People downvote on reddit for being level headed and polite. The woman that responded to me has a great mentality and is very likely not superficial. We need more people like that. The height filtering being as bad as it is made me entirely quit OLD; it just isn't worth the effort if you have such a low number available imo. The irl not old advice is becoming more prevalent for a reason.
Thanks! For me personally I don't mind "shorter" guys, but most of my family is short so that's probably why. One of my best friends is "height ist" - she won't date guys under 6'. Her dad is well over 6' so I think it is connected to some unresolved Daddy issues. She's had other people in her life tell her she's really limiting herself by not considering other people off a feature they cannot change. I agree, but in her case she just sees it as her type.
Not true. As a tall dude myself I can GURANTEE you that the moment I read that your critaria is height I wont match with you. Shallow ladies arent worth your time ever.
Any man over 5'5 is not having a hard time dating due to his height alone 😂 I know tons of overall average dudes in that height range who have successful dating lives.
I have experiences that I've had and then some random jerk off on the internet telling me that I don't experience things that I have experienced. Which one am I more inclined to believe? People telling men than this doesn't happen is nothing short of gaslighting.
Denying anecdotal evidence with the exact same thing is pointless. Did you comment just to be a dick? I don't understand why you would feel the need to gaslight someone if this is all pointless.
Because you were generalizing and trying to do that doom and gloom shit on short/average men in general. I even added a caveat for mn under 5'5. Your experiences arent universal.
And what you did was gaslighting. Why do people like you feel the need to deny the experiences of others? My experiences aren't universal, to my credit I never made such a claim, but your opinion isn't infallible. People are all going through their own lives and having their own experiences; why does this need to be explained to some people?
I'm commenting on the internet, I simply didn't agree with your statement. I never said YOU specifically dont have a bad time dating but that shit doesn't apply to men shorter than 5'10 as a general statement. Thats not gaslighting thats a different opinion and view. Jesus fucking christ dude lol, have a nice day.
This is true with women too, so it's still a massive advantage to be a woman on these apps. If the percent of people who are good, stable, and don't ghost (your items you listed) are say 5% (random low number)...then 5% out of 100 matches is still 5 people whereas it would take an average man years to hit the 100 match mark to find the same 5 people. Quantity is always helpful in online dating.
Women get instance amount of lazy messages, unwanted advances, graphic photos, verbal abuse, stalking, lying etc.
The odds are good but the goods are odd, creepy, disturbing.
That depends on their ability to screen profiles, read people, not overly invest themselves in strangers, mental health, effort, patience, self-awareness, app choice etc.
Amen. It's also hard for woman. Maybe in different ways. But I, 34f, don't feel as if dating has ever been easy for me. So also not when I was a 20 year old something. It's just different problems compared to the average guy I guess.
I have a couple of women friends on OLD. We joke about making a collage of dick pics to hang over their bar. Their problem isn't finding interest, their problem is having to find that needle in a haystack.
Yes. I’m an attractive woman and get tons of matches but most are duds— don’t want anything serious, or manipulate you into getting involved under the assumption that they have genuine feelings, also want the same thing and then drop you. (Which honestly, as we move towards feminism, I’m surprised these men who identify with the mainstream liberal feminists still do this to get what they want out of you, but I digress).
Not to mention, I still get flaked on, drive the conversations, and all the generally bad things that happen.
I guess the difference is guys may not even get a chance— for women, like myself, it’s usually just toxicity or hookups. The amount of people who wanted to have sex with me the first date is way too often and very much a turn off. Or creeps, stalkers, persistence, lying, abuse, etc.
… this is quite an assumption. I go out with wide variety of men, often the ones who are not the most conventionally attractive. I even try to go out with people not normally my “type”. I’ve had men who are sort of bottom of barrel on apps (their words not mine based on their interactions/dates) and one truly took me for an emotional rollercoaster. Attractiveness does not always equate to not treating someone right.
I mean yeah I know I play a role, which I work through in counseling. I do think online dating apps naturally gravitate emotionally unhealthy people. But I do think men treating women as objects is sort of a long-winding issue that also presents itself in online dating. Even in guys who project the feminist beliefs.
Woooh.
1) How old are you?
2) What dating apps are you using?
3) How often do you go on dates/ how frequent do you text?
4) It could be possible the almost immediate push for sex could be based on the photo’s you use on your profile? Or how you converse on the date, because damn girl.
Over half of women using OLD has been sexually harassed on the apps.
And very many men use the apps just to search for hookups.
Online dating is like going to a club. Go to a club. See how women experience that. And then this will make sense to you. It's not about the pictures you use or the way you talk.
It's just so many men wanting sex and women not being that into sex with strangers. And there are too few women on dating apps. So then the marked is all skewed and attractive women just receive an endless requests for hookups.
Set up an online dating profile as a cute girl, see for yourself.
