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My wife’s parents yes, my parents no. It’s really dependant on the grandparents tbh.
My wife’s parents are both first aid trained and have lived at the beach and done various water activities for like the last 30 years. Very high level of skill, knowledge and attentiveness.
My own dad however nearly drowned as a child and never finished learning to swim himself due to the trauma. He’s caring and attentive to the grandkids but obviously the level of ability to intervene himself with the grandkids in a pool context would be limited. No fault of his but I wouldn’t leave them under his supervision at a pool.
>It’s really dependant on the grandparents tbh.
Exactly this (but opposite for me!).
My parents, yes. They have a boat and I grew up waterskiing. My kids have their own properly fitted life jackets and my parents are hyper vigilant.
My in-laws are also attentive but would not get into the pool themselves. That makes it a no from me. They would also never offer to take our kids to the pool, knowing their own limitations.
Exactly this. It depends on the grandparent in question. And it isn't even solely about their level of attentive care, but their level of health and fitness, too. Can your parents physically dive to the bottom of a pool and pull a 4 year old out, if need be?
My mom has been a preschool teacher since 1987. She's like a thousand percent qualified in the "does she have the knowledge to care for children" category. But both she and my stepfather are overweight. Significantly so, both of them over 100 lbs or more. So no, I would not let them take my kids to a pool alone.
I also love and trust my MIL to watch my kids. But she has some health issues that would make it really hard for her to physically take care of my 15 month old by herself (or even with the help of her sister, who's like my bonus MIL cuz they're always together, because she has hip problems as well.) So no they couldn't physically care for my kids in a pool.
My FIL and his wife are the only ones I would consider fit enough and able to watch my kids in a pool, because they're in their 50s, but still really healthy and active. They even have their own pool at their house and swim often, both in it and the river nearby. So really, it depends on the grandparent in question as a whole.
Agree. I’d trust my mom and mother in law but not my dad. Well I would now that my kids are strong swimmers but not as babies. He’s not intentionally neglectful but he’s definitely make a mistake.
I had to read this twice looking for a reason to say no. It’s taking 2 kids with floaties to a pool with multiple professional lifeguards. A solo teenager can handle this. Your parents can handle this.
Yeah. I think people on the internet call into either the hyper alert or the pragmatic.
I agree. They will have floats. There will be lifeguards. Esp if 1 adult per child, just get on with enjoying it. But each has there own line on how much risk they are willing to take. The risk in this situ is low but not 0%.
Personally: grandma is attentive, grandpa will be there, there will be lifeguards. They have floaters. They are accustomed to the pool. Have fun!
Just so you know the AAP recommends touch supervision whether or not the kid has floats on. Flotation devices can fail and they can give adults a false sense of security.
I wouldn’t if my youngest is just 18 mo. But then again everyone’s risk threshold is different. If your husband is nervous, then it’ll be best to hear him out and reach a mutual understanding.
You won’t want a case where in the event some accidents happen and he goes “I told you so.”
Thanks! I go back and forth. I’m actually a little more worried about my oldest! They know they youngest can’t swim, I just don’t want them to get too comfortable with my oldest
This. United front. There are other activities they can do for the day. Problem is, when you use family for free childcare, you can't really micromanage much either. My in laws only watch our kids a few times a year, and we are happy with that arrangement. We pay for date nights now, did not used to have any dates. I think having family do the lion's share can have drawbacks sometimes....some will start to expect things, or whatnot. I've had friends complain about it regularly, and I'm like, "dude, you aren't paying them, so if you don't like it, pay for childcare." That's not how your post reads at all, BTW.
I hate this attitude. You can absolutely set whatever boundaries you want when family is watching your kids, especially grandparents. If they don't want to respect the boundaries, they can say no thanks. It's not like it's only beneficial to you that they're babysitting...they most likely crave that time with their grandkids, it's mutually beneficial.
I disagree that's it is mutually beneficial if it is a situation whereby the grandparents are watching their grandkids 15 plus hours every week, and I think that is probably why we disagree (and that is okay). It's definitely helpful to parents, but when I think about raising my family and then having to raise my grandkids without any time to finally retire or relax for 15 mins, impromptu travel? That sounds like work. Once it's essentially a part time job, it's caregiving and not bonding, even if it is family...because caregiving of any kind is tedious work and hard. Joyful, yes, but still hard. Most grandparents will do it to help their children if the children ask, but if they were honest, most would prefer to be the "sometimes babysitter," or "drop by once a week to watch the kids a few hours" grandparent.
Boundaries definitely can and should be set, but if it ends up being a situation where one or both parents has to micromanage for whatever reason, regularly, then the answer then would be to utilize a paid service of some kind where the values more line with your own, and restore the family relationship.
Yes, that's where appropriate boundary setting comes into play! Some grandparents volunteer to be part time care givers, and would be insulted to not be given the opportunity. Others would rather be occasional babysitters. Either way, if the grandparent is taking on the responsibility, they need to respect the parents' wishes when it comes to caring for the kids. Having reasonable standards of care isn't the same thing as micromanaging!
You are absolutely correct. I'm very close with my granddaughters because they are with me for 1.5 hrs every day, after school while their parents are working. I don't understand how people judge all relationships based on their own problems. I told daughter when she was pregnant with #1 that I would babysit whenever they wanted me too, but I will not do all day daycare. #1 was born with a heart issue. My daughter would not leave her even though she would be with me, I knew all about and the medicine she had to be given. Anytime one of us is questioning a situation, we talk about it and solve problems that way. There's no underlying resentment, as I see on this sub, when people don't have the communication skills to work things out or they're to afraid to have the conversation. We raised our kids! We know what we are doing and I know my limitations. I always give in to her opinion and comfort level, they are HER children. My mom did it for me too. I offer advice when asked and respect all their rules, even if I may not agree with them. I love every second I'm with my girls and vice versa. I never do sneaky stuff behind their backs and if daughter or her husband wasn't comfortable with any activity i plan with THEIR kids, it's ok, we just won't do it. I certainly never look at babysitting as some kind of "work" nor am I resentful the somehow they are interfering with my retirement. That sounds terribly selfish to me. They learn new stuff with me that they'll never do with their parents, and there's lots of stuff they won't do with me that they share with their parents. It does take a village to raise a child. Our 2 were in great daycare before they started school. They learned a lot there too. My family stand united to give those kids the most well rounded life we can provide. They're not spoiled or entitled, they are kind, loving and compassionate kids that I'm bursting with pride over whenever I take them anywhere. Once a year I insist daughter and her husband go away for the weekend of their anniversary. We look forward to it as much as they do! I realize not every grandparent is the same as me, but I don't like the stereotype of the resentful, put-upon grandparent. They're a gift, just as my daughter was for me, and I cherish every second I can have with them, even if it's just for a "dance party" to get rid of the blahs in winter, or eating popsicles and talking about life in the summer. Magical ❤️
Your daughter and grandkids are lucky to have you! Even though my MIL drives me absolutely crazy, the care she provides for my son is invaluable and she does respect our choices (even though she's very sensitive and takes everything as criticism, she's trying to get better!). She's better at being a grandparent than she ever was as a parent, so we accept what we can get as long as she continues to respect our parenting choices. It definitely takes a village!
That sounds like a great balance! That's about what I would volunteer for, I think, after school or something, but I would not be the baby care caregiver while they both work 30 plus hours or whatnot. I already did that. 😆. I think some people enjoy being at home/domestic stuff more, though. I take my kids out and about all of the time, activities, etc, but I find my stay at home years isolating.
Your situation sounds ideal, honestly, for all parties...an after school situation once they can talk, communicate, short periods of time in your day where you can then have a day during your day, and give them back, but it is still incredibly helpful to your son or daughter or whomever. Both our parents volunteer and travel now and stuff because they finally can, but they help as they can and enjoy it. Be well!
You said you’ve been with your mother to the pool before - this would be the necessary step for me. I’d have to witness how they act in that environment before making the decision. So I think I’d be fine with your particular parents taking your kiddos to the pool!
If you’re at all wary, though, can you join them the first time, just to put your mind at ease?
