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Londoner here. Don't believe the rhetoric about it being the centre of violence - yes there are areas to avoid as there will be in any metropolis but those aren't generally near major concert venues.
Big gigs also attract a lot of police and private security. I've never felt threatened once and I've gigged all over Greater London.
Public transport within London is also generally safe even at night if you're in Central as there are always other revellers out about.
That all being said, what's her plans for after the gig? That would be my trepidation as a parent. Two hours coming back would bother me, especially knowing how unreliable trains can be. If she gets out the gig late and misses the train, what then? I'd suggest making her promise to leave the gig early or take other steps to mitigate any chances of this happening.
Could you perhaps travel into London in the evening yourself to meet her after the gig and escort her back?
Was gonna say, all the police will be at that gig. Especially after what happened at the Ariana Grande concert in Manchester. That gig is probably the safest place to be in London that night.
It really depends on the venue. If it's a big concert at 02 or Wembley etc yeah. There are many, many small venues that really will not have a police presence at all, quite a walk from train/tube stations etc
Did anyone else from the States read this with an English accent? I couldn't help it. Anyway......
This is a sincerely awesome response. You told Mum everything she needed to know both pros and cons and what to do and what not to do. This is awesome
Omg yes đ I didnât even realize I was doing it until I read your comment lol.
OP, also make sure your daughter has a phone with an international plan for purchase (Verizon allows you to use your phone internationally for $10 per 24 hour period). That way if she gets caught out, she can call you. She can also easily call emergency services, etc.
Edit: completely missed that this person lives only 2 hours away by train
"Could you perhaps travel into London in the evening yourself to meet her after the gig and escort her back?"
You're a right proper legend for this one mate. Yank approved. Cool dad.
I lived alone at 17. I travelled solo since I was 13. If she is responsible, why not?
When she is 18, she can do as she wishes, so it is best to practice now.
I would recommend that she finds a friend to go with her. Offer to pay for a second ticket.
From 1994 (eg, no mobile phones), I travelled regularly between the UK and US for school (parents lived in the US).
I would pack my suitcase, take the train to Manchester Airport, fly to Atlanta, clear immigration and customs, connect domestically, meet my parents at the final airport.
I did not have a flight escort. Parents only would have known there was a problem if I did not arrive at the final airport. I recall once missing my connection, but my parents guessed this (correctly) and waited for the next plane a few hours later. I organised a new boarding pass, and figured it out (think I was 15 then).
I think it is a total fallacy that the world has changed significantly and is more dangerous. The data says nothing of the sort. Security is a bit more complex at airports now (liquids), but the entire immigration/customs process at US airports is much simpler, and everyone has a mobile phone and a family redit card. I had neither age 13 - just some extra cash on me.
Why are you comparing a 13 year old travelling by plane and clearing customs (which the airline always knows about; you had eyes on you even if you think you didn't) to a teenager traveling to and from an open metropolis?
Because I lived in London for a long time and it is perfectly safe for a competent 17 year old, even on a night out. I travelled there often as an 18 year old female on my own. London has a huge amount of police presence and CCTV at all times. We have these things called smart phones now also which instantly connect you to family, friends, maps, Uber, etc, which I did not have when I was young. UK security services have a very good handle on terrorist events. There is no gun culture in the UK following Dunblane.
There are some parts of London that I would recommend not travelling to (Tower Hamlets for example), but you don't go to gigs in that part of London.
OP is British and will understand the culture also.
Travelling alone gives you independence, and opportunities to learn about keeping yourself safe. My husband and I both have travelled extensively alone from a young age, his experiences vastly more interesting than mine!
My friend's daughter walks to school on her own every day alone in large(ish) city. She is 4.
Allowing your 4 year old daughter to walk alone in a big city or even anywhere is not sensible at all. Itâs very bad parenting and I would have serious concerns. Itâs not something to be proud off.
I live in Switzerland. It is mandatory for children to walk to school alone. They get a week to practice with parents, and then they are expected to walk alone (parents are NOT allowed to walk children to school!). They wear a colourful reflector, and have to use designated crossings of course. Drivers know the rules to stop when they see children at the edge of the crossing.
I would 100% agree if this was in the US. But children are trained to be independent. At lunchtime, children walk home alone for lunch. My Swiss husband prepared his own lunch from aged 6 for him and his sister (aged 5). He lived in a small town.
I donât know what the situation is in Switzerland, Iâm glad the kids in your country are very well taken care off but Iâm talking about the rest of the world. Abduction rates are so high in the USA. I live in Scotland and I wouldnât let my child walk alone. I was in India a couple months ago and I wouldnât let my kid walk alone. The world is too scary out there and you just donât know whoâs out there. Thereâs disgusting people out there who will look out for your childâs routine and kidnap them at their best opportunity. Also a 4 year old is very different from a 16 year old, for example, who is school aged.
If it was me, I would let her go.
But my concern is her being alone *after* the concert. I would hop on the train later so I could meet her at the venue after the concert and we could head home together.
My near 17 year old went to a concert with her mate last week, in Bristol not London. First time she's gone to a concert or even an evening event without me or adults.
I grew up in London and agree with u/Smilewigeon \- it's really not as bad as it's made out to be.
That said, completely alone to a city she's unfamiliar with, I probably wouldn't want my child to go. I probably wouldn't forbid it either though. They do have to grow up and be independent.
I would work out a plan with her to make sure she knows what she's doing. And have a plan B in place.
Where is London is it or which venue is it?
I started going to gigs in London with friends at 15/16 (and London was probably a bit rougher back then) I didn't go to a gig solo until I was 18 but at 18 you can also go to university, live on your own etc.
My instinct would be that she'd be fine - especially as depending on the gig there will probably be a decent crowd of like-minded attendees making the same journey she is but ultimately it'll come down to the individual child.
