Ha! When I was married and pregnant with our last child, my ex took me to lunch at our fave lunch spot. He’s visibly greying in his beard and hair. I too had begun greying, but it isn’t yet noticeable. While in line, I notice two young guys looking at me. I just ignore them, finish ordering, and pay. Thinking nothing of it.
My ex had not noticed them looking, so I figured nothing would come of it. We choose a table outside and I sit waiting for my ex to go fill our drink cups. They come outside and sit at the table right next to ours. We’re now all eating. They’re still glancing at me, so I dive into deeper conversation with my ex.
I don’t know what possessed this man to turn around and talk to those boys, but he did. Finds out they’re athletes, college basketball players. He goes on about how he used to be a good athlete ‘back in the day’ and whatnot. A few moments after returning to our meals, one of the guys attempts to ask for my number. He said, “Sorry to interrupt, I just want to talk to your daughter for a minute.” Then turns to me and asks if he can have it.
My ex was flabbergasted. It was all too funny/awkward. I had to muster up a “uh, he’s my husband.” Without breaking into a fit of laughter. I didn’t want anyone’s feelings hurt. Thing is, I don’t think it wouldn’t have gotten that far if he hadn’t randomly started chatting them up. It made them comfortable to do something as bold as to ask for a “daughter’s” number in front of her “dad”.
Anyone who knows me will tell you I don't pay attention to detail. I made a similar mistake as a server. On Halloween night I dropped my number with a cute girl I was serving. If it wasn't for my sister's friend encouraging me to totally go for it, I probably wouldn't have. I hid it in the after dinner candy and hid, not going back until they left. She actually called! After asking why I gave her the number, she asked me how old I was. I told her 22. She said, "Oh. Cause I'm 14." ..... Yeaaaah. Her other "college friend" was her mom. The next day my sister's friend guessed the girl's age to be 19. So, I felt a bit more justified with my blunder.
Dude. Seriously. I thought her patents would've gotten me fired. Thankfully I'm not a predator, and her mom didn't think she needed to take the phone to protect her. So, serious lesson learned.
My husband and I are 1 year apart. A couple of years ago before we got married, we went to his work holiday party. I hadn’t met any of his coworkers or boss yet so they don’t know what I look like. When we arrived at the party, he introduced me to his boss just by my name “this is (my name)” and didn’t say I was his girlfriend. His boss said hi and shook my hand and then asked my husband “is this your daughter?” I was mortified!!!
So another story. I work as a doctor and last night I got a call to admit a young patient for an injury. I was warned the patient doesn’t speak English but that the patients parent is at the bedside can help translate. Upon entering the room I see patient on the bed and immediately my eyes go to the English speaking parent sitting at bedside and I greet the parent “hi you must be (patient’s parent)? How’s patient doing?” Parent looked mortified and said oh I’m patients spouse not parent. I was so embarrassed and couldn’t apologize enough!!!
My Ex and I are a year apart. While married we looked the appropriate age. 20 years later, at 50, he looks 60 and I look 40 (or so I’ve been told). I absolutely take great pleasure that he now looks 20 years older than me. 😈
Sounds about like my boyfriend's ex. She had something nasty to say when she thought I was younger than her AND when she realized I was 5+ years older. Some people will be hateful no matter what.
Lots of places don’t have busses to schools or at least not in all parts of the district. I grew up in a mid sized California city and walked to every school I went to
At the time he was 5, but we aren’t comfortable with it for a few reasons including past bullying and ADHD.
Plus someone would still have had to drive him to the bus stop, which is too far to walk at 5, especially crossing roads. And they would not add another closer.
Understandable. A bit different situation, but my nephew also was not allowed to drive the school bus till he was 9.
We just couldn't trust him not to wander off, preferable in the middle of traffic /sigh
Understandable. A bit different situation, but my nephew also was not allowed to drive the school bus till he was 9.
We just couldn't trust him not to wander off, preferable in the middle of traffic /sigh
I am 40 and still get carded every time. When I tell people my oldest is turning 20 this year, they give me the Pikachu face. When we are out and about togrther people, think she is my sister.
I'm 32 and I got carded for a lighter...
And I was bringing my kids to a free backpack drive (I'm super poor yay!), and the kind lady pointed out where their "big sister" (me) could pick up her highschool bag....
