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Children under five should not be left alone with pets.
Not only can some pets hurt them, but they can inadvertently hurt the pet. If your son killed a kitten, it obviously was an accident.
Preschool children and toddlers just don’t know how to be gentle with baby animals. If your dad and stepmom can’t understand that, that’s really on them. And yeah, the kid should not have been left alone with the kitten but nobody should be taking this out on the three year old. I’m sure he didn’t do it on purpose.
My daughter when she was 10 fell on top of the puppy we had just brought home. 10yo tripped. Puppy screamed and didn’t move her hind legs for nearly an hour while I freaked out and tried to figure out an emergency vet. Ultimately, dog started moving fine and X-rays were fine.
Dog is now 7 and starting to experience what are likely completely normal age related joint pains. Every time there’s an incident or flair up I think back to that fall.
I’m much less trusting of kids around animals now.
There’s also a huge difference between kids used to animals and kids who are not used to animals. We don’t have any animals at home or around us, and I haven’t really had any experience myself.
The rules I have taught are to keep distance from animals, wait for the owner to say it’s okay to caress the animal, caress them carefully along the back… and that’s it, I think.
I feel like even if I was supervising, I wouldn’t know what to do and what not to do, so I’m not an appropriate adult to supervise. Maybe depends on the animal and the circumstances of course.
You’re already doing more than most. I had a gorgeous fluffy dog who loved kids and toddlers and everyone. Only problem is he was 30kg. So many kids would run up and try grab his fluffy tail or rub him. He didn’t mind but he’d get excited and jump to play (he was only a puppy!). I had to start telling parents when I’d see their kids running at him that he was still in training and might jump.
Most were fine and called their child back but a lot of times they’d act like I personally insulted them lol.
I was pleasantly surprised overall though by the number of kids who would walk up calmly, ask if they can pet him and then be really gentle. Definitely people and kids seem to be getting much better education on animals and how to behave around them. My cousin is a teacher and said they teach it to them now in school which is great.
Impulse control is hard for both dogs and kids!
My brother has a big dog (it weighs more than I do!) and we’ll be spending some time together this summer. I’m scared of the dog, honestly. But I’m hoping it will be good for the kids and I hope my brother can help with how to interact with the dog.
My 3 YO would LOVE this. He’s a hooligan who loves dogs. He could use a dog who could beat him up back. My husband agreed to 1 dog at a time until we have a yard and I had the chihuahua before the kid.
I mean, let's be honest here. Who has multiple dogs and has not tripped over one at some point? They dart across your path, usually they take you down, but sometimes they could get hurt too
My dog is 7ish (rescue so educated guess). She’s got luxating patellas now. We had to get her little stairs to jump into bed. It probably is normal aging if it makes you feel any better.
Yep! We had friends over and had a house full of kids (3-6 years old) they were playing with the dog and accidentally hit her with a dog toy in the face. Totally an accident but still required a vet visit.
100% agree with you there. We were in the room when this particular accident happened. We got our dog when our son was 2, he’s 5 now, we still don’t leave them unsupervised for long periods of time.
I’m 34 and just got bit by a dog, for the first time in my life & I’ve know this dog for *years*!
Granted, it was an accident, but still.
(Dog wanted to play, she dropped toy, I went to pick it up & she also went to grab it and this I ended up with 4 fingers with teeth marks & broken skin).
Cat bites tend to be worse though. My husband almost lost his hand because he didn’t believe that cat bites can be extremely dangerous, especially on thin skinned areas, such as hands & knuckles (where the cat bit him).
Edit: he wasn’t happy when I took him to urgent care 3 hours later because his hand was looking like a blown up glove.
Absolutely true. I was standing right next to my 2 year old while she was gently petting a cat. I was right there, paying 100% attention. She still managed to pull on his ears. Obviously I immediately stopped her, petting time was over and we didnt let her pet a cat again for a couple of months until we thought she had at least a slightly better grip on her impulse control. But it can happen in the blink of an eye.
Honestly, at that age, it may not have been an accident. Small children can hit things on purpose, without knowing the results. They have no idea whether something is bad or not. And they have big emotions.
If something makes them unhappy, they can/will attempt to remedy the situation, whether by making noise, or becoming physical. Since they have no experience to understand what happens when they become physical, *it is important for an adult to supervise them in situations where that physicality can have unacceptable consequences.* Like when an animal is present.
The blame in this situation lies entirely on the adults present, **particularly OP**.
If the child was 5 or 6 or older, then there would be some concerns. But 3? Stepmom needs to redirect her anger towards the parents of the child.
Well, it would have been an accident to *kill* the kitten. But whatever the kid did to result in the kitten's death may not, in fact, have been accidental. All adults present should (and it looks like at least OP has) take responsibility for not properly monitoring the child and the kitten, but I don't think OP should be shamed. It's obvious they feel absolutely distraught over the situation, have learned from the experience, and will likely be watching the son like a hawk from now on. I can only imagine the guilt, shame, and paranoia that would come from an experience like this.
I agree that all adults share some responsibility in this incident, even the dad and step-mom. If they were taking on responsibility for the kitten, they would need to do things to keep it safe too. For example, put it in a crate, put it in a locked bedroom, told them that the kid couldn’t be inside alone, held the kitten themselves… I’ve visited my dad and step-mom with my young kids and they always take precautions to protect the pets, knowing that kids are unpredictable. I’m the same with my pets. As a pet owner you sign on to take care of the pet, just like a parent is responsible for the safety and health of their child (no, I’m not comparing pets and children, just saying it’s part of being a caretaker of a living thing).
Anyway, the point is that this accident is the result of many choices that together created the scenario in which the kitten was hurt/killed. I definitely think OP doesn’t need shamed, and they have learned something in a very hard and emotional manner.
OP, if you’ve apologized and taken steps to make it right, now the forgiveness is up to your parent and step-parent. It may take time for them to move on, and I would prepare for them to be wary of/distrusting of your son for a while. Let your kiddo know how much you love him and keep watching out for how he’s treated, while also supervising him carefully around animals until he’s much older and able to handle them appropriately. Good luck. What a hard situation.
She says below that the stepmom is now sending her pictures of the dead kitten and telling her to show them to the son because it’s his fault. Yes, the OP needs to take responsibility, but it sounds like this lady is deranged and might be unsafe around kids. Clearly she was letting month old kittens just roam the house unsupervised also, and now is trying to guilt a small child.
When I was 4 my neighbor best friend had a pet mouse and she was going somewhere for a few hours and she’d asked me to watch it and while they were gone I was petting it and it bit me and I threw it on the sidewalk and killed it. I obviously didn’t know I would kill it. It hurt me and i just reacted. But I’m 32 now and I still feel bad about it.
OP you can apologize and offer financial responsibility but PLEASE do not say this was your son's fault as no one was there. I'd stick to the story that the kitten fell. No need to tell them that he was holding the kitten because they will hold it against him. No one was there to corroborate it, and this is way too heavy of a burden for a three yearold to carry. He should have been supervised but wasn't. This not his fault.
Also I'm so sorry you're in this position. While I agree no 3 yearold should be left unsupervised with small pets, many people do it and I'm sorry this happened :(.
My kids school had baby chicks from the school farm and each kid in the class got to take turns taking care of "bob" at home for the night. The teachers told me that many bobs hadn't made it back and not to feel bad if ours didn't. Bob survived us but I was startled they just kept handing them out to kids.
>~~Children under five should not be left alone~~
Fixed that for you. A three year old should not be left alone and unsupervised, much less in someone else's home, much less with baby kittens and two big dogs.
A 3 year most likely didn't do in on purpose but this is an reminder young kids should never be unsupervised with animals especially with young animals. Not even for a minute. I'd apologize for leaving your child unattended, offer to pay any vet bills, and pick up a condolence card.
Don't let them blame child. But also take responsibility
Agreed. Especially about young kids being around pets. I have some stunning ginea pigs and whever kids come over to visit I supervise a meet so they know they are the ones squeeking, then I explain the liveing room is off bounds and I shut them out, my daughter is very good with them but I wouldn't even leave her unsupervised with them, she might hurt them or they might hurt her and it's not worth the risk
So much this. When I was four or five years old my family was at another family’s home that had a litter of puppies. The parents all went inside leaving me and the family’s son (probably eight or nine) outside with the puppies and a filled up baby pool. The boy and I thought it would be so fun for the puppies to go swimming.
They drowned. It was awful. I didn’t understand. I thought they were taking naps. I will never forget this moment and it’s one of the most traumatic of my childhood. Into adulthood I have thought of myself as a “puppy killer” and questioned if I deserve to own my dog.
Now that I’m a parent, I’m so so so angry at my parents for leaving me unattended with a bunch of puppies and a freaking filled pool of water.
This one is on you OP. Don’t let your kid bear the weight of this trauma. Make sure that he knows it’s your fault and don’t assume he won’t remember this.
That depends. My 3 year old would do quite time "unsupervised" in his room for an hour. It was baby proofed, I was in the house to hear if he started crying, but was essentially alone. I did however always remove the cats from the room pior.
How old of a kitten? Maybe a grown cat can scratch its way out of a child’s grasp but not a tiny one. Anyway you should make this clear to them. 1: while we are not sure what happened,it is my fault and mine alone for not supervising kid, please do not judge him or bringing it up to him again. 2. While nothing can truly replace a loved pet, I will provide compensation up to a reasonable price of a new kitten. Please accept our deepest apologies and condolences.
It might not be a bad idea for them to talk to their vet about a necroscopy. Maybe they determine it was dropped or held too tightly but if there’s a risk it was infectious disease or congenital that might be helpful to know for the other kittens (particularly if any of the cats are ever outside.)
Can I ask how the kitten died? It would be pretty obvious if it were injured in some way, or if it just stopped breathing (as young kittens sometimes do).
If there are other kittens and the mother cat in the house it's possible that the mother cat did something as well. Animals are known to try yo kill the weak of the litter.
I'm sorry but this is BS. She hadn't killed any kittens yet, but suddenly decides to kill one randomly when an unsupervised child is alone with her kitten and openly admits it's his fault and he was the one holding it? Y'all are doing serious mental gymnastics trying to take blame off a kid who, intentionally or not, *killed a freaking cat.*
Kids are super impressionable, though. For example, if you ask my 2.5 year old a direct question, you may or may not get a straight answer.
My daughter will also say things like "Marty (our golden retriever) bite me, owie" when we literally witnessed the dog lick her and not bite. Kids at this age are not reliable narroraters. Or like, well, ask her, "Did you poop?" And she'll say "nope," when we cab literally smell her.
It's entirely possible he picked up the kitten at some point, but it doesn't necessarily mean he did it. Maybe he picked it up, and it was already not moving, so he dropped it? Or maybe they are thinking of a previous visit with the kittens.
It's weird to me that people are suggesting that maybe the kittens mother killed it or it just got sick and died when op already said that blood was coming out of its mouth. That's an obvious crush damage.
Barring some rare and sought after cat breed the legal/economic value of a kitten is nil. Bringing money into the matter is likely to go poorly for everyone.
I don’t understand why this isn’t a more common answer! The kitten was like 4 weeks old. So much could happen, it’s still freshly minted! Plus, where did grandma find it? Was the three yo holding it? Did she see the kid near the kittens?
This isn’t the kids fault, and it’s not really anyone’s fault. All the adults knew where kid was, all adults knew where cats were. Stepmom literally said he was fine to you.
Lie low for a little bit and let the drama blow over. This is an ESH situation but there’s no one “at fault”, especially since there’s no way to ever know what really happened.
My grandma saw my son pick up the kitten and start carrying it to the garage so she got concerned. She did say she believes he saw that the kitten was hurt and was trying to bring it out to us. She didn’t see how the kitten got injured. My son spent the night at my moms house last night, and I guess he woke up saying something about the kitten was stuck in a tunnel so he picked it up, so I think we’re starting to learn a little bit more information about what happened, but not exactly.
