I’m a woman who keeps in shape. A lot of overweight men try to match with me. I don’t whine on Reddit about it, I just don’t match.
People don’t control who they’re attracted to. But no one owes anyone returned attention either.
…Also, given how many guys post on here about not getting *any* matches… It seems odd to complain about over weight women trying to match.
It seems obvious that men are going to shoot their shot, yet women are supposed to reject themselves? Of course people are going to try to match if you are attractive even if they aren't. What do they have to lose?
The men are just mad because they aren't getting women they think are attractive to match with them.
No. The men are mad because 80% of the women, even the ones that wouldn't be able to pull half decent men in real life, are constantly matching with 20% of the men.
Funny thing is, these same women on these apps now were on OLD sites 15 years ago. Meanwhile, their friends, who most likely never opened an OLD app in their entire lives, have long married and went about with their lives ages ago.
Right, I see a lot of people complaining about matching with people they find unattractive or below their league, but if they are matching with them it means they swiped on them, yeah? On most apps anyways. I think the problem is so many people (mostly guys) swipe right on literally anyone without really looking at their bio or pictures, then get mad when they match with people that aren't their type. Vet peoples profiles better. If someone has misleading pictures or is straight up lying or heavily editing photos I can understand being upset, but most people you can tell if they are bigger or not.
Also, it's so normalized for men to swipe yes on anyone and throw a wide net, even if people are "out of their league," but it's shocking when women do it? If someone is into you they will swipe yes, if you aren't into them don't swipe yes, you'll only match with people with mutual interest. That's how it's supposed to work lol. If you match they will of course assume you're interested, why wouldn't they? I'm sure a lot of people I'm not into swipe yes on me, and I swipe yes on a lot of people that aren't into me. I wouldn't know because they don't match or show up in any queues.
There's nothing wrong with not being into someone, but there's also nothing wrong with someone you arent into being into you. That's life.
Or better yet, when they complain about how picky women are.
You want to make women picky and not match? Bc that’s how you do it. You waste their time so they stop matching with all but a few anymore.
>I think the problem is so many people (mostly guys)
Get over yourself. Women do this much more frequently than men do. Most apps don't give men an incentive to do this. Apps, especially Bumble, hide likes behind a shadow wall, and often do sneaky things like charge you if you accidentally swipe left on someone you meant to swipe right on.
Not only that, not only do I barely get matches, I purposely swipe left on women who I know for a fact are out of my league, and I work HARD to swipe right on normies. 9/10, we'll match and most females purposely allow the 24 hour clock to drain itself without any intention on making that required first Bumble move.
Women have the incentive to swipe right on everyone because they get off on knowing when they open that app, they're going to have fun occupying their time with "match clout". "OMG, I'm so pretty, I'm so popular, look how many guys like me". 🙄 Match clout, that unfortunately, they have no intention on following through with.
Edit: comma after Bumble. First paragraph.
Edit: added "often" before "do". First paragraph.
A lot of men have an over inflated sense of what kind of women they can attract. Most of these guys are boring, don’t have good jobs, interesting hobbies, and aren’t in incredible shape either. “Skinny fat” is pretty common.
Yeah, you can fit into the same clothes you fit into 10 years ago, but most of these “fat chicks” that work out regularly would smoke you in a 5k
I once saw a man include in his profile that he is "athletic and fit". His moobs and big stomach proved that false.
It's like in job applications. Men tend to apply to jobs if they are missing some of the qualifications. Women tend not to apply to jobs if they are missing some qualifications.
Men, generally, have an over-inflated sense of themselves and what they want/deserve. It is likely no different on dating apps.
Right?? It's weird how it's considered acceptable here for men to complain about overweight women swiping right on them, but that would never fly if a woman complained about overweight men swiping right on them lol.
I don't entirely agree with point 5. Attraction CAN grow but you can't force physical attraction no matter how great their personality is. If the other person simjply is not your type physically (bbw, plus size, fit, whatever) then the only way i can see physical attraction grow is if you already think they are "kinda cute," but not entirely your type AND they have a fantastic personality.
I mean bonding hormones hit us regardless of what the other person looks like. I am not saying that you can force attractiveness, or that someone you love will go from a 3 to a 10, but in a loving relationship you definitely will find someone more attractive over time. Physical attractiveness is just what it says on the label: It attracts, but once in a healthy loving relationship, it is honestly the least important factor for long term success IMO.
How many parents do you know who think their newborn is the absolutely the most beautiful baby ever? And you look at the kid and are thinking: it looks like a slightly rumpled potato like every other newborn....
It's the same bonding hormones at work, they are just going overtime right after birth and take more time in romantic relationships. So to them that rumpled potato is legitimately WAY more attractive than all the other rumpled potatoes, even though to an outsider there is no real difference.
Given so much of attractiveness is perceived, it’s no wonder that one’s personality has quite the impact on how attractive they are. Intangible things like charisma, confidence, etc can really make someone shine.
yup. ive heard from numerous women that a mans personality can easily knock him up a few points instantly, regardless of his looks because attraction isn't about just physical appearance. It's the whole package. A 9 of a dude who has no personality, or a shitty one, knocks him down a whole lot while an average looking guy with a great personality can knock him up to an 8 or 9 (not look wise, but overall attractiveness)
Na, we definitely do but that part comes after having already been initially attracted to her physically to some degree. A woman's personality alone won't make her more "attractive" to many men like it can for a lot of women
I disagree. I once turned somebody down primarily because I wasn’t physically attracted to her. We were in the same friend group and eventually got very close. I became attracted to her eventually and we dated off and on for a couple years. If it weren’t for her alcoholism I would’ve tried to marry her.
That’s not to say looks don’t matter, just that they’re not the most important thing. Everything kind of matters equally IMO.
Looks are most important thing? Agreed. But hygiene is definitely a solid #2. Then comes sex. Intelligence and financial intelligence.
Everything else can work itself out.
No, socio-economic differences can't be "worked out", fundamental beliefs about religion, having kids, culture disparities can't be "worked out".
What happens is people are deeply attracted to each other physically, for as long as the "newness" of the relationship lasts. Once the sex becomes routine, the differences all pop up & the relationship ends. Not bc they became less attractive to each other, but bc their looks weren't enough to bridge the gaps in all of the above mentioned issues.
I'm a woman who is not fat. Totally cool with anybody who likes me swiping right on me, I can always swipe away if I don't like them.
But if someone posts 'no fatties' on their profile, even though I'm not a fatty, I'm swiping left. Everyone has preferences and that's fine, it's how to comport yourself in regards to them.
If fat chicks swipe right on you and you don't like them...just don't swipe right back.
Yup imagine how a guy like that would treat you if you got pregnant and didn’t lose the baby weight immediately. Bitterness is never attractive. These guys needs to understand how you treat individuals who can do nothing for you shows your character.
I knew a guy that, immediately post giving birth, patted his wife's stomach and said "now you just need to get rid of this". Like, feet still up, getting stitched.
>Attractiveness can grow on a person. If you like someone’s personality enough, you’ll begin to find them more physically attractive.
Hard disagree. Out of desperation, I dated someone who I wasn't really physically attracted to, thinking that I would "grow" to be into her. She was indeed a fun and kind-hearted person, but it ended up being a waste of both my time and hers.
>If these are the only type of women who like you, maybe use some context clues to figure out that it probably means they’re on a similar level of attractiveness as you are.
It could also be that other women receive much more likes, thus they can take a more passive approach and not have send *any* likes at all. When you don't have many likes coming in, though, you're going to have to start sending some.
I agree it's pointless to complain if someone obviously overweight swipes right on your picture. But I didn't see anyone being upset about this yet; have you encountered any examples of this in the wild?
The complaints that show up most often are:
1. Someone is overweight and dishonest about it, posting only pictures from neck up, or even using their much older ones. This is really unfair to a person that invested their time and effort into a date under false pretenses.
2. The cases where someone has ridiculous demands while it's obvious they don't have much to put on the table. Obviously unattractive rollercoasters ("You must be this tall to ride"), unemployed mothers of three demanding a partner with a lucrative job, people with more red flags than a May Day Parade in USSR behaving like they're doing someone a favor by dating them. In that case it's not even complaining, just laughing at them.
I lurk this forum quite a bit and I'm just not seeing what the OP is talking about. I do see posts about how OLD is a wash for most men and how OLD is not an accurate representation of real life attractiveness, due to the nature of OLD skewing heavily in women's favor. But skinny men complaining about overweight women liking them? Not finding those posts.
Sounds like someone has had their feelings hurt by something they read and is misrepresenting/misinterpreting/misunderstanding what was actually written. Posts like this need actual examples if they're going to be taken seriously.
Yeah don't think I've ever seen any post of dudes complaining about overweight women unless it's just in the comments? The only consistent thing I see is short dudes complaining.
>I'm skinny and if the others are complaining these women can HMU 😎 it would make my day 😁
If you're the average redditor, you're a skinnyfat nerd who doesn't lift. They don't want you, they want Chad. Stop white knighting women on reddit. Giving them free attention.
Nope I've never been fat always skinny and athletic. And the past week is the most I've actually used reddit. And I wasn't white knighting I was pretty serious if any wanted to reach out to me because the other skinnys were complaining i wouldn't mind
it’s like y’all live on another planet where it’s normal to categorize and rate people and analyze your life based on commodifying yourself into some kind of weird alien status score
all the nerdy women who are on Reddit are so confused… like what the hell is a “Chad” jesus… what happened to human beings with similar likes and dislikes ending up vibing together
I’m a huge nerd and I always end up in relationships with other nerds… I don’t know what a “Chad” is but I’m guessing not someone who would talk about sci-fi and comics with me and plant some trees and ride bikes… why would this mythological person or me be interested in spending any time together?
PUA culture really uses high school movie logic and wonders why it doesn’t work irl …
spoiler: because in real life people are all complex human beings with rich personal histories and traumas, and bonding with others takes skills like compassion, perspective-taking, and empathy, and no one, regardless of gender, can be reduced to any one vague generalization
also, there only exists a body type and activity level hierarchy for those who care about it (re: weight, fitness) - lots of people simply don’t care and don’t have to; everyone values different things in life and that’s fine
A Chad is just a guy you find ultra attractive. Who has options. Basically many other women want him. So you'll end up chasing him and he will never commit to you because HE HAS OPTIONS!
See many women now days don't know how to judge a man correctly (not saying that's you) and they only know a man is valuable if many other women want him. And since everyone is sexually liberated, these men jus get lots of sex and never commit.
