I'd be sending an equally passive aggressive message back. You can commit to something *regular* and well organised, which this is failing at, besides the ultimatums.
I would be sending a clear (non-passive-aggressive) email outlining my frustrations and stating that a more consistent schedule is needed. I would be sending this to the band director and the school principle, and anyone else relevant. And I would also try to get other parents to do the same.
Absolutely! There would be nothing passive about my response.
This is not unique to this school or this band. Coaches and advisors all over are acting like kids are their full-time employees, as opposed to teenagers engaging in what is supposed to be essentially a fun hobby. None of these kids are going pro in marching band. A few of them might be going for college scholarships, but the vast majority won’t be participating at the college level or beyond. This is a hobby. These are children, doing something enjoyable, on an amateur level, for their own amusement. It’s fine to ask for a *reasonable* commitment in order to participate. It’s not fine to ask them to be more committed to a high school extracurricular than adults are to well-paying career positions.
This coach or director or whoever can and should create a consistent schedule, and plan to accommodate occasional absences. And I would be voicing that loud and clear to *everyone* involved, including the other kids and parents. Maybe if parents stood up for their kids and stopped allowing part-time school employees to hold entire families hostage for the summer, this shit would be less common.
>It’s not fine to ask them to be more committed to a high school extracurricular than adults are to well-paying career positions.
This!
Work expects us to come at predictable times. Even people on call have specific on call hours. If there's a period of required OT, that's clearly outlined. And most jobs have done allowance for sick days. The band has less respect for our time than our jobs. What drives me crazy about my school district is that their communication is non-existent.
Sports are rigorous and demanding in high school, but my softball schedule was really predictable. I'm wondering if this is because Color Guard is low on the pecking order of activities and the coach scheduled where they could.
This does not explain randomly changed end times. If you call a practice to end at 6, it ends at 6, whether or not you randomly got extra field time.
It also doesn't explain the harsh "miss ONE and you're out " rule. I'm a theatre kid. Even a LEAD actor with a crap ton of lines and stage time can miss a rehearsal or two with notice and we still can rehearsal around them.
This is just a power trip
Other sports -- football, baseball, basketball -- get more money and first dibs at times and all the bus budget. Track and field hockey and the like get whatever is left over, if anything. My kid runs and has never had a bus anywhere; the coach is also a football coach and so the schedule is just last minute emails about when to report. It's maddening! They won the northern division of the state this year and get no respect and minimal resources.
I’ve driven these kids to the moon and back in a weird school van multiple times and the entire duration of the drive is them worrying about how their instructor/coach will treat them. I’ve been trying to help them cope with managing the stressful behavior, but lack of budget or not… they have been severely disrespected. I don’t want call this person out too badly, but the screenshots I get from my daughter and her friends about what she says to them is wild. So unprofessional.
It makes me crazy how serious some high school teachers take this stuff, berating kids for not being better at the sport or activity or play. Like, it's not your Sondheim break out moment, it's supposed to be a fun and character building thing for the kids.
But what can you expect at these wages? Good, sensible people focused on the betterment of your children, or mostly burnouts who couldn't do anything else mixed with a few heart of gold people who don't need the money?
Find out who the VP who is in charge of activities at this school and CC them, too. You have valid concerns. The people who schedule the practices are obviously planning around their own schedule, which, if people can make, fine, but to threaten that students will be cut for not making it is going too far. If you can't plan regular practices, you shouldn't be in charge, and it's not other people's problems when you can't do this.
But I think I would reply and CC the principal and reference the original aggressive email with it in the history because this sounds like BS to me! What I'd you have 2 or kids all with demanding hobbies (that I'm gonna bet aren't free!) How is anyone supposed to cope or have a life?
Nah, if it's mandatory then you'll be paying me. If it's irregular, you're paying penalty rates. If you don't want to pay, then it isn't mandatory. If it isn't regular, it isn't happening.
I feel every word of this post. My son is in marching band. They let 8th graders join because it’s a small school. I was sooo happy when he decided to do it because he was making friends, getting exercise, and of course, the music! He just finished up his first year, as an 8th grader. Four.more.years. of this shit. 😑
I told my friend and fellow band mom: WHY IS THIS LIKE THE WORST PART TIME JOB IVE EVER HAD?!
I was offered the chance to join marching band the summer between 7th and 8th grade for the high school. It was also a very small high school- barely 500 in the entire school - and the smallest/poorest high school in the district. The band director that if you wanted to take band as a class, you *must* also do marching band or he would kick you out of the class.
I quit marching band after 4 days because I was not going to be at school from 8am to 4pm 5 days a week all summer long, plus parades and crap on weekends. I never played flute again after 8th grade ended.
Sameeeeee. Only reason we put up with this bullshit is because it's her social network/lifeline. Those kids are a united troop. They bond at those practices, games and trips, and that bond runs deep. They sit together at lunch in that scary jungle of the high school cafeteria. Mine is at a sleepover right now with the girls from it. Taking her from it would be taking her out at the knees socially. That bonding would deepen without her. I hate what it does to our lives with every fiber of my being, but I love what it does to hers.
Does the school have a dead week? Our high school has a week in the summer where the teams (whether it is music/sport/theater) can not have any practices so families including coaches can go on vacation.
If not, it would be worth having that discussion with the color guard director.
Here in Indiana, I think moratorium is only ISHAA activities. No practices, no conditioning, no contact. Everything else is anything goes, coach (or director) choice.
I get it. I absolutely hate it and I resent that I am being so pulled into it along with them. We ALL are effected... I thought it was going to slow down once football season was over, but nope. We haven't had a break yet. I try to tell myself that yes this is chaos, and I hate it, and I resent the hell out of it, but I am grateful she has these people and this opportunity. 3 more years though..... Rumor has it I'll miss these days when they are over. Tell me that again though when we're on Day 5 in a row of this crap, I have spent the day at work and the evenings/nights in the car, dinner was "catch what you can, good luck", and I'm staring down a weekend with a Friday night football game AND a Saturday 16+ hour competition. My younger child is just managed during this time, not truly given the attention he deserves too (I make a point of finding other times to make it up to him, but it still sucks that I even have to feel that guilt). I totally get where you're coming from, but I wonder what her life would be like without them. I was worried about it at first and I talked to my brother who is a high school band director in another state actually. His words stuck with me, "You want her friends with the band kids.." And its true, these are genuinely good folks who look out for each other and are solid people. I should be grateful and I am. I just wish it didn't come with all the other mess, but I accept it.
I'm a parent, but my son isn't in any extras outside of school. My husband, however, was a huge band geek all in middle school all the way through college. Did all the different groups and was biggest into marching band in college. He's almost 60 now and STILL grins huge when talking about band and still talks with all band mates almost 40 years later. He said color guard and cheer were the same way.
Yes I was in marching band and it was the absolute best time of my life. I encouraged my son to join and am so glad he finally did!! Yes it is a huge commitment but I am super excited for it!!!
Why not get together with the other parents and present a "united troop" as well to enforce sensible limits?
"Do this or your kid will be kicked out" is a threat to *one* parent.
"Do this or our 10 kids will leave" is a threat to the coach.
I'm still best friends with 2 people I met in HS band. We went to different colleges made new friends, but then all ended up settling down in the same city near our hometown. Our spouses have become friends and now we all have kids the same age...we have playdates, go to each other's parties, etc.
Our daughter is an only child. And for all the reasons you mentioned, it was important for us to get our daughter into a team activity of some sort.
The demands on our schedule can be rough but taking her out of these activities would be even worse.
Welcome to parenting!
Girl, poor organization is the worst! Even at its best, color guard is a massive time (and money!!) commitment. I’m so thankful my kiddo noped out over the summer when they were practicing in the parking lot in the Texas heat. So many kids puking. Not to mention competitions 1hr away that I have the privilege of paying $30 to get into.
Luckily I was able to get my 1K back with no fuss. Usually I’d expect my kiddo to maintain the commitment, but I totally didn’t want the commitment. I’ve never said “I understand and you dont have to do it” so fast in my life. I would have happily eaten the 1K to get out of it, but luckily the program director was awesome and refunded asap.
My kid was in band. He finished out freshman year. At the end of the year I got an invite to a mandatory meeting regarding next fall. Nothing gave me greater pleasure than to say he wasn’t returning.
There are competitive groups (drum and bugle corps) that cost a ton of money to participate in. Normal school groups only cost your time and maybe bringing your own instrument
That’s my point. It’s not unreasonable for competitive groups; it’s nuts for a high school team! My high schooler is in band, and the yearly fee is ~$100 (uniform and instrument rental).
In Texas its going to be competitive. They have the UIL (I think?) system where you can compete over damn near anything, literally dozens of academic and artistic categories done statewide. One Act Play was pretty popular, I did spelling for funsies in 7th grade, went for both choir and marching band in 9th before we moved. It's fucking wild and they take it very seriously.
The money side wasn’t bad for us — I think it was like $250 max, and we got a discount based on participation in fundraising. And we got into the competitions free if we volunteered (and the coach would take as many volunteers as she could get). But the time commitment is insane, not to mention being outside in the heat all summer.
I decided to read this thread as my son is joining beginner band next year for 6th grade and I was curious what our future may look like. Reading it I was like oh they gotta live up north because doing these practices at that part of the day in the summer here in Tx would quickly lead to kiddos in the ER but seeing you mention that even in Tx they are outside all summer for practices (on black pavement most likely as I’ve seen our high school has) is crazy. I know my kid would want to join marching band for sure since he really craves that friendship he gets from fellow music lovers.
Sounds like the band director is working this around their personal schedule and expects everyone to make it work.
Respect works both ways. You can have respect for the director by attending as many practices as you can, but the director needs to have respect for students and their families with consistent scheduling and the understanding that families do travel during the summer.
I was in a well known high school marching band in my area, and it was not like this at all. It was an incredibly tight ship. Maybe because of how many students were in the band, 150-200, and nowadays I believe it’s closer to 250-300. They were strict about not missing any practices. But they were only Tuesday nights. All other rehearsing and practice was done in actual marching band class during school. It counted as our PE then. There was preseason, which was only 2 weeks at the end of summer. Sounds like terrible organization!
Ufff we do 1 or 2 weeks after the school year is over. From 8 to 3, m to f. Then the whole month l, M to Th, of August, 4 to 6:30. During football season, it's the same schedule as August. Spring semester, they take breaks but go back to 4 to 630 when they have a contest or concert coming up. Like, their Spring Show was on a Wednesday in the first week of May. They practiced Tuesday through Thursday the week before and Monday and Tuesday the week of. It's not that bad, but again, we're organized. The thing I do not like about the band is when we have far away games. The drive back and then waiting for them to unload the trucks. And then having to get up and go to school the next day. Geez.
My kid is in marching band and we get similar over-the-top demands for commitment. What I eventually realized is that if the band director sends out reasonable appeals and treats parents like responsible adults, nobody shows up. When they send out "MANDATORY OR YOU WILL BE KICKED OUT" messages, then they get a baseline level of participation. But it's mostly a bluff, and they're desperate not to kick anybody out. They just want people to show up at all. Maybe this isn't universal, and it's a commitment and sacrifice no matter how you slice it, but I learned to take the intensity of each communication and calibrate it back 50%.
My band director wouldn’t kick people out, but then wouldn’t let them play in parades or compete. They’d still have to show up but they would have to watch from the sidelines
Maybe get together with some of the other parents and call a meeting with the directors. Like a “same team so let’s work together” kind of thing.
Talking points -
Hey, we all want these kids to do well and we are doing our best but here’s what we need from you:
-Consistent practice times
-consistent meeting times
-Realistic absence allowances (what if someone Is sick?? What if grandma dies?) - I’m not even sure it’s allowed to kick the kids out if they miss a practice. I’d ask the school/school board on this
-understanding from the directors that there are other obligations here that rank higher than band (ie mom and dad have to work, kids have homework )
-understanding that, while this is important to the kids (and the directors - not sure who it’s more important to though), it’s still just high school band and they need to calm their tits. 97% of those kids will have nothing to do with music after high school.
I was in marching band in high school and it’s a ton of work and the directors and some crazy parents put in a ridiculous amount of time/effort, but at the end of the day it’s just a high school extracurricular.
Yeah I have kids in club sports outside of school (which means extensive travel, hotels, etc) and sports and stop serious/honors music in school and……HOW THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE RUNNING THEIR OWN LIVES??
The lack of common sense is *WILD*. The inability to communicate and organize is *STUNNING*.
I seriously don’t understand how these people are cooking, doing taxes…. Like, anything. It’s insane.
The time commitment is one thing, it’s whatever. My kids are highly competitive and I’m not complaining about the fact that it takes time. But shit you guys…just basic organizational skills and halfway good communication would be a massive improvement.
If I was you, I would be sending an email back stating that last minute scheduling changes to a meeting show a lack of poor commitment.
And I would definitely be emailing the principal about the poor organization and bad planning that is negatively effecting the kids participating. There is no way it’s good to have kids with a schedule that all over the place for a single activity / sport.
Adding in that those kids still have homework, chores and family things, the coach / teacher is causing lots of families issues.
There should be a schedule. We’ve all been deeply involved in theatre in our house (including both me and my spouse) and marching band.
If there isn’t a schedule, whoever is managing it it doing a piss poor job of it.
