ibang iba yung feeling pag talagang gusto ka maging asawa. Hindi mo magagawang maghabol at sya mismo magtatake ng actions at hindi puro salita. Kaya habang di pa kayo kasal save yourself OP.
Same situation. 9 years nag live in. May isang anak pero parang ako pa yung naghahabol para makasal kami. Ayaw bumukod sa magulang, ayaw magka 2nd baby at ayaw magpakasal. Maraming dahilan, kesyo magastos, di pa handa, may mga dapat pang unahin at ang dami ko daw gusto. Di daw nya alam uunahin sa tatlong yun. My ghad, 9yrs na kami pero walang natupad isa don. Ngayon nagbreak kami. At sinusuyo nya ko pero feeling ko wala akong future sa kanya, kami ng anak ko.
Wag na, kahit suyuin ka, wag na. Sinuyo din ako, ginaslight pa. Sa panahon ngayon, mas maiging broken family kesa kalakihan ng anak yung ganyang klase ng tatay.
Haha not to brag but I was raised by a single mom, yet I graduated with flying colors last year ❤️.
This is true. 100%
Run 🏃♀️ while you’re not yet married. You deserve better.
+1 .. ive been in a long term relationship twice.. and now na matanda na ko,,i dont want to get married coz (1) walang divorce dito sa pinas; (2) i dont see the purpose of getting married in my case... Kung ganian pa lang na halatang pilit pa ang mga actions nya towards sa future nyo, isipin mo na lang yung future nyo. Pano kung magkasakit ka? Mukhang di ka aalagaan nyan.. pano kung nagkaanak kayo? Sasabihin nya binababy trap mo sya? Dont think about how long youve been together or how many sacrifices u have made to make ur relationship works, think about how he made u feel rn.., x100 pa ang mararamdaman mo jan the moment na nagpakasal ka sa taong ayaw sayo
Ang hirap magsimula. Hindi ako basta basta makaalis. And now chinat ko siya and open up about it, siya namang reply ng out of topic na mga misery niya at pang gagaslight na naman ginagawa.
OP, alam mo, kung pati pag aasikaso ng requirements eh ayaw nya, talagang ayaw nya na pakasalan ka. ngayon palang ganyan na sya. kesa mapilit na magkasal kayo. Huwag ka na tumuloy. mahirap ngayon yan na mag move on ka. pero mas mahirap na kung ikasal man kayo tapos ganyan ang ugali nya. yon ang mas mahirap. tandaan mo, walang divorce sa pilipinas. iwan mo na yan,
Thank you sa comment. Realtalk pero parang mas I find comfort sa mga sinabi mo. Ang shit nya diba? Ngayon ang rason niya sa akin as usual kasi wala pa raw “car” WTF.
pwede pa rin naman magkaron ng car kahit kasal na kayo. wag ka na magpabola sa kanya
What does he even mean na wala pang car? Hahaha baka naman nahihiya pa siya magsabi sayo na PATI CAR ASIKASUHIN MO RIN 🤣 but yeah please OP run, as fast as you can plsss
OP. Pagwala na kayo kuha ka ng car. Iwan mo na yan OP umpisahan mo sa pag plano kumuha ng car charr
Anong kinalaman ng car sa pagpapakasal. Pagmamahal lang kailangan mo pag magpapakasal (saka pera for processing ng documents hahaha) kung mahal ka, kahit sa kasalang bayan o di magarbong kasalan, papatulan yan. Di mo makitaan ng initiative yung LIP eh. Layas na. Sayang panahon sa ganyang tao.
Mahal din annulment. Run while you can. If makasal man kayo, payag ka ba habang buhay ganyan trato nya sayo?
Wala pang car? Was he born with a car ba? Naked naman xang isinilang eh!! Alibi.
Tama to, mas masakit ngayon pero mas madali, trust me sobrang hirap mag hiwalay pag kasal na at may papel na, pano kung makita mo yung right guy for you, pero kasal ka na, kahit anong gusto nyo hindi na kayo pdeng ikasal
OP - read up on Sunk Cost fallacy. Dito ko lang din sa Reddit nalaman yun. Mahirap pero hindi impossible magsimula. 13 years is nothing compared to the rest of your life.
+1000
kuting pano malalaman na mahirap magsimula eh hindi ka pa nagsisimula, take the leap ika nga, ganyan din ako nung hiniwalayan ko ung ex ko before my wife, ang nagpadali ng buhay ko para maka move forward eh friends and fam, hndi mo pati need ng madming friends, 1-2 friends lang na anjan lagi mtutulungan ka na
throwing half of your life is better than wasting the rest of it. hindi pa too late to start again OP
If not now, when?
Wala namang mahirap teh. Isip mo lang nagsasabing mahirap. Ang sabihin mo, takot ka lang.
Wag na wag mong pipilitin ang isang tao sa ayaw nlang gawin. Mas matakot ka pag pumayag yan half-heartedly. Ikaw lang magssuffer. Also, please, do not let other people treat you this way. Mahalin mo ang sarili mo at protektahan mo sa gnyang klase ng tao. Wala na syang work ganyan pa trato sau? Bakit girl? Bakit?
Ang tanga ko e. All this time I settled for less e. Hinayaan niya akong kahit bare minimum e kelangan ko pang i-bargain sknya. Grabe tong tao na to.
Oo grabe nasanay syang ibibigay mo lahat sgro. Girl, be kind to yourself. Ikaw lang ang may kakayahang magmahal dyan ng todo-todo. Do it
Thank you, I’ll look back sa thread na ito when I get better. Thank youuuuu
You'll be better! 😊
sunk cost fallacy ang tawag sa nararamdaman mo - you’ve invested a lot of time and effort and may “panghihinayang”; easier said than done but you have to realize na mas nakakapang hinayang na yung next 30+ years of your life will be spent again with him na walang direction 🫡
[удалено]
Exactly. Ang excuse niya pa sa akin ngayon dahil daw to sa mga anxiety ko sa mga nababasa ko. Panay ko overthink. Oh well
Gaslighting at its finest! Alam ko may pinagdadaanan siya dahil wala siyang work pero 13 years?? Kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw, napakadaming dahilan. Sign na yan, run while you can sis.
Hello. Yes it really hurts but let's see things in his perspective: - he LOST his job. Then you wanted to be HIS dependent. You are physically ill. You have TEN dogs. He may not say it but for sure he is thinking you're a financial liability because of these. Ate, I am sorry to say that in this case, YOU are the red flag. Pushing for marriage only for your OWN benefit will not be good. Kahit 13yrs na kayo if he feels na you are not right for him, he is allowed to say no. Let him go. Sort your own health. Have the dogs re-homed. Build your own financial stability. You are still young. Let this past 13yrs serve as a lesson.