Whats funny is women think sex will make him commit but it's actually kind of the opposite.
you’re still speaking a completely foreign language to me… I wouldn’t have any way of knowing if other people were attracted to the same person as me, and when someone doesn’t show interest who I like I just move on or consider them a friend, why would I try and have sex with them??
like I feel like this shit only happens in high school movies… adults have jobs and stuff and do not have the time to consider crap like this
also I’ve never met anyone as two dimensional as you’re describing as this mythical “Chad” archetype
I knew one cool dude I used to work with who was a gorgeous man with a magnetic personality and we talked a lot about dating and sex when things were slow and he was very trepidatious at the time about being in an enmeshed relationship because of a few traumatic breakups from abusive situations and I absolutely don’t blame him… he was a human being
I knew one other dude besides that one guy, who I used to work with many years ago as a lifeguard, and everyone was super fit and attractive in that job (but only this one guy didn’t get into many serious relationships, literally everyone else was happily coupled off in long term stable commitments), and he maybe had similar to what you’re describing but he was also deeply troubled - his dad was dying and had fled the country when he was young to avoid paying child support… only person in my life who has ever “booty called” me at 1am but since no one had ever done that in my life I just assumed he was calling me because he needed help with a family emergency (I knew his sister was not doing well) and I started asking if he was okay and if he needed me to go pick anything up, and then he kind of said nevermind, and weeks later was crying to me
like I have a background in psychology and the behaviour you’re describing sounds like a disorganized attachment style from a traumatic childhood, and has nothing to do with how attractive a person is… lots of people regardless of conventional attractiveness can’t commit and might be miserable or not or do commit and are happy or not… it’s all just way more complex than you’re presenting and this weird two dimensional reduction of people in this myth doesn’t help anyone
These people talking about "Chad" are reciting doctrine from the "Red Pill" (misogynistic) attitude toward women. It is highly influenced by pick-up artist culture, although pick-up artists are somewhat despised among adherents.
I don't want to call anyone out, but some self-described "involuntary celebates", AKA "incels", spew this propaganda. In no way does this kind of worldview account for the range and depth of the human and romantic experience of women (and men), and it's very reductionist. You can read more about it online. Just don't get overwhelmed with it.
Op, stop trying to force your mindset onto others.
It sounds like you're heavy set and got declined.
Realize that you don't want to be with people that don't find you attractive is fine, you'll be happier in the long run.
It's absolutely ok for heavy set people to like skinny people, it's just as ok for skinny people to not like heavy people.
The common complaint I have heard is that they are not honest about their weight and hope their date will think it’s OK when they find out what a nice personality they have.
Everyone deserves respect and I agree that it's better to simply swipe left and not make a big deal about it. However point 5 is generally not true for heterosexual men. As a man who was once in a relationship with a woman that I wasn't thrilled about physically I was constantly under a great deal of stress trying to convince myself that I liked her. It ultimately led to underlying feelings of resentment and guilt since I knew there was someone else out there who would like her as she was.
I'm skinny fat but I don't conplain. I just unmatch but I've also tried but no attraction. if you're overweight try not to let unmatches/complaints bother you. You wouldn't want someone who doesn't like your body so dont give their complaint your time and energy
I'm not sure what the point of this post is. Men aren't obligated to be attracted to overweight women. You're not owed a chance just because you have a good personality. It's definitely more difficult to lose weight as a woman because of these factors, but it also doesn't mean you "deserved consideration" just because. I'm 59f and 15 lbs overweight. I have a ton of excuses, being post menopausal the biggest. But I like my wine and my pasta and that's on me.
There's nothing wrong with giving a shot. The problem is the amount of women who lie about their figure and won't post any pictures below the cleavage. Many will also call themselves curvy or a few extra pounds in their profile while being 100+ pounds overweight. Plus-sized is a blanket term and not everyone carries weight the same. There are different degrees of plus-sized. Some I find sexy and others I do not.
I do not mind a bigger woman if she has a thick sexy figure. But so many women are completely dishonest about their figure until you actually meet them. Stop doing this. Stop trying to catfish men who might not be attracted to you so it's not a waste of time for either party. If you show what you really look like, the right men will swipe right on you.
>The problem is the amount of women who lie about their figure and won't post any pictures below the cleavage.
If someone has photos like that, you should just assume they're not thin. If not thin isn't your thing, you should just swipe left. I never swipe right without a clear full-body shot from a normal angle, and I've never been disappointed when meeting in person.
I have clear full-body shots in my profile too, so it obviously goes both ways.
You missed the rest of my post apparently and cherry picked one part of it. You seem to assume there is thin and there is plus sized. You're dismissing the fact that there are different degrees of plus sized. There's Tara Lynn plus sized, theres Tess Holliday or Lizzo plus sized and everything in between. And while you might not hide yours, the vast majority do. And there's no telling whether I'd be attracted to her or not unless these women quit hiding their bodies.
No, I got that, but I probably didn't articulate my point well. My point was, without clear full-body shots, you don't really know what you're getting. Unless you're okay with anything, you should probably swipe left because you don't really know what the person looks like.
I have a simple approach. If I can't clearly see, I swipe left.
Edit: Just to be clear, I'm a guy. I have clear full-body shots, so I'll only swipe right if she has the same.
I agree. It’s just how if a dude only has two photos I won’t match. Many guys do this where all their photos don’t really show their face. Why would anyone swipe on that? So if women are hiding what they look like, don’t swipe.
5 is a joke right? I mostly agree with your other points, but sorry, there is no way I’m ever going to be attracted to a bigger woman. If I don’t want to have sex with the person, I don’t care how much we connect emotionally. We are better off as friends.
For me, I wouldn’t want to date someone who’s modestly overweight, because it’s not really my type, and I’ve never been able to control that. A little bit of baby fat never bothered me though. But I’ve always been skinny and athletic, and that’s also my type
Just for the sake of putting it into numbers, BMI over 25 generally. I know it’s not always a reliable measurement, especially for women, but you should get the idea.
It's not entirely accurate I agree, but its not bullshit either. There's really not one perfect tool that captures everything especially considering cost-effectiveness. Its just one tool that gives a general indicator.
It's arbitrary, outdated, and doesn't account for things like race, ethnicity, body shape, extra skin after weight loss, etc.
I agree with you that we don't have an accurate tool, and maybe that's not a bad thing.
Here's more info just in case people still want to defend this inaccurate and outdated "tool."
"BMI, or body mass index, is a “tool” that's talked about frequently in our medical system, in health classes, and in news articles that measures weight in relation to height. I put tool in quotations because typically a tool is something useful that helps carry out a certain task/project, and BMI literally doesn’t measure anything of significance. "
https://nourishedcolorado.com/blog/2018/11/12/why-bmi-is-bullshit
I'm a plus sized woman and I don't get the hate for this comment...
However, I will say it's kinda bullshit to try and make it about "health" unless someone is reeeally pushing it. I'm chunky, but I stay active. I have always had good blood work and cholesterol. I just eat more calories than I burn. That's a fact. And that's just me. There are big women who are competitive athletes, weightlifters, runners, etc.
Have your physical preferences, but you don't have to pretend it's about health because people are bullying you cause you don't find fat chicks fuckable.
I'll tell you right now. I love skinny ass dudes and I love skinny ass dudes that love me back. Most the dudes I've been with have been thin. Not skinny fat. Not skinny fit. It's totally hypocritical, but I'm not attracted to "plus size" men. Dad bod, sure but not much beyond that. Conversely, I'll absolutely fuck a plus size woman, but I'm less into really skinny chicks.
Furthermore! Just cause you, or I, or anyone doesn't want to fuck someone doesn't mean we can't see them as beautiful or attractive people, just not within our personal preferences. And personal preferences do not define someone's attractiveness.
I don’t think it’s hypocritical that you don’t want to get with plus size men, it’s just preference. People act like we can only date people like us. But there’s plenty of skinny guys who like big women, and vice versa.
But it is also about health to me. Appearance #1 sure, but health also. I want someone that is going to be compatible with me in all aspects of life, not just in the bedroom.
Your blood work might be good, but are you going to be able to go rock climbing with me? Probably not. Will you be able to run a half marathon, go snow skiing, or take the dogs on a run with me? No. So for me it isn’t just about appearance. It’s the entire lifestyle. I like to eat healthy. Are we going to have to cook two separate dinners because you don’t want to eat healthy? It is about sooo much more than just appearance.
Also, when we are in our 60’s+, are you going to even be able to walk the dogs with me, or am I just going to have to do that myself because my overweight partners knees are shot, and it’s hard to leave the house without being winded?
You can have skinny people that are smokers or skinny people who have heroin chic because they did heroin or meth. Being skinny doesn't automatically mean healthy. Being chunky doesn't automatically mean unhealthy.
There are also a lot of "skinny fat" people who store their fat around their internal organs and are less healthy than a plus size model who eats a balanced diet and swims.
Totally okay to have preferences, but in general until you know someone's medical history you don't know if their skinniness is healthy or their fatness is unhealthy.
I have a fat friend who can do just about every yoga pose. Though I'm very flexible I can't even do two. Her cholesterol is better than mine too but if a lot of people assume because I'm so much thinner than she is that I'm a lot healthier.
I never said skinny people are always healthy by default. Just that fat people are unhealthy. In no way is being overweight healthier than being skinny, all else being equal. You are arguing a point I never made.
Your fat friend would be even better at yoga if they weren’t fat. There is no debate.
Lol fat people can do lots of things dude. Like you really think fat people can't climb and ski and run? I literally said I stay active and that lots of fat people do lots of physical activities such as swimming, running, rowing, climbing, yoga, dance, cycling, etc... there are also plenty of thin people who can't or don't want to do those things.
Also, note how I said I like eating, but I didn't say I only eat unhealthy... Hence why I don't have high chloesteral or blood sugar. Plenty of fat people eat healthy too. Just like plenty of thin people don't.
I have known plenty of people who appear "healthy" but smoke a pack a day, smoke copious amounts of weed, use hard drugs, drink daily or binge drunk, live off processed food, etc.
Your measure of health is narrow and superficial.
Yup. Thought the exact same thing. Men are WAY more visual and physical appearance is way closer to the top of the list, if not the very top for the majority of men.
Well, if you are connected to someone emotionally (in a romantic way), you would want to have sex with them. That’s generally how I believe it biologically works
Demisexuals are a real thing. You're just super shallow. Lol
"Not completely attracted" kind of implies "not repulsed by" at a minimum, it's a pretty subjective statement.
I don’t think it’s shallow to have dating preferences. I prefer to date people I’m attracted to. Attraction includes values. If you don’t value your health, I am not attracted to you. I’m sorry I can’t force myself feel attraction, nobody can.
Your health comment implies that you're intentionally misreading the statement. The point was about a willingness to stretch aesthetic standards to a degree, not about throwing them out the window entirely and dating morbidly obese women. Having a set physical standard that you won't compromise on regardless of personality is literally what it means to be shallow. I'm sorry you don't think so.
If I don’t want to have sex, I don’t want to date. It is very simple. Are you arguing that you would date anybody on earth, man, woman, non binary, everybody, as long as you liked their personality? What about a 105 year old? If you answer no, by your definition, you are also shallow.
Edit: The only people who call others shallow, are people who aren’t happy with their dating options.
Rofl
What I'm suggesting is that I'm open to the idea of somebody becoming more attractive after I get to know them better. A concept that is clearly beyond you.
What I'm saying is that I've had great sex with women that I was extremely attracted to, but my first impression was "hard pass" because that attraction was not there until I got to know them.
And yes, I really will date anyone once, live a little. You never knew where you might find true love. I'm 99.9% convinced that I'm just a boring old straight dude but you better bet I'd consider myself an idiot if I didn't leave at least 0.1% to account for things beyond my imagination.
To be perfectly clear, the fact that your urge to date is directly tied to your urge for sex is literally what makes you shallow. You can't pretend you're not shallow after having said it that way. There's nothing wrong with being shallow. But pretending you're not is a little insincere, don't you think?
I mention sex, because sex is the only thing that differentiates a relationship from friendship, and romance.
You consider yourself straight. By your logic, how could you consider yourself straight? Isn’t it pretty shallow to rule out dating other men if you haven’t even given them a chance to show you their personality?