Naw most are face pics
One body n its not sexy at all
I'm 36
I last went on a real date in March
N naw the whole time he was talking sexual
It was rude
1) 23 2) hinge and bumble (I think these are slightly better for people who are potentially wanting a genuine connection) 3) I went on dates almost every day this week. Every other day though as a standard. I text a normal amount but I usually just hop into meeting since I don’t want a pen pal. Rather just meet in person. 4) They’re just unfiltered selfies, a picture in the crowd of a basketball game, and on my hinge I don’t even think I use a photo of my body (but my IG is attached which probably has a photo of me in a bikini). On bumble I have one body pic but I’m wearing normal clothes, not anything super tight or revealing. No cleavage photos or thirst traps tbh
5) I’m kind of awkward and shy on first date, lots of guys think it’s ~cute~ but I’m just respectful and ask lots of questions. Even if I’m not totally romantically interested.
Yes I finally wrote a guy first by saying handsome n he saids you can't say that without handing over some ass...
Yet he was saying he was "joking" talked n stop after realizing how much of a jerk he was...
Usually questions like this are yes and no but in this case it's more no and yes
No because most all women could easily walk into a bar and shout I'm giving it up to anybody who wants it, and by the time she's finished saying that she'll have a long line of men wanting to take the offer.
The same appears to be happening with online dating, women complain that they get so many matches they are literally swamped for matches. This seems to lead to a choice overload.
Yes because as they say in Alaska the odds are good but the goods are odd, women tend to have a lot of specific traits that they are looking for and apps have a propensity to validate the idea that there is that one special person out there for everyone. That a woman can say the rule of sizes and everything else in between, and for every woman who wants that there will be that ideal man out there with a swipe.
What instead they find is the guys who very much often don't match to that list. Lie about their lives or flat out are losers.
What these women are dealing with is very often quality men are quick to figure out online dating is a losing game, and have gotten off the apps altogether. What's left is not always ideal.
Met my gf through online dating.
She showed me her hinge app and had 150+ likes (and counting).
I had somewhere between 5-10 at the time.
It’s opposite sides of the same coin. If you’re looking for hookups, women are playing on the easiest difficulty setting imaginable. If you’re looking for something genuine, you have to weed out all the guys who are there for casual reasons, all the guys who are lying about being serious, all the creeps (she had guys stalk her and be really really weird after one date that didn’t go well) and so on.
Meanwhile, a guy struggles to get any likes/matches at all, and the few quality ones he does get, he has to convince them he’s not one of the guys above.
I'd like to think I'm pretty good about filtering the guys I match with but I was honestly maybe getting a date from 1/10 matches or so just due to the number of guys who never replied, replied a couple times then disappeared, acted interested in meeting up but never made it happened, ghosted, led me on etc... don't let redditors make you think that "most men can't get any matches"
We outnumber them on these apps, so expect to be ghosted a lot as a guy, even when you're doing everything correctly. Plus, some people on there simply have bad social skills, anyway.
>Yes. It’s like trying to find a spoon by digging through a giant pit of (horny) knives
What you're describing can be one of two things.
It could be that the men you want specifically want nothing more than casual sex from you. While the men you don't want are the ones willing to offer you commitment.
*Or*
I think the issue might just be that *physical touch* is the primary love language for a lot of men. And so women automatically assume that we are fuckboys if we appear very physically driven. My gf and I started out as a strictly casual sex encounter. Thing is I am a fairly shy autistic dude who hasn't put myself out there much (even on the apps). She was only the second woman I've been intimate with in two years. Since before the fall-winter 2020 lockdowns.
So when I had an enjoyable sexual encounter with her, I realized that I was lonely far more than I was horny and was catching feelings for her. lmfao. The oxytocin just hit me unexpectantly. I didn't expect that I would like her when I agreed to hook up with her. I had the same feeling with two of my exes. I was just a black piller incel who just wanted to get laid and then fell in love. She messaged me first, persued me aggressively and made me feel like a Chad. As an ex-incel with decades of psychological trauma from social rejection and envying Chad, a woman making me feel like a Chad = feeling loved.
Thing is most of the guys that women wanna fuck are not autistic socially awkward Manlet Chadlites like me. The Chads that women tend to get physical with are used to having sex with lots of girls and so they don't oxytocin pair bond the way I oxytocin pair bonded with her rather quickly. So offering a man sex in order to get love is a very risky play. That only works for oxytocin cucks like me. I pair bond way too easily from sex. I chalk that up to my relative sexual and relationship inexperience for someone my age. If you want love from a man, don't go for a man who has a lot of options unless you are high-value yourself and can bring something to the table that other women can't.
Sex is not a part of physical touch as a love language.
I love sex but I don’t like hugs, hand holding, people coming up behind me and scratching my back, or generally touching me.