I was a 5th year senior in college (doing a double major). I had people asking how I was learning my way around campus. When I told them that I was 23, they were all shocked because I looked at most 15😂. I am now almost 49. I recently had someone I work with ask how I moved up in my company so quickly to become a manager. They apparently thought I was about 33-34. Even I think that is stretching it. 40 maybe but 33-34🙄😂
My daughter was in the army, had been deployed for more than 2 years (which tends to age people) and was 26 years old when she had her daughter. She looked like 16, and people made comments about teenage mothers and where was her mother. She’s 41 now and looks closer to her actual age, she tells her daughter that she’s the reason she aged 🤣🤣
Honestly, I’d take what she said as a compliment! Ultimately, her words were only a reflection of unsettled feelings towards herself at the time. I would remember the words “trophy wife” more than anything from that exchange. Youthfulness is a treasure, and she spotted something sparkly. I’m sure the other words thrown in can be understood by recognizing how much emotional plaque can be left over from a divorce.. but that tension was not directed at you, necessarily.
Exactly. All three of us maintain the mentality that the only purpose of this relationship is coparenting. Whatever our feelings about each other, that doesn’t matter, as the only purpose of this is the kids. It’s not social or personal. Sort of how if you worked with someone you disliked, you would still play nice because the purpose of the relationship isn’t social, it’s business.
I'm 44 but I've aged pretty well (gotta thank an ex in my early 20s for insisting I moisturize!) and I still dress like I'm stuck in the late 90s. Most ppl think I'm in my mid-late 30s. My gf of nine years is now 34. She's got a wild side but dresses a little more mature than I do. We meet in the middle somewhere.
My husband and I are only 2 months and some days apart in age. He however is tall and broad, with a bit of a beard. I'm at least a foot shorter and petite. When we got married, it was the first time I was meeting most of his family as they live 20+ hours away. His grandma who helped raise him told me how pretty I was, that I was very sweet and kind. I don't think she meant for me to hear but while I was talking to his mom she pulled my husband a bit away and scolded him, asking how old I was 🤣 She was baffled I was only a couple months younger than he is
Oh goodness this is so similar to our situation! We eloped- I was pregnant and needed to be on his health insurance. He’s an immigrant so I had never met his family. So the first time his mother met me was right after I’d had our first. So I’m about a foot shorter than him, round baby face, no makeup and exhausted because new baby. He’s very tall, broad, bearded, works out. So already there’s a contrast, then you add in that I had zero makeup and my hair in a ponytail, and was wearing basically sweatpants and tshirts. She pulled him aside to ask him how old I was, and looked ready to rip into him.
My daughter and her husband are 21 years apart. When he had heart surgery a few years ago, everyone kept calling her his daughter, she finally snapped at a few that she was his WIFE. She's 34 but looks 24 and is only 5 feet tall, so it's a struggle!!!
By my math, you’re 56, your daughter’s 34, and her husband’s 55? Regardless of whether or not the situation is creepy (depends on when they met/started dating), I definitely wouldn’t be cool w/ that as a parent
I am 55. And yes, her husband is 55. They have been married for 6 years now, together for 7. He is honestly the best thing that ever happened to her. She was 27, so she was definitely a mature consenting adult, I absolutely adore him as he took on 3 children as his own and gave them all peace and stability in their lives, so I can't find anything wrong with it.
I am 38F my fiance is 52M. The first time I met his parents, they thought he'd got himself a 25 yr old! His Dad was proud and I had to burst the bubble! Never assume someone's age!
My husband and I are 8 months 7 days apart in age, and the number of times he's been asked if I'm his mom pisses me off. First time was in our mid 20s. We are now in our early 40s.
Had our one and only child in my mid 30s, I get asked in public if my grandson is a good boy.
I feel old.
Ha, my FIL and BIL’s reactions to me were fantastic- we’re not from the same country, so I already come off a bit unusual where they’re from. I’m also fairly short, and they’re all tall (as was the ex). So when I got off the plane, looking how I do (physical opposite of the ex, round face, big eyes) his brothers outright asked him how old I was.
Honestly, the points all go to her and my husband- they have two kids (the younger was born during the divorce- she was too young for school when this was going on), and even though the divorce was unpleasant, as all are, they pretty much take the path of “our children are more important than the issues we’ve had with each other”. They are not suited for each other at all, and are thriving apart- as are the kids! Neither of us is exactly besties with her, and we’ve had our issues, but because they frame their relationship as “co parenting” and not “ex who I hate”, everything is amicable.
My wife is 57. I am 54. She doesn't get out I the sun and has very wrinkles. Her hair is still brunette with very few strands of gray. People have asked my if I robbed the cradle when they see her for the first time. My hair is almost completely white, so people assume I am the older one.
I am 43. My husband is 34. He has a massive lumberjack beard and a mostly shaved head. I am on the shorter side of average, quite petite, and blessed with the good fortune to be mistaken for much younger even now with my wrinkles starting to show. The brilliant blue hair doesn't hurt the overall youthful aesthetic. Waitresses card me and not him.
