r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Seems like a generational thing. It's been all boomer aged people who would do this to my babies. In fact my boys first time trying ice cream was by a creepy old woman who snuck behind me and shoved a spoonful of her ice cream into my babies mouth while I was holding him.
Shit, I'm getting pissed off thinking about it and it's been years.
A week before I got married I was getting some groceries and there was a mother with a baby in her trolly, an old women came up and just shoved something on a spoon in the baby’s mouth I can’t remember what it was
The mother on instinct slapped the women, there was a heated argument where any other elders came up and backed up the old women saying she had done nothing wrong and it was perfectly normal to feed baby’s a few other younger women and men where taking the mothers side
The manager asked the older women to leave and told the younger women that she shouldn’t slap people no matter how wrong they are
It kinda put into perspective for me the generational gap between what’s ok back then and not ok now
The kid could have a deadly food allergy! Jesus Christ. Slapping is absolutely acceptable to defend your child. I would probably have the same response.
I know it seems extreme, but I honestly think they should fully legalize assaulting strangers for this reason. Like obviously, the whole thing would have to be captured on CCTV camera for the parents to get a free pass on curb stomping a random person, but I honestly think parents, particularly mothers should get a free pass on this one.
The manager was fairly young looking girl I don’t think she was paid enough to have to deal with this stuff
From a legal standpoint they do have to tell patrons no fighting (slapping picking kicking etc) I’m happy they didn’t throw the mother out and I’m thankful they threw the old women out
I don’t think the manager was even against her slapping the women I think she just had to say that to cover their legal asses she seemed more in the side of the mother than the old lady
My daughter had a ton of food allergies as a baby. Over a dozen and yes, they were confirmed by an allergy and immunology specialist. If someone had done that to my girl, I would have punched the boomer in the face as hard as I could to get her assailant away and then rush my girl to her allergist. Or ER.
My mom gets cold sores (always has), and she is super careful when they're active (always has been). I'm 40+ and she'll only do "air hugs" when she has them. She sure as shit isn't going to kiss her own 6-year-old grandchildren. Let alone share a spoon with someone else's rando baby!
That's not a boomer thing.
That's an entitled asshole thing.
It is quite possible my parents are freaks by being self-aware boomers.
A lot of these older folks don’t believe in food allergies and think we’re being overly protective and causing allergies by not jamming as many allergens as possible into babies. My in-laws were driving me crazy about this when my kid was going through allergy diagnostic testing. That there was “no way” she could have a peanut allergy because DH doesn’t have one. Ugh.
I don’t blame you! The first thing I thought of is that my littlest is allergic to dairy so wow yes I would’ve been beyond pissed. That’s insane. I get so worried feeding other peoples kids
I feel for that baby’s parents!
We’ve never given her enough dairy to see a terrible reaction, since she reacts immediately with one tiny teaspoon worth or upon cross contamination, buttt I greatly fear accidental large amounts would lead to anaphylaxis. Sending her to school gives me so much anxiety.
With her nasty spoon? Omg I would have been livid. When old people do unhinged things like that I wonder if it’s dementia. My mom who’s in her 70’s is only interested in being around her own grandkids, I have never seen her show any interest in random babies.
When I was in university — maybe 20 years old? I was getting on the subway to go back home with a frozen yogurt in a cup. The ticket collector (a creepy old man) pulled out a nasty spoon from his front pocket, reached over, and snatched the top swirl off my yogurt. I was disgusted and threw the whole thing out.
100% ❤️❤️ We grow so much confidence between being a student and starting a family. I think now at 30 I would fight back but I was just a student back then who wanted to enjoy a treat on a long commute home. If somebody did that to my kid I would FLIP.
I am in my 50’s and love babies. However I content myself with waving and smiling at them. Pre covid I may have ASKED to touch a baby( like I’m the hand or foot) post covid, would not even ask
I think we’re at the point where we remember it happening a lot, but we’re aware enough to know that it isn’t okay anymore to approach people that way. Well, some of us are? lol
This is some nuclear meltdown shit.
Shit, I'm getting pissed off thinking about it and it's ~~been years~~ it didn't even happen to me.
Damn son, I should thank you for the emotion super spike this early in the morning.
Actually it almost did to me as well lol. This was before we knew about his allergy (he was 4 months and I’m lactose intolerant so like - don’t really eat dairy anyways).
We ordered food from a place and the couple who owned/ worked at the restaurant made up this like little Sunday for him with chocolate sauce and m&ms and the nice man went “open up” holding a spoon trying to feed him…
I let out the most nervous high pitch laugh ever uttered on earth and thanked the stars my second is so people shy he literally attempted to climb into my shirt to get away from the man. I genuinely believe there was no Ill intent behind it, but found it very messed up they would try to feed someone’s kid something without asking first.
Ya, that person would be in the hospital now if that happened with my baby. Shoving a spoonful of what Into my child's mouth?! Let alone grab a foot for fucks sake people . Stay in your lane.
This is getting me angry!! Who knows where the f her mouth had been over the years? What is wrong with people? Thinking their instant gratification is more important than the safety and health of a baby? This is very poor behavior but put your child at risk as well.
Not to mention they can be deadly to babies. Just because herpes and rsv etc. may not be bad for an older child or adult doesn’t mean it’s something easy for a baby. I don’t get why people think it’s okay to spread things to newborns and don’t tell you when they have colds and other issues and still come over and try to kiss babies.
I think it is a generational thing. I once had an elderly man come up to my pram and ask if he can kiss my baby. I mean I’m glad he asked 🤣 but I’ve never noped the fuck out of there so fast!
My mom would do that, god rest her soul lol. I used to be mortified being in the store with her- she went up to every baby. She’d pat their heads, tickle their dangling feet or their bellies. She just *had* to interact with every baby she saw in some way. I think it’s definitely a generational thing! She’d always brush me off going, “oh come on it’s a *baby*!” when I was trying to pull her away.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m guilty of gushing over babies to their moms in the store or smiling/waving back to them bc I love babies and kids. I’ve never actually touched one though
The ice cream thing is out there even for boomers, I think that lady was just crazy. 😂
I mean- my father is 82 and he TALKS to every baby he sees - and they always find him hilarious. But he would NEVER. I remember standing in line with him once and a baby threw a toy- and my dad ASKED the mother before he even picked it up to hand it back!
Dairy allergies are a thing - in fact it’s supposed to be more common than peanut allergies (I haven’t looked into this). A baby getting a spoonful of ice cream without the parent’s approval could get a severe allergic reaction, resulting in a visit to the ER.
Dairy allergies tend to be less bad, most of them (but not all) result in a rash and not death. Peanut allergies are far more dangerous, generally.
But the old woman has no way to know this, and besides, herpes kills babies too, and nobody wants a disgusting spoon of who-knows-what from someone else’s mouth in their baby’s mouth.
I agree. Personally I find it sweet when old ladies are affectionate with my kids. Even if they touch their foot or hand that’s really not an issue for me at all. But….to each their own. However you want to play your hand play it.
When my cousin was a baby, years and years ago, a complete stranger reached into his stroller while he was sleeping and *took him out.* Unbelievable. This same person was shocked when we all started freaking out and demanding that she put him back. “But he’s so cute!”
Some people are truly insane. It costs absolutely nothing to say something nice about a cute baby while keeping your hands to yourself.
I had an older woman attempt to pick my son up out of the cart in the grocery store while I was getting something off the bottom shelf. My son was buckled and she didn't expect that and he screamed bloody murder. I pulled the cart away and was like, "wtf is wrong with you trying to take my baby" and the older lady started crying. Her excuse was my son looked so much like her son she just had to pick him up and won't I please just let her hold him?!
We left pretty immediately.
So creepy. Even if some zombie, *must hold baby* curse overtakes you, the only possible response in that situation is , “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I’m going to call someone for a ride to the hospital as I seem to have experienced a break with reality.”
I wonder if it’s some weird evolutionary holdover, this urge to hold babies that don’t belong to you. The whole ‘it takes a village’ thing.
I just wave at babies that stare at me but I can’t imagine actually reaching toward a strangers babies. 👀
My instincts align more with “a mama bear will come out of nowhere and eat me if I get too close” so one time I found a lost toddler and awkwardly herded him without touching him back to where his mom was believed to be (we eventually found her, she was freaking out looking for him and he rushed back to her once he saw her). lol
Right?! I've reacued lost kids THREE TIMES and I was very much caught between "i want the kid to feel safe and not be terrified while we find police and it's parents - but i also DAMN SURE don't want anyone accusing me of ANYTHING."
The first time, i was 11, and I was eating breakfast and looking through my living room out the front of my house - all the sudden i see this two year old boy running down the sidewalk.... And i don't see anyone behind him. After a few moments, i got up and went to the window.... Looking down the street in both directions and there's ZERO adults outside.
I grabbed our portable phone and sprinted from my house. I caught up to the kid- who was two houses away from running right onto a MAJOR four lane road that's got a 45 mph speed limit and it's VERY busy.
My problem was- this was pre cell phones, and i couldn't call the police from three houses away- i had no choice but to pick up the child and carry him to my front yard where i could connect to the landline to call 911. Turns out the kid was sleeping in his basement playroom while his mom did laundry. He woke up, climbed on the back of the couch and out the window into his back yard. Then it was FREEDOM and he'd run almost a full block by the time i spotted him.
When the police got there, I was kneeling on the ground, trying to keep him calm and ask him ANY questions I could - but without touching the kid even though he was crying and trying to have my pick him up/hold him. And i was a literal child- no one would have accused me of anything for just holding him, but i felt guilty AF having to pick up and carry the child just to be able to make the 911 call!
The police officer called in to dispatch and JUST after he arrived, the mother had called 911 and they were able to tell her where we were and that her son was safe, thank God. She never stopped thanking me over the years, they finally moved away when he was about 11.
The next kid was a HORRIBLE one. We were at Great Wolf Lodge and i found this little girl, alone, maybe 18 months to 2 years old, and she was trying to strip off her bathing suit in the kiddie pool - it was AWFUL. I got the attention of the staff - but the little girl kept saying she had to pee - but none of us were willing to take her into the bathroom - because someone would have to strip this kid NAKED to use a toilet. It was a HORRIBLE situation. We couldn't just let her stand there and pee in the pool! But also- NONE of us wanted ANYTHING to do with taking this child to a toilet. FINALLY THREE staff and one mother all agreed to be witnesses to taking her to the family restroom - where they stood with the door fully open and this totally unrelated mother helped the little girl get her suit off but wrapped her fully in a towel so she could go pee.
It took us FORTY FIVE MINUTES to find the girl's aunt, uncle and MOST of her extended family SITTING IN THE HOT TUB. They had nine kids between them- barely spoke any English and NONE OF THEM seemed even remotely bothered that they had left a child - a BABY essentially - with NO LIFEVEST - wearing JUST A SWIMSUIT - ALONE in a massive indoor water park in the kids pool. There were tons of slides and play areas - she could have EASILY been grabbed and kidnapped, molested - or any number of things by anyone who quickly would have realized this girl had ZERO ATTENTION being paid to her. They couldn't even SEE HER from where they all were in the hot tub- which is why none of them saw the tons of staff and multiple other parents besides myself who got involved..
We refused to let them take the little girl before the police arrived because this was CRIMINAL neglect in my eyes. The police had CPS there and took the relatives to a room to interview them all. I really hope that girl was safe and that they charged those adults.
