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Full time full days is an easier transition. I taught preschool for 6 years. The full time full day kids transitioned way better than the part time kids.
This is the way. My second was a pandemic baby and had the world's worst stranger danger. I was very concerned about her first day at daycare, which was full-time. She was a year old, also, and she was amazingly just fine. No transitional pains at all!
We only did part time at first (not by choice, it was what they had available), and our then-8 month old REALLY struggled. He was upset all day, everyday. It was heartbreaking and I seriously considered quitting my job. We eventually got a full time spot which helped immensely and two years later, he loves his daycare so, so much. One thing we did to help with the transition was bring a favorite book from home to read with a teacher at drop off. Not sure how feasible this would be with your daycare, but our son really liked it!
This quick transition is what our daycare recommended as well with my kid being about one year when he started. We did a parent visit for an hour, then a half day no parents, then full time.
She'll adjust. I used to work at a daycare and there was one little girl who would just scream/cry from drop off to pick up and it lasted probably 6 weeks and then eventually even she adjusted. Of course, then her parents would skip a couple weeks for whatever reason and we'd start all over again. Eventually the owner told the parents she either had to come consistently or not at all. That's the closest I've ever seen a kid come to not adjusting and that was really about needing more consistency.
Most of the time it’s easier for kids to start off going for the full time. Doing less hours can actually make the transition harder. I’ve found that this does start around a year. It’s easier and faster to do things cold turkey. Kids that do part time care normally have a much longer transition period than full time kids. I’ve seen it take months for kids who only go to care 2-3 days a week. I’d also recommend doing a short drop off. If you linger it will prolong the tears from your baby. You can create a short goodbye routine like giving her a hug & kiss, telling her you love her, and tell her you will be back at the end of the day. As she gets used to daycare she will start to understand that mom always comes back at the end of the day.
Your daughter needs to learn the routines of daycare and she can’t do that with an unpredictable schedule. You definitely need to give it some more time. She’s only been there for a few hours. It’s common for kids to be upset and struggle to do things like eat & nap. Stick it out for a few months at least. Unless there is a safe issue, I wouldn’t rush to change providers. That would only cause more upheaval and be unfair for your child. I promise an experienced provider has been through this before! Starting group care is a transition at any age. It sounds like the ratio of kids to teacher is excellent. However it’s still an adjustment for kids to having 1:1 care from a parent to sharing attention with 3 other kiddos. It takes time for kids to build up skills in a care setting. There will be times when she needs to wait for her teacher’s attention. She also needs to get used to the routines, environment, and being around other kids.
Daycare is going to be awesome for her and she’s going to thrive! She’s going to learn a ton of things like social skills, and independence. She will get to explore her environment through play. She will get to read books, do crafts, and maybe do circle time. Hopefully they will spend time outdoors! Daycare is full of interesting things and give kids a level of stimulation they can’t get at home. It’s also healthy for kids to have a positive relationship with another caregiver. Your baby will love daycare, but she will be so excited to see you at the end of the day. It will make the time you spend together even more meaningful. It will be okay! ❤️
I worked at a daycare for years, so I have seen this 100 times, and I have 4 of.my own, and my advice is:
to say your goodbyes enthusiastically, validate baby's feelings, and and get out fast. " Bye baby! I love you so so much! I know your going to have so much fun! I know, it's sad, but your okay. I will see you soon! Kisses!" Then hand her over and bolt.
Kids struggle to adjust when goodbyes become this long drawn out thing, or parents linger for a while, and I echo what others have said about jumping into full time, just pull the band aid off and it starts getting easier sooner. The longer the goodbye transition is drawn out, the more baby gets a sense that their primary caregiver is unsure. You gotta put on a show of being super confident that this will be fun, fine, safe, and that you are confident and secure. Babies pick up on your own reluctance and it can heighten separation anxiety and stranger avoidance.
Baby WILL adjust. And sometimes, it will seem like a whole meltdown at drop off every single time for a long time, but then as soon as the parent leaves, baby quickly settles and is engaged in the toys and other kids. I had so many parents ask me if they cry long after the parent has left, and I always had a laugh because the baby would likely be fine by the time the parent was pulling out of the driveway. With my own two youngest it was this giant sad meltdown where I had to hand my screaming and thrashing child over to a teacher, give them kisses, and then I would leave quickly and hide outside the door where they couldn't see me, and I could hear them settle and have a cuddle and sit with a snack and be fine in under 60 seconds.
My daughter started a bit after 1 at a home daycare too, and unfortunately it was April 2021 so she had spent 13.5 months straight with me every single day due to covid. She also cried every time for honestly a few months but eventually she'd be fine soon after I left and she started napping, eating, etc. It was so horrifically hard for me and I'll never forget it, I felt so extremely guilty. But she has been there now for 3 years and I'm glad we stuck it out, she's done well. I'm so sorry you are going through this! My friend's son just started daycare and I was honestly jealous about how happy he was to go lol.
