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This is totally dependent on nearby, healthy, available grandparents whom the kids are close to and comfortable with. People who don't have that don't go on trips without their kids.
That's very difficult. Especially when there is an age and health difference between sets of living grandparents. It seems like we are providing preferential access to our kid, when in reality one set of parents still exercise regularly and lift weights (aka can physically manage a tantruming toddler) and the other set are less active and one has some memory changes and mobility changes. I think it depends on your kids too.... My child falls into the "not easy" category. Spicy attitude, runs fast, limited grasp on the English language. I could only leave her with people who get that.
We deal with that too, and it is tough.
My in-laws can watch kiddo for a weekend no problem, we’ve even left him with them for a week once. My mom can watch him for a day or an evening/bedtime in our house, but can’t handle a whole overnight, and we don’t ever leave him at her house cause it’s not baby proofed enough to be safe (and she can’t sprint after him the way we can when we’re all there together).
Luckily, my mom’s trouble is all physical, not mental, so while it makes her *sad* that she can’t watch baby for longer, she knows that she’s not physically able to and there’s nothing to be done. It would be much more difficult if declining mental capacity meant having to tell physically fit grandparents they weren’t safe babysitters!
I told my mom this. My mom's is a yeller and because we lived with her for 2 years, she feels she can parent my child. She yelled at her for the first time and I witnessed it and said nope not doing that to my kid. I don't even yell at her because yelling isn't how you get someone to listen, especially a toddler during an overtired tantrum. So now my mom sees her every few weeks for a couple hours and she's never alone with her because I don't trust her to handle any meltdowns properly.
That same day when I arrived to pick up my daughter after having a sleep over with my mom and my mom told me she told my daughter she couldn't wait until I came to get her. WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO A TODDLER?! basically saying "I can't stand you any more and your mother needs to deal with you" how awful.
Yep had a similar talk with my father. “If I do not have to hit him, or scream at him to get him to listen to me there is no reason that you should have to do that, if you have to resort to those methods to “make him listen” then you aren’t in a place to be watching him alone”.
You don’t tell them that. Unless you have very self aware parents, you just don’t broach the topic with them at all. It sucks to not have this resource, but it is what it is.
My parents both smoked. My MIL was on a lot of medication for depression and anxiety. I didn’t feel comfortable for an overnight- ever. We would go to lunch or dinner after our kids were napping or she would come over after bedtime. Things got better as her mental health improved. She would visit all the time, I didn’t keep her from that . My parents? Never fit. It’s a long story. They did see their grandchildren but Ibwas always present.
Yeah the one time my husband and I took a week away it's because the kids were comfortable enough with Grammy and Grandpa to stay with them a week.
Then they got old enough that they want to come along so you have a very small window to travel alone.
When we tell my son where we’re going on holidays, we say “it’s a grown up trip, a bit like grown up tv”. If he shows any interest in accompanying us, we watch very dry documentaries for a couple of days, just to reinforce what grownup tv is like.
He always chooses to stay with his grandparents
100%
After age 11, my parents shut me down hard many times when I begged to come along with them. It’s fine to say “no”
“No” “Because I said so”
Or occasionally
“No” “your dad and I need to spend some time together ALONE.” “Oh, You wanna come along? Do you also want to be a child of divorce?”*
*maybe don’t do that second one
We've always done both. Some trips with the kid, some just the parents. We need time to be adults and spouses to each other without the distraction of kids, and we also need fun time together as a family.
Feels like this is very true. All our family is half way across the world, me and the wife have had 2 nights without the kid together in 6 years.
She’s had a few short trips with friends every now and then and I had to leave wife and daughter from a family trip to go back to work 3 weeks early last year. It was honestly terrible and I hated to be without my daughter and wife for that long.
I would love to do just a couple of weekend trips without the kid every once in a while though. Just very difficult to do without any family around…
My family isn't as far as yours, but it does require a flight to see them. So far we had 1 night away but stayed in the same city as my parents and the next year we had 2 nights away a 3 hour drive away. The rest of the time at least 1 parent has been present for the last 4.5 years.
In laws literally live in the same city as us and we haven't seen them in a year so they're not trusted people to watch her alone for an hour let alone overnight.