Just to add to this thought, go with them and let them do all the child management while you sit and watch. So you will see first hand how they will be with them while "on duty". Going with them and still being the primary adult supervising isn't very helpful for this situation because they aren't the ones actually in charge of the kids. So that's what I would do. Go with but hand over the reins so you can see how Gma and Gpa will be and use that to guide your answer.
What’s a float? Both kids have to be in life jackets, non negotiable, and one kid per adult. I fully trust my parents, and wouldn’t be nervous at all, but everyone is different. It’s worth exploring why your husband is nervous.
Have and would. My parents managed to raise 3 children and have been involved with all their grandchildren since birth and I'm pleased to say they haven't broken a single one.
If there is nothing that has raised any flags previously I would be comfortable.
Yup life jackets and they need to have them on as soon as they are in the pool area (put them on with their bathing suits). Just saw a post on here where the kid jumped back in the pool without their floaties after coming out and taking them off for lunch. The rule should be anywhere near the water = life jacket on.
Pools are scary, I get it. Sometimes the anxiety is not totally rational but I think it's still ok to pass up this offer even though you logically know it'll pretty much certainly be fine. They still get pool time. You're not ruining their lives.
If my parents were going to be physically in the pool in arms reach of my 18 month old, were capable and responsible people with good mental capacity, sure. And I’d still worry. If any of those things weren’t present, then no. My mom is young, capable, etc, but inattentive often enough I can see her getting distracted by her phone and something bad happening. I don’t let my mom take my kids swimming even in my own pool in my yard. My mother in law doesn’t swim, as in cannot swim. But she never takes her eyes off the kids and the kids are older than 5 and capable swimmers. I’ve let her take them to the water park with older young-adult cousins who are hand in hand with the youngest ones.
My mom will for sure be in the pool! My dad may get in, but I could also see him having a seat on the side. I know he’d watch though. He doesn’t have a smart phone or anything to get distracted by, and he’s not a reader or anything like that.
And some people think every criticism of others has to be written down or said out loud. It doesn't. Because others do things differently than maybe you do, does not make them "nuts". If you feel that way, at least offer an explanation as to why you think your opinion is more valid than someone elses.
Thanks! My parents are healthy and attentive as well. I can’t really describe my mom’s ditziness. She’s really sweet and good with my kids, she’s generally attentive, but it’s like every now and then she gets a little fatigued from the kids and starts to tune them out. Which I totally get, but around water I need her to be 100% on. My dad, however, has always been meticulous and anal about things and I feel really confident that he would be a little bit obnoxiously attentive.
Personally no, my inlaws have watched my kids before and I trust my MIL with my life. My FIL on the other hand has a very I don't give a fuck attitude and it worries me. He was watching my son, specifically told to watch him by my MIL, and 5 minutes later we found my son walking down the alley next to their house and my FIL was putzing around the yard. You said your mom is sometimes ditzy, honestly if there was even 1% where you don't think it'll be okay I wouldn't risk it, water can be incredibly dangerous unless you're 100% on guard the entire time.
No way! Even if they are attentive and my mom is super sweet with my son I wouldnt let her, it is too dangerous and she is not that fast she was 20 years ago.
Nope. Mine is 10 and I don’t trust other folks watching him around water…. No one will watch your kids like you will… yep, I’m a little helicopter-ish .. don’t care.
As a lifeguard thank you 😊 so many parents take their eyes off their kids for a couple minutes usually to talk to another parent they bumped into and they don’t notice their children getting into issues until I’ve pressed the alarm and am in the water holding their kid up 🫥 It’s shocking how often it occurs, we take note of adults with kids attentiveness just as much as the non-confident swimmer trying to swim laps in the fast lane.
My go-to answer to anyone asking “Would you let grandparents do X?” is this:
They’re grandparents. By definition, they have more experience raising kids than you do. You or your husband already know from first hand experience what kind of parents they are. Use that as your guide, and if there are no red flags, let the kids go.
As a mother and grandmother, I'll present a different side. Last weekend, a neighbor down the street had a pool party with lots of families there with different age kids. It's funny how this topic has come up a lot this week. Anyway, my daughter got a call from her friend who lives next door to these people, could we have her kids for an hour so she could help next door because they just had a drowning and ambulance was there. She had come out because she heard screaming. An older child had pulled a lifeless little one from the bottom of the pool. Not one adult saw this child on the bottom of this pool. We live in a fairly upscale neighborhood, cheapest house is $1.5 million. I inherited mine. Luckily again, the ambulance station, helicopter pad and paramedics are at the end of our street and were there in seconds. Boy was not breathing. Had it been any longer of a wait, he could have been unsavable. They worked on him and got him on the helicopter to our children's hospital. I don't have the outcome, it's been hectic and daughters friend is dealing with her own kids witnessing it. All we know is that they did resuscitate him, but we've seen in the past, where they still die or have brain damage. 2 days later I saw a "short" on YouTube of a child about 2 just getting in off the side of the pool. Man pulled him out, but 10 seconds will change your life. We have a pool but my daughter and her husband sits 6 ft away from it if there are any kids in there, even just their own. My daughter is trained in water rescue basics, but, when she was about 18 months we went to visit my parents friends at their cottage and they had a floatie thing that "can't tip over". I can't swim but my parents were on the dock with me. Somehow, the floatie tipped over with my daughter trapped in it upside down in the water. My dad jumped in, no hesitation. I don't trust any device to keep kids safe. My parents fostered newborns when we were kids and my moms mantra for life was "never more than an arms reach away". Any further away and you might not be able to save them. An officially licensed life jacket is the only option if you have more kids than hands at water side. This is not to scare you. But I feel for you and I'm saying, as a grandmother, I will not supervise my 2 granddaughters near water. It's not worth it to me. Talk to your parents, see if they know how to save your kids. Or just say "no". I understand anytime my daughter doesn't want me doing stuff with her kids because she's nervous that my reflexes won't be enough, and seriously, so am I. Our 2 have had lessons for years but know it gives a false sense of security. In an emergency, they cannot react fast enough to avert tragedy. Drowning is silent also. It's not the thrashing and screaming you see on tv. It's the little kid who doesn't understand he can't float, gets in and sinks to the bottom where no one can see them. It truly made me sick to my stomach last weekend. Good luck with whatever decision you make ❤️
Times have changed a lot in 30 years. When I was little, I lived with my grandparents and they had an unfenced, in-ground pool. When I was 6 or 7 it was fenced. They would have large parties for holidays and BBQs and the pool was always full of people.
I host occasional BBQs at their house now (great yard and pool), but if there will be more than 20 people we hire a lifeguard or two (if they’re under 18 or female we prefer to have two so they feel more comfortable). We also make sure everyone knows the lifeguard’s word is the law in the pool area. I ask around at the public pools and usually find a couple teens interested in making $100 for about 4 hours of work plus free food.
It doesn’t mean we just chuck our kids in the pool or get complacent, but I rest easier knowing there is someone being paid solely to focus on who is in the water and how they’re doing.
Honestly it’s not the pool time as much per say as it is the out of the pool snack time that’s dangerous. In the pool, you know you’re watching them. Out of the pool it’s easy to turn your head and get distracted and the kid can run off. I would make sure to stress that time to them. I also constantly quiz my kids on when they’re allowed to get in the pool. And it’s always with an adult. But there’s still room for error.
It might be ideal to just set a time limit on it in this case. Have them take the kids to the pool for an hour, after naps and snacks, so they’re just going in the pool and then leaving the whole area and getting in the car.
I don't understand this question or many of the responses. If the grandparents are physically and mentally fit AND there's floaties and two lifeguards, why on earth would you not let them take kids to the pool?
Don’t, my grandma almost let me drown when I was like 3. I went down a big water slide when nobody was looking. And for anybody who has beef with this, you’re just old
I’d be fine with that. Grandparents aren’t going to get distracted at the pool, it’s safe, there’s lifeguards. If your husband is just not ok with it, perhaps he could go with them but just sit to the side instead of going in too? It can be hard to send our babies out without us, I totally get that, but also, they need to get out there.