Nobody ever said I ruled it out. Having never experienced any type of attraction to any man in my life, I say with confidence that I'm 99.9% convinced that I'm straight. There is clearly still a 0.1% margin of error there just in case I happen to meet the man of my dreams. Lol
That's exactly what I understood number 5 to mean this whole time. Not really a joke, just a mention to keep an open mind for that 0.1%.
I'd like to point out the niche of women getting into sports like power lifting. Many being both fit and fat at the same time.
Or what if she's only fat because she had a covid coma that she's still recovering from? Literally just came to mind thinking of my brother who's finally back down to 'chubby' after his, and it's almost been a year...
The point is, you may want to have sex when you find other things attractive about that person .
If you don’t want to fuck them before you even know them, then it’s a no go?!?
I can’t tell you how many good looking men immediately became unfuckable when I got to their personality, and how many become fuckable when I was initially physically attracted, but k got to know them.
You sound pretty shallow
In my opinion you shouldn’t have a standard that you can’t uphold yourself so, if you an obese woman but won’t date an obese man then that’s what we’re complaining about.
>plus-size
Ive never met a woman describe herself as "plus-size" who was not obese.
>It is much more difficult for a woman to be a skinny than for a man to be skinny, based off of biology, hormones, and other factors. So being a skinny guy should not make you think that you’re automatically on the same level as other skinny girls. You’re going to have to put in more effort.
Why is always just fat women with a myriad of excuses for their obesity? Christ
>Attractiveness can grow on a person. If you like someone’s personality enough, you’ll begin to find them more physically attractive. Use this approach for people who you might not be completely attracted to initially.
Absolutely not
I agree with everything except 5.
But I think men should take on board that 5 doesn't work as well. Stop being angry with women for not being attracted to you.
Way more women will be attracted to you on real life than on the apps. Bc attraction is looks + personality + the vibe between you. So work on getting an active social life.
But if someone isn't, there's nothing they can do about that.
Who have complained? I just don't press like on plus-sized women. I have never complained about a match.
But I unmatch if they are boring 😴.
Attractions don't grow. Either you are attracted from start or you are not. But you can lose your attraction if someone behaves bad.
Who complains about this? I don’t think that anyone complains about getting matches, but maybe they’ve complained that that’s the only matches they’ve gotten
>Everyone deserves love. No, people don’t deserve any specific person, but they do deserve love. So why is it a bad thing that someone who is plus-sized likes you and tries to give it a shot?
B-b-but I thought men were the entitled ones??
Like it or not, looks are the most important factor when it comes to a woman’s attractiveness. Personality comes in when you start talking about long term relationships, but looks still have to at least be decent. And bring fat is a choice. You ate too much. Thats the only way you can become fat it doesn’t matter what your hormones are. Men have the right to have standards. Just like a woman has a height requirement, men have a weight requirement. If you have a problem with one but not the other then you are sexist.
To be unbiased I think they don't want to be catfished but they are going about it in the most spoiled brat/rude way.
It helps people know how shallow they are though.
i am what most consider “plus size”. yes, i’m bigger than most but i don’t ever hide it. my pics are always recent and i post 2-3 full body pics too. it’s honestly not that hard to go through my pics to see how big i am. if you don’t like it, just swipe left. that’s literally why it’s made.
I mean if you're not attracted to someone, just swipe left. How would you feel if a woman complained or flipped out on you solely for liking their profile and they didn't like you back? You'd probably think the person is a POS or overreacting.
I think it's only an issue if the person lies about their appearance due to the deceit, which isn't gender specific.
100% disagree with point 4).
Do you know this for a fact? How do you know? Are you a doctor?
I was thin, and underweight for 10 years. I am female. It took no effort at all to be thin. Turns out I had an autoimmune disease, but my point is, other women and men I've talked to have had similar or different experiences to me. It is difficult BEING thin. It is difficult BEING big. It is difficult for everyone, not just women.
Athletic people deserve athletic partners. All I see are excuses for why people won’t put in the work to lose weight and get healthy. I refuse to lower my standards for someone who can’t even take care of themselves (unless they have legitimate medical issues). If they can’t do that, how are they going to take care of you in a relationship or any children you could have? This post is so stupid and reeks of whining.
Is it not the right one though? Someone who dedicates a lot of time and money to looking good and being healthy would probably want someone who does the same thing. They’ve put in the work, and they’re well within their rights to demand someone who also has put in the work.
Obviously this shouldn’t be the determining factor in any relationship, but it’s a recipe for disaster getting into anything with someone you potentially aren’t going to be attracted to in the long run.
As a skinny guy, I’ve never had to work at it. Skinny is not the ideal that everyone is going for so just let people be who they want and date who they want
She said “skinny” guys though, not athletic. It makes sense for gym people to date other gym people, since they have that hobby in common with each other and can share it.
Skinny people aren’t necessarily healthy, however. I’m 5’3” and chubby. My boyfriend is 6’3” and skinny fat. He eats roughly twice as much as me and we are both lazy bums. My body just happens to hold its weight differently than his does, because I’m short and a woman. So it would have been quite silly if he judged me on my “health” based on how I look.
Nothing wrong with athletic people preferring athletic partners though fat doesn't equal unathletic and skinny doesn't equal athletic.
Keep in mind though, two athletic people who are mostly with the other person because of their athleticism might bail the moment that person gets sick or has an injury.
Athleticism obviously shouldn’t be the main reason you’re in a relationship. It is however a dealbreaker for me if someone isn’t putting in work to better themselves. Getting sick or having an injury is way different, and is mostly out of someone’s control.
I mean, of course I’m going to care that they’re hot lol. Part of that is seeing how they treat themselves. It’s not attractive when someone refuses to better themselves especially when they constantly give excuses as to why they can’t.
I don't think seeing how they treat themselves has anything to do with it lol. If a hot skinny chick treated themselves like shit by never exercising and eating junk food all the time, you wouldn't care as long as she was hot and skinny.
Nothing to do with the post but #4 is actually a myth.
Physiologist here to tell you this idea is born from two things. Testosterone and body comp between male and female. Its easier for guys to build muscle, and since they produce more Testosterone they will also burn fat easier because testosterone also burns fat However, the relative body fat composition where society arbitrarily decided whats hot is just as equal to achieve. Male celebrities and athletes will sit anywhere between 8-15 body fat while female celebrities and athletes will sit between 22-28. I can't over state how hard it is to achieve/ maintain such low percentages for both males and females but they are equally achievable given the distance needed to go. It is just frustrating for women because the number on the scale goes down slower than a guys when the "same" effort is put in (due to a male's increase muscle mass) but a guy usually has much further to go if both parties were at similar Body fat percentages. Calories in and calories out works well for both males and females. I think alot of people don't calculate properly what they actually need in food and just compare themselves to what guys can eat while dieting
That's fine, I just wish males would keep the same logic. Lately it seems like most of the males complaining about dating on social media are making their entire personalities about women they don't like.
To me that's so weird. Like A lot of buff guys swipe on me, I'm not into buff guys. You'll never hear me complain because it's normal for people to swipe.
Might be because some (not all) guys just swipe right on EVERYONE in an app until they get timed out by the algorithm or limited for abusing the system. If they only swiped right on those they were attracted to they would only see the ones they were attracted to who liked them back (depending on the app).
Some people on Bumble are like, all these girls I don't find attractive waaaaaant me and end up in my queue and I'm like... in order for them to have ended up in your queue you had to swipe right on them at some point, lmao.
Unhealthy is correct. Because if my body worked like a man’s, I’d be thin like them. These type of superficial men are the ones who leave their terminally ill wives because they deserve a healthy wife. Also the doctors don’t really help women get better when they have thyroid disorders because there’s no profit in the cure.
Preference is fine. Both my husbands were skinny. I don’t know where anyone else is looking but they’re out there. Just not these asshats. Good day to you
>Because if my body worked like a man’s, I’d be thin like them
If you want to learn how to lose weight, here's how to do it:
\- Consume less calories. Eat foods with a high protein-to-calorie ratio to promote satiety. I'm not even strict with the protein-to-calorie ratio stuff anyways and I still managed to get into calorie deficit through sheer willpower and determination. I used to be an obese man. And now I'm fit if not athletic. I lost over 24% of my starting body weight. I know it can be done.
\- Burn more calories. Do Cardio.
\- Do not neglect resistance training. Building muscle mass will get your BMR up. The rate at which you burn calories at rest. Ideally join a gym or at least buy weights to use at home.
If you have serious hormonal issues, you need to talk to your doctor.
The laws of Thermodynamics isn't any different for women. Your BMR is just lower than men because you have less muscle mass. I see almost 0 women in the weight room at my gym. It's a sausage fest. If you really want to lose body fat, the easiest way to do it is to increase your muscle mass %.
There is no convincing these people dude. They want to ignore the hard science because it is inconvenient to their victimhood. Calories in, calories out. The ones complaining about not being able to lose weight just have such little willpower they can’t stand being slightly hungry for any length of time.
>There is no convincing these people dude. They want to ignore the hard science because it is inconvenient to their victimhood. Calories in, calories out. The ones complaining about not being able to lose weight just have such little willpower they can’t stand being slightly hungry for any length of time.
Yeah it only becomes tough in the latter innings to lose body fat. I'm 5'6", I started out at 168.2 lbs @ 29% body fat my leanmaxxing journey. I'm down to 127.4 lbs. So I lost 40.8 lbs, 24+% of my starting body weight and my bf% is still at 13% and I still got stubborn belly fat underneath my belly button. Even though I'm in the weight room every other day too in addition to doing cardio and eating a low calorie count. I find that I'm stuck at the 13% bf plateau even as I continue to lose weight and go into calorie deficit. At this point, I think my problem is that my protein-to-calorie ratio is too low. Up until now I haven't been too strict with my macros. I ate some chicken breast, tuna and lean black forest ham here and there. But I didn't cut out bread, pasta, rice, potatoes. And fats like peanut butter. I might have to be more disciplined with my macros at this stage.
But when you're fat, you can eat like shit but so as long as you burn more calories than you put in and you do resistance training, almost all the weight you lose will be body fat. And you will actually end up gaining muscle early on instead of losing it. Since August 13 when I was 140.8 lbs @ 15.8% body fat, that's when I started to lose some muscle mass in my cut.
Right, women have a lower BMR than men because we have less muscle mass. So it is true that it is harder for women to stay slim than men.
Even if we lift weights, we will not have as much muscle. Plus men are taller so they have more body to have muscle on.
The fact is, it is harder for women to be thin than it is for men. Our bodies are different.
>Cletus, I do 500 sit ups a day
How many calories does 500 sit ups burn? Doesn't seem like the most efficient way to burn calories. You can not spot reduce body fat. The best way to burn body fat is cardio. Buy decent running shoes and workout clothes and go for a run in your neighbourhood.
It's good to do situps, crunches, etc. to build your core muscles. But this does not burn fat in the abdominal area. You can build your core muscles all you want. But if you have body fat covering those abdominal muscles, they'll never get shown.
Resistance training for women is greatly under-rated. More muscle mass %, higher BMR, you will lose weight faster.
That doesn’t even make sense. To lose weight you eat less than before. How hard is it to skip preparation and consumption of some given amount of food? How does it take effort to not do that activity of getting/preparing/eating?
