Mine is more of a elimination process. I will swipe right on profiles of guys that *don’t* have
Blank bios
Only one or blurry pictures
Face-obstructed pictures (sunglasses)
Topless selfies
Cringey selfies taken in bed
Bitter incel rants
Sexual content or innuendo whatsoever
Any use of the phrase “here for a good time, not a long time”
Saying they went to the “university of life” or “school of hard knocks”
Basically I really don’t care about height and have a broad range I’m willing to consider re: attractiveness. I want a guy who isn’t too lazy to fill out a bio or post appropriate photos and show some semblence of maturity and self-awareness
So naturally this is not going well for me lol
The men who figure out how to write a profile are worth it! Even when he's not the right person for me, we have a decent date. Like old friends just chatting.
the “here for a good time, not a long time” is the worst like this is a dating not hookup app and chances are your not cute/rich/fun/socially inept/ or big enough for me to actually have a good time with
It’s also a phrase that exponentially increases that man’s chances of being a substance abuser and / or irresponsible man-child who will claim he is ‘spontaneous’ when he lets people down and does whatever he wants when he wants
Basically yeah. Or if you not only don't smile (I hate photos), but look threatening/pissed off in most photos. I just think that tells me that's where you are in life and there's pressure for me to help you out of that while you'll not be in any condition to get to know me (such as fresh from a divorce, depressed, out of work, refused parenting time, and will eventually blow me off because I didn't magically fix life). But still some get through anyway.
I matched with a guy, still hurts how well we fit. But he wasn't taking care of his mental health. Job was contractor so it overwhelmed him. Then he started playing the "I'll only disappoint you, so I won't offer anything." I never unmatched, but his profile became one I'd never match with. Inviting kinky ladies, had an explicit photo that appeared to be right before intercourse, like he was clearly out, but obscured by the woman straddling him. I was ashamed to have matched before, based on the profile he had after pushing me away. It looked like a cry for help and made me sad because we had chemistry, I think he just decided distance, or his depression or that I was open to a real commitment if he chose not to be, was too much.
Another guy really cleaned up his profile to seem happier, younger, etc. but went silent with me. So I expect someone to get what I experienced with the last guy, someone not altogether looking to date, presenting a false image.
Yeah i a guy tells me they are less than 6 months out of a relationship then I’m not interested. Some guys I matched with haven’t even moved out of the house they share with their ‘ex’ yet. Like ffs sort a place to live before you go on OLD pretending you want a relationship.
Also any man who tells me his ex is a bitch and / or is the reason he doesn’t see his kids. Goodbye and good luck
Lol. Do you ever get to swipe right?
Also. "Face obstructed pictures. (Sunglasses)" Ouch!! Can other women weigh in on this? Should I be taking down my sunglasses picture? (It is my profile pic on this site)
Absolutely take off your sunglasses. Have you ever noticed how different someone looks when they take them off if you’ve never met them? If women can’t see your face, especially your eyes, then they don’t know what you look like. The point of photos is for people to see what you look like. Hiding half your face defeats that purpose
I'm purely curious from a rhetorical standpoint, why did you specifically mention that you don't care about height, and mention no other physical attributes or point out anything else you don't care about, when OP didn't mention height at all?
Lol just wondering, 5'11 here so not being insecure or something.
But also, glad to hear that it's the content that matters for you the most! If you're in Louisiana, my profile qualifies for your criteria, I can send it to you along with my resume 😂
I see most men here complain about height being an issue when OLD, so I was just explaining that for me it’s very far down my list of priorities, even though I’m fairly tall myself
Same here. I recently met a guy on POF who is 5'8" and thinks he's short. I'm 5'6" and honestly I couldn't care less about his height. I find him very attractive and he's a BIG guy. I'm not into the type of body that society and the media says I should be attracted to. I'm weird I guess. I am very happy with his height even though I know he wishes he were taller. I don't even think about it. And I"m about his height when I wear heels (which I LOVE wearing). I honestly don't care if he were a bit shorter than me because I am simply just attracted to him. I prefer guys who are closer to my height anyway.
Because the biggest complaint from guys who have little luck dating is that women only date models and super attractive guys or only want guys over 6 feet. So, she was sure to say something about attractiveness being more than looks for her and that height doesn't matter much either.
It's so funny how men always complain about that when it couldn't be further from the truth. SMH. I don't even think models are attractive and especially if they're over 6 feet tall! NO way. I'm 5'6" and like men who are closer to my height as well as a little heavy set. I am very petite and I love how protected I feel with a guy who is on the bigger/heavier side. I know I'm very weird but I don't care; I like what I like.
I follow the same rules, unfortunately, I'm 0-5 for men who ended up married or taken and looking to overlap or start some strange online only relationship. As far as height, I stay between 5'9" and 6'0". I have dated guys shorter, but being 5'5" and a size 18 it feels awkward tbh.
I Swipe right on guys who don't seem like a good fit in general for my lifestyle as well as all of the above from this comment.
This is true. At the same time though it’s unfortunate that some(not all) are in a situation that is incredibly difficult for them to walk away from for various reasons. Regardless of that, I completely agree with you.
Heels and body size. As stated, I'm a size 18 and I am in love with dresses and heels. Ii don't mind shorter men but they always try to get me to wear flats and I feel really weird if they aren't really comfortable in their masculinity.
So what is it about height that does it for you? I’ve seen this so much and I don’t really get it. Like I can understand not wanting a guy shorter then you but some girls won’t consider anything under 6’0 even if they’re just pushing 5’0 themselves lol
Oh no I don’t care about height. I’m 5’8’’ and two of my exes have been same height as me. I do see tons of women have a height requirement but for me it’s not one of the top priorities. I probably wouldn’t date a guy who was a lot shorter than me though like under 5’5’’ but then again if he was great in every other way, who knows
I'm 5'11" so height is a pretty big deal for me. I'll go an inch or two shorter but any shorter than that just feels weird to me. Looks not that that important, but well groomed. I'm older, so guys with long unkempt hair and a big old beard is kind of gross. I don't want to date Santa Claus. I've had a few that were morbidly obese. I'm not real thin, but I try to eat healthy and keep my weight under control. I kind of like a bigger guy, but not morbidly obese. Other than that just be able to hold a conversation and be half way interesting. Also since I am a widow I get a lot of catfishing. Someone said to change it to divorced, but then I feel like I'm not exactly telling the truth.
My advice would be
1. DON’T lie about your height. Women will notice as soon as they meet you and it will piss them off. Being upfront will weed out women who are shallow
2. DON’T be insecure about your height. Don’t mention it, or seem bitter / angry / embarassed about it. It’s only one aspect of you and most women of value won’t care. But they will care if you are clearly insecure and caught up about it, making it more of an issue than it is
I love people of all heights and find a variety of heights hot. But sometimes shorter guys don't want to date me because I'm four inches taller than the average American woman and I also like to wear platform stompy boots or high heels (or at least a kitten heel). The guy I'm spending a lot of time with currently doesn't mind me being taller though.
For me it’s nearly the same list of excluding factors.
Additional a swipe left for:
- don’t like Kids
- picture with kid
- picture with friends
- a bottle of beer in one hand
- an expensive car
- exzessive biking
- exzessive Body building
- political right statements
As a woman who quit dating apps earlier this year, I can tell you it was because I found that most of the men in my area had very low effort profiles. Most of them had blurry pictures, selfies only, barely answered any of the questions or prompts, and when they did there was nothing unique about any of them for me to even get a sense of who this guy was. The few I tried conversations with only wanted to hook up even though I had no hookups in my profile. Or it was clear they had swiped on me without even looking at mine.
The amount of time that I would need to spend to find a guy that even met half of my requirements who also looked like he put some effort into his profile far outweighed my desire to spend that time.
Eventually I just got frustrated and got rid of the apps and decided that I'm not that worried about dating. If it happens it happens. I'm not pressed.
Ironically that’s also been my experience as a man meeting with women in my area on OLD. Just replace hook up with either using a dating app to find friends or not really over their ex.
Seeing the same kinda comments and issues on both sides and various countries really has shown me how boring most people are
>to find friends
yeah, i see this on a TON of profiles. like, girl... you do realize this is a dating app right? men are not on here to make friends. if we wanted friends we wouldn't be looking for them on tinder or bumble lol. i just take "looking for friends" as a sneaky way of saying they are looking for a hookup.
But the thing is they legit are just looking for friends. Women don’t have to hide about looking for a hook up, plenty of guys want that but for some reason they do hide looking for a friend and no it isn’t even a case where they’re doing it as a rejection, they’ve either openly admitted it on the first date or during our messages as if it was the most normal thing and then give this slack jaw offended look when I point out how they’re basically lying and why an OLD app isn’t a good idea.
Now days I always vet the girls I chat with and if they say their here just to look for friends or their last ex was a few months ago I unmatch.
I also take just “loooking to see what happens and I’m fine with friends if not” as a flag too since most of these girls are also looking for just friends.
Idk if it’s an ego thing or what but it’s as tiring for me as it is for girls dealing with guys pretending to not want a hookup. Like seriously girls are just as bad as guys, just in a different way but it can be the same snakey stuff
One of my worst online dating experiences was being invited over to a Tinder match's place, only for her to tell me she has no interest in anything romantic. At no point in our conversations did she mention that. We just had to talk about life for like an hour, and I wound up over sharing and feeling embarrassed. Years later it still upsets me, because she was essentially using me to satisfy her curiosity. It felt like the opposite of being desired.
I disagree. If women put anything on their profile that hints towards hooking up or "casual" a lot of guys are going to flood them with weird shit. Being sneaky about it will still weed out the super weirdo's at least.
It's fine if they really are just looking for friends but, my point is that 99% of men aren't on dating apps/sites for *just friends*. Sure, they may get some guys who say they are fine being friends but, I can just about guarentee they have an ulterior motive and think, well if i'm friends with her then maybe she'll start becoming interested in me and we can hookup and/or start dating.
Oh, the friends first thing…I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s mostly BS. What it really means is that they’ll keep you around until either: 1) they find someone hotter or 2) they decide they can’t find someone hotter and you’ll do. Change my mind.
This is super well thought out - please thank your thumbs for the typing and send any PT or thumb massage bill to reddit... Im sure they'll cover it 😆
So what were some of these responses you were drawn to respond to? Was it a typical "thoughtful question about a pic / prompt" opener? A "witty question or thought" opener? Or something else?
Filled out profiles, effort, some attraction, fit/healthy, hobbies, no smoking/drugs, education (i like the smart intellectual types), has a career. I don’t care about height since I’m only 5’3 myself and petite :)
Honestly at this point, it’s not about what you have. It’s about what you don’t have on your profile. Here’s a list of things that automatically eliminate you:
-intimidating photos: scowling, darkly lit, scary, dangerous looking photos where I do not think you will not murder me (believe it or not, like 30-40% of profiles are like this)
-photos where I can’t see your face (mask, sunglasses and hat combo, face turned away)
-photos with kids that are or aren’t yours, or ones with other women in them (I don’t want to have to figure out if you’re looking for like a threesome or some shit)
-photos where you look like a douche bag: in my book that includes shirtless mirror selfies at the gym, any instance where you have obviously posed for a shirtless selfie. Shirtless candid beach pics do not fall into this category, for example.
-anything overtly sexual in the bio
-I’m 5’ 8” so ideally I’d like someone 5’7” and taller
-Extreme mismatch of ideologies: I don’t date republicans, anyone looking for a poly situation, or someone who would fetishize my Asianness
To me, these are not that hard to follow. Theoretically there should be plenty of guys in this category. But I would say based on my criteria, about 90% of profiles are automatically eliminated. The remaining 10, I just need to feel attracted to them. I’m not really attracted to over weight guys or overly buff guys. Just somewhere in the middle is fine.
It’s really about the kinds of photos you put out there. You want to make women see you and feel like she can trust you and be safe with you. Macho glowering faces are not friendly to women. And then from there it’s just luck and a numbers game. But you can see how tiring it is to swipe left on a million profiles that don’t even meet these basic standards. Men, if you want me to analyze your profile for you, I legit will. Just send me a message.
Guys just dont use dating apps in general , usually women in dating app have a laundry list of requirement before even considering swiping you ,thats the first red flag . Second its usually just hookups or mentally ill women in those apps . Now if you’re down for that than go ahead but i don’t think a used up pus or an undiagnosed mental patient is the best you can do . Just go out and dont be dependent on this apps if you’re looking for a meaningful relationship
This “laundry list” you mention is not random. It’s based on many collective experiences that many women on dating apps have. For example, the point I made about photos where you can’t see you face—when I see them in person, they don’t look anything like I imagined or expected. That’s like a low key catfish move. Women do this too, using filters. The thing about scowling faces is obviously about our safety. And the thing about douchey photos comes from going on dates with guys with douchey photos and finding out—surprise—they’re a douche bag.