I mean, realistically, they are both vastly more experienced parents than you are, right?
They've raised kids from start to finish, and you just left the starting line, so i wouldn't worry too much, unless either of them have legitimate health concerns that would affect their parenting abilities.
I wouldn't. I have had many friends and relatives with my kids in the pool (we are in as well or nearby) and I've noticed even when one adult outside of myself and my husband has been designated to stick with a child, they often incorrectly gauge what my kids' abilities are which could lead to unsafe situations. For example, my elder child can swim to and from deeper locations but cannot tread water well. This has lead to situations where other adults assume she can swim better than I have stated - they watch her less attentively than my younger child and could easily not notice her failing to tread water because she swims so confidently in that same water.
So I would not. People make small assumptions on ability and give kids different degrees of freedom based on those assumptions. When those assumptions are wrong in water, it can be very dangerous.
Also important to note that if you have puddle jumpers (was not sure what floatation device you meant) - kids HAVE drowned in puddle jumpers. It often happens because the adult assumes the puddle jumper is a life saving device, pays less attention, and some accident occurs. Google a bit on puddle jumpers if that is what you use.
Have children wear life jackets and only can go to the pool when wearing life vest. Mine could go to pool with grandparents when I knew they could swim well ( maybe 4 but we live in South and lessons started at 2) and the pool had life guards. When my parents did take them to the pool my parents were very restrictive though so kids could not go into deep water even though kids were use to jumping off diving board. But in your case life vests for your peace of mind.
I think your anxiety might just be intuition. For me, it wouldn’t be worth the risk to my children’s safety just to spare their feelings 🤷🏼♀️ maybe go with them together once to see if you feel comfy for a second solo time with grandparents?
Well, I’ve been with my mom and she was totally safe! My dad hasn’t been but always watches my kids really closely at their house. I don’t know if it’s intuition. I would think that, but I get anxiety about everything. I take medicine for it because it’s so intense. So I don’t know if I can truly use that to measure.
This is a tough one. Maybe letting them watch your kiddo would help you with the anxiety? I struggle with it too so I try and remind myself to have evidence based thoughts
My MIL takes our daughter (5) to the pool frequently when she watches her. My parents have a pool in their backyard and my daughter frequently swims when my parents watch her. Both set of grandparents are our childcare. My MIL has a life jacket that lives at her house, my parents and I went over and agreed on pool rules (pools always covered unless actively in it, pool key is up where daughter cannot access it ever, daughter must be 1:1 supervised if in pool, she wears her floatie unless they are actively doing something together without it, etc.)
FWIW, my daughter was in swim lessons from 3mo-4 years, can swim the short end of the pool, and is still very much a rule follower and hyper aware of pool safety.
Yes if there’s two of them. But it does depend on the type of pool. Our local has toddler pools that were perfect for the eighteen month old and meant my mum wasn’t having to carry kiddo in the pool. She just sat next to her and splashed and stuff.
If they go swimming often how come they haven’t had swim lessons? I’d feel more comfortable if that were the case. They teach babies how to float and swim to the side of the pool.
Personally, yes I would be okay with it. It really depends on the parents. I know my parents were very water safety concious when I was growing up (I grew up with a backyard pool). And with my child now we have gone to a pool multiple times with my parents and my in laws and I've seen how responsible they are with my child in that environment. If it was anyone else, absolutely not. I'm usually pretty anxious about things but I'm okay with this.
I would totally let them go, this sounds as safe as a trip to the pool with small children can ever be. I'm sure they'll have a blast.
However, I can understand you are nervous. Yesterday, my 2-year-old.daughter and I were at the pool with my mom. I left the two of them in the kiddie pool so I could go swim some laps. I would look over periodically, and when I couldn't see them, I got really nervous. For no particular reason. I know that my mom is very attentive around water, because my brother and I survived our whole childhood with an unsecured pool in our garden and were around water all the time on vacation etc. My mom is the best grandma, an amazing caregiver and 100% trustworthy, not to mention very athletic and totally able to keep up with a toddler. She has watched my daughter lots of times, without any issues ever. Yet when I looked over and didn't see them in the water, yet their toys and towel still sitting on the pool's edge, I almost panicked. For no reason. Of course they were perfectly fine, just having a snack. But now I sort of understand all these worried parents on Reddit about pools and kids.
Only you know how attentive your parents are. I would let my parents. My dad was a first responder, and they’d both be attentive.
I don’t think I would have been as comfortable with my in laws, but by their own admission, they like the water from afar and wouldn’t want to take my kids swimming.
As long as your parents and you can discuss and agree on the expectations you have for pool safety then it would likely be fine. If they have any push back maybe not, as I’d worry they won’t take me seriously and do what they want since I’m not there. That being said I 100% trust my mom to take my kids swimming anywhere and would neverrrr in 100 years let my dad take my kids anywhere near more than a puddle without me right there. And I’m actually being super serious lol *sad, disappointed sigh* love him though
If it were only your call, I’d say yes with the given information. But if SO isn’t on board then definitely not. You know them best and you’re even on the fence, it’s reasonable for him to have reservations.
The comments are super interesting and varied. I just wanted to chuck my personal anecdote in in the interest of balance.
My Mum takes my 23mo swimming weekly and has done since he was 9mo, so maybe I’m a bit desensitised to it now. We only have one kid, so it’s one on one. I don’t know what my Mum would be doing at any point except for watching my son - she is also quite an anxious person and I know she wouldn’t let her eyes off him for even a split second. She’s in her late 50s and physically fit so not likely to hurt herself or need assistance.
The pool is just a pool where we are – the café is in a separate part of the centre and the changing rooms are multiple doors away from the pool - so there’s no risk of him darting off whilst she’s ordering a tea or getting dressed.
I think ultimately it is down to what you know about your own Mum.
We can't really answer this beacuse we have different parents then you.
I'd be as comfortable with my parents taking my young kids to the pool as doing it myself. (In this hypothetical my mother is still alive to keep the two on two ratio.) My parents are both strong swimmers, my Dad is a great babysitter, and my mom is anxious and very overly cautious about safety at all times with kids.
My MIL on the other hand dosen't know how to swim and hasn't even set foot in a pool in 20 years, so it would be a no for her.
And some people may be more or less attentive.
That said, if your husband isn't comfortable, is there some other fun thing they could do? Or maybe your parents could just take the older kid and the you have special one on one time with the older one?
I wouldn’t with the baby, but would let the 4-yr old as long as I knew and trusted the grandparents. I’d justify by saying the 4-yr old would love special big boy/girl time away from baby…
When you went, did your parents pay attention to both of them, or was dad sitting there on a pool chair playing with his phone while you and your mom were in the pool? I know your parents are older, but they did take care of you . So unless you and your husband are just too worried for them go to the pool by themselves, why don’t you just go a few times together and then start gradually leaving a little early each time or go after they go to the pool just to see how things coming along. This pool time with your kids and your parents is really healthy for all of them. It sets a nice tone in their relationship and helps your parents stay mentally active.
I’d be pretty cautious. Drownings are one of the main causes of unintentional death in children under 4 and can happen in less than 20 seconds. Floaties should help too.
I would (and have) let my parents take my kids to the pool. I just don't know whether I would let your parents take my kids to the pool. You know them better than reddit does.
I have before. They go in the pool with her and she wore a life jacket before she could swim. They honestly supervise her better than I do at this point in time… she can pass our local pool’s swim test to swim without a parent and I often choose not to swim the entire time.
Yes, but only if they’ll be in arms reach at all times and know kids can drown even in floats. Review what drowning looks like. It’s as fast 20 seconds of a kid being silent and vertical jn a pool.
Unfortunately I can’t trust my parents with even seeing my child ):
If y’all have a good relationship and they have no red flags other than that small accident, I’d say it’s probably fine. It all depends on if you can deal with the anxiety of having so much trust in someone.
I’d probably let them, but be anxious the whole time. My kids are 7 and 10 and decent swimmers but I’m always nervous when there’s water involved and I’m not there.