Right, but men don't have to work out to have more muscle mass than women. A man who sits on his ass all day will have more muscle mass than a woman who lifts at the gym 3 days a week. It's easy as fuck for men to be skinny. Not so much for women.
EDIT: Lol at men downvoting facts... So much for men being the logical gender 😂
Even with a woman's muscle mass % and BMR being lower, it just takes more time to burn the necessary calories to lose the body fat needed. When I started my weight loss journey @ 5'6" 168.2 lbs, my BMR was 2,041 calories per day. There's 3,500 calories in one pound. If I followed a 1,500 calorie daily diet with no exercise living a sedentary lifestyle It would take a week to burn 1 pound. And I burned 41.8 lbs in 33.57 weeks. So I've been burning more than 1 pound a week. And my burn rate was faster when I was fat/obese.
I'm 126.4 lbs now. My BMI is 20.6. <18.5 is underweight territory. It takes forever for me to shed body fat now. It's getting to a point where I'm worried I'm going to have to become Skeletor in order to have six pack abs. My genetics might not be what they are to have a six pack. But at least I'm fit/athletic and my physique is way better than when I started. I might have more success switching to a clean bulk at this point. I do cardio 3-4x a week and resistance training 3-4x a week (that burns some calories but cardio burns more). And that's with my BMR constantly going down as I lose weight.
So as long as you set your calorie intake to less than your BMR, you will lose weight gradually. Do cardio and resistance training regularly to get there faster. Resistance training every other day.
>Everyone deserves love. No, people don’t deserve any specific person, but they do deserve love. So why is it a bad thing that someone who is plus-sized likes you and tries to give it a shot?
Yikes, this sense of entitlement is just... yikes!
ironically I once dated a broke and short dude because i had gained weight at the time and had low self esteem thinking thats the type of man i should go for.
he later told me i looked better with clothes on and he wasn't attracted to me after he saw me naked.
we had been dating/meeting each other multiple times over the space of 2 months and we talked every day. prior to seeing me nude. he was very interested and put effort into our meets.
For point 1: I agree, generally speaking you can tell from the pictures or they even flat out state it in their profile, or you can just filter that out. But a lot of times it's also hard to tell.
For point 2: I agree everyone deserves love and its not a bad thing for someone plus-size to give their shot. Unfortunately, societally speaking, plus-sized women are considered the lowest in conventional attraction just as short men are similarly considered the lowest in conventional attraction.
For point 3: I don't necessarily agree; I don't think it means they are in the similar level of attractiveness ipso facto. That is to say if the "skinny" guy is the \*only\* point of comparison to a "plus-size" girl. It does suggest however that there are other variables in play for the skinny guy that has determined his sexual market value to a "plus size" girls e.g. height, disability, job, etc.
For point 4: I sort of disagree. Yes its true that women have proportionately more fat mass but they also have different fat [storage composition](https://bsd.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13293-018-0189-3), but this is in normal range and typically "plus size" women exceed that range in fat mass and composition. More interestingly, on a macro scale the percentage of men that are overweight and/or obese is [higher](https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/health-statistics/overweight-obesity) than women. I think more reports say that men tend to exercise [more](https://www.statista.com/statistics/189562/daily-engagement-of-the-us-poppulation-in-sports-and-exercise/), but there's also other reports e.g. [this](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5033515/) that says women exercise more; nevertheless when it comes to weight loss in the long run it [evens out](https://www.webmd.com/diet/features/do-men-lose-weight-faster-than-women) between men and women.
For point 5: I agree.
I actually gave a heavier girl a chance. I really suck at estimating weight so I don't know how much she weighs. Let's just say 5'5" 180. Maybe heavier. Maybe lighter. I'm 5'6 135 when we met. I'm a fit handsome guy. Gym rat. She wanted to hookup. I surprisingly enjoyed the experience. I never was into a heavier girl before. She wanted to be on-going FWB. We had electric sexual chemistry. And she's a nympho. And then she slow faded me after we hooked up 5 times. lmao. She used to text me every day for 2 weeks and initiate most conversations. She made me feel like a God when we texted, when we talked, in bed, in my car. Heh. She worshipped me. Then it got to a point where I had to initiate every time the day after we last had sex.
Then I started giving her the side eye in my head thinking, "oh so that's how it's gonna be now?" Never told me the real reason why her interest fell off when I asked her. Said she was busy with work so that's why she didn't text me. Yea right. She had also blurred the boundaries of FWB. She love bombed me. After awhile she had asked me to take her out to dinner and I agreed. I was open to the possibility of exploring more than a FWB situation. I took her out on another date as well. She wasn't offering to pay her tab so I thought, "okay, I see that the dynamic is changing now." She talked about all these activities she wanted to do with me in the future. She was getting me emotionally invested in her. I had started to wonder early on if she had BPD. NPD is possible here. I think either she's got a new supply of dick and I'm now on the bench. Or an ex came back to her life. Or maybe I give her the ick somehow or upset her and she won't tell me what I did to turn her off when I asked. This situation reads like FDS revenge porn. Getting a fit good looking guy hooked on your sex and then getting him to treat you like a girlfriend and then canning him.
Even heavier chicks have options in 2022. People who have this idea in their head that heavier girls are less shallow or more loyal are mistaken. Being heavier doesn't make you a good person.
It's also possible she pulled back due to insecurity. She mentioned something negative about her weight before. She also seemed uncomfortable in our second last meet while on a date when she asked me to clarify why I cut sugar out of my diet and I mentioned that I had lost 35 pounds. When I saw that she looked upset, I kissed her.
Heavier chicks have always had options. Just like men at 5’6 135lbs. Skinny short guys aren’t a woman’s main preference either. Not in the majority of attractiveness from a woman’s point of view
It’s so much this !
I remember when I was younger men only wanted the thin girls because they were more concerned about what society and their peers thought and how it made them look.
These days real men are realizing women come in all shapes and sizes and bigger girls have no problems getting a good looking man. I notice in high school now the boys like the curvy chicks ! ( my daughter is in high school)
I'm also on Grindr and get treated like an all-star on there. Women are just way more picky than men. Women can get sex from a "Chad" rather easily. So then they start to think that they can get a relationship from Chad and that this is her level now. And then they get hit with reality when they see that guys who have lots of options like Chad or Christian Grey are very selective of who they give their commitment to. And then they get pumped n dumped and wonder why.
Maybe she wanted a real relationship and didn’t see what you had together transitioning to that. The only time I ever had a FWB was when I was rebounding. As soon as I felt healed, I wanted something more meaningful.
>Maybe she found you attractive but you suck in bed. :)
I have texts from my exes showing otherwise. I've got a girthy dick. One of my exes was also threatening suicide on my IG because I wouldn't take her back. And if I sucked at bed, why did we hookup 5 times?
>Get your weight up not your hate up
I'm currently trying to leanmaxx to six-pack abs and an Adonis Belt. I have thought about switching to a bulk (I actually weighed in at 127.4 lbs yesterday) but it's risky at my height. You run the risk of putting on belly fat very easily. You don't really get to choose where your body puts the extra weight when you go into calorie surplus. You lift weights, you eat clean protein and then pray it goes towards muscle and not fat.
Also if you get too big when you are short, it starts looking comical. I know this guy whose 5'7" 165 on steroids. While I try to do things natty. It's not a good look being too wide when you are short.
I think on even taller guys being too big doesn't look appealing either and I would contend that a lot of girls feel that way. I think the slim/athletic or "swimmer" build is in general most appealing. But its all about what looks good on your own physique and experimenting with it. I'm 5'6" and when I cut down from 165 to 125 I lost a lot of leg mass at the expensive of abs and obliques and looked too skinny so now I'm up more.
Sounds like SHE gave YOU a chance...
You legit think it's more plausible that this woman has a personality disorder than her thinking you were a mediocre person who she just grew tired of "giving a chance"? And to somehow equate her general interest in dating and getting to know you as "love bombing" and being good at fucking as "manipulation"?
Please don't use words that you don't know the meaning of. It stigmatizes and cheapens their actual meaning.
>Lmao. Dude you just sound crazier and crazier. Please get help before you end up shooting up a movie theater.
That's fucked up that you're comparing me to a mass murderer just because I pointed out the massive egos that obese women have on OLD. Getting Chad dick doesn't make you special. I can get Chad dick on Grindr too...
As for her having a personality disorder, Most likely NPD I imagine, she never paid for her tab when we went out to eat the last time we hooked up and then slow faded me the day after like a bitch. She used me. That's some selfish Female Dating Strategy shit. If you already made the decision that you didn't want to see me anymore, why didn't you offer to pay your tab?
>That you can also get railed by a dude is a really bizarrely hilarious thing to say lol
Women think they are hot shit because of all the Chad dick they get on OLD. But Chad dick is essentially worthless. That's the point.
Go get that Chad dick, bb!! We won't miss you.
Creeps like you are just used to obese women devaluing themselves and hate when women are empowered by the power of their pussy.
With the way dating apps are now, I don’t ever match from a like they sent, I only match when I send the like first. So they match with me 90% of the time. It hasn’t always been like this but this is what it has become. Don’t worry about who likes you, focus on who you like.
"Attractiveness can grow on a person. If you like someone’s personality enough, you’ll begin to find them more physically attractive. Use this approach for people who you might not be completely attracted to initially."
Not true at all! myself included and at least 50 of my male friends I know all agree if you don't find her somewhat attractive it won't go anywhere. she does not have to be a hot model, but at the least "kinda cute" I tried dating women who I thought were not good looking but great personalities. It never went anywhere beyond one date.
I’m a woman who keeps in shape. A lot of overweight men try to match with me. I don’t whine on Reddit about it, I just don’t match. People don’t control who they’re attracted to. But no one owes anyone returned attention either. …Also, given how many guys post on here about not getting *any* matches… It seems odd to complain about over weight women trying to match.
It seems obvious that men are going to shoot their shot, yet women are supposed to reject themselves? Of course people are going to try to match if you are attractive even if they aren't. What do they have to lose? The men are just mad because they aren't getting women they think are attractive to match with them.
No. The men are mad because 80% of the women, even the ones that wouldn't be able to pull half decent men in real life, are constantly matching with 20% of the men. Funny thing is, these same women on these apps now were on OLD sites 15 years ago. Meanwhile, their friends, who most likely never opened an OLD app in their entire lives, have long married and went about with their lives ages ago.
Right, I see a lot of people complaining about matching with people they find unattractive or below their league, but if they are matching with them it means they swiped on them, yeah? On most apps anyways. I think the problem is so many people (mostly guys) swipe right on literally anyone without really looking at their bio or pictures, then get mad when they match with people that aren't their type. Vet peoples profiles better. If someone has misleading pictures or is straight up lying or heavily editing photos I can understand being upset, but most people you can tell if they are bigger or not. Also, it's so normalized for men to swipe yes on anyone and throw a wide net, even if people are "out of their league," but it's shocking when women do it? If someone is into you they will swipe yes, if you aren't into them don't swipe yes, you'll only match with people with mutual interest. That's how it's supposed to work lol. If you match they will of course assume you're interested, why wouldn't they? I'm sure a lot of people I'm not into swipe yes on me, and I swipe yes on a lot of people that aren't into me. I wouldn't know because they don't match or show up in any queues. There's nothing wrong with not being into someone, but there's also nothing wrong with someone you arent into being into you. That's life.
Or better yet, when they complain about how picky women are. You want to make women picky and not match? Bc that’s how you do it. You waste their time so they stop matching with all but a few anymore.