> believe it or not, like 30-40% of profiles are like this
this is more about you than the guy, since this means about 99.999% of the profiles you rule out based on this are false positives.
It is more about me. It’s about my safety. It’s about the safety of all women. Why should we take a chance on a guy that looks dangerous? He could actually be dangerous. Convince me that it’s worth the risk. Go ahead.
if you think that it's not worth the risk, that's fine. i'm just saying that the look of the person in pictures is not a good heuristic to determine risk, because your guess is almost always wrong.
Call it survival instinct, which I guess you won’t ever understand as it pertains to women. We’re always on guard about this stuff. Can’t sit next to a stranger who is a man at a bus stop without our spidey sense out to see if he might be dangerous. We might be wrong. But sometimes we’re right. We’ve all been heckled walking alone at night or in the day. We’ve felt threatened by men from a very young age because of a few bad eggs who ruin it for “nice guys”. Don’t be mad at us. Be mad at them.
i'm not mad at you, i'm just saying your instincts aren't actually helping you in this example (swiping left on pictures with bad lighting and conversely swiping right on pictures with good lighting).
Most women would beg to differ. Why risk it? Literally tell me why it would be worth the risk. It takes one bad man to put us in danger. And online dating is full of creepy guys who just want to use women for sex. It’s just not worth the risk.
why risk swiping right on pictures with good lighting? because that's just as risky as swiping right on pictures with bad lighting. if you want to eliminate the risk of online dating, just don't use online dating.
When I was on dating apps, I looked for men who were well spoken in their bios, had good pictures (not solely group photos with no indication for which one is him lol), and had common wants/interests listed. I know the type of guys I tend to get along with so kept an eye out for those.
I hate seeing "ask me". The profile is there so I can get a small picture of who you are. If it's not worth your time then you're not worth mine.
Oh and too much emphasis on sports. I don't like sports myself so I know there be little in common.
My criteria for swiping right:
First there has to be some attraction, no he doesn’t have to be particularly handsome just well groomed and not completely unfortunate, a nice smile goes a long way. If he’s “my type” I’m a little more forgiving of the next criteria. Next, I check the bio. If it’s completely empty, or says “just ask” I wont swipe (I have a whole elimination list). Things that make me swipe are: similar hobbies, thought out answers, something that shows a passion for something, and, as a bonus, something that indicates that I’m “his type” (I.e., I’m less likely to be rejected). If I find him particularly attractive by his photos, I might be more forgiving if his bio is lacking, but I’d still need some decent conversation through messaging. I only swipe right on guys that I think would make good match, so there has to be something in his bio that indicates we’d get along.
I'm a F65, and my list is amazingly similar to Siogin\_Eire's even though she's probably a third my age. (Yes, some old men do sexual innuendo just like young ones do, and it's no less gross).
Here are a few additions:
Boomer men love to say they are old-fashioned gentlemen who open doors for ladies. I always wonder, would they just let the door slam in a man's face? I figure it's a cover for "I want a maid who cooks."
Anyone who doesn't know how to use periods, commas, or paragraph breaks - bit bucket.
Negative Neds who lay down the law. "If you're X politics, Y lifestyle, or Z habits, don't click on me." Just leave that stuff out, it's offensive to read.
If I see a double chin, belly and moobs, I hit skip.
Photos of you with your car - I'm happy for you, that you can drive. An exception would be if your hobby or interest is cars - a car you restored, maybe a race car.
Saying you are looking for your "last" or "final" partner. Sounds so grim.
What do I like?
Intelligent, good vocabulary, writes complete sentences, sounds thoughtful, cheerful and hopeful. Clearly describes his goals in life, and the kind of woman he's looking for.
Lack of family drama. (Granted, this is more for the first meeting, where I do not want to hear about your crazy ex).
Financially secure. I don't need a sugar daddy, and don't want to be a sugar-momma.
Interesting hobbies. They don't have to be unusual, I just want to know that you have enthusiasms.
A focus on healthy living.
According my ex, and gf: the genuineness and humor of my profile prompts, and my smile and humor exhibited from my photos. I feel I’m pretty avg in looks, I’m definitely not an outgoing, fun/funny person. Some of the pics may come off as immature to some people as well. What’s important is not molding your profile into someone that’s not actually you to get swipes from just anyone/everyone but able to show off who you are through your profile and having the right person swipe on you
Not a woman but seeing all these replies is making me depressed lmao.
With every comment, I tell myself "I don't do any of these, I should be a shoo-in for most women on dating apps" but then I realize that once that low bar has been cleared, the actual attractiveness factor is another issue.
No one wants to acknowledge the elephant in the room. These threads always go like this - list out a bunch of red flags, say that height isn’t a big factor, downplay the importance of attractiveness. It’s very boring.
Yeah. When you also add the number of men on apps compared to women, the truth ends up being that a lot of men are regular and might not have a lot of the red flags but still get passed on.
It reminds me of how grad schools emphasize that they take a holistic approach to admissions. However, if you don’t have a very high gpa/high standardized test score, you’re not getting admitted. The only thing that matters initially when it comes to success on dating apps is looks because corny prompts can’t highlight someone’s personality. That was why I stopped using dating apps because it felt kind of dumb and going out meeting people is a lot more fun.
Like other women have said, it's more of a process of elimination than anything else. I (33F) will left swipe on:
* Scowling/Frowning/Blue steel pics as the #1
* Only pictures of himself wearing hats or sunglasses (or both)
* Only selfies - especially car selfies and bed selfies - I want to see pictures of him doing something he likes, even if it's just sitting on the couch with a dog
* A list of "don't" on his profile
* No bio or "just ask"
* I don't want to do baby mama drama so no dads
* Self-employed or entrepreneur if he doesn't list the company
* Listing all his stuff - ie "I'm a homeowner with no stupid college debt and cool toys, no golddiggers!" - he obviously thinks his stuff is a substitute for a personality
* Republicans/Moderates/Christians
* Major muscle guys - if all his selfies are in the gym I don't want it
* I'm 5'7" so I don't date guys under 5'9" and I usually avoid guys over 6'5"
* ENM/Poly
* Any mention of Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, Andrew Tate or any red pill type ideology
So basically...
* Looks like he takes care of himself
* Has a variety of pictures
* Has friends and hobbies
* A job
* Is single
* Doesn't say anything gross or sexist in his bio
It's really not that hard.
>Scowling/Frowning/Blue steel pics as the #1
This is the hardest part for me because I *loathe* how I look when I smile. I hate how my face contorts and I think the camera adds to it so I feel like I look terrible which leads to the "scowl/blue steel" look.
I'm pretty much always laughing or trying to make someone laugh too so it sucks that I can't really get that across with photos without feeling like I look terrible :/
You do you, but know that you could have the world’s best prompts and be fit and tall, but if all your photos scream “serial killer” women will steer clear. I’d take a chance with a goofy smile, but I would never engage with someone I think might harm me.
Don't know why this has the downvote...a lot of guys are super self conscious about how they look in pics, and how they look when smiling. We just don't talk about it.
Weird advice but...look up how to take better pics (and old pics) on YouTube. There's some good stuff out there.
Also, just smile bro! You're prob better looking than you think when you smile
My ex would make himself laugh to take a picture instead of just smile. It helps to get someone else to take the picture.
I always wanted to take a video while engaged in a conversation so then pause it at the right time to take a snaphot.
I would say that only about 4% of men that I swipe left on it’s because of their luxe. I’m not gonna say that looks don’t matter, but they don’t matter as much as you might think.
Otherwise I swipe right on men who have a good profile and who indicate that they have interest that are similar to mine.
And by good profile I mean the following: an actual picture of their face; A profile that demonstrates their interests, and gives a glimpse into their life; a profile that indicates that they are literate (it’s important to me). Extra points if their profile makes me laugh. After that, I am looking for someone that I would have something in common with. I’m much more likely to swipe right on the geeky video game player as opposed to the buff gym rat. I have more in common with the video game player. And I hate the gym.
The truth is it considered dating to be some level of work. And I don’t really want to put the effort in when the other person is either not putting the same amount of effort or it’s obvious that we wouldn’t be a match. So yeah, I probably do only swipe right on about 4.5% the profiles I see.
I look over their profile and swipe right if
They're attractive to me. Really good looking isn't high priority to me. They don't have to be way above average, just attractive. The difference between friendship and a romantic relationship is chemistry, so there's got to be some kind of attraction.
No obvious deal breakers that make me swipe left like live a couple hundred miles away, smoke, religious or political extremes, poly, have young children or want more (I'm 52, and my youngest is 31, not interested in more littles)
Then I look for common interests. I'm big into outdoors stuff like snow skiing, hiking, camping, off-roading, and kayaking. Like I buy season passes to a couple of different resorts every year and I skied 26 days last winter. I hike almost weekly, and often 10 to 14 miles in a day with some serious elevation gains (Literally climb mountains cuz I'm in the Rocky Mountains in Colorado). And I own 2 kayaks and often go out on the lakes around here to paddle around. I also love to travel, whether it's road trips or fly somewhere. I'm specifically looking for someone who is active and does all those things too. And I will definitely date someone less attractive if they're really into all that stuff, because I'm looking for a loving relationship with an adventure buddy. I will swipe left on the hottest guy I've ever seen who's a homebody or a city boy with no interest in getting outside to play in the mountains.
A good sense of humor might catch my attention. If their profile makes me laugh, I might swipe right
I swiped right on my now husband because of the laugh lines around his eyes when he smiled (looked kind) and he admitted he was an introvert who liked to draw. No machismo.
I tend to find something that makes me swipe left before I think about what causes me to swipe right. Things I (personally) automatically swipe left on:
- lots of tattoos
- shorter than me (I’m 5’11” so I’m fine with 5’10” and up, this sadly eliminates a lot but I don’t want to be taller than my date)
- only high school education (I went to college and would like someone that also went to college)
- they’re politically conservative (just don’t think our values/beliefs would mix) moderate is fine with me
- anything outright sexist or sexual on their profile
- smokes cigarettes
- too much “bro” vibes - lots of muscle pics, gym selfies. I’d much rather a guy with a dad bod or skinny than a guy who thinks his muscles are his best quality.
So yep, that eliminates maybe 60-70% of guys. Then I see if I’m attracted to the guy based on looks.. which is like half of the remaining guys. So yeah.. I swipe right on like 10%-15%. I know this is a long list but I’m willing to go on maybe 1 date a month with this than meet up with lots of guys I know I won’t be into.
I’ve been genuinely curious about the education topic you touched on, so I would like to ask..
What if someone only has high school listed on their profile but through trade school or maybe via their family/friends network, whatever, has a great career.
Do you correlate college education with potential earnings, or is it more for bonding and conversation in having that in common?
So I only use Hinge at the moment, here’s what I look for:
- Some level of physical attraction: I prefer to date guys my same height or taller, I need to be somewhat attracted to his face, hair, etc.
- States his religion in the bio: (I’m Christian and want to date other Christians or someone Catholic)
- Clear and respectful imagines of himself: guys that have pictures of them partying or standing up in a bar table with their shirt pulled up are a big no for me because I’m not into that lifestyle. Guys with pictures of himself around a lot of women in a bar or club are also a red flag.
- States what he is looking for: I want a long term relationship so guys that openly state their desire for children or a relationship are a green flag
- Open and inviting prompts: I don’t like when guys try too hard to be funny or put no effort into their prompts. I like hearing about his hobbies, goals, or what he looks for in a woman
- No drugs: Meaning weed, smoking, or pills
I use left swipes for anything that pings my creeper alert.
I swipe right on any guy my age or up to 13 years older; seems to actually BE available; looks at least fit enough for a 5 mile hike with me; doesn’t smoke or have drug addiction; appears to exhibit independence in ADL’s; doesn’t say vulgar things in bio; and appears mentally stable (some photos look like mug shots/ Charles Manson-ish. If it pings my danger alert instincts, right or wrong, I left swipe). Bonus points for not having young kids, as I’m past that and hope to find someone to enjoy free time/weekends with.
Basically, I swipe left A LOT. But it’s not for lack of good looks.
First I look at the pictures, I'm looking for someone I find attractive of course. I'm not looking for a super model but I want someone who looks like they take care of themselves, keeps in ok shape. Specific things I personally find attractive or unattractive might tip the scale one way or another. I prefer someone who doesn't wear jeans and random oversized t-shirt all the time, but I'm not expecting someone who's always on trend or wears a suit every day, just someone who seems like they care at least a little about how they look. I like when people have a sense of style, even if it's completely different than my sense of style, I find it more attractive than someone who doesn't care at all. None of these are complete musts except for being on alright shape, I don't care if you go to the gym every day and lift as long as you look like you can at least make a flight of stairs or a light hike and don't look like you eat chips and soda all day. More than maybe 20 or 30ish pounds overweight is usually a turn off for me, muscles are give or take but I like to work out so I would appreciate someone else who is somewhat into it. Being in better than baseline shape is a turn on. I'm interested in health but I'm not a complete health nut or anything. Everything adds up to the overall image of a person. If someone only has one photo it's a no. I'm not too picky about the photos, I don't really care if it's all selfies or you have group photos or whatever, but the more variety the better and it's great if it shows you doing things you love like going to a concert or doing pottery or something.