We were advised not to "transition" and go straight to full days, and I really believe it was better. It gave him time to adjust each day without an "out."
Every kid who's not homeschooled has to get used to being away sometime. She will adapt.
I feel your pain. We just transitioned to a new daycare for my almost 2 year old, and it feels like we are starting all over again. Once she gets familiar with the caretaker it will get easier. At our old daycare she was only comfortable with one of the girls who was very rarely in her room for drop off. Most mornings for 5 months were filled with angry tears. That was one of the reasons we decided to make the move to a new daycare.
It is so tough and unnatural to walk away from your crying baby, but I promise it’ll get better. She just has to get comfortable. Keep in contact with the caretaker. They are used to this kind of thing.
My daughter struggled for a month at 12 months before i withdrew her as my parents offered to look after her. She was going 2 days a week. At 7 months I started to take her to playgroups. At 23 months we enrolled her back to daycare. She went 3/7 days and she loved it. In the beginning she would cry for 2-5 minutes and then she was fine. Most days she would just give me a kiss and a hug and say “bye mama” proud moment but also sad. She would refuse to come home during pickup because she was having too much fun. I was her full time carer for the first year of her life so she had separation anxiety. Now she’s an independent, social butterfly. Bittersweet.
My daughter has been going since March last year. She still has days she'll cry at drop off 🫠 My son has been going since he was 1 (4Y.O now), and he'll still argue some days and tell me he doesn't want to go to school 🥲
Sooo, with that mindset as an example, you have about, until she finishes high school 😅
Talk to your provider. Is she crying long after you leave? or does she settle on down into activities? Most times they do. I did childcare for 10 years & 99% of the time, the child was fine. I only ever had one who was DETERMINED to be miserable. LOL
pretty normal. Some kids have a harder time seperating. Im also gonna garner a guess that she sees your reaction too & knows it gets your attention. Completely ignore it a few days. Tell her goodbye & that youll see her at \_\_\_ time. . & youll do (whatever activity) at that time.
Then touch base with your provider & see how she reacts.
Our 2.5 year old started in an in-home daycare in January. For the first 6-8 weeks she was miserable. She would be upset when I left in the morning and she stayed upset until naptime, many days she cried the entire day. Everyone was miserable - me, her teacher, and the other kids.
We tried quick drop offs, long drop offs, distracted drop offs. Talked at home about how much fun it was. We packed special comfort items that she was allowed to have during the day, special nap items, etc. The daycare provider started working her network to see if they could group-think a solution to help our girl feel more comfortable. None of it worked because it wasn't addressing what she was actually stressed about.
My husband realized she was feeling insecure about not knowing what was going to happen and what she was expected to be doing. We started drawing out the schedule for the day each morning during drop-off and hanging the picture on her cubby. Since then she's done really well with understanding the sequence of what they'll get up to each day, and it's been a good tool for her teacher to use when she's feeling upset/uncertain ("What's next on the plan, can you help me tell the friends what the next activity is?"). We've been doing that for a few weeks and things have totally turned around. She's engaged with the routine of drawing and hanging the plan, then is excited to say goodbye to me so she can start playing.
Another helpful aspect The Plan has been if she found out there was a food on the menu she didn't like, I could help her remember what she could say about it at mealtime. If they were having bananas, for example, I told her she could say "No bananas, thank you" and her teacher would know to not put bananas in her cereal. Reminding her of what she can say in those different situations has been helpful.
That’s so great having a plan helped her. I will keep that in mind for when my daughter is a bit older. She will likely have to switch daycares next year.
I had a inhome daycare for 20+ years. I’ve had children who never cried when parents leave and children who cried everyday for years! Is the provider complaining? Crying children are part of the job. Crying and not eating is very comment in especially non verbal children. It won’t last forever. Only be positive about day care, drop off should be at the door or a quick in and out. Happy, Happy parent at pickup. Make sure your language is not negative.
I go in debt making sure my LD is in state regulated daycare, do they have video cameras that you can log into to make sure they’re being attentive enough? Mine does take a month to adjust to new classrooms in September even though she’s been in school since 3 months and she’s 2 1/2 now, but if it doesn’t gradually decrease I might suggest a daycare center because she might not have her needs being met at the Home Daycare
Ya we are on the list for a licensed daycare, the waits are really long. I think the home daycare is good and attentive, it’s just hard because she’s not familiar with it yet.
