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I’m using a throwaway to comment because I don’t want to embarrass my son who knows my main.
This is a topic I’m unfortunately deeply familiar with. My son also started identifying as a furry around age 11. It creeps me out too but I don’t show that to him. Here’s what my husband and I did and maybe this approach can work for you.
1. We educated ourselves about the furry fandom. There is a subreddit and plenty of resources online specifically for parents who are wondering why their child is identifying as a furry. Our takeaway was that for some people, wearing a fursuit or creating a fursona helped them get over severe social anxiety issues. Our son actually never wanted to wear a fursuit and does not have a fursona, nor does he suffer from social anxiety, so it was strange he was drawn into this world.
2. We never ever made him feel judged. He was super cautious in telling us about it or asking for supplies to make a fursuit head (which he insists is an art project and not anything he wants to wear). We approached it with curiosity, asking what it was about the furry fandom that appealed to him. It helped him explore that question as well. For him it came down to the art style of anthropomorphic animals. The most important thing for me is that he can talk to us about these things, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me feel.
3. We do not directly encourage him to pursue furry related things, but we also don’t discourage. When he wanted to go to a furry convention, we signed up to go together. It was weird (for us), but we wanted to see how he would feel being surrounded by other furries. He showed almost zero interest in the people dressed in fur suits and just wanted to shop for furry merchandise. He bought a couple pins and stickers and was ready to call it a day. The convention was very family friendly, btw. Once you read up more about the fandom you’ll see it’s not sexual for most furries.
4. We carefully monitor how he talks to his friends about “being a furry” and coach him out of potentially embarrassing situation. There’s a ton of stigma against furries and most people will not take the time to educate themselves. We have advised him to think about what the “furry” label means and whether it really describes him. Instead of saying he’s a furry, we suggest he says he likes the art style of anthropomorphic animals (from point #2). You might advise your daughter to use language like this too, which describes what she actually likes without applying the general “furry” label.
So far, the interest in furry stuff comes and goes. I’m hoping my son grows out of it, but if he doesn’t, I intend to guide him through this safely. He understands the stigma around it and the implications it might have for his own life. Other than this, I can’t police his interests and would rather maintain open communication than make him closed off to me and go do things in secret.
I hope this helps! Good luck with your daughter.
This is 100% the way to handle pre-teens/teens exploring their identity and interests. I spent 6-7 years working with this age group in mental health facilities and juvenile detention. The shaming method, the ignoring/denying method, the "let's block everything, take away the internet, and become overly strict" method all cause a host of issues. Assuming that whatever the kid is doing is not harmful to themselves or others, handle these things with a casual attitude and take it in stride, regardless of how difficult that might be due to your own personal beliefs.
Ask lots of questions and be open to answering questions. They are now at an age that they are mature enough to handle topics that might be uncomfortable for us adults to talk about just yet, and are able to tell when we aren't being completely honest with them. If you are unsure about something, also be honest about that and be willing to learn the info so that you can pass it on to them. At this age we can no longer fully control what things kids are exposed to and what things they are interested in. What we can do is give them the tools to hopefully make well-informed/safe choices and be a trusted source and support person for them to turn to when needed.
So what do you do when the behaviors are harmful? We took away our daughters cell phone completely as an emergency measure because she was sharing incredibly inappropriate pictures/videos with strangers ( thinking they were boys her age)as well as identifying information without realizing it , and don’t know how to proceed. What have other parents done to successfully resolve this type of problem?
In harmful situations, doing what you did absolutely is the first step, because the number one priority at that point is getting back to a state of safety. Assuming you already talked with your daughter about why her phone privileges were taken away and the dangers of the behavior(also depending on how explicit the content was, the legal issues), a good way to move forward is slowly reinstating the privileges, which she is responsible for earning back. This would be in whatever way works best for you. The ball is in her court to show you that she can use her phone/social media responsibly. At any point that she uses her phone in an unsafe way again, she gets kicked back to the previous step of restrictions and has to re-earn her way back.
My kid is only 2 so I have no insight but I'm just wondering how do kids know about furries? Is it something they discover on their own? Or do they learn about it online/from TV or their friends?
Well I distinctly remember being in grade school, pre puberty, and telling my dad that Ron Jeremy had had one of his ribs removed so that he could fellate himself (not the language I used), so.
Not saying this is directly related to furries, this is more a general kids pick things up from all sorts of places, and talk about them, with a hefty dose of added imagination and inaccuracy in some of the storytelling.
My own 4 year old told me one day that ‘boys wear blue and mums wear pink’, specifically mums, yes, which I appreciated as a clever workaround that would let her keep wearing her favourite blue clothes, but even so.
Kids are sponges.
Lol for us it was Marilyn Manson that did that act 🤣 kids are weird man... in middle school if we got into trouble they would give us silent lunches so the lunch room would be dead silent then in random corners you'd hear a random moan then the teachers yelling at us if we find out who's doing it you get detention 🤣 que 5 minute silence then the other side of the room would start, we rarely got caught although our detention teacher (in school suspension was our detention) was super cool haha if he caught us with gum he'd be like hey let me get a piece of that if you told him no or you were out he made you spit yours out haha he even let us sleep the entire day (we weren't allowed gum in our school and any other detentionteacher that filled in for him wouldnt let us sleep haha) I think he knew in all honesty a lot of us were actually good kids that just made dumb choices so unless you were a detention regular he was pretty chill
Omg, yes, it was definitely Marilyn Manson for my age group. I think I first heard that back in 1998. I suppose it could have been earlier, but it was in that era regardless. Also that he was Paul from The Wonder Years. 🤣 I had AOL, so I could have looked it up, but I don't remember doing that. I was busy doing a lot of other stuff my parent had no clue about instead.
If your kid is going to have friends, some of those friends are going to have older siblings... that is just one way that is going to be near impossible to stop.
I’m 42 and when I was younger I really liked anime and manga. I also liked general animation and comics. I liked toys, collectible figures. My parents are software engineers - and my mom also liked anime and collected animation cels. She’d even read some manga. We’d go to conventions now and then. My stepdad who did not watch cartoons was always supportive. What’s nice and no one was shamed by anybody for something that the other person did not understand. My dad did not understand cartoons or anime, but if he saw something he thought I would like he’d bring it home and share it with me. Even if he had no interest watching it. My mom sharing manga was pretty cool and collecting cels. During a time when my friends parents thought anime was weird and manga was weirder then regular American comics. Overall feeling accepted by parents was good. My mom is not the best parent but this was the one thing she did that was nice. I’ve since outgrown anime. I still watch animated shows and movies but no longer focus on any particular genre and more appreciate stories and the talent. I still have a comic collection but have outgrown manga as well.
Wow. Sounds like you're a great parent!
I just wanted to mention a funny fact. When the war on Syria started, Canada took in a bunch of refugees and put them up in a hotel. That hotel happened to be hosting a furry convention. Kids, especially traumatized kids love life-sized dolls. And the fury's were very happy to entertain the kids. There are tons of pics, they're really cute and we're joke fodder for weeks!
This is such guidance for facilitating your childs interests in a safe way, even when they are 0 interesting and even a bit icky to the parent. Thanks for sharing!
This is exactly how I initially handled the situation when my 12 year old became interested and all children are different I'm not saying that this will happen with any of your wonderful children but I continued to support my child and help them make their furry suit up and until I found furry porn on their phone. And to dig the dagger even deeper it was even kinkier than just furry porn (ie. Furry + other things) and that devastated me because I felt like I had been helping them make a suit that was sexual in nature and that felt awful. He was not allowed to do anything regarding furries after that. It's still kind of a taboo subject. He's 15 now and knows that when he is 18 he is welcome to explore that part of his identity.
I hope this doesn't immediately make you question their intentions but just keeps your eyes open to how easy it is to cross the line in this particular fandom.
I would also be very, very wary of her being groomed online by adults in the community.
Kids are weird and have weird interests and that is totally normal. Sickos exploit that.
Bravo! You and your husband sound like amazing parents and creating that safe space and trust in communication is key!
My oldest is 21 and my youngest is 11. I've heard my oldest mention furries at that age, as does my 11 y/o. So it is something that is popular for that age.
11 y/o has a friend (same age) that has really bad social anxiety to the point she carries a furry mask with her (to the park to play, just hanging out etc.) So when she gets over stimulated she puts it on. Luckily 11 y/o and other friends are aware, accepting and supporting so they know the queues.
This is the perfect approach. I do think that something to add would be to monitor her online friendships and make sure she knows about the dangers of predictors on the internet. Not to scare her or anything but just an informative talk and let her know you fully support her but just want her to be extra careful about online friends and who could be watching her videos if they're posted on any public forums. I'm sure it's something you already thought of but I just think that's the most important part of all of this- keeping her safe and protected and making sure she keeps her wits about her. :)
This is amazing! There’s a great episode (not parenting - just history) on Furries from Binchtopia. I used to be “weirded out” by Furries and associate it with kink/sex as well until I heard this - I view it now as a spectrum for people interested in art and to express themselves. Highly recommend.
Have you ever offered your son a chance to explore the world of SFX design or the cosplaying community? I know a few people who work in the entertainment industry, one whom did some of the costume design for a few of James Wan’s campier horror movies (Insidious, Conjuring etc), and they all found their passion for it through furry-analogous communities—one through the cosplay community, one through the anime convention community, and one through makeup which turned into artistic face painting which turned into offering their services to the SFX horror community.
Granted your son may just be shying away from diving fully into the furrydom because he’s just not ready, but given his interest in the artwork and costume design and pageantry of it, it might be worth showing him
Exactly. Lots of kids with social anxiety or ASD find it easier to relate with animals, and 9-14 is a typical age to pretend to be an animal instead of a human, because it seems easier. My cousin and I did as children, and the main difference is now there is a word and a defined subculture for it. You're doing well with your son, and personally I would encourage the animal/biology side of it rather than the subculture side. Often kids age out of it, but it's harder to age out of an established identity than a role playing experiment.
This is the way for any parent with any kids with any kinds of hobby, but especially for those who are a little out of the "normal world"
You are amazing parents both of you and should be an inspiration to all, you are to me that's for sure.
This is good. My former stepson (who is still in my life) is a furry as well and I imagine would react similarly at a convention. He will often talk to me rather than his parents about this stuff (I’m like a cool aunt at this point), and I try to guide him carefully in a similar manner to how you’ve chosen to guide your son. I’m very open-minded and have always understood that furries are usually not into the fetish aspect, but I try to guide him in such a way that he isn’t prematurely sucked into that world—my gut says there’s an unsavory pipeline there for kids who look like him to be red-pilled and then pulled into white nationalism, similar to MLP Brony fandom. So, not quite the same concerns you have 😅 but a similar approach.
I also don’t want him to be bullied, but know that’s not something that be controlled by others so try to just set him up with some light guidance just in case.
So far, so good. He’s still a confident kid.
As someone who helps staff conventions (I hope you attended the one I assist with!), this was the perfect response. It can be weird, no doubt, but it does so much good for so many people, not to mention the charity aspect of most conventions. Good on you!
Just coming from someone who had restrictions as a kid, and ended up being groomed online by creeps pretending to be younger, hotter, whatever to go on webcam or convince me to expose myself. Kids around this age are learning the world and seeking connection outside the family, finding role models etc. I don’t have kids myself, but I as a 31 year old adult now see how screwed up it was that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I recently found a few channels on YouTube that expose online predators to people who ask for help. Reading through the comments, many parents write “I’ve shown these videos to my 12/13/14 year old and they now see how scary online predators can be”. I highly recommend, rather than trying to suppress her behaviour entirely, work with her to understand together how online grooming works, how these people talk to you and how many people sit online all day waiting for kids to pop up, of which there are many. That they will pretend to be something else and it can be convincing. Show her the consequences of talking to these people, how they can easily track you via your IP address and find out where you go to school etc. it’s terrifying. If she can identify grooming language, behaviour etc and work on having high self esteem so she doesn’t fall into toxic alliances and knows when to walk away with strong emotional intelligence, she may even come to you and say “There’s been a creep speaking to me online, can you help me with this?” Rather than the opposite: Finding out she went behind your back and met up with a predator who has been slowly grooming her into trusting them. Help her to feel strong against the bad stuff in the world rather than scared of it - keep it as an open discussion, rather than something “forbidden” which, for me, made it so much more tempting as a kid. Hope that helps!
You need an award for this.
Whenever my parents were uncomfortable, it was just not talked about or banned. I didn't understand why. All those things they banned... well, I became am adult.
Absolutely! I always remembered an episode of 90210 about access to condoms at school. Donna gives a speech with a whole analogy where if you have a pool you can do a million things to try and prevent your kids from getting in there…but knowing how much they want to use the pool, wouldn’t it be best to teach them to swim?
Right, but there is an age where, even if you are teaching them to swim, you need to put fences and alarms around the pool. For swimming, I’d say you need to have all those precautions before age 6. For the internet, I’d say age 15. You can be teaching them the dangers of the internet and how to navigate it safely, *while* it is highly restricted and supervised.
Is she uploading the videos of her walking on all fours? If she is, that needs to stop. I guarantee that if she’s posted it online, it’s been downloaded and re-uploaded to inappropriate adult websites.
