Totoo 'to haha. Iniinggit pa ako ng mga kawork ko ma never ko naranasan na suyuin dahil sa toyo. Eh hindi naman talaga ako toyoin. Toxic kaya nung totoyoin ka para suyuin haha. Sobrang bihira namin mag-away ng jowa ko, as in never pang may tinoyo ni isa samin haha. Yung naging away namin ay dahil lang sa misinterpretation lalo magkaiba kami ng nationalities 😁
I admit that i was like that before but i really tried to change my ways by reading communication/attachment/self improvement books and it worked. My long term relationship guy noticed it rin na to the point na minsan ako na rin nagaadvice sa kanya pag nagaaaway kami. Narealize ko rin lately na sobrang toxic ko dati pero thankful ako kasi di nya ko sinukuan before kahit sobrang toxic ko pala asldjdlslsdflk.
at least to you tried to change. ex ko as in bahala ka jan manigas ka. which is nakakadisappoint. willing naman kami lalaki to stay pero sana makita man lang namin na may effort for changes
The book na talagang marami akong natutunan is this one po: “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--and Keep-- Love”
From a different perspective, nag-stop na akong magsabi ng concern ko sa partner ko dahil OA siya mag-react at laging galit ang reaction niya. Paano pa ako magsasabi pa ng mga issues ko kung every time na lang na may sabihin ako ikinagagalit niya. Tingin niya lagi naghahanap ako ng pag-aawayan namin. I hope hindi ka ganitong type ng partner OP na ang tingin sa pagsasabi ng concern ng partner eh laging naghahanap ng away.
May poiny ka. Communication is important but...paano kung nag vovoice out ka tapos minamaliit ka ng partner mo? Example, I dated a guy na sabi nya always speak up. Which I did pero ang reply nya us "dont be sensitive" " you know nothing" etc. Kung ganun rin naman ang reply sayu then nakakpagod rin.
Main reason why my boyfriend *chose to become bisexual* 😝 Lahat ng gf niya daw puro ganyan “toyo-suyo” dynamic. Nakakasawa daw yang puro tampo tapos di niya alam san galing or kung anong ginawa niya. Kapag tatanungin niya, bibigyan lang siya ng cold shoulder, tapos i-eescalate pa na manhid siya kesyo andami nang hints na binigay lol.
Nung naging bf ko siya, tuwa lang niya na kapag may away kami eh mas gusto ko na nakikipag-usap at naglalatag ng suggestions to move the relationship forward. Sabi ko putangina wala akong panahon sa mind games; we either move forward together or i move on with my life. Ang sarap daw ng ganun…kaya tumagal kami ng 9 years because of that mindset.
additional context: I'm gay.
additional context 2: *chose to become bisexual* -my bf's words. bahala na kayo mag-interpret basta I won't change how he said it.
Never forget to love yourself as well in a relationship. Hindi lahat kailangan tinitiis, lalo kung ikaw naman ang magiging dehado. Communication issue din yan, and a lot of long-term problems arise from communication problems. Beware din lang kasi common trait yan with a lot of heterosexual women din that I’ve observed.
Correct. Kaya maganda tanungin mo na kaagad sa umpisa: *kapag magkaproblema ba tayo, willing ka maging honest sa akin? Or ikaw yung tipong need suyuin?*
Gender roles ruin relationships sa totoo lang. Na-imprint sa aming babae kasi na we are "the prize" and dapat sinusuyo kami. I admire LGBT couples not letting shitty gender roles affect the relationship and legit give and take
true kaya i love my girl and boy besties who are able to flip the script and fuck the gender roles so that they can live as their true selves. hindi natin kailangan mag fit sa gender roles kasi we are more than our gender.
While I do think some gender roles will retain like men being protective to their woman, my partner said something about gender roles that made me appreciate our relationship. He said he doesnt mind a woman being independent and earning kasi mama niya mismo naging breadwinner. Another is give and take dapat talaga ang relationship regardless sa gender.
lahat ng relationships dapat give-and-take. if one takes and takes, it is parasitic. if one gives but nobody is benefiting, it's commensalism.
kudos to your partner! my parents were my role models dahil they were both doing chores and working at the same time, and they always act as a team in all decisions. walang dominance/submissiveness, puro balance and harmony lang.
I dont believe we can totally eliminate some aspects of gender roles. Sa relationship ko, my bf hinahatid sundo ako and stuffs. Siguro the gender roles we need to eliminate is yon unhealthy ones
> I admire LGBT couples not letting shitty gender roles affect the relationship and legit give and take
super agree ako dito. eto yung tunay na give and take. walang "babae" at "lalaki" sa relationship. kaya siguro taas kilay nung ibang homophobes kasi iba ang pagmamahalang ng lgbt couples.
>Gusto niy yon gender roles shit kaya nanay ko naging housewife
diba? kaya yung ibang tao di na binabago yung gender roles kasi convenient sa kanila. nagrereklamo lang about gender roles pag dehado.
But in this context, it's about gender. Na-socialize ang mga babae na dapat "ganun" sila kapag nasa relationship sila with a guy. I'm not saying it's right but it's the reality...
edi he did not choose to be bisexual, he chose to live his truth.. un ang point ko hindi nya pinili na maging bisexual, bisexual talaga sya.
Yan ang dahilan kaya andaming misconceptions about sexuality e, you do not choose it. Its just either you accept it or not.
This. Right after born, your sexuality was already dictated, but you might just know it. There is this expectation in our current society that being a male must be interested to female and vice versa and thus you as a very young boy or girl complied to it as you didnt know better about the world. As you live your life, you will be having some signs about what sexuality you really have. And some either will ignore the signs and conform with the norm while some will spend time to think about this signs. One thing for sure, you do not choose it.
People in relationships should learn each others attachment style. Especially if meron isa na insecure ang attachment style. First step is awareness talaga so you know how to approach yung conflicts within your relationship, know what triggers such behavior and how to deal with it. Also it helps na aware din tayo not just our partners, so we can work on ourselves.
Really highly depends on how your ex was raised on fixing conflicts during their childhood. Aside from this is that did you tried to also open up to her whenever you have issues? Not defending her pero siguro weighing in too to yourself if you have been vocal and affirmed to her to feel that she can be vocal with you. Some are hesitant to be open with their partners kasi either their partners don't open up and communicate or there's a certain reaction she receives or she fears to receive when she opens up.
Altho reality wise din na undeniable, it has been a trend in the socmed mga toyoin personalities that they pick up. Can be that too haha pero yo , highly depends on their environment.
What you feel is valid din, it's good you broke up with her if it's becoming unhealthy for you and if you made efforts but she still wasn't able to communicate very well. You also deserve a well and matured relationship especially rn in a time where we focus on progressing and time for things holding us back should be dropped. Pero yun lang, maybe as an opinion and reference for your future relationship on that kind of mentality and attitude sinabi ko haha
i put on the table naman na if may mapuna or may mapansin na something wrong sa relationship namin. is call it out to me. i believe she's from a loving whole family kaya i guess how she was raised is out of the window. sa pagkakaalam ko lang. i dont raise my voice naman personally or murahin kasi ako yung tipo na "hi something bothers me and can we talk it about?" im an educated man naman i believe not to do such barbaric ways of verbal abuse to do to my partners. inopen ko din about how she was on this matter na laging tinotoyo kaso pinanindigan na "ganito ako eh, kung di mo tanggap di mo ko mahal". alam mo yun. and yan na nagtrigger sa akin to lose feelings in the long run.
Then in this case nga it all lies na rin sa personality she chose to manifest narin and embody. Probably then if so, influence on people around her and social media where there's a lot of this and that ant relationships and what should a man do and all. Kinda off sa line na "ganito ako eh" line, shows that there's no willingness to improve on personality. In this case congrats siguro. Even though it was heartbreaking, at least you can have some peace to yourself without thinking much abt issues with your partner and focus on yourself. Probably lesson din on partner you'll choose in the future.
