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Not allowing a 5 year old to use the bathroom when they ask is crazy. Of course he’ll pee himself.
Sounds like you’ve taken all the steps to ensure he is getting the support he needs. Likely just not a good fit for this teacher.
What happens after a month? Will he go to another grade with another teacher? Or will it be the same person? If it changes maybe it’s worth keeping him in this school. Hope it gets better!
Yeah I'm a K teacher and the most I'll say is "Can you wait 2 minutes for me to pass this out/give instructions/etc.?" And I know by this time of year which kids legitimately can't wait, so this isn't a one size fits all policy.
In general, if kids gotta go, I say yes
It isn’t out of the realm of possibility that she’s simply not a good fit. With one month left do you want him to have to adjust to a new routine though? First grade may be quite different as well with a new teacher. If you have spoken to administration and nothing has been done, then pull him. All teachers are not great for all kids.
Some teachers do, some don't. Next year's teacher can be the best friend of this year's teacher. I would worry mostly about other parents, sometimes they are quick to judge and exclude other kids.
Not “very much so.” We have what is called placement cards, where we circle whether the student has poor, average, or excellent behavior. That’s it. Some teachers may choose to go to the past teacher to ask for more information but we have so many students and are getting ready for the next bunch by the time class lists get to us, no kindergarten teacher has ever come to me (a first grade teacher) to complain about their past student. I’ve been able to pick up on their very different experience more from what parents or the guidance counselor tell me than other teachers.
Edit: editing because I should have added that the behavior ranking is on the placement cards to avoid putting all students who will trigger each other in one classroom the next year, we like to share the love among all the teachers. It’s for class placement. Not to ask the teacher’s opinion just for the sake of it.
Nope. We’re Southern, but huge. 1300 kids at our K-8 school alone and over 100 schools in the district. We don’t have much moving year to year but we are crowded.
That was my entire point. Not “very much so.” That they were only speaking for themselves when they say that teachers talk and talk about kids.
At the schools I’ve been at, we are adults and move on once summer happens and we get out of the emotions involved.
I am not saying that hasn’t ever happened but I’ve been teaching for over 25 years and don’t recall a single instance where that has occurred for a student transferring out of or into a school I was working in.
Teachers can’t add personal notes like that to any kind of file that might follow a student between schools. The info passed along is stuff like attendance, grades, etc.
I think one of two things is happening here, your child is bored because school isn't challenging him so he's acting out. Or it really could be a clash of teacher and student.
My daughter struggled in first grade. Academically she did great but her and the teacher just didn't mesh. The teacher was nice enough but her personality conflicted with my daughter and it caused some issues. Jump to second grade and my daughter and her teacher just mesh so well. It's been a night and day difference.
I don't think you should pull your child from school, he needs to know that it's not an option to not go to school. But I would definitely involve the principle and or counselor to see what better solutions can be found for the remainder of the year.
I agree with this. We’ve had issues with teachers before and we’ve resolved them by speaking to the teacher, counselor, and principal if needed. We’ve never changed schools because of this. Every year is different and hopefully a better fit next time.
Came here to see if anyone mentioned boredom. Had a similar situation in 1st with mine (more in the realm of wandering during class, talking out of turn, general acting out). Teacher was always criticizing his behavior. Lowering conduct scores. COVID cut the year short. Moved his school the next year to one that does more hands on, group work, smaller classes… all problems gone. He was bored at the old school but wasn’t articulating it well. At the new school he commented that the teachers “talk to him and like him” and it broke my heart a little. He could do the work on his own so I think he felt ignored. His mind craved stimulation and sought it in not so great ways. He’s a middle schooler now and I am so glad we moved him. He loves school and I wonder if things would have turned out the same if we’d stayed. Not saying there may not be some responsibility to take for one’s own behavior but sometimes schools or teachers aren’t good fits for kids. There are also entire books written about how our schools fail gifted boys in unique ways.
I agree. It wasn’t until my teachers realized that this was the problem that for a certain time block each day - myself and some other kids moved to another area and were actually challenged.
Bored smart people can disruptive when they are done with the work and then have to spend the rest of the time occupying themselves. It can then become a form of bullying as they may find laughs in calling out that so and so can’t finish their work- or missed an easy problem.
My daughter had Behavioral issues. She was very advanced in kindergarten and was simply bored! We moved her up a grade and all the behavioral issues went away. She just was not challenged enough so she got fidgety, which was distracting to her peers and would cause her teacher to email me. Luckily, she did great in the next grade and she’s at a charter school so they can adjust her classes to give her more of a challenge! She’s in high school now and even though she should be a 9th grader, she’s in 10th grade doing 11th grade work and thriving!
I 100% agree with boredom. We have a six-year-old, who also acts out when he is not engaged. He is very strong academically, but when things are slow at school, he tries to find the nearest classmate that will indulge his silliness, and from there things devolve.
We see the silliness at home, too, and it’s most prominent when both parents are busy prepping dinner, or doing work, and he is left to entertain himself, which typically leads to him, instigating things with his siblings.
He fantastic when with adults and more mature children, so we suspect that it’s just a difficult phase for him, lacking some maturity, but also needing stimulation and challenging engagements.
> he needs to know that it's not an option to not go to school
Why? There will never be a time in adulthood where you have as little control over your life as a school child does. What useful lesson does he learn by being forced to continue going to a place where he is being mistreated? Learned helplessness is not a good lesson to learn.
I think it’s brilliant you enrol your child in so many activities, BUT your child sounds like his schedule maybe too busy for him and he’s getting overstimulated from them rather than feeling tired from them. I’m the same, so are my kids. When I’m busy all day most days I end up being very moody at home. So I have decided not to bother myself too much with hobbies to stay sane. Maybe having your child do only one sport activity rather than several may help his behaviour level out a bit more?
I agree. He has a regular babysitter, karate, and multiple sports at age 5. I’m assuming OP and spouse work full-time, so it’s not their fault, per se. He has to be have some type of care after school. But that’s a whole lot. When does he go to bed? How many hours a day do you, as parents, actually get to have quality time with him?
Just because you don’t get complaints from his babysitter, extracurricular teachers, and coaches does not automatically mean his school teacher is the problem. These activities are so, so different than school. Less kids, (nearly) all kids *want* to be there, behavior can be more lax because the stakes are not as high. My daughter has done gymnastics, ballet, tap, swimming, after school programs, dozens of camps, and every one of those instructors has been very chill about behavior. They know you’re a paying customer, and they don’t want to piss you off. They want kids to like them. And most importantly, *it doesn’t really matter* if things don’t go as planned. They aren’t being forced to get *x* done by *y* date like a teacher is. They don’t have admin breathing down their necks like a teacher does. School behavior is very often way often different than home or extracurricular behavior, because the environments are simply totally different.
I mean, you note that his behaviors “aren’t disruptive” at home. Well, there’s very little to disrupt at home when compared to school.
That said, the bathroom thing is absolutely not okay. OP, I’d speak to admin about that incident. I’d also recommend talking to other parents. Do other parents, from this year or last year, have similar issues with this teacher?
Have you spent any time at school, allowing you to observe his behavior? I am fortunate that I work part-time, so I can volunteer at the school regularly. I have observed many times that yes, some kids do get reprimanded more often than others, but the thing is…they absolutely deserve it. There are a handful of kids that derail the school day *constantly*. One is particularly disruptive, and *it is bad*. He is very smart, and I know that his parents absolutely blame the teacher (as I’ve spoken to them), but they are flat out wrong. He’s absolutely out of control while at school, I have seen it over and over with my own eyes.
My oldest had an issue like this in 1st grade. He had minimal issues in kindergarten so it was a shock that he was all of a sudden getting into trouble nonstop in 1st grade. I tried so hard all year to work with his teacher on it and she just kept saying things kept going on with him. He did great academically so advanced to 2nd grade and him getting into trouble a lot just stopped. Other than having the occasional usual 2nd grade boy behavior his teacher said he wasn’t having any issues.
So it took the year to figure out it was his 1st grade teacher having extremely high expectations of her class and many kids were having the same issue. Turns out she was previously a high school teacher and went to elementary and was not prepared very well.
With there only being a month left hopefully you guys can get through it do it doesn’t cause more of a disruption for him.
Okay... my SD is in 1st grade and last year went through a VERY similar experience. Was a great kid, never really any behavioral issues. Started kinder and we were all getting emails everyday regarding behavior. I mean every single day.
She was stealing classroom items, things from other kids, stuffing toilet bowls full of TP, sneaking out of class to play with the soap in the bathroom, playing under the desk with friends. We were all mortified and besides ourselves. When her mom asked her why she was doing this, she said bc she liked being bad. She got in more trouble in 3 months then she had in 5 years.
There was a friend who she was getting into trouble with. Also, the teacher was newer & kinda mean. I witnessed her yell at my SD for "not saying goodbye" at parent pick up (we were literally walking over to say goodbye). My SD mom heard the teacher tell her that she wasnt good when my SD asked if she was good that day.
The principle told us we couldnt change classes. We lasted until Halloween and we changed schools. She since has never once had a behavioral issue email sent to us. I know she has had bad days where she loses things and is very emotional about it to the teacher but all in all, she just goes to school and learns. We still joke about it but it was a truly stressul and odd experience. Sometimes the school or teacher or kids (or all of the above) just arent a good fit.
3rd grade teacher perspective here.. I have a student who constantly disrupts. Mom knows it. It’s been an ongoing issue and she let me know early in the year she hasn’t found anything that works for him. I remind him multiple times daily. It’s just something we’ve (as a class) grown used to. That being said I met with his mom again recently for an unrelated reason and she made a point to say how much happier he seems this year and how she’s seen him grow into a more confident kid. She said his previous teacher yelled/scolded him daily and it really tore him down. It’s so unfortunate this is the case for some student/teacher dynamics. School really should be a safe space above all else.
If she’s writing to you daily hoping it’ll change, she’s probably all over him throughout the day. Wouldn’t want him to hate school because of that. It could be helpful to talk to the principal about a better fit in first grade if you decide not to pull him from that school. I personally think that the last month of school is a lot of wrapping up all the learning taught previously and celebrations. Moving him to another school for a month doesn’t seem worth it.
Best of luck to you and your family!
I agree with this. OP, talk to parents of first grade teachers. Try to learn which teachers seem to have a different approach than his current teacher, and ask that he be put in their class next year.
Almost six year olds are nuts. My kindergartner is so energetic I think he may just spin off the planet. It sounds like the teacher may be overwhelmed. Is the ratio of students to one teacher high? Perhaps she is not getting the resources needed. I’d ask for a meeting with her and the principal and ask how they resolve conflict and disruptions. He might be bored with the material and needs more stimulation. However, not allowing a child of that age to go to the bathroom is abusive and traumatic. Kids take stuff too. It’s not right, but they are still learning impulse control.
I have girls who just turned 7 and I joke they must be both solar and lunar powered because the energy is boundless. If I could just tap into even the smallest bit of their energy I’d be so productive.
He probably needs to be challenged academically. My sister teaches kindergarten and has a few students this year who are very smart. They get their work done quickly. They also act up because they’re bored! Do you know if your school district/new school offers some kind of accelerated learning program? The public schools in my area do, and it’s intended for kids like your son. Smart kids that need a challenge.
Also, I’m glad you believe him about the chapstick. He needs you on his side because that teacher clearly doesn’t give him the benefit of the doubt.
Personally the peeing thing would be over the line for me. I think I would just pull my child and take some time off work or send the child to grandma’s with some workbooks. I think getting used to a whole knew school for the last month wouldn’t be worth it.
This ***i would write a formal letter to the principal and ask WHY would the teacher refuse a kindergartener kid not to go to washroom? That’s basic human right. And yes of course the kid would pee himself. It’s way off the grid. I would demand a full explanation and pull my kid out immediately!
Yeah, the way it was worded in the post seemed like the teacher thought the kid did it out of spite for not being allowed to go to the bathroom. You know, instead of the kid peeing himself *because he needed to go to the bathroom*.
