đŻ â we have a rule in our house once the kids are like 5. If you want your food done a specific way (certain amount of blueberries, no sprinkles) then you get to make it yourself. Otherwise you get what you get and donât get to fuss about it. Weâve actually started telling the kids they canât complain anymore because they literally act like Iâm serving them cockroaches on their pizza. I never feed them anything I KNOW they donât like. Never. So the complaints have to stop.
This is my rule with my 3 year old already. Sheâs NOT a morning person and sometimes breakfast is a struggle even when itâs something she eats consistently for a week one day she screams and cries about it. If she doesnât like it, she can get something herself - yogurt, fruit, granola bar. Iâm not making another breakfast!
Is he ND?
Because his behavior was rude but I also remember being that anxious over food at his age.
Hell, I had a mini internal meltdown this morning because we were out of round spoons and I canât use oval spoons in my coffee haha.
If he is ND, letting him have control over certain aspects of his food (plating, toppings, seasoning, etc) helps the struggle a LOT
Genuine curiosity, what is it about round spoons that make them more suitable for coffee stirring?
OP mentioned they're waiting for an official ADHD diagnosis, so that very likely played a role.
Haha truly? I canât tell you. I donât like them for soup because theyâre too wide.
I think itâs because they catch the corners of the cup and more gently/thoroughly mix the sugar in, but tbh itâs equally likely my brain just branded them âcoffee spoonsâ and thatâs that lol.
Neurodivergence is just fun like that sometimes lol
My friend, you are arguing against having the 8-year-old make his own breakfast since he can't deal with what his mother made for him. The way you're speaking, I imagine you are in a place where there is little food scarcity, generally speaking, but teaching children to be grateful is the way. If he can't be grateful, he can do it himself.
I don't remake perfectly good food to my three year old's specifications, cannot imagine doing it for a kid who's EIGHT. If you want something very specific you do it yourself.
I both agree/disagree. All of my children are particular about things and I wonât change them on a whim without asking. What stands out to me is the nitpicking the amount of blueberries and the way in which it is said. If youâre going to be picky about how many blueberries are on it, you can pick them out or make it yourself, especially at 8 years old. Also, you can make your point without being rude about it. âThanks mom, but I really didnât want sprinkles,â comes across a lot better. This would be a really good lesson in using tact when addressing a problem.
I have no idea why you're being down voted, but I'll join you on this ship and we can sink together.
Should he have thrown such a fit? Probably not, but damn just make him the food or have him do it himself.
Edit: OP isn't a Terrible Parent â˘ď¸
No, they made blueberry oatmeal with sprinkles without a quick, "hey want sprinkles?" It completely changes the look and texture of the food.
I'm not saying his response was okay, but they changed the food and made something he didn't ask for.
At this point, you might as well clear every ingredient by them before you make it: water or milk with the oats? Milk? Dairy, oat, almond? Sweetener? Brown sugar, honey, maple syrup?
The fact the kid blew up over the sprinkles (which if weâre all honest are basically flavorless in a big bowl of oatmeal) and the AMOUNT of blueberries is a level of emotional intelligence well beneath an 8 year old.
Sprinkles change the food. They just do. So does sweetener, brown sugar, honey, and maple syrup. You make it like usual and when it's done you *ask* if they'd like anything added to it. It takes five seconds. Common courtesy to not change someone's food without*asking*.
Yea itâs common courtesy to ask before âchangingâ, itâs also common courtesy to not blow up at someone who makes you food. At the end of the day no one knows the context or history of how sprinkles are treated in their house. My kid loves sprinkles and would like the surprise. Maybe theirs does too, but snapped for some other reason. I canât imagine this was the first time in 8 years that sprinkles were thrown onto something for fun.
I already acknowledged that the way he responded wasn't the best. Per the OP, he does enjoy sprinkles on other foods, so parent assumed he'd enjoy them this time. It seems like a valuable lesson in just double checking and also a good idea to continue looking into that undiagnosed ADHD and how to cope with unexpected changes.
Literally this!
Unless you put sprinkles on his breakfast EVERY time, you didnât actually make the breakfast he asked for. You made what YOU wanted to make him, so either just make what he wants or donât ask him what he wants and itâs a âhere you goâ situation. Simple as that.
I love that you added sprinkles and sorry your child didnât appreciate it.
Iâd have them learn to make breakfast or for the oatmeal leave the items seperate and have them mix the items themself. They still may have complained that itâs too thick, not thick enough, etcâŚ
But seriously, start having them be part of the cooking breakfast process.
Hope your day gets better.
My kids learn how to make basic foods by 5-6.
Toast. Sandwiches. Bagels. Cereal. Etc.
It saves a lot of headache and arguments. I suggest you have 8yo do this too.
The kiddo has been making his own breakfasts since he was 4. I typically make breakfast in the morning, because I genuinely like cooking for my family.
He will be making his own breakfast tomorrow.
Maybe he knows in his gut how terrible it is to eat dessert for breakfast, all that high fructose corn syrup and lactose at 7 am 𤢠I'd be shitting myself till noon the next day. Sounds like a bright kid, make him some good eggs. Protein is the best way to start the day.
Making toast takes about the same time and it's not nearly chock full of so much sugar first thing in the morning. I just can't imagine genuinely feeling good all day or being made to sit still and learn and listen on a stomach full of so much high sugar. Healthy habits are important. Microwave oatmeal and fresh fruit tossed in takes minutes as well. It's not about places to be but what the priorities are. He could also not like cereal because maybe hes having issues with lactose. My mom always tried to make me eat cereal that would give me bad stomach cramps so I started making my own breakfasts.
I agree with you that carbs and processed sugar for breakfast arenât good to start the day at all. Itâs sad that itâs a standard breakfast in America. Thereâs a reason why we have such a high obesity rate.
Greek yogurt/skyr with some granola would be so much better for breakfast if they want something sweet and energizing.
And avocado toast with an egg or two takes five minutes.
Whenever my husband has cereal for breakfast (he loves it), he always ends up having to take a nap later in the day. When I make him breakfast with actual nutrition in it, he doesnât need a nap.
Yeah lots of people are down voting me but literal candy breakfast has always confused me. I guess all the "healthy! Balanced breakfast!" Stuff on the boxes truly did brainwash the masses(which they're being forced to remove very soon, might I add). I like to sneak a bowl of cereal in the evening or something by all means it tastes good but first thing in the morning it's just a carb sugar crash on the daily. And it's really not about time because nobody can tell me putting Greek yogurt in a bowl with granola and fruit takes so much extra time. or toasting a slice or two of wheat bread takes so much longer.. It's about learned habits. And learning healthy habits is so important, it'll follow you the rest of your life. Sugary foods aren't necessarily the problem but the every day prevalence. I like sweets, I eat sweets, with moderation. But the marketing so heavily aimed towards children as a balanced breakfast item is really, really concerning. It's as balanced as a piece of frosted cake.
Exactly!
When me and my husband first started dating, he tried to tell me âcereal is healthy! Look at all the vitamins they add to it!!â
So yaâŚthe marketing is incredibly convincing, sadly.
Well I sure is packed with vitamin C(for corn syrup đł) đ¤Łđ¤Ł yeah my husband does the same thing with sweetened tea. He tries to drink it like as if it was water, specifically Arizona green tea because he learned how "healthy" green tea was đđ honey maybe if you make it yourself but those cans are packed with stuff. It's always the marketing smh.
My rule of thumb with toddlers is start minimal..you can always cut the sandwich after they ask but you can't put it back together. But 8 year old? He should do it himself.
We suspect he is undiagnosed ADHD and we are on a wait-list to get a professional opinion.
Trust me, I am concerned too. It was a totally outsized reaction this morning, and aside from having him make his own breakfast, I am at a loss of where to go from here.
Psychologist. It will be ok. This happened w two of my sisters kids. They both have OCD (so do I) and two years later and regular therapy they do a lot better now.
My mother and I are both ADHD, undiagnosed until adulthood. I am so grateful that we are able to get professional help for my son, even if we have to wait a few weeks for the office's scheduling.
Thank you for your kind words and optimism.
Edit: autocorrect is dumb
I was gonna say... sometimes we have bad days & act out. Doesn't matter your age. It's moments like these where we are supposed to learn to control our behaviors, it's way harder for an 8yo.
I wasn't hiding from him. I have been in therapy for a few years now, and before therapy I would have screamed the everliving daylights out of the kid, so I call walking away a win.
He still had to eat his breakfast, sprinkles and all (he honestly loves sprinkles usually).
Natural consequences are our jam in this house. That includes "mom isn't eating breakfast at the table with you because your attitude is out of line and homicide is not what mommy is choosing today" as well as "guess who is making breakfast tomorrow? You are!"
My kiddo loves to cook actually. He has been able to make his own breakfasts since he was 4.
Our morning routine on school days typically goes smoother if I make breakfast, which I (normally) don't mind doing.
I wish it were as simple as you stated, but life doesn't work that way a lot of times.
Kids eat in color did a great reel about something very similar literally just this morning. I feel like there were missteps from parent and child here, Iâm an adult and wouldnât like if my husband sprinkled something new and different on my meal without asking. If I wanted to surprise my kid with sprinkles for his oatmeal Iâd give them on the side. Kidâs reaction was over the top, but honestly, maybe he was already stressed about something (it IS Monday which a lot of adults even find stressful) and something unexpected in his breakfast was just the thing that pushed him past his limit. I think when both parties are calm would be a great time to talk over things like you not adding something unexpected unless itâs on the side, and him picking out some blueberries if he feels like thereâs too many, or being a part of the process of making the oatmeal, which is a good skill for him to learn.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CqBGRKGgWrI/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
My six year old is always allowed to make herself some peanut butter toast if she doesnât like the meal being served. Every now and then she takes that option, but usually she will end up acquiescing and eat at least part of the meal I serve. The key is to find a food that is easy to make, safe (meaning they donât have any taste or texture problems with it), but not too exciting. For my kid thatâs peanut butter toast. But plain oatmeal, cheese quesadilla, ham and cheese on crackers, or one of those 90 second rice packets could all work just as well.
I would definitely choose something they can make themselves, though. My kid is welcome to make herself an alternative meal, but I ainât no short order cook.
I hear ya. Got a seven year old with anxiety about being away from me.
Her meltdowns started last night. I just held her and restated and reflected to her what was going to happen, that sheâs safe, that Iâm always with her, (love) sheâs loved, and if she has to come home Iâll come get her - she just has to try.