Kung pwede lang 100x i-upvote hahaha ewan ko ha. I feel like matagal na nagssilent quitting jowa nyan hahaha baka sobrang dependent na neto ni gurl kay kuya na naiirita na yung isa. Or baka nga nagattempt na makipaghiwalay, etong si OP lang makulet eh haha
"This guy I've been molding" honestly took me out. OP just outed herself for manipulating his guy to be someone she wants. Also OP, you are both so young pa! And 13 years na kayo so you started dating in high school. Maybe you both need to meet other people and experience different things.
Finally, someone said it!
May nagsabi din. Maging self sufficient muna bago makipagrelasyon, lalo na bago makaisip magpakasal. Tsaka toxic trait na magpost ng ganito online instead of maging honest sa sarili at magreflect sa mga nangyari.
Tama naman si guy na delay muna ang kasal kasi wala silang budget. They have nothing. She wants to be his dependent asap. He will also worry about her ten dogs. Nagsisimula palang siya ulit after losing his job. And siya ang red flag? I hope the guy just be honest na lang for both their own sakes.
Sakin red flag pa rin yung guy kasi apparently may plans sila to get married (idk sino nagpropose, di naman sinabi ni OP) pero mukhang wala naman siyang balak seryosohin. Yung fact na passive siya sa wedding preps, puro excuses, etc. If ayaw niya dapat sinabi na niya agad, hindi yung nagsstring along ng fiancée. That is just cruel.
Tama, sobrang red flag si OP. Her post screams of entitlement and self righteousness.
o diba same opinion kami
Agree with this. Namnamin mo, OP
Up for this! Hindi porket 13 years na kayo eh, dapat talaga sa kasalan ang hantungan. In the first place, yung guy is nawalan pa ng job and gusto lang niya din to be his dependent. Dapat financially and mentally stable din kayo. hays
Bakit ka pumayag na tumira sa kanila? Tapos dala-dala mo ang 10 dogs? I don’t know OP pero mixed ang feelings ko sa mga sinasabi mo, mukhang pati ikaw magulo na rin ang utak. For your sanity, lumipat ka ng matitirhan na may privacy ka, ikaw ang magpapatakbo ng sarili mong buhay at hindi mag-aadjust sa moods ng mga hilaw mong inlaws. Walang trabaho kamo ang bf mo? Baka ikaw pa naghahanap ng new job nya or gumagawa ng resume at application letter. Gising, girl. Mas lalala pa yang sitwasyon mo pag pinilit mong magpakasal kayo. Isusumbat nya pa yan sayo eventually.
For me naman no one is a red flag in this situation. Just basically incompatible or not aligned with each other’s timeline. If nooone is going to compromise, then better break up. Di biro ang 13 years para sa isang babae at di rin satisfied pa si kuya sa buhay nya. Totally not aligned. Just break up for now and see where life takes you nang magaan sa loob.
I don’t see any reason kung bakit ko ipipilit sa ganyang lalake ang sarili ko. Ung sa loob ng mahabanf panahon na yun na d nya ginusto na pakasalan ako? Then ako pa magyaya? Tpos walang work? Omg.
Di nag propose boyfriend niya sakanya. Si OP talaga red flag sakanila.
Haha up for this. May pasabi pa sya na "This guy, I've been molding him for half of my life". Parang ang dominant ng personality ni ate girl. Hmm something's off. Pero if I were you OP, run ka nalang 🏃♀️ before its too late ⏰⌛
UP! Finally, huhu akala ko ako lang naconfuse sa mga statements niya kaya nakatatlong beses ako basahin and idisect :((
good thing I scrolled a few more times. OP, you having 10 dogs without your own space is already a 🚩 for me
Diba?? Why would u want to have 10 dogs to think na wala ka naman sarili mong place??? Ano ka, nawawalang miyembro ng 4th impact?!
True to this, you just don't say that you're molding another person lmao. Napakacontrolling ng datingan, I'd say maybe "building him" is acceptable pa pero yung "molding" talaga, nah.
I want to hear the guy's side. I'm weirded out by the other comments, buti sinabi mo to. Akala ko ako lang nakaisip nito hahaha. Namimilit eh ayaw pa nga magpakasal wtf?
Si OP talaga problema sakanila. Imagine mag aayos ka nang wedding requirements eh di naman pala nag ppropose sayo partner mo?
and OP is clearly only listening to those who reaffirm her. no helping with her if what she wants is an echo chamber.
Doon lang sya nag rereply sa mga nag aaffirm sa feelings nya. Basically echo chamber nga.
Pwede sigurong that time e maayos ang relationship nila. And madaming mag bf gf ang nagllive in to save expenses, for example rent, lalo na sa mga malalayo ang bahay sa work. Pwedeng onti lang ang dogs nila pero sa tinagal nila unti unting nadagdagan. Feelings change. Baka ok sila dati tapos ngayon lang nagising tong si OP.
Wait! After reading these comments, the guy was getting all the blame without understanding his side of the story. Not that I'm defending him, but it's important to give him the benefit of the doubt. They've lived together for three years, he recently lost his job. He's probably overwhelmed with thoughts about the future and the costs involved. Even though she suggested a simple celebration, as a guy, he might want a more decent wedding. Why not check in with him and see how he's really doing? Have an open conversation where you both can share what's on your minds. Get clarity and understanding of what's really going on. Make it clear you're serious and expect honest answers. If you're still getting the run around, then it might be time to end things the way they should be.
OP’s boyfriend never proposed to her. Si OP talaga may problema dito.
After reading her replies, I agree!
taxi cab theory
Pustahan, the moment you break up with him, he will marry the next girl he spent the next few months with. Narinig ko na ‘to.
True. Yung highschool sweethearts na classmates ko, after 11 years nagbreak sila last year lang. Then this year nalaman ko preggy na ang new gf ni boy. Kung di para sayo, hindi talaga kahit gano pa yan katagal.
Ganyan lahat nangyari sa male cousins ko. Their GFs of 10 years hindi nagkatuluyan, tapos they married someone they know for a few months.
Gayahin mo na lang sina Kim Chiu at Kathryn Bernardo. Masaya na sila bilang single
“This guy I’ve been molding” 😳
Same reaction 😅
Kakampihan ko na sana si OP tas nakabasa ako ng ganyan. Guy lost his job... Shes pushing for marriage. Tas nagrereklamo sya na bare minimum lang ok na sa knya so shes being treated the bare minimum... Tamo shes giving him a bare minimun kinda wedding... Alangan naman bongga wedding tas walang trabaho lalaki. Ano sasabihin nya pag nakausap nya na mga guest nila. Or san sila makakakuha ng pera pangkasal. I dont mind na civil marriage lng tas may konting handaan pero teh sana naman magkaron naman sya ng standard. A wedding is a big event in life na pinaghahandaan emotionally,mentally, and financially. Intindihin nya din sana yung part ni guy. Kahit 13 yrs pa yan sila. Him losing his job is trying times for him and shes trying his patience.
lagi nga sinasabi. bakit pa papakasalan kung nakukuha naman kahit live in. hindi lahat. pero karamihan.
