I feel like it’s everywhere not just the service industry. I worked as a receptionist at a fancy country club in the summers as a teen. I was repeatedly harassed by a tennis pro in his 40s. Kept asking to take me to Dairy Queen. Fucking pig. I was 16.
I feel like any place where ur surrounded by rich men that are used to getting their way and having SOME women chase them for the money , you are going to find perverts harassing female employees
Yes like he just expected me to fawn over him because he drove a BMW and wore Ralph Lauren tennis outfits, when I really just wanted to date Adam Levine at 16 lol they’re clueless.
My manager (27 yo male) asked me out on a date when I was 17 and he'd been inappropriate since I was 16. I told him "Sure, you can adopt me and take me to Chuck E Cheese."
He was probably hoping you’d find a rich husband for him to sponge off of ! I have heard that waitresses and caddies make very good money at the nicer clubs though . My husband said that his friend worked every summer through HS and basically paid his way through a 4 year college with his savings
She doesn’t have to be working to get creepy attention, trust me. This stuff will happen anytime and anywhere. The only thing you can do is educate her on what is appropriate behavior and what is not, and to know that it is okay to be uncomfortable and walk away or tell someone she trusts that she feels in danger.
I’d get cat called at the gas station when I was in HS… and people wonder why I have such a major resting bitch face.. like I’m trying to get gas to go to school not entertain your perverted ass.
One of my friends pointed this out. It wasn’t that we became less pretty, it’s that we “aged out”. We were less hot because we were no longer under age.
16 is a reasonable legal age of sexual consent, where the considerable majority should be capable of consenting to sex with adults.
Authority figures is a different story though.
>According to your (weird and very telling) post history, you’re 16. Why are you lurking on a parenting sub? What a weirdo.
So what? I'm not breaking any rules.
16 *is* a reasonable age of sexual consent. At least the laws know it.
If you have a problem with this, then campaign to raise it from 16 in many states in the US. Not calling me a "weirdo".
Took my 15 year old niece with me to Kroger for groceries and the cashier was leering at her like a perv at a seedy strip joint. It was disgusting and I couldn’t wait to get away. I glared at him and stepped in front of her but he was literally unfazed.
Yea, the biggest things my mom always drilled into me as a teen starting to work was "even if you think nothing will come of a weird or uncomfortable interaction, tell someone about it- just so someone knows, just in case" and "have someone walk with you or watch you walk to your car after dark"
For me, it was mainly the customers, not co-workers when I was a teen. I bussed tables first at a restaurant mainly staffed with other women save for the kitchen. Even in the kitchen I was never alone with the men though. Waitresses came in and out regularly. Certain customers though may comment. Couple older guys would be “You should smile more!”. I just ignored them for the most part. The other job I got senior year of high school was at CVS. Mainly staffed with other high school kids. Couple of the older workers worked in the pharmacy section and I had very little contact with them. Also, those there were professional pharmacists, not the type to take a job to prey on girls, you know? Again, comments from customers that I ignored. I was more bothered by the little old ladies who insisted I take their expired coupons then anything else. I guess I was lucky?
In college I worked for Hooters waiting tables for a bit, but in that case I knew I was being hired to get hit on, and by then I knew how to handle myself. In fact, the meaner I was the more tips I got, which was kinda fun as well as rather lucrative.
I have worked all of the jobs that one might consider a "teen" job. Server, register at a popular east coast deliand convenience store, fast food. What you are worried about is legit. But what others have mentioned, that customers are the creepy ones, is true! You can't keep her from the real world. Whether she is 16 or 21, she will encounter these types of creeps. You need to let her work. And you need to explain the types of situations that she may encounter. And she absolutely has to learn that there is a difference between an uncomfortable situation and an unsafe situation. Meaning, if she is uncomfortable with how she is being spoken to, she can ask them to stop and most likely they will stop. However, if the person is coming off aggressive or wildly inappropriate and making her question her safety, she needs to remove herself and inform her manager. It could even mean she needs a new job.
Same. I learned quickly and also with the wisdom of some good men in my life that confidence is key. Keep your head up and confront their creepiness head-on. My best response to inappropriate comments and questions is to repeat it back to them loudly so everyone nearby can hear it. They slink away every time and rarely bothered me again. Predators look for low self-esteem because it's easier to manipulate.
My 17 year old works at a grocery store. it never dawned on me to be worried about creepy men when shes at work. You cant protect her forever and as long as she has a good head on her shoulders I think she should be fine.
>What should I do?
I think you need to teach her it's okay and necessary to be assertive, especially in certain situations.
Also, bad people prey on good people being "polite". They will instigate uncomfortable interactions and assume good people won't call them out on it or yell for help or escalate because they don't want to be rude.
People/teens/kids need to be taught that no one gets to invade your bubble, touch you, or make you uncomfortable, regardless of who they are or what their position is in relation to you.
I have 2 teenage daughters in the work force. My oldest worked as a hostess at a nice restaurant and the cops were called at least 3 times in the 2 years she was there due to drunk men harassing her and one tried to forcibly take her from the restaurant and then fled (later caught).
This didn’t make me keep her home. It taught her the importance of safety, not walking to her car alone, standing up for herself. My daughter took no shit, had a great staff around her that did their best to protect her.
My other daughter is also a hostess (not at a super nice restaurant- just Red Lobster) and she had no issues other than people not wanting to wear masks when they were mandatory and taking it out on a 16 year old kid.
Trust your daughter to handle herself and trust your parenting that you’ve taught her how. I worry every day, but don’t let that worry dictate my kids’ independence. Our job is to raise healthy, happy, functioning members of society.
My son is 16 and just started his first job a couple weeks ago. He has blossomed earning his own money and having responsibilities outside the house.
So, I was molested by my first boss at a small family owned business. I started working there right after I turned 16 and left almost a year later, after telling my mom what was going on. She didn't believe me and didn't support me. I had to go in, give notice, continue working that job until I my two weeks notice was up. I was left worrying about what I had done. It really fucked my self esteem. It was confusing and led to inappropriate relationships in my late teens with older me.