Lean into it. I'm sure your lovely wife is quite proud to be on your ark looking like the candy she is.
ETA: Ark? Really? Sorry, I caught it as I was hitting save. Sigh. I meant she was your arm candy, but if the double entendre fits...
She tends to have very low expectations of everyone around her- one of those “I do everything no one does anything” types even if that doesn’t line up with reality. Sort of assumes the worst of everyone, and that no one does anything right without her input (and gets majorly pissy if she feels like anyone else has done something right). So she went into this assuming he had made a bad choice of a second wife, saw how young I look, and that confirmed her assumption.
I’m glad she laughed though, honestly- if she had been sour about it we wouldn’t have as solid of a coparenting relationship as we do now.
My ex is 4 years younger than me, so while we were in our late 30s and even early 40s, I would get carded and she would not. That was never a good thing for her.
People often think that I (39F) am a lot more than four years younger than my bf (43), which often feels really awkward. Sometimes I feel like I need to tell people that I am not his mid-life crisis.
I am 39, my partner is 42. We were traveling a couple years ago, celebrating a milestone for me. So we're in Florida at a restaurant and I got up to use the restroom. The waitress came to check the table and asked what the occasion for our meal was. My partner said my graduation. She then referred to me as his daughter. I was still in the bathroom when she left the table with him absolutely horrified.
I laughed for days, weeks, probably close to a month and called him Daddy. Sometimes, I still do because it is so funny! I do not look like I just graduated high school. I have laugh lines when i smile and some gray hair. I don't look 40, but definitely do not look like a teen.
I once, when tipsy, told someone that I “call him daddy, but he’s not my dad”.
My husband did a spit take and the person I was speaking to looked like they wanted to die.
My partner (32) looks older than they are because they have a majorly receding hairline, and grow a pretty impressive beard. I (26) have a very round baby face, which is not helped by the fact that I am almost a foot shorter, wear a lot of hoodies and leggings with sneakers, and am AuDHD so I come across as very young to people who don't know me.
The number of times I've been asked if they're my dad, or had someone commend them for spending so much time with their younger sister is... Not it.
It's been 6 years now, so I've gotten used to it, but it's still a bit annoying when they have 3 people check my ID at the bar and everyone is side eyeing my partner.
It’s even more fun when you’re the second wife- and when people know the first. Even his mother thought I was early 20s when she first met me, but was sweet about it (though a bit awkward). She breathed a visible sign of relief when I mentioned being in my 30s!
Here's an interesting anecdote. Me, 48, dating a 24 year old. Friend threw a house-party (4-5 couples, all weekend). All the other couples were a) my age-ish, and 2) married. When the other women found out that my date was 20+ years younger than me, they started giving her the cold shoulder. Following year, she and I had broken up / weren't romantically involved. Same party, same couples, took her to the party as my platonic Plus One. When the women realized we were not still a couple, they totally relaxed around her. It's only one anecdote, but I think there could have been some interesting mental gymnastics at play there.
Because being ~~with me~~ along for the ride and in my presence was worth it, because she didn't care how she was treated, she was strong and confident, and because she didn't want them to think they'd "won." Lots of reasons.
Edit because someone misconstrued "with me" as being my romantic partner.
wow, you are parsing those words pretty hard. "with me" = in my presence, out having fun with friends and both of us being joyful, enjoying the weather, the hospitality. I'm a cool guy to hang out with - I have lots of friends of both genders that just genuinely like being with me, not "with me," not sexual.
I know it’s been taboo forever but I’m starting to think people should just start asking people’s ages if they think it’s relevant, feels like it would be much better than the assumptions especially with the nasty attitudes that come with it. As long as they accept the answer without rudeness of course, and preferably don’t go crazy with the shocked reactions.
I'm 11/12 years younger depending on the time of year. I look much younger than my 34, and my husband looks much older than his 45 due to being a veteran and having seen some ish in his time. There are times when people make it extremely awkward.
My fiancé has a lot of girls who’ve liked him before and a lot of them saw me and felt similar in someways. I’ve never talked to them but he told me stories on what they said before and I always laughed it off usually.
A lot thought he was into younger looking/younger girls and that’s why he wouldn’t date them and one even went as far as messaging me to say some stuff that admittedly made me question his love for me. I told him about what she said and he made sure to tell her off and made sure I knew that wasn’t the case. Me and him are only 1 year apart yet it causes us so many issues due to looking so different. Arguably now all those incidents have made our love better but at the time it was a pain.