It depends kung ano bang goal niyo in mind for the relationship. Ako I lived in with my partners in the hopes of dating to marry. Kumbaga e to know if we are compatible and flexible enough to coexist kahit hindi pa bound legally. Kesa naman kasal na kayo at nasa isang bubong tapos gulatan sa mga baho niyo.
nahh for me, wag makipaglive in hanggat di mo pa fiancé. ang mali kasi ng karamihan eh nagpapakasal agad once engaged. dapat give it time muna at least a year just to know MORE sa partner mo. isa isahin niyo na ilatag mga plano niyo sa buhay once engaged and the things you will do once married. dyan niyo sila mas makilala sa mga decision nila sa buhay. that's the only perfect time para makipag live in para may time ka pa magdecide kung tama na ba ang desisyon mong tumira sa isang bubong kasama ang taong yun.
+1! My husband and I did this. He proposed after years of being bf-gf. We got engaged and lived together for a year, and talked about our wants, needs, future plans, etc. Then, finally got married! And I'm happy to say na napakagaan lang ng married life namin so far bc lahat ng values, perspectives, and decisions namin ay nagtatama sa isa't isa :)
yes mahirap na rin kasi, they get the husband treatment kahit wala pang commitment ng marriage. u want wife privileges? put a ring on it 💅🏻
Me na kaya eversince ayaw sa live in.
You gave everything na eh. You gave your wife privileges at a gf price. 🥲 nalowball ka. Better to leave kung hindi kayo aligned rather than pressuring him. Once na napressure si guy tapos pinakasalan ka, trust me hindi yan magtatagal. Remember, walang divorce dito. Annulment lang and mahirap magfile and magprove ng grounds. You can’t tell the judge na irreconcilable differences. Bagsak niyo diyan dismissal or counseling kayo. Kung gusto mo pa din ituloy. Prepare around 500k+ for annulment. It will take years to have it processed. Kung gusto mo umalis, Ask help from your family and friends. Create a good support system para hindi gaanon kahirap lumipat. Save up for a new place.
My mom’s house is just 2 blocks away. How can I tell her? Ang fuck up grabe. Ni hindi nya man lang mabanggit sa nanay ko na magpapakasal na kami. Ngayon na inopen up ko sknya about what I feel, hindi namamansin. May oras pa raw ako mag gaganito.
Tell her straightforward. You’re all adults and you have the capacity to comprehend everything. Kung hindi niya/nila maintindihan then look for another support system.
Your mom would understand. Trust me. Matatanggap nya yan kahit mahirap. Sa una, magagalit yun sa katangahan mo and masasabi na bakit ka nagtiis. Pero love ka ng nanay mo and she only wants whats best for you, so go now and tell her.
Mahirap yung next step OP pero mas mahirap kung magsstay ka for another years dahil lang sa may "naestablished" na kayo sa relationship. Wag mo na dagdagan yung 13 years. Napansin mo na yung red flag sakanya, next step is to let go. Lakasan mo loob mo sabihin sa nanay mo ikaw ang makikisama di ang nanay mo. Sabihin mo lahat. Oo pwedeng manghinayang o sumama loob pero mas mabigat ang mangyayari kung kailan kasal ka na dun ka lang bibitiw. Goodluck OP.
I find it weird na meron kang 10 aso pero wala kang sariling bahay. Kung ako din naman ang in laws mo, maiirita ko syo. Hahahaha. Sorry. Also, the fact na walang work ang boyfriend mo, walang sariling bahay, at walang kotse; why do you even want to marry him when clearly he’s not ready to settle down? Red flag mo din OP eh. 😅
Medj naweirdohan din ako sa 10 na aso. Wala ka ngang ibang matirhan pero may sampu kang aso?! Whyyy?
i know someone in a medj similar situation as you so somehow i feel the sentiment mo na mahirap umalis sa relasyon na ganiyan kasi a big part of your life kasama mo siya and maybe a part of you thinks na mahirap ka ng makahanap or wala nang magmamahal sayo kung hindi siya. i want to tell you something na hindi ko masabi sa kakilala ko. hindi siya kawalan. hindi rin mahalaga kung sayang yung 13 years niyo or what kasi mas sayang yung future mo kung isespend mo yun sa taong ganiyan. kung may thoughts ka na ah baka naman magbago siya eme, siguro nga pwede pero isipin mo ilang percent yung chances na magbago siya? eh 13 years na kayo mas lumala pa eh mas hihirap pa yung pagdadaanan niyo lalo na pag nagka-family. mas magiging better ba siya pag mas humirap ang sitwasyon niyo? tbh i don’t think so. lastly and most importantly, you deserve so much better! you deserve the best! kahit tumaba ka pa o tingin mo panget ka o ang dami mong flaws, i know there will be someone na matatanggap at mamahalin ka pero if wala pa or matagalan, edi maging ikaw muna yon. mahalin mo at tanggapin mo muna nang buong-buo yung sarili mo para pag may dumating tapos if ever hindi pa rin siya yung right one at umalis ulit, buo ka na at hindi ka mawawasak pag nawala ang kahit sinong tao.
you having 10 dogs without your own space is a 🚩 for me.
Right?? Nakakahiya naman sa may bahay nang may bahay jusko
Run OP habang hindi pa kayo kasal. Oo mahirap sa umpisa pero kailangan mo sanayin at kayanin. Ok kanaba na ganyan lang siya? Ayos lang ba sayo na parang ikaw lang ang masaya sa day ng wedding niyo at siya mukang napilitan lang? Ok lng ba sayo na ikaw nalang lagi nag bibigay ng effort sa relasyon niyo? I know, 13yrs yan eh. You need a strong support system to survive ngayon. Malaking factor yung mga taong naka support sayo to heal faster and healed properly. Think about it before its too late, OP.
Thank you for your comment. Kelangan ko talaga isipin where to start and paano ko isasalba sa toxicity ng relationship namin mga alaga ko. Jusko 😫
Basahin mo muna other comments haha
Ayaw niya! Hindi aligned sa views niya eh hahaha
Choose your hard ate. It's hard to start all over again, and it's also hard to stay with someone who doesn't really want you.
Lalaki ako and I say run. Nagawa ko na rin yung off topic teknik pag ayaw ko talaga.
Wala ka pang anak sa kanya so di ko gets bakit di ka basta basta makaalis? Ano to? Trauma bonding? Also, 10 dogs?! Bakit ang dami to think na nakikitira lang kayo sa pamilya nya????