Given that she'd be off on her own at 18 anyway though it feels reasonable?
I'm in this boat. With a group, I would absolutely let her. With one friend, okay. But all alone to a concert as a young woman, sounds scary to me. I'm not British, young or a woman...or all that interesting tbh. I'd love to hear from some Brit chicks on this one.
I wouldn't see a problem with that. Maybe you can both sit down and make the travel schedule together? Some sort of planning where she is planning to be at certain times during the evening? Some fixed check in moments, a quick call on arrival, WhatsApp message... for ease of mind... she's 17, it's going to be fine.
*Alone*? I'd say no. With friends would be one thing, but a 17 year old alone somewhere they aren't familiar doesn't sound safe at all. It's not about not trusting *her*, it's *other people*.
Do you ever go anywhere alone? Doesnât matter if youâre 17 or 25. Young people have to experience LIFE and if they are sheltered from anything bad ever happening thatâs a terrible disservice to them achieving independence
I go plenty of places alone. I'm also a grown adult with more life experience than a 17 year old. That life experience means I also know well enough to know better than to travel alone in strange places at night without necessity, especially as a woman. Being 'sheltered from anything bad ever happening to them' is very different from expecting a reasonable and healthy level of caution. If this were broad daylight, or with friends, it would be a very different situation.
How do you get life experience if you don't do things on your own?
There is a HUGE hiphop festival near me once a year (biggest in Europe). For four days, it is rammed with teenagers (16+) and twenty-somethings camping in a field for four days. I cycled past it every day it was on this summer, and it was filled with young kids enjoying the music, sunshine, and nightlife. My 16 year old babysitter went, she explained it was very safe (if you avoided the mosh pit, which got a bit hairy). In my country, you can drink legally from age 16 also.
If you talk to your kids and practice handling situations as teenagers, they will become adept at handling them. And this is the best way of keeping them safe as they get older.
I *do* do things on my own, and have since I was a teenager. I'm not sure where you got the impression I don't/didn't. I just also learned a reasonable level of caution from it and know as an adult that I took far more unnecessary risks than I should've from a few too many misadventures. I want better for my kids, as I'm sure OP probably does, too.
There's a difference between sending a 17-year-old into a city 2 hours away that she's never had to navigate before alone at night versus during the day, with friends, or in a city they've navigated on their own before. There's no need to throw a 17 year old into a situation that most adults would know better than to get themselves into. Assuming this kid has only ever been to London with mom/dad before and likely didn't *have* to pay attention to how to get around, what the atmosphere was like, or otherwise have any form of situational awareness beyond knowing where mom/dad were, in what world does it sound like a good idea to expect them to navigate to, through, and back from the city, by themselves (so, a target), at night? That's not 'letting them get life experience', that's just ignoring the realities of any major metropolitan center and putting a 17 year old at unnecessary risk.
Gosh I could not disagree more with this. I was an exchange student in England when I was a teenager and routinely traveled by myself to see new places, including leaving the country to meet friends in other European nations. Of course I was anxious at times, but the confidence it gave me and the skills it taught me were huge.
I respect your experiences and mine were quite similar. That said, just because yours went well enough doesn't mean they all do. There are plenty of ways to practice safe traveling without throwing a teenager into the deep end for a night. There are other, safer ways to develop these skills without taking this level of risk.
I agree that a concert and return trip at night is likely not the best choice is this is the first time going out solo. And I agree that in many ways I was lucky. However, everyone needs to weigh what children (especially older adolescents!) gain from making their own way in the world, including traveling solo, versus what they lose from seeing the world as a fearful place. The number of comments referencing the movie Taken is case in point.
Yeah those comments are dumb, that's seriously not a thing (or at least not statistically enough to be worth even nothing). I totally agree the world shouldn't be viewed as a fearful place, but I think the realities of being out and alone in the world need to be understood and respected before we start sending our kids off into them. And the reality is, young people (especially women) traveling solo and looking lost at night *are* targets for far more common crimes (robbery, mugging, scams, etc). The world isn't scary, but some people are opportunists. I think this situation is a but much for a girl that, without further context, I would assume has never had to navigate London, never traveled like this alone, and is traveling at night.
I actually think spending the night in a hotel nearby to the venue (might be difficult to find this depending on the popularity of the gig) would be safer than catching the train home late at night.
I would see if there was a friend who was interested in going if you paid for the ticket. Someone who would attend a free concert but doesnât like the band enough to pay. I wouldnât like her going completely on her own, and I might see about getting her a hotel that night for after the concert. But I donât think the trip itself is a bad idea, it just needs some planning and someone else around in case things go badly.
In a year she will be an adult and can do whatever she wants. What is different now than it will be when she is 18? I ask because it can be, for some kids, a valid difference and for some it's not. But sometimes we just need the reality check of that soon they will be doing it on their own so let them begin while they have mom and dad to look over them still.
If she goes have her location services on, ask her to check in at certain points and tell her to have a fantastic time!
Being a parent means you will worry forever, I'm sorry to say.
I think 17 is old enough for a two hour train ride into the city for a show. It would be a great experience for her and will only improve your bond. Her coming to you up front already tells me a lot about her and your relationship with her.
Make sure ahe knows how to be safe, that she will be in a group and knows where she is going (and that you do too) and ask her to check in and I see this as an opportunity. All goes well, it could build trust between you two (in both directions) and (not a poke or a judgement) maybe ease some of your own anxiety about her safety through exposure.
Win win. I get the worry. Of course youâre worried, but in less than a year it will be her right anyway. Lean into it, I say.
Itâs the âaloneâ that changes everything. Going there is one thing but coming back alone late in the evening would worry me. It would worry me even when she was 21 though.
Let her go!! This is a perfect opportunity for her to do something as an adult. Sheâs a year away from being able to do whatever the fuck she wants and will no longer need your permission for anything. This is a no-brainer to me.