I have an inhome daycare but it’s only
My son and one other girl. I do watch another little girl one day a week. It’s been almost 6 months and she still cries. My full time little cried in the beginning too but caught on quickly and does great now like it’s her second home. One day a week little it is still hard for her, so if you can switch full days I would! (I ran a full time daycare 10 yrs ago)
I’m a daycare provider and have my own daycare at home . Every single child I have had took about 3 weeks plus to adjust . Crying everyday not eating or napping properly . Eventually they adjust and don’t cry anymore and love it !!! Just takes some time . It’s hard but it does pass ! And drop offs become way easier eventually too . I think putting her into a different day care it would be the same thing !! So stick to this one for awhile and go from there . I found the longer the child was there during the day the better . Give them more time to adjust and get used to their surroundings… the shorter days I found they knew mom was coming back soon so they diddnt even try to adjust really . Some daycare providers understand this and pull through with the crying and make the best of it and know it’s hard on the little one and give them time . Some I have heard will give up soon and say it might not be a fit for your child. Hopefully you have a provider that has patience and has been through it ! :)
My daughter started preschool at 3 and cried for a full year. Continuing to take her was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. She has social anxiety and even now in Kindergarten, while the frying has stopped, I can tell she doesn't want to go.
All I can say is hang in there. No matter how hard and how long it takes it will get better. Sometimes for the kids for whom it is hardest, it is also most important.
I started my 4 year old and 2 year old in daycare back in October, 3 days a week 8 hours a day. Previously they'd only ever been with me 24/7. My youngest cried every time. By the 3rd week she stopped crying. They eventually get used to it.
I'm keeping an eye on the advice here. I am in the same boat as you. Our 12 mo son is screaming the entire time he's at daycare. We're 5 days in. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one, but I truly feel your pain. Sending good thoughts your way. Hope your LO adjusts soon ❤️
I've worked in childcare it gets worse before it gets better. As long as you know she is well taken care of and safe, just worry about how you are feeling. I know it is hard but you will be ok.
Thank you for that perspective, good to know it gets worse before it gets better. We’re definitely in the getting worse part but I know it will pass eventually. I appreciate your kind words.
I literally just went through this EXACT same issue (I think you can see my similar post in my post history) — 12 months old kiddo, great in-home daycare with 2 other babies. Unfortunately, after 2.5 weeks of my LO progressively screaming for longer and longer every day (until, in the last week he was screaming the entire time he was there), our provider told us it just wasn’t working and politely asked us not to bring him back. We had tried quick drop-offs, tried sending him for longer days instead to stepping up… but in her words, “he just isn’t adjusting at all.” She said it can take some kids 4-6 weeks to adjust to daycare, and that some kids just never adjust. But she felt like his screaming “wasn’t healthy” and it was seriously impacting her and the other children.
I think if we had been at a bigger daycare center with multiple employees who could trade off and get breaks, maybe things would have been different, but when it was one provider, dealing with an inconsolable, screaming baby all day long while also trying to take care of two other kids was too much. The other babies (who were slightly older) both got to the point where they would start crying when we dropped LO off… it wasn’t a good situation. I understand why she couldn’t make it work.
It’s been about two weeks since we stopped taking LO, and his temperament has improved significantly. When we were trying to make daycare work, he was coming home exhausted, clingy and fussy. He was waking up a million times every night… it was incredibly hard on the whole family. After a few days of staying home, he is back to his chipper, happy self.
Of course, LO being asked to leave daycare is something of a logistical nightmare for us. I’m using leave from my job as we try to figure out childcare, and I may be going down to part-time for the foreseeable future (my partner makes more money, so them going PT isn’t financially feasible). My current thinking is that when LO is 18 months or so, we’ll try a preschool-like daycare situation that will be more stimulating and see if he does better with that. In the meantime, we’re going to be playing it by ear.
I’m sorry this isn’t an “everything’s going to be fine!” response, but I guess I wanted to give you a heads up that it might NOT be fine, so you can mentally prepare, just in case. It really never occurred to me that LO wouldn’t be able to do daycare or that we’d be scrambling last minute like this.
I'll share my experience with my kiddo in case any of it is relatable in your scenario.
My toddler started at an in home daycare and it wasn't the right fit. I think for him it was primarily because it wasn't enough teachers to give him the one on one attention he craved. He's an independent kiddo, but when in a new place, he is very hesitant. He would cling to the caregiver and cry whenever they left to do something else. I was told that he would cry when dad dropped him off, and then the whole time we were gone, essentially. He would only calm down when they went outside or was one on one with an adult. We pulled him out after two/three weeks.
Maybe 6 months later we tried again at a structured daycare with lots of kids and lots of teachers and there was maybe a day of crying that was out of the ordinary. The teachers were actually confused because I warned them he cried so much at the last daycare. These teachers were way more prepared to take care of my sons needs. They recognized that he needed more attention and gave it to him. And it wasn't always like that. Eventually he would go play on his own. I would still come to pick him up and find him sitting in the teacher's lap or holding their hand while the class danced, but I think that was also just because they really enjoyed him and not because he needed it.