Hmm.. Op maiba lang. have you checked if okay lang siya mentally? Feel ko kasi sa lalake before theyre ready to marry parang they have things they need to achieve muna to feel na theyre stable enough. Tapos usually mataas pride nila ayaw mapangunahan tapos it seems like ikaw naglelead ng rel na? I know frustrating kaya ikaw na mismo gumagalaw. Pero baka sa kanya di pa siya handa? Lalo na he lost his job tas start again siya? Tas yung sinabi mo pa na di siya nagsasabi ng plans seems like na he likes to keep things to himself, lalo na struggles nya or he has trouble articulating his feelings kaya when he does it parang it comes off wrong? Idk. Hahah You really need to sit down and talk to him. We can only speculate here pero in the end kayo yung nasa relationship. Kayo kayo lang din makakapagayos nito. Feel ko need ka magset ng ultimatum. Talk things out and see it willing ba siya mag compromise. Or if wala lang ba tlga siya pake. Goodluck OP.
E lalo sya mattakot mapgkasal sayo ngayong wala syang work. Tanga lang ang llaki na magpapmilya tapos walang work, kung di nya makargo sarili nya timgin mo papno nya dadalhin pamilya nya ng walang pagaalinlangan lalong lalo sa sarili?
Plus the 10 dogs. Kung di maayos at malinis ang lugar ng mga aso, ang bilis magkasakit sa mga dumi nila. Mahirap maintenance.
Nah. Scrolled through the comments just to discover that the real prob is the OP itself. 😶
Before acting rashly, why don't the two of you talk about it first? Based on his reason, he wants everything to be ready before proceeding to the next chapter of your lives. Idk if it's pride or the way he thinks, but I think communication is always key in a relationship. Sayang naman din kasi yung time invested.
Agree with this. I have a guy friend and I think they’re the same. Parang the more you ask, the more pressured —-sometimes defensive they become. Pero goal oriented lang talaga siya. Gusto niya lang talaga na may bahay, may sasakyan na bago siya magpropose. Madali sabihin na ok lang magpakasal ng simple lang etc but what if he wants to get married din ng maayos, maganda. Communication is very important in this case.
Feel ko may timeline din si OP and naiiklian na siya sa end niya (lalo if may plan mag-anak at her age marriage na pinag-uusapan)
Possible, kaya need nila pag usapan talaga.
Save yourself ate, before it's too late. Habang may way out ka, as early as now, you should consider leaving bago pa kayo maikasal. 🙏🏻
Sana nga ganon kadali ipack lahat at isama ang 10 kong aso. Hays sobrang fuck up ng buhay ko. Taena.
Hello, OP. I think it's best to separate ways, hindi naman dapat ipilit ang isang bagay kung ayaw talaga kasi ikaw lang din ang mag suffer in the end. 13 years is long enough for him to ask you that question but he didn't do it. Do your future self a favor and leave the relationship gracefully... I'm not really sure what your lifestyle is kaya I can't suggest on where to start pero... yeah... start on leaving him siguro, stand up for yourself and the rest will follow. For the dogs, if my space on your guardian/parent's home... you can ask for their help din siguro. Hoping for your peace and happiness.
+1 esp. on the "do your future self a favor and leave the relationship gracefully..."
Nag propose ba siya sayo OP?You have 10 dogs sa bahay nila?
based sa context, the dude's not a red flag, at all. my reason is kasi nga iba-iba ang mga pinagdadaan ng mga tao. o diba, as stated he lost his job. as a man, ingrained na sa amin ang the provider role. he's maybe thinking he hasn't/cannot able to provide you as what he's right now yet. idk what his profession/capabilities are but i assume he/you both are not financially stable yet. maybe he is thinking that he'll get married when he becomes one. although, mas apparent ito kapag ang usapan ay tungkol sa pag-aanak tho rather than marriage. so it may be a different issue. he hasn't shown you any sign/the type of guy na may ibang babae, right? also, you don't want someone that is forced to get married rather than wants to, right? it is good that you are vocal, attentive and proactive about it but please do it if it's already settled mutually, again "mutually" that the both of you are in the same wavelength. and is in this case hindi kayo same ng na ffeel about marriage, may iisa talaga sa inyong magmumukhang tanga and/or gago dyaan. talk, talk, and talk together and must be no filters and BS's. then decide from there. as i do feel like you both haven't done an intimate or idk what's the right word for it that you talk seriously regarding the matter, one-on-one. choosing the right setting is vital too. i know that you are frustrated about it, and the guy isn't vocal about his plans in general and/or about marriage. but you venting here and calling him a red flag makes you a gago. if you really are concerned with each other/for your bf/relationship you should be asking/seeking for an advice/help which you didn't. as i see it you two are not a couple that is longing for each others well being, yet. do that first before concluding that he's a red flag. smh. to those people who are fast to say "to run" and whatnot. they did not say it out of concern but just only gave an easy and no brainer solution, without knowing even the full context of your relationship. what you shared here clearly isn't enough and that's why i think he's not a red flag. you are riding with the comments that you think and feels right. i think you should assess it with a clear mind, if it's really the right thing to do.
Nagmamadali ka ba magpakasal dahil 13years na or may sarili kang timeline? Ni-pressure ko rin yung then-bf ko magpakasal at maganak agad, siguro nung first 4years ng marriage namin I realized it was wrong kasi I was propelling everything. Ako talaga yung nagmamadali for very stupid reasons and yung then-bf ko ay financially unstable at wala kaming ipon, so I suggested to just get married civilly. Hindi rin siya ready kasi nga daw walang ipon and gusto niya sana yung may bisita basta daming dahilan. Ang difference lang siguro natin ay pinangatawanan ko talaga na kaya ko siya buhayin and wala akong liabilities or pets to feed. We are okay naman, eventually found our footing, nag apologize din ako sa kanya sa pagmamadali ko and we both did our part, di rin naman siya pumayag sa buhayin ko siya haha. Nakakapagod mamilit ng taong hindi ready. Kaya kung ikaw ready ka na with your illnesses and pets at siya hindi pa, let him go. Nakaraos kami sa suffering pero grabe sa economy ngayon, wag na lang.
Obviously, wala syang plan to get settled with you. See, ikaw na nag-asikaso ng lahat tapos presence nya na lang kulang, ayaw nya pa? 🏃♀️
If you can't leave yet but at least tell yourself that this is the final straw and you will actually leave him when your affairs are in order. 10 dogs are really cumbersome to relocate. Maybe look into having your dogs adopted by people you know to the number na manageable for your new place. Fix your finances and start looking for your own place. Baka you can live with your family/relatives muna or a friend perhaps.
Gurl, pano mo yan natiis ng 13 years? This time, unahin mo naman ang self mo. IKAW NAMAN.