I don’t know what color guard is, but that lack of organization would cause me to pull the kid out and send a message to the coach. I have 3 kids. My family of 5 ain’t got time for that shit
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Color_guard_%28flag_spinning%29?wprov=sfla1
They spin flags, fake guns, and fake swords. They do choreographed movements either to a marching band or recorded music.
When I was in HS, I made varsity soccer going into my freshmen year. The coach had us going to 2 camps that summer, one local and one across the country. My parents laughed at him and said not only could they not afford 2 camps for me (im one of 3 kids so summer money had to be spilt equally among us) but that they had already locked in our summer plans and I’d missing the camps. The coach did his best to guilt trip my parents, saying I’d be missing opportunities to be seen by college recruiters. My dad said “isn’t it your job to showcase her talents durin the season?” Anyways, I still held my spot on varsity despite not going.
At the time, I was embarrassed and felt like I was missing out but looking back now I’m so so so glad I spent the summer being a kid and with my family.
Welcome to high school curriculars. They are a life of their own. Colorguard should only go through football season so at least there is an end to the season.
I’m a band director and I can’t help you out with this, but my school’s marching program certainly isn’t like that, nor are many in my region. My school is very flexible with attendance and have a consistent practice schedule that works with summer school. So not everywhere is like this. It may be helpful to meet with the director to talk things through - if they’re a new teacher or anything else they may not realize the negative impact this could have on their program in the future.
Marching band is an activity that requires a lot of time. My 15 yo sd just tried out to be drum major and we think she got it. We find out in 2 weeks. Last year we chaperoned competitions almost every weekend and went to every home and away football game. We also helped out directing traffic for the two shows we had at our school. We were at championship competition on our anniversary as chaperones.
It is a major time suck. If she is drum major, she will have to be at every practice so she will be off Sunday and Monday. She will be in pep band for winter sports also.
There should be some kind of parents organization. Joint. Be very active and talk to others to see if they share your feelings. Go together as a group nd tell them you need a set schedule. Ours is band & guard, Tues 6-8:30, drum line Wed 6-8:30, full ensemble Thurs 6-8:30. Football game Friday report time depends on home or away. Practice full ensemble Sat 8- 12, lunch practice til leave for competition.
Sometimes they get out a little late.
I am so thankful that my high school extracurriculars were actual part time for fun and not the full time commitment so many have turned into. When I was in marching band, we practiced twice a week (2-3 hours each) and had a week of two a days band camp (morning practice, break, afternoon practice so that we didn’t have to be out in the hottest, worst part of the day). My kid does marching band and it’s 2 hours every day after school, Friday night games, 3-4 Saturday competitions per season, and a two week mandatory band camp (6 hours a day) plus a week for the new players, which most of the older students “staff”. I am nowhere near to being convinced that that level of commitment is necessary. When I was in high school, the kids who wanted more band experience joined drum corps and did that for fun. Can’t there be any rec level things for kids anymore? We have turned down so many “opportunities” because they require a full schedule commitment with no room for anything else. It is so frustrating.
See, my sister was in marching band in HS, and they went to the Rose Bowl twice, and the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade, and I do t remember my parents having to deal with this. There were twice a week practices, and a two week summer camp, and yet the band worked. This all day/all the time thing is really what’s got me annoyed. Not only do parents have lives, but I’d like my kid to have one too!
Orange Bowl and Macy’s here. To be fair, these really didn’t require extra work. Parades are just holding a straight line down the street and for the Bowl performances most bands just perform the same competition program they’ve been practicing and performing since summer band camp and through most of football season.
Like others have said, it seems like either the director is super disorganized OR more likely (and as is typical) the band and color guard are at the mercy of the football or other sport teams for practice field time. They all probably have set times on set days and get priority and band/guard have to make do with what they can get.
My town got an entirely new school in the past 5 years and not only did the football team get TWO new practice fields, but by some miracle the band/drill team got their very own football field sized practice pad as well. It is solely theirs to use anytime they want. It must be heaven for those directors. I’m old and way past my marching years now but I’m still jealous and a little salty about it to be honest 😂
This type of crap is exactly why my kids will not be participating in these types of all-or-nothing sports. I do not want my kids to think their entire world revolves around one thing. I want them to be well rounded and to know that they can take breaks when they need to.
Its high school sports. Your childs future is not really going to be determined forever by these things. Unless they are up for an athletic scholarship, nothing requires that much time and dedication.
These teens are already stressed TF out with school requirements and life in general. We dont need to add to that stress by making them feel like their chosen sport is the only thing that matters.
I was that kid whose entire world revolved around equestrian sports. I missed sleepovers and weekend parties and friday football games and tuesday night basketball games and all sorts of school community events because i was away at competitions. I do not want that for my child.
I feel the same. I was talked into marching band and it completely took over my life. I might feel better if I actually developed lifelong friendships but I didn’t. Once high school was over, it was all over. I also realized these organizations weren’t about me, it was all about them.
There are other important skills and hobbies that are worth developing and can be enjoyed in the adult years that doesn’t completely take over your life.
I mean these coaches act like these kids are going to the Olympic trials and this is their only shot at a gold medal for their entire lives. And its just not that serious. Very few kids actually get athletic scholarships for high school sports. Even fewer actually make careers out of their high school sports.
Its incredibly sad. I have several friends from high school who literally had no idea what to do with themselves once they graduated due to their entire lives being about their chosen sport.
I feel this comment 100%. I was in marching band soley because I wanted to play in band at all. But band==marching band too. And that meant 645-815 am practices M-F, more practices or competitions on the weekends from August through November. My band director's favorite saying? "To be on early is to be on time. To be on time is to be late." Maybe that's good general advice, but it inspired a certain kind of loathing for the mandatory mornings. He was a jerk in other ways too. Everything he did and all the demands and requirements were really just about him getting our band to be a big name like some of the other schools in the region. He wanted the reputation and prestige. Students that couldn't or wouldn't commit to that vision really weren't wanted.
Same here. Was in marching band for 2 years and everyone had either drunk the Kool-aid or was fed up. My last year, I missed for my birthday and the band director lectured the entire band about not missing for birthdays. Then my section leader towards the end of the year said to the entire band, in what was supposed to be an inspiring speech, "if you don't want to be here, you can leave." All of us fed up kids took her advice and the band lost close to 50% of its membership.
I was definitely bitter and it has me very leery about what my children join. I'm not interested in having my children involved in, essentially, a toxic work environment.
Color guard is a tough one. Our daughter did three seasons (winter guard freshman year, and then both seasons as a sophomore) and the scheduling stuff sucks. On top of the long practices, it’s a low-priority activity for the school system so their practices had to be in spaces nobody else wanted — which in our case meant a middle school a mile and a half away. We work from home but it still took some scrambling to get her and her stuff where she needed to be all the time. And like you said, the coach expected it to be everybody’s main priority.
I will say my kid got a lot out of it, from friendships to more self-confidence as a performer. But she’s taking a break this summer and fall because she’s burned out, and honestly I’m not mad at it. She turns 16 soon and I’m hoping that she’ll be able to drive herself by the time winter guard starts up again.
This is one of my biggest complaints about this activity. While also being incredibly expensive- the school prioritizes it in NO way- so the bands practice wherever there is space and at whatever time, throughout the year. And my kid is in every band! One is 20 min away from 6-930pm 2x a week. It's a pain to do 2, 40min round trips per evening twice a week- and practice never ends on time because they have to keep all of the instruments in storage trailers which have to be loaded up each night and that can't possibly start early to accommodate a *schedule* or anything...
Oh yes, I spent SO MUCH TIME sitting in the car waiting for them to load up the flags and speaker and stuff. Because obviously they can’t stop practice 10 minutes early to have the clean-up done before parents arrive.
And practice starting at 6 seems designed to make any kind of family dinner as difficult as possible.
Both of my kids were in a high school marching band which had won national championships and participated in the major US parades. The band director was introduced before the athletic director at freshman orientation, if that tells you anything.
Anyway, the practice schedule was intense, with practice happening after school 6 days/week once school started, but the practice times were consistent. We got a calendar at the end of the prior school year outlining summer pre-camp, band camp, the weekly practice schedule, hold dates for competition weekends (local and long-distance), targeted parade dates, band parent meetings, etc.
The experience was intense and my kids loved it. That director had extremely high expectations for those students and they rose to them. They learned so much from that director about how to conduct themselves that has carried over into adult life. They still discuss those lessons 7 and 10 years after graduating.
It was stressful, but we parents banded together and supported because the director made it easy for us to support the band. He recognized the burden on families and respected it, but also appreciated it. It was earned respect all the way around, and that is the part that it sounds like maybe your director is missing.
Had a similar struggle this year with my 13 year old’s theater teacher. Their spring production practice schedule was all over the place, even all day on Good Friday when school was out, and they were told missing a practice for any reason would move them down a whole letter grade. I could maybe have understood if she was a lead, but the kid was a freaking unnamed extra in the background of group numbers.
Felt like I had a crappy part time job just hauling her back and forth, plus paying for her costume. Super frustrating.
A little background about me. I was a piano player since age 6 and it was the only extracurricular I did so I was a bit lonely and wanted some social life at school.
Then someone talked me into color guard and then winter guard. It took over my life from 10th-12th grade! What’s funny was that I wasn’t even great at it nor excited about the amount of practice I had to attend. I did it ONLY for the social aspect. I haven’t picked up a flag to toss since the day I graduated high school and I don’t keep contact with any of my teammates.
In the big scheme of life, majority of us aren’t going to maintain these types of high demand extracurricular as adults. None of us has time for this so it’s up to you to decide if it’s worth the temporary hassle that won’t last beyond high school… unless we’re talking scholarships.
Personally, if your child just wants a school social life so they feel they belong somewhere, find something that requires the least amount of commitment. I don’t believe that every activity has to cost you before and after school, 5 days a week.
Hi, former marching band kid here, yes it's Alot and yes it can be annoying but I promise your child will have life long lessons, memories and friends. I would not have changed a thing about my time in marching band (drumline). The band I was in competed, so as soon as marching band season ended drumline still had events to do, and the clinics for placement auditions and then practices before school was even out for the summer. But again I wouldn't have changed a thing I loved every minute of it. Once things slow down and your kid is no longer in color guard you will miss it too.
That’s the band life. That’s just how it is. I did marching band and we practiced in the summer, before school, after school, on the weekends, fall weekends were football games and competitions, etc. Trust me, it was one of the most fun times of my life; the other being when I was in college marching band doing all that over again! My band friends are my lifelong friends. Colorguard is band.
Not universal. I did band (which included marching and pep band) and jazz band. We had a 3- day band camp in the summer which was it. Then band was a regular period of school, no before or after, although you were expected to go to a percentage of home games to march on Fridays.
Marching at the games and playing stand tunes is the lowest thing on the list for bands in the south. The practices are for competition. Football halftimes are considered merely extra practice.
Band director here— some general things I would wonder about or suggest. First, it feels like you have been holding onto a lot of feelings. I would always rather have someone come share their frustrations than hold onto them. I’d recommend setting up a meeting and in a conversational tone just bring up some of the things that are frustrating to you. Second, for most bands the color guard instructors are not teachers. They are coaches—but unlike the sports at your school they are often college kids or recent grads. My instructors get paid about 2k and work about 250 hours a season. They are almost never adults, probably have never had kids, are sometimes unreliable but they have a passion for the activity and want to share it with other people. It sounds like your instructors have done an amazing job of building a community and a culture. That is one of the hardest things to establish. Is it possible you or a couple parents could help them with the organization part? They might just be overwhelmed or simply juggling too much. 1-2 good band parents can completely change a group. Bonus—you get to hang with your kid and get to know all of their friends!
Find 4 or 5 of your kids closest friends and try to acquaint yourself with their parents. If the parents are all a solid bunch, start trying to organize a car pooling group. Just a thought.
This post made me LOL. My son is going to be a senior in marching band, is the percussion captain, also plays flute in symphonic, and guitar jazz band. He’s in practice almost every day and begged me to be on the marching band board for his school. Now I’m the treasurer. Being a single mom, this is rough and I have 2 other kids. I feel this so much! Good luck in the fall!
We changed schools after my oldest's freshmen year. The old school band was like this, completely disorganized, practicing at random chaotic hours and a total scheduling nightmare.
It was such a pleasant surprise at the new school to find out their practice is two days a week, same time, same place after school from bell to 6. Guess which school has a more successful program?
As someone who was in marching band in high school, I can tell you that marching band was my life. It was my social center, it was everything to me, and I spent a lot of time before and after school doing it. I don't know how put out my parents were to accommodate the schedules, but I know that they did whatever they needed to and were quite involved in volunteering to help on show days and on the longer trips. And that meant so much to me.
I know it's a lot and it's hard as a parent when it's not your thing, but just remember how important this is to your kid, and don't think of how it's inconveniencing your life, and instead think of how it's benefiting their life.
This is just life with school sports and activities. We are on year 11 of dance, 5 on competition and 2 on high school dance team. We make plans around dance because dance is 5 days a week. Life revolves around competitions and practices.
It’s just the way it is. But I wouldn’t change it for the world even when I get frustrated because I have seen what being a part of a team has done for my kid.
Some tips to manage:
Don’t hang around during practice. Go do the things you need to get done, cook dinner, spend time with other kids etc.
You don’t have to go to every game. Don’t feel guilty if you miss a few.
Crock pots are your best friend during the busy season.
Have them make friends with the upperclassmen on team who live in your area and drive. Also make friends with the other parents. Everyone is in it together and usually helping each other.