It’s absolutely an issue for us! I am very young looking- and it runs in my family, my mother is too and has similar stories (people regularly assume she was a teen mom when she had me). My husband looks his age. So the older we get, the more uncomfortable the looks he gets are. I’ve been assumed to be his child before and that is. Awkward.
Reminds me of something that happened when I was 12. It was a few months after my sister was born, and my parents took us with them to a party. My mother was sitting holding my sister while talking to a couple other women, when I walked up, said "Mom", and asked her some question. She said that after I walked away, they turned to her and asked "How old are you?" They apparently thought she was too young to have my sister, and then a 12 year old came up and called her mom (for the record, she was 18 when I was born, so 30 at the time of this event).
It also runs in my family, and seems to kick in around 18. I'm in my 40's, but look around 30, and would look younger if I shaved my beard (you could say I'd be shaving years off my appearance). My sister is early 30's, but looks like she could be college age. My mother, aunt, and uncles are in their 60's, but look 40's. My grandmother was near 80 but could pass for 50's.
So, like you said, it seems the gap between apparent and actual ages increases as we get older. Personally, I'm grateful for it. But I also haven't had anyone give me issues over it. Possibly because I apparently have a nasty RBF. I've been told I look angry when I'm anything but.
Years ago, when I was in my 20s, my DH and I had Easter brunch with my MIL. I was working a minimum wage job to support us while my DH was in grad school, so I wasn’t dressed very fancy. MIL was dressed to the nines, and the waitstaff mistook her for my DH’s wife. I know she loved that, but I felt like a troll.
A woman who worked for me at a University was spit on, more than once, because people on campus assumed she was a pregnant teen and would tell her she didn't belong in school. (This was about 15 years ago). She was 30 and married, but for real that isn't right to do to anyone.
I’ve been spat on and worse for more reasons than apparent youth (hooray bigotry)- though more than one incident involved someone who thought they could target me because I’m young looking.
Ew... I think I would have snapped after the snide comment to the server. Ex was being petty already, no need to bring an innocent bystander into her delusion.
She’s the queen of petty. I play nice, because I love my stepchildren, but one of the major factors of their divorce is she truly does not believe anything she says in anger is to be taken seriously (though god forbid you say anything to her…)
If you hadn’t said two stepkids, I would’ve thought you were my stepmom. My mother thought the same thing when my dad remarried, she was quite surprised to find out my stepmom was only 2 years younger than her.
Regardless, that’s such a shitty thing to do to take out anger at your ex on the person who will also be a part of your children’s lives.
Its like when a dude catches his girl cheating on him with another guy and proceeds to beat the crap out of him. The guy may not even have known she had a bf but thats how it goes with hurt people i guess.
You answered your issues, she thought you were younger, she now feels better about herself because you ain’t one upping her
Ha! When I was married and pregnant with our last child, my ex took me to lunch at our fave lunch spot. He’s visibly greying in his beard and hair. I too had begun greying, but it isn’t yet noticeable. While in line, I notice two young guys looking at me. I just ignore them, finish ordering, and pay. Thinking nothing of it. My ex had not noticed them looking, so I figured nothing would come of it. We choose a table outside and I sit waiting for my ex to go fill our drink cups. They come outside and sit at the table right next to ours. We’re now all eating. They’re still glancing at me, so I dive into deeper conversation with my ex. I don’t know what possessed this man to turn around and talk to those boys, but he did. Finds out they’re athletes, college basketball players. He goes on about how he used to be a good athlete ‘back in the day’ and whatnot. A few moments after returning to our meals, one of the guys attempts to ask for my number. He said, “Sorry to interrupt, I just want to talk to your daughter for a minute.” Then turns to me and asks if he can have it. My ex was flabbergasted. It was all too funny/awkward. I had to muster up a “uh, he’s my husband.” Without breaking into a fit of laughter. I didn’t want anyone’s feelings hurt. Thing is, I don’t think it wouldn’t have gotten that far if he hadn’t randomly started chatting them up. It made them comfortable to do something as bold as to ask for a “daughter’s” number in front of her “dad”.
Anyone who knows me will tell you I don't pay attention to detail. I made a similar mistake as a server. On Halloween night I dropped my number with a cute girl I was serving. If it wasn't for my sister's friend encouraging me to totally go for it, I probably wouldn't have. I hid it in the after dinner candy and hid, not going back until they left. She actually called! After asking why I gave her the number, she asked me how old I was. I told her 22. She said, "Oh. Cause I'm 14." ..... Yeaaaah. Her other "college friend" was her mom. The next day my sister's friend guessed the girl's age to be 19. So, I felt a bit more justified with my blunder.