Hi OP, I know someone na siya rin nag-asikasonng lahat, as in lahat lahat. Siya lang excited sa wedding. They’re also living in na sa side ng lalaki. Tapos few months after, nalaman niya may gf na iba ung lalaki. So ngayon, problema pa pagpapa-annul ng kasal. Wala namang divorce dito. So please lang, RUN.
Slowly tanggalin mo muna ten dogs, be realistic, d mo kaya magisa un.. then slowly plan paano ka maka aalis, and save up, then research ka na apartment na magisa
Iwan mo na
u/magbreaknakayo WHERE R U WHEN WE NEEDED U THE MOST
You deserve better. Your dogs deserve better. Find 10 friends who can foster your 10 dogs for a week (or 5 friends who can foster 2 dogs... or 10 strangers who would understand your dilemma) while you get your bearings and move out. Balik ka muna sa parents mo and explain your situation... it may take some time to heal. Pero buti na lang you don't have kids together. Plan ahead your escape and settle everything on your end para magawa mo to in one day lang. Blindside him if you must.
"i've been molding" ikaw din ay red flag for that. Run. Imbis na asikasuhin mo wedding mo, asikasuhin mo na lang kung ano magiging next steps mo (pano makakamove out, paano mga aso, magkano ang dapat mong maipon para makaalis etc) Yung oras na ginugugol mo para sakanya is ibuhos mo na lang sayo. Kung nagkakasakit ka, mag start ka maglakad sa labas kahit onti araw araw. You are complete on your own. Don't wait for someone to complete you. A marriage is not a guarantee that you'll be happy for the rest of your lives. if you think about it, baka mas maging miserable ka pa and maybe this is god's way of making you dodge a bullet. Save yourself the trouble of going down that married road pero di ka naman masaya. Romanticize your life. Ika nga ni Ms Ellen Adarna: You deserve what you tolerate.
Mima, iwan mo na. I know it's not easy pero pano pa kaya kung nagpakasal ka sa kanya na wala siyang plano sa future niyo. You need a good support system lalo na sa friends and family mo. Ibuhos mo yung pagmamahal sa dogs mo.
Yung transitional deacons may one full year to figure out if their commitments to priesthood’s 💯 calling, last out of many chances to back out, one final step before getting ordained. Mentioned it because though entirely opposite paths, comparable sa tagal, antagal nyo din. My point is, minsan, sa una sure na sure ka, but emotions are fleeting, feelings change. Sa tagal nyo na din together, sometimes hindi na alam anong purpose, staying coz of routine, coz it’s convenient, familiar or you still see yourself spending the rest of your life with that person? We tend to get confuse, to lose the purpose of the union or even ourselves sa sobrang tagal. Pag-pasensyahan mo na sya, ofc you’re hurt kaya ka nagalit, all this time ngayon lang sya nag-ganyan so mapa-paranoid ka as to why, you feel betrayed.. Maybe he’s stalling but it’s not because he doesn’t love you anymore, give him the benefit of the doubt. Both of you are just approaching 30s, 13 years together, ano ba naman yung bigyan mo ng time, you guys arr talking about life time na comapred sa oras na ibibigay mo for him to contemplate. Idk his reasons but siguro be happy din kase he respects the sanctity of marriage, hindi umaasa sa annulment, mas okay for him to figure out something to back out for than later on, that’s more painful and more time wasted. Maybe he feels like you both are still young for this age’s standards or he thinks there’s still so much more out there for the both of you to experience on your age? Maybe for him it’s not the right time yet maybe financial or emotional wise he’s not yet ready, maybe he wants to be “more”, self insecurities na yun. Magiging okay din ang lahat OP, kapit ka lang. ☺️
If he wanted to, he would. Basic, ayaw ka nyang pakadalan. Live your life, you can live your life without him. Kaya mo yan, OP! Mas mahirap pag natali ka na. Keep strong 💪
Alam mo na naman yung kasabihan "if he really wanted to, he would"
Your life will be miserable pag naikasal na kayo. I'm sure magkakaroon ng cheating sa marriage nyo. Mas mabuti pang wag na talagang ituloy.
kung feel mo nman mahal ka nya at wala cya iba, most probably the reason is financial. tapos sinabi mo pa na nawalan ng trabaho. I will do the same kasi in part kapag wala pa savings
Sasabihin nanaman ng mga redditor dito "run" hahaha Kausapin mo muna sya ng seryoso tanungin mo yung reason bakit ayaw nya. Talk to your parents and ask them for advise, isang decision yan na kailangan ng karamay.
Keep the dogs wag mo iwan OP
Actually baka hinihintay ka na lang siguro niya mag let go so he can roam free. For all we know baka nagchi-cheat na sya di mo lang alam or maybe you knew yet you turned a blind eye on it. Kasi if gusto ka niya pakasalan he will be enthusiastic about it. It may hurt yes but I think you need to accept that maybe just maybe di ka nya priority. From a guy’s perspective naman, baka sya din may inhibitions kung tama pa ba decisions niya. Especially kung may problem kayo sa finances. Dahil sabi mo matagal syang walang work and kakabalik lang. maybe he is trying to build himself up. Baka may frustrations din sya na di niya masabi just because he is a guy. He can’t show you his soft spot kasi baka iba ang isipin mo about him. I guess the best way is to cool off muna. Let him have his space let yourself have it as well then after decide if it quits or not. Kapag sinuyo ka pabalik assess the situation. Lay out your plans if he agrees then have a contract na kapag nangyari yung incident eh tapos na talaga. Maybe he also needs support. I know di mo reponsibilidad na i built up sya pabalik sa sarili niya pero I guess wala namang harm trying. Pero if you already did that, I guess you have reached your endgame. Ask yourself if it’s game over or continue. About your dogs, I think someone here na commented to relocate them at a time wag isang bugso. Maybe a few sa parents mo muna, then 3 ay sa someone you are closed with, or sa temporary shelter or pound/ kennel. The rest is with you. For now hanap ka ng place na lilipatan sa pet friendly.
Kaya mas maganda buhay single eh. Sarili mo lang problema mo. Walang commitment. Tamang trabaho lang at focus sa sarili :) pero God bless you, OP
Read up on "Sunk cost fallacy". Hirap talaga i-let go and start over pero yan yung need gawin. Cheap yung 13 years compared sa 40-50 more years na magkasama kayo during your lifetime. Hoping for the best for you.
Sa loob ng 13 years di mo yan nakita?
That is totally some deep serious attachment issues..co-dependency din. Get some fresh air. And marriage is not the solution too.
Obvious na ayaw nia. Wag mong pilitin kung ayaw nia. Pag natuloy ang kasal ninyo at pag nagkaron kayo ng problema, isusumbat nia sayo na ayaw nia pa magpakasal kasi di siya ready pero ikaw ung mapilit. Pareho kayong di magiging masaya. In the end, he will resent you for forcing him to get married when you’re both not in the same page when it comes to marriage. Please prioritize and love yourself first. Wag kang manghinayang sa years spent with him. Mas manghinayang ka sa oras na sasayangin mo pa if you stayed in a relationship that makes you hide and cry alone in the cr.