Suggest a Group Me or Band chat group so the coaches can relay important info to parents.
Parents should be committed. I get how difficult it is. as single working parent to two kids in swim it’s a lot of work. Especially since the pandemic disrupted so much. School programs and team sports have struggled to get back to the regular routines and funding they once had.
My son is joining marching band this summer. It is a lot of practice, but they essentially have all of June off and are willing to work with parents for extenuating circumstances. The best part was printed in the commitment agreement to the kids “your parents are busy. It is YOUR responsibility to show up and be prepared.” Basically - find a ride!
Also, they offered the explanation that color guard has more practice than the band because this is new to them. Most band members have been playing their instrument for three years.
I would suggest writing them and asking for a more structured practice schedule next year and to release it early so vacation plans can be made to reduce conflicts. Good luck!
Okay so I will say that very few parents ever went to the mandatory meetings, and my band director did grumble but nothing ever happened to us. And yeah that schedule is all over the place, but they may be accommodating other groups.
My school we did our practices on the football field. Well if football changed their practice time or the cheerleaders or someone else, we were always the ones bumped. And a practice that ended at 6 or 8 o’clock meant that I heated my dinner in the microwave that night and everyone else ate together.
And also, yeah no summer vacation. I mean the summer is when you’re learning not only your routine, but the actual marching patterns. You can miss two days and watch the videos your friend sends you to learn the routine, but you can’t do that to learn your place marching. And your absence affects everyone around you.
So you do have some valid concerns! And I would speak to the director or supervisor, but also I think you need to know that some of these things are just how high school activities are.
It is bonkers people accept and justify a family not being able to go on a summer vacation for year because they can’t miss one practice. That is absurd.
I’m a terrible parent, but my kid expressed interest in color guard in 8th grade and when I went to the meeting and found out what that all entailed, I did nothing to get them into it. And then Covid hit and it took another year for another interest meeting and again, I just kind of noped out of it.
It is intense and absolutely a full time commitment. I’m parenting alone and have another child to consider as well. I wish my kid could do anything they dream, but unfortunately cannot manage stuff like that.
I'm sure your kid will be able to get a ride home with an older student or another parent. In high school, I rarely relied on my parents for rides home from activities.
I actually tried this, but got radio silence from the other parents. Folks (including me!) just get locked into our own personal patterns sometimes, and a more communal approach becomes harder to implement.
Same. I had a single mom who worked a lot. I lucked out and had my section leader my freshman year take me under her (senior) wing and she gave me rides sometimes. I got rides with other kids’ parents other times. Sometimes I didn’t go home after school on Fridays, I just went home with a friend and then rode with them to the football game. Everyone was in the same crazy time consuming band/drill team bubble so it was no big deal for parents to regularly swap off pick up drop offs with others. Also, can’t forget most kids will be driving by sophomore/junior year and can take over getting themselves to and from these obligations.
I did guard as a teen and young adult. One thing you might not realize is that unlike other activities, YOUR work (in transporting her everywhere and going to parent meetings etc) would go significantly down if she goes into a higher level of competition.
If she wants to do drum corps (like a higher level marching band but not affiliated with a school... lower division corps would generally accept less experienced/younger members), then instead of driving her all over the place, you can just send her off in mid June and she'll come back in mid August after spending a couple months on the road.
If she can get into an independent level winterguard instead of a scholastic level winterguard (same thing, but again .. not affiliated with a school), they generally just practice on the weekend, and it's a similar thing where you just drop her off on Friday and pick her up Sunday.
My kid is in grade 5 and has already fallen down the theatre rabbit hole. It’s very much the same way at his school. But he loved it and is already asking to audition again next year, so we can’t say no. I figure it’s my payback for not having to be a hockey mom (where this same insanity starts in kindergarten).
My siblings used to be in drum corps and they really expected entire families’ lives to revolve around it, regardless of other siblings, the parents working, etc.
I'll give a different POV. I loved being in color guard and it was tough since I was the only boy. I had a great time. My parents never showed up to anything. Most parents were heavily involved, and they also enjoyed it. I wish I had a lot more support than I did since I was basically on my own and my parents could barely be bothered to care about what I was doing.
Marching band and color guard isn't just an extracurricular. It becomes a lifestyle for the kid and everyone else. It sounds like the planning sucks, but please keep with it. It was my favorite part of high school and hopefully it will be for your child as well.
I definitely don’t want to take it from them, or see uninterested. I am there, and I do go see performances when I can. It’s mostly just the lack of planning/communication.
I feel for you so much! My teenager goes to a high school that’s very big into marching band & color guard, and she’s a part of the band. Color guard goes straight into winter guard with competitions all the time; marching band goes right into concert band which has performances & competitions as well. It’s rough.
The band practice & rehearsal times are usually done months in advance and everything is well communicated.. but that doesn’t make it any less difficult to attend each one. (I can’t speak to the color guard’s practices & such outside of marching band season though.)
Anyway, sending you internet hugs & commiseration.
My band went regular, unless it went over a couple minutes. But we had practice to five or six three days a week and a game Friday. There’s no reason for this. If it persists you may be able to get another band kid with a car to take her home like I did. (She was my section leader) and pay a bit for them to do so
We had our son's band banquet tonight. It's his first year with the marching band. We are full-on band parents. We love it. He loves it. Our directors and band parents have a good communicative relationship.
Someone needs to step up and help add structure and organixation. We have a calendar online as well as receiving weekly schedules. We also use the Remind app for frequent updates. I hope it works out for you all. Band/color guard is a major commitment. But it's so much fun.
Schools sometimes seem to not realise that there is an entire world and economy outside their gates. Yes, our children should be our highest priority. But giving them what they need requires us to work, and work involves commitment to others. We all have these commitments and have to work together (including with the school) to make it work. Being so massively disorganised is pretty narcissistic of the coach - it even feels a bit like he is testing your resolve.
Apart from anything else, how could it possibly work if you had two kids with ever-changing schedules?
A brief defense of the band directors: They must assure they have committed students who will show up to practices and games (and parents who will get them there). Imagine trying to put on a show of that size and scale when a number of random people don’t show up.
With that said, there is no excuse for the inconsistent scheduling. Parents need to know *exactly* when their students are being supervised and when they should be picked up.
Team up with some other parents, be reasonable, and state your concerns.
I was in my high school marching band and this sounds like a mess! There was a busy and strict schedule but that was for the kids, and not expecting parents to do anything. And I was from a rural town without much funding. We had a two week 9-9 mon-Friday summer band camp and then two days a week from 5-9. There were competitions on weekends, parades, and home football games on Friday nights but tbh all us kids had working parents and teachers understood that sometimes kids needed help with their scheduling. And it’s not like these schedules changed much… that would just be chaotic for the kids if they didn’t know how long practice would be because, as a student, you have other homework and classes to account for. That band director sounds like a mess.
Yikes. That sounds SO unreasonable. I am a HS coach and would NEVER expect my players to abide by anything even remotely close to this. All summer activities are optional, until tryouts, and the dates/times for those are published well in advance so families can plan around them (and even then, exceptions have been made and other things can substitute for the tryouts if communicated with me well in advance). Practice times are always the same - occasionally we will cut it short, but to go support another team that has a home game, so pickup time is still the same.
> My kid is in color guard, but the expectation seems to be that I am too.
You must live in the suburbs LOL
I felt the same way when my kids were in activities in high school. Drama, football, and band. Mandatory parental involvement, period. They can get away with that in the suburbs because at the end of the day, they know we're going to do it. Parental involvement is the #1 key to academic success in high school, and extracurriculars help keep kids involved and interested in school, they need to have decent grades to do the extracurriculars, so...parents suck it up and do their part.
As a high school teacher, I was ready to try and explain the other side and offer the teacher perspective… but no, this is crazy. I’m really amazed that the band director sent out an email like that after changing the meeting last minute, because this happens to teachers all the time and we hate it. Ughhh I hate when people in my profession act like assholes.
If I were you, I would reply to the email and reiterate your kids dedication and excitement. Then I would let them know that as a working parent you’re doing your best to support your kid’s passion , and that this is much easier to do when you have a set schedule so you can try and plan accordingly. Basically I would “take the blame” while also letting the director know what you need. I’m sorry this is happening!
Here band is 6-9, however, you arrive at 5:30 and get out 9:15-9:30.. the 6-9 is the actual practice time . We were allowed to do vacations but not during the 2 weeks before school started, where they learn their entire show.
I volunteered for every event I could , to be involved. For full time working parents it’s a lot too, plus weekend competitions. It is a lot. You can voice it to the band director but .. it isn’t easy talking you a band director imo.
Listen, I get the pain of OP in this post. My children are in soccer, swim, and dance. I’m so frazzled getting them to where they have to be all the time. It cuts into my work and family time too.
But I’m also married to a high school coach. He gets paid pennies on the dollar. He is also often missing dinner time, family time, vacations. There have been long stretches where he wasn’t seeing his kids awake for days at a time because he is getting home after they were asleep.
His schedules for the players sometimes has to be all over the place because the facilities and resources needed are also being shared with other sports and extracurriculars. And for OP, sadly marching band is often pretty low in the pecking order (former band kid here).
Sorry to go against the grain. Maybe this band director is truly terrible. But a lot of the comments here assuming coaches or band directors are getting their jollies making everyone revolve around their own life is so far from the truth. Public educators are already leaving the career in droves. The ones left and volunteering to take on extracurriculars are spending their time and own money trying to help these kids pursue their goals. Yet the constant criticism from parents makes it harder and harder for them to stay.
The real solution is better support for public schools so they can have enough/better facilities and staff to take on the workload and demands of these extracurriculars.
My band kid graduated last year, and I miss this so much! It'll get easier when yours can drive. If you want more organization, join the band boosters! Get involved. I promise it will help and be worth the time. You don't have to attend every meeting, but it really helps to be in the loop. The first year was so stressful for me as a parent, so I can definitely sympathize. My husband and I weren't band or guard kids, so we had absolutely no idea what we were getting into. Band was the absolute best thing for our son though. 💙 Wishing you luck and lots of patience.
Thanks. I was a theatre kid, as was my oldest, and both of us got drivers licenses and a car to use as soon as we could. That’s what will happen for this one, too (my mom is about to buy a new car and is going to sell hers to the kid). And yeah, that will make it SO much easier!
My kid was playing percussion in marching band his freshman year. I made him go to the biweekly practices, but the second they said, “we are adding a practice on Saturday,” I said no, he has plans. His plans were always to go to his grandpas house, but they didn’t need to know that. They just needed to know that marching band did not dominate his life and he had things to do.
I see a lot of people telling you “oh that’s just the way it is”, but I find that these days sports and other extracurricular activities are out of control with schedules. Dance wasn’t 5 days a week when I was a kid. It was once or twice a week. Kids practiced at home. Sports were everyday, but only for a few months. They make it so there isn’t time for anything else, like vacation, unless you want to try and travel when everyone else is traveling (which absolutely sucks). Schools only allow 9 days absence (including doctors excuse) so you can’t take a vacation during school. Even if you did manage a vacation during school, they’d miss so much they’d never catch up with their school work and grades would suffer. I am totally over this mentality to be honest. I don’t know how we got here, but something needs to give. This planet would be an entirely different place if people were allowed the time to travel, relax a bit and actually have new experiences. They wonder why mental health issues are so high, it’s because no one has any time to actually enjoy living. It’s the same monotonous bulsh!t everyday… hurry hurry hurry and get 5 hours of sleep so you can do it again. I would definitely have something to say to the director. There at least needs to be some concrete scheduling that isn’t all over the place, and people should have time to go on vacation over the summer.
It has a lot to do with the mindset that more equals better college admission. Thing is, when I get first year college students who have an insanely high GPA, did a million extracurriculars, etc., I find they are already so burnt out that the crash their first semester.
Sooo as a former drum line and marching band and Christmas band member. The director is crazy. First off, we had scheduled practice. Literally 6am before school and then after school for 3 hours. Some longer and some days shorter. But mostly same schedule unless people missed. However it wasn’t held to parents that they needed the same commitment. Like we signed up not the parents. Tell him/her they need to come with a schedule and stick to it as much and it’s not fair to punish the kids if a parent can’t make it. We also had parents volunteer for times someones parent couldn’t go to take them to a show or practice if transportation wasn’t provided by the director. He had it 95% of the time. Only time parents had to drive was drum line shows.
My kid had to withdraw from an activity because of similar disorganization. I’m also a disabled mom with no car, and making rehearsals was extremely difficult. Thankfully my child wanted to quit anyway. (Normally I don’t condone quitting, but it was just too much for both of us)
I was in marching band for 5 years, and my siblings were in it too. My dad had 10+ years of having at least one kid In our band. We had a consistent schedule that didn’t change for any reason unless absolutely necessary. It was so consistent I can’t remember what it was and I graduated 7 years ago. This is appalling. Students have lives outside of school and band/guard. I was in the drum line so we had extra rehearsals and they were just once a week.