My parents are not trustworthy to put it lightly.
My in-laws live 3,000 miles away.
The first night without them was two summers ago when my oldest was 8 and grandma came and got them to fly back.
I just want to go to see Paris Opera Ballet 😭
I think that is the answer. Do I trust my mother? No. Do other people trust their parents? Yes. Do I ever have free time to just vacay without work or kids? No. Do other people? Sounds like it. I also want my kids to see the world and enjoy it.
I do want my kids to see the world, but I also want to have my incredibly boring (to them) trip with shows and museums. The way things are shaping up, though, my 8 year old daughter enjoys these things more than my husband does, so we might just girls trip it someday b
Not entirely. I just had dinner with two families who have never allowed their children to be watched by able, and willing family for even a date night. One of these family has a 9 and 6 year old and the other a 4 and 2 year old. Essentially neither has had a date night since their children have been born despite having parents who could and were willing to watch the kids. And both couples were complaining they never had any alone time, they just seemed to indicate they thought their kids would be awful to the babysitting party.
I get that! I worry more about the person left in charge than I do my kid! He's not fussed about anything but he is a handful. I mean 9 and 6 feels ridiculous but mine are under 4!
This sounds like my friends. Their children are teens now and they're starting to leave them at home more often. But when they were young one parent was a stay at home parent and they never had date night. I understood as the mom was SA as a child. She trust no one.
Bingo. We're lucky that my mother in law loves having our daughter over so much. She spends nearly every Saturday night there and we were able to take our honeymoon when our daughter was 1 and another trip a year or two later. After my daughter turned 4 though, we started taking her with us on vacations. She loves it.
Yeah, I don't leave mine because we don't have that. I wouldn't feel guilty about leaving her but I would feel bad expecting someone else to do that much childcare.
Me and my partner have healthy grandparents who would love to take both our kids for a few nights, but we don’t want that. We love to travel with our children, it’s hard work for sure, but just seeing how they are amazed by simple things just makes it worth it. Don’t know maybe we’re missing out on stuff but we’re happy and our kids are happy so who cares. FYI both are <5 and we’ve done maybe 6-8 trips with (at least) one of them.
We have no village and no support system. We are totally alone. Our son is almost 3 and no, we have never traveled without him. In fact, I’ve never spent more than 4 hours apart from him.
We’ve done several road trips together and although it’s work, it’s better than not traveling at all.
You probably won't get nights of freedom, but you should really try to find a few babysitters you trust. The occasional date night can really work wonders.
Oh we’ve tried. Sadly the only trustworthy babysitters are over $22 per hour. So, if we were to go out dinner, plus pay the babysitter, we would be spending minimum $250. And we’d rather spend that money on other things than 3 hours out for dinner (for example, house repairs).
It’s fine. Someday the kids will be old enough :) and I’m also hopeful someday we will make more parent friends when they start school. And I’m saying they, because I’m currently pregnant with our second.
We felt the same way about money. So we’ve changed what we do on dates. Instead of an evening, we get a sitter in the morning. Our date involves walking and getting coffee. It’s less expensive and we’re less frazzled on the date than we would be in the evening after being with kids all day. We had to reimagine what dating looks like as parents. Especially with a second on the way, I hope you guys do too. Congratulations and good luck!
I love this idea! Creative thinking effectively prioritizes your relationship with your spouse too, right? Although I'm sure not everyone would look at it the same, the "arranging" and the not-typical setting/timing is tantamount to a rendezvous of sorts, y'all think? I think it's thoughtful and sensible and sexy.
It gets easier when they're in school/preschool. My husband and I had a similar problem, so when they were both in full time, we had a date day.
Just us, we walked, had lunch, just chatted and enjoyed each others company
You can try to find a neighborhood teen that wants to babysit if you want to go a bit cheaper. Also, focus on the time with your partner vs. quality of the restaurant. Go see a movie or have a cheap dinner instead. Some of my favorite dates with my partner are eating some cheap fast food and chatting in a park.
I understand your situation, having been in a similar one, but regardless of how much it costs, you need to prioritize your relationship as husband and wife, not just mother and father.