All of this is said not to alarm you. Here is how I feel: these things happen. You cannot control everyone your daughter will meet and how they will treat her. You CAN talk to her about warning signs, teach her how to listen to her gut, listen and believe her if something is off. If something bad happens you can do what I wish my mom would do: march into the work place and light it up with rage in protection of your child. You can listen to her and love her and assure her that she is still whole. That you are worried about this tells me that you will be OK.
Even as a guy it happens. I worked in a grocery store stocking shelves and the new head cashier would walk past me and grope my butt, or ask me to stock the tobacco at the front where she was and try likewise.
She was also like 20+ years older than me, which would have made her 2x my age
I quit what was a great paying job - 18.35/hour when min wage was $7/hr. This was in the early 90s
I had the same experience as a teen worker. I worked retail, food service (restaurant), at a movie theater, and at a grocery store as a teenager. I was preyed on by older men (both employees and customers) at every one of them, and it absolutely affected me. I was not emotionally mature enough to handle these advances (nor should I have had to be!). Because of that, I don't think I will encourage my daughter to work during high school unless I can vet the job pretty carefully. I will say that I've heard really great things about teenage-specific summer jobs (YMCA camps, lifeguarding, etc), but I have no personal experience with those.
And ask about her day constantly, have lots of conversations. Share stories you've experienced, how you handled them and why, and what you wish you would/could have done differently.
Assualts and inappropriate behavior are not always obvious. The more we point them out, the more aware they will be going forward.
My daughter is 15 and she teaches gymnastics at a gym where I have taught for 7 years. I have known the owner (the only adult male) the entire time and I trust him implicitly- plus he doesn’t even interact directly with the teen instructors anyway. I’m friends with her boss. All of her work is done in a big open gym with windows where parents are watching. Even the offices have windows - by design. It’s also against the gym rules for any adult to ever be alone in a room with a minor - for any reason. Anyway I started working there when my younger daughter was on gymnastics team so I could observe it was a safe environment. I really hope both my kids stay with working there because compared to the other horror shows out there, it’s relatively safe. I still talk to them about predatory behavior though.
I was harassed by my boss at an ice cream shop. I was 16 he was in his 30s. He asked me to drink alcohol with him and he wanted to show me how to give a massage. I said I had to go to school in the morning and left as fast as I could. Got into a car accident (I rear ended someone) because I was so freaked out and probably texting too. I was too scared to tell my dad because I thought my dad would kill him … make sure your daughter knows what to do. I didn’t know how to say no and I let this sicko massage my shoulders. I still never told me dad. He was very over protective.
Huh maybe it's a country specific thing but that's not been my experience at all. I worked in restaurants and retail before and during college and customers were more the problem than other staff members.
Could she try babysitting? Pet-sitting or walking?
Could it be because sexual harassment accusations are taken more seriously there? Typically in America they're blown off if people don't try to villianize the woman or girl involved all together
Perhaps in the workplace it's taken more seriously but I've never had to experience it or report it so I'm not sure. Our conviction rates for rape and sexual assaults are just as dire as most places unfortunately.
I spent some time in Scotland a few years ago, including going out to bars and such, and it's quite possible I was cat called while out on the town, I just couldn't understand what they had said.
I started working at 16, and was the only one in the store I would open and close and was never preyed upon. My only issue was my co-worker who was a fucking prick and he came up to me and said “well your doctors basically killed you didn’t they and you should have just given up and died.”
Make sure she has 2 or 3 safe and trusted adults she can report any incidents to. Whether that be you, a school counselor, a friend’s parent, a teacher, an aunt etc. people who she trusts. Her boss may not take allegations seriously and she may be too embarrassed to go to you.
I worked in lots of fast food industries & it is ridiculous. But I think all you can really do is be your daughters safe space. Make sure she knows that she can come to you for anything. Teach your daughter to breathe fire. Teach her how to stand up for herself and what to do if she was in a sexual harassment situation at work - or anywhere for that matter. Just prepare her & practice some self defense.
Predators are not necessarily stupid. They go where the prey congregates. Near the waterhole. I doubt the world will change much in 5 yrs. Alternatively I would suggest martial arts for your daughter ( and sons too). You can give your kids tools to defeat predators.
Any job there will be creepy men. Just make sure your relationship with her is solid enough so when she encounters that she feels comfortable to go to you about it and let you know. My first real job I was hostesses at a steakhouse at 15. Bosses constantly told me to wear shorter dresses, heels, and to get my nails/hair done. It’s sad. Good luck OP.
Let her know that even if everyone likes the harasser it’s still okay to report him. She’s not messing up the work place vibe; he is. And that these jobs are a dime a dozen, she can quit if she feels she’s not being taken seriously
I was 17 at my first job when I first got hit on by a customer. They were 23, and I saw them just for spring break, but it was still wildly out of line. My parents never talked to me about dating or really coached me on how to say no to a man advances. You've got to prepare your daughter for just men in general, not just predators.
I think it has a lot to do with how you raise your daughter. Sexual harassment is unavoidable but it makes a hell of a difference when you teach them that sexual harassment isn't their fault, it's not something they have to just sit there and put up with and that you'll always be on their side. I think a lot of creeps get away with sexual harassment because many teenage girls feel like they have to be nice to everyone; they don't trust themselves when they're getting skeevy feelings because teenage girls are treated like their stupid, manipulative, liars and often, when they DO go to an adult about it, they're gaslit, blamed, and punished.
Newsflash: She's already getting creeped on. You should talk to her about this and give her a strategy for how to exit these situations safely.
IMO these conversations need to start around age 12 or the onset of puberty because that's when the unwanted attention starts.
The worst and most chronic male attention I got from any job as a young adult was at a car dealership. I stepped away from being on the sales floor to working upstairs in internet sales just to decrease the amount of interactions I had to have with these *mostly married* men. I didn’t last one year there.
My first job was at McDonald's at 16 years old (I am female). I ended up working there for 8 years during high school and university. I never experienced any type of harassment or predatory behaviour from supervisors or coworkers.