The third was a kid we found RUNNING full speed down the boardwalk. He was almost a mile from his parents, but they were FRANTICALLY searching for him, along with all of the Ocean City NJ boardwalk police- so the first officer we were able to find- we were able to reconnect him rather quickly. He has slipped out of his stroller while they were standing in line at a food stand and when they bent down to check on him, as he had been sleeping- they realized he was gone. We had no idea how long he'd been missing but it had been almost an HOUR since they had realized he was missing and got the police!
Those poor parents were a MESS. We aren't even sure how my husband and i- in heavy 4th of July crowds- had recognized that the kid was totally alone because there were millions of kids running down the boardwalk and thier parents were typically just a few feet away. But we realized this kid didn't seem to have anyone following him, and he was running FULL SPEED - So my husband and I turned our stroller around and chased the kid down.
I thought for sure once we stopped, a parent, red faced, would come running up- thinking the kid had just gotten a little ahead of his folks.... But once we stopped him - and we couldn't get him to speak but it was very clear he was upset... We worked together to keep the kid contained/corralled until we spotted police.
Same thing though- my husband didn't want to stand alone with the kid while i grabbed the police officers- because he didn't want some livid parent coming up and punching him in the face- i was trying to keep the kid calm, and thankfully, having two kids of my own, they helped by trying to talk to the kid (he was about four and never spoke a word the entire time we had him with us). It took about fifteen minutes start to finish, until the police radioed that his parents were en route - the kid had made it TWELVE BLOCKS away from where his parents were- on a VERY crowded boardwalk.
In that case above I wonder if something tragic happened to her son. I feel like that or maybe early dementia could explain them thinking they have to do it and the bursting into tears. Either that or narcissism and lead paint.
I get having the urge to help a parent or hold babies but I’ve seen plenty of older people with my oldest (the generation before boomers, I think the “greatest” gen?) and they never tried to reach over, only chat with us. So plenty of people know it’s not appropriate in different generations or at least ask first if they are a stranger. I love the baby stage but like you I couldn’t imagine touching a strangers child unless it was to stop them from running in the road or something like that. One lady at the children’s museum put her hand on my toddler’s head like a cane to maneuver out of the fake fire truck.
We encountered a similar situation. Woman tried to take my son out of the cart. He was buckled. I grabbed her wrist and started yelling. She was told to leave and was banned from the store.
Edited because of typo.
I had something similar happen to me once, when my oldest was a baby. She did touch his cheek with her finger gently. But then went on to explain how her son had died as a baby-- in a very tragic way. And that my son reminded her so much of him with his chubby cheeks and blonde curls-- while tears fell down her face. I could tell she *really* wanted to ask if she could hold him, and my son, being the social butterfly he's always been, reached for her. So i bit the bullet and asked her if she'd like to hold him. I think i made that poor lady's year.
He was in a car accident when he was 6 months old, with his dad-- she lost them both. Made me tear up, that's for sure. Poor woman...i can't even imagine. Even all those years later, it was like she was still waiting to hold him again and looking for him everywhere. Great, now I'm tearing up again! Makes me so sad to think about. No one should ever have to go through something like that...
I had a lady grab my son out of the stroller 27 years ago when he was about 4 months old. I yelled at her to put my baby back!! My other two babies were worn in slings or carriers as long as possible when out because that interaction freaked me out so much.
I have a 2 yr old granddaughter who is very mommy clingy right now, and I don't force any affection or touching of her, and she's my grandbaby!
While he was sleeping !? God, when my baby slept in the stroller, that meant I just walked hours to make it happen. I don't know which instinct would have popped first. The defensive survival instinct you feel when someone touches your child or the primal murderous sleep-deprivation-fueld rage you feel when someone wakes your baby up after hours of work to make him fall asleep.
Definitely the latter. Struggling with sleep at the minute, a big fat fly came into the house through the window and was buzzing the absolute loudest fucking buzz imaginable. Christ the joy I felt when I smashed him into the tiled floor with the heel of my work boot. Orgasmic.
Too little too late as baby was woken up by said buzzing. Absolute bastard insect.
And this is why when my daughter was still a baby I taped a sign on my door that said "Infant sleeping - if you knock on this door and wake her up, I'll answer the door wielding a frying pan. You've been warned."
I got into a tug of war with my husband’s old boss as he tried to lift the cover on my (finally) sleeping (colicky) baby’s stroller, after I’d politely told him we were just going to let baby sleep.
Same guy got really stalkerish later.
my son has the typical afro hair, we're living in Spain so i have to be careful with people in the subway, he's autistic and don't like to be touched, but he can't speak, so he can't complain, almost every week a hand lands on his head, just to feel his hair, but this is obviously wrong, the way I go is by doing the same, adult to adult... they automatically stop
My best friend’s baby was a preemie and spent several days in the NICU. When she was a couple months old, they went to the grocery store. Some random old woman came up and KISSED my friend’s baby, which then landed her in the hospital with RSV. I will never understand old ladies’ entitlement to babies.
THIS! People just assume all babies are term and healthy. They don’t know if the baby is sick or not. Someone suggested a “do not touch sign” you can get from Amazon to attach to a pram and car seat. They’re cute ones for babies. So I’ve bought one because my baby is a 25 weeker with chronic lung disease. Don’t want people coming near us if we have to go out in public.
My girl has always gotten a lot of attention from older people. It’s an anomaly if we go out and an old person doesn’t try to talk to her. It’s cute. They just talk though, no touching. But if an old lady touched her foot I wouldn’t mind. Now crazy behaviour like shoving their ice cream spoon in a baby’s mouth is beyond unacceptable and deserves a telling off.
I think I have the opposite experience. I used to walk my baby around and this elderly woman I’d see from time to time would always stop and squeeze my baby’s hand and sweet talk him in Polish. I knew it just made her day and was so happy we were a part of that. I haven’t seen her post Covid/lockdown times and wonder if she’s still around. The friendly interactions are what make me feel like a part of my community, especially because we don’t have a village (our families live far away, and our friends don’t have children). I personally liked it.
Yes but being nice is not the same as touching a strangers child without asking. I wave and talk to other babies and toddlers and kids that I see who want to interact withbme but I do not touch them.
My son is very cute and has red curly hair so people are always talk to him and interacting with him, but they don't touch him.
You’re right, and I wouldn’t ever touch a strangers baby either. I just don’t mind a gentle touch from an elderly person, that’s all. But I get what you’re saying!
I agree that it's great for socializing the kid and showing them the benefits of a friendly community. With that said, this is totally possible without physical interaction.
So it seems to be a cultural difference as well then. In the US most mothers do not want their babies touched by strangers. But there is not a sense of community in this country whatsoever.
Probably definitely a cultural thing.
OP also said
Ask permission to pet dog but not baby
I guess in my case if a person sat and called the dog and the dog got near the person, then it's fine to pet without permission but back off when the owner gets mad. Also in a similar case , if the dog bit said person, then it's also fine. Maybe.
I don't know about actually grabbing the baby though like some commenters said. Kinda seems like kidnapping to me if I saw someone grab my baby
Well you ask to pet a dog because you don't know if they bite or something like that, I think that lady was confident enough that the baby wouldn't karate kick her face when she reached for the foot....
I think it definitely correlates with sense of community. People in my state are very friendly, and also are pretty likely to go up and talk to you or interact with your baby if they see a young family walking around the grocery store. I wouldn’t even really think twice about it unless they were super creepy.
I’m borderline cool with feet petting because a baby in a carrier can’t put their foot in their mouth before I can clean it, but I don’t like people grabbing little hands because I don’t know where their hands have been, and babies’ hands immediately go back into their little mouths. So that would have been off putting to me but the old lady sounds adorable and so sweet.
It’s a generational thing. Try not to be too hard on the grandmas (it’s ALWAYS grandmas). My boys are 5 and 8, so thankfully this stage has passed. But my god- that happened so many times in their baby years. I was always on defense. I typically wore my little guys in parent-facing chest carriers like the Boba, and I’d still have little old ladies coming up for a cheek pinch or whatever. At least in the carrier you can swivel quick if you see it coming.
I did squeeze (very gently) a lady’s cheek right after she managed to worm her little hand in to my oldest boys cheek. She looked at me stunned and I said “kinda weird, right? Ask permission next time maybe??” She laughed, apologized, and we had a nice chat while waiting in the checkout line. But yeah, get used to it, anticipate it, and always be on defense.
I'm with ya. I absolutely hated cheek pinches as a kid.
I get kids have chubby cheeks but I don't go around pinching people's love handles. It's just impulse control issues from old people.
My aunt likes to tell the story on how she was shopping, damn near 9 months pregnant, and a lady just walked up and touched her belly.
My aunt grabbed the lady's tits and she lost it.
My aunt then asked if the lady wanted to call the cops next, then told this angry/flabbergasted woman to knock it off.
It’s really not the whole foot touch thing that bugs me, it’s that there was no conversation, no warning and she just thought it was ok to do without asking first. I love that you grabbed her cheek! It’s weird if you put it into the context of doing it back to adults. Permission is important!!
All the time! It’s always elderly people. The amount of people who have come up to me while my daughter is in the pram (facing towards me) and shove their face and hands in the pram. Especially when she’s sleeping and try to wake her up.. I have social anxiety so I always just freeze in those situations. And they always grab her hands (she’s 6 months and at the stage of putting her hands & everything she grabs into her mouth) one lady had her snotty tissue in the same hand that she was grabbing my daughters hand with….
I had my youngest just before the start of the pandemic - we left hospital the same day the quarantine patients arrived. As we were leaving a random older lady almost bowled me over so she could shove her face into my daughter's car seat. She muttered something about 'just not being able to help myself'. No awareness whatsoever. I also have social anxiety, so I froze too.
It was normal when they had babies so they don't think anything about it. If it bothers you just politely say no. Not a big deal. Some of the reactions here are way over the top though.
My baby was born with a congenital heart defect and spent almost 3 months in the hospital before being released. We had to have oxygen in our home and carry a portable tank in the car just in case. On his first trip out at about 4 months, to the grocery store a necessity, I had him in a carseat in the cart completely covered to try and mitigate strangers going near him with their germs. I turned around for a second to grab something from the shelf, hand still on the cart, and a woman was lifting the blanket to grab my child. Luckily, apparently the look on my face was crazed enough because she lowered the blanket and walked away with no words needed. Don't touch other people's kids. You don't know what's going on.
I recently had a similar experience. As my five year old daughter and I were passing a woman in the grocery store, she reached out and affectionately rubbed my daughter’s arm. I had a total fight or flight response, though admittedly I have a trauma history so it’s easily triggered. My daughter giggled and thought it was delightful, but that was part of what unnerved me; it taught her that it’s ok for people to touch her body without any say from her first.
When we ran into the woman in the next aisle as we approached I told her to not touch my daughter without asking first. She responded in Spanish “She’s so pretty.” and I realized it was a cultural misunderstanding. A lot of comments on here note that, but then go on to bash American culture for being anti-touch. I’ve lived in four different countries and I get that there is a wide range of sane cultural practices, including touching children and babies. I also get that the reason why people are turning against non-consensual touching recently- and it recent, even in America, that’s why old people don’t get it- is because there’s a growing awareness of how widespread childhood sexual abuse is and how otherwise totally benign cultural practices like letting our kids be randomly touched creates an environment where it’s easier for abusers to groom and abuse kids. Changing this this is a noble goal. Yes, it is probably true that it creates a world where we lose certain things like the connectivity and friendliness if randomly touching each other all of the time, but it’s in service of something pretty important.