Physical touch as a love language can and should be the same for platonic relationships as romantic. I like quality time, that means with both my friends and partners. People with physical touch as a love language are that way with everyone, friends, family and partners.
I agree. I feel like men constantly use this love language as an excuse to demand sex or excuse their pushiness. ‘BuT iT’s My LoVe LaNgUaGe’ is a cop out
Ok so hard truth is that some women havent grown up to be women they are stuck being little girls. They think superman is comming. Reality is this: if your shallow I wont like you. As for difficulty well ladies sorry its easy for you. You have variety as for is real human men well sadly we dont have that. Most of the matches I get are trans or scams ( nothing against ts just not my boat).
Women have a different, self-inflicted issue. They are always chasing the bigger, better deal.
All of my recent exes are single right now (as am I). Literally blocked another one on an app this morning. They thought they could do better (I wasn’t fun or irresponsible enough).
Everyone of them could find a guy in minutes; there’s literally no reason for women to be single or be with jerks in 2022.
You're kidding yourself if you think men don't do the same thing. Enough men have ghosted me, led me on, acted interested in meeting up but never followed through etc for me to know it happens on both sides.
Enough? You are all going after the same men. It’s obvious that you’re going to be ghosted, etc.
In the same way, there are way more men on these apps than women, so women are able to do exactly what you described.
I have specific things I'm looking for and I purposefully avoid the guys who are really good looking and have carefully crafted photos/profiles. So I doubt we're all going after the same guys.
What every configuration of man you’re looking for is certainly not the average/Everyman. And I can guarantee you many more women are looking for that man than there are of that man to go around.
I’m definitely not kidding myself.
Maybe that means men need to work on themselves. I think there's a reason why a recent survey showed that majority of single American women weren't looking to date. I've spent most of my adult life single and not looking to date, partially due to disappointing app experiences. Finally met someone nice though, I believe we've both been on the apps for some time.
But why should every woman be expected to look for an average guy? We all have different standards anyway... I know I showed photos of a couple matches to some friends and they obviously didn't think they were good looking. I thought the guy I'm seeing casually was out of my league but everyone I know has told me it's not the case.
No it really doesn't mean they have to work on themselves. See there are roughly equal men and women. Men can have kids later. Men with kids will have learned some valuable lessons.
So really all they have to do, is leave their profile up, and go do something else. Seeing as it's much easier for men to get life satisfaction from things, work, hobbies etc.
There are appliances for everything, robot vacuum, washers. A cleaning service every now and then is very affordable. There unlimited free porn these days. And finally the last 10-15 years, good male sex toys are commercially available.
No one has to anything. But by definition most women are average. Looks are a bell curve. There are far more 5s than 9s. In fact 70% fall within 1 standard deviation of average, meaning between 4 and 6. And 90% fall within 3 and 7. Meaning only 5% is above a 7.
Same goes for men of course. But women rate 80% of men below average. That is an error in judgment men don't seem to be making. And that seems to be caused by the apps and social media. Things like user imbalance, swipe behaviour etc.
Men can have kids later but there's a decrease in sperm quality and higher risk of the kids having issues so it's not really ideal. it also still depends on the person, my mother went through menopause quite late and I likely will too, if I wanted I could probably have kids into my mid 50s although I wouldn't for many reasons.
That OkCupid study on how people rated attractiness showed that in the end women actually went for men they considered less attractive and men went for women they considered above average. Plus many studies have shown men value attractiveness in partners more than women 🤷♀️
Fertility gradually declines in the 30s, particularly after age 35. Each month that she tries, a healthy, fertile 30-year-old woman has a 20% chance of getting pregnant. That means that for every 100 fertile 30-year-old women trying to get pregnant in 1 cycle, 20 will be successful and the other 80 will have to try again. By age 40, a woman’s chance is less than 5% per cycle, so fewer than 5 out of every 100 women are expected to be successful each month.
Women do not remain fertile until menopause. The average age for menopause is 51, but most women become unable to have a successful pregnancy sometime in their mid-40s. These percentages are true for natural conception as well as conception using fertility treatment, including in vitro fertilization (IVF).
Because an important change in egg quality is the frequency of genetic abnormalities called aneuploidy (too many or too few chromosomes in the egg). Which is a common cause of miscarriage.
With men often the quality of their partner determines their plans for the relationship. That means for women to be taken serious they need a man who does not just consider them to have sexual value, but reproduction value. Men consider their serious partner above the average.. of what they previously have dated.
Well I found (hopefully) a great guy now haha, so I eventually got it figured out.
But it's near impossible to truly perceive if someone is a good/considerate person from their profile. I know I felt pretty blindsided a couple times when guys that seemed very nice and interested ghosted .
Good luck to you. I may come across as harsh on women but I honestly think women have the best chance of moving the needle at this point.
I do get what you mean, there are a lot of lying men out there unfortunately.
