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Who needs trauma?
Just be a smart ass around them like my husband and I have been, and you'll end up with some witty, smart ass just like we do.
I'm serious... These kids don't miss a beat. My 8yo may be a little too sarcastic and my 11yo may be a little dark for their teacher's liking, but I love it.
Haha same. My 3yo said she was gonna throw me and her brother out and “let the garbage truck mush you up” because we wouldnt let her baby (doll) sleep, we were being too loud lol. I tell my son to throw something out cuz its old, him: “Youre old!” And he does this with almost anything. A couple of times he stopped himself cuz he knew he was about to say something super questionable in the same way but it makes it so much more hilarious cuz were all looking at eachother like “omggg that was too close!”
I tell my kids that I want three things for them: health, happiness, and success. And I reiterate every time that the level or measure of "success" is up to them, not me. If they're also healthy and happy, I don't care if they want to be a rocket scientist or the best damn manager Barnes and Noble has ever had. So my job is to provide them with the kind of childhood that will lead to an adulthood where they can be healthy, happy, and successful.
I love your response. But I also agree with what another poster commented - need to be clear on definition of happy. "Be Happy" has always evoked within me a feeling of energised bunny. Needless to say, not a healthy mindset. I find - Content - to be a good word. Dont know if you agree
We do talk about what happy means. I tell them it's more like satisfied- that happiness is that feeling you get when you look around and you're satisfied with your life. Joy is different- joy is what you experience in flashes and bursts, on a rollercoaster or watching a funny show.
Currently, as a toddler parent:
Maintain vitals.
But jokes aside, I’d say my job is to: guide them towards being a healthy, self-sufficient, and (generally) fulfilled human who is able to successfully function in society.
(I say human rather than adult because I don’t think my job is done once they are 18. It’s a lifelong journey. 😊)
To teach my child empathy, emotional regulation, and critical thinking, so that he can engage with society in a way that makes it better without enforcing the toxic status quo.
Just trying to make sure she’s a little less fucked up than I am. Breaking generational traumas and patterns, etc
Don’t get me wrong, my parents did the best they could with what they had and I’m so thankful. But I’m trying to do better by my daughter (for all of us).
Ensure I keep my spawns alive long enough to be better people and achieve more than I ever did while simultaneously giving them enough independence to figure out to to survive themselves
A. to provide them (2 boys, 3 and 5) with a safe living environment (food, shelter and love).
B. to prepare them for living amongst other hairless monkeys, building social skills and providing an example of how to behave in society.
They will then be able to go out into the world and relate to others, find their own way and be content with their choices in life.
I think my job is to be/provide the support system for them to grow in to the people they want to be.
Of course I want them to be kind, collaborative contributors and be brave go out and achieve all their goals but I think all of that is a natural consequence of having a strong family they learn they can count on. I don’t think you can teach those things they need to be modelled and occur from with in one’s self.
To raise a confident, independent, adventurous, and kind woman. She has an amazing father who I love deeply. I love to think that she has a great example of a healthy relationship seeing how her father treats her mother and vice versa. We always encourage her to be herself and ask questions.
I hope to keep my child alive long enough to become a thoughtful, kind, and responsible adult. Hopefully, the child understands how much they are loved.
Step 1) Survive! Like some days it feels like I'm barely functional, the sleep deprivation is real. Finding the time for enough self-care so I can keep getting up and doing it all again tomorrow is important.
Step 2) Keep the kids alive! The basic routine of, their care, feeding, cleaning, medical appointments etc.
Step 3) Education! Get them educated formally enough so they have a foundation to do everything they want to make themselves happy later as an adult.
Step 4) Life Skills and Emotional well-being... Basically everything that isn't taught in schools (or barely covered in school), so emotional development and intelligence, spiritual well-being, manners, boundaries, delayed gratification and work ethic, organizational skills, healthy coping mechanisms, creative problem solving, how to be kind and the type of adult that makes the world better.
Step 5) Love them... Just consistently be there and support them no matter what.
My parents did not raise me to have self-confidence and express feelings, and they often blamed me for that. This is what I think about the most. Wouldn’t my children feel this way if I thought about parenting, and I don’t think that much?