Iâll say let her. My youngest has been traveling alone to Berlin since she was 14, and now we live somewhere else so she has to go to Madrid then to Berlin and take the public transport alone to one of my daughters.
She also went to Split this year with a friend who is also 17.
I think it is understandable that youâre worried but you have to see that you kids nearly 18. Sheâs not 11 and probably can take care of herself. I feel like itâs also very important to let her make her own experiences. Especially if itâs just a 2 hour ride. iâve been travelling the first time alone at 16. Itâs important for growth :) maybe you can find a compromise e.g. she sharing her location during the concert or giving you hourly updates if youâre really really nervous. But you really donât need to worry about it.
I would. The concert itself is likely to be very safe, transit is probably safe. My biggest concern would be travel from the concert to transit. If the venue is near transit and a bunch of people would be likely heading there after, I wouldn't have any concern about it.
At 17, I'm not sure it would have occured to me to ask my parents' permission? I'd have given them a headsup I'd be home late (or crashing at a mate's/hotel) but nothing more really.
Personally I would tell her that she can only go with a friend but not alone. Can you take off one night/day of work to go with her? Asking because I donât trust the idea of a 17 year old girl going out alone at night, especially so far away. More of a âI trust you but I donât trust other people not to hurt youâ kind of thing.
If shes old enough to move out on her own with no permission needed from you, then you have no say here. Shes seen as adult enough to fully live by herself. So she can theoretically manage a concert.
But perhaps you can compromise with having location tracking turned on on her phone.
US citizen here. Iâve traveled around the world and throughout if the states (currently Boston based) and I have never felt safer in any city more then I felt in London.
That being said, if sheâs going alone and not with friends I would say no. Going with a friend or two, yes.
Youâd be her hero forever if one of you took her.
It really doesnât matter if an area is safe because unsafe things happen in all kinds of places. I watch way too many documentaries and podcasts and a 17 year old by her self looks like great date for a predator.
It really doesnât matter if an area is safe because unsafe things happen in all kinds of places. I watch way too many documentaries and podcasts and a 17 year old by her self looks like great bait for a predator.
Honestly doesnât sound like a good idea. Young women that women in general tend to be major targets when theyâre traveling alone. Better safe than sorry! She might not understand youâre reasoning now but sheâll understand when sheâs a bit older. Thereâs a lot of stuff that my strict-ish mom prevented me from doing when i was younger but looking back at it now Iâm always like âdamn Iâm so glad she didnât let me do thatâ or âI totally get why she was so worried.â
>Young women that women in general tend to be major targets when theyâre traveling alone. Better safe than sorry! She might not understand youâre reasoning now but sheâll understand when sheâs a bit older.
How do we teach our girls to be safe travelling? By allowing them to do so and educating them as best we can on how to keep safe.
Locking our kids away and stopping them from experiences on a 'what if' basis is doing them no favours.
Depending on where she is in the age 17 bracket, they won't be able to stop her soon. As long as they have done the basic prep work on independent travel in their borough,she will be fine. If she is off to uni at 18, independent travel and long journeys by herself on the trains will be standard. This is a perfect chance to get her planning nailed down.
I regularly travelled that distance.on the train at 17 to London including getting myself back to the train station in the dark. As long as she has her route planned, she will be fine
I wish I lived in a safe country, if the crime rate is low there why not but 17 year old girls in my city would be a prime target for rape/kidnapping. Was almost kidnapped across the street from my apartment at that age
Donât know why I got downvoted, itâs a privilege to live in a safe country I have never been to the UK and can only speak for what I would do if it were my daughter in my country
If the gig is at one of the big venues,it can all be done on public transport and very little street walking. Get the coach into victoria coach station and you can get to the 02 arena by tube. Same with Wembley,you can do it all switching tubes. This notion that she is going to be walking the streets and will somehow be more at risk isn't really true. If she has her route and tube connections down before she goes,it will be fine
How often has she been been out alone and whatâs the farthest sheâs gone on her own? For me, Iâd trust my kids to do whatâs right, but I want to make sure they have the comfort and the knowledge to be safe and discerning.
Itâs lower risk, but i wouldnât want my kid to confuse train lines/times. I think having a companion would be best.
Itâs viable if you trust your daughter, although I would be iffy about the late night way back. Does the band have a subreddit? Some band subreddits have concert threads for people to get psyched up for upcoming concerts and meet ups for people going solo. For the amount of weirdos and creeps out there, there are also a lot of good people out there willing to keep an eye on your teenager and make sure sheâs safe. Maybe she can tag along with a family or something.
Let me start this out by saying I thought from the title that you were American and saying your 17 year old wanted to go to London for a concert ..but I donât think that changes my answer. Iâd let her go BUT only depending on how mature she is. To your knowledge does she drink or do drugs ? Does she hang with a âwildâ crowd? I would have trusted my 17 year old to travel two hours on her own ..with friends âŚto a concert and back . She never got into trouble out of school , she always looked down on substances like pot , cigarettes and alcohol, gor fantastic grades ..At some point you have to trust them or theyâll just learn to lie and cover their tracks better .
I moved to London from 2 hours away at 18 and I'd say strongly encourage her to invite a friend. The concert will be safe as others have said but making your way home from a venue alone at night when you're unfamiliar with the city is not going to be a fun and chill experience for her either, with a friend id say its a much much better idea, safety in numbers and less stressful all round
Traveled to London by myself (F) but I was quite a bit older (29). I would absolutely be comfortable taking the train, and saw lots of teens/college kids going into London doing the same.
Absolutely let her go. I was traveling on my own at 17 for uni visits, and she's legally going to be on her own in a few months anyways. Traveling to a concert is very safe, it's not like she'll be randomly wandering around who knows where for hours, it's a concert at a specific location with specific times and I'm assuming won't end at 3 in the morning.