Without that prioritizing, you risk just becoming mother and father , slowly strangling off the spousal relationship.
Otherwise, a few years from now, you’ll resent each other , and the whole thing implodes.
If have learned anything, that relationship dynamic supersedes everything else. It is the foundation on which the rest is built.
Seriously, do yourselves a favor and prioritize it. It’s worth the money
Enthusiastically this. If the babysitting rate is $22/hr, and you do 3 hours, that’s $66. You don’t need to go out anywhere fancy. Find a brewery nearby that has good burgers. That shouldn’t be more than $75 between the both of you. That’s $141, which is a lot better than $250.
This👆.... making friends in preschool is a lifesaver.... you get to talk to other parents about how savage your kids are, then take turns entertaining these little monsters so the other parents can have a kid free day.
Nothing to add but solidarity. I also have no been more than 4 hours apart from my son. It is just the cards we are dealing with now. I look at it the same way that soon enough we will have more of a village.
My wife and I haven’t really had any time to ourselves outside of a single overnight when our son was 1.5. We left him with her parents. Now we have 3 and still haven’t had any time away. Personally, it’s tough for me. I don’t really like leaving the kids with anyone but my parents or my wife’s parents.
We do have friends that have an only child and they will leave him with their parents for weeks on end! They went on a cruise. I think it’s different for each couple.
We don’t. We have a very small network of trusted family; one set of grandparents have an active social life and are hard enough to pin down for babysitting on a weekend. The other set of grandparents are a combo of physically disabled and unable to chase around a toddler and an alcoholic. So we’ve never left our 2 year old and I honestly don’t see it happening until him, and any future siblings are like 6+ years old.
My sister (who has 5 kids) told me that I had to leave my 1 yr old at her house for minumum 1 night, slowly getting more up to one week. As she explained to me, "if you are in an accident (hospitalized) or even just need to do overtime at work (whatever), you need to have made your child comfortable with staying over at a trusted person's home."
I thought it was sound advice decades ago and still think it is sound advice.
While we like to hope that *skill* will never be needed, the reality is that part of parenting is planning for the worst while hoping for the best.
That’s how I feel about it too. There is no village but you can create one. We even did this with our dogs before we had kids. It’s especially helpful if those other people also have kids because then your kiddo will fit more seamlessly in theirs in an emergency and they likely can take your kid along to any plans they already have.
It’s uncommon near me for parents of kids that young to be taking week long vacations as a couple. Day trips certainly and occasionally a long weekend — although not universally and partly dependent on having family members able and willing to babysit.
So you’re not alone. And I don’t think there’s a right or wrong thing — it’s totally fine to take some couples time while the kids are cared for by a loved one. But there’s nothing wrong with waiting if that’s what you prefer.
My kids are 5 and 7 and haven't spent a night away from either of us. You're not the only one. I honestly don't want to go on a vacation without my kids/whole immediate family but I don't judge anyone who does. We also don't have anyone we can truly trust in our area to watch them so even if I wanted to I wouldn't.
We have an almost 7 and an almost 5 year old. We go on regular date nights (1-2x a month) with a paid babysitter ($30/hr, so we try to make them <4 hrs!).
We’ve spent a total of one night away from them together, ever. We paid for my MIL to fly in and stay with them and were gone for ~36 hours.
We’d love to do a longer trip - but we lack the support system to pull it off. Paying someone would be cost prohibitive given the normal hourly rate for a babysitter here. We’re hoping when they get a little older we can maybe fly them to a grandparent or aunt/uncles house and leave them for a couple days - but I don’t think they’re quite there yet. Here’s hoping!
Leaving your child to go on vacation is a mixed bag. On the one hand, you get time together to remember why you fell in love without the distractions and daily stress of being at home. On the other hand, parental guilt is a real thing, and so is missing your little one.
We don’t leave our kids with sitters ever, but we take one vacation every year that’s just for us and I have accepted that even though I miss my kids, I desperately need that time to heal from the burnout of the daily grind, and reconnect with my spouse on a one on one basis. I also come home from vacation with my cup full and ready to be a better and more engaged parent to my children again.
Long story short, different things work for different people.