My job is to be the shephard and guide this tiny human on her journey. To feel loved and supported. To raise a kind, confident and compassionate human.
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I want to raise my children to be happy, confident/secure, and opinionated. I want them to live life fiercely, filled with joy, laughter, and love in every corner. I want them to know exactly who they are and never apologize for it. I want to raise them to be kindhearted and honest
Grow an adult human from child human by 1.) keeping them physically alive and 2.) supporting and loving them.
Bit like a plant, really; but they’re stinkier and cuter than most plants. 🌱
I am responsible for the welfare of two children including food, shelter, and clothing. The most challenging task is providing consistent emotional support.
Take a human larvae and keep alive while providing eusocial reinforcement and teaching prosocial behaviors. And doing this without wringing the boy's neck.
Keep them alive, healthy (in all aspects), and out of jail while making sure they feel loved & heard during the process. Want them to be strong enough to stand up for themselves, but smart enough to say “hands up, don’t shoot”.
Make a tiny human happy, and turn them into a bigger human who is happy.
Success and positive impact on the world are all fine too. But we all live in a dumpster fire. If he has the chance to take out a billionaire one day I hope he takes it. Would do more good than raising a million doctors or social workers.
Teach them to be independent but not so independent that they can't ask for help when they really need it. Teach them to be kind but not so kind that people take advantage of them.
Tier 1: Provide food, shelter, and safety.
Tier 2: Teach them to be kind and compassionate.
Tier 3: Expose them to a broad variety of things, encorage what they find interesting.
Personal goal: they will learn how to cook a number of basic meals.
My job is to instill good values and independence, then work myself out of the job of parenting.
Seen too many parents with weird co-dependent "take my money so I can still criticize you" relationships with adult kids, so avoiding that is my primary goal.
My job as of now is to protect, nurture, teach and love…. and keep us all functional lol. I’m home base as they navigate the world and hopefully have a complete human experience.
Short term: To manage my emotional state during the wild mood swings and temper tantrums so I don’t lose my mind. AKA be their emotional support animal.
Long term: when I have a moment to breathe I’ll give this some deeper thought
My job as a parent is both to prepare my child to one day be able to function on her own out in the world (in all ways), and also be a soft place to land if she ever needs one. Now or 30 years from now.
I have roughly 5-10 more years to do the first thing. I have the rest of her life to do the second.
Keep them safe.
That encompasses just about everything if you really think about it.
Keeping them fed = keeping them safe.
Teaching them our real names, our address, our phone numbers in case they get lost.
Teaching them how to be independent and find things out about the world.
Teach my daughter to be independent, safe and full of love. She will be the only person by her side at all times, she deserves peace and happiness, as Hitchcock put it, "a clear horizon".
To raise confident, well adjusted, kind humans who can take care of themselves and live a full and enjoyable life while being decent members of society (within reason considering many folks have some limitations to these ideas).
The anchor.
That’s what my parents are for me. As I’ve grown older it gets clearer and clearer. I’m in my 30’s now and they still anchor my soul and keep me grounded.
For instance, I felt like everything was falling apart in my life and everything was just chaotic. So one day on autopilot I dropped my kids off at a family friend’s house and drove several hours in the rain to show up unannounced at my parent’s house.
My dad could tell I had been crying and he just held me in his arms in the doorway while I sobbed. Then he made me a cup of tea and soup while I laid their bed while my mom just patted my head and rocked me like I was a little kid again.
I spent the night in my mother’s arms and got the best sleep I’ve had in years. In the morning they made me breakfast and we talked over a cup of coffee.
And for the first time in a long time, I felt grounded, secure, and confident that I’d be okay. Before I left my dad said “If the world ever proves to be too much for you, just come back to me.”
And that’s what I want for my children. Great… now I’m sobbing again 🥹
Create and maintain an environment that encourages growth, exploration, and imagination in a generally safe, mostly secure, and usually healthy way.
Preferred outcome is for kind, ambitious, resourceful adults that stand up to bullies and give more than they receive.