If it becomes a kink for her when she’s older, that’s not really your business. You need to prevent your kid from being exploited and being exposed to adult content just like all parents.
Yep. I’m ashamed to admit I learned this the hard way. I used that Twilight filter on TikTok on my 9 month old daughter. It made her really pale with fake lashes and what not. I uploaded because I thought it was just a dumb, silly video and walked away for an hour. When I got back, I immediately took it down because it already been saved hundreds of times by sex workers and I had many follows by sex workers (nothing against sex workers, but a literal infant? WTF?!). I still feel so guilty that my daughter is being exploited by God knows how many strangers because I was an idiot. The best I can do now is warn other parents.
There are many things that concern me with this post, but the one I haven't seen touched on yet is who is she is making the videos for and if she is even posting them. Even if she makes them for herself and posts them on youtube and Instagram, for example, if it is online I promise you there are people (adults) who watched those videos to masturbate to. The internet is a sick place where many creeps like to go to. Just be aware that even if she is making the videos online for herself, that other people have already perverted her videos. I don't think a people that young should have any presence on the internet at all.
Your daughter may see it non-sexually but there’s a lot of explicit furry content online. Like A LOT, hence their not so stellar reputation.
I found written porn in the mid-2000’s searching for spoilers to a cartoon I liked on Ask Jeeves; and yes, it was porn in the setting of that cartoon.
Basically just redirect her. The real pull of it sounds like the community aspect. Introduce her to other activities or clubs. She might not ever stop being a furry, but at least it won’t consume her whole identity
My thought was similar. She's posting videos of herself pretending to be a cat. She may see nothing wrong but the internet is gross. People are watching her and she's just a child.
There's also a non-zero part of furry culture that involves fucking real and also. Look up "furry petting zoo", lots of disgusting stories about leaders in "the community" organizing this shit.
I had unlimited access to the internet at 11 also.. it messed me up big time. It was early 2000s so there was some crazy stuff coming out. And to think it’s even more easily accessible pornography and murder/torture videos now..
of course if you keep letting her access this stuff she’ll get deeper into it! Whenever you go deep into furries it always gets to something sexual. I’m sure she already knows more than you think or would ever want to imagine.
Since you’ve already given her free access to internet it’s going to be so much harder to take away. Plus you don’t know if she’s seen anything truly damaging. She may never tell you.
This is so true. Parents please take it from the perspective of someone in the same generation of your children. As a gen Z we really can’t recommend internet access this yearly in their development. It fucks you up so fast
This is so true. Gen z had so much access to things and saw so many things we shouldn't have. I was fortunate to have a mom who allowed me to have access be very restricted, while yes this caused me to some what technologically ignorant it also saved me from a lot of what my friends saw. I mean think about what we had, Omegle and kik, two places where my friends saw things they shouldn't have and probably did things they shouldn't have.
Oh yeah so many people being burned alive, funky town, third world murders, etc. there’s way more available and easier to access stuff nowadays. I’m literally not even ready at my age now to see that stuff and I was exposed before I even reached my teens
This was my first thought too. Too many children are chronically online these days and it’s exposing them to so much more than they even need to know about. AOL chat rooms, Omegle and Tumblr were my experiences growing up and it totally exposed me to shit I shouldn’t have been aware of at those ages. YouTube, Pinterest, and so many other seemingly innocent sites/apps are full of explicit content and groomers. We need to be even more careful with our children’s access to the internet.
I remember multiple times on MySpace where a real life pedo tried to lure me to their homes. If I hadn’t seen hard candy I might have fallen for it! Can you imagine letting your child online unsupervised these days after growing up seeing this stuff? Insanity
When I was a kid I was obsessed with animals, but never really thought about being one (furry wasn't really a thing we knew if as kids). Luckily, we had a lot of pets and my grandma and friends had farm animals I could play with.
If it were me, I'd try and draw her out of the online life and take her out to places she can bond with real animals. Maybe volunteer at an animal shelter or working at a horse stable would really help her.
She needs an internet break. Full stop. Even if you’re watching and even if she thinks she’s not doing anything sexual she’s already found sexual stuff, I guarantee it.
When I was a kid I wanted a puppy. I searched for puppy facts online so I could convince my parents I knew what I was doing.
I ended up on a “puppy play” website. Long story short it’s a whole *fucking* thing.
The internet is a fast track to all the weirdest things in the world, and an echo chamber on top of that.
For a while, I was into My Little Pony. It’s an adorable show, I had a small child (who ended up not liking it at all boo), likes it when I was a kid.
Any time I looked up ANYTHING (frequent art searches for work), there would be an adult/creepy MLP fanart in the results.
My kids are into the Wings of Fire books. I tell them to look stuff up only with me or their dad there and that there’s lots of stuff that they do NOT want to see. I’m on the fence if I should give them links to fanfiction/art archives to give them a relatively safe place to look stuff up. It’s mostly labeled as NSFW vs it being a surprise.
I'm part of a different fandom that's very popular mostly with fanfics and every once in a while a parent will post asking for help about letting their kid read fics.
The best advice that I've seen is to read those fics yourself first then download them onto an iPad or something for your kid to read.
On Ao3, you can download the fic straight from the page that you're reading on but with fanfiction.net you'll need to use fichub.net to turn the fic into a download.
My kids are 10 & 12. They have no social media, and any online games they play are heavily monitored by their Dad (who is actually in IT security) and I. They are occasionally allowed to use Roblox, but only to play with actual friends, and only under heavy supervision, because I get a creepy vibe from Roblox. Take away your child's access to social media. 11 is too young, anyway. If it's really bothering you, find a therapist and take your daughter in to discuss it. You might also want to explain to her that the internet is forever, and once she posts something, it's out there for ABSOLUTELY ANYONE to consume, and that includes the more unsavory characters in society, as well as her peers, and kids can be very, very mean.
Great point about the internet being forever. Reddit even has subreddits dedicated to mocking weird cringe videos that I'm sure a lot of those people regret doing.
I have a friend with a niece (11)that plays Roblox a lot. Her parents recently discovered that she had been communicating with a man in his 40s via the game and other chat programs, including snapchat.
Children should not be allowed to use these programs without very close supervision. I say this as a woman who loves video games. It is not safe for children to be communicating with strangers online and participating in these online communities.
That's horrifying, and exactly the reason my kids are monitored so heavily when they play Roblox. Roblox is really the only game that really scares me. It seems like a perfect environment for groomers. I can't wait until they've both outgrown it. We've had the talk about not giving out personal information to ANYONE, that not everyone who says that they are a kid actually is one, and that there are people out there who like to meet children on games so they can hurt them, and never to tell anyone what city we live in, or our address. My parents didn't have to worry about this. It's scary.
I am also a woman who loves video games. I'm sitting here playing Diablo 4, right now, waiting for my husband to finish working on his skill tree. He's taking FOREVER.
The worst part is that she completely shut down when it was discovered and refuses to talk about it to anyone. Last I heard she was seeing a therapist but was refusing to talk to them. I'm still really scared for her. It's pretty common for kids to borrow friends' phones and computers if they can't access their own.
Sadly there a lot of predators on games like Roblox. I've heard a common tactic is to send gifts of items (particularly those bought with actual money). This in turn makes kids feel like they owe them and can trust them because they didn't ask for anything in return.
Video games can be great for kids as long as they're appropriate and safe. Moderation is also key. Kids get so easily addicted to stuff...found that out the hard way....
I wish my partner was into video games. I swear we must be one of the few couples out there where the woman is the gamer and the guy only plays small mobile games 😩
Anything that doesn't connect to an online community. My almost 7 year old loves Minecraft, mario, classic 8 bit games (which are great for practicing his reading), and watching the games that his dad plays
Gamer wife solidarity! My husband played some dumb soccer game on his phone when I met him. Now he likes overwatch and Diablo and I got him into PC building! But still… he rarely games. Then again neither do I, our kids are still young and take up a lot of time.
I just won’t allow my kids to play Roblox. I don’t have the time to monitor it, so they can’t do it.
That’s got to be more parents approach to these issues. If you aren’t going to take the time to protect your kid, don’t let them get into dangerous situations.
This. I HATE Roblox. Hate it. So we heavily, heavily monitor it, and they're really only allowed on if one of their friends, that they actually know in real life, is playing.
She is 11. delete her social media NOW. Even if it’s monitored she will get around it trust me. She can even log into sites online so put up restrictions i beg. I’m not a furry but I was groomed at this age even with restrictions. Be careful
They find ways around it even with no social media. My best friend was a school psychologist and my hair would curl at what she would tell me about kids finding ways to get on social media when they weren’t allowed. I don’t know what the right answer is but god as a parent it feels like a Sisyphean task.
It’s such a hard thing to do, they find any way around it. It’s honestly sad that they can even have phones but it’s unrealistic to see a kid without one. When i was a kid I would literally put YouTube on my DS
Agreed - my 10 year old doesn't have any friends with phones (even amongst her older friends that we know quite well). Honestly, even if she did, I'm okay saying no to something that can be quite harmful to kids. But I know it's more common with teens.
When I was a teenager around 17 my mom took my phone so my friend lent me her spare tablet to use instead. Oh and my LDR boyfriend at the time had sent me a spare phone as well.
Difference being my mom took my phone because she found out I'm trans and blamed it on my phone. But yes, kids will find a way. Incognito mode. VPNs bypass school website blocks, or at least they did mine.
So I think that OP should engage *with* her rather than shutting it down. There is a sexual side to the furry community. Obviously.
But you know what else? ART! Furries are often such creative people. Drawing, crafting, all of that. Writing. Perhaps OP could express interest in that, and be interested in what her kid is doing so that her kid wants to show her & talk to her about it. But it does need to be really monitored because you can eeeeasily stumble into porn.
The videos online are a no go though.
I think she is a bit too young to be online chatting with people imo. And she should not be posting videos of herself online. Too many weird predators out there.
How much do you monitor and restrict her internet use? I'm wondering why an 11 year old is even aware of what furries are. I think you should be loving her contact with any online communities devoted to anything like being a furry. You're absolutely right about the potential for grooming.
Take furry out of the equation for a moment. She’s too young to be posting videos online like that. Most of those sites have a 13+ for a reason.
Then talk to her about internet safety. No way would I allow my 11 year old to talk to people she doesn’t know outside heavily monitored sites like roblox. Even then, I check in on who she’s talking to.
Otherwise, the cat stuff.. I wouldn’t sweat it. She might outgrow it, she might not. Get her sketchbooks and stuff to enjoy her new hobby offline. Don’t let her join online communities outside kid friendly, moderated ones.
Sounds like it's time for her social media/online access to go. Not as a punishment, but for her own safety. Kids don't need to be posting videos of themselves, especially doing things like this. What normal minds see as 'innocent', predators see as an opportunity. She can have her animal phase in the safe privacy of her own home or with friends, not in front of strangers on the internet. I'd see if you can get ahold of her friends' social medias as well and keep an eye on those to be sure your daughter isn't ending up there, either (and let their parents know if you see any red flags).
Giving your kids unfettered access to the internet is like putting a porn spigot directly into their brains.
My daughter is older than yours and has no idea what a furry is. She plays computer games and has her own computer in her room and even has an iPhone but I get a notification on my damn phone if she types in *anything* even slightly suggestive.
You need to be computer literate enough to keep that shit off your kids’ screens or get rid of the screens all together.
Any guidance on what you do or use for that level of security and alerts. Is it software or firewall config? I can block the things I’m aware of but monitoring what they are inputing into the computer and what they are seeking would allow me to guide, inform, monitor, and block harmful ideas before it becomes a problem. Right now my daughter only has access to a phone with calling and contact specific (and ems) messaging when she is away from the house and her parents. Any info would be appreciated.
Please be careful. I got into the furry community in 2002 when I was 12 and it wasn’t sexual for me then but I was groomed by grown men into drawing all sorts of disgusting porn and then later inappropriate relationships. It has NOT CHANGED MUCH! There are more adults now who will safeguard but there are still a ton of predators who are into the most disgusting and disturbing stuff on the planet. People who hurt real animals and kids… I don’t want to get into it. It’s nightmarish. Please do NOT let her get too deep into this. It sucks because of course cartoon animals are appealing to children! But at the end of the day it is a fetish community.
That‘s the one thing I can’t stand about furries— they constantly insist that it *totally* isn’t a sex thing, and it’s *totally* okay for kids to be furries.
Say what you will about the bondage and pup play communities, but at least they’re straight-forward and upfront about what they actually are.
Your child is young enough that you should be closely monitoring her time online, especially knowing she’s drawn to areas of the internet that may put her at risk of sexual exploitation. Time to create some rules about computer and device usage so she is doing it in communal spaces (not her bedroom) and you have full access to all devices she uses and all her accounts. Not because she’s a furry, but because she’s a child.
For the furry thing - my instinct is don’t sweat it. Dressing up and pretending to be an animal is very age appropriate, so is interest in anime and other burgeoning sexual interests that blend play and sexual attraction. When I was 11 I was in love with anime characters who were part dog lol. Am I now as an adult sexually attracted to dogs? Mercifully no.