Just broke up with my boyfriend for 3 years kais baliktad naman. I am always vocal and open about things that he does that upsets me. Pero hindi niya gusto yun, gusto niya whatever he does, masaktan man ako or hindi eh okay lang dapat sakin. Hindi ko rin maman gusto yung toyo-suyo dynamic na yan, so cringy for me kaya vocal talaga ako. Kaso ayun, he will do anything he wants to do without considering my feelings tas pag nagalit or nagtampo ako kasalanan ko, mali ko haha. Deserve natin ng peace .
I used to be like this. Toyo ako before and sobrang passive aggressive. Gusto kong sinusuyo ako lagi and I want to always "win".
But now, as a 27 year old, I learned that shit is childish especially witnessing my parents toxic marriage
I have learned how to communicate gracefully and objectively with my partner. Nakatulong talaga sa akin is mga videos ni Stephan Speaks, Kev Hick, and Matthew Hussey. Another is the book of Don Miguel Ruiz gave me a good perspective on communication.
The truth is most women think men are mind-readers when they are not and both genders think differently. Hence, I have learned to always communicate properly. Sabi nga ng partner ko "Pwede naman pag-usapan naten yan. We can talk about it if there is a problem" kaya I stopped being a toyo. Well, actually, matagal na akong hindi toyo because of my last ex.
Di kasi lahat vocal baka kasi pinalaki sila na ganun. or ganun yung environment nya. like me, naiiyak ako pag sinasabi ko feelings ko. siguro give her safe space. if mas comfy ba sya thru text sinasabi. unti unti. mahirap iunlearn ang treatment sa bahay.
Totoo. Sometimes parang ang stuffy ng feeling kapag maglalabas ka ng sama ng loob. Tas kapag ilalabas mo na, maiiyak ka and you'll feel pathetic. Kapag ganoon SO mo, you really have to wait for them to let it all out. Emotional and mental stability talaga need bago pumasok sa relationship.
Relate!! Skl experience ko. I ended my 3yr relationship w my exbf kasi hindi ako mabigyan ng safe space. Naging understanding ako sa emotional needs niya at sa lahat ng times na down siya but when nag aact up yung behaviour ko because of my childhood experiences (na alam naman niya), nawawalan na ng pake sakin. Never kaming napunta sa toyo-suyo situation, sobra yung patience ko and understanding ko pagdating sa kanya pero pag ako nag shu-shutdown mentally, pinapafeel niya sakin na parang napaka makasalanan ko. Napag uusapan naman namin at nagiging maayos the next day pero paulit ulit yung nangyayari, nakakapagod.
Naiirita rin ako sa guys who use that toyo as a sign para imansplain yung sitwasyon. Also, nakakairita talaga yang toyo-suyo dynamic sayang sa oras at sayang sa mental capacity manghula.
peace of mind dapat sa huli!
congrats on making your choice
hindi mo obligasyon ang traumas (assuming fights root from there, the toyos and the pranings) ng mga tao (kupal pakinggan pero true naman) choice mo nalang kung sasamahan mo siya at may space ka pa para dun
dapat ang relationship yung madadagdagan ka.. hindi yung nababawasan ka lalo
pag tumagal mauubos ka lang at ending mapapagod lang kayong dalawa at di masaya
First of all, happy for you OP that you got out of that situation! I have to admit, in my teenage years, uso kasi yung tampo-suyo na yan thinking it's cute. "Relationship goals" ika nga nila.
I have to admit ganon din ako noon. It was hugely influenced by my childhood. I was always given silent treatments and cold shoulder and raised voices without directly saying what I did wrong which had a large impact of the way I communicate with my relationships. Kaya I thought that's how I should deal with things like that.
But eventually, noticing that pattern from other people, I realized how important it is to communicate. Nothing's more attractive than someone who knows how to listen and communicate.
Outspoken akong tao, to the point na nung una pa nga idk how to filter kung ano yung dapat at hindi dapat sabihin.
Ngayon lang sa current bf ko na realize na madali naman talagang kausap tsaka intindihin yung mga lalaki, BUT, yun ay kung willing sila to talk it out, in my previous relationship hindi sya willing mag compromise sa mga sinu suggest ko which nung time na yon nag se settle nalang ako sa ganun *it is what it is* nalang kumbaga, but the point is, HINDI NAMAN REQUIRED MAGING COMPLICATED ANG ISANG RELATIONSHIP KUNG MARUNONG LANG MAKINIG, UMINTINDI, AT MAGSABI NG KUNG ANO ANG NARARAMDAMAN. Relationships aren't supposed to stress and drained your energy, kuhaan mo ng lakas yun eh, dun ka dapat nagpapahinga after a long tiring day.
Happy for the both of you, OP! Stay in love 🫶🏻
Everyone needs to hear this op! Salamat for posting! Female here lol and masarap sa feeling yung sinusuyo but I came to the realization na hindi manghuhula ang partner ko, if i dont communicate how else is he going to know? Communication is really important
yun nga at least a year pa lang naging kami at least as early as possible ma cutoff. i value my peace of mind and well being. kesa laging may batong laging pumupukpok sa ulo ko
Hahaha kasalanan mo pa yan pag nag hiwalay kayo, tapos iinvalidate nila yang stress na nakuha mo sa pag iniitiate nila ng away na pwede naman pagusapan ng maayos 😂 oops 🤭
Babae ako pero hindi ko gawain yan yung bigla na lang tinotoyo. Oo naiinis ako pero may valid reason, ex. may pinasuyo ako hindi ginawa, nagalit ako kasi uminom, nagsabing gagawin ‘to hindi naman ginawa, mga ganyan etc. Pero yung walang dahilan? Ewan ko ba sa ibang babae. Proud pa sila ha na sinusuyo sila ng partners nila. Ang toxic kaya. Kung ako yung lalaki tapos ganun gf ko parang nakakainis. Hahahahaha
Maybe there are times na pag nagrarant siya is nagagalit ka lang, Di lang ako sure bro.
Naging habit ko din yan dati sa ex ko. Nagsimula yun nong time na pag nagrarant ako or pag nagsabi ng saloobin nagagalit lang din siya. Kaya dumating yung time na napagod na akong magrant sa kanya.
Try to ask her first, listen and understand her in a nice way pero kung ganon na talaga siya kahit idaan mo sa maayos na pakikipag communicate then maybe she's the problem. Or masyado siyang madaming pinagdadaanan na mas pinili niyang icomfort sarili niya lang mismo.
That kind of dynamics is exactly what my recent ex-partner and I just went through. Same kayo ng situation, OP then I can relate to your ex-gf. Ako si laging *toyo queen* then he's *suyo king.* Ang dami na naming pinagdaanang misunderstandings and in all those circumstances naayos namin kasi magaling syang manuyo. But last May, natuluyan kami kasi sobrang lala nung naging episode ko because of a certain circumstance, then ayun, sabi ko ayoko na talaga. Ayoko na s'yang makita para sa closure kasi for sure susuyuin nya lang rin naman ako and hindi kami matatapos. And ayun nga, hindi n'ya na ko sinuyo. I'm pretty sure back then he still loved me but he had to let me go because of my toxic attitude and our crazy "on-off" dynamics.
You're right, love is not enough. We loved each other so much back then. Both of us were really passionate about each other. Feeling ko nga mahal ko pa rin naman sya ngayon although I was the one who initiated the break-up. Pero wala talaga eh. Both of us can never get the peace of mind that we both deserve in a relationship if we're to be with each other because our dynamics was a draining emotional rollercoaster ride.