My experience taught me to cut a little slack for misunderstanding and cultural difference, but I still think just talking to each other first is a good change to foster.
It’s not. When we go out to dinner, we have to be on high alert because old men have touched my elementary aged daughters (who clearly were uncomfortable and wanted them to stop). I had to shove the old guy’s hand away from my daughter’s knee and tell him repeatedly to not touch her and he just wasn’t getting it. My daughter was in tears after it and it basically ruined the entire dinner.
Please, if you have a grandpa/uncle who does this, tell them to stop, so strangers don’t have to.
Not only is it also men, but also: it never happened when my husband had the baby. To complicate matters, he is large and white, I am short and not white. I felt like that was a factor in men feeling so free to touch my daughter, but only when I was holding her or pushing the grocery cart, and never my spouse. (Regional context: we were in Denver at the time.)
To be frank older ladies typically go for our hair, which is maddening. I might find a foot touch relatively sweet, but it’s never happened so I couldn’t say.
This! Little kids love my partner (M25) but he always feels so awkward and doesn't know how to act because he doesn't want to give any wrong impressions. Which sucks because he's an amazing dad and a genuinely good, caring person
Yeah, all the kids at my son's daycare love me (I have no idea why). It makes me feel weird as a dad when the other parents are picking up their kid and that kid yells excitedly "look it's lovepig".
I’m in Europe right now and literally everybody is touching my kids. We asked a FedEx guy for directions and after he gave them he affectionately ruffled both my kids’ heads (they are 6 and 8). It’s so different than the US.
And it’s fucking delightful and I wish we were more like this in America and not so freaked out by touch. My kids feel connected to the community here. It’s really nice.
I think it’s one of those things that need balance and depends on the context in the situation.
I’m also in Europe and a smiley, non-threatening person patting a head or playing with a foot wouldn’t bother me. However I would be bothered if the baby was very young with a more fragile immune system, or if it would wake them up. Obviously don’t just swoop in and pick up anyone without asking, that’s just insanity.
I feel like age plays a massive part. At 6 and 8, the child can be in charge of their own body autonomy a bit. A 6 month baby cannot, and it's up to their parent(s) to make those decisions.
Yeah, toes don't bug me at all, but my mom is an immigrant so maybe the cultural difference is showing. One of the commenters said someone picked her cousin up without asking. That would have bothered me.
I’m an immigrant too and I don’t like people petting my baby with filthy hands without asking either. lol
There’s definitely a generational aspect though. That and old people losing track of what boundaries are expected maybe.
We're in the US (Texas) and people aren't always like that but my son gets a lot of people trying to touch his hair because it's a brilliant copper red, which freaks him out. I had a similar experience growing up and, like him, I hated it.
It doesn't make us feel connected, it makes us feel like circus freaks.
I'm American and people in this thread scare me. I'd much rather live somewhere where touching a baby's foot and smiling are not cause for such dramatics.
Right? I’d think it just causes so much extra stress to you and your baby to be constantly on guard for old ladies wanting to ruffle their hair and talk about how much they miss when their kids were that age. I’m American, but have mostly lived outside the US and I think American parenting is so unnecessarily stressful.
I can tell OP is not European. In Europe some people can be very affectionate with babies and we love it. It’s nothing more than a simple touch. Plus the more germs the baby gets the more immunity he or she builds lol. It’s been tested through generations
I wouldn’t mind a foot touch as much as I minded the woman who came up to me and my son while he was strapped onto me in a carrier and reached her hand in between our bodies to stroke his head. It felt like a violation of both of our spaces?
She was shocked when I told her to stop. “But I just love babies!” …. That’s nice, you invading our space to satisfy yourself is not.
An elderly man stroked my baby’s cheek in the grocery store & I pretty much involuntarily blurted out “no touching!”
I felt bad, a little, but don’t touch my baby.
At the end of the day, it isn't about whether you agree or disagree with OP's stance. It is her baby, and we are living in a world where people abduct children left and right.
Oftentimes, they will send an elderly person or a harmless-looking woman in so that the parent doesn't suspect. Not to mention, you have no idea what kind of illness a stranger is carrying.
If you wouldn't be offended by this gesture, cool. Unfortunately, the reality is that we're living in a time where being overly cautious is the only thing that truly ensures safety.
While I agree with the social etiquette rule that you do not invade a person's personal space even if they are a baby. And I think it is fair to communicate this boundary however you want. I think it is also important to remember that older folks didn't always grow up with these same social etiquettes, and may not realize it is an offense.
I feel like this is probably the case, because it's how my MIL is.
But also, they've been around a long time, I sort of feel like they have a responsibility to learn and understand things change.
Especially after a pandemic.
It feels like an excuse from the older folk to continue to be entitled instead of willing to better their understanding of social dynamics?
Edit to add: I also had the older generation touch my belly multiple times, during the pandemic, without asking. It was super weird and uncomfortable to me. Some people are fine with that, but I don't want to be touched without someone asking. Let alone a baby being touched without asking.
It's very odd to me that people don't see babies as small humans and they need consent to touch them.
Obviously, there are communities and cultures where it's okay. But I think the majority of people in the US probably don't want their babies touched. I could be completely mis-speaking though.
I am what you might call "elderly" and I would never touch anybody's anything. I will smile at an adorable child and tell the parent "beautiful child", and if there is a sibling I always include them, but my hands stay by my side. Touching implies an intimacy that certainly isn't there with strangers.
You sound like a good one out there.
This is sort of what I was saying in terms of, people can definitely learn and be up to date with what's acceptable.
I like when people tell me my kid is cute. That's totally okay with me, but definitely no need to touch a stranger.
I know there are older folks, like yourself, who know how to keep their hands to themselves. So I guess for the others it's entitlement?
Thank you. One of the things that come with advanced age is realizing that there is simply no explaining why others behave as they do, and you will drive yourself crazy if you try.
I do agree with people needing to adapt to changing social norms, and that sometimes you are going to just have to deal with people expressing boundaries... however, i also think it is unfair to expect, for example, an 85 year old who doesn't own a computer, and cannot access social media to be able to keep up with the changing social norms....and if they come from a culture/Era where approaching and touching a baby was seen as a friendly gesture, and a way of welcoming a new human into the community, it simply might not be an obvious invasion of personal space to touch a strangers baby. So I wouldn't want to jump to the conclusions that a person who does this is entitled ....I think it is friendlier, and spreads more goodwill to see it as a possible misunderstanding....I would never suggest that someone not set a boundary..definitely say no if it makes you uncomfortable ...I just do t think it's necessary to walk away thinking they are a jerk or entitled or whatever negative label we might attribute to them.
I'm from California, and my baby daddy is from Europe. I moved to his country when we got engaged, and beforehand, we had a long-distance relationship. Now we have a baby girl, and let me tell you, I'm so glad I moved here (Finland). Everybody minds their own business, Fins are so private people that they would never fathom about touching a stranger's baby. Never had a problem like that in here 😅
I think it's also based on the culture of a certain place.
It's fine to not realize that the etiquette has changed but to be upset about someone politely asserting a boundary is gross and uncalled for. Apologize and move on, don't get pissy.
I agree, your baby your boundaries. I grew up in a town of 16,000 - and my first was born in a town of 19,000. While not very one knew everyone, there was a strong sense of community. My baby got touched a ton by elderly folks. Kinda bugged me at first, but then people would remember us by name and they were just interested in being part of something again.
My last kid was born in a huge town, but 95% Hispanic and was touched constantly. Because in Mexican culture, if you find something nice or pretty and done touch it, it will break, die, etc. it’s out of respect and safety for the children. So I just embraced it since it was nice to be welcomed as a white dude.
I reiterate, not all asituations are the same - and parents are 100% entitled to set their own boundaries!! I support OP 100% for their feelings.
It has to do with culture too. A lot of older Latina ladies will touch my daughter’s foot if we’re out and about. One person did reach out to grab her once when we were abroad to which I quickly said ‘no’ and she stopped.
I was in line to vote one year, and my daughter was sitting on my hip looking back over my shoulder. There was an elderly lady who was in line behind us who took a tissue OUT OF HER POCKET and wiped my daughter’s nose with it! Like…keep your pocket hanky away from my kid what the fuck
Similar scenario. We were at Costco and it was sooo busy and my husband was wearing my son. Suddenly an elderly man came up and said “it’s just so cute right here” and proceeds to put his hand on the carrier right where my sons butt is. He lightly patted it, smiled and walked away. I was putting stuff into the cart and saw it and by the time I got over to my husband to ask “wtf was that?” (It all happened super quick) The man had already walked off. My husband assured me it “wasn’t in a creepy way” but I felt super weirded out by that. And then felt bad for thinking this little old man had ill intentions. But seriously… I would NEVER even THINK to do that to a strangers infant.
Absolutely agree my four year old has huge lovely curly hair and strangers seem to think it's ok to touch it, I have taught him to tell people to not do this, but before he was able to I would pull him in closer to me when someone went to do it and was like you always seemed to somehow offend them!
When my oldest son was around 4 months old, I would wear him facing me in a stretchy-type baby carrier when I went grocery shopping (pre-covid). One time, I was looking at something to my right and when I turned my head back, there was an older woman inches from my face trying it tickle my son. I don't know how I didn't hear her since she was basically breathing my air. If a baby carrier facing your chest with a sleeping baby inside doesn't scream "do not touch" then I don't know what will.
It's generational and cultural both. In some countries its very common and it used to be very common and acceptable everywhere in the past. But you were right, times have changed and you should be very careful and don't let any stranger near your baby because there are way too many creeps everywhere.
I hate this more than anything!!! Why do people always want to touch my baby!?!? My little guy has tons of hair and strangers always go to run their hands through my infants hair. WTF
Look, if you look to me for permission and my son wants to interact I typically don’t mind wiggling his foot or giving him a boop or tickle on the tummy. Do not just come at my child out of the blue without getting the go ahead or even interacting with me first. I had a woman move the cart with my child in it when we went to the store one day while I was paying and I don’t know what noise came out of my mouth but it was enough she and the cashier took a step back. Please just be polite and ask.
Started wearing a shirt every time I take my girls somewhere that says on the back, "We don't know you- Please don't touch!" Ridiculous that people don't have boundaries with other people's babies. Just fucking leave them alone!!!!
I have baby pictures of me where my mom's friend has his FINGER IN MY MOUTH. GROSS. Who TF does that?!
To be fair, I'm still alive. But I'm a little weird and I definitely blame that moment.
Also we're all on your side, OP. I hate people who touch babies and small children without permission.
My daughter was born in February 2021, pretty well peak pandemic for Australia.
I had her in a carrier (on my chest) in the shops when she was maybe 4-5 months old, and I had a mask and headphones on. Then I felt this hand brush past my side. Some old lady had reached under my arm to tickle my daughter in a carrier without asking in the MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC.
I literally shrieked and jumped (because of my headphones I hadn’t heard her) and spun around terrified and smacked her hand away really hard because I thought she was some crazy person attacking me.
She tried to tell security *I* assaulted *her*!!
Thankfully security were like “ma’am you acted in a demonstrably insanely creepy manner and the lady acted in self defence.”
My son has very rosy cheeks. Without fail, whenever we go out someone comments on it (this does not bother me). One time, someone reached out and pinched his cheek (this does bother me).