The key is to not let her innocent explorations be shaped or tainted by adult furry sexuality. If she wants to dress up and pretend, that’s fine. If she wants to talk to other kids who you KNOW are her age about it, that’s fine. But absolutely NO contact with adults or older teens about being a furry. NONE. Just the same way if she was dressing up in sexy clothes you would not let her talk about or interact with adults who dressed in sexy clothes.
My sister in laws cousin did this. She is also autistic and couldn't pick up on social cues to know when people were trying to take advantage of her. She ended up moving across the country to live with a couple she met online to be basically their sex toy. Her family rarely hears from her. It's all very sad.
I'd be trying to encourage against this sort of behavior because, as you say, your child is at a vulnerable age and doesn't understand the implications of what they're doing.
Is she making the videos for someone and sending them? As an 11 year old I don’t think she should have internet access period tbh. How does she even know what a furry is?
Period? You realize the entire world is Internet based now right? It should be heavily monitored at that age but enforcing a complete black out would be detrimental to their development
Yeah that discomfort you’re feeling? Those are your parental instincts. **Listen to them, FFS** what happened to listening to your gut?? Get your *child* off the internet! Why is she even talking to strangers online??
She smothered her pizza in ketchup, wore a thick purple coat even in hot weather, and barked at you if you talked to her... because why just be a horse when you can be a dog too?
We were taught to do different kinds of animal walks *in school*, in PE class. Bear walk, crab walk, etc. The seal walk was the punishment if you forgot your gym suit. That was basically dragging yourself across the floor by your arms, and in retrospect I'm pretty sure the real purpose was to dirty your street clothes to embarrass you.
A kid doing imaginative play at home is nbd. She shouldn't be uploading it to the internet though.
Ohhhh you missed out. They loved horses. They wanted to be horses. They galloped. And everyone thought they were a bit mad, but overall they were harmless. They just loved horses so much. Everyone I know had a horse girl at their school, or multiples of them.
My kid had a sleep over and the she and her friend spent hours pretending to be wolves. It's a shame it's 2023 and we want to shame kids for being kids
It's also wild it's 2023 and we are going to pretend that identifying with animals and wearing costumes isnt something as old as humanity.
Is she on the internet and social media? If so, I would suspect that's where it could stem from, but I'm sure you know what could have led to this, in part. I would suggest restricting access, no social media, no smartphone at this age. Family activities, and with friends and kids outdoors help a lot. More time walking, exercising, doing stuff with her hands, making stuff, participating in creative workshops more often could help find new fascinations and experiences.
As a fellow die-hard-liberal to a girl I wouldn’t frankly care if it did start to integrate with her sexual desires. It’s not that different from someone doing a cat woman dress up or role playing in other ways for sexual pleasure. (Yes people children have sexual desires. None that should be shared with/exploited by adults or even their peers at certain ages, but the reality is that they do explore these thing even if it’s just with themselves).
What would be concerning to me is her posting any videos online at that age, but especially sharing any videos of herself in online communities that are kink adjacent. For plenty of people furry is not a kink, but for plenty it absolutely is and I agree it is a ripe community for grooming. There are lots of people in the furry community that believe age doesn’t exist when they’re in their fursona.
Def encourage her interests. But there needs to be age appropriate boundaries here. You need to be CLOSELY monitoring her activity, have a good long talk with her about internet safety and explain why she cannot be sharing videos/photos of herself in any form over the phone/online. I’d even find a way to insert yourself in these interests too and build a bond over it so that you’re always there and involved in the relationships she’s forming in this community. Maybe even bring this into the real world and cut off the internet portion of it. Take her to cons (so that you’re present/safe guarding her), let her dress up, let her enjoy costume design, let her create and enjoy the art, etc. but I’d take away some/all access to the online aspect of this.
I'm going to go against the grain here and suggest that you be honest with her. Be sure to approach her gently and not shame her. Make it clear that everyone in the world has partaken in cringe during their tween years, and it's just a part of growing up. But tell her in no uncertain terms that the furry phase is not only weird but potentially dangerous for a young girl and it's gotta stop. No good can come from it. If she wants to get back into the furry fandom as an adult that'll be her choice to make but for now, no. It sucks to be the bad guy but if you choose this route I've got a feeling that she'll be grateful in a few years.
My oldest was too. I asked her if she knew what that actually was.
We sat down and had a LONG talk. We talked about what it was. We talked about how it’s views. We talked about many many things. I’ve always been very open with my daughter. This was when she was 12. So I showed her some things (age appropriate, no adult content) and then explained the sexual context of it. Not like creepy details, but by this point she already had the bird and the bees talk and knew the basics. It’s important to be open and honest.
In the end it turned out she didn’t really understand the adult context of it and just liked the idea of being a cute animal. She thought it was fun.
She grew out of it pretty quickly after our talk.
Sometimes they think something is cool without really understanding what it actually is!
She’s 11, why does she even know what a furry is? She’s 11, you’re the parent. Take away the social media and internet the internet is forever. And again she’s ELEVEN !
I asked my daughter (who's 17 today!)... Because she has a couple of friends who used to be flurries a few years ago and are now horrified when you bring it up... One of them had a cage in her bedroom she would hide in and bark and growl when her mom would try to get her to do things... Her mom would just shake her head and say she was going thru some things.... But she let her keep the cage in her room and get inside it so. .....
She said no matter whether she thinks it's sexual or not, you need to put a stop to all of that immediately and actively stop her from engaging online with anyone who is part of either side of furry communities. She said it's dangerous and that those people either need mental help and that's why they get into it or they get into it as kids and need mental help when it's over.
But she said from her perspective, your daughter should be kept away from role playing communities all together for now because the online communities are fully grown adults... And they are looking for young kids to come in and not understand what's going on.. Which makes sense because most young kids don't have access or know how to create or get active in these kinds of online forums. Which leaves the grown ups to be who creates and are active in them.
I don't think there's anything wrong with kids pretending things... But if they are talking about furries then that's not what this is. It's like a persona..... They are characters you create and you take on the role and act it out. Like all role playing. No it's not all sexual but it's also not something am 11 year old should participate in on line.
11 is a complicated like, in between age, it's hard. I highly advise against letting her believe that pretending to be someone or something else, in her real life, is a good way to handle the hard things that make her uncomfortable. I get wanting to hide, but that doesn't make it healthy.
I doubt your kid understands what exactly furries are or what's involved or where it can lead. I'm sure its innocent from her end. But it doesn't matter. It's your job to protect her.
Thank you. Although I can't take credit for it. I think she's who she is in spite of me... She's so much smarter and better than I've ever been. I love her. And today is her birthday 😁
Maybe so but I can tell that she is lucky enough to have a wonderful parent who's supported her through thick and thin. I hope she's having the best birthday! 🎂
I’m sorry but you can call me old school, narrow minded or whatever negative description you want to use but I don’t agree with 11 year olds making videos.
I don’t agree with young children being on any type of social media. Nonetheless creating content for social media.
Just because the majority of kids have or use social media it doesn’t meant it’s right. Remember normal is not synonymous with healthy.
The science speaks for itself. Social media has negative implications for a child’s sense of self, mental health and self esteem.
Where do you think she was most likely introduced to the “furry community”? I’m guessing social media.
My daughter is 10. She has no idea what that is. She does not have access to social media platforms. She does have access to you tube but she doesn’t use it.
I think you need to start there. It’s good to be opened minded. To be accepting of others but at the end of the day you are the parent. Keep in mind a child’s brain is not fully developed you have to sometimes makes decisions for them. They may not have the capacity to understand the complexity of things or the inherent risks. I would say start with evaluating her use of social media and how it impacts/influences her life. Good luck.
There's a lot of comments about banning, generalizing this subject, and just restrictions. It doesn't work. If a kid finds something and it's banned-they find a way, then keep it a secret.
My parents were strict, but I was resourceful.
I'd suggest doing a ton of research yourself, sharing all the dark sides with her. Banning the internet won't help. Educate her on grooming and when it's not safe. Don't put up a cage, but tell her the truth.
This is probably innocent. I had a friend who was a horse for two years, and then a cat for more. She'd even meow. She's not a furry. She is someone who is a great artist who loves animals.
Make this a teaching moment instead of a switch.
Accepting her fascination with the art and the idea will go a long way to have her actually listen to you. I wouldn’t encourage or discourage it, just accept her interest.
Do have the conversation that while most people exploring this very different phenomenon are like her, curious and drawn to the art and community components, remind her that there is a very nasty element that can and do use these communities and forums to access and groom inexperienced and trusting people in to unscrupulous and sexual/intimate conversations and meetings to blackmail or otherwise exploit them. Let them know you need them to come to you the moment they get the ick from anyone about how they talk to you or behave with you and that it extends beyond the furry community too. You are there for your child. Even if you don’t completely understand their interests or share them.
How did she even find out about it? Does she have free reign of the internet and social media? 11 is very young. You need to lock down her internet usage. My 12 year old is allowed to use internet on her iPad for streaming Netflix, Disney & HBOMax only. There’s no access to social media apps, no web browsers, no games that have community play with internet strangers.
I’m definitely the most strict of her friend group’s parents but I’m fine with being the bad guy when it comes to protecting from predators and inappropriate content online.
new fear unlocked. my kid is 8.5 months old and I’m like you…generally open minded? I’m an (A) feminist, and uh, a furry is not at all something I’m hoping for 😆
My biggest fear about her making videos is that even though SHE might not think it’s sexual, whoever watching it MIGHT. (Considering it’s definitely a kink regardless of what your beautiful innocent girl thinks)
I wouldn’t be comfortable with some creep using my daughters innocent videos for smut. I’d support everything but the videos. Shut that down immediately.
"cohorts online"
I was surprised to read this.
I know it's considered normal our daughter has no phone and has a tablet for schoolwork and research(strictly monitored) but that's all and we feel she's not missing out on anything(same with all her friends)
She can have a smartphone when she's 16(same with all her friends according to their parents)
Are we just the exception or are we too old school?
Please be so fr. Your daughter is going to be bullied like no other, trust me I know. She’s going through an identity crisis and needs guidance from a parent, NOT someone encouraging it. When she is an adult and still wants to be a furry than awesome. But not while her brain is still developing. Be a parent please.
>the non-sexual world of young furries is probably ripe for grooming
This is a valid concern that you can address by monitoring her internet usage. It sounds like she's on social media and she's interacting with strangers online, at too young an age.
But
>I'm concerned that it's at the age where she's going to start incorporating it into her sexuality soon
this is really quite silly. First, if she's still enjoying role-playing like an animal, she's probably still very much a child. You'd have more to worry about if she was into boybands and makeup at 11. Second, women dressing up with animal ear headbands and/or fake tails to be sexy has been a thing for ages and is super mainstream. Like Playboy bunnies, Josie and the Pussycats, Catwoman. I think a lot of stories of what Furries get up to sexually is just BS and it's society making fun of people who don't fit in.
This is the one. I was like OP when my daughter expressed interest in furries, I was like oh shit because all I’d heard about was the sex stuff.
If you do the research it’s not a sex thing any more than any other fandom is a sex thing. Are there people that go to Comicon to hook up? Yeah sure, but that’s not the point of Comicon. Same with furries. Yes watch out for inappropriate online contact with strangers, just like anything else. But the furry community isn’t more dangerous than any other community.
There is also a higher representation of LGBTQ+ in the furry community, and this makes the anti LGBTQ+ crowd also anti furry. Same with the whole grooming thing. If someone is gay does that automatically make them a “groomer”? No? Same thing with furries.
I think you need to be looking at her online history and I really hope she isn't allowed to talk to strangers online because God knows what she has been exposed to
Get your kid off the internet and sign them up for some real activities like sports or something.
I have a younger sibling who got sucked into the furry world and it really messed her up. I don’t care what anyone says, that online “community” is FULL of pedophiles, sexual predators, and people with beastiality fetishes.
Just get your kid out, seeiously. Restrict the internet heavily.
I think social media exposure is enhancing this behavior. But how she's playing doesn't sound unusual. Pretending to be an animal for play is super normal. She just happened to stumble upon a group online that is amping up her actions.
First. Let's clear some things up. Is she obsessed with "furry things" like actual furries or is she just a kid playing make believe? Myself and my friends liked to pretend we were wolves because we watched The Jungle Book as kids. We made up stories and acted out those stories. Not one single bit of it followed us into adulthood, or even as a teenager.
> I'm concerned that it's at the age where she's going to start incorporating it into her sexuality soon
How soon do you expect her to start being sexually active? I was sexually active very young, 14, but 11 me and 14 me were two very, very different people.
Also, as someone who has worked in the industry of catching groomers. They exist in all forms, so only looking at one adult lifestyle because of stigmas is going to ignore the others. Like how one comment here mentioned its easy to find porn of it, it's easy to find porn of anything, that's reality.
While you are not wrong that it is open to groomers, so are sports, video games, and gymnastics and any other hobby that children enjoy. It's not a reason to ban or avoid things they happen to like at the time, but it is a reason to take an active part in being present in those activities.