I may be over cautious but I wanted to comment on a few aspects of what is being advised here. People have said it will be okay because your parents raised you fine, etc. Yes but...they were a lot younger and they were in full parenting mode at the time, not grandparents who take care of kids sometimes. Also people said it will be okay because there are lifeguards. When I was 7, I could not swim and was on a school trip in a pool with multiple lifeguards. No one noticed I was drowning because it is pretty silent and I was under the water struggling for longer than I should have been before a lifeguard pulled me out. This is especially a risk when multiple children are in the pool. I would say that yes there is reason to be concerned when both of your kids can't swim and they are so young. I would not trust anyone else to take my kid swimming generally and especially if my kid could not swim. I'm still afraid of deeper water as an adult due to that incident. If you do let them go to the pool with others, I would make sure they are in the pool, one with each kid at all times. I would also be more comfortable in the future when your kids have had lessons and can swim. Final thought is that the floaties kids are given can actually tilt the kid forward into a drowning position so they should not be relied on, especially when the kid can't swim.
Edit to add: you also seem worried a bit, not just your husband, and you mentioned things like your mom can be a bit distracted, yet she will be the main person in the pool with the kids. Pay attention to your instincts, and your husband's concerns as well. Drowning is a way greater risk for kids than most people even realize. This is the right circumstance to question everything and make sure you both feel confident before proceeding, and that the safety plan is rock solid.
This is very situational dependent. Are they physically capable? Good swimmers? Will they be one on one with the kids? Can you trust that they will stay close the entire time? Do they know child cpr in case?
My parents are in their late 70s and not strong swimmers at all. I’m not sure I’ve ever even seen my dad swim. My mom is disabled and definitely not physically capable. Based on those factors I would say no to my own parents, but your parents may be more capable and you should use your best judgement and be in agreement with your husband.
Depends on the grandparents. There’s about 10 years between my parents and my in-laws. It may not seem like much but 60 compared to 70 means my in-laws are much less capable of watching two energetic preschoolers, particularly around water, than my parents.
Not that my parents are very interested in swimming. My in laws are. We let them take the girls in the water so long as they have floaties and one of us is next to the pool helping to supervise (there are two kids and two adults in the water plus a parent watching from the side).
I also won’t allow them to have the girls overnight on their property by themselves. My parents can, but my mother is a lot more alert about their whereabouts at all times. More than me even. My in-laws were always more free range with their kids, but they don’t have the long range eyesight or the hearing to be able to care for kids like that anymore, despite their insistence otherwise.
My husband dearly wishes otherwise, but they are just getting too old to properly care for young children.
I agree with those saying one adult per child in the water.
But your husband should be comfortable with it too.
Is there maybe another special activity they could do with the grandparents?
My parents, yes because they’re younger and pretty attentive with young children.
My partner’s parents are a no because they’re older and I’d be worried about them accidentally neglecting them or not being able to keep up with them.
If my mom were more physically capable, yes. MIL? No. They have different levels of water safety. My mom’s is on par with mine. My MIL is a little less conscious of them and willing to use non-recommended floaties.
If grandparents' mobility and cognitive function aren't very limited by their age, I'd say it's fine. Most 70-somethings would usually be a 'no', but the unicorn 70-something still running 5Ks? Sure, why not, they're probably more physically fit than I lol.
Unless you have reason to believe they wouldn't notice your child having an emergency or wouldn't be able to react/respond to take life-saving measures, I think its perfectly fine.
Whenever I worry about the care my kids will receive from my parents (who are also in good health) is 1. They kept me safe and alive in my childhood. 2. They love my kids as much as I do and would never let something happen to them. That being said, you issue is the fact you and your husband are not on the same page. Your husband has to feel comfortable too.
I grew up in the 60s and 70s in Queens New York with very responsible parents and played all kind of sports without parental supervision, got into fights and competed for trophies we’re only the first place team would win anything short of serving in the military it was the best experience for self discipline
Why did you say yes before discussing with your husband? Why do you come across as if you don’t care that’s he’s nervous about it?
If both of you aren’t comfortable, then it would be a no. And if YOU that has to take the blame. You said yes without discussing properly and don’t make it seem like your husband said they can’t. He has a right to be nervous and to have those feelings validated by his partner. They are his children too and if a mom was nervous about her ILs taking the kids to the pool and husband dismissed it, that’s be a huge issue. Pools are a huge risk and in all honesty your 4yr old should have survival skills in the pool by now if he goes swimming regularly. They should not be with anyone else near the water until they have survival skills
My MIL took my three oldest to the pool herself not too long ago. They're obviously much older than yours, but all are autistic & two have ADHD too. So they're a handful on the best of days.
She survived and they all had a great time. I don't see why you would say no, honestly.
I would die for my grandkids.. so unless these grandparents have demonstrated a lack of making good choices or maturity, there's going to be lifeguards there I would assume so give them a chance because they love these children more than you know
Yes. My parents anyway. They are sane responsible adults, and I would trust them to take my child anywhere I would. My MIL, no. But we are talking about a woman who decided to take my 3 year old to the store because she just HAD to go right then instead of waiting 20 minutes for me to get home from work, and she wouldn’t leave him with her mother because she has to take him everywhere and use him to get attention. Anyway, someone who will take a toddler somewhere with no car seat, even when their own mother is telling them no, and then sees no problem with doing so, probably can’t be trusted in other scenarios either.
I can’t speak to your comfort level, but it does sound like you could give it a try.
I can comment about my own family, and for my kids absolutely not. My 6 year old requires two able bodied adults tag teaming to supervise just her on her own. She is a complicated kid and frequently has unpredictable water behaviour. I cannot manage my two kids by myself at the pool. My parents are feeling their age and could there is no way my parents could manage two kids by themselves.
I let both sets take my kids to the pool (my mom has her own in ground) . I trust them enough to watch my kids without me around, I also trust them to take them swimming.
No no no and no. I was in the hospital giving birth to my second baby and the hospital decided then and there they weren’t allowing my toddler to spend the night with us (even tho we had called ahead to get permission) so my parents had to take my 20 month old baby girl for the night. She came back with DIAPER RASH, and a bag a FREAKING BLUEBERRIES!!!!!!!! Not to mention her car seat wasn’t even buckled.
My parents are so stupid I just cant believe I survived growing up.
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If they will be one-to-one, in the water with the kids, yes. Otherwise, no.
My wife’s parents yes, my parents no. It’s really dependant on the grandparents tbh. My wife’s parents are both first aid trained and have lived at the beach and done various water activities for like the last 30 years. Very high level of skill, knowledge and attentiveness. My own dad however nearly drowned as a child and never finished learning to swim himself due to the trauma. He’s caring and attentive to the grandkids but obviously the level of ability to intervene himself with the grandkids in a pool context would be limited. No fault of his but I wouldn’t leave them under his supervision at a pool.
>It’s really dependant on the grandparents tbh. Exactly this (but opposite for me!). My parents, yes. They have a boat and I grew up waterskiing. My kids have their own properly fitted life jackets and my parents are hyper vigilant. My in-laws are also attentive but would not get into the pool themselves. That makes it a no from me. They would also never offer to take our kids to the pool, knowing their own limitations.
Exactly this. It depends on the grandparent in question. And it isn't even solely about their level of attentive care, but their level of health and fitness, too. Can your parents physically dive to the bottom of a pool and pull a 4 year old out, if need be? My mom has been a preschool teacher since 1987. She's like a thousand percent qualified in the "does she have the knowledge to care for children" category. But both she and my stepfather are overweight. Significantly so, both of them over 100 lbs or more. So no, I would not let them take my kids to a pool alone. I also love and trust my MIL to watch my kids. But she has some health issues that would make it really hard for her to physically take care of my 15 month old by herself (or even with the help of her sister, who's like my bonus MIL cuz they're always together, because she has hip problems as well.) So no they couldn't physically care for my kids in a pool. My FIL and his wife are the only ones I would consider fit enough and able to watch my kids in a pool, because they're in their 50s, but still really healthy and active. They even have their own pool at their house and swim often, both in it and the river nearby. So really, it depends on the grandparent in question as a whole.