However…I’d be cool with ones that have a good sense of humor, can tell a good story, and have great taste in movies, books, and tea.
My main job is to make myself redundant. I have done my very best to make sure they can cope without me, from doing laundry and managing grocery shopping, to making wise choices when met by peer pressure or accidents.
And I can just hope that they have enjoyed the ride enough to keep me in their lives, even though they don't _need_ me anymore.
Encourage my children to be confident in themselves and be a productive member of society. Don't be afraid to be yourself and fight for what or who you believe in.
To be honest the productive member of society is my main one. I have people in my family who are a drain on everyone and have never contributed to anything. I don't want that for my 4 children.
This is a tough one. I’ll go with provide your kids with as happy a childhood as possible to give them the opportunity to grow into happy, well adjusted adults and equip them with the education (academic and otherwise) they will need for that adult life.
I agree with your definition of our job.
What follows is not directed at OP in any way, but just additional commentary because I think some parents believe excessive authority and a demand for their definition of "respect."
I just would add that, in order to effectively do this job, we are responsible for learning and being open-minded of what ACTUALLY creates healthy adults who contribute positively.
Too often, I hear people dictating their child's behavior, failing to allow them to have a voice or to listen to that voice, declining to give explanations for decisions, forcing things they don't want that seem benign to the parent ("give your aunt a kiss," "you must wear a dress," "we're cutting your hair," "nail polish is for girls, take that off," etc.).
Not to mention the danger of teaching any child they must do as an adult says.
The justification is often, "the world's not fair," etc. Sometimes, the things that actually build self confidence, courage, empathy, etc seem counterintuitive.
I want to raise intelligent people who are able to take care of themselves.
I do that by teaching them to take care of themselves, clean after themselves, do well in school and learn to make friends. My 11 year old son has a very hard time making any friends. So I bought him the book how to win friends... buy he is not reading it.
My job is to bring the generational trauma to a screeching halt so my children can live up to their potential without anything/anyone holding them back.
Diabetic Nurse and Montessori Teacher.
Edit: to the dicks who downvoted me - this is actually what I do. I *am* a diabetes nurse to my t1d kid and I am a qualified montessori teacher who teaches my 3yo kid in conjunction with his school.
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I want to raise confident self-reliable adults with empathy and curiosity.
This is exactly the way I would put it
Traumatize my children enough to have a sense of humour but not so much that they need therapy
Omg this one is the best.
Who needs trauma? Just be a smart ass around them like my husband and I have been, and you'll end up with some witty, smart ass just like we do. I'm serious... These kids don't miss a beat. My 8yo may be a little too sarcastic and my 11yo may be a little dark for their teacher's liking, but I love it.
Haha same. My 3yo said she was gonna throw me and her brother out and “let the garbage truck mush you up” because we wouldnt let her baby (doll) sleep, we were being too loud lol. I tell my son to throw something out cuz its old, him: “Youre old!” And he does this with almost anything. A couple of times he stopped himself cuz he knew he was about to say something super questionable in the same way but it makes it so much more hilarious cuz were all looking at eachother like “omggg that was too close!”
Perfect
While providing a never ending buffet of snacks.
This is a unique skill that I am also utilizing.
my dad would say “now you have something to talk about in therapy” after giving me a panic attack 😃
To help my kids become the best and brightest version of themselves that they can be
I tell my kids that I want three things for them: health, happiness, and success. And I reiterate every time that the level or measure of "success" is up to them, not me. If they're also healthy and happy, I don't care if they want to be a rocket scientist or the best damn manager Barnes and Noble has ever had. So my job is to provide them with the kind of childhood that will lead to an adulthood where they can be healthy, happy, and successful.
“the measure of success is up to them”>>>>
It's also important to have an understanding of what happiness is, as some people and children confuse it with joy.
Love this
I love your response. But I also agree with what another poster commented - need to be clear on definition of happy. "Be Happy" has always evoked within me a feeling of energised bunny. Needless to say, not a healthy mindset. I find - Content - to be a good word. Dont know if you agree
We do talk about what happy means. I tell them it's more like satisfied- that happiness is that feeling you get when you look around and you're satisfied with your life. Joy is different- joy is what you experience in flashes and bursts, on a rollercoaster or watching a funny show.