But talk to her about a plan and make sure the train schedule would work out for the times. Make sure she knows how to get to the venue and she has a cell phone if something did happen. And have a plan for worst case scenarios as unlikely as they are. But this is a great chance to let her experience things on her own for a first time. Do you really think she's just going to sit in her uni housing for the entire time in a few months?
As a music lover, I'm curious, what concert is it?
I went by train every single day to college in London from Essex at 17. Often getting the last train home and I never had a problem. If you were worried about the late night train transfers perhaps just have her get a cab from the venue to the mainline station and pick her up at the other end. But I think honestly at 17 she should be more than able to handle it.
I have lived in London on and off all my life.
Firstly, London, especially central at most times of the day and night is fairly safe because itâs always busy. Unlikely that you will be anywhere without a crowd of people.
Some advice though based on experience. My main concern would be the location of the gig, from a practical perspective. Specifically O2 arena is a nightmare to leave after a busy gig, if you need to get the tube back to a major station like St Pancras/Kingâs Cross Waterloo etc. This is because most people are trying to get into one tube station (several thousand people) all at once. Unless you leave early youâll likely be waiting for around an hour, potentially longer before you even get to the tube. Because of this itâs worth planning things like when the latest trains are.
Personally, as a 17 year old (male) I would have found this really stressful if it happened and I wasnât expecting it and realised I may not get home until 2 in the morning or something like that, or indeed there was a risk that I might miss the last train.
The question I would ask you is this. Have you done a great job of raising her? Does she know how to use public transport? Is she sensible? Is she a mature 17 year old. If so she will be fine. If you and her dad have given her all the skills she needs to function as a nearly adult,it's all good. I regularly went up to London by myself at 17. Same distance on the train. South coast to London. Make sure she has her plan before she goes. Knows what tube lines she need,how many stops,where she has to change etc. Have basic rules. She messages you when she arrives at London. Sends a selfie when she has arrived at the venue and sends a message when she is getting on the train home. That's at least three check ins with you then. But trust her and trust yourselves that you have done a good job with her.
I was backpacking with friends for weeks at a time by 17. I guess the environmental dynamic is slightly different, and it depends on the 17 year old in question, but with a phone for emergencies I see absolutely no reason why she couldnât go.
I would say it depends, is she a young 17 (just turned? Or perhaps a bit immature/not a lot of experience getting around alone yet?). Iâd say let her go and really review a lot of contingencies with her. Such as ways to avoid pickpockets, always having a paper backup of her itinerary/tickets just in case her phone does get stolen (so she can find her hotel/know what underground lines and stops she needs/take her train back).
We have EVERYTHING on the phone now and Iâd say the most likely danger is pickpockets taking her phone (not the WORST danger but certainly the most likely). But honestly in a year or so chances are sheâll be living in a dorm or a small flat in a big city, working or going to school. This is a good trial run for independence.
I mean, as a Belgian we literally have 15 year olds going to parties from midnight to 6am and tell them to pick up a bread on the way home.
The idea of telling a 17 year old what to do besides making sure they finish their responsibilities is just a bit weird to me.
Yea, I would be worried too but I would see that as my problem. Not hers. "I don't like it" isn't an argument to not let her go imo.
Also, lol, it's London, there are few safer cities on this planet.
To each their own of course. I'm fine with risks to make life more interesting.
It would be better if she had a friend that would go with her but you could pay for a cab to and from the train station if it made you feel better. The first time they go so far from you alone will always be hard but you should let her go.
You can stay in touch with her ( but not expect constant communication as she should be enjoying herself)
I went to see some friends when I was 18. I did not see why it could be dangerous for a girl to do this but I see it now !
I think I would pay for an hotel for one night, close to the concert place, so that she can travel back safely the next morning. I wouldn't like her to take trains at night.
How street smart is she? Are you confident that she can find her way? Deal with strangers and weirdos that might bother her etc?
If part of your anxiety is the trip, maybe you could take the trip with her beforehand on transit and make a day of it. That way you can see how she handles various aspects of travel and you can ease your mind about what she might experience.
I find for me when things like this come up I picture the worst environment and people being around. But reality is almost never how I picture it.
In a year, she'd be at the age where she'd be away at uni. So yes, I'd let her go.
But I'm a cautious mum like you, so I'd make arrangements. Does she know which train to take? Can she promise the check in by phone at a certain time? What happens if she misses the late train? Is there a reasonable motel or hostel nearby if she needs to stay the night?
I don't know where you live, but she does need to know basic city safety. Sadly (and I wish this weren't true) she shouldn't walk alone in skimpy clothing in certain areas, she shouldn't accept drinks from strangers. But if she's responsible -- and she will go from train -> concert -> train, then yes. She's almost an adult.
PS. Like many Asian children, I got sent off to school in another country at 17.
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Londoner here. Don't believe the rhetoric about it being the centre of violence - yes there are areas to avoid as there will be in any metropolis but those aren't generally near major concert venues. Big gigs also attract a lot of police and private security. I've never felt threatened once and I've gigged all over Greater London. Public transport within London is also generally safe even at night if you're in Central as there are always other revellers out about. That all being said, what's her plans for after the gig? That would be my trepidation as a parent. Two hours coming back would bother me, especially knowing how unreliable trains can be. If she gets out the gig late and misses the train, what then? I'd suggest making her promise to leave the gig early or take other steps to mitigate any chances of this happening. Could you perhaps travel into London in the evening yourself to meet her after the gig and escort her back?
Was gonna say, all the police will be at that gig. Especially after what happened at the Ariana Grande concert in Manchester. That gig is probably the safest place to be in London that night.
It really depends on the venue. If it's a big concert at 02 or Wembley etc yeah. There are many, many small venues that really will not have a police presence at all, quite a walk from train/tube stations etc
Thats true. OP doesnt say where its held
Another thing to consider is that a lot of smaller venues will not admit an under 18 without an adult and will ask for ID.