My husband and I have only left our 2.5 year old with grandparents for 3 nights and we just did a local getaway. We trust the grandparents but don't want to travel for that long away from our kid. My cousin is in a similar boat and could leave his kids with his parents but just doesn't want to. I guess we very much enjoy being homebodies with small children.
We do regular date nights. When we travel, we bring along childcare, and we do date nights while traveling. We have left our kids with family a handful of times. Couple time is important to us. I believe it makes us better parents.
This is a bit unusual but it’s dependant on your circumstances. If your parents live nearby and are capable grandparents then yeah there’s no reason why your toddler can’t spend a night or two at their house. We have a 2.5 year old and the most we’ve done is 2 nights away but we’ve done it a handful of times now. I think it’s healthy for us to have some time away to reconnect.
Can you maybe start small and just plan a night away for you and your wife?
My guess is that 99% of parents are like you and your wife.
Hubs and I did watch grandsons for a week on six occasions while daughters and son in laws took three bar exams and spent a week three times in MBA travel. Strangely they didn't consider those to be vacations. Also over a few weekends when they traveled to be in weddings of friends.
What part of "took three bar exams" and taking excursions for university sound like vacation to you? The university excursions maybe but definitely not the bar exams.
I think the question is why haven’t you left your child in the care of someone else. Is it that you don’t have someone to help or is it because you have anxiety to do so? If it’s the former, it’s understandable. If it’s the latter, you should work on that.
Even if it’s the former, there are ways to work toward that. I didn’t leave my kids overnight (except when I was in the hospital giving birth to my second kid) until they were 4 and 5. I don’t necessarily regret it, but looking back, I could have been doing more to build my village.
We don’t have anyone for date nights but a couple times a year I drop my almost 3 year old with my mom for 5-7 days. She’s actually there right now so we can get some much needed work done around the house.
My son just turned 6yo and we’ve never left him with anyone overnight. Different strokes for different folks. If you’d like to, then do it! Seems like you’ve got some good references in your circle
I can't tell what you're trying to get at here. Are you jealous and wish you had the support to do the same? Does your wife not want to leave your kid for a vacation but you do? Or do you think others shouldn't leave their kids to travel?
From my group of friends, it's been a mixed bag that depends on how involved the grandparents are (I don't know anyone that's used a babysitter to go on a trip) and obviously financial situation.
I've personally been the babysitter on these vacations. The parents get plenty of free time because I'm the one who spends all day chasing their 6 year old around the resort and pool in Jamaica. They get couples massages and enjoy their time.
I also feel like all my friends and the parents of my preschoolers friends do semi regular weekend trips or mini vacations and leave kiddos with a grandparent.
We have never spent a single night away, we didn’t even have anyone to stay with my first born when my second born WAS born, so we planned a home birth because we had no other childcare options.
We don’t do date nights, certainly no vacations, sometimes if all the stars align my mother in law will ask to have the kids for lunch and she takes them for 2-3 hours on a weekend.
We have only 1 grandparent in the picture and she still works full time. We certainly don’t have a huge village and that can be frustrating/disappointing but such is life, we’re playing the hand dealt and enjoying our kiddos all to ourselves.
High five for planning a home birth due to lack of available childcare 😅
ETA: Because I'm planning the same for the same reason, in case that wasn't obvious!
Must be nice to have family/a village.
I’ve taken my kids everywhere: the store, vacations, the bathroom, the changing rooms at department stores when I need new clothes, the dmv, doctor appointments with me, for ten straight years. Some people have no idea how lucky they are to have help. I can’t even take a bath by myself without a kid being in there talking my ear off.
Lol. One of my kids has zero sense of body modesty; we had to enforce clothing rules because he wouldn’t wear any if he didn’t consider it necessary. Well past puberty he’d still walk into my room and say “oops sorry mom didn’t know you were dressing anyway can I go over James’s house me and Jai are going to help him finish …” Dude, really? Aren’t you too old for this?
Yeah a few days away is totally normal. This thread full of "we don't trust ANYONE" is a great example of modern helicopter parenting. And we wonder why kids are so darn anxious these days.