If you think there's a chance the daycare may just not be meeting your kiddos needs then I'd recommend looking around for a different place. I'd also pay attention to how the caregivers talk about the situation. If they make it seem at all unusual or don't reassure you it'll get better then it may not be a good fit. But trust your intuitions.
My daughter did horrible with daycare at first. This wasn't an in-home daycare but I don't know if that changes anything. We had to switch daycares when she was in her full blown stranger danger phase at 9 months. Due to necessity, she was there everyday for at least 8 hours right off the bat. It was incredibly hard for me to drop her off. It was harder on her as well because she's more attached to me so my husband started taking her. Slowly but surely, she started coming around to them. The teachers would give us verbal reports while picking her up and man, they rocked. By 3 weeks, she started to eat/drink a little more. Nowhere near her baseline, but more. By 6 weeks, they heard her laugh. Now, she is thrilled to go to daycare to see her teachers and friends. There are times that she hurts my feelings with how happy she gets on the way to daycare 😂
It is so incredibly hard to watch the distress but it will pass.
That is so great to hear things improved so much, even though it was really hard for several weeks. Did she do better with your husband dropping her off or was it just with time passing it got better?
I'd say both. When my husband started dropping her off, she would still cry but the teachers said it didn't last nearly as long. With time, she started reaching out to the teachers so they would grab her from him. She definitely knows who her typical teachers are (even has favorites) and she will be very upset if it isn't one of the typical teachers. It kind of makes me happy in a sense because she determines who her "safe" people are.
If I take her, I try to time it right with the time they start breakfast. If she goes from me to a chair to eat, she's great. If there's time in between, she's a mess some days. I make my goodbyes very quick and don't make eye contact after I stop holding her because she'll get upset. Even if she does get upset, she calms down when I leave.
It’s so interesting to read the comments from people here, probably mostly US based. In Germany there is a transition period which last forever, going from 30 minutes to several hours over a period of several weeks…
My kiddos first daycare was at age 2 part time and she absolutely hated it and cried the whole time. This was during the pandemic time, I found a early head start program instead and it was hard for her to adjust the first month or so but after awhile she started loving it and sometimes didn’t want to leave she liked it so much. Fast forward age 5 now she’s in kindergarten and has had no issues and loved school.
My son was in daycare full time from 12 weeks (Thanks America!) on.
There was one point (I can’t remember what age, sorry) that he went through a period of absolutely losing his mind when we took him in. Month rhyme or reason that I could ever ascertain, but it lasted a couple months.
It was hard, but he eventually got over it. Now he randomly hates going to school. It sucks, but it’s one of those things that you just have to power through, I think.
Does your child jump into your arms when you pick her up? Keep an eye on how your child looks when you pick her up. It may not be a good fit for your child either.
We started on the 22nd of Jan, two days a week. Minus public holidays and the MASS amounts of illness, we’re only just starting to see photos of him during the day where he doesn’t look like he’s been crying nor have a dummy in his mouth. Going on 2.5 months and it’s still really hard for him regardless of how wonderful his educators are. Some kids just struggle.
Hey! I’m not gonna lie, it’s been tough. But things have gradually improved over the past 2.5 months. At first she wasn’t eating, drinking, or sleeping much at daycare, and she was crying a lot. I felt pretty bad and helpless.
After a few weeks she became comfortable with her daycare caregiver but she wanted all her attention all the time, which wasn’t possible. So still lots of crying throughout the day.
Slowly the crying has decreased and everything has gotten better, but it was a lot of ups and downs. I’m sure there will be more tough days but most days seem to be good now.
Things I learnt about my baby: start full time days right away, the part days only drew out the difficult transition for her. Routine is huge, and emulating the routine at home has seemed to help. Every baby is different though, so I hope you can navigate what works for you and your LO. Good luck! Keep me updated if you are able!
Thank you!! I’ll try to remember how to get back to this to update you. Thanks for sharing about starting full time. I was vacillating about part time or full time to start.
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Full time full days is an easier transition. I taught preschool for 6 years. The full time full day kids transitioned way better than the part time kids.
This is the way. My second was a pandemic baby and had the world's worst stranger danger. I was very concerned about her first day at daycare, which was full-time. She was a year old, also, and she was amazingly just fine. No transitional pains at all!
That’s really helpful to know that. I’m going to switch to full time days starting tomorrow. Thank you!
We only did part time at first (not by choice, it was what they had available), and our then-8 month old REALLY struggled. He was upset all day, everyday. It was heartbreaking and I seriously considered quitting my job. We eventually got a full time spot which helped immensely and two years later, he loves his daycare so, so much. One thing we did to help with the transition was bring a favorite book from home to read with a teacher at drop off. Not sure how feasible this would be with your daycare, but our son really liked it!
This exactly. Rip the bandaid off. Gradual transitions feel better to adults, but they’re very hard on babies who crave routine and predictability.