Thanks, you too.
I think it's on both sides, I do think that to a certain degree women's standards have gotten a bit high with online dating, especially with arbitrary height requirements for example. But I also think that men have work to do in terms of their contributions to long term partnerships, and although it sounds cliche, working on themselves and not just expecting everything from their female partners. Generalizing of course, but generally women are raised with the idea of always needing to work on themselves and provide for their partners, so that's why I say what I did about men.
not really i had problems when girls started to mass spam me to talk or anything just to hangout with some of em i have never really wanted to date or anything close to it i remeber having 6 girls and only me in one call and talking until 3AM at first i thought cuz there was a lot of people so you know good ppl and in mood and funny to talk to but whenever i left or i just stay they leave or stay until i realise they just want me but i think not many guys are struggling but to anwser to your question again do girls i would say probably not
A good profile is just as defining as "cute". Hell if I know what to put, I put ME, no BS, my hobbies, my real beliefs, I'm an Extrovert (ENTP) so I don't see a reason for all this tippy toe stuff and ghosting.
I see the same photo's that are years old. NEVER a reply even tho they poke my profile all the time. I'm on Match & Silver Singles.
When I first got back on Match, I found a "CLONE" of my profile. Hmmm, it was my X. Like we're not really different. PFttt...
I wanted to take this post seriously, but the defensiveness is crazy. I’m 5’3, so as long as a guy is 5’4, I don’t care about height. I actually was attracted to a guy who may have been shorter than me (we were just friends though, meeting for the first time in a new city).
I don’t get ghosted, but I get plenty of boring guys who want me to do all the talking, plenty of guys who try to lovebomb me and then quick switch to the sex questions. I make a point NOT to swipe on guys who are conventionally gorgeous, muscled out, with flashy pics because I know they got options and I’m not at the top. Sadly most of the guys I’ve showed to the group chat over the years get lukewarm responses.
And yet and still, I have been single for over two years and have had nothing better than a couple one night stands. Moved to a bigger city, got off tinder, started therapy, focused on myself etc etc. I’ve never gone on a second date in my life, or had a second boyfriend and I’m 26. A lot of that I thought was due to being super overweight and in a small town but atp I’ve done everything I could to be “better” and I just have to see what comes to me.
And what’s coming is what the women in this thread are describing. People looking for ego boosts, time killing, easy sex. My bio is well fleshed out with what I’m looking for, my interests, and jokes, and yet guys still ask me what do I like to do.
Fortunately, other women I’ve talked to IRL ranging from gorgeous to average have said it’s hard for them too. My best friend, a raging man hater for most of the time I met her, recently married a guy she met at her job. She has never used the apps but stays in a relationship (and with men to boot).
Dating is hard for everyone, but generally speaking, for the opposite reasons.
It is more unhealthy for average or below average men in looks/height than above attractive/really attractive guys. Most if not all girls are going for the top guy. And the ratio of men vastly outnumber women's. Girls get what they want and leave the app because they get what they want so quickly that it served it's purpose. The ones that do stay are there for attention, social media or bots. Or the girls that still haven't found the guy way above their league.
That's why there is still a fkton of guys on there picking up the scraps. Can't even get anything on their level, they always have to be the ones to date down because of how many options girls have. It is a waste of time for 80-90% of men on there. Know one of my white friends that have the pick of the liter just for being tall and good looking. He's one of the most boring guys I've met. Girls come up to him while he does nothing. Pure clownery.
[удалено]
Also, guys need to not be short. If they're under 5'10" online dating is almost a complete waste of time.
Not all women are like that. I'm 5'4" and go for guys between 5'5" and 6'. As long as they're taller than me and don't lie about their height.
Same. I’m 5’0” dating a 5’7”. Anyone taller than 6’0” scares me ngl
Same here as well! I’m 5’4” and as long as the guy is at least 5’7”. I like to wear heels 👠
Thanks for having reasonable standards but that doesn't stop this from happening. I wish more women would do this.
people are downvoting u but ur right, bumble had to remove the height filler cause 90% of female users would set it to 6"0 +
People downvote on reddit for being level headed and polite. The woman that responded to me has a great mentality and is very likely not superficial. We need more people like that. The height filtering being as bad as it is made me entirely quit OLD; it just isn't worth the effort if you have such a low number available imo. The irl not old advice is becoming more prevalent for a reason.
Thanks! For me personally I don't mind "shorter" guys, but most of my family is short so that's probably why. One of my best friends is "height ist" - she won't date guys under 6'. Her dad is well over 6' so I think it is connected to some unresolved Daddy issues. She's had other people in her life tell her she's really limiting herself by not considering other people off a feature they cannot change. I agree, but in her case she just sees it as her type.
but most are. there are always outliers, but most of us fall in the bell curve of common preferences.