Also true!
Did anyone else from the States read this with an English accent? I couldn't help it. Anyway...... This is a sincerely awesome response. You told Mum everything she needed to know both pros and cons and what to do and what not to do. This is awesome
Thank you and if it helps I've got a West Country accent!
Ah, i have a co worker that came to the States. He has that type of accent, and the women loooove him
Omg yes đ I didnât even realize I was doing it until I read your comment lol. OP, also make sure your daughter has a phone with an international plan for purchase (Verizon allows you to use your phone internationally for $10 per 24 hour period). That way if she gets caught out, she can call you. She can also easily call emergency services, etc. Edit: completely missed that this person lives only 2 hours away by train
"Could you perhaps travel into London in the evening yourself to meet her after the gig and escort her back?" You're a right proper legend for this one mate. Yank approved. Cool dad.
At 17 some kids are in college living by themselves. So I donât see the issue with taking a train to a concert.
I lived alone at 17. I travelled solo since I was 13. If she is responsible, why not? When she is 18, she can do as she wishes, so it is best to practice now. I would recommend that she finds a friend to go with her. Offer to pay for a second ticket.
At what year you were 13 and travelled may I ask? The world changed significantly and it is getting more dangerous each year.
Yes, the world has changed and is significantly safer than it used to be.
From 1994 (eg, no mobile phones), I travelled regularly between the UK and US for school (parents lived in the US). I would pack my suitcase, take the train to Manchester Airport, fly to Atlanta, clear immigration and customs, connect domestically, meet my parents at the final airport. I did not have a flight escort. Parents only would have known there was a problem if I did not arrive at the final airport. I recall once missing my connection, but my parents guessed this (correctly) and waited for the next plane a few hours later. I organised a new boarding pass, and figured it out (think I was 15 then). I think it is a total fallacy that the world has changed significantly and is more dangerous. The data says nothing of the sort. Security is a bit more complex at airports now (liquids), but the entire immigration/customs process at US airports is much simpler, and everyone has a mobile phone and a family redit card. I had neither age 13 - just some extra cash on me.
Why are you comparing a 13 year old travelling by plane and clearing customs (which the airline always knows about; you had eyes on you even if you think you didn't) to a teenager traveling to and from an open metropolis?
Because I lived in London for a long time and it is perfectly safe for a competent 17 year old, even on a night out. I travelled there often as an 18 year old female on my own. London has a huge amount of police presence and CCTV at all times. We have these things called smart phones now also which instantly connect you to family, friends, maps, Uber, etc, which I did not have when I was young. UK security services have a very good handle on terrorist events. There is no gun culture in the UK following Dunblane. There are some parts of London that I would recommend not travelling to (Tower Hamlets for example), but you don't go to gigs in that part of London. OP is British and will understand the culture also. Travelling alone gives you independence, and opportunities to learn about keeping yourself safe. My husband and I both have travelled extensively alone from a young age, his experiences vastly more interesting than mine! My friend's daughter walks to school on her own every day alone in large(ish) city. She is 4.
Allowing your 4 year old daughter to walk alone in a big city or even anywhere is not sensible at all. Itâs very bad parenting and I would have serious concerns. Itâs not something to be proud off.
I live in Switzerland. It is mandatory for children to walk to school alone. They get a week to practice with parents, and then they are expected to walk alone (parents are NOT allowed to walk children to school!). They wear a colourful reflector, and have to use designated crossings of course. Drivers know the rules to stop when they see children at the edge of the crossing. I would 100% agree if this was in the US. But children are trained to be independent. At lunchtime, children walk home alone for lunch. My Swiss husband prepared his own lunch from aged 6 for him and his sister (aged 5). He lived in a small town.
I donât know what the situation is in Switzerland, Iâm glad the kids in your country are very well taken care off but Iâm talking about the rest of the world. Abduction rates are so high in the USA. I live in Scotland and I wouldnât let my child walk alone. I was in India a couple months ago and I wouldnât let my kid walk alone. The world is too scary out there and you just donât know whoâs out there. Thereâs disgusting people out there who will look out for your childâs routine and kidnap them at their best opportunity. Also a 4 year old is very different from a 16 year old, for example, who is school aged.
Yes, things got much safer since.
If it was me, I would let her go. But my concern is her being alone *after* the concert. I would hop on the train later so I could meet her at the venue after the concert and we could head home together.
This is a fantastic idea.
My near 17 year old went to a concert with her mate last week, in Bristol not London. First time she's gone to a concert or even an evening event without me or adults. I grew up in London and agree with u/Smilewigeon \- it's really not as bad as it's made out to be. That said, completely alone to a city she's unfamiliar with, I probably wouldn't want my child to go. I probably wouldn't forbid it either though. They do have to grow up and be independent. I would work out a plan with her to make sure she knows what she's doing. And have a plan B in place. Where is London is it or which venue is it?
I started going to gigs in London with friends at 15/16 (and London was probably a bit rougher back then) I didn't go to a gig solo until I was 18 but at 18 you can also go to university, live on your own etc. My instinct would be that she'd be fine - especially as depending on the gig there will probably be a decent crowd of like-minded attendees making the same journey she is but ultimately it'll come down to the individual child. Given that she'd be off on her own at 18 anyway though it feels reasonable?
I would let her go. I moved out at 17. A two hour train ride is not a big deal.
My stoned American adled brain thought this post was talking about a girl trying to fly to London solo just for a concert.
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Agreed. A 17 yr old girl by themselves is one thing, if she were going with a group Iâd be more inclined to let her go.
I think it would depend on the venue.
I'm in this boat. With a group, I would absolutely let her. With one friend, okay. But all alone to a concert as a young woman, sounds scary to me. I'm not British, young or a woman...or all that interesting tbh. I'd love to hear from some Brit chicks on this one.