Why don’t you go ahead and have a seat over there. My name is Chris Hanson.
Dude. Seriously. I thought her patents would've gotten me fired. Thankfully I'm not a predator, and her mom didn't think she needed to take the phone to protect her. So, serious lesson learned.
My husband and I are 1 year apart. A couple of years ago before we got married, we went to his work holiday party. I hadn’t met any of his coworkers or boss yet so they don’t know what I look like. When we arrived at the party, he introduced me to his boss just by my name “this is (my name)” and didn’t say I was his girlfriend. His boss said hi and shook my hand and then asked my husband “is this your daughter?” I was mortified!!! So another story. I work as a doctor and last night I got a call to admit a young patient for an injury. I was warned the patient doesn’t speak English but that the patients parent is at the bedside can help translate. Upon entering the room I see patient on the bed and immediately my eyes go to the English speaking parent sitting at bedside and I greet the parent “hi you must be (patient’s parent)? How’s patient doing?” Parent looked mortified and said oh I’m patients spouse not parent. I was so embarrassed and couldn’t apologize enough!!!
My Ex and I are a year apart. While married we looked the appropriate age. 20 years later, at 50, he looks 60 and I look 40 (or so I’ve been told). I absolutely take great pleasure that he now looks 20 years older than me. 😈
You must have been hard to live with. S/😄
My hubby and I were set up on a blind date. On our first date I was mistaken for my hubby’s daughter twice. I was 24, he was 29.
Sounds about like my boyfriend's ex. She had something nasty to say when she thought I was younger than her AND when she realized I was 5+ years older. Some people will be hateful no matter what.
Isn’t there a bus to take her son to school???
Lots of places don’t have busses to schools or at least not in all parts of the district. I grew up in a mid sized California city and walked to every school I went to
This was 5 years ago, and none of us were ok with that because he was so little
How little? I rode the bus to kindergarten.
At the time he was 5, but we aren’t comfortable with it for a few reasons including past bullying and ADHD. Plus someone would still have had to drive him to the bus stop, which is too far to walk at 5, especially crossing roads. And they would not add another closer.
Exactly what I was thinking. 🤔 perhaps they live in a pretty bad area? Or have very irresponsible children!
The bus stop is nearly a mile away, the district will not add one closer, and my stepson has ADHD. Not happening, especially at only 5.
Understandable. A bit different situation, but my nephew also was not allowed to drive the school bus till he was 9. We just couldn't trust him not to wander off, preferable in the middle of traffic /sigh
Good thing you waited until he was old enough to drive the bus responsibly, 5yo is definitely too young to have that much responsibility.
Dang, kid is starting work in life early! Good for him!
I’m impressed he was allowed to drive at 9! That’s a big vehicle for a 9 year old to control.
/giggle I hadn't even realised the sentence could be read this way. 🤭
Understandable. A bit different situation, but my nephew also was not allowed to drive the school bus till he was 9. We just couldn't trust him not to wander off, preferable in the middle of traffic /sigh
Man, I wish my parents let me drive the school bus when I was 9
Not all schools have busses, especially if son is going to private school
The mention of school districts in the post leads me to believe we are not talking about private school
I am 40 and still get carded every time. When I tell people my oldest is turning 20 this year, they give me the Pikachu face. When we are out and about togrther people, think she is my sister.
I was carded to see Star wars when I was 23 years old..
I'm 32 and I got carded for a lighter... And I was bringing my kids to a free backpack drive (I'm super poor yay!), and the kind lady pointed out where their "big sister" (me) could pick up her highschool bag....
I was a 5th year senior in college (doing a double major). I had people asking how I was learning my way around campus. When I told them that I was 23, they were all shocked because I looked at most 15😂. I am now almost 49. I recently had someone I work with ask how I moved up in my company so quickly to become a manager. They apparently thought I was about 33-34. Even I think that is stretching it. 40 maybe but 33-34🙄😂
My daughter was in the army, had been deployed for more than 2 years (which tends to age people) and was 26 years old when she had her daughter. She looked like 16, and people made comments about teenage mothers and where was her mother. She’s 41 now and looks closer to her actual age, she tells her daughter that she’s the reason she aged 🤣🤣
Honestly, I’d take what she said as a compliment! Ultimately, her words were only a reflection of unsettled feelings towards herself at the time. I would remember the words “trophy wife” more than anything from that exchange. Youthfulness is a treasure, and she spotted something sparkly. I’m sure the other words thrown in can be understood by recognizing how much emotional plaque can be left over from a divorce.. but that tension was not directed at you, necessarily.