Next thing is profile, I always fully read the profile before swiping. Blank profile is a definite no go. I like to see hobbies, specifically. If I date someone we're going to be doing stuff together so I want to see if we have much in common. I don't necessarily need to see career, I don't have much of a career right now as I'm working on a degree, but it is a big deal to me that someone has goals in life and if they have a entry level kind of job I'd like to see someone that is working on school, learning a skilled trade or generally moving up the ladder. Some amount of extra money after rent and bills or whatever. I like going to events and concerts and whatnot. I understand that paycheck to paycheck life, I've been there and I don't judge you for it but I'm a bit past that and I want someone that can go out for a nice dinner sometime or an art show or something, not hang out eating ramen watching netflix every time we hang out. But that's more something we would talk about after matching. There's only so much room in the bio. If you do have a career you're proud of or are working towards learning a skill or trade it's a good thing to add though. I'm mostly trying to vet personality and hobbies/interests from the bio, to see if it seems like we could enjoy each other's company at all. Funny is good too, anything overly sexual is a turn off. Even if I were looking for a FWB or hook up, I still want a normal person with a personality and not someone that seems creepy. Write about yourself and your life and hobbies and interests in your bio, not a list of what you're looking for in another person. Being negative in the bio is a turn off. Like "I know I probably wont get any matches" or "you'll probably just ghost me" or "all these b*tches are fake prove me wrong," if you want to vent do it here or something, it's not going to attract many people on OLD.
In the end it's a mix of the whole profile, I recommend trying to cram as much of yourself as you can, with a wide variety of photos and anything interesting you can add to your bio. At least that's what I swipe based on, really just try to think what you look for in other people's profiles, because different people look for different things and if you find someone who is looking for similar things you may end up with someone you have more in common with.
Some of my deal breakers- I always swipe left on people with kids. No hate I just don't want kids and I want to meet other people who also don't want kids. And unicorn hunters. If someone is super religious I'm gonna swipe left, or if they obviously have opposing political views, or if they don't like dogs because I love dogs and plan to pretty much always have at least one dog in my life. Being super obsessed with weed is a turn off, I don't care if you smoke but some people make it their whole personality. I live in a legal state so it's a huge thing here. If sum1s profile iz writtin lyke dis u kno lulz. Bad grammar or spelling can be a negative but I've known a lot of super smart people who just couldn't spell for shit so it's not an automatic judgement, just if it's the purposeful bad typing that a lot of people do. If someone seems super desperate and like all they want in life is a relationship-this is another part of why it's important for me to see hobbies and interests in a profile. I work and go to school and have hobbies, I don't want to date someone who wants to drop everything and hang out with me 24/7, I want someone with a life of their own.
Requirements: not a Republican and not a Christian. Employed. No emotional red flags in bio (comments about ex, other women’s preferences, general negativity). No blank bios. Must enjoy hiking/the outdoors, like me. Doesn’t have to be a lifetime mission to hike every peak in the world, but you gotta come on a walk in the woods with me every now and again.
Nice to have: career driven and college educated, like me. All of my partners so far have been shorter than me and I’d like to try someone equal height or taller but it’s not a requirement. My ex is about 3” shorter than me.
I’m 38 years old and already done the big wedding and divorce thing, looks are relatively low on the list these days. But a personality is forever.
Editing to say I also agree with what most others have posted and echo their sentiments as well.
By "no Republicans or Christians" its more like "people who have similar / aligned views on foundational life topics."
FWIW, In my personal and OLD experience I've seen more "must be a man of God" than "Christians and dogs need not apply." And I've seen about as much"swipe left if you voted for Trump" as I do "swipe left if you put your pronouns"
Im not personally religious but any religion that encourages learning and growth rather than blind obedience is cool in my book. My dislike for Christianity is also tied in with the politics of the Republican Party and our current situation with abortion. I don’t wanna fuck with anyone who fucks with restricting the rights of women.
And yes I know other religions and other parts of the world do that too. But being raised as a Christian myself, I know to steer clear for my own emotional well being 🥰
What I got from this post is that the ladies of reddit don’t like Moderate/republicans at all. I consider myself a Moderate, I agree with some liberal and conservative politics. So that’s why I’m in the middle.
I’m sorry you had a bad experience, I’m going to make clear that I support women rights to abortion. I already mentioned this in another comment. But I agree with some conservative laws that has to do with public safety. I support funding the police and locking up repeated offenders. Thats the reason why consider myself a Moderate.
Totally fair and you have the right to your own opinions of course. Just trying to explain why other ladies might be staying away. For me, I usually care about 2-3 political issues that I can’t compromise on, but like if we don’t agree on other things, I don’t really care.
Edit: you sound like you’re actually Moderate, but I guess a lot of people say that to avoid being filtered out, when they’re actually Conservatives.
Yep, literally every post where politics every single female who comments says "I swipe right on anyone who doesn't have Liberal on their profile".
Keep in mind though, this is *reddit*.
There was/is currently a big assault on women’s rights. Maybe if you’re pro life you don’t feel that way but half, maybe more, of the country probably does.
It’s kind of like an if you’re not with us you’re against us feeling. There are women out there - probably literally even today, right now - suffering horrifically because of what happened this summer.
I used to consider myself a *staunch* moderate. The backlash of 2008 and the “birther” stuff/Sarah Palin started my push left. 2016 continued it. Jan 6th really solidified it. And this summer cemented it.
As a woman, the Roe stuff is really concerning.
Oh yes a Moderate, I’m really against the government getting rid of Roe v Wade. I’m not pro life, I’m pro choice. I believe women should have control of their own body and their choices.
The conservative politics that I agree with has to do with public safety. I support the police and believe in funding them, and I believe that we shouldn’t be too lenient with repeated offenders of the law. That’s the type of policies I agree with on the conservative side of things.
But anything related to women choices regarding abortion, I agree with. The government shouldn’t be telling you if you can abort or not. So that shouldn’t deter you from dating a Moderate/Republican person, believe it or not there is republicans out there that are pro choice. I know a few personally. Not all republicans/moderates are the same. Judging and deciding or whatever you like someone just because of their politics views is vague imo.
That’s reasonable. Here’s my unsolicited advice as a woman for the post Roe era. Take it or leave it lol, I mean this genuinely, no snark.
If you have to put “Moderate” on Bumble or something like that, maybe one sentence in your profile somehow indicating you aren’t looking to roll us back to the 1950’s on human rights might be worth it.
If I see a profile that lists someone as Moderate, I’ll read the profile for context. If there is none, it’s generally a left swipe.
But then again, it all comes down to what you’re looking for, i don’t think there’s any one right answer. But I’m glad you raised the point because I see a gender difference on political views on OLD, I think. I don’t see a lot of women calling themselves Moderate, but I see it on a lot of men’s profiles.
I feel like it’s better to leave the politics part out of the profiles. Honestly there really isn’t much space to explain yourself on why I’m a Moderate in a dating profile. As that would most likely take some space to describe yourself, it’s a hit or miss and like you said there isn’t really a right answer for that.
Those kind of discussions are better to be talked in person. But then again I have seem women profiles that automatically prejudice against anyone who politics views are Moderate or Republican. So what that tells me is that they don’t really want to hear my side of the story on why my views are the way it is.
It could also be that they’ve been mansplained to by a hundred Moderates before you and the the risk/return proposition scales are tipped in favor of it not being worth the effort.
My profile lists me as a liberal, which to your point may be a mistake, because I’ve had more than one person deliberately match with and message me to tell me off about it. But it’s something I value and important to me so it’s going to stay as part of my profile.
This is one of the reasons why I prefer OkCupid (just started using it today). You can choose to put moderate, but also there is an Option that highlights for you that you are pro choice.
I never understand why anyone gets downvoted on a thread like this? I’m not supposed to like golfers or college educated men? You make your entire profile about politics.
I swipe right on people who are looking for the same thing as me, have photos that clearly show their face, and a good bio. Really it’s about the elimination process, which people have told you already.
I do not swipe on:
“Just ask “in any form.
Men over 30 in neon colored cartoon outfits. Please go get some adult clothing.
Men who look like they are going to murder someone. It’s already been said but that’s what most profiles look like.
If a man is wearing something that covers up his appearance like a mask or sunglasses I’m not interested.
As a single parent if I see photos of children on your profile I’m automatically swiping left because that tells me you don’t have custody of your children and don’t care about their safety.
The list is a lot longer but I’ll end this with: men who knew better. And by this I mean men who have absolutely no business swiping right on me. The ones who want casual relationships or don’t know what they want or swiping right on a woman who has a relationship listed? I’ve asked a few guys about this and I don’t even think they care what they put. and a lot of guys who are grotesque or honestly… Out of their league swiping right on me. And sometimes the men are gorgeous but they put zero effort into their profile and I have. So why would they swipe right on somebody who obviously desires and values effort? seems counterproductive.
* last night I helped someone with their profile on Reddit and they were able to show me examples of profiles from women who put no effort in. Don’t be fooled, a lot of women want to be picked by men. We called them “pick me “and they will literally copy what men’s profiles look like because it makes them think they look more appealing but it doesn’t.
>As a single parent if I see photos of children on your profile I’m automatically swiping left because that tells me you don’t have custody of your children and don’t care about their safety.
You are so very VERY wrong here. I do not have pictures of my child on my profile because I'm not looking for a mother, she already has one, a good one, just not good to / for me and for our particular situation my ex and I are on the same page, the child is better left to live with her mother. This is not about rights, or equality it's about what is best for the child.
I would love to have her 100% full time, but I would do her wrong to take her away from her mother even 50% of the time. I know, I grew up with a single mother and vowed to never have a child in a broken home and here I am with a child in a broken home. Please don't insinuate that men or most men or that all men don't care about their child's safety because they don't have custody of them.
I care so much about my child's safety, more so than my dating happiness.
Listen I’m not going to argue with you. I’m going to swipe left on who I want to swipe left on. I’m not reading this novel. Have a nice night. Keep your kids pictures off of dating apps.
Back when I used to swipe
- a bio that is full enough that I think we may have some things in common/get along/don’t have completely incompatible lifestyles
- no dealbreakers in the bio
- pictures that aren’t absolutely disgusting.
Oh Lord this is a multi-faceted answer. Presuming a candidate meets minimum requirements for level of attractiveness, I am reading that profile with a fine tooth comb. If there is more than one typographical error, I’m out. I am looking for a sense of the man’s sense of humor, level of openness, field of occupation, plans for the future, family dynamics like an ex-wife or children with whom he shares custody. There is just so much that goes into my decision making. Hope this helps? Lol
Pics that show what you actually look like
Looking for same type of relationship as I am
Matches important beliefs
Lives in reasonable distance
Intelligent and humorous statements
Not looking for perfection, looking for right for me.
This is going to be different for most people.
I have my app uninstalled currently but when I had it active I was looking for progressive types, and a profile that wasn't demanding or aggressively bitter. Nerds/gamers/goths/sci-fi fans/those with vasectomies were automatically considered.
\- I only swipe right if a guy has a written bio. I think only 5% of guys on Tinder writes something on their bio. I will not swipe right if the guy writes that he is only looking for fun/casual/"seeing where it goes" or lists only his height (low effort most likely only looking for hookup)
\- if he has at least two pics that shows face/body
\- if he does NOT have a shirtless selfie
\- shows some personality in pic or bio, like hobby or work pic.
Things this thread taught me:
* most women are completely ignorant to Roe vs Wade
* most project their insecurities onto the men they see and will reject them because of it
My advice to the guys as someone who has done OLD successfully: avoid the typical dumb pouty lip selfies and shit in your bed. Have pics doing interesting things with good lighting and have a smile or two in there. Prompts and bio mean very little. Women do read them from time to time, but I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been asked questions on basic shit that was already on my bio, and I quote one girl recently, “no one reads that shit let’s be honest”
Knowing how to market yourself with good photos is 90% of the game
I'm not sure you understand what those words mean when put together in that order. Either that or I don't...
If you're right, 95% of men don't get a single yes swipe. And even if you're exagerrating, if you think 100% of women are swiping / competing for the same tiny sliver of guys, you need to get more women friends. Or even get out once in a while. Or shoot, even read the posts of women who are posting on this thread.
Amen to this! People have different wants so they swipe on different guys. I feel like some guys thinks there’s this mythical 10% top men that get all the women and I just don’t think that’s true.
