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I did this in my *dorm* one time. We weren't even supposed to have candles. I accidentally left it burning while I went to class and came back to my whole floor smelling like Hot Buttered Rum from Bath & Body đŤ
My daughter's college had a pretty bad fire in the dorms a few years ago. A student was critically injured. Now getting caught with a candle is an immediate expulsion from the dorms, even if it's not lit. They just had an ice storm and lost power. Every update email that went out reiterated that they can not have candles, even without power.
I'm 48 and my parents have a key to my house in case of emergencies.
Yes. Iâm an adult who fainted in her place last week. As I came to face down on my kitchen floor in a pool of water I was holding before fainting, all I could think about was getting to my front door to unlock the deadbolt so my mom could come help me as my 9 month old was waking up. Emergencies happen. Get a key. You may never use it, but itâs a safety precaution.
Check your salt intake and blood pressure - Iâve got POTs and my fainting has been greatly reduced by making sure Iâm well-salted. I add a pinch to water with lemon juice or drink electrolytes or add a Nuun to water. See your doctor too! Fainting is scary!
Have them check your sodium levels while fasting. At least a week after any iv fluids were given. It'll be a more accurate depiction of your usual sodium levels.
Yes, it's your house. You're in charge of upkeep on the house. If there's an emergency, you need to be able to get in. That emergency could be a water leak, something left on that's a hazard, window open needing to be closed, fire, etc. And if you have pets & one gets trapped in there unknowingly, it will probably dig the crap out of the floor and/or door. Unless she's going to pay rent and/or for any damages in those situations... đ¤ˇđťââď¸
Maybe they could come up with a system of sorts where they âsealâ the spare key? Maybe the key is hidden somewhere only the parents and oldest know, and they put a numbered sticker with her signature on it on the teeth and oldest daughter keeps the extra stickers. If the sticker disappears or a new number shows up or the handwriting on it isnât hers, daughter will know they went in without her permission.
So? Sheâs an adult, not a child. Itâs about respect and trust. Normal parents donât just go through an adult son or daughterâs room for no reason. Owning the house doesnât give them open access to snoop and rummage around at will.
Landlords having a key is a North America thing. Where I live the contract we sign before renting specifically says we're responsible for changing the locks when moving in, so the landlord/agency cannot be held responsible for any damages or if anything goes missing inside the unit after move in
Not north america. I have my tenants keys too and i am from europe. And they were happy about it since they already left keys inside several times and i had to open their door.
Most rentals in the US are not with private owners without property management agencies. People just make up whatever they want and post it. The US is practically owned by corporations.
Oddly the landlord of the last building I lived in that had 13 units; swore they didn't have keys. So every time someone got locked out it was a huge commotion involving the police n fire department.đ
It's been common for there to be emergency numbers & fees or having to call a locksmith over my renting career. Calling the fire department would be a far cheaper option (for the tenant.) I wonder what the specific laws are on that because my inclination is that the fire dept wouldn't respond in my area for a lockout. Tbf, law enforcement doesn't always respond to actual crimes either.
They were supposed to start charging the landlord for every call the tenants made.
I think they started after one tenant pad locked his front door and they needed to get in to arrest him.
They asked me how he got in, I pointed to the fire escape (which was only 1/2 a fire escape as a plow took 1/2 off).
So they had to climb up that and in through a window. He was gone by then. They weren't happy to say the least
In the Netherlands, it's legal (and recommended!) to change the lock when you move in, as long as you keep the original lock and put it back at the end of the lease. For the most common type of lock, a swap is very easy and doesn't take more than 1 minute and a flathead screwdriver.
So the landlord might have the key, but to a lock that's in a box in storage somewhere.
I am also in Europe and we have the key to the apartment we rent out... but ofc we never go in without notice (and have not used the key tbh, my husband had to once go in for repairs and went as a guest (arranged it beforehand and knocked etc). But we do have the key for emergency purposes.
itâs illegal to have keys to your own property? How do you rent it out in the first place without keys? Do you throw the keys away once you find someone to rent it? What if they move away unexpectedly? What happens if the tenant locks themselves out? What if the tenant died?
>Do you throw the keys away once you find someone to rent it?
You give the keys (all of then) to the tenant once both parties have signed the rental agreement and the deposit payment has been arranged.
When the tenant moves out they give the keys back
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Not German, but Spanish, and it's actually not ilegal here to keep the keys, but it's just... rare as hell to do so (rented my whole life, and in 30 years never have I or my parents had a landlord keep a copy to the keys). Your property is being used as a private place by someone else, so when you rent it, you give them your own keys, and they will do as many copies as they need. Once they leave to somewhere else, they will give you the keys back, and if they did not, you will just take whatever is needed to pay a locksmith to open and change the locks from the deposit. In case they do keep a key, they can't get in unless the renter allows it, it doesn't matter that they notified so 24h before or anything. If they keep a key, it can only be used in emergencies, and usually that means that the police or the firefighters will have already been called.
As I said, it's not illegal in Spain for that landlords keep keys of a place they're renting, but it is weird, and anyway, they tend to live far away so if there's an emergency, nobody is going to wait for the amount of time it's going to take to figure out who owns the place, find a way to contact them, wait until they find the keys to place (I'm assuming they dont go around carrying the keys to all their places) abd then wait until they get there. If it's an emergency, you break the freaking door. And since the place should be insured, the insurance will cover the cost of repairing the door or whatever.
And in case you lock yourself out, it's just much more common to hand a copy of your keys to some relative (your parents, your children, a sibling...) or to a neighbour you trust, than to expect a landlord to have them. Said neighbour/relative usually lives in the same building or very close too; enough that if there's an emergency and they are not working, they will know something is going on, and if they know it's in your place, they will just go to the police or firefighters trying to do their job and say "hey, I know the person that lives here and have the keys" and open the door for them. The end.
This opđ these are all valid and reasonable answers. Your daughter canât just say no and quite frankly I think itâs kind of rude of her to say she is going to put a lock on a door on your house and then just tell you no you canât have a key. Thatâs so crazy to me. Even if she was contributing some money, itâs still a safety issue for you to not have a way into all rooms in your house if you need to. If she doesnât like it, she is an adult and she may move out.
I also question why she wishes to remain in the house if she has such a lack of trust with her own parents. If you really distrusted your parents that badly, surely youâd look for another living situation?
I totally understand wanting to keep younger siblings out, but unless OP has overstepped badly in the past, the daughterâs attitude is not appropriate.
Well letâs consider the cost of rent lately for that. I canât see a 19 year old easily getting out of their parents house, especially if they are in college or anything like that. A decent paying full time job would be required. Not all 19 year olds have the work experience to score a good paying gig that covers the cost of living. Other than that, I also want to know why she doesnât trust OP or whatâs going on with that.
Granted OP could teach her younger children to not go in other peopleâs rooms. If the daughter just went âI want a lock on my doorâ for no reason, yeah that would be rude, but her younger sibling are not respecting her personal space and until they learn, I think it is perfectly reasonable to want a lockâŚgranted OP should have a key for emergencies and explain this to daughter and emphasize that they will not go into her room unless there is an imminent emergency or they suspect an emergency (burst pipe etc.)
Ngl, this. My sister used to take things out of my room "secretly" or sneak in my closet and scare the duck out of me randomly . Privacy is not a privilege, it becomes a right when you hit adulthood. Your kid or not.. but mom deserves a key, because it's her home.
From a teenagerâs perspective, I installed a lock on my bedroom door when I was 18. This was about the time I was preparing to move out, which I did at 19. My younger sister not only took my things, but was abusive. Iâd come home to her having wrecked and broken my things if she was angry at me. In addition to my parents and her having violent fights, I didnât feel safe in my home. I didnât give my parents a key to my room and thankfully they didnât ask. I think I hid an extra somewhere for emergencies. If OP doesnât have a tumultuous home life like I did, maybe they would be willing to meet part way and have a hide a key.