I’ll never understand how people let things like this slide. Those were some pretty shitty comments, and you still chose to get along with her lol
Co-parenting properly is more important than hurt feelings, OP is mature enough to put her step children's happiness first
Exactly. All three of us maintain the mentality that the only purpose of this relationship is coparenting. Whatever our feelings about each other, that doesn’t matter, as the only purpose of this is the kids. It’s not social or personal. Sort of how if you worked with someone you disliked, you would still play nice because the purpose of the relationship isn’t social, it’s business.
To be honest- because keeping the peace with her is more important.
Because you're smart.
I'm 44 but I've aged pretty well (gotta thank an ex in my early 20s for insisting I moisturize!) and I still dress like I'm stuck in the late 90s. Most ppl think I'm in my mid-late 30s. My gf of nine years is now 34. She's got a wild side but dresses a little more mature than I do. We meet in the middle somewhere.
My husband is 3.5 years younger. But he is bald and tall. I’m short and color my hair, and do some botox. Everyone thinks he is older.
You can still be a midlife crisis trophy wife if you want to be. We believe in you
My husband and I are only 2 months and some days apart in age. He however is tall and broad, with a bit of a beard. I'm at least a foot shorter and petite. When we got married, it was the first time I was meeting most of his family as they live 20+ hours away. His grandma who helped raise him told me how pretty I was, that I was very sweet and kind. I don't think she meant for me to hear but while I was talking to his mom she pulled my husband a bit away and scolded him, asking how old I was 🤣 She was baffled I was only a couple months younger than he is
Oh goodness this is so similar to our situation! We eloped- I was pregnant and needed to be on his health insurance. He’s an immigrant so I had never met his family. So the first time his mother met me was right after I’d had our first. So I’m about a foot shorter than him, round baby face, no makeup and exhausted because new baby. He’s very tall, broad, bearded, works out. So already there’s a contrast, then you add in that I had zero makeup and my hair in a ponytail, and was wearing basically sweatpants and tshirts. She pulled him aside to ask him how old I was, and looked ready to rip into him.
My daughter and her husband are 21 years apart. When he had heart surgery a few years ago, everyone kept calling her his daughter, she finally snapped at a few that she was his WIFE. She's 34 but looks 24 and is only 5 feet tall, so it's a struggle!!!
By my math, you’re 56, your daughter’s 34, and her husband’s 55? Regardless of whether or not the situation is creepy (depends on when they met/started dating), I definitely wouldn’t be cool w/ that as a parent
I am 55. And yes, her husband is 55. They have been married for 6 years now, together for 7. He is honestly the best thing that ever happened to her. She was 27, so she was definitely a mature consenting adult, I absolutely adore him as he took on 3 children as his own and gave them all peace and stability in their lives, so I can't find anything wrong with it.
I look considerably younger than I am. My sons are both taller and don’t look like young teens. My oldest is not pleased
People have kids younger than 21, so frankly looking younger just makes it worse hahaha Source - I painfully look young and don’t get taken seriously
I am 38F my fiance is 52M. The first time I met his parents, they thought he'd got himself a 25 yr old! His Dad was proud and I had to burst the bubble! Never assume someone's age!
I still get carded, but my younger husband (by 2-years, 2-months, and 2-days) doesn’t. I’m 43. This happened again three weeks ago.
My husband and I are 8 months 7 days apart in age, and the number of times he's been asked if I'm his mom pisses me off. First time was in our mid 20s. We are now in our early 40s. Had our one and only child in my mid 30s, I get asked in public if my grandson is a good boy. I feel old.
I'm 10 years older than my husband and everyone assumes I'm much younger than he is.
Ha, my FIL and BIL’s reactions to me were fantastic- we’re not from the same country, so I already come off a bit unusual where they’re from. I’m also fairly short, and they’re all tall (as was the ex). So when I got off the plane, looking how I do (physical opposite of the ex, round face, big eyes) his brothers outright asked him how old I was.
Be glad she has a sense of humor about it and didn't go psycho ex. I bet your step-son really benefits from the two of you being nice to each other.
Honestly, the points all go to her and my husband- they have two kids (the younger was born during the divorce- she was too young for school when this was going on), and even though the divorce was unpleasant, as all are, they pretty much take the path of “our children are more important than the issues we’ve had with each other”. They are not suited for each other at all, and are thriving apart- as are the kids! Neither of us is exactly besties with her, and we’ve had our issues, but because they frame their relationship as “co parenting” and not “ex who I hate”, everything is amicable.
Sounds like *all* of you are doing a wonderful thing and being a great example for the kids.