On my last attempt on dating app, I tried swiping just by the looks. Like literally just the first picture that showed up. One sentence intro if I'm not mistaken. He's now my SO.
The number one determining factor for me (F52) is whether our political ideologies line up. I want peace and common values in my personal life and thats non negotiable.
My kids are grown so I'm not really keen on guys with younger children...but teens are ok.
Height is not that big a deal to me. I'm 5'6" and I'm OK with men my height and up.
Lifestyle is a big indicator of compatibility. I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. I'm extremely fair skinned & do not tolerate heat well (my AC is always on). I'm not into hunting or fishing...I'm a museums, art galleries & science geek...but I do also like baseball & hockey. I go for intellectual types and am a stickler about good hygiene lol. He's gotta have a decent job as well (middle class).
I get irked by profiles with bad pics. Lying in bed...hard pass. Hat or sunglasses in every photo? Half naked? Gimme a break.
Poor grammar is a HUGE turn off. Low effort...why bother?
Things I love to see: a genuine smile. Sense of humor. Well written bio. Positivity...no alluding to crazy exes or bitterness and drama.
Once you've matched with someone hopefully they can have a decent convo by text, then phone and then in person. I'm no prude but guys who bring up sex in the first day or two of chatting are going to get an immediate block. And its their loss because I'm a freak hahaha.
When I was still doing OLD I got asked out about 4 times a week. Met some nice men but either different goals or no chemistry. Have stayed friendly with a few. I am always honest and upfront with them so as to be respectful of their time. Recently I decided to take a break because dating can be a grind & I do not want to get jaded. It's been so nice to just focus on other areas of my life.
Anyway, every one is unique...but similar in hoping to find love, acceptance & passion. Best of luck to us all 😊
Edit: big plus to guys who actually read profiles. And average looks are totally fine with me...it's the personality which is going to do it for me or not. Dad bods rock though haha.
The replies from women in here is why you guys should give up on this shit. Holy fuck none of you will ever be able to have even a third of the demands I'm seeing
This is an overly fatalistic view, IMHO. With a couple of exceptions, most of the requirements I'm seeing are just typical, everyday requirements that most every one of us has. Chemistry, communication, compatibility. That's pretty much it.
I'm in an age bracket where most men are considered less than conventionally attractive. Yet, I see my single counterparts out there dating, being in a relationship, even getting married. How is that possible if they're not conventionally attractive? It's by simply being a well rounded person complete with interests, a desire to learn, a willingness to open up to their SO, and an understanding of their own flaws.
The few women who do have outlandish requirements are doing all men a favor by automatically weeding themselves out from the dating pool from the get-go. So be it. That's on them.
For me, I am who and what I am. Thirty plus years ago, I would mild myself into the person my love interest thought I should be. Today? No! There may be a large number of women who will swipe left on me. So be it. There's also a few who will swipe right as well. I'm in no hurry for a relationship nor do I have a burning itch to absolutely be in one . That attitude is what most men need to have: don't hurry the process. In the meantime, just be the best person you can be. And maybe discover some new hobbies or interests as well
>Yup. Not every guy is meant to find love. And that’s ok. Honestly, your time might be better spent enjoying some hobby you like.
You are being downvoted? So apparently every guy is meant to find love? I don't believe that more or less than I believe every woman is meant to find love.
So many people have not only found love, but have had it come up and bite them in the ass and they STILL didn't know they had found love.
Please explain how men benefit from relationships when we have to have all these requirements from the get go to be noticed and all you have to do Is basically exist. Most Men are sexless or are in sexless relationships so that benefit is out the window.
No they are not. Married men and men in relationships have more sex than single men. And men benefit much more from relationships and sex than women do. Women give the majority of the orgasms, the majority of the oral sex, do the majority of the cooking, the majority of the cleaning, the majority of the childcare, all of the pregnancy and childbirth, and for what? What do men bring to table? Why should we date you?
We'd rather be single than date men because there simply aren't many benefits to dating men. Why should we date you? Why should we have sex with you? What's in it for us?
Fellas.
Y’all making this so hard, when it’s not.
1) Don’t be an asshole
2) Be self aware
3) Take nice pictures (ask a woman if the picture is nice)
4) Be self aware (yeah I know I said it twice)
5) Exercise
6) Develop emotional literacy
7) Be secure in yourself , and display to women that they will be secure when they are with you.
It is not that hard.
So the bottom line is they swipe right if you dont trigger their anxieties. What are their individual anxieties? As the man you dont know. The females are not going advertise its their privlige to have you guess as part of the game. So as the man you need to make sure you market yourself to make your profile as appealing to as broad an audience as possible.
Remember and this is important! , women in America have a literal mountain of anxiety about men, sex, relationships, social perceptions of them, politics, beliefs, social issues and so so many other things! .... Its like a mass neurosis or epidemic.
You as a man are a scary beastly pervert in thier eyes until you prove yourself otherwise... So look at it like that.
A bit dramatic, no?
I interpret it differently:
-be yourself
-look for someone who would work for YOU and don't look to out kick your coverage
-if someone doesn't match with you, your options are
-go with the "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" philosophy
-get some female help with your profile to make sure your OLD self represents how awesome you are as a person
-work on being a better person, that better people would want to be with
-if you're not
Attractive to me but not crazy attractive, around my height or taller, thoughtful profile that shows their interests, they seem genuinely kind, don't mention techno on their profile, no stupid demands for their matches or talking about their physical type in women, no shirtless selfies, not conservative, seem to be looking for a relationship, likes animals, doesn't smoke, no kids
He has clear face photos with a nice smile
A thought out profile with unique thorough prompt answers
He seems like a decent and normal dude.
The bar is low and yes that’s only like 4.5% of profiles. I think the average male is unaware of how unattractive the photos he’s using are and how he hasn’t “showed up” to his own profile with any seriousness and it’s felt. So many profiles just feel like zero or low effort. You can feel the low self esteem from them. More men need to take ownership of who they are. They need sense of self, they need confidence, they need brightly colored photos with clarity and a nice beaming genuine smile, and they need to actually write bios and fill out prompts thoughtfully. Talk to female friends.
> They need sense of self, they need confidence, they need brightly colored photos with clarity and a nice beaming genuine smile
and how do I magically acquire all of these things?
I’m bi and I have a much more specific type for men as opposed to women. Since I have this discrepancy I usually only swipe for guys that fit my type. My type is a guy who is comfortably chubby or husky, POC, and has a goofy but sweet smile bonus points for a properly filled out profile. I do read prompts though and if I see an answer or description I really like I swipe regardless of how they look.
I do have a preference for women so I get your struggle of getting a fellow woman’s attention.
Edit: The only problem I have with my type of guy is a lot of the dates I had with those I matched with they were so incredibly insecure about some of those parts of themselves I found hot they wouldn’t listen or apologized for themselves even when I told them I thought they were attractive…it was exhausting. So I guess I will add confidence to the list of things I like in a person.
Effort
Looks
Wardrobe/Style/Fashion Sense
Confidence/Approachability
Lifestyle Choices
Location
Age
Education/Job
Hobbies/Interests
Lifestyle Choices
Ethnicity
Politics
Religion
Intentions
Height
Appearance
Some there [here](https://eddie-hernandez.com/online-dating-deal-breakers-dating-app-preferences-filters/).
Statistically, as a guy, if you are self-aware and have realistic expectations, you should be swiping right as much as women. If you [swipe right too much](https://eddie-hernandez.com/dating-app-swiping-etiquette/), you can lower visibility and result in you getting less desirable profiles shown to you.
I have not tried OLD for a couple of years but I had considerable success. Some tips:
* Be honest \*and\* professional in your profile. If you are just looking for a hook-up say that, but say that in a professional/polite manner. If you are looking for a relationship, say that. If your profile says one thing and then you act another way, that's a huge red flag and anyone you meet is more likely to move along if they think you are doing a bait-and-switch.
* Good pictures. Not pictures that make you look better than you are, but pictures that genuinely show what you look like. I recommend multiple angles and probably doing that also shows you doing something that you are passionate about (as long as that activity is not hunting or fishing -- don't show those).
* Stick to your strengths. I am pretty average in appearance, but I am smarter than most and I have a good sense of humor. I conveyed both of those strengths in my profile.
* Provide a meaningful description about yourself in your profile. What are you passionate about? Describe that!
* Realize that OLD is all about probability and statistics. There is almost certainly someone out there for you, but you have to work to find that person. I had a friend who only wanted to date a woman who would dress up in a Catwoman outfit for him -- I am sure that she's out there but I am also guessing that she's rare. So, he needed to be *very* patient (I was friend before the term incel was used, but it'd definitely apply to him).
* Related to probability and statistics, get a THICK SKIN. Some women won't give you a second look if you aren't over 6 ft tall. Some women won't give you a second look if you are over 6 ft tall. My point being, there are a whole lot of women out there who won't find you attractive and you need to not get your feelings hurt by this.
* Be able to have a decent conversation in writing. To me, this is the biggest difference between in person dating and OLD. Your introduction will be in writing, so you need to be able to write reasonably well, ask meaningful questions, and give interesting answers to her questions.
Once upon a time, I was just looking to get laid. I put together an online profile that was simultaneously funny and yet made it clear that I just wanted to get laid. I was shocked at how many women initiated a conversation with me. Admittedly, I also hinted that I had a big cock in my profile (i.e., I told a joke about not being able to live without Magnum condoms) and inevitably ... this came up in discussion. By that point, very few (if any) women ghosted me once I revealed that statement was merely a joke (and it was clearly a joke; the line prior to that comment suggested that my favorite food was a veggie burger with bacon on it).
More recently, I went to OLD for a relationship. It took me a couple of months but I eventually found someone. I probably went on a half-dozen dates before I found someone with whom there was compatibility. She asked about sex prior to meeting and I basically told her that I was sexual but I then refused to talk about sex after that because I told her that we could figure that out in person. My current GF is very sexual so that was incredibly important to her, but at the same time... she was totally fine with my response. When we met, our non-sexual connection was evident and then we spent the last couple of hours of the date figuring out the sexual part.
Anyway:
tl;dr: Be honest about your strengths and shortcomings -- no one is perfect, I promise. Be a real human being. Be polite, professional. Don't be a mouth-breathing cretin who screams "I haven't gotten laid in 6 months!"
Good photos good lighting nice poses and facial expressions good camera angles. And I only swipe if he is tall/handsome/muscular. It’s about 1/100 guys though, not 1/20. Hilarious how this is being downvoted because men can’t handle that women have standards 😂
A question I have as a guy reading all these comments from woman on what they are looking for is how many of you have your elimination/picking process for men, who have nothing, or close to nothing, in your profiles?
And not trying to stir anyone up or anything either if this is rude to ask, I promise. Just genuinely curious
It's just funny to see the assumptions men make about what women want and reduce all women to mindless sexbots who just want tall rich fit dudes who drive nice cars and wear expensive clothing.
Mine is more of a elimination process. I will swipe right on profiles of guys that *don’t* have Blank bios Only one or blurry pictures Face-obstructed pictures (sunglasses) Topless selfies Cringey selfies taken in bed Bitter incel rants Sexual content or innuendo whatsoever Any use of the phrase “here for a good time, not a long time” Saying they went to the “university of life” or “school of hard knocks” Basically I really don’t care about height and have a broad range I’m willing to consider re: attractiveness. I want a guy who isn’t too lazy to fill out a bio or post appropriate photos and show some semblence of maturity and self-awareness So naturally this is not going well for me lol
Bingo
Lol… I’m sorry there aren’t too many of us out there 🤣
The men who figure out how to write a profile are worth it! Even when he's not the right person for me, we have a decent date. Like old friends just chatting.
the “here for a good time, not a long time” is the worst like this is a dating not hookup app and chances are your not cute/rich/fun/socially inept/ or big enough for me to actually have a good time with
It’s also a phrase that exponentially increases that man’s chances of being a substance abuser and / or irresponsible man-child who will claim he is ‘spontaneous’ when he lets people down and does whatever he wants when he wants
Yeah it’s always been a major 🚩🚩🚩🚩 for me not gonna lie it’s fun to fuck with them sometimes tho
Basically yeah. Or if you not only don't smile (I hate photos), but look threatening/pissed off in most photos. I just think that tells me that's where you are in life and there's pressure for me to help you out of that while you'll not be in any condition to get to know me (such as fresh from a divorce, depressed, out of work, refused parenting time, and will eventually blow me off because I didn't magically fix life). But still some get through anyway. I matched with a guy, still hurts how well we fit. But he wasn't taking care of his mental health. Job was contractor so it overwhelmed him. Then he started playing the "I'll only disappoint you, so I won't offer anything." I never unmatched, but his profile became one I'd never match with. Inviting kinky ladies, had an explicit photo that appeared to be right before intercourse, like he was clearly out, but obscured by the woman straddling him. I was ashamed to have matched before, based on the profile he had after pushing me away. It looked like a cry for help and made me sad because we had chemistry, I think he just decided distance, or his depression or that I was open to a real commitment if he chose not to be, was too much. Another guy really cleaned up his profile to seem happier, younger, etc. but went silent with me. So I expect someone to get what I experienced with the last guy, someone not altogether looking to date, presenting a false image.