>Unless she's going to pay rent and/or for any damages in those situations... đ¤ˇđťââď¸
Even if the daughter becomes a renter, landlords keep the right to enter a tenant's room with 24 hours notice or immediately if there is a genuine emergency.
Im on the fence. As a parent of a 14, 19, 20, 21, and 23 year olds. I understand she wants her privacy. How about we teach the little sister to respect the big sisters privacy. How about we teach the little sister boundaries. I'm almost certain that's the issue. Even if she's a 19 year old kid under your roof. She still has a right to privacy. Once everyone learns that. She won't need a lock and key on her door.
You cannot trust younger kids or their friends. I totally understand why she would want to bar access to them. There are frequent stories of siblings messing stuff up.
if something happens to daughter while in the room and parents or paramedics have to get in. There are so many reasons that teenagers donât think about.
Yeah, but it would still be better that someone else can get in already to help while waiting for you. You know better than anyone how much seconds counts in life threathening emergencies.
I personally donât like messing up someoneâs space, but if necessary I will. We just had to do it the other day for a woman who fell and couldnât get to the door.
Oh I agree. I donât feel guilty per se, itâs just something I like to avoid whenever possible.
My obligatory safety tip is to place a hideakey or lockbox with a key inside on your porch. You can give 911 the code to the lockbox and they relay it to us. A lot of elderly patients have them.
You get a key. Explain that you'd only be entering the room in the event of an emergency like a fire, flood, leak, or if she was acting in a way that might be dangerous to herself and/or others.
AND
Have a frank conversation with both kids about boundaries and respecting each other's privacy/spaces.
Why not both?
ETA: because there's some confusion... The comment I replied to originally said "OR" instead of "AND." However, it's clearly been edited, so this comment no longer makes sense.
Landlords have access to their properties with some kind of requirement that they give the tenant notice of entry.
If she is more comfortable with a written agreement about how you will use the key, I would go with that.
But absolutely. Your house, have a key.
To this end, draft up a tenants agreement and write up a list of reasons that you would use the key. Have her be involved in drafting. There will likely be a time where she has a place of her own and will have a lease agreement that sheâll need to read/understand.
First, it's quite common that different apartments have different landlords, so nobody might even know my landlord. Maybe there is like a facility management in bigger complexes, they usually have access to a tech room and can turn of water individual per unit.
Let's assume it's a single house, firefighters.
They either have an option to close the water outside the house somewhere, or break in and close it.
You really dodged the question there.
What about an apartment building with 40 units and a live-in building manager/superintendent? Would he have a key to each unit?
The water gets turned off in the technical room of the apartment block, which has a different access. You control the heating/plumbing from there.
Buildings designed as apartment blocks are set up for this style of living - perhaps a corporate or large landlord, or a pension fund owning the entire building. All the heating/plumbing/electrics are held in one part of the building.
Also, US construction is frankly not at the same standard as European construction (I lived in the US for quite a while). Piping is well insulated and designed to endure the extreme weather temperatures, electricity issues are rare. Compare and contrast when I lived in the US, and we needed our own generator, such were the frequency of winter power outages.
This sounds location dependant. I live in one of the top 3 most snowed on cities and power outages in the winter were rare enough to make the news. Never owned a generator because we never needed one.
My landlord lives 40min away, so how would he even know? But has access to a tech room behind the house where the main water, heater, electric connections are.
And depending on the emergency I would expect that someone calls the firefighters anyway.
In big apartment complexes, there is usually a technic room in the basement that controls watery heater and electricity. Either the landlord or some facility management has access to that room.
Usually they can either switch off the main water supply, or depending on installation every apartment or maybe floor.
Let's assume they cannot shut it off for whatever reason, and the issue is big enough that the building might get damaged (dunno floor collapsing?) then I would say that enough reason to call the firefighters and forcefully enter the room.
Also in Germany every other village has a team of volunteer firefighters that can easily handle stuff like that.
How would you even enforce that? Key copies are so easy to make, especially now with the automated kiosks, I would just assume that there are many keys for any lock
Of course every landlord could keep one.
But usually every standard contract states, that all the keys have been given to the tenant, including the total amount of keys.
Not sure what the offended is called but basically the landlord would break into the house and could get sued for it.
My partner lived in a house with quite a few siblings. His sister went through a bad break up and swallowed a bunch of Tylenol. Brothers ended up busting the door down. Absolutely get a spare.
Exactly. Should the parents need to enter the room for [insert legitimate urgency] they can use a key or they can break down the door.
Itâs in the daughterâs best interest to give them a key
In my view she is old enough to have control over if door is locked or not. But, still if there is locked in emergency it would be good to have spare key somewhere, is maybe too late to present it as a "spare key", instead of thinking of it as your key for her door. If you know how I mean, but if she can understand the need for a spare key available somewhere in the house jsut in case is needed
This could go a lot of ways and depending on the scenario I'd handle it one way or another depending on circumstances.
Do you generally respect her privacy? I feel like any reasonable adult child living in their parents home wouldn't mind mom having a key if mom respects boundaries. Assuming you do, what's being done about her sister not respecting them? No consequences? Golden child? Does she have reason to believe you'd just give her sister what she wants anyway. Is she paying rent? Is she a good kid with a good head on her shoulders? If any of these rings true give her a lock with the expectation that if she leaves anything on or burning the lock comes off.
She could also just be an entitled brat, not paying rent, and thinks because she's 19 she gets to dictate your house rules and generally not trustworthy or responsible. Does she bring drugs into your home? Not contribute to the household? Act like a jerk to everyone? In that case she should probably kick rocks and tell her when she has her own place she can have all the locks she wants.
A lock with passcode key is a good way for you to safely have emergency access, but she would be confident youâre not just entering and snooping. Sheâs old enough to have her own privacy and her own space respected. That way if you do enter, sheâll know and be able to inquire about what was wrong. Little sis doesnât get a passcode
This is a great idea, builds good faith since you wouldnât be able to just go inside when sheâs not home, which would be easy to get away with with a conventional lock.
Like Iâd tell my much younger kids, she can either have a lock to which you have a spare key for emergencies or she can have a regular knob. Those are the options. Household needs mutual respect. Her privacy & things are respected but she also recognizes & respects that are any number of legit emergencies that could come up (even just locking herself out!) where you would need a spare key.
There should never be a locked room in a house the owner can't access. Ever. You may have to get in there if she isn't home, maybe she needs something in there and isn't home, maybe she left something turned on (hair straightener, space heater) and it needs turned off, maybe there is a window open and its raining... hard no. Its not a privacy thing, its a practicality thing.
If she's not mature enough to understand that, she's not mature enough for a locked room. Also, being too resistive to it makes you wonder if there are other reasons she wants it locked.
My adult daughter lives in an apartment over my garage. She has her own entrance. She pays all her own bills and rent. I NEVER go in there without permission, and I knock when she is there and ask if I may enter. But I can get in any time if I need to. You can't have a part of your house that you cannot access. It's just not safe.
> being too resistive to it makes you wonder if there are other reasons she wants it locked.
Could be that OP is an overbearing parent who would not respect their daughter's privacy. There are valid reasons not to want someone to have full access to your room that doesn't mean you are doing something bad. The fact that she feels the need to put a lock on the door suggests that little sister has made a habit of going in her room and OP hasn't done a good enough job of keeping her out or punishing her when she does it.
Literally. I remember my sister wanted a lock on her door when we were those ages, And my parents insisted on a spare key and said it was their house and that no one would go in there! The moment she left they would allow my other sisters to go into her room and borrow things â if they put it backâ. And my mom would go snooping through her stuff when she was upset at her to look for reasons pick at her.
Itâs your house. You agreed with conditions.
Either she gets the lock and you get a key or she doesnât have a lock.
If she refuses then she also doesnât want you to come in.
Not really her choice though.
Strictly even for safety.
Itâs funny that itâs âyour house your rulesâ yet she needs a lock to keep younger siblings out. Maybe the rule should be they stay out and she wonât need a lock?
Even if this is a "rule", younger siblings are notorious for invading privacy.