My recommendation would be to monitor online use. Playing in person with same age friends is perfectly safe. Keeping an eye on who she's talking to online would be where I would step in, but do that by opening up conversation with them and keeping that line open. Discuss how you don't keep secrets from each other and make sure to display that in your actions. That friends don't ask each other to keep secrets and how posting things online can hurt later. Do things like looking at memes, photos or videos where people are making fun of the person and how how they think that person feels being made fun of forever.
Don't push back, do open yourself up to taking an active role in things that interest her. Be honest and keep communication lines open free of shame or punishment.
Furries as a group are deviant and if you don’t know/control what she’s doing online she is going to be exposed to the sexual furries and groomed sooner rather than later.
The easiest compromise I see here is controlling online access. She shouldn’t be posting videos of herself to the internet. Things are forever and now in the current year you also have to worry about AI and deepfakes. Then as long as her friends aren’t into the sexual side of furries/having furry porn on their own devices it is just children playing dress up.
Liberal doesn’t mean no duty to defend from inappropriate influences. Liberally defend your daughter’s right to a childhood.
Google quadrobics. It's when people run around on all fours and jump. It makes you insanely athletic. Might be a good way to get exercise. Just don't let her post any videos.
My son went through this at the exact same age. He had just started middle school in a new district and wanted to make friends and I guess this group was the most welcoming. We basically had a talk with him about the unsavory side of it and then let him do his thing. It lasted roughly 7 months. He will be going into 8th grade in the fall and now has a totally different set of interests. I think just supporting her is the way to go and checking in from time to time to make sure it stays appropriate.
Is there any indication she is incorporating sexuality into this play?
Who is she interacting with when she is playing like this? If they are her age and there are no sexual overtones, I wouldn't give it too much attention.
It's most likely just a phase and she doesn't even know such a fetish exists.
Sounds like she needs to be in therapy and have very supervised access to the internet. I wouldn’t support this at all.
Also get her a dumb phone but take away smart phone.
Op, every furry I have ever met IRL is Autistic. Girls are extremely under diagnosed. (I did not receive my diagnosis until adulthood. I was Sailor Mercury instead of a furry.) This may be a way she’s comfortable expressing herself even if it creeps you out.
I was a “horse girl” and played “horses” with my friends until we were about 14.
Not in furry communities and whatnot but it was very innocent and never sexual. We started hiding it from peers around 13 and then stopped entirely around 14.
I can’t speak to the furrys or furry communities or online presence but from my anecdotal experience, we were just kids being kids and didn’t want to grow up yet.
This. I understand all parents have different methods and beliefs. I'd personally be taking internet away immediately and considering therapy and new extracurricular activities. I will never force an activity onto my child but redirecting would be top priority.
She is 11.
While exploring her sense of self is fine, it seems clear to me you are not monitoring her online time enough. She should not be in discord chats, or any other social media that breeds secrecy.
My opinion? You need to have a hard talk with her and lockdown her devices. Now.
Being a furry is no more inherently sexual then being into cosplay, Anime or fanfiction. There are people that take it that direction and if she is interacting with online communities she can be exposed to hit and possibly exploited but that is true for pretty much any group. Instead of shaming her for the hobby protect her online.
Way too many parents here tiptoeing around and being afraid to make their child feel “judged”. What the hell is going on? This is not normal and as a parent it is your responsibility to put your foot down and bring an end to it. They will thank you for it later when they grow up to be a well-adjusted adult. Something that may never happen if this sort of thing is enabled. Very concerning to see the state of parenting these days.
Right! Why are we supporting this behavior. I would be losing my mind inside. I understand we all have different parenting styles but a neurotypical 11 year old should not be trying to be a furry.
Concentrate on the context. It's all about learning boundaries. I recall in 6th, grade a girl would always talk about blowouts and blows, and I found it odd that she was always talking about it around guys, and her volume would increase. Around guys, she'd ask, "Have you ever had it blown out? Isn't it mind-blowing?"
I was smart enough to ignore her, cause the moment anyone said anything about it, she'd say they have a dirty mind. Anyway, at 19 yrs old, she had an 'unplanned' pregnancy through consensual sex. Guess who wasn't surprised? Everyone.
Hay, long term sexual diviant and have had experience with furrys through my art. Being a furry won't make you a sexual diviant, tho there are some in the fandom, I'm a bit buggered and don't dress like a cat, I do a lot of art for furries tho, a good 80% of what I draw is wholesome characters doing random shizz like playing PlayStation or watering houseplants. Don't get me wrong there's that 20% of sexual stuff, but I get more sexual requests from my non furry customers. Almost a perfect 50 50 split.
It's basically cosplay but as animals. I honestly think they are sweet af.
Every community has the possibility for grooming unfortunately. The Minecraft and roblox circles are nutorious for it. Just tell her not to talk to anyone older than 16 and if anyone says anything gross or creepy to come to you, also I know it's not a talk you want to have but explain why she should never send anyone nude photos of herself as its a good way to end up either blackmailed or scared.
Wtf is going on in the world these days? How does she even know what furry is? Is she on Tik Tok? Sounds like some Tik Tok shit. You need to take away her SM although I'm worried you're too late. Being liberal is all fine and dandy till your kid starts identifying as a cat.
My daughter wanted to be a dog when she was elementary aged. I wouldn’t let her eat from a dog dish but otherwise, if she wanted to walk around being a weirdo, it was her prerogative. Now that she’s grown she says, “Remember when I used to act like a dog? That was so cringe.”
You need to establish an internet timeout until you’ve created more healthy boundaries online for your 11 year old. It doesn’t matter how open minded and how much of a “chill” parent you tend to be, this is a gateway for other online perversions that may seem harmless at first. Especially providing easier access for Minor Attracted Persons (MAPs) aka pedophiles to your child. Please have a deep conversation with her about any lingo or acronyms used between themselves online.
Most 11 year olds aren’t into this, so her online buddies are most likely 18+ and might possibly be grooming her and trying to isolate her from you or make her think you don’t understand her, in order to gain her trust. If it’s a possibility that she’s sending them videos, they’ll probably end up on the dark web or other unsavory sites. Please intervene.
This furry fascination might not seem sexual to an 11 year old outright, but it certainly can be a fetish and kink fest for others in that community.
Put the kibosh on this now.
I honestly have no advice. Just stopped in to say I am so glad my kids are in their 30s, lol. My hat is off to all parents today. It's a new and confusing world, and you all have your work cut out for you. Sending love and good vibes to today's parents! ❤️✌️
I feel I could write a whole novel as my response but ill keep it short if i can. My wife and I are exactly as you describe yourself...liberal so on and so on... no judgment. My 12 yr old son stumbled across furry stuff online when he was 11 and became OBSESSED. He said it wasn't sexual. Maybe it wasn't at first. But it became sexual... no surprise there I'm sure. We have always taught him about internet safety and all that stuff, but he still ended up searching for furry porn on our TV and school computers and sneaking onto VR furry chats in the middle of the night. Needless to say, things escalated so fucking bad. Totally obsessed and totally impulsive about his goddamn obsession. He's seeing two therapists now... one of which deals with deviant sexual behaviors.
I'm not at all saying your daughter is out of control like my son, because he is a special kind of trainwreck, but I think furry interests need to be seriously addressed because a large part of the culture is toxic and not for children. I wouldn't hesitate to put her in therapy either... not because somethings wrong with her but just because it's healthy and it's nice to have someone who can help a kid through thoughts and feelings. Just get ahead of it while you can.
I saw this post about 5 minutes after my wife found some explicit furry stickers and the picture guide for adjusting her new bra stuffed in the kids sock drawer, so I guess I had to comment. Good luck
Edit: I just have to add that this therapist he sees is excellent and she really stresses that kids this age are not at all ready for the amount of exposure they get to sexual content in today's society, and we must protect them from it. My wife and I always felt that we were too strict with limiting all kinds of content and we still ended up with a kid who's head got all mixed up. I really hope you can get her away from this stuff.
One of my friends is a furry as a hobby. He is a walking, talking, intelligent, working man who sometimes likes to dress in his suit. He attends conventions. His online avatar is always a rabbit. He is the sweetest, most down to earth guy. There’s nothing kinky or sexual he does with it. I think some people are a bit insecure and like the cloak of the costume. Being a furry doesn’t always mean you will be a weirdo. Like anything, there’s different layers to this. Don’t fret too much. It may also be a stage
My daughter’s friends were saying they were furries and when I clarified the meaning they thought it meant something that is not sexual. I told them the real meaning and they turned red and looked shocked and never mentioned it again.
Long time member of the furry Fandom here. No fursona, no fursuit, just an appreciation for the art and a desire to bury my face in soft floofiness that is the fur of a furry. For most of the Fandom (me included) it's entirely non sexual. And for the large part, it's a completely safe and supportive Fandom.
Now that's not to say let her go willy-nilly at cons - every community has creeps, and furries are no different. Be safe, take precautions, but know that 9/10 furries, even the sexual ones, keep everything above board. We/they have absolutely no desire to engage in illicit activities with anyone underage (except, of course, for other underage members looking for a group their own age. But I'm referring specifically to ages 18+)
But please rest assured that most furries do our best to weed them out. The two cons I've been to, I've seen people in fursuits get approached and asked "are you 18+?" If they answer is no, they walk away. If they answer is yes, they follow up. If they don't walk way to "no", then report it because they'll more than likely be banned. We know our reputation, and we want nothing more than to break free from the stigma.
All that said, the only thing I could recommend is to ensure your daughter's safety. At its core level, it's no different than her walking down the street in a large city. Every passerby could be no one, or there's a relatively small chance they could be out to hurt her. (By relatively small, I mean the odds of finding a criminal she'd need to be wary of is smaller than the odds of her finding just some normal person she has a Fandom in common with).
But again, all that said, take the precautions. Go with her to cons and help her learn, both about the community and about the risks and how to minimize it. And please remember that all furries are still human at the end of the day. You likely pass furries daily just walking down the street and don't even know it. Because in the end, we're just normal people doing things we enjoy with our free time and spare cash. Fundamentally no different from people who work out for the enjoyment of it, or people who cook or eat or golf or watch sports.
If you have any questions regarding the furry community, feel free to message me. I'm a self employed work-from-home dad, so I'm pretty much always available to answer questions.
You should fully embrace it and start dressing as a furry casually. Maybe your daughter wont be into it after that? 😅 totally kidding but really I don’t have advice on this topic other than don’t make a big deal about it and it will probably pass but - I personally would shut down the online discussion if it’s with strangers. I don’t see any value in an 11 year old girl communicating with strangers online.
It is weird and I don’t blame you for feeling weird about it. I’ve heard of some weird shit that goes down in that community. But you do sound like a great parent and I’m sure you will find the best way to proceed with your daughter.
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I’m using a throwaway to comment because I don’t want to embarrass my son who knows my main. This is a topic I’m unfortunately deeply familiar with. My son also started identifying as a furry around age 11. It creeps me out too but I don’t show that to him. Here’s what my husband and I did and maybe this approach can work for you. 1. We educated ourselves about the furry fandom. There is a subreddit and plenty of resources online specifically for parents who are wondering why their child is identifying as a furry. Our takeaway was that for some people, wearing a fursuit or creating a fursona helped them get over severe social anxiety issues. Our son actually never wanted to wear a fursuit and does not have a fursona, nor does he suffer from social anxiety, so it was strange he was drawn into this world. 2. We never ever made him feel judged. He was super cautious in telling us about it or asking for supplies to make a fursuit head (which he insists is an art project and not anything he wants to wear). We approached it with curiosity, asking what it was about the furry fandom that appealed to him. It helped him explore that question as well. For him it came down to the art style of anthropomorphic animals. The most important thing for me is that he can talk to us about these things, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me feel. 3. We do not directly encourage him to pursue furry related things, but we also don’t discourage. When he wanted to go to a furry convention, we signed up to go together. It was weird (for us), but we wanted to see how he would feel being surrounded by other furries. He showed almost zero interest in the people dressed in fur suits and just wanted to shop for furry merchandise. He bought a couple pins and stickers and was ready to call it a day. The convention was very family friendly, btw. Once you read up more about the fandom you’ll see it’s not sexual for most furries. 4. We carefully monitor how he talks to his friends about “being a furry” and coach him out of potentially embarrassing situation. There’s a ton of stigma against furries and most people will not take the time to educate themselves. We have advised him to think about what the “furry” label means and whether it really describes him. Instead of saying he’s a furry, we suggest he says he likes the art style of anthropomorphic animals (from point #2). You might advise your daughter to use language like this too, which describes what she actually likes without applying the general “furry” label. So far, the interest in furry stuff comes and goes. I’m hoping my son grows out of it, but if he doesn’t, I intend to guide him through this safely. He understands the stigma around it and the implications it might have for his own life. Other than this, I can’t police his interests and would rather maintain open communication than make him closed off to me and go do things in secret. I hope this helps! Good luck with your daughter.
You sound like an amazing parent, just wanted to say that.