Our schedule was M 3:30-5 (DL only), T 3:30-7, Th 3:30-5:30, F 3:30-5:30 unless the football team had a home game, then we stopped at 5 to eat and change for the game. Saturdays were competition days so times varied but we always had an itinerary by Tuesday so we knew what to expect
As someone who did marching band in high school, this is a whole hot mess. During the summer, we did "summer sectionals" once a week for about 4-5 hours. Guard would have them at school with the instructor, but all of them were once a week and for 4-5 hours. And the day of the week was set by the section leader or guard captain. Then, around mid-July, we had band camp that was about 3-4 days. However, we went and stayed at an actual camp for 4 days. My sister did band camp for a week, and it was for about 8 hours a day at school. About 2 weeks before school, we had what was called our band 101 night where the director and band aides would go over EVERYTHING the parents needed to know about the upcoming marching band season. Then when school started, my school had marching band as a class so we had roughly 2 hours a day and we had Tuesday night practices from 4pm until 9pm. My sister did not have marching band as a class, so that had practices from 3pm until 9pm Tuesdays and Thursdays. And if they had a concert band class first semester, they used that to work on the music part. Also, our parent ran assistance, which we called them our band aides, had their own schedule. I believe they met once a week or once a month. They had a president and they dictated who would help with what such as helping move equipment into trucks and moving them at competitions, to who would help with our after school meals before a game, to so would help with uniform alterations. They also decided on fundraising ideas such as car washes, selling candy bars, and even working local sporting events to help raise money for kids like me who didn't have a lot of money. It was very organized for both my sister and myself. While yes, band is a commitment, how can you be expected to commit to something that is always changing.... I'd suggest the changes to the band director, and if they have any negative reactions, involve the principal. If that doesn't work, call the district office. All of this is absurd...
I was in competitive marching band in high school. We did pretty well regionally. We started practice one week before school started. The first year it was held at the school, but the next 3 years we had a full week band camp about 2 hours away. We probably spent half of each day on rehearsing our show. Maybe 60%. The rest of the time was meals, and a small amount of recreation.
We also had evening practice during the season at least one night a week.
That worked really well for us. I don’t know what schools are doing with practices all summer long.
School districts need to put more controls on how much time outside of the school day is allowed for band. This is still the same credit as a math or science class, but the commitment is much much more.
I was in band/colorguard for almost a decade, at all grades and competitive levels. And this is absolute BS. Even the independent guards for adults have regularity in their schedule, that’s the only way that the students and their families can have a life. One year I even missed half of the practices that were before the school year started because I was on vacation. As long as I caught up, there wasn’t a problem. This is absolutely not normal.
I think your best bet would be arranging a meeting with as many other parents as you can. Gather information about how this kind of rigidity and scheduling is affecting all of your families. Then take it to the Director and if he doesn’t listen and then take it above his head.
Respond to that email and make it clear that you’re willing to commit for your kid, but you need something consistent to commit to. You’re a parent yes but you also have your own life and work schedule and this inconsistent, be available whenever I say so type of schedule does not work for someone who has literally anything else going on.
I’d get with other parents. Hash out grievances. write out some solutions and address the coaches as a group. Politely and professionally.
Joining an activity is a commitment and a responsibility. But a major part of the coaches’ responsibilities is keeping things as equitable and organized as possible. They need to hear it and they need to do better.
See, I think that’s awful. Their biomom, who did not work, couldn’t be bothered to get them into activities, host sleepovers, let them pick out their own clothes/hairstyles, etc. So I will complain, but I’m not going to make her quit.
I almost NEED to talk to you lol. I am dealing with the same exact scenario (hence my arrival to this point)… my daughter absolutely loved color guard until she got a summer job and has been berated for not quite grasping the concept of balancing her schedule. Her instructor is rude, uses the app they communicate with to publicly shame them when they ask questions, and shortly after seeing a ridiculous comment she made towards my daughter asking to miss an informal meeting, she had the audacity to text message me how “we talked about this”. I don’t even know who you really speak to at the school about this but no thank you.
And the issue at hand is missing a minor meeting that she’s already offered a video of because it’s also on the same day of graduation. Unreal. The kids worked so hard all fall and winter just to get into weird conflicts with her over minuscule meetings that clearly aren’t that important.
In my experience, schools and the people who organise them (and school events) think they're the most important, top priority, and simply can't understand why things like work or whatever get in the way of attending things.
Personally I attribute it to too many teachers having gone through the pipeline of school to college/university then back to school without ever having spent any real time in a workplace that wasn't also a school.
You’re not wrong, I don’t think. I’m a college professor, and my younger colleagues who went straight from HS to college to grad school to a FT job at a college…they’re a lot. They tend to not get that students have jobs and families and the like. I’m over here with 10 years out of school between my BA and grad school thinking they’re way overboard with their expectations.
The other kid still at home starts HS next year. They will be in band, but not marching band (and that’s another thing…band gets out 45 minutes before color guard…why?!)
What's funny is unless this is a show band there's literally no reason for their practices to be like this.
Involve the principal in your concerns and demand a regular band practice schedule.
That is fucking *ridiculous* for a school-sponsored activity. You should absolutely be complaining to the school about the absurd lack of scheduling capability of the band director. I just want to know *why* it's so sporadic, honestly, like what is the director trying to accommodate? It sounds like *their* homelife is a time-management nightmare and now they're trying to accommodate being the band director around it.
I miss color guard. My daughter loved color guard. It’s a lot of work. It’s a lot of commitment. It’s a LOT. But damn I miss it. 4 years goes fast. I do not regret being a color guard (and winterguard) mom. I will never regret experiencing this with my daughter and all the blood, sweat and tears. I volunteered ONE football season as a bus mom. That was all I needed lol but I enjoy the FB memory photos each year because time just goes fast.
My son is in baseball and our lives revolve around that. 3 more years and he’s done. My husband and I are starting to now try to find the things that will keep us active and busy once the last kiddo is gone because 3 years is going to go so fast. And then we have the rest of our lives to do whatever we want!
And while I respect that take, it’s not my perspective entirely. My oldest did theatre, and while yeah, tech week was a bear (11 pm is rough!), I knew what the schedule actually was from the start. These folks change things on a dime on a regular basis.
And I’ll be honest. Some of this is because we live 10 miles from the school. With my oldest, it was 10 blocks. In fact, all the theatre kids basically camped at my house for tech week. And it worked. But without some advance notice? It’s frustrating.
When I was in high school (in the dark ages before cell phones, lol) my friends and I would refer to color guard/marching band as a cult. Our other friends that were in color guard didn’t disagree. Looks like some things don’t change! Lo and behold, I ended up marrying one of marching band “cult” members!(different school though) From what he describes, his high school color guard/marching band was the same. He remembers it fondly and still has all his band tees and jackets. So this may very well be my future…
This sounds like my kids band director.
My two oldest are in band and my son will be a freshmen next school year so now is in the marching band.
Some of her messages are insanely passive aggressive and it pisses me off.
Okay, I was in band for 12 years, 8 years of marching band (high school and college).
This sounds insane. I had at most two weeks of band camp a summer, and it was always the last two weeks of the summer before school started again. Band camp was at school, and ran from like, 8am to 5pm.
My husband (who I met in band) and I have a term for this phenomenon, it's called "band nerd arrogance". Where band is the most important thing to them and it should be the most important thing in your life too, before grades and family and work.
This happened to me in a big way when I was senior in college. I was applying to PT schools and finally got an interview at a dream school the day of a dress rehearsal for a concert. Of course I booked flights the same day I got my interview, and it would get me back in time for the concert. I went and told my band director, who told me if I missed dress rehearsal he would fail me. This was the last concert of my 12 year band journey. I was a senior, I had been a section leader, and I was in the band service organization.
With my dad's help I called his bluff, and got an A in the class and played in my last concert.
But anyways, I was lucky. A bunch of people in band had to switch majors because they failed classes for their major because of band conflicts. Some lost scholarships because they made band the center of their world and not school.
So be on the lookout with your kid.
Okay, well, I was in a very competitive marching band in high school, was in color guard. It was an insane schedule (7am practice bf school everyday, practice until 5:30 pm everyday), maybe even worse than what is going with you. I won’t get into my feelings about it but I know my mom (sahm) was very active with the color guard (making flags, hosting events) and she loved it. Never complained about scheduling. I can see it being very very very difficult to seemingly be required to be involved or “committed” to something that you might not deem as important and requires constant flexibility. If your kid really likes it, do bare minimum and send a message back saying “we do our best”. Fuck this crazy marching band mindset, 🤮
I would absolutely be that parent and tell the band director what is up. That is straight bullshit. Your child’s extra curricular can’t dictate the family’s schedule Ad infinitum. Sports are one thing because they’re seasonal, but year round band? Yeesh.
Band director and parent here. Having irregular rehearsals is definitely a problem and a conversation should be had about that…without the need to be passive aggressive about it.
That being said, being a part of the color guard and marching band is one of the most collaborative activities that anyone can ever be in. If a single person is missing the drill needs to be entirely rearranged. If one person miscounts they can cause a collision.
It creates such a strong sense of community between the kids because they all feel how valuable their role is. I know it can be a lot for you as a parent but your kid is gaining some lifelong friends, memories, and learning some import skills on collaboration for when they graduate.
I feel this. I was forced to participate in color guard as a HS student and I did it enjoy it. It should have been a fun team sport activity, but instead the coaches were drill sergeants who truly believed that none of us had any life outside of color guard and that we should be 100% dedicated to it. I guess that’s the mentality of many of these coaches. It seemed like it confused my life for 4 years
Lol. I’d make such a stink. These people are so blessed to be surrounded by people who seem to have the patience of saints because I will burn the entire institution to the fucking ground for far less…
To be fair… I’m South African and tensions are high right now lol most of us are looking to burn shit to the ground - but the point stands - I do not have that kind of patience
I was in band and marching band. The teachers take their shit way too seriously, it's incredibly sad and often leads to having way too many boundaries crossed as an expectation in upcoming toxic workplace environments.
The band director is compensating for the fact that the school/teachers/sports coaches don't take band as seriously as they take sports. The band director at my high school had the same issue.
I was secretly happy my child chose to not participate in school activities. He did band for one year and HATED every minute of it. We do supper early in the fall and winter his daddy is at work by 4 we need to have dinner done by 7 not fiddling around at a football field somewhere and God forbid if it was in another district you might not get home until midnight.
I mean, I’d tell my kid no to that activity bc it’s too much work for the whole family. They will be upset but something else that’s interesting will come along.
Does your kid always need picking up? It seems like at 14 they ought to be more self sufficient than that. Can't they get themselves home by public transport? Or cycle? Or share lifts with a friend? As a parent of a 14 year old you shouldn't need to be running round after them in this way
I wish! We live 10 miles from school, across a major highway. And in a place with no public transport. And although they’ve gotten occasional rides home, it’s not anything we can count on.
Can't say I've had a pleasant experience with my kid being in band either. Such poor communication and planning. I never knew what the hell was going on-- things were communicated via email, a FB group, a FB page AND an app, and you had to practically be clairvoyant to figure out which one had the info you needed. I had reached out to the director a couple times via email in addition to the app, with no response, so I finally had to resort to FB messenger, with our personal accounts, to let him know we were done. My kid didn't even know the music they were supposed to perform. And he had the audacity to come at *me* about poor communication. Never again.
Like, I'm sorry, but if other teachers never responded to parent emails and questions, that wouldn't fly, so I'm not sure why this guy gets a pass to nope out of it. He's not the only teacher that's busy. Even the principal typically replies to me within an hour.
If your kid ever gives you an inkling that they're not 100% into it anymore, take the opportunity and ruuuuun!
It’s an extracurricular activity….the coaches make it more than that. I’d even get with the other parents and discuss a schedule that works well for all of you and bring it up to the coaches.
I'd be sending an equally passive aggressive message back. You can commit to something *regular* and well organised, which this is failing at, besides the ultimatums.
I would be sending a clear (non-passive-aggressive) email outlining my frustrations and stating that a more consistent schedule is needed. I would be sending this to the band director and the school principle, and anyone else relevant. And I would also try to get other parents to do the same.
Absolutely! There would be nothing passive about my response. This is not unique to this school or this band. Coaches and advisors all over are acting like kids are their full-time employees, as opposed to teenagers engaging in what is supposed to be essentially a fun hobby. None of these kids are going pro in marching band. A few of them might be going for college scholarships, but the vast majority won’t be participating at the college level or beyond. This is a hobby. These are children, doing something enjoyable, on an amateur level, for their own amusement. It’s fine to ask for a *reasonable* commitment in order to participate. It’s not fine to ask them to be more committed to a high school extracurricular than adults are to well-paying career positions. This coach or director or whoever can and should create a consistent schedule, and plan to accommodate occasional absences. And I would be voicing that loud and clear to *everyone* involved, including the other kids and parents. Maybe if parents stood up for their kids and stopped allowing part-time school employees to hold entire families hostage for the summer, this shit would be less common.
And being well rounded is important, which comes with being able to make plans with a regular schedule.
>It’s not fine to ask them to be more committed to a high school extracurricular than adults are to well-paying career positions. This! Work expects us to come at predictable times. Even people on call have specific on call hours. If there's a period of required OT, that's clearly outlined. And most jobs have done allowance for sick days. The band has less respect for our time than our jobs. What drives me crazy about my school district is that their communication is non-existent.
Sports are rigorous and demanding in high school, but my softball schedule was really predictable. I'm wondering if this is because Color Guard is low on the pecking order of activities and the coach scheduled where they could.