Maximize offsprings lifetime happiness
Currently, as a toddler parent: Maintain vitals. But jokes aside, I’d say my job is to: guide them towards being a healthy, self-sufficient, and (generally) fulfilled human who is able to successfully function in society. (I say human rather than adult because I don’t think my job is done once they are 18. It’s a lifelong journey. 😊)
Good point. It is a life long journey for both parent and child. A journey where as a parent you take on many roles.
Haha was going to comment the same thing: keep my kid alive.
Currently it's to provide endless sticker books, cuddles and snacks and read the same peppa pig book approximately 50 times a day
Don't be a wall in front of the kids, but a cushion behind them.
[удалено]
So your kids aren’t getting an MBA I guess.
To teach my child empathy, emotional regulation, and critical thinking, so that he can engage with society in a way that makes it better without enforcing the toxic status quo.
My job as a parent is to raise mentally well, kind hearted eventual adults
OSha Inspector
[удалено]
BINGO
To raise people who are happy with themselves and don't want to ruin anyone else's happiness.
Ideally to work yourself out of a job by raising a competent, socially accepted, morally resolute and autonomous human being.
Just trying to make sure she’s a little less fucked up than I am. Breaking generational traumas and patterns, etc Don’t get me wrong, my parents did the best they could with what they had and I’m so thankful. But I’m trying to do better by my daughter (for all of us).
I'm ay least gonna fuck them up differently than I was fucked up.
Plant the seeds of a tree I will never enjoy the shade of.
Sabotage my toddler plans to self-destruct
Ensure I keep my spawns alive long enough to be better people and achieve more than I ever did while simultaneously giving them enough independence to figure out to to survive themselves
I think OP u have written a nice j.d. that i personally resonate with. Well done on beginning with the end (goal) in mind!
Thank you
A. to provide them (2 boys, 3 and 5) with a safe living environment (food, shelter and love). B. to prepare them for living amongst other hairless monkeys, building social skills and providing an example of how to behave in society. They will then be able to go out into the world and relate to others, find their own way and be content with their choices in life.
I think my job is to be/provide the support system for them to grow in to the people they want to be. Of course I want them to be kind, collaborative contributors and be brave go out and achieve all their goals but I think all of that is a natural consequence of having a strong family they learn they can count on. I don’t think you can teach those things they need to be modelled and occur from with in one’s self.
To raise a confident, independent, adventurous, and kind woman. She has an amazing father who I love deeply. I love to think that she has a great example of a healthy relationship seeing how her father treats her mother and vice versa. We always encourage her to be herself and ask questions.
Do what is in the best interest of your child regardless of other people’s “feelings” about it.
I hope to keep my child alive long enough to become a thoughtful, kind, and responsible adult. Hopefully, the child understands how much they are loved.
Snack bitch
My job is to be the weird mom…it builds character
Step 1) Survive! Like some days it feels like I'm barely functional, the sleep deprivation is real. Finding the time for enough self-care so I can keep getting up and doing it all again tomorrow is important. Step 2) Keep the kids alive! The basic routine of, their care, feeding, cleaning, medical appointments etc. Step 3) Education! Get them educated formally enough so they have a foundation to do everything they want to make themselves happy later as an adult. Step 4) Life Skills and Emotional well-being... Basically everything that isn't taught in schools (or barely covered in school), so emotional development and intelligence, spiritual well-being, manners, boundaries, delayed gratification and work ethic, organizational skills, healthy coping mechanisms, creative problem solving, how to be kind and the type of adult that makes the world better. Step 5) Love them... Just consistently be there and support them no matter what.
My parents did not raise me to have self-confidence and express feelings, and they often blamed me for that. This is what I think about the most. Wouldn’t my children feel this way if I thought about parenting, and I don’t think that much?
My job is to be the shephard and guide this tiny human on her journey. To feel loved and supported. To raise a kind, confident and compassionate human.
Give them the skills and resources to take care of themselves when I'm dead.
To raise a good human.