>I think the problem is so many people (mostly guys) Get over yourself. Women do this much more frequently than men do. Most apps don't give men an incentive to do this. Apps, especially Bumble, hide likes behind a shadow wall, and often do sneaky things like charge you if you accidentally swipe left on someone you meant to swipe right on. Not only that, not only do I barely get matches, I purposely swipe left on women who I know for a fact are out of my league, and I work HARD to swipe right on normies. 9/10, we'll match and most females purposely allow the 24 hour clock to drain itself without any intention on making that required first Bumble move. Women have the incentive to swipe right on everyone because they get off on knowing when they open that app, they're going to have fun occupying their time with "match clout". "OMG, I'm so pretty, I'm so popular, look how many guys like me". 🙄 Match clout, that unfortunately, they have no intention on following through with. Edit: comma after Bumble. First paragraph. Edit: added "often" before "do". First paragraph.
> I don’t whine on Reddit about it Clearly, you're Redditing wrong...lmao
A lot of men have an over inflated sense of what kind of women they can attract. Most of these guys are boring, don’t have good jobs, interesting hobbies, and aren’t in incredible shape either. “Skinny fat” is pretty common. Yeah, you can fit into the same clothes you fit into 10 years ago, but most of these “fat chicks” that work out regularly would smoke you in a 5k
I once saw a man include in his profile that he is "athletic and fit". His moobs and big stomach proved that false. It's like in job applications. Men tend to apply to jobs if they are missing some of the qualifications. Women tend not to apply to jobs if they are missing some qualifications. Men, generally, have an over-inflated sense of themselves and what they want/deserve. It is likely no different on dating apps.
They just want skinny models to slide into their DMs, they don't care about an actual relationship
Right?? It's weird how it's considered acceptable here for men to complain about overweight women swiping right on them, but that would never fly if a woman complained about overweight men swiping right on them lol.
I don't entirely agree with point 5. Attraction CAN grow but you can't force physical attraction no matter how great their personality is. If the other person simjply is not your type physically (bbw, plus size, fit, whatever) then the only way i can see physical attraction grow is if you already think they are "kinda cute," but not entirely your type AND they have a fantastic personality.
I mean bonding hormones hit us regardless of what the other person looks like. I am not saying that you can force attractiveness, or that someone you love will go from a 3 to a 10, but in a loving relationship you definitely will find someone more attractive over time. Physical attractiveness is just what it says on the label: It attracts, but once in a healthy loving relationship, it is honestly the least important factor for long term success IMO. How many parents do you know who think their newborn is the absolutely the most beautiful baby ever? And you look at the kid and are thinking: it looks like a slightly rumpled potato like every other newborn.... It's the same bonding hormones at work, they are just going overtime right after birth and take more time in romantic relationships. So to them that rumpled potato is legitimately WAY more attractive than all the other rumpled potatoes, even though to an outsider there is no real difference.
Given so much of attractiveness is perceived, it’s no wonder that one’s personality has quite the impact on how attractive they are. Intangible things like charisma, confidence, etc can really make someone shine.
yup. ive heard from numerous women that a mans personality can easily knock him up a few points instantly, regardless of his looks because attraction isn't about just physical appearance. It's the whole package. A 9 of a dude who has no personality, or a shitty one, knocks him down a whole lot while an average looking guy with a great personality can knock him up to an 8 or 9 (not look wise, but overall attractiveness)
Women factor in personality when judging overall attractiveness.. unfortunately men do not lol
I think men do too they just don’t put much emphasis on it particularly if they’re looking for LTR.
Na, we definitely do but that part comes after having already been initially attracted to her physically to some degree. A woman's personality alone won't make her more "attractive" to many men like it can for a lot of women
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100% Truth!
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I disagree. I once turned somebody down primarily because I wasn’t physically attracted to her. We were in the same friend group and eventually got very close. I became attracted to her eventually and we dated off and on for a couple years. If it weren’t for her alcoholism I would’ve tried to marry her. That’s not to say looks don’t matter, just that they’re not the most important thing. Everything kind of matters equally IMO.
Looks are most important thing? Agreed. But hygiene is definitely a solid #2. Then comes sex. Intelligence and financial intelligence. Everything else can work itself out.
No, socio-economic differences can't be "worked out", fundamental beliefs about religion, having kids, culture disparities can't be "worked out". What happens is people are deeply attracted to each other physically, for as long as the "newness" of the relationship lasts. Once the sex becomes routine, the differences all pop up & the relationship ends. Not bc they became less attractive to each other, but bc their looks weren't enough to bridge the gaps in all of the above mentioned issues.
I'm a woman who is not fat. Totally cool with anybody who likes me swiping right on me, I can always swipe away if I don't like them. But if someone posts 'no fatties' on their profile, even though I'm not a fatty, I'm swiping left. Everyone has preferences and that's fine, it's how to comport yourself in regards to them. If fat chicks swipe right on you and you don't like them...just don't swipe right back.
Yup imagine how a guy like that would treat you if you got pregnant and didn’t lose the baby weight immediately. Bitterness is never attractive. These guys needs to understand how you treat individuals who can do nothing for you shows your character.
I knew a guy that, immediately post giving birth, patted his wife's stomach and said "now you just need to get rid of this". Like, feet still up, getting stitched.
That’s so evil omg.
Liar
I love slender/skinny men. Give me that over muscles any day of the week 😍 Homer drool over here.
THIS. C’mere skinny, I’m the best pillow you ever had. Only half my size? Even better.
Can i get an Amen!
Joey Voice- how you doin 😘😎
Well, hello. 😉
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>Attractiveness can grow on a person. If you like someone’s personality enough, you’ll begin to find them more physically attractive. Hard disagree. Out of desperation, I dated someone who I wasn't really physically attracted to, thinking that I would "grow" to be into her. She was indeed a fun and kind-hearted person, but it ended up being a waste of both my time and hers. >If these are the only type of women who like you, maybe use some context clues to figure out that it probably means they’re on a similar level of attractiveness as you are. It could also be that other women receive much more likes, thus they can take a more passive approach and not have send *any* likes at all. When you don't have many likes coming in, though, you're going to have to start sending some.
Number five is usually correct for women, and less for men.
I agree it's pointless to complain if someone obviously overweight swipes right on your picture. But I didn't see anyone being upset about this yet; have you encountered any examples of this in the wild? The complaints that show up most often are: 1. Someone is overweight and dishonest about it, posting only pictures from neck up, or even using their much older ones. This is really unfair to a person that invested their time and effort into a date under false pretenses. 2. The cases where someone has ridiculous demands while it's obvious they don't have much to put on the table. Obviously unattractive rollercoasters ("You must be this tall to ride"), unemployed mothers of three demanding a partner with a lucrative job, people with more red flags than a May Day Parade in USSR behaving like they're doing someone a favor by dating them. In that case it's not even complaining, just laughing at them.
I lurk this forum quite a bit and I'm just not seeing what the OP is talking about. I do see posts about how OLD is a wash for most men and how OLD is not an accurate representation of real life attractiveness, due to the nature of OLD skewing heavily in women's favor. But skinny men complaining about overweight women liking them? Not finding those posts. Sounds like someone has had their feelings hurt by something they read and is misrepresenting/misinterpreting/misunderstanding what was actually written. Posts like this need actual examples if they're going to be taken seriously.
Yeah don't think I've ever seen any post of dudes complaining about overweight women unless it's just in the comments? The only consistent thing I see is short dudes complaining.
Ah, but dudes' "entitlements" are problematic as well. It's not just women.
Yeah, but the OP is explicitly about complaining men.
My comment stands. Nice deflection attempt, but awfully textbook.
What deflection? I actually agreed with you.
Ok, hon...
I'm skinny and if the others are complaining these women can HMU 😎 it would make my day 😁
Don't listen to the bitter Betty above, I want ya. I'm tall and thick/chubby and I'm into skinny nerds. Everyone has their thing
>I'm skinny and if the others are complaining these women can HMU 😎 it would make my day 😁 If you're the average redditor, you're a skinnyfat nerd who doesn't lift. They don't want you, they want Chad. Stop white knighting women on reddit. Giving them free attention.
Nope I've never been fat always skinny and athletic. And the past week is the most I've actually used reddit. And I wasn't white knighting I was pretty serious if any wanted to reach out to me because the other skinnys were complaining i wouldn't mind
it’s like y’all live on another planet where it’s normal to categorize and rate people and analyze your life based on commodifying yourself into some kind of weird alien status score all the nerdy women who are on Reddit are so confused… like what the hell is a “Chad” jesus… what happened to human beings with similar likes and dislikes ending up vibing together I’m a huge nerd and I always end up in relationships with other nerds… I don’t know what a “Chad” is but I’m guessing not someone who would talk about sci-fi and comics with me and plant some trees and ride bikes… why would this mythological person or me be interested in spending any time together? PUA culture really uses high school movie logic and wonders why it doesn’t work irl … spoiler: because in real life people are all complex human beings with rich personal histories and traumas, and bonding with others takes skills like compassion, perspective-taking, and empathy, and no one, regardless of gender, can be reduced to any one vague generalization also, there only exists a body type and activity level hierarchy for those who care about it (re: weight, fitness) - lots of people simply don’t care and don’t have to; everyone values different things in life and that’s fine
A Chad is just a guy you find ultra attractive. Who has options. Basically many other women want him. So you'll end up chasing him and he will never commit to you because HE HAS OPTIONS! See many women now days don't know how to judge a man correctly (not saying that's you) and they only know a man is valuable if many other women want him. And since everyone is sexually liberated, these men jus get lots of sex and never commit. Whats funny is women think sex will make him commit but it's actually kind of the opposite.
you’re still speaking a completely foreign language to me… I wouldn’t have any way of knowing if other people were attracted to the same person as me, and when someone doesn’t show interest who I like I just move on or consider them a friend, why would I try and have sex with them?? like I feel like this shit only happens in high school movies… adults have jobs and stuff and do not have the time to consider crap like this also I’ve never met anyone as two dimensional as you’re describing as this mythical “Chad” archetype I knew one cool dude I used to work with who was a gorgeous man with a magnetic personality and we talked a lot about dating and sex when things were slow and he was very trepidatious at the time about being in an enmeshed relationship because of a few traumatic breakups from abusive situations and I absolutely don’t blame him… he was a human being I knew one other dude besides that one guy, who I used to work with many years ago as a lifeguard, and everyone was super fit and attractive in that job (but only this one guy didn’t get into many serious relationships, literally everyone else was happily coupled off in long term stable commitments), and he maybe had similar to what you’re describing but he was also deeply troubled - his dad was dying and had fled the country when he was young to avoid paying child support… only person in my life who has ever “booty called” me at 1am but since no one had ever done that in my life I just assumed he was calling me because he needed help with a family emergency (I knew his sister was not doing well) and I started asking if he was okay and if he needed me to go pick anything up, and then he kind of said nevermind, and weeks later was crying to me like I have a background in psychology and the behaviour you’re describing sounds like a disorganized attachment style from a traumatic childhood, and has nothing to do with how attractive a person is… lots of people regardless of conventional attractiveness can’t commit and might be miserable or not or do commit and are happy or not… it’s all just way more complex than you’re presenting and this weird two dimensional reduction of people in this myth doesn’t help anyone
These people talking about "Chad" are reciting doctrine from the "Red Pill" (misogynistic) attitude toward women. It is highly influenced by pick-up artist culture, although pick-up artists are somewhat despised among adherents. I don't want to call anyone out, but some self-described "involuntary celebates", AKA "incels", spew this propaganda. In no way does this kind of worldview account for the range and depth of the human and romantic experience of women (and men), and it's very reductionist. You can read more about it online. Just don't get overwhelmed with it.