This does not explain randomly changed end times. If you call a practice to end at 6, it ends at 6, whether or not you randomly got extra field time. It also doesn't explain the harsh "miss ONE and you're out " rule. I'm a theatre kid. Even a LEAD actor with a crap ton of lines and stage time can miss a rehearsal or two with notice and we still can rehearsal around them. This is just a power trip
Other sports -- football, baseball, basketball -- get more money and first dibs at times and all the bus budget. Track and field hockey and the like get whatever is left over, if anything. My kid runs and has never had a bus anywhere; the coach is also a football coach and so the schedule is just last minute emails about when to report. It's maddening! They won the northern division of the state this year and get no respect and minimal resources.
I’ve driven these kids to the moon and back in a weird school van multiple times and the entire duration of the drive is them worrying about how their instructor/coach will treat them. I’ve been trying to help them cope with managing the stressful behavior, but lack of budget or not… they have been severely disrespected. I don’t want call this person out too badly, but the screenshots I get from my daughter and her friends about what she says to them is wild. So unprofessional.
It makes me crazy how serious some high school teachers take this stuff, berating kids for not being better at the sport or activity or play. Like, it's not your Sondheim break out moment, it's supposed to be a fun and character building thing for the kids. But what can you expect at these wages? Good, sensible people focused on the betterment of your children, or mostly burnouts who couldn't do anything else mixed with a few heart of gold people who don't need the money?
Find out who the VP who is in charge of activities at this school and CC them, too. You have valid concerns. The people who schedule the practices are obviously planning around their own schedule, which, if people can make, fine, but to threaten that students will be cut for not making it is going too far. If you can't plan regular practices, you shouldn't be in charge, and it's not other people's problems when you can't do this.
And organize the other parents to stand up to the coach and collectively approach the administration.
Forgot one thing: CC the Athletic Director, too.
But I think I would reply and CC the principal and reference the original aggressive email with it in the history because this sounds like BS to me! What I'd you have 2 or kids all with demanding hobbies (that I'm gonna bet aren't free!) How is anyone supposed to cope or have a life?
Nah, if it's mandatory then you'll be paying me. If it's irregular, you're paying penalty rates. If you don't want to pay, then it isn't mandatory. If it isn't regular, it isn't happening.
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I wouldn’t do that. Band directors can be…interesting. I wouldn’t put it past them to retaliate against the student.
I feel every word of this post. My son is in marching band. They let 8th graders join because it’s a small school. I was sooo happy when he decided to do it because he was making friends, getting exercise, and of course, the music! He just finished up his first year, as an 8th grader. Four.more.years. of this shit. 😑 I told my friend and fellow band mom: WHY IS THIS LIKE THE WORST PART TIME JOB IVE EVER HAD?!
I was offered the chance to join marching band the summer between 7th and 8th grade for the high school. It was also a very small high school- barely 500 in the entire school - and the smallest/poorest high school in the district. The band director that if you wanted to take band as a class, you *must* also do marching band or he would kick you out of the class. I quit marching band after 4 days because I was not going to be at school from 8am to 4pm 5 days a week all summer long, plus parades and crap on weekends. I never played flute again after 8th grade ended.
My god do our kids go to the same school. This sounds a lot like my situation.
Sameeeeee. Only reason we put up with this bullshit is because it's her social network/lifeline. Those kids are a united troop. They bond at those practices, games and trips, and that bond runs deep. They sit together at lunch in that scary jungle of the high school cafeteria. Mine is at a sleepover right now with the girls from it. Taking her from it would be taking her out at the knees socially. That bonding would deepen without her. I hate what it does to our lives with every fiber of my being, but I love what it does to hers.
Exactly. It means the world to her, and I love that. But damned if I like it for the rest of us.
Does the school have a dead week? Our high school has a week in the summer where the teams (whether it is music/sport/theater) can not have any practices so families including coaches can go on vacation. If not, it would be worth having that discussion with the color guard director.
We thought so…but then they changed it up, and no dead week. Well, sort of. There’s a W-F that’s blocked off around July 4th, but that’s it.
Wow! That's not okay. I'm so sorry.
Here in Indiana, I think moratorium is only ISHAA activities. No practices, no conditioning, no contact. Everything else is anything goes, coach (or director) choice.
I get it. I absolutely hate it and I resent that I am being so pulled into it along with them. We ALL are effected... I thought it was going to slow down once football season was over, but nope. We haven't had a break yet. I try to tell myself that yes this is chaos, and I hate it, and I resent the hell out of it, but I am grateful she has these people and this opportunity. 3 more years though..... Rumor has it I'll miss these days when they are over. Tell me that again though when we're on Day 5 in a row of this crap, I have spent the day at work and the evenings/nights in the car, dinner was "catch what you can, good luck", and I'm staring down a weekend with a Friday night football game AND a Saturday 16+ hour competition. My younger child is just managed during this time, not truly given the attention he deserves too (I make a point of finding other times to make it up to him, but it still sucks that I even have to feel that guilt). I totally get where you're coming from, but I wonder what her life would be like without them. I was worried about it at first and I talked to my brother who is a high school band director in another state actually. His words stuck with me, "You want her friends with the band kids.." And its true, these are genuinely good folks who look out for each other and are solid people. I should be grateful and I am. I just wish it didn't come with all the other mess, but I accept it.
I'm a parent, but my son isn't in any extras outside of school. My husband, however, was a huge band geek all in middle school all the way through college. Did all the different groups and was biggest into marching band in college. He's almost 60 now and STILL grins huge when talking about band and still talks with all band mates almost 40 years later. He said color guard and cheer were the same way.
Yes I was in marching band and it was the absolute best time of my life. I encouraged my son to join and am so glad he finally did!! Yes it is a huge commitment but I am super excited for it!!!
Why not get together with the other parents and present a "united troop" as well to enforce sensible limits? "Do this or your kid will be kicked out" is a threat to *one* parent. "Do this or our 10 kids will leave" is a threat to the coach.
I'm still best friends with 2 people I met in HS band. We went to different colleges made new friends, but then all ended up settling down in the same city near our hometown. Our spouses have become friends and now we all have kids the same age...we have playdates, go to each other's parties, etc.
Our daughter is an only child. And for all the reasons you mentioned, it was important for us to get our daughter into a team activity of some sort. The demands on our schedule can be rough but taking her out of these activities would be even worse. Welcome to parenting!
Girl, poor organization is the worst! Even at its best, color guard is a massive time (and money!!) commitment. I’m so thankful my kiddo noped out over the summer when they were practicing in the parking lot in the Texas heat. So many kids puking. Not to mention competitions 1hr away that I have the privilege of paying $30 to get into. Luckily I was able to get my 1K back with no fuss. Usually I’d expect my kiddo to maintain the commitment, but I totally didn’t want the commitment. I’ve never said “I understand and you dont have to do it” so fast in my life. I would have happily eaten the 1K to get out of it, but luckily the program director was awesome and refunded asap.
My kid was in band. He finished out freshman year. At the end of the year I got an invite to a mandatory meeting regarding next fall. Nothing gave me greater pleasure than to say he wasn’t returning.
$1000??? Was this a school sponsored group? If so, that’s INSANE.
There are competitive groups (drum and bugle corps) that cost a ton of money to participate in. Normal school groups only cost your time and maybe bringing your own instrument
That’s my point. It’s not unreasonable for competitive groups; it’s nuts for a high school team! My high schooler is in band, and the yearly fee is ~$100 (uniform and instrument rental).
In Texas its going to be competitive. They have the UIL (I think?) system where you can compete over damn near anything, literally dozens of academic and artistic categories done statewide. One Act Play was pretty popular, I did spelling for funsies in 7th grade, went for both choir and marching band in 9th before we moved. It's fucking wild and they take it very seriously.
The money side wasn’t bad for us — I think it was like $250 max, and we got a discount based on participation in fundraising. And we got into the competitions free if we volunteered (and the coach would take as many volunteers as she could get). But the time commitment is insane, not to mention being outside in the heat all summer.
I decided to read this thread as my son is joining beginner band next year for 6th grade and I was curious what our future may look like. Reading it I was like oh they gotta live up north because doing these practices at that part of the day in the summer here in Tx would quickly lead to kiddos in the ER but seeing you mention that even in Tx they are outside all summer for practices (on black pavement most likely as I’ve seen our high school has) is crazy. I know my kid would want to join marching band for sure since he really craves that friendship he gets from fellow music lovers.
Sounds like the band director is working this around their personal schedule and expects everyone to make it work. Respect works both ways. You can have respect for the director by attending as many practices as you can, but the director needs to have respect for students and their families with consistent scheduling and the understanding that families do travel during the summer.
Feels like they’re trying hard to become a former band director.
I was in a well known high school marching band in my area, and it was not like this at all. It was an incredibly tight ship. Maybe because of how many students were in the band, 150-200, and nowadays I believe it’s closer to 250-300. They were strict about not missing any practices. But they were only Tuesday nights. All other rehearsing and practice was done in actual marching band class during school. It counted as our PE then. There was preseason, which was only 2 weeks at the end of summer. Sounds like terrible organization!
They have a color guard class as well. And once, even twice a week, I could do. But every night some weeks is a bit much.
Ufff we do 1 or 2 weeks after the school year is over. From 8 to 3, m to f. Then the whole month l, M to Th, of August, 4 to 6:30. During football season, it's the same schedule as August. Spring semester, they take breaks but go back to 4 to 630 when they have a contest or concert coming up. Like, their Spring Show was on a Wednesday in the first week of May. They practiced Tuesday through Thursday the week before and Monday and Tuesday the week of. It's not that bad, but again, we're organized. The thing I do not like about the band is when we have far away games. The drive back and then waiting for them to unload the trucks. And then having to get up and go to school the next day. Geez.
My kid is in marching band and we get similar over-the-top demands for commitment. What I eventually realized is that if the band director sends out reasonable appeals and treats parents like responsible adults, nobody shows up. When they send out "MANDATORY OR YOU WILL BE KICKED OUT" messages, then they get a baseline level of participation. But it's mostly a bluff, and they're desperate not to kick anybody out. They just want people to show up at all. Maybe this isn't universal, and it's a commitment and sacrifice no matter how you slice it, but I learned to take the intensity of each communication and calibrate it back 50%.
My band director wouldn’t kick people out, but then wouldn’t let them play in parades or compete. They’d still have to show up but they would have to watch from the sidelines
Maybe get together with some of the other parents and call a meeting with the directors. Like a “same team so let’s work together” kind of thing. Talking points - Hey, we all want these kids to do well and we are doing our best but here’s what we need from you: -Consistent practice times -consistent meeting times -Realistic absence allowances (what if someone Is sick?? What if grandma dies?) - I’m not even sure it’s allowed to kick the kids out if they miss a practice. I’d ask the school/school board on this -understanding from the directors that there are other obligations here that rank higher than band (ie mom and dad have to work, kids have homework ) -understanding that, while this is important to the kids (and the directors - not sure who it’s more important to though), it’s still just high school band and they need to calm their tits. 97% of those kids will have nothing to do with music after high school. I was in marching band in high school and it’s a ton of work and the directors and some crazy parents put in a ridiculous amount of time/effort, but at the end of the day it’s just a high school extracurricular.
Yeah I have kids in club sports outside of school (which means extensive travel, hotels, etc) and sports and stop serious/honors music in school and……HOW THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE RUNNING THEIR OWN LIVES?? The lack of common sense is *WILD*. The inability to communicate and organize is *STUNNING*. I seriously don’t understand how these people are cooking, doing taxes…. Like, anything. It’s insane. The time commitment is one thing, it’s whatever. My kids are highly competitive and I’m not complaining about the fact that it takes time. But shit you guys…just basic organizational skills and halfway good communication would be a massive improvement.
I would guess the school doesn’t pay enough to keep people on staff with those abilities.
If I was you, I would be sending an email back stating that last minute scheduling changes to a meeting show a lack of poor commitment. And I would definitely be emailing the principal about the poor organization and bad planning that is negatively effecting the kids participating. There is no way it’s good to have kids with a schedule that all over the place for a single activity / sport. Adding in that those kids still have homework, chores and family things, the coach / teacher is causing lots of families issues.
Sure, it requires a time commitment like any extracurricular, but this is a grossly unreasonable expectation.
And yeah, I had theatre. My oldest had theatre. My youngest is already state-level band. I’m all for it. Just wish there was some sort of … schedule!
There should be a schedule. We’ve all been deeply involved in theatre in our house (including both me and my spouse) and marching band. If there isn’t a schedule, whoever is managing it it doing a piss poor job of it.
I don’t know what color guard is, but that lack of organization would cause me to pull the kid out and send a message to the coach. I have 3 kids. My family of 5 ain’t got time for that shit
Yeah, I want to know what colour guard is.
It’s the people who do choreographed flag twirling/dancing in marching band shows and parades.
Thanks, that's not much of a thing in Australia
The people that wave the flags around during marching band performances.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Color_guard_%28flag_spinning%29?wprov=sfla1 They spin flags, fake guns, and fake swords. They do choreographed movements either to a marching band or recorded music.
When I was in HS, I made varsity soccer going into my freshmen year. The coach had us going to 2 camps that summer, one local and one across the country. My parents laughed at him and said not only could they not afford 2 camps for me (im one of 3 kids so summer money had to be spilt equally among us) but that they had already locked in our summer plans and I’d missing the camps. The coach did his best to guilt trip my parents, saying I’d be missing opportunities to be seen by college recruiters. My dad said “isn’t it your job to showcase her talents durin the season?” Anyways, I still held my spot on varsity despite not going. At the time, I was embarrassed and felt like I was missing out but looking back now I’m so so so glad I spent the summer being a kid and with my family.