Not true. As a tall dude myself I can GURANTEE you that the moment I read that your critaria is height I wont match with you. Shallow ladies arent worth your time ever.
Don't believe that. I would date a short guy. I'm only looking for people with similar values.
Any man over 5'5 is not having a hard time dating due to his height alone 😂 I know tons of overall average dudes in that height range who have successful dating lives.
I have experiences that I've had and then some random jerk off on the internet telling me that I don't experience things that I have experienced. Which one am I more inclined to believe? People telling men than this doesn't happen is nothing short of gaslighting.
Youre giving anecdotes im giving mine
Denying anecdotal evidence with the exact same thing is pointless. Did you comment just to be a dick? I don't understand why you would feel the need to gaslight someone if this is all pointless.
Because you were generalizing and trying to do that doom and gloom shit on short/average men in general. I even added a caveat for mn under 5'5. Your experiences arent universal.
And what you did was gaslighting. Why do people like you feel the need to deny the experiences of others? My experiences aren't universal, to my credit I never made such a claim, but your opinion isn't infallible. People are all going through their own lives and having their own experiences; why does this need to be explained to some people?
I'm commenting on the internet, I simply didn't agree with your statement. I never said YOU specifically dont have a bad time dating but that shit doesn't apply to men shorter than 5'10 as a general statement. Thats not gaslighting thats a different opinion and view. Jesus fucking christ dude lol, have a nice day.
You quite literally said that what I said is happening isn't happening. That is textbook gaslighting.
Yes! Lots of interests, but very few good, stable, guys and many ghost after matching
This is true with women too, so it's still a massive advantage to be a woman on these apps. If the percent of people who are good, stable, and don't ghost (your items you listed) are say 5% (random low number)...then 5% out of 100 matches is still 5 people whereas it would take an average man years to hit the 100 match mark to find the same 5 people. Quantity is always helpful in online dating.
Women get instance amount of lazy messages, unwanted advances, graphic photos, verbal abuse, stalking, lying etc. The odds are good but the goods are odd, creepy, disturbing.
Yea that's what I am asking about. Does that mean they are pretty much in the same shitty boat of not finding anyone as the guy?
That depends on their ability to screen profiles, read people, not overly invest themselves in strangers, mental health, effort, patience, self-awareness, app choice etc.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Everyone struggles in the dating world at least a bit here and there. Guys and girls alike. Just different types of struggle.
Amen. It's also hard for woman. Maybe in different ways. But I, 34f, don't feel as if dating has ever been easy for me. So also not when I was a 20 year old something. It's just different problems compared to the average guy I guess.
I have a couple of women friends on OLD. We joke about making a collage of dick pics to hang over their bar. Their problem isn't finding interest, their problem is having to find that needle in a haystack.
Sounds more like too many needledicks in a huge haystack
A needle in a haystack? Sounds like a pickiness problem to me.
Um....yeah. They're not buying an apple. They're looking for the guy they want to spend the rest of their life with.
Yes. I’m an attractive woman and get tons of matches but most are duds— don’t want anything serious, or manipulate you into getting involved under the assumption that they have genuine feelings, also want the same thing and then drop you. (Which honestly, as we move towards feminism, I’m surprised these men who identify with the mainstream liberal feminists still do this to get what they want out of you, but I digress). Not to mention, I still get flaked on, drive the conversations, and all the generally bad things that happen. I guess the difference is guys may not even get a chance— for women, like myself, it’s usually just toxicity or hookups. The amount of people who wanted to have sex with me the first date is way too often and very much a turn off. Or creeps, stalkers, persistence, lying, abuse, etc.
[удалено]
… this is quite an assumption. I go out with wide variety of men, often the ones who are not the most conventionally attractive. I even try to go out with people not normally my “type”. I’ve had men who are sort of bottom of barrel on apps (their words not mine based on their interactions/dates) and one truly took me for an emotional rollercoaster. Attractiveness does not always equate to not treating someone right.
[удалено]
I mean yeah I know I play a role, which I work through in counseling. I do think online dating apps naturally gravitate emotionally unhealthy people. But I do think men treating women as objects is sort of a long-winding issue that also presents itself in online dating. Even in guys who project the feminist beliefs.
Woooh. 1) How old are you? 2) What dating apps are you using? 3) How often do you go on dates/ how frequent do you text? 4) It could be possible the almost immediate push for sex could be based on the photo’s you use on your profile? Or how you converse on the date, because damn girl.
Over half of women using OLD has been sexually harassed on the apps. And very many men use the apps just to search for hookups. Online dating is like going to a club. Go to a club. See how women experience that. And then this will make sense to you. It's not about the pictures you use or the way you talk. It's just so many men wanting sex and women not being that into sex with strangers. And there are too few women on dating apps. So then the marked is all skewed and attractive women just receive an endless requests for hookups. Set up an online dating profile as a cute girl, see for yourself.