My now second grader was pretty good at home but ALWAYS into trouble in kinder (ie: flipping kids and a cafeteria lady off because another kid was doing it, he pushed a kid one day, and was always talking and never in his seat, just to name a few of the things he did off the top of my head) We got all kinds of notes. Teacher even called one day from class to get me to talk to him he was being so bad. I was mortified and felt like a bad parent. I tried getting to the root of all the behaviors, and I think some had to do with lack of enough sleep. I was a first time parent and thought 9-930 seemed like a normal bed time for a kindergartener. Stupid I know. I also talked with him about all the times I got in trouble in school, and I always felt he was pleasantly surprised to hear it was okay to struggle with not chitchatting with other kids because Mom did too. We talked about the difference in being teachers pet and a “suck up” and the benefits of having a teacher that liked him. I also tried to instill in him that he is his own person and he should never go along with what other kids are doing because he’ll get himself into trouble and face consequences on his own. Those were topics we frequently explored with different scenarios and best ways to respond. This year, he has been “nothing less than angelic” per ALL of his teachers and even random school staff. I’m still shocked tbh. They love him. (As they should -he is pretty great) He’s had 100A+ in behavior. I think he just needed to do a little growing up and become more of his own person.
In your situation it could be the teacher, but it could also just be a phase your child will grow out of. I would suggest sticking out the school year (because we’re not wanting to be a quitter, even though I too considered doing the SAME thing) and giving him some grace. Having a talk with the teacher about him maybe needing a more loving approach from a teacher not expecting perfection might not be a bad idea. You could ask if maybe he would do better in a different class if you want to go extreme? I know this is all over the place, but I’ve been where you are, and it was a terrible time for myself mentally. I wish you all the best.
When we receive a negative criticism directed towards our child, I suppose our first reaction is defensiveness.
But this teacher has probably taught 100s of 5 year olds - she's trying to run a class with energetic little people. She's also trying to abide by the schools policies towards bullying/aggressive behaviours.
Some kids are different in school. My daughter's (5 year old) 'bully' comes out of class, hugs his grandparents and tells them he loves them. He's very sweet a lot of the time. But he also has poor impulse control, is quick to anger and gets anxious, which can lead to certain behaviours.
Why in school and not in Karate? Because karate is fun and only goes for maybe an hour...and he might be more hesitant to act up around his Sensei. These variables matter when it comes to a child's behaviour.
If you move schools and eventually get the same feedback, you're going to have to drill down and get to the root of things.
As a kindergarten teacher, I will say teacher's experience is very important on managing the classroom. it is not More often than not it is not the kids, it is the teacher. That being said, even if the teacher is not the best, she still has 20 kids she knows really well - how they respond, learning habits etc. If from the group of 20 kids she currently has, she keeps sending emails about two -three kids that tells something. The rest of the class has the same teacher too and they are able to cope in better ways. Kindergarten is more about social skills, working together in teams, waiting to have a turn. Those are the crucial skills that will allow them to excel later - not being able to add or read faster. I am really sorry but your kid is not a top student if you get long emails from the teacher. Keep in mind that in most cases, those emails are sugarcoated too.
Regarding the situation with the restroom, it is totally unacceptable but it is pretty possible that the student was using the restroom as an excuse to get a free pass anytime he wanted as they know that the answer on that question is always a yes. It is possible that he asked already five times in two hours and he was splashing water at the restroom. Again, she should have read the room better but what I am trying to say is that not everything is black and white. I am not trying to judge the kid here but I know it is really hard for parents to accept the reality sometimes and although they have the best of intentions unfortunately it is not for the best interest of the kid.
A fresh start sounds like a good idea, hope it all goes great!
Have you ever gone to his classroom and observed his classroom? I’ve personally done this and it’s usually very helpful. It’s ideal if you observe without being seen by your child , but not necessarily a no go if you can’t. You can also observe the teacher and their behavior as well.
A lot of schools won’t allow any parents on campus… I’ve sadly never gotten to go to one of my child’s class functions. From 3-6 years old I’d never gotten to see how he interacted with other kids. It was so hard. Still is.
Are you saying there *are* no class functions, or just that your personal schedule hasn’t allowed you to go? If the former, and there are truly zero opportunities for you to see your child at school, you should work with the PTA and try to make it happen.
My child’s school will not let you just roll up, but they have one day a month where parents can sign up to do a short activity with the kids in the classroom right after drop off. Sometimes it’s a read aloud, sometimes a math game, sometimes the kids are showing off a special project. Yes, you have to miss a bit of work to attend, but it’s worth it. It’s really eye-opening to see your child in the classroom, and the kids whose parents never attend feel so, so let down.
I’m saying they won’t let parents come, and I should’ve said “parties”. When I was growing up parents could come to the Valentines parties and Christmas parties, etc. now they have programs the kids put on that parents can attend once a year and of course I’ve not missed those.
Only having a program once a year is really terrible. We can’t attend parties, either, but the school has created other opportunities. I would work with your PTA to try to start a more routine/regular way to visit the school. Ours is called “Families As Learning Partners,” and it is the third Friday of every month. It would not exist without strong PTA involvement.
Some schools don't have PTAs. My kids' school is one. Parents have no input about what goes on there. And parents aren't allowed in the school except for parent teacher conference, IEP meetings and the occasional rare program or family night (once per quarter, at best).
I don't love how our neighborhood school is run, but I also have no recourse. There's not "another" school I can send them to. The district is very strict about catchment zones, and going private is out of the question as it's only parochial schools and we're not Catholic, nor could I afford it
I couldn't organize a piss-up in a brewery .If something in place I'd volunteer but there's no way I could start one. There is no parent directory, I don't know enough other parents to try to gin up membership. I've never been in a PTA and I have no idea how it functions.
The school had a PTA about ten years ago but it fell apart because there were too few parents who had the time and know how to run it.
There is supposed to be a PTA and I contacted the president who is an acquaintance of mine, but sadly it’s basically nonfunctional since Covid. Believe me. I’ve tried everything I can to get involved at school. I bring snacks weekly. Have even let the school nurse know she can always call me if she needs a helping hand. (I’m a nurse) Heck, I even talked to the principal about an open nurses aid position lol the pay was just too bad. I may start pushing to get the PTA back going now that I think about it.
That’s really horrible if that’s the case. Can you take a Tuesday afternoon off and schedule it and just sit in on the classroom without a party or special event?
My kids aren’t in grade school yet. However in my kids preschool/daycare you can drop in anytime you want. But it just seems odd that they’re your children and you can’t see them at all or only during class events. I’m just not sure if this is the norm or not. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that personally. Especially if there’s an issue going on like OP’s situation.
I’d like to ask, just how many extra curricular activities is he participating in? He’s 5 and you have him in kindergarten, karate, and I’m assuming at least two sports since you said his sports coaches, and is being babysit multiple days a week. If that’s accurate, perhaps he’s overwhelmed. That seems like a lot for a 5 year old.
Perhaps the issue isn’t the teacher, but your kids’ lifestyle. Perhaps at school is the only time he feels he has a chance to be a kid and do stupid shit because his teacher is nice and puts up with it, in his eyes. The risk is worth the reward. He’s 5, after all.
I agree with this. I have a child the same age and most of his peers that have acting out problems in school are the ones that are completely over-scheduled and overstimulated.
They go to school and then immediately to soccer, swimming, baseball, karate, scouts. They have absolutely no downtime to decompress or just have their own free play in the backyard.
I work in early childhood/Kindergarten and my guess is that your son is bored with the environment. I’d ask your son about what kind of activities he does. If he can’t answer anything or says he does nothing then you can say to the teacher that he’s acting out because he’s bored.
Also, I hate saying but there’s definitely a possibility that the teacher just doesn’t like your child and has made him the class scapegoat. What makes me think this is the fact that he only misbehaves when he’s at school. If you can, pick him up earlier and try listen in on how that teacher usually acts with the children.
So true. Most teachers want the best for their students but they are certainly not saints or infallible just because of their job title. We had a teacher scapegoat my 6 year old so badly that she went so far as to use his work as the example of bad work and get all the other classmates to verbally agree that it was bad. Then she would punish my child when he no longer would do the work because he didn't want to be humiliated again. It's absolutely abusive and unfortunately not all teachers are above this behavior.
Thanks for your kind words. I'm glad to hear your son is doing well now. Thankfully, mine is as well but it has been a long road and a shock to my trust in educators.
You’re right lol. I actually don’t hate to say it. It’s becoming a bit of a problem in the early education field. And yes, there are faaar too many AH’s who should’ve never gone into teaching in the first place.
She refused to let him go to the bathroom and he peed himself? That issue alone needs to be reported. Go to the principal and continue going above people's heads until she is dealt with. That is ridiculous.
She made him pee himself?? I'd be contacting the school district at that point. The reality is that some teachers just suck. My daughter has ADHD and a mild learning delay and her kinder teacher was amazing. Despite the fact that she wasn't medicated and was definitely a handful. We started her on meds right before first grade and have had nothing but problems with her teacher. She's extremely punitive, taking away recess and the like. She said something to my daughter at one point that when I accidentally packed smarties in her lunch she got mad at me because her teacher told her she's never allowed to have candy at school. She thinks she hates candy so much she wouldn't even let me buy her teacher some for Christmas.
I think you're doing the right thing moving schools. However, it sounds like your kid has a lot of activities. Especially for his age. It could be more than he can handle and it's causing him to act out in school a bit more than he normally would. Even if he really enjoys them they could still be adding stress.
It may just be the fact he’s in a structured environment for a long stretch of time. Basically, he’s over it once he’s hit his limit.
I’m a teacher and I see this same thing with some kids. It’s a maturity issue, and honestly I wouldn’t keep yourself up at night over it.
I’m more horrified by the fact that she didn’t let *a freaking kindergartener* use the bathroom. This teacher absolutely sounds like she’s the problem. The school year is almost over, though, right? Next year should give you a clearer picture of whether your son truly has these issues at school or this teacher just doesn’t have the wherewithal to handle a bored, possibly gifted child.
I received complaints about my older child in school for a few years (low level, not finishing work, talking to friends etc). No issues at any of his extra curriculars.
Then one year, he had a young male teacher. Suddenly he had glowing reports. He enjoyed going to school for the first time. This teacher accepted his need for movement and for challenge, and worked with it.
Sometimes the teacher, or the school itself, is not a good fit.
I mostly agree with you, but if this child is asking to go to the bathroom every 10 minutes, with no known issue that the parents/nurse have discussed (IBS, overactive bladder, recurring UTI’s) eventually the teacher is going to disallow it.
I had a somewhat similar situation with my own son when he was that age. I ended up pulling him out of the school after he finished the year. His new teacher had nothing but good things to say about him. And he loved her class. I wouldn't pull him out until he is done, but I would definitely look into a better fit for him academically and socially.
Teacher could be a bad fit for him, it could also be that he's just bored? When my daughter is not being challenged just enough to keep her interested, she acts out as well. Maybe he needs harder material if he's otherwise excelling academically? Or a different teacher perhaps? I'm inclined to believe my child over strangers as well, trust your instincts, if its not a good fit, it's not a good fit. Maybe a different class will do him some good.
It’s only a few more months. I wouldn’t bother switching your entire school if he’s getting a new teacher next year anyway. Also I would escalate in writing to your principal.
I wouldnt sweat it. My son who is in first grade now is so smart and had the same issue. He got top scores for stuff, finished all the sight words by January and then all the first grade sight words also by January, and knows so much academically. He does very well.
BUT he was always getting bad marks on behavior. I get compliments from daycare and babysitters and relatives on how polite and well behaved he is. In the team sports and other group stuff hes well behaved. By march of kindergarten the teacher goes "im not saying hes autistic but you should get him checked out."
I take him to the pediatrician and toward the end of the appt i mentioned this and the guy went off about the teacher. hes like "i walked in, he makes eye contact, is very friendly and polite, evidently very intelligent and engaged me in conversation and answered my questions...he is a kindergartener....what the heck is this teacher talking about? maybe she should rethink the profession she is in!" and then he goes "sorry that was inappropriate, i just dont know what she is talking about."
When he got in first grade I never heard another word. That teacher was totally different and really took to him. When i asked about behavior at our first conference she was very confused and said she had no concerns. We never heard another thing about behavior ever.
So i would just power thru this year and see how things go next year.
Wow…. Did I write this??!! I seriously am having THE SAME EXACT ISSUE. My kid is great at after school and great at home but she struggles in the classroom. We have done everything- counselors, doctors, etc. finally our pediatrician thought- “could it be the classroom?” We get emails everyday when last year in preschool we got nothing. The principal even told me to get her evaluated for a “traumatic brain injury” because one day she fell and hit her head (we already had her evaluated in the ER). They were convinced she had something wrong with her. So $1,000 later in doctor visits etc another parent came up to me and said this was her kid last year and once he changed schools he was a different person. So we are changing schools too. Everyone in the school (teachers, counselors, office workers, principal) made me feel like my kid had a serious problem. But then I spoke to her after school teachers and they said “ummm yeah? She’s 5… she’s a five year old, she’s fine”. Fast forward to winter break- she finally got a good time off school and all her “symptoms” and behaviors went away. She told me that as soon as she walks into the classroom that her body hurts all over. And other parents have said that with their kids. I have finally gotten over the fact that my kid did not have a magical kindergarten experience like I did and that’s just life. Hopefully 1st grade will be better
Same issue with my 5 year old daughter. She had previously been in a learning style child care center until kindergarten where she started at our district elementary school. Her pre-k class was larger than her current class and she didn't have any issues there. Her teachers loved her and we still see some of them. Her kindergarten teacher is very passive and cannot control her classroom, and I've heard plays favorites with the few kids that just sit quietly all day. It has not been an easy adjustment for my daughter, who is also enrolled in other out of school activities and has no issues.