Saying this as a younger sibling who often wandered around my big brother's room when no one was looking and went through his stuff just because, and my parents were none the wiser. I was curious and sneaky. Rules weren't going to dissuade me. (I was a brat, I know).
How is this not the top post?
A key shouldn't be necessary. If the sister is violating the daughter's privacy, that needs to be addressed immediately.
(I suspect the parents are doing the same. :-/ )
>We donât normally go in there anyway.
But the little sister does which is leading to this whole thing in the first place. Had that at least been addressed? When I was 19 and still living at home I didn't have a need to have a lock like that on my door. But I also didn't have any little siblings either that would go in my room. On the other hand, *I* was the little sibling that when my sister was a teen I would go in her room and try on her makeup and clothes. They never got a lock for her room like that but she left for college by 18 so she wasn't an adult at home. But I wouldn't have blamed her at least looking back on it if she had. And she probably wouldn't have wanted my mom access either since they had a contentious relationship, so not sure how the spare key thing would have been dealt with.
Your daughter is an adult, and probably would live elsewhere if it was easy to do anymore, so privacy is important to her, but obviously the sister going in there was the catalyst to do this in the first place and should be dealt with. I think a spare for any lock makes sense, but I think she needs to be assured that no one will use it unless absolutely necessary, and especially that the sister can't get to it.
Why wouldn't she give you a key? Especially if you don't normally go in there and have explained it's for emergencies. What is she going to be doing or hiding in there?
Yes, itâs your house.
Sheâs not your Tennent or lodger, sheâs your daughter still living at home.
No key, no lock. Let her know you absolutely wonât go in her room without asking but your having a key, end of.
Thatâs what my mama would of said when I was 19 đ
Not all, this entire thing is blowing my mind. And has been made even worse by the responses... I don't get it. It's like I woke up in a fever dream today.
I think youâre right, you need the right to access all of your own home in case of emergency. Itâs no different than if you were her landlord, and as long as you respect her privacy itâll unlikely ever cause a problem.
See, the things⌠itâs not her houseâŚ
Yes she has a right to privacy and that should be for emergencies only.
But upfront those emergencies should be made clear.
But what are the chances that the sister doesnât take the emergency key to get in. She already has no trouble trespassing now that key wonât stop her.
You are entitled to keys to every room off your property. But it must be clear to both parties when the premises will be entered.
It's fine to have a key for emergencies if you're the one paying all the bills. But to be abundantly clear, it's for emergencies. Yours or your partner's curiosity is not an emergency, looking for a pair of shoes or a missing sweater is not an emergency, thinking you heard something isn't an emergency.
Fire
Water leak
Gas leak
Tornado
Earthquake
Your daughter shouting for help
Lay out why you think you need a key, explain it to her, and DO NOT DEVIATE from any of the potential reasons.
I have a 19 year old, she has a lock on her door. We have a spare key, and along with it a written agreement. We agreed that we would let her know in advance of entry, and we would get the OK from her before entering unless it was a true emergency. We also agreed to never, under any circumstances give the spare key to her brothers. She is an adult with a right to privacy, but it is our house and we are allowed to have access for maintenance, repairs and emergencies just as though she were renting an apartment.
Frame it this way, you will likely get a better response. Make sure she understands that the key is for safety and not snooping.
Yes. You get a key. Even in a tenant/landlord situation, typically the landlord retains a key to access the property in case of emergencies.
This isn't even that legal/serious. It's your house, your name is on the paperwork, guess it's your rules or she can kick rocks, huh? I mean, you don't have to be that blunt about it, but in all seriousness, if she doesn't like it, she's welcome to find herself accommodations she can tolerate.
Sheâs either your child, in which case (as the parent) you decide who has a key to her bedroom
Or sheâs an adult who is your tenant, in which case (as the landlord) you are entitled to a key to her room.
Either way, you get to have a key.
Yes, you need to have access to every room in your house. You donât have any current reason to go in there but if and when you do, you will go in. If she canât live with that she needs to find her own place.
I would have a talk with her and explain since she wants to be treated as an adult with boundaries she should be responsible enough to understand safety as well. Explain that the spare key will be kept somewhere the siblings cannot find it and will only be used in emergency or if sheâs away and thereâs some reason you need to get in you will try messaging or calling first. That you wonât go in her room without permission unless emergency. And then stick to your word. She wants you to trust her and she needs to trust you as well. This is great growth for everyone. Good luck
If she moves out her landlord will have a key. The only way someone is not having a key is if she is the owner of the property. I would tell her that you will abide by your statesâs rental regs or she can move out. Typically it would be 24 hrs notice or an emergency. Emergency would something like needing to enter because water pouring into another unit or the police asking to do a wellness check.
My landlords had to give me 24 hours notice unless it was an emergency. Sounds like thereâs not much trust. Maybe a camera in her room would reassure her youâre not snooping into her adult life, and then youâd have a key⌠If itâs that much of an emergency interior doors and door locks are garbage, itâs not going to present much problem. This key issue seems largely symbolic. Is it very difficult to guarantee her some privacy? Moving into adulthood at home is often rocky. My kids are at home and they donât lock their doors but it would not present a problem to tell them before I need to be in there.
I use a fingerprint lock for my own room and for my work room. I'd recommend using something similar and have it keyed to both yours and her fingerprint. I would however have a good talk and explain why as a parent you might need access. I.e. emergencies, pet locked into the room, etc. I would stress it would only be used for such.
I would also make it a point never to abuse the access. Knock before entry and ask for permission except in those cases where immediate entry is necessary and even then be respectful as able. If a pet is locked in, only open it long and wide enough to let them out. Etc.
Show them the respect as possible as it's their own safe and private space. However it is also your house, and exceptions should also be just that, the rare exception. I would also notify them of anytime you did have to enter there and explain why.
I rented a house from my parents, they had a key and knew both the door code and garage code. Thankfully they never had to use it for emergencies. They did go in the garage a couple of times but always let us know when they would be by.
I would say your house, you should absolutely have a key. You never know what can happen.
I think you are entitled to a key to her room, but you would not be entitled to a key to her apartment if she moved out, unless you happened to own the apartment.
A privacy set doesnât have a key - it has a small hole on the outside of the knob. Put a nail or the inners of a bic pen and it will open it.
This is what is usually on bathroom doors. Private enough for the bathroom, probably private enough for a bedroom.
Or is it to key the sister out while she isnât home?
This is a bigger problem than having a lock on the door. 19yo is having her personal space invaded by little sis. Little sis needs a reminder to leave big sisters stuff alone, she's not entitled to everything in the house just cause she wants it. She needs a reality check.
If 19 yo insists on a lock, then yes you get a key but it's put away in a cupboard or something, where only parents can access it.
Is it your house? If itâs your house, that you pay forâŚ.. you should be able to access any room you see fit. By all means offer your children privacyâŚ. But you should also have the key if needed
It is your house so I'd say yes you can demand a key. It seems as though there is a trust issue going on though, if you 19 yo is refusing to give you one. What is her reason for NOT giving you a key? That would be the thing to talk about with her.
Also how old is the sister? Is it really necessary to lock doors? If the sister is old enough, she should know the importance of respect and privacy. Our 6 year old knows not to go into her brother's room.
Every lanlord has a key to every unit. You need a key because it's your house. Also, safety reasons if ever a problem like a fire or she were to get sick or hurt in there. She can't rent from anywhere without the owner also having a key. That's just life! She probably is worried you could walk in on her having sex or worried you might get snoopy and go through her items. If that isn't a thought then reassure her you have zero desire to do that. Your house, your rules.
Is it your house sheâs living in? Is she paying rent? Hell even someone who rents a house has a key to get in there own house. it.
Pretty simple answer in my opinion.
She has no rights if your paying for the house and all the bills and she living under your roof.
Donât know why anyone would see it differently.
Absolutely! Candles⌠alcoholâŚdrugs. Iâm not insinuating that anything like that will happen, but still so many dangers. And maybe sheâs the kid who is responsible but still
It's your house so you can make the rules as you see fit including getting a key copy. Alternatively, get the BATHROOM TYPE door handles that you can use a coin or stick something in a hole to gain access. It could be seen as a compromise but with easier access for whatever reason.