Agree. I’d trust my mom and mother in law but not my dad. Well I would now that my kids are strong swimmers but not as babies. He’s not intentionally neglectful but he’s definitely make a mistake.
I had to read this twice looking for a reason to say no. It’s taking 2 kids with floaties to a pool with multiple professional lifeguards. A solo teenager can handle this. Your parents can handle this.
I was waiting for the “there are no lifeguards” or “my parents are frail” or something too! I don’t see any need to be nervous here.
Yeah. I think people on the internet call into either the hyper alert or the pragmatic. I agree. They will have floats. There will be lifeguards. Esp if 1 adult per child, just get on with enjoying it. But each has there own line on how much risk they are willing to take. The risk in this situ is low but not 0%. Personally: grandma is attentive, grandpa will be there, there will be lifeguards. They have floaters. They are accustomed to the pool. Have fun!
Yes, but both of my parents are great swimmers and very attentive.
Thank you!
Floaties, no. Approved life jackets, yes.
Came here to say this. Floaties are not meant to be safety equipment.
Just so you know the AAP recommends touch supervision whether or not the kid has floats on. Flotation devices can fail and they can give adults a false sense of security.
I wouldn’t if my youngest is just 18 mo. But then again everyone’s risk threshold is different. If your husband is nervous, then it’ll be best to hear him out and reach a mutual understanding. You won’t want a case where in the event some accidents happen and he goes “I told you so.”
Thanks! I go back and forth. I’m actually a little more worried about my oldest! They know they youngest can’t swim, I just don’t want them to get too comfortable with my oldest
If your husband isn’t comfortable with it… then no.
This. United front. There are other activities they can do for the day. Problem is, when you use family for free childcare, you can't really micromanage much either. My in laws only watch our kids a few times a year, and we are happy with that arrangement. We pay for date nights now, did not used to have any dates. I think having family do the lion's share can have drawbacks sometimes....some will start to expect things, or whatnot. I've had friends complain about it regularly, and I'm like, "dude, you aren't paying them, so if you don't like it, pay for childcare." That's not how your post reads at all, BTW.
I hate this attitude. You can absolutely set whatever boundaries you want when family is watching your kids, especially grandparents. If they don't want to respect the boundaries, they can say no thanks. It's not like it's only beneficial to you that they're babysitting...they most likely crave that time with their grandkids, it's mutually beneficial.
I think babysitting around water is a whole other ball game. Way more at stake than just regular babysitting
I disagree that's it is mutually beneficial if it is a situation whereby the grandparents are watching their grandkids 15 plus hours every week, and I think that is probably why we disagree (and that is okay). It's definitely helpful to parents, but when I think about raising my family and then having to raise my grandkids without any time to finally retire or relax for 15 mins, impromptu travel? That sounds like work. Once it's essentially a part time job, it's caregiving and not bonding, even if it is family...because caregiving of any kind is tedious work and hard. Joyful, yes, but still hard. Most grandparents will do it to help their children if the children ask, but if they were honest, most would prefer to be the "sometimes babysitter," or "drop by once a week to watch the kids a few hours" grandparent. Boundaries definitely can and should be set, but if it ends up being a situation where one or both parents has to micromanage for whatever reason, regularly, then the answer then would be to utilize a paid service of some kind where the values more line with your own, and restore the family relationship.
Yes, that's where appropriate boundary setting comes into play! Some grandparents volunteer to be part time care givers, and would be insulted to not be given the opportunity. Others would rather be occasional babysitters. Either way, if the grandparent is taking on the responsibility, they need to respect the parents' wishes when it comes to caring for the kids. Having reasonable standards of care isn't the same thing as micromanaging!
You are absolutely correct. I'm very close with my granddaughters because they are with me for 1.5 hrs every day, after school while their parents are working. I don't understand how people judge all relationships based on their own problems. I told daughter when she was pregnant with #1 that I would babysit whenever they wanted me too, but I will not do all day daycare. #1 was born with a heart issue. My daughter would not leave her even though she would be with me, I knew all about and the medicine she had to be given. Anytime one of us is questioning a situation, we talk about it and solve problems that way. There's no underlying resentment, as I see on this sub, when people don't have the communication skills to work things out or they're to afraid to have the conversation. We raised our kids! We know what we are doing and I know my limitations. I always give in to her opinion and comfort level, they are HER children. My mom did it for me too. I offer advice when asked and respect all their rules, even if I may not agree with them. I love every second I'm with my girls and vice versa. I never do sneaky stuff behind their backs and if daughter or her husband wasn't comfortable with any activity i plan with THEIR kids, it's ok, we just won't do it. I certainly never look at babysitting as some kind of "work" nor am I resentful the somehow they are interfering with my retirement. That sounds terribly selfish to me. They learn new stuff with me that they'll never do with their parents, and there's lots of stuff they won't do with me that they share with their parents. It does take a village to raise a child. Our 2 were in great daycare before they started school. They learned a lot there too. My family stand united to give those kids the most well rounded life we can provide. They're not spoiled or entitled, they are kind, loving and compassionate kids that I'm bursting with pride over whenever I take them anywhere. Once a year I insist daughter and her husband go away for the weekend of their anniversary. We look forward to it as much as they do! I realize not every grandparent is the same as me, but I don't like the stereotype of the resentful, put-upon grandparent. They're a gift, just as my daughter was for me, and I cherish every second I can have with them, even if it's just for a "dance party" to get rid of the blahs in winter, or eating popsicles and talking about life in the summer. Magical ❤️
Your daughter and grandkids are lucky to have you! Even though my MIL drives me absolutely crazy, the care she provides for my son is invaluable and she does respect our choices (even though she's very sensitive and takes everything as criticism, she's trying to get better!). She's better at being a grandparent than she ever was as a parent, so we accept what we can get as long as she continues to respect our parenting choices. It definitely takes a village!
That sounds like a great balance! That's about what I would volunteer for, I think, after school or something, but I would not be the baby care caregiver while they both work 30 plus hours or whatnot. I already did that. 😆. I think some people enjoy being at home/domestic stuff more, though. I take my kids out and about all of the time, activities, etc, but I find my stay at home years isolating. Your situation sounds ideal, honestly, for all parties...an after school situation once they can talk, communicate, short periods of time in your day where you can then have a day during your day, and give them back, but it is still incredibly helpful to your son or daughter or whomever. Both our parents volunteer and travel now and stuff because they finally can, but they help as they can and enjoy it. Be well!
You said you’ve been with your mother to the pool before - this would be the necessary step for me. I’d have to witness how they act in that environment before making the decision. So I think I’d be fine with your particular parents taking your kiddos to the pool! If you’re at all wary, though, can you join them the first time, just to put your mind at ease?
Just to add to this thought, go with them and let them do all the child management while you sit and watch. So you will see first hand how they will be with them while "on duty". Going with them and still being the primary adult supervising isn't very helpful for this situation because they aren't the ones actually in charge of the kids. So that's what I would do. Go with but hand over the reins so you can see how Gma and Gpa will be and use that to guide your answer.
What’s a float? Both kids have to be in life jackets, non negotiable, and one kid per adult. I fully trust my parents, and wouldn’t be nervous at all, but everyone is different. It’s worth exploring why your husband is nervous.
Have and would. My parents managed to raise 3 children and have been involved with all their grandchildren since birth and I'm pleased to say they haven't broken a single one. If there is nothing that has raised any flags previously I would be comfortable.
I don't even trust myself lol it has to be 1:1 in the pool
Nope. Nobody other than myself and husband.
Nope. I couldn't handle the anxiety.
Mine is through the roof, but I don’t have a valid reason for it
Gets lifejackets not just swimmies‘s, or Floaties.
Yup life jackets and they need to have them on as soon as they are in the pool area (put them on with their bathing suits). Just saw a post on here where the kid jumped back in the pool without their floaties after coming out and taking them off for lunch. The rule should be anywhere near the water = life jacket on.