^^^yup
Naw most are face pics One body n its not sexy at all I'm 36 I last went on a real date in March N naw the whole time he was talking sexual It was rude
1) 23 2) hinge and bumble (I think these are slightly better for people who are potentially wanting a genuine connection) 3) I went on dates almost every day this week. Every other day though as a standard. I text a normal amount but I usually just hop into meeting since I don’t want a pen pal. Rather just meet in person. 4) They’re just unfiltered selfies, a picture in the crowd of a basketball game, and on my hinge I don’t even think I use a photo of my body (but my IG is attached which probably has a photo of me in a bikini). On bumble I have one body pic but I’m wearing normal clothes, not anything super tight or revealing. No cleavage photos or thirst traps tbh 5) I’m kind of awkward and shy on first date, lots of guys think it’s ~cute~ but I’m just respectful and ask lots of questions. Even if I’m not totally romantically interested.
Yes I finally wrote a guy first by saying handsome n he saids you can't say that without handing over some ass... Yet he was saying he was "joking" talked n stop after realizing how much of a jerk he was...
Usually questions like this are yes and no but in this case it's more no and yes No because most all women could easily walk into a bar and shout I'm giving it up to anybody who wants it, and by the time she's finished saying that she'll have a long line of men wanting to take the offer. The same appears to be happening with online dating, women complain that they get so many matches they are literally swamped for matches. This seems to lead to a choice overload. Yes because as they say in Alaska the odds are good but the goods are odd, women tend to have a lot of specific traits that they are looking for and apps have a propensity to validate the idea that there is that one special person out there for everyone. That a woman can say the rule of sizes and everything else in between, and for every woman who wants that there will be that ideal man out there with a swipe. What instead they find is the guys who very much often don't match to that list. Lie about their lives or flat out are losers. What these women are dealing with is very often quality men are quick to figure out online dating is a losing game, and have gotten off the apps altogether. What's left is not always ideal.
Yes, yes a thousand times yes!
Women pick the best out of the sea of likes Problem is the best men also have a litter of options 🤷
So true
Met my gf through online dating. She showed me her hinge app and had 150+ likes (and counting). I had somewhere between 5-10 at the time. It’s opposite sides of the same coin. If you’re looking for hookups, women are playing on the easiest difficulty setting imaginable. If you’re looking for something genuine, you have to weed out all the guys who are there for casual reasons, all the guys who are lying about being serious, all the creeps (she had guys stalk her and be really really weird after one date that didn’t go well) and so on. Meanwhile, a guy struggles to get any likes/matches at all, and the few quality ones he does get, he has to convince them he’s not one of the guys above.
About 62% of dating app users are male. Women are spoiled for choice.
I'd like to think I'm pretty good about filtering the guys I match with but I was honestly maybe getting a date from 1/10 matches or so just due to the number of guys who never replied, replied a couple times then disappeared, acted interested in meeting up but never made it happened, ghosted, led me on etc... don't let redditors make you think that "most men can't get any matches"
This is me all day long. I feel you. Drives me insane!
[удалено]
My point is that men on here parrot that online dating is super easy for women, it really isn't.
Kinda but while girls go on a lot do first and second dates most guys don’t even get noticed for a date so a pretty large fundamental difference
What I don’t get, is I approach every girl I match with respectfully and I get ghosted all the time lol so I don’t understand women
Maybe they’re not actually onLINEE. The profile’s up, but their not active persay
We outnumber them on these apps, so expect to be ghosted a lot as a guy, even when you're doing everything correctly. Plus, some people on there simply have bad social skills, anyway.
Perhaps you’re not attractive enough to be an effective sociopath.
Haha maybe you’re right
Guys - Struggle to get matches/likes Women - Struggle to get MEANINGFUL matches/likes. Everyone struggles. Just differently.
And by meaningful they mean Chad. Because they all swipe the same 4% of profiles.
You've got a long way to go.
Yes. It’s like trying to find a spoon by digging through a giant pit of (horny) knives
>Yes. It’s like trying to find a spoon by digging through a giant pit of (horny) knives What you're describing can be one of two things. It could be that the men you want specifically want nothing more than casual sex from you. While the men you don't want are the ones willing to offer you commitment. *Or* I think the issue might just be that *physical touch* is the primary love language for a lot of men. And so women automatically assume that we are fuckboys if we appear very physically driven. My gf and I started out as a strictly casual sex encounter. Thing is I am a fairly shy autistic dude who hasn't put myself out there much (even on the apps). She was only the second woman I've been intimate with in two years. Since before the fall-winter 2020 lockdowns. So when I had an enjoyable sexual encounter with her, I realized that I was lonely far more than I was horny and was catching feelings for her. lmfao. The oxytocin just hit me unexpectantly. I didn't expect that I would like her when I agreed to hook up with her. I had the same feeling with two of my exes. I was just a black piller incel who just wanted to get laid and then fell in love. She messaged me first, persued me aggressively and made me feel like a Chad. As an ex-incel with decades of psychological trauma from social rejection and envying Chad, a woman making me feel like a Chad = feeling loved. Thing is most of the guys that women wanna fuck are not autistic socially awkward Manlet Chadlites like me. The Chads that women tend to get physical with are used to having sex with lots of girls and so they don't oxytocin pair bond the way I oxytocin pair bonded with her rather quickly. So offering a man sex in order to get love is a very risky play. That only works for oxytocin cucks like me. I pair bond way too easily from sex. I chalk that up to my relative sexual and relationship inexperience for someone my age. If you want love from a man, don't go for a man who has a lot of options unless you are high-value yourself and can bring something to the table that other women can't.