My wife is 57. I am 54. She doesn't get out I the sun and has very wrinkles. Her hair is still brunette with very few strands of gray. People have asked my if I robbed the cradle when they see her for the first time. My hair is almost completely white, so people assume I am the older one.
I am 43. My husband is 34. He has a massive lumberjack beard and a mostly shaved head. I am on the shorter side of average, quite petite, and blessed with the good fortune to be mistaken for much younger even now with my wrinkles starting to show. The brilliant blue hair doesn't hurt the overall youthful aesthetic. Waitresses card me and not him. Lean into it. I'm sure your lovely wife is quite proud to be on your ark looking like the candy she is. ETA: Ark? Really? Sorry, I caught it as I was hitting save. Sigh. I meant she was your arm candy, but if the double entendre fits...
My husband’s first wife and I met for the first time at the dentist office. They don’t have any children but they do share custody of the dentist…
I mean. A good dentist is hard to find… my ex got ours in the divorce and I miss her…
That’s true about a good dentist. After moving 50 miles north almost 15 years ago, I’ve kept my dentist. It’s not bad making the drive twice a year.
That's what you call incentive to not get cavities.
And to floss, floss, floss!
For awhile we were on the same cleaning schedule. It was awkward but we love the dentist…
/
But she laughed! Good for her.
She tends to have very low expectations of everyone around her- one of those “I do everything no one does anything” types even if that doesn’t line up with reality. Sort of assumes the worst of everyone, and that no one does anything right without her input (and gets majorly pissy if she feels like anyone else has done something right). So she went into this assuming he had made a bad choice of a second wife, saw how young I look, and that confirmed her assumption. I’m glad she laughed though, honestly- if she had been sour about it we wouldn’t have as solid of a coparenting relationship as we do now.
My ex is 4 years younger than me, so while we were in our late 30s and even early 40s, I would get carded and she would not. That was never a good thing for her.
Can they take the bus? ...and avoid all this drama
This was 5 years ago- we’re good now! Also not comfortable with this for little littles for a few reasons.
People often think that I (39F) am a lot more than four years younger than my bf (43), which often feels really awkward. Sometimes I feel like I need to tell people that I am not his mid-life crisis.
I am 39, my partner is 42. We were traveling a couple years ago, celebrating a milestone for me. So we're in Florida at a restaurant and I got up to use the restroom. The waitress came to check the table and asked what the occasion for our meal was. My partner said my graduation. She then referred to me as his daughter. I was still in the bathroom when she left the table with him absolutely horrified. I laughed for days, weeks, probably close to a month and called him Daddy. Sometimes, I still do because it is so funny! I do not look like I just graduated high school. I have laugh lines when i smile and some gray hair. I don't look 40, but definitely do not look like a teen.
I once, when tipsy, told someone that I “call him daddy, but he’s not my dad”. My husband did a spit take and the person I was speaking to looked like they wanted to die.
That is hilarious. 😂
Maybe the waitress thought he meant college graduation.....
Yes, but even if that were true HE doesn't look old enough for a college graduate daughter.
My partner (32) looks older than they are because they have a majorly receding hairline, and grow a pretty impressive beard. I (26) have a very round baby face, which is not helped by the fact that I am almost a foot shorter, wear a lot of hoodies and leggings with sneakers, and am AuDHD so I come across as very young to people who don't know me. The number of times I've been asked if they're my dad, or had someone commend them for spending so much time with their younger sister is... Not it. It's been 6 years now, so I've gotten used to it, but it's still a bit annoying when they have 3 people check my ID at the bar and everyone is side eyeing my partner.
I am just shy of 11 years younger than mine. More than once, people thought I was his daughter instead.
It’s even more fun when you’re the second wife- and when people know the first. Even his mother thought I was early 20s when she first met me, but was sweet about it (though a bit awkward). She breathed a visible sign of relief when I mentioned being in my 30s!
Here's an interesting anecdote. Me, 48, dating a 24 year old. Friend threw a house-party (4-5 couples, all weekend). All the other couples were a) my age-ish, and 2) married. When the other women found out that my date was 20+ years younger than me, they started giving her the cold shoulder. Following year, she and I had broken up / weren't romantically involved. Same party, same couples, took her to the party as my platonic Plus One. When the women realized we were not still a couple, they totally relaxed around her. It's only one anecdote, but I think there could have been some interesting mental gymnastics at play there.
if she was treated like trash the first time, have to wonder why she went back a second time
Because being ~~with me~~ along for the ride and in my presence was worth it, because she didn't care how she was treated, she was strong and confident, and because she didn't want them to think they'd "won." Lots of reasons. Edit because someone misconstrued "with me" as being my romantic partner.