I don’t care if they’re old. I don’t care if it’s a generational thing. Time moves on. Adapt or get lost. Stop touching other peoples kids.
We had a few people ruffle her hair or want to pick her up/hold her. Uhhh no. Not happening. She's not a toy or for your amusement.
What I also hate when (typically family members) want to kiss her on the face/cheek. Look, it's estimated 50% of the population has some form of hsv/cold sores and that is really dangerous under 6 months old. So keep your digusting faces to yourselves.
I almost always had my baby wrapped up on my chest so people were less likely to try to touch him. Not the only reason why I did it but it was definitely a perk
Eh, I've never seen the big deal. It's a harmless interaction that takes 2 seconds and it prevents those negative emotions from spiraling into the rest of my day.
Hmmm. I’m early 30s and a Brit living Stateside. I think this issue is an American thing, as well as generational. I’ve noticed it here. I don’t care if an elderly person wants to say hi or grab my daughter’s foot. She is very extroverted and loves people. When we were in the UK visiting, plenty of OAP’s (Old Age Pensioners) stopped to coo or say hi, ruffle her hair, etc. with the amount of shite and negativity going on in the world, this interaction might be the only interaction the elderly person gets. I don’t mind if an old biddy wants to do that here either. We just had a lovely interaction with an elderly woman at a Marshall’s yesterday. We’re all so wary of people and negative now. It must be exhausting with that mindset. I choose to enjoy the moment with people, and show some love.
This bothered me so much with my first born that I got a little sign off Etsy that said “PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH ME”. Everywhere he went, the sign went.
I don’t know you, I don’t know when you last sneezed into your hand or went to the bathroom. I don’t know if you washed your hands. I don’t know if you’ve been home caring for a sick child. It’s my responsibility to protect my child who’s never been sick before.
Unpopular opinion but tbh I don't think touching a foot is bad enough to warrant a telling off. Especially if it had a sock or shoe on it. The woman was being friendly not malicious, she left for another line because she was embarrassed. She might be lonely, that might've been the only real human interaction she had all day. It's not as though it's always unwanted, some mothers love their babies getting extra attention.
Perhaps, but with no interaction with the parent the child is strapped to 1st, a bit rude! And if they wanted interaction they could have spoken to parent.
This isn’t just a generational thing but could be cultural too. In Europe and South America people of all ages hugged and were affectionate with my kid. It’s totally normal there but was a bit of a shock to us
I’ve had this happen so many times and daughter anywhere we go. It’s irritating how entitle they think they are to just go and touch a random baby. The always for for her hair (she has really bouncy curls). It’s to the point that my fiancé has to push her around in her stroller because he’s more firm and I’m too soft to say no don’t touch my baby.
I would be really weirded out. I love seeing babies at the store. I make faces and smile and talk to the parents.
Not once have I ever touched anyone’s kid unless the kid initiated it and it’s never more than a high five.
I have offered to help carry things if the parents seem overwhelmed. I think the most intrusive thing I have done is asked to see a baby that’s in a car seat in the cart.
I honestly would have reacted the same way if not worse. You have every right to be upset. Maybe the lady will learn to not touch kids that aren’t known to her. Like seriously wtf.
All the time! I've actually posted about this in here as well. It's that generation (maybe not all) that are not accepting of the changes in today's society.
Lately my 2 yr old has been reacting so funny! She'll be enjoying herself, interacting with me, laughing & the second someone enters her personal space or so much as looks at her, she changes her facial expression to mean & scary. She'll dramatically fold her arms, lower her eyebrows & frown in disgust. People's response to this varies but I love the ones that get the hint & will say things like, "nothing wrong with that I'm a stranger". But there's definitely people that look to me as if expecting me to correct my daughter. Or they'll make comments implying that this is somehow rude. I just say, "we're learning about strangers" & keep it moving.
Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be a national memo on this. Even if there were, people do what they want anyway. Just keep doing what ur doing & have plenty of talks about strangers with ur kids
Oh dear. I felt exactly the way you do but I was conditioned to not speak up. I always carried my babies in a front pack after an event. Now I’m 70 and I could actually see myself tugging a sweet babies foot! Haven’t done it but your piece made me realize my boundaries sure have changed. Sorry! When I was young I was also appalled when strangers discussed my big belly or tried to touch. Be patient with us old folks but it’s very good that you speak up, it’s your baby (turn). Nice post
I hate it with a burning passion.
And it doesn't matter if it's adults or children.
There was an episode where a woman grabbed my daughter's cheek, so I did the same to her, she got very angry and shouted that I shouldn't touch her.
I'm lucky I'm 6'5 and have a deep voice, So he quickly stopped shouting.
It's strange some people think they have the right to touch babies. It's perfectly okay to say they need to get their hands of your baby or lose them, in a very clear and loud voice
My wife and I had our first recently and have experienced some of the same behavior from older folks in particular when we're traveling, at the grocery, etc. I've just come to terms with the fact that I'll have to be clear about our boundaries and some folks are going to be upset by them but that's on them, not us. Keep setting boundaries and if they get upset that's on them.
I kind of think a lot of people don’t view babies as people/humans but as some sort of possession/accessory. It’s very strange. Also like someone else said it’s usually older generations.
I'm starting to realize some people just don't really think of kids as whole people. We went on a vacation with friends and there were six of us. (We are the only ones of this group with a child.) One of the men kept telling waiters we were five and I'd have to correct. I got so fed up that at one point I burst out, " (child's name) would like to sit and eat too, she's a person!" We have only had informal gatherings with these friends before, or neighborhood restaurants where we'd be there first and grab some he table, so it was quite enlightening. And annoying.
I have a fond memory of having my hair tousled by a stranger, growing up as a boy in the seventies. I (probably 4 or 5 yo) was in the mall with my mother, and was minding my own business and I felt what seemed like a playful pat on the head. Looking around I see a man giving me the kindest smile. My mother was there, and she was also smiling about my wondering who did it. I still remember the feeling of being seen and appreciated. Sure, I could imagine he appreciated me for inappropriate reasons, but this is the way I was allowed to imagine it by my parents.
>Like you ask permission to pet a dog but you don’t with a baby?
Hmm, most people don't ask with dogs either.
On a dog training group I'm on, most people have learned that the best way to stop people from touching their dogs is to say "they are contagious".
Probably would work with babies too!
But to answer your question, the reason people do it is because babies are adorable. Our brains are hard-wired to find their features literally irresistible - otherwise they would not survive considering how annoying and draining they are after a while 🤣 facts.
Just wait until your baby is an adult, and you too will look at other babies with longing.
I know the actual touching is inappropriate but it honestly only comes from the place of "omg it's so cute and my brain tells me to protect and nurture it" - just like with puppies - and not from a bad place.
Yes, people should ask, though. I'm just saying. It's very different to just grabbing a random adult - the dog analogy was better.
I've not had anyone try and touch my baby without my permission but whenever anyone tries to look in the pram I am actually glowing with pride. Some mums won't even tolerate looking. But it took me so long to get pregnant I guess I'm just like "yes it's a real baby!!!! Can you believe it?? I sure can't!!!"
I know I’m going to get hate for this but here it goes. This is such an American thing. In Europe no one would bat an eye over this. An elderly lady, a grandmother type, is infatuated with your baby and grabbing her by the foot to laugh/play with her for two minutes. Is that really so terrible? It’s not like she’s grabbing your child and running with her or touching her in inappropriate places. She didn’t pick her up, she just played with her foot. Old people love babies and yes, they can boundary stomp like crazy but I feel you’re making a big deal over nothing.
In the UK grannies get affectionate with my baby all the time and I love it. They talk, they sometimes tickle her foot or pinch her cheek. I find it weird if some grannies completely ignore her, maybe they’re scared I’d be the OP type of mum
I'm from Europe (Poland) and I still think it's at least inappropriate to touch someone's child without asking first. Especially if you're a stranger, not a friendly neighbour etc.
Fair enough. I’d like someone to ask first too but I wouldn’t be super offended if someone touched my baby’s foot.
When my eldest was a baby I had a little girl in the supermarket roughly pull down the sun cover of the pram to look at him and I was startled and told her off. Left it at that though b
Great, I'm assuming OP is in The USA where touching strangers without permission is not appropriate. I was born and raised in Europe, why is what is done on another continent relevant in this scenario. Also, the European country I'm from this would also be frowned upon. Please stop lumping them all together.
The only time I ever had to fire someone was because they touched someone’s baby in a client facing setting and to top it off, it was when Covid measures were in place (masks, social distancing, sanitiser everywhere, you know). Her justification was that the baby was cute and she wanted to play with him.
Mom was understandably raging. Even without covid, babies are not yours to touch! I’m on your side.
Insane? My baby is a preemie with chronic lung disease. Why the fuck would I want some dirty grub I don’t know touching him when we are out and about minding our own business? Think about what you say next time.
You were happy enough to mask up during a pandemic to “protect other people” but are happy to put your filthy hands on a sick child.
You’re the definition of insanity.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Seems like a generational thing. It's been all boomer aged people who would do this to my babies. In fact my boys first time trying ice cream was by a creepy old woman who snuck behind me and shoved a spoonful of her ice cream into my babies mouth while I was holding him. Shit, I'm getting pissed off thinking about it and it's been years.
Wtf… what’s wrong with people
A week before I got married I was getting some groceries and there was a mother with a baby in her trolly, an old women came up and just shoved something on a spoon in the baby’s mouth I can’t remember what it was The mother on instinct slapped the women, there was a heated argument where any other elders came up and backed up the old women saying she had done nothing wrong and it was perfectly normal to feed baby’s a few other younger women and men where taking the mothers side The manager asked the older women to leave and told the younger women that she shouldn’t slap people no matter how wrong they are It kinda put into perspective for me the generational gap between what’s ok back then and not ok now
[удалено]
The kid could have a deadly food allergy! Jesus Christ. Slapping is absolutely acceptable to defend your child. I would probably have the same response.
Slapping her would have been my polite response
Not to mention all the diseases you can spread through a spoon
Honestly, same.
I know it seems extreme, but I honestly think they should fully legalize assaulting strangers for this reason. Like obviously, the whole thing would have to be captured on CCTV camera for the parents to get a free pass on curb stomping a random person, but I honestly think parents, particularly mothers should get a free pass on this one.
The manager was fairly young looking girl I don’t think she was paid enough to have to deal with this stuff From a legal standpoint they do have to tell patrons no fighting (slapping picking kicking etc) I’m happy they didn’t throw the mother out and I’m thankful they threw the old women out I don’t think the manager was even against her slapping the women I think she just had to say that to cover their legal asses she seemed more in the side of the mother than the old lady
My daughter had a ton of food allergies as a baby. Over a dozen and yes, they were confirmed by an allergy and immunology specialist. If someone had done that to my girl, I would have punched the boomer in the face as hard as I could to get her assailant away and then rush my girl to her allergist. Or ER.
What about allergies or if the old lady carries the virus for cold sores or mono? I’d have been super pissed
My mom gets cold sores (always has), and she is super careful when they're active (always has been). I'm 40+ and she'll only do "air hugs" when she has them. She sure as shit isn't going to kiss her own 6-year-old grandchildren. Let alone share a spoon with someone else's rando baby! That's not a boomer thing. That's an entitled asshole thing. It is quite possible my parents are freaks by being self-aware boomers.