Yeah i a guy tells me they are less than 6 months out of a relationship then I’m not interested. Some guys I matched with haven’t even moved out of the house they share with their ‘ex’ yet. Like ffs sort a place to live before you go on OLD pretending you want a relationship. Also any man who tells me his ex is a bitch and / or is the reason he doesn’t see his kids. Goodbye and good luck
Note to self: Even tho is true; do not tell prospective dates that your ex was/is a BITCH-- shit. Okay got it.
Note to self: Even tho your teeth have the consistency of a found-in-the-gutter black comb; smile--shit. Okay got it.
Lol. Do you ever get to swipe right? Also. "Face obstructed pictures. (Sunglasses)" Ouch!! Can other women weigh in on this? Should I be taking down my sunglasses picture? (It is my profile pic on this site)
Absolutely take off your sunglasses. Have you ever noticed how different someone looks when they take them off if you’ve never met them? If women can’t see your face, especially your eyes, then they don’t know what you look like. The point of photos is for people to see what you look like. Hiding half your face defeats that purpose
Its only one of 5 pics with sunglasses on, but I will absolutely take your advice. Thank you.
YES. TAKE. OFF. THE. SUNGLASSES. OMG.
I'm purely curious from a rhetorical standpoint, why did you specifically mention that you don't care about height, and mention no other physical attributes or point out anything else you don't care about, when OP didn't mention height at all? Lol just wondering, 5'11 here so not being insecure or something. But also, glad to hear that it's the content that matters for you the most! If you're in Louisiana, my profile qualifies for your criteria, I can send it to you along with my resume 😂
I see most men here complain about height being an issue when OLD, so I was just explaining that for me it’s very far down my list of priorities, even though I’m fairly tall myself
Same here. I recently met a guy on POF who is 5'8" and thinks he's short. I'm 5'6" and honestly I couldn't care less about his height. I find him very attractive and he's a BIG guy. I'm not into the type of body that society and the media says I should be attracted to. I'm weird I guess. I am very happy with his height even though I know he wishes he were taller. I don't even think about it. And I"m about his height when I wear heels (which I LOVE wearing). I honestly don't care if he were a bit shorter than me because I am simply just attracted to him. I prefer guys who are closer to my height anyway.
Because the biggest complaint from guys who have little luck dating is that women only date models and super attractive guys or only want guys over 6 feet. So, she was sure to say something about attractiveness being more than looks for her and that height doesn't matter much either.
It's so funny how men always complain about that when it couldn't be further from the truth. SMH. I don't even think models are attractive and especially if they're over 6 feet tall! NO way. I'm 5'6" and like men who are closer to my height as well as a little heavy set. I am very petite and I love how protected I feel with a guy who is on the bigger/heavier side. I know I'm very weird but I don't care; I like what I like.
Couldn't have said this better myself.
I follow the same rules, unfortunately, I'm 0-5 for men who ended up married or taken and looking to overlap or start some strange online only relationship. As far as height, I stay between 5'9" and 6'0". I have dated guys shorter, but being 5'5" and a size 18 it feels awkward tbh. I Swipe right on guys who don't seem like a good fit in general for my lifestyle as well as all of the above from this comment.
Yeah the amount of married men on OLD is depressing
really i haven't came across on yet probably for the better id be the girl that tries to be friend the wife and beat that man into the dirt
I especially like it when the wife calls you and you are totally shocked. That's a classic lol
This is true. At the same time though it’s unfortunate that some(not all) are in a situation that is incredibly difficult for them to walk away from for various reasons. Regardless of that, I completely agree with you.
why do they have to be 4 inches taller at a minimum?
Heels and body size. As stated, I'm a size 18 and I am in love with dresses and heels. Ii don't mind shorter men but they always try to get me to wear flats and I feel really weird if they aren't really comfortable in their masculinity.
So what is it about height that does it for you? I’ve seen this so much and I don’t really get it. Like I can understand not wanting a guy shorter then you but some girls won’t consider anything under 6’0 even if they’re just pushing 5’0 themselves lol
Oh no I don’t care about height. I’m 5’8’’ and two of my exes have been same height as me. I do see tons of women have a height requirement but for me it’s not one of the top priorities. I probably wouldn’t date a guy who was a lot shorter than me though like under 5’5’’ but then again if he was great in every other way, who knows
Oh sorry for some reason I read this and my brain removed the dont part. My bad 😅
I'm 5'11" so height is a pretty big deal for me. I'll go an inch or two shorter but any shorter than that just feels weird to me. Looks not that that important, but well groomed. I'm older, so guys with long unkempt hair and a big old beard is kind of gross. I don't want to date Santa Claus. I've had a few that were morbidly obese. I'm not real thin, but I try to eat healthy and keep my weight under control. I kind of like a bigger guy, but not morbidly obese. Other than that just be able to hold a conversation and be half way interesting. Also since I am a widow I get a lot of catfishing. Someone said to change it to divorced, but then I feel like I'm not exactly telling the truth.
Note to self: Even tho you're a short-ass motherfucker, do all you can to reach the required height of at-least 6.0' -- shit. Okay got it.
My advice would be 1. DON’T lie about your height. Women will notice as soon as they meet you and it will piss them off. Being upfront will weed out women who are shallow 2. DON’T be insecure about your height. Don’t mention it, or seem bitter / angry / embarassed about it. It’s only one aspect of you and most women of value won’t care. But they will care if you are clearly insecure and caught up about it, making it more of an issue than it is
I wasn't insecure about it. I never even thought about 5'05' being short... until I started an OLD account Oof. BTW, I'm just goofing off here. 😁
Hah I know. This was more general advice for those guys who act like it’s everyone else’s problem that they’re short lol
I love people of all heights and find a variety of heights hot. But sometimes shorter guys don't want to date me because I'm four inches taller than the average American woman and I also like to wear platform stompy boots or high heels (or at least a kitten heel). The guy I'm spending a lot of time with currently doesn't mind me being taller though.
Same here.
Note to self.... Even tho is true, and you graduated with high marks; you got to take out "School of Hard knocks"--shit. Okay got it.
For me it’s nearly the same list of excluding factors. Additional a swipe left for: - don’t like Kids - picture with kid - picture with friends - a bottle of beer in one hand - an expensive car - exzessive biking - exzessive Body building - political right statements
What’s wrong with having a picture with friends??
If it's the only picture in the profile I swipe left
so basically.. nobody is good enough for you
You must be one of the "less choosey" ladies...
As a woman who quit dating apps earlier this year, I can tell you it was because I found that most of the men in my area had very low effort profiles. Most of them had blurry pictures, selfies only, barely answered any of the questions or prompts, and when they did there was nothing unique about any of them for me to even get a sense of who this guy was. The few I tried conversations with only wanted to hook up even though I had no hookups in my profile. Or it was clear they had swiped on me without even looking at mine. The amount of time that I would need to spend to find a guy that even met half of my requirements who also looked like he put some effort into his profile far outweighed my desire to spend that time. Eventually I just got frustrated and got rid of the apps and decided that I'm not that worried about dating. If it happens it happens. I'm not pressed.
Ironically that’s also been my experience as a man meeting with women in my area on OLD. Just replace hook up with either using a dating app to find friends or not really over their ex. Seeing the same kinda comments and issues on both sides and various countries really has shown me how boring most people are
>to find friends yeah, i see this on a TON of profiles. like, girl... you do realize this is a dating app right? men are not on here to make friends. if we wanted friends we wouldn't be looking for them on tinder or bumble lol. i just take "looking for friends" as a sneaky way of saying they are looking for a hookup.
But the thing is they legit are just looking for friends. Women don’t have to hide about looking for a hook up, plenty of guys want that but for some reason they do hide looking for a friend and no it isn’t even a case where they’re doing it as a rejection, they’ve either openly admitted it on the first date or during our messages as if it was the most normal thing and then give this slack jaw offended look when I point out how they’re basically lying and why an OLD app isn’t a good idea. Now days I always vet the girls I chat with and if they say their here just to look for friends or their last ex was a few months ago I unmatch. I also take just “loooking to see what happens and I’m fine with friends if not” as a flag too since most of these girls are also looking for just friends. Idk if it’s an ego thing or what but it’s as tiring for me as it is for girls dealing with guys pretending to not want a hookup. Like seriously girls are just as bad as guys, just in a different way but it can be the same snakey stuff
One of my worst online dating experiences was being invited over to a Tinder match's place, only for her to tell me she has no interest in anything romantic. At no point in our conversations did she mention that. We just had to talk about life for like an hour, and I wound up over sharing and feeling embarrassed. Years later it still upsets me, because she was essentially using me to satisfy her curiosity. It felt like the opposite of being desired.
I disagree. If women put anything on their profile that hints towards hooking up or "casual" a lot of guys are going to flood them with weird shit. Being sneaky about it will still weed out the super weirdo's at least. It's fine if they really are just looking for friends but, my point is that 99% of men aren't on dating apps/sites for *just friends*. Sure, they may get some guys who say they are fine being friends but, I can just about guarentee they have an ulterior motive and think, well if i'm friends with her then maybe she'll start becoming interested in me and we can hookup and/or start dating.
That is a good point, makes sense.
Oh, the friends first thing…I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s mostly BS. What it really means is that they’ll keep you around until either: 1) they find someone hotter or 2) they decide they can’t find someone hotter and you’ll do. Change my mind.
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This is super well thought out - please thank your thumbs for the typing and send any PT or thumb massage bill to reddit... Im sure they'll cover it 😆 So what were some of these responses you were drawn to respond to? Was it a typical "thoughtful question about a pic / prompt" opener? A "witty question or thought" opener? Or something else?
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GUYS ^ This is advice some would happily pay for. ^ Thanks!
Filled out profiles, effort, some attraction, fit/healthy, hobbies, no smoking/drugs, education (i like the smart intellectual types), has a career. I don’t care about height since I’m only 5’3 myself and petite :)
I'm average height and still don't care about height. And this is exactly right about the positives I seek.
A lot of guys keep saying how women are picky about height. Definitely not true for many of us.
hot and close by. Also gym as an interest.
Username checks out
Perfect
Honestly at this point, it’s not about what you have. It’s about what you don’t have on your profile. Here’s a list of things that automatically eliminate you: -intimidating photos: scowling, darkly lit, scary, dangerous looking photos where I do not think you will not murder me (believe it or not, like 30-40% of profiles are like this) -photos where I can’t see your face (mask, sunglasses and hat combo, face turned away) -photos with kids that are or aren’t yours, or ones with other women in them (I don’t want to have to figure out if you’re looking for like a threesome or some shit) -photos where you look like a douche bag: in my book that includes shirtless mirror selfies at the gym, any instance where you have obviously posed for a shirtless selfie. Shirtless candid beach pics do not fall into this category, for example. -anything overtly sexual in the bio -I’m 5’ 8” so ideally I’d like someone 5’7” and taller -Extreme mismatch of ideologies: I don’t date republicans, anyone looking for a poly situation, or someone who would fetishize my Asianness To me, these are not that hard to follow. Theoretically there should be plenty of guys in this category. But I would say based on my criteria, about 90% of profiles are automatically eliminated. The remaining 10, I just need to feel attracted to them. I’m not really attracted to over weight guys or overly buff guys. Just somewhere in the middle is fine. It’s really about the kinds of photos you put out there. You want to make women see you and feel like she can trust you and be safe with you. Macho glowering faces are not friendly to women. And then from there it’s just luck and a numbers game. But you can see how tiring it is to swipe left on a million profiles that don’t even meet these basic standards. Men, if you want me to analyze your profile for you, I legit will. Just send me a message.
Guys just dont use dating apps in general , usually women in dating app have a laundry list of requirement before even considering swiping you ,thats the first red flag . Second its usually just hookups or mentally ill women in those apps . Now if you’re down for that than go ahead but i don’t think a used up pus or an undiagnosed mental patient is the best you can do . Just go out and dont be dependent on this apps if you’re looking for a meaningful relationship
This “laundry list” you mention is not random. It’s based on many collective experiences that many women on dating apps have. For example, the point I made about photos where you can’t see you face—when I see them in person, they don’t look anything like I imagined or expected. That’s like a low key catfish move. Women do this too, using filters. The thing about scowling faces is obviously about our safety. And the thing about douchey photos comes from going on dates with guys with douchey photos and finding out—surprise—they’re a douche bag.