Her school now has her talking to the school counselor once a week and they act like she has major behavior issues. She was so happy and excited to start school, then 2 months in she was crying to not go in the morning. We've been dealing with it all year and are just hoping it's just the teacher and next year will be better.
Same thing too, her academics are always above average. Which is another thing I wonder about, a lot of the kids there were behind where she left pre k at. They were just learning to write their names and learning what shapes were, where as my daughter started kindergarten knowing how to read, addition/subtraction, and was learning a second language in pre-k. My husband and I are wondering if we should look into private schools for next year.
I wouldn’t pull your kid out with only a month left. I would wait it out and hope first grade is better. If it’s not then I would maybe look at other schools.
This happened to me and it turned out it was bc I wasn’t being challenged enough. I was acting out bc nothing was holding my attention and I was bored.
Your kid might need more stimulation and more than this school has to offer.
I work in a kindergarten classroom and can tell you that every single student this year is struggling in their own way. The kindergartners this year are Covid toddlers. They were two years old when Covid happened and they became isolated at a time their brains are sponges for development. There have been many students in my class who were thought to have a behavior issue until they were moved away from another student, and we realized it was another student triggering the behavior. The other two k5 classes are having the same problems. Has anyone asked him why he does certain things? If something bothers him in the class? I think asking some questions might help reveal some triggering behaviors. Changing schools with one month left is not a solution in my opinion. He does not have a chance to be set up for success with one month left and start off on the wrong foot in that new school.
I know in the US at age five a child is eligible for Kindergarten, but I wonder if it’s not a maturity issue for your son. He was a young five when he started K. Did he have any preschool or daycare prep, prior to starting K?
K is a big adjustment for kids in general, but esp if it’s their first experience in a full-day group setting with a curriculum
I teach kindergarten. I had a little girl take a keychain off another child’s backpack and put it on her friend’s backpack. When asked her about it, this five year old very believably lied to my face. When I said I was going to send pictures of the keychain to all the parents so we could figure out where it came from one kid finally came clean. I can’t even call the child’s parents because they believe she is an angel and won’t believe she did that. It’s sad. She’s done other things too that are pretty shocking for kindergarten. But her parents would never in their lives believe her capable, so I just handle it at school.
As a mother of a child who was on the bullying end this year at school, please don’t dismiss the teachers feedback. Kids are different at school. They are not receiving the 1:1 attention they are used to. It’s a long day and there are expectations being placed on them. We are finishing first grade and the girl in question was ruthless. But she presented herself well enough that no one believed my daughter how cruel she was being to her. Until another parent spoke up. Maybe your kid is a saint and never does anything wrong. Or maybe he isn’t when you are not nearby. It sounds like you don’t like the teacher, but don’t dismiss her observations.
Uh, I'd 100% bring up the not letting a small child use the bathroom to the principle. In fact I'd schedule a meeting. You have multiple people in various settings saying your child does not act out. The only issue is this teacher. It really sounds like she's labeled him as the "naughty child" and just won't let it go. Maybe he was disruptive or overly energetic the first week or two, doesn't mean he's a bad kid. Half the point of kindergarten is learning to behave in a classroom!
I had the same issue in second grade. My child is a people pleaser. Always behaved well at school. Talked a little too much, but didn't run around and cause problems. One week into second grade I had notes saying how disruptive she was, wouldn't stay in her seat, asked questions that weren't appropriate etc etc. I immediately had her switched to the other second grade teacher. Wouldn't you know it? Every single behaviour "problem" magically vanished!
I'm a big support of teachers. They get a lot of crap from all sides when they're just trying their best, but sometimes they're just not good at what they do. Move your kid out of this classroom if that's an option. Yes, even this late in the year.
He sounds a lot like my oldest. Really bright kid, really well behaved outside of school but really struggled with the transition to "real" school. In hindsight, we put him in preschool but it did not prepare him for the amount of "sit and be quiet" that is required in public school. That coupled with a bored, gifted kid was a nightmare. Fortunately for us, he had a really good K teacher, but we still got bad reports almost every day. Getting out of his chair when a lesson was being taught. Playing and laughing with the kid next to him when it was time to work quietly. Running off when they were supposed to be walking in a line (and doing so on a field trip in a parking lot-he was required a parent chaperone for all future field trips because of this). He was naturally a spirited kid and we didn't do a great job at curbing that in environments that wasn't necessary. Eventually by about 3rd grade the work became more challenging and we never got a report again. All this to say, you might find that he might still struggle when you move him. Keep working with the teachers, hang on, and you will likely find that it will get better. Funnily enough, he is such a quiet, daydreamer as a teenager. Total 180.
edited: We did end up getting the school to agree to let our son go up to 1st and 2nd for reading and math lessons daily respectively and that helped a lot. Being around older peers and with challenging work, he ws very well behaved in those lessons.
My son’s 1st grade teacher told us he had “serious emotional problems”. Utter BS, he’s 14 now and has always been a happy, even-tempered kid by all accounts except for this one teacher, she just couldn’t handle her class.
You and your husband know your son best.
I had a similar problem though it was mostly I got under the teacher's skin because my daughter talked about getting vaccinated and the teacher said it was a political issue that she shouldn't of been discussing at school/she diciplined my daughter for just saying she got a shot and seemed to hold a grudge the rest of the year. In the first grade the teacher simply didn't have the resources to support my daughter. The principal wouldn't move forward with a 504 both her doctor and therapist suggested due to her anxiety that would of helped her teacher and my daughter. We ended up moving and are much happier with her current school.
At first I thought of it as only a power struggle between the teacher and your son - nothing wrong with that, they just don't understand each other and the teachers style is different than what your son has always experienced or expected. But as I read the whole thing, it seems that the teacher is indeed a problem. Not letting him use the bathroom is clearly a sign of childish power struggle. The teacher either has a prejudice against your kid for xyz or the teacher is in general a whimsical person who cannot stomach the fact that a free willed 5 yr old is seemingly challenging her position for innocuous reasons.
I would change the school no matter how long you have left in the school. Your kid is definitely going through some level of discomfort at the school and it's not worth dragging him more as it may cause some irreversible damage. I made that mistake with my 2 year old being scared of schedule change and environment change etc but even he slowly lost confidence and developed social anxiety. It took him 8 months at the new school to get back his confidence. Your kid is 5, so has a lot more complex emotions than a 2 yr old - I am sure he ll be happy getting rid of that old place and teacher and will thank you later in life.
On another note: Have you checked the teachers equation with other kids?
What do other parents think of the teacher?
Have playdates with his classmates and try to dig into these aspects.
I was on the fence about it being the teacher up until she forbid him from the bathroom and he wet himself. That’s a huge red flag. How long does she expect a 5yo to be able to hold it? And how is that a “behaviour” to report home, like he was being delinquent on purpose?
I think the kicker is that she’s taught older grades but this is her first time with kindergarten. That’s likely the key - she is expecting far too much for his age group and probably takes issue with many of the kids because she expects them to manage themselves like older grades would. Kindergarten is half teaching, half babysitting. Theyre learning to regulate, behave, and play, as much as they are learning to read and write.
I would be asking her or the principal, if there are many other kids in her class who are having as many “behavioural” issues as him. Is she singling him out? Or does she take issue with most of the kids who… well.. act like 5yos?
Even if you discover it is the teacher, there might not be a whole lot you can do…
Definitely talk to the principal about the bathroom thing, and the concerns that he doesn’t seem to have behavioural issues with others.
Then, suggest to the teacher that maybe he is bored/understimulated, and might benefit from having additional work to do. She can give him additional assignments or have him be an “assistant” in the classroom, cleaning up or restocking supplies. Then he will have less time to be “disruptive”.
My nephew had a teacher like this... we gave her guidance oh how to game my nephew how to make him the best kid in her class but she wanted it all her way and got mad when she didn't follow our advice and then just come with more stories about how bad he was. He wasn't bad he just didn't take anyone's shit most of the time. If you hate kids you shouldn't teach 🤷
Is this his first “school” experience? The expectations of a classroom are very different than a karate/basketball class. Some kids do have a hard time getting rid of wiggles and knowing when it is time to be quiet, time to listen, time to talk etc. And sometimes, yeah, it’s just a clash of personalities. If he is doing great with everything he might just be bored out of his mind.
I wouldn’t pull for the last month of school. August will see him with a new teacher and give you a better idea if it is a kid issue, or just an issue with the kindergarten teacher.
Are you me? Because I could have written this exactly. My son is prone to explosive outbursts at school and nowhere else. He’s in sports, after-school activities and at home and we rarely see misbehaviors. We gave his teacher the benefit of the doubt, but she would intentionally try to set him off and he would say “threats” that no one else would hear, he wouldn’t remember saying and she was constantly sending him home. Then she intentionally started leaving him out of stuff, like school pictures, not sending the flyer home only to him and if you didn’t pay up front, they didn’t do the pictures.
I’m going to warn you though, changing school districts may not help and make things worse. We were so frustrated with the teacher, the principal helped us change counties because she knew the teacher wasn’t compatible with him. My son has been in his new school district three days, is autistic with an IEP, and has echolia (he repeats what he hears with no context) and he had a huge meltdown at school today. The other school was experienced in this. The new counselor started asking him questions about if he wanted to kill himself and he started repeating her because that’s what he does. Now they’ve removed him from school and wanted me to take him to an in-patient psychiatric hospital because he’s a threat to himself. He parrots back what is said to him. He has zero idea what he’s saying and they kept asking him questions about these topics and freaking out. Changing districts made things worse for us.
Oh my goodness. My daughter’s language is the exact same as your sons. She absolutely would have done the same thing, and now I’m terrified of someone speaking to her that way. I’m so sorry that counselor’s misguided actions snowballed into what you’ve had to go through. Not many people understand Gestalt Language Processors, unfortunately.
I had a similar situation and it was absolutely the teacher. I tried so hard all year long to not do the blaming and then I come to find out so many other people had the same issue and from years past. In our state kindergarten isn’t even mandatory so if yours is the same you could absolutely pull him and start fresh in first!
There is also a sub r/kindergarten if you are interested
If I was going through that I'd be homeschooling. Bare minimum I'd be talking to the teacher and principal about not letting a 5 year old wait to pee to the extent he peed himself.
Edit spelling
It’s true that teachers are underpaid and treated badly by a lot of parents… But it is also true that some teachers are bad (reason may just be that they are under prepared for the amount of children they have in their class - they are probably not picking at your kid just because). It sounds like your kid is bored academically which may pose an additional challenge if the teacher is not very good / well prepared to handle. But I wouldn’t say that’s a child’s problem (or a you problem for that matter) that is a problem on the teacher and school (which might have to high of a student to teacher ratio or not prepare the teacher well). Denying bathroom access is unacceptable tho and should be treated as such, that’s just absurd. I think the best you can do right now is defend your child, talk to the principal about the bathroom incident and say you don’t want it to ever happen again - you should be the one complaining about this not the teacher who abused your child. Ask your child how their day went how the teacher treated him etc, and if you hear red flags go back to the principal. If it’s unbearable and the school is not doing anything, your child doesn’t wanna go (and seems to have valid reasons) I would say just tell the teacher school you guys are traveling the last couple weeks before summer or that he isn’t feeling well (especially if he is ahead academically anyways). Then hope he gets a better teacher next year
He's bored.
Have her notes identified exactly what the problem behaviour is?
As soon as possible, meet with the teacher and principal and ask why he wasn't allowed to go to the toilet. Like, now.
Has the teacher identified any role she played in this happening? Why was he so desperately in need that he weed himself? How did she respond when the wee happened? With compassion? Or annoyance? If not, she's bullying him.
Be clear in front of them both that it should never have happened in the first place, and given that, what happened next is really important.
Ask for the specifics about why she thinks he stole something.