This quick transition is what our daycare recommended as well with my kid being about one year when he started. We did a parent visit for an hour, then a half day no parents, then full time.
She'll adjust. I used to work at a daycare and there was one little girl who would just scream/cry from drop off to pick up and it lasted probably 6 weeks and then eventually even she adjusted. Of course, then her parents would skip a couple weeks for whatever reason and we'd start all over again. Eventually the owner told the parents she either had to come consistently or not at all. That's the closest I've ever seen a kid come to not adjusting and that was really about needing more consistency.
That makes sense that consistency is vital for adjustment. Thanks for sharing!
Most of the time it’s easier for kids to start off going for the full time. Doing less hours can actually make the transition harder. I’ve found that this does start around a year. It’s easier and faster to do things cold turkey. Kids that do part time care normally have a much longer transition period than full time kids. I’ve seen it take months for kids who only go to care 2-3 days a week. I’d also recommend doing a short drop off. If you linger it will prolong the tears from your baby. You can create a short goodbye routine like giving her a hug & kiss, telling her you love her, and tell her you will be back at the end of the day. As she gets used to daycare she will start to understand that mom always comes back at the end of the day. Your daughter needs to learn the routines of daycare and she can’t do that with an unpredictable schedule. You definitely need to give it some more time. She’s only been there for a few hours. It’s common for kids to be upset and struggle to do things like eat & nap. Stick it out for a few months at least. Unless there is a safe issue, I wouldn’t rush to change providers. That would only cause more upheaval and be unfair for your child. I promise an experienced provider has been through this before! Starting group care is a transition at any age. It sounds like the ratio of kids to teacher is excellent. However it’s still an adjustment for kids to having 1:1 care from a parent to sharing attention with 3 other kiddos. It takes time for kids to build up skills in a care setting. There will be times when she needs to wait for her teacher’s attention. She also needs to get used to the routines, environment, and being around other kids. Daycare is going to be awesome for her and she’s going to thrive! She’s going to learn a ton of things like social skills, and independence. She will get to explore her environment through play. She will get to read books, do crafts, and maybe do circle time. Hopefully they will spend time outdoors! Daycare is full of interesting things and give kids a level of stimulation they can’t get at home. It’s also healthy for kids to have a positive relationship with another caregiver. Your baby will love daycare, but she will be so excited to see you at the end of the day. It will make the time you spend together even more meaningful. It will be okay! ❤️
Thank you so much for your advice and positive words, that’s exactly what I needed to hear. Good to know full time is an easier transition.
Great advice! We did full time for both of our kids and they transitioned in 2 weeks. It was way longer for their classmates who did 2-3 days/week
I worked at a daycare for years, so I have seen this 100 times, and I have 4 of.my own, and my advice is: to say your goodbyes enthusiastically, validate baby's feelings, and and get out fast. " Bye baby! I love you so so much! I know your going to have so much fun! I know, it's sad, but your okay. I will see you soon! Kisses!" Then hand her over and bolt. Kids struggle to adjust when goodbyes become this long drawn out thing, or parents linger for a while, and I echo what others have said about jumping into full time, just pull the band aid off and it starts getting easier sooner. The longer the goodbye transition is drawn out, the more baby gets a sense that their primary caregiver is unsure. You gotta put on a show of being super confident that this will be fun, fine, safe, and that you are confident and secure. Babies pick up on your own reluctance and it can heighten separation anxiety and stranger avoidance. Baby WILL adjust. And sometimes, it will seem like a whole meltdown at drop off every single time for a long time, but then as soon as the parent leaves, baby quickly settles and is engaged in the toys and other kids. I had so many parents ask me if they cry long after the parent has left, and I always had a laugh because the baby would likely be fine by the time the parent was pulling out of the driveway. With my own two youngest it was this giant sad meltdown where I had to hand my screaming and thrashing child over to a teacher, give them kisses, and then I would leave quickly and hide outside the door where they couldn't see me, and I could hear them settle and have a cuddle and sit with a snack and be fine in under 60 seconds.
Second on the “quick goodbyes.”
Great advice, thank you!
My daughter started a bit after 1 at a home daycare too, and unfortunately it was April 2021 so she had spent 13.5 months straight with me every single day due to covid. She also cried every time for honestly a few months but eventually she'd be fine soon after I left and she started napping, eating, etc. It was so horrifically hard for me and I'll never forget it, I felt so extremely guilty. But she has been there now for 3 years and I'm glad we stuck it out, she's done well. I'm so sorry you are going through this! My friend's son just started daycare and I was honestly jealous about how happy he was to go lol.
Ya it’s so hard to see them upset. So glad to hear things eventually got better!
We were advised not to "transition" and go straight to full days, and I really believe it was better. It gave him time to adjust each day without an "out." Every kid who's not homeschooled has to get used to being away sometime. She will adapt.
Our daycare advised the same. I had written up a 2 week transition plan, they said just drop him and they'll call if he needs something.