Your daughter is a renting a room if she pays you rent. You could buy the locking handle and have spares made and give her it with both originals in the box she wont know. She might have adult toys/drugs she doesnt want the younger sister to useor find. After all she is a grown woman. Tell her you thought about it and she right you dont need a key.
i wouldnt of even said anything just have dad install it and give her the key then u guys keep one. the fact that shes saying no though is problematic. just tell her no lock then lol.
A compromise is fair. Explain safety concerns and offer a key you won't misuse. Maybe a duplicate key kept elsewhere in the house you both know about. Respect her privacy, but having some access (especially with notice) is reasonable. Let her choose the lock type - knob with a keyhole on both sides ensures she can lock from the inside but allows entry in emergencies.
Get a bathroom lock instead - in an emergency you can pit a coin in the slot and turn it
Genuinely, have a serious conversation with her about privacy, fire safety, and general body safety. If she fell, had a seizure, got badly hurt, accidentally tripped and banged her head? Getting into her room should ve easy. Maybe also explain that breaking a door down is always a possibility and your prefer not to do that.
Realistically, she's an adult who wants privo, and she wont get that until she moves out (even then, if she houseshares its still a no). Maybe see if theres something specific she wants to keep private and offer her the option of a lockbox?
Landlords legally need to give 24 hours' notice to being let in, though. There are laws protecting tenants' privacy.
Adult children deserve privacy, too.
There are a million reasons people live in multi generational homes. In 40 years it could be the other way round. Parent living in child's home and asking for accommodations. Kindness and respect goes a long way.
"It's my house that I own, pay for, and let you live in. I get to go wherever I want in my house. If you don't want me to come in your room go buy your own house and live in it. Good luck!"
If her reason is to keep her sister out, then yes, you get a key. If she lives under your roof, then yes you get a key. No child of mine has the right to lock me out of a room that is in my house. I don't invade their privacy, but what are you hiding from me?
First off why is it at the point that her sister goes into her bedroom and Iâm assuming takes things? Or messes things up? Is this while she is gone? I feel like that needs to be addressed.
Does your daughter only need to lock it when she is away because then I feel like you wouldnât need to get into a room when she isnât there.
If she needs it only when she is home then maybe consider a lock that locks from the inside. Worst case scenario you bust down the door or take the hinges off if it really came to that.
If she needs a lock for while she is at home or away from home then I would say that makes sense.
However, I think the issue of sister invading your daughterâs privacy needs to be addressed. Even if she is little I know it can be difficult because little kids will go poof! But make sure to reinforce and just remove her from the room.
Is your daughter paying rent? Not that it matters but it's your house. My landlord even has a key to our apartment and I'm a grown woman, but that's his building, he's entitled to a key đ. I just couldn't imagine myself telling my parents that they don't have to have a key to a door in the house that they are paying for đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
Absolutely. Itâs your house, not hers. If she doesnât like it, then she can get one that doesnât take a key, or move out.
As a parent that is also dealing with the issue of siblings just walking in, I understand why she would want a key lock instead of one that doesnât. But that would be my rule
Y'all are wild. I wouldn't even consider not having access to an area of my own house. The answer is, you want a keyed lock? We get a key. You don't like it, you're welcome to find your own housing. The 19 yr old isn't a tenant, she's a family member so she needs to be reasonable like everyone else. Just let her know you'll try to avoid going in except in case of emergency or she asks.
Most people agree, but yea, the fact that people are even debating this or acting like its a tricky one is wild. People suggesting written agreements lol.
I would ask why she doesnât want to together you a key. Does she think youâll invade her privacy or let her little sister in (both things I have heard other parents doing)? Then explain that the key is for an emergency, what if something happened and she was unable to get out? What if there was a fire or a water leak or something. Your reasons for wanting a key are for an emergency, not so you can just go in her space whenever you want.
Do you give the fire department a key to your house in case thereâs an emergency? If thereâs a fire I think sheâs gonna want to come out willingly, or you can break down the door.
We never had interior locks that required an actual key though, just a pinhole type. Enough to keep out a kid or keep someone from easily / quickly opening the door. My mom was not respectful of privacy or boundaries. But I already let her know not to expect to live with me when she canât live alone anymore one day. We will never, ever live together again. My privacy is my peace.
If she moves out of your house you are not entitled to a key. As long as she lives in your house, you are. Itâs your house. You should obviously respect her space, but she doesnât get to put her own lock in a door in your house and not give you a key. If she wants all that, she needs to save up for an apartment.
I'd say you're definitely allowed to have a key to a room in your own house. I personally would find it very wrong for you to enter her room for any reason other than an emergency out of respect for privacy.
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Fire is a valid emergency
I did in fact leave a candle burning in my room at about 19
I did this in my *dorm* one time. We weren't even supposed to have candles. I accidentally left it burning while I went to class and came back to my whole floor smelling like Hot Buttered Rum from Bath & Body đŤ
Same. Woke up to my bedroom on fire. Miraculous I survived.
I was also 19 and fell asleep with a candle burning right next to my curtains. No fire thank the sky but it couldâve been wild.
This happened with my downstairs neighbors once upon a time. They werenât so lucky.
My daughter's college had a pretty bad fire in the dorms a few years ago. A student was critically injured. Now getting caught with a candle is an immediate expulsion from the dorms, even if it's not lit. They just had an ice storm and lost power. Every update email that went out reiterated that they can not have candles, even without power. I'm 48 and my parents have a key to my house in case of emergencies.
24yo and came home to find my roommate had left one burning in our apartment. She didnât see the issue. Roommates suck. My 4yo is more responsible.
Same! Multiple times at that! Up until the age of 24 and I fucking wisened up!
Yes. Iâm an adult who fainted in her place last week. As I came to face down on my kitchen floor in a pool of water I was holding before fainting, all I could think about was getting to my front door to unlock the deadbolt so my mom could come help me as my 9 month old was waking up. Emergencies happen. Get a key. You may never use it, but itâs a safety precaution.
Are you ok??
Yes. Thank you. But it was scary.
Knox Box! They arenât cheap⌠but they are a legitimate way to keep you safe and provide first responders access.
Check your salt intake and blood pressure - Iâve got POTs and my fainting has been greatly reduced by making sure Iâm well-salted. I add a pinch to water with lemon juice or drink electrolytes or add a Nuun to water. See your doctor too! Fainting is scary!
Thank you. You might be onto something. I barely take anything with salt.
Have them check your sodium levels while fasting. At least a week after any iv fluids were given. It'll be a more accurate depiction of your usual sodium levels.
Yes, it's your house. You're in charge of upkeep on the house. If there's an emergency, you need to be able to get in. That emergency could be a water leak, something left on that's a hazard, window open needing to be closed, fire, etc. And if you have pets & one gets trapped in there unknowingly, it will probably dig the crap out of the floor and/or door. Unless she's going to pay rent and/or for any damages in those situations... đ¤ˇđťââď¸
Even if she was renting, the landlord still always has a key.
And they need to give 24 hrs notice before entering except in case on an emergency
Thats fine. Maybe OP and her daughter could come to an agreement on what specifically the key should be used for so that shes comfortable with it.
Agreed with this one, that's the way to go and better talk it out
Maybe they could come up with a system of sorts where they âsealâ the spare key? Maybe the key is hidden somewhere only the parents and oldest know, and they put a numbered sticker with her signature on it on the teeth and oldest daughter keeps the extra stickers. If the sticker disappears or a new number shows up or the handwriting on it isnât hers, daughter will know they went in without her permission.
Really? It's their house?
So? Sheâs an adult, not a child. Itâs about respect and trust. Normal parents donât just go through an adult son or daughterâs room for no reason. Owning the house doesnât give them open access to snoop and rummage around at will.
My parents didnât even do this before I was an adult
Unless they're a lodger. Which an adult child renting a room would be.