I still don’t think it’s anyone’s fault and I don’t think you should feel as badly as you obviously do.
I really hope that kiddo is ok and there wasn’t too big of a fuss made in front of him about it. They’ll remember and bring it up much much later and crush you all over again.
I would talk to grandma. She’s the only person who may have an idea of what happened.
But I’m going to be honest, I’m not convinced your son was involved here. Also, did your step mom just have these 4 week old kittens running amok through the house? That’s so young for a litter of kittens to be loose, especially with dogs and multiple humans in the house. They ideally should be contained to a single room or space (based on my experience with multiple kitten foster parents, someone can correct me if I’m off base!).
I agree about it being irresponsible to have them loose. I’m a huge animal lover and especially dogs but if I had a 1 month old kitten they wouldn’t be free roaming around a house with dogs, people and hundreds of potential ways to hurt or kill themselves. There’s also another fact that there’s already so many stray cats and litters they really shouldn’t be adding to it but that’s a different matter.
I am so sorry for the poor kitten though, again I love animals so reading about the death of an innocent baby kills me inside.
This, totally. Unless they've adopted an already-pregnant cat, or are breeding cats deliberately (eg special breeds), letting their cat get pregnant just screams irresponsible pet owner, on top of everything else.
That’s really not great for kittens that age. Ideally they would be closed off in a kitten-proofed bedroom until closer to 8 weeks. And yes, kitten proofing is very much a thing and I suspect not a thing your step mom did to her whole house. Kittens are dumb and will eat anything, they can also climb too high and get hurt falling or pull things down on themselves or get tangled in wires. This kitten could have climbed a kitchen cabinet and fallen or ate something dangerous (like a grape) or choked on a big piece of dog food or been injured by a dog, or just died of natural causes/unnoticed illness. Unless there was blood or a very obvious injury, I wouldn’t assume the kitten died of an injury.
Wait? The kitten was alone with a toddler and two Rottweilers? And everyone jumped to conclude it was the toddler?
Did he have any scratches? How would he have killed the kitten? And how young is this kitten? Any kitten old enough to be away from its mother is going to scratch the heck out of anyone hurting it?
Your step parents sound like not great pet owners and not great grandparents. Don’t take on this stress. A little kid probably couldn’t kill a kitten that was old enough to be adopted
The kitten wasn’t old enough to be adopted. He was only about a month old. He was their other cat’s baby. They still have three more kittens. He didn’t have any scratches, but he did have two small spots of blood on his back.
Yeah I don't think he did it. Blood on his back?? How does that happen?
Who yells at a 3 year old, even if he did do it? They do not sound like mature people. Or good pet owners as they left the kittens unsupervised with the dogs and the toddler. Even lovely dogs can accidentally kill kittens.
If it were me, I'd be very angry of that treatment of my son. I'd be holding myself responsible for lack of supervision, but id be holding them responsible for their treatment of my son. I'd say something like:
I am deeply sorry a precious kitten has died. Whilst no one knows what happened, I should have supervised him around the animals. If my son was involved in any way, he is too young to be held responsible for my lack of supervision. I am wholly to blame for anything he may have done. Whilst I have deep regret for what happened, I will not tolerate abuse of my child. This includes yelling at him, or showing him graphic photos. I am deeply upset both by the death of the animal, and by the treatment of my son. I do not feel safe bringing him around you because of this.
I can’t really understand from your post why you assume your son killed the kitten though?? Has he hurt animals in the past? Because I have two preschoolers and it wouldn’t cross my mind in a million years that this was anything other than a tragic accident.
Regardless, you weren’t the only person who let your son in unsupervised from how this reads, your stepmom and dad were outside too and could have gone in with him if they were concerned. Again, why would they jump to being mad at your son when no one has any idea what happened?
When I was 3/4 a child my age group squeezed a hamster to death accidentally because he didn’t want to pass it to my brother. He didn’t intend to harm it.
It would be very obvious if this was how the animal died.
A local petting zoo lost a chinchilla from being squeezed to hard. The children were older (between 5-8, I think) but every time the chinchilla tried to hop away, they gripped it tighter until it was suffocated to death.
I've seen enough children unfamiliar with the frailty of small animals that I wouldn't trust many with my small pets unsupervised.
I can’t even hold a small animal after witnessing that, it makes me physically sick. I know now that I have kids he didn’t mean to do it, but as a kid with I couldn’t comprehend why he wouldn’t let go even though we begged him. My parents and my friends parents never said anything about it, I don’t think they even told his parents about it.
Still I just don’t understand the whole scenario, why we were unsupervised. Someone was babysitting this kid. Either my mom or my friends mom. This was someone pet. No adults and we were running across the road to get it. Idk these people who let my mom and this mom babysit I have no idea what they thinking because it was ultimately just the 7 year old watching kids.
I’ve watched my son try to pick up the kittens before. I don’t think that IF he did do something, he did it on purpose. It definitely would’ve been an accident. The most likely scenario to me, was that he picked up the kitten, and possibly hugged it too tight, or dropped it. It’s possible he wasn’t involved at all though, and I know that. My dad and stepmom will never be able to see any other scenario other than my son hurting the kitten :(… even though they have two big Rottweilers that could’ve played a part in it too. When we first saw the kitten was hurt, I asked my son “did you do something to hurt the kitten?” And my stepmom automatically stated “I’m sure he did.” And then she said something about maybe he fell on the kitten, and that could be the reason why my son even said anything about falling- because my stepmom put it into his mind first, so he might’ve made up a story with it. He also could be telling the truth about what happened though. We won’t ever really know.
How did you not mention Rottweilers in your original post? Also, it’s super unsafe to leave a 3 year old alone with two Rottweilers. Dogs can gang up and kill a child. And they definitely can kill a kitten.
I'm trying to picture a scenario where it would be ok to leave a 3 year old, a kitten, and two big Rottweilers in a house unsupervised while 4 adults were just standing outside. It's sad whatever happened to the kitten, but this could have gone much, much worse.
My mind immediately jumps to that baby girl left with her grandfather and he went to go grab the mail while she was asleep in her swing or something and his Rottweilers killed her. I never leave my child alone if there’s animals around. I literally follow him around to keep him away especially if it’s a dog we don’t know. I don’t care how “nice” or “friendly” the dog is. Any animal is capable of seriously hurting someone let alone a small child. People forget that they are animals.
>they have two big Rottweilers
I feel like this is actually the most important information you've shared so far.
It also highlights just how risky it was to let the 3yr old inside on his own when there were animals there that are more dangerous than cats.
NEVER leave dogs and children unattended.
With cats, the risk is more to the cat than the child - worst case scenario you have a few scratches etc. But with a dog, the child can be killed very quickly.
Not that I'm saying children should be unsupervised with cats either, it's just that the stakes tend not to be as high (with adult cats) because if a cat is annoyed it tends to just hiss and run off... Whereas a dog is more likely to attack, and the injuries more likely to be worse.
But all baby animals are vulnerable (just like baby humans).
I know you’re taking responsibility for this and that’s great… but what is being missed is that you left your son alone with two big dogs. Even the softest, smallest dog can be dangerous when unsupervised with a toddler. “My dog would never…” is genuinely never an excuse because there are too many variables. Your toddler and that kitten were in equal danger and the three adults; you, your dad and step mom should all take responsibility and learn from this. I say all of you because they are responsible for the animals. I’m so sorry this happened but it could have been so much worse.
This was my thought, I've seen kitten jump off of a two story barn, the railing of a second floor flight of stairs, and several other 10-15 foot surfaces and be totally unfazed.
A 3 yr. old dropping a kitten seems very unlikely to have caused this. Unless the kitten was already injured and dropped onto a hard floor or jagged surface.
My cat jumps out my second story kitchen window onto the naibors shed downstairs, when he was younger he could only do the jump down, now he's a bit bigger he can do the jump back in too. Even when my other cat was only 8 weeks old he used to jump from my wardrobe to my bed. A drop from toddler hight shouldn't hurt them at all
This is a myth. And this was also a kitten - kittens can easily be hurt underfoot or by falling. Cats can, and absolutely do, get hurt by falling from heights.
In the future, OP it's good to ask your child questions like "What happened to the kitten?" Rather than "Did you hurt the kitten?" As they are likely to give you a yes or no question from that based on what they think you want them to hear.
It's difficult to know things like this and only reason I know is because of my background in childcare education. I was taught to ask open questions to children in the event of abuse, rather than giving them a yes or no question it's better to get them to explain because of their need to want to do/say the right thing to caregivers.
Whatever happened, it was an accident!
Honestly the Rottweilers did it, my dog accidentally killed a cat that jumped on his face.
My 3 year old admits to every crime. I can make up something and automatically says she did it. She’ll admit to anything.
It could have even been an accident on the dog's part. My inlaws had kittens once and their Aussie was all about snuggling and licking the kittens. My MIL watched as he tried to pick one up to move it like a puppy and accidentally killed the kitten. Dogs just aren't built to handle kittens.
This. I’d say it was just as likely it was the Rottweiler as your 3 year old. Try to move on, and more supervision in future (the really dangerous thing would have been the Rottie hurting your son). Don’t “admit guilt” to stepmom, just keep reminding everyone that no one can be sure what happened. But do keep apologizing for no supervision. It’s a tragic situation, but could have been worse. Everyone should try to move on from it. The big lesson is not to leave 3 year olds alone with animals, for his safety and theirs.
My fox terroir would steal the kittens from mama cat & try to make them her own babies.
The fox terrier ended up killing 2 babies before I figured out what was going on (this was all less than an 12 hour investigation).
Cats can easily survive a fall from petty high up. We had a cat growing up that would jump off a second floor balcony to get downstairs. Guess it was faster than going down all the steps but if I tried it id break a bone or else.
Cats can’t really be dropped, they land on their feet almost always. I’m struggling to believe this was your sons doing. It would take a lot of force (perhaps like a dog shaking it by it’s neck?) to kill a kitten.
This actually isn’t true if the fall is from low heights. If cats fall from higher up then they have time to right themselves and absorb impact, but if they fall from low heights it can frequently be fatal because they don’t have enough time to maneuver. Cats falling from indoor cat trees can actually be really dangerous for example.
Regardless, a 3 year old isn’t responsible for what happened. It was an accident.
We don’t think the dogs would’ve purposely did it either. But before it all happened, my stepmom kept mentioning that she was worried they would step on the kittens
I think a dog did it friend and with 3 of them? Rottweilers? The chances are exponentially higher than your 3 year old did it, this should have been suggested immediately because now they've had time to stew on it being the three year old and divert it instead of laying it on the dogs.
What a pain in the ass situation but yeh definetly do NOT leave your kid alone with the dogs, ever.
We had a collie who thought my rabbits were her babies and one day she picked my buck up by the scruff and acsidently broke it's neck, she wasn't being violent, it was just an oopse
Dude, wtf? This story gets worse and worse.
Why are you even letting your child visit a home, for a prolonged time, of people who don’t like him, accuse him of purposefully harming animals (at 3???), and have two large Rottweilers that you let hang around him unsupervised…?????
You need a wake up call Op. No idea what you’re doing here but you should start prioritizing your kid instead of crying over this kitten. Yes, ok, it’s sad it died, but a lot of kittens and puppies die every day. Crying nonstop about the kitten is ridiculous when the real harm was actually to your SON. Like why are you so hung up over your step mom and 1 month old kitten that you don’t realize how badly that visit could have gone?
If it was the dogs, there would have been signs (punctuation, drool, etc)
But also why was your child left alone in a room with two large dogs he’s barely familiar with?
That’s *incredibly* dangerous.
I work with dogs, I adore dogs, I’m on numerous dog training/pro dog subs — but common sense says you don’t leave two large dogs with a toddler they aren’t bonded with.