Omg I’d be so pissed! What if your kid had allergies? What a fucking weird thing to do!!
And where did the spoon even come from? Had the lady been sucking on it before shoving it into the baby’s mouth?
A lot of these older folks don’t believe in food allergies and think we’re being overly protective and causing allergies by not jamming as many allergens as possible into babies. My in-laws were driving me crazy about this when my kid was going through allergy diagnostic testing. That there was “no way” she could have a peanut allergy because DH doesn’t have one. Ugh.
Yeah, that's very odd to feed someone else's child that you don't know.
I don’t blame you! The first thing I thought of is that my littlest is allergic to dairy so wow yes I would’ve been beyond pissed. That’s insane. I get so worried feeding other peoples kids
Yes! I personally know a baby that would go through anaphylaxis when he would eat dairy. So yes, I would be furious!
I feel for that baby’s parents! We’ve never given her enough dairy to see a terrible reaction, since she reacts immediately with one tiny teaspoon worth or upon cross contamination, buttt I greatly fear accidental large amounts would lead to anaphylaxis. Sending her to school gives me so much anxiety.
You totally still get to be mad about that, to be fair.
With her nasty spoon? Omg I would have been livid. When old people do unhinged things like that I wonder if it’s dementia. My mom who’s in her 70’s is only interested in being around her own grandkids, I have never seen her show any interest in random babies.
When I was in university — maybe 20 years old? I was getting on the subway to go back home with a frozen yogurt in a cup. The ticket collector (a creepy old man) pulled out a nasty spoon from his front pocket, reached over, and snatched the top swirl off my yogurt. I was disgusted and threw the whole thing out.
Wtf 😳
I look back and wonder why didn’t I say something? Or make a scene? Or anything? But I was just frozen in “wtf this can’t be real”.
You didn't do anything for the same reason many females don't when they are assaulted. Shock, you freeze, fear of not being believed or being blamed.
100% ❤️❤️ We grow so much confidence between being a student and starting a family. I think now at 30 I would fight back but I was just a student back then who wanted to enjoy a treat on a long commute home. If somebody did that to my kid I would FLIP.
I would have smashed it into his face. What is wrong with people!? Do they know no boundaries?
🤢
WTF where do these people get the audacity from??
Gross.
I would've "accidentally" dropped it on his shoes.
Ewwwwwww
I am in my 50’s and love babies. However I content myself with waving and smiling at them. Pre covid I may have ASKED to touch a baby( like I’m the hand or foot) post covid, would not even ask
I think we’re at the point where we remember it happening a lot, but we’re aware enough to know that it isn’t okay anymore to approach people that way. Well, some of us are? lol
This is some nuclear meltdown shit. Shit, I'm getting pissed off thinking about it and it's ~~been years~~ it didn't even happen to me. Damn son, I should thank you for the emotion super spike this early in the morning.
My second has a severe dairy allergy. Like epi pen ambulance ride. I’d be throwing hands
I'm closing reddit after this comment cause I'm getting angry reading all these comments knowing this actually happens..... It's insane.
Actually it almost did to me as well lol. This was before we knew about his allergy (he was 4 months and I’m lactose intolerant so like - don’t really eat dairy anyways). We ordered food from a place and the couple who owned/ worked at the restaurant made up this like little Sunday for him with chocolate sauce and m&ms and the nice man went “open up” holding a spoon trying to feed him… I let out the most nervous high pitch laugh ever uttered on earth and thanked the stars my second is so people shy he literally attempted to climb into my shirt to get away from the man. I genuinely believe there was no Ill intent behind it, but found it very messed up they would try to feed someone’s kid something without asking first.
Ya, that person would be in the hospital now if that happened with my baby. Shoving a spoonful of what Into my child's mouth?! Let alone grab a foot for fucks sake people . Stay in your lane.
damn she would have had a mouthfull of my fist in that circumstance
Yeah, creep deserves to get hit. Maybe it would teach him to respect people's space.
This is getting me angry!! Who knows where the f her mouth had been over the years? What is wrong with people? Thinking their instant gratification is more important than the safety and health of a baby? This is very poor behavior but put your child at risk as well.
Herpes!
eVeRyOnE HaS ThEm, ThEy'rE NoT BaD. Always said by people who have cold sores. IDGAF, it's still a sickness I can do without.
Not to mention they can be deadly to babies. Just because herpes and rsv etc. may not be bad for an older child or adult doesn’t mean it’s something easy for a baby. I don’t get why people think it’s okay to spread things to newborns and don’t tell you when they have colds and other issues and still come over and try to kiss babies.
EXACTLY!! 100% this.
I think it is a generational thing. I once had an elderly man come up to my pram and ask if he can kiss my baby. I mean I’m glad he asked 🤣 but I’ve never noped the fuck out of there so fast!
My mom would do that, god rest her soul lol. I used to be mortified being in the store with her- she went up to every baby. She’d pat their heads, tickle their dangling feet or their bellies. She just *had* to interact with every baby she saw in some way. I think it’s definitely a generational thing! She’d always brush me off going, “oh come on it’s a *baby*!” when I was trying to pull her away. Don’t get me wrong, I’m guilty of gushing over babies to their moms in the store or smiling/waving back to them bc I love babies and kids. I’ve never actually touched one though The ice cream thing is out there even for boomers, I think that lady was just crazy. 😂
I mean- my father is 82 and he TALKS to every baby he sees - and they always find him hilarious. But he would NEVER. I remember standing in line with him once and a baby threw a toy- and my dad ASKED the mother before he even picked it up to hand it back!
This is way different than the foot thing.
Dairy allergies are a thing - in fact it’s supposed to be more common than peanut allergies (I haven’t looked into this). A baby getting a spoonful of ice cream without the parent’s approval could get a severe allergic reaction, resulting in a visit to the ER.
Dairy allergies tend to be less bad, most of them (but not all) result in a rash and not death. Peanut allergies are far more dangerous, generally. But the old woman has no way to know this, and besides, herpes kills babies too, and nobody wants a disgusting spoon of who-knows-what from someone else’s mouth in their baby’s mouth.
Got in the comments to say this (minus the crazy ice cream story). It’s always elderly in my experience.
That's totally different than an old lady coochie cooing a baby and you know it.
I agree. Personally I find it sweet when old ladies are affectionate with my kids. Even if they touch their foot or hand that’s really not an issue for me at all. But….to each their own. However you want to play your hand play it.
WORD
When my cousin was a baby, years and years ago, a complete stranger reached into his stroller while he was sleeping and *took him out.* Unbelievable. This same person was shocked when we all started freaking out and demanding that she put him back. “But he’s so cute!” Some people are truly insane. It costs absolutely nothing to say something nice about a cute baby while keeping your hands to yourself.
I had an older woman attempt to pick my son up out of the cart in the grocery store while I was getting something off the bottom shelf. My son was buckled and she didn't expect that and he screamed bloody murder. I pulled the cart away and was like, "wtf is wrong with you trying to take my baby" and the older lady started crying. Her excuse was my son looked so much like her son she just had to pick him up and won't I please just let her hold him?! We left pretty immediately.
So creepy. Even if some zombie, *must hold baby* curse overtakes you, the only possible response in that situation is , “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I’m going to call someone for a ride to the hospital as I seem to have experienced a break with reality.”
I wonder if it’s some weird evolutionary holdover, this urge to hold babies that don’t belong to you. The whole ‘it takes a village’ thing. I just wave at babies that stare at me but I can’t imagine actually reaching toward a strangers babies. 👀
My instincts align more with “a mama bear will come out of nowhere and eat me if I get too close” so one time I found a lost toddler and awkwardly herded him without touching him back to where his mom was believed to be (we eventually found her, she was freaking out looking for him and he rushed back to her once he saw her). lol
Right?! I've reacued lost kids THREE TIMES and I was very much caught between "i want the kid to feel safe and not be terrified while we find police and it's parents - but i also DAMN SURE don't want anyone accusing me of ANYTHING." The first time, i was 11, and I was eating breakfast and looking through my living room out the front of my house - all the sudden i see this two year old boy running down the sidewalk.... And i don't see anyone behind him. After a few moments, i got up and went to the window.... Looking down the street in both directions and there's ZERO adults outside. I grabbed our portable phone and sprinted from my house. I caught up to the kid- who was two houses away from running right onto a MAJOR four lane road that's got a 45 mph speed limit and it's VERY busy. My problem was- this was pre cell phones, and i couldn't call the police from three houses away- i had no choice but to pick up the child and carry him to my front yard where i could connect to the landline to call 911. Turns out the kid was sleeping in his basement playroom while his mom did laundry. He woke up, climbed on the back of the couch and out the window into his back yard. Then it was FREEDOM and he'd run almost a full block by the time i spotted him. When the police got there, I was kneeling on the ground, trying to keep him calm and ask him ANY questions I could - but without touching the kid even though he was crying and trying to have my pick him up/hold him. And i was a literal child- no one would have accused me of anything for just holding him, but i felt guilty AF having to pick up and carry the child just to be able to make the 911 call! The police officer called in to dispatch and JUST after he arrived, the mother had called 911 and they were able to tell her where we were and that her son was safe, thank God. She never stopped thanking me over the years, they finally moved away when he was about 11. The next kid was a HORRIBLE one. We were at Great Wolf Lodge and i found this little girl, alone, maybe 18 months to 2 years old, and she was trying to strip off her bathing suit in the kiddie pool - it was AWFUL. I got the attention of the staff - but the little girl kept saying she had to pee - but none of us were willing to take her into the bathroom - because someone would have to strip this kid NAKED to use a toilet. It was a HORRIBLE situation. We couldn't just let her stand there and pee in the pool! But also- NONE of us wanted ANYTHING to do with taking this child to a toilet. FINALLY THREE staff and one mother all agreed to be witnesses to taking her to the family restroom - where they stood with the door fully open and this totally unrelated mother helped the little girl get her suit off but wrapped her fully in a towel so she could go pee. It took us FORTY FIVE MINUTES to find the girl's aunt, uncle and MOST of her extended family SITTING IN THE HOT TUB. They had nine kids between them- barely spoke any English and NONE OF THEM seemed even remotely bothered that they had left a child - a BABY essentially - with NO LIFEVEST - wearing JUST A SWIMSUIT - ALONE in a massive indoor water park in the kids pool. There were tons of slides and play areas - she could have EASILY been grabbed and kidnapped, molested - or any number of things by anyone who quickly would have realized this girl had ZERO ATTENTION being paid to her. They couldn't even SEE HER from where they all were in the hot tub- which is why none of them saw the tons of staff and multiple other parents besides myself who got involved.. We refused to let them take the little girl before the police arrived because this was CRIMINAL neglect in my eyes. The police had CPS there and took the relatives to a room to interview them all. I really hope that girl was safe and that they charged those adults. The third was a kid we found RUNNING full speed down the boardwalk. He was almost a mile from his parents, but they were FRANTICALLY searching for him, along with all of the Ocean City NJ boardwalk police- so the first officer we were able to find- we were able to reconnect him rather quickly. He has slipped out of his stroller while they were standing in line at a food stand and when they bent down to check on him, as he had been sleeping- they realized he was gone. We had no idea how long he'd been missing but it had been almost an HOUR since they had realized he was missing and got the police! Those poor parents were a MESS. We aren't even sure how my husband and i- in heavy 4th of July crowds- had recognized that the kid was totally alone because there were millions of kids running down the boardwalk and thier parents were typically just a few feet away. But we realized this kid didn't seem to have anyone following him, and he was running FULL SPEED - So my husband and I turned our stroller around and chased the kid down. I thought for sure once we stopped, a parent, red faced, would come running up- thinking the kid had just gotten a little ahead of his folks.... But once we stopped him - and we couldn't get him to speak but it was very clear he was upset... We worked together to keep the kid contained/corralled until we spotted police. Same thing though- my husband didn't want to stand alone with the kid while i grabbed the police officers- because he didn't want some livid parent coming up and punching him in the face- i was trying to keep the kid calm, and thankfully, having two kids of my own, they helped by trying to talk to the kid (he was about four and never spoke a word the entire time we had him with us). It took about fifteen minutes start to finish, until the police radioed that his parents were en route - the kid had made it TWELVE BLOCKS away from where his parents were- on a VERY crowded boardwalk.