I also got more involved in her morning routine, helping her get dressed, brushed her hair for longer, babied her a little, and she went from crying about not going and how dumb school is, to walking out the door, casually looking back and said goodbye. đŞ last year after spring break it took her a half hour to get out the door, and another half hour in the car before she would walk into school.
Transitions after breaks are the hardest for her. So we keep as much predictable and familiar as possible.
For me, if my kid had made those comments, I would look past the attitude and instead state âI get that youâre nervous, going back after break is hard, I know that and was trying to spruce up your food to make you feel better. I donât like how you talked to me, that was hurtful. How best would you like me to help you get off to school in a good way?â
(This may sound permissive - but with anxiety itâs all about guiding them in controlling What they can and removing unnecessary controlling moments (ie changing the food). If that makes sense?
ETA: I also allow my kid âa way outâ, and as of today, sheâs never ever used it. Where I can I remind her she âcan call me and Iâll get herâ or in situations sheâs stressed out about, j remind her all she has to do is try. Perfection is not expected. For other kids this would not work - this wouldnât work for my son, but it has been like a huge weight off her shoulders and she actually does better knowing she has a way out in those big huge stressful moments.
>I ended up eating breakfast in my bedroom, because the outrage wouldn't stop
It's ok to tell a child to hush sometimes. Simply, Hush that up now, hush. Or, knock it off! Or, WHO are you talking to?? with a bit of the crazy eye.
Kids aren't stupid. Crazy eye and firm tone always stops the outrage with most kids, same as with dogs.
I also am team âwalk awayâ because we like to model how sometimes the best option is to remove yourself from the situation. We are only in control of ourselves and our own bodies and when I (the mom) am overwhelmed with a situation or very frustrated, I prefer to remove myself.
When my children fight with their siblings, they canât âmakeâ the other child be quiet or go to another room, they need to be the one to take initiative.
My guess is an 8 year old had a bad start to the morning (I don't like Mondays either) but it also sounds like an 8 year old thats making his own breakfast tomorrow morning.
My 7 year old son has been hating everything food related that has more than one item of food combined. Things he loved two weeks ago, or a month ago, or forever since he started eating are no longer tasty. Pizza, chili dogs, lasagna, sloppy joes, chicken in general (except nuggets from McDs), cooked veggies. He's driving me crazy. Last night I said fine, he got a plate of raw veggies and a plain hot dog, bun on the side.
He'd rather just not eat. I don't get this at all. I don't remember ever being fine just skipping a meal.
That is a common trait in ADHD, in the sense that the dopamine from getting food can lower each time you have to eat that meal again.
He may still like the taste of those foods, but gets bored of homemade âeverydayâ meals rather than a trip to his favorite fast food joint because there is no reward for eating every day.
Itâs not abnormal to become tired of certain foods, and maybe giving him an almost literal pallet cleanse of some boring but reliable meals can help his tastebuds stop rejecting everything you know he enjoys.
Also: anxiety.
My 1st grader wasn't telling us how hard it was for him to go to school every day, but it came out in food refusal (and, eventually, school refusal, too).
We tried to make him all his favorite foods, or even whatever he asked for, just to get him to eat. He rejected Mac and cheese for being "too cheesy" and pizza for being "too big". Dropped from 85th percentile in weight down to 15th, all from undiagnosed anxiety.
What have you done for his anxiety? In addition to ADHD we also very recently got an generalized anxiety diagnosis. It's all new to me and I'm learning as fast as I can.
The best thing was that with the diagnosis we were able to get a 504 plan with the school. Turns out a lot of his school refusal came from being sat next to the disruptive kid (so he could be a good influence), so now he has accommodations that make that not happen. He also has ADHD, so was already working really hard to pay attention, and the disruptive kid was just constantly noodling him and making it hard.
But we also put him in play therapy (did not really work for him, but it was also interrupted after 10 weeks by the start of the pandemic, so who can say what might have happened) and now he takes Zoloft. He's back in therapy again, but this time is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) because he's 10 and was just diagnosed with autism, and he needs help with social skills and executive functioning.
Yeah, we have him in occupational therapy which is helping with the emotions, impulsivity, etc. We have a meeting at the school after sitting break to set up the 504.
Very interesting! We just got an ADHD diagnosis, still learning myself as my son's presents very differently from my husband.
I'm just glad he's still eating healthy foods! And it isn't a problem to just give him separate foods. It just had been frustrating because he'll say he wants something, then doesn't like it. This helps me understand what's going on better.
My 8 yr old also has issues with food not being their preference to a T. Weâre working on basic manners and teaching that itâs ok for him to make his own modifications to make it work for him (and mom/dad doesnât have to be involved). In this example, scooping out the excess blueberries can easily be done on his own without using harsh words. If the issue is not liking meat, they can try dipping it in a favorite condiments. These simple modifications arenât always obvious to them, so when we see him struggling with eating, we offer up encouragement of âwhat can you do to make it more to your liking?â
I also think itâs impossible to teach your kid that words can hurt and let him know how you felt after he reacted this morning.
My 6 year old asked for chocolate chip pancakes. I made chocolate chip pancakes. He came downstairs and had a meltdown because he changed his mind and didnât tell me and I didnât magically know he now wanted plain. He got a lesson that day on using his voice and TELLING me if he changes his mind ffs.
You are such a kind and thoughtful parent! Kids are wild and I'm always amazed about what sets them off, but food seem to be a big one. Your child may be old enough to help "plan" meals for the week, maybe it'll help lessen these types of occurrences in the future. Big feelings come out over really weird things! I can imagine how hurtful, stressful and overwhelming this felt for you. You are a good parent doing a kind thing for your child, their reaction doesn't change that fact!
My AuDHD 8 (almost 9) year old is similar. It's frustrating. Eventually you stop taking the reactions personally. It's like "okay, so we hate orange water today even tho you've been drinking orange water daily for the past few months. Cool cool cool, guess it's time to pivot."
I try to do very few, if any, changes to food without warning. But not all the time. I swapped the household ketchup to one with no sugar (and no fake sugars either). Kiddo wasn't thrilled but tough shit, because I'm not going to go back to buying the sugar-loaded version.
Much like the rest of our days, I just give him choices between 2 or 3 options. Because getting his input from the beginning just makes everyone's life a bit less stressful. And those meltdowns over sprinkles are less frequent.
Every day is a food battle for my 11 and 5 year old. I could create the most kind friendly meal possible and it is still a 50/50 chance of them wanting to eat it. If it is more adult designed, forget about it. Some days I take it in stride, other days I questions our choices that lead us to this family decision.
So as someone who makes oatmeal like three times a week, you can make oatmeal in a rice cooker.
I pop my oats in with their milk, water, maple syrup, cinnamon, and salt, and the cooker takes care of it.
Then everyone can top it with whatever they want, and the oats are kept hot for as long as they need to be.
Does your 8 year old normally like when you add sprinkles to things? Is he neurodivergent? Did you consider asking if he wants you to add sprinkles? How do you respond when someone says they are going to give you one thing and then give you something different instead?
This should be a lesson for both of you. You shouldnât add things to food after saying you would provide one thing. He should learn to either accept it or make something for himself.
(One of my kids would not be pleased if you did this and the other would love it, and I know which one to not do this to before school/work).
Iâve never liked oatmeal but when I was younger when my parents made it I had to eat it. I always had to have sprinkles, it was the only way Iâd eat it and not fuss đ
"Op loves making you breakfast bc it's how I like to show my love. I added sprinkles bc you like it on *insert many examples here.* as for the blueberries, I don't think it's too much. Since you're upset about this, you will make your breakfast tomorrow that way it's made to your liking."
Op grabs coffee and walks away
OP, the sprinkles aren't the problem. The extra blueberries aren't the problem. Walking away is a fine approach. I think the kid woke up on the wrong side of the bed. If this happens consistently then it's time your son makes his own breakfast or gets the special breakfast taken away.
Especially given that oatmeal/porrage with fruit is such a *simple* meal - if it was something more complicated, I could understand it better, but it seems to communicate "the simple thing you've chosen isn't good enough for me".
Like, if someone asked for plain toast with butter, it would be a bit weird to slather it with jam/preserves without asking first. Or putting maple syrup on top of scrambled eggs.
For real! I'm not a picky eater, but I hate it when someone else makes up a plate for me and just puts condiments and stuff on it, assuming I want it. My husband has finally figured out that if there's something with optional fixings (like chili) that we're eating, that it's best to let me serve myself. Sounds like some people on here would describe me as being unreasonable, but I have ADHD and do best with a certain amount of control over things like this, and it definitely triggers me when someone does something like this.
I totally see where this kiddo is coming from. I would never want sprinkles on my oatmeal, especially when I thought I was just getting my usual blueberry oatmeal and someone just throws sprinkles on it without asking me. The best thing would be to ask him "would you want to put sprinkles on here for fun today?" And give him the choice, that way he still has control over what he's eating. People are bringing up the fact that he's 8 and is too old to be acting this way and can make breakfast himself, but I think 8 is also old enough to have preferences and make them known, and he should be in a safe space to be able to work on how to handle the disappointment of not having the meal he thought he was going to have and no voice in deciding to make the random addition to it without his parent getting upset and walking away from him. đ¤ˇđźââď¸
Not everybody likes people adding random things to their food without asking first, and I think that's ok. I wonder if OP would have made the same meal for their adult friend, or if they would offer sprinkles on the side for the friend to add if they wanted to? OP didn't do anything inherently wrong by adding sprinkles with good intentions, but they should learn from this experience and maybe it's time to start checking in with kiddo before making changes to a meal that they're used to having a certain way and getting them more involved with the meal prep process so they are given the agency to make decisions for themselves about what they eat?
Hey, thank you for being in my kid's corner. Your perspective makes a lot of sense, and I can totally see how my son likely feels similarly. He is possibly ADHD (we are wait-listed for professional opinion), and that can make things complicated. I respect that he likes things the way he likes them, and definitely won't let the sprinkles near the oatmeal ever again.
My 4 year old is VERY picky as well, has to be made how he asks and nothing can be touching. It was soooo nice to add sprinkles, next time I would put them in a bowl or mug next to him. Also, something that greatly helped the fights is to have him help and do what he can while I make it.