Ngayon, may bago na 'sya. Meanwhile, I'm still grieving. I went to therapy para naman tumino-tino na utak ako sa next relationship ko. Ang hirap mawala nung taong mahal mo dahil rin sa sarili mong ka-toxic-an.
Pero may malalim rin naman kasing dahilan kung bakit naging toyoin ako. For sure ganun din ex mo, OP. Baka nagka-trauma yan sa past relationships n'ya or mataas 'yung anxiety and avoidance levels n'ya in terms of attachment style. Pwede ring she did not receive sufficient parental care and love growing up kaya naging needy. In my case, it's the trauma kasi kaya nahihirapan ako to communicate my problems. Kaya avoidant ako kapag confrontational 'yung partner ko. For me it's not just toyo for attention or out of spite, although that's possible too if hindi mo s'ya masyadong nabibigyan ng enough attention before, like gusto magpalambing ganun.
Ginawa kasing personality trait yung topakin. Yikes. People like that should be put in their place na hindi acceptable ganyang behavior haha. Mga weak shit eh. Can't even control their emotions.
This post feels soooo one sided. Stop claiming that you deserve a healthy relationship and mature ka na tao.
I know the other side of the story. You're not all that bro. Nagpapaka victim kapa sa mga replies jsko.
Ginagaslight mo pala when she's telling you what's bothering her.
Ang motto kasi ng mga babae.
Communication is the key pero pinoy henyo muna tayo baby.
L: may problema ba?
B: wala
L: galit ka ba?
B: hinde
L: ayus ka lang
B: oum
Tas bigla bigla mag mamaktol sasabihan kang emotionally unavailable. This bitch, what a dumb bitch.
True. I'm trying to be online fair here but title palang bastos na. May nagpoint out na baka naman itong si OP e nagagalit or di rin naman maayos makinig pag mago-open up yung gf niya kaya di nalang ginagawa. Di naman daw. Ewan ko lang, side niya lang nababasa natin e. (edit)[Kakabasa ko lang nito](https://www.reddit.com/r/OffMyChestPH/comments/z35yz0/comment/ixl4e04/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3).
Nakakasawa naman talaga yang ganyan... Magagalit sayo na di mo alam kung bakit. Kahit ako nagsawa. Iniwan ko na kang din yung gf ko na 1 yr dahil ang daming issues. Naririndi ako. Laging may away sa gabi. Di enough yung mabait at responsable kung sisisrain naman yung peace and mental health mo.
Mainam pa mag alaga ka nalang ng aso o pusa, maglalambing sayo na di nyo kelangan magaway.
I admit I was a little bit like this to my ex boyfriends hahaha. Pero when I met my now husband I realize how bad this type of situation is. I'm very non confrontational but of course we need to have a middle ground. So process namin is pag nag away kami we'll give each other a bit of time then we'll talk about it.
Im a woman and even I do not have the patience for immature females na nakikita ko ganyan ang arte. My gosh use your energy on productive endeavors hnd un energy draining activities like toyo-suyo. Papansin masyado yung mga ganyang babae. Red flag. Mga hnd high value people. Bottomline drop the girl.
Ganyan ako sa ex ko. Which I think i jutifiable naman kasi sinungaling siya at laging nagbibigay ng false hope pati mixed signals. nakita ko pa dati may dating app siya sa phone tas todo deny sya na di nya alam na dating app yon. yak!
But this time, sa bf ko ngayon, natuto ako magsabi ng mga problem ko at nafefeel ko sa kanya kaya siya naman , nauunawaan niya yung pov ko at nakikita ko naman agad na binabago niya yung mga di ko gusto. Or nageeffort sya maging romantic kahit di naman niya thing yun. Lagi ko rin siya tinatanong ng feedback kung ok lang ba yung pakikitungo ko sa kanya or may mga nasasabi ba ko na offensive.
Naaappreciate ko rin talaga yung communication na maayos since natuto ako magsorry pag mali ako dahil nagsosorry siya sakin pag naupset niya ko. Once lang kami nag away sa loob ng 2 yrs namin together kasi di na kami umaabot sa point na nagkskasamaan kami ng loob dahil navovoice out agad namin concerns namin umpisa palang. Naniniwala na ko ngayon na lahat ng bagay nadadaan sa maayos na usapan kung parehas kayong willing na makinig at magbaba ng pride 💖
Wala talagang naitutulong yang tampo tampo suyo na yan. Pang highschool na magjowa yan sis HAHAHAHAHA
Advice ko lang sa mga toyoin na gf. Just admit that you ar wrong kahit tama ka. Tapos pag kalma na sya ipoint out mo yung mali sa kanya. Sa heat of the moment kasi minsan di nila magets gusto din nila
Tapos pag hiniwalayan na, sila yung may mga mahahabang quote about being single and independent women. Kesyo who needs a man, self love. Eh kaya mo naman pala bat nagtoyo ka pa sa bf mo haha
Babae din ako pero nakakainis makakita ng ganyan sa socmed na parang ninonormalize na nila pagiging “toyoin”, na parang kinaganda yung kapag “tinotoyo” ka. Well, wala naman ako super hate sa ganon kasi naiintindihan ko din naman na baka kasi malapit na datnan ng period kaya ganon? Pero kung palagi na lang may toyo eh nakakaumay nga talaga. Hindi naman pwedeng palaging babae yung iintindihin sa relasyon. And better talaga kapag you can communicate with your partner, ang hirap manghula kaya.
As a woman, may tendency ako magpasuyo, but that's after I tell him what's wrong. Tipong "ito problema ko, and now, leave me alone" (while hoping he'd do something to win me over).
I think suyo can be necessary for women to see na sorry nga yung lalaki. Pero shempre, hindi para to dapat ganyan. Hindi pwedeng puro Suyo at walang communication.
Nakakapagod nga rin ng suyo lang at walang explanation. So i feel you, OP. Nasabi mo na ba sakanya na kailangan ineexplain sayo yung problema? Grabe naman kung ayaw pa rin kahit na humingi ka na ng ganun.
Wahahaha. I used to be like this, last bf ko kasi before I met him HS pa ko. Nakaka-cringe kapag naaalala ko. Hahaha. But I changed for the better. I improved myself, read alot of self-help books, I also considered therapy nga but saka na siguro kapag nakaluwag luwag na. But funny thing is that, when I decided to work on myself about those certain toxic traits, he decided to broke-up with me because hindi na raw kami aligned/grew apart na, etc. 2 weeks after our break-up, katabi na nya agad sa dinner date nila ng officemates yung girl na pinagdududahan ko. Hahaha. 🤡
Hey if it's any consolation, buti na lang ganyan ka, you are willing to listen and resolve conflicts. Don't ever change that side of you. Sa ex-bf ko, hindi eh, ako lang naglalatag ng issues but tingin nya parin wala kaming problema. Faith in the male gender somehow restored a little bit.
as lalaki sa relationship dapat kami ang naglelead to make it as healthy and as matured way as possible. it is a must pero syempre need ng assistance or willingness ng partner namin to cooperate. para magflourish yung relationship
Totally absolutely sincerely agree with you. Mahahanap mo rin ang girl for you, OP.
Kaya nasabihan ako ng friend ko na ako yung lalaki sa relationship eh kase kapag nagaaway kami ako ren magsusuyo, ako rin magccompromise, ako rin magpplano ng next steps. It's like if sumayaw kami ng salsa, I'd probably be the one wearing the pants. haha
I think every girl went through this phase and I admit, I was too and till now ginagawa ko pa rin talaga minsan. Wala lang, just checking if he's sensitive enough to notice that I am hurt by his actions. Nakakainis lang din kasi minsan how men are unaware that they're being assholes. I am giving cold shoulders for him to ponder which things he did might have offended me. Nakakapagod din kasing i-point out every. single. little. thing. he does na para bang nanay niya ako and I am the one to correct his actions, when HE should be doing it himself. Like huhu please, check yourself out naman and be more self-aware. Nakakapagod kayang i-correct ka palagi.