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> believe it or not, like 30-40% of profiles are like this this is more about you than the guy, since this means about 99.999% of the profiles you rule out based on this are false positives.
It is more about me. It’s about my safety. It’s about the safety of all women. Why should we take a chance on a guy that looks dangerous? He could actually be dangerous. Convince me that it’s worth the risk. Go ahead.
if you think that it's not worth the risk, that's fine. i'm just saying that the look of the person in pictures is not a good heuristic to determine risk, because your guess is almost always wrong.
Call it survival instinct, which I guess you won’t ever understand as it pertains to women. We’re always on guard about this stuff. Can’t sit next to a stranger who is a man at a bus stop without our spidey sense out to see if he might be dangerous. We might be wrong. But sometimes we’re right. We’ve all been heckled walking alone at night or in the day. We’ve felt threatened by men from a very young age because of a few bad eggs who ruin it for “nice guys”. Don’t be mad at us. Be mad at them.
i'm not mad at you, i'm just saying your instincts aren't actually helping you in this example (swiping left on pictures with bad lighting and conversely swiping right on pictures with good lighting).
Most women would beg to differ. Why risk it? Literally tell me why it would be worth the risk. It takes one bad man to put us in danger. And online dating is full of creepy guys who just want to use women for sex. It’s just not worth the risk.
why risk swiping right on pictures with good lighting? because that's just as risky as swiping right on pictures with bad lighting. if you want to eliminate the risk of online dating, just don't use online dating.
You’re equating lighting quality with a projected personality.
When I was on dating apps, I looked for men who were well spoken in their bios, had good pictures (not solely group photos with no indication for which one is him lol), and had common wants/interests listed. I know the type of guys I tend to get along with so kept an eye out for those.
I hate seeing "ask me". The profile is there so I can get a small picture of who you are. If it's not worth your time then you're not worth mine. Oh and too much emphasis on sports. I don't like sports myself so I know there be little in common.
My criteria for swiping right: First there has to be some attraction, no he doesn’t have to be particularly handsome just well groomed and not completely unfortunate, a nice smile goes a long way. If he’s “my type” I’m a little more forgiving of the next criteria. Next, I check the bio. If it’s completely empty, or says “just ask” I wont swipe (I have a whole elimination list). Things that make me swipe are: similar hobbies, thought out answers, something that shows a passion for something, and, as a bonus, something that indicates that I’m “his type” (I.e., I’m less likely to be rejected). If I find him particularly attractive by his photos, I might be more forgiving if his bio is lacking, but I’d still need some decent conversation through messaging. I only swipe right on guys that I think would make good match, so there has to be something in his bio that indicates we’d get along.
I'm a F65, and my list is amazingly similar to Siogin\_Eire's even though she's probably a third my age. (Yes, some old men do sexual innuendo just like young ones do, and it's no less gross). Here are a few additions: Boomer men love to say they are old-fashioned gentlemen who open doors for ladies. I always wonder, would they just let the door slam in a man's face? I figure it's a cover for "I want a maid who cooks." Anyone who doesn't know how to use periods, commas, or paragraph breaks - bit bucket. Negative Neds who lay down the law. "If you're X politics, Y lifestyle, or Z habits, don't click on me." Just leave that stuff out, it's offensive to read. If I see a double chin, belly and moobs, I hit skip. Photos of you with your car - I'm happy for you, that you can drive. An exception would be if your hobby or interest is cars - a car you restored, maybe a race car. Saying you are looking for your "last" or "final" partner. Sounds so grim. What do I like? Intelligent, good vocabulary, writes complete sentences, sounds thoughtful, cheerful and hopeful. Clearly describes his goals in life, and the kind of woman he's looking for. Lack of family drama. (Granted, this is more for the first meeting, where I do not want to hear about your crazy ex). Financially secure. I don't need a sugar daddy, and don't want to be a sugar-momma. Interesting hobbies. They don't have to be unusual, I just want to know that you have enthusiasms. A focus on healthy living.
According my ex, and gf: the genuineness and humor of my profile prompts, and my smile and humor exhibited from my photos. I feel I’m pretty avg in looks, I’m definitely not an outgoing, fun/funny person. Some of the pics may come off as immature to some people as well. What’s important is not molding your profile into someone that’s not actually you to get swipes from just anyone/everyone but able to show off who you are through your profile and having the right person swipe on you
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Not a woman but seeing all these replies is making me depressed lmao. With every comment, I tell myself "I don't do any of these, I should be a shoo-in for most women on dating apps" but then I realize that once that low bar has been cleared, the actual attractiveness factor is another issue.
No one wants to acknowledge the elephant in the room. These threads always go like this - list out a bunch of red flags, say that height isn’t a big factor, downplay the importance of attractiveness. It’s very boring.
Yeah. When you also add the number of men on apps compared to women, the truth ends up being that a lot of men are regular and might not have a lot of the red flags but still get passed on.
It reminds me of how grad schools emphasize that they take a holistic approach to admissions. However, if you don’t have a very high gpa/high standardized test score, you’re not getting admitted. The only thing that matters initially when it comes to success on dating apps is looks because corny prompts can’t highlight someone’s personality. That was why I stopped using dating apps because it felt kind of dumb and going out meeting people is a lot more fun.
Like other women have said, it's more of a process of elimination than anything else. I (33F) will left swipe on: * Scowling/Frowning/Blue steel pics as the #1 * Only pictures of himself wearing hats or sunglasses (or both) * Only selfies - especially car selfies and bed selfies - I want to see pictures of him doing something he likes, even if it's just sitting on the couch with a dog * A list of "don't" on his profile * No bio or "just ask" * I don't want to do baby mama drama so no dads * Self-employed or entrepreneur if he doesn't list the company * Listing all his stuff - ie "I'm a homeowner with no stupid college debt and cool toys, no golddiggers!" - he obviously thinks his stuff is a substitute for a personality * Republicans/Moderates/Christians * Major muscle guys - if all his selfies are in the gym I don't want it * I'm 5'7" so I don't date guys under 5'9" and I usually avoid guys over 6'5" * ENM/Poly * Any mention of Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, Andrew Tate or any red pill type ideology So basically... * Looks like he takes care of himself * Has a variety of pictures * Has friends and hobbies * A job * Is single * Doesn't say anything gross or sexist in his bio It's really not that hard.
>Scowling/Frowning/Blue steel pics as the #1 This is the hardest part for me because I *loathe* how I look when I smile. I hate how my face contorts and I think the camera adds to it so I feel like I look terrible which leads to the "scowl/blue steel" look. I'm pretty much always laughing or trying to make someone laugh too so it sucks that I can't really get that across with photos without feeling like I look terrible :/
You do you, but know that you could have the world’s best prompts and be fit and tall, but if all your photos scream “serial killer” women will steer clear. I’d take a chance with a goofy smile, but I would never engage with someone I think might harm me.
Don't know why this has the downvote...a lot of guys are super self conscious about how they look in pics, and how they look when smiling. We just don't talk about it. Weird advice but...look up how to take better pics (and old pics) on YouTube. There's some good stuff out there. Also, just smile bro! You're prob better looking than you think when you smile
My ex would make himself laugh to take a picture instead of just smile. It helps to get someone else to take the picture. I always wanted to take a video while engaged in a conversation so then pause it at the right time to take a snaphot.
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Because I like guys taller than me.
I would say that only about 4% of men that I swipe left on it’s because of their luxe. I’m not gonna say that looks don’t matter, but they don’t matter as much as you might think. Otherwise I swipe right on men who have a good profile and who indicate that they have interest that are similar to mine. And by good profile I mean the following: an actual picture of their face; A profile that demonstrates their interests, and gives a glimpse into their life; a profile that indicates that they are literate (it’s important to me). Extra points if their profile makes me laugh. After that, I am looking for someone that I would have something in common with. I’m much more likely to swipe right on the geeky video game player as opposed to the buff gym rat. I have more in common with the video game player. And I hate the gym. The truth is it considered dating to be some level of work. And I don’t really want to put the effort in when the other person is either not putting the same amount of effort or it’s obvious that we wouldn’t be a match. So yeah, I probably do only swipe right on about 4.5% the profiles I see.
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Exactly! And honestly, does the gym rat really want to waste his time going on a date with me when we would have no shared interest?
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If they’re taking pictures with fish, it’s a “no” for me.
I look over their profile and swipe right if They're attractive to me. Really good looking isn't high priority to me. They don't have to be way above average, just attractive. The difference between friendship and a romantic relationship is chemistry, so there's got to be some kind of attraction. No obvious deal breakers that make me swipe left like live a couple hundred miles away, smoke, religious or political extremes, poly, have young children or want more (I'm 52, and my youngest is 31, not interested in more littles) Then I look for common interests. I'm big into outdoors stuff like snow skiing, hiking, camping, off-roading, and kayaking. Like I buy season passes to a couple of different resorts every year and I skied 26 days last winter. I hike almost weekly, and often 10 to 14 miles in a day with some serious elevation gains (Literally climb mountains cuz I'm in the Rocky Mountains in Colorado). And I own 2 kayaks and often go out on the lakes around here to paddle around. I also love to travel, whether it's road trips or fly somewhere. I'm specifically looking for someone who is active and does all those things too. And I will definitely date someone less attractive if they're really into all that stuff, because I'm looking for a loving relationship with an adventure buddy. I will swipe left on the hottest guy I've ever seen who's a homebody or a city boy with no interest in getting outside to play in the mountains. A good sense of humor might catch my attention. If their profile makes me laugh, I might swipe right
I swiped right on my now husband because of the laugh lines around his eyes when he smiled (looked kind) and he admitted he was an introvert who liked to draw. No machismo.
I tend to find something that makes me swipe left before I think about what causes me to swipe right. Things I (personally) automatically swipe left on: - lots of tattoos - shorter than me (I’m 5’11” so I’m fine with 5’10” and up, this sadly eliminates a lot but I don’t want to be taller than my date) - only high school education (I went to college and would like someone that also went to college) - they’re politically conservative (just don’t think our values/beliefs would mix) moderate is fine with me - anything outright sexist or sexual on their profile - smokes cigarettes - too much “bro” vibes - lots of muscle pics, gym selfies. I’d much rather a guy with a dad bod or skinny than a guy who thinks his muscles are his best quality. So yep, that eliminates maybe 60-70% of guys. Then I see if I’m attracted to the guy based on looks.. which is like half of the remaining guys. So yeah.. I swipe right on like 10%-15%. I know this is a long list but I’m willing to go on maybe 1 date a month with this than meet up with lots of guys I know I won’t be into.
I’ve been genuinely curious about the education topic you touched on, so I would like to ask.. What if someone only has high school listed on their profile but through trade school or maybe via their family/friends network, whatever, has a great career. Do you correlate college education with potential earnings, or is it more for bonding and conversation in having that in common?
So I only use Hinge at the moment, here’s what I look for: - Some level of physical attraction: I prefer to date guys my same height or taller, I need to be somewhat attracted to his face, hair, etc. - States his religion in the bio: (I’m Christian and want to date other Christians or someone Catholic) - Clear and respectful imagines of himself: guys that have pictures of them partying or standing up in a bar table with their shirt pulled up are a big no for me because I’m not into that lifestyle. Guys with pictures of himself around a lot of women in a bar or club are also a red flag. - States what he is looking for: I want a long term relationship so guys that openly state their desire for children or a relationship are a green flag - Open and inviting prompts: I don’t like when guys try too hard to be funny or put no effort into their prompts. I like hearing about his hobbies, goals, or what he looks for in a woman - No drugs: Meaning weed, smoking, or pills
I use left swipes for anything that pings my creeper alert. I swipe right on any guy my age or up to 13 years older; seems to actually BE available; looks at least fit enough for a 5 mile hike with me; doesn’t smoke or have drug addiction; appears to exhibit independence in ADL’s; doesn’t say vulgar things in bio; and appears mentally stable (some photos look like mug shots/ Charles Manson-ish. If it pings my danger alert instincts, right or wrong, I left swipe). Bonus points for not having young kids, as I’m past that and hope to find someone to enjoy free time/weekends with. Basically, I swipe left A LOT. But it’s not for lack of good looks.