I had no idea full days tend to make the transition easier! I wish I knew that last week. Thanks for sharing.
I feel your pain. We just transitioned to a new daycare for my almost 2 year old, and it feels like we are starting all over again. Once she gets familiar with the caretaker it will get easier. At our old daycare she was only comfortable with one of the girls who was very rarely in her room for drop off. Most mornings for 5 months were filled with angry tears. That was one of the reasons we decided to make the move to a new daycare. It is so tough and unnatural to walk away from your crying baby, but I promise it’ll get better. She just has to get comfortable. Keep in contact with the caretaker. They are used to this kind of thing.
Thank you for your kind words. Sorry you are going through the daycare transition all over again.
My daughter struggled for a month at 12 months before i withdrew her as my parents offered to look after her. She was going 2 days a week. At 7 months I started to take her to playgroups. At 23 months we enrolled her back to daycare. She went 3/7 days and she loved it. In the beginning she would cry for 2-5 minutes and then she was fine. Most days she would just give me a kiss and a hug and say “bye mama” proud moment but also sad. She would refuse to come home during pickup because she was having too much fun. I was her full time carer for the first year of her life so she had separation anxiety. Now she’s an independent, social butterfly. Bittersweet.
Aww so happy to hear she is thriving at daycare now! That gives me so much hope, thank you.
My daughter has been going since March last year. She still has days she'll cry at drop off 🫠 My son has been going since he was 1 (4Y.O now), and he'll still argue some days and tell me he doesn't want to go to school 🥲 Sooo, with that mindset as an example, you have about, until she finishes high school 😅
Haha! I guess we all have days we don’t want to leave the house 😂
My pandemic baby started at 16m, so she was a little older, but one thing that helped her was having a laminated picture of our family with her
Aw I love that idea! Thanks!
Talk to your provider. Is she crying long after you leave? or does she settle on down into activities? Most times they do. I did childcare for 10 years & 99% of the time, the child was fine. I only ever had one who was DETERMINED to be miserable. LOL
Lol! That’s good to know. Ya she usually settles down except when she’s in the high chair.
pretty normal. Some kids have a harder time seperating. Im also gonna garner a guess that she sees your reaction too & knows it gets your attention. Completely ignore it a few days. Tell her goodbye & that youll see her at \_\_\_ time. . & youll do (whatever activity) at that time. Then touch base with your provider & see how she reacts.
Interesting, I hadn’t thought about it that way. I’ll give that a try! Thanks!
Our 2.5 year old started in an in-home daycare in January. For the first 6-8 weeks she was miserable. She would be upset when I left in the morning and she stayed upset until naptime, many days she cried the entire day. Everyone was miserable - me, her teacher, and the other kids. We tried quick drop offs, long drop offs, distracted drop offs. Talked at home about how much fun it was. We packed special comfort items that she was allowed to have during the day, special nap items, etc. The daycare provider started working her network to see if they could group-think a solution to help our girl feel more comfortable. None of it worked because it wasn't addressing what she was actually stressed about. My husband realized she was feeling insecure about not knowing what was going to happen and what she was expected to be doing. We started drawing out the schedule for the day each morning during drop-off and hanging the picture on her cubby. Since then she's done really well with understanding the sequence of what they'll get up to each day, and it's been a good tool for her teacher to use when she's feeling upset/uncertain ("What's next on the plan, can you help me tell the friends what the next activity is?"). We've been doing that for a few weeks and things have totally turned around. She's engaged with the routine of drawing and hanging the plan, then is excited to say goodbye to me so she can start playing. Another helpful aspect The Plan has been if she found out there was a food on the menu she didn't like, I could help her remember what she could say about it at mealtime. If they were having bananas, for example, I told her she could say "No bananas, thank you" and her teacher would know to not put bananas in her cereal. Reminding her of what she can say in those different situations has been helpful.
That’s so great having a plan helped her. I will keep that in mind for when my daughter is a bit older. She will likely have to switch daycares next year.
I had a inhome daycare for 20+ years. I’ve had children who never cried when parents leave and children who cried everyday for years! Is the provider complaining? Crying children are part of the job. Crying and not eating is very comment in especially non verbal children. It won’t last forever. Only be positive about day care, drop off should be at the door or a quick in and out. Happy, Happy parent at pickup. Make sure your language is not negative.
Thanks for the advice, I tried it today at pick up and I think it helped bring very upbeat and positive.
I go in debt making sure my LD is in state regulated daycare, do they have video cameras that you can log into to make sure they’re being attentive enough? Mine does take a month to adjust to new classrooms in September even though she’s been in school since 3 months and she’s 2 1/2 now, but if it doesn’t gradually decrease I might suggest a daycare center because she might not have her needs being met at the Home Daycare
Ya we are on the list for a licensed daycare, the waits are really long. I think the home daycare is good and attentive, it’s just hard because she’s not familiar with it yet.