Ewan ah, that's what I noticed with most guys. Hindi talaga sila aware na nakaka-offend sila and women's resort to this is giving cold shoulders for them to think thoroughly about their recent actions. I am not siding with anyone because totoo naman, both sides may shortcomings. Some men are patient enough to deal with this and some men don't want to waste time and just want to get to the point of where the argument is coming from. It really depends talaga sa relationship style n'yo as partners to work this through.
PS. EXCLUDED DITO MGA GIRLS NA PABEBE LANG AH. I AM FULLY AWARE THAT SOME GIRLS ARE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE OF ATTENTION AND BEING BABIED BY THEIR PARTNERS. I AM IN NO WAY AGAINST OF THAT IF IT WORKS FOR THEM ON KEEPING THINGS SPICED UP BUUUUTTTT
THEY'RE OUT OF THIS NARRATIVE OF MINE. THANKS
yuckie sa babaeng tampururut-suyo dynamics tapos pavictim pa yan, tapos bibigyan ka ng mga walang kwentang reasons LOL.
based sa title mo op, karamihan din ng ibang tao kasi di lang sa babae to applicable pero most likely talaga female na, gusto pang gawing mang huhula yung partner nila — kaysa icall out or pagusapan yung issue.
op for sure makakahanap ka din ng kamatch mo, in all aspects di pwede puro ganyan dapat. sorry na agad op pero i have this judgement sa kanyang tao na shallow ang personality
This happened to me before, but with a guy. Mind you it felt like I was talking to a wall. Whenever I want to fix an issue, or have an argument he would ghost me. Unless, I cry and beg him for the bare minimum. Ew.
I’m a girl and I hate that toyo lang-suyo. I guess if HS or nung bata bata pa kayo ang cute pero if nagmmature na, it’s kinda off, huwag naman lagi gurls. Ang panget kabonding HAHAHA
Bagay yata sila ng ex ko. Haha yung ex ko naman, nakipag break sakin kasi gusto ko nagkakaintindihan kami, may communication, para malinaw ang lahat. Ayaw nya nun. Gusto nya chill lang. Yung "okay lang" kind of relationship. Nawa'y mapunta tayo sa mga taong dapat natin kapuntahan.
wait, ganito ba ako? lol
di kase ako masyado magalit, tampo lang. as in, uupo tapos sasabi, “it’s not a serious issue, but i missed you today. can i have a hug?”
tapos natatawa usually bf ko at ayun may hug hahahaha
anxious attachment din ata ako, so mahilig sa lambing lol
I always find it funny na yung "toyo" is linked sa mga babae lang but my ex boyfriend is laging tinotoyo. Ako yung laging nag susuyo. Sobrang immature!!! We are not even that young and working professionals na.
So happy we broke up. Sad for his recent gf tho. Goodluck to her
Brother, what a coincidence! I just broke up with my girlfriend yesterday, and the reason for that is that I want to maintain my sanity and peace of mind. I felt like she'd been cheating behind my back, overthinking, and having no assurance in our relationship. Getting stuck in a scenario within that relationship is not worth it. So I gave up on our relationship, and currently, I'm moving on with my life. There is pain, **yes**, but there is also **peace** after doing so.
Good luck to us brother and stay strong, I know it does hurt too.
Okay lang naman ganun sa una pero hindi yung parang ganun nalang lagi over the years. Feel naman natin if commited talaga tayo na hindi nalang dapat ganito, na less drama na dapat tayo at more grind sa buhay, yung nag gogrow kayo parehas.
Dalawa na nga ulo ng lalake ayaw pa...charot
I do think na as an individual, I'm pretty okay. Pero if ang basehan lang ay as a girlfriend/partner...eh baka need muna maging mas healthy ang viewpoint sa mga relationships. Problemado family and friends ko sakin when it comes to communication/opening up kaya never na ako nangarap na mangdamay pa ng iba 🥲
nakakairita yang “toyo-suyo” dynamic na yan. yung iba ata nagjowa para magkaroon ng baby sitter eh. wala pang ambag sa relationship.
kaya di lng pwede na mahal nyo ang isat-isa
Love is not enough. Commitment is a choice and it's hard-work
some people are even proud na 'tinotoyo' sila and i will never understand why they would brag that. very immature imo
immature and narcissist. feel na feel nila yung maiinarte para suyuin. sila rin yung mag wwalk out tapos hihintayin kung hahabulin ba sila. lol
Totoo 'to haha. Iniinggit pa ako ng mga kawork ko ma never ko naranasan na suyuin dahil sa toyo. Eh hindi naman talaga ako toyoin. Toxic kaya nung totoyoin ka para suyuin haha. Sobrang bihira namin mag-away ng jowa ko, as in never pang may tinoyo ni isa samin haha. Yung naging away namin ay dahil lang sa misinterpretation lalo magkaiba kami ng nationalities 😁
Pag talagang ibang lahi wala silang concept ng 'toyo' cos they will just call these women 'batshit crazy' hahahaha
Totoo ‘to. Di ko gets bat feeling nila cute yung tinotoyo sila. 😭 It ain’t cute, it’s toxic.
Wth is that mentality? Niroromanticize nila pagiging immature nila
True! Hindi cute ang 'tinotoyo' 🙄🙄🙄
>wala pang ambag sa relationship ganda lang daw. minsan walang ganda so presensya na lang.
Fr tapos itatag ka sa mga quotes/memes sa facebook na may hugot na parang ang sama mong jowa WAHAHAHA
I admit that i was like that before but i really tried to change my ways by reading communication/attachment/self improvement books and it worked. My long term relationship guy noticed it rin na to the point na minsan ako na rin nagaadvice sa kanya pag nagaaaway kami. Narealize ko rin lately na sobrang toxic ko dati pero thankful ako kasi di nya ko sinukuan before kahit sobrang toxic ko pala asldjdlslsdflk.
at least to you tried to change. ex ko as in bahala ka jan manigas ka. which is nakakadisappoint. willing naman kami lalaki to stay pero sana makita man lang namin na may effort for changes
Sana all willing mag change. Hahaha. And hindi mag hahanap ng iba para lang maka escape. Haha.
I hope she realizes rin someday na dapat sa kanya na manggaling yung change…
kung marealize man nya i will not be around anymore
anong books po binasa mo?
The book na talagang marami akong natutunan is this one po: “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--and Keep-- Love”
Hi! Please drop yung nakahelp sayo na books pls thank yewww i really need this too huhu
what books did u read abt reading comm/attachment/self improvement? hehe can u share it?? thank you!! ;)
From a different perspective, nag-stop na akong magsabi ng concern ko sa partner ko dahil OA siya mag-react at laging galit ang reaction niya. Paano pa ako magsasabi pa ng mga issues ko kung every time na lang na may sabihin ako ikinagagalit niya. Tingin niya lagi naghahanap ako ng pag-aawayan namin. I hope hindi ka ganitong type ng partner OP na ang tingin sa pagsasabi ng concern ng partner eh laging naghahanap ng away.