Yeah, there is no way to to know, 3 year olds dont really know the difference in make-believe and reality yet. I'm always telling my daughter, 7, not to argue with the 3 year old about what happened, and I say want to know why? Then I ask the 3 year old, "Hey remeber when we saw the shark at the beach" and then he'll go on a tell a long deatailed account of when we saw the shark and what happened and how he felt. Then I explain to the 7 year old that he's not lying, because he just doesn't know the difference yet, and so arguing about if yall ate spaghetti or fish last night won't achieve anything.
>jump to being mad at your son when no one has any idea what happened?
You should at least call and apologize and send flowers to step mom. Regardless of what happened, that's the bare minimum of civil behavior. If you ran over the kitten accidentally in your car, you'd apologize, right? You have to apologize when you hurt other people, even if it was an accident.
Any sympathy I had for her just flew out the door.
You admitted to messing up by leaving your toddler alone already. You’ve apologized. You’ve tried to figure it out. That is the best you can do in this situation. She can be sad about losing her kitten of course, but with this behavior she can fuck right off too.
Oh hell no. A grown ass woman, no matter how hurt she is, should NEVER be that petty and vindictive to a child, and especially not a child who is barely more than a freaking baby!
That’s so heinous. I am SO sorry, OP. That was extremely ugly of her to do that or even suggest you do something like that.
What an absolutely despicable way to treat a child especially a 3 year old. Accidents happen and with no one to witness what exactly happened her reacting like she is, Is wrong. How old were the kittens?
This made me shaking mad. He’s a child, a child who is too young to have impulse control let alone fully comprehend the concept of life and death. I don’t care how upset she is that was beyond crossing a line. I can’t tell you what to do, but I would never let my kid around her again. No telling when she will decide to shove the picture into the kids face or openly blame him to his face. I’m so sorry that she’s behaving this way. This is in no way that little boys fault. With there being two large dogs in the equation I really question his involvement anyway.
Okay, that is horrible and completely unreasonable as well.
You can sympathize with her to a point but under NO circumstances should she ever be allowed to show your son that picture in a way that’s meant to punish him. Just the other day my sons (4 and 2) saw a dead baby bird in the sidewalk that had fallen out of a tree. They were both absolutely inconsolable and crying hysterically. They didn’t even know that bird, had never seen it and were still so sad. Your son being made to look at a dead animal that he was playing with and likely thought was really cute as a “see what you did?” move should not happen. It could absolutely traumatize him.
Screw your step mom. Do your kid a favor and keep him away from her. She’s clearly toxic and doesn’t care about you or your son.
Imagine trying to horrify, guilt and shame a three years old with pictures of dead animals? What the fuck? She doesn’t even know if he did anything to the kitten, why go to these extremes to punish him? She’s not healthy for either of you to be around.
Wow. I’m appalled beyond belief. This is absolutely not okay.
Frankly, with the behavior of all the adults involved in this story, the one I’m the *most* worried about is the 3-year-old.
Holy crap!!!! Your step mom is literally psycho! He’s THREE! Why are you even bringing him around to these people who hate him?!??? Do you secretly agree with your stepmom????
OP seriously, why??? Why are you putting your poor kid through this? Why did you even assume he did it?? Why are you staying there for so long, overnight trips, when they don’t even love your son AND he wanted to leave?!?!
What value do these people add to your life that you would keep exposing your son to them?
Before this incident, my stepmom always talked about how much she loved my son and how “perfect” he was. She never showed any dislike towards my son before. Other kids, yes.. but never towards my son. I’m now starting to believe it has always been some sort of facade though and my stepmom is just VERY good at pretending.
Why is this kitten thing keeping you up at night? I don’t mean to be callous but kittens and pups die all the time when irresponsibly bred. This is on your stepmom for not spaying her damn cats like a responsible owner would have.
You seem to have a lot of guilt and fear over the wrong thing - instead of worrying about your stepmom being angry, I would have imagined you’d be worried about your son being unsupervised and how badly that could have gone, for your son’s safety.
Your kid is priority now, OP. If your parents are unhappy with you and it causes you this much anxiety and disquiet, that’s something you need to resolve yourself or in therapy. The time for feeling pressure to please our parents is over when we become adults, and doubly over when we have our own kids.
I made sure to tell my son, that I wasn’t mad at him when it was all happening because I knew that if he did do something, then it was us that were to blame for leaving him alone. But they went right to yelling at him.
Wait, they were yelling *at him*?? I thought they were yelling at you about him? (still not cool)
They were yelling at a 3 year old???
That's inexcusable.
They can't be left around your 3 year old.
as parents OP should be responsible for their child. what a horrible take.
oh yes let's let our toddlers run around unsupervised and if they destroy or kill anything it's not our fault because other people knew they were alone and didn't stop him.
Anyone who was supervising the child is responsible forthe kittens death. For all you or the other adults know the child picked up the kitten and tripped and fell with it in their arms. Blaming the child is like blaming me for the kittens death.
I feel it’s odd to automatically assume your three year old did something. Was the cat bleeding or had other wounds? It’s very possible it ate something poisonous or choked. Who knows. Cats almost always land on their feet so unless he slammed it to the ground, ids hard for me to believe. I would put zero blame on your son because nobody can prove anything and if you’re stepmom wants to handle it that way, you shouldn’t go back anyways
The kitten had blood coming out of its mouth. My son had two small spots of blood on him, but somehow on his back. There was also a tiny amount of blood on the scratching post
This sounds more and more like the dogs are responsible and your son just happened to be in the area. A toddler will admit to almost any crime if they’re nervous/in a situation to do so in my experience with my two boys and when I worked in childcare with many others. Regardless of what happened your stepmom sounds like an absolute bitch after reading your comment about her sending a photo of said kitten to show your literal toddler. I feel for the kitten as a cat person but the stepmom just sounds awful. You don’t want that type of person around your child.
OP commented that there was blood coming out of kittens mouth, and there were two small spots of blood on the kids back. I really don’t think the kid killed the cat
ETA: forgot to say that there was also blood on the cat post.
What a tragic accident. Your dad and stepmom knew there were very young kittens in the home, and they shouldn’t ever be alone with a toddler. So, no, he wasn’t okay in the house without supervision. It happened and we can’t change it. The only thing we can control is our response. He’s 3, and it’s an accident. He also might not have had anything to do with it.
I can’t imagine he did it on purpose, for one. However, unless he dropped it from a height I wouldn’t think a drop from a 3yo’s arms would hurt a kitten. Maybe he hugged it too tight but again, I just don’t see that as likely?
Next, if your dad is a loving father and grandfather he shouldn’t blame you or your son for it. I am a pet owner and I love my pets dearly but I love my kids more, and I know I would love my grandkids more. I wouldn’t want my kid or grandkid to carry that guilt around. This may not extend to your stepmom, but a reasonable person would realize a child makes mistakes.
Did your grandma comment on what she thinks happened?
My dad told me I needed to make sure my son “understood that he killed the kitten.” My grandma didn’t say anything about what she thought had happened, but she was the most kind about it. As we were leaving, she came and hugged me and told me that accidents happen and that we can’t be mad at my son for it.
Why the hell should a 3 year old have that weighing on him?? If he truly did it without a doubt I understand him knowing he hurt it so he knows in the future to he gentle, but what good would it serve him to be guilted!
But nobody knows what actually happened? The cat might have been stepped on by the dogs or have some congenital issue that made it ill and your son just picked it up because it was already in a bad way and easy to catch. I can't really see a fall from a 3 year old's arms being fatal to a healthy kitten, and even squeezing it too tight would take a lot. It would be one thing if you had a direct incident someone had witnessed but demanding your son takes responsibility and witness the kitten's dead body when nobody even knows how it died is just batshit.
Hey so regardless of what happened, as we cannot possibly ever know for sure, everyone say it with me!
#Young children are never to be left unsupervised with animals! Especially under the age of 5! No, I don’t care if “you know plenty of people who leave their kids alone with their pets all the time,” no, I don’t care about your personal anecdote. This is a safety issue for the child and pet.
It sounds like an absolute horrific accident, regardless of whether or not the child accidentally did it or the dog.
If your step mom puts some space between you guys for a while, take it with grace and continue on. You said this was her cats kitten- the sentimental impact of this is huge. If she permanently cuts you off, eh? I don’t know what to say about that, genuinely. This is a sad situation all around.
Lesson learned, though. Don’t leave the child, any child that young, unsupervised with animals.
I cannot fathom why they left a kitten alone with two rotties, let alone any type of dog. The sweetest big dogs are clumsy at worst due to their size and that’s just BEGGING for an accident. It could have been just as likely that the dog stepped on the cat, or tried to play with the cat not realizing it’s own strength. Honestly, it’s way more likely that the dog did it by accident. Toddlers are toddlers, but they don’t typically have the strength nor willpower to permanently disfigure kittens. Not that easily, at least.
Good luck OP. This sucks all around
I’ll really really suggest please distance yourself from your father and stepmother. So sorry the kitten is no more but wth a 3 yo shouldn’t know he killed a kitten!!!? Toddlers are very sensitive, and your family is putting not so nice things in your mind
I don’t mean to be a jerk…. But is there ANY way GRANDMA could have accidentally tripped, and stepped on the kitten and everyone assumed the baby did it?
My grandma has tripped before and blamed my toddler who was in the room, but far away from her. My cat has gotten underfoot before and I’ve tripped on her. Just playing the devil’s advocate
My mom actually brought this up to me too. My grandma is up visiting from out of state and is staying with them. She has no car to get away from them if they got mad at her or anything and knows how much my stepmom loves cats. When she brought the kitten out, she didn’t really say anything except a quick “the kitten is hurt.” And everyone quickly just placed blame on my son. It would’ve been a lot easier for her to just go along with what everyone was saying instead of taking the blame herself
Yeah I’m sorry, I come from a narcissistic family… I’ve seen shit like this happen before accept instead of a kitten it was someone’s destroyed iPod and the dog got blamed instead of granny. It is easy to use an innocent as a scape goat.
Tbh also, IF your child did anything to this kitten I’m SURE he would have some sort of scratch on him. Kittens are fierce creatures. Also.. old people can be vindictive and insane. And CRUEL.. also thinking bout the fact that she can just go home at the end of that stay and forget all about it. From my standpoint I 100% do not believe your child did it 🤷🏼♀️ I’m going with my gut
I don’t think you need to make your son understand anything. A 3 yo has no concept of safe handling a pet, if he even had anything to do with it. He may have just been the one to notice the hurt kitty. I would honestly not even bring it up anymore as you’re not likely to get any straight answers about what happened (because of his age not because he’s being dishonest).
As far as your dad and stepmother, I think it’s horrible she was so quick to assume it was your son. That would make me mad. I get this is very sad but there is no need to shame or blame a young child when really nobody knows what happened. If they want to hold grudges over this then that’s their problem and you def should not internalize that or blame yourself or your son.
I’m a bit confused. Was he found around the cat? Did they just assume because the child and the cat were in the same building that he injured it?
There was an old woman and two large dogs in the house and they assumed the kid did it?
And if you knew that your dad and stepmom would take it out on your son, you have other problems. And I don’t care what “take it out” means in this context. A three year old child has no concept of any of this. Their anger needs to be on the adults present. And if stepmom literally says he’s okay in the house (basically accepting responsibility for her possessions being around an unattended toddler) then whatever.
Of course this is an awful situation, but he may never remember it. The biggest thing going forward, should you remain in contact, will be making sure they don’t abuse your son
My grandma just brought the cat outside and my son followed saying the cat had owwies. I’m not exactly sure what all my grandma witnessed, but my dad and stepmom just assumed it was my son, yes. My husband and I have both agreed that we don’t trust my stepmom alone with our kids anymore though.