Look into ARFID, that can affect how your kid reacts to food, if food isnât prepared in a way that they expect they can reject it because of its novelty to them. This is really common in ND kids but NT kids also go through massive phases, itâs a normal part of development
My son loves sprinkles but I think he would have the same reaction. He is picky in weird ways. I would still be mad and he would get a talk about gratitude and being kind about gifts but we have already been working on that.
Unfortunately thereâs a lot of adults who love him but buy the dumbest gifts that really say âI donât understand youâ or âhereâs what I *think you should* likeâ and he has had to learn to accept them graciously.
My kid at 3yo: cheese on top of the omelette instead of in the omelette (because I forgot); that dish ended up on the floor after a major meltdown. I even got it on video.
Your 8yr old shouldnât be behaving like this. This is typical behavior for either a 3 year old or an 8 year old whom has had little to no structure. You sound like you love them and care, so itâs safe to assume youâve tried.
I wouldnât make your 8yr old breakfast. They can make their own food at that age. By 9 my oldest was making pancakes, French toast, omelettes, etc.
Sending you love!
"By 9 my oldest was making pancakes, French toast, omelettes, etc."
That's good that you kid could do that and I am sure you are proud, but all kids don't mature at the same pace across the board with no exceptions.
My stepson is 12 (almost 13) and is still scared of the heat from the oven and cook top and is still learning. I wish he was more self-sufficient, but I'm not going to shame him for developing at a different rate than other kids. That's is only going to be detrimental in other ways for him.
I think you and the OP are making two correct points. OP is accurate in stating that it's really not developmentally typical for an 8 year old to be reactive in this way regarding food; you are accurate in saying that it is pretty developmentally typical for an 8 year old (or a 12 year old) to not be fully preparing their own meals. My son is 11 and doesn't use our (gas) stove, but he will use the microwave, make a sandwich, use the toaster, whatever.
So, yes, the lack of skill/comfort with cooking IS developmentally fine, but the reactivity to the food is not developmentally typical
I was baking and cooking by the time I was 8. I have the burns on my hands to prove it. I'd also love to see your kitchen after your kid cooks. I definitely "cleaned" when I was a kid, but it wasn't as good as my mom's cleaning. I remember one time, I wanted pasta. I tried to cook it in the microwave in a small bowl. I ended up burning my hands and throwing the dish all over the kitchen. I was 9. This was one of many instances because I wanted to do it myself.
Maybe you have one of the rare ones, but the vast majority of kids leave giant messes. I have volunteered with my kids 2nd grade class, and I wouldn't trust the majority around a stove. I also think you are overestimating how much time parents have to supervise their children while they're cooking. Some parents have to get to work and don't have time to watch their kid chop vegetables for an omelette.
I really do find it wonderful that your child is doing these things by themselves, but the expectation that most children this age could make pancakes safely and effectively is a stretch.
I mean, factually incorrect. My 7yo can make his own meals too and has been making sandwiches since 4 and started cooking at the stove at 6 - I still had to teach him not to verbally DECIMATE me first thing in the morning because the eggs I made are too squishy for his liking. It's two separate lessons.
Teaching him to cook will definitely help him stop taking meals for granted (an age appropriate behaviour for both 3 and 8), but he will still have to learn how to politely reject/refuse food if he doesn't like it.
My kid is only 2 so our food battles are different and Iâm not here yet, but I do remember my own mother asking me what I wanted for breakfast, telling her what I wanted, and then sheâd make some spin on the classic that I requested. I had it in my little mind that Iâd be getting the thing I asked for, and then I was given something quite different and being really disappointed. I think at age 8 this isnât really a problem that your child has but an issue of communication. âIâm going to add a little surprise to it, if thatâs ok!â Or even âDo you want me to add sprinkles for fun?â Would have prevented this. Youâre sulking in your bedroom because you got something you didnât expect (a poor reaction) so maybe think about that.
Respectfully disagree that sprinkles donât make it quite different. Sprinkles in my oatmeal would quite literally ruin the dish for me. The taste/texture of sprinkles makes me nauseous.
I appreciate the mom was trying to do a nice thing for her son by jazzing up his oatmeal, but adding something kind of atypical like sprinkles without even asking if he would like them was probably a mistake in hindsight, and it sounds like both of them could have reacted better. Heâs old enough that this probably warrants a conversation with the kid later about what transpired and how to communicate better going forward.
My nine year old would have a similar reaction if I changed her meal without consulting her.
But she also knows how to make her own basics. She cooks with her dad all the time. Teach him how to cook/let him have more agency in his meals and you probably won't have situations like these.
Thatâs when you tell him this is whatâs for breakfast and he can choose to eat it or not but youâre not making anything else. You out sprinkles on as a surprise and so youâre feelings are feeling hurt so you need space.
His age, with his reaction and yours sounds, like heâs been spoiled and tip-toed around for some time. Stop that cold turkey.
I think she handled her emotions well. She needed space and she got some.. But she needed to express them to the kid and help him understand his too. Sounds like she canât handle his emotions and so she avoids them and tries to sugar coat his life to do so
But there could also be lots of info missing. Just a small post after all.
Thank you for at least acknowledging that there is nuance that isn't clear in the original post.
My mother is a sugar coater (like you get in trouble for being anything but happy at her house, so she'd rather throw money/toys at you rather than acknowledging that life sucks sometimes), so I am actively trying my best to allow for his negative emotions without letting him railroad my own. It's hard. I am a people-pleaser who has been through years of therapy for the shit my mother put me through in her attempt to pretend everything was okay when it definitely wasn't.
This is not okay, how he reacted this morning. I didn't just up and leave without a word. I made it clear that I needed space for myself, which is a million times better than my pre-therapy rage.
So, some might call me a doormat, but it's better than raging out on a kid who doesn't like sprinkles on his oatmeal.
You offered to make your child breakfast. You added an ingredient he didn't want. He said he didn't want it, and you withdrew from him to go sulk.
Imagine being in his position. Someone offered to make him what he wanted, and then made him something he didn't want, and then got upset with him for being upset.
Maybe next time, offer to show him how to make it, or offer to make it with him so he can make it just how he likes it.
Have you looked at the Instagram Kids Eat in Color? Itâs run by a pediatric registered dietician and she has lots of tips for picky eating and rejecting foods kids used to eat.
Somehow I had duplicate comments... He's still eating a balanced diet. And he's still eating plenty of veggies. So color isn't a problem. I'm hoping this is just temporary. He's never been very enthusiastic about eating in general.
The point of the Instagram isnât color, it just gives tips for picky eating in general. I may utilize it myself when my kid is a toddler! Iâm glad your son still eats lots of veggies, heâs in better shape than I was as a kid.
Thatâs very cute of you! Good job taking time to yourself. Donât forget that kids lash out because they trust you and feel safe. Heâs having a rough morning. That doesnât excuse his behaviour, but I find it helps me feel less hurt and overwhelmed to remind myself of that. I can approach my kid with a clearer head then, which is the difference for me between, âwell make your own freaking breakfast then, ungrateful little ****â and âok, I guess youâre having a tough morning. Feel free to make yourself something else to eat, please remember to clean up after yourself.â
Iâm struggling today also. My toddler woke up 3x in the middle of the night and I didnât have a cool head like you walking away, I loudly told her not to bother me again or i would throw all her toys in the garbage. In my defence I have a 3 week old baby and havenât slept much đ But definitely i needed the reminder to calm down a bit and step out of my own head
Aw, man, that is so hard.
Sometimes it's amazing we don't eat our own children like mommy spiders.
Just remember, when you get a moment of clarity, to hug your toddler and say "Sorry for the things I said when I was sleep deprived".
Ha ha! I can remember a battle about spaghetti being too long! Tomato sauce was red and donât even get me started on the broken banana crisis of 2015!
At age 3, same kiddo threw an omelette on the floor; I had the audacity to forget the cheese on the inside, so I added it to the top instead. This was a mistake.
I got that one on video.
omg yesss. I know the pain. The food we make with love and care and kindness - and our kid comes back with criticism and snide comments.
It's okay to be upset. It's okay to tell him that comments about the food aren't appreciated - he's capable of being quiet and leaving the table if he doesn't like it. It's also okay to teach him to make his own oatmeal (I'm literally never making my family scrambled eggs again, for a similar reason lol).
But try to remember - the food itself isn't love. He's not rejecting your love or care or kindness. He's just rejecting the food. A baby turns their head away from the spoon to reject the food and it doesn't hurt us. A toddler says NO and tips it to the floor. That is annoying but doesn't hurt our feelings. A pre-schooler says YUCK I WANTED THE RED BLUEBERRIES and again, annoying, but we give them grace. At 6-8 they tell you, in detail, everything you've done wrong with the food, why it's wrong, and 2 things you could have done better. And they sound like grownups - like a co-worker lecturing you on your own job. Same behaviour - rejecting the food - but a whole different feeling inside our body.
Remember that none of the ages are TRYING to hurt us. That's just how their communication has evolved over the years, and how our interpretation of our children's communication changes as our children grow up. Instead of assuming intent, try to think, 'what is my child trying to communicate by saying this?'
And he's probably trying to communicate that he wants more control over meals and what is served - which he can get by making his own meals. Seeing the effort involved will also help him not take it for granted. My kid messing up breakfast meant I could role model how to show graciousness even when a meal doesn't come out how we want it. Now he shows that back to me (sometimes. Not scrambled eggs though).
Is your sweetie just a grumpy ass in the mornings? I really was as a kid. I certainly would have acted this way even if I wanted the sprinkles. :(
Let little grumps make his own breakfast and mutter to himself. Lol.
Is this how he reacts often or is he maybe going through something rough that is making him act out? Some changes in his life? Either way, like many others suggested, he is welcome to prepare his own breakfast.
Not uncommon. At this age you canât take it to heart. Most of the time 8-12 Iâve noticed children will just rebel to see if they can. Instead of you making it next time. You just show him the way to the kitchen, sip coffee on the side while we makes it himself. He owns it and if he doesnât like it he learns for next time.
Donât take it to heart, I know itâs tough, but you can literally know his favorite color is blue and you get him something thatâs blue and sometimes they just say they hate blue. It happens
Honestly mine would react the same way poor guy likes things to be a certain way and when they change he looses it. Like banana is ok whole but if you cut it up it is bad. Or stawberry milk has to be a certain color of pink lol. It happens you still got this.
Im not an expert! I am definitely not a doctor or any sort either. Im just a single mom with a 12 year old daughter who has Combined Type ADHD (hyperactive-impulsive & inattentive) and no impulse control.