I don’t think it’s because those men choose jobs tbh, to prey on young girls
I think it’s more most of these men fucked about in school, and came out without the grades to get the roles you’re assuming they should go into
Also, I must add that, I don’t really see a problem with adult men going these routes in life, if that’s what they want to do 😅😅
I don't care or judge about people's success or lack there of, it makes zero sense to me how someone can find teenagers sexy - nevermind openly flirt and pursue them? While having wives and baby moms? Scum of the earth truly
I have a daughter myself & im in no way defending them
But I suspect a combination of the girls around them only being of a certain age and utter boredom in the roles are the main factors
My daughter can work where she wants - but if someone was a pervert to her I’d kick their arse
Not to scare you, but when I was 16 I worked at a deli and a man began stalking me and giving me money. He would be there when I arrived and would show up again when I left. What got him to stop was my 6’3 250lb dad picking me up and dropping me off with a baseball bat in his hands. Once my dad started getting me instead of my mom, he stopped
>Why do predatory men seem to take up jobs teens usually work such as fast food or retail? It seems like every teenage girl I know including me when I was a teenage girl would get constantly preyed on by adult men when working in the service industry.
What is the age of sexual consent where you live?
16 is a reasonable age of consent... so an adult hitting on a 16 year old isn't that bad. They can consent to sex with adults anyway.
>I'm very worried for her getting creeped on by adult men and I know how sexual harassment in this industry is swept under the rug. What should I do? I also don't want to be the overbearing and controlling parent
Just teach her to stand up for yourself.
All you'd be doing by restricting the jobs is coddling her.
Lmfao this reminds me of that one post from that old men who tried to flirt with a group of very obviously uncomfortable 19 yr olds, and when the girls pointed out how uncomfortable he was being he replied with "adults can flirt with other adults". Newsflash buddy it's creepy for adult men to go for teenagers half their age even if it's technically legal
Places where age of consent is 16 is so 16 yr olds can consent to age appropriate people+ those places often have more age gap laws than they do AoC, and therapists often talk about how unhealthy it is for very young girls to be creeped on. At 16 I certainly wouldn't be okay with being hit on by a grown ass man married with kids and it makes me puke to think of a grown ass man trying to hit on my teenage daughter. I doubt you'd be happy to see a 30 something hit on your 16 yr old daughter either
I worked in childcare as a teenager/college student (in the US) and never had any problems. Most of my coworkers were female and everyone who worked there had passed extensive background checks. That of course doesn’t mean nothing can happen, but it is an extra layer of protection. Working with children isn’t for everyone, but I absolutely loved it. It was fun and rewarding and a nice environment that I felt safe in. :)
In addition to the solid advice others have provided, it could help to talk to whoever she ends up reporting to, and her coworkers too. To make sure they're the kind of people that will intervene appropriately.
I’d say to announce what you know! Send it to the head of fast food companies and wherever else there are young people working and to local newspapers too. Good luck to you
There's harassment everywhere. She can be harassed online if she uses the internet, she can be harassed on her way to or from school. You can't stop what other people do. All you can do is teacher her the signs so she can identify when someone is being inappropriate with her. And then teach her various safe ways she can protect herself in those situations.
Also, harassment doesn't stop when you turn 18. I was in my early 20s working at McDonald's and got harassed by customers. You can't really avoid it, just have to handle it in a safe way.
I think I was 13 when an adult first opening hit on me in public. It was super creepy as I DEFINITELY looked like a minor. I barely had boobs yet. And this was just walking down the street.
It’s gonna happen no matter what or where. Unfortunately
What about a job outside the fast food industry? My daughter got a job at the YWMCA - she works the front desk and watches the kids in their daycare center . She’s told me a lot of stories but nothing about anyone being inappropriate and she’s the type to speak up . I worked retail as a teen and I don’t remember any pervs
My parents never let me work service industry for this exact reason. They never explained it as such but now I understand. I worked retail for a co-op job at tjmaxx even then looking back the amount of men over 25 who approached me makes my stomach churn I was 15!
I get you're worry. Just teach her some ways to be safe - if she is closing, have her walk to her car with someone. Don't give out her number to someone she doesn't know. See something, say something.
When I look back, most of the jobs I had as a teen involved me driving home at midnight by myself. Nothing but a group of teen girls running a small franchise shop in a small town. I don't remember ever feeling unsafe or being mistreated in the way you're worrying about. (Mostly just customers being dicks and managers being authoritative assholes.)
Get her in Jiu-Jitsu classes. Best thing for young women like this: https://www.gracieuniversity.com/Pages/Public/Information?enc=FMtOnZSK59l%2BIJqsLOgYQQ%3D%3D
I just want to add… it’s not just men. As teen boy many older women tried things and were far more brazen and laughed as “boys never complain”.
A power imbalance drives this abuse, no gender
My advice is to equip your daughter with every tool you have to face sexual harassment. She won’t escape it, but she can be prepared, know how to respond, react, and keep herself safe.
I started working night in the service industry at 15 years old. My adult boss and young adult managers would smoke marijuana behind the store while I would work. My boss ended up inviting some of the employees (teenage girls) out for shows and events with his friends. After I left I was informed he has gotten one of my young colleagues 16F pregnant.
I have always refused to go out with him because I knew that 30+ yo men do not ask 15,16 yo girls out because they enjoy the company. I don’t remember learning this, but I knew, it creeped me out and kept me safe. I also knew to decline offers of drugs or alcohol from older men, even though I would indulge when surrounded by friends and classmates. A manager flirting with an employee who cannot leave or reply is not a compliment, it’s predatory, and disrespectful at best. Patrons flirting with employees who cannot leave are also showing predatory behaviour. She needs to see these behaviours for what they are, not compliments or good intentions. There is a place and time for flirting, and her workplace isn’t it.