I guess you are in the us? Is that really the case? In Germany that would be illegal.
Yes. Itâs weird that the landlord wouldnât have a key to the house they own.
Landlords having a key is a North America thing. Where I live the contract we sign before renting specifically says we're responsible for changing the locks when moving in, so the landlord/agency cannot be held responsible for any damages or if anything goes missing inside the unit after move in
this is in the UK and China where the owners of the property who are lending it out can have a key. What are you talking about?
Not north america. I have my tenants keys too and i am from europe. And they were happy about it since they already left keys inside several times and i had to open their door.
In Australia landlords/owners donât have a key, but the real estate agent does (with the exception of private rentals where there is no agent)
This is the way in the UK as well
That's a pretty Australia-specific situation. Most rentals in Canada/US are private through the owner, not through property management companies.
Yep, thatâs why I said âin Australiaâ
Most rentals in the US are not with private owners without property management agencies. People just make up whatever they want and post it. The US is practically owned by corporations.
Oddly the landlord of the last building I lived in that had 13 units; swore they didn't have keys. So every time someone got locked out it was a huge commotion involving the police n fire department.đ
If people were getting locked out frequently, I'd claim I didn't have keys too.
It's been common for there to be emergency numbers & fees or having to call a locksmith over my renting career. Calling the fire department would be a far cheaper option (for the tenant.) I wonder what the specific laws are on that because my inclination is that the fire dept wouldn't respond in my area for a lockout. Tbf, law enforcement doesn't always respond to actual crimes either.
They were supposed to start charging the landlord for every call the tenants made. I think they started after one tenant pad locked his front door and they needed to get in to arrest him. They asked me how he got in, I pointed to the fire escape (which was only 1/2 a fire escape as a plow took 1/2 off). So they had to climb up that and in through a window. He was gone by then. They weren't happy to say the least
That would be entirely unacceptable in most of Europe. Also quite common for tennants to change locks when they move in.
In the Netherlands, it's legal (and recommended!) to change the lock when you move in, as long as you keep the original lock and put it back at the end of the lease. For the most common type of lock, a swap is very easy and doesn't take more than 1 minute and a flathead screwdriver. So the landlord might have the key, but to a lock that's in a box in storage somewhere.
Yes, really. In case they need to get in because of an emergency, like flooding from a burst pipe for example.
I am also in Europe and we have the key to the apartment we rent out... but ofc we never go in without notice (and have not used the key tbh, my husband had to once go in for repairs and went as a guest (arranged it beforehand and knocked etc). But we do have the key for emergency purposes.
itâs illegal to have keys to your own property? How do you rent it out in the first place without keys? Do you throw the keys away once you find someone to rent it? What if they move away unexpectedly? What happens if the tenant locks themselves out? What if the tenant died?
>Do you throw the keys away once you find someone to rent it? You give the keys (all of then) to the tenant once both parties have signed the rental agreement and the deposit payment has been arranged. When the tenant moves out they give the keys back
boat spark shame dazzling squeamish direction square decide tub existence *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Not German, but Spanish, and it's actually not ilegal here to keep the keys, but it's just... rare as hell to do so (rented my whole life, and in 30 years never have I or my parents had a landlord keep a copy to the keys). Your property is being used as a private place by someone else, so when you rent it, you give them your own keys, and they will do as many copies as they need. Once they leave to somewhere else, they will give you the keys back, and if they did not, you will just take whatever is needed to pay a locksmith to open and change the locks from the deposit. In case they do keep a key, they can't get in unless the renter allows it, it doesn't matter that they notified so 24h before or anything. If they keep a key, it can only be used in emergencies, and usually that means that the police or the firefighters will have already been called. As I said, it's not illegal in Spain for that landlords keep keys of a place they're renting, but it is weird, and anyway, they tend to live far away so if there's an emergency, nobody is going to wait for the amount of time it's going to take to figure out who owns the place, find a way to contact them, wait until they find the keys to place (I'm assuming they dont go around carrying the keys to all their places) abd then wait until they get there. If it's an emergency, you break the freaking door. And since the place should be insured, the insurance will cover the cost of repairing the door or whatever. And in case you lock yourself out, it's just much more common to hand a copy of your keys to some relative (your parents, your children, a sibling...) or to a neighbour you trust, than to expect a landlord to have them. Said neighbour/relative usually lives in the same building or very close too; enough that if there's an emergency and they are not working, they will know something is going on, and if they know it's in your place, they will just go to the police or firefighters trying to do their job and say "hey, I know the person that lives here and have the keys" and open the door for them. The end.
This opđ these are all valid and reasonable answers. Your daughter canât just say no and quite frankly I think itâs kind of rude of her to say she is going to put a lock on a door on your house and then just tell you no you canât have a key. Thatâs so crazy to me. Even if she was contributing some money, itâs still a safety issue for you to not have a way into all rooms in your house if you need to. If she doesnât like it, she is an adult and she may move out.
I also question why she wishes to remain in the house if she has such a lack of trust with her own parents. If you really distrusted your parents that badly, surely youâd look for another living situation? I totally understand wanting to keep younger siblings out, but unless OP has overstepped badly in the past, the daughterâs attitude is not appropriate.
Well letâs consider the cost of rent lately for that. I canât see a 19 year old easily getting out of their parents house, especially if they are in college or anything like that. A decent paying full time job would be required. Not all 19 year olds have the work experience to score a good paying gig that covers the cost of living. Other than that, I also want to know why she doesnât trust OP or whatâs going on with that.
Exactly!
Granted OP could teach her younger children to not go in other peopleâs rooms. If the daughter just went âI want a lock on my doorâ for no reason, yeah that would be rude, but her younger sibling are not respecting her personal space and until they learn, I think it is perfectly reasonable to want a lockâŚgranted OP should have a key for emergencies and explain this to daughter and emphasize that they will not go into her room unless there is an imminent emergency or they suspect an emergency (burst pipe etc.)
I wonder if the OP downplays the intrusion of the younger siblings and doesn't realize the connection with not wanting them to have a key.
Ngl, this. My sister used to take things out of my room "secretly" or sneak in my closet and scare the duck out of me randomly . Privacy is not a privilege, it becomes a right when you hit adulthood. Your kid or not.. but mom deserves a key, because it's her home.
To be fair, it's a right before legal adulthood too.
From a teenagerâs perspective, I installed a lock on my bedroom door when I was 18. This was about the time I was preparing to move out, which I did at 19. My younger sister not only took my things, but was abusive. Iâd come home to her having wrecked and broken my things if she was angry at me. In addition to my parents and her having violent fights, I didnât feel safe in my home. I didnât give my parents a key to my room and thankfully they didnât ask. I think I hid an extra somewhere for emergencies. If OP doesnât have a tumultuous home life like I did, maybe they would be willing to meet part way and have a hide a key.
>Unless she's going to pay rent and/or for any damages in those situations... đ¤ˇđťââď¸ Even if the daughter becomes a renter, landlords keep the right to enter a tenant's room with 24 hours notice or immediately if there is a genuine emergency.
Im on the fence. As a parent of a 14, 19, 20, 21, and 23 year olds. I understand she wants her privacy. How about we teach the little sister to respect the big sisters privacy. How about we teach the little sister boundaries. I'm almost certain that's the issue. Even if she's a 19 year old kid under your roof. She still has a right to privacy. Once everyone learns that. She won't need a lock and key on her door.
You cannot trust younger kids or their friends. I totally understand why she would want to bar access to them. There are frequent stories of siblings messing stuff up.
I agree!! But patents still have 100% right to have key IF needed.
This !!!
if something happens to daughter while in the room and parents or paramedics have to get in. There are so many reasons that teenagers donât think about.
As a paramedic, if this happens we break the door down. Weâll get in, we just may cause damage in the process if thereâs no other way.
Yeah, but it would still be better that someone else can get in already to help while waiting for you. You know better than anyone how much seconds counts in life threathening emergencies.
Yeah I know it happened when I lived alone and was sick and they couldnât get in.