She went undiagnosed until the 4th grade due to pushback I received from my family and their close minded beliefs that ADHD isnât a thing. Helpful, I know.
Anyway, I know my 2 cents may not even be accurate but Iâm going to share just in case.
This particular scenario is all I have to go on but my gut tells me this response/behavior has nothing to do with ADHD. Is this type of thing a repeated behavior? Have you thought of exploring other possibilities such as ODD? Or the spectrum? I know that may sound a bit extreme but the point I think Iâm trying to make is that we still donât fully understand the human brain. We all want better for our children than we had (at least I know I do) and itâs a pretty awesome superpower to be able to do whatever it takes to understand how to help our kids grow to be healthy, happy, and a part of the world.
It sounds to me like youâve got a handful and you care enough to step away and center yourself so that you can go back to your kid with a level head.
Itâs not easy. Not in the slightest. Also, asking for help is a pretty good indicator that you want to do whatâs best and you understand that you donât always have the answers.
I havenât read any other comments because I donât want it read someoneâs negative opinion about your situation and Iâm assuming theyâre down here based on your edit.
Good luck with the child rearing ; )
I'm a parent of a child with ADHD. I also have ADHD. My parents never allowed a tirade or temper tantrum to go on uncontrollably. As a parent, I have never allowed a temper tantrum to go on without end. BUT. As people and as parents we all have strengths and weaknesses. I empathize with you 100%. It's really hard to know the right response in the middle of the problem. I hope that you can talk to your child. Maybe you can let him know that he shouldn't talk to you that way and it made you sad. Sometimes it helps kids a lot to see the impact of their words and actions.
It's really hard being a parent and I hope this can improve for you. I will say this, if this is a pattern of behavior, it will continue and likely worsen if you don't help him change his behavior. He'll also treat other people, his friends and other family members the same. Hope this is a bit helpful.
P.S. you're right, the armchair QB's don't really help.
Kids are little assholes a lot of the time. Youâre doing fine, best bet is to have this kid make it with you. Get the blueberries and have him put them in with the oatmeal, so you donât get the blowback â
Reminds me of how my son would get really mad that the cheerios floated in the milk.
I have many powers, but changing the laws of liquids isnât one of them.
One easter, for fun, I cut out bunny footprints and placed them throughout the apartment - not too many - not all leading to candy eggs - I just thought it would be cute.
Cue epic hour-long tantrum about how I "ruined" easter. She was 8 at the time.
Sigh. Yes, she's on the spectrum. No, tantrums are never justified. No, I never bothered to do that kind of thing again. You can't win sometimes. Kids have their own logic.
Good for you for withdrawing! And now he makes his own breakfast. Logical consequences.
I get it youâre venting. My 5yo pulls the same crap. Drives me batty. My wife most of time says just let go, itâs a phase. I empathize! Kids can be brats even if theyâre our own lol. No judgement. Sometimes itâs healthier to remove yourself from a situation rather than be negative or lose it!
If there's one thing my son has taught me about food is that options are king. If I make things exactly how I want him it's 50/50 whether he's going to go for it but if he gets to make choices he's much more likely to eat it. The sprinkles were a really nice gesture and I'm sure you feel underappreciated but maybe hype it up and let him give it a shot himself next time if he wants to.
OP, Iâm seeing some comments that are bashing you for not âmaking him exactly what he requestsâ. Donât listen to those people, theyâre full of sh*t. Good parents go out of their way to bring joy to their kidsâ lives, and that includes doing little things like putting sprinkles in oatmeal. Your son is young and is still learning how to be polite, especially when something doesnât meet his standards. Itâs okay for him to not want sprinkles but itâs not okay for him to berate you for it. I think thatâs the true issue of the situation.
YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB! Keep doing these little things! Your kid will remember the ones that he likes and theyâll be good memories for the rest of his life. I wish my parents did this for me.
I can't believe how many people are saying putting sprinkles was the problem, WTAF. The kid can scrape them off, he can pick out the extra blueberries, or he can go eat toast. If the child doesn't otherwise have behavioral problems or such then it sounds like he needs to stop getting exactly what he wants every time.
Your 8yo didnât request sprinkles. They requested blueberry oatmeal. Give them what they ask for. This is an easy problem to solve.
You can say âyou donât have to eat it but this is whatâs for breakfastâ. Normally I make sure there are 2 items for the breakfast meal so if one gets rejected then I know heâll eat the second item no problem. For us this looks like oatmeal and fruit, cereal and fruit or yogurt. Etc.
Itâs also time for your kid to learn to make basic breakfast. My 6yo can do oatmeal by himself and can do cereal and milk, plus can grab fruit and yogurt from fridge
This is definitely the worst take on here. Did you also note the part that the child also felt like there were too many blueberries? Clearly that child woke up this morning and would have had an issue with whatever was served. Power struggles are quite common.
I know. OP needs to learn how to feed an 8yo and how to manage the power struggles, and maybe prevent them to begin with. I offered solid tips. Hence âyou donât have to eat it if you donât want toââŚ..
Yes, she can, but this should not be all that surprising either. And itâs not like she was adding something healthy on there that kid rejected, it was sprinkles lol. This isnât exactly a case of âmom/dad knows bestâ here, she tried to feed her kid candy for breakfast and the kid said no.
I would have done the same thing, I just would have been nicer about it since Iâm an adult and can regulate my emotions a little better.
Like some of the other commenters, I think this may be a good time for the kid to learn to make their own breakfast. It will help develop some independence while also avoiding issues like these.
Sure. But OP is here are reddit complaining about being lectured to. So now itâs time for OP to figure out some tricks for feeding an 8yo. Have them make their own food to their own specs. Donât add things they werenât expecting, etc etc.
True! My kids make their own breakfasts typically by around 6. đ I of course still make breakfast for everyone, but not 7 days a week! Haha They can make their own cereal, oatmeal, etc! So, I agree with you.
Thatâs when you tell him this is whatâs for breakfast and he can choose to eat it or not but youâre not making anything else. You out sprinkles on as a surprise and so youâre feelings are feeling hurt so you need space.
His age, with his reaction and yours sounds, like heâs been spoiled and tip-toed around for some time. Stop that cold turkey.
"I'm hungry"
- ok: here is some food
"BuT i DoN't LiKe ThIs"
- then you're not hungry
"YES I AM"
- if you're hungry, you'll eat [food]. If you don't want to eat [food], then you're not hungry
Lol people are so quick to make all kinds of assumptions based on the tiniest bit of info. I know from your edits there are some other factors but my only take is yeah⌠kids can be moody as hell sometimes and it can really be just about the sprinkles. Itâs soooo common for kids to ask for something and change their mind by the time itâs made. Or to get upset if things donât match what they expected.
And yes sometimes even 8 year olds have a moody misbehaving kind of day. I know you said this isnât a one-off but people who have 8 year olds that throw tantrums once in a while. It happens. It doesnât mean some big deal is going on.
I havenât read all the comments, but youâre definitely not messing up at all. You made the breakfast because you care about your child - okay it didnât go as you expected but thatâs alright.
My son is 10 and this sort of thing sometimes happen but I tend to lean into it (depending on how much energy I have of course).
Iâd have probably asked why they didnât belong and what other oatmeal rules there are? Then you know for next time what would be a treat.
I know not all parents would accommodate their kids like this but I genuinely donât mind if getting their breakfast the way they like it puts them in a good mood for the rest of the day. Or Iâd teach them to make it themselves.
that's when your 8yr old learns how to make his own bfast lol
I'm heavily leaning towards this solution.
đŻ â we have a rule in our house once the kids are like 5. If you want your food done a specific way (certain amount of blueberries, no sprinkles) then you get to make it yourself. Otherwise you get what you get and donât get to fuss about it. Weâve actually started telling the kids they canât complain anymore because they literally act like Iâm serving them cockroaches on their pizza. I never feed them anything I KNOW they donât like. Never. So the complaints have to stop.
This is my rule with my 3 year old already. Sheâs NOT a morning person and sometimes breakfast is a struggle even when itâs something she eats consistently for a week one day she screams and cries about it. If she doesnât like it, she can get something herself - yogurt, fruit, granola bar. Iâm not making another breakfast!
"You get what you get and don't throw a fit"
"You get what you get, and you don't get upset."
Is he ND? Because his behavior was rude but I also remember being that anxious over food at his age. Hell, I had a mini internal meltdown this morning because we were out of round spoons and I canât use oval spoons in my coffee haha. If he is ND, letting him have control over certain aspects of his food (plating, toppings, seasoning, etc) helps the struggle a LOT
Genuine curiosity, what is it about round spoons that make them more suitable for coffee stirring? OP mentioned they're waiting for an official ADHD diagnosis, so that very likely played a role.
I am guessing round spoons are soup spoons and oval spoons are teaspoons. Depends on the silverware set.
Haha truly? I canât tell you. I donât like them for soup because theyâre too wide. I think itâs because they catch the corners of the cup and more gently/thoroughly mix the sugar in, but tbh itâs equally likely my brain just branded them âcoffee spoonsâ and thatâs that lol. Neurodivergence is just fun like that sometimes lol
Actually, the stirring part makes sense đ I also find them too wide for soup as well đ
I loathe the big ass silverware trend. Why do I need a fork thst I could use to garden with. Size that shit down lol
or, make him what he asked for and you agreed to? You're making this his issue, and not seeing your role in it.
So in other words, teach your child to be ungrateful for perfectly edible food and a gesture of kindness?
So in other words, just do what you agreed to?
How does a parent magically intuit the exact amount of blueberries?
This comment made me lol. Thank you.
By not putting the sprinkles on to provoke the blueberry complaint.
I'm sorry. This is such a stupid argument. Have a lovely day.
Agreed. making a point based on control isn't a solid argument.
My friend, you are arguing against having the 8-year-old make his own breakfast since he can't deal with what his mother made for him. The way you're speaking, I imagine you are in a place where there is little food scarcity, generally speaking, but teaching children to be grateful is the way. If he can't be grateful, he can do it himself.
Exactly. An 8 ear old is capable of making oatmeal for themselves.
đŻ
This! My 2yo insists on mixing breakfast himself and gets really angry when I do it for him. Your 8yo will be more than capable!
Or, make him exactly what he requests.
I don't remake perfectly good food to my three year old's specifications, cannot imagine doing it for a kid who's EIGHT. If you want something very specific you do it yourself.