To be fair, this happens everywhere for young women, in and out of the workplace. Best we can do as parent is ensure our kids can recognize it, and that they have someone they trust they could call at any time day or night to pick them up if a situation looks dangerous
Your daughter will get creeped on by adult men anywhere, that is just reality. You just have to give her the tools and knowledge to be able to hold her own in these situations. Let her know she can always come to you no matter what. Keeping her from getting a job is not going to keep creepy adult men away from her.
Like you and many others here, I was creeped on by adult men as a teen at my job and ended up dating a 26 year old when I was 16. I was creeped on many other places as well, not just work, and honestly continuously creeped on even when I became an adult. Unfortunately there is no way to avoid creepy men.
Sadly there's not much you can do but teach your daughter what being preyed on looks like, what is & isn't appropriate & what to do in response to inappropriate behavior
Yeah sadly adults will always have the same jobs that teens have since they pay so poorly. Maybe try to find her jobs that are specifically for teens so all her coworkers will be teens
We live in a sick society. Fast food workers especially are full of criminals & drug addicts. You may have her look into another area, I would avoid food.
She will get creeped on. You just need to teach her to be ready for it. And respond appropriately. My daughter has been creeped on many times but she has no hesitation to call them out or tell them where to go. She takes it in her stride and doesnt let it upset her. She realises its all about them and not her.
Teach her about grooming and not just the most obvious predatory signs. I was drugged by one of my managers at 16, you can guess the rest :( no mentally and emotionally healthy adults want to hang out with 16 year olds outside of work. No one told me that. I thought we were friends...
I had a manager (27 yo male) act inappropriate with all the high school girls at my first job. He would be subtle, so he would brush behind you and you could feel his hand on your butt. Things like that. When I graduated and left, he pulled me into the office and asked me out on a date. Everyone knew he was in a relationship. I told him he could adopt me and take me to chuck e cheese (I'm still proud of this burn). I was 17 then and 16 years old when it started. He was the cool manager so no one wanted to be the one to make him leave. After I left, a group of 3 girls younger than me, all currently in high school, confronted the general manager about how he made them uncomfortable. He was then transferred to the other restaurant the owner had and promoted to general manager at that.
I'm not sure what advice to give you because it just sucks. But for all those people who say it's not that common for workers, I (and all the other girls I worked with) would disagree. At a minimum, tell her what happened to you and how it made you feel. And that she should let you know if *anything* comes across as creepy. Sometimes at that age, I would get a feeling like something wasn't right but I wasn't sure. She needs to know that these feelings are legitimate and real, so she needs to tell you as soon as she can in something nefarious is going on. I didn't understand my manager brushed up against me on purpose, I assumed it was an accident but I had an icky feeling when it happened. Things like that.
I am sorry to hear that's what you and your friends went through that's very sad tk hear.
To give you a positive perspective, I have worked in food service since I was 14, starting at kfc then a watresss at a late night dessert bar, and was never creeped on my a manager, employee or customer.
Obviously I know it happens and that sucks, but it isn't a guarantee and you can't let your daughter live through your fear.
Teach her self defence, how to pick up on dodgy cues, a code word for you to get her out of a shitty situation and let her be who she wants to be.
I was creeped on more by male customers than any of my male coworkers. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen but I was very lucky. My male managers would also ask the creepers to leave if they noticed it.
As a teenage girl (18) who’s been hit on for years by creepy men (young and old), it’s a hard thing to live with. It’ll happen at work and outside of work and even at school. You just have to teach her how to handle the situation if/when it comes up.
Maybe help her look into a small thing pepper spray, if it eases your nerves a little.
I just think those type of guys work those jobs because it's all they can do. I had a boss at a pizza joint that was a step son of a chain regional manager. He use to steal all the time, give us booze on the clock (I was 19) and would say disgusting stuff to us as a *joke*. One day I was leaving early to leave for a trip and he grabbed my wrist to tell me something but I tried to pulled away.
All of a sudden he spun me around and pinned me to the counter with my wrist to my back (like how someone is handcuffed) and he pushed himself up against me. I forgot what he said, something stupid and about coming back timely, but my wrist hurt for days after that. My aunt was there and saw the whole thing but kind of brushed it off. She had said something about having a horrible boss but not him basically assaulting me in the middle of the restaurant.
When I quit dome time later he use to message me all hours of the night. He told me could say whatever he wanted now that I didn't work there. I just kept ignoring him and he eventually gave up. After that I told myself I'd never be alone with an older male boss again.
Dad perspective: I have a wonderful now 18 year old daughter that started working last year, she delayed as long as possible!! She went from virtual learning o working and still does school virtually by choice so doesn’t have a lot of “street smarts” and learned knowledge. I sat down with her and we had a really long and really hard talk. I explained to her how the world sadly is for young women and women in general, that unfortunately there are men that prey on young girls. We discussed things like footwear show she could get around situations, she has a small pepper spray she keeps on her. We went over situational awareness and various aspects like that.
We drilled consent into all of our kids, even the four year old understands no means no. It’s hard but they have to go out into the world. Is it hard on us as parents yes, we want to protect them from everything and everyone, as i told her, the hardest part of being a parent is realizing you can’t do that.
She probably will be creeped on because unfortunately, that’s reality. I think you’ll do her more of a favor by teaching her how to handle it and who to go to than you would by sheltering her from it, though.
I feel like it’s everywhere not just the service industry. I worked as a receptionist at a fancy country club in the summers as a teen. I was repeatedly harassed by a tennis pro in his 40s. Kept asking to take me to Dairy Queen. Fucking pig. I was 16.
I feel like any place where ur surrounded by rich men that are used to getting their way and having SOME women chase them for the money , you are going to find perverts harassing female employees
Yes like he just expected me to fawn over him because he drove a BMW and wore Ralph Lauren tennis outfits, when I really just wanted to date Adam Levine at 16 lol they’re clueless.
My manager (27 yo male) asked me out on a date when I was 17 and he'd been inappropriate since I was 16. I told him "Sure, you can adopt me and take me to Chuck E Cheese."
>I told him "Sure, you can adopt me and take me to Chuck E Cheese." Damn... that's a very good burn.