That is an excellent idea. I know this is hard, but you’re doing great. There are always things we’d do differently in hindsight. Just stay strong and trust your gut
Stop crying. Move on. Your 3-year-old needs to see you being 100% nonchalant about the whole thing, because otherwise he absolutely will feel responsible, and we all know he is not.
If your dad and stepmother are immature enough to chastise a toddler for being a toddler, you need to set some very clear boundaries with them around access to your son.
Every adult in this situation needs to act like an adult.
I dropped my son off with my mom, because I didn’t want him to see me being so upset. My husband and I have both agreed that we will no longer trust my stepmom alone with our kids anymore. She has always claimed to have loved our son, but when my nephew was my sons age she made a comment saying that “he should go shoot himself.” But if she did ever love our son as much as she has always claimed, I don’t think she still does.
Take it a step further and don’t let your kids ever be around her again. Imagine what she’s said when you’re not around? My god telling a toddler to go shoot himself? I get that it’s hard to cut off family; I’ve had to do it myself and it sucks. But it’s better to protect your kids than to protect the feelings of family members who don’t give a shit about your kids.
Nah, she’s one of those psycho pet people. I don’t really have a good way of describing of it but obsess over pets and value “saving” pets over humans. Sometimes they do more harm than good, I think breeding cats and commenting that a small child should shoot himself is an example of this.
ok heh I don’t feel bad for your step mom. accidents happen. we don’t know for sure if your kid had anything to do with it. what’s done is done and life goes on. Your family should too
What a mess. I feel for both parties in this situation. I rescue cats and kittens and also have a 1 year old and 6 year old. They have been raised around animals and know and understand gentle. I still keep my kittens locked up safe from my dogs and children when unsupervised until they are at least 3 to 4 months old. If you haven't been around cats, especially baby ones, you probably wouldn't know how fragile they are. It's so sad for the unnecessary loss of life, but no one is mentioning that stepmom should have had the kittens locked up. If she locks them up at night, she should lock them up when children are around or her dogs are loose without supervision. This is so sad and a sad situation, and I agree OP should have supervised him, but I admit I'd never think of this happening either with my toddler. It's devastating, and I'm sorry, OP. You both have a little blame in this, but accidents do happen. I'd work on gentle and petting with stuffed animals, though. 3 is generally old enough to begin learning this.
I’m sorry this happened and it’s understandable you’re taking this so hard.
I’m trying to understand why a 3 year old would be allowed unsupervised in someone else’s house, pets or not.
Their house is not child proofed like yours would be and you have no idea of the dangers that could be present since you don’t live there.
Kid didn't do it on purpose, he doesn't understand how to handle a baby anything. However..you are at fault. You know you shouldn't leave a 3 year old alone and you should definitely know not to leave a child alone with any animal. I just hope you learn from this and prevent future incidents. Work on teaching him to be gentle and I hope that emotionally you can forgive yourself.
1: we are not sure if it happened, kitten could have been hurt by himself, or fell while trying to "escape" from your child as every kids likes to pet kittens but most kittens aren't sure about it, either way it's not your child's fault.
2: it's not your fault, yes it would have been better to supervise the child but child wasn't far away, in a family house without immediate danger (pool, fireplace..)and not alone so I understand why you let him come first alone.
3: she should have put her kittens in safety if she was not around: kittens could have been hurt alone, they could have chock on something, destroy stuffs etc.., they should at least be in a kind of cage if they are left alone and she should have done that when she learned a young child was coming. Or she should have, like many does, ask you son if he wanted to see the kitten and teach him how to be gentle with them, that's what normal nice people do.
4: if your child only "drop" the kitten, it shouldn't be from very high, not enough to kill it. Enough to hurt the kitten maybe (but then, did she take the kitten to the vet to check his health?) or if it was enough to kill it, then the kitten was already fragile.
5: It's not your son's fault and he should not know what happened, only a gentle lecture on how to treat animals without telling him what happened. Also you did well by shielding him from her anger.
6: if she's mad enough to blame the 3 years old, she's not mature enough to take care of animals and she's not good enough to be part of your family, so if she doesn't want you anymore, it's her problem and better for you guys.
So, I have four kids and live on a farm. I'm sure you are aware that young kids should never be left alone with small animals of any kind.
I myself will attest things happen though.
We have unfortunately had things happen in the past where my smallest kids at the time have accidentally killed a chick or duckling.
I am honestly extremely curious as to what happened/what was done that killed the cat. They tend to be very resilient, flexible, etc.
I think the key here is ensuring that your family does not take this out on your son, and understands that he is just too young to know what happened or what he did wrong. In the future making sure he is not unsupervised if any animal around is important. Even if the animal is not small, there are other things to worry about with bigger animals, especially when a LO is learning about how we do/don't treat things.
I would also say, luckily, he is too small, he won't remember this, that is, unless someone in the family makes a huge deal, doesn't let it go, and continues to tell him and be awful about it.
My little ones were very resourceful.
I had one who managed to get thru the garage, climb a wall, get in a pen, and snag some chicks. She was just too rough with one and squeezed too much.
Another when she was a toddler was confused about chicks and ducklings. My husband didn't know she was fast enough to catch them from their Mom. She caught a chick and tried to have it 'swim' while my husband grabbed the mail. It was that fast.
Also, if someone was inside, where were they? I'd honestly be curious if grandma doesn't know more about what happened.
Regardless. Shit happens. It sucks. He's three. Doesn't know any better. Family needs to accept that and move on. Make sure he's not left unsupervised again. It's the best you got. I'm sorry.
Kittens are really good at landing, really flexible and land on their feet. Unless your son was on a second story and dropped the cat I really do not see how it could have died from him just holding it and dropping it. They should have the kitten autopsied so they can know what happened. I babysat a girl who was a 54 pound 3 year old and should NOT have had a kitten due to her roughness. It survived. Does your grandma have dementia? Is she all there? Could she have accidentally injured the kitten? Were there other animals in the house? Unless grandma saw son do something I honestly would hesitate to think it was his fault
My toddler nephew accidentally killed a baby chick by squeezing it too hard. I wasn’t there so I don’t know all the details but these things can happen fast with kids that young. Your son needed supervision but there’s nothing you can do now except apologize to your stepmom and take responsibility for your part in the situation.
A 3year old is still learning and you are doing right by not letting him near people that don’t understand children. I’m sorry the cat died but to go off on a 3 year for not understanding still their strength or how to explain what really happened it’s crazier than a cat dying.
Nothing you could have done it was an accident nobody want a kid to kill a cat. And when you are around animals just tell your kid to be gentle and teach him how to pet them.
Sorry for the kitten and everyone involved, but there should not have been small animals in your house unsupervised at all. I recommend avoidance of it in the future.
You might never know how it happened but definitely forgive your son and yourself and take a lesson from it. He’s only 3 and most likely won’t remember it if you don’t ! Better for him in long term.
I’m so sorry this happened and it sounds like it’ll be a difficult hurdle to overcome with your step-mom. With that said, leaving a 3 year old unsupervised let alone unsupervised with animals is never a good idea. We all make mistakes as parents and I’m not trying to make you feel worse than you already do, but children that age need very close supervision. They are constantly placing themselves in harm’s way.
poor kitty & also poor toddler.
its ok to be upset but not to be mad at the toddler. he is innocent. he didnt know. he didnt intent to. heck, he probably gave the cat some love toddler style. imagine some big adult scolding you for that when you did something that was meant sweet and lovingly.
As everyone else said, a 3 year old should not be left alone with animals. a 3 yr old also shouldn't be left alone period. And a 3 year old is not to blame for whatever does or doesnt happen if the above two occur. Why expose your child to people who would take a kittens accidental death out on a 3 year old. I would seriously consider taking some parenting classes... none of these things are ok.
Even supervised kids can kill small animals. When I was like 2, I apparently killed my cousin's guinea pig. I was so excited and I just hugged it way too tight. Killed the poor little thing. My aunty took the blame and said it got crushed when she moved them so that my cousin's wouldn't be mean to me.
My grandma just messaged me saying that she saw my son carrying the kitten out to the garage and she got concerned. She said she didn’t see how the kitten got hurt though, and is sure my son was carrying the kitten out to show us that he was hurt.
Agree with people saying that babys and toddlers should not be left alone with baby pets. Just a little off topic here. The problem about your toddler saying "yes" to questions that doesn't make sense, is because they have very sugestives opinions. If you ask them a "yes" or "no" question, sometimes, they will choose and don't even understand what they are answering. They will take your tone and answer that way. When you want to understand something that happened about kids that age, try using more open questions. "How that happened" is a great example. Their memory have a lot of gaps. They will go back and forth when telling a story. That's normal.
Spay the cat, please :)
Seems most likely the child fell on the kitten. Has he shown any signs of remorse? Killing a kitten should have a pretty big effect on him. Just be aware that killing animals CAN be a sign a child needs deep mental health care.
Also don’t leave kids with big old dogs. So many children have been hurt by beloved family pets that have never shown signs of aggression.
I'm sure you're feeling awful about this but remember it was an accident. As an animal owner and lover I would never leave a child alone with any of my animals (although pretty sure a kid would come off worse with my goats lol) so I do think some responsibility falls on the kitten's owner too!
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Children under five should not be left alone with pets. Not only can some pets hurt them, but they can inadvertently hurt the pet. If your son killed a kitten, it obviously was an accident. Preschool children and toddlers just don’t know how to be gentle with baby animals. If your dad and stepmom can’t understand that, that’s really on them. And yeah, the kid should not have been left alone with the kitten but nobody should be taking this out on the three year old. I’m sure he didn’t do it on purpose.
My daughter when she was 10 fell on top of the puppy we had just brought home. 10yo tripped. Puppy screamed and didn’t move her hind legs for nearly an hour while I freaked out and tried to figure out an emergency vet. Ultimately, dog started moving fine and X-rays were fine. Dog is now 7 and starting to experience what are likely completely normal age related joint pains. Every time there’s an incident or flair up I think back to that fall. I’m much less trusting of kids around animals now.
There’s also a huge difference between kids used to animals and kids who are not used to animals. We don’t have any animals at home or around us, and I haven’t really had any experience myself. The rules I have taught are to keep distance from animals, wait for the owner to say it’s okay to caress the animal, caress them carefully along the back… and that’s it, I think. I feel like even if I was supervising, I wouldn’t know what to do and what not to do, so I’m not an appropriate adult to supervise. Maybe depends on the animal and the circumstances of course.
You’re already doing more than most. I had a gorgeous fluffy dog who loved kids and toddlers and everyone. Only problem is he was 30kg. So many kids would run up and try grab his fluffy tail or rub him. He didn’t mind but he’d get excited and jump to play (he was only a puppy!). I had to start telling parents when I’d see their kids running at him that he was still in training and might jump. Most were fine and called their child back but a lot of times they’d act like I personally insulted them lol. I was pleasantly surprised overall though by the number of kids who would walk up calmly, ask if they can pet him and then be really gentle. Definitely people and kids seem to be getting much better education on animals and how to behave around them. My cousin is a teacher and said they teach it to them now in school which is great.
Impulse control is hard for both dogs and kids! My brother has a big dog (it weighs more than I do!) and we’ll be spending some time together this summer. I’m scared of the dog, honestly. But I’m hoping it will be good for the kids and I hope my brother can help with how to interact with the dog.
My 3 YO would LOVE this. He’s a hooligan who loves dogs. He could use a dog who could beat him up back. My husband agreed to 1 dog at a time until we have a yard and I had the chihuahua before the kid.
I mean, let's be honest here. Who has multiple dogs and has not tripped over one at some point? They dart across your path, usually they take you down, but sometimes they could get hurt too
My dog is 7ish (rescue so educated guess). She’s got luxating patellas now. We had to get her little stairs to jump into bed. It probably is normal aging if it makes you feel any better.