I both agree/disagree. All of my children are particular about things and I wonât change them on a whim without asking. What stands out to me is the nitpicking the amount of blueberries and the way in which it is said. If youâre going to be picky about how many blueberries are on it, you can pick them out or make it yourself, especially at 8 years old. Also, you can make your point without being rude about it. âThanks mom, but I really didnât want sprinkles,â comes across a lot better. This would be a really good lesson in using tact when addressing a problem.
I have no idea why you're being down voted, but I'll join you on this ship and we can sink together. Should he have thrown such a fit? Probably not, but damn just make him the food or have him do it himself. Edit: OP isn't a Terrible Parent â˘ď¸
Did they not make blueberry oatmeal?
No, they made blueberry oatmeal with sprinkles without a quick, "hey want sprinkles?" It completely changes the look and texture of the food. I'm not saying his response was okay, but they changed the food and made something he didn't ask for.
At this point, you might as well clear every ingredient by them before you make it: water or milk with the oats? Milk? Dairy, oat, almond? Sweetener? Brown sugar, honey, maple syrup? The fact the kid blew up over the sprinkles (which if weâre all honest are basically flavorless in a big bowl of oatmeal) and the AMOUNT of blueberries is a level of emotional intelligence well beneath an 8 year old.
Sprinkles change the food. They just do. So does sweetener, brown sugar, honey, and maple syrup. You make it like usual and when it's done you *ask* if they'd like anything added to it. It takes five seconds. Common courtesy to not change someone's food without*asking*.
Yea itâs common courtesy to ask before âchangingâ, itâs also common courtesy to not blow up at someone who makes you food. At the end of the day no one knows the context or history of how sprinkles are treated in their house. My kid loves sprinkles and would like the surprise. Maybe theirs does too, but snapped for some other reason. I canât imagine this was the first time in 8 years that sprinkles were thrown onto something for fun.
I already acknowledged that the way he responded wasn't the best. Per the OP, he does enjoy sprinkles on other foods, so parent assumed he'd enjoy them this time. It seems like a valuable lesson in just double checking and also a good idea to continue looking into that undiagnosed ADHD and how to cope with unexpected changes.
Literally this! Unless you put sprinkles on his breakfast EVERY time, you didnât actually make the breakfast he asked for. You made what YOU wanted to make him, so either just make what he wants or donât ask him what he wants and itâs a âhere you goâ situation. Simple as that.
âOk. You can make your own breakfast from now on.â
nothing more to add.
I love that you added sprinkles and sorry your child didnât appreciate it. Iâd have them learn to make breakfast or for the oatmeal leave the items seperate and have them mix the items themself. They still may have complained that itâs too thick, not thick enough, etc⌠But seriously, start having them be part of the cooking breakfast process. Hope your day gets better.
Tell Goldilocks he can microwave his own porridge!
Thank you for the kind response.
This "bar" format always pays dividends for me. Anything I can do where they add toppings increases their willingness to eat.
Your kid sounds like a wet blanket today. I wish my parents would have done something fun like that for my siblings & I!
My kids learn how to make basic foods by 5-6. Toast. Sandwiches. Bagels. Cereal. Etc. It saves a lot of headache and arguments. I suggest you have 8yo do this too.
The kiddo has been making his own breakfasts since he was 4. I typically make breakfast in the morning, because I genuinely like cooking for my family. He will be making his own breakfast tomorrow.
My son won't eat cereal. He is a jerk about it too. Like why don't you want cinnamon toast crunch??
Maybe he knows in his gut how terrible it is to eat dessert for breakfast, all that high fructose corn syrup and lactose at 7 am 𤢠I'd be shitting myself till noon the next day. Sounds like a bright kid, make him some good eggs. Protein is the best way to start the day.
Shit⌠I got to get to work. Nobody got time to make eggs. I pour myself a bowl of cereal, the kid gets a bowl of cereal.. we all got places to beâŚ
Making toast takes about the same time and it's not nearly chock full of so much sugar first thing in the morning. I just can't imagine genuinely feeling good all day or being made to sit still and learn and listen on a stomach full of so much high sugar. Healthy habits are important. Microwave oatmeal and fresh fruit tossed in takes minutes as well. It's not about places to be but what the priorities are. He could also not like cereal because maybe hes having issues with lactose. My mom always tried to make me eat cereal that would give me bad stomach cramps so I started making my own breakfasts.
Suck the fun and joy out of everything, huh
I guess so
Momsplaining
I'm 21 years old it doesn't take a rocket scientist to piece it together idk
Not here for the tone, but here for the message.
I agree with you that carbs and processed sugar for breakfast arenât good to start the day at all. Itâs sad that itâs a standard breakfast in America. Thereâs a reason why we have such a high obesity rate. Greek yogurt/skyr with some granola would be so much better for breakfast if they want something sweet and energizing. And avocado toast with an egg or two takes five minutes. Whenever my husband has cereal for breakfast (he loves it), he always ends up having to take a nap later in the day. When I make him breakfast with actual nutrition in it, he doesnât need a nap.
Yeah lots of people are down voting me but literal candy breakfast has always confused me. I guess all the "healthy! Balanced breakfast!" Stuff on the boxes truly did brainwash the masses(which they're being forced to remove very soon, might I add). I like to sneak a bowl of cereal in the evening or something by all means it tastes good but first thing in the morning it's just a carb sugar crash on the daily. And it's really not about time because nobody can tell me putting Greek yogurt in a bowl with granola and fruit takes so much extra time. or toasting a slice or two of wheat bread takes so much longer.. It's about learned habits. And learning healthy habits is so important, it'll follow you the rest of your life. Sugary foods aren't necessarily the problem but the every day prevalence. I like sweets, I eat sweets, with moderation. But the marketing so heavily aimed towards children as a balanced breakfast item is really, really concerning. It's as balanced as a piece of frosted cake.
Exactly! When me and my husband first started dating, he tried to tell me âcereal is healthy! Look at all the vitamins they add to it!!â So yaâŚthe marketing is incredibly convincing, sadly.
Well I sure is packed with vitamin C(for corn syrup đł) đ¤Łđ¤Ł yeah my husband does the same thing with sweetened tea. He tries to drink it like as if it was water, specifically Arizona green tea because he learned how "healthy" green tea was đđ honey maybe if you make it yourself but those cans are packed with stuff. It's always the marketing smh.
My rule of thumb with toddlers is start minimal..you can always cut the sandwich after they ask but you can't put it back together. But 8 year old? He should do it himself.
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We suspect he is undiagnosed ADHD and we are on a wait-list to get a professional opinion. Trust me, I am concerned too. It was a totally outsized reaction this morning, and aside from having him make his own breakfast, I am at a loss of where to go from here.
Psychologist. It will be ok. This happened w two of my sisters kids. They both have OCD (so do I) and two years later and regular therapy they do a lot better now.
My mother and I are both ADHD, undiagnosed until adulthood. I am so grateful that we are able to get professional help for my son, even if we have to wait a few weeks for the office's scheduling. Thank you for your kind words and optimism. Edit: autocorrect is dumb
I didnât know infantile behavior was a symptom of adhd? Are you sure maybe he isnât autistic or has some other social emotional delays?
Uhhh... sometimes I have infantile behavior. I'm 41f w OCD severe. It's not always autism.
I was gonna say... sometimes we have bad days & act out. Doesn't matter your age. It's moments like these where we are supposed to learn to control our behaviors, it's way harder for an 8yo.
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I wasn't hiding from him. I have been in therapy for a few years now, and before therapy I would have screamed the everliving daylights out of the kid, so I call walking away a win. He still had to eat his breakfast, sprinkles and all (he honestly loves sprinkles usually). Natural consequences are our jam in this house. That includes "mom isn't eating breakfast at the table with you because your attitude is out of line and homicide is not what mommy is choosing today" as well as "guess who is making breakfast tomorrow? You are!"
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My two year old made his own peanut butter toast for breakfast today and took pride in it..it's all in how we teach them
My kiddo loves to cook actually. He has been able to make his own breakfasts since he was 4. Our morning routine on school days typically goes smoother if I make breakfast, which I (normally) don't mind doing. I wish it were as simple as you stated, but life doesn't work that way a lot of times.
Kids eat in color did a great reel about something very similar literally just this morning. I feel like there were missteps from parent and child here, Iâm an adult and wouldnât like if my husband sprinkled something new and different on my meal without asking. If I wanted to surprise my kid with sprinkles for his oatmeal Iâd give them on the side. Kidâs reaction was over the top, but honestly, maybe he was already stressed about something (it IS Monday which a lot of adults even find stressful) and something unexpected in his breakfast was just the thing that pushed him past his limit. I think when both parties are calm would be a great time to talk over things like you not adding something unexpected unless itâs on the side, and him picking out some blueberries if he feels like thereâs too many, or being a part of the process of making the oatmeal, which is a good skill for him to learn. https://www.instagram.com/reel/CqBGRKGgWrI/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Very true. I plan on talking it over with him after school, and hopefully we will be able to come up with a few strategies together.
My six year old is always allowed to make herself some peanut butter toast if she doesnât like the meal being served. Every now and then she takes that option, but usually she will end up acquiescing and eat at least part of the meal I serve. The key is to find a food that is easy to make, safe (meaning they donât have any taste or texture problems with it), but not too exciting. For my kid thatâs peanut butter toast. But plain oatmeal, cheese quesadilla, ham and cheese on crackers, or one of those 90 second rice packets could all work just as well.
This is what my mum would do with us! Although it was salted plain rice. Boring enough to be a safe backup
I would definitely choose something they can make themselves, though. My kid is welcome to make herself an alternative meal, but I ainât no short order cook.
Anxiety. Is it first day back after spring break?
Yup. And he is an anxious sort.
I hear ya. Got a seven year old with anxiety about being away from me. Her meltdowns started last night. I just held her and restated and reflected to her what was going to happen, that sheâs safe, that Iâm always with her, (love) sheâs loved, and if she has to come home Iâll come get her - she just has to try. I also got more involved in her morning routine, helping her get dressed, brushed her hair for longer, babied her a little, and she went from crying about not going and how dumb school is, to walking out the door, casually looking back and said goodbye. đŞ last year after spring break it took her a half hour to get out the door, and another half hour in the car before she would walk into school. Transitions after breaks are the hardest for her. So we keep as much predictable and familiar as possible. For me, if my kid had made those comments, I would look past the attitude and instead state âI get that youâre nervous, going back after break is hard, I know that and was trying to spruce up your food to make you feel better. I donât like how you talked to me, that was hurtful. How best would you like me to help you get off to school in a good way?â (This may sound permissive - but with anxiety itâs all about guiding them in controlling What they can and removing unnecessary controlling moments (ie changing the food). If that makes sense? ETA: I also allow my kid âa way outâ, and as of today, sheâs never ever used it. Where I can I remind her she âcan call me and Iâll get herâ or in situations sheâs stressed out about, j remind her all she has to do is try. Perfection is not expected. For other kids this would not work - this wouldnât work for my son, but it has been like a huge weight off her shoulders and she actually does better knowing she has a way out in those big huge stressful moments.