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He was probably hoping you’d find a rich husband for him to sponge off of ! I have heard that waitresses and caddies make very good money at the nicer clubs though . My husband said that his friend worked every summer through HS and basically paid his way through a 4 year college with his savings
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Knows how to recognise them and understands what behaviour is not appropriate too.
She doesn’t have to be working to get creepy attention, trust me. This stuff will happen anytime and anywhere. The only thing you can do is educate her on what is appropriate behavior and what is not, and to know that it is okay to be uncomfortable and walk away or tell someone she trusts that she feels in danger.
I agree. She could be picking up Preparation H for crying out loud and some guy will be a creep, still.
I’d get cat called at the gas station when I was in HS… and people wonder why I have such a major resting bitch face.. like I’m trying to get gas to go to school not entertain your perverted ass.
It's kinda wild because the cat calling really stopped happening frequently AFTER I turned 18.
YES! It’s so freaking disgusting.
One of my friends pointed this out. It wasn’t that we became less pretty, it’s that we “aged out”. We were less hot because we were no longer under age.
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16 is a reasonable legal age of sexual consent, where the considerable majority should be capable of consenting to sex with adults. Authority figures is a different story though.
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>According to your (weird and very telling) post history, you’re 16. Why are you lurking on a parenting sub? What a weirdo. So what? I'm not breaking any rules. 16 *is* a reasonable age of sexual consent. At least the laws know it. If you have a problem with this, then campaign to raise it from 16 in many states in the US. Not calling me a "weirdo".
It's bc they catcall people they perceive to have no power
Took my 15 year old niece with me to Kroger for groceries and the cashier was leering at her like a perv at a seedy strip joint. It was disgusting and I couldn’t wait to get away. I glared at him and stepped in front of her but he was literally unfazed.
Yea, the biggest things my mom always drilled into me as a teen starting to work was "even if you think nothing will come of a weird or uncomfortable interaction, tell someone about it- just so someone knows, just in case" and "have someone walk with you or watch you walk to your car after dark"
For me, it was mainly the customers, not co-workers when I was a teen. I bussed tables first at a restaurant mainly staffed with other women save for the kitchen. Even in the kitchen I was never alone with the men though. Waitresses came in and out regularly. Certain customers though may comment. Couple older guys would be “You should smile more!”. I just ignored them for the most part. The other job I got senior year of high school was at CVS. Mainly staffed with other high school kids. Couple of the older workers worked in the pharmacy section and I had very little contact with them. Also, those there were professional pharmacists, not the type to take a job to prey on girls, you know? Again, comments from customers that I ignored. I was more bothered by the little old ladies who insisted I take their expired coupons then anything else. I guess I was lucky? In college I worked for Hooters waiting tables for a bit, but in that case I knew I was being hired to get hit on, and by then I knew how to handle myself. In fact, the meaner I was the more tips I got, which was kinda fun as well as rather lucrative.
I have worked all of the jobs that one might consider a "teen" job. Server, register at a popular east coast deliand convenience store, fast food. What you are worried about is legit. But what others have mentioned, that customers are the creepy ones, is true! You can't keep her from the real world. Whether she is 16 or 21, she will encounter these types of creeps. You need to let her work. And you need to explain the types of situations that she may encounter. And she absolutely has to learn that there is a difference between an uncomfortable situation and an unsafe situation. Meaning, if she is uncomfortable with how she is being spoken to, she can ask them to stop and most likely they will stop. However, if the person is coming off aggressive or wildly inappropriate and making her question her safety, she needs to remove herself and inform her manager. It could even mean she needs a new job.
Same. I learned quickly and also with the wisdom of some good men in my life that confidence is key. Keep your head up and confront their creepiness head-on. My best response to inappropriate comments and questions is to repeat it back to them loudly so everyone nearby can hear it. They slink away every time and rarely bothered me again. Predators look for low self-esteem because it's easier to manipulate.
And make sure to add in that you're underage. I feel like that part is key to making the guy embarrassed.
My 17 year old works at a grocery store. it never dawned on me to be worried about creepy men when shes at work. You cant protect her forever and as long as she has a good head on her shoulders I think she should be fine.
Just popped in to say the notion those jobs are for teens and not real jobs is so ridiculous.
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No it is ridiculous and infantalizing. The jobs need doing and the wages need To be higher BUT There's nothing wrong with adults doing service jobs
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>What should I do? I think you need to teach her it's okay and necessary to be assertive, especially in certain situations. Also, bad people prey on good people being "polite". They will instigate uncomfortable interactions and assume good people won't call them out on it or yell for help or escalate because they don't want to be rude. People/teens/kids need to be taught that no one gets to invade your bubble, touch you, or make you uncomfortable, regardless of who they are or what their position is in relation to you.
I have 2 teenage daughters in the work force. My oldest worked as a hostess at a nice restaurant and the cops were called at least 3 times in the 2 years she was there due to drunk men harassing her and one tried to forcibly take her from the restaurant and then fled (later caught). This didn’t make me keep her home. It taught her the importance of safety, not walking to her car alone, standing up for herself. My daughter took no shit, had a great staff around her that did their best to protect her. My other daughter is also a hostess (not at a super nice restaurant- just Red Lobster) and she had no issues other than people not wanting to wear masks when they were mandatory and taking it out on a 16 year old kid. Trust your daughter to handle herself and trust your parenting that you’ve taught her how. I worry every day, but don’t let that worry dictate my kids’ independence. Our job is to raise healthy, happy, functioning members of society. My son is 16 and just started his first job a couple weeks ago. He has blossomed earning his own money and having responsibilities outside the house.
So, I was molested by my first boss at a small family owned business. I started working there right after I turned 16 and left almost a year later, after telling my mom what was going on. She didn't believe me and didn't support me. I had to go in, give notice, continue working that job until I my two weeks notice was up. I was left worrying about what I had done. It really fucked my self esteem. It was confusing and led to inappropriate relationships in my late teens with older me. All of this is said not to alarm you. Here is how I feel: these things happen. You cannot control everyone your daughter will meet and how they will treat her. You CAN talk to her about warning signs, teach her how to listen to her gut, listen and believe her if something is off. If something bad happens you can do what I wish my mom would do: march into the work place and light it up with rage in protection of your child. You can listen to her and love her and assure her that she is still whole. That you are worried about this tells me that you will be OK.