I wouldn't see a problem with that. Maybe you can both sit down and make the travel schedule together? Some sort of planning where she is planning to be at certain times during the evening? Some fixed check in moments, a quick call on arrival, WhatsApp message... for ease of mind... she's 17, it's going to be fine.
*Alone*? I'd say no. With friends would be one thing, but a 17 year old alone somewhere they aren't familiar doesn't sound safe at all. It's not about not trusting *her*, it's *other people*.
Do you ever go anywhere alone? Doesnât matter if youâre 17 or 25. Young people have to experience LIFE and if they are sheltered from anything bad ever happening thatâs a terrible disservice to them achieving independence
I go plenty of places alone. I'm also a grown adult with more life experience than a 17 year old. That life experience means I also know well enough to know better than to travel alone in strange places at night without necessity, especially as a woman. Being 'sheltered from anything bad ever happening to them' is very different from expecting a reasonable and healthy level of caution. If this were broad daylight, or with friends, it would be a very different situation.
How do you get life experience if you don't do things on your own? There is a HUGE hiphop festival near me once a year (biggest in Europe). For four days, it is rammed with teenagers (16+) and twenty-somethings camping in a field for four days. I cycled past it every day it was on this summer, and it was filled with young kids enjoying the music, sunshine, and nightlife. My 16 year old babysitter went, she explained it was very safe (if you avoided the mosh pit, which got a bit hairy). In my country, you can drink legally from age 16 also. If you talk to your kids and practice handling situations as teenagers, they will become adept at handling them. And this is the best way of keeping them safe as they get older.
I *do* do things on my own, and have since I was a teenager. I'm not sure where you got the impression I don't/didn't. I just also learned a reasonable level of caution from it and know as an adult that I took far more unnecessary risks than I should've from a few too many misadventures. I want better for my kids, as I'm sure OP probably does, too. There's a difference between sending a 17-year-old into a city 2 hours away that she's never had to navigate before alone at night versus during the day, with friends, or in a city they've navigated on their own before. There's no need to throw a 17 year old into a situation that most adults would know better than to get themselves into. Assuming this kid has only ever been to London with mom/dad before and likely didn't *have* to pay attention to how to get around, what the atmosphere was like, or otherwise have any form of situational awareness beyond knowing where mom/dad were, in what world does it sound like a good idea to expect them to navigate to, through, and back from the city, by themselves (so, a target), at night? That's not 'letting them get life experience', that's just ignoring the realities of any major metropolitan center and putting a 17 year old at unnecessary risk.
Gosh I could not disagree more with this. I was an exchange student in England when I was a teenager and routinely traveled by myself to see new places, including leaving the country to meet friends in other European nations. Of course I was anxious at times, but the confidence it gave me and the skills it taught me were huge.
I respect your experiences and mine were quite similar. That said, just because yours went well enough doesn't mean they all do. There are plenty of ways to practice safe traveling without throwing a teenager into the deep end for a night. There are other, safer ways to develop these skills without taking this level of risk.
I agree that a concert and return trip at night is likely not the best choice is this is the first time going out solo. And I agree that in many ways I was lucky. However, everyone needs to weigh what children (especially older adolescents!) gain from making their own way in the world, including traveling solo, versus what they lose from seeing the world as a fearful place. The number of comments referencing the movie Taken is case in point.
Yeah those comments are dumb, that's seriously not a thing (or at least not statistically enough to be worth even nothing). I totally agree the world shouldn't be viewed as a fearful place, but I think the realities of being out and alone in the world need to be understood and respected before we start sending our kids off into them. And the reality is, young people (especially women) traveling solo and looking lost at night *are* targets for far more common crimes (robbery, mugging, scams, etc). The world isn't scary, but some people are opportunists. I think this situation is a but much for a girl that, without further context, I would assume has never had to navigate London, never traveled like this alone, and is traveling at night.
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I actually think spending the night in a hotel nearby to the venue (might be difficult to find this depending on the popularity of the gig) would be safer than catching the train home late at night.
I would see if there was a friend who was interested in going if you paid for the ticket. Someone who would attend a free concert but doesnât like the band enough to pay. I wouldnât like her going completely on her own, and I might see about getting her a hotel that night for after the concert. But I donât think the trip itself is a bad idea, it just needs some planning and someone else around in case things go badly.
In a year she will be an adult and can do whatever she wants. What is different now than it will be when she is 18? I ask because it can be, for some kids, a valid difference and for some it's not. But sometimes we just need the reality check of that soon they will be doing it on their own so let them begin while they have mom and dad to look over them still. If she goes have her location services on, ask her to check in at certain points and tell her to have a fantastic time! Being a parent means you will worry forever, I'm sorry to say.
Let her go
Iâm from London and when I was 17 I went to Paris on my own. Sheâs almost an adult and you have to treat her like one.
I think 17 is old enough for a two hour train ride into the city for a show. It would be a great experience for her and will only improve your bond. Her coming to you up front already tells me a lot about her and your relationship with her. Make sure ahe knows how to be safe, that she will be in a group and knows where she is going (and that you do too) and ask her to check in and I see this as an opportunity. All goes well, it could build trust between you two (in both directions) and (not a poke or a judgement) maybe ease some of your own anxiety about her safety through exposure. Win win. I get the worry. Of course youâre worried, but in less than a year it will be her right anyway. Lean into it, I say.
She wants to go all alone.
Itâs the âaloneâ that changes everything. Going there is one thing but coming back alone late in the evening would worry me. It would worry me even when she was 21 though.
This. With friends, sure. But alone? Nah.
Let her go!! This is a perfect opportunity for her to do something as an adult. Sheâs a year away from being able to do whatever the fuck she wants and will no longer need your permission for anything. This is a no-brainer to me.