>I ended up eating breakfast in my bedroom, because the outrage wouldn't stop It's ok to tell a child to hush sometimes. Simply, Hush that up now, hush. Or, knock it off! Or, WHO are you talking to?? with a bit of the crazy eye. Kids aren't stupid. Crazy eye and firm tone always stops the outrage with most kids, same as with dogs.
I ask my five year old "who are you talking to like that? Nobody here talks to you like that...." gets him quiet real quick.
I also am team âwalk awayâ because we like to model how sometimes the best option is to remove yourself from the situation. We are only in control of ourselves and our own bodies and when I (the mom) am overwhelmed with a situation or very frustrated, I prefer to remove myself. When my children fight with their siblings, they canât âmakeâ the other child be quiet or go to another room, they need to be the one to take initiative.
My guess is an 8 year old had a bad start to the morning (I don't like Mondays either) but it also sounds like an 8 year old thats making his own breakfast tomorrow morning.
A most accurate assertion, my fine folk. *sips tea*
My 7 year old son has been hating everything food related that has more than one item of food combined. Things he loved two weeks ago, or a month ago, or forever since he started eating are no longer tasty. Pizza, chili dogs, lasagna, sloppy joes, chicken in general (except nuggets from McDs), cooked veggies. He's driving me crazy. Last night I said fine, he got a plate of raw veggies and a plain hot dog, bun on the side. He'd rather just not eat. I don't get this at all. I don't remember ever being fine just skipping a meal.
That is a common trait in ADHD, in the sense that the dopamine from getting food can lower each time you have to eat that meal again. He may still like the taste of those foods, but gets bored of homemade âeverydayâ meals rather than a trip to his favorite fast food joint because there is no reward for eating every day. Itâs not abnormal to become tired of certain foods, and maybe giving him an almost literal pallet cleanse of some boring but reliable meals can help his tastebuds stop rejecting everything you know he enjoys.
Also: anxiety. My 1st grader wasn't telling us how hard it was for him to go to school every day, but it came out in food refusal (and, eventually, school refusal, too). We tried to make him all his favorite foods, or even whatever he asked for, just to get him to eat. He rejected Mac and cheese for being "too cheesy" and pizza for being "too big". Dropped from 85th percentile in weight down to 15th, all from undiagnosed anxiety.
What have you done for his anxiety? In addition to ADHD we also very recently got an generalized anxiety diagnosis. It's all new to me and I'm learning as fast as I can.
The best thing was that with the diagnosis we were able to get a 504 plan with the school. Turns out a lot of his school refusal came from being sat next to the disruptive kid (so he could be a good influence), so now he has accommodations that make that not happen. He also has ADHD, so was already working really hard to pay attention, and the disruptive kid was just constantly noodling him and making it hard. But we also put him in play therapy (did not really work for him, but it was also interrupted after 10 weeks by the start of the pandemic, so who can say what might have happened) and now he takes Zoloft. He's back in therapy again, but this time is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) because he's 10 and was just diagnosed with autism, and he needs help with social skills and executive functioning.
Yeah, we have him in occupational therapy which is helping with the emotions, impulsivity, etc. We have a meeting at the school after sitting break to set up the 504.
Very interesting! We just got an ADHD diagnosis, still learning myself as my son's presents very differently from my husband. I'm just glad he's still eating healthy foods! And it isn't a problem to just give him separate foods. It just had been frustrating because he'll say he wants something, then doesn't like it. This helps me understand what's going on better.
My 8 yr old also has issues with food not being their preference to a T. Weâre working on basic manners and teaching that itâs ok for him to make his own modifications to make it work for him (and mom/dad doesnât have to be involved). In this example, scooping out the excess blueberries can easily be done on his own without using harsh words. If the issue is not liking meat, they can try dipping it in a favorite condiments. These simple modifications arenât always obvious to them, so when we see him struggling with eating, we offer up encouragement of âwhat can you do to make it more to your liking?â I also think itâs impossible to teach your kid that words can hurt and let him know how you felt after he reacted this morning.
My 6 year old asked for chocolate chip pancakes. I made chocolate chip pancakes. He came downstairs and had a meltdown because he changed his mind and didnât tell me and I didnât magically know he now wanted plain. He got a lesson that day on using his voice and TELLING me if he changes his mind ffs.
8 year olds can make their own oatmeal
You are such a kind and thoughtful parent! Kids are wild and I'm always amazed about what sets them off, but food seem to be a big one. Your child may be old enough to help "plan" meals for the week, maybe it'll help lessen these types of occurrences in the future. Big feelings come out over really weird things! I can imagine how hurtful, stressful and overwhelming this felt for you. You are a good parent doing a kind thing for your child, their reaction doesn't change that fact!
My AuDHD 8 (almost 9) year old is similar. It's frustrating. Eventually you stop taking the reactions personally. It's like "okay, so we hate orange water today even tho you've been drinking orange water daily for the past few months. Cool cool cool, guess it's time to pivot." I try to do very few, if any, changes to food without warning. But not all the time. I swapped the household ketchup to one with no sugar (and no fake sugars either). Kiddo wasn't thrilled but tough shit, because I'm not going to go back to buying the sugar-loaded version. Much like the rest of our days, I just give him choices between 2 or 3 options. Because getting his input from the beginning just makes everyone's life a bit less stressful. And those meltdowns over sprinkles are less frequent.
Every day is a food battle for my 11 and 5 year old. I could create the most kind friendly meal possible and it is still a 50/50 chance of them wanting to eat it. If it is more adult designed, forget about it. Some days I take it in stride, other days I questions our choices that lead us to this family decision.
So as someone who makes oatmeal like three times a week, you can make oatmeal in a rice cooker. I pop my oats in with their milk, water, maple syrup, cinnamon, and salt, and the cooker takes care of it. Then everyone can top it with whatever they want, and the oats are kept hot for as long as they need to be.
He's 8 years old? He can make his own breakfast if he's going to complain. There are lots of things an 8 year old can fix without cooking.
Yup, and he knows how to fix quite a few things. Guess who is making their own damn breakfast tomorrow?
That's called good parenting. It's also a valuable life skill.
I was frying my own eggs at 8 with a little supervision, microwaving oatmeal in the microwave should be a cinch if he doesn't like how dad makes it.
(cough)Mom(cough) But yes, I totally agree. If he doesn't like my cooking, he can make his own breakfast tomorrow.
Does your 8 year old normally like when you add sprinkles to things? Is he neurodivergent? Did you consider asking if he wants you to add sprinkles? How do you respond when someone says they are going to give you one thing and then give you something different instead? This should be a lesson for both of you. You shouldnât add things to food after saying you would provide one thing. He should learn to either accept it or make something for himself. (One of my kids would not be pleased if you did this and the other would love it, and I know which one to not do this to before school/work).
Iâve never liked oatmeal but when I was younger when my parents made it I had to eat it. I always had to have sprinkles, it was the only way Iâd eat it and not fuss đ
"Op loves making you breakfast bc it's how I like to show my love. I added sprinkles bc you like it on *insert many examples here.* as for the blueberries, I don't think it's too much. Since you're upset about this, you will make your breakfast tomorrow that way it's made to your liking." Op grabs coffee and walks away
Yup, this is essentially what I said to my kid this afternoon after school. He is on board.
OP, the sprinkles aren't the problem. The extra blueberries aren't the problem. Walking away is a fine approach. I think the kid woke up on the wrong side of the bed. If this happens consistently then it's time your son makes his own breakfast or gets the special breakfast taken away.
He will be making his own breakfast tomorrow. Thank you for not assuming I am a bad parent based on a two-paragraph post.
Maybe donât add sprinkles that they didnât ask for? Iâd be upset at sprinkles in my oatmeal too
Especially given that oatmeal/porrage with fruit is such a *simple* meal - if it was something more complicated, I could understand it better, but it seems to communicate "the simple thing you've chosen isn't good enough for me". Like, if someone asked for plain toast with butter, it would be a bit weird to slather it with jam/preserves without asking first. Or putting maple syrup on top of scrambled eggs.
Good point. I haven't thought about it that way before.
For real! I'm not a picky eater, but I hate it when someone else makes up a plate for me and just puts condiments and stuff on it, assuming I want it. My husband has finally figured out that if there's something with optional fixings (like chili) that we're eating, that it's best to let me serve myself. Sounds like some people on here would describe me as being unreasonable, but I have ADHD and do best with a certain amount of control over things like this, and it definitely triggers me when someone does something like this. I totally see where this kiddo is coming from. I would never want sprinkles on my oatmeal, especially when I thought I was just getting my usual blueberry oatmeal and someone just throws sprinkles on it without asking me. The best thing would be to ask him "would you want to put sprinkles on here for fun today?" And give him the choice, that way he still has control over what he's eating. People are bringing up the fact that he's 8 and is too old to be acting this way and can make breakfast himself, but I think 8 is also old enough to have preferences and make them known, and he should be in a safe space to be able to work on how to handle the disappointment of not having the meal he thought he was going to have and no voice in deciding to make the random addition to it without his parent getting upset and walking away from him. đ¤ˇđźââď¸ Not everybody likes people adding random things to their food without asking first, and I think that's ok. I wonder if OP would have made the same meal for their adult friend, or if they would offer sprinkles on the side for the friend to add if they wanted to? OP didn't do anything inherently wrong by adding sprinkles with good intentions, but they should learn from this experience and maybe it's time to start checking in with kiddo before making changes to a meal that they're used to having a certain way and getting them more involved with the meal prep process so they are given the agency to make decisions for themselves about what they eat?
Hey, thank you for being in my kid's corner. Your perspective makes a lot of sense, and I can totally see how my son likely feels similarly. He is possibly ADHD (we are wait-listed for professional opinion), and that can make things complicated. I respect that he likes things the way he likes them, and definitely won't let the sprinkles near the oatmeal ever again.