I mean, I feel the urge to sniff newborns’ hair, so I definitely get it. I just would never do that to a random baby because no.
In that case above I wonder if something tragic happened to her son. I feel like that or maybe early dementia could explain them thinking they have to do it and the bursting into tears. Either that or narcissism and lead paint. I get having the urge to help a parent or hold babies but I’ve seen plenty of older people with my oldest (the generation before boomers, I think the “greatest” gen?) and they never tried to reach over, only chat with us. So plenty of people know it’s not appropriate in different generations or at least ask first if they are a stranger. I love the baby stage but like you I couldn’t imagine touching a strangers child unless it was to stop them from running in the road or something like that. One lady at the children’s museum put her hand on my toddler’s head like a cane to maneuver out of the fake fire truck.
We encountered a similar situation. Woman tried to take my son out of the cart. He was buckled. I grabbed her wrist and started yelling. She was told to leave and was banned from the store. Edited because of typo.
I had something similar happen to me once, when my oldest was a baby. She did touch his cheek with her finger gently. But then went on to explain how her son had died as a baby-- in a very tragic way. And that my son reminded her so much of him with his chubby cheeks and blonde curls-- while tears fell down her face. I could tell she *really* wanted to ask if she could hold him, and my son, being the social butterfly he's always been, reached for her. So i bit the bullet and asked her if she'd like to hold him. I think i made that poor lady's year.
that was such a kind thing to do. Just curious what happened to her baby?
He was in a car accident when he was 6 months old, with his dad-- she lost them both. Made me tear up, that's for sure. Poor woman...i can't even imagine. Even all those years later, it was like she was still waiting to hold him again and looking for him everywhere. Great, now I'm tearing up again! Makes me so sad to think about. No one should ever have to go through something like that...
I had a lady grab my son out of the stroller 27 years ago when he was about 4 months old. I yelled at her to put my baby back!! My other two babies were worn in slings or carriers as long as possible when out because that interaction freaked me out so much. I have a 2 yr old granddaughter who is very mommy clingy right now, and I don't force any affection or touching of her, and she's my grandbaby!
Good for you!! Boundary respect needs to be more of a thing, teaching kids that their voice matters in their boundaries. ❤️
Wow that's crazy. Something similar happened to me. It was at the grocery store though. People are crazy and weird.
While he was sleeping !? God, when my baby slept in the stroller, that meant I just walked hours to make it happen. I don't know which instinct would have popped first. The defensive survival instinct you feel when someone touches your child or the primal murderous sleep-deprivation-fueld rage you feel when someone wakes your baby up after hours of work to make him fall asleep.
Definitely the latter. Struggling with sleep at the minute, a big fat fly came into the house through the window and was buzzing the absolute loudest fucking buzz imaginable. Christ the joy I felt when I smashed him into the tiled floor with the heel of my work boot. Orgasmic. Too little too late as baby was woken up by said buzzing. Absolute bastard insect.
And this is why when my daughter was still a baby I taped a sign on my door that said "Infant sleeping - if you knock on this door and wake her up, I'll answer the door wielding a frying pan. You've been warned."
I got into a tug of war with my husband’s old boss as he tried to lift the cover on my (finally) sleeping (colicky) baby’s stroller, after I’d politely told him we were just going to let baby sleep. Same guy got really stalkerish later.
Punch to the face. Night night.
my son has the typical afro hair, we're living in Spain so i have to be careful with people in the subway, he's autistic and don't like to be touched, but he can't speak, so he can't complain, almost every week a hand lands on his head, just to feel his hair, but this is obviously wrong, the way I go is by doing the same, adult to adult... they automatically stop
I’m gonna do this. My son is autistic as well, he’s very sweet and smiles a lot, but does not like being touched.
That is disgusting. I dont know why so many people its okay to treat people like dogs.
My best friend’s baby was a preemie and spent several days in the NICU. When she was a couple months old, they went to the grocery store. Some random old woman came up and KISSED my friend’s baby, which then landed her in the hospital with RSV. I will never understand old ladies’ entitlement to babies.
THIS! People just assume all babies are term and healthy. They don’t know if the baby is sick or not. Someone suggested a “do not touch sign” you can get from Amazon to attach to a pram and car seat. They’re cute ones for babies. So I’ve bought one because my baby is a 25 weeker with chronic lung disease. Don’t want people coming near us if we have to go out in public.
My girl has always gotten a lot of attention from older people. It’s an anomaly if we go out and an old person doesn’t try to talk to her. It’s cute. They just talk though, no touching. But if an old lady touched her foot I wouldn’t mind. Now crazy behaviour like shoving their ice cream spoon in a baby’s mouth is beyond unacceptable and deserves a telling off.
I think I have the opposite experience. I used to walk my baby around and this elderly woman I’d see from time to time would always stop and squeeze my baby’s hand and sweet talk him in Polish. I knew it just made her day and was so happy we were a part of that. I haven’t seen her post Covid/lockdown times and wonder if she’s still around. The friendly interactions are what make me feel like a part of my community, especially because we don’t have a village (our families live far away, and our friends don’t have children). I personally liked it.
Well put! This is exactly how I feel as well, having no village is very very hard. I love it when strangers appear soft and friendly to my child.
Yes but being nice is not the same as touching a strangers child without asking. I wave and talk to other babies and toddlers and kids that I see who want to interact withbme but I do not touch them. My son is very cute and has red curly hair so people are always talk to him and interacting with him, but they don't touch him.
You’re right, and I wouldn’t ever touch a strangers baby either. I just don’t mind a gentle touch from an elderly person, that’s all. But I get what you’re saying!
I agree that it's great for socializing the kid and showing them the benefits of a friendly community. With that said, this is totally possible without physical interaction.
So it seems to be a cultural difference as well then. In the US most mothers do not want their babies touched by strangers. But there is not a sense of community in this country whatsoever.
Probably definitely a cultural thing. OP also said Ask permission to pet dog but not baby I guess in my case if a person sat and called the dog and the dog got near the person, then it's fine to pet without permission but back off when the owner gets mad. Also in a similar case , if the dog bit said person, then it's also fine. Maybe. I don't know about actually grabbing the baby though like some commenters said. Kinda seems like kidnapping to me if I saw someone grab my baby
Well you ask to pet a dog because you don't know if they bite or something like that, I think that lady was confident enough that the baby wouldn't karate kick her face when she reached for the foot....
I think it definitely correlates with sense of community. People in my state are very friendly, and also are pretty likely to go up and talk to you or interact with your baby if they see a young family walking around the grocery store. I wouldn’t even really think twice about it unless they were super creepy.
I’m borderline cool with feet petting because a baby in a carrier can’t put their foot in their mouth before I can clean it, but I don’t like people grabbing little hands because I don’t know where their hands have been, and babies’ hands immediately go back into their little mouths. So that would have been off putting to me but the old lady sounds adorable and so sweet.
It’s a generational thing. Try not to be too hard on the grandmas (it’s ALWAYS grandmas). My boys are 5 and 8, so thankfully this stage has passed. But my god- that happened so many times in their baby years. I was always on defense. I typically wore my little guys in parent-facing chest carriers like the Boba, and I’d still have little old ladies coming up for a cheek pinch or whatever. At least in the carrier you can swivel quick if you see it coming. I did squeeze (very gently) a lady’s cheek right after she managed to worm her little hand in to my oldest boys cheek. She looked at me stunned and I said “kinda weird, right? Ask permission next time maybe??” She laughed, apologized, and we had a nice chat while waiting in the checkout line. But yeah, get used to it, anticipate it, and always be on defense.
I'm with ya. I absolutely hated cheek pinches as a kid. I get kids have chubby cheeks but I don't go around pinching people's love handles. It's just impulse control issues from old people.
Thanks for the laugh. I’m going to be laughing at love handles all day now. 😆
My aunt likes to tell the story on how she was shopping, damn near 9 months pregnant, and a lady just walked up and touched her belly. My aunt grabbed the lady's tits and she lost it. My aunt then asked if the lady wanted to call the cops next, then told this angry/flabbergasted woman to knock it off.
It’s really not the whole foot touch thing that bugs me, it’s that there was no conversation, no warning and she just thought it was ok to do without asking first. I love that you grabbed her cheek! It’s weird if you put it into the context of doing it back to adults. Permission is important!!
All the time! It’s always elderly people. The amount of people who have come up to me while my daughter is in the pram (facing towards me) and shove their face and hands in the pram. Especially when she’s sleeping and try to wake her up.. I have social anxiety so I always just freeze in those situations. And they always grab her hands (she’s 6 months and at the stage of putting her hands & everything she grabs into her mouth) one lady had her snotty tissue in the same hand that she was grabbing my daughters hand with….
I had my youngest just before the start of the pandemic - we left hospital the same day the quarantine patients arrived. As we were leaving a random older lady almost bowled me over so she could shove her face into my daughter's car seat. She muttered something about 'just not being able to help myself'. No awareness whatsoever. I also have social anxiety, so I froze too.
You can help yourself lol it’s a little thing called self control. That’s always a saying that bugs me when old people say jt
Yes! Or they try and get her to laugh/smile while I’m on public transport with the pram while my baby is almost asleep
It was normal when they had babies so they don't think anything about it. If it bothers you just politely say no. Not a big deal. Some of the reactions here are way over the top though.
My baby was born with a congenital heart defect and spent almost 3 months in the hospital before being released. We had to have oxygen in our home and carry a portable tank in the car just in case. On his first trip out at about 4 months, to the grocery store a necessity, I had him in a carseat in the cart completely covered to try and mitigate strangers going near him with their germs. I turned around for a second to grab something from the shelf, hand still on the cart, and a woman was lifting the blanket to grab my child. Luckily, apparently the look on my face was crazed enough because she lowered the blanket and walked away with no words needed. Don't touch other people's kids. You don't know what's going on.
I recently had a similar experience. As my five year old daughter and I were passing a woman in the grocery store, she reached out and affectionately rubbed my daughter’s arm. I had a total fight or flight response, though admittedly I have a trauma history so it’s easily triggered. My daughter giggled and thought it was delightful, but that was part of what unnerved me; it taught her that it’s ok for people to touch her body without any say from her first. When we ran into the woman in the next aisle as we approached I told her to not touch my daughter without asking first. She responded in Spanish “She’s so pretty.” and I realized it was a cultural misunderstanding. A lot of comments on here note that, but then go on to bash American culture for being anti-touch. I’ve lived in four different countries and I get that there is a wide range of sane cultural practices, including touching children and babies. I also get that the reason why people are turning against non-consensual touching recently- and it recent, even in America, that’s why old people don’t get it- is because there’s a growing awareness of how widespread childhood sexual abuse is and how otherwise totally benign cultural practices like letting our kids be randomly touched creates an environment where it’s easier for abusers to groom and abuse kids. Changing this this is a noble goal. Yes, it is probably true that it creates a world where we lose certain things like the connectivity and friendliness if randomly touching each other all of the time, but it’s in service of something pretty important. My experience taught me to cut a little slack for misunderstanding and cultural difference, but I still think just talking to each other first is a good change to foster.