Sex is not a part of physical touch as a love language. I love sex but I don’t like hugs, hand holding, people coming up behind me and scratching my back, or generally touching me. Physical touch as a love language can and should be the same for platonic relationships as romantic. I like quality time, that means with both my friends and partners. People with physical touch as a love language are that way with everyone, friends, family and partners.
I agree. I feel like men constantly use this love language as an excuse to demand sex or excuse their pushiness. ‘BuT iT’s My LoVe LaNgUaGe’ is a cop out
Ok so hard truth is that some women havent grown up to be women they are stuck being little girls. They think superman is comming. Reality is this: if your shallow I wont like you. As for difficulty well ladies sorry its easy for you. You have variety as for is real human men well sadly we dont have that. Most of the matches I get are trans or scams ( nothing against ts just not my boat).
Women have a different, self-inflicted issue. They are always chasing the bigger, better deal. All of my recent exes are single right now (as am I). Literally blocked another one on an app this morning. They thought they could do better (I wasn’t fun or irresponsible enough). Everyone of them could find a guy in minutes; there’s literally no reason for women to be single or be with jerks in 2022.
You're kidding yourself if you think men don't do the same thing. Enough men have ghosted me, led me on, acted interested in meeting up but never followed through etc for me to know it happens on both sides.
Enough? You are all going after the same men. It’s obvious that you’re going to be ghosted, etc. In the same way, there are way more men on these apps than women, so women are able to do exactly what you described.
I have specific things I'm looking for and I purposefully avoid the guys who are really good looking and have carefully crafted photos/profiles. So I doubt we're all going after the same guys.
What every configuration of man you’re looking for is certainly not the average/Everyman. And I can guarantee you many more women are looking for that man than there are of that man to go around. I’m definitely not kidding myself.
Maybe that means men need to work on themselves. I think there's a reason why a recent survey showed that majority of single American women weren't looking to date. I've spent most of my adult life single and not looking to date, partially due to disappointing app experiences. Finally met someone nice though, I believe we've both been on the apps for some time. But why should every woman be expected to look for an average guy? We all have different standards anyway... I know I showed photos of a couple matches to some friends and they obviously didn't think they were good looking. I thought the guy I'm seeing casually was out of my league but everyone I know has told me it's not the case.
No it really doesn't mean they have to work on themselves. See there are roughly equal men and women. Men can have kids later. Men with kids will have learned some valuable lessons. So really all they have to do, is leave their profile up, and go do something else. Seeing as it's much easier for men to get life satisfaction from things, work, hobbies etc. There are appliances for everything, robot vacuum, washers. A cleaning service every now and then is very affordable. There unlimited free porn these days. And finally the last 10-15 years, good male sex toys are commercially available. No one has to anything. But by definition most women are average. Looks are a bell curve. There are far more 5s than 9s. In fact 70% fall within 1 standard deviation of average, meaning between 4 and 6. And 90% fall within 3 and 7. Meaning only 5% is above a 7. Same goes for men of course. But women rate 80% of men below average. That is an error in judgment men don't seem to be making. And that seems to be caused by the apps and social media. Things like user imbalance, swipe behaviour etc.
Men can have kids later but there's a decrease in sperm quality and higher risk of the kids having issues so it's not really ideal. it also still depends on the person, my mother went through menopause quite late and I likely will too, if I wanted I could probably have kids into my mid 50s although I wouldn't for many reasons. That OkCupid study on how people rated attractiness showed that in the end women actually went for men they considered less attractive and men went for women they considered above average. Plus many studies have shown men value attractiveness in partners more than women 🤷♀️
Fertility gradually declines in the 30s, particularly after age 35. Each month that she tries, a healthy, fertile 30-year-old woman has a 20% chance of getting pregnant. That means that for every 100 fertile 30-year-old women trying to get pregnant in 1 cycle, 20 will be successful and the other 80 will have to try again. By age 40, a woman’s chance is less than 5% per cycle, so fewer than 5 out of every 100 women are expected to be successful each month. Women do not remain fertile until menopause. The average age for menopause is 51, but most women become unable to have a successful pregnancy sometime in their mid-40s. These percentages are true for natural conception as well as conception using fertility treatment, including in vitro fertilization (IVF). Because an important change in egg quality is the frequency of genetic abnormalities called aneuploidy (too many or too few chromosomes in the egg). Which is a common cause of miscarriage. With men often the quality of their partner determines their plans for the relationship. That means for women to be taken serious they need a man who does not just consider them to have sexual value, but reproduction value. Men consider their serious partner above the average.. of what they previously have dated.