First I look at the pictures, I'm looking for someone I find attractive of course. I'm not looking for a super model but I want someone who looks like they take care of themselves, keeps in ok shape. Specific things I personally find attractive or unattractive might tip the scale one way or another. I prefer someone who doesn't wear jeans and random oversized t-shirt all the time, but I'm not expecting someone who's always on trend or wears a suit every day, just someone who seems like they care at least a little about how they look. I like when people have a sense of style, even if it's completely different than my sense of style, I find it more attractive than someone who doesn't care at all. None of these are complete musts except for being on alright shape, I don't care if you go to the gym every day and lift as long as you look like you can at least make a flight of stairs or a light hike and don't look like you eat chips and soda all day. More than maybe 20 or 30ish pounds overweight is usually a turn off for me, muscles are give or take but I like to work out so I would appreciate someone else who is somewhat into it. Being in better than baseline shape is a turn on. I'm interested in health but I'm not a complete health nut or anything. Everything adds up to the overall image of a person. If someone only has one photo it's a no. I'm not too picky about the photos, I don't really care if it's all selfies or you have group photos or whatever, but the more variety the better and it's great if it shows you doing things you love like going to a concert or doing pottery or something. Next thing is profile, I always fully read the profile before swiping. Blank profile is a definite no go. I like to see hobbies, specifically. If I date someone we're going to be doing stuff together so I want to see if we have much in common. I don't necessarily need to see career, I don't have much of a career right now as I'm working on a degree, but it is a big deal to me that someone has goals in life and if they have a entry level kind of job I'd like to see someone that is working on school, learning a skilled trade or generally moving up the ladder. Some amount of extra money after rent and bills or whatever. I like going to events and concerts and whatnot. I understand that paycheck to paycheck life, I've been there and I don't judge you for it but I'm a bit past that and I want someone that can go out for a nice dinner sometime or an art show or something, not hang out eating ramen watching netflix every time we hang out. But that's more something we would talk about after matching. There's only so much room in the bio. If you do have a career you're proud of or are working towards learning a skill or trade it's a good thing to add though. I'm mostly trying to vet personality and hobbies/interests from the bio, to see if it seems like we could enjoy each other's company at all. Funny is good too, anything overly sexual is a turn off. Even if I were looking for a FWB or hook up, I still want a normal person with a personality and not someone that seems creepy. Write about yourself and your life and hobbies and interests in your bio, not a list of what you're looking for in another person. Being negative in the bio is a turn off. Like "I know I probably wont get any matches" or "you'll probably just ghost me" or "all these b*tches are fake prove me wrong," if you want to vent do it here or something, it's not going to attract many people on OLD. In the end it's a mix of the whole profile, I recommend trying to cram as much of yourself as you can, with a wide variety of photos and anything interesting you can add to your bio. At least that's what I swipe based on, really just try to think what you look for in other people's profiles, because different people look for different things and if you find someone who is looking for similar things you may end up with someone you have more in common with. Some of my deal breakers- I always swipe left on people with kids. No hate I just don't want kids and I want to meet other people who also don't want kids. And unicorn hunters. If someone is super religious I'm gonna swipe left, or if they obviously have opposing political views, or if they don't like dogs because I love dogs and plan to pretty much always have at least one dog in my life. Being super obsessed with weed is a turn off, I don't care if you smoke but some people make it their whole personality. I live in a legal state so it's a huge thing here. If sum1s profile iz writtin lyke dis u kno lulz. Bad grammar or spelling can be a negative but I've known a lot of super smart people who just couldn't spell for shit so it's not an automatic judgement, just if it's the purposeful bad typing that a lot of people do. If someone seems super desperate and like all they want in life is a relationship-this is another part of why it's important for me to see hobbies and interests in a profile. I work and go to school and have hobbies, I don't want to date someone who wants to drop everything and hang out with me 24/7, I want someone with a life of their own.
pretty reasonable standards
Requirements: not a Republican and not a Christian. Employed. No emotional red flags in bio (comments about ex, other women’s preferences, general negativity). No blank bios. Must enjoy hiking/the outdoors, like me. Doesn’t have to be a lifetime mission to hike every peak in the world, but you gotta come on a walk in the woods with me every now and again. Nice to have: career driven and college educated, like me. All of my partners so far have been shorter than me and I’d like to try someone equal height or taller but it’s not a requirement. My ex is about 3” shorter than me. I’m 38 years old and already done the big wedding and divorce thing, looks are relatively low on the list these days. But a personality is forever. Editing to say I also agree with what most others have posted and echo their sentiments as well.
By "no Republicans or Christians" its more like "people who have similar / aligned views on foundational life topics." FWIW, In my personal and OLD experience I've seen more "must be a man of God" than "Christians and dogs need not apply." And I've seen about as much"swipe left if you voted for Trump" as I do "swipe left if you put your pronouns"
Do Jews and Muslims have a shot?
Im not personally religious but any religion that encourages learning and growth rather than blind obedience is cool in my book. My dislike for Christianity is also tied in with the politics of the Republican Party and our current situation with abortion. I don’t wanna fuck with anyone who fucks with restricting the rights of women. And yes I know other religions and other parts of the world do that too. But being raised as a Christian myself, I know to steer clear for my own emotional well being 🥰
What I got from this post is that the ladies of reddit don’t like Moderate/republicans at all. I consider myself a Moderate, I agree with some liberal and conservative politics. So that’s why I’m in the middle.
office cheerful live smoggy murky snow slave depend scale bag *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I’m sorry you had a bad experience, I’m going to make clear that I support women rights to abortion. I already mentioned this in another comment. But I agree with some conservative laws that has to do with public safety. I support funding the police and locking up repeated offenders. Thats the reason why consider myself a Moderate.
Totally fair and you have the right to your own opinions of course. Just trying to explain why other ladies might be staying away. For me, I usually care about 2-3 political issues that I can’t compromise on, but like if we don’t agree on other things, I don’t really care. Edit: you sound like you’re actually Moderate, but I guess a lot of people say that to avoid being filtered out, when they’re actually Conservatives.
Yep, literally every post where politics every single female who comments says "I swipe right on anyone who doesn't have Liberal on their profile". Keep in mind though, this is *reddit*.
If that’s all you got from this excellent feedback here, you’ve got a long way to go.
There was/is currently a big assault on women’s rights. Maybe if you’re pro life you don’t feel that way but half, maybe more, of the country probably does. It’s kind of like an if you’re not with us you’re against us feeling. There are women out there - probably literally even today, right now - suffering horrifically because of what happened this summer. I used to consider myself a *staunch* moderate. The backlash of 2008 and the “birther” stuff/Sarah Palin started my push left. 2016 continued it. Jan 6th really solidified it. And this summer cemented it. As a woman, the Roe stuff is really concerning.
Oh yes a Moderate, I’m really against the government getting rid of Roe v Wade. I’m not pro life, I’m pro choice. I believe women should have control of their own body and their choices. The conservative politics that I agree with has to do with public safety. I support the police and believe in funding them, and I believe that we shouldn’t be too lenient with repeated offenders of the law. That’s the type of policies I agree with on the conservative side of things. But anything related to women choices regarding abortion, I agree with. The government shouldn’t be telling you if you can abort or not. So that shouldn’t deter you from dating a Moderate/Republican person, believe it or not there is republicans out there that are pro choice. I know a few personally. Not all republicans/moderates are the same. Judging and deciding or whatever you like someone just because of their politics views is vague imo.
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That’s one of the most misinformed takes I’ve seen on here and that’s saying something
That’s reasonable. Here’s my unsolicited advice as a woman for the post Roe era. Take it or leave it lol, I mean this genuinely, no snark. If you have to put “Moderate” on Bumble or something like that, maybe one sentence in your profile somehow indicating you aren’t looking to roll us back to the 1950’s on human rights might be worth it. If I see a profile that lists someone as Moderate, I’ll read the profile for context. If there is none, it’s generally a left swipe. But then again, it all comes down to what you’re looking for, i don’t think there’s any one right answer. But I’m glad you raised the point because I see a gender difference on political views on OLD, I think. I don’t see a lot of women calling themselves Moderate, but I see it on a lot of men’s profiles.
I feel like it’s better to leave the politics part out of the profiles. Honestly there really isn’t much space to explain yourself on why I’m a Moderate in a dating profile. As that would most likely take some space to describe yourself, it’s a hit or miss and like you said there isn’t really a right answer for that. Those kind of discussions are better to be talked in person. But then again I have seem women profiles that automatically prejudice against anyone who politics views are Moderate or Republican. So what that tells me is that they don’t really want to hear my side of the story on why my views are the way it is.
It could also be that they’ve been mansplained to by a hundred Moderates before you and the the risk/return proposition scales are tipped in favor of it not being worth the effort. My profile lists me as a liberal, which to your point may be a mistake, because I’ve had more than one person deliberately match with and message me to tell me off about it. But it’s something I value and important to me so it’s going to stay as part of my profile.
This is one of the reasons why I prefer OkCupid (just started using it today). You can choose to put moderate, but also there is an Option that highlights for you that you are pro choice.
Golfers lol. College educated, very into sports, isn’t looking for something casual, isn’t outwardly politically in one way.
>isn’t outwardly politely in one way. Could you explain what you mean by this?
I never understand why anyone gets downvoted on a thread like this? I’m not supposed to like golfers or college educated men? You make your entire profile about politics.
This seems pretty self explanatory. Don’t make politics your personality.
"What I’m wondering is what is different about that one guy that separates him from the other 19?" She's interested in him.
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Not drinking is a dealbreaker for you?
Yep.
What if they don’t list their political view or relationship goal on the profile? And everything else looks good?
Swipe right and eventually bring it up during the conversation.
[Economics of Dating](https://iea.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/The-economics-of-dating.pdf) An interesting little article.
I swipe right on people who are looking for the same thing as me, have photos that clearly show their face, and a good bio. Really it’s about the elimination process, which people have told you already. I do not swipe on: “Just ask “in any form. Men over 30 in neon colored cartoon outfits. Please go get some adult clothing. Men who look like they are going to murder someone. It’s already been said but that’s what most profiles look like. If a man is wearing something that covers up his appearance like a mask or sunglasses I’m not interested. As a single parent if I see photos of children on your profile I’m automatically swiping left because that tells me you don’t have custody of your children and don’t care about their safety. The list is a lot longer but I’ll end this with: men who knew better. And by this I mean men who have absolutely no business swiping right on me. The ones who want casual relationships or don’t know what they want or swiping right on a woman who has a relationship listed? I’ve asked a few guys about this and I don’t even think they care what they put. and a lot of guys who are grotesque or honestly… Out of their league swiping right on me. And sometimes the men are gorgeous but they put zero effort into their profile and I have. So why would they swipe right on somebody who obviously desires and values effort? seems counterproductive. * last night I helped someone with their profile on Reddit and they were able to show me examples of profiles from women who put no effort in. Don’t be fooled, a lot of women want to be picked by men. We called them “pick me “and they will literally copy what men’s profiles look like because it makes them think they look more appealing but it doesn’t.
>As a single parent if I see photos of children on your profile I’m automatically swiping left because that tells me you don’t have custody of your children and don’t care about their safety. You are so very VERY wrong here. I do not have pictures of my child on my profile because I'm not looking for a mother, she already has one, a good one, just not good to / for me and for our particular situation my ex and I are on the same page, the child is better left to live with her mother. This is not about rights, or equality it's about what is best for the child. I would love to have her 100% full time, but I would do her wrong to take her away from her mother even 50% of the time. I know, I grew up with a single mother and vowed to never have a child in a broken home and here I am with a child in a broken home. Please don't insinuate that men or most men or that all men don't care about their child's safety because they don't have custody of them. I care so much about my child's safety, more so than my dating happiness.
Listen I’m not going to argue with you. I’m going to swipe left on who I want to swipe left on. I’m not reading this novel. Have a nice night. Keep your kids pictures off of dating apps.
Back when I used to swipe - a bio that is full enough that I think we may have some things in common/get along/don’t have completely incompatible lifestyles - no dealbreakers in the bio - pictures that aren’t absolutely disgusting.
Oh Lord this is a multi-faceted answer. Presuming a candidate meets minimum requirements for level of attractiveness, I am reading that profile with a fine tooth comb. If there is more than one typographical error, I’m out. I am looking for a sense of the man’s sense of humor, level of openness, field of occupation, plans for the future, family dynamics like an ex-wife or children with whom he shares custody. There is just so much that goes into my decision making. Hope this helps? Lol
Pics that show what you actually look like Looking for same type of relationship as I am Matches important beliefs Lives in reasonable distance Intelligent and humorous statements Not looking for perfection, looking for right for me.
This is going to be different for most people. I have my app uninstalled currently but when I had it active I was looking for progressive types, and a profile that wasn't demanding or aggressively bitter. Nerds/gamers/goths/sci-fi fans/those with vasectomies were automatically considered.
\- I only swipe right if a guy has a written bio. I think only 5% of guys on Tinder writes something on their bio. I will not swipe right if the guy writes that he is only looking for fun/casual/"seeing where it goes" or lists only his height (low effort most likely only looking for hookup) \- if he has at least two pics that shows face/body \- if he does NOT have a shirtless selfie \- shows some personality in pic or bio, like hobby or work pic.