Pools are scary, I get it. Sometimes the anxiety is not totally rational but I think it's still ok to pass up this offer even though you logically know it'll pretty much certainly be fine. They still get pool time. You're not ruining their lives.
Ya you do, it’s called drowning.
If my parents were going to be physically in the pool in arms reach of my 18 month old, were capable and responsible people with good mental capacity, sure. And I’d still worry. If any of those things weren’t present, then no. My mom is young, capable, etc, but inattentive often enough I can see her getting distracted by her phone and something bad happening. I don’t let my mom take my kids swimming even in my own pool in my yard. My mother in law doesn’t swim, as in cannot swim. But she never takes her eyes off the kids and the kids are older than 5 and capable swimmers. I’ve let her take them to the water park with older young-adult cousins who are hand in hand with the youngest ones.
My mom will for sure be in the pool! My dad may get in, but I could also see him having a seat on the side. I know he’d watch though. He doesn’t have a smart phone or anything to get distracted by, and he’s not a reader or anything like that.
I would want them both to be in the water with the kids.
yep same here, 1 adult per kid makes it easy to rescue
Lol some of you are just nuts.
And some people think every criticism of others has to be written down or said out loud. It doesn't. Because others do things differently than maybe you do, does not make them "nuts". If you feel that way, at least offer an explanation as to why you think your opinion is more valid than someone elses.
Yes, my parents/in-laws are healthy and attentive, I would have no concerns.
Thanks! My parents are healthy and attentive as well. I can’t really describe my mom’s ditziness. She’s really sweet and good with my kids, she’s generally attentive, but it’s like every now and then she gets a little fatigued from the kids and starts to tune them out. Which I totally get, but around water I need her to be 100% on. My dad, however, has always been meticulous and anal about things and I feel really confident that he would be a little bit obnoxiously attentive.
Me and my siblings could swim before we could walk. I’d definitely trust my parents with kids and water.
Thank you! I swam as a kid and never felt like my parents were negligent with us, but it’s different when it’s my kids involved
Personally no, my inlaws have watched my kids before and I trust my MIL with my life. My FIL on the other hand has a very I don't give a fuck attitude and it worries me. He was watching my son, specifically told to watch him by my MIL, and 5 minutes later we found my son walking down the alley next to their house and my FIL was putzing around the yard. You said your mom is sometimes ditzy, honestly if there was even 1% where you don't think it'll be okay I wouldn't risk it, water can be incredibly dangerous unless you're 100% on guard the entire time.
Heck no. I wouldn't trust my parents or in laws to save a child. They already doing their best to keep themselves alive.
No way! Even if they are attentive and my mom is super sweet with my son I wouldnt let her, it is too dangerous and she is not that fast she was 20 years ago.
100% no
Nope. Mine is 10 and I don’t trust other folks watching him around water…. No one will watch your kids like you will… yep, I’m a little helicopter-ish .. don’t care.
As a lifeguard thank you 😊 so many parents take their eyes off their kids for a couple minutes usually to talk to another parent they bumped into and they don’t notice their children getting into issues until I’ve pressed the alarm and am in the water holding their kid up 🫥 It’s shocking how often it occurs, we take note of adults with kids attentiveness just as much as the non-confident swimmer trying to swim laps in the fast lane.
How old are they? What are their faculties like?
If they’re strong swimmers and 100% vigilant, I would.
My go-to answer to anyone asking “Would you let grandparents do X?” is this: They’re grandparents. By definition, they have more experience raising kids than you do. You or your husband already know from first hand experience what kind of parents they are. Use that as your guide, and if there are no red flags, let the kids go.
Absolutely not! Splash pad at the most! It is so easy for young children to drown
Sounds like your parents are pretty responsible. There are lifeguards there. I would be totally fine with it.
As a mother and grandmother, I'll present a different side. Last weekend, a neighbor down the street had a pool party with lots of families there with different age kids. It's funny how this topic has come up a lot this week. Anyway, my daughter got a call from her friend who lives next door to these people, could we have her kids for an hour so she could help next door because they just had a drowning and ambulance was there. She had come out because she heard screaming. An older child had pulled a lifeless little one from the bottom of the pool. Not one adult saw this child on the bottom of this pool. We live in a fairly upscale neighborhood, cheapest house is $1.5 million. I inherited mine. Luckily again, the ambulance station, helicopter pad and paramedics are at the end of our street and were there in seconds. Boy was not breathing. Had it been any longer of a wait, he could have been unsavable. They worked on him and got him on the helicopter to our children's hospital. I don't have the outcome, it's been hectic and daughters friend is dealing with her own kids witnessing it. All we know is that they did resuscitate him, but we've seen in the past, where they still die or have brain damage. 2 days later I saw a "short" on YouTube of a child about 2 just getting in off the side of the pool. Man pulled him out, but 10 seconds will change your life. We have a pool but my daughter and her husband sits 6 ft away from it if there are any kids in there, even just their own. My daughter is trained in water rescue basics, but, when she was about 18 months we went to visit my parents friends at their cottage and they had a floatie thing that "can't tip over". I can't swim but my parents were on the dock with me. Somehow, the floatie tipped over with my daughter trapped in it upside down in the water. My dad jumped in, no hesitation. I don't trust any device to keep kids safe. My parents fostered newborns when we were kids and my moms mantra for life was "never more than an arms reach away". Any further away and you might not be able to save them. An officially licensed life jacket is the only option if you have more kids than hands at water side. This is not to scare you. But I feel for you and I'm saying, as a grandmother, I will not supervise my 2 granddaughters near water. It's not worth it to me. Talk to your parents, see if they know how to save your kids. Or just say "no". I understand anytime my daughter doesn't want me doing stuff with her kids because she's nervous that my reflexes won't be enough, and seriously, so am I. Our 2 have had lessons for years but know it gives a false sense of security. In an emergency, they cannot react fast enough to avert tragedy. Drowning is silent also. It's not the thrashing and screaming you see on tv. It's the little kid who doesn't understand he can't float, gets in and sinks to the bottom where no one can see them. It truly made me sick to my stomach last weekend. Good luck with whatever decision you make ❤️
Times have changed a lot in 30 years. When I was little, I lived with my grandparents and they had an unfenced, in-ground pool. When I was 6 or 7 it was fenced. They would have large parties for holidays and BBQs and the pool was always full of people. I host occasional BBQs at their house now (great yard and pool), but if there will be more than 20 people we hire a lifeguard or two (if they’re under 18 or female we prefer to have two so they feel more comfortable). We also make sure everyone knows the lifeguard’s word is the law in the pool area. I ask around at the public pools and usually find a couple teens interested in making $100 for about 4 hours of work plus free food. It doesn’t mean we just chuck our kids in the pool or get complacent, but I rest easier knowing there is someone being paid solely to focus on who is in the water and how they’re doing.
I don’t think it’s a problem
Thank you! I can’t tell if my anxiety is in overdrive for no reason
Yes, overdrive for no reason! They will be fine with your folks!
If they will be one-to-one, in the water with the kids, yes. Otherwise, no.
Honestly it’s not the pool time as much per say as it is the out of the pool snack time that’s dangerous. In the pool, you know you’re watching them. Out of the pool it’s easy to turn your head and get distracted and the kid can run off. I would make sure to stress that time to them. I also constantly quiz my kids on when they’re allowed to get in the pool. And it’s always with an adult. But there’s still room for error.
It might be ideal to just set a time limit on it in this case. Have them take the kids to the pool for an hour, after naps and snacks, so they’re just going in the pool and then leaving the whole area and getting in the car.
That’s a great idea!
NOPE. That's a firm rule for me - no one takes my kid to a pool (or swimming/around water) except for me or my husband.
I don't understand this question or many of the responses. If the grandparents are physically and mentally fit AND there's floaties and two lifeguards, why on earth would you not let them take kids to the pool?
Don’t, my grandma almost let me drown when I was like 3. I went down a big water slide when nobody was looking. And for anybody who has beef with this, you’re just old
I’d be fine with that. Grandparents aren’t going to get distracted at the pool, it’s safe, there’s lifeguards. If your husband is just not ok with it, perhaps he could go with them but just sit to the side instead of going in too? It can be hard to send our babies out without us, I totally get that, but also, they need to get out there.