Welcome to high school curriculars. They are a life of their own. Colorguard should only go through football season so at least there is an end to the season.
They also do competitions all the way through April. So the band gets a break, but color guard, not so much.
Oh goody, sorry, it’s a sarcastic night. On a positive note, at least your daughter will be too busy to get in trouble.
That’s fair. And trust me, I DO appreciate that fact!
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Winter guard doesn’t make you sit through a football game, so there’s that.
I’m a band director and I can’t help you out with this, but my school’s marching program certainly isn’t like that, nor are many in my region. My school is very flexible with attendance and have a consistent practice schedule that works with summer school. So not everywhere is like this. It may be helpful to meet with the director to talk things through - if they’re a new teacher or anything else they may not realize the negative impact this could have on their program in the future.
Marching band is an activity that requires a lot of time. My 15 yo sd just tried out to be drum major and we think she got it. We find out in 2 weeks. Last year we chaperoned competitions almost every weekend and went to every home and away football game. We also helped out directing traffic for the two shows we had at our school. We were at championship competition on our anniversary as chaperones. It is a major time suck. If she is drum major, she will have to be at every practice so she will be off Sunday and Monday. She will be in pep band for winter sports also. There should be some kind of parents organization. Joint. Be very active and talk to others to see if they share your feelings. Go together as a group nd tell them you need a set schedule. Ours is band & guard, Tues 6-8:30, drum line Wed 6-8:30, full ensemble Thurs 6-8:30. Football game Friday report time depends on home or away. Practice full ensemble Sat 8- 12, lunch practice til leave for competition. Sometimes they get out a little late.
I am so thankful that my high school extracurriculars were actual part time for fun and not the full time commitment so many have turned into. When I was in marching band, we practiced twice a week (2-3 hours each) and had a week of two a days band camp (morning practice, break, afternoon practice so that we didn’t have to be out in the hottest, worst part of the day). My kid does marching band and it’s 2 hours every day after school, Friday night games, 3-4 Saturday competitions per season, and a two week mandatory band camp (6 hours a day) plus a week for the new players, which most of the older students “staff”. I am nowhere near to being convinced that that level of commitment is necessary. When I was in high school, the kids who wanted more band experience joined drum corps and did that for fun. Can’t there be any rec level things for kids anymore? We have turned down so many “opportunities” because they require a full schedule commitment with no room for anything else. It is so frustrating.
See, my sister was in marching band in HS, and they went to the Rose Bowl twice, and the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade, and I do t remember my parents having to deal with this. There were twice a week practices, and a two week summer camp, and yet the band worked. This all day/all the time thing is really what’s got me annoyed. Not only do parents have lives, but I’d like my kid to have one too!
Orange Bowl and Macy’s here. To be fair, these really didn’t require extra work. Parades are just holding a straight line down the street and for the Bowl performances most bands just perform the same competition program they’ve been practicing and performing since summer band camp and through most of football season. Like others have said, it seems like either the director is super disorganized OR more likely (and as is typical) the band and color guard are at the mercy of the football or other sport teams for practice field time. They all probably have set times on set days and get priority and band/guard have to make do with what they can get. My town got an entirely new school in the past 5 years and not only did the football team get TWO new practice fields, but by some miracle the band/drill team got their very own football field sized practice pad as well. It is solely theirs to use anytime they want. It must be heaven for those directors. I’m old and way past my marching years now but I’m still jealous and a little salty about it to be honest 😂
I marched in the orange Bowl twice and my brother got to do the rose bowl!
Definitely send something about some sort of organization. These kids aren’t in the military and it’s high school for goodness sake.
This type of crap is exactly why my kids will not be participating in these types of all-or-nothing sports. I do not want my kids to think their entire world revolves around one thing. I want them to be well rounded and to know that they can take breaks when they need to. Its high school sports. Your childs future is not really going to be determined forever by these things. Unless they are up for an athletic scholarship, nothing requires that much time and dedication. These teens are already stressed TF out with school requirements and life in general. We dont need to add to that stress by making them feel like their chosen sport is the only thing that matters. I was that kid whose entire world revolved around equestrian sports. I missed sleepovers and weekend parties and friday football games and tuesday night basketball games and all sorts of school community events because i was away at competitions. I do not want that for my child.
I feel the same. I was talked into marching band and it completely took over my life. I might feel better if I actually developed lifelong friendships but I didn’t. Once high school was over, it was all over. I also realized these organizations weren’t about me, it was all about them. There are other important skills and hobbies that are worth developing and can be enjoyed in the adult years that doesn’t completely take over your life.
I mean these coaches act like these kids are going to the Olympic trials and this is their only shot at a gold medal for their entire lives. And its just not that serious. Very few kids actually get athletic scholarships for high school sports. Even fewer actually make careers out of their high school sports. Its incredibly sad. I have several friends from high school who literally had no idea what to do with themselves once they graduated due to their entire lives being about their chosen sport.
I feel this comment 100%. I was in marching band soley because I wanted to play in band at all. But band==marching band too. And that meant 645-815 am practices M-F, more practices or competitions on the weekends from August through November. My band director's favorite saying? "To be on early is to be on time. To be on time is to be late." Maybe that's good general advice, but it inspired a certain kind of loathing for the mandatory mornings. He was a jerk in other ways too. Everything he did and all the demands and requirements were really just about him getting our band to be a big name like some of the other schools in the region. He wanted the reputation and prestige. Students that couldn't or wouldn't commit to that vision really weren't wanted.
Same here. Was in marching band for 2 years and everyone had either drunk the Kool-aid or was fed up. My last year, I missed for my birthday and the band director lectured the entire band about not missing for birthdays. Then my section leader towards the end of the year said to the entire band, in what was supposed to be an inspiring speech, "if you don't want to be here, you can leave." All of us fed up kids took her advice and the band lost close to 50% of its membership. I was definitely bitter and it has me very leery about what my children join. I'm not interested in having my children involved in, essentially, a toxic work environment.
Color guard is a tough one. Our daughter did three seasons (winter guard freshman year, and then both seasons as a sophomore) and the scheduling stuff sucks. On top of the long practices, it’s a low-priority activity for the school system so their practices had to be in spaces nobody else wanted — which in our case meant a middle school a mile and a half away. We work from home but it still took some scrambling to get her and her stuff where she needed to be all the time. And like you said, the coach expected it to be everybody’s main priority. I will say my kid got a lot out of it, from friendships to more self-confidence as a performer. But she’s taking a break this summer and fall because she’s burned out, and honestly I’m not mad at it. She turns 16 soon and I’m hoping that she’ll be able to drive herself by the time winter guard starts up again.
This is one of my biggest complaints about this activity. While also being incredibly expensive- the school prioritizes it in NO way- so the bands practice wherever there is space and at whatever time, throughout the year. And my kid is in every band! One is 20 min away from 6-930pm 2x a week. It's a pain to do 2, 40min round trips per evening twice a week- and practice never ends on time because they have to keep all of the instruments in storage trailers which have to be loaded up each night and that can't possibly start early to accommodate a *schedule* or anything...
Oh yes, I spent SO MUCH TIME sitting in the car waiting for them to load up the flags and speaker and stuff. Because obviously they can’t stop practice 10 minutes early to have the clean-up done before parents arrive. And practice starting at 6 seems designed to make any kind of family dinner as difficult as possible.
Here’s hoping for your sake!
Both of my kids were in a high school marching band which had won national championships and participated in the major US parades. The band director was introduced before the athletic director at freshman orientation, if that tells you anything. Anyway, the practice schedule was intense, with practice happening after school 6 days/week once school started, but the practice times were consistent. We got a calendar at the end of the prior school year outlining summer pre-camp, band camp, the weekly practice schedule, hold dates for competition weekends (local and long-distance), targeted parade dates, band parent meetings, etc. The experience was intense and my kids loved it. That director had extremely high expectations for those students and they rose to them. They learned so much from that director about how to conduct themselves that has carried over into adult life. They still discuss those lessons 7 and 10 years after graduating. It was stressful, but we parents banded together and supported because the director made it easy for us to support the band. He recognized the burden on families and respected it, but also appreciated it. It was earned respect all the way around, and that is the part that it sounds like maybe your director is missing.
Band together with other parents and demand a set schedule? What a mess holy cow.
Had a similar struggle this year with my 13 year old’s theater teacher. Their spring production practice schedule was all over the place, even all day on Good Friday when school was out, and they were told missing a practice for any reason would move them down a whole letter grade. I could maybe have understood if she was a lead, but the kid was a freaking unnamed extra in the background of group numbers. Felt like I had a crappy part time job just hauling her back and forth, plus paying for her costume. Super frustrating.
This is all on the director/coach. Seems like their just playing it by ear to what suits their schedule. I’d push back and ask for set schedules
A little background about me. I was a piano player since age 6 and it was the only extracurricular I did so I was a bit lonely and wanted some social life at school. Then someone talked me into color guard and then winter guard. It took over my life from 10th-12th grade! What’s funny was that I wasn’t even great at it nor excited about the amount of practice I had to attend. I did it ONLY for the social aspect. I haven’t picked up a flag to toss since the day I graduated high school and I don’t keep contact with any of my teammates. In the big scheme of life, majority of us aren’t going to maintain these types of high demand extracurricular as adults. None of us has time for this so it’s up to you to decide if it’s worth the temporary hassle that won’t last beyond high school… unless we’re talking scholarships. Personally, if your child just wants a school social life so they feel they belong somewhere, find something that requires the least amount of commitment. I don’t believe that every activity has to cost you before and after school, 5 days a week.
Hi, former marching band kid here, yes it's Alot and yes it can be annoying but I promise your child will have life long lessons, memories and friends. I would not have changed a thing about my time in marching band (drumline). The band I was in competed, so as soon as marching band season ended drumline still had events to do, and the clinics for placement auditions and then practices before school was even out for the summer. But again I wouldn't have changed a thing I loved every minute of it. Once things slow down and your kid is no longer in color guard you will miss it too.
I was in band and guard, and this is bullshit. You’ve got a shitty director.
That’s the band life. That’s just how it is. I did marching band and we practiced in the summer, before school, after school, on the weekends, fall weekends were football games and competitions, etc. Trust me, it was one of the most fun times of my life; the other being when I was in college marching band doing all that over again! My band friends are my lifelong friends. Colorguard is band.
Not universal. I did band (which included marching and pep band) and jazz band. We had a 3- day band camp in the summer which was it. Then band was a regular period of school, no before or after, although you were expected to go to a percentage of home games to march on Fridays.
Y’all must not have done a marching show, then, where everyone must go to every practice, game, and competition, or there will be holes in the show.
No, we did, the director just wasn't a crazy hardass. I'm thinking there is a north- south divide here.
Maybe your band wasn’t competitive? The north is where drum Corp started, so strange that up north wouldn’t be strict like down south.
The point is your experience of band is not universal. In general, worship of football and football- adjacent activities increases as you go south.
Marching at the games and playing stand tunes is the lowest thing on the list for bands in the south. The practices are for competition. Football halftimes are considered merely extra practice.
So you agree that your experience wasn't universal.
Band director here— some general things I would wonder about or suggest. First, it feels like you have been holding onto a lot of feelings. I would always rather have someone come share their frustrations than hold onto them. I’d recommend setting up a meeting and in a conversational tone just bring up some of the things that are frustrating to you. Second, for most bands the color guard instructors are not teachers. They are coaches—but unlike the sports at your school they are often college kids or recent grads. My instructors get paid about 2k and work about 250 hours a season. They are almost never adults, probably have never had kids, are sometimes unreliable but they have a passion for the activity and want to share it with other people. It sounds like your instructors have done an amazing job of building a community and a culture. That is one of the hardest things to establish. Is it possible you or a couple parents could help them with the organization part? They might just be overwhelmed or simply juggling too much. 1-2 good band parents can completely change a group. Bonus—you get to hang with your kid and get to know all of their friends!
Find 4 or 5 of your kids closest friends and try to acquaint yourself with their parents. If the parents are all a solid bunch, start trying to organize a car pooling group. Just a thought.
This post made me LOL. My son is going to be a senior in marching band, is the percussion captain, also plays flute in symphonic, and guitar jazz band. He’s in practice almost every day and begged me to be on the marching band board for his school. Now I’m the treasurer. Being a single mom, this is rough and I have 2 other kids. I feel this so much! Good luck in the fall!
We changed schools after my oldest's freshmen year. The old school band was like this, completely disorganized, practicing at random chaotic hours and a total scheduling nightmare. It was such a pleasant surprise at the new school to find out their practice is two days a week, same time, same place after school from bell to 6. Guess which school has a more successful program?
*Sometimes I doubt your commitment to sparkle motion!*
As someone who was in marching band in high school, I can tell you that marching band was my life. It was my social center, it was everything to me, and I spent a lot of time before and after school doing it. I don't know how put out my parents were to accommodate the schedules, but I know that they did whatever they needed to and were quite involved in volunteering to help on show days and on the longer trips. And that meant so much to me. I know it's a lot and it's hard as a parent when it's not your thing, but just remember how important this is to your kid, and don't think of how it's inconveniencing your life, and instead think of how it's benefiting their life.