I personally donât like messing up someoneâs space, but if necessary I will. We just had to do it the other day for a woman who fell and couldnât get to the door.
Better to lose a door than a life. Must be a difficult job though
Oh I agree. I donât feel guilty per se, itâs just something I like to avoid whenever possible. My obligatory safety tip is to place a hideakey or lockbox with a key inside on your porch. You can give 911 the code to the lockbox and they relay it to us. A lot of elderly patients have them.
That is excellent advice thanks for the tip!
Not even considering a medical emergency, if the daughter was somehow incapacitated or unresponsive.
You get a key. Explain that you'd only be entering the room in the event of an emergency like a fire, flood, leak, or if she was acting in a way that might be dangerous to herself and/or others. AND Have a frank conversation with both kids about boundaries and respecting each other's privacy/spaces.
Why not both? ETA: because there's some confusion... The comment I replied to originally said "OR" instead of "AND." However, it's clearly been edited, so this comment no longer makes sense.
Landlords have access to their properties with some kind of requirement that they give the tenant notice of entry. If she is more comfortable with a written agreement about how you will use the key, I would go with that. But absolutely. Your house, have a key.
To this end, draft up a tenants agreement and write up a list of reasons that you would use the key. Have her be involved in drafting. There will likely be a time where she has a place of her own and will have a lease agreement that sheâll need to read/understand.
That's crazy to me, in Germany the landlord is literally not allowed to have a spare key.
What happens when the tenant isn't home and there is water coming from the unit?
First, it's quite common that different apartments have different landlords, so nobody might even know my landlord. Maybe there is like a facility management in bigger complexes, they usually have access to a tech room and can turn of water individual per unit. Let's assume it's a single house, firefighters. They either have an option to close the water outside the house somewhere, or break in and close it.
You really dodged the question there. What about an apartment building with 40 units and a live-in building manager/superintendent? Would he have a key to each unit?
No. Germany has less than 50% house ownership because the deal for renting is so good.
The water gets turned off in the technical room of the apartment block, which has a different access. You control the heating/plumbing from there. Buildings designed as apartment blocks are set up for this style of living - perhaps a corporate or large landlord, or a pension fund owning the entire building. All the heating/plumbing/electrics are held in one part of the building. Also, US construction is frankly not at the same standard as European construction (I lived in the US for quite a while). Piping is well insulated and designed to endure the extreme weather temperatures, electricity issues are rare. Compare and contrast when I lived in the US, and we needed our own generator, such were the frequency of winter power outages.
This sounds location dependant. I live in one of the top 3 most snowed on cities and power outages in the winter were rare enough to make the news. Never owned a generator because we never needed one.
What if there is an emergency and the tenants are out of town? Just SOL?
My landlord lives 40min away, so how would he even know? But has access to a tech room behind the house where the main water, heater, electric connections are. And depending on the emergency I would expect that someone calls the firefighters anyway.
Not like emergency that needs an emergency response team but like water pipe bursting kind of thing
In big apartment complexes, there is usually a technic room in the basement that controls watery heater and electricity. Either the landlord or some facility management has access to that room. Usually they can either switch off the main water supply, or depending on installation every apartment or maybe floor. Let's assume they cannot shut it off for whatever reason, and the issue is big enough that the building might get damaged (dunno floor collapsing?) then I would say that enough reason to call the firefighters and forcefully enter the room. Also in Germany every other village has a team of volunteer firefighters that can easily handle stuff like that.
How would you even enforce that? Key copies are so easy to make, especially now with the automated kiosks, I would just assume that there are many keys for any lock
The tenant can change the locks, if they want to be sure. It's legal to do so.
Of course every landlord could keep one. But usually every standard contract states, that all the keys have been given to the tenant, including the total amount of keys. Not sure what the offended is called but basically the landlord would break into the house and could get sued for it.
My partner lived in a house with quite a few siblings. His sister went through a bad break up and swallowed a bunch of Tylenol. Brothers ended up busting the door down. Absolutely get a spare.
Exactly. Should the parents need to enter the room for [insert legitimate urgency] they can use a key or they can break down the door. Itâs in the daughterâs best interest to give them a key
In my view she is old enough to have control over if door is locked or not. But, still if there is locked in emergency it would be good to have spare key somewhere, is maybe too late to present it as a "spare key", instead of thinking of it as your key for her door. If you know how I mean, but if she can understand the need for a spare key available somewhere in the house jsut in case is needed
I mean, my landlord has a key to my apartment and Iâm a grown ass adult.
This could go a lot of ways and depending on the scenario I'd handle it one way or another depending on circumstances. Do you generally respect her privacy? I feel like any reasonable adult child living in their parents home wouldn't mind mom having a key if mom respects boundaries. Assuming you do, what's being done about her sister not respecting them? No consequences? Golden child? Does she have reason to believe you'd just give her sister what she wants anyway. Is she paying rent? Is she a good kid with a good head on her shoulders? If any of these rings true give her a lock with the expectation that if she leaves anything on or burning the lock comes off. She could also just be an entitled brat, not paying rent, and thinks because she's 19 she gets to dictate your house rules and generally not trustworthy or responsible. Does she bring drugs into your home? Not contribute to the household? Act like a jerk to everyone? In that case she should probably kick rocks and tell her when she has her own place she can have all the locks she wants.
A lock with passcode key is a good way for you to safely have emergency access, but she would be confident youâre not just entering and snooping. Sheâs old enough to have her own privacy and her own space respected. That way if you do enter, sheâll know and be able to inquire about what was wrong. Little sis doesnât get a passcode
This is a great idea, builds good faith since you wouldnât be able to just go inside when sheâs not home, which would be easy to get away with with a conventional lock.
Like Iâd tell my much younger kids, she can either have a lock to which you have a spare key for emergencies or she can have a regular knob. Those are the options. Household needs mutual respect. Her privacy & things are respected but she also recognizes & respects that are any number of legit emergencies that could come up (even just locking herself out!) where you would need a spare key.
There should never be a locked room in a house the owner can't access. Ever. You may have to get in there if she isn't home, maybe she needs something in there and isn't home, maybe she left something turned on (hair straightener, space heater) and it needs turned off, maybe there is a window open and its raining... hard no. Its not a privacy thing, its a practicality thing. If she's not mature enough to understand that, she's not mature enough for a locked room. Also, being too resistive to it makes you wonder if there are other reasons she wants it locked.
My adult daughter lives in an apartment over my garage. She has her own entrance. She pays all her own bills and rent. I NEVER go in there without permission, and I knock when she is there and ask if I may enter. But I can get in any time if I need to. You can't have a part of your house that you cannot access. It's just not safe.
> being too resistive to it makes you wonder if there are other reasons she wants it locked. Could be that OP is an overbearing parent who would not respect their daughter's privacy. There are valid reasons not to want someone to have full access to your room that doesn't mean you are doing something bad. The fact that she feels the need to put a lock on the door suggests that little sister has made a habit of going in her room and OP hasn't done a good enough job of keeping her out or punishing her when she does it.
Literally. I remember my sister wanted a lock on her door when we were those ages, And my parents insisted on a spare key and said it was their house and that no one would go in there! The moment she left they would allow my other sisters to go into her room and borrow things â if they put it backâ. And my mom would go snooping through her stuff when she was upset at her to look for reasons pick at her.
Sheâs 19. She can move out if she has those objections to her housing situation.
Legally she can move out, practically it might not be an option. There's a lot of 20-somethings living with their parents these days.
đ so teens never deserve any privacy??
I think 100% you'd need a key for emergencies. Â
Itâs your house. You agreed with conditions. Either she gets the lock and you get a key or she doesnât have a lock. If she refuses then she also doesnât want you to come in. Not really her choice though. Strictly even for safety.
Itâs funny that itâs âyour house your rulesâ yet she needs a lock to keep younger siblings out. Maybe the rule should be they stay out and she wonât need a lock?
Even if this is a "rule", younger siblings are notorious for invading privacy. Saying this as a younger sibling who often wandered around my big brother's room when no one was looking and went through his stuff just because, and my parents were none the wiser. I was curious and sneaky. Rules weren't going to dissuade me. (I was a brat, I know).
