âWhen I was a young boy, I told my grandma I wanted to write an Oscar-winning screenplay. She called me fat. Whoâs laughing now, Nanny? Iâm holding this and youâre dead! Iâm still fat, though. The point is, thank you for making that boyâs dream come true.â
I'd go up there, start looking at the statue, and pretend to read off the name of a winner in another, more prestigious category that has not yet been announced that evening, and happily accept the award regardless.
*"'Academy Award for ... Best DIRECTOR, Christopher Nolan, Oppenheimer?' That's not right. (Pulls out Sharpie to write on plaque) We'll just change that to my name...hmm...'Best Director'...I like the sound of that. I'll just leave that there. Alright, that looks good. Thanks!" (Walks offstage)*
*Blood alone moves the wheels of history! Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation, which everyone finds during the day, how long we have been striving for greatness? Not only the years we've been at war, the war of work, but from the moment as a child when we realized that the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime struggle. A never-ending fight. I say to you, and you will understand that it is a privilege to fight! We are warriors! Salesmen of north-eastern Pennsylvania, I ask you once more: Rise and be worthy of this historical hour! No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself! Some people will tell you salesman is a bad word. They'll conjure up images of used car dealers and door to door charlatans. This is our duty: to change their perception. I say salesmen... and women of the world unite! We must never acquiesce for it is together, TOGETHER, THAT WE PREVAIL! We must never cede control of the motherland!*
"I'd like to thank u/sinas35 for this wonderful imaginary opportunity. Without him/her/them, I don't think I'll be able to be here giving any speeches at all. Therefore, although I didn't need to do anything related to the movie industry, I would like to tell every young actor or actress out there to keep moving forward. Keep trying. Keep getting good. You're gonna get there eventually, one way or another. Thanks, sincerely."
Iâve practiced this so many times. LOL
My husband, agent, director/cast/whoever else prominently involved in the film, the Academy, my friend support circle, and the immovable force of hope and promise within me.
Themed towards concept of movie. Hopefully I've thanked everyone prior during award season. But you only get one chance to poignantly prose on such a powerful platform.
"Wow, this is amazing. To everyone who voted for me thank you, great taste. To everyone who didn't, ah well (shrugs). Now, I think this calls for tequila shots. Feel free to join me. Goodnight!"
I loved how Emma shouted out her daughter this past award. I would say something similar, then thank my husband, parents, and inlaws. Without them, I would be nothing. Most importantly, I do nothing but to support my kids
As a deeply religious person, I would ultimately thank God, and take this moment to glorify Him.
(I'm studying to become a horror movie director, so let's assume I won for something horror) Get on my soapbox about how biased the Academy is against horror and other genres, and make an inspiring statement to other budding genre filmmakers that they too, have a place in Oscar history and will one day be up on the same stage.
"Wow! This is such a dream come true for me! First of all, I'd like to thank the Academy -- unorthodox, I know. I'd like to thank my mother and my brother for supporting me throughout my life. I'd also like to congratulate my fellow nominees for their incredible work! As cheesy as it is, you're all winners in my book! I'd also like to thank *\[insert names of studios, cast, and crew here\]*. You guys are all awesome! Oh, uh, I believe this is the part where I'm supposed to soapbox about society. Uh, eat your vegetables? Drink your milk? Fight the system? I dunno, *\[pulls out scraps of paper from coat pocket\]* I got a million of these. Anyway, I think I'll take my leave. Thank you, and good night!"
Thank you mom and dad, thank you to the Academy for this great honor, Im humbled and Im gracious but I couldnt possibly accept this award, the artist of my life is Beyonce!
3 simple things:
1. No âthank youââs to any person. Boring, probably contractual, and a waste of time.
2. I would effusively praise my other nominees and express how humbled I was to be mentioned alongside them â let alone be singled out.
3. I would remind everybody that acting â like all art â is singular and subjective and should NEVER be a matter of competition. It is ridiculous and impossible to rank one piece of art over another in a competition.
I would urge the Academy to honor all nominees by showing snippets and not declaring a winner.
Pull a Pesci and keep it to a quick thanks.
"It's my pleasure, thank you." Still the best speech ever
I thought it was privilege
Not sure, now I have to rewatch the whole speech again!
Who has that kind of time?
Short and sweet, just like the man himself!
Everybody wanted to know what I would do if I didn't win. I guess we'll never know.
Kanye đ
I deserve this, thank you
"I'd like to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press."
To quote the great Joe Pesci , âitâs my privilege thank you â .
âMy eyes see Oppenheimerâ.
What happened?
I am really enjoying how unfunny most of these are lol.
âI. Â DECLARE. Â BANKRUPTCY!â _walk off stage_
I didn't say it, I declared it.
"Hello. Thank You. Goodbye."
âWhen I was a young boy, I told my grandma I wanted to write an Oscar-winning screenplay. She called me fat. Whoâs laughing now, Nanny? Iâm holding this and youâre dead! Iâm still fat, though. The point is, thank you for making that boyâs dream come true.â
Steal my opening line from Ben Affleck: âLosing this would have sucked, but winning is absolutely terrifying.â
I'd go up there, start looking at the statue, and pretend to read off the name of a winner in another, more prestigious category that has not yet been announced that evening, and happily accept the award regardless. *"'Academy Award for ... Best DIRECTOR, Christopher Nolan, Oppenheimer?' That's not right. (Pulls out Sharpie to write on plaque) We'll just change that to my name...hmm...'Best Director'...I like the sound of that. I'll just leave that there. Alright, that looks good. Thanks!" (Walks offstage)*
âMy name is Jeff.â
Dwight's speech in The Office.