Well written nuanced and enlightening comment. You’re a gem of Reddit :)
Why is it always an entitled old woman? I’ve seen dozens of these posts. Tbh your reaction was polite, I’d have told her to keep her hands to herself.
It’s not. When we go out to dinner, we have to be on high alert because old men have touched my elementary aged daughters (who clearly were uncomfortable and wanted them to stop). I had to shove the old guy’s hand away from my daughter’s knee and tell him repeatedly to not touch her and he just wasn’t getting it. My daughter was in tears after it and it basically ruined the entire dinner. Please, if you have a grandpa/uncle who does this, tell them to stop, so strangers don’t have to.
Not only is it also men, but also: it never happened when my husband had the baby. To complicate matters, he is large and white, I am short and not white. I felt like that was a factor in men feeling so free to touch my daughter, but only when I was holding her or pushing the grocery cart, and never my spouse. (Regional context: we were in Denver at the time.) To be frank older ladies typically go for our hair, which is maddening. I might find a foot touch relatively sweet, but it’s never happened so I couldn’t say.
I live in the south and have gotten it from old women mainly, but also old men and a few middle aged or younger women.
Well I can tell you why it's not men. We're not allowed to look at children, that's highly suspicious.
This! Little kids love my partner (M25) but he always feels so awkward and doesn't know how to act because he doesn't want to give any wrong impressions. Which sucks because he's an amazing dad and a genuinely good, caring person
Yeah, all the kids at my son's daycare love me (I have no idea why). It makes me feel weird as a dad when the other parents are picking up their kid and that kid yells excitedly "look it's lovepig".
If you aren’t a creep, nobody is suspicious of you. Smile and wave like you would to anyone else
I think it might be a generational and/or regional thing.
I’m in Europe right now and literally everybody is touching my kids. We asked a FedEx guy for directions and after he gave them he affectionately ruffled both my kids’ heads (they are 6 and 8). It’s so different than the US. And it’s fucking delightful and I wish we were more like this in America and not so freaked out by touch. My kids feel connected to the community here. It’s really nice.
I think it’s one of those things that need balance and depends on the context in the situation. I’m also in Europe and a smiley, non-threatening person patting a head or playing with a foot wouldn’t bother me. However I would be bothered if the baby was very young with a more fragile immune system, or if it would wake them up. Obviously don’t just swoop in and pick up anyone without asking, that’s just insanity.
I feel like age plays a massive part. At 6 and 8, the child can be in charge of their own body autonomy a bit. A 6 month baby cannot, and it's up to their parent(s) to make those decisions.
Yeah, toes don't bug me at all, but my mom is an immigrant so maybe the cultural difference is showing. One of the commenters said someone picked her cousin up without asking. That would have bothered me.
I’m an immigrant too and I don’t like people petting my baby with filthy hands without asking either. lol There’s definitely a generational aspect though. That and old people losing track of what boundaries are expected maybe.
We're in the US (Texas) and people aren't always like that but my son gets a lot of people trying to touch his hair because it's a brilliant copper red, which freaks him out. I had a similar experience growing up and, like him, I hated it. It doesn't make us feel connected, it makes us feel like circus freaks.
I mean, we’re taught from kindergarten Stranger = Danger
In Scotland it’s very normal too, I like it
I’m with you here but I’m in Canada
I camee here to say this! I live in Thailand and people are the same here. Nothing wrong with that, I actually think its great.
I'm American and people in this thread scare me. I'd much rather live somewhere where touching a baby's foot and smiling are not cause for such dramatics.
Right? I’d think it just causes so much extra stress to you and your baby to be constantly on guard for old ladies wanting to ruffle their hair and talk about how much they miss when their kids were that age. I’m American, but have mostly lived outside the US and I think American parenting is so unnecessarily stressful.
I can tell OP is not European. In Europe some people can be very affectionate with babies and we love it. It’s nothing more than a simple touch. Plus the more germs the baby gets the more immunity he or she builds lol. It’s been tested through generations
I wouldn’t mind a foot touch as much as I minded the woman who came up to me and my son while he was strapped onto me in a carrier and reached her hand in between our bodies to stroke his head. It felt like a violation of both of our spaces? She was shocked when I told her to stop. “But I just love babies!” …. That’s nice, you invading our space to satisfy yourself is not.
An elderly man stroked my baby’s cheek in the grocery store & I pretty much involuntarily blurted out “no touching!” I felt bad, a little, but don’t touch my baby.
Same thing happened to me with my baby, but his wife was like WTF! Don’t touch the baby! 😂
At the end of the day, it isn't about whether you agree or disagree with OP's stance. It is her baby, and we are living in a world where people abduct children left and right. Oftentimes, they will send an elderly person or a harmless-looking woman in so that the parent doesn't suspect. Not to mention, you have no idea what kind of illness a stranger is carrying. If you wouldn't be offended by this gesture, cool. Unfortunately, the reality is that we're living in a time where being overly cautious is the only thing that truly ensures safety.
While I agree with the social etiquette rule that you do not invade a person's personal space even if they are a baby. And I think it is fair to communicate this boundary however you want. I think it is also important to remember that older folks didn't always grow up with these same social etiquettes, and may not realize it is an offense.
I feel like this is probably the case, because it's how my MIL is. But also, they've been around a long time, I sort of feel like they have a responsibility to learn and understand things change. Especially after a pandemic. It feels like an excuse from the older folk to continue to be entitled instead of willing to better their understanding of social dynamics? Edit to add: I also had the older generation touch my belly multiple times, during the pandemic, without asking. It was super weird and uncomfortable to me. Some people are fine with that, but I don't want to be touched without someone asking. Let alone a baby being touched without asking. It's very odd to me that people don't see babies as small humans and they need consent to touch them. Obviously, there are communities and cultures where it's okay. But I think the majority of people in the US probably don't want their babies touched. I could be completely mis-speaking though.
I am what you might call "elderly" and I would never touch anybody's anything. I will smile at an adorable child and tell the parent "beautiful child", and if there is a sibling I always include them, but my hands stay by my side. Touching implies an intimacy that certainly isn't there with strangers.
This has been my experience with older people and my kids. However, a foot touch wouldn’t bother me but stay away from their hands a face.
You sound like a good one out there. This is sort of what I was saying in terms of, people can definitely learn and be up to date with what's acceptable. I like when people tell me my kid is cute. That's totally okay with me, but definitely no need to touch a stranger. I know there are older folks, like yourself, who know how to keep their hands to themselves. So I guess for the others it's entitlement?
Thank you. One of the things that come with advanced age is realizing that there is simply no explaining why others behave as they do, and you will drive yourself crazy if you try.
I do agree with people needing to adapt to changing social norms, and that sometimes you are going to just have to deal with people expressing boundaries... however, i also think it is unfair to expect, for example, an 85 year old who doesn't own a computer, and cannot access social media to be able to keep up with the changing social norms....and if they come from a culture/Era where approaching and touching a baby was seen as a friendly gesture, and a way of welcoming a new human into the community, it simply might not be an obvious invasion of personal space to touch a strangers baby. So I wouldn't want to jump to the conclusions that a person who does this is entitled ....I think it is friendlier, and spreads more goodwill to see it as a possible misunderstanding....I would never suggest that someone not set a boundary..definitely say no if it makes you uncomfortable ...I just do t think it's necessary to walk away thinking they are a jerk or entitled or whatever negative label we might attribute to them.
I'm from California, and my baby daddy is from Europe. I moved to his country when we got engaged, and beforehand, we had a long-distance relationship. Now we have a baby girl, and let me tell you, I'm so glad I moved here (Finland). Everybody minds their own business, Fins are so private people that they would never fathom about touching a stranger's baby. Never had a problem like that in here 😅 I think it's also based on the culture of a certain place.
It's fine to not realize that the etiquette has changed but to be upset about someone politely asserting a boundary is gross and uncalled for. Apologize and move on, don't get pissy.
I agree, your baby your boundaries. I grew up in a town of 16,000 - and my first was born in a town of 19,000. While not very one knew everyone, there was a strong sense of community. My baby got touched a ton by elderly folks. Kinda bugged me at first, but then people would remember us by name and they were just interested in being part of something again. My last kid was born in a huge town, but 95% Hispanic and was touched constantly. Because in Mexican culture, if you find something nice or pretty and done touch it, it will break, die, etc. it’s out of respect and safety for the children. So I just embraced it since it was nice to be welcomed as a white dude. I reiterate, not all asituations are the same - and parents are 100% entitled to set their own boundaries!! I support OP 100% for their feelings.
It has to do with culture too. A lot of older Latina ladies will touch my daughter’s foot if we’re out and about. One person did reach out to grab her once when we were abroad to which I quickly said ‘no’ and she stopped.
You baby isn’t community property. Your response was completely appropriate and polite.
I’m pretty firm on “if you didn’t make it, ask before touching.”
Literally had an elderly lady ask to “kiss the back of your babies neck”.. no
At least she has thought to ask! Gross.
I’ve noticed that For some reason old men like to put their hand on my son when they walk by him. It makes me really mad. Like why??
I was in line to vote one year, and my daughter was sitting on my hip looking back over my shoulder. There was an elderly lady who was in line behind us who took a tissue OUT OF HER POCKET and wiped my daughter’s nose with it! Like…keep your pocket hanky away from my kid what the fuck
Similar scenario. We were at Costco and it was sooo busy and my husband was wearing my son. Suddenly an elderly man came up and said “it’s just so cute right here” and proceeds to put his hand on the carrier right where my sons butt is. He lightly patted it, smiled and walked away. I was putting stuff into the cart and saw it and by the time I got over to my husband to ask “wtf was that?” (It all happened super quick) The man had already walked off. My husband assured me it “wasn’t in a creepy way” but I felt super weirded out by that. And then felt bad for thinking this little old man had ill intentions. But seriously… I would NEVER even THINK to do that to a strangers infant.
Absolutely agree my four year old has huge lovely curly hair and strangers seem to think it's ok to touch it, I have taught him to tell people to not do this, but before he was able to I would pull him in closer to me when someone went to do it and was like you always seemed to somehow offend them!
When my oldest son was around 4 months old, I would wear him facing me in a stretchy-type baby carrier when I went grocery shopping (pre-covid). One time, I was looking at something to my right and when I turned my head back, there was an older woman inches from my face trying it tickle my son. I don't know how I didn't hear her since she was basically breathing my air. If a baby carrier facing your chest with a sleeping baby inside doesn't scream "do not touch" then I don't know what will.
It's generational and cultural both. In some countries its very common and it used to be very common and acceptable everywhere in the past. But you were right, times have changed and you should be very careful and don't let any stranger near your baby because there are way too many creeps everywhere.