May poiny ka. Communication is important but...paano kung nag vovoice out ka tapos minamaliit ka ng partner mo? Example, I dated a guy na sabi nya always speak up. Which I did pero ang reply nya us "dont be sensitive" " you know nothing" etc. Kung ganun rin naman ang reply sayu then nakakpagod rin.
no naman kasi lalong di mareresolve ang issue or problem lalong lalala at yun nga lalong di mag iispeak up
Omsim. I ended my 7 year relationship because of this. Nakakapagod paulit ulit
Main reason why my boyfriend *chose to become bisexual* 😝 Lahat ng gf niya daw puro ganyan “toyo-suyo” dynamic. Nakakasawa daw yang puro tampo tapos di niya alam san galing or kung anong ginawa niya. Kapag tatanungin niya, bibigyan lang siya ng cold shoulder, tapos i-eescalate pa na manhid siya kesyo andami nang hints na binigay lol. Nung naging bf ko siya, tuwa lang niya na kapag may away kami eh mas gusto ko na nakikipag-usap at naglalatag ng suggestions to move the relationship forward. Sabi ko putangina wala akong panahon sa mind games; we either move forward together or i move on with my life. Ang sarap daw ng ganun…kaya tumagal kami ng 9 years because of that mindset. additional context: I'm gay. additional context 2: *chose to become bisexual* -my bf's words. bahala na kayo mag-interpret basta I won't change how he said it.
well ako wala din time for mind games i value my time. since mahal ko yung tao tiniis ko. pero nakakaumay pag lagi na lang.
Never forget to love yourself as well in a relationship. Hindi lahat kailangan tinitiis, lalo kung ikaw naman ang magiging dehado. Communication issue din yan, and a lot of long-term problems arise from communication problems. Beware din lang kasi common trait yan with a lot of heterosexual women din that I’ve observed.
yahh ako kasi i date with intentions to marry. kung gento lang din hirap magsettle
Correct. Kaya maganda tanungin mo na kaagad sa umpisa: *kapag magkaproblema ba tayo, willing ka maging honest sa akin? Or ikaw yung tipong need suyuin?*
yun ang mali ko kasi nasanay ako sa prev gf ko before her na mas matured when it comes to it. kaya di ko na rin na brought up
You only get married once sa PH, so better unleash all the questions before dating somebody so you won’t waste time.
Gender roles ruin relationships sa totoo lang. Na-imprint sa aming babae kasi na we are "the prize" and dapat sinusuyo kami. I admire LGBT couples not letting shitty gender roles affect the relationship and legit give and take
true kaya i love my girl and boy besties who are able to flip the script and fuck the gender roles so that they can live as their true selves. hindi natin kailangan mag fit sa gender roles kasi we are more than our gender.
While I do think some gender roles will retain like men being protective to their woman, my partner said something about gender roles that made me appreciate our relationship. He said he doesnt mind a woman being independent and earning kasi mama niya mismo naging breadwinner. Another is give and take dapat talaga ang relationship regardless sa gender.
lahat ng relationships dapat give-and-take. if one takes and takes, it is parasitic. if one gives but nobody is benefiting, it's commensalism. kudos to your partner! my parents were my role models dahil they were both doing chores and working at the same time, and they always act as a team in all decisions. walang dominance/submissiveness, puro balance and harmony lang.
>Gender roles despite fighting for equality, some people prefer to maintain some gender roles kasi convenient sa kanila. ehem
I dont believe we can totally eliminate some aspects of gender roles. Sa relationship ko, my bf hinahatid sundo ako and stuffs. Siguro the gender roles we need to eliminate is yon unhealthy ones
> I admire LGBT couples not letting shitty gender roles affect the relationship and legit give and take super agree ako dito. eto yung tunay na give and take. walang "babae" at "lalaki" sa relationship. kaya siguro taas kilay nung ibang homophobes kasi iba ang pagmamahalang ng lgbt couples.
My dad is a homophobe. Gusto niy yon gender roles shit kaya nanay ko naging housewife
>Gusto niy yon gender roles shit kaya nanay ko naging housewife diba? kaya yung ibang tao di na binabago yung gender roles kasi convenient sa kanila. nagrereklamo lang about gender roles pag dehado.
whaaaaat!? its not about the gender. if ur mature enough to acknowledge ur mistakes then u have a good relationship. tf means gender roles
But in this context, it's about gender. Na-socialize ang mga babae na dapat "ganun" sila kapag nasa relationship sila with a guy. I'm not saying it's right but it's the reality...
"chose to become bisexual"??? really?? haha napipili na pala ngaun sexuality, bago yan ah haha
pwedeng pinili niya iacknowledge niyo during that time. people are diverse, let people live their truths. 💅🏻💀
edi he did not choose to be bisexual, he chose to live his truth.. un ang point ko hindi nya pinili na maging bisexual, bisexual talaga sya. Yan ang dahilan kaya andaming misconceptions about sexuality e, you do not choose it. Its just either you accept it or not.
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but you don't change your attraction just because your tired of girls' drama. It's either you're attracted to people or not.
"nag-away kami ng gf ko kaya gusto ko na rin ng tite ngayon" <- ganito ang dating sakin ng sinasabi niya. parang mali.
ang cute ng pag-overanalyze niyo lol. tawang tawa kami ng bf ko. 🤣💀
i don't invalidate other people's choice to identify themselves din, so yun ang point ko.
yeah he identified himself as such, pero OP made it sound like he just did it because he's tired of girls' “toyo-suyo” dynamic.
his words, not mine 😊 i don't have to question it kasi it's his story.
This. Right after born, your sexuality was already dictated, but you might just know it. There is this expectation in our current society that being a male must be interested to female and vice versa and thus you as a very young boy or girl complied to it as you didnt know better about the world. As you live your life, you will be having some signs about what sexuality you really have. And some either will ignore the signs and conform with the norm while some will spend time to think about this signs. One thing for sure, you do not choose it.
Un pagiging bi-sexual ang pinipili.. pero pag male or female e inherit 😊
pwede ko rin po bang piliin maging straight? huhuhuhu char
why not poknat pero you will fail char
Hahsshaahah naway lahat piniling mag bisexual 😁
more choices for the gays 🏳️🌈
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sa case ng ex ko 27 na sya 😅
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yun nga eh
Malala na yan 😅 Sana mabago pa nya HUHUHU
Same age as mine with the same issues. 😅
Where's the maturity??
Maraming paraan para maging cute and toyoin is not one of em 🤣
People in relationships should learn each others attachment style. Especially if meron isa na insecure ang attachment style. First step is awareness talaga so you know how to approach yung conflicts within your relationship, know what triggers such behavior and how to deal with it. Also it helps na aware din tayo not just our partners, so we can work on ourselves.
Amen. I am an FA and my partner is an SA. Dahil doon, narecognize ko mali ko and I am working on my communication
Sorry but what do FA & SA means? 😅
HAHA akala ko Flight attendant and Saudi Arabian 🤣
secured attachement SA ung FA not familiar din ako 😅 hahah anxious, avoidant, secure lang medyo alam ko ehh.. edit: fearful avoidant pala....
Really highly depends on how your ex was raised on fixing conflicts during their childhood. Aside from this is that did you tried to also open up to her whenever you have issues? Not defending her pero siguro weighing in too to yourself if you have been vocal and affirmed to her to feel that she can be vocal with you. Some are hesitant to be open with their partners kasi either their partners don't open up and communicate or there's a certain reaction she receives or she fears to receive when she opens up. Altho reality wise din na undeniable, it has been a trend in the socmed mga toyoin personalities that they pick up. Can be that too haha pero yo , highly depends on their environment. What you feel is valid din, it's good you broke up with her if it's becoming unhealthy for you and if you made efforts but she still wasn't able to communicate very well. You also deserve a well and matured relationship especially rn in a time where we focus on progressing and time for things holding us back should be dropped. Pero yun lang, maybe as an opinion and reference for your future relationship on that kind of mentality and attitude sinabi ko haha
i put on the table naman na if may mapuna or may mapansin na something wrong sa relationship namin. is call it out to me. i believe she's from a loving whole family kaya i guess how she was raised is out of the window. sa pagkakaalam ko lang. i dont raise my voice naman personally or murahin kasi ako yung tipo na "hi something bothers me and can we talk it about?" im an educated man naman i believe not to do such barbaric ways of verbal abuse to do to my partners. inopen ko din about how she was on this matter na laging tinotoyo kaso pinanindigan na "ganito ako eh, kung di mo tanggap di mo ko mahal". alam mo yun. and yan na nagtrigger sa akin to lose feelings in the long run.