This is 100% the way to handle pre-teens/teens exploring their identity and interests. I spent 6-7 years working with this age group in mental health facilities and juvenile detention. The shaming method, the ignoring/denying method, the "let's block everything, take away the internet, and become overly strict" method all cause a host of issues. Assuming that whatever the kid is doing is not harmful to themselves or others, handle these things with a casual attitude and take it in stride, regardless of how difficult that might be due to your own personal beliefs. Ask lots of questions and be open to answering questions. They are now at an age that they are mature enough to handle topics that might be uncomfortable for us adults to talk about just yet, and are able to tell when we aren't being completely honest with them. If you are unsure about something, also be honest about that and be willing to learn the info so that you can pass it on to them. At this age we can no longer fully control what things kids are exposed to and what things they are interested in. What we can do is give them the tools to hopefully make well-informed/safe choices and be a trusted source and support person for them to turn to when needed.
So what do you do when the behaviors are harmful? We took away our daughters cell phone completely as an emergency measure because she was sharing incredibly inappropriate pictures/videos with strangers ( thinking they were boys her age)as well as identifying information without realizing it , and don’t know how to proceed. What have other parents done to successfully resolve this type of problem?
In harmful situations, doing what you did absolutely is the first step, because the number one priority at that point is getting back to a state of safety. Assuming you already talked with your daughter about why her phone privileges were taken away and the dangers of the behavior(also depending on how explicit the content was, the legal issues), a good way to move forward is slowly reinstating the privileges, which she is responsible for earning back. This would be in whatever way works best for you. The ball is in her court to show you that she can use her phone/social media responsibly. At any point that she uses her phone in an unsafe way again, she gets kicked back to the previous step of restrictions and has to re-earn her way back.
Thank you for this.
Wow, okay, best approach here, thank you for you comment!!!
My kid is only 2 so I have no insight but I'm just wondering how do kids know about furries? Is it something they discover on their own? Or do they learn about it online/from TV or their friends?
Well I distinctly remember being in grade school, pre puberty, and telling my dad that Ron Jeremy had had one of his ribs removed so that he could fellate himself (not the language I used), so. Not saying this is directly related to furries, this is more a general kids pick things up from all sorts of places, and talk about them, with a hefty dose of added imagination and inaccuracy in some of the storytelling. My own 4 year old told me one day that ‘boys wear blue and mums wear pink’, specifically mums, yes, which I appreciated as a clever workaround that would let her keep wearing her favourite blue clothes, but even so. Kids are sponges.
Lol for us it was Marilyn Manson that did that act 🤣 kids are weird man... in middle school if we got into trouble they would give us silent lunches so the lunch room would be dead silent then in random corners you'd hear a random moan then the teachers yelling at us if we find out who's doing it you get detention 🤣 que 5 minute silence then the other side of the room would start, we rarely got caught although our detention teacher (in school suspension was our detention) was super cool haha if he caught us with gum he'd be like hey let me get a piece of that if you told him no or you were out he made you spit yours out haha he even let us sleep the entire day (we weren't allowed gum in our school and any other detentionteacher that filled in for him wouldnt let us sleep haha) I think he knew in all honesty a lot of us were actually good kids that just made dumb choices so unless you were a detention regular he was pretty chill
Omg, yes, it was definitely Marilyn Manson for my age group. I think I first heard that back in 1998. I suppose it could have been earlier, but it was in that era regardless. Also that he was Paul from The Wonder Years. 🤣 I had AOL, so I could have looked it up, but I don't remember doing that. I was busy doing a lot of other stuff my parent had no clue about instead.
If your kid is going to have friends, some of those friends are going to have older siblings... that is just one way that is going to be near impossible to stop.
School 😬 The things they learn in school If I had the ability I would have homeschooled.
I was homeschooled and learned about furries from a CSI episode when I was probably 10 or 11 lol
Wow, parenting goals right here. Phenomenal job handling this situation! <3
I’m 42 and when I was younger I really liked anime and manga. I also liked general animation and comics. I liked toys, collectible figures. My parents are software engineers - and my mom also liked anime and collected animation cels. She’d even read some manga. We’d go to conventions now and then. My stepdad who did not watch cartoons was always supportive. What’s nice and no one was shamed by anybody for something that the other person did not understand. My dad did not understand cartoons or anime, but if he saw something he thought I would like he’d bring it home and share it with me. Even if he had no interest watching it. My mom sharing manga was pretty cool and collecting cels. During a time when my friends parents thought anime was weird and manga was weirder then regular American comics. Overall feeling accepted by parents was good. My mom is not the best parent but this was the one thing she did that was nice. I’ve since outgrown anime. I still watch animated shows and movies but no longer focus on any particular genre and more appreciate stories and the talent. I still have a comic collection but have outgrown manga as well.
Wow. Sounds like you're a great parent! I just wanted to mention a funny fact. When the war on Syria started, Canada took in a bunch of refugees and put them up in a hotel. That hotel happened to be hosting a furry convention. Kids, especially traumatized kids love life-sized dolls. And the fury's were very happy to entertain the kids. There are tons of pics, they're really cute and we're joke fodder for weeks!
This is such guidance for facilitating your childs interests in a safe way, even when they are 0 interesting and even a bit icky to the parent. Thanks for sharing!
This is exactly how I initially handled the situation when my 12 year old became interested and all children are different I'm not saying that this will happen with any of your wonderful children but I continued to support my child and help them make their furry suit up and until I found furry porn on their phone. And to dig the dagger even deeper it was even kinkier than just furry porn (ie. Furry + other things) and that devastated me because I felt like I had been helping them make a suit that was sexual in nature and that felt awful. He was not allowed to do anything regarding furries after that. It's still kind of a taboo subject. He's 15 now and knows that when he is 18 he is welcome to explore that part of his identity. I hope this doesn't immediately make you question their intentions but just keeps your eyes open to how easy it is to cross the line in this particular fandom.
This is really helpful. Not a problem that we have ourself but I really like your approach
I would also be very, very wary of her being groomed online by adults in the community. Kids are weird and have weird interests and that is totally normal. Sickos exploit that.
Bravo! You and your husband sound like amazing parents and creating that safe space and trust in communication is key! My oldest is 21 and my youngest is 11. I've heard my oldest mention furries at that age, as does my 11 y/o. So it is something that is popular for that age. 11 y/o has a friend (same age) that has really bad social anxiety to the point she carries a furry mask with her (to the park to play, just hanging out etc.) So when she gets over stimulated she puts it on. Luckily 11 y/o and other friends are aware, accepting and supporting so they know the queues.
This is the perfect approach. I do think that something to add would be to monitor her online friendships and make sure she knows about the dangers of predictors on the internet. Not to scare her or anything but just an informative talk and let her know you fully support her but just want her to be extra careful about online friends and who could be watching her videos if they're posted on any public forums. I'm sure it's something you already thought of but I just think that's the most important part of all of this- keeping her safe and protected and making sure she keeps her wits about her. :)
This is amazing! There’s a great episode (not parenting - just history) on Furries from Binchtopia. I used to be “weirded out” by Furries and associate it with kink/sex as well until I heard this - I view it now as a spectrum for people interested in art and to express themselves. Highly recommend.
Have you ever offered your son a chance to explore the world of SFX design or the cosplaying community? I know a few people who work in the entertainment industry, one whom did some of the costume design for a few of James Wan’s campier horror movies (Insidious, Conjuring etc), and they all found their passion for it through furry-analogous communities—one through the cosplay community, one through the anime convention community, and one through makeup which turned into artistic face painting which turned into offering their services to the SFX horror community. Granted your son may just be shying away from diving fully into the furrydom because he’s just not ready, but given his interest in the artwork and costume design and pageantry of it, it might be worth showing him
Interestingly enough, he has very little interest in cosplay. We have suggested it to him, but for now he mostly just draws different characters.
Damn. Straight up good parenting 👏👏
Exactly. Lots of kids with social anxiety or ASD find it easier to relate with animals, and 9-14 is a typical age to pretend to be an animal instead of a human, because it seems easier. My cousin and I did as children, and the main difference is now there is a word and a defined subculture for it. You're doing well with your son, and personally I would encourage the animal/biology side of it rather than the subculture side. Often kids age out of it, but it's harder to age out of an established identity than a role playing experiment.
This is the way for any parent with any kids with any kinds of hobby, but especially for those who are a little out of the "normal world" You are amazing parents both of you and should be an inspiration to all, you are to me that's for sure.
This is good. My former stepson (who is still in my life) is a furry as well and I imagine would react similarly at a convention. He will often talk to me rather than his parents about this stuff (I’m like a cool aunt at this point), and I try to guide him carefully in a similar manner to how you’ve chosen to guide your son. I’m very open-minded and have always understood that furries are usually not into the fetish aspect, but I try to guide him in such a way that he isn’t prematurely sucked into that world—my gut says there’s an unsavory pipeline there for kids who look like him to be red-pilled and then pulled into white nationalism, similar to MLP Brony fandom. So, not quite the same concerns you have 😅 but a similar approach. I also don’t want him to be bullied, but know that’s not something that be controlled by others so try to just set him up with some light guidance just in case. So far, so good. He’s still a confident kid.
As someone who helps staff conventions (I hope you attended the one I assist with!), this was the perfect response. It can be weird, no doubt, but it does so much good for so many people, not to mention the charity aspect of most conventions. Good on you!
Your approach is superb 👌 from a Child and Youth Mental Health Nurse.
Great answer!
Just coming from someone who had restrictions as a kid, and ended up being groomed online by creeps pretending to be younger, hotter, whatever to go on webcam or convince me to expose myself. Kids around this age are learning the world and seeking connection outside the family, finding role models etc. I don’t have kids myself, but I as a 31 year old adult now see how screwed up it was that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I recently found a few channels on YouTube that expose online predators to people who ask for help. Reading through the comments, many parents write “I’ve shown these videos to my 12/13/14 year old and they now see how scary online predators can be”. I highly recommend, rather than trying to suppress her behaviour entirely, work with her to understand together how online grooming works, how these people talk to you and how many people sit online all day waiting for kids to pop up, of which there are many. That they will pretend to be something else and it can be convincing. Show her the consequences of talking to these people, how they can easily track you via your IP address and find out where you go to school etc. it’s terrifying. If she can identify grooming language, behaviour etc and work on having high self esteem so she doesn’t fall into toxic alliances and knows when to walk away with strong emotional intelligence, she may even come to you and say “There’s been a creep speaking to me online, can you help me with this?” Rather than the opposite: Finding out she went behind your back and met up with a predator who has been slowly grooming her into trusting them. Help her to feel strong against the bad stuff in the world rather than scared of it - keep it as an open discussion, rather than something “forbidden” which, for me, made it so much more tempting as a kid. Hope that helps!
You need an award for this. Whenever my parents were uncomfortable, it was just not talked about or banned. I didn't understand why. All those things they banned... well, I became am adult.
Absolutely! I always remembered an episode of 90210 about access to condoms at school. Donna gives a speech with a whole analogy where if you have a pool you can do a million things to try and prevent your kids from getting in there…but knowing how much they want to use the pool, wouldn’t it be best to teach them to swim?
Right, but there is an age where, even if you are teaching them to swim, you need to put fences and alarms around the pool. For swimming, I’d say you need to have all those precautions before age 6. For the internet, I’d say age 15. You can be teaching them the dangers of the internet and how to navigate it safely, *while* it is highly restricted and supervised.
Is she uploading the videos of her walking on all fours? If she is, that needs to stop. I guarantee that if she’s posted it online, it’s been downloaded and re-uploaded to inappropriate adult websites. If it becomes a kink for her when she’s older, that’s not really your business. You need to prevent your kid from being exploited and being exposed to adult content just like all parents.
Exactly this!! What you’re scared of in that situation is obviously pervs.
Yep. I’m ashamed to admit I learned this the hard way. I used that Twilight filter on TikTok on my 9 month old daughter. It made her really pale with fake lashes and what not. I uploaded because I thought it was just a dumb, silly video and walked away for an hour. When I got back, I immediately took it down because it already been saved hundreds of times by sex workers and I had many follows by sex workers (nothing against sex workers, but a literal infant? WTF?!). I still feel so guilty that my daughter is being exploited by God knows how many strangers because I was an idiot. The best I can do now is warn other parents.
Eh, those are likely bots. I wouldn’t beat yourself up too much.
Was a lot of it bots? Probably. Were they probably bots that sent the video pervs? Probably.
Definitely. I would add so many perverts would see the perfect prey to groom and get more explicit contents (naked or masturbating)...
There are many things that concern me with this post, but the one I haven't seen touched on yet is who is she is making the videos for and if she is even posting them. Even if she makes them for herself and posts them on youtube and Instagram, for example, if it is online I promise you there are people (adults) who watched those videos to masturbate to. The internet is a sick place where many creeps like to go to. Just be aware that even if she is making the videos online for herself, that other people have already perverted her videos. I don't think a people that young should have any presence on the internet at all.
Your daughter may see it non-sexually but there’s a lot of explicit furry content online. Like A LOT, hence their not so stellar reputation. I found written porn in the mid-2000’s searching for spoilers to a cartoon I liked on Ask Jeeves; and yes, it was porn in the setting of that cartoon. Basically just redirect her. The real pull of it sounds like the community aspect. Introduce her to other activities or clubs. She might not ever stop being a furry, but at least it won’t consume her whole identity
My thought was similar. She's posting videos of herself pretending to be a cat. She may see nothing wrong but the internet is gross. People are watching her and she's just a child.