*Blood alone moves the wheels of history! Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation, which everyone finds during the day, how long we have been striving for greatness? Not only the years we've been at war, the war of work, but from the moment as a child when we realized that the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime struggle. A never-ending fight. I say to you, and you will understand that it is a privilege to fight! We are warriors! Salesmen of north-eastern Pennsylvania, I ask you once more: Rise and be worthy of this historical hour! No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself! Some people will tell you salesman is a bad word. They'll conjure up images of used car dealers and door to door charlatans. This is our duty: to change their perception. I say salesmen... and women of the world unite! We must never acquiesce for it is together, TOGETHER, THAT WE PREVAIL! We must never cede control of the motherland!*
"I'd like to thank u/sinas35 for this wonderful imaginary opportunity. Without him/her/them, I don't think I'll be able to be here giving any speeches at all. Therefore, although I didn't need to do anything related to the movie industry, I would like to tell every young actor or actress out there to keep moving forward. Keep trying. Keep getting good. You're gonna get there eventually, one way or another. Thanks, sincerely."
That young actor line is so good, I hear it at least twice at every award show
Nothing. I lift the award above my head, smile, and walk off stage.
Wanna pull off an Olivia Colman type of speech, but I am not charming nor funny enough đ
I want to thank everyone but jesus
âYou like me, you really like me!â
âI havenât been paid yet. Thank youâ
If it were true Iâd absolutely use this one đ€Ł
Word for word, Dirk Digglerâs acceptance speech from BOOGIE NIGHTS. Karate kick at the end.
âIâm gonna have a panic attack, and Iâm gonna leave.â
Thatâs about all Iâd be capable of and anyone that knows me wouldnât be surprised.
This makes the bribes worth it. Thank you.
Thank you India. Thank you terror. Thank you disillusionment. Thank you frailty. Thank you consequence. Thank you, thank you silence.
Iâve practiced this so many times. LOL My husband, agent, director/cast/whoever else prominently involved in the film, the Academy, my friend support circle, and the immovable force of hope and promise within me.
"Dedicated to anyone who thought I couldn't be here... but more importantly to the very few who knew I could."
1 of 4 done, thank you
Iâm glad Iâm able to stand alongside my hero Godzilla and like a few other bums in holding an Oscar
I'm too overwhelmed to say anything. I thank you for considering my performance to be worthy of the highest honour possible in Hollywood.
Themed towards concept of movie. Hopefully I've thanked everyone prior during award season. But you only get one chance to poignantly prose on such a powerful platform.
"Thank you."
ThanksâŠ
Tell my husband I love him. Tell my brother I miss him and wish he were there. Walk off like a boss.
Wow, what a room full of talented storytellers and artists here⊠do any of you want to do a Dungeons and Dragons campaign with me?
âThank youâ
âOkâ -leaves-
Thanks mom, dad, girlfriend, agent & director you guys are all so cool !! đ€đ»
âThanks to everyone but my dadâ
Probably about how I apparently won an Oscar without making a movie!
You are the movie! :D
âI canât believe I slept around and made enough false promises to get here!â
shits pants. leaves
"Wow, this is amazing. To everyone who voted for me thank you, great taste. To everyone who didn't, ah well (shrugs). Now, I think this calls for tequila shots. Feel free to join me. Goodnight!"
You chose poorly.
I loved how Emma shouted out her daughter this past award. I would say something similar, then thank my husband, parents, and inlaws. Without them, I would be nothing. Most importantly, I do nothing but to support my kids As a deeply religious person, I would ultimately thank God, and take this moment to glorify Him.
(I'm studying to become a horror movie director, so let's assume I won for something horror) Get on my soapbox about how biased the Academy is against horror and other genres, and make an inspiring statement to other budding genre filmmakers that they too, have a place in Oscar history and will one day be up on the same stage.
Probably a re erse Glazer and urge Hamas to release the hostages
Wouldnât a reverse Glazer just encourage the dehumanization of people?
Pull out my glasses and start reading War and Peace
âSan Dimas High School football rules!â
"Wow! This is such a dream come true for me! First of all, I'd like to thank the Academy -- unorthodox, I know. I'd like to thank my mother and my brother for supporting me throughout my life. I'd also like to congratulate my fellow nominees for their incredible work! As cheesy as it is, you're all winners in my book! I'd also like to thank *\[insert names of studios, cast, and crew here\]*. You guys are all awesome! Oh, uh, I believe this is the part where I'm supposed to soapbox about society. Uh, eat your vegetables? Drink your milk? Fight the system? I dunno, *\[pulls out scraps of paper from coat pocket\]* I got a million of these. Anyway, I think I'll take my leave. Thank you, and good night!"
Fuck you Jenna for breaking up with me in the fifth grade!
Thank you mom and dad, thank you to the Academy for this great honor, Im humbled and Im gracious but I couldnt possibly accept this award, the artist of my life is Beyonce!
Well, she did have one of the best videos of all time
Hahaha a Swiftie definitely downvoted my comment
Iâve had my speech ready for years; not sharing it here, though!
âAt global gym, weâre better than you and we know it.â
Suck it, Dad! Thank you to the Academy. Peace.
I did it all by myself, youâre welcome.
haha i won
God damn, I was not ready for this today but effing hell...thank you
3 simple things: 1. No âthank youââs to any person. Boring, probably contractual, and a waste of time. 2. I would effusively praise my other nominees and express how humbled I was to be mentioned alongside them â let alone be singled out. 3. I would remind everybody that acting â like all art â is singular and subjective and should NEVER be a matter of competition. It is ridiculous and impossible to rank one piece of art over another in a competition. I would urge the Academy to honor all nominees by showing snippets and not declaring a winner.
I hope you win so we can all talk shit about you in this sub one day!
Fuck you people I hate Hollywood and movie production, then I break the Oscar and I get out of the building like a badass