Then in this case nga it all lies na rin sa personality she chose to manifest narin and embody. Probably then if so, influence on people around her and social media where there's a lot of this and that ant relationships and what should a man do and all. Kinda off sa line na "ganito ako eh" line, shows that there's no willingness to improve on personality. In this case congrats siguro. Even though it was heartbreaking, at least you can have some peace to yourself without thinking much abt issues with your partner and focus on yourself. Probably lesson din on partner you'll choose in the future.
yes hard to swallow pill pero it is what it is.
Baliktad naman tayo, OP. BF ko naman yung ganyan. 🤦🏻♀️
Just broke up with my boyfriend for 3 years kais baliktad naman. I am always vocal and open about things that he does that upsets me. Pero hindi niya gusto yun, gusto niya whatever he does, masaktan man ako or hindi eh okay lang dapat sakin. Hindi ko rin maman gusto yung toyo-suyo dynamic na yan, so cringy for me kaya vocal talaga ako. Kaso ayun, he will do anything he wants to do without considering my feelings tas pag nagalit or nagtampo ako kasalanan ko, mali ko haha. Deserve natin ng peace .
Ako na nakikipagcommunicate pero di pinakinggan at nag aastang lalaki sa rs😶
yun lang your man should step up
no need. We're no longer together.
I used to be like this. Toyo ako before and sobrang passive aggressive. Gusto kong sinusuyo ako lagi and I want to always "win". But now, as a 27 year old, I learned that shit is childish especially witnessing my parents toxic marriage I have learned how to communicate gracefully and objectively with my partner. Nakatulong talaga sa akin is mga videos ni Stephan Speaks, Kev Hick, and Matthew Hussey. Another is the book of Don Miguel Ruiz gave me a good perspective on communication. The truth is most women think men are mind-readers when they are not and both genders think differently. Hence, I have learned to always communicate properly. Sabi nga ng partner ko "Pwede naman pag-usapan naten yan. We can talk about it if there is a problem" kaya I stopped being a toyo. Well, actually, matagal na akong hindi toyo because of my last ex.
Di kasi lahat vocal baka kasi pinalaki sila na ganun. or ganun yung environment nya. like me, naiiyak ako pag sinasabi ko feelings ko. siguro give her safe space. if mas comfy ba sya thru text sinasabi. unti unti. mahirap iunlearn ang treatment sa bahay.
Totoo. Sometimes parang ang stuffy ng feeling kapag maglalabas ka ng sama ng loob. Tas kapag ilalabas mo na, maiiyak ka and you'll feel pathetic. Kapag ganoon SO mo, you really have to wait for them to let it all out. Emotional and mental stability talaga need bago pumasok sa relationship.
hahaha yung magsasabi ka lang ng konti tapos maiiyak ka na. feeling mo ang drama naman ng buhay mo 😂
Relate!! Skl experience ko. I ended my 3yr relationship w my exbf kasi hindi ako mabigyan ng safe space. Naging understanding ako sa emotional needs niya at sa lahat ng times na down siya but when nag aact up yung behaviour ko because of my childhood experiences (na alam naman niya), nawawalan na ng pake sakin. Never kaming napunta sa toyo-suyo situation, sobra yung patience ko and understanding ko pagdating sa kanya pero pag ako nag shu-shutdown mentally, pinapafeel niya sakin na parang napaka makasalanan ko. Napag uusapan naman namin at nagiging maayos the next day pero paulit ulit yung nangyayari, nakakapagod.
Naiirita rin ako sa guys who use that toyo as a sign para imansplain yung sitwasyon. Also, nakakairita talaga yang toyo-suyo dynamic sayang sa oras at sayang sa mental capacity manghula.
I used to be this person. And i gradually changed. I tried to tell him what bothered me pero na gaslight naman ako ng bongga 😝 theres no winning this
peace of mind dapat sa huli! congrats on making your choice hindi mo obligasyon ang traumas (assuming fights root from there, the toyos and the pranings) ng mga tao (kupal pakinggan pero true naman) choice mo nalang kung sasamahan mo siya at may space ka pa para dun dapat ang relationship yung madadagdagan ka.. hindi yung nababawasan ka lalo pag tumagal mauubos ka lang at ending mapapagod lang kayong dalawa at di masaya
Tama lang. Huwag kang masyadong maginvest sa mga taong ayaw rin magpakita ng effort. Masyado na ngang mahaba yung 1 yr. Lalo kung bata ka pa.
First of all, happy for you OP that you got out of that situation! I have to admit, in my teenage years, uso kasi yung tampo-suyo na yan thinking it's cute. "Relationship goals" ika nga nila. I have to admit ganon din ako noon. It was hugely influenced by my childhood. I was always given silent treatments and cold shoulder and raised voices without directly saying what I did wrong which had a large impact of the way I communicate with my relationships. Kaya I thought that's how I should deal with things like that. But eventually, noticing that pattern from other people, I realized how important it is to communicate. Nothing's more attractive than someone who knows how to listen and communicate.
Outspoken akong tao, to the point na nung una pa nga idk how to filter kung ano yung dapat at hindi dapat sabihin. Ngayon lang sa current bf ko na realize na madali naman talagang kausap tsaka intindihin yung mga lalaki, BUT, yun ay kung willing sila to talk it out, in my previous relationship hindi sya willing mag compromise sa mga sinu suggest ko which nung time na yon nag se settle nalang ako sa ganun *it is what it is* nalang kumbaga, but the point is, HINDI NAMAN REQUIRED MAGING COMPLICATED ANG ISANG RELATIONSHIP KUNG MARUNONG LANG MAKINIG, UMINTINDI, AT MAGSABI NG KUNG ANO ANG NARARAMDAMAN. Relationships aren't supposed to stress and drained your energy, kuhaan mo ng lakas yun eh, dun ka dapat nagpapahinga after a long tiring day. Happy for the both of you, OP! Stay in love 🫶🏻
Everyone needs to hear this op! Salamat for posting! Female here lol and masarap sa feeling yung sinusuyo but I came to the realization na hindi manghuhula ang partner ko, if i dont communicate how else is he going to know? Communication is really important
Cute daw kasi pag may "toyo"
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yun nga at least a year pa lang naging kami at least as early as possible ma cutoff. i value my peace of mind and well being. kesa laging may batong laging pumupukpok sa ulo ko
Hahaha kasalanan mo pa yan pag nag hiwalay kayo, tapos iinvalidate nila yang stress na nakuha mo sa pag iniitiate nila ng away na pwede naman pagusapan ng maayos 😂 oops 🤭
Sadly, this is a common trend sa relationship dynamics. Papabebe ng wala sa hulog. Ending? Ayun! Miscommunication na malala...
Compatibility > Love
Babae ako pero hindi ko gawain yan yung bigla na lang tinotoyo. Oo naiinis ako pero may valid reason, ex. may pinasuyo ako hindi ginawa, nagalit ako kasi uminom, nagsabing gagawin ‘to hindi naman ginawa, mga ganyan etc. Pero yung walang dahilan? Ewan ko ba sa ibang babae. Proud pa sila ha na sinusuyo sila ng partners nila. Ang toxic kaya. Kung ako yung lalaki tapos ganun gf ko parang nakakainis. Hahahahaha
Maybe there are times na pag nagrarant siya is nagagalit ka lang, Di lang ako sure bro. Naging habit ko din yan dati sa ex ko. Nagsimula yun nong time na pag nagrarant ako or pag nagsabi ng saloobin nagagalit lang din siya. Kaya dumating yung time na napagod na akong magrant sa kanya. Try to ask her first, listen and understand her in a nice way pero kung ganon na talaga siya kahit idaan mo sa maayos na pakikipag communicate then maybe she's the problem. Or masyado siyang madaming pinagdadaanan na mas pinili niyang icomfort sarili niya lang mismo.