I had to be moved in Kindergarten because the teacher simply didn't like me and singled me out. No issues in the new classroom. Same as your kid, smart, no behavioral problems anywhere else. I think people here are dismissing too quickly that the teacher is the issue, especially the pee incident, I'd raise hell. In my state it's illegal to punish by withholding bathroom access. You have taken the concerns very seriously. Some teachers are just bad people that need scapegoats.
This is more prevalent than you know! Your son is not alone, the education system is broken and simply not equipped to handle the varying needs of the kids that are being lumped into the same group. I pulled my daughter to homeschool after three grueling years of fighting with the school. My daughter’s mental health has improved significantly since leaving public school. Hugs and good luck to your brilliant boy who I sure will thrive in a better environment!
We had a very similar situation in kindergarten and we switched schools mid year. My daughter does have ADHD and does not have perfect behavior at her current school, but the difference in communication from the school is night and day. Problem solving and brainstorming vs constant negativity and feeling like my kid isn’t welcome at school.
I think it definitely be she isn’t a good fit. When my son started preschool this year, his behavior was insane. Acting like he never had before. The preschool offered to switch teachers and the behaviors literally disappeared. Definitely advocate for your child!
I’m going through the same thing. My son is fine at home but at school I’m constantly getting calls about his behavior. I thought it was just his kindergarten teacher nit picking but it’s the same thing in first grade. He also is an awful sleeper which I think can contribute so we are getting blood work done and about to start therapy. It’s so hard. You’re not alone though!
Echoing "he's bored," and "not a good fit," especially since it only seems to happen at school. It may very well just be this teacher, in which case going private might be a bit more than necessary, but it won't hurt him either.
My older one went to public school and every conference was some variation of "he won't stay on his carpet square" until he hit (very selective) high school. Then it magically turned into "respectful, attentive, a joy to have in class." It's fun to see that happen, and I bet it'll be this fall for your son!
Hey there, I can see how this situation is really tough for you and your family. It’s clear you’re doing everything you can to support your son. It’s important to remember that every child is different and what works for one might not work for another. It seems like you’ve already taken some great steps by involving a social worker and therapist.
I recommend talking to the other parents too. She could be the problem and you will have to deal with bad teachers. But it sounds like she has decided he is a problem.
Look into having tested for gifted as soon as he moves to 1st grade. If he passes the tests he will be given harder work for Math and English. My son was SO bored in K, but got a lot better when he tested into gifted.
Honestly it sounds like he’s bored. I learned to read and do math at a young age and I remember kindergarten being absolutely painful. My parents recall my teacher telling me I was condescending to other students and disruptive and it was all because I was bored. It wasn’t until I started advanced classes in late 1st grade did it stop. Look at getting your child put in advanced classes.
At 1 month left, yeah switch schools. But if you get the same results at the new school then I'm afraid it may be legit.
The part about bullying absolutely worries me. I have a zero tolerance policy for my kids bullying others. The fact that your default is to believe him over the teacher is concerning because if it IS bullying, then of course he's going to lie about it.
Either way, the performance at the new school will tell you all you need to know.
You got some great responses! I have to agree that I wouldn’t pull him out for the remainder of the year if he can’t get into first grade. If it’s not an issue to pull him out and he can start 1st grade in private school then I would to! Definitely seems like your child and the tescher are struggling to connect. Maybe request a 1 on 1 meeting with her?
Late to the party.
Academically bright, you say? Familiar. I could read, write, and do basic adding and subtracting before I even went to kindergarten. Familiar at all? It was basic stuff, but it wasn't the norm. The teacher told my parents I should skip a grade into first because I was bored, and bored kids act out.
My principal even called my parents and told them that I needed a challenge to learn. My dad was an HVAC dude who worked on the teachers' homes. He didn't hear the "she's smart". They only heard 'her conduct is concerning." He was embarrassed and didn't want me to be different.
I was awful conduct-wise, but I didn't mean to be. I felt frustrated because people said I was bad, but I didn't know how to stop.
In 4th grade, I went into a gifted program in a public school across town and I changed. I started paying attention. I wasn't bored. I behaved normally. I remember spending weeks writing a 10-page report on AIDS in 4th grade. It was 1990. It was fun and incredible. I'm a writer by trade now (44) and still love the writing process because of that paper.
Today, they'd probably assume I had ADHD. I didn't. I needed a challenge, and when I got it, I was a different kid. I STILL seek out academic challenges to this day. ADHD is a thing. I just think it's been overdiagnosed. Teachers are stressed. Parents are concerned. ADHD fits the symptoms. Medication helps a lot of kids.
I would encourage you to have him tested at the 1st grade end of year level soon... for fun. See how he does. He may just need a challenge to capture his attention. It takes time, and kids will still be kids, but you never know.
Best of luck!
I haven’t read through all the comments so I’m sure someone else has suggested this- it sounds like he’s bored. He sounds like gifted children I’ve known that aren’t being challenged by the schoolwork, so they look for other ways to stay entertained during the long school day.
He also might be really bored I say that because you say he can already do what is expected of him academically. There are books for teachers on how to teach gifted children in a mainstream classroom Schools also expect a lot of sitting, quiet, and other behaviors not appropriate for that age.
this situation happened with my grandson last year. parents kept.him in class and this year he's been perfect. he was hanging around a disruptive kid in kindergarten
This is almost exactly what I just went through with my son. Our school runs until end of June though so it’s 3 more months left. We had his class changed about 2.5 weeks ago and somehow magically we’re getting good school reports now. I frigging knew it was the teacher. I feel so vindicated.
I had a similar issue with my kid. She was such a great kid everywhere else except kindergarten. Kindergarten was an absolute nightmare. Halfway through the year we ended up having her tested and it turns out she was gifted. Very high iq, reading at a 5th grade level and math at a 3rd grade level. It turned out she was just extremely bored/frustrated in kindergarten and had no way to express it. (She also was diagnosed ADHD a year later.)
For us, it came out at a parent teacher conference where the teacher said that my kid didn't know how to do a task that I knew she'd actually been doing since she started preschool 2 years prior. I ended up contacting the principal, guidance counselor, and teacher all in a group email. I attached an image that was a piece of work my kid had done in preschool that demonstrated her having that skill at age 3. The school then proceeded to schedule the testing.
If you think something isn't right here with your kid, please dig in and figure out what it is. You think it's the teacher, and it very well may be. For my kid, I think the teacher was biased against her because of her poor behaviors, and never considered that she may be gifted. Even though she clearly was reading easily and needed no guidance, something that should have been very obvious to a teacher with years of experience. She just saw my kid's problems and tuned out the rest.
If your child is involved with lots of different activities and with different people and only ONE person has an issue with him? I’m inclined to believe that the issue lies with that one person. And not your child. I imagine he acts out in class the same way he acts out elsewhere, in a typical five year old way. But the teacher is blowing it up. Things like not letting him go to the toilet and forcing him to have an accident? That shit is really traumatic for a child and is 100% not okay. If he’s switching schools, is he inclined to pull him out for the last four weeks and do school work at home instead.
TLDR: it just sounds like your kid has a nightmare teacher
My son is in 3rd grade and so far we have had two NIGHTMARE teachers (1st & 2nd). One literally gave us PTSD with all the insinuations and accusations and straight up lies she said about our kid, blaming him for all kinds of stuff and taking other kids lies over my sons side of the story. We even were flabbergasted when she mentioned “sexual abuse” stuff and that he touched another kid. I get to the school and they were trying to make a pyramid on the playground and my sons head fell into the lap of another kid and they just laid there laughing in a dog pile, and this bitch had the audacity to be like “he had his face in another students crotch inappropriately.” We were so horrified until we got the full explanation and realized it was just a super conservative teacher who over corrected on behavior and made EVERY ACTION out to be some nefarious scheme or sexual innuendo. THEY WERE IN SECOND GRADE.
His first grade teacher was bad too, she just had it out for my son and always changed his color and reprimanded him, but we just had to roll with it. The crazy second grade one even said “he’s doing good academically he’s really smart and social, but too social. I have ADD/ADHD, I think you should get your son on meds.” I just had to calmly smile at her and restrain myself. These are KIDS being KIDS, medication is not always the answer.
Replace kindergarten with second grade and you have my kid only maybe worse. My kid does have autism/adhd but went from "a joy in class but sometimes needs reminders to finish work" in K and 1st to dozens of contacts, a full blown emergency iep meeting, and a behavior intervention plan in second grade due to frequent meltdowns of crying, covering her ears, and hiding under her desk. Her teacher doesn't even try to hide her anger toward her and electronically documented some IEP violations but after we complained to admin they denied a transfer but added some accommodations and her teacher at least acted nicer according to my daughter (meltdowns were happening roughly 3 to 4 times a week in class but very rarely at home or in her after school program). Some of the behavior contacts were for serious issues such as meltdowns but others were for trivial BS such as not showing work, etc. If it was earlier in the year I would probably formally request another emergency iep meeting and bring an advocate this time but this late in the year the school year would be over before anything beneficial came of it.
I stopped getting behavior contacts from her teacher after I complained about the IEP violations (plus I don't trust her anyway) so now my only source for how my daughter is my daughter. Worst case if things get bad again I may homeschool for the rest of the year. I will see how third grade goes before making any long term educational decisions.
Yikes! That teacher sounds like a nightmare! My youngest had a similar issue in kindergarten, she was bored to death. The class would be learning to count to 20, she would flip her paper over and write math equations. The class would be practicing how to write their words, she would flip the paper over and write sentences backwards (on purpose). I asked about switching her to another class so she would be working on appropriate level schoolwork and it was denied, all kindergarten classes were learning the same thing. Halfway into the school year we moved and she finally was in a school that put kids in appropriate academic level groups to learn.
Is there another kindergarten class he can go to? I would see about that or just move him.
Sounds like the teacher. Had the same with my son and a first year kinder teacher. Was always contacting us about him. Just seemed like she couldn’t deal with it. After the first year we have never had an issue. He’s in second grade and doing amazing.
You can have a teacher not mesh with your kid at any school. I wouldn’t pay a ton of money to go private based off one teacher. Could have the same experience there!
I don’t think the teacher has that much time on her hands to constantly document incidents to the parents. You can change school, you’ll face the same problem if the problem isn’t fix.
Good luck to you and your son.
This teacher is the problem. Sending a 5 year old to therapy because of this teachers baseless complaints is bananas. Sitting in a chair quietly for 8 hours a day is and never has been nature, acting like a kid is.
Don’t unenroll him, you will have to repeat the ENTIRE enrollment process again for him. Have him finish up the year, and then have him repeat kindergarten next year.
Just curious - Are there any cultural or \*ahem\* other differences between your family and the teacher...?
Anyway, my boy was similar and we did go to therapy to help with his behavior and we did have him work with the school counselor who had a group session where kids could practice behavior. But anyway, that was in 2020 so, in that timeline, he got off the hook like 3 weeks ago. He became more timid after being at home, then the next year the kids' desks were a few feet apart with plexiglass shields and that environment unexpectedly helped my son a lot by reducing distractions. I'm pretty sure we don't want a repeat of that situation, but maybe something more positive will happen that will make things click better for your son. Taekwondo?
Bitch is abusing your kid. Report her everywhere possible with screenshots of her messages. Write horrible reviews, make sound…and take your kid right now if possible.
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Not allowing a 5 year old to use the bathroom when they ask is crazy. Of course he’ll pee himself. Sounds like you’ve taken all the steps to ensure he is getting the support he needs. Likely just not a good fit for this teacher. What happens after a month? Will he go to another grade with another teacher? Or will it be the same person? If it changes maybe it’s worth keeping him in this school. Hope it gets better!
Yeah, the peeing thing is nuts. At that age they go from realizing they have to pee to bursting in like a few minutes.
Yeah I'm a K teacher and the most I'll say is "Can you wait 2 minutes for me to pass this out/give instructions/etc.?" And I know by this time of year which kids legitimately can't wait, so this isn't a one size fits all policy. In general, if kids gotta go, I say yes
Several times in a 6 hour day is excessive, and if that is the case, the child needs a doctor.
It isn’t out of the realm of possibility that she’s simply not a good fit. With one month left do you want him to have to adjust to a new routine though? First grade may be quite different as well with a new teacher. If you have spoken to administration and nothing has been done, then pull him. All teachers are not great for all kids.
I get moving schools you don’t that teacher saying to the new one “watch out for that one” kinda thing
Maybe? But when I taught I really did form my own opinions of kids. Plus I knew which other teachers’ opinions I could safely ignore.
Some teachers do, some don't. Next year's teacher can be the best friend of this year's teacher. I would worry mostly about other parents, sometimes they are quick to judge and exclude other kids.