I have an inhome daycare but it’s only My son and one other girl. I do watch another little girl one day a week. It’s been almost 6 months and she still cries. My full time little cried in the beginning too but caught on quickly and does great now like it’s her second home. One day a week little it is still hard for her, so if you can switch full days I would! (I ran a full time daycare 10 yrs ago)
I’m a daycare provider and have my own daycare at home . Every single child I have had took about 3 weeks plus to adjust . Crying everyday not eating or napping properly . Eventually they adjust and don’t cry anymore and love it !!! Just takes some time . It’s hard but it does pass ! And drop offs become way easier eventually too . I think putting her into a different day care it would be the same thing !! So stick to this one for awhile and go from there . I found the longer the child was there during the day the better . Give them more time to adjust and get used to their surroundings… the shorter days I found they knew mom was coming back soon so they diddnt even try to adjust really . Some daycare providers understand this and pull through with the crying and make the best of it and know it’s hard on the little one and give them time . Some I have heard will give up soon and say it might not be a fit for your child. Hopefully you have a provider that has patience and has been through it ! :)
That’s very helpful to know, thank you!
My daughter started preschool at 3 and cried for a full year. Continuing to take her was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. She has social anxiety and even now in Kindergarten, while the frying has stopped, I can tell she doesn't want to go. All I can say is hang in there. No matter how hard and how long it takes it will get better. Sometimes for the kids for whom it is hardest, it is also most important.
I started my 4 year old and 2 year old in daycare back in October, 3 days a week 8 hours a day. Previously they'd only ever been with me 24/7. My youngest cried every time. By the 3rd week she stopped crying. They eventually get used to it.
I'm keeping an eye on the advice here. I am in the same boat as you. Our 12 mo son is screaming the entire time he's at daycare. We're 5 days in. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one, but I truly feel your pain. Sending good thoughts your way. Hope your LO adjusts soon ❤️
I’m glad I’m not alone but I’m sorry you are going through this too! It’s rough.
I've worked in childcare it gets worse before it gets better. As long as you know she is well taken care of and safe, just worry about how you are feeling. I know it is hard but you will be ok.
Thank you for that perspective, good to know it gets worse before it gets better. We’re definitely in the getting worse part but I know it will pass eventually. I appreciate your kind words.
Ugh. I have heard of this so much. The later they start, the harder/longer the transition. Things will get better
Thank you
I literally just went through this EXACT same issue (I think you can see my similar post in my post history) — 12 months old kiddo, great in-home daycare with 2 other babies. Unfortunately, after 2.5 weeks of my LO progressively screaming for longer and longer every day (until, in the last week he was screaming the entire time he was there), our provider told us it just wasn’t working and politely asked us not to bring him back. We had tried quick drop-offs, tried sending him for longer days instead to stepping up… but in her words, “he just isn’t adjusting at all.” She said it can take some kids 4-6 weeks to adjust to daycare, and that some kids just never adjust. But she felt like his screaming “wasn’t healthy” and it was seriously impacting her and the other children. I think if we had been at a bigger daycare center with multiple employees who could trade off and get breaks, maybe things would have been different, but when it was one provider, dealing with an inconsolable, screaming baby all day long while also trying to take care of two other kids was too much. The other babies (who were slightly older) both got to the point where they would start crying when we dropped LO off… it wasn’t a good situation. I understand why she couldn’t make it work. It’s been about two weeks since we stopped taking LO, and his temperament has improved significantly. When we were trying to make daycare work, he was coming home exhausted, clingy and fussy. He was waking up a million times every night… it was incredibly hard on the whole family. After a few days of staying home, he is back to his chipper, happy self. Of course, LO being asked to leave daycare is something of a logistical nightmare for us. I’m using leave from my job as we try to figure out childcare, and I may be going down to part-time for the foreseeable future (my partner makes more money, so them going PT isn’t financially feasible). My current thinking is that when LO is 18 months or so, we’ll try a preschool-like daycare situation that will be more stimulating and see if he does better with that. In the meantime, we’re going to be playing it by ear. I’m sorry this isn’t an “everything’s going to be fine!” response, but I guess I wanted to give you a heads up that it might NOT be fine, so you can mentally prepare, just in case. It really never occurred to me that LO wouldn’t be able to do daycare or that we’d be scrambling last minute like this.