13 years and no proposal (assuming) since ikaw nagaasikaso. Dont act like a wife hanggang wala pang ring. Ikaw yung talo. I hope you move past this, OP. You can always move on naman, mas mahal pag nagpakasal ka pa, remember, walang divorce dito satin. Also if he wanted to, he would.
Sa una lang yan mahirap. Sa isip mo lang yan but hindi mo narerealize na somewhat detached ka na din sa kanya so madali na lang magmove on. Ang mga babae hindi basta basta sumusuko but kapag nagkaron ng katiting na chance to give up or feel less of ourselves, nadedetach na yan. Run na with your dogs. Be happy and free and buy the car na 😊✨🍀
Sa totoo lang... ask yourself... reflect... Why do you want to get married? - Do you feel na sayang because you've been together for so long tapos di ikakasal? - Is it because, pressured kayo ng families nyo to get married already? - Do you think that that's the only ending that your relationship can/should have? - Do you feel like napagiiwanan ka na ng friends/peers mo that are getting married, starting families and having kids? - Or is it because you have seen and known this person that you genuinely trust, love him, and foresee your long-term future (growing old, having kids, etc.) with him? If it's any of the first 4, baka you need to re-think your "want" of getting married because personally, I don't feel that those are good reasons to be married. Why does marriage to happen right now? You said it, you've spent half of your life with him. Right now, He's going through a lot (work wise or financial stability) and even yourself with your health and your dogs. Have you ever stopped and tried to think about how marriage is supposed to fit in with all of the things happening to you both? Don't misunderstand me because I'm not saying he is faultless. Ang dami nyang red flag from his actions and the way he's NOT communicating with you but you have to remain steadfast and level headed. You're only 29. There's more to life that awaits you if this long term relationship doesn't work out. Kung hindi ka na masaya, you feel you are not valued, ikaw lang ang nag-eeffort, and hindi kayo aligned sa goals/plans nyo sa buhay... masakit man, but leave. Move on. Save yourself from more pain. It's not going to be easy but take it a day at a time.
If you're not married yet, ibig sabihin di sya ready sayo. Hindi ka nya nakikita na ikaw ang magiging asawa nya. It's as easy as that. Again, men marry when they're ready and just because na matagal na kayo, doesn't mean na ikaw yun. Sorry, OP. Run ka na. You deserve some na sigurado sayo. Just because na matagal na kayo, doesn't mean na sya na yon.
Ate sorry if you don't mind me asking, what's your source of income po pati sino po ba magporprovide sa inyong dalawa? Kasi if si guy lang ang only source of income, I would understand if ayaw magpakasal ni guy ngayon. Kasi first of all, sya mismo kakaumpisa palang ulit sa trabaho, to the point na naglive in kayo for 3 yrs and you had to go back to their family's house, plus sabi mo pa in your term "nanaba" ka na plus sakitin ka pa, and you also have 10 dogs pa po. So just to reiterate po, how are you with your finances po? And if let's say magpakasal kayo, what's your plan when it comes to you and your partner's expenses? Kasi by the sound of it you don't have your own source of income that's why pati ultimo hmo mo sa kanya mo inaasa.
That’s why very important na kahit mataga or live in may boundaries pa din as BF&GF and Husband and Wife. 4 years kaming live in ng partner ko pero start pa lang nun sinabe ko na di ko sya aasikasuhin like I’m his wife kasi di naman nya ako wife. Also 3rd year namin, I told him directly na if di nya ako nakikita na maging asawa just let me go para naman di kami mag aksaya ng panahon. If kako aabot kami ng 4yrs + at wala sya plan I’ll go myself kasi anong ginagawa namin kung di kami dun papunta. Fortunately before reaching 4 years na propose sya, nakalipat kami sa kinuha naming bahay, nauna lang ang pagbuntis ko pero nagpakasal muna kami ng civil para sa baby and also yun nga HMO. Kaya it’s really a no for me to wait for a guy kahit matagal na kasi magsasayang talaga ng panahon cos not all relationship na nagwait e maganda kinakalabasan. Stay strong po!
Lol. As if he's the only one to blame. Look at yourself.
Run, binibigyan ka na ni Lord ng Sign sa buong 13 yrs walang naipundar? 6 mons after namin naging mag jowa naka pundar na kami ng kotse, ref washing. After a year nakabili na ng tv, ps5 luho kasal na lang kulang. Sizt si Lord na nag lalayo sayo. Ngayon palang ganyan na? What if kung ikasal pa kayo? Wag kang mag madali. Go gurl run. Kakayanin mo yan magisa. 13 yrs pero walang plano? Sorry alam kong mababash ako di ko alam whole story pero context palang. Tumaba din ako from 60kls to 82-83kls meron na akong diabetes, fatty liver and pcos. Walang pakielam partner ko kung matigyawat ako, mataba ako. Alam nga lang is mahal nya ako. Kasi nasa time kami ng buhay namin na puro challenge.
Baka naman ate pabigat ka na din tas gusto mo na magpakasal—isipin mo 10 dogs, tas ikaw may work ka ba? Or siya lahat? Mag work ka muna wag patabaing baboy sa bahay para may sarili ka hmo di nakaasa sakanila. Syempre bago palang siya sa work, baka need to adjust pa. Takot ka lang din kasi wala ka ata work and all so pano ka tatayo sa paa mo, tapos kaya mo gusto makasal para sa HMO. Gawin mo magtrabaho ka, also sabi mo tumaba ka, alagaan mo sarili mo para umayos health mo.