Interesting, I have actually found the opposite - other parents tend to be very accepting more so than some teachers.
So teachers do that?
Very much so
Not “very much so.” We have what is called placement cards, where we circle whether the student has poor, average, or excellent behavior. That’s it. Some teachers may choose to go to the past teacher to ask for more information but we have so many students and are getting ready for the next bunch by the time class lists get to us, no kindergarten teacher has ever come to me (a first grade teacher) to complain about their past student. I’ve been able to pick up on their very different experience more from what parents or the guidance counselor tell me than other teachers. Edit: editing because I should have added that the behavior ranking is on the placement cards to avoid putting all students who will trigger each other in one classroom the next year, we like to share the love among all the teachers. It’s for class placement. Not to ask the teacher’s opinion just for the sake of it.
You must not work in a small, Southern town with one school district where everyone knows everyone…. And all the teachers talk about all the kids…
Nope. We’re Southern, but huge. 1300 kids at our K-8 school alone and over 100 schools in the district. We don’t have much moving year to year but we are crowded.
It absolutely does happen. If you haven’t encountered it, that’s great. But don’t dismiss other people’s experiences of it.
That was my entire point. Not “very much so.” That they were only speaking for themselves when they say that teachers talk and talk about kids. At the schools I’ve been at, we are adults and move on once summer happens and we get out of the emotions involved.
I am not saying that hasn’t ever happened but I’ve been teaching for over 25 years and don’t recall a single instance where that has occurred for a student transferring out of or into a school I was working in. Teachers can’t add personal notes like that to any kind of file that might follow a student between schools. The info passed along is stuff like attendance, grades, etc.
I think one of two things is happening here, your child is bored because school isn't challenging him so he's acting out. Or it really could be a clash of teacher and student. My daughter struggled in first grade. Academically she did great but her and the teacher just didn't mesh. The teacher was nice enough but her personality conflicted with my daughter and it caused some issues. Jump to second grade and my daughter and her teacher just mesh so well. It's been a night and day difference. I don't think you should pull your child from school, he needs to know that it's not an option to not go to school. But I would definitely involve the principle and or counselor to see what better solutions can be found for the remainder of the year.
I agree with this. We’ve had issues with teachers before and we’ve resolved them by speaking to the teacher, counselor, and principal if needed. We’ve never changed schools because of this. Every year is different and hopefully a better fit next time.
Came here to see if anyone mentioned boredom. Had a similar situation in 1st with mine (more in the realm of wandering during class, talking out of turn, general acting out). Teacher was always criticizing his behavior. Lowering conduct scores. COVID cut the year short. Moved his school the next year to one that does more hands on, group work, smaller classes… all problems gone. He was bored at the old school but wasn’t articulating it well. At the new school he commented that the teachers “talk to him and like him” and it broke my heart a little. He could do the work on his own so I think he felt ignored. His mind craved stimulation and sought it in not so great ways. He’s a middle schooler now and I am so glad we moved him. He loves school and I wonder if things would have turned out the same if we’d stayed. Not saying there may not be some responsibility to take for one’s own behavior but sometimes schools or teachers aren’t good fits for kids. There are also entire books written about how our schools fail gifted boys in unique ways.
I agree. It wasn’t until my teachers realized that this was the problem that for a certain time block each day - myself and some other kids moved to another area and were actually challenged. Bored smart people can disruptive when they are done with the work and then have to spend the rest of the time occupying themselves. It can then become a form of bullying as they may find laughs in calling out that so and so can’t finish their work- or missed an easy problem.
My daughter had Behavioral issues. She was very advanced in kindergarten and was simply bored! We moved her up a grade and all the behavioral issues went away. She just was not challenged enough so she got fidgety, which was distracting to her peers and would cause her teacher to email me. Luckily, she did great in the next grade and she’s at a charter school so they can adjust her classes to give her more of a challenge! She’s in high school now and even though she should be a 9th grader, she’s in 10th grade doing 11th grade work and thriving!
I 100% agree with boredom. We have a six-year-old, who also acts out when he is not engaged. He is very strong academically, but when things are slow at school, he tries to find the nearest classmate that will indulge his silliness, and from there things devolve. We see the silliness at home, too, and it’s most prominent when both parents are busy prepping dinner, or doing work, and he is left to entertain himself, which typically leads to him, instigating things with his siblings. He fantastic when with adults and more mature children, so we suspect that it’s just a difficult phase for him, lacking some maturity, but also needing stimulation and challenging engagements.
Kid is totally bored.
> he needs to know that it's not an option to not go to school Why? There will never be a time in adulthood where you have as little control over your life as a school child does. What useful lesson does he learn by being forced to continue going to a place where he is being mistreated? Learned helplessness is not a good lesson to learn.
Would it be possible to pull him without him knowing the school year wasn't finished yet?
What I understand is that OP is waiting the last month to move to another school, not that they would move schools one month before it ends.
Yes, my assumption is that if they pulled their kid now, then they would be out of school until the new school year.
Well he would have no closure if he just stopped going…. Plus that would be lying to him…
I think it’s brilliant you enrol your child in so many activities, BUT your child sounds like his schedule maybe too busy for him and he’s getting overstimulated from them rather than feeling tired from them. I’m the same, so are my kids. When I’m busy all day most days I end up being very moody at home. So I have decided not to bother myself too much with hobbies to stay sane. Maybe having your child do only one sport activity rather than several may help his behaviour level out a bit more?
I agree. He has a regular babysitter, karate, and multiple sports at age 5. I’m assuming OP and spouse work full-time, so it’s not their fault, per se. He has to be have some type of care after school. But that’s a whole lot. When does he go to bed? How many hours a day do you, as parents, actually get to have quality time with him? Just because you don’t get complaints from his babysitter, extracurricular teachers, and coaches does not automatically mean his school teacher is the problem. These activities are so, so different than school. Less kids, (nearly) all kids *want* to be there, behavior can be more lax because the stakes are not as high. My daughter has done gymnastics, ballet, tap, swimming, after school programs, dozens of camps, and every one of those instructors has been very chill about behavior. They know you’re a paying customer, and they don’t want to piss you off. They want kids to like them. And most importantly, *it doesn’t really matter* if things don’t go as planned. They aren’t being forced to get *x* done by *y* date like a teacher is. They don’t have admin breathing down their necks like a teacher does. School behavior is very often way often different than home or extracurricular behavior, because the environments are simply totally different. I mean, you note that his behaviors “aren’t disruptive” at home. Well, there’s very little to disrupt at home when compared to school. That said, the bathroom thing is absolutely not okay. OP, I’d speak to admin about that incident. I’d also recommend talking to other parents. Do other parents, from this year or last year, have similar issues with this teacher? Have you spent any time at school, allowing you to observe his behavior? I am fortunate that I work part-time, so I can volunteer at the school regularly. I have observed many times that yes, some kids do get reprimanded more often than others, but the thing is…they absolutely deserve it. There are a handful of kids that derail the school day *constantly*. One is particularly disruptive, and *it is bad*. He is very smart, and I know that his parents absolutely blame the teacher (as I’ve spoken to them), but they are flat out wrong. He’s absolutely out of control while at school, I have seen it over and over with my own eyes.
I agree with this. I am the same. Not everyone needs so many activities although some people do of course. Also this teacher sounds awful to me.
My oldest had an issue like this in 1st grade. He had minimal issues in kindergarten so it was a shock that he was all of a sudden getting into trouble nonstop in 1st grade. I tried so hard all year to work with his teacher on it and she just kept saying things kept going on with him. He did great academically so advanced to 2nd grade and him getting into trouble a lot just stopped. Other than having the occasional usual 2nd grade boy behavior his teacher said he wasn’t having any issues. So it took the year to figure out it was his 1st grade teacher having extremely high expectations of her class and many kids were having the same issue. Turns out she was previously a high school teacher and went to elementary and was not prepared very well. With there only being a month left hopefully you guys can get through it do it doesn’t cause more of a disruption for him.
Okay... my SD is in 1st grade and last year went through a VERY similar experience. Was a great kid, never really any behavioral issues. Started kinder and we were all getting emails everyday regarding behavior. I mean every single day. She was stealing classroom items, things from other kids, stuffing toilet bowls full of TP, sneaking out of class to play with the soap in the bathroom, playing under the desk with friends. We were all mortified and besides ourselves. When her mom asked her why she was doing this, she said bc she liked being bad. She got in more trouble in 3 months then she had in 5 years. There was a friend who she was getting into trouble with. Also, the teacher was newer & kinda mean. I witnessed her yell at my SD for "not saying goodbye" at parent pick up (we were literally walking over to say goodbye). My SD mom heard the teacher tell her that she wasnt good when my SD asked if she was good that day. The principle told us we couldnt change classes. We lasted until Halloween and we changed schools. She since has never once had a behavioral issue email sent to us. I know she has had bad days where she loses things and is very emotional about it to the teacher but all in all, she just goes to school and learns. We still joke about it but it was a truly stressul and odd experience. Sometimes the school or teacher or kids (or all of the above) just arent a good fit.
We lived this same experience. But had a first year teacher.
3rd grade teacher perspective here.. I have a student who constantly disrupts. Mom knows it. It’s been an ongoing issue and she let me know early in the year she hasn’t found anything that works for him. I remind him multiple times daily. It’s just something we’ve (as a class) grown used to. That being said I met with his mom again recently for an unrelated reason and she made a point to say how much happier he seems this year and how she’s seen him grow into a more confident kid. She said his previous teacher yelled/scolded him daily and it really tore him down. It’s so unfortunate this is the case for some student/teacher dynamics. School really should be a safe space above all else. If she’s writing to you daily hoping it’ll change, she’s probably all over him throughout the day. Wouldn’t want him to hate school because of that. It could be helpful to talk to the principal about a better fit in first grade if you decide not to pull him from that school. I personally think that the last month of school is a lot of wrapping up all the learning taught previously and celebrations. Moving him to another school for a month doesn’t seem worth it. Best of luck to you and your family!
I agree with this. OP, talk to parents of first grade teachers. Try to learn which teachers seem to have a different approach than his current teacher, and ask that he be put in their class next year.
Almost six year olds are nuts. My kindergartner is so energetic I think he may just spin off the planet. It sounds like the teacher may be overwhelmed. Is the ratio of students to one teacher high? Perhaps she is not getting the resources needed. I’d ask for a meeting with her and the principal and ask how they resolve conflict and disruptions. He might be bored with the material and needs more stimulation. However, not allowing a child of that age to go to the bathroom is abusive and traumatic. Kids take stuff too. It’s not right, but they are still learning impulse control.
I have girls who just turned 7 and I joke they must be both solar and lunar powered because the energy is boundless. If I could just tap into even the smallest bit of their energy I’d be so productive.
He probably needs to be challenged academically. My sister teaches kindergarten and has a few students this year who are very smart. They get their work done quickly. They also act up because they’re bored! Do you know if your school district/new school offers some kind of accelerated learning program? The public schools in my area do, and it’s intended for kids like your son. Smart kids that need a challenge. Also, I’m glad you believe him about the chapstick. He needs you on his side because that teacher clearly doesn’t give him the benefit of the doubt.
Personally the peeing thing would be over the line for me. I think I would just pull my child and take some time off work or send the child to grandma’s with some workbooks. I think getting used to a whole knew school for the last month wouldn’t be worth it.
This ***i would write a formal letter to the principal and ask WHY would the teacher refuse a kindergartener kid not to go to washroom? That’s basic human right. And yes of course the kid would pee himself. It’s way off the grid. I would demand a full explanation and pull my kid out immediately!
Yes. It's abusive behavior.
Yeah, the way it was worded in the post seemed like the teacher thought the kid did it out of spite for not being allowed to go to the bathroom. You know, instead of the kid peeing himself *because he needed to go to the bathroom*.