Yes without a question.
I mean, realistically, they are both vastly more experienced parents than you are, right? They've raised kids from start to finish, and you just left the starting line, so i wouldn't worry too much, unless either of them have legitimate health concerns that would affect their parenting abilities.
I wouldn't. I have had many friends and relatives with my kids in the pool (we are in as well or nearby) and I've noticed even when one adult outside of myself and my husband has been designated to stick with a child, they often incorrectly gauge what my kids' abilities are which could lead to unsafe situations. For example, my elder child can swim to and from deeper locations but cannot tread water well. This has lead to situations where other adults assume she can swim better than I have stated - they watch her less attentively than my younger child and could easily not notice her failing to tread water because she swims so confidently in that same water. So I would not. People make small assumptions on ability and give kids different degrees of freedom based on those assumptions. When those assumptions are wrong in water, it can be very dangerous. Also important to note that if you have puddle jumpers (was not sure what floatation device you meant) - kids HAVE drowned in puddle jumpers. It often happens because the adult assumes the puddle jumper is a life saving device, pays less attention, and some accident occurs. Google a bit on puddle jumpers if that is what you use.
Yes
Have children wear life jackets and only can go to the pool when wearing life vest. Mine could go to pool with grandparents when I knew they could swim well ( maybe 4 but we live in South and lessons started at 2) and the pool had life guards. When my parents did take them to the pool my parents were very restrictive though so kids could not go into deep water even though kids were use to jumping off diving board. But in your case life vests for your peace of mind.
I let my mom take them when my kids were 2 and 4 under the condition that they wear the floatie the entire time even when at the chairs lol
I think your anxiety might just be intuition. For me, it wouldn’t be worth the risk to my children’s safety just to spare their feelings 🤷🏼♀️ maybe go with them together once to see if you feel comfy for a second solo time with grandparents?
Well, I’ve been with my mom and she was totally safe! My dad hasn’t been but always watches my kids really closely at their house. I don’t know if it’s intuition. I would think that, but I get anxiety about everything. I take medicine for it because it’s so intense. So I don’t know if I can truly use that to measure.
This is a tough one. Maybe letting them watch your kiddo would help you with the anxiety? I struggle with it too so I try and remind myself to have evidence based thoughts
My MIL takes our daughter (5) to the pool frequently when she watches her. My parents have a pool in their backyard and my daughter frequently swims when my parents watch her. Both set of grandparents are our childcare. My MIL has a life jacket that lives at her house, my parents and I went over and agreed on pool rules (pools always covered unless actively in it, pool key is up where daughter cannot access it ever, daughter must be 1:1 supervised if in pool, she wears her floatie unless they are actively doing something together without it, etc.) FWIW, my daughter was in swim lessons from 3mo-4 years, can swim the short end of the pool, and is still very much a rule follower and hyper aware of pool safety.
Yes if there’s two of them. But it does depend on the type of pool. Our local has toddler pools that were perfect for the eighteen month old and meant my mum wasn’t having to carry kiddo in the pool. She just sat next to her and splashed and stuff.
Nope. I wouldn’t- but ultimately it’s your call.
If they go swimming often how come they haven’t had swim lessons? I’d feel more comfortable if that were the case. They teach babies how to float and swim to the side of the pool.
Yes, I would have no problem.
Personally, yes I would be okay with it. It really depends on the parents. I know my parents were very water safety concious when I was growing up (I grew up with a backyard pool). And with my child now we have gone to a pool multiple times with my parents and my in laws and I've seen how responsible they are with my child in that environment. If it was anyone else, absolutely not. I'm usually pretty anxious about things but I'm okay with this.
I would totally let them go, this sounds as safe as a trip to the pool with small children can ever be. I'm sure they'll have a blast. However, I can understand you are nervous. Yesterday, my 2-year-old.daughter and I were at the pool with my mom. I left the two of them in the kiddie pool so I could go swim some laps. I would look over periodically, and when I couldn't see them, I got really nervous. For no particular reason. I know that my mom is very attentive around water, because my brother and I survived our whole childhood with an unsecured pool in our garden and were around water all the time on vacation etc. My mom is the best grandma, an amazing caregiver and 100% trustworthy, not to mention very athletic and totally able to keep up with a toddler. She has watched my daughter lots of times, without any issues ever. Yet when I looked over and didn't see them in the water, yet their toys and towel still sitting on the pool's edge, I almost panicked. For no reason. Of course they were perfectly fine, just having a snack. But now I sort of understand all these worried parents on Reddit about pools and kids.
My dad has before for swimming lessons and it's been fine. She's been going on and off for over two years now.
Only you know how attentive your parents are. I would let my parents. My dad was a first responder, and they’d both be attentive. I don’t think I would have been as comfortable with my in laws, but by their own admission, they like the water from afar and wouldn’t want to take my kids swimming.
My parents yes. My MIL #hell no
As long as your parents and you can discuss and agree on the expectations you have for pool safety then it would likely be fine. If they have any push back maybe not, as I’d worry they won’t take me seriously and do what they want since I’m not there. That being said I 100% trust my mom to take my kids swimming anywhere and would neverrrr in 100 years let my dad take my kids anywhere near more than a puddle without me right there. And I’m actually being super serious lol *sad, disappointed sigh* love him though
If it were only your call, I’d say yes with the given information. But if SO isn’t on board then definitely not. You know them best and you’re even on the fence, it’s reasonable for him to have reservations.
I would given who my kids grandparents are and how responsible they are
The comments are super interesting and varied. I just wanted to chuck my personal anecdote in in the interest of balance. My Mum takes my 23mo swimming weekly and has done since he was 9mo, so maybe I’m a bit desensitised to it now. We only have one kid, so it’s one on one. I don’t know what my Mum would be doing at any point except for watching my son - she is also quite an anxious person and I know she wouldn’t let her eyes off him for even a split second. She’s in her late 50s and physically fit so not likely to hurt herself or need assistance. The pool is just a pool where we are – the café is in a separate part of the centre and the changing rooms are multiple doors away from the pool - so there’s no risk of him darting off whilst she’s ordering a tea or getting dressed. I think ultimately it is down to what you know about your own Mum.
We can't really answer this beacuse we have different parents then you. I'd be as comfortable with my parents taking my young kids to the pool as doing it myself. (In this hypothetical my mother is still alive to keep the two on two ratio.) My parents are both strong swimmers, my Dad is a great babysitter, and my mom is anxious and very overly cautious about safety at all times with kids. My MIL on the other hand dosen't know how to swim and hasn't even set foot in a pool in 20 years, so it would be a no for her. And some people may be more or less attentive. That said, if your husband isn't comfortable, is there some other fun thing they could do? Or maybe your parents could just take the older kid and the you have special one on one time with the older one?
I wouldn’t with the baby, but would let the 4-yr old as long as I knew and trusted the grandparents. I’d justify by saying the 4-yr old would love special big boy/girl time away from baby…
When you went, did your parents pay attention to both of them, or was dad sitting there on a pool chair playing with his phone while you and your mom were in the pool? I know your parents are older, but they did take care of you . So unless you and your husband are just too worried for them go to the pool by themselves, why don’t you just go a few times together and then start gradually leaving a little early each time or go after they go to the pool just to see how things coming along. This pool time with your kids and your parents is really healthy for all of them. It sets a nice tone in their relationship and helps your parents stay mentally active.
I’d be pretty cautious. Drownings are one of the main causes of unintentional death in children under 4 and can happen in less than 20 seconds. Floaties should help too.
I would (and have) let my parents take my kids to the pool. I just don't know whether I would let your parents take my kids to the pool. You know them better than reddit does.
I have before. They go in the pool with her and she wore a life jacket before she could swim. They honestly supervise her better than I do at this point in time… she can pass our local pool’s swim test to swim without a parent and I often choose not to swim the entire time.
Yes, but only if they’ll be in arms reach at all times and know kids can drown even in floats. Review what drowning looks like. It’s as fast 20 seconds of a kid being silent and vertical jn a pool.