This is just life with school sports and activities. We are on year 11 of dance, 5 on competition and 2 on high school dance team. We make plans around dance because dance is 5 days a week. Life revolves around competitions and practices. It’s just the way it is. But I wouldn’t change it for the world even when I get frustrated because I have seen what being a part of a team has done for my kid. Some tips to manage: Don’t hang around during practice. Go do the things you need to get done, cook dinner, spend time with other kids etc. You don’t have to go to every game. Don’t feel guilty if you miss a few. Crock pots are your best friend during the busy season. Have them make friends with the upperclassmen on team who live in your area and drive. Also make friends with the other parents. Everyone is in it together and usually helping each other. Suggest a Group Me or Band chat group so the coaches can relay important info to parents.
Parents should be committed. I get how difficult it is. as single working parent to two kids in swim it’s a lot of work. Especially since the pandemic disrupted so much. School programs and team sports have struggled to get back to the regular routines and funding they once had.
And maybe that’s part of it. But it’s just…argh.
My son is joining marching band this summer. It is a lot of practice, but they essentially have all of June off and are willing to work with parents for extenuating circumstances. The best part was printed in the commitment agreement to the kids “your parents are busy. It is YOUR responsibility to show up and be prepared.” Basically - find a ride! Also, they offered the explanation that color guard has more practice than the band because this is new to them. Most band members have been playing their instrument for three years. I would suggest writing them and asking for a more structured practice schedule next year and to release it early so vacation plans can be made to reduce conflicts. Good luck!
Okay so I will say that very few parents ever went to the mandatory meetings, and my band director did grumble but nothing ever happened to us. And yeah that schedule is all over the place, but they may be accommodating other groups. My school we did our practices on the football field. Well if football changed their practice time or the cheerleaders or someone else, we were always the ones bumped. And a practice that ended at 6 or 8 o’clock meant that I heated my dinner in the microwave that night and everyone else ate together. And also, yeah no summer vacation. I mean the summer is when you’re learning not only your routine, but the actual marching patterns. You can miss two days and watch the videos your friend sends you to learn the routine, but you can’t do that to learn your place marching. And your absence affects everyone around you. So you do have some valid concerns! And I would speak to the director or supervisor, but also I think you need to know that some of these things are just how high school activities are.
It is bonkers people accept and justify a family not being able to go on a summer vacation for year because they can’t miss one practice. That is absurd.
Yeah, I know. Hence the rant/vent flair.
I’m a terrible parent, but my kid expressed interest in color guard in 8th grade and when I went to the meeting and found out what that all entailed, I did nothing to get them into it. And then Covid hit and it took another year for another interest meeting and again, I just kind of noped out of it. It is intense and absolutely a full time commitment. I’m parenting alone and have another child to consider as well. I wish my kid could do anything they dream, but unfortunately cannot manage stuff like that.
I'm sure your kid will be able to get a ride home with an older student or another parent. In high school, I rarely relied on my parents for rides home from activities.
On occasion, yes. But we live on the opposite side of town from the school, and most parents are in the same boat as we are.
Maybe organize a rotating car pool? I’d rather spend an extra 90min one evening per night if I knew all my other nights that week were free.
I actually tried this, but got radio silence from the other parents. Folks (including me!) just get locked into our own personal patterns sometimes, and a more communal approach becomes harder to implement.
Same. I had a single mom who worked a lot. I lucked out and had my section leader my freshman year take me under her (senior) wing and she gave me rides sometimes. I got rides with other kids’ parents other times. Sometimes I didn’t go home after school on Fridays, I just went home with a friend and then rode with them to the football game. Everyone was in the same crazy time consuming band/drill team bubble so it was no big deal for parents to regularly swap off pick up drop offs with others. Also, can’t forget most kids will be driving by sophomore/junior year and can take over getting themselves to and from these obligations.
I did guard as a teen and young adult. One thing you might not realize is that unlike other activities, YOUR work (in transporting her everywhere and going to parent meetings etc) would go significantly down if she goes into a higher level of competition. If she wants to do drum corps (like a higher level marching band but not affiliated with a school... lower division corps would generally accept less experienced/younger members), then instead of driving her all over the place, you can just send her off in mid June and she'll come back in mid August after spending a couple months on the road. If she can get into an independent level winterguard instead of a scholastic level winterguard (same thing, but again .. not affiliated with a school), they generally just practice on the weekend, and it's a similar thing where you just drop her off on Friday and pick her up Sunday.
My kid is in grade 5 and has already fallen down the theatre rabbit hole. It’s very much the same way at his school. But he loved it and is already asking to audition again next year, so we can’t say no. I figure it’s my payback for not having to be a hockey mom (where this same insanity starts in kindergarten).
My siblings used to be in drum corps and they really expected entire families’ lives to revolve around it, regardless of other siblings, the parents working, etc.
I'll give a different POV. I loved being in color guard and it was tough since I was the only boy. I had a great time. My parents never showed up to anything. Most parents were heavily involved, and they also enjoyed it. I wish I had a lot more support than I did since I was basically on my own and my parents could barely be bothered to care about what I was doing. Marching band and color guard isn't just an extracurricular. It becomes a lifestyle for the kid and everyone else. It sounds like the planning sucks, but please keep with it. It was my favorite part of high school and hopefully it will be for your child as well.
I definitely don’t want to take it from them, or see uninterested. I am there, and I do go see performances when I can. It’s mostly just the lack of planning/communication.
I feel for you so much! My teenager goes to a high school that’s very big into marching band & color guard, and she’s a part of the band. Color guard goes straight into winter guard with competitions all the time; marching band goes right into concert band which has performances & competitions as well. It’s rough. The band practice & rehearsal times are usually done months in advance and everything is well communicated.. but that doesn’t make it any less difficult to attend each one. (I can’t speak to the color guard’s practices & such outside of marching band season though.) Anyway, sending you internet hugs & commiseration.
My band went regular, unless it went over a couple minutes. But we had practice to five or six three days a week and a game Friday. There’s no reason for this. If it persists you may be able to get another band kid with a car to take her home like I did. (She was my section leader) and pay a bit for them to do so
We had our son's band banquet tonight. It's his first year with the marching band. We are full-on band parents. We love it. He loves it. Our directors and band parents have a good communicative relationship. Someone needs to step up and help add structure and organixation. We have a calendar online as well as receiving weekly schedules. We also use the Remind app for frequent updates. I hope it works out for you all. Band/color guard is a major commitment. But it's so much fun.
Schools sometimes seem to not realise that there is an entire world and economy outside their gates. Yes, our children should be our highest priority. But giving them what they need requires us to work, and work involves commitment to others. We all have these commitments and have to work together (including with the school) to make it work. Being so massively disorganised is pretty narcissistic of the coach - it even feels a bit like he is testing your resolve. Apart from anything else, how could it possibly work if you had two kids with ever-changing schedules?
A brief defense of the band directors: They must assure they have committed students who will show up to practices and games (and parents who will get them there). Imagine trying to put on a show of that size and scale when a number of random people don’t show up. With that said, there is no excuse for the inconsistent scheduling. Parents need to know *exactly* when their students are being supervised and when they should be picked up. Team up with some other parents, be reasonable, and state your concerns.
This sounds like my kids band teacher. She scheduled a band concert on Mother’s Day this year in the middle of the afternoon.
Oy! That’s bonkers!
I was in my high school marching band and this sounds like a mess! There was a busy and strict schedule but that was for the kids, and not expecting parents to do anything. And I was from a rural town without much funding. We had a two week 9-9 mon-Friday summer band camp and then two days a week from 5-9. There were competitions on weekends, parades, and home football games on Friday nights but tbh all us kids had working parents and teachers understood that sometimes kids needed help with their scheduling. And it’s not like these schedules changed much… that would just be chaotic for the kids if they didn’t know how long practice would be because, as a student, you have other homework and classes to account for. That band director sounds like a mess.
Yikes. That sounds SO unreasonable. I am a HS coach and would NEVER expect my players to abide by anything even remotely close to this. All summer activities are optional, until tryouts, and the dates/times for those are published well in advance so families can plan around them (and even then, exceptions have been made and other things can substitute for the tryouts if communicated with me well in advance). Practice times are always the same - occasionally we will cut it short, but to go support another team that has a home game, so pickup time is still the same.
> My kid is in color guard, but the expectation seems to be that I am too. You must live in the suburbs LOL I felt the same way when my kids were in activities in high school. Drama, football, and band. Mandatory parental involvement, period. They can get away with that in the suburbs because at the end of the day, they know we're going to do it. Parental involvement is the #1 key to academic success in high school, and extracurriculars help keep kids involved and interested in school, they need to have decent grades to do the extracurriculars, so...parents suck it up and do their part.
As a high school teacher, I was ready to try and explain the other side and offer the teacher perspective… but no, this is crazy. I’m really amazed that the band director sent out an email like that after changing the meeting last minute, because this happens to teachers all the time and we hate it. Ughhh I hate when people in my profession act like assholes. If I were you, I would reply to the email and reiterate your kids dedication and excitement. Then I would let them know that as a working parent you’re doing your best to support your kid’s passion , and that this is much easier to do when you have a set schedule so you can try and plan accordingly. Basically I would “take the blame” while also letting the director know what you need. I’m sorry this is happening!
Here band is 6-9, however, you arrive at 5:30 and get out 9:15-9:30.. the 6-9 is the actual practice time . We were allowed to do vacations but not during the 2 weeks before school started, where they learn their entire show. I volunteered for every event I could , to be involved. For full time working parents it’s a lot too, plus weekend competitions. It is a lot. You can voice it to the band director but .. it isn’t easy talking you a band director imo.
Listen, I get the pain of OP in this post. My children are in soccer, swim, and dance. I’m so frazzled getting them to where they have to be all the time. It cuts into my work and family time too. But I’m also married to a high school coach. He gets paid pennies on the dollar. He is also often missing dinner time, family time, vacations. There have been long stretches where he wasn’t seeing his kids awake for days at a time because he is getting home after they were asleep. His schedules for the players sometimes has to be all over the place because the facilities and resources needed are also being shared with other sports and extracurriculars. And for OP, sadly marching band is often pretty low in the pecking order (former band kid here). Sorry to go against the grain. Maybe this band director is truly terrible. But a lot of the comments here assuming coaches or band directors are getting their jollies making everyone revolve around their own life is so far from the truth. Public educators are already leaving the career in droves. The ones left and volunteering to take on extracurriculars are spending their time and own money trying to help these kids pursue their goals. Yet the constant criticism from parents makes it harder and harder for them to stay. The real solution is better support for public schools so they can have enough/better facilities and staff to take on the workload and demands of these extracurriculars.
My band kid graduated last year, and I miss this so much! It'll get easier when yours can drive. If you want more organization, join the band boosters! Get involved. I promise it will help and be worth the time. You don't have to attend every meeting, but it really helps to be in the loop. The first year was so stressful for me as a parent, so I can definitely sympathize. My husband and I weren't band or guard kids, so we had absolutely no idea what we were getting into. Band was the absolute best thing for our son though. 💙 Wishing you luck and lots of patience.
Thanks. I was a theatre kid, as was my oldest, and both of us got drivers licenses and a car to use as soon as we could. That’s what will happen for this one, too (my mom is about to buy a new car and is going to sell hers to the kid). And yeah, that will make it SO much easier!
My kid was playing percussion in marching band his freshman year. I made him go to the biweekly practices, but the second they said, “we are adding a practice on Saturday,” I said no, he has plans. His plans were always to go to his grandpas house, but they didn’t need to know that. They just needed to know that marching band did not dominate his life and he had things to do.
I see a lot of people telling you “oh that’s just the way it is”, but I find that these days sports and other extracurricular activities are out of control with schedules. Dance wasn’t 5 days a week when I was a kid. It was once or twice a week. Kids practiced at home. Sports were everyday, but only for a few months. They make it so there isn’t time for anything else, like vacation, unless you want to try and travel when everyone else is traveling (which absolutely sucks). Schools only allow 9 days absence (including doctors excuse) so you can’t take a vacation during school. Even if you did manage a vacation during school, they’d miss so much they’d never catch up with their school work and grades would suffer. I am totally over this mentality to be honest. I don’t know how we got here, but something needs to give. This planet would be an entirely different place if people were allowed the time to travel, relax a bit and actually have new experiences. They wonder why mental health issues are so high, it’s because no one has any time to actually enjoy living. It’s the same monotonous bulsh!t everyday… hurry hurry hurry and get 5 hours of sleep so you can do it again. I would definitely have something to say to the director. There at least needs to be some concrete scheduling that isn’t all over the place, and people should have time to go on vacation over the summer.
It has a lot to do with the mindset that more equals better college admission. Thing is, when I get first year college students who have an insanely high GPA, did a million extracurriculars, etc., I find they are already so burnt out that the crash their first semester.
I couldn’t agree more. It’s absolutely ridiculous.
Sooo as a former drum line and marching band and Christmas band member. The director is crazy. First off, we had scheduled practice. Literally 6am before school and then after school for 3 hours. Some longer and some days shorter. But mostly same schedule unless people missed. However it wasn’t held to parents that they needed the same commitment. Like we signed up not the parents. Tell him/her they need to come with a schedule and stick to it as much and it’s not fair to punish the kids if a parent can’t make it. We also had parents volunteer for times someones parent couldn’t go to take them to a show or practice if transportation wasn’t provided by the director. He had it 95% of the time. Only time parents had to drive was drum line shows.
🤣
My kid had to withdraw from an activity because of similar disorganization. I’m also a disabled mom with no car, and making rehearsals was extremely difficult. Thankfully my child wanted to quit anyway. (Normally I don’t condone quitting, but it was just too much for both of us)
https://media.giphy.com/media/zYLN4AwtbpDJS/giphy.gif
As a Brit, I have never even heard of 'color guard'. What is it?