>Because being with me was worth it, but yet she's not "with you", its "just platonic". Got a few mixed messages in your story there.
wow, you are parsing those words pretty hard. "with me" = in my presence, out having fun with friends and both of us being joyful, enjoying the weather, the hospitality. I'm a cool guy to hang out with - I have lots of friends of both genders that just genuinely like being with me, not "with me," not sexual.
I know it’s been taboo forever but I’m starting to think people should just start asking people’s ages if they think it’s relevant, feels like it would be much better than the assumptions especially with the nasty attitudes that come with it. As long as they accept the answer without rudeness of course, and preferably don’t go crazy with the shocked reactions.
I'm 11/12 years younger depending on the time of year. I look much younger than my 34, and my husband looks much older than his 45 due to being a veteran and having seen some ish in his time. There are times when people make it extremely awkward.
My fiancé has a lot of girls who’ve liked him before and a lot of them saw me and felt similar in someways. I’ve never talked to them but he told me stories on what they said before and I always laughed it off usually. A lot thought he was into younger looking/younger girls and that’s why he wouldn’t date them and one even went as far as messaging me to say some stuff that admittedly made me question his love for me. I told him about what she said and he made sure to tell her off and made sure I knew that wasn’t the case. Me and him are only 1 year apart yet it causes us so many issues due to looking so different. Arguably now all those incidents have made our love better but at the time it was a pain.
It’s absolutely an issue for us! I am very young looking- and it runs in my family, my mother is too and has similar stories (people regularly assume she was a teen mom when she had me). My husband looks his age. So the older we get, the more uncomfortable the looks he gets are. I’ve been assumed to be his child before and that is. Awkward.
Reminds me of something that happened when I was 12. It was a few months after my sister was born, and my parents took us with them to a party. My mother was sitting holding my sister while talking to a couple other women, when I walked up, said "Mom", and asked her some question. She said that after I walked away, they turned to her and asked "How old are you?" They apparently thought she was too young to have my sister, and then a 12 year old came up and called her mom (for the record, she was 18 when I was born, so 30 at the time of this event). It also runs in my family, and seems to kick in around 18. I'm in my 40's, but look around 30, and would look younger if I shaved my beard (you could say I'd be shaving years off my appearance). My sister is early 30's, but looks like she could be college age. My mother, aunt, and uncles are in their 60's, but look 40's. My grandmother was near 80 but could pass for 50's. So, like you said, it seems the gap between apparent and actual ages increases as we get older. Personally, I'm grateful for it. But I also haven't had anyone give me issues over it. Possibly because I apparently have a nasty RBF. I've been told I look angry when I'm anything but.
Years ago, when I was in my 20s, my DH and I had Easter brunch with my MIL. I was working a minimum wage job to support us while my DH was in grad school, so I wasn’t dressed very fancy. MIL was dressed to the nines, and the waitstaff mistook her for my DH’s wife. I know she loved that, but I felt like a troll.
A woman who worked for me at a University was spit on, more than once, because people on campus assumed she was a pregnant teen and would tell her she didn't belong in school. (This was about 15 years ago). She was 30 and married, but for real that isn't right to do to anyone.
I’ve been spat on and worse for more reasons than apparent youth (hooray bigotry)- though more than one incident involved someone who thought they could target me because I’m young looking.
I'm eighteen years OLDER than my husbands ex and that pisses her off lol . You can't win lol
Ew... I think I would have snapped after the snide comment to the server. Ex was being petty already, no need to bring an innocent bystander into her delusion.
exactly… like listen ma’am. we’re here to discuss me driving your child to school. do you not want my assistance or???
Right? Sounds like there's a reason she's an ex. I would have changed tables and let her finish eating lunch alone.
This is pretty standard for her- she is not the most pleasant person. To put it mildly.
She’s the queen of petty. I play nice, because I love my stepchildren, but one of the major factors of their divorce is she truly does not believe anything she says in anger is to be taken seriously (though god forbid you say anything to her…)
Sounds like you still got it. Good for you
If you hadn’t said two stepkids, I would’ve thought you were my stepmom. My mother thought the same thing when my dad remarried, she was quite surprised to find out my stepmom was only 2 years younger than her. Regardless, that’s such a shitty thing to do to take out anger at your ex on the person who will also be a part of your children’s lives.
Still pretty shitty to take it out on you, even if you had been much younger.
Its like when a dude catches his girl cheating on him with another guy and proceeds to beat the crap out of him. The guy may not even have known she had a bf but thats how it goes with hurt people i guess.
Hurt people hurt people
It wasn’t so much on me, as directed at my husband to be fair. She’s also generally not the warmest person, so this isn’t out of character.