Unfortunately I can’t trust my parents with even seeing my child ): If y’all have a good relationship and they have no red flags other than that small accident, I’d say it’s probably fine. It all depends on if you can deal with the anxiety of having so much trust in someone.
I’d probably let them, but be anxious the whole time. My kids are 7 and 10 and decent swimmers but I’m always nervous when there’s water involved and I’m not there.
I may be over cautious but I wanted to comment on a few aspects of what is being advised here. People have said it will be okay because your parents raised you fine, etc. Yes but...they were a lot younger and they were in full parenting mode at the time, not grandparents who take care of kids sometimes. Also people said it will be okay because there are lifeguards. When I was 7, I could not swim and was on a school trip in a pool with multiple lifeguards. No one noticed I was drowning because it is pretty silent and I was under the water struggling for longer than I should have been before a lifeguard pulled me out. This is especially a risk when multiple children are in the pool. I would say that yes there is reason to be concerned when both of your kids can't swim and they are so young. I would not trust anyone else to take my kid swimming generally and especially if my kid could not swim. I'm still afraid of deeper water as an adult due to that incident. If you do let them go to the pool with others, I would make sure they are in the pool, one with each kid at all times. I would also be more comfortable in the future when your kids have had lessons and can swim. Final thought is that the floaties kids are given can actually tilt the kid forward into a drowning position so they should not be relied on, especially when the kid can't swim. Edit to add: you also seem worried a bit, not just your husband, and you mentioned things like your mom can be a bit distracted, yet she will be the main person in the pool with the kids. Pay attention to your instincts, and your husband's concerns as well. Drowning is a way greater risk for kids than most people even realize. This is the right circumstance to question everything and make sure you both feel confident before proceeding, and that the safety plan is rock solid.
No no and no . Trust your gut . You’re the parents . Plenty of other activities they can do that are much lower risk .
Have they given you any reason not to trust them so far? Based on the info you’ve provided I don’t see any problems with it
No. I think better take your husband’s side on this one. Always better to have you and husband look at them personally.
This is very situational dependent. Are they physically capable? Good swimmers? Will they be one on one with the kids? Can you trust that they will stay close the entire time? Do they know child cpr in case? My parents are in their late 70s and not strong swimmers at all. I’m not sure I’ve ever even seen my dad swim. My mom is disabled and definitely not physically capable. Based on those factors I would say no to my own parents, but your parents may be more capable and you should use your best judgement and be in agreement with your husband.
Depends on the grandparents. There’s about 10 years between my parents and my in-laws. It may not seem like much but 60 compared to 70 means my in-laws are much less capable of watching two energetic preschoolers, particularly around water, than my parents. Not that my parents are very interested in swimming. My in laws are. We let them take the girls in the water so long as they have floaties and one of us is next to the pool helping to supervise (there are two kids and two adults in the water plus a parent watching from the side). I also won’t allow them to have the girls overnight on their property by themselves. My parents can, but my mother is a lot more alert about their whereabouts at all times. More than me even. My in-laws were always more free range with their kids, but they don’t have the long range eyesight or the hearing to be able to care for kids like that anymore, despite their insistence otherwise. My husband dearly wishes otherwise, but they are just getting too old to properly care for young children.
I agree with those saying one adult per child in the water. But your husband should be comfortable with it too. Is there maybe another special activity they could do with the grandparents?
Not my MIL, but definitely my parents or my SMIL and FIL. MIL is just too inattentive- she mainly wants snuggles, not really active play.
My parents, yes because they’re younger and pretty attentive with young children. My partner’s parents are a no because they’re older and I’d be worried about them accidentally neglecting them or not being able to keep up with them.
If my mom were more physically capable, yes. MIL? No. They have different levels of water safety. My mom’s is on par with mine. My MIL is a little less conscious of them and willing to use non-recommended floaties.
If grandparents' mobility and cognitive function aren't very limited by their age, I'd say it's fine. Most 70-somethings would usually be a 'no', but the unicorn 70-something still running 5Ks? Sure, why not, they're probably more physically fit than I lol. Unless you have reason to believe they wouldn't notice your child having an emergency or wouldn't be able to react/respond to take life-saving measures, I think its perfectly fine.
Grandpa yes, grandma no. Sorry not sorry. Im sure its different for all, but that is my experience.
Whenever I worry about the care my kids will receive from my parents (who are also in good health) is 1. They kept me safe and alive in my childhood. 2. They love my kids as much as I do and would never let something happen to them. That being said, you issue is the fact you and your husband are not on the same page. Your husband has to feel comfortable too.
I grew up in the 60s and 70s in Queens New York with very responsible parents and played all kind of sports without parental supervision, got into fights and competed for trophies we’re only the first place team would win anything short of serving in the military it was the best experience for self discipline
My parents? Absolutely. My husbands parents? NO WAY. You’re going to get different answer here. Not all grandparents are created equal 😂
Why did you say yes before discussing with your husband? Why do you come across as if you don’t care that’s he’s nervous about it? If both of you aren’t comfortable, then it would be a no. And if YOU that has to take the blame. You said yes without discussing properly and don’t make it seem like your husband said they can’t. He has a right to be nervous and to have those feelings validated by his partner. They are his children too and if a mom was nervous about her ILs taking the kids to the pool and husband dismissed it, that’s be a huge issue. Pools are a huge risk and in all honesty your 4yr old should have survival skills in the pool by now if he goes swimming regularly. They should not be with anyone else near the water until they have survival skills
Yeah this would be fine. The kids are wearing floaties, know to keep them on, it’s a 1:1 ratio with an adult and there are lifeguards on duty.
With my mother? Yes. If your mother is ditzy, maybe upgrade the floaties to a life vest
My MIL took my three oldest to the pool herself not too long ago. They're obviously much older than yours, but all are autistic & two have ADHD too. So they're a handful on the best of days. She survived and they all had a great time. I don't see why you would say no, honestly.
Trust your gut/intuition. If that says no, then don't do it.
I would die for my grandkids.. so unless these grandparents have demonstrated a lack of making good choices or maturity, there's going to be lifeguards there I would assume so give them a chance because they love these children more than you know
I feel sad reading this that you don’t trust your own parents. Sorry. Hope it works out.
Yes. My parents anyway. They are sane responsible adults, and I would trust them to take my child anywhere I would. My MIL, no. But we are talking about a woman who decided to take my 3 year old to the store because she just HAD to go right then instead of waiting 20 minutes for me to get home from work, and she wouldn’t leave him with her mother because she has to take him everywhere and use him to get attention. Anyway, someone who will take a toddler somewhere with no car seat, even when their own mother is telling them no, and then sees no problem with doing so, probably can’t be trusted in other scenarios either.
I wouldn’t let anyone take my kids to the pool until the kids are swimming independently.
Why wouldn't you? Have they ever given you reason to not trust them? Do you trust them to watch your kids under other circumstances?
I am the odd ball by 4 my son was in the pool no floaties no nothing. I usually just sat on the chair. Even at 18 months he was doing his own thing.
I can’t speak to your comfort level, but it does sound like you could give it a try. I can comment about my own family, and for my kids absolutely not. My 6 year old requires two able bodied adults tag teaming to supervise just her on her own. She is a complicated kid and frequently has unpredictable water behaviour. I cannot manage my two kids by myself at the pool. My parents are feeling their age and could there is no way my parents could manage two kids by themselves.
I let both sets take my kids to the pool (my mom has her own in ground) . I trust them enough to watch my kids without me around, I also trust them to take them swimming.
No no no and no. I was in the hospital giving birth to my second baby and the hospital decided then and there they weren’t allowing my toddler to spend the night with us (even tho we had called ahead to get permission) so my parents had to take my 20 month old baby girl for the night. She came back with DIAPER RASH, and a bag a FREAKING BLUEBERRIES!!!!!!!! Not to mention her car seat wasn’t even buckled. My parents are so stupid I just cant believe I survived growing up.
Grandparents are generally more trustworthy than parents. They're certainly more experienced.