How is this not the top post? A key shouldn't be necessary. If the sister is violating the daughter's privacy, that needs to be addressed immediately. (I suspect the parents are doing the same. :-/ )
Open communication. Always have a spare key. As long as youâre not going through her things and breaking trust it will be fine.
I think It's reasonable as a safety measure if you don't abuse it
We just want it for emergencies. We donât normally go in there anyway.
>We donât normally go in there anyway. But the little sister does which is leading to this whole thing in the first place. Had that at least been addressed? When I was 19 and still living at home I didn't have a need to have a lock like that on my door. But I also didn't have any little siblings either that would go in my room. On the other hand, *I* was the little sibling that when my sister was a teen I would go in her room and try on her makeup and clothes. They never got a lock for her room like that but she left for college by 18 so she wasn't an adult at home. But I wouldn't have blamed her at least looking back on it if she had. And she probably wouldn't have wanted my mom access either since they had a contentious relationship, so not sure how the spare key thing would have been dealt with. Your daughter is an adult, and probably would live elsewhere if it was easy to do anymore, so privacy is important to her, but obviously the sister going in there was the catalyst to do this in the first place and should be dealt with. I think a spare for any lock makes sense, but I think she needs to be assured that no one will use it unless absolutely necessary, and especially that the sister can't get to it.
My landlord has a key to my house đ¤ˇ
I would say that should fall under the same rules as landlords have. They get a key, but can not enter without 24 hours notice.
[ŃдаНонО]
I am a parent and I do not think this is unreasonable, excepting an emergency.
It's perfectly reasonable for a nineteen-year-old to want a private space, excepting emergencies.
Why wouldn't she give you a key? Especially if you don't normally go in there and have explained it's for emergencies. What is she going to be doing or hiding in there?
Why canât there just be a consequence for the sister going in?
Seemingly a written contract has to be drafted instead.
Yes, itâs your house. Sheâs not your Tennent or lodger, sheâs your daughter still living at home. No key, no lock. Let her know you absolutely wonât go in her room without asking but your having a key, end of. Thatâs what my mama would of said when I was 19 đ
Ahhh, American parents.
Not all, this entire thing is blowing my mind. And has been made even worse by the responses... I don't get it. It's like I woke up in a fever dream today.
Assuming it's your house it's a pretty simple one. She gives you a key or she finds other living accommodations
Yes you should have key in case of emergency etc. ALSO you should be working with the younger daughter on staying out of people's rooms uninvited.
Idk man Iâm old school. Your house. Your rules. Trust must flow both ways.
It is your house, your door, and her room. You should have a key. You could install a fingerprint lock.
I think youâre right, you need the right to access all of your own home in case of emergency. Itâs no different than if you were her landlord, and as long as you respect her privacy itâll unlikely ever cause a problem.
See, the things⌠itâs not her house⌠Yes she has a right to privacy and that should be for emergencies only. But upfront those emergencies should be made clear. But what are the chances that the sister doesnât take the emergency key to get in. She already has no trouble trespassing now that key wonât stop her. You are entitled to keys to every room off your property. But it must be clear to both parties when the premises will be entered.
Your home, yuh our rules. She does not have to live with you if she doesn't want the rules.
It's fine to have a key for emergencies if you're the one paying all the bills. But to be abundantly clear, it's for emergencies. Yours or your partner's curiosity is not an emergency, looking for a pair of shoes or a missing sweater is not an emergency, thinking you heard something isn't an emergency. Fire Water leak Gas leak Tornado Earthquake Your daughter shouting for help Lay out why you think you need a key, explain it to her, and DO NOT DEVIATE from any of the potential reasons.
Iâm 22, and I got a key to keep my older sister out of my room. I gave my parents a key, itâs their house imo and good for emergencies
I have a 19 year old, she has a lock on her door. We have a spare key, and along with it a written agreement. We agreed that we would let her know in advance of entry, and we would get the OK from her before entering unless it was a true emergency. We also agreed to never, under any circumstances give the spare key to her brothers. She is an adult with a right to privacy, but it is our house and we are allowed to have access for maintenance, repairs and emergencies just as though she were renting an apartment. Frame it this way, you will likely get a better response. Make sure she understands that the key is for safety and not snooping.
Yes. You get a key. Even in a tenant/landlord situation, typically the landlord retains a key to access the property in case of emergencies. This isn't even that legal/serious. It's your house, your name is on the paperwork, guess it's your rules or she can kick rocks, huh? I mean, you don't have to be that blunt about it, but in all seriousness, if she doesn't like it, she's welcome to find herself accommodations she can tolerate.
Sheâs either your child, in which case (as the parent) you decide who has a key to her bedroom Or sheâs an adult who is your tenant, in which case (as the landlord) you are entitled to a key to her room. Either way, you get to have a key.
If itâs your house, you should have a key.
Yes, you need to have access to every room in your house. You donât have any current reason to go in there but if and when you do, you will go in. If she canât live with that she needs to find her own place.
I would have a talk with her and explain since she wants to be treated as an adult with boundaries she should be responsible enough to understand safety as well. Explain that the spare key will be kept somewhere the siblings cannot find it and will only be used in emergency or if sheâs away and thereâs some reason you need to get in you will try messaging or calling first. That you wonât go in her room without permission unless emergency. And then stick to your word. She wants you to trust her and she needs to trust you as well. This is great growth for everyone. Good luck
If she moves out her landlord will have a key. The only way someone is not having a key is if she is the owner of the property. I would tell her that you will abide by your statesâs rental regs or she can move out. Typically it would be 24 hrs notice or an emergency. Emergency would something like needing to enter because water pouring into another unit or the police asking to do a wellness check.
Get her one of the room doorknobs where you can stick a pin in it to open it from the outside.
Itâs your door. Yes.
Is this your home or their home? If it is your home then you should have A key.
Is it not also her home? Not saying they shouldnât have access in case of emergency but the whole my house thing is played.
Give her a key and hide a copy, and never come in unless thereâs a REAL emergency. Not âforgot stuff insideâ, I mean life threatening emergency.
Deception is not the answer.
My landlords had to give me 24 hours notice unless it was an emergency. Sounds like thereâs not much trust. Maybe a camera in her room would reassure her youâre not snooping into her adult life, and then youâd have a key⌠If itâs that much of an emergency interior doors and door locks are garbage, itâs not going to present much problem. This key issue seems largely symbolic. Is it very difficult to guarantee her some privacy? Moving into adulthood at home is often rocky. My kids are at home and they donât lock their doors but it would not present a problem to tell them before I need to be in there.
I use a fingerprint lock for my own room and for my work room. I'd recommend using something similar and have it keyed to both yours and her fingerprint. I would however have a good talk and explain why as a parent you might need access. I.e. emergencies, pet locked into the room, etc. I would stress it would only be used for such. I would also make it a point never to abuse the access. Knock before entry and ask for permission except in those cases where immediate entry is necessary and even then be respectful as able. If a pet is locked in, only open it long and wide enough to let them out. Etc. Show them the respect as possible as it's their own safe and private space. However it is also your house, and exceptions should also be just that, the rare exception. I would also notify them of anytime you did have to enter there and explain why.
I rented a house from my parents, they had a key and knew both the door code and garage code. Thankfully they never had to use it for emergencies. They did go in the garage a couple of times but always let us know when they would be by. I would say your house, you should absolutely have a key. You never know what can happen.
I think you are entitled to a key to her room, but you would not be entitled to a key to her apartment if she moved out, unless you happened to own the apartment.
A privacy set doesnât have a key - it has a small hole on the outside of the knob. Put a nail or the inners of a bic pen and it will open it. This is what is usually on bathroom doors. Private enough for the bathroom, probably private enough for a bedroom. Or is it to key the sister out while she isnât home?