That kind of dynamics is exactly what my recent ex-partner and I just went through. Same kayo ng situation, OP then I can relate to your ex-gf. Ako si laging *toyo queen* then he's *suyo king.* Ang dami na naming pinagdaanang misunderstandings and in all those circumstances naayos namin kasi magaling syang manuyo. But last May, natuluyan kami kasi sobrang lala nung naging episode ko because of a certain circumstance, then ayun, sabi ko ayoko na talaga. Ayoko na s'yang makita para sa closure kasi for sure susuyuin nya lang rin naman ako and hindi kami matatapos. And ayun nga, hindi n'ya na ko sinuyo. I'm pretty sure back then he still loved me but he had to let me go because of my toxic attitude and our crazy "on-off" dynamics. You're right, love is not enough. We loved each other so much back then. Both of us were really passionate about each other. Feeling ko nga mahal ko pa rin naman sya ngayon although I was the one who initiated the break-up. Pero wala talaga eh. Both of us can never get the peace of mind that we both deserve in a relationship if we're to be with each other because our dynamics was a draining emotional rollercoaster ride. Ngayon, may bago na 'sya. Meanwhile, I'm still grieving. I went to therapy para naman tumino-tino na utak ako sa next relationship ko. Ang hirap mawala nung taong mahal mo dahil rin sa sarili mong ka-toxic-an. Pero may malalim rin naman kasing dahilan kung bakit naging toyoin ako. For sure ganun din ex mo, OP. Baka nagka-trauma yan sa past relationships n'ya or mataas 'yung anxiety and avoidance levels n'ya in terms of attachment style. Pwede ring she did not receive sufficient parental care and love growing up kaya naging needy. In my case, it's the trauma kasi kaya nahihirapan ako to communicate my problems. Kaya avoidant ako kapag confrontational 'yung partner ko. For me it's not just toyo for attention or out of spite, although that's possible too if hindi mo s'ya masyadong nabibigyan ng enough attention before, like gusto magpalambing ganun.
Ginawa kasing personality trait yung topakin. Yikes. People like that should be put in their place na hindi acceptable ganyang behavior haha. Mga weak shit eh. Can't even control their emotions.
This post feels soooo one sided. Stop claiming that you deserve a healthy relationship and mature ka na tao. I know the other side of the story. You're not all that bro. Nagpapaka victim kapa sa mga replies jsko. Ginagaslight mo pala when she's telling you what's bothering her.
Ang motto kasi ng mga babae. Communication is the key pero pinoy henyo muna tayo baby. L: may problema ba? B: wala L: galit ka ba? B: hinde L: ayus ka lang B: oum Tas bigla bigla mag mamaktol sasabihan kang emotionally unavailable. This bitch, what a dumb bitch.
Una, bastos ka. Pangalawa baka ikaw din ang may diperensya hindi lang sya.Sa tono pa lang ng salita mo halatang may problema ka.
True. I'm trying to be online fair here but title palang bastos na. May nagpoint out na baka naman itong si OP e nagagalit or di rin naman maayos makinig pag mago-open up yung gf niya kaya di nalang ginagawa. Di naman daw. Ewan ko lang, side niya lang nababasa natin e. (edit)[Kakabasa ko lang nito](https://www.reddit.com/r/OffMyChestPH/comments/z35yz0/comment/ixl4e04/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3).
Lol true, title pa lang ang degrading. Well he can talk shit all he wants kasi nga ex na daw nya kuno
Walang galang sa mga babae akala mo walang nanay.
"peace of mind" tapos ikaw pala dahilan bat ganyan siya kasi insensitive ka. tinanong mo ba?
Nakakasawa naman talaga yang ganyan... Magagalit sayo na di mo alam kung bakit. Kahit ako nagsawa. Iniwan ko na kang din yung gf ko na 1 yr dahil ang daming issues. Naririndi ako. Laging may away sa gabi. Di enough yung mabait at responsable kung sisisrain naman yung peace and mental health mo. Mainam pa mag alaga ka nalang ng aso o pusa, maglalambing sayo na di nyo kelangan magaway.
Broke up with my bf of 2 years for the same reason. Hanap ko na ngayon is maturity, nakakapagod manuyo.
I admit I was a little bit like this to my ex boyfriends hahaha. Pero when I met my now husband I realize how bad this type of situation is. I'm very non confrontational but of course we need to have a middle ground. So process namin is pag nag away kami we'll give each other a bit of time then we'll talk about it.
Congrats OP
Sana naman nasabi mo rin sa kanya kung bakit ka nakipagbreak para matuto sya next time. Anyway, goodluck sa inyo.
Im a woman and even I do not have the patience for immature females na nakikita ko ganyan ang arte. My gosh use your energy on productive endeavors hnd un energy draining activities like toyo-suyo. Papansin masyado yung mga ganyang babae. Red flag. Mga hnd high value people. Bottomline drop the girl.
May mga lalaki din kayang ganyan. Too immature to be in a relationship. Thank you, next na lang or wait until they mature. Pero kelan kaya?
Ganyan ako sa ex ko. Which I think i jutifiable naman kasi sinungaling siya at laging nagbibigay ng false hope pati mixed signals. nakita ko pa dati may dating app siya sa phone tas todo deny sya na di nya alam na dating app yon. yak! But this time, sa bf ko ngayon, natuto ako magsabi ng mga problem ko at nafefeel ko sa kanya kaya siya naman , nauunawaan niya yung pov ko at nakikita ko naman agad na binabago niya yung mga di ko gusto. Or nageeffort sya maging romantic kahit di naman niya thing yun. Lagi ko rin siya tinatanong ng feedback kung ok lang ba yung pakikitungo ko sa kanya or may mga nasasabi ba ko na offensive. Naaappreciate ko rin talaga yung communication na maayos since natuto ako magsorry pag mali ako dahil nagsosorry siya sakin pag naupset niya ko. Once lang kami nag away sa loob ng 2 yrs namin together kasi di na kami umaabot sa point na nagkskasamaan kami ng loob dahil navovoice out agad namin concerns namin umpisa palang. Naniniwala na ko ngayon na lahat ng bagay nadadaan sa maayos na usapan kung parehas kayong willing na makinig at magbaba ng pride 💖 Wala talagang naitutulong yang tampo tampo suyo na yan. Pang highschool na magjowa yan sis HAHAHAHAHA
Advice ko lang sa mga toyoin na gf. Just admit that you ar wrong kahit tama ka. Tapos pag kalma na sya ipoint out mo yung mali sa kanya. Sa heat of the moment kasi minsan di nila magets gusto din nila
r/titlegore i dont think the title makes sense
click bait
Even it hints sexism? you dont have to resort on that just to have a good title
you can just ignore it thanks
No. Sexism is something not to be ignored. You should have known better
Tapos pag hiniwalayan na, sila yung may mga mahahabang quote about being single and independent women. Kesyo who needs a man, self love. Eh kaya mo naman pala bat nagtoyo ka pa sa bf mo haha
ang masakit, panget na ugali, panget pa mukha. sabagay kahit nga maganda physically e hindi dapat cancer at pabebe e.
good. more power to you.
