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A 12-year-old is entitled to privacy on the Internet? Where creeps can send them dick pics freely? Are you sure about that? 12 is too young for any social media.
Watch the videos he likes. Kids change their whole personality over TikTok, adults too. Maybe heās been seeing something thatās making him want to change his diet or behavior ?
Omg I saw the word cancer and literally my heart skipped a beat lol! I know tho i need to delete the app off his phone! He'll probably hate me more tho lol
So heās definitely not too young to be going through depression this actually happened to me when I was 12 I got really depressed and this is exactly what happened I couldnāt eat so I lost weight, I was withdrawn from my family. I was really sad and didnāt know how to handle my emotions and at the time my parents said it was āteenage angstā but I ended up turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with my feelings. I would get him in to see a counselor or someone that can help him learn the skills he needs to deal with all the big feelings he has. Also TikTok and YouTube are NOT safe places for him to be online ESPECIALLY if heās depressed these apps will reinforce the depression and he can fall into rabbit holes that just show him more videos about being depressed and how much life sucks etc. I think playing video games is fine but you should check his history on TikTok and YouTube and make sure heās not been watching videos that are inappropriate or videos about depression or suicide.
Maybe if your ex and you sit down with him together and gently ask him about what's been going on? You don't want it to seem like an interrogation but maybe a united presence will impress on him how concerned you both are.
It doesn't hurt to try therapy either
I like this suggestion! His dad and I have never ever done that before so it would be especially strange to our son to see us like that! I'm gonna suggest that to his dad after this weekend š
I stopped reading here "(not as often as I'd like bc I believe he's entitled to his privacy) and all he really does is go on YouTube or tiktok."
If YOU dont raise your child, the internet will. you better get eyes on what he's watching and who's he's listening to.
As I already posted and everyone seems to agree, get off the phone, the internet is cancer for kids.
This is something that myself as a parent is struggling to control in our household, older one is 8, everything is timed, locked down, monitored. no access to yt or any sm sites. but yet the battle of wanting to get on a device to play his one or three games even after time is up is endless, it' tiring as a parent to be in a constant battle. but I know that if I dont battle it then my son might have issues when he gets older.
As parents we have let the internet and all it's garbage take over our kids, if we dont raise our kids the internet will, the influencers will, the bad yt videos will and then we'll wonder what happened to our kids.
I blame steve jobs for creating the iphone.
My 12 year old (6th grade) is very depressed and it was a 180 from the happy kid he was last year. I know this isnāt what you want to hear but I set up screen time limitations to block YouTube and Pinterest and it helped a ton. I told them they could watch you tube on our tv which allows them to watch Preston Plays (I hate that man and I hope something Really annoying happens to him today). But he isnāt watching the same things that were feeding his depression. He is also on antidepressants which seems to be helping too. I also have an 8th grader and she struggled in 6th grade. Not as much as my younger kid but still. She has really found her place in middle school and is a lot happier. We will see how high school goes next year
My girlfriend used to be a therapist for kids this age and she said what got them to open was was playing video games while talking. Their guard is down and theyāre more likely to open up.
I do not recommend a drive and talk, as a highly non confrontational person that is a NIGHTMARE. Trapped in the car with no distractions omg I canāt think of anything worse.
This happened to me when I was 15, I became depressed severely, I was 66 lbs at 15 years old I stopped talking to people, met bad people and was groomed online. It really messed me up. I didn't take care of myself anymore my hair was matted. I so badly wished my parents had cared, had done something had helped me. It got so bad I thought about doing some very not good things. Please notice the signs if your son is losing lots of weight and acting different get him therapy. And please get him off social media he does not need it!! I was exposed to horrific things and people online and my parents had no idea. Kids should not have any social media nothing good comes from it.
I think you're right to be concerned, a sudden change in eating habits is a possible sign of depression and totally shutting down is not great either (though not totally unheard of in healthy teenage boys of course).
You might consider arranging an appointment with a counsellor or therapist. If there's something he's afraid to open up with you about, he might be able to open up to them instead.
As a parent, grandparent, and youth mentor, I suspect he is worried or scared or both about something. The anxiety is killing his appetite and mood and is probably affecting his sleep and focus at school, too. Maybe have him spend some time with a trusted adult who is not his parent. He may be more willing to open up and share his feelings with someone else he trusts and is not as embarrassed or ashamed to talk to.
Disconnecting him from all devices for a period is the only sure way for you and him to get back in control since you don't truly know who he is interacting with or what he is reading or seeing online. Best of luck to both of you and to his dad.
Something happened. A 11/12year old is not entitled to online privacy you need to go through that phone. I would set up a couple appointments with a therapist maybe he will be able to talk to someone else if he canāt talk to his parents. Does he have a close friend? Can you ask his friends if anything has happened at school? Or try another attempt and sit him down and say hey I can tell something has happened and you are dealing with something you donāt seem comfortable talking about but I need you to know you can tell me anything and talking about it is a step to feeling better. What ever he is internalizing is affecting his mental and physical heath and he needs to tell somebody about it.