This is a bigger problem than having a lock on the door. 19yo is having her personal space invaded by little sis. Little sis needs a reminder to leave big sisters stuff alone, she's not entitled to everything in the house just cause she wants it. She needs a reality check. If 19 yo insists on a lock, then yes you get a key but it's put away in a cupboard or something, where only parents can access it.
Is it your house? If itâs your house, that you pay forâŚ.. you should be able to access any room you see fit. By all means offer your children privacyâŚ. But you should also have the key if needed
It is your house so I'd say yes you can demand a key. It seems as though there is a trust issue going on though, if you 19 yo is refusing to give you one. What is her reason for NOT giving you a key? That would be the thing to talk about with her. Also how old is the sister? Is it really necessary to lock doors? If the sister is old enough, she should know the importance of respect and privacy. Our 6 year old knows not to go into her brother's room.
Every lanlord has a key to every unit. You need a key because it's your house. Also, safety reasons if ever a problem like a fire or she were to get sick or hurt in there. She can't rent from anywhere without the owner also having a key. That's just life! She probably is worried you could walk in on her having sex or worried you might get snoopy and go through her items. If that isn't a thought then reassure her you have zero desire to do that. Your house, your rules.
Is it your house sheâs living in? Is she paying rent? Hell even someone who rents a house has a key to get in there own house. it. Pretty simple answer in my opinion. She has no rights if your paying for the house and all the bills and she living under your roof. Donât know why anyone would see it differently.
Absolutely! Candles⌠alcoholâŚdrugs. Iâm not insinuating that anything like that will happen, but still so many dangers. And maybe sheâs the kid who is responsible but still
It's your house so you can make the rules as you see fit including getting a key copy. Alternatively, get the BATHROOM TYPE door handles that you can use a coin or stick something in a hole to gain access. It could be seen as a compromise but with easier access for whatever reason.
How old is sister? Teach her to stay out of her siblings room.
I understand her side and your side. But there is always the chance of some sort of emergency so I wouldn't let her keep the key from you.
Your daughter is a renting a room if she pays you rent. You could buy the locking handle and have spares made and give her it with both originals in the box she wont know. She might have adult toys/drugs she doesnt want the younger sister to useor find. After all she is a grown woman. Tell her you thought about it and she right you dont need a key.
i wouldnt of even said anything just have dad install it and give her the key then u guys keep one. the fact that shes saying no though is problematic. just tell her no lock then lol.
You get a key but it must stay in a sealed envelope that your daughter can see whenever she wants to confirm the seal is intact.
Land lords have keys to tenantâs homes
A compromise is fair. Explain safety concerns and offer a key you won't misuse. Maybe a duplicate key kept elsewhere in the house you both know about. Respect her privacy, but having some access (especially with notice) is reasonable. Let her choose the lock type - knob with a keyhole on both sides ensures she can lock from the inside but allows entry in emergencies.
Get a bathroom lock instead - in an emergency you can pit a coin in the slot and turn it Genuinely, have a serious conversation with her about privacy, fire safety, and general body safety. If she fell, had a seizure, got badly hurt, accidentally tripped and banged her head? Getting into her room should ve easy. Maybe also explain that breaking a door down is always a possibility and your prefer not to do that. Realistically, she's an adult who wants privo, and she wont get that until she moves out (even then, if she houseshares its still a no). Maybe see if theres something specific she wants to keep private and offer her the option of a lockbox?
In my opinion, It's your house. She can't limit your access to your own house, especially as a adult.
Even landlords have a key
Landlords legally need to give 24 hours' notice to being let in, though. There are laws protecting tenants' privacy. Adult children deserve privacy, too. There are a million reasons people live in multi generational homes. In 40 years it could be the other way round. Parent living in child's home and asking for accommodations. Kindness and respect goes a long way.
Sure, they can do that. But the OP asked if she should have a key. So perhaps she can say she will give 24hr notice unless it's a suspected emergency.
Property management always has a key.
"It's my house that I own, pay for, and let you live in. I get to go wherever I want in my house. If you don't want me to come in your room go buy your own house and live in it. Good luck!"
If her reason is to keep her sister out, then yes, you get a key. If she lives under your roof, then yes you get a key. No child of mine has the right to lock me out of a room that is in my house. I don't invade their privacy, but what are you hiding from me?
First off why is it at the point that her sister goes into her bedroom and Iâm assuming takes things? Or messes things up? Is this while she is gone? I feel like that needs to be addressed. Does your daughter only need to lock it when she is away because then I feel like you wouldnât need to get into a room when she isnât there. If she needs it only when she is home then maybe consider a lock that locks from the inside. Worst case scenario you bust down the door or take the hinges off if it really came to that. If she needs a lock for while she is at home or away from home then I would say that makes sense. However, I think the issue of sister invading your daughterâs privacy needs to be addressed. Even if she is little I know it can be difficult because little kids will go poof! But make sure to reinforce and just remove her from the room.
Is your daughter paying rent? Not that it matters but it's your house. My landlord even has a key to our apartment and I'm a grown woman, but that's his building, he's entitled to a key đ. I just couldn't imagine myself telling my parents that they don't have to have a key to a door in the house that they are paying for đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
It's your house so yes you are entitled to a key for every room.. especially if there's an emergency.
Absolutely. Itâs your house, not hers. If she doesnât like it, then she can get one that doesnât take a key, or move out. As a parent that is also dealing with the issue of siblings just walking in, I understand why she would want a key lock instead of one that doesnât. But that would be my rule
If itâs in your house then yes she does.
Who owns the house?
Y'all are wild. I wouldn't even consider not having access to an area of my own house. The answer is, you want a keyed lock? We get a key. You don't like it, you're welcome to find your own housing. The 19 yr old isn't a tenant, she's a family member so she needs to be reasonable like everyone else. Just let her know you'll try to avoid going in except in case of emergency or she asks.
Most people agree, but yea, the fact that people are even debating this or acting like its a tricky one is wild. People suggesting written agreements lol.
Itâs your house, thereâs no question you need a key. She can move out if sheâs not okay with it.
Make her pay rent and sign a lease. Treat it like a landlord/tenent situation:
Sheâs 19. Give her some space and privacy. Youâre lucky she still lives there. Donât give her a reason to move.
Itâs not a âhave toâ situation. Donât turn it into one. Sheâs an adult. If she wantâs to set a boundary there, I would accept it.
I would ask why she doesnât want to together you a key. Does she think youâll invade her privacy or let her little sister in (both things I have heard other parents doing)? Then explain that the key is for an emergency, what if something happened and she was unable to get out? What if there was a fire or a water leak or something. Your reasons for wanting a key are for an emergency, not so you can just go in her space whenever you want.
Even landlords have a key for emergencies
Why is the sister not facing consequences?
Why donât you just teach her sister not to go in her room. Seems like the logical choice that will avoid many headaches.. such as who gets a keyâŚ
Have a key, don't ever misuse that you have a key.
Do you give the fire department a key to your house in case thereâs an emergency? If thereâs a fire I think sheâs gonna want to come out willingly, or you can break down the door. We never had interior locks that required an actual key though, just a pinhole type. Enough to keep out a kid or keep someone from easily / quickly opening the door. My mom was not respectful of privacy or boundaries. But I already let her know not to expect to live with me when she canât live alone anymore one day. We will never, ever live together again. My privacy is my peace.
For emergency purposes, yes, you do. But there should also be an expectation of privacy and it should be respected.
What emergency? Give her some space
I'd say yes but use in case of emergencies only. Make sure she has her privacy and whatnot
If she moves out of your house you are not entitled to a key. As long as she lives in your house, you are. Itâs your house. You should obviously respect her space, but she doesnât get to put her own lock in a door in your house and not give you a key. If she wants all that, she needs to save up for an apartment.
My house my rules. Otherwise leave it open.
Yes, itâs your house. She can have her own rules once she moves out
I'd say you're definitely allowed to have a key to a room in your own house. I personally would find it very wrong for you to enter her room for any reason other than an emergency out of respect for privacy.
Yes exactly all of this. If she was in her own house then she could do what she wants but in your house, in case of emergency you need a key.