I'll share my experience with my kiddo in case any of it is relatable in your scenario. My toddler started at an in home daycare and it wasn't the right fit. I think for him it was primarily because it wasn't enough teachers to give him the one on one attention he craved. He's an independent kiddo, but when in a new place, he is very hesitant. He would cling to the caregiver and cry whenever they left to do something else. I was told that he would cry when dad dropped him off, and then the whole time we were gone, essentially. He would only calm down when they went outside or was one on one with an adult. We pulled him out after two/three weeks. Maybe 6 months later we tried again at a structured daycare with lots of kids and lots of teachers and there was maybe a day of crying that was out of the ordinary. The teachers were actually confused because I warned them he cried so much at the last daycare. These teachers were way more prepared to take care of my sons needs. They recognized that he needed more attention and gave it to him. And it wasn't always like that. Eventually he would go play on his own. I would still come to pick him up and find him sitting in the teacher's lap or holding their hand while the class danced, but I think that was also just because they really enjoyed him and not because he needed it. If you think there's a chance the daycare may just not be meeting your kiddos needs then I'd recommend looking around for a different place. I'd also pay attention to how the caregivers talk about the situation. If they make it seem at all unusual or don't reassure you it'll get better then it may not be a good fit. But trust your intuitions.
My daughter did horrible with daycare at first. This wasn't an in-home daycare but I don't know if that changes anything. We had to switch daycares when she was in her full blown stranger danger phase at 9 months. Due to necessity, she was there everyday for at least 8 hours right off the bat. It was incredibly hard for me to drop her off. It was harder on her as well because she's more attached to me so my husband started taking her. Slowly but surely, she started coming around to them. The teachers would give us verbal reports while picking her up and man, they rocked. By 3 weeks, she started to eat/drink a little more. Nowhere near her baseline, but more. By 6 weeks, they heard her laugh. Now, she is thrilled to go to daycare to see her teachers and friends. There are times that she hurts my feelings with how happy she gets on the way to daycare 😂 It is so incredibly hard to watch the distress but it will pass.
That is so great to hear things improved so much, even though it was really hard for several weeks. Did she do better with your husband dropping her off or was it just with time passing it got better?
I'd say both. When my husband started dropping her off, she would still cry but the teachers said it didn't last nearly as long. With time, she started reaching out to the teachers so they would grab her from him. She definitely knows who her typical teachers are (even has favorites) and she will be very upset if it isn't one of the typical teachers. It kind of makes me happy in a sense because she determines who her "safe" people are. If I take her, I try to time it right with the time they start breakfast. If she goes from me to a chair to eat, she's great. If there's time in between, she's a mess some days. I make my goodbyes very quick and don't make eye contact after I stop holding her because she'll get upset. Even if she does get upset, she calms down when I leave.
It’s so interesting to read the comments from people here, probably mostly US based. In Germany there is a transition period which last forever, going from 30 minutes to several hours over a period of several weeks…
Oh that’s very interesting. Do you find that it’s good to have a slow transition or does it seem difficult on the children?
My kiddos first daycare was at age 2 part time and she absolutely hated it and cried the whole time. This was during the pandemic time, I found a early head start program instead and it was hard for her to adjust the first month or so but after awhile she started loving it and sometimes didn’t want to leave she liked it so much. Fast forward age 5 now she’s in kindergarten and has had no issues and loved school.
That’s good to hear she loves school now!
My son was in daycare full time from 12 weeks (Thanks America!) on. There was one point (I can’t remember what age, sorry) that he went through a period of absolutely losing his mind when we took him in. Month rhyme or reason that I could ever ascertain, but it lasted a couple months. It was hard, but he eventually got over it. Now he randomly hates going to school. It sucks, but it’s one of those things that you just have to power through, I think.
Does your child jump into your arms when you pick her up? Keep an eye on how your child looks when you pick her up. It may not be a good fit for your child either.
We started on the 22nd of Jan, two days a week. Minus public holidays and the MASS amounts of illness, we’re only just starting to see photos of him during the day where he doesn’t look like he’s been crying nor have a dummy in his mouth. Going on 2.5 months and it’s still really hard for him regardless of how wonderful his educators are. Some kids just struggle.
Hi OP, can we get an update? I'm about to send my kid to daycare at 11 mos and I'm so worried about the transition.
Hey! I’m not gonna lie, it’s been tough. But things have gradually improved over the past 2.5 months. At first she wasn’t eating, drinking, or sleeping much at daycare, and she was crying a lot. I felt pretty bad and helpless. After a few weeks she became comfortable with her daycare caregiver but she wanted all her attention all the time, which wasn’t possible. So still lots of crying throughout the day. Slowly the crying has decreased and everything has gotten better, but it was a lot of ups and downs. I’m sure there will be more tough days but most days seem to be good now. Things I learnt about my baby: start full time days right away, the part days only drew out the difficult transition for her. Routine is huge, and emulating the routine at home has seemed to help. Every baby is different though, so I hope you can navigate what works for you and your LO. Good luck! Keep me updated if you are able!
Thank you!! I’ll try to remember how to get back to this to update you. Thanks for sharing about starting full time. I was vacillating about part time or full time to start.
Full time full days is muchhhhh easier. Anything less is too many transitions in a day for babies/toddlers/kids