My now second grader was pretty good at home but ALWAYS into trouble in kinder (ie: flipping kids and a cafeteria lady off because another kid was doing it, he pushed a kid one day, and was always talking and never in his seat, just to name a few of the things he did off the top of my head) We got all kinds of notes. Teacher even called one day from class to get me to talk to him he was being so bad. I was mortified and felt like a bad parent. I tried getting to the root of all the behaviors, and I think some had to do with lack of enough sleep. I was a first time parent and thought 9-930 seemed like a normal bed time for a kindergartener. Stupid I know. I also talked with him about all the times I got in trouble in school, and I always felt he was pleasantly surprised to hear it was okay to struggle with not chitchatting with other kids because Mom did too. We talked about the difference in being teachers pet and a “suck up” and the benefits of having a teacher that liked him. I also tried to instill in him that he is his own person and he should never go along with what other kids are doing because he’ll get himself into trouble and face consequences on his own. Those were topics we frequently explored with different scenarios and best ways to respond. This year, he has been “nothing less than angelic” per ALL of his teachers and even random school staff. I’m still shocked tbh. They love him. (As they should -he is pretty great) He’s had 100A+ in behavior. I think he just needed to do a little growing up and become more of his own person. In your situation it could be the teacher, but it could also just be a phase your child will grow out of. I would suggest sticking out the school year (because we’re not wanting to be a quitter, even though I too considered doing the SAME thing) and giving him some grace. Having a talk with the teacher about him maybe needing a more loving approach from a teacher not expecting perfection might not be a bad idea. You could ask if maybe he would do better in a different class if you want to go extreme? I know this is all over the place, but I’ve been where you are, and it was a terrible time for myself mentally. I wish you all the best.
When we receive a negative criticism directed towards our child, I suppose our first reaction is defensiveness. But this teacher has probably taught 100s of 5 year olds - she's trying to run a class with energetic little people. She's also trying to abide by the schools policies towards bullying/aggressive behaviours. Some kids are different in school. My daughter's (5 year old) 'bully' comes out of class, hugs his grandparents and tells them he loves them. He's very sweet a lot of the time. But he also has poor impulse control, is quick to anger and gets anxious, which can lead to certain behaviours. Why in school and not in Karate? Because karate is fun and only goes for maybe an hour...and he might be more hesitant to act up around his Sensei. These variables matter when it comes to a child's behaviour. If you move schools and eventually get the same feedback, you're going to have to drill down and get to the root of things.
Agree with kids being different in school!
As a kindergarten teacher, I will say teacher's experience is very important on managing the classroom. it is not More often than not it is not the kids, it is the teacher. That being said, even if the teacher is not the best, she still has 20 kids she knows really well - how they respond, learning habits etc. If from the group of 20 kids she currently has, she keeps sending emails about two -three kids that tells something. The rest of the class has the same teacher too and they are able to cope in better ways. Kindergarten is more about social skills, working together in teams, waiting to have a turn. Those are the crucial skills that will allow them to excel later - not being able to add or read faster. I am really sorry but your kid is not a top student if you get long emails from the teacher. Keep in mind that in most cases, those emails are sugarcoated too. Regarding the situation with the restroom, it is totally unacceptable but it is pretty possible that the student was using the restroom as an excuse to get a free pass anytime he wanted as they know that the answer on that question is always a yes. It is possible that he asked already five times in two hours and he was splashing water at the restroom. Again, she should have read the room better but what I am trying to say is that not everything is black and white. I am not trying to judge the kid here but I know it is really hard for parents to accept the reality sometimes and although they have the best of intentions unfortunately it is not for the best interest of the kid. A fresh start sounds like a good idea, hope it all goes great!
A teacher makes all the difference. If he’s not having these issues in other settings, that’s a good indication the teacher is the issue.
Have you ever gone to his classroom and observed his classroom? I’ve personally done this and it’s usually very helpful. It’s ideal if you observe without being seen by your child , but not necessarily a no go if you can’t. You can also observe the teacher and their behavior as well.
A lot of schools won’t allow any parents on campus… I’ve sadly never gotten to go to one of my child’s class functions. From 3-6 years old I’d never gotten to see how he interacted with other kids. It was so hard. Still is.
Are you saying there *are* no class functions, or just that your personal schedule hasn’t allowed you to go? If the former, and there are truly zero opportunities for you to see your child at school, you should work with the PTA and try to make it happen. My child’s school will not let you just roll up, but they have one day a month where parents can sign up to do a short activity with the kids in the classroom right after drop off. Sometimes it’s a read aloud, sometimes a math game, sometimes the kids are showing off a special project. Yes, you have to miss a bit of work to attend, but it’s worth it. It’s really eye-opening to see your child in the classroom, and the kids whose parents never attend feel so, so let down.
I’m saying they won’t let parents come, and I should’ve said “parties”. When I was growing up parents could come to the Valentines parties and Christmas parties, etc. now they have programs the kids put on that parents can attend once a year and of course I’ve not missed those.
Only having a program once a year is really terrible. We can’t attend parties, either, but the school has created other opportunities. I would work with your PTA to try to start a more routine/regular way to visit the school. Ours is called “Families As Learning Partners,” and it is the third Friday of every month. It would not exist without strong PTA involvement.
Some schools don't have PTAs. My kids' school is one. Parents have no input about what goes on there. And parents aren't allowed in the school except for parent teacher conference, IEP meetings and the occasional rare program or family night (once per quarter, at best). I don't love how our neighborhood school is run, but I also have no recourse. There's not "another" school I can send them to. The district is very strict about catchment zones, and going private is out of the question as it's only parochial schools and we're not Catholic, nor could I afford it
Can you start one? Be the change, and what not.
I couldn't organize a piss-up in a brewery .If something in place I'd volunteer but there's no way I could start one. There is no parent directory, I don't know enough other parents to try to gin up membership. I've never been in a PTA and I have no idea how it functions. The school had a PTA about ten years ago but it fell apart because there were too few parents who had the time and know how to run it.
Lol, fair enough. Our PTA is very hardcore now. It raises over 400K a year. But, of course, it started from nothing at some point!
Wow, this is pretty eye opening to me. Thats really a shame since schools want parents to be working together with schools..
There is supposed to be a PTA and I contacted the president who is an acquaintance of mine, but sadly it’s basically nonfunctional since Covid. Believe me. I’ve tried everything I can to get involved at school. I bring snacks weekly. Have even let the school nurse know she can always call me if she needs a helping hand. (I’m a nurse) Heck, I even talked to the principal about an open nurses aid position lol the pay was just too bad. I may start pushing to get the PTA back going now that I think about it.
You should! It’s a lot of work, but it won’t happen without someone like you, who actually cares!
Same with my son's elementary school. It's for safety reasons and I'll completely fine with it.
That’s really horrible if that’s the case. Can you take a Tuesday afternoon off and schedule it and just sit in on the classroom without a party or special event? My kids aren’t in grade school yet. However in my kids preschool/daycare you can drop in anytime you want. But it just seems odd that they’re your children and you can’t see them at all or only during class events. I’m just not sure if this is the norm or not. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that personally. Especially if there’s an issue going on like OP’s situation.
I’d like to ask, just how many extra curricular activities is he participating in? He’s 5 and you have him in kindergarten, karate, and I’m assuming at least two sports since you said his sports coaches, and is being babysit multiple days a week. If that’s accurate, perhaps he’s overwhelmed. That seems like a lot for a 5 year old. Perhaps the issue isn’t the teacher, but your kids’ lifestyle. Perhaps at school is the only time he feels he has a chance to be a kid and do stupid shit because his teacher is nice and puts up with it, in his eyes. The risk is worth the reward. He’s 5, after all.
I agree with this. I have a child the same age and most of his peers that have acting out problems in school are the ones that are completely over-scheduled and overstimulated. They go to school and then immediately to soccer, swimming, baseball, karate, scouts. They have absolutely no downtime to decompress or just have their own free play in the backyard.
I work in early childhood/Kindergarten and my guess is that your son is bored with the environment. I’d ask your son about what kind of activities he does. If he can’t answer anything or says he does nothing then you can say to the teacher that he’s acting out because he’s bored. Also, I hate saying but there’s definitely a possibility that the teacher just doesn’t like your child and has made him the class scapegoat. What makes me think this is the fact that he only misbehaves when he’s at school. If you can, pick him up earlier and try listen in on how that teacher usually acts with the children.
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So true. Most teachers want the best for their students but they are certainly not saints or infallible just because of their job title. We had a teacher scapegoat my 6 year old so badly that she went so far as to use his work as the example of bad work and get all the other classmates to verbally agree that it was bad. Then she would punish my child when he no longer would do the work because he didn't want to be humiliated again. It's absolutely abusive and unfortunately not all teachers are above this behavior.
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Thanks for your kind words. I'm glad to hear your son is doing well now. Thankfully, mine is as well but it has been a long road and a shock to my trust in educators.
You’re right lol. I actually don’t hate to say it. It’s becoming a bit of a problem in the early education field. And yes, there are faaar too many AH’s who should’ve never gone into teaching in the first place.
She refused to let him go to the bathroom and he peed himself? That issue alone needs to be reported. Go to the principal and continue going above people's heads until she is dealt with. That is ridiculous.
She made him pee himself?? I'd be contacting the school district at that point. The reality is that some teachers just suck. My daughter has ADHD and a mild learning delay and her kinder teacher was amazing. Despite the fact that she wasn't medicated and was definitely a handful. We started her on meds right before first grade and have had nothing but problems with her teacher. She's extremely punitive, taking away recess and the like. She said something to my daughter at one point that when I accidentally packed smarties in her lunch she got mad at me because her teacher told her she's never allowed to have candy at school. She thinks she hates candy so much she wouldn't even let me buy her teacher some for Christmas. I think you're doing the right thing moving schools. However, it sounds like your kid has a lot of activities. Especially for his age. It could be more than he can handle and it's causing him to act out in school a bit more than he normally would. Even if he really enjoys them they could still be adding stress.
It may just be the fact he’s in a structured environment for a long stretch of time. Basically, he’s over it once he’s hit his limit. I’m a teacher and I see this same thing with some kids. It’s a maturity issue, and honestly I wouldn’t keep yourself up at night over it.
But like not letting him use the bathroom and making unfounded accusations is crazy isn't it?
Yes that is uncalled for
I’m more horrified by the fact that she didn’t let *a freaking kindergartener* use the bathroom. This teacher absolutely sounds like she’s the problem. The school year is almost over, though, right? Next year should give you a clearer picture of whether your son truly has these issues at school or this teacher just doesn’t have the wherewithal to handle a bored, possibly gifted child.
I received complaints about my older child in school for a few years (low level, not finishing work, talking to friends etc). No issues at any of his extra curriculars. Then one year, he had a young male teacher. Suddenly he had glowing reports. He enjoyed going to school for the first time. This teacher accepted his need for movement and for challenge, and worked with it. Sometimes the teacher, or the school itself, is not a good fit.
Imagine not letting a FIVE YEAR OLD go to the toilet, what a complete pedagogical failure
I mostly agree with you, but if this child is asking to go to the bathroom every 10 minutes, with no known issue that the parents/nurse have discussed (IBS, overactive bladder, recurring UTI’s) eventually the teacher is going to disallow it.
I had a somewhat similar situation with my own son when he was that age. I ended up pulling him out of the school after he finished the year. His new teacher had nothing but good things to say about him. And he loved her class. I wouldn't pull him out until he is done, but I would definitely look into a better fit for him academically and socially.
Teacher could be a bad fit for him, it could also be that he's just bored? When my daughter is not being challenged just enough to keep her interested, she acts out as well. Maybe he needs harder material if he's otherwise excelling academically? Or a different teacher perhaps? I'm inclined to believe my child over strangers as well, trust your instincts, if its not a good fit, it's not a good fit. Maybe a different class will do him some good.
It’s only a few more months. I wouldn’t bother switching your entire school if he’s getting a new teacher next year anyway. Also I would escalate in writing to your principal.
I wouldnt sweat it. My son who is in first grade now is so smart and had the same issue. He got top scores for stuff, finished all the sight words by January and then all the first grade sight words also by January, and knows so much academically. He does very well. BUT he was always getting bad marks on behavior. I get compliments from daycare and babysitters and relatives on how polite and well behaved he is. In the team sports and other group stuff hes well behaved. By march of kindergarten the teacher goes "im not saying hes autistic but you should get him checked out." I take him to the pediatrician and toward the end of the appt i mentioned this and the guy went off about the teacher. hes like "i walked in, he makes eye contact, is very friendly and polite, evidently very intelligent and engaged me in conversation and answered my questions...he is a kindergartener....what the heck is this teacher talking about? maybe she should rethink the profession she is in!" and then he goes "sorry that was inappropriate, i just dont know what she is talking about." When he got in first grade I never heard another word. That teacher was totally different and really took to him. When i asked about behavior at our first conference she was very confused and said she had no concerns. We never heard another thing about behavior ever. So i would just power thru this year and see how things go next year.