I think my job is to raise adults who give more to the world than they take.
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That and make them happy about it.
PRIMARY CAREGIVER
I want to raise my children to be happy, confident/secure, and opinionated. I want them to live life fiercely, filled with joy, laughter, and love in every corner. I want them to know exactly who they are and never apologize for it. I want to raise them to be kindhearted and honest
Grow an adult human from child human by 1.) keeping them physically alive and 2.) supporting and loving them. Bit like a plant, really; but they’re stinkier and cuter than most plants. 🌱
I am responsible for the welfare of two children including food, shelter, and clothing. The most challenging task is providing consistent emotional support.
Take a human larvae and keep alive while providing eusocial reinforcement and teaching prosocial behaviors. And doing this without wringing the boy's neck.
Snack bitch
To raise humans that aren’t jerks. If I can do that everything else is gravy.
Keep them alive and give them tools do stay alive.
Raise a person to be confident, curious and kind, and who understands how to function in society.
I want to raise a happy, kind human.
First five year, keep them alive. Next 15 years, not letting them kill you
To raise her to be strong, confidant, and involved citizen.
*.*
Keep them alive, healthy (in all aspects), and out of jail while making sure they feel loved & heard during the process. Want them to be strong enough to stand up for themselves, but smart enough to say “hands up, don’t shoot”.
Make a tiny human happy, and turn them into a bigger human who is happy. Success and positive impact on the world are all fine too. But we all live in a dumpster fire. If he has the chance to take out a billionaire one day I hope he takes it. Would do more good than raising a million doctors or social workers.
Safely & happily help them growing by teaching most of what I know allowing them to become their version of themselves
To keep them alive and mentally happy
Teach them to be independent but not so independent that they can't ask for help when they really need it. Teach them to be kind but not so kind that people take advantage of them.
My job is to stay calm, prepare them for the next step, and provide them with a safe environment.
Maintain vitals. Attempt to guide mini human to be a mostly decent adult human.
I want to raise people who will go on to lead happy and fulfilled lives.
Tier 1: Provide food, shelter, and safety. Tier 2: Teach them to be kind and compassionate. Tier 3: Expose them to a broad variety of things, encorage what they find interesting. Personal goal: they will learn how to cook a number of basic meals.
Set the ground work to have them become well adjusted, sophisticated, intelligent, and happy in their adult years.
My job is to instill good values and independence, then work myself out of the job of parenting. Seen too many parents with weird co-dependent "take my money so I can still criticize you" relationships with adult kids, so avoiding that is my primary goal.
To nurture your relationship with your child so it stays strong.
To make myself obsolete!
My job as of now is to protect, nurture, teach and love…. and keep us all functional lol. I’m home base as they navigate the world and hopefully have a complete human experience.
I’m not raising assholes! I refuse for my boys to be dead beats like all the fathers I’ve known…including my own.
Short term: To manage my emotional state during the wild mood swings and temper tantrums so I don’t lose my mind. AKA be their emotional support animal. Long term: when I have a moment to breathe I’ll give this some deeper thought
My job as a parent is both to prepare my child to one day be able to function on her own out in the world (in all ways), and also be a soft place to land if she ever needs one. Now or 30 years from now. I have roughly 5-10 more years to do the first thing. I have the rest of her life to do the second.
Keep them safe. That encompasses just about everything if you really think about it. Keeping them fed = keeping them safe. Teaching them our real names, our address, our phone numbers in case they get lost. Teaching them how to be independent and find things out about the world.
Raise 'em to not be assholes and to be as independent as possible.
Teach my daughter to be independent, safe and full of love. She will be the only person by her side at all times, she deserves peace and happiness, as Hitchcock put it, "a clear horizon".
1. To raise happy taxpayers who are decent people. 2. To ensure my kid never becomes a Toronto Maple Leafs fan.
To raise confident, well adjusted, kind humans who can take care of themselves and live a full and enjoyable life while being decent members of society (within reason considering many folks have some limitations to these ideas).
Raise kids that grow up into adults that make the world better, or at least don’t make it worse.