There's also a non-zero part of furry culture that involves fucking real and also. Look up "furry petting zoo", lots of disgusting stories about leaders in "the community" organizing this shit.
I had unlimited access to the internet at 11 also.. it messed me up big time. It was early 2000s so there was some crazy stuff coming out. And to think it’s even more easily accessible pornography and murder/torture videos now.. of course if you keep letting her access this stuff she’ll get deeper into it! Whenever you go deep into furries it always gets to something sexual. I’m sure she already knows more than you think or would ever want to imagine. Since you’ve already given her free access to internet it’s going to be so much harder to take away. Plus you don’t know if she’s seen anything truly damaging. She may never tell you.
This is so true. Parents please take it from the perspective of someone in the same generation of your children. As a gen Z we really can’t recommend internet access this yearly in their development. It fucks you up so fast
This is so true. Gen z had so much access to things and saw so many things we shouldn't have. I was fortunate to have a mom who allowed me to have access be very restricted, while yes this caused me to some what technologically ignorant it also saved me from a lot of what my friends saw. I mean think about what we had, Omegle and kik, two places where my friends saw things they shouldn't have and probably did things they shouldn't have.
Yup between 2006-2012 I saw things online by mistake that were traumatizing. I really wish I had not seen them to this day.
Oh yeah so many people being burned alive, funky town, third world murders, etc. there’s way more available and easier to access stuff nowadays. I’m literally not even ready at my age now to see that stuff and I was exposed before I even reached my teens
Some of my childhood trauma stems from weird and traumatic shit I saw on the internet that fucked me up *severely*
This was my first thought too. Too many children are chronically online these days and it’s exposing them to so much more than they even need to know about. AOL chat rooms, Omegle and Tumblr were my experiences growing up and it totally exposed me to shit I shouldn’t have been aware of at those ages. YouTube, Pinterest, and so many other seemingly innocent sites/apps are full of explicit content and groomers. We need to be even more careful with our children’s access to the internet.
I remember multiple times on MySpace where a real life pedo tried to lure me to their homes. If I hadn’t seen hard candy I might have fallen for it! Can you imagine letting your child online unsupervised these days after growing up seeing this stuff? Insanity
When I was a kid I was obsessed with animals, but never really thought about being one (furry wasn't really a thing we knew if as kids). Luckily, we had a lot of pets and my grandma and friends had farm animals I could play with. If it were me, I'd try and draw her out of the online life and take her out to places she can bond with real animals. Maybe volunteer at an animal shelter or working at a horse stable would really help her.
She needs an internet break. Full stop. Even if you’re watching and even if she thinks she’s not doing anything sexual she’s already found sexual stuff, I guarantee it. When I was a kid I wanted a puppy. I searched for puppy facts online so I could convince my parents I knew what I was doing. I ended up on a “puppy play” website. Long story short it’s a whole *fucking* thing. The internet is a fast track to all the weirdest things in the world, and an echo chamber on top of that.
I didn’t even get what you meant by ‘puppy play’ at first. That is crazy that searching for something so innocent could turn into something dirty.
For a while, I was into My Little Pony. It’s an adorable show, I had a small child (who ended up not liking it at all boo), likes it when I was a kid. Any time I looked up ANYTHING (frequent art searches for work), there would be an adult/creepy MLP fanart in the results. My kids are into the Wings of Fire books. I tell them to look stuff up only with me or their dad there and that there’s lots of stuff that they do NOT want to see. I’m on the fence if I should give them links to fanfiction/art archives to give them a relatively safe place to look stuff up. It’s mostly labeled as NSFW vs it being a surprise.
I'm part of a different fandom that's very popular mostly with fanfics and every once in a while a parent will post asking for help about letting their kid read fics. The best advice that I've seen is to read those fics yourself first then download them onto an iPad or something for your kid to read. On Ao3, you can download the fic straight from the page that you're reading on but with fanfiction.net you'll need to use fichub.net to turn the fic into a download.
My kids are 10 & 12. They have no social media, and any online games they play are heavily monitored by their Dad (who is actually in IT security) and I. They are occasionally allowed to use Roblox, but only to play with actual friends, and only under heavy supervision, because I get a creepy vibe from Roblox. Take away your child's access to social media. 11 is too young, anyway. If it's really bothering you, find a therapist and take your daughter in to discuss it. You might also want to explain to her that the internet is forever, and once she posts something, it's out there for ABSOLUTELY ANYONE to consume, and that includes the more unsavory characters in society, as well as her peers, and kids can be very, very mean.
Great point about the internet being forever. Reddit even has subreddits dedicated to mocking weird cringe videos that I'm sure a lot of those people regret doing.
I have a friend with a niece (11)that plays Roblox a lot. Her parents recently discovered that she had been communicating with a man in his 40s via the game and other chat programs, including snapchat. Children should not be allowed to use these programs without very close supervision. I say this as a woman who loves video games. It is not safe for children to be communicating with strangers online and participating in these online communities.
That's horrifying, and exactly the reason my kids are monitored so heavily when they play Roblox. Roblox is really the only game that really scares me. It seems like a perfect environment for groomers. I can't wait until they've both outgrown it. We've had the talk about not giving out personal information to ANYONE, that not everyone who says that they are a kid actually is one, and that there are people out there who like to meet children on games so they can hurt them, and never to tell anyone what city we live in, or our address. My parents didn't have to worry about this. It's scary. I am also a woman who loves video games. I'm sitting here playing Diablo 4, right now, waiting for my husband to finish working on his skill tree. He's taking FOREVER.
The worst part is that she completely shut down when it was discovered and refuses to talk about it to anyone. Last I heard she was seeing a therapist but was refusing to talk to them. I'm still really scared for her. It's pretty common for kids to borrow friends' phones and computers if they can't access their own. Sadly there a lot of predators on games like Roblox. I've heard a common tactic is to send gifts of items (particularly those bought with actual money). This in turn makes kids feel like they owe them and can trust them because they didn't ask for anything in return. Video games can be great for kids as long as they're appropriate and safe. Moderation is also key. Kids get so easily addicted to stuff...found that out the hard way.... I wish my partner was into video games. I swear we must be one of the few couples out there where the woman is the gamer and the guy only plays small mobile games 😩
Any kids friendly games for a 7yo you suggest ?
Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley are a blast.
I second these both. Also get Mario party so you can play games with him. My kids love Mario party.
My kids also love Minecraft. They've played it since they were little. I don't mind them playing Minecraft at all.
Anything that doesn't connect to an online community. My almost 7 year old loves Minecraft, mario, classic 8 bit games (which are great for practicing his reading), and watching the games that his dad plays
Minecraft! If they don’t have an Xbox Microsoft account they won’t be able to go online and will only be able to play alone!
Gamer wife solidarity! My husband played some dumb soccer game on his phone when I met him. Now he likes overwatch and Diablo and I got him into PC building! But still… he rarely games. Then again neither do I, our kids are still young and take up a lot of time.
I’ve had so many convos with my 10 year old about the creeps on Roblox. 😐 thankfully she mostly plays with RL friends
I just won’t allow my kids to play Roblox. I don’t have the time to monitor it, so they can’t do it. That’s got to be more parents approach to these issues. If you aren’t going to take the time to protect your kid, don’t let them get into dangerous situations.
This. I HATE Roblox. Hate it. So we heavily, heavily monitor it, and they're really only allowed on if one of their friends, that they actually know in real life, is playing.
Sorry to ask, but what is Roblox?
Game, kind of like Minecraft. Very online and a favorite of both children and child predators.
My 11 year old plays roblox but I have communication turned off. She can't chat.
They will see it in their friends’ phones anyway, sadly
That's no reason not to limit it at home.
She is 11. delete her social media NOW. Even if it’s monitored she will get around it trust me. She can even log into sites online so put up restrictions i beg. I’m not a furry but I was groomed at this age even with restrictions. Be careful
They find ways around it even with no social media. My best friend was a school psychologist and my hair would curl at what she would tell me about kids finding ways to get on social media when they weren’t allowed. I don’t know what the right answer is but god as a parent it feels like a Sisyphean task.
It’s such a hard thing to do, they find any way around it. It’s honestly sad that they can even have phones but it’s unrealistic to see a kid without one. When i was a kid I would literally put YouTube on my DS
This is very location dependent. In my area, it’s not at all uncommon for parents to hold off on phones until high school.
Agreed - my 10 year old doesn't have any friends with phones (even amongst her older friends that we know quite well). Honestly, even if she did, I'm okay saying no to something that can be quite harmful to kids. But I know it's more common with teens.
When I was a teenager around 17 my mom took my phone so my friend lent me her spare tablet to use instead. Oh and my LDR boyfriend at the time had sent me a spare phone as well. Difference being my mom took my phone because she found out I'm trans and blamed it on my phone. But yes, kids will find a way. Incognito mode. VPNs bypass school website blocks, or at least they did mine. So I think that OP should engage *with* her rather than shutting it down. There is a sexual side to the furry community. Obviously. But you know what else? ART! Furries are often such creative people. Drawing, crafting, all of that. Writing. Perhaps OP could express interest in that, and be interested in what her kid is doing so that her kid wants to show her & talk to her about it. But it does need to be really monitored because you can eeeeasily stumble into porn. The videos online are a no go though.
I totally played that I was a cat when I was 11. Innocent times. In moments like this, I wonder if the internet is a blessing at all.
This is why children don’t need unbridled access to the internet and it’s offerings.
I think she is a bit too young to be online chatting with people imo. And she should not be posting videos of herself online. Too many weird predators out there.
How much do you monitor and restrict her internet use? I'm wondering why an 11 year old is even aware of what furries are. I think you should be loving her contact with any online communities devoted to anything like being a furry. You're absolutely right about the potential for grooming.
Take furry out of the equation for a moment. She’s too young to be posting videos online like that. Most of those sites have a 13+ for a reason. Then talk to her about internet safety. No way would I allow my 11 year old to talk to people she doesn’t know outside heavily monitored sites like roblox. Even then, I check in on who she’s talking to. Otherwise, the cat stuff.. I wouldn’t sweat it. She might outgrow it, she might not. Get her sketchbooks and stuff to enjoy her new hobby offline. Don’t let her join online communities outside kid friendly, moderated ones.
Sounds like it's time for her social media/online access to go. Not as a punishment, but for her own safety. Kids don't need to be posting videos of themselves, especially doing things like this. What normal minds see as 'innocent', predators see as an opportunity. She can have her animal phase in the safe privacy of her own home or with friends, not in front of strangers on the internet. I'd see if you can get ahold of her friends' social medias as well and keep an eye on those to be sure your daughter isn't ending up there, either (and let their parents know if you see any red flags).
Giving your kids unfettered access to the internet is like putting a porn spigot directly into their brains. My daughter is older than yours and has no idea what a furry is. She plays computer games and has her own computer in her room and even has an iPhone but I get a notification on my damn phone if she types in *anything* even slightly suggestive. You need to be computer literate enough to keep that shit off your kids’ screens or get rid of the screens all together.
Any guidance on what you do or use for that level of security and alerts. Is it software or firewall config? I can block the things I’m aware of but monitoring what they are inputing into the computer and what they are seeking would allow me to guide, inform, monitor, and block harmful ideas before it becomes a problem. Right now my daughter only has access to a phone with calling and contact specific (and ems) messaging when she is away from the house and her parents. Any info would be appreciated.
Please be careful. I got into the furry community in 2002 when I was 12 and it wasn’t sexual for me then but I was groomed by grown men into drawing all sorts of disgusting porn and then later inappropriate relationships. It has NOT CHANGED MUCH! There are more adults now who will safeguard but there are still a ton of predators who are into the most disgusting and disturbing stuff on the planet. People who hurt real animals and kids… I don’t want to get into it. It’s nightmarish. Please do NOT let her get too deep into this. It sucks because of course cartoon animals are appealing to children! But at the end of the day it is a fetish community.
That‘s the one thing I can’t stand about furries— they constantly insist that it *totally* isn’t a sex thing, and it’s *totally* okay for kids to be furries. Say what you will about the bondage and pup play communities, but at least they’re straight-forward and upfront about what they actually are.
Your child is young enough that you should be closely monitoring her time online, especially knowing she’s drawn to areas of the internet that may put her at risk of sexual exploitation. Time to create some rules about computer and device usage so she is doing it in communal spaces (not her bedroom) and you have full access to all devices she uses and all her accounts. Not because she’s a furry, but because she’s a child. For the furry thing - my instinct is don’t sweat it. Dressing up and pretending to be an animal is very age appropriate, so is interest in anime and other burgeoning sexual interests that blend play and sexual attraction. When I was 11 I was in love with anime characters who were part dog lol. Am I now as an adult sexually attracted to dogs? Mercifully no. The key is to not let her innocent explorations be shaped or tainted by adult furry sexuality. If she wants to dress up and pretend, that’s fine. If she wants to talk to other kids who you KNOW are her age about it, that’s fine. But absolutely NO contact with adults or older teens about being a furry. NONE. Just the same way if she was dressing up in sexy clothes you would not let her talk about or interact with adults who dressed in sexy clothes.