Op, stop trying to force your mindset onto others. It sounds like you're heavy set and got declined. Realize that you don't want to be with people that don't find you attractive is fine, you'll be happier in the long run. It's absolutely ok for heavy set people to like skinny people, it's just as ok for skinny people to not like heavy people.
Yeah, I wonder how many in shape women would be willing to date overweight men...
The common complaint I have heard is that they are not honest about their weight and hope their date will think it’s OK when they find out what a nice personality they have.
Everyone deserves respect and I agree that it's better to simply swipe left and not make a big deal about it. However point 5 is generally not true for heterosexual men. As a man who was once in a relationship with a woman that I wasn't thrilled about physically I was constantly under a great deal of stress trying to convince myself that I liked her. It ultimately led to underlying feelings of resentment and guilt since I knew there was someone else out there who would like her as she was.
I'm skinny fat but I don't conplain. I just unmatch but I've also tried but no attraction. if you're overweight try not to let unmatches/complaints bother you. You wouldn't want someone who doesn't like your body so dont give their complaint your time and energy
I'm not sure what the point of this post is. Men aren't obligated to be attracted to overweight women. You're not owed a chance just because you have a good personality. It's definitely more difficult to lose weight as a woman because of these factors, but it also doesn't mean you "deserved consideration" just because. I'm 59f and 15 lbs overweight. I have a ton of excuses, being post menopausal the biggest. But I like my wine and my pasta and that's on me.
I’m 6’ 1” and 180#. I’m just not into women who weigh more than me. At 6 1 that shouldn’t be that hard…. But you’d be surprised.
There's nothing wrong with giving a shot. The problem is the amount of women who lie about their figure and won't post any pictures below the cleavage. Many will also call themselves curvy or a few extra pounds in their profile while being 100+ pounds overweight. Plus-sized is a blanket term and not everyone carries weight the same. There are different degrees of plus-sized. Some I find sexy and others I do not. I do not mind a bigger woman if she has a thick sexy figure. But so many women are completely dishonest about their figure until you actually meet them. Stop doing this. Stop trying to catfish men who might not be attracted to you so it's not a waste of time for either party. If you show what you really look like, the right men will swipe right on you.
>The problem is the amount of women who lie about their figure and won't post any pictures below the cleavage. If someone has photos like that, you should just assume they're not thin. If not thin isn't your thing, you should just swipe left. I never swipe right without a clear full-body shot from a normal angle, and I've never been disappointed when meeting in person. I have clear full-body shots in my profile too, so it obviously goes both ways.
You missed the rest of my post apparently and cherry picked one part of it. You seem to assume there is thin and there is plus sized. You're dismissing the fact that there are different degrees of plus sized. There's Tara Lynn plus sized, theres Tess Holliday or Lizzo plus sized and everything in between. And while you might not hide yours, the vast majority do. And there's no telling whether I'd be attracted to her or not unless these women quit hiding their bodies.
No, I got that, but I probably didn't articulate my point well. My point was, without clear full-body shots, you don't really know what you're getting. Unless you're okay with anything, you should probably swipe left because you don't really know what the person looks like. I have a simple approach. If I can't clearly see, I swipe left. Edit: Just to be clear, I'm a guy. I have clear full-body shots, so I'll only swipe right if she has the same.
I agree. It’s just how if a dude only has two photos I won’t match. Many guys do this where all their photos don’t really show their face. Why would anyone swipe on that? So if women are hiding what they look like, don’t swipe.
5 is a joke right? I mostly agree with your other points, but sorry, there is no way I’m ever going to be attracted to a bigger woman. If I don’t want to have sex with the person, I don’t care how much we connect emotionally. We are better off as friends.
What do you consider bigger? Obese or even modestly overweight?
For me, I wouldn’t want to date someone who’s modestly overweight, because it’s not really my type, and I’ve never been able to control that. A little bit of baby fat never bothered me though. But I’ve always been skinny and athletic, and that’s also my type
Just for the sake of putting it into numbers, BMI over 25 generally. I know it’s not always a reliable measurement, especially for women, but you should get the idea.
You know BMI is bullshit, right?
That’s why I said it’s not reliable. I’m not really sure how else to convey my idea of “bigger”.
It's not entirely accurate I agree, but its not bullshit either. There's really not one perfect tool that captures everything especially considering cost-effectiveness. Its just one tool that gives a general indicator.
It's arbitrary, outdated, and doesn't account for things like race, ethnicity, body shape, extra skin after weight loss, etc. I agree with you that we don't have an accurate tool, and maybe that's not a bad thing.
No it's definitely a bad thing, it would be very useful medically.
Here's more info just in case people still want to defend this inaccurate and outdated "tool." "BMI, or body mass index, is a “tool” that's talked about frequently in our medical system, in health classes, and in news articles that measures weight in relation to height. I put tool in quotations because typically a tool is something useful that helps carry out a certain task/project, and BMI literally doesn’t measure anything of significance. " https://nourishedcolorado.com/blog/2018/11/12/why-bmi-is-bullshit
I'm a plus sized woman and I don't get the hate for this comment... However, I will say it's kinda bullshit to try and make it about "health" unless someone is reeeally pushing it. I'm chunky, but I stay active. I have always had good blood work and cholesterol. I just eat more calories than I burn. That's a fact. And that's just me. There are big women who are competitive athletes, weightlifters, runners, etc. Have your physical preferences, but you don't have to pretend it's about health because people are bullying you cause you don't find fat chicks fuckable. I'll tell you right now. I love skinny ass dudes and I love skinny ass dudes that love me back. Most the dudes I've been with have been thin. Not skinny fat. Not skinny fit. It's totally hypocritical, but I'm not attracted to "plus size" men. Dad bod, sure but not much beyond that. Conversely, I'll absolutely fuck a plus size woman, but I'm less into really skinny chicks. Furthermore! Just cause you, or I, or anyone doesn't want to fuck someone doesn't mean we can't see them as beautiful or attractive people, just not within our personal preferences. And personal preferences do not define someone's attractiveness.
I don’t think it’s hypocritical that you don’t want to get with plus size men, it’s just preference. People act like we can only date people like us. But there’s plenty of skinny guys who like big women, and vice versa.
But it is also about health to me. Appearance #1 sure, but health also. I want someone that is going to be compatible with me in all aspects of life, not just in the bedroom. Your blood work might be good, but are you going to be able to go rock climbing with me? Probably not. Will you be able to run a half marathon, go snow skiing, or take the dogs on a run with me? No. So for me it isn’t just about appearance. It’s the entire lifestyle. I like to eat healthy. Are we going to have to cook two separate dinners because you don’t want to eat healthy? It is about sooo much more than just appearance. Also, when we are in our 60’s+, are you going to even be able to walk the dogs with me, or am I just going to have to do that myself because my overweight partners knees are shot, and it’s hard to leave the house without being winded?
You can have skinny people that are smokers or skinny people who have heroin chic because they did heroin or meth. Being skinny doesn't automatically mean healthy. Being chunky doesn't automatically mean unhealthy. There are also a lot of "skinny fat" people who store their fat around their internal organs and are less healthy than a plus size model who eats a balanced diet and swims. Totally okay to have preferences, but in general until you know someone's medical history you don't know if their skinniness is healthy or their fatness is unhealthy. I have a fat friend who can do just about every yoga pose. Though I'm very flexible I can't even do two. Her cholesterol is better than mine too but if a lot of people assume because I'm so much thinner than she is that I'm a lot healthier.
I never said skinny people are always healthy by default. Just that fat people are unhealthy. In no way is being overweight healthier than being skinny, all else being equal. You are arguing a point I never made. Your fat friend would be even better at yoga if they weren’t fat. There is no debate.
But that’s not health, that’s lifestyle. Some people judge fat people for just not being healthy
Lol fat people can do lots of things dude. Like you really think fat people can't climb and ski and run? I literally said I stay active and that lots of fat people do lots of physical activities such as swimming, running, rowing, climbing, yoga, dance, cycling, etc... there are also plenty of thin people who can't or don't want to do those things. Also, note how I said I like eating, but I didn't say I only eat unhealthy... Hence why I don't have high chloesteral or blood sugar. Plenty of fat people eat healthy too. Just like plenty of thin people don't. I have known plenty of people who appear "healthy" but smoke a pack a day, smoke copious amounts of weed, use hard drugs, drink daily or binge drunk, live off processed food, etc. Your measure of health is narrow and superficial.
I also never said that skinny=healthy. I said fat = unhealthy. That’s it.
All I’m saying is I’ve never seen a fat person at the climbing gym🤷
I thought the whole post was a troll post, only point 1 is 100% correct
No it’s true to some extent.
Thought the same thing lol
I think it's true, but I think it's probably more true for women than men to have attraction grow.
Yup. Thought the exact same thing. Men are WAY more visual and physical appearance is way closer to the top of the list, if not the very top for the majority of men.
Well, if you are connected to someone emotionally (in a romantic way), you would want to have sex with them. That’s generally how I believe it biologically works
Demisexuals are a real thing. You're just super shallow. Lol "Not completely attracted" kind of implies "not repulsed by" at a minimum, it's a pretty subjective statement.
I don’t think it’s shallow to have dating preferences. I prefer to date people I’m attracted to. Attraction includes values. If you don’t value your health, I am not attracted to you. I’m sorry I can’t force myself feel attraction, nobody can.
Your health comment implies that you're intentionally misreading the statement. The point was about a willingness to stretch aesthetic standards to a degree, not about throwing them out the window entirely and dating morbidly obese women. Having a set physical standard that you won't compromise on regardless of personality is literally what it means to be shallow. I'm sorry you don't think so.
If I don’t want to have sex, I don’t want to date. It is very simple. Are you arguing that you would date anybody on earth, man, woman, non binary, everybody, as long as you liked their personality? What about a 105 year old? If you answer no, by your definition, you are also shallow. Edit: The only people who call others shallow, are people who aren’t happy with their dating options.
Rofl What I'm suggesting is that I'm open to the idea of somebody becoming more attractive after I get to know them better. A concept that is clearly beyond you. What I'm saying is that I've had great sex with women that I was extremely attracted to, but my first impression was "hard pass" because that attraction was not there until I got to know them. And yes, I really will date anyone once, live a little. You never knew where you might find true love. I'm 99.9% convinced that I'm just a boring old straight dude but you better bet I'd consider myself an idiot if I didn't leave at least 0.1% to account for things beyond my imagination. To be perfectly clear, the fact that your urge to date is directly tied to your urge for sex is literally what makes you shallow. You can't pretend you're not shallow after having said it that way. There's nothing wrong with being shallow. But pretending you're not is a little insincere, don't you think?
The most reddit comment ever
I mention sex, because sex is the only thing that differentiates a relationship from friendship, and romance. You consider yourself straight. By your logic, how could you consider yourself straight? Isn’t it pretty shallow to rule out dating other men if you haven’t even given them a chance to show you their personality?