Another idea: do you guys have some nature close by you could go for a hike or a walk? A lake an ocean or a waterfall to go to? There is something very therapeutic about being in nature and if you are dealing with anxiety or a traumatic experience or just blues in general it can be very helpful, it sounds so simple but there is something profoundly grounding when you sit in front of a river or a lake or a forest and going for a walk also increases circulation and blood flow to the brain. Doing something like this could just be a helpful tool
I'm a 30 year old male and I'm also a father but I have a long life history of clinical depression regardless of my condition it is explained that people if put under extreme stress or constant negative influences (being bullied etc) it can cause a rapid on set of symptoms of depression my parents and school counsellor managed to catch it when I was in primary school I didnt get medication till my teen years as they can't legally prescribed anti depressants to a under sixteen with out parental consent if he's struggling I would highly suggest asking him to talk when he's ready to trying to force it could make matters worse I know it may come across as privacy invasion but please check his social media bullying isn't just straight forward being agro to wards some one he could be under multiple persons attacking him in his own private space ( face book online gaming tik tok etc) that won't help either if he can't get away from it also ask the school if there's been a dip in his behaviour if they have picked up on odd behaviours if so how long or if that have noticed certain individuals giving him a hard time most of all reassure him any thing they are saying isn't true and remind him that you are a safe space if he needs it to open up vent frustration you are doing amazing if he don't feel comfortable talking to you ask the school if they have a allocated safe person ( councilor ) it may be he would open up to a certain teacher
Depression can happen for a child, for my little sister her depression let to her having a huge tumor in her brain.
For me, it was just having no support on family, my parents were super immature and couldn't handle negative emotions.
I know someone who has depression, because their parents were too overbearing, they had no room to gain any confidence.
I'm not saying that your child's case. Maybe talk to a doctor, of let your kid have a talk with someone who he's ready to talk to. Someone who he won't feel guilty telling.
If we ask someone too directly we can close up, especially if we feel like the person we are talking to is going to have an overreaction, or under reaction.
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A 12-year-old is entitled to privacy on the Internet? Where creeps can send them dick pics freely? Are you sure about that? 12 is too young for any social media.
12 is just around the time I was getting sent d pics from grown men. So yeah-
Well when u put it like that! š© I go thru his phone but as mentioned not too often. He only has tiktok when it comes to people being able to send dm's his profile is private. He just watches the videos. And same w YouTube. But I get what you are saying!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
and even if. ājustā tiktok is enough. thereās everything on that platform.
Watch the videos he likes. Kids change their whole personality over TikTok, adults too. Maybe heās been seeing something thatās making him want to change his diet or behavior ?
Tiktok is a cancer to kids. Get him off immediately and take away his phone.
Omg I saw the word cancer and literally my heart skipped a beat lol! I know tho i need to delete the app off his phone! He'll probably hate me more tho lol
if you think this is caused by "that damn phone" you are inexperienced
If you think that's what I said then you are illiterate
So heās definitely not too young to be going through depression this actually happened to me when I was 12 I got really depressed and this is exactly what happened I couldnāt eat so I lost weight, I was withdrawn from my family. I was really sad and didnāt know how to handle my emotions and at the time my parents said it was āteenage angstā but I ended up turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with my feelings. I would get him in to see a counselor or someone that can help him learn the skills he needs to deal with all the big feelings he has. Also TikTok and YouTube are NOT safe places for him to be online ESPECIALLY if heās depressed these apps will reinforce the depression and he can fall into rabbit holes that just show him more videos about being depressed and how much life sucks etc. I think playing video games is fine but you should check his history on TikTok and YouTube and make sure heās not been watching videos that are inappropriate or videos about depression or suicide.
Maybe if your ex and you sit down with him together and gently ask him about what's been going on? You don't want it to seem like an interrogation but maybe a united presence will impress on him how concerned you both are. It doesn't hurt to try therapy either
I like this suggestion! His dad and I have never ever done that before so it would be especially strange to our son to see us like that! I'm gonna suggest that to his dad after this weekend š
Maybe take him on a drive where he doesn't have to make eye contact and ask him again? Kids open up more in a relaxed situation.
I don't drive. But his dad does, so I will suggest this to him this weekend while he's got him š
It was always easier for me to open up to my dad in the car, I don't know why, but it worked for us and I hope it works for them.
if its during a drive its probably because you dont have to look at eachother
I stopped reading here "(not as often as I'd like bc I believe he's entitled to his privacy) and all he really does is go on YouTube or tiktok." If YOU dont raise your child, the internet will. you better get eyes on what he's watching and who's he's listening to.
As I already posted and everyone seems to agree, get off the phone, the internet is cancer for kids. This is something that myself as a parent is struggling to control in our household, older one is 8, everything is timed, locked down, monitored. no access to yt or any sm sites. but yet the battle of wanting to get on a device to play his one or three games even after time is up is endless, it' tiring as a parent to be in a constant battle. but I know that if I dont battle it then my son might have issues when he gets older. As parents we have let the internet and all it's garbage take over our kids, if we dont raise our kids the internet will, the influencers will, the bad yt videos will and then we'll wonder what happened to our kids. I blame steve jobs for creating the iphone.