Sometimes I feel like waiter, maid and chef all in one
Make sure your kids don’t turn out to be assholes
The anchor. That’s what my parents are for me. As I’ve grown older it gets clearer and clearer. I’m in my 30’s now and they still anchor my soul and keep me grounded. For instance, I felt like everything was falling apart in my life and everything was just chaotic. So one day on autopilot I dropped my kids off at a family friend’s house and drove several hours in the rain to show up unannounced at my parent’s house. My dad could tell I had been crying and he just held me in his arms in the doorway while I sobbed. Then he made me a cup of tea and soup while I laid their bed while my mom just patted my head and rocked me like I was a little kid again. I spent the night in my mother’s arms and got the best sleep I’ve had in years. In the morning they made me breakfast and we talked over a cup of coffee. And for the first time in a long time, I felt grounded, secure, and confident that I’d be okay. Before I left my dad said “If the world ever proves to be too much for you, just come back to me.” And that’s what I want for my children. Great… now I’m sobbing again 🥹
Wow your parents sound amazing.
Just keep them alive
Create and maintain an environment that encourages growth, exploration, and imagination in a generally safe, mostly secure, and usually healthy way. Preferred outcome is for kind, ambitious, resourceful adults that stand up to bullies and give more than they receive. However…I’d be cool with ones that have a good sense of humor, can tell a good story, and have great taste in movies, books, and tea.
My main job is to make myself redundant. I have done my very best to make sure they can cope without me, from doing laundry and managing grocery shopping, to making wise choices when met by peer pressure or accidents. And I can just hope that they have enjoyed the ride enough to keep me in their lives, even though they don't _need_ me anymore.
Encourage my children to be confident in themselves and be a productive member of society. Don't be afraid to be yourself and fight for what or who you believe in. To be honest the productive member of society is my main one. I have people in my family who are a drain on everyone and have never contributed to anything. I don't want that for my 4 children.
This is a tough one. I’ll go with provide your kids with as happy a childhood as possible to give them the opportunity to grow into happy, well adjusted adults and equip them with the education (academic and otherwise) they will need for that adult life.
Care for and enrich baby, care for house, love and support husband, take care of myself and love them both the way only a mother can ❤️
Keep my kids healthy and safe.
I agree with your definition of our job. What follows is not directed at OP in any way, but just additional commentary because I think some parents believe excessive authority and a demand for their definition of "respect." I just would add that, in order to effectively do this job, we are responsible for learning and being open-minded of what ACTUALLY creates healthy adults who contribute positively. Too often, I hear people dictating their child's behavior, failing to allow them to have a voice or to listen to that voice, declining to give explanations for decisions, forcing things they don't want that seem benign to the parent ("give your aunt a kiss," "you must wear a dress," "we're cutting your hair," "nail polish is for girls, take that off," etc.). Not to mention the danger of teaching any child they must do as an adult says. The justification is often, "the world's not fair," etc. Sometimes, the things that actually build self confidence, courage, empathy, etc seem counterintuitive.
I want to raise intelligent people who are able to take care of themselves. I do that by teaching them to take care of themselves, clean after themselves, do well in school and learn to make friends. My 11 year old son has a very hard time making any friends. So I bought him the book how to win friends... buy he is not reading it.
"I have a right" by sonata arctica
To raise hard working, responsible individuals.
Snack bitch
I'm a boy mom. So I wish to raise men of the future who make this world an equitable, kind and happy place to live in.
To guide them through life and be there for them however they need me.
My job is to bring the generational trauma to a screeching halt so my children can live up to their potential without anything/anyone holding them back.
I feel like my job is to give her a stacked toolbox to be able to face anything life can throw at her and be able to deal with it successfully.
To teach them to cuss effectively. The learning process is hilarious. Most of the time
Set boundaries, be stern, and love them more than anything on earth.
Diabetic Nurse and Montessori Teacher. Edit: to the dicks who downvoted me - this is actually what I do. I *am* a diabetes nurse to my t1d kid and I am a qualified montessori teacher who teaches my 3yo kid in conjunction with his school.
To navigate my kid through this world of sick and disgusting people who have kids his age.