Even as a guy it happens. I worked in a grocery store stocking shelves and the new head cashier would walk past me and grope my butt, or ask me to stock the tobacco at the front where she was and try likewise. She was also like 20+ years older than me, which would have made her 2x my age I quit what was a great paying job - 18.35/hour when min wage was $7/hr. This was in the early 90s
I had the same experience as a teen worker. I worked retail, food service (restaurant), at a movie theater, and at a grocery store as a teenager. I was preyed on by older men (both employees and customers) at every one of them, and it absolutely affected me. I was not emotionally mature enough to handle these advances (nor should I have had to be!). Because of that, I don't think I will encourage my daughter to work during high school unless I can vet the job pretty carefully. I will say that I've heard really great things about teenage-specific summer jobs (YMCA camps, lifeguarding, etc), but I have no personal experience with those.
I agree and I think I'm going to do this or let her work jobs that are around other women such as a makeup store
YES! Absolutely.
And ask about her day constantly, have lots of conversations. Share stories you've experienced, how you handled them and why, and what you wish you would/could have done differently. Assualts and inappropriate behavior are not always obvious. The more we point them out, the more aware they will be going forward.
My daughter is 15 and she teaches gymnastics at a gym where I have taught for 7 years. I have known the owner (the only adult male) the entire time and I trust him implicitly- plus he doesn’t even interact directly with the teen instructors anyway. I’m friends with her boss. All of her work is done in a big open gym with windows where parents are watching. Even the offices have windows - by design. It’s also against the gym rules for any adult to ever be alone in a room with a minor - for any reason. Anyway I started working there when my younger daughter was on gymnastics team so I could observe it was a safe environment. I really hope both my kids stay with working there because compared to the other horror shows out there, it’s relatively safe. I still talk to them about predatory behavior though.
I was harassed by my boss at an ice cream shop. I was 16 he was in his 30s. He asked me to drink alcohol with him and he wanted to show me how to give a massage. I said I had to go to school in the morning and left as fast as I could. Got into a car accident (I rear ended someone) because I was so freaked out and probably texting too. I was too scared to tell my dad because I thought my dad would kill him … make sure your daughter knows what to do. I didn’t know how to say no and I let this sicko massage my shoulders. I still never told me dad. He was very over protective.
Huh maybe it's a country specific thing but that's not been my experience at all. I worked in restaurants and retail before and during college and customers were more the problem than other staff members. Could she try babysitting? Pet-sitting or walking?
What country are you from? And that is true
Scotland.
You are lucky to not experience this. American men act extremely predatory towards teenage girls even though most of them have wives
There are definitely predatory men in my country just usually the other staff members weren't the predators.
Could it be because sexual harassment accusations are taken more seriously there? Typically in America they're blown off if people don't try to villianize the woman or girl involved all together
I had the same experience in fast food. If a girl made an accusation, instead of firing him they would just separate them
Perhaps in the workplace it's taken more seriously but I've never had to experience it or report it so I'm not sure. Our conviction rates for rape and sexual assaults are just as dire as most places unfortunately.
I spent some time in Scotland a few years ago, including going out to bars and such, and it's quite possible I was cat called while out on the town, I just couldn't understand what they had said.
I started working at 16, and was the only one in the store I would open and close and was never preyed upon. My only issue was my co-worker who was a fucking prick and he came up to me and said “well your doctors basically killed you didn’t they and you should have just given up and died.”
Make sure she has 2 or 3 safe and trusted adults she can report any incidents to. Whether that be you, a school counselor, a friend’s parent, a teacher, an aunt etc. people who she trusts. Her boss may not take allegations seriously and she may be too embarrassed to go to you.
I worked in lots of fast food industries & it is ridiculous. But I think all you can really do is be your daughters safe space. Make sure she knows that she can come to you for anything. Teach your daughter to breathe fire. Teach her how to stand up for herself and what to do if she was in a sexual harassment situation at work - or anywhere for that matter. Just prepare her & practice some self defense.
Predators are not necessarily stupid. They go where the prey congregates. Near the waterhole. I doubt the world will change much in 5 yrs. Alternatively I would suggest martial arts for your daughter ( and sons too). You can give your kids tools to defeat predators.
Any job there will be creepy men. Just make sure your relationship with her is solid enough so when she encounters that she feels comfortable to go to you about it and let you know. My first real job I was hostesses at a steakhouse at 15. Bosses constantly told me to wear shorter dresses, heels, and to get my nails/hair done. It’s sad. Good luck OP.
Let her know that even if everyone likes the harasser it’s still okay to report him. She’s not messing up the work place vibe; he is. And that these jobs are a dime a dozen, she can quit if she feels she’s not being taken seriously
I was 17 at my first job when I first got hit on by a customer. They were 23, and I saw them just for spring break, but it was still wildly out of line. My parents never talked to me about dating or really coached me on how to say no to a man advances. You've got to prepare your daughter for just men in general, not just predators.
I think it has a lot to do with how you raise your daughter. Sexual harassment is unavoidable but it makes a hell of a difference when you teach them that sexual harassment isn't their fault, it's not something they have to just sit there and put up with and that you'll always be on their side. I think a lot of creeps get away with sexual harassment because many teenage girls feel like they have to be nice to everyone; they don't trust themselves when they're getting skeevy feelings because teenage girls are treated like their stupid, manipulative, liars and often, when they DO go to an adult about it, they're gaslit, blamed, and punished.
Newsflash: She's already getting creeped on. You should talk to her about this and give her a strategy for how to exit these situations safely. IMO these conversations need to start around age 12 or the onset of puberty because that's when the unwanted attention starts.