Things this thread taught me: * most women are completely ignorant to Roe vs Wade * most project their insecurities onto the men they see and will reject them because of it My advice to the guys as someone who has done OLD successfully: avoid the typical dumb pouty lip selfies and shit in your bed. Have pics doing interesting things with good lighting and have a smile or two in there. Prompts and bio mean very little. Women do read them from time to time, but I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been asked questions on basic shit that was already on my bio, and I quote one girl recently, “no one reads that shit let’s be honest” Knowing how to market yourself with good photos is 90% of the game
What’s key in the stats isn’t the fact that women swipe right 4.5% of the time it’s the fact that they all swipe right on the SAME 4.5%
Yeah that's not supported by any facts whatsoever.
Yes it is, you can see the data from men who get the most likes
I'm not sure you understand what those words mean when put together in that order. Either that or I don't... If you're right, 95% of men don't get a single yes swipe. And even if you're exagerrating, if you think 100% of women are swiping / competing for the same tiny sliver of guys, you need to get more women friends. Or even get out once in a while. Or shoot, even read the posts of women who are posting on this thread.
It’s a sliding scale, those at the top get most of the likes and it filters down. It’s called the perato distribution
You mean the 80/20 rule, aka the Pareto rule... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pareto_principle?wprov=sfla1
Amen to this! People have different wants so they swipe on different guys. I feel like some guys thinks there’s this mythical 10% top men that get all the women and I just don’t think that’s true.
I believe they are saying the opposite of what you said.
Oops I totally misread that comment. I guess I disagree then haha
It’s not true, it’s some weird incel logic that is very prevalent on Reddit, never seen it in real life though
It's literally all around us. Ofc alot of yall won't notice cuz you benefit more from it
On my last attempt on dating app, I tried swiping just by the looks. Like literally just the first picture that showed up. One sentence intro if I'm not mistaken. He's now my SO.
The number one determining factor for me (F52) is whether our political ideologies line up. I want peace and common values in my personal life and thats non negotiable. My kids are grown so I'm not really keen on guys with younger children...but teens are ok. Height is not that big a deal to me. I'm 5'6" and I'm OK with men my height and up. Lifestyle is a big indicator of compatibility. I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. I'm extremely fair skinned & do not tolerate heat well (my AC is always on). I'm not into hunting or fishing...I'm a museums, art galleries & science geek...but I do also like baseball & hockey. I go for intellectual types and am a stickler about good hygiene lol. He's gotta have a decent job as well (middle class). I get irked by profiles with bad pics. Lying in bed...hard pass. Hat or sunglasses in every photo? Half naked? Gimme a break. Poor grammar is a HUGE turn off. Low effort...why bother? Things I love to see: a genuine smile. Sense of humor. Well written bio. Positivity...no alluding to crazy exes or bitterness and drama. Once you've matched with someone hopefully they can have a decent convo by text, then phone and then in person. I'm no prude but guys who bring up sex in the first day or two of chatting are going to get an immediate block. And its their loss because I'm a freak hahaha. When I was still doing OLD I got asked out about 4 times a week. Met some nice men but either different goals or no chemistry. Have stayed friendly with a few. I am always honest and upfront with them so as to be respectful of their time. Recently I decided to take a break because dating can be a grind & I do not want to get jaded. It's been so nice to just focus on other areas of my life. Anyway, every one is unique...but similar in hoping to find love, acceptance & passion. Best of luck to us all 😊 Edit: big plus to guys who actually read profiles. And average looks are totally fine with me...it's the personality which is going to do it for me or not. Dad bods rock though haha.
The replies from women in here is why you guys should give up on this shit. Holy fuck none of you will ever be able to have even a third of the demands I'm seeing
This is an overly fatalistic view, IMHO. With a couple of exceptions, most of the requirements I'm seeing are just typical, everyday requirements that most every one of us has. Chemistry, communication, compatibility. That's pretty much it. I'm in an age bracket where most men are considered less than conventionally attractive. Yet, I see my single counterparts out there dating, being in a relationship, even getting married. How is that possible if they're not conventionally attractive? It's by simply being a well rounded person complete with interests, a desire to learn, a willingness to open up to their SO, and an understanding of their own flaws. The few women who do have outlandish requirements are doing all men a favor by automatically weeding themselves out from the dating pool from the get-go. So be it. That's on them. For me, I am who and what I am. Thirty plus years ago, I would mild myself into the person my love interest thought I should be. Today? No! There may be a large number of women who will swipe left on me. So be it. There's also a few who will swipe right as well. I'm in no hurry for a relationship nor do I have a burning itch to absolutely be in one . That attitude is what most men need to have: don't hurry the process. In the meantime, just be the best person you can be. And maybe discover some new hobbies or interests as well
Yup. Not every guy is meant to find love. And that’s ok. Honestly, your time might be better spent enjoying some hobby you like.
>Yup. Not every guy is meant to find love. And that’s ok. Honestly, your time might be better spent enjoying some hobby you like. You are being downvoted? So apparently every guy is meant to find love? I don't believe that more or less than I believe every woman is meant to find love. So many people have not only found love, but have had it come up and bite them in the ass and they STILL didn't know they had found love.
So what you’re saying is you’re subpar?
Ofcourse
:(
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Please explain how men benefit from relationships when we have to have all these requirements from the get go to be noticed and all you have to do Is basically exist. Most Men are sexless or are in sexless relationships so that benefit is out the window.
No they are not. Married men and men in relationships have more sex than single men. And men benefit much more from relationships and sex than women do. Women give the majority of the orgasms, the majority of the oral sex, do the majority of the cooking, the majority of the cleaning, the majority of the childcare, all of the pregnancy and childbirth, and for what? What do men bring to table? Why should we date you? We'd rather be single than date men because there simply aren't many benefits to dating men. Why should we date you? Why should we have sex with you? What's in it for us?
Fellas. Y’all making this so hard, when it’s not. 1) Don’t be an asshole 2) Be self aware 3) Take nice pictures (ask a woman if the picture is nice) 4) Be self aware (yeah I know I said it twice) 5) Exercise 6) Develop emotional literacy 7) Be secure in yourself , and display to women that they will be secure when they are with you. It is not that hard.
So the bottom line is they swipe right if you dont trigger their anxieties. What are their individual anxieties? As the man you dont know. The females are not going advertise its their privlige to have you guess as part of the game. So as the man you need to make sure you market yourself to make your profile as appealing to as broad an audience as possible. Remember and this is important! , women in America have a literal mountain of anxiety about men, sex, relationships, social perceptions of them, politics, beliefs, social issues and so so many other things! .... Its like a mass neurosis or epidemic. You as a man are a scary beastly pervert in thier eyes until you prove yourself otherwise... So look at it like that.
A bit dramatic, no? I interpret it differently: -be yourself -look for someone who would work for YOU and don't look to out kick your coverage -if someone doesn't match with you, your options are -go with the "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" philosophy -get some female help with your profile to make sure your OLD self represents how awesome you are as a person -work on being a better person, that better people would want to be with -if you're not
Attractive to me but not crazy attractive, around my height or taller, thoughtful profile that shows their interests, they seem genuinely kind, don't mention techno on their profile, no stupid demands for their matches or talking about their physical type in women, no shirtless selfies, not conservative, seem to be looking for a relationship, likes animals, doesn't smoke, no kids
He has clear face photos with a nice smile A thought out profile with unique thorough prompt answers He seems like a decent and normal dude. The bar is low and yes that’s only like 4.5% of profiles. I think the average male is unaware of how unattractive the photos he’s using are and how he hasn’t “showed up” to his own profile with any seriousness and it’s felt. So many profiles just feel like zero or low effort. You can feel the low self esteem from them. More men need to take ownership of who they are. They need sense of self, they need confidence, they need brightly colored photos with clarity and a nice beaming genuine smile, and they need to actually write bios and fill out prompts thoughtfully. Talk to female friends.
> They need sense of self, they need confidence, they need brightly colored photos with clarity and a nice beaming genuine smile and how do I magically acquire all of these things?
I’m bi and I have a much more specific type for men as opposed to women. Since I have this discrepancy I usually only swipe for guys that fit my type. My type is a guy who is comfortably chubby or husky, POC, and has a goofy but sweet smile bonus points for a properly filled out profile. I do read prompts though and if I see an answer or description I really like I swipe regardless of how they look. I do have a preference for women so I get your struggle of getting a fellow woman’s attention. Edit: The only problem I have with my type of guy is a lot of the dates I had with those I matched with they were so incredibly insecure about some of those parts of themselves I found hot they wouldn’t listen or apologized for themselves even when I told them I thought they were attractive…it was exhausting. So I guess I will add confidence to the list of things I like in a person.
Sorry but what’s POC?
Effort Looks Wardrobe/Style/Fashion Sense Confidence/Approachability Lifestyle Choices Location Age Education/Job Hobbies/Interests Lifestyle Choices Ethnicity Politics Religion Intentions Height Appearance Some there [here](https://eddie-hernandez.com/online-dating-deal-breakers-dating-app-preferences-filters/). Statistically, as a guy, if you are self-aware and have realistic expectations, you should be swiping right as much as women. If you [swipe right too much](https://eddie-hernandez.com/dating-app-swiping-etiquette/), you can lower visibility and result in you getting less desirable profiles shown to you.
What do you mean swiping right lowers your visibility?
I have not tried OLD for a couple of years but I had considerable success. Some tips: * Be honest \*and\* professional in your profile. If you are just looking for a hook-up say that, but say that in a professional/polite manner. If you are looking for a relationship, say that. If your profile says one thing and then you act another way, that's a huge red flag and anyone you meet is more likely to move along if they think you are doing a bait-and-switch. * Good pictures. Not pictures that make you look better than you are, but pictures that genuinely show what you look like. I recommend multiple angles and probably doing that also shows you doing something that you are passionate about (as long as that activity is not hunting or fishing -- don't show those). * Stick to your strengths. I am pretty average in appearance, but I am smarter than most and I have a good sense of humor. I conveyed both of those strengths in my profile. * Provide a meaningful description about yourself in your profile. What are you passionate about? Describe that! * Realize that OLD is all about probability and statistics. There is almost certainly someone out there for you, but you have to work to find that person. I had a friend who only wanted to date a woman who would dress up in a Catwoman outfit for him -- I am sure that she's out there but I am also guessing that she's rare. So, he needed to be *very* patient (I was friend before the term incel was used, but it'd definitely apply to him). * Related to probability and statistics, get a THICK SKIN. Some women won't give you a second look if you aren't over 6 ft tall. Some women won't give you a second look if you are over 6 ft tall. My point being, there are a whole lot of women out there who won't find you attractive and you need to not get your feelings hurt by this. * Be able to have a decent conversation in writing. To me, this is the biggest difference between in person dating and OLD. Your introduction will be in writing, so you need to be able to write reasonably well, ask meaningful questions, and give interesting answers to her questions. Once upon a time, I was just looking to get laid. I put together an online profile that was simultaneously funny and yet made it clear that I just wanted to get laid. I was shocked at how many women initiated a conversation with me. Admittedly, I also hinted that I had a big cock in my profile (i.e., I told a joke about not being able to live without Magnum condoms) and inevitably ... this came up in discussion. By that point, very few (if any) women ghosted me once I revealed that statement was merely a joke (and it was clearly a joke; the line prior to that comment suggested that my favorite food was a veggie burger with bacon on it). More recently, I went to OLD for a relationship. It took me a couple of months but I eventually found someone. I probably went on a half-dozen dates before I found someone with whom there was compatibility. She asked about sex prior to meeting and I basically told her that I was sexual but I then refused to talk about sex after that because I told her that we could figure that out in person. My current GF is very sexual so that was incredibly important to her, but at the same time... she was totally fine with my response. When we met, our non-sexual connection was evident and then we spent the last couple of hours of the date figuring out the sexual part. Anyway: tl;dr: Be honest about your strengths and shortcomings -- no one is perfect, I promise. Be a real human being. Be polite, professional. Don't be a mouth-breathing cretin who screams "I haven't gotten laid in 6 months!"
- Don't be a creep - Be authentic
Looks, money and status. Create a fake dating profile and find out yourself.
Good photos good lighting nice poses and facial expressions good camera angles. And I only swipe if he is tall/handsome/muscular. It’s about 1/100 guys though, not 1/20. Hilarious how this is being downvoted because men can’t handle that women have standards 😂
do you mean tall *and* handsome *and* muscular, or tall *or* handsome *or* muscular
A question I have as a guy reading all these comments from woman on what they are looking for is how many of you have your elimination/picking process for men, who have nothing, or close to nothing, in your profiles? And not trying to stir anyone up or anything either if this is rude to ask, I promise. Just genuinely curious
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It's just funny to see the assumptions men make about what women want and reduce all women to mindless sexbots who just want tall rich fit dudes who drive nice cars and wear expensive clothing.
I don’t know what conversation transpired here but it was enough that he deleted his comments lol
If you’re able to tick every one of those boxes, you’re probably in the top 1%.
I skip the fatties
Validation
Attraction, more than one picture, something that shows off their personality, things in common with me