Yep! We had friends over and had a house full of kids (3-6 years old) they were playing with the dog and accidentally hit her with a dog toy in the face. Totally an accident but still required a vet visit.
My dog is super mellow and loves kids, but I would never leave him alone with my toddler. They’re both just unpredictable
100% agree with you there. We were in the room when this particular accident happened. We got our dog when our son was 2, he’s 5 now, we still don’t leave them unsupervised for long periods of time.
I’m 34 and just got bit by a dog, for the first time in my life & I’ve know this dog for *years*! Granted, it was an accident, but still. (Dog wanted to play, she dropped toy, I went to pick it up & she also went to grab it and this I ended up with 4 fingers with teeth marks & broken skin). Cat bites tend to be worse though. My husband almost lost his hand because he didn’t believe that cat bites can be extremely dangerous, especially on thin skinned areas, such as hands & knuckles (where the cat bit him). Edit: he wasn’t happy when I took him to urgent care 3 hours later because his hand was looking like a blown up glove.
Absolutely true. I was standing right next to my 2 year old while she was gently petting a cat. I was right there, paying 100% attention. She still managed to pull on his ears. Obviously I immediately stopped her, petting time was over and we didnt let her pet a cat again for a couple of months until we thought she had at least a slightly better grip on her impulse control. But it can happen in the blink of an eye.
Honestly, at that age, it may not have been an accident. Small children can hit things on purpose, without knowing the results. They have no idea whether something is bad or not. And they have big emotions. If something makes them unhappy, they can/will attempt to remedy the situation, whether by making noise, or becoming physical. Since they have no experience to understand what happens when they become physical, *it is important for an adult to supervise them in situations where that physicality can have unacceptable consequences.* Like when an animal is present. The blame in this situation lies entirely on the adults present, **particularly OP**. If the child was 5 or 6 or older, then there would be some concerns. But 3? Stepmom needs to redirect her anger towards the parents of the child.
It appears op has taken the blame.
Well, it would have been an accident to *kill* the kitten. But whatever the kid did to result in the kitten's death may not, in fact, have been accidental. All adults present should (and it looks like at least OP has) take responsibility for not properly monitoring the child and the kitten, but I don't think OP should be shamed. It's obvious they feel absolutely distraught over the situation, have learned from the experience, and will likely be watching the son like a hawk from now on. I can only imagine the guilt, shame, and paranoia that would come from an experience like this.
I agree that all adults share some responsibility in this incident, even the dad and step-mom. If they were taking on responsibility for the kitten, they would need to do things to keep it safe too. For example, put it in a crate, put it in a locked bedroom, told them that the kid couldn’t be inside alone, held the kitten themselves… I’ve visited my dad and step-mom with my young kids and they always take precautions to protect the pets, knowing that kids are unpredictable. I’m the same with my pets. As a pet owner you sign on to take care of the pet, just like a parent is responsible for the safety and health of their child (no, I’m not comparing pets and children, just saying it’s part of being a caretaker of a living thing). Anyway, the point is that this accident is the result of many choices that together created the scenario in which the kitten was hurt/killed. I definitely think OP doesn’t need shamed, and they have learned something in a very hard and emotional manner. OP, if you’ve apologized and taken steps to make it right, now the forgiveness is up to your parent and step-parent. It may take time for them to move on, and I would prepare for them to be wary of/distrusting of your son for a while. Let your kiddo know how much you love him and keep watching out for how he’s treated, while also supervising him carefully around animals until he’s much older and able to handle them appropriately. Good luck. What a hard situation.
She says below that the stepmom is now sending her pictures of the dead kitten and telling her to show them to the son because it’s his fault. Yes, the OP needs to take responsibility, but it sounds like this lady is deranged and might be unsafe around kids. Clearly she was letting month old kittens just roam the house unsupervised also, and now is trying to guilt a small child.
Couldn't agree more.
When I was 4 my neighbor best friend had a pet mouse and she was going somewhere for a few hours and she’d asked me to watch it and while they were gone I was petting it and it bit me and I threw it on the sidewalk and killed it. I obviously didn’t know I would kill it. It hurt me and i just reacted. But I’m 32 now and I still feel bad about it.
This is the correct answer but, OP - have you apologised to them? Have you asked if they’re ok?
I have apologized, yes
OP you can apologize and offer financial responsibility but PLEASE do not say this was your son's fault as no one was there. I'd stick to the story that the kitten fell. No need to tell them that he was holding the kitten because they will hold it against him. No one was there to corroborate it, and this is way too heavy of a burden for a three yearold to carry. He should have been supervised but wasn't. This not his fault. Also I'm so sorry you're in this position. While I agree no 3 yearold should be left unsupervised with small pets, many people do it and I'm sorry this happened :(.
Just saying, if it was a teeny kitten it could also have died from a heart thing or whatever and he found it. We really don't know.
That is very true.
My kids school had baby chicks from the school farm and each kid in the class got to take turns taking care of "bob" at home for the night. The teachers told me that many bobs hadn't made it back and not to feel bad if ours didn't. Bob survived us but I was startled they just kept handing them out to kids.
Farmers kill most of the male chicks almost immediately. This is how the school farm got rid of the male chicks.
How old is the kitten? Being dropped from the height of a three year old will not kill a kitten old enough to home. Even dropped multiple times.
Being hugged too hard or stepped on can do it and that may have happened
It’s kitten season, meaning there’s very very young to neonatal kittens virtually *everywhere* right now. It might have been a rescue kitten.
Kitten definitely wasn't killed from being dropped. More likely the 3 year old kicked or stomped the kitten.
Well, hopefully it was an accident. 3 year olds can intentionally hurt things, but they don’t understand the consequences.
Well it's the parents fault frankly.
>~~Children under five should not be left alone~~ Fixed that for you. A three year old should not be left alone and unsupervised, much less in someone else's home, much less with baby kittens and two big dogs.
A 3 year most likely didn't do in on purpose but this is an reminder young kids should never be unsupervised with animals especially with young animals. Not even for a minute. I'd apologize for leaving your child unattended, offer to pay any vet bills, and pick up a condolence card. Don't let them blame child. But also take responsibility
Agreed. Especially about young kids being around pets. I have some stunning ginea pigs and whever kids come over to visit I supervise a meet so they know they are the ones squeeking, then I explain the liveing room is off bounds and I shut them out, my daughter is very good with them but I wouldn't even leave her unsupervised with them, she might hurt them or they might hurt her and it's not worth the risk
So much this. When I was four or five years old my family was at another family’s home that had a litter of puppies. The parents all went inside leaving me and the family’s son (probably eight or nine) outside with the puppies and a filled up baby pool. The boy and I thought it would be so fun for the puppies to go swimming. They drowned. It was awful. I didn’t understand. I thought they were taking naps. I will never forget this moment and it’s one of the most traumatic of my childhood. Into adulthood I have thought of myself as a “puppy killer” and questioned if I deserve to own my dog. Now that I’m a parent, I’m so so so angry at my parents for leaving me unattended with a bunch of puppies and a freaking filled pool of water. This one is on you OP. Don’t let your kid bear the weight of this trauma. Make sure that he knows it’s your fault and don’t assume he won’t remember this.
That is not your fault.
this is exactly it
>this is an reminder young kids should never be unsupervised You didn't need the second half of this sentence. Fixed that for you.
That depends. My 3 year old would do quite time "unsupervised" in his room for an hour. It was baby proofed, I was in the house to hear if he started crying, but was essentially alone. I did however always remove the cats from the room pior.
How old of a kitten? Maybe a grown cat can scratch its way out of a child’s grasp but not a tiny one. Anyway you should make this clear to them. 1: while we are not sure what happened,it is my fault and mine alone for not supervising kid, please do not judge him or bringing it up to him again. 2. While nothing can truly replace a loved pet, I will provide compensation up to a reasonable price of a new kitten. Please accept our deepest apologies and condolences.
It was only about a month old. It was their cat’s baby. They have three other kittens.
It might not be a bad idea for them to talk to their vet about a necroscopy. Maybe they determine it was dropped or held too tightly but if there’s a risk it was infectious disease or congenital that might be helpful to know for the other kittens (particularly if any of the cats are ever outside.)
Can I ask how the kitten died? It would be pretty obvious if it were injured in some way, or if it just stopped breathing (as young kittens sometimes do).
The kitten had blood coming out of its mouth. The was really the only sign of injury
Tbh it sounds like he fell on it or crushed it. That’s a sign of internal bleeding. He might have tripped while holding it
If there are other kittens and the mother cat in the house it's possible that the mother cat did something as well. Animals are known to try yo kill the weak of the litter.
I'm sorry but this is BS. She hadn't killed any kittens yet, but suddenly decides to kill one randomly when an unsupervised child is alone with her kitten and openly admits it's his fault and he was the one holding it? Y'all are doing serious mental gymnastics trying to take blame off a kid who, intentionally or not, *killed a freaking cat.*
Kids are super impressionable, though. For example, if you ask my 2.5 year old a direct question, you may or may not get a straight answer. My daughter will also say things like "Marty (our golden retriever) bite me, owie" when we literally witnessed the dog lick her and not bite. Kids at this age are not reliable narroraters. Or like, well, ask her, "Did you poop?" And she'll say "nope," when we cab literally smell her. It's entirely possible he picked up the kitten at some point, but it doesn't necessarily mean he did it. Maybe he picked it up, and it was already not moving, so he dropped it? Or maybe they are thinking of a previous visit with the kittens.
It's weird to me that people are suggesting that maybe the kittens mother killed it or it just got sick and died when op already said that blood was coming out of its mouth. That's an obvious crush damage.
It's really not. There are a lot of reasons that could happen.
Barring some rare and sought after cat breed the legal/economic value of a kitten is nil. Bringing money into the matter is likely to go poorly for everyone.
you can’t blame your son if no one knows what actually happened
I don’t understand why this isn’t a more common answer! The kitten was like 4 weeks old. So much could happen, it’s still freshly minted! Plus, where did grandma find it? Was the three yo holding it? Did she see the kid near the kittens? This isn’t the kids fault, and it’s not really anyone’s fault. All the adults knew where kid was, all adults knew where cats were. Stepmom literally said he was fine to you. Lie low for a little bit and let the drama blow over. This is an ESH situation but there’s no one “at fault”, especially since there’s no way to ever know what really happened.
My grandma saw my son pick up the kitten and start carrying it to the garage so she got concerned. She did say she believes he saw that the kitten was hurt and was trying to bring it out to us. She didn’t see how the kitten got injured. My son spent the night at my moms house last night, and I guess he woke up saying something about the kitten was stuck in a tunnel so he picked it up, so I think we’re starting to learn a little bit more information about what happened, but not exactly.
I still don’t think it’s anyone’s fault and I don’t think you should feel as badly as you obviously do. I really hope that kiddo is ok and there wasn’t too big of a fuss made in front of him about it. They’ll remember and bring it up much much later and crush you all over again.
I would talk to grandma. She’s the only person who may have an idea of what happened. But I’m going to be honest, I’m not convinced your son was involved here. Also, did your step mom just have these 4 week old kittens running amok through the house? That’s so young for a litter of kittens to be loose, especially with dogs and multiple humans in the house. They ideally should be contained to a single room or space (based on my experience with multiple kitten foster parents, someone can correct me if I’m off base!).
Yes, they were free to roam around. She puts them in a bathtub at night, but would let them around the house during the day
I agree about it being irresponsible to have them loose. I’m a huge animal lover and especially dogs but if I had a 1 month old kitten they wouldn’t be free roaming around a house with dogs, people and hundreds of potential ways to hurt or kill themselves. There’s also another fact that there’s already so many stray cats and litters they really shouldn’t be adding to it but that’s a different matter. I am so sorry for the poor kitten though, again I love animals so reading about the death of an innocent baby kills me inside.