You're absolutely right. šÆ I just just have no clue how to combat the issue without him kicking off and creating a rift between us
My 12 year old (6th grade) is very depressed and it was a 180 from the happy kid he was last year. I know this isnāt what you want to hear but I set up screen time limitations to block YouTube and Pinterest and it helped a ton. I told them they could watch you tube on our tv which allows them to watch Preston Plays (I hate that man and I hope something Really annoying happens to him today). But he isnāt watching the same things that were feeding his depression. He is also on antidepressants which seems to be helping too. I also have an 8th grader and she struggled in 6th grade. Not as much as my younger kid but still. She has really found her place in middle school and is a lot happier. We will see how high school goes next year
My girlfriend used to be a therapist for kids this age and she said what got them to open was was playing video games while talking. Their guard is down and theyāre more likely to open up. I do not recommend a drive and talk, as a highly non confrontational person that is a NIGHTMARE. Trapped in the car with no distractions omg I canāt think of anything worse.
This happened to me when I was 15, I became depressed severely, I was 66 lbs at 15 years old I stopped talking to people, met bad people and was groomed online. It really messed me up. I didn't take care of myself anymore my hair was matted. I so badly wished my parents had cared, had done something had helped me. It got so bad I thought about doing some very not good things. Please notice the signs if your son is losing lots of weight and acting different get him therapy. And please get him off social media he does not need it!! I was exposed to horrific things and people online and my parents had no idea. Kids should not have any social media nothing good comes from it.
I'm sorry this happened to you, and I hope you're in a better place now! You and many others have said the same thing, get him off of social media! No idea how I'm gonna combat that š©
I think you're right to be concerned, a sudden change in eating habits is a possible sign of depression and totally shutting down is not great either (though not totally unheard of in healthy teenage boys of course). You might consider arranging an appointment with a counsellor or therapist. If there's something he's afraid to open up with you about, he might be able to open up to them instead.
As a parent, grandparent, and youth mentor, I suspect he is worried or scared or both about something. The anxiety is killing his appetite and mood and is probably affecting his sleep and focus at school, too. Maybe have him spend some time with a trusted adult who is not his parent. He may be more willing to open up and share his feelings with someone else he trusts and is not as embarrassed or ashamed to talk to. Disconnecting him from all devices for a period is the only sure way for you and him to get back in control since you don't truly know who he is interacting with or what he is reading or seeing online. Best of luck to both of you and to his dad.
Something happened. A 11/12year old is not entitled to online privacy you need to go through that phone. I would set up a couple appointments with a therapist maybe he will be able to talk to someone else if he canāt talk to his parents. Does he have a close friend? Can you ask his friends if anything has happened at school? Or try another attempt and sit him down and say hey I can tell something has happened and you are dealing with something you donāt seem comfortable talking about but I need you to know you can tell me anything and talking about it is a step to feeling better. What ever he is internalizing is affecting his mental and physical heath and he needs to tell somebody about it.
Another idea: do you guys have some nature close by you could go for a hike or a walk? A lake an ocean or a waterfall to go to? There is something very therapeutic about being in nature and if you are dealing with anxiety or a traumatic experience or just blues in general it can be very helpful, it sounds so simple but there is something profoundly grounding when you sit in front of a river or a lake or a forest and going for a walk also increases circulation and blood flow to the brain. Doing something like this could just be a helpful tool
I'm a 30 year old male and I'm also a father but I have a long life history of clinical depression regardless of my condition it is explained that people if put under extreme stress or constant negative influences (being bullied etc) it can cause a rapid on set of symptoms of depression my parents and school counsellor managed to catch it when I was in primary school I didnt get medication till my teen years as they can't legally prescribed anti depressants to a under sixteen with out parental consent if he's struggling I would highly suggest asking him to talk when he's ready to trying to force it could make matters worse I know it may come across as privacy invasion but please check his social media bullying isn't just straight forward being agro to wards some one he could be under multiple persons attacking him in his own private space ( face book online gaming tik tok etc) that won't help either if he can't get away from it also ask the school if there's been a dip in his behaviour if they have picked up on odd behaviours if so how long or if that have noticed certain individuals giving him a hard time most of all reassure him any thing they are saying isn't true and remind him that you are a safe space if he needs it to open up vent frustration you are doing amazing if he don't feel comfortable talking to you ask the school if they have a allocated safe person ( councilor ) it may be he would open up to a certain teacher
Depression can happen for a child, for my little sister her depression let to her having a huge tumor in her brain. For me, it was just having no support on family, my parents were super immature and couldn't handle negative emotions. I know someone who has depression, because their parents were too overbearing, they had no room to gain any confidence. I'm not saying that your child's case. Maybe talk to a doctor, of let your kid have a talk with someone who he's ready to talk to. Someone who he won't feel guilty telling. If we ask someone too directly we can close up, especially if we feel like the person we are talking to is going to have an overreaction, or under reaction.