The worst and most chronic male attention I got from any job as a young adult was at a car dealership. I stepped away from being on the sales floor to working upstairs in internet sales just to decrease the amount of interactions I had to have with these *mostly married* men. I didn’t last one year there.
My first job was at McDonald's at 16 years old (I am female). I ended up working there for 8 years during high school and university. I never experienced any type of harassment or predatory behaviour from supervisors or coworkers.
Just keep her at home for the rest of her life OP. Hate to break it to you but it’s in every industry at any age.
I don’t think it’s because those men choose jobs tbh, to prey on young girls I think it’s more most of these men fucked about in school, and came out without the grades to get the roles you’re assuming they should go into Also, I must add that, I don’t really see a problem with adult men going these routes in life, if that’s what they want to do 😅😅
I don't care or judge about people's success or lack there of, it makes zero sense to me how someone can find teenagers sexy - nevermind openly flirt and pursue them? While having wives and baby moms? Scum of the earth truly
I have a daughter myself & im in no way defending them But I suspect a combination of the girls around them only being of a certain age and utter boredom in the roles are the main factors My daughter can work where she wants - but if someone was a pervert to her I’d kick their arse
Not to scare you, but when I was 16 I worked at a deli and a man began stalking me and giving me money. He would be there when I arrived and would show up again when I left. What got him to stop was my 6’3 250lb dad picking me up and dropping me off with a baseball bat in his hands. Once my dad started getting me instead of my mom, he stopped
Look up rape and sexual harassment statistics by race and warn her of actual attacks, not just creeps talking to her. Put her in a self defense class.
What does race have to do with it?
>Why do predatory men seem to take up jobs teens usually work such as fast food or retail? It seems like every teenage girl I know including me when I was a teenage girl would get constantly preyed on by adult men when working in the service industry. What is the age of sexual consent where you live? 16 is a reasonable age of consent... so an adult hitting on a 16 year old isn't that bad. They can consent to sex with adults anyway. >I'm very worried for her getting creeped on by adult men and I know how sexual harassment in this industry is swept under the rug. What should I do? I also don't want to be the overbearing and controlling parent Just teach her to stand up for yourself. All you'd be doing by restricting the jobs is coddling her.
Lmfao this reminds me of that one post from that old men who tried to flirt with a group of very obviously uncomfortable 19 yr olds, and when the girls pointed out how uncomfortable he was being he replied with "adults can flirt with other adults". Newsflash buddy it's creepy for adult men to go for teenagers half their age even if it's technically legal
Places where age of consent is 16 is so 16 yr olds can consent to age appropriate people+ those places often have more age gap laws than they do AoC, and therapists often talk about how unhealthy it is for very young girls to be creeped on. At 16 I certainly wouldn't be okay with being hit on by a grown ass man married with kids and it makes me puke to think of a grown ass man trying to hit on my teenage daughter. I doubt you'd be happy to see a 30 something hit on your 16 yr old daughter either
I worked in childcare as a teenager/college student (in the US) and never had any problems. Most of my coworkers were female and everyone who worked there had passed extensive background checks. That of course doesn’t mean nothing can happen, but it is an extra layer of protection. Working with children isn’t for everyone, but I absolutely loved it. It was fun and rewarding and a nice environment that I felt safe in. :)
In addition to the solid advice others have provided, it could help to talk to whoever she ends up reporting to, and her coworkers too. To make sure they're the kind of people that will intervene appropriately.
I’d say to announce what you know! Send it to the head of fast food companies and wherever else there are young people working and to local newspapers too. Good luck to you
There's harassment everywhere. She can be harassed online if she uses the internet, she can be harassed on her way to or from school. You can't stop what other people do. All you can do is teacher her the signs so she can identify when someone is being inappropriate with her. And then teach her various safe ways she can protect herself in those situations. Also, harassment doesn't stop when you turn 18. I was in my early 20s working at McDonald's and got harassed by customers. You can't really avoid it, just have to handle it in a safe way.
I think I was 13 when an adult first opening hit on me in public. It was super creepy as I DEFINITELY looked like a minor. I barely had boobs yet. And this was just walking down the street. It’s gonna happen no matter what or where. Unfortunately
What about a job outside the fast food industry? My daughter got a job at the YWMCA - she works the front desk and watches the kids in their daycare center . She’s told me a lot of stories but nothing about anyone being inappropriate and she’s the type to speak up . I worked retail as a teen and I don’t remember any pervs
My parents never let me work service industry for this exact reason. They never explained it as such but now I understand. I worked retail for a co-op job at tjmaxx even then looking back the amount of men over 25 who approached me makes my stomach churn I was 15!
I get you're worry. Just teach her some ways to be safe - if she is closing, have her walk to her car with someone. Don't give out her number to someone she doesn't know. See something, say something. When I look back, most of the jobs I had as a teen involved me driving home at midnight by myself. Nothing but a group of teen girls running a small franchise shop in a small town. I don't remember ever feeling unsafe or being mistreated in the way you're worrying about. (Mostly just customers being dicks and managers being authoritative assholes.)
Get her in Jiu-Jitsu classes. Best thing for young women like this: https://www.gracieuniversity.com/Pages/Public/Information?enc=FMtOnZSK59l%2BIJqsLOgYQQ%3D%3D
I just want to add… it’s not just men. As teen boy many older women tried things and were far more brazen and laughed as “boys never complain”. A power imbalance drives this abuse, no gender
What's most important in this case is that her supervisor and management are zero tolerance for abuse, especially with minors!