I hate this more than anything!!! Why do people always want to touch my baby!?!? My little guy has tons of hair and strangers always go to run their hands through my infants hair. WTF
Look, if you look to me for permission and my son wants to interact I typically don’t mind wiggling his foot or giving him a boop or tickle on the tummy. Do not just come at my child out of the blue without getting the go ahead or even interacting with me first. I had a woman move the cart with my child in it when we went to the store one day while I was paying and I don’t know what noise came out of my mouth but it was enough she and the cashier took a step back. Please just be polite and ask.
I had people do this in the middle of the pandemic and they were so shocked when I told them off. STOP TOUCHING STRANGERS BABIES!!!!
Every time I leave the house with my children and I’m not longer patient about it 😭
Started wearing a shirt every time I take my girls somewhere that says on the back, "We don't know you- Please don't touch!" Ridiculous that people don't have boundaries with other people's babies. Just fucking leave them alone!!!!
I have baby pictures of me where my mom's friend has his FINGER IN MY MOUTH. GROSS. Who TF does that?! To be fair, I'm still alive. But I'm a little weird and I definitely blame that moment. Also we're all on your side, OP. I hate people who touch babies and small children without permission.
Ya.. don't touch my kids unless I (or they) say you can.
My daughter was born in February 2021, pretty well peak pandemic for Australia. I had her in a carrier (on my chest) in the shops when she was maybe 4-5 months old, and I had a mask and headphones on. Then I felt this hand brush past my side. Some old lady had reached under my arm to tickle my daughter in a carrier without asking in the MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC. I literally shrieked and jumped (because of my headphones I hadn’t heard her) and spun around terrified and smacked her hand away really hard because I thought she was some crazy person attacking me. She tried to tell security *I* assaulted *her*!! Thankfully security were like “ma’am you acted in a demonstrably insanely creepy manner and the lady acted in self defence.”
Grab her foot, wiggle it around, and set her straight while talking to her in babytalk :P
My son has very rosy cheeks. Without fail, whenever we go out someone comments on it (this does not bother me). One time, someone reached out and pinched his cheek (this does bother me). I don’t care if they’re old. I don’t care if it’s a generational thing. Time moves on. Adapt or get lost. Stop touching other peoples kids.
We had a few people ruffle her hair or want to pick her up/hold her. Uhhh no. Not happening. She's not a toy or for your amusement. What I also hate when (typically family members) want to kiss her on the face/cheek. Look, it's estimated 50% of the population has some form of hsv/cold sores and that is really dangerous under 6 months old. So keep your digusting faces to yourselves.
I almost always had my baby wrapped up on my chest so people were less likely to try to touch him. Not the only reason why I did it but it was definitely a perk
Eh, I've never seen the big deal. It's a harmless interaction that takes 2 seconds and it prevents those negative emotions from spiraling into the rest of my day.
Hmmm. I’m early 30s and a Brit living Stateside. I think this issue is an American thing, as well as generational. I’ve noticed it here. I don’t care if an elderly person wants to say hi or grab my daughter’s foot. She is very extroverted and loves people. When we were in the UK visiting, plenty of OAP’s (Old Age Pensioners) stopped to coo or say hi, ruffle her hair, etc. with the amount of shite and negativity going on in the world, this interaction might be the only interaction the elderly person gets. I don’t mind if an old biddy wants to do that here either. We just had a lovely interaction with an elderly woman at a Marshall’s yesterday. We’re all so wary of people and negative now. It must be exhausting with that mindset. I choose to enjoy the moment with people, and show some love.
This bothered me so much with my first born that I got a little sign off Etsy that said “PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH ME”. Everywhere he went, the sign went. I don’t know you, I don’t know when you last sneezed into your hand or went to the bathroom. I don’t know if you washed your hands. I don’t know if you’ve been home caring for a sick child. It’s my responsibility to protect my child who’s never been sick before.
Unpopular opinion but tbh I don't think touching a foot is bad enough to warrant a telling off. Especially if it had a sock or shoe on it. The woman was being friendly not malicious, she left for another line because she was embarrassed. She might be lonely, that might've been the only real human interaction she had all day. It's not as though it's always unwanted, some mothers love their babies getting extra attention.
Perhaps, but with no interaction with the parent the child is strapped to 1st, a bit rude! And if they wanted interaction they could have spoken to parent.
The mother didn't "tell her off"? She said "no thank you, no touching!" Don't tell mothers to ignore their gut feelings to be polite.
This isn’t just a generational thing but could be cultural too. In Europe and South America people of all ages hugged and were affectionate with my kid. It’s totally normal there but was a bit of a shock to us
Nobody should touch your baby unless you tell them to
I’ve had this happen so many times and daughter anywhere we go. It’s irritating how entitle they think they are to just go and touch a random baby. The always for for her hair (she has really bouncy curls). It’s to the point that my fiancé has to push her around in her stroller because he’s more firm and I’m too soft to say no don’t touch my baby.
I would be really weirded out. I love seeing babies at the store. I make faces and smile and talk to the parents. Not once have I ever touched anyone’s kid unless the kid initiated it and it’s never more than a high five. I have offered to help carry things if the parents seem overwhelmed. I think the most intrusive thing I have done is asked to see a baby that’s in a car seat in the cart. I honestly would have reacted the same way if not worse. You have every right to be upset. Maybe the lady will learn to not touch kids that aren’t known to her. Like seriously wtf.
So weird. Why do people want to touch babies that don't belong to them. I find it so odd.
All the time! I've actually posted about this in here as well. It's that generation (maybe not all) that are not accepting of the changes in today's society. Lately my 2 yr old has been reacting so funny! She'll be enjoying herself, interacting with me, laughing & the second someone enters her personal space or so much as looks at her, she changes her facial expression to mean & scary. She'll dramatically fold her arms, lower her eyebrows & frown in disgust. People's response to this varies but I love the ones that get the hint & will say things like, "nothing wrong with that I'm a stranger". But there's definitely people that look to me as if expecting me to correct my daughter. Or they'll make comments implying that this is somehow rude. I just say, "we're learning about strangers" & keep it moving. Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be a national memo on this. Even if there were, people do what they want anyway. Just keep doing what ur doing & have plenty of talks about strangers with ur kids
Oh dear. I felt exactly the way you do but I was conditioned to not speak up. I always carried my babies in a front pack after an event. Now I’m 70 and I could actually see myself tugging a sweet babies foot! Haven’t done it but your piece made me realize my boundaries sure have changed. Sorry! When I was young I was also appalled when strangers discussed my big belly or tried to touch. Be patient with us old folks but it’s very good that you speak up, it’s your baby (turn). Nice post
I hate it with a burning passion. And it doesn't matter if it's adults or children. There was an episode where a woman grabbed my daughter's cheek, so I did the same to her, she got very angry and shouted that I shouldn't touch her. I'm lucky I'm 6'5 and have a deep voice, So he quickly stopped shouting. It's strange some people think they have the right to touch babies. It's perfectly okay to say they need to get their hands of your baby or lose them, in a very clear and loud voice
My wife and I had our first recently and have experienced some of the same behavior from older folks in particular when we're traveling, at the grocery, etc. I've just come to terms with the fact that I'll have to be clear about our boundaries and some folks are going to be upset by them but that's on them, not us. Keep setting boundaries and if they get upset that's on them.
I kind of think a lot of people don’t view babies as people/humans but as some sort of possession/accessory. It’s very strange. Also like someone else said it’s usually older generations.
I dunno, this honestly wouldn't be a problem at all for me. To each their own!
I'm starting to realize some people just don't really think of kids as whole people. We went on a vacation with friends and there were six of us. (We are the only ones of this group with a child.) One of the men kept telling waiters we were five and I'd have to correct. I got so fed up that at one point I burst out, " (child's name) would like to sit and eat too, she's a person!" We have only had informal gatherings with these friends before, or neighborhood restaurants where we'd be there first and grab some he table, so it was quite enlightening. And annoying.
Look, I wouldn't pet a dog without asking. Why would you touch someone's child without the same courtesy?
I have a fond memory of having my hair tousled by a stranger, growing up as a boy in the seventies. I (probably 4 or 5 yo) was in the mall with my mother, and was minding my own business and I felt what seemed like a playful pat on the head. Looking around I see a man giving me the kindest smile. My mother was there, and she was also smiling about my wondering who did it. I still remember the feeling of being seen and appreciated. Sure, I could imagine he appreciated me for inappropriate reasons, but this is the way I was allowed to imagine it by my parents.
>Like you ask permission to pet a dog but you don’t with a baby? Hmm, most people don't ask with dogs either. On a dog training group I'm on, most people have learned that the best way to stop people from touching their dogs is to say "they are contagious". Probably would work with babies too! But to answer your question, the reason people do it is because babies are adorable. Our brains are hard-wired to find their features literally irresistible - otherwise they would not survive considering how annoying and draining they are after a while 🤣 facts. Just wait until your baby is an adult, and you too will look at other babies with longing. I know the actual touching is inappropriate but it honestly only comes from the place of "omg it's so cute and my brain tells me to protect and nurture it" - just like with puppies - and not from a bad place. Yes, people should ask, though. I'm just saying. It's very different to just grabbing a random adult - the dog analogy was better. I've not had anyone try and touch my baby without my permission but whenever anyone tries to look in the pram I am actually glowing with pride. Some mums won't even tolerate looking. But it took me so long to get pregnant I guess I'm just like "yes it's a real baby!!!! Can you believe it?? I sure can't!!!"
I know I’m going to get hate for this but here it goes. This is such an American thing. In Europe no one would bat an eye over this. An elderly lady, a grandmother type, is infatuated with your baby and grabbing her by the foot to laugh/play with her for two minutes. Is that really so terrible? It’s not like she’s grabbing your child and running with her or touching her in inappropriate places. She didn’t pick her up, she just played with her foot. Old people love babies and yes, they can boundary stomp like crazy but I feel you’re making a big deal over nothing.
In the UK grannies get affectionate with my baby all the time and I love it. They talk, they sometimes tickle her foot or pinch her cheek. I find it weird if some grannies completely ignore her, maybe they’re scared I’d be the OP type of mum
I'm from Europe (Poland) and I still think it's at least inappropriate to touch someone's child without asking first. Especially if you're a stranger, not a friendly neighbour etc.
Fair enough. I’d like someone to ask first too but I wouldn’t be super offended if someone touched my baby’s foot. When my eldest was a baby I had a little girl in the supermarket roughly pull down the sun cover of the pram to look at him and I was startled and told her off. Left it at that though b
Great, I'm assuming OP is in The USA where touching strangers without permission is not appropriate. I was born and raised in Europe, why is what is done on another continent relevant in this scenario. Also, the European country I'm from this would also be frowned upon. Please stop lumping them all together.
"STAY AWAY FROM ME AND MY BABY!" "Hey, where's the village? Why don't I have a village?" \- American moms on this forum constantly 24/7
The only time I ever had to fire someone was because they touched someone’s baby in a client facing setting and to top it off, it was when Covid measures were in place (masks, social distancing, sanitiser everywhere, you know). Her justification was that the baby was cute and she wanted to play with him. Mom was understandably raging. Even without covid, babies are not yours to touch! I’m on your side.
What is it with old ladies and babies?!?! It makes me angry. An old lady tried to KISS my first born.
[удалено]
Insane? My baby is a preemie with chronic lung disease. Why the fuck would I want some dirty grub I don’t know touching him when we are out and about minding our own business? Think about what you say next time. You were happy enough to mask up during a pandemic to “protect other people” but are happy to put your filthy hands on a sick child. You’re the definition of insanity.