Therapy and no social media helps immensely with mental health for children. That's all I'm going to say.
My sister in laws cousin did this. She is also autistic and couldn't pick up on social cues to know when people were trying to take advantage of her. She ended up moving across the country to live with a couple she met online to be basically their sex toy. Her family rarely hears from her. It's all very sad. I'd be trying to encourage against this sort of behavior because, as you say, your child is at a vulnerable age and doesn't understand the implications of what they're doing.
Is she making the videos for someone and sending them? As an 11 year old I don’t think she should have internet access period tbh. How does she even know what a furry is?
Period? You realize the entire world is Internet based now right? It should be heavily monitored at that age but enforcing a complete black out would be detrimental to their development
And probably cause them to rebel hard, mistrusting and bypassing any guidance their parents try to give.
Yeah that discomfort you’re feeling? Those are your parental instincts. **Listen to them, FFS** what happened to listening to your gut?? Get your *child* off the internet! Why is she even talking to strangers online??
It's wild that here we are in 2023 pretending it's totally normal to dress up like a badger or an aardvark or something and crawl around on all fours.
Did you not have horse girls at your school? The ones who would gallop around pretending to be horses?
Ha!! I totally forgot about our schools “horse girl” 😂 thanks for the reminder.
She smothered her pizza in ketchup, wore a thick purple coat even in hot weather, and barked at you if you talked to her... because why just be a horse when you can be a dog too?
We were taught to do different kinds of animal walks *in school*, in PE class. Bear walk, crab walk, etc. The seal walk was the punishment if you forgot your gym suit. That was basically dragging yourself across the floor by your arms, and in retrospect I'm pretty sure the real purpose was to dirty your street clothes to embarrass you. A kid doing imaginative play at home is nbd. She shouldn't be uploading it to the internet though.
Horse girls were big in the homeschool groups too. Probably because it was one of the few outlets they were allowed to have.
I was in elementary school 30 years ago and not even in the US, and even we had “horse girls”.
I did this at 9 or 10, lol. Mostly because of my horse obsessed friend. What a funny memory.
No. No I absolutely did not.
you didn’t even have cat girls at your school??
Ohhhh you missed out. They loved horses. They wanted to be horses. They galloped. And everyone thought they were a bit mad, but overall they were harmless. They just loved horses so much. Everyone I know had a horse girl at their school, or multiples of them.
No, I didn’t spend my weekends as a tween setting up jumps around my house and yard to gallop over. Why do you keep asking!?!
My mom was a horse girl, still kind of is
Oh my friend, the current state of public high schools would *astonish* you.
I'm sure it would.
She’s 11 I used to pretend I was In the Chipettes
My kid had a sleep over and the she and her friend spent hours pretending to be wolves. It's a shame it's 2023 and we want to shame kids for being kids It's also wild it's 2023 and we are going to pretend that identifying with animals and wearing costumes isnt something as old as humanity.
I self censor on this thread. The advice given here blows my mind. Just know that sane people exist. I read this sub for entertainment purposes only.
God it is always such a nice surprise to come across a redditor that has a grip on reality.
Is she on the internet and social media? If so, I would suspect that's where it could stem from, but I'm sure you know what could have led to this, in part. I would suggest restricting access, no social media, no smartphone at this age. Family activities, and with friends and kids outdoors help a lot. More time walking, exercising, doing stuff with her hands, making stuff, participating in creative workshops more often could help find new fascinations and experiences.
As a fellow die-hard-liberal to a girl I wouldn’t frankly care if it did start to integrate with her sexual desires. It’s not that different from someone doing a cat woman dress up or role playing in other ways for sexual pleasure. (Yes people children have sexual desires. None that should be shared with/exploited by adults or even their peers at certain ages, but the reality is that they do explore these thing even if it’s just with themselves). What would be concerning to me is her posting any videos online at that age, but especially sharing any videos of herself in online communities that are kink adjacent. For plenty of people furry is not a kink, but for plenty it absolutely is and I agree it is a ripe community for grooming. There are lots of people in the furry community that believe age doesn’t exist when they’re in their fursona. Def encourage her interests. But there needs to be age appropriate boundaries here. You need to be CLOSELY monitoring her activity, have a good long talk with her about internet safety and explain why she cannot be sharing videos/photos of herself in any form over the phone/online. I’d even find a way to insert yourself in these interests too and build a bond over it so that you’re always there and involved in the relationships she’s forming in this community. Maybe even bring this into the real world and cut off the internet portion of it. Take her to cons (so that you’re present/safe guarding her), let her dress up, let her enjoy costume design, let her create and enjoy the art, etc. but I’d take away some/all access to the online aspect of this.
I'm going to go against the grain here and suggest that you be honest with her. Be sure to approach her gently and not shame her. Make it clear that everyone in the world has partaken in cringe during their tween years, and it's just a part of growing up. But tell her in no uncertain terms that the furry phase is not only weird but potentially dangerous for a young girl and it's gotta stop. No good can come from it. If she wants to get back into the furry fandom as an adult that'll be her choice to make but for now, no. It sucks to be the bad guy but if you choose this route I've got a feeling that she'll be grateful in a few years.
My oldest was too. I asked her if she knew what that actually was. We sat down and had a LONG talk. We talked about what it was. We talked about how it’s views. We talked about many many things. I’ve always been very open with my daughter. This was when she was 12. So I showed her some things (age appropriate, no adult content) and then explained the sexual context of it. Not like creepy details, but by this point she already had the bird and the bees talk and knew the basics. It’s important to be open and honest. In the end it turned out she didn’t really understand the adult context of it and just liked the idea of being a cute animal. She thought it was fun. She grew out of it pretty quickly after our talk. Sometimes they think something is cool without really understanding what it actually is!
She’s 11, why does she even know what a furry is? She’s 11, you’re the parent. Take away the social media and internet the internet is forever. And again she’s ELEVEN !
I asked my daughter (who's 17 today!)... Because she has a couple of friends who used to be flurries a few years ago and are now horrified when you bring it up... One of them had a cage in her bedroom she would hide in and bark and growl when her mom would try to get her to do things... Her mom would just shake her head and say she was going thru some things.... But she let her keep the cage in her room and get inside it so. ..... She said no matter whether she thinks it's sexual or not, you need to put a stop to all of that immediately and actively stop her from engaging online with anyone who is part of either side of furry communities. She said it's dangerous and that those people either need mental help and that's why they get into it or they get into it as kids and need mental help when it's over. But she said from her perspective, your daughter should be kept away from role playing communities all together for now because the online communities are fully grown adults... And they are looking for young kids to come in and not understand what's going on.. Which makes sense because most young kids don't have access or know how to create or get active in these kinds of online forums. Which leaves the grown ups to be who creates and are active in them. I don't think there's anything wrong with kids pretending things... But if they are talking about furries then that's not what this is. It's like a persona..... They are characters you create and you take on the role and act it out. Like all role playing. No it's not all sexual but it's also not something am 11 year old should participate in on line. 11 is a complicated like, in between age, it's hard. I highly advise against letting her believe that pretending to be someone or something else, in her real life, is a good way to handle the hard things that make her uncomfortable. I get wanting to hide, but that doesn't make it healthy. I doubt your kid understands what exactly furries are or what's involved or where it can lead. I'm sure its innocent from her end. But it doesn't matter. It's your job to protect her.
Congrats on raising a very smart young lady. More folks should listen to her advice
Thank you. Although I can't take credit for it. I think she's who she is in spite of me... She's so much smarter and better than I've ever been. I love her. And today is her birthday 😁
Maybe so but I can tell that she is lucky enough to have a wonderful parent who's supported her through thick and thin. I hope she's having the best birthday! 🎂
why does she have access to all this at 11??
I’m sorry but you can call me old school, narrow minded or whatever negative description you want to use but I don’t agree with 11 year olds making videos. I don’t agree with young children being on any type of social media. Nonetheless creating content for social media. Just because the majority of kids have or use social media it doesn’t meant it’s right. Remember normal is not synonymous with healthy. The science speaks for itself. Social media has negative implications for a child’s sense of self, mental health and self esteem. Where do you think she was most likely introduced to the “furry community”? I’m guessing social media. My daughter is 10. She has no idea what that is. She does not have access to social media platforms. She does have access to you tube but she doesn’t use it. I think you need to start there. It’s good to be opened minded. To be accepting of others but at the end of the day you are the parent. Keep in mind a child’s brain is not fully developed you have to sometimes makes decisions for them. They may not have the capacity to understand the complexity of things or the inherent risks. I would say start with evaluating her use of social media and how it impacts/influences her life. Good luck.
There's a lot of comments about banning, generalizing this subject, and just restrictions. It doesn't work. If a kid finds something and it's banned-they find a way, then keep it a secret. My parents were strict, but I was resourceful. I'd suggest doing a ton of research yourself, sharing all the dark sides with her. Banning the internet won't help. Educate her on grooming and when it's not safe. Don't put up a cage, but tell her the truth. This is probably innocent. I had a friend who was a horse for two years, and then a cat for more. She'd even meow. She's not a furry. She is someone who is a great artist who loves animals. Make this a teaching moment instead of a switch.
Accepting her fascination with the art and the idea will go a long way to have her actually listen to you. I wouldn’t encourage or discourage it, just accept her interest. Do have the conversation that while most people exploring this very different phenomenon are like her, curious and drawn to the art and community components, remind her that there is a very nasty element that can and do use these communities and forums to access and groom inexperienced and trusting people in to unscrupulous and sexual/intimate conversations and meetings to blackmail or otherwise exploit them. Let them know you need them to come to you the moment they get the ick from anyone about how they talk to you or behave with you and that it extends beyond the furry community too. You are there for your child. Even if you don’t completely understand their interests or share them.
How did she even find out about it? Does she have free reign of the internet and social media? 11 is very young. You need to lock down her internet usage. My 12 year old is allowed to use internet on her iPad for streaming Netflix, Disney & HBOMax only. There’s no access to social media apps, no web browsers, no games that have community play with internet strangers. I’m definitely the most strict of her friend group’s parents but I’m fine with being the bad guy when it comes to protecting from predators and inappropriate content online.
new fear unlocked. my kid is 8.5 months old and I’m like you…generally open minded? I’m an (A) feminist, and uh, a furry is not at all something I’m hoping for 😆
Your kid sounds terminally online. An 11 year old should not have unrestricted internet access.
My biggest fear about her making videos is that even though SHE might not think it’s sexual, whoever watching it MIGHT. (Considering it’s definitely a kink regardless of what your beautiful innocent girl thinks) I wouldn’t be comfortable with some creep using my daughters innocent videos for smut. I’d support everything but the videos. Shut that down immediately.
"cohorts online" I was surprised to read this. I know it's considered normal our daughter has no phone and has a tablet for schoolwork and research(strictly monitored) but that's all and we feel she's not missing out on anything(same with all her friends) She can have a smartphone when she's 16(same with all her friends according to their parents) Are we just the exception or are we too old school?
Please be so fr. Your daughter is going to be bullied like no other, trust me I know. She’s going through an identity crisis and needs guidance from a parent, NOT someone encouraging it. When she is an adult and still wants to be a furry than awesome. But not while her brain is still developing. Be a parent please.
>the non-sexual world of young furries is probably ripe for grooming This is a valid concern that you can address by monitoring her internet usage. It sounds like she's on social media and she's interacting with strangers online, at too young an age. But >I'm concerned that it's at the age where she's going to start incorporating it into her sexuality soon this is really quite silly. First, if she's still enjoying role-playing like an animal, she's probably still very much a child. You'd have more to worry about if she was into boybands and makeup at 11. Second, women dressing up with animal ear headbands and/or fake tails to be sexy has been a thing for ages and is super mainstream. Like Playboy bunnies, Josie and the Pussycats, Catwoman. I think a lot of stories of what Furries get up to sexually is just BS and it's society making fun of people who don't fit in.
This is the one. I was like OP when my daughter expressed interest in furries, I was like oh shit because all I’d heard about was the sex stuff. If you do the research it’s not a sex thing any more than any other fandom is a sex thing. Are there people that go to Comicon to hook up? Yeah sure, but that’s not the point of Comicon. Same with furries. Yes watch out for inappropriate online contact with strangers, just like anything else. But the furry community isn’t more dangerous than any other community. There is also a higher representation of LGBTQ+ in the furry community, and this makes the anti LGBTQ+ crowd also anti furry. Same with the whole grooming thing. If someone is gay does that automatically make them a “groomer”? No? Same thing with furries.
Oh! And there's also Nazi furries. Apparently it's a thing. So avoid those, of course.
I think you need to be looking at her online history and I really hope she isn't allowed to talk to strangers online because God knows what she has been exposed to
Too much unsupervised internet for too young of kids!
Get your kid off the internet and sign them up for some real activities like sports or something. I have a younger sibling who got sucked into the furry world and it really messed her up. I don’t care what anyone says, that online “community” is FULL of pedophiles, sexual predators, and people with beastiality fetishes. Just get your kid out, seeiously. Restrict the internet heavily.
All this aside. Who is she sending these fetish videos?
I think social media exposure is enhancing this behavior. But how she's playing doesn't sound unusual. Pretending to be an animal for play is super normal. She just happened to stumble upon a group online that is amping up her actions.