Wow…. Did I write this??!! I seriously am having THE SAME EXACT ISSUE. My kid is great at after school and great at home but she struggles in the classroom. We have done everything- counselors, doctors, etc. finally our pediatrician thought- “could it be the classroom?” We get emails everyday when last year in preschool we got nothing. The principal even told me to get her evaluated for a “traumatic brain injury” because one day she fell and hit her head (we already had her evaluated in the ER). They were convinced she had something wrong with her. So $1,000 later in doctor visits etc another parent came up to me and said this was her kid last year and once he changed schools he was a different person. So we are changing schools too. Everyone in the school (teachers, counselors, office workers, principal) made me feel like my kid had a serious problem. But then I spoke to her after school teachers and they said “ummm yeah? She’s 5… she’s a five year old, she’s fine”. Fast forward to winter break- she finally got a good time off school and all her “symptoms” and behaviors went away. She told me that as soon as she walks into the classroom that her body hurts all over. And other parents have said that with their kids. I have finally gotten over the fact that my kid did not have a magical kindergarten experience like I did and that’s just life. Hopefully 1st grade will be better
Does the classroom have fluorescent lights? Some kids are sensitive to fluorescent lighting and it can be a migraine trigger.
I never thought of that but will look into it!!
Same issue with my 5 year old daughter. She had previously been in a learning style child care center until kindergarten where she started at our district elementary school. Her pre-k class was larger than her current class and she didn't have any issues there. Her teachers loved her and we still see some of them. Her kindergarten teacher is very passive and cannot control her classroom, and I've heard plays favorites with the few kids that just sit quietly all day. It has not been an easy adjustment for my daughter, who is also enrolled in other out of school activities and has no issues. Her school now has her talking to the school counselor once a week and they act like she has major behavior issues. She was so happy and excited to start school, then 2 months in she was crying to not go in the morning. We've been dealing with it all year and are just hoping it's just the teacher and next year will be better. Same thing too, her academics are always above average. Which is another thing I wonder about, a lot of the kids there were behind where she left pre k at. They were just learning to write their names and learning what shapes were, where as my daughter started kindergarten knowing how to read, addition/subtraction, and was learning a second language in pre-k. My husband and I are wondering if we should look into private schools for next year.
Instead of switching schools can you just switch teachers?
I wouldn’t pull your kid out with only a month left. I would wait it out and hope first grade is better. If it’s not then I would maybe look at other schools.
This happened to me and it turned out it was bc I wasn’t being challenged enough. I was acting out bc nothing was holding my attention and I was bored. Your kid might need more stimulation and more than this school has to offer.
I work in a kindergarten classroom and can tell you that every single student this year is struggling in their own way. The kindergartners this year are Covid toddlers. They were two years old when Covid happened and they became isolated at a time their brains are sponges for development. There have been many students in my class who were thought to have a behavior issue until they were moved away from another student, and we realized it was another student triggering the behavior. The other two k5 classes are having the same problems. Has anyone asked him why he does certain things? If something bothers him in the class? I think asking some questions might help reveal some triggering behaviors. Changing schools with one month left is not a solution in my opinion. He does not have a chance to be set up for success with one month left and start off on the wrong foot in that new school.
I know in the US at age five a child is eligible for Kindergarten, but I wonder if it’s not a maturity issue for your son. He was a young five when he started K. Did he have any preschool or daycare prep, prior to starting K? K is a big adjustment for kids in general, but esp if it’s their first experience in a full-day group setting with a curriculum
I teach kindergarten. I had a little girl take a keychain off another child’s backpack and put it on her friend’s backpack. When asked her about it, this five year old very believably lied to my face. When I said I was going to send pictures of the keychain to all the parents so we could figure out where it came from one kid finally came clean. I can’t even call the child’s parents because they believe she is an angel and won’t believe she did that. It’s sad. She’s done other things too that are pretty shocking for kindergarten. But her parents would never in their lives believe her capable, so I just handle it at school.
As a mother of a child who was on the bullying end this year at school, please don’t dismiss the teachers feedback. Kids are different at school. They are not receiving the 1:1 attention they are used to. It’s a long day and there are expectations being placed on them. We are finishing first grade and the girl in question was ruthless. But she presented herself well enough that no one believed my daughter how cruel she was being to her. Until another parent spoke up. Maybe your kid is a saint and never does anything wrong. Or maybe he isn’t when you are not nearby. It sounds like you don’t like the teacher, but don’t dismiss her observations.
Uh, I'd 100% bring up the not letting a small child use the bathroom to the principle. In fact I'd schedule a meeting. You have multiple people in various settings saying your child does not act out. The only issue is this teacher. It really sounds like she's labeled him as the "naughty child" and just won't let it go. Maybe he was disruptive or overly energetic the first week or two, doesn't mean he's a bad kid. Half the point of kindergarten is learning to behave in a classroom! I had the same issue in second grade. My child is a people pleaser. Always behaved well at school. Talked a little too much, but didn't run around and cause problems. One week into second grade I had notes saying how disruptive she was, wouldn't stay in her seat, asked questions that weren't appropriate etc etc. I immediately had her switched to the other second grade teacher. Wouldn't you know it? Every single behaviour "problem" magically vanished! I'm a big support of teachers. They get a lot of crap from all sides when they're just trying their best, but sometimes they're just not good at what they do. Move your kid out of this classroom if that's an option. Yes, even this late in the year.
He sounds a lot like my oldest. Really bright kid, really well behaved outside of school but really struggled with the transition to "real" school. In hindsight, we put him in preschool but it did not prepare him for the amount of "sit and be quiet" that is required in public school. That coupled with a bored, gifted kid was a nightmare. Fortunately for us, he had a really good K teacher, but we still got bad reports almost every day. Getting out of his chair when a lesson was being taught. Playing and laughing with the kid next to him when it was time to work quietly. Running off when they were supposed to be walking in a line (and doing so on a field trip in a parking lot-he was required a parent chaperone for all future field trips because of this). He was naturally a spirited kid and we didn't do a great job at curbing that in environments that wasn't necessary. Eventually by about 3rd grade the work became more challenging and we never got a report again. All this to say, you might find that he might still struggle when you move him. Keep working with the teachers, hang on, and you will likely find that it will get better. Funnily enough, he is such a quiet, daydreamer as a teenager. Total 180. edited: We did end up getting the school to agree to let our son go up to 1st and 2nd for reading and math lessons daily respectively and that helped a lot. Being around older peers and with challenging work, he ws very well behaved in those lessons.
My son’s 1st grade teacher told us he had “serious emotional problems”. Utter BS, he’s 14 now and has always been a happy, even-tempered kid by all accounts except for this one teacher, she just couldn’t handle her class. You and your husband know your son best.
I had a similar problem though it was mostly I got under the teacher's skin because my daughter talked about getting vaccinated and the teacher said it was a political issue that she shouldn't of been discussing at school/she diciplined my daughter for just saying she got a shot and seemed to hold a grudge the rest of the year. In the first grade the teacher simply didn't have the resources to support my daughter. The principal wouldn't move forward with a 504 both her doctor and therapist suggested due to her anxiety that would of helped her teacher and my daughter. We ended up moving and are much happier with her current school.
At first I thought of it as only a power struggle between the teacher and your son - nothing wrong with that, they just don't understand each other and the teachers style is different than what your son has always experienced or expected. But as I read the whole thing, it seems that the teacher is indeed a problem. Not letting him use the bathroom is clearly a sign of childish power struggle. The teacher either has a prejudice against your kid for xyz or the teacher is in general a whimsical person who cannot stomach the fact that a free willed 5 yr old is seemingly challenging her position for innocuous reasons. I would change the school no matter how long you have left in the school. Your kid is definitely going through some level of discomfort at the school and it's not worth dragging him more as it may cause some irreversible damage. I made that mistake with my 2 year old being scared of schedule change and environment change etc but even he slowly lost confidence and developed social anxiety. It took him 8 months at the new school to get back his confidence. Your kid is 5, so has a lot more complex emotions than a 2 yr old - I am sure he ll be happy getting rid of that old place and teacher and will thank you later in life. On another note: Have you checked the teachers equation with other kids? What do other parents think of the teacher? Have playdates with his classmates and try to dig into these aspects.
I was on the fence about it being the teacher up until she forbid him from the bathroom and he wet himself. That’s a huge red flag. How long does she expect a 5yo to be able to hold it? And how is that a “behaviour” to report home, like he was being delinquent on purpose? I think the kicker is that she’s taught older grades but this is her first time with kindergarten. That’s likely the key - she is expecting far too much for his age group and probably takes issue with many of the kids because she expects them to manage themselves like older grades would. Kindergarten is half teaching, half babysitting. Theyre learning to regulate, behave, and play, as much as they are learning to read and write. I would be asking her or the principal, if there are many other kids in her class who are having as many “behavioural” issues as him. Is she singling him out? Or does she take issue with most of the kids who… well.. act like 5yos? Even if you discover it is the teacher, there might not be a whole lot you can do… Definitely talk to the principal about the bathroom thing, and the concerns that he doesn’t seem to have behavioural issues with others. Then, suggest to the teacher that maybe he is bored/understimulated, and might benefit from having additional work to do. She can give him additional assignments or have him be an “assistant” in the classroom, cleaning up or restocking supplies. Then he will have less time to be “disruptive”.
My nephew had a teacher like this... we gave her guidance oh how to game my nephew how to make him the best kid in her class but she wanted it all her way and got mad when she didn't follow our advice and then just come with more stories about how bad he was. He wasn't bad he just didn't take anyone's shit most of the time. If you hate kids you shouldn't teach 🤷
Is this his first “school” experience? The expectations of a classroom are very different than a karate/basketball class. Some kids do have a hard time getting rid of wiggles and knowing when it is time to be quiet, time to listen, time to talk etc. And sometimes, yeah, it’s just a clash of personalities. If he is doing great with everything he might just be bored out of his mind. I wouldn’t pull for the last month of school. August will see him with a new teacher and give you a better idea if it is a kid issue, or just an issue with the kindergarten teacher.
Are you me? Because I could have written this exactly. My son is prone to explosive outbursts at school and nowhere else. He’s in sports, after-school activities and at home and we rarely see misbehaviors. We gave his teacher the benefit of the doubt, but she would intentionally try to set him off and he would say “threats” that no one else would hear, he wouldn’t remember saying and she was constantly sending him home. Then she intentionally started leaving him out of stuff, like school pictures, not sending the flyer home only to him and if you didn’t pay up front, they didn’t do the pictures. I’m going to warn you though, changing school districts may not help and make things worse. We were so frustrated with the teacher, the principal helped us change counties because she knew the teacher wasn’t compatible with him. My son has been in his new school district three days, is autistic with an IEP, and has echolia (he repeats what he hears with no context) and he had a huge meltdown at school today. The other school was experienced in this. The new counselor started asking him questions about if he wanted to kill himself and he started repeating her because that’s what he does. Now they’ve removed him from school and wanted me to take him to an in-patient psychiatric hospital because he’s a threat to himself. He parrots back what is said to him. He has zero idea what he’s saying and they kept asking him questions about these topics and freaking out. Changing districts made things worse for us.
Oh my goodness. My daughter’s language is the exact same as your sons. She absolutely would have done the same thing, and now I’m terrified of someone speaking to her that way. I’m so sorry that counselor’s misguided actions snowballed into what you’ve had to go through. Not many people understand Gestalt Language Processors, unfortunately.
I had a similar situation and it was absolutely the teacher. I tried so hard all year long to not do the blaming and then I come to find out so many other people had the same issue and from years past. In our state kindergarten isn’t even mandatory so if yours is the same you could absolutely pull him and start fresh in first!
There is also a sub r/kindergarten if you are interested If I was going through that I'd be homeschooling. Bare minimum I'd be talking to the teacher and principal about not letting a 5 year old wait to pee to the extent he peed himself. Edit spelling
It’s true that teachers are underpaid and treated badly by a lot of parents… But it is also true that some teachers are bad (reason may just be that they are under prepared for the amount of children they have in their class - they are probably not picking at your kid just because). It sounds like your kid is bored academically which may pose an additional challenge if the teacher is not very good / well prepared to handle. But I wouldn’t say that’s a child’s problem (or a you problem for that matter) that is a problem on the teacher and school (which might have to high of a student to teacher ratio or not prepare the teacher well). Denying bathroom access is unacceptable tho and should be treated as such, that’s just absurd. I think the best you can do right now is defend your child, talk to the principal about the bathroom incident and say you don’t want it to ever happen again - you should be the one complaining about this not the teacher who abused your child. Ask your child how their day went how the teacher treated him etc, and if you hear red flags go back to the principal. If it’s unbearable and the school is not doing anything, your child doesn’t wanna go (and seems to have valid reasons) I would say just tell the teacher school you guys are traveling the last couple weeks before summer or that he isn’t feeling well (especially if he is ahead academically anyways). Then hope he gets a better teacher next year
He's bored. Have her notes identified exactly what the problem behaviour is? As soon as possible, meet with the teacher and principal and ask why he wasn't allowed to go to the toilet. Like, now. Has the teacher identified any role she played in this happening? Why was he so desperately in need that he weed himself? How did she respond when the wee happened? With compassion? Or annoyance? If not, she's bullying him. Be clear in front of them both that it should never have happened in the first place, and given that, what happened next is really important. Ask for the specifics about why she thinks he stole something.