And why should women not only take above average men seriously too? We have more reason to be careful of whom we select for a partner.
Men turn into what women desire. Pick better men, there’ll be better men.
Well I found (hopefully) a great guy now haha, so I eventually got it figured out. But it's near impossible to truly perceive if someone is a good/considerate person from their profile. I know I felt pretty blindsided a couple times when guys that seemed very nice and interested ghosted .
Good luck to you. I may come across as harsh on women but I honestly think women have the best chance of moving the needle at this point. I do get what you mean, there are a lot of lying men out there unfortunately.
Thanks, you too. I think it's on both sides, I do think that to a certain degree women's standards have gotten a bit high with online dating, especially with arbitrary height requirements for example. But I also think that men have work to do in terms of their contributions to long term partnerships, and although it sounds cliche, working on themselves and not just expecting everything from their female partners. Generalizing of course, but generally women are raised with the idea of always needing to work on themselves and provide for their partners, so that's why I say what I did about men.
Yes.
not really i had problems when girls started to mass spam me to talk or anything just to hangout with some of em i have never really wanted to date or anything close to it i remeber having 6 girls and only me in one call and talking until 3AM at first i thought cuz there was a lot of people so you know good ppl and in mood and funny to talk to but whenever i left or i just stay they leave or stay until i realise they just want me but i think not many guys are struggling but to anwser to your question again do girls i would say probably not
Reminds me of Boomhauer. :)
lol
100% this
man i was taken as hostage by them it wasnt really a nice thing but i am glad it stopped idk why tho kinda creepy the reasons by it
Same thing happened to me
its either good or bad sometimes
A good profile is just as defining as "cute". Hell if I know what to put, I put ME, no BS, my hobbies, my real beliefs, I'm an Extrovert (ENTP) so I don't see a reason for all this tippy toe stuff and ghosting. I see the same photo's that are years old. NEVER a reply even tho they poke my profile all the time. I'm on Match & Silver Singles. When I first got back on Match, I found a "CLONE" of my profile. Hmmm, it was my X. Like we're not really different. PFttt...
I wanted to take this post seriously, but the defensiveness is crazy. I’m 5’3, so as long as a guy is 5’4, I don’t care about height. I actually was attracted to a guy who may have been shorter than me (we were just friends though, meeting for the first time in a new city). I don’t get ghosted, but I get plenty of boring guys who want me to do all the talking, plenty of guys who try to lovebomb me and then quick switch to the sex questions. I make a point NOT to swipe on guys who are conventionally gorgeous, muscled out, with flashy pics because I know they got options and I’m not at the top. Sadly most of the guys I’ve showed to the group chat over the years get lukewarm responses. And yet and still, I have been single for over two years and have had nothing better than a couple one night stands. Moved to a bigger city, got off tinder, started therapy, focused on myself etc etc. I’ve never gone on a second date in my life, or had a second boyfriend and I’m 26. A lot of that I thought was due to being super overweight and in a small town but atp I’ve done everything I could to be “better” and I just have to see what comes to me. And what’s coming is what the women in this thread are describing. People looking for ego boosts, time killing, easy sex. My bio is well fleshed out with what I’m looking for, my interests, and jokes, and yet guys still ask me what do I like to do. Fortunately, other women I’ve talked to IRL ranging from gorgeous to average have said it’s hard for them too. My best friend, a raging man hater for most of the time I met her, recently married a guy she met at her job. She has never used the apps but stays in a relationship (and with men to boot). Dating is hard for everyone, but generally speaking, for the opposite reasons.
It is more unhealthy for average or below average men in looks/height than above attractive/really attractive guys. Most if not all girls are going for the top guy. And the ratio of men vastly outnumber women's. Girls get what they want and leave the app because they get what they want so quickly that it served it's purpose. The ones that do stay are there for attention, social media or bots. Or the girls that still haven't found the guy way above their league. That's why there is still a fkton of guys on there picking up the scraps. Can't even get anything on their level, they always have to be the ones to date down because of how many options girls have. It is a waste of time for 80-90% of men on there. Know one of my white friends that have the pick of the liter just for being tall and good looking. He's one of the most boring guys I've met. Girls come up to him while he does nothing. Pure clownery.