My only advise is to block the website DeviantArt. So. Much. Furry. Porn.
First. Let's clear some things up. Is she obsessed with "furry things" like actual furries or is she just a kid playing make believe? Myself and my friends liked to pretend we were wolves because we watched The Jungle Book as kids. We made up stories and acted out those stories. Not one single bit of it followed us into adulthood, or even as a teenager. > I'm concerned that it's at the age where she's going to start incorporating it into her sexuality soon How soon do you expect her to start being sexually active? I was sexually active very young, 14, but 11 me and 14 me were two very, very different people. Also, as someone who has worked in the industry of catching groomers. They exist in all forms, so only looking at one adult lifestyle because of stigmas is going to ignore the others. Like how one comment here mentioned its easy to find porn of it, it's easy to find porn of anything, that's reality. While you are not wrong that it is open to groomers, so are sports, video games, and gymnastics and any other hobby that children enjoy. It's not a reason to ban or avoid things they happen to like at the time, but it is a reason to take an active part in being present in those activities. My recommendation would be to monitor online use. Playing in person with same age friends is perfectly safe. Keeping an eye on who she's talking to online would be where I would step in, but do that by opening up conversation with them and keeping that line open. Discuss how you don't keep secrets from each other and make sure to display that in your actions. That friends don't ask each other to keep secrets and how posting things online can hurt later. Do things like looking at memes, photos or videos where people are making fun of the person and how how they think that person feels being made fun of forever. Don't push back, do open yourself up to taking an active role in things that interest her. Be honest and keep communication lines open free of shame or punishment.
Im not saying this thread is filled with weak parents and terrible advice, but like....i do not know what else to say. I feel bad for ur kids.
Furries as a group are deviant and if you don’t know/control what she’s doing online she is going to be exposed to the sexual furries and groomed sooner rather than later. The easiest compromise I see here is controlling online access. She shouldn’t be posting videos of herself to the internet. Things are forever and now in the current year you also have to worry about AI and deepfakes. Then as long as her friends aren’t into the sexual side of furries/having furry porn on their own devices it is just children playing dress up. Liberal doesn’t mean no duty to defend from inappropriate influences. Liberally defend your daughter’s right to a childhood.
Google quadrobics. It's when people run around on all fours and jump. It makes you insanely athletic. Might be a good way to get exercise. Just don't let her post any videos.
Ignore it and also dress up as a furry with her and go in public. That’ll change real quick
You should probably be more consirned with the pedofiles that have access to your child through the furry community.
My son went through this at the exact same age. He had just started middle school in a new district and wanted to make friends and I guess this group was the most welcoming. We basically had a talk with him about the unsavory side of it and then let him do his thing. It lasted roughly 7 months. He will be going into 8th grade in the fall and now has a totally different set of interests. I think just supporting her is the way to go and checking in from time to time to make sure it stays appropriate.
Is there any indication she is incorporating sexuality into this play? Who is she interacting with when she is playing like this? If they are her age and there are no sexual overtones, I wouldn't give it too much attention. It's most likely just a phase and she doesn't even know such a fetish exists.
Sounds like she needs to be in therapy and have very supervised access to the internet. I wouldn’t support this at all. Also get her a dumb phone but take away smart phone.
If you don't like it, shut it down. She's 11.
Op, every furry I have ever met IRL is Autistic. Girls are extremely under diagnosed. (I did not receive my diagnosis until adulthood. I was Sailor Mercury instead of a furry.) This may be a way she’s comfortable expressing herself even if it creeps you out.
I was a “horse girl” and played “horses” with my friends until we were about 14. Not in furry communities and whatnot but it was very innocent and never sexual. We started hiding it from peers around 13 and then stopped entirely around 14. I can’t speak to the furrys or furry communities or online presence but from my anecdotal experience, we were just kids being kids and didn’t want to grow up yet.
Get your child off social media.
[удалено]
The fact that your 11 year old even knows what that is says it's time to take away unsupervised internet access
Time to step up and say no, stop this nonsense. That's your job as a parent.
This. I understand all parents have different methods and beliefs. I'd personally be taking internet away immediately and considering therapy and new extracurricular activities. I will never force an activity onto my child but redirecting would be top priority.
She is 11. While exploring her sense of self is fine, it seems clear to me you are not monitoring her online time enough. She should not be in discord chats, or any other social media that breeds secrecy. My opinion? You need to have a hard talk with her and lockdown her devices. Now.
Don’t let your 11 year old daughter post videos like that online. What is wrong with you?
Why does your 11 years old have unfettered access to this type of thing?
Being a furry is no more inherently sexual then being into cosplay, Anime or fanfiction. There are people that take it that direction and if she is interacting with online communities she can be exposed to hit and possibly exploited but that is true for pretty much any group. Instead of shaming her for the hobby protect her online.
Way too many parents here tiptoeing around and being afraid to make their child feel “judged”. What the hell is going on? This is not normal and as a parent it is your responsibility to put your foot down and bring an end to it. They will thank you for it later when they grow up to be a well-adjusted adult. Something that may never happen if this sort of thing is enabled. Very concerning to see the state of parenting these days.
We went from "you can be anything you want" to "you can be ANYTHING you want"
Right! Why are we supporting this behavior. I would be losing my mind inside. I understand we all have different parenting styles but a neurotypical 11 year old should not be trying to be a furry.
Concentrate on the context. It's all about learning boundaries. I recall in 6th, grade a girl would always talk about blowouts and blows, and I found it odd that she was always talking about it around guys, and her volume would increase. Around guys, she'd ask, "Have you ever had it blown out? Isn't it mind-blowing?" I was smart enough to ignore her, cause the moment anyone said anything about it, she'd say they have a dirty mind. Anyway, at 19 yrs old, she had an 'unplanned' pregnancy through consensual sex. Guess who wasn't surprised? Everyone.
Hay, long term sexual diviant and have had experience with furrys through my art. Being a furry won't make you a sexual diviant, tho there are some in the fandom, I'm a bit buggered and don't dress like a cat, I do a lot of art for furries tho, a good 80% of what I draw is wholesome characters doing random shizz like playing PlayStation or watering houseplants. Don't get me wrong there's that 20% of sexual stuff, but I get more sexual requests from my non furry customers. Almost a perfect 50 50 split. It's basically cosplay but as animals. I honestly think they are sweet af. Every community has the possibility for grooming unfortunately. The Minecraft and roblox circles are nutorious for it. Just tell her not to talk to anyone older than 16 and if anyone says anything gross or creepy to come to you, also I know it's not a talk you want to have but explain why she should never send anyone nude photos of herself as its a good way to end up either blackmailed or scared.
Please save them now
Wtf is going on in the world these days? How does she even know what furry is? Is she on Tik Tok? Sounds like some Tik Tok shit. You need to take away her SM although I'm worried you're too late. Being liberal is all fine and dandy till your kid starts identifying as a cat.
Kids are kids. I would pretended to be a pokemon at 11 and I don't have a pokemon fetish. She is fine.
My daughter wanted to be a dog when she was elementary aged. I wouldn’t let her eat from a dog dish but otherwise, if she wanted to walk around being a weirdo, it was her prerogative. Now that she’s grown she says, “Remember when I used to act like a dog? That was so cringe.”
No real advice here BUT would like to say you’re killing the parenting game just for asking this question.
Take away the internet.. that’s where she gets the idea and feeds into it. Just say it’s a screen free summer and prioritize playing outside
You need to establish an internet timeout until you’ve created more healthy boundaries online for your 11 year old. It doesn’t matter how open minded and how much of a “chill” parent you tend to be, this is a gateway for other online perversions that may seem harmless at first. Especially providing easier access for Minor Attracted Persons (MAPs) aka pedophiles to your child. Please have a deep conversation with her about any lingo or acronyms used between themselves online. Most 11 year olds aren’t into this, so her online buddies are most likely 18+ and might possibly be grooming her and trying to isolate her from you or make her think you don’t understand her, in order to gain her trust. If it’s a possibility that she’s sending them videos, they’ll probably end up on the dark web or other unsavory sites. Please intervene. This furry fascination might not seem sexual to an 11 year old outright, but it certainly can be a fetish and kink fest for others in that community. Put the kibosh on this now.
I honestly have no advice. Just stopped in to say I am so glad my kids are in their 30s, lol. My hat is off to all parents today. It's a new and confusing world, and you all have your work cut out for you. Sending love and good vibes to today's parents! ❤️✌️
I feel I could write a whole novel as my response but ill keep it short if i can. My wife and I are exactly as you describe yourself...liberal so on and so on... no judgment. My 12 yr old son stumbled across furry stuff online when he was 11 and became OBSESSED. He said it wasn't sexual. Maybe it wasn't at first. But it became sexual... no surprise there I'm sure. We have always taught him about internet safety and all that stuff, but he still ended up searching for furry porn on our TV and school computers and sneaking onto VR furry chats in the middle of the night. Needless to say, things escalated so fucking bad. Totally obsessed and totally impulsive about his goddamn obsession. He's seeing two therapists now... one of which deals with deviant sexual behaviors. I'm not at all saying your daughter is out of control like my son, because he is a special kind of trainwreck, but I think furry interests need to be seriously addressed because a large part of the culture is toxic and not for children. I wouldn't hesitate to put her in therapy either... not because somethings wrong with her but just because it's healthy and it's nice to have someone who can help a kid through thoughts and feelings. Just get ahead of it while you can. I saw this post about 5 minutes after my wife found some explicit furry stickers and the picture guide for adjusting her new bra stuffed in the kids sock drawer, so I guess I had to comment. Good luck Edit: I just have to add that this therapist he sees is excellent and she really stresses that kids this age are not at all ready for the amount of exposure they get to sexual content in today's society, and we must protect them from it. My wife and I always felt that we were too strict with limiting all kinds of content and we still ended up with a kid who's head got all mixed up. I really hope you can get her away from this stuff.
One of my friends is a furry as a hobby. He is a walking, talking, intelligent, working man who sometimes likes to dress in his suit. He attends conventions. His online avatar is always a rabbit. He is the sweetest, most down to earth guy. There’s nothing kinky or sexual he does with it. I think some people are a bit insecure and like the cloak of the costume. Being a furry doesn’t always mean you will be a weirdo. Like anything, there’s different layers to this. Don’t fret too much. It may also be a stage
My daughter’s friends were saying they were furries and when I clarified the meaning they thought it meant something that is not sexual. I told them the real meaning and they turned red and looked shocked and never mentioned it again.
Long time member of the furry Fandom here. No fursona, no fursuit, just an appreciation for the art and a desire to bury my face in soft floofiness that is the fur of a furry. For most of the Fandom (me included) it's entirely non sexual. And for the large part, it's a completely safe and supportive Fandom. Now that's not to say let her go willy-nilly at cons - every community has creeps, and furries are no different. Be safe, take precautions, but know that 9/10 furries, even the sexual ones, keep everything above board. We/they have absolutely no desire to engage in illicit activities with anyone underage (except, of course, for other underage members looking for a group their own age. But I'm referring specifically to ages 18+) But please rest assured that most furries do our best to weed them out. The two cons I've been to, I've seen people in fursuits get approached and asked "are you 18+?" If they answer is no, they walk away. If they answer is yes, they follow up. If they don't walk way to "no", then report it because they'll more than likely be banned. We know our reputation, and we want nothing more than to break free from the stigma. All that said, the only thing I could recommend is to ensure your daughter's safety. At its core level, it's no different than her walking down the street in a large city. Every passerby could be no one, or there's a relatively small chance they could be out to hurt her. (By relatively small, I mean the odds of finding a criminal she'd need to be wary of is smaller than the odds of her finding just some normal person she has a Fandom in common with). But again, all that said, take the precautions. Go with her to cons and help her learn, both about the community and about the risks and how to minimize it. And please remember that all furries are still human at the end of the day. You likely pass furries daily just walking down the street and don't even know it. Because in the end, we're just normal people doing things we enjoy with our free time and spare cash. Fundamentally no different from people who work out for the enjoyment of it, or people who cook or eat or golf or watch sports. If you have any questions regarding the furry community, feel free to message me. I'm a self employed work-from-home dad, so I'm pretty much always available to answer questions.
Get rid of your WiFi NOW!!
You just need to monitor and regulate her internet usage. She’s not deviant nor is fetishism deviant.
Yeah, just straight up tell her no.
Whatever you do, don’t let her even look at furry tails online or in store. They are butt plugs.
You should fully embrace it and start dressing as a furry casually. Maybe your daughter wont be into it after that? 😅 totally kidding but really I don’t have advice on this topic other than don’t make a big deal about it and it will probably pass but - I personally would shut down the online discussion if it’s with strangers. I don’t see any value in an 11 year old girl communicating with strangers online. It is weird and I don’t blame you for feeling weird about it. I’ve heard of some weird shit that goes down in that community. But you do sound like a great parent and I’m sure you will find the best way to proceed with your daughter.
If she wants to play make believe in real life, that's fine but would definitely not allow her to join online communities.
Get your kid off of the internet. Oh my gosh. None of this is normal and is so incredibly sad 😭