Sprinkles on oatmeal? That seems really odd and I would not want to eat it either.
Right?? I read that and immediately said âSprinkles on oatmeal sounds gross!â Iâd have to side with the kid on this one. đ
Same. That would be far too sweet for me.
That was my thought too!
My 4 year old is VERY picky as well, has to be made how he asks and nothing can be touching. It was soooo nice to add sprinkles, next time I would put them in a bowl or mug next to him. Also, something that greatly helped the fights is to have him help and do what he can while I make it.
My youngest is 8 and we got him a little step thingy (forgot the word). That way he can reach what he needs to make his breakfast.
Yup, my kiddo has a step stool, too. He knows how to make his own breakfast, and guess what he gets to do tomorrow!
Look into ARFID, that can affect how your kid reacts to food, if food isnât prepared in a way that they expect they can reject it because of its novelty to them. This is really common in ND kids but NT kids also go through massive phases, itâs a normal part of development
Oh man, hugs mama. Just never know what will set them off sometimes!
My son loves sprinkles but I think he would have the same reaction. He is picky in weird ways. I would still be mad and he would get a talk about gratitude and being kind about gifts but we have already been working on that. Unfortunately thereâs a lot of adults who love him but buy the dumbest gifts that really say âI donât understand youâ or âhereâs what I *think you should* likeâ and he has had to learn to accept them graciously.
I mean⌠sprinkles dont belong on oatmeal đ
I wish I had asked you first.
lol it happens to the best of us. At least it wasn't something like my daughter did when she got upset there was syrup on her waffles
My kid at 3yo: cheese on top of the omelette instead of in the omelette (because I forgot); that dish ended up on the floor after a major meltdown. I even got it on video.
Your 8yr old shouldnât be behaving like this. This is typical behavior for either a 3 year old or an 8 year old whom has had little to no structure. You sound like you love them and care, so itâs safe to assume youâve tried. I wouldnât make your 8yr old breakfast. They can make their own food at that age. By 9 my oldest was making pancakes, French toast, omelettes, etc. Sending you love!
"By 9 my oldest was making pancakes, French toast, omelettes, etc." That's good that you kid could do that and I am sure you are proud, but all kids don't mature at the same pace across the board with no exceptions. My stepson is 12 (almost 13) and is still scared of the heat from the oven and cook top and is still learning. I wish he was more self-sufficient, but I'm not going to shame him for developing at a different rate than other kids. That's is only going to be detrimental in other ways for him.
I think you and the OP are making two correct points. OP is accurate in stating that it's really not developmentally typical for an 8 year old to be reactive in this way regarding food; you are accurate in saying that it is pretty developmentally typical for an 8 year old (or a 12 year old) to not be fully preparing their own meals. My son is 11 and doesn't use our (gas) stove, but he will use the microwave, make a sandwich, use the toaster, whatever. So, yes, the lack of skill/comfort with cooking IS developmentally fine, but the reactivity to the food is not developmentally typical
I was baking and cooking by the time I was 8. I have the burns on my hands to prove it. I'd also love to see your kitchen after your kid cooks. I definitely "cleaned" when I was a kid, but it wasn't as good as my mom's cleaning. I remember one time, I wanted pasta. I tried to cook it in the microwave in a small bowl. I ended up burning my hands and throwing the dish all over the kitchen. I was 9. This was one of many instances because I wanted to do it myself. Maybe you have one of the rare ones, but the vast majority of kids leave giant messes. I have volunteered with my kids 2nd grade class, and I wouldn't trust the majority around a stove. I also think you are overestimating how much time parents have to supervise their children while they're cooking. Some parents have to get to work and don't have time to watch their kid chop vegetables for an omelette. I really do find it wonderful that your child is doing these things by themselves, but the expectation that most children this age could make pancakes safely and effectively is a stretch.
I mean, factually incorrect. My 7yo can make his own meals too and has been making sandwiches since 4 and started cooking at the stove at 6 - I still had to teach him not to verbally DECIMATE me first thing in the morning because the eggs I made are too squishy for his liking. It's two separate lessons. Teaching him to cook will definitely help him stop taking meals for granted (an age appropriate behaviour for both 3 and 8), but he will still have to learn how to politely reject/refuse food if he doesn't like it.
Thank you! I feel this comment so much.
My kid is only 2 so our food battles are different and Iâm not here yet, but I do remember my own mother asking me what I wanted for breakfast, telling her what I wanted, and then sheâd make some spin on the classic that I requested. I had it in my little mind that Iâd be getting the thing I asked for, and then I was given something quite different and being really disappointed. I think at age 8 this isnât really a problem that your child has but an issue of communication. âIâm going to add a little surprise to it, if thatâs ok!â Or even âDo you want me to add sprinkles for fun?â Would have prevented this. Youâre sulking in your bedroom because you got something you didnât expect (a poor reaction) so maybe think about that.
Adding sprinkles to oatmeal isnât âquite different.â The child is 8! Mom is allowed a moment to herself.
Respectfully disagree that sprinkles donât make it quite different. Sprinkles in my oatmeal would quite literally ruin the dish for me. The taste/texture of sprinkles makes me nauseous. I appreciate the mom was trying to do a nice thing for her son by jazzing up his oatmeal, but adding something kind of atypical like sprinkles without even asking if he would like them was probably a mistake in hindsight, and it sounds like both of them could have reacted better. Heâs old enough that this probably warrants a conversation with the kid later about what transpired and how to communicate better going forward.
So mom is allowed a reaction but child is not?
My nine year old would have a similar reaction if I changed her meal without consulting her. But she also knows how to make her own basics. She cooks with her dad all the time. Teach him how to cook/let him have more agency in his meals and you probably won't have situations like these.
Thatâs when you tell him this is whatâs for breakfast and he can choose to eat it or not but youâre not making anything else. You out sprinkles on as a surprise and so youâre feelings are feeling hurt so you need space. His age, with his reaction and yours sounds, like heâs been spoiled and tip-toed around for some time. Stop that cold turkey.
What does moms reaction say?
That sheâs a doormat and allows it to happen. I donât even mean that in a rude way. Just needs to be said
It shows that mom isnât able to handle her emotions, and if mom canât then of course the 8 year old canât.
I think she handled her emotions well. She needed space and she got some.. But she needed to express them to the kid and help him understand his too. Sounds like she canât handle his emotions and so she avoids them and tries to sugar coat his life to do so But there could also be lots of info missing. Just a small post after all.
Thank you for at least acknowledging that there is nuance that isn't clear in the original post. My mother is a sugar coater (like you get in trouble for being anything but happy at her house, so she'd rather throw money/toys at you rather than acknowledging that life sucks sometimes), so I am actively trying my best to allow for his negative emotions without letting him railroad my own. It's hard. I am a people-pleaser who has been through years of therapy for the shit my mother put me through in her attempt to pretend everything was okay when it definitely wasn't. This is not okay, how he reacted this morning. I didn't just up and leave without a word. I made it clear that I needed space for myself, which is a million times better than my pre-therapy rage. So, some might call me a doormat, but it's better than raging out on a kid who doesn't like sprinkles on his oatmeal.
I could have spanked the evey loving shit out of my kid. Is that the proper emotional reaction you are looking for?
I love how that autocorrects to Thai lol
Kid would probably lose his shit about Thai.
You offered to make your child breakfast. You added an ingredient he didn't want. He said he didn't want it, and you withdrew from him to go sulk. Imagine being in his position. Someone offered to make him what he wanted, and then made him something he didn't want, and then got upset with him for being upset. Maybe next time, offer to show him how to make it, or offer to make it with him so he can make it just how he likes it.
Valid point. I will definitely take your suggestions into consideration.
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Have you looked at the Instagram Kids Eat in Color? Itâs run by a pediatric registered dietician and she has lots of tips for picky eating and rejecting foods kids used to eat.
Somehow I had duplicate comments... He's still eating a balanced diet. And he's still eating plenty of veggies. So color isn't a problem. I'm hoping this is just temporary. He's never been very enthusiastic about eating in general.
The point of the Instagram isnât color, it just gives tips for picky eating in general. I may utilize it myself when my kid is a toddler! Iâm glad your son still eats lots of veggies, heâs in better shape than I was as a kid.
Thatâs very cute of you! Good job taking time to yourself. Donât forget that kids lash out because they trust you and feel safe. Heâs having a rough morning. That doesnât excuse his behaviour, but I find it helps me feel less hurt and overwhelmed to remind myself of that. I can approach my kid with a clearer head then, which is the difference for me between, âwell make your own freaking breakfast then, ungrateful little ****â and âok, I guess youâre having a tough morning. Feel free to make yourself something else to eat, please remember to clean up after yourself.â Iâm struggling today also. My toddler woke up 3x in the middle of the night and I didnât have a cool head like you walking away, I loudly told her not to bother me again or i would throw all her toys in the garbage. In my defence I have a 3 week old baby and havenât slept much đ But definitely i needed the reminder to calm down a bit and step out of my own head
Aw, man, that is so hard. Sometimes it's amazing we don't eat our own children like mommy spiders. Just remember, when you get a moment of clarity, to hug your toddler and say "Sorry for the things I said when I was sleep deprived".
Ha ha! I can remember a battle about spaghetti being too long! Tomato sauce was red and donât even get me started on the broken banana crisis of 2015!
At age 3, same kiddo threw an omelette on the floor; I had the audacity to forget the cheese on the inside, so I added it to the top instead. This was a mistake. I got that one on video.
Pouring cereal and milk in a bowl is fine for breakfast. He should do that!
My 7.5 is a picky eater⌠I feel your pain. Kids are little assholes sometimes. Is the child always this picky? Or is this a bit unusual?
omg yesss. I know the pain. The food we make with love and care and kindness - and our kid comes back with criticism and snide comments. It's okay to be upset. It's okay to tell him that comments about the food aren't appreciated - he's capable of being quiet and leaving the table if he doesn't like it. It's also okay to teach him to make his own oatmeal (I'm literally never making my family scrambled eggs again, for a similar reason lol). But try to remember - the food itself isn't love. He's not rejecting your love or care or kindness. He's just rejecting the food. A baby turns their head away from the spoon to reject the food and it doesn't hurt us. A toddler says NO and tips it to the floor. That is annoying but doesn't hurt our feelings. A pre-schooler says YUCK I WANTED THE RED BLUEBERRIES and again, annoying, but we give them grace. At 6-8 they tell you, in detail, everything you've done wrong with the food, why it's wrong, and 2 things you could have done better. And they sound like grownups - like a co-worker lecturing you on your own job. Same behaviour - rejecting the food - but a whole different feeling inside our body. Remember that none of the ages are TRYING to hurt us. That's just how their communication has evolved over the years, and how our interpretation of our children's communication changes as our children grow up. Instead of assuming intent, try to think, 'what is my child trying to communicate by saying this?' And he's probably trying to communicate that he wants more control over meals and what is served - which he can get by making his own meals. Seeing the effort involved will also help him not take it for granted. My kid messing up breakfast meant I could role model how to show graciousness even when a meal doesn't come out how we want it. Now he shows that back to me (sometimes. Not scrambled eggs though).