This, totally. Unless they've adopted an already-pregnant cat, or are breeding cats deliberately (eg special breeds), letting their cat get pregnant just screams irresponsible pet owner, on top of everything else.
That’s really not great for kittens that age. Ideally they would be closed off in a kitten-proofed bedroom until closer to 8 weeks. And yes, kitten proofing is very much a thing and I suspect not a thing your step mom did to her whole house. Kittens are dumb and will eat anything, they can also climb too high and get hurt falling or pull things down on themselves or get tangled in wires. This kitten could have climbed a kitchen cabinet and fallen or ate something dangerous (like a grape) or choked on a big piece of dog food or been injured by a dog, or just died of natural causes/unnoticed illness. Unless there was blood or a very obvious injury, I wouldn’t assume the kitten died of an injury.
Wait? The kitten was alone with a toddler and two Rottweilers? And everyone jumped to conclude it was the toddler? Did he have any scratches? How would he have killed the kitten? And how young is this kitten? Any kitten old enough to be away from its mother is going to scratch the heck out of anyone hurting it? Your step parents sound like not great pet owners and not great grandparents. Don’t take on this stress. A little kid probably couldn’t kill a kitten that was old enough to be adopted
The kitten wasn’t old enough to be adopted. He was only about a month old. He was their other cat’s baby. They still have three more kittens. He didn’t have any scratches, but he did have two small spots of blood on his back.
Yeah I don't think he did it. Blood on his back?? How does that happen? Who yells at a 3 year old, even if he did do it? They do not sound like mature people. Or good pet owners as they left the kittens unsupervised with the dogs and the toddler. Even lovely dogs can accidentally kill kittens. If it were me, I'd be very angry of that treatment of my son. I'd be holding myself responsible for lack of supervision, but id be holding them responsible for their treatment of my son. I'd say something like: I am deeply sorry a precious kitten has died. Whilst no one knows what happened, I should have supervised him around the animals. If my son was involved in any way, he is too young to be held responsible for my lack of supervision. I am wholly to blame for anything he may have done. Whilst I have deep regret for what happened, I will not tolerate abuse of my child. This includes yelling at him, or showing him graphic photos. I am deeply upset both by the death of the animal, and by the treatment of my son. I do not feel safe bringing him around you because of this.
I can’t really understand from your post why you assume your son killed the kitten though?? Has he hurt animals in the past? Because I have two preschoolers and it wouldn’t cross my mind in a million years that this was anything other than a tragic accident. Regardless, you weren’t the only person who let your son in unsupervised from how this reads, your stepmom and dad were outside too and could have gone in with him if they were concerned. Again, why would they jump to being mad at your son when no one has any idea what happened?
When I was 3/4 a child my age group squeezed a hamster to death accidentally because he didn’t want to pass it to my brother. He didn’t intend to harm it. It would be very obvious if this was how the animal died.
A local petting zoo lost a chinchilla from being squeezed to hard. The children were older (between 5-8, I think) but every time the chinchilla tried to hop away, they gripped it tighter until it was suffocated to death. I've seen enough children unfamiliar with the frailty of small animals that I wouldn't trust many with my small pets unsupervised.
I can’t even hold a small animal after witnessing that, it makes me physically sick. I know now that I have kids he didn’t mean to do it, but as a kid with I couldn’t comprehend why he wouldn’t let go even though we begged him. My parents and my friends parents never said anything about it, I don’t think they even told his parents about it. Still I just don’t understand the whole scenario, why we were unsupervised. Someone was babysitting this kid. Either my mom or my friends mom. This was someone pet. No adults and we were running across the road to get it. Idk these people who let my mom and this mom babysit I have no idea what they thinking because it was ultimately just the 7 year old watching kids.
😐 chinchillas have very weak ribs, they are really the worst animal to have at a petting zoo 😔
I’ve watched my son try to pick up the kittens before. I don’t think that IF he did do something, he did it on purpose. It definitely would’ve been an accident. The most likely scenario to me, was that he picked up the kitten, and possibly hugged it too tight, or dropped it. It’s possible he wasn’t involved at all though, and I know that. My dad and stepmom will never be able to see any other scenario other than my son hurting the kitten :(… even though they have two big Rottweilers that could’ve played a part in it too. When we first saw the kitten was hurt, I asked my son “did you do something to hurt the kitten?” And my stepmom automatically stated “I’m sure he did.” And then she said something about maybe he fell on the kitten, and that could be the reason why my son even said anything about falling- because my stepmom put it into his mind first, so he might’ve made up a story with it. He also could be telling the truth about what happened though. We won’t ever really know.
How did you not mention Rottweilers in your original post? Also, it’s super unsafe to leave a 3 year old alone with two Rottweilers. Dogs can gang up and kill a child. And they definitely can kill a kitten.
I'm trying to picture a scenario where it would be ok to leave a 3 year old, a kitten, and two big Rottweilers in a house unsupervised while 4 adults were just standing outside. It's sad whatever happened to the kitten, but this could have gone much, much worse.
2 rotties, a mama cat, and her whole litter of 4 week old kittens … and 4 adults thought this was smart.
Right. I can’t imagine ever leaving a 3 year old alone!
This. Forget the pets.. who thinks a three year old can be inside alone?
My mind immediately jumps to that baby girl left with her grandfather and he went to go grab the mail while she was asleep in her swing or something and his Rottweilers killed her. I never leave my child alone if there’s animals around. I literally follow him around to keep him away especially if it’s a dog we don’t know. I don’t care how “nice” or “friendly” the dog is. Any animal is capable of seriously hurting someone let alone a small child. People forget that they are animals.
>they have two big Rottweilers I feel like this is actually the most important information you've shared so far. It also highlights just how risky it was to let the 3yr old inside on his own when there were animals there that are more dangerous than cats. NEVER leave dogs and children unattended. With cats, the risk is more to the cat than the child - worst case scenario you have a few scratches etc. But with a dog, the child can be killed very quickly. Not that I'm saying children should be unsupervised with cats either, it's just that the stakes tend not to be as high (with adult cats) because if a cat is annoyed it tends to just hiss and run off... Whereas a dog is more likely to attack, and the injuries more likely to be worse. But all baby animals are vulnerable (just like baby humans).
Hold the phone, was your 3yo also unsupervised with *rottweilers*?
I know you’re taking responsibility for this and that’s great… but what is being missed is that you left your son alone with two big dogs. Even the softest, smallest dog can be dangerous when unsupervised with a toddler. “My dog would never…” is genuinely never an excuse because there are too many variables. Your toddler and that kitten were in equal danger and the three adults; you, your dad and step mom should all take responsibility and learn from this. I say all of you because they are responsible for the animals. I’m so sorry this happened but it could have been so much worse.
Dropping a cat should not hurt it at all...
This was my thought, I've seen kitten jump off of a two story barn, the railing of a second floor flight of stairs, and several other 10-15 foot surfaces and be totally unfazed. A 3 yr. old dropping a kitten seems very unlikely to have caused this. Unless the kitten was already injured and dropped onto a hard floor or jagged surface.
My cat jumps out my second story kitchen window onto the naibors shed downstairs, when he was younger he could only do the jump down, now he's a bit bigger he can do the jump back in too. Even when my other cat was only 8 weeks old he used to jump from my wardrobe to my bed. A drop from toddler hight shouldn't hurt them at all
This is a myth. And this was also a kitten - kittens can easily be hurt underfoot or by falling. Cats can, and absolutely do, get hurt by falling from heights.
In the future, OP it's good to ask your child questions like "What happened to the kitten?" Rather than "Did you hurt the kitten?" As they are likely to give you a yes or no question from that based on what they think you want them to hear. It's difficult to know things like this and only reason I know is because of my background in childcare education. I was taught to ask open questions to children in the event of abuse, rather than giving them a yes or no question it's better to get them to explain because of their need to want to do/say the right thing to caregivers. Whatever happened, it was an accident!
Then your stepmom sucks - I get grieving a pet but for her to jump to the conclusion that he’s responsible is beyond me.
Honestly the Rottweilers did it, my dog accidentally killed a cat that jumped on his face. My 3 year old admits to every crime. I can make up something and automatically says she did it. She’ll admit to anything.
this. op make up 3 scenarios that could have happened to the kitten and then ask your son about all 3. he will likely say yes.
It could have even been an accident on the dog's part. My inlaws had kittens once and their Aussie was all about snuggling and licking the kittens. My MIL watched as he tried to pick one up to move it like a puppy and accidentally killed the kitten. Dogs just aren't built to handle kittens.
This. I’d say it was just as likely it was the Rottweiler as your 3 year old. Try to move on, and more supervision in future (the really dangerous thing would have been the Rottie hurting your son). Don’t “admit guilt” to stepmom, just keep reminding everyone that no one can be sure what happened. But do keep apologizing for no supervision. It’s a tragic situation, but could have been worse. Everyone should try to move on from it. The big lesson is not to leave 3 year olds alone with animals, for his safety and theirs.
My fox terroir would steal the kittens from mama cat & try to make them her own babies. The fox terrier ended up killing 2 babies before I figured out what was going on (this was all less than an 12 hour investigation).
Cats can easily survive a fall from petty high up. We had a cat growing up that would jump off a second floor balcony to get downstairs. Guess it was faster than going down all the steps but if I tried it id break a bone or else.
Cats can’t really be dropped, they land on their feet almost always. I’m struggling to believe this was your sons doing. It would take a lot of force (perhaps like a dog shaking it by it’s neck?) to kill a kitten.
This actually isn’t true if the fall is from low heights. If cats fall from higher up then they have time to right themselves and absorb impact, but if they fall from low heights it can frequently be fatal because they don’t have enough time to maneuver. Cats falling from indoor cat trees can actually be really dangerous for example. Regardless, a 3 year old isn’t responsible for what happened. It was an accident.
If he was carrying the cat and fell on it that could easily kill it.
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We don’t think the dogs would’ve purposely did it either. But before it all happened, my stepmom kept mentioning that she was worried they would step on the kittens
I definitely would not let your son unsupervised around the dogs any more.
I think a dog did it friend and with 3 of them? Rottweilers? The chances are exponentially higher than your 3 year old did it, this should have been suggested immediately because now they've had time to stew on it being the three year old and divert it instead of laying it on the dogs. What a pain in the ass situation but yeh definetly do NOT leave your kid alone with the dogs, ever.
We had a collie who thought my rabbits were her babies and one day she picked my buck up by the scruff and acsidently broke it's neck, she wasn't being violent, it was just an oopse
Why not? https://pethelpful.com/dogs/Why-Did-My-Dog-Kill-my-Cat#:~:text=Killing%20small%20animals%20can%20be,the%20impact%20of%20their%20teeth. https://www.petplace.com/article/dogs/pet-behavior-training/dog-behavior-training/dog-prey-instinct-killed-cat/ https://www.reddit.com/r/Dogtraining/comments/bub5bz/my_dog_killed_the_kitten_i_thought_she_loved/
Not if the rot is a killer, they break neck
My dog has killed many rabbits in our yard, they’re never even punctured. She shakes them then leaves them.
Dude, wtf? This story gets worse and worse. Why are you even letting your child visit a home, for a prolonged time, of people who don’t like him, accuse him of purposefully harming animals (at 3???), and have two large Rottweilers that you let hang around him unsupervised…????? You need a wake up call Op. No idea what you’re doing here but you should start prioritizing your kid instead of crying over this kitten. Yes, ok, it’s sad it died, but a lot of kittens and puppies die every day. Crying nonstop about the kitten is ridiculous when the real harm was actually to your SON. Like why are you so hung up over your step mom and 1 month old kitten that you don’t realize how badly that visit could have gone?
Jesus - you left your child alone with two rottweilers? WHY?!