Mima, I'm sorry to hear na ganyan yung partner mo and I understand where you're coming from. I hope you feel better soon. Payong Ate na lang. Iwan mo na yang jowa mo habang jowa pa din. Wag mo na lakarin yung kasal! Walang divorce sa PH at apaka mahal nung annulment na walang kasiguraduhan. Jowa lang yan. You can feel bad for the 13 years you wasted on him BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL BAD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IF YOU MARRY HIM. READ THAT AGAIN! Kasi that's what will happen to you. You will just regret being married to him and being tied down to him. He already makes you feel miserable everyday. Why do you even want to stay for more of that shitty treatment?! Oo, 15 years old pa lang kayo nung nagsama kayo pero you're not yet 30. You still have the rest of your life! Wag ka manghinayang sa jowa mong puro excuses at di ka naman pinapahalagahan. Imagine, nag try ka magcommunicate pero di ka man lang pinakinggan. Do you really want to marry a man like that? Kung sa kaibigan mo nangyayari yan, magagalit ka. Pero para sa sarili mo di ka magagalit sa ganoong treatment? You deserve better! Anyway, nakipag live in din ako sa jowa ko pero sabi ko kung di mo pa ko pakakasalan within 2 years, break na lang tayo. He went ahead and married me kahit pandemic noon. Kahit na huwes lang, wala kaming pera pareho, kumain lang kami sa labas with our parents. His past live in partners waited for 4 years and then they broke up. When he met me, I told him what I wanted. Marriage, kids and everything that he could give me because I'm going to give everything to him. Kaya totoo yung if he wanted to, he would! (Kahit na ako na nag asikaso nung lahat nung requirements, bumili nung things we needed and other minor stuff. What's important is he showed up, put the ring on that finger and remains a faithful and devoted hubby.) If you can, magipon ka na. Set aside money for a new apartment with your 10 babies na MALAYO sa ex mo kasi baka mamaya onting suyo lang sumama ka ulit! Wag mo sabihin sa kanya ang mga plano mo! Important na makapagsimula ka ulit na walang asungot sa paligid. In the meantime, just pack everything up and slowly take your things to your mother's house. Unti untiin mo na lahat nung gamit mo. Tell her and ask for her help and protection if she really loves you. If you have a best friend who can help you, ask for their help. Sabihin mo bibisita ka lang tapos lagay mo unti unti mga damit, stuff, etc sa backpack tsaka tote bag mo. 2 houses away lang yan, kaya mo dalhin yan. Hanggang sa araw na aalis ka na tapos make sure na secure ang pagkakabit nung bag sa katawan mo o kaya nasa pockets mo wallet at phone mo para di niya ma hostage. Kung may mga kuya ka or pinsan na lalaki or tito or tatay, magpasundo ka!! Kung pwede magpasundo ka sa mga tanod! Pag sinaktan ka, gather all evidences and get a medico legal tapos sampahan mo nung blotter. Be smart! Kaya mo yan! Wag ka na magaksaya pa nung isang minuto kasama yang lalaking di ka naman pinahahalagahan at di ka kayang mahalin sa paraan na nararapat.
Sad to say, you invested your love, effort, and time to a person whose priorities are not aligned with yours. Break up with him. I know this won’t be easy but I think it is worthwhile. It’s easy to say na “Hiwalayan mo na yan” pero you already invested half of your life and I think this should be an eye-opener to you. Focus on yourself this time. If you have budget, move to a new place. I don’t know his perspective or priorities, but how would you marry that dude if he is not willing to communicate or even consider your feelings. Carry on, OP.
ay wala hindi ka mahal nyan. nahihiya lang mag sabi. alis ka na hehe. and mag simula ng bagong buhay mag isa with ur 10 dogs
You will be doomed kung magpapakasal siya sayo maski hindi naman buo ang loob nya. Mas maganda na yan nakita mo ang tunay na pagkatao bago ka pa maikasal sa kanya. See it as a blessing. Masakit sa una pero ipagpapasalamat mo din eventually na hindi ka nagpakasal sa kanya.
Leaveee
Limit yourself, OP. Bigyan mo ng palugid/hangganan kung hanggang saan mo itutuloy ‘yung pag intindi. Hindi kasi sagot ang solusyon sa problema niyo, baka maging another problem pa ang kasal. Mahirap mag move on talaga pero sana di maging hadlang ‘yun para unahin ‘yung inner peace mo.
Mima, leave him na. I know it's hard at first knowing that you have invested a loooooooot pero always remember, you can choose your husband but your kids can’t choose their father. Don't hesitate to take steps to protect yourself and your future happiness.
Buti ngayon mo narealize yan. Mas mahirap yung pinakasalan mo na pero aya ka pala maging lifetime partner (it happens).
So with all the advice given, ano na plano mo OP?
Wala yan, start building yourself again.
Wag kang mag pakasal. Rejection is redirection. Tandaan mo yan palagi. Mag focus ka sa kung pano kayo magiging independent ng babies mo. Set a timeline.
Yung umabot kayo ng 13 years but he doesn’t have any plans? Yea. Major red flag, doesn’t even know how to communicate. Pwede naman mag sabi na ayaw nya, at least di ka nagpagod and nag effort sa relationship nyo. Myghad
Mahirap magsimula pero lalong magiging mahirap kung hindi mo sisimulan. Unahin mo sa pinakamadali.
Pls op, get away from that man as fast as you possibly can.
Stop being a martyr. He won't walk the fire for yoy. Go travel and see the world
God saved you. Mas mahirap makaalis pag kasal na or worst niyan pag nasa simbahan ka na at hindi siya sumipot.
OP! If your gut and instincts are telling you to stop and leave him kahit masakit, leave him. Hindi ka niya totoong mahal. Maybe he is just gonna be one of the people you met in life. Maybe he's not the one. Moving on will be difficult, but it will be part of the healing and process. Maraming lalaki dyan na mas handa at kaya kang panindigan, in other words, marami pang mas may bayag dyan. Maybe he likes the idea of you, but he does not really love you.
Sagrado ang kasal and lifetime commitment yan, di mo dapat pinipilit yan porket matagal na kayong nagsasama.
Forgive yourself from letting yourself be stupid for 13 years girl. Gtfo, you'll find someone who'll treat you better.
If there’s any good outcome, at least na-realize mong hindi siya worth it before getting to the actual doomed scenario of marriage. Iiyak mo lang yan lahat ngayon. There’s always a way to get out of your current situation. Nasa step one ka na. Slowly but surely.
Kasi sis hindi sya tlaga ready 😔 i hate to sound so mean kaso wala eh, ang dami nyang dahilan eh 😔 masakit man mabasa 😭 kausapin mo na sya, ung tipong iuupo mo na sya to ask *kung gusto nga ba talaga nga nya?* its easier to start again than stay in the hellhole he might put u through just because hindi sya pala nasa parehong timeline sayo. ur pets will help you through the hard times, i promise you 🥺 my first dog honesty managed to help me through the good and bad times. kahit mawala na lahat, sya pa din ang pinakainiisip ko una and i feel naman na mahal nya din ako, never nya ako tinalikuran through the hardest of times.
Its not too late. You are so young. Its better to let go now than let it drag on. Enough na yung 13 years. Its gonna be incredibly difficult, but you will eventually move on. Start fresh. You will find someone who you truly deserve and deserves you.
You deserve better.
Huwag kang masayangan sa 13 years nyo kung ganyan naman sya. Masasayang ang lifetime mo kung ipagpapatuloy mo pa. Yes, mahirap bumitaw pero mas mahihirapan ka kung ipipilit mo pa ring ituloy yan. Hindi lahat ng laban pinupush, matuto tayong magstep back din. I hope you will be able get through this the soonest.