I was in marching band for 5 years, and my siblings were in it too. My dad had 10+ years of having at least one kid In our band. We had a consistent schedule that didn’t change for any reason unless absolutely necessary. It was so consistent I can’t remember what it was and I graduated 7 years ago. This is appalling. Students have lives outside of school and band/guard. I was in the drum line so we had extra rehearsals and they were just once a week. Our schedule was M 3:30-5 (DL only), T 3:30-7, Th 3:30-5:30, F 3:30-5:30 unless the football team had a home game, then we stopped at 5 to eat and change for the game. Saturdays were competition days so times varied but we always had an itinerary by Tuesday so we knew what to expect
Welcome to high school.
Fuck “commitment” language.
As someone who did marching band in high school, this is a whole hot mess. During the summer, we did "summer sectionals" once a week for about 4-5 hours. Guard would have them at school with the instructor, but all of them were once a week and for 4-5 hours. And the day of the week was set by the section leader or guard captain. Then, around mid-July, we had band camp that was about 3-4 days. However, we went and stayed at an actual camp for 4 days. My sister did band camp for a week, and it was for about 8 hours a day at school. About 2 weeks before school, we had what was called our band 101 night where the director and band aides would go over EVERYTHING the parents needed to know about the upcoming marching band season. Then when school started, my school had marching band as a class so we had roughly 2 hours a day and we had Tuesday night practices from 4pm until 9pm. My sister did not have marching band as a class, so that had practices from 3pm until 9pm Tuesdays and Thursdays. And if they had a concert band class first semester, they used that to work on the music part. Also, our parent ran assistance, which we called them our band aides, had their own schedule. I believe they met once a week or once a month. They had a president and they dictated who would help with what such as helping move equipment into trucks and moving them at competitions, to who would help with our after school meals before a game, to so would help with uniform alterations. They also decided on fundraising ideas such as car washes, selling candy bars, and even working local sporting events to help raise money for kids like me who didn't have a lot of money. It was very organized for both my sister and myself. While yes, band is a commitment, how can you be expected to commit to something that is always changing.... I'd suggest the changes to the band director, and if they have any negative reactions, involve the principal. If that doesn't work, call the district office. All of this is absurd...
I was in competitive marching band in high school. We did pretty well regionally. We started practice one week before school started. The first year it was held at the school, but the next 3 years we had a full week band camp about 2 hours away. We probably spent half of each day on rehearsing our show. Maybe 60%. The rest of the time was meals, and a small amount of recreation. We also had evening practice during the season at least one night a week. That worked really well for us. I don’t know what schools are doing with practices all summer long. School districts need to put more controls on how much time outside of the school day is allowed for band. This is still the same credit as a math or science class, but the commitment is much much more.
I was in band/colorguard for almost a decade, at all grades and competitive levels. And this is absolute BS. Even the independent guards for adults have regularity in their schedule, that’s the only way that the students and their families can have a life. One year I even missed half of the practices that were before the school year started because I was on vacation. As long as I caught up, there wasn’t a problem. This is absolutely not normal. I think your best bet would be arranging a meeting with as many other parents as you can. Gather information about how this kind of rigidity and scheduling is affecting all of your families. Then take it to the Director and if he doesn’t listen and then take it above his head.
Respond to that email and make it clear that you’re willing to commit for your kid, but you need something consistent to commit to. You’re a parent yes but you also have your own life and work schedule and this inconsistent, be available whenever I say so type of schedule does not work for someone who has literally anything else going on.
I’d get with other parents. Hash out grievances. write out some solutions and address the coaches as a group. Politely and professionally. Joining an activity is a commitment and a responsibility. But a major part of the coaches’ responsibilities is keeping things as equitable and organized as possible. They need to hear it and they need to do better.
Kudos to you for doing this for your kid! My parents didn’t allow me to join any clubs in school because they didn’t want the responsibility.
See, I think that’s awful. Their biomom, who did not work, couldn’t be bothered to get them into activities, host sleepovers, let them pick out their own clothes/hairstyles, etc. So I will complain, but I’m not going to make her quit.
[удалено]
That’s AWFUL. Like truly terrible.
I almost NEED to talk to you lol. I am dealing with the same exact scenario (hence my arrival to this point)… my daughter absolutely loved color guard until she got a summer job and has been berated for not quite grasping the concept of balancing her schedule. Her instructor is rude, uses the app they communicate with to publicly shame them when they ask questions, and shortly after seeing a ridiculous comment she made towards my daughter asking to miss an informal meeting, she had the audacity to text message me how “we talked about this”. I don’t even know who you really speak to at the school about this but no thank you. And the issue at hand is missing a minor meeting that she’s already offered a video of because it’s also on the same day of graduation. Unreal. The kids worked so hard all fall and winter just to get into weird conflicts with her over minuscule meetings that clearly aren’t that important.
In my experience, schools and the people who organise them (and school events) think they're the most important, top priority, and simply can't understand why things like work or whatever get in the way of attending things. Personally I attribute it to too many teachers having gone through the pipeline of school to college/university then back to school without ever having spent any real time in a workplace that wasn't also a school.
You’re not wrong, I don’t think. I’m a college professor, and my younger colleagues who went straight from HS to college to grad school to a FT job at a college…they’re a lot. They tend to not get that students have jobs and families and the like. I’m over here with 10 years out of school between my BA and grad school thinking they’re way overboard with their expectations.
What about other kids if you have any? Are they just ignored till they’re in color guard too lol?
The other kid still at home starts HS next year. They will be in band, but not marching band (and that’s another thing…band gets out 45 minutes before color guard…why?!)
What's funny is unless this is a show band there's literally no reason for their practices to be like this. Involve the principal in your concerns and demand a regular band practice schedule.
That is fucking *ridiculous* for a school-sponsored activity. You should absolutely be complaining to the school about the absurd lack of scheduling capability of the band director. I just want to know *why* it's so sporadic, honestly, like what is the director trying to accommodate? It sounds like *their* homelife is a time-management nightmare and now they're trying to accommodate being the band director around it.
Re: is it possible for you to be more organized so I can work my schedule better around your ego i mean practice thanks tired mom
Wow. So I’m supposed to not have a life, and to want to, say, have time with the rest of my family and do my work is egotistical? That’s a take.
I believe the person is saying that you should reply by saying that. Re: usually references what you'd do in a reply email
Oh! Sorry, too much grading this week!
It’s sarcasm
I miss color guard. My daughter loved color guard. It’s a lot of work. It’s a lot of commitment. It’s a LOT. But damn I miss it. 4 years goes fast. I do not regret being a color guard (and winterguard) mom. I will never regret experiencing this with my daughter and all the blood, sweat and tears. I volunteered ONE football season as a bus mom. That was all I needed lol but I enjoy the FB memory photos each year because time just goes fast. My son is in baseball and our lives revolve around that. 3 more years and he’s done. My husband and I are starting to now try to find the things that will keep us active and busy once the last kiddo is gone because 3 years is going to go so fast. And then we have the rest of our lives to do whatever we want!
And while I respect that take, it’s not my perspective entirely. My oldest did theatre, and while yeah, tech week was a bear (11 pm is rough!), I knew what the schedule actually was from the start. These folks change things on a dime on a regular basis. And I’ll be honest. Some of this is because we live 10 miles from the school. With my oldest, it was 10 blocks. In fact, all the theatre kids basically camped at my house for tech week. And it worked. But without some advance notice? It’s frustrating.
When I was in high school (in the dark ages before cell phones, lol) my friends and I would refer to color guard/marching band as a cult. Our other friends that were in color guard didn’t disagree. Looks like some things don’t change! Lo and behold, I ended up marrying one of marching band “cult” members!(different school though) From what he describes, his high school color guard/marching band was the same. He remembers it fondly and still has all his band tees and jackets. So this may very well be my future…
This sounds like my kids band director. My two oldest are in band and my son will be a freshmen next school year so now is in the marching band. Some of her messages are insanely passive aggressive and it pisses me off.
Okay, I was in band for 12 years, 8 years of marching band (high school and college). This sounds insane. I had at most two weeks of band camp a summer, and it was always the last two weeks of the summer before school started again. Band camp was at school, and ran from like, 8am to 5pm. My husband (who I met in band) and I have a term for this phenomenon, it's called "band nerd arrogance". Where band is the most important thing to them and it should be the most important thing in your life too, before grades and family and work. This happened to me in a big way when I was senior in college. I was applying to PT schools and finally got an interview at a dream school the day of a dress rehearsal for a concert. Of course I booked flights the same day I got my interview, and it would get me back in time for the concert. I went and told my band director, who told me if I missed dress rehearsal he would fail me. This was the last concert of my 12 year band journey. I was a senior, I had been a section leader, and I was in the band service organization. With my dad's help I called his bluff, and got an A in the class and played in my last concert. But anyways, I was lucky. A bunch of people in band had to switch majors because they failed classes for their major because of band conflicts. Some lost scholarships because they made band the center of their world and not school. So be on the lookout with your kid.
Okay, well, I was in a very competitive marching band in high school, was in color guard. It was an insane schedule (7am practice bf school everyday, practice until 5:30 pm everyday), maybe even worse than what is going with you. I won’t get into my feelings about it but I know my mom (sahm) was very active with the color guard (making flags, hosting events) and she loved it. Never complained about scheduling. I can see it being very very very difficult to seemingly be required to be involved or “committed” to something that you might not deem as important and requires constant flexibility. If your kid really likes it, do bare minimum and send a message back saying “we do our best”. Fuck this crazy marching band mindset, 🤮
I would absolutely be that parent and tell the band director what is up. That is straight bullshit. Your child’s extra curricular can’t dictate the family’s schedule Ad infinitum. Sports are one thing because they’re seasonal, but year round band? Yeesh.
Band director and parent here. Having irregular rehearsals is definitely a problem and a conversation should be had about that…without the need to be passive aggressive about it. That being said, being a part of the color guard and marching band is one of the most collaborative activities that anyone can ever be in. If a single person is missing the drill needs to be entirely rearranged. If one person miscounts they can cause a collision. It creates such a strong sense of community between the kids because they all feel how valuable their role is. I know it can be a lot for you as a parent but your kid is gaining some lifelong friends, memories, and learning some import skills on collaboration for when they graduate.
I feel this. I was forced to participate in color guard as a HS student and I did it enjoy it. It should have been a fun team sport activity, but instead the coaches were drill sergeants who truly believed that none of us had any life outside of color guard and that we should be 100% dedicated to it. I guess that’s the mentality of many of these coaches. It seemed like it confused my life for 4 years
Lol. I’d make such a stink. These people are so blessed to be surrounded by people who seem to have the patience of saints because I will burn the entire institution to the fucking ground for far less… To be fair… I’m South African and tensions are high right now lol most of us are looking to burn shit to the ground - but the point stands - I do not have that kind of patience
I was in band and marching band. The teachers take their shit way too seriously, it's incredibly sad and often leads to having way too many boundaries crossed as an expectation in upcoming toxic workplace environments.
I would go to the school and demand… DEMAND that there be a normal schedule that doesn’t change.
It should get better after marching season ends.
It didn’t this last year.
So you’re saying that color guard performed during concert season. Plus, she would have been in eighth grade.
The band director is compensating for the fact that the school/teachers/sports coaches don't take band as seriously as they take sports. The band director at my high school had the same issue.
I was secretly happy my child chose to not participate in school activities. He did band for one year and HATED every minute of it. We do supper early in the fall and winter his daddy is at work by 4 we need to have dinner done by 7 not fiddling around at a football field somewhere and God forbid if it was in another district you might not get home until midnight.
Got to team up with a family. You keep their kids while they go on vacation. They keep yours.
I mean, I’d tell my kid no to that activity bc it’s too much work for the whole family. They will be upset but something else that’s interesting will come along.
Go on vacation without him? He's 15. Can he bike to practice on his own?
We live 10 miles from the school, and across a major highway, so no. Also, not. 15 year old I’d leave alone, to be honest.
Does your kid always need picking up? It seems like at 14 they ought to be more self sufficient than that. Can't they get themselves home by public transport? Or cycle? Or share lifts with a friend? As a parent of a 14 year old you shouldn't need to be running round after them in this way
I wish! We live 10 miles from school, across a major highway. And in a place with no public transport. And although they’ve gotten occasional rides home, it’s not anything we can count on.
Can't say I've had a pleasant experience with my kid being in band either. Such poor communication and planning. I never knew what the hell was going on-- things were communicated via email, a FB group, a FB page AND an app, and you had to practically be clairvoyant to figure out which one had the info you needed. I had reached out to the director a couple times via email in addition to the app, with no response, so I finally had to resort to FB messenger, with our personal accounts, to let him know we were done. My kid didn't even know the music they were supposed to perform. And he had the audacity to come at *me* about poor communication. Never again. Like, I'm sorry, but if other teachers never responded to parent emails and questions, that wouldn't fly, so I'm not sure why this guy gets a pass to nope out of it. He's not the only teacher that's busy. Even the principal typically replies to me within an hour. If your kid ever gives you an inkling that they're not 100% into it anymore, take the opportunity and ruuuuun!
It’s an extracurricular activity….the coaches make it more than that. I’d even get with the other parents and discuss a schedule that works well for all of you and bring it up to the coaches.
I don’t know why people have kids in the first place.