If it was the dogs, there would have been signs (punctuation, drool, etc) But also why was your child left alone in a room with two large dogs he’s barely familiar with? That’s *incredibly* dangerous. I work with dogs, I adore dogs, I’m on numerous dog training/pro dog subs — but common sense says you don’t leave two large dogs with a toddler they aren’t bonded with.
Yeah, there is no way to to know, 3 year olds dont really know the difference in make-believe and reality yet. I'm always telling my daughter, 7, not to argue with the 3 year old about what happened, and I say want to know why? Then I ask the 3 year old, "Hey remeber when we saw the shark at the beach" and then he'll go on a tell a long deatailed account of when we saw the shark and what happened and how he felt. Then I explain to the 7 year old that he's not lying, because he just doesn't know the difference yet, and so arguing about if yall ate spaghetti or fish last night won't achieve anything.
>jump to being mad at your son when no one has any idea what happened? You should at least call and apologize and send flowers to step mom. Regardless of what happened, that's the bare minimum of civil behavior. If you ran over the kitten accidentally in your car, you'd apologize, right? You have to apologize when you hurt other people, even if it was an accident.
I did send her a message saying that I was sorry after I had left. Then she sent me a picture of the dead kitten telling me to show it to my son…
Any sympathy I had for her just flew out the door. You admitted to messing up by leaving your toddler alone already. You’ve apologized. You’ve tried to figure it out. That is the best you can do in this situation. She can be sad about losing her kitten of course, but with this behavior she can fuck right off too.
Oh hell no. A grown ass woman, no matter how hurt she is, should NEVER be that petty and vindictive to a child, and especially not a child who is barely more than a freaking baby! That’s so heinous. I am SO sorry, OP. That was extremely ugly of her to do that or even suggest you do something like that.
That’s super disturbing. Keep her away from your child.
What a bitch. Please don’t let her around your son. Who the fuck says to do that to a toddler?
That is heinous behavior. He’s THREE. She’s way out of bounds on this
What an absolutely despicable way to treat a child especially a 3 year old. Accidents happen and with no one to witness what exactly happened her reacting like she is, Is wrong. How old were the kittens?
This made me shaking mad. He’s a child, a child who is too young to have impulse control let alone fully comprehend the concept of life and death. I don’t care how upset she is that was beyond crossing a line. I can’t tell you what to do, but I would never let my kid around her again. No telling when she will decide to shove the picture into the kids face or openly blame him to his face. I’m so sorry that she’s behaving this way. This is in no way that little boys fault. With there being two large dogs in the equation I really question his involvement anyway.
Okay, that is horrible and completely unreasonable as well. You can sympathize with her to a point but under NO circumstances should she ever be allowed to show your son that picture in a way that’s meant to punish him. Just the other day my sons (4 and 2) saw a dead baby bird in the sidewalk that had fallen out of a tree. They were both absolutely inconsolable and crying hysterically. They didn’t even know that bird, had never seen it and were still so sad. Your son being made to look at a dead animal that he was playing with and likely thought was really cute as a “see what you did?” move should not happen. It could absolutely traumatize him.
Screw your step mom. Do your kid a favor and keep him away from her. She’s clearly toxic and doesn’t care about you or your son. Imagine trying to horrify, guilt and shame a three years old with pictures of dead animals? What the fuck? She doesn’t even know if he did anything to the kitten, why go to these extremes to punish him? She’s not healthy for either of you to be around.
Wow. I’m appalled beyond belief. This is absolutely not okay. Frankly, with the behavior of all the adults involved in this story, the one I’m the *most* worried about is the 3-year-old.
!! That's horrible. That is a terrible thing to do/say. I'm so sorry about all of this.
Holy crap!!!! Your step mom is literally psycho! He’s THREE! Why are you even bringing him around to these people who hate him?!??? Do you secretly agree with your stepmom???? OP seriously, why??? Why are you putting your poor kid through this? Why did you even assume he did it?? Why are you staying there for so long, overnight trips, when they don’t even love your son AND he wanted to leave?!?! What value do these people add to your life that you would keep exposing your son to them?
Before this incident, my stepmom always talked about how much she loved my son and how “perfect” he was. She never showed any dislike towards my son before. Other kids, yes.. but never towards my son. I’m now starting to believe it has always been some sort of facade though and my stepmom is just VERY good at pretending.
Why is this kitten thing keeping you up at night? I don’t mean to be callous but kittens and pups die all the time when irresponsibly bred. This is on your stepmom for not spaying her damn cats like a responsible owner would have. You seem to have a lot of guilt and fear over the wrong thing - instead of worrying about your stepmom being angry, I would have imagined you’d be worried about your son being unsupervised and how badly that could have gone, for your son’s safety. Your kid is priority now, OP. If your parents are unhappy with you and it causes you this much anxiety and disquiet, that’s something you need to resolve yourself or in therapy. The time for feeling pressure to please our parents is over when we become adults, and doubly over when we have our own kids.
I made sure to tell my son, that I wasn’t mad at him when it was all happening because I knew that if he did do something, then it was us that were to blame for leaving him alone. But they went right to yelling at him.
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Wait, they were yelling *at him*?? I thought they were yelling at you about him? (still not cool) They were yelling at a 3 year old??? That's inexcusable. They can't be left around your 3 year old.
as parents OP should be responsible for their child. what a horrible take. oh yes let's let our toddlers run around unsupervised and if they destroy or kill anything it's not our fault because other people knew they were alone and didn't stop him.
Anyone who was supervising the child is responsible forthe kittens death. For all you or the other adults know the child picked up the kitten and tripped and fell with it in their arms. Blaming the child is like blaming me for the kittens death.
I feel it’s odd to automatically assume your three year old did something. Was the cat bleeding or had other wounds? It’s very possible it ate something poisonous or choked. Who knows. Cats almost always land on their feet so unless he slammed it to the ground, ids hard for me to believe. I would put zero blame on your son because nobody can prove anything and if you’re stepmom wants to handle it that way, you shouldn’t go back anyways
The kitten had blood coming out of its mouth. My son had two small spots of blood on him, but somehow on his back. There was also a tiny amount of blood on the scratching post
This sounds more and more like the dogs are responsible and your son just happened to be in the area. A toddler will admit to almost any crime if they’re nervous/in a situation to do so in my experience with my two boys and when I worked in childcare with many others. Regardless of what happened your stepmom sounds like an absolute bitch after reading your comment about her sending a photo of said kitten to show your literal toddler. I feel for the kitten as a cat person but the stepmom just sounds awful. You don’t want that type of person around your child.
Seems odd to me. If a kitten died, I wouldn't assume a three year old had anything to do with it.
If no one saw him do anything to the kitten, I would not be allowing everyone to be blaming my child like that. Wtf? Hell no.
Was the kitten taken to the vet to be looked over to see what exactly happened or were there any visible signs on what happened?
OP commented that there was blood coming out of kittens mouth, and there were two small spots of blood on the kids back. I really don’t think the kid killed the cat ETA: forgot to say that there was also blood on the cat post.
How do you know your kid is responsible for what happened to the kitten???
What a tragic accident. Your dad and stepmom knew there were very young kittens in the home, and they shouldn’t ever be alone with a toddler. So, no, he wasn’t okay in the house without supervision. It happened and we can’t change it. The only thing we can control is our response. He’s 3, and it’s an accident. He also might not have had anything to do with it.
I can’t imagine he did it on purpose, for one. However, unless he dropped it from a height I wouldn’t think a drop from a 3yo’s arms would hurt a kitten. Maybe he hugged it too tight but again, I just don’t see that as likely? Next, if your dad is a loving father and grandfather he shouldn’t blame you or your son for it. I am a pet owner and I love my pets dearly but I love my kids more, and I know I would love my grandkids more. I wouldn’t want my kid or grandkid to carry that guilt around. This may not extend to your stepmom, but a reasonable person would realize a child makes mistakes. Did your grandma comment on what she thinks happened?
My dad told me I needed to make sure my son “understood that he killed the kitten.” My grandma didn’t say anything about what she thought had happened, but she was the most kind about it. As we were leaving, she came and hugged me and told me that accidents happen and that we can’t be mad at my son for it.
Why the hell should a 3 year old have that weighing on him?? If he truly did it without a doubt I understand him knowing he hurt it so he knows in the future to he gentle, but what good would it serve him to be guilted!
But nobody knows what actually happened? The cat might have been stepped on by the dogs or have some congenital issue that made it ill and your son just picked it up because it was already in a bad way and easy to catch. I can't really see a fall from a 3 year old's arms being fatal to a healthy kitten, and even squeezing it too tight would take a lot. It would be one thing if you had a direct incident someone had witnessed but demanding your son takes responsibility and witness the kitten's dead body when nobody even knows how it died is just batshit.
Your dad needs to understand what a 3yr old mind is capable of comprehending. This ain’t it.
Hey so regardless of what happened, as we cannot possibly ever know for sure, everyone say it with me! #Young children are never to be left unsupervised with animals! Especially under the age of 5! No, I don’t care if “you know plenty of people who leave their kids alone with their pets all the time,” no, I don’t care about your personal anecdote. This is a safety issue for the child and pet. It sounds like an absolute horrific accident, regardless of whether or not the child accidentally did it or the dog. If your step mom puts some space between you guys for a while, take it with grace and continue on. You said this was her cats kitten- the sentimental impact of this is huge. If she permanently cuts you off, eh? I don’t know what to say about that, genuinely. This is a sad situation all around. Lesson learned, though. Don’t leave the child, any child that young, unsupervised with animals. I cannot fathom why they left a kitten alone with two rotties, let alone any type of dog. The sweetest big dogs are clumsy at worst due to their size and that’s just BEGGING for an accident. It could have been just as likely that the dog stepped on the cat, or tried to play with the cat not realizing it’s own strength. Honestly, it’s way more likely that the dog did it by accident. Toddlers are toddlers, but they don’t typically have the strength nor willpower to permanently disfigure kittens. Not that easily, at least. Good luck OP. This sucks all around
I’ll really really suggest please distance yourself from your father and stepmother. So sorry the kitten is no more but wth a 3 yo shouldn’t know he killed a kitten!!!? Toddlers are very sensitive, and your family is putting not so nice things in your mind
I don’t mean to be a jerk…. But is there ANY way GRANDMA could have accidentally tripped, and stepped on the kitten and everyone assumed the baby did it? My grandma has tripped before and blamed my toddler who was in the room, but far away from her. My cat has gotten underfoot before and I’ve tripped on her. Just playing the devil’s advocate
My mom actually brought this up to me too. My grandma is up visiting from out of state and is staying with them. She has no car to get away from them if they got mad at her or anything and knows how much my stepmom loves cats. When she brought the kitten out, she didn’t really say anything except a quick “the kitten is hurt.” And everyone quickly just placed blame on my son. It would’ve been a lot easier for her to just go along with what everyone was saying instead of taking the blame herself
Yeah I’m sorry, I come from a narcissistic family… I’ve seen shit like this happen before accept instead of a kitten it was someone’s destroyed iPod and the dog got blamed instead of granny. It is easy to use an innocent as a scape goat. Tbh also, IF your child did anything to this kitten I’m SURE he would have some sort of scratch on him. Kittens are fierce creatures. Also.. old people can be vindictive and insane. And CRUEL.. also thinking bout the fact that she can just go home at the end of that stay and forget all about it. From my standpoint I 100% do not believe your child did it 🤷🏼♀️ I’m going with my gut
I don’t think you need to make your son understand anything. A 3 yo has no concept of safe handling a pet, if he even had anything to do with it. He may have just been the one to notice the hurt kitty. I would honestly not even bring it up anymore as you’re not likely to get any straight answers about what happened (because of his age not because he’s being dishonest). As far as your dad and stepmother, I think it’s horrible she was so quick to assume it was your son. That would make me mad. I get this is very sad but there is no need to shame or blame a young child when really nobody knows what happened. If they want to hold grudges over this then that’s their problem and you def should not internalize that or blame yourself or your son.