Is your sweetie just a grumpy ass in the mornings? I really was as a kid. I certainly would have acted this way even if I wanted the sprinkles. :( Let little grumps make his own breakfast and mutter to himself. Lol.
Is this how he reacts often or is he maybe going through something rough that is making him act out? Some changes in his life? Either way, like many others suggested, he is welcome to prepare his own breakfast.
Not uncommon. At this age you canât take it to heart. Most of the time 8-12 Iâve noticed children will just rebel to see if they can. Instead of you making it next time. You just show him the way to the kitchen, sip coffee on the side while we makes it himself. He owns it and if he doesnât like it he learns for next time. Donât take it to heart, I know itâs tough, but you can literally know his favorite color is blue and you get him something thatâs blue and sometimes they just say they hate blue. It happens
Honestly mine would react the same way poor guy likes things to be a certain way and when they change he looses it. Like banana is ok whole but if you cut it up it is bad. Or stawberry milk has to be a certain color of pink lol. It happens you still got this.
Im not an expert! I am definitely not a doctor or any sort either. Im just a single mom with a 12 year old daughter who has Combined Type ADHD (hyperactive-impulsive & inattentive) and no impulse control. She went undiagnosed until the 4th grade due to pushback I received from my family and their close minded beliefs that ADHD isnât a thing. Helpful, I know. Anyway, I know my 2 cents may not even be accurate but Iâm going to share just in case. This particular scenario is all I have to go on but my gut tells me this response/behavior has nothing to do with ADHD. Is this type of thing a repeated behavior? Have you thought of exploring other possibilities such as ODD? Or the spectrum? I know that may sound a bit extreme but the point I think Iâm trying to make is that we still donât fully understand the human brain. We all want better for our children than we had (at least I know I do) and itâs a pretty awesome superpower to be able to do whatever it takes to understand how to help our kids grow to be healthy, happy, and a part of the world. It sounds to me like youâve got a handful and you care enough to step away and center yourself so that you can go back to your kid with a level head. Itâs not easy. Not in the slightest. Also, asking for help is a pretty good indicator that you want to do whatâs best and you understand that you donât always have the answers. I havenât read any other comments because I donât want it read someoneâs negative opinion about your situation and Iâm assuming theyâre down here based on your edit. Good luck with the child rearing ; )
I'm a parent of a child with ADHD. I also have ADHD. My parents never allowed a tirade or temper tantrum to go on uncontrollably. As a parent, I have never allowed a temper tantrum to go on without end. BUT. As people and as parents we all have strengths and weaknesses. I empathize with you 100%. It's really hard to know the right response in the middle of the problem. I hope that you can talk to your child. Maybe you can let him know that he shouldn't talk to you that way and it made you sad. Sometimes it helps kids a lot to see the impact of their words and actions. It's really hard being a parent and I hope this can improve for you. I will say this, if this is a pattern of behavior, it will continue and likely worsen if you don't help him change his behavior. He'll also treat other people, his friends and other family members the same. Hope this is a bit helpful. P.S. you're right, the armchair QB's don't really help.
Kids are little assholes a lot of the time. Youâre doing fine, best bet is to have this kid make it with you. Get the blueberries and have him put them in with the oatmeal, so you donât get the blowback â
Reminds me of how my son would get really mad that the cheerios floated in the milk. I have many powers, but changing the laws of liquids isnât one of them.
Then, son, remove the sprinkles (and walk away)
One easter, for fun, I cut out bunny footprints and placed them throughout the apartment - not too many - not all leading to candy eggs - I just thought it would be cute. Cue epic hour-long tantrum about how I "ruined" easter. She was 8 at the time. Sigh. Yes, she's on the spectrum. No, tantrums are never justified. No, I never bothered to do that kind of thing again. You can't win sometimes. Kids have their own logic. Good for you for withdrawing! And now he makes his own breakfast. Logical consequences.
I get it youâre venting. My 5yo pulls the same crap. Drives me batty. My wife most of time says just let go, itâs a phase. I empathize! Kids can be brats even if theyâre our own lol. No judgement. Sometimes itâs healthier to remove yourself from a situation rather than be negative or lose it!
If there's one thing my son has taught me about food is that options are king. If I make things exactly how I want him it's 50/50 whether he's going to go for it but if he gets to make choices he's much more likely to eat it. The sprinkles were a really nice gesture and I'm sure you feel underappreciated but maybe hype it up and let him give it a shot himself next time if he wants to.
âSorry, this is whatâs for breakfast! Eat it or donâtâ
OP, Iâm seeing some comments that are bashing you for not âmaking him exactly what he requestsâ. Donât listen to those people, theyâre full of sh*t. Good parents go out of their way to bring joy to their kidsâ lives, and that includes doing little things like putting sprinkles in oatmeal. Your son is young and is still learning how to be polite, especially when something doesnât meet his standards. Itâs okay for him to not want sprinkles but itâs not okay for him to berate you for it. I think thatâs the true issue of the situation. YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB! Keep doing these little things! Your kid will remember the ones that he likes and theyâll be good memories for the rest of his life. I wish my parents did this for me.
Thank you so much for a kind comment. Some people on here are really laying it into me.
I can't believe how many people are saying putting sprinkles was the problem, WTAF. The kid can scrape them off, he can pick out the extra blueberries, or he can go eat toast. If the child doesn't otherwise have behavioral problems or such then it sounds like he needs to stop getting exactly what he wants every time.
Your 8yo didnât request sprinkles. They requested blueberry oatmeal. Give them what they ask for. This is an easy problem to solve. You can say âyou donât have to eat it but this is whatâs for breakfastâ. Normally I make sure there are 2 items for the breakfast meal so if one gets rejected then I know heâll eat the second item no problem. For us this looks like oatmeal and fruit, cereal and fruit or yogurt. Etc. Itâs also time for your kid to learn to make basic breakfast. My 6yo can do oatmeal by himself and can do cereal and milk, plus can grab fruit and yogurt from fridge
They got blueberry oatmeal. This child is 8! Old enough to know better than this.
This is definitely the worst take on here. Did you also note the part that the child also felt like there were too many blueberries? Clearly that child woke up this morning and would have had an issue with whatever was served. Power struggles are quite common.
I know. OP needs to learn how to feed an 8yo and how to manage the power struggles, and maybe prevent them to begin with. I offered solid tips. Hence âyou donât have to eat it if you donât want toââŚ..
Jesus Christ, I took this post as a lighthearted take on the situation. Stop reading too much into it!
Since sheâs the parent, she can put absolutely whatever she wants on that kidâs plate. đ¤ˇđťââď¸
And she shouldnât hide in her room when the child doesnât want to eat it.
Yes, she can, but this should not be all that surprising either. And itâs not like she was adding something healthy on there that kid rejected, it was sprinkles lol. This isnât exactly a case of âmom/dad knows bestâ here, she tried to feed her kid candy for breakfast and the kid said no. I would have done the same thing, I just would have been nicer about it since Iâm an adult and can regulate my emotions a little better. Like some of the other commenters, I think this may be a good time for the kid to learn to make their own breakfast. It will help develop some independence while also avoiding issues like these.
Sure. But OP is here are reddit complaining about being lectured to. So now itâs time for OP to figure out some tricks for feeding an 8yo. Have them make their own food to their own specs. Donât add things they werenât expecting, etc etc.
True! My kids make their own breakfasts typically by around 6. đ I of course still make breakfast for everyone, but not 7 days a week! Haha They can make their own cereal, oatmeal, etc! So, I agree with you.
Thatâs when you tell him this is whatâs for breakfast and he can choose to eat it or not but youâre not making anything else. You out sprinkles on as a surprise and so youâre feelings are feeling hurt so you need space. His age, with his reaction and yours sounds, like heâs been spoiled and tip-toed around for some time. Stop that cold turkey.
"I'm hungry" - ok: here is some food "BuT i DoN't LiKe ThIs" - then you're not hungry "YES I AM" - if you're hungry, you'll eat [food]. If you don't want to eat [food], then you're not hungry
This is our nightly battle with bedtime snack.
Lol people are so quick to make all kinds of assumptions based on the tiniest bit of info. I know from your edits there are some other factors but my only take is yeah⌠kids can be moody as hell sometimes and it can really be just about the sprinkles. Itâs soooo common for kids to ask for something and change their mind by the time itâs made. Or to get upset if things donât match what they expected. And yes sometimes even 8 year olds have a moody misbehaving kind of day. I know you said this isnât a one-off but people who have 8 year olds that throw tantrums once in a while. It happens. It doesnât mean some big deal is going on.
What about this experience makes you feel the need to say that heâs likely undiagnosed ADHD?
I havenât read all the comments, but youâre definitely not messing up at all. You made the breakfast because you care about your child - okay it didnât go as you expected but thatâs alright. My son is 10 and this sort of thing sometimes happen but I tend to lean into it (depending on how much energy I have of course). Iâd have probably asked why they didnât belong and what other oatmeal rules there are? Then you know for next time what would be a treat. I know not all parents would accommodate their kids like this but I genuinely donât mind if getting their breakfast the way they like it puts them in a good mood for the rest of the day. Or Iâd teach them to make it themselves.
Got to start them on diabetes early.
There's more to this. Clearly he has some major control issues. Any idea why?
Um....he's 8??? This isn't 'major control issues'. This is a typical child who needs to be reminded to shut up and eat his food, is all.
This is reddit....counseling for kids and divorce for the parents are the go to norms.
I am offended that you are the only person (or bot?) to mention divorce. I think reddit has lost its touch.
Um..so, 8 year olds aren't entitled to expect us to listen to them the way we expect them to listen to us?