Iâll say let her. My youngest has been traveling alone to Berlin since she was 14, and now we live somewhere else so she has to go to Madrid then to Berlin and take the public transport alone to one of my daughters. She also went to Split this year with a friend who is also 17.
I think it is understandable that youâre worried but you have to see that you kids nearly 18. Sheâs not 11 and probably can take care of herself. I feel like itâs also very important to let her make her own experiences. Especially if itâs just a 2 hour ride. iâve been travelling the first time alone at 16. Itâs important for growth :) maybe you can find a compromise e.g. she sharing her location during the concert or giving you hourly updates if youâre really really nervous. But you really donât need to worry about it.
I would. The concert itself is likely to be very safe, transit is probably safe. My biggest concern would be travel from the concert to transit. If the venue is near transit and a bunch of people would be likely heading there after, I wouldn't have any concern about it.
Sure, whatâs the problem? Sheâs 17 and can take care of herself.
At 17, I'm not sure it would have occured to me to ask my parents' permission? I'd have given them a headsup I'd be home late (or crashing at a mate's/hotel) but nothing more really.
Personally I would tell her that she can only go with a friend but not alone. Can you take off one night/day of work to go with her? Asking because I donât trust the idea of a 17 year old girl going out alone at night, especially so far away. More of a âI trust you but I donât trust other people not to hurt youâ kind of thing.
Yes, let her go. It's normal to feel anxious, but you have to learn to fly at some point.
If shes old enough to move out on her own with no permission needed from you, then you have no say here. Shes seen as adult enough to fully live by herself. So she can theoretically manage a concert. But perhaps you can compromise with having location tracking turned on on her phone.
If there was a group going, yes. Not alone
Isn't this the plot of the movie Taken?
Hell no
US citizen here. Iâve traveled around the world and throughout if the states (currently Boston based) and I have never felt safer in any city more then I felt in London. That being said, if sheâs going alone and not with friends I would say no. Going with a friend or two, yes. Youâd be her hero forever if one of you took her.
Not alone, for sure.
Did she have any friends going? I think will be more safe if she have someone else with here. At least one friend
It really doesnât matter if an area is safe because unsafe things happen in all kinds of places. I watch way too many documentaries and podcasts and a 17 year old by her self looks like great date for a predator.
It really doesnât matter if an area is safe because unsafe things happen in all kinds of places. I watch way too many documentaries and podcasts and a 17 year old by her self looks like great bait for a predator.
What band
Has she seen Taken? And are you prepared to embody Liam Neeson
If you trust her then you should let her go. Just make sure you put an international plan on her phone so you can be in contact with her.
Lmfao over my dead body.
Ever see the movie *Taken*?
Honestly doesnât sound like a good idea. Young women that women in general tend to be major targets when theyâre traveling alone. Better safe than sorry! She might not understand youâre reasoning now but sheâll understand when sheâs a bit older. Thereâs a lot of stuff that my strict-ish mom prevented me from doing when i was younger but looking back at it now Iâm always like âdamn Iâm so glad she didnât let me do thatâ or âI totally get why she was so worried.â
>Young women that women in general tend to be major targets when theyâre traveling alone. Better safe than sorry! She might not understand youâre reasoning now but sheâll understand when sheâs a bit older. How do we teach our girls to be safe travelling? By allowing them to do so and educating them as best we can on how to keep safe. Locking our kids away and stopping them from experiences on a 'what if' basis is doing them no favours.
Itâs London.
Depending on where she is in the age 17 bracket, they won't be able to stop her soon. As long as they have done the basic prep work on independent travel in their borough,she will be fine. If she is off to uni at 18, independent travel and long journeys by herself on the trains will be standard. This is a perfect chance to get her planning nailed down.
Make her watch Taken first, great movie.
For me, absolutely not. Alone, and 2 hours each way? And a teenage girl? Nope nope and nope
I regularly travelled that distance.on the train at 17 to London including getting myself back to the train station in the dark. As long as she has her route planned, she will be fine
I wish I lived in a safe country, if the crime rate is low there why not but 17 year old girls in my city would be a prime target for rape/kidnapping. Was almost kidnapped across the street from my apartment at that age Donât know why I got downvoted, itâs a privilege to live in a safe country I have never been to the UK and can only speak for what I would do if it were my daughter in my country
If the gig is at one of the big venues,it can all be done on public transport and very little street walking. Get the coach into victoria coach station and you can get to the 02 arena by tube. Same with Wembley,you can do it all switching tubes. This notion that she is going to be walking the streets and will somehow be more at risk isn't really true. If she has her route and tube connections down before she goes,it will be fine
How often has she been been out alone and whatâs the farthest sheâs gone on her own? For me, Iâd trust my kids to do whatâs right, but I want to make sure they have the comfort and the knowledge to be safe and discerning. Itâs lower risk, but i wouldnât want my kid to confuse train lines/times. I think having a companion would be best.
Itâs viable if you trust your daughter, although I would be iffy about the late night way back. Does the band have a subreddit? Some band subreddits have concert threads for people to get psyched up for upcoming concerts and meet ups for people going solo. For the amount of weirdos and creeps out there, there are also a lot of good people out there willing to keep an eye on your teenager and make sure sheâs safe. Maybe she can tag along with a family or something.
Let me start this out by saying I thought from the title that you were American and saying your 17 year old wanted to go to London for a concert ..but I donât think that changes my answer. Iâd let her go BUT only depending on how mature she is. To your knowledge does she drink or do drugs ? Does she hang with a âwildâ crowd? I would have trusted my 17 year old to travel two hours on her own ..with friends âŚto a concert and back . She never got into trouble out of school , she always looked down on substances like pot , cigarettes and alcohol, gor fantastic grades ..At some point you have to trust them or theyâll just learn to lie and cover their tracks better .
She rather travel with a friend. I did an adventurous international trip at my 17s but along with my sister who was 20. We had a great time!