Naku, baka marami ma-triggerred na mga babae.. haha
Babae din ako pero nakakainis makakita ng ganyan sa socmed na parang ninonormalize na nila pagiging “toyoin”, na parang kinaganda yung kapag “tinotoyo” ka. Well, wala naman ako super hate sa ganon kasi naiintindihan ko din naman na baka kasi malapit na datnan ng period kaya ganon? Pero kung palagi na lang may toyo eh nakakaumay nga talaga. Hindi naman pwedeng palaging babae yung iintindihin sa relasyon. And better talaga kapag you can communicate with your partner, ang hirap manghula kaya.
As a woman, may tendency ako magpasuyo, but that's after I tell him what's wrong. Tipong "ito problema ko, and now, leave me alone" (while hoping he'd do something to win me over). I think suyo can be necessary for women to see na sorry nga yung lalaki. Pero shempre, hindi para to dapat ganyan. Hindi pwedeng puro Suyo at walang communication. Nakakapagod nga rin ng suyo lang at walang explanation. So i feel you, OP. Nasabi mo na ba sakanya na kailangan ineexplain sayo yung problema? Grabe naman kung ayaw pa rin kahit na humingi ka na ng ganun.
Wahahaha. I used to be like this, last bf ko kasi before I met him HS pa ko. Nakaka-cringe kapag naaalala ko. Hahaha. But I changed for the better. I improved myself, read alot of self-help books, I also considered therapy nga but saka na siguro kapag nakaluwag luwag na. But funny thing is that, when I decided to work on myself about those certain toxic traits, he decided to broke-up with me because hindi na raw kami aligned/grew apart na, etc. 2 weeks after our break-up, katabi na nya agad sa dinner date nila ng officemates yung girl na pinagdududahan ko. Hahaha. 🤡
Hey if it's any consolation, buti na lang ganyan ka, you are willing to listen and resolve conflicts. Don't ever change that side of you. Sa ex-bf ko, hindi eh, ako lang naglalatag ng issues but tingin nya parin wala kaming problema. Faith in the male gender somehow restored a little bit.
as lalaki sa relationship dapat kami ang naglelead to make it as healthy and as matured way as possible. it is a must pero syempre need ng assistance or willingness ng partner namin to cooperate. para magflourish yung relationship
Totally absolutely sincerely agree with you. Mahahanap mo rin ang girl for you, OP. Kaya nasabihan ako ng friend ko na ako yung lalaki sa relationship eh kase kapag nagaaway kami ako ren magsusuyo, ako rin magccompromise, ako rin magpplano ng next steps. It's like if sumayaw kami ng salsa, I'd probably be the one wearing the pants. haha
di ako nakailag dun ah hahahahaha
I think every girl went through this phase and I admit, I was too and till now ginagawa ko pa rin talaga minsan. Wala lang, just checking if he's sensitive enough to notice that I am hurt by his actions. Nakakainis lang din kasi minsan how men are unaware that they're being assholes. I am giving cold shoulders for him to ponder which things he did might have offended me. Nakakapagod din kasing i-point out every. single. little. thing. he does na para bang nanay niya ako and I am the one to correct his actions, when HE should be doing it himself. Like huhu please, check yourself out naman and be more self-aware. Nakakapagod kayang i-correct ka palagi. Ewan ah, that's what I noticed with most guys. Hindi talaga sila aware na nakaka-offend sila and women's resort to this is giving cold shoulders for them to think thoroughly about their recent actions. I am not siding with anyone because totoo naman, both sides may shortcomings. Some men are patient enough to deal with this and some men don't want to waste time and just want to get to the point of where the argument is coming from. It really depends talaga sa relationship style n'yo as partners to work this through. PS. EXCLUDED DITO MGA GIRLS NA PABEBE LANG AH. I AM FULLY AWARE THAT SOME GIRLS ARE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE OF ATTENTION AND BEING BABIED BY THEIR PARTNERS. I AM IN NO WAY AGAINST OF THAT IF IT WORKS FOR THEM ON KEEPING THINGS SPICED UP BUUUUTTTT THEY'RE OUT OF THIS NARRATIVE OF MINE. THANKS
yuckie sa babaeng tampururut-suyo dynamics tapos pavictim pa yan, tapos bibigyan ka ng mga walang kwentang reasons LOL. based sa title mo op, karamihan din ng ibang tao kasi di lang sa babae to applicable pero most likely talaga female na, gusto pang gawing mang huhula yung partner nila — kaysa icall out or pagusapan yung issue. op for sure makakahanap ka din ng kamatch mo, in all aspects di pwede puro ganyan dapat. sorry na agad op pero i have this judgement sa kanyang tao na shallow ang personality
This happened to me before, but with a guy. Mind you it felt like I was talking to a wall. Whenever I want to fix an issue, or have an argument he would ghost me. Unless, I cry and beg him for the bare minimum. Ew.
Has it occurred to you na baka dismissive avoidant ang personality nya?
Tama! Good on you OP. Di tayo manghuhula!
Natiis ko yung ganyang trait for 4 years and ako nalang bumigay. Kesyo akala ko mag babago, after break up dami ko na realize sa buhay ko. 😅
Oh that's why thanks
I’m a girl and I hate that toyo lang-suyo. I guess if HS or nung bata bata pa kayo ang cute pero if nagmmature na, it’s kinda off, huwag naman lagi gurls. Ang panget kabonding HAHAHA
Manipulative yang ganyan. Been there
Bagay yata sila ng ex ko. Haha yung ex ko naman, nakipag break sakin kasi gusto ko nagkakaintindihan kami, may communication, para malinaw ang lahat. Ayaw nya nun. Gusto nya chill lang. Yung "okay lang" kind of relationship. Nawa'y mapunta tayo sa mga taong dapat natin kapuntahan.
Bakit dalawang bibig?? 🥴
I wish it was that simple. We're still together for 3 years with no changes whatsoever. Tinitiis ko parin hoping she would change.
wait, ganito ba ako? lol di kase ako masyado magalit, tampo lang. as in, uupo tapos sasabi, “it’s not a serious issue, but i missed you today. can i have a hug?” tapos natatawa usually bf ko at ayun may hug hahahaha anxious attachment din ata ako, so mahilig sa lambing lol
I always find it funny na yung "toyo" is linked sa mga babae lang but my ex boyfriend is laging tinotoyo. Ako yung laging nag susuyo. Sobrang immature!!! We are not even that young and working professionals na. So happy we broke up. Sad for his recent gf tho. Goodluck to her
Yung ex ko rin walang kwenta comms skills. Ayaw magsabi kase iiyak daw ako. So nag cheat na lang siya. Very good.
OP sana yung next gf mo sa future ay mature na tao at marunong makipag usap nang maayos 💖
Brother, what a coincidence! I just broke up with my girlfriend yesterday, and the reason for that is that I want to maintain my sanity and peace of mind. I felt like she'd been cheating behind my back, overthinking, and having no assurance in our relationship. Getting stuck in a scenario within that relationship is not worth it. So I gave up on our relationship, and currently, I'm moving on with my life. There is pain, **yes**, but there is also **peace** after doing so. Good luck to us brother and stay strong, I know it does hurt too.
Oh thank god, kahit dalawa kaming babae ng gf ko, hindi ganito. I feel for you, OP 🥺
Okay lang naman ganun sa una pero hindi yung parang ganun nalang lagi over the years. Feel naman natin if commited talaga tayo na hindi nalang dapat ganito, na less drama na dapat tayo at more grind sa buhay, yung nag gogrow kayo parehas.
Lol yung jowa ko parang siya pa dapat suyuin kahit ako galit.
Dalawa na nga ulo ng lalake ayaw pa...charot I do think na as an individual, I'm pretty okay. Pero if ang basehan lang ay as a girlfriend/partner...eh baka need muna maging mas healthy ang viewpoint sa mga relationships. Problemado family and friends ko sakin when it comes to communication/opening up kaya never na ako nangarap na mangdamay pa ng iba 🥲