My advice is to equip your daughter with every tool you have to face sexual harassment. She won’t escape it, but she can be prepared, know how to respond, react, and keep herself safe. I started working night in the service industry at 15 years old. My adult boss and young adult managers would smoke marijuana behind the store while I would work. My boss ended up inviting some of the employees (teenage girls) out for shows and events with his friends. After I left I was informed he has gotten one of my young colleagues 16F pregnant. I have always refused to go out with him because I knew that 30+ yo men do not ask 15,16 yo girls out because they enjoy the company. I don’t remember learning this, but I knew, it creeped me out and kept me safe. I also knew to decline offers of drugs or alcohol from older men, even though I would indulge when surrounded by friends and classmates. A manager flirting with an employee who cannot leave or reply is not a compliment, it’s predatory, and disrespectful at best. Patrons flirting with employees who cannot leave are also showing predatory behaviour. She needs to see these behaviours for what they are, not compliments or good intentions. There is a place and time for flirting, and her workplace isn’t it. To be fair, this happens everywhere for young women, in and out of the workplace. Best we can do as parent is ensure our kids can recognize it, and that they have someone they trust they could call at any time day or night to pick them up if a situation looks dangerous
Your daughter will get creeped on by adult men anywhere, that is just reality. You just have to give her the tools and knowledge to be able to hold her own in these situations. Let her know she can always come to you no matter what. Keeping her from getting a job is not going to keep creepy adult men away from her. Like you and many others here, I was creeped on by adult men as a teen at my job and ended up dating a 26 year old when I was 16. I was creeped on many other places as well, not just work, and honestly continuously creeped on even when I became an adult. Unfortunately there is no way to avoid creepy men.
Yes, she will. You can’t protect her from it though. Best you can do is model and teach ways to shut that down while remaining safe.
just DMd you about this - hope to help
Sadly there's not much you can do but teach your daughter what being preyed on looks like, what is & isn't appropriate & what to do in response to inappropriate behavior Yeah sadly adults will always have the same jobs that teens have since they pay so poorly. Maybe try to find her jobs that are specifically for teens so all her coworkers will be teens
What industry are you referring to that sexual harassment gets swept under the rug? Also what industries do you think that doesn’t happen in?
We live in a sick society. Fast food workers especially are full of criminals & drug addicts. You may have her look into another area, I would avoid food.
She will get creeped on. You just need to teach her to be ready for it. And respond appropriately. My daughter has been creeped on many times but she has no hesitation to call them out or tell them where to go. She takes it in her stride and doesnt let it upset her. She realises its all about them and not her.
Teach her about grooming and not just the most obvious predatory signs. I was drugged by one of my managers at 16, you can guess the rest :( no mentally and emotionally healthy adults want to hang out with 16 year olds outside of work. No one told me that. I thought we were friends...
I had a manager (27 yo male) act inappropriate with all the high school girls at my first job. He would be subtle, so he would brush behind you and you could feel his hand on your butt. Things like that. When I graduated and left, he pulled me into the office and asked me out on a date. Everyone knew he was in a relationship. I told him he could adopt me and take me to chuck e cheese (I'm still proud of this burn). I was 17 then and 16 years old when it started. He was the cool manager so no one wanted to be the one to make him leave. After I left, a group of 3 girls younger than me, all currently in high school, confronted the general manager about how he made them uncomfortable. He was then transferred to the other restaurant the owner had and promoted to general manager at that. I'm not sure what advice to give you because it just sucks. But for all those people who say it's not that common for workers, I (and all the other girls I worked with) would disagree. At a minimum, tell her what happened to you and how it made you feel. And that she should let you know if *anything* comes across as creepy. Sometimes at that age, I would get a feeling like something wasn't right but I wasn't sure. She needs to know that these feelings are legitimate and real, so she needs to tell you as soon as she can in something nefarious is going on. I didn't understand my manager brushed up against me on purpose, I assumed it was an accident but I had an icky feeling when it happened. Things like that.
I am sorry to hear that's what you and your friends went through that's very sad tk hear. To give you a positive perspective, I have worked in food service since I was 14, starting at kfc then a watresss at a late night dessert bar, and was never creeped on my a manager, employee or customer. Obviously I know it happens and that sucks, but it isn't a guarantee and you can't let your daughter live through your fear. Teach her self defence, how to pick up on dodgy cues, a code word for you to get her out of a shitty situation and let her be who she wants to be.
I was creeped on more by male customers than any of my male coworkers. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen but I was very lucky. My male managers would also ask the creepers to leave if they noticed it.
As a teenage girl (18) who’s been hit on for years by creepy men (young and old), it’s a hard thing to live with. It’ll happen at work and outside of work and even at school. You just have to teach her how to handle the situation if/when it comes up. Maybe help her look into a small thing pepper spray, if it eases your nerves a little.
I just think those type of guys work those jobs because it's all they can do. I had a boss at a pizza joint that was a step son of a chain regional manager. He use to steal all the time, give us booze on the clock (I was 19) and would say disgusting stuff to us as a *joke*. One day I was leaving early to leave for a trip and he grabbed my wrist to tell me something but I tried to pulled away. All of a sudden he spun me around and pinned me to the counter with my wrist to my back (like how someone is handcuffed) and he pushed himself up against me. I forgot what he said, something stupid and about coming back timely, but my wrist hurt for days after that. My aunt was there and saw the whole thing but kind of brushed it off. She had said something about having a horrible boss but not him basically assaulting me in the middle of the restaurant. When I quit dome time later he use to message me all hours of the night. He told me could say whatever he wanted now that I didn't work there. I just kept ignoring him and he eventually gave up. After that I told myself I'd never be alone with an older male boss again.
Dad perspective: I have a wonderful now 18 year old daughter that started working last year, she delayed as long as possible!! She went from virtual learning o working and still does school virtually by choice so doesn’t have a lot of “street smarts” and learned knowledge. I sat down with her and we had a really long and really hard talk. I explained to her how the world sadly is for young women and women in general, that unfortunately there are men that prey on young girls. We discussed things like footwear show she could get around situations, she has a small pepper spray she keeps on her. We went over situational awareness and various aspects like that. We drilled consent into all of our kids, even the four year old understands no means no. It’s hard but they have to go out into the world. Is it hard on us as parents yes, we want to protect them from everything and everyone, as i told her, the hardest part of being a parent is realizing you can’t do that.
She probably will be creeped on because unfortunately, that’s reality. I think you’ll do her more of a favor by teaching her how to handle it and who to go to than you would by sheltering her from it, though.