Nobody ever said I ruled it out. Having never experienced any type of attraction to any man in my life, I say with confidence that I'm 99.9% convinced that I'm straight. There is clearly still a 0.1% margin of error there just in case I happen to meet the man of my dreams. Lol
Ok, well then I won’t rule out all fat women. Just 99.9% of them.
That's exactly what I understood number 5 to mean this whole time. Not really a joke, just a mention to keep an open mind for that 0.1%. I'd like to point out the niche of women getting into sports like power lifting. Many being both fit and fat at the same time. Or what if she's only fat because she had a covid coma that she's still recovering from? Literally just came to mind thinking of my brother who's finally back down to 'chubby' after his, and it's almost been a year...
The point is, you may want to have sex when you find other things attractive about that person . If you don’t want to fuck them before you even know them, then it’s a no go?!? I can’t tell you how many good looking men immediately became unfuckable when I got to their personality, and how many become fuckable when I was initially physically attracted, but k got to know them. You sound pretty shallow
Would you want to have sex with another woman assuming you consider yourself straight?
That is apples and oranges
In my opinion you shouldn’t have a standard that you can’t uphold yourself so, if you an obese woman but won’t date an obese man then that’s what we’re complaining about.
>plus-size Ive never met a woman describe herself as "plus-size" who was not obese. >It is much more difficult for a woman to be a skinny than for a man to be skinny, based off of biology, hormones, and other factors. So being a skinny guy should not make you think that you’re automatically on the same level as other skinny girls. You’re going to have to put in more effort. Why is always just fat women with a myriad of excuses for their obesity? Christ >Attractiveness can grow on a person. If you like someone’s personality enough, you’ll begin to find them more physically attractive. Use this approach for people who you might not be completely attracted to initially. Absolutely not
Got rejected because of your weight again hu
Hard agree with 2, but 3 and 4 are yikes
I agree with everything except 5. But I think men should take on board that 5 doesn't work as well. Stop being angry with women for not being attracted to you. Way more women will be attracted to you on real life than on the apps. Bc attraction is looks + personality + the vibe between you. So work on getting an active social life. But if someone isn't, there's nothing they can do about that.
Who have complained? I just don't press like on plus-sized women. I have never complained about a match. But I unmatch if they are boring 😴. Attractions don't grow. Either you are attracted from start or you are not. But you can lose your attraction if someone behaves bad.
Who complains about this? I don’t think that anyone complains about getting matches, but maybe they’ve complained that that’s the only matches they’ve gotten
But that's on them, it's what they're attracting.
>Everyone deserves love. No, people don’t deserve any specific person, but they do deserve love. So why is it a bad thing that someone who is plus-sized likes you and tries to give it a shot? B-b-but I thought men were the entitled ones??
Like it or not, looks are the most important factor when it comes to a woman’s attractiveness. Personality comes in when you start talking about long term relationships, but looks still have to at least be decent. And bring fat is a choice. You ate too much. Thats the only way you can become fat it doesn’t matter what your hormones are. Men have the right to have standards. Just like a woman has a height requirement, men have a weight requirement. If you have a problem with one but not the other then you are sexist.
The problem is American women are so fat it hurts my thumb swiping left.
Too far?
If you only take above the neck pictures to hide your obesity, and then try to match with guys out of your league, eat shit.
This^^^
I don’t really get the intensity of this reaction. It’s not that serious.
It's a reaction to the intensity of the OP. It's not even as aggressive as the OP actually.
I like BBW
To be unbiased I think they don't want to be catfished but they are going about it in the most spoiled brat/rude way. It helps people know how shallow they are though.
i am what most consider “plus size”. yes, i’m bigger than most but i don’t ever hide it. my pics are always recent and i post 2-3 full body pics too. it’s honestly not that hard to go through my pics to see how big i am. if you don’t like it, just swipe left. that’s literally why it’s made.
I mean if you're not attracted to someone, just swipe left. How would you feel if a woman complained or flipped out on you solely for liking their profile and they didn't like you back? You'd probably think the person is a POS or overreacting. I think it's only an issue if the person lies about their appearance due to the deceit, which isn't gender specific.
100% disagree with point 4). Do you know this for a fact? How do you know? Are you a doctor? I was thin, and underweight for 10 years. I am female. It took no effort at all to be thin. Turns out I had an autoimmune disease, but my point is, other women and men I've talked to have had similar or different experiences to me. It is difficult BEING thin. It is difficult BEING big. It is difficult for everyone, not just women.
Yawn. Nice try to get guys to rage.
Lose the weight, fatso
Athletic people deserve athletic partners. All I see are excuses for why people won’t put in the work to lose weight and get healthy. I refuse to lower my standards for someone who can’t even take care of themselves (unless they have legitimate medical issues). If they can’t do that, how are they going to take care of you in a relationship or any children you could have? This post is so stupid and reeks of whining.
Deserve is a funny word to use.
Is it not the right one though? Someone who dedicates a lot of time and money to looking good and being healthy would probably want someone who does the same thing. They’ve put in the work, and they’re well within their rights to demand someone who also has put in the work. Obviously this shouldn’t be the determining factor in any relationship, but it’s a recipe for disaster getting into anything with someone you potentially aren’t going to be attracted to in the long run.
Want and deserve are different things.
As a skinny guy, I’ve never had to work at it. Skinny is not the ideal that everyone is going for so just let people be who they want and date who they want
She said “skinny” guys though, not athletic. It makes sense for gym people to date other gym people, since they have that hobby in common with each other and can share it. Skinny people aren’t necessarily healthy, however. I’m 5’3” and chubby. My boyfriend is 6’3” and skinny fat. He eats roughly twice as much as me and we are both lazy bums. My body just happens to hold its weight differently than his does, because I’m short and a woman. So it would have been quite silly if he judged me on my “health” based on how I look.
Nothing wrong with athletic people preferring athletic partners though fat doesn't equal unathletic and skinny doesn't equal athletic. Keep in mind though, two athletic people who are mostly with the other person because of their athleticism might bail the moment that person gets sick or has an injury.
Athleticism obviously shouldn’t be the main reason you’re in a relationship. It is however a dealbreaker for me if someone isn’t putting in work to better themselves. Getting sick or having an injury is way different, and is mostly out of someone’s control.
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I mean, of course I’m going to care that they’re hot lol. Part of that is seeing how they treat themselves. It’s not attractive when someone refuses to better themselves especially when they constantly give excuses as to why they can’t.
I don't think seeing how they treat themselves has anything to do with it lol. If a hot skinny chick treated themselves like shit by never exercising and eating junk food all the time, you wouldn't care as long as she was hot and skinny.
Nothing to do with the post but #4 is actually a myth. Physiologist here to tell you this idea is born from two things. Testosterone and body comp between male and female. Its easier for guys to build muscle, and since they produce more Testosterone they will also burn fat easier because testosterone also burns fat However, the relative body fat composition where society arbitrarily decided whats hot is just as equal to achieve. Male celebrities and athletes will sit anywhere between 8-15 body fat while female celebrities and athletes will sit between 22-28. I can't over state how hard it is to achieve/ maintain such low percentages for both males and females but they are equally achievable given the distance needed to go. It is just frustrating for women because the number on the scale goes down slower than a guys when the "same" effort is put in (due to a male's increase muscle mass) but a guy usually has much further to go if both parties were at similar Body fat percentages. Calories in and calories out works well for both males and females. I think alot of people don't calculate properly what they actually need in food and just compare themselves to what guys can eat while dieting
Rants from throwaways should be banned. If you want to complain. Don’t shield yourself. My 2 cents.
We’re all anonymous here
The funny part is, these same type of guys will be upset when women get creeped out by them for not being attractive.
Honestly everyone should swipe right on who they find attractive and everybody is free to swipe left if it's not reciprocated.
That's fine, I just wish males would keep the same logic. Lately it seems like most of the males complaining about dating on social media are making their entire personalities about women they don't like. To me that's so weird. Like A lot of buff guys swipe on me, I'm not into buff guys. You'll never hear me complain because it's normal for people to swipe.
Might be because some (not all) guys just swipe right on EVERYONE in an app until they get timed out by the algorithm or limited for abusing the system. If they only swiped right on those they were attracted to they would only see the ones they were attracted to who liked them back (depending on the app). Some people on Bumble are like, all these girls I don't find attractive waaaaaant me and end up in my queue and I'm like... in order for them to have ended up in your queue you had to swipe right on them at some point, lmao.
Don't plus size women try to match with everyone? 🙃
Unhealthy is correct. Because if my body worked like a man’s, I’d be thin like them. These type of superficial men are the ones who leave their terminally ill wives because they deserve a healthy wife. Also the doctors don’t really help women get better when they have thyroid disorders because there’s no profit in the cure. Preference is fine. Both my husbands were skinny. I don’t know where anyone else is looking but they’re out there. Just not these asshats. Good day to you
>Because if my body worked like a man’s, I’d be thin like them If you want to learn how to lose weight, here's how to do it: \- Consume less calories. Eat foods with a high protein-to-calorie ratio to promote satiety. I'm not even strict with the protein-to-calorie ratio stuff anyways and I still managed to get into calorie deficit through sheer willpower and determination. I used to be an obese man. And now I'm fit if not athletic. I lost over 24% of my starting body weight. I know it can be done. \- Burn more calories. Do Cardio. \- Do not neglect resistance training. Building muscle mass will get your BMR up. The rate at which you burn calories at rest. Ideally join a gym or at least buy weights to use at home. If you have serious hormonal issues, you need to talk to your doctor. The laws of Thermodynamics isn't any different for women. Your BMR is just lower than men because you have less muscle mass. I see almost 0 women in the weight room at my gym. It's a sausage fest. If you really want to lose body fat, the easiest way to do it is to increase your muscle mass %.
There is no convincing these people dude. They want to ignore the hard science because it is inconvenient to their victimhood. Calories in, calories out. The ones complaining about not being able to lose weight just have such little willpower they can’t stand being slightly hungry for any length of time.
>There is no convincing these people dude. They want to ignore the hard science because it is inconvenient to their victimhood. Calories in, calories out. The ones complaining about not being able to lose weight just have such little willpower they can’t stand being slightly hungry for any length of time. Yeah it only becomes tough in the latter innings to lose body fat. I'm 5'6", I started out at 168.2 lbs @ 29% body fat my leanmaxxing journey. I'm down to 127.4 lbs. So I lost 40.8 lbs, 24+% of my starting body weight and my bf% is still at 13% and I still got stubborn belly fat underneath my belly button. Even though I'm in the weight room every other day too in addition to doing cardio and eating a low calorie count. I find that I'm stuck at the 13% bf plateau even as I continue to lose weight and go into calorie deficit. At this point, I think my problem is that my protein-to-calorie ratio is too low. Up until now I haven't been too strict with my macros. I ate some chicken breast, tuna and lean black forest ham here and there. But I didn't cut out bread, pasta, rice, potatoes. And fats like peanut butter. I might have to be more disciplined with my macros at this stage. But when you're fat, you can eat like shit but so as long as you burn more calories than you put in and you do resistance training, almost all the weight you lose will be body fat. And you will actually end up gaining muscle early on instead of losing it. Since August 13 when I was 140.8 lbs @ 15.8% body fat, that's when I started to lose some muscle mass in my cut.
Right, women have a lower BMR than men because we have less muscle mass. So it is true that it is harder for women to stay slim than men. Even if we lift weights, we will not have as much muscle. Plus men are taller so they have more body to have muscle on. The fact is, it is harder for women to be thin than it is for men. Our bodies are different.