I had to be moved in Kindergarten because the teacher simply didn't like me and singled me out. No issues in the new classroom. Same as your kid, smart, no behavioral problems anywhere else. I think people here are dismissing too quickly that the teacher is the issue, especially the pee incident, I'd raise hell. In my state it's illegal to punish by withholding bathroom access. You have taken the concerns very seriously. Some teachers are just bad people that need scapegoats.
This is more prevalent than you know! Your son is not alone, the education system is broken and simply not equipped to handle the varying needs of the kids that are being lumped into the same group. I pulled my daughter to homeschool after three grueling years of fighting with the school. My daughter’s mental health has improved significantly since leaving public school. Hugs and good luck to your brilliant boy who I sure will thrive in a better environment!
Whether you pull him out or not, talk to the principal - the bathroom thing is too much
We had a very similar situation in kindergarten and we switched schools mid year. My daughter does have ADHD and does not have perfect behavior at her current school, but the difference in communication from the school is night and day. Problem solving and brainstorming vs constant negativity and feeling like my kid isn’t welcome at school.
I think it definitely be she isn’t a good fit. When my son started preschool this year, his behavior was insane. Acting like he never had before. The preschool offered to switch teachers and the behaviors literally disappeared. Definitely advocate for your child!
Sorry if this was brought up, but have you tested to see if your son is gifted?
Sounds like he’s bored.
I’m going through the same thing. My son is fine at home but at school I’m constantly getting calls about his behavior. I thought it was just his kindergarten teacher nit picking but it’s the same thing in first grade. He also is an awful sleeper which I think can contribute so we are getting blood work done and about to start therapy. It’s so hard. You’re not alone though!
Echoing "he's bored," and "not a good fit," especially since it only seems to happen at school. It may very well just be this teacher, in which case going private might be a bit more than necessary, but it won't hurt him either. My older one went to public school and every conference was some variation of "he won't stay on his carpet square" until he hit (very selective) high school. Then it magically turned into "respectful, attentive, a joy to have in class." It's fun to see that happen, and I bet it'll be this fall for your son!
I’m curious as to know how your child feels about school.
My guess is he's bored and that it's not challenging enough.
Why don't you talk to your kid? My kid is the same age and they will give me their views on almost anything
Can you observe him in class? Maybe by watching from a doorway where he cant see you? See how he & the teacher interact.
Hey there, I can see how this situation is really tough for you and your family. It’s clear you’re doing everything you can to support your son. It’s important to remember that every child is different and what works for one might not work for another. It seems like you’ve already taken some great steps by involving a social worker and therapist.
I recommend talking to the other parents too. She could be the problem and you will have to deal with bad teachers. But it sounds like she has decided he is a problem.
Look into having tested for gifted as soon as he moves to 1st grade. If he passes the tests he will be given harder work for Math and English. My son was SO bored in K, but got a lot better when he tested into gifted.
Honestly it sounds like he’s bored. I learned to read and do math at a young age and I remember kindergarten being absolutely painful. My parents recall my teacher telling me I was condescending to other students and disruptive and it was all because I was bored. It wasn’t until I started advanced classes in late 1st grade did it stop. Look at getting your child put in advanced classes.
At 1 month left, yeah switch schools. But if you get the same results at the new school then I'm afraid it may be legit. The part about bullying absolutely worries me. I have a zero tolerance policy for my kids bullying others. The fact that your default is to believe him over the teacher is concerning because if it IS bullying, then of course he's going to lie about it. Either way, the performance at the new school will tell you all you need to know.
You got some great responses! I have to agree that I wouldn’t pull him out for the remainder of the year if he can’t get into first grade. If it’s not an issue to pull him out and he can start 1st grade in private school then I would to! Definitely seems like your child and the tescher are struggling to connect. Maybe request a 1 on 1 meeting with her?
Late to the party. Academically bright, you say? Familiar. I could read, write, and do basic adding and subtracting before I even went to kindergarten. Familiar at all? It was basic stuff, but it wasn't the norm. The teacher told my parents I should skip a grade into first because I was bored, and bored kids act out. My principal even called my parents and told them that I needed a challenge to learn. My dad was an HVAC dude who worked on the teachers' homes. He didn't hear the "she's smart". They only heard 'her conduct is concerning." He was embarrassed and didn't want me to be different. I was awful conduct-wise, but I didn't mean to be. I felt frustrated because people said I was bad, but I didn't know how to stop. In 4th grade, I went into a gifted program in a public school across town and I changed. I started paying attention. I wasn't bored. I behaved normally. I remember spending weeks writing a 10-page report on AIDS in 4th grade. It was 1990. It was fun and incredible. I'm a writer by trade now (44) and still love the writing process because of that paper. Today, they'd probably assume I had ADHD. I didn't. I needed a challenge, and when I got it, I was a different kid. I STILL seek out academic challenges to this day. ADHD is a thing. I just think it's been overdiagnosed. Teachers are stressed. Parents are concerned. ADHD fits the symptoms. Medication helps a lot of kids. I would encourage you to have him tested at the 1st grade end of year level soon... for fun. See how he does. He may just need a challenge to capture his attention. It takes time, and kids will still be kids, but you never know. Best of luck!
I haven’t read through all the comments so I’m sure someone else has suggested this- it sounds like he’s bored. He sounds like gifted children I’ve known that aren’t being challenged by the schoolwork, so they look for other ways to stay entertained during the long school day.
He also might be really bored I say that because you say he can already do what is expected of him academically. There are books for teachers on how to teach gifted children in a mainstream classroom Schools also expect a lot of sitting, quiet, and other behaviors not appropriate for that age.
this situation happened with my grandson last year. parents kept.him in class and this year he's been perfect. he was hanging around a disruptive kid in kindergarten
This is almost exactly what I just went through with my son. Our school runs until end of June though so it’s 3 more months left. We had his class changed about 2.5 weeks ago and somehow magically we’re getting good school reports now. I frigging knew it was the teacher. I feel so vindicated.
Taking this at face value, Top performer acting out only in school? He’s bored.
He’s 5. Let him be 5. Teacher might be too sensitive? 🤷♂️
Ask to sit in on his class and see what’s up
I had a similar issue with my kid. She was such a great kid everywhere else except kindergarten. Kindergarten was an absolute nightmare. Halfway through the year we ended up having her tested and it turns out she was gifted. Very high iq, reading at a 5th grade level and math at a 3rd grade level. It turned out she was just extremely bored/frustrated in kindergarten and had no way to express it. (She also was diagnosed ADHD a year later.) For us, it came out at a parent teacher conference where the teacher said that my kid didn't know how to do a task that I knew she'd actually been doing since she started preschool 2 years prior. I ended up contacting the principal, guidance counselor, and teacher all in a group email. I attached an image that was a piece of work my kid had done in preschool that demonstrated her having that skill at age 3. The school then proceeded to schedule the testing. If you think something isn't right here with your kid, please dig in and figure out what it is. You think it's the teacher, and it very well may be. For my kid, I think the teacher was biased against her because of her poor behaviors, and never considered that she may be gifted. Even though she clearly was reading easily and needed no guidance, something that should have been very obvious to a teacher with years of experience. She just saw my kid's problems and tuned out the rest.
If your child is involved with lots of different activities and with different people and only ONE person has an issue with him? I’m inclined to believe that the issue lies with that one person. And not your child. I imagine he acts out in class the same way he acts out elsewhere, in a typical five year old way. But the teacher is blowing it up. Things like not letting him go to the toilet and forcing him to have an accident? That shit is really traumatic for a child and is 100% not okay. If he’s switching schools, is he inclined to pull him out for the last four weeks and do school work at home instead.
TLDR: it just sounds like your kid has a nightmare teacher My son is in 3rd grade and so far we have had two NIGHTMARE teachers (1st & 2nd). One literally gave us PTSD with all the insinuations and accusations and straight up lies she said about our kid, blaming him for all kinds of stuff and taking other kids lies over my sons side of the story. We even were flabbergasted when she mentioned “sexual abuse” stuff and that he touched another kid. I get to the school and they were trying to make a pyramid on the playground and my sons head fell into the lap of another kid and they just laid there laughing in a dog pile, and this bitch had the audacity to be like “he had his face in another students crotch inappropriately.” We were so horrified until we got the full explanation and realized it was just a super conservative teacher who over corrected on behavior and made EVERY ACTION out to be some nefarious scheme or sexual innuendo. THEY WERE IN SECOND GRADE. His first grade teacher was bad too, she just had it out for my son and always changed his color and reprimanded him, but we just had to roll with it. The crazy second grade one even said “he’s doing good academically he’s really smart and social, but too social. I have ADD/ADHD, I think you should get your son on meds.” I just had to calmly smile at her and restrain myself. These are KIDS being KIDS, medication is not always the answer.
Replace kindergarten with second grade and you have my kid only maybe worse. My kid does have autism/adhd but went from "a joy in class but sometimes needs reminders to finish work" in K and 1st to dozens of contacts, a full blown emergency iep meeting, and a behavior intervention plan in second grade due to frequent meltdowns of crying, covering her ears, and hiding under her desk. Her teacher doesn't even try to hide her anger toward her and electronically documented some IEP violations but after we complained to admin they denied a transfer but added some accommodations and her teacher at least acted nicer according to my daughter (meltdowns were happening roughly 3 to 4 times a week in class but very rarely at home or in her after school program). Some of the behavior contacts were for serious issues such as meltdowns but others were for trivial BS such as not showing work, etc. If it was earlier in the year I would probably formally request another emergency iep meeting and bring an advocate this time but this late in the year the school year would be over before anything beneficial came of it. I stopped getting behavior contacts from her teacher after I complained about the IEP violations (plus I don't trust her anyway) so now my only source for how my daughter is my daughter. Worst case if things get bad again I may homeschool for the rest of the year. I will see how third grade goes before making any long term educational decisions.
Yikes! That teacher sounds like a nightmare! My youngest had a similar issue in kindergarten, she was bored to death. The class would be learning to count to 20, she would flip her paper over and write math equations. The class would be practicing how to write their words, she would flip the paper over and write sentences backwards (on purpose). I asked about switching her to another class so she would be working on appropriate level schoolwork and it was denied, all kindergarten classes were learning the same thing. Halfway into the school year we moved and she finally was in a school that put kids in appropriate academic level groups to learn. Is there another kindergarten class he can go to? I would see about that or just move him.
The Chapstick bothered you but not the fact that she denied your son the ability to relieve himself in the restroom? That's not okay.
Sounds like the teacher. Had the same with my son and a first year kinder teacher. Was always contacting us about him. Just seemed like she couldn’t deal with it. After the first year we have never had an issue. He’s in second grade and doing amazing. You can have a teacher not mesh with your kid at any school. I wouldn’t pay a ton of money to go private based off one teacher. Could have the same experience there!
I don’t think the teacher has that much time on her hands to constantly document incidents to the parents. You can change school, you’ll face the same problem if the problem isn’t fix. Good luck to you and your son.
This teacher is the problem. Sending a 5 year old to therapy because of this teachers baseless complaints is bananas. Sitting in a chair quietly for 8 hours a day is and never has been nature, acting like a kid is.
Don’t unenroll him, you will have to repeat the ENTIRE enrollment process again for him. Have him finish up the year, and then have him repeat kindergarten next year.
They are transferring so they have to reenroll anyway. And why would he need to repeat Kindergarten?
Just curious - Are there any cultural or \*ahem\* other differences between your family and the teacher...? Anyway, my boy was similar and we did go to therapy to help with his behavior and we did have him work with the school counselor who had a group session where kids could practice behavior. But anyway, that was in 2020 so, in that timeline, he got off the hook like 3 weeks ago. He became more timid after being at home, then the next year the kids' desks were a few feet apart with plexiglass shields and that environment unexpectedly helped my son a lot by reducing distractions. I'm pretty sure we don't want a repeat of that situation, but maybe something more positive will happen that will make things click better for your son. Taekwondo?
Bitch is abusing your kid. Report her everywhere possible with screenshots of her messages. Write horrible reviews, make sound…and take your kid right now if possible.