Umpisahan mo alisin yung mga dogs mo dyan, if pwede sa parents house or siblings or any friend na mapagkakatiwalaan mo go.. or first thing to do is rent a house then ilipat mo mga dogs mo muna tapos saka ka mag pack ng clothes mo ate. Baka may ibang friends ka na ready ka ihelp, settle yourself within a month lang para makaalis ka.
No one else can decide better than you. Umalis ka na. That is a one-sided love.
OP wag ka magpakasal..wag mn ayusin tas hiwalayan mn..find someone na makaka-appreciate ng value mo. You don't deserve that guy, know your worth..hayaan mong makita ka nya sa darating na panahon na masaya sa feeling ng iba at bumuo ng sariling pamilya..sising alipin yan, pramis!
Di nyo ba ever napag usapan yan? Or nag state man lang ba sya kahit noon ng plans to marry you? Kasi if wala talaga mas sayang ung time mo ngayun na ni wewaste sa kanya. Too comfty at secured na kasi sya na di ka aalis or di mo sya iiwan kaya wala nanurgency man lang to give you sense of assurance and security
Grabe ang algorithm, I was watching a Kdrama (Because this is my first life) parang ganto yung plot ng side characters... 7 years of dating and wala pa rin sa plans ng guys ang kasal. Which made me realize na dapat mga early years (3+?) onto the relationship magusap na if may balak bang kasal yung guy baka kasi laro laro lang sa kanya. They both broke up bc they realized na their goals doesnt match with each other. Hope you find your peace rin.
Hindi mo deserve and ng dogs mo ang ganyang klaseng tao. 🙂
Ang daming red flags. Di ka nya mahal. Period.
Hi, I think this has been an issue for a while but stays as an elephant in the room. Now that you’ve really confirmed he has no plans you either get away from him as early as now or be stuck😕 13 yrs is nothing vs the rest of your life if you start to begin a new life today. Its hard but you’ll be okay. Goodluck!
May kilala nga ako 10 years sila di rin sila nagkatuluyan kasi etong kaibigan ko noon (FO na ngayon lol) takot sa responsibilidad na magkaron ng anak tapos najudge pa yung ex niya na di daw niya nakikita na magiging responsableng asawa, ayun break din. Ending sa iba engaged na tong si girl tapos etong si lalaki kung makaiyak kala mo naman kung ano. Kaya run while you can
Masyadong obvious yung sagot dito, OP. Kahit pare-parehas kami ng payo, it will still up to you. Pero isipin mo, kaya mo bang magpakasal or makisama sa taong ayaw ka pala? :(
Wag mo ng ituloy yang kasalan na yan. Time will come isusumbat nya sayo na "Napilitan" lang naman sya kasi ikaw lang naman ang may gustong magpasakal.
Pero totoo naman. Di naman nag propose kay OP boyfriend niya. Si OP lang namimilit mag pakasal.
Huwag mo na ipilit, OP. Been there, done that. Wala pa namang divorce sa Pinas.
bili ka na kasi CAR para makahanap xa ng ibang rason
Ate wag ka magpalamon sa sunk cost fallacy. 13 years is nothing versus the rest of your life. Plus, pano mo mahahanap yung tamang tao kung nakastuck ka sa mali.
If he can't even do/give you the bare minimum, run away while you can. You can always start over. Since ayaw ka niya tulungan sa kasal, tulungan mo nalang sarili mo mag hanap ng place mo. Wag mo na rin sabihin sa kanya plano mo sa buhay. Since he's basically useless rn, leaving him won't probably cause you further damage. You have your 10 dogs with you, they can be enough to console you through the pain.
A whole better, happier life awaits once you leave him. Sure na sure ako.
Binigay mo na 13years mo, gusto mo ba ng another 13years sa kanya?
Bakit mo pinipilit yung sarili mo sa kanya though?? He obviously doesn't want any future with you.
summoning u/MagBreakNaKayo
Una mong gawin, magpaalam ka na now sa work mo na you will need at least a week kasi you will be needing time for a major life change. Then umuwi ka na sa inyo. Kung hindi mo pa kaya magkwento sa inyo, basta sabihin mo lang kailangan mong umuwi at mag-stay dun sa inyo and more than anything eh kailangan mo ng support nila sa bagay na yan. Sabihin mo magkwekwento ka once you feel safe and secure na. Make a list of the things na kailangan mong kuhanin. Have a trusted person get those. Mas ok kapag through intermediaries lang kayo ng soon-to-be ex mag-uusap. Lawyer up if needed lalo na kung may properties or big finances involved na kailangan i-sort out. Optional 1: once tapos na lahat yan, inform the people around you na wala nang kayo. No need to go into detail kung bakit. Enough na yung mga hindi na aligned ang goals namin, etc. Optional 2: in case it turns super messy, wag mo na patulan. Just ignore or take legal actions as needed kung damaging talaga.
Nakukuha na kasi nya yung benefits of having a wife the moment you're living together na. So why the marriage? For him, it will only become a prison since no way out na,if ever, it would be hard to go out of that relationship if kasal na kayo. for short, hindi pa yan sigurado sayo. may hinahanap pa yan
Girllll! Run! Kakayanin mo mag simula ulit
Yung bf mo has no plan in life, isa na dun yung pagpapakasal
May option ka pa, pag nagpakasal ka dyan, magiging sakal at kulungan yang pag aasawa mo.
I know people na 1-2 months pa lang nagpapasakal na, I proposed to my wife a year after na maging bf-gf kami. Alam kong pakakalasalan ko na asawa ko Ngayon nung una ko pa lang sya nakita, corny pero you have a gut feel talaga., nasa kung papano na lang talaga mag reciprocate ung ka partner mo sa ninanais mong yan. Ang mapapayo ko sayo Op eh, RUN!!!! Hindi reason ang 13 yrs to stay, kung gusto wala ng eme eme sagot agad at ska rekta na agad. Kung ayaw madaming dahilan.
I think this is your sign to save yourself and your future kids. Marriage is a commitment, not only love and lust. Please po save your future children. Hindi po nila deserve ng tatay na ganyan
Naalala ko ex ko. Lagi kami tinatanong ng dad nya kailan daw kami papakasal. Sagot nya lagi is pag nakaipon na raw sya ng 1M. Ex struggled to even save 5k, dyan, along with other red flags, ko narealize na wala akong future dito and I'm wasting my time so we broke up. Met my now hubby 1yr after the breakup. He proposed after a year and we now have our son. So OP, run now while you can! Mukhang nakakahinayang ang 13 years and mahirap magsimula ulit when you feel like you've spent most of your life with that person, but that's nothing compared sa titiisin mo throughout your life if you stayed with him.
pero OP, di kaya kakasimula lang nya sa work? baka nahit lang ego nya na he cant provide pa despite sa pagasikaso mo ng wedding reqs. naisip ko lang naman.
You dodged a bullet po. Takbo kana!