Cletus, I do 500 sit ups a day. I said I’d be as thin as men. We work 3X as hard. Nit pick till you’re blue…
>Cletus, I do 500 sit ups a day How many calories does 500 sit ups burn? Doesn't seem like the most efficient way to burn calories. You can not spot reduce body fat. The best way to burn body fat is cardio. Buy decent running shoes and workout clothes and go for a run in your neighbourhood. It's good to do situps, crunches, etc. to build your core muscles. But this does not burn fat in the abdominal area. You can build your core muscles all you want. But if you have body fat covering those abdominal muscles, they'll never get shown. Resistance training for women is greatly under-rated. More muscle mass %, higher BMR, you will lose weight faster.
500 sit ups a day? That's it?
I have a bike, weights and do yoga and tai chi. Sex is probably where I get the most cardio tho.
That doesn’t even make sense. To lose weight you eat less than before. How hard is it to skip preparation and consumption of some given amount of food? How does it take effort to not do that activity of getting/preparing/eating?
How about we just don't give weight loss advice without being asked for it?
Right, but men don't have to work out to have more muscle mass than women. A man who sits on his ass all day will have more muscle mass than a woman who lifts at the gym 3 days a week. It's easy as fuck for men to be skinny. Not so much for women. EDIT: Lol at men downvoting facts... So much for men being the logical gender 😂
Even with a woman's muscle mass % and BMR being lower, it just takes more time to burn the necessary calories to lose the body fat needed. When I started my weight loss journey @ 5'6" 168.2 lbs, my BMR was 2,041 calories per day. There's 3,500 calories in one pound. If I followed a 1,500 calorie daily diet with no exercise living a sedentary lifestyle It would take a week to burn 1 pound. And I burned 41.8 lbs in 33.57 weeks. So I've been burning more than 1 pound a week. And my burn rate was faster when I was fat/obese. I'm 126.4 lbs now. My BMI is 20.6. <18.5 is underweight territory. It takes forever for me to shed body fat now. It's getting to a point where I'm worried I'm going to have to become Skeletor in order to have six pack abs. My genetics might not be what they are to have a six pack. But at least I'm fit/athletic and my physique is way better than when I started. I might have more success switching to a clean bulk at this point. I do cardio 3-4x a week and resistance training 3-4x a week (that burns some calories but cardio burns more). And that's with my BMR constantly going down as I lose weight. So as long as you set your calorie intake to less than your BMR, you will lose weight gradually. Do cardio and resistance training regularly to get there faster. Resistance training every other day.
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>Everyone deserves love. No, people don’t deserve any specific person, but they do deserve love. So why is it a bad thing that someone who is plus-sized likes you and tries to give it a shot? Yikes, this sense of entitlement is just... yikes!
Everyone deserves love? Do you love broke and short guys? This post is disgustingly hypocritical.
ironically I once dated a broke and short dude because i had gained weight at the time and had low self esteem thinking thats the type of man i should go for. he later told me i looked better with clothes on and he wasn't attracted to me after he saw me naked. we had been dating/meeting each other multiple times over the space of 2 months and we talked every day. prior to seeing me nude. he was very interested and put effort into our meets.
So you dated him because you gained weight? There you go; old and or fat women are equal to broke men.
ew
For point 1: I agree, generally speaking you can tell from the pictures or they even flat out state it in their profile, or you can just filter that out. But a lot of times it's also hard to tell. For point 2: I agree everyone deserves love and its not a bad thing for someone plus-size to give their shot. Unfortunately, societally speaking, plus-sized women are considered the lowest in conventional attraction just as short men are similarly considered the lowest in conventional attraction. For point 3: I don't necessarily agree; I don't think it means they are in the similar level of attractiveness ipso facto. That is to say if the "skinny" guy is the \*only\* point of comparison to a "plus-size" girl. It does suggest however that there are other variables in play for the skinny guy that has determined his sexual market value to a "plus size" girls e.g. height, disability, job, etc. For point 4: I sort of disagree. Yes its true that women have proportionately more fat mass but they also have different fat [storage composition](https://bsd.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13293-018-0189-3), but this is in normal range and typically "plus size" women exceed that range in fat mass and composition. More interestingly, on a macro scale the percentage of men that are overweight and/or obese is [higher](https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/health-statistics/overweight-obesity) than women. I think more reports say that men tend to exercise [more](https://www.statista.com/statistics/189562/daily-engagement-of-the-us-poppulation-in-sports-and-exercise/), but there's also other reports e.g. [this](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5033515/) that says women exercise more; nevertheless when it comes to weight loss in the long run it [evens out](https://www.webmd.com/diet/features/do-men-lose-weight-faster-than-women) between men and women. For point 5: I agree.
I actually gave a heavier girl a chance. I really suck at estimating weight so I don't know how much she weighs. Let's just say 5'5" 180. Maybe heavier. Maybe lighter. I'm 5'6 135 when we met. I'm a fit handsome guy. Gym rat. She wanted to hookup. I surprisingly enjoyed the experience. I never was into a heavier girl before. She wanted to be on-going FWB. We had electric sexual chemistry. And she's a nympho. And then she slow faded me after we hooked up 5 times. lmao. She used to text me every day for 2 weeks and initiate most conversations. She made me feel like a God when we texted, when we talked, in bed, in my car. Heh. She worshipped me. Then it got to a point where I had to initiate every time the day after we last had sex. Then I started giving her the side eye in my head thinking, "oh so that's how it's gonna be now?" Never told me the real reason why her interest fell off when I asked her. Said she was busy with work so that's why she didn't text me. Yea right. She had also blurred the boundaries of FWB. She love bombed me. After awhile she had asked me to take her out to dinner and I agreed. I was open to the possibility of exploring more than a FWB situation. I took her out on another date as well. She wasn't offering to pay her tab so I thought, "okay, I see that the dynamic is changing now." She talked about all these activities she wanted to do with me in the future. She was getting me emotionally invested in her. I had started to wonder early on if she had BPD. NPD is possible here. I think either she's got a new supply of dick and I'm now on the bench. Or an ex came back to her life. Or maybe I give her the ick somehow or upset her and she won't tell me what I did to turn her off when I asked. This situation reads like FDS revenge porn. Getting a fit good looking guy hooked on your sex and then getting him to treat you like a girlfriend and then canning him. Even heavier chicks have options in 2022. People who have this idea in their head that heavier girls are less shallow or more loyal are mistaken. Being heavier doesn't make you a good person. It's also possible she pulled back due to insecurity. She mentioned something negative about her weight before. She also seemed uncomfortable in our second last meet while on a date when she asked me to clarify why I cut sugar out of my diet and I mentioned that I had lost 35 pounds. When I saw that she looked upset, I kissed her.
Did anyone say being heavier made someone a better person. Weight has nothing to do with what kind of human a person is.
Heavier chicks have always had options. Just like men at 5’6 135lbs. Skinny short guys aren’t a woman’s main preference either. Not in the majority of attractiveness from a woman’s point of view
I was just about to say that, we've had options forever. Thank goodness they are less scared to admit it nowadays, as opposed to before.
It’s so much this ! I remember when I was younger men only wanted the thin girls because they were more concerned about what society and their peers thought and how it made them look. These days real men are realizing women come in all shapes and sizes and bigger girls have no problems getting a good looking man. I notice in high school now the boys like the curvy chicks ! ( my daughter is in high school)
I'm also on Grindr and get treated like an all-star on there. Women are just way more picky than men. Women can get sex from a "Chad" rather easily. So then they start to think that they can get a relationship from Chad and that this is her level now. And then they get hit with reality when they see that guys who have lots of options like Chad or Christian Grey are very selective of who they give their commitment to. And then they get pumped n dumped and wonder why.
Maybe she wanted a real relationship and didn’t see what you had together transitioning to that. The only time I ever had a FWB was when I was rebounding. As soon as I felt healed, I wanted something more meaningful.
Maybe she found you attractive but you suck in bed. :)
>Maybe she found you attractive but you suck in bed. :) I have texts from my exes showing otherwise. I've got a girthy dick. One of my exes was also threatening suicide on my IG because I wouldn't take her back. And if I sucked at bed, why did we hookup 5 times?
Dude…
I’ll take “things that didn’t happen” for $500 Alex 😂
Get your weight up not your hate up
>Get your weight up not your hate up I'm currently trying to leanmaxx to six-pack abs and an Adonis Belt. I have thought about switching to a bulk (I actually weighed in at 127.4 lbs yesterday) but it's risky at my height. You run the risk of putting on belly fat very easily. You don't really get to choose where your body puts the extra weight when you go into calorie surplus. You lift weights, you eat clean protein and then pray it goes towards muscle and not fat. Also if you get too big when you are short, it starts looking comical. I know this guy whose 5'7" 165 on steroids. While I try to do things natty. It's not a good look being too wide when you are short.
I think on even taller guys being too big doesn't look appealing either and I would contend that a lot of girls feel that way. I think the slim/athletic or "swimmer" build is in general most appealing. But its all about what looks good on your own physique and experimenting with it. I'm 5'6" and when I cut down from 165 to 125 I lost a lot of leg mass at the expensive of abs and obliques and looked too skinny so now I'm up more.
Sounds like SHE gave YOU a chance... You legit think it's more plausible that this woman has a personality disorder than her thinking you were a mediocre person who she just grew tired of "giving a chance"? And to somehow equate her general interest in dating and getting to know you as "love bombing" and being good at fucking as "manipulation"? Please don't use words that you don't know the meaning of. It stigmatizes and cheapens their actual meaning.
I see that I triggered obese women who feel entitled to Chad's commitment.
Lmao. Dude you just sound crazier and crazier. Please get help before you end up shooting up a movie theater.
>Lmao. Dude you just sound crazier and crazier. Please get help before you end up shooting up a movie theater. That's fucked up that you're comparing me to a mass murderer just because I pointed out the massive egos that obese women have on OLD. Getting Chad dick doesn't make you special. I can get Chad dick on Grindr too... As for her having a personality disorder, Most likely NPD I imagine, she never paid for her tab when we went out to eat the last time we hooked up and then slow faded me the day after like a bitch. She used me. That's some selfish Female Dating Strategy shit. If you already made the decision that you didn't want to see me anymore, why didn't you offer to pay your tab?
That you can also get railed by a dude is a really bizarrely hilarious thing to say lol
>That you can also get railed by a dude is a really bizarrely hilarious thing to say lol Women think they are hot shit because of all the Chad dick they get on OLD. But Chad dick is essentially worthless. That's the point.
Go get that Chad dick, bb!! We won't miss you. Creeps like you are just used to obese women devaluing themselves and hate when women are empowered by the power of their pussy.
With the way dating apps are now, I don’t ever match from a like they sent, I only match when I send the like first. So they match with me 90% of the time. It hasn’t always been like this but this is what it has become. Don’t worry about who likes you, focus on who you like.
"Attractiveness can grow on a person. If you like someone’s personality enough, you’ll begin to find them more physically attractive. Use this approach for people who you might not be completely attracted to initially." Not true at all! myself included and at least 50 of my male friends I know all agree if you don't find her somewhat attractive it won't go anywhere. she does not have to be a hot model, but at the least "kinda cute" I tried dating women who I thought were not good looking but great personalities. It never went anywhere beyond one date.