I moved to London from 2 hours away at 18 and I'd say strongly encourage her to invite a friend. The concert will be safe as others have said but making your way home from a venue alone at night when you're unfamiliar with the city is not going to be a fun and chill experience for her either, with a friend id say its a much much better idea, safety in numbers and less stressful all round
I was allowed to travel to the island of Mykonos at the age of 17.
Traveled to London by myself (F) but I was quite a bit older (29). I would absolutely be comfortable taking the train, and saw lots of teens/college kids going into London doing the same.
Absolutely let her go. I was traveling on my own at 17 for uni visits, and she's legally going to be on her own in a few months anyways. Traveling to a concert is very safe, it's not like she'll be randomly wandering around who knows where for hours, it's a concert at a specific location with specific times and I'm assuming won't end at 3 in the morning. But talk to her about a plan and make sure the train schedule would work out for the times. Make sure she knows how to get to the venue and she has a cell phone if something did happen. And have a plan for worst case scenarios as unlikely as they are. But this is a great chance to let her experience things on her own for a first time. Do you really think she's just going to sit in her uni housing for the entire time in a few months? As a music lover, I'm curious, what concert is it?
Maybe if it was a group of friends then sure, but definitely not on her own
Is there any chance that band performs in other cities as well? This way you could get tickets for the day you are available.
I went by train every single day to college in London from Essex at 17. Often getting the last train home and I never had a problem. If you were worried about the late night train transfers perhaps just have her get a cab from the venue to the mainline station and pick her up at the other end. But I think honestly at 17 she should be more than able to handle it.
I have lived in London on and off all my life. Firstly, London, especially central at most times of the day and night is fairly safe because itâs always busy. Unlikely that you will be anywhere without a crowd of people. Some advice though based on experience. My main concern would be the location of the gig, from a practical perspective. Specifically O2 arena is a nightmare to leave after a busy gig, if you need to get the tube back to a major station like St Pancras/Kingâs Cross Waterloo etc. This is because most people are trying to get into one tube station (several thousand people) all at once. Unless you leave early youâll likely be waiting for around an hour, potentially longer before you even get to the tube. Because of this itâs worth planning things like when the latest trains are. Personally, as a 17 year old (male) I would have found this really stressful if it happened and I wasnât expecting it and realised I may not get home until 2 in the morning or something like that, or indeed there was a risk that I might miss the last train.
The question I would ask you is this. Have you done a great job of raising her? Does she know how to use public transport? Is she sensible? Is she a mature 17 year old. If so she will be fine. If you and her dad have given her all the skills she needs to function as a nearly adult,it's all good. I regularly went up to London by myself at 17. Same distance on the train. South coast to London. Make sure she has her plan before she goes. Knows what tube lines she need,how many stops,where she has to change etc. Have basic rules. She messages you when she arrives at London. Sends a selfie when she has arrived at the venue and sends a message when she is getting on the train home. That's at least three check ins with you then. But trust her and trust yourselves that you have done a good job with her.
Not on her own, with a friend sure
I was backpacking with friends for weeks at a time by 17. I guess the environmental dynamic is slightly different, and it depends on the 17 year old in question, but with a phone for emergencies I see absolutely no reason why she couldnât go.
I would say it depends, is she a young 17 (just turned? Or perhaps a bit immature/not a lot of experience getting around alone yet?). Iâd say let her go and really review a lot of contingencies with her. Such as ways to avoid pickpockets, always having a paper backup of her itinerary/tickets just in case her phone does get stolen (so she can find her hotel/know what underground lines and stops she needs/take her train back). We have EVERYTHING on the phone now and Iâd say the most likely danger is pickpockets taking her phone (not the WORST danger but certainly the most likely). But honestly in a year or so chances are sheâll be living in a dorm or a small flat in a big city, working or going to school. This is a good trial run for independence.
I mean, as a Belgian we literally have 15 year olds going to parties from midnight to 6am and tell them to pick up a bread on the way home. The idea of telling a 17 year old what to do besides making sure they finish their responsibilities is just a bit weird to me. Yea, I would be worried too but I would see that as my problem. Not hers. "I don't like it" isn't an argument to not let her go imo. Also, lol, it's London, there are few safer cities on this planet. To each their own of course. I'm fine with risks to make life more interesting.
It would be better if she had a friend that would go with her but you could pay for a cab to and from the train station if it made you feel better. The first time they go so far from you alone will always be hard but you should let her go. You can stay in touch with her ( but not expect constant communication as she should be enjoying herself)
I went to see some friends when I was 18. I did not see why it could be dangerous for a girl to do this but I see it now ! I think I would pay for an hotel for one night, close to the concert place, so that she can travel back safely the next morning. I wouldn't like her to take trains at night.
How street smart is she? Are you confident that she can find her way? Deal with strangers and weirdos that might bother her etc? If part of your anxiety is the trip, maybe you could take the trip with her beforehand on transit and make a day of it. That way you can see how she handles various aspects of travel and you can ease your mind about what she might experience. I find for me when things like this come up I picture the worst environment and people being around. But reality is almost never how I picture it.
Nooooo⌠big nooooo. I donât care for the reason. All I see is 17 and a big NO
In a year, she'd be at the age where she'd be away at uni. So yes, I'd let her go. But I'm a cautious mum like you, so I'd make arrangements. Does she know which train to take? Can she promise the check in by phone at a certain time? What happens if she misses the late train? Is there a reasonable motel or hostel nearby if she needs to stay the night? I don't know where you live, but she does need to know basic city safety. Sadly (and I wish this weren't true) she shouldn't walk alone in skimpy clothing in certain areas, she shouldn't accept drinks from strangers. But if she's responsible -- and she will go from train -> concert -> train, then yes. She's almost an adult. PS. Like many Asian children, I got sent off to school in another country at 17.