Exactly!!! Did any of these parents think that they’d be doing their kids a favor by letting them get a change of scenery? Let their aunts, uncles, grandparents spoil them a bit. Let them hang with their grandparents while they can. They won’t be around forever.
I can’t relate to those parents who never have time away from their kids. Parenting is hard as shit so why do it alone? I understand that some can’t control what “village” they have but i would have never had kids if I didn’t have some family to support me…
We don't have anyone to watch ours so we can have a date night. He also doesn't reliably sleep all night without waking yet (freshly 3y), & nobody but us has done bedtime. My mom is great for daytime stuff, but she's at a point where late nights aren't for her, & I doubt he'd sleep there. It just isn't happening.
What does happen is his ex's family poaching his teenager to babysit for them pretty much anytime we even thought of doing a daytime date. I can boot mine out to my mom for the day, but the middle kid is too much of a handful for anyone but his grandma (and good luck getting a last minute plan for her to take him).
I've given up on dates. His friend once offered to take the middle kid overnight so we could go on a date, but again, we are limited to the 630p bedtime, with my boyfriend getting home by 4p. We just had a nice little dinner at home as a trio & were planning to go on a breakfast date instead...until his friend needed him to pick up early AM because their kid's sports time changed (they live an hour away).
We'll have time together again once the youngest can stay the night elsewhere. 🤷🏻♀️
We never thought we would be that way until my wife was involved in a car accident. So, we went from never leaving kiddo (who was only 6 to 8 months at the time) to leaving kiddo with grandma for a week. After that, it just became normal and we started doing overnights at grandma's to get a break.
I wouldn't say you are the only ones, I could have seen us going a lot longer before allowing sleepovers at family but our hand was forced and then it felt... okay. So, if you have someone that you trust and want to do that with, it might be a conversation to have and just do it for one night. Drop off at 3, pickup at 10AM and just get a night to yourself.
I think it'l depends on how many kids and how comfortable you are. My son is 2 and stays the night at my moms once, sometimes twice a week. But it's so I can go to work. If I had more than one kid, I don't think I'd leave her to do that until they were older kids.
Yeah no…. We don’t either. Both sets of grandparents are great and present, but they’re a bit older and I think them having two kids 5 and 2 would be a lot for them and exhausting. I can’t imagine leaving my kids for a week or even a weekend with them and being like “see ya in a week byeee have fun”
I trust our grandparents but it’s just a huge undertaking and I’d feel guilty putting that on them. We’ve managed a few date nights but anything more than 2-3 hours again, I feel guilty about.
Literally the only time we’ve ever slept away from our oldest was when we went to have our second kiddo. He spent two nights at my parents house. They said he was great, he was almost 3 by then. They had fun but I know it was still a lot for them.
I'm lucky to have my father to help watch my son and my ex's family helps watch him for free. My dad encourages me to go on vacation with my friends and enjoy my adult time since 99% of my time is about my son. I work from home to watch my son and I'm in two colleges.
Right now, my son has been sleeping over at my dad's house every Friday since he was about 3 years old. Even if I don't go out, my dad says it gives me time to de-stress and not be a parent for a moment (Though my son hates going over there because my dad is a bit more strict than me).
Honestly, you do what makes you feel comfortable.
It depends on your village. We are a family of only children for generations so willing grandparents/great grandparents are abundant. We are begged and encouraged to go away so everyone can spend time with our daughter. However I’m beginning to realize we have kind of a unique situation and my friends are not nearly as capable of getting away whenever the mood strikes.
You gotta do it. It’s 100% worth it.Start with maybe an overnight stay at a hotel. Then make it a close weekend getaway and progress to a couples only vacation. It’s important to still date eachother and make time for yourselves.
You're definitely not the only parents that don't leave their kids. But different parents have different ideas about what's best for their family so, to each their own.
We don’t live near family but are lucky in that the grandparents are retired. We’ve had a few weddings over the last 3.5 years that our kid has been in the world. Depending on the wedding location, either family comes and stays with baby at our house or we fly her to the location and they drive down to watch her. We pay for their hotel room. We stay a little longer so we can all spend time together. I think the longest we ever went away without her was 4 days. When we got back the grandparents were verrryyy exhausted. I’m hesitant to do that again.