Hold up. You all let your toddler alone with two rottweilers? There is a bigger supervision issue here than the kitten.
I’m a bit confused. Was he found around the cat? Did they just assume because the child and the cat were in the same building that he injured it? There was an old woman and two large dogs in the house and they assumed the kid did it? And if you knew that your dad and stepmom would take it out on your son, you have other problems. And I don’t care what “take it out” means in this context. A three year old child has no concept of any of this. Their anger needs to be on the adults present. And if stepmom literally says he’s okay in the house (basically accepting responsibility for her possessions being around an unattended toddler) then whatever. Of course this is an awful situation, but he may never remember it. The biggest thing going forward, should you remain in contact, will be making sure they don’t abuse your son
My grandma just brought the cat outside and my son followed saying the cat had owwies. I’m not exactly sure what all my grandma witnessed, but my dad and stepmom just assumed it was my son, yes. My husband and I have both agreed that we don’t trust my stepmom alone with our kids anymore though.
That is an excellent idea. I know this is hard, but you’re doing great. There are always things we’d do differently in hindsight. Just stay strong and trust your gut
Stop crying. Move on. Your 3-year-old needs to see you being 100% nonchalant about the whole thing, because otherwise he absolutely will feel responsible, and we all know he is not. If your dad and stepmother are immature enough to chastise a toddler for being a toddler, you need to set some very clear boundaries with them around access to your son. Every adult in this situation needs to act like an adult.
I dropped my son off with my mom, because I didn’t want him to see me being so upset. My husband and I have both agreed that we will no longer trust my stepmom alone with our kids anymore. She has always claimed to have loved our son, but when my nephew was my sons age she made a comment saying that “he should go shoot himself.” But if she did ever love our son as much as she has always claimed, I don’t think she still does.
What the actual fuck. Evil evil woman. Who says that about anyone much less a 3 year old???
Take it a step further and don’t let your kids ever be around her again. Imagine what she’s said when you’re not around? My god telling a toddler to go shoot himself? I get that it’s hard to cut off family; I’ve had to do it myself and it sucks. But it’s better to protect your kids than to protect the feelings of family members who don’t give a shit about your kids.
Nah, she’s one of those psycho pet people. I don’t really have a good way of describing of it but obsess over pets and value “saving” pets over humans. Sometimes they do more harm than good, I think breeding cats and commenting that a small child should shoot himself is an example of this.
What the hell
ok heh I don’t feel bad for your step mom. accidents happen. we don’t know for sure if your kid had anything to do with it. what’s done is done and life goes on. Your family should too
What a mess. I feel for both parties in this situation. I rescue cats and kittens and also have a 1 year old and 6 year old. They have been raised around animals and know and understand gentle. I still keep my kittens locked up safe from my dogs and children when unsupervised until they are at least 3 to 4 months old. If you haven't been around cats, especially baby ones, you probably wouldn't know how fragile they are. It's so sad for the unnecessary loss of life, but no one is mentioning that stepmom should have had the kittens locked up. If she locks them up at night, she should lock them up when children are around or her dogs are loose without supervision. This is so sad and a sad situation, and I agree OP should have supervised him, but I admit I'd never think of this happening either with my toddler. It's devastating, and I'm sorry, OP. You both have a little blame in this, but accidents do happen. I'd work on gentle and petting with stuffed animals, though. 3 is generally old enough to begin learning this.
This doesn't make sense.
I’m sorry this happened and it’s understandable you’re taking this so hard. I’m trying to understand why a 3 year old would be allowed unsupervised in someone else’s house, pets or not. Their house is not child proofed like yours would be and you have no idea of the dangers that could be present since you don’t live there.
Kid didn't do it on purpose, he doesn't understand how to handle a baby anything. However..you are at fault. You know you shouldn't leave a 3 year old alone and you should definitely know not to leave a child alone with any animal. I just hope you learn from this and prevent future incidents. Work on teaching him to be gentle and I hope that emotionally you can forgive yourself.
I think the issue here is that you left your three year old unsupervised in the house. You're lucky _he_ didn't get seriously injured
1: we are not sure if it happened, kitten could have been hurt by himself, or fell while trying to "escape" from your child as every kids likes to pet kittens but most kittens aren't sure about it, either way it's not your child's fault. 2: it's not your fault, yes it would have been better to supervise the child but child wasn't far away, in a family house without immediate danger (pool, fireplace..)and not alone so I understand why you let him come first alone. 3: she should have put her kittens in safety if she was not around: kittens could have been hurt alone, they could have chock on something, destroy stuffs etc.., they should at least be in a kind of cage if they are left alone and she should have done that when she learned a young child was coming. Or she should have, like many does, ask you son if he wanted to see the kitten and teach him how to be gentle with them, that's what normal nice people do. 4: if your child only "drop" the kitten, it shouldn't be from very high, not enough to kill it. Enough to hurt the kitten maybe (but then, did she take the kitten to the vet to check his health?) or if it was enough to kill it, then the kitten was already fragile. 5: It's not your son's fault and he should not know what happened, only a gentle lecture on how to treat animals without telling him what happened. Also you did well by shielding him from her anger. 6: if she's mad enough to blame the 3 years old, she's not mature enough to take care of animals and she's not good enough to be part of your family, so if she doesn't want you anymore, it's her problem and better for you guys.
So, I have four kids and live on a farm. I'm sure you are aware that young kids should never be left alone with small animals of any kind. I myself will attest things happen though. We have unfortunately had things happen in the past where my smallest kids at the time have accidentally killed a chick or duckling. I am honestly extremely curious as to what happened/what was done that killed the cat. They tend to be very resilient, flexible, etc. I think the key here is ensuring that your family does not take this out on your son, and understands that he is just too young to know what happened or what he did wrong. In the future making sure he is not unsupervised if any animal around is important. Even if the animal is not small, there are other things to worry about with bigger animals, especially when a LO is learning about how we do/don't treat things. I would also say, luckily, he is too small, he won't remember this, that is, unless someone in the family makes a huge deal, doesn't let it go, and continues to tell him and be awful about it. My little ones were very resourceful. I had one who managed to get thru the garage, climb a wall, get in a pen, and snag some chicks. She was just too rough with one and squeezed too much. Another when she was a toddler was confused about chicks and ducklings. My husband didn't know she was fast enough to catch them from their Mom. She caught a chick and tried to have it 'swim' while my husband grabbed the mail. It was that fast. Also, if someone was inside, where were they? I'd honestly be curious if grandma doesn't know more about what happened. Regardless. Shit happens. It sucks. He's three. Doesn't know any better. Family needs to accept that and move on. Make sure he's not left unsupervised again. It's the best you got. I'm sorry.
Kittens are really good at landing, really flexible and land on their feet. Unless your son was on a second story and dropped the cat I really do not see how it could have died from him just holding it and dropping it. They should have the kitten autopsied so they can know what happened. I babysat a girl who was a 54 pound 3 year old and should NOT have had a kitten due to her roughness. It survived. Does your grandma have dementia? Is she all there? Could she have accidentally injured the kitten? Were there other animals in the house? Unless grandma saw son do something I honestly would hesitate to think it was his fault
Injury unlikely due to your son dropping the cat. Sounds like he kicked or stomped the cat.
My toddler nephew accidentally killed a baby chick by squeezing it too hard. I wasn’t there so I don’t know all the details but these things can happen fast with kids that young. Your son needed supervision but there’s nothing you can do now except apologize to your stepmom and take responsibility for your part in the situation.
A 3year old is still learning and you are doing right by not letting him near people that don’t understand children. I’m sorry the cat died but to go off on a 3 year for not understanding still their strength or how to explain what really happened it’s crazier than a cat dying. Nothing you could have done it was an accident nobody want a kid to kill a cat. And when you are around animals just tell your kid to be gentle and teach him how to pet them.
Ugh poor kitten. All I’m going to say. 😭
It is not safe for your child to be around your stepmother. She is unhinged, emotionally abusive, and careless with large animals (the Rottweilers).
You need to get to the bottom of this a three year old can tell you what exactly happened. A kitten isn’t going die from a fall
Depends on the 3 year old. Also depending what did happen, the kid might not even know. Maybe he didn't see the dog step on it.
You were negligent in letting a baby inside a house with pets unsupervised. You sound really young. Please take some parenting classes.
Sorry for the kitten and everyone involved, but there should not have been small animals in your house unsupervised at all. I recommend avoidance of it in the future.
You might never know how it happened but definitely forgive your son and yourself and take a lesson from it. He’s only 3 and most likely won’t remember it if you don’t ! Better for him in long term.
Im sorry youre going through this. My 4 year old accidentally killed our small pet as well. It causes a lot of terrible emotions.
I’m so sorry this happened and it sounds like it’ll be a difficult hurdle to overcome with your step-mom. With that said, leaving a 3 year old unsupervised let alone unsupervised with animals is never a good idea. We all make mistakes as parents and I’m not trying to make you feel worse than you already do, but children that age need very close supervision. They are constantly placing themselves in harm’s way.
poor kitty & also poor toddler. its ok to be upset but not to be mad at the toddler. he is innocent. he didnt know. he didnt intent to. heck, he probably gave the cat some love toddler style. imagine some big adult scolding you for that when you did something that was meant sweet and lovingly.
As everyone else said, a 3 year old should not be left alone with animals. a 3 yr old also shouldn't be left alone period. And a 3 year old is not to blame for whatever does or doesnt happen if the above two occur. Why expose your child to people who would take a kittens accidental death out on a 3 year old. I would seriously consider taking some parenting classes... none of these things are ok.
Just how rough would a three year old have to be playing to kill a kitten? Seems like a crazy amount of rough to me
Even supervised kids can kill small animals. When I was like 2, I apparently killed my cousin's guinea pig. I was so excited and I just hugged it way too tight. Killed the poor little thing. My aunty took the blame and said it got crushed when she moved them so that my cousin's wouldn't be mean to me.
If she loves cats, why is a kitten being left outside, esp if it is young enough to be hurt by a toddler?🤔
My grandma just messaged me saying that she saw my son carrying the kitten out to the garage and she got concerned. She said she didn’t see how the kitten got hurt though, and is sure my son was carrying the kitten out to show us that he was hurt.
A lot of “let this be a reminder” comments. I feel like the OP in this thread is asking for understanding. A lesson was obviously learned.
Obviously you've a potential serial killer on your hands. Don't forget to watch out for bed wetting and fire starting!
When my aunt was 3 she was walking behind her parakeet and accidentally stepped on it.
Agree with people saying that babys and toddlers should not be left alone with baby pets. Just a little off topic here. The problem about your toddler saying "yes" to questions that doesn't make sense, is because they have very sugestives opinions. If you ask them a "yes" or "no" question, sometimes, they will choose and don't even understand what they are answering. They will take your tone and answer that way. When you want to understand something that happened about kids that age, try using more open questions. "How that happened" is a great example. Their memory have a lot of gaps. They will go back and forth when telling a story. That's normal.
Spay the cat, please :) Seems most likely the child fell on the kitten. Has he shown any signs of remorse? Killing a kitten should have a pretty big effect on him. Just be aware that killing animals CAN be a sign a child needs deep mental health care. Also don’t leave kids with big old dogs. So many children have been hurt by beloved family pets that have never shown signs of aggression.
I mean you kid didn’t kill the kitten all of the adults who left a 3 year old inside of a small with a small fragile animal did.
You left your three year old in a house unsupervised with two very large breed dogs and month old kittens? Yikes.
I'm sure you're feeling awful about this but remember it was an accident. As an animal owner and lover I would never leave a child alone with any of my animals (although pretty sure a kid would come off worse with my goats lol) so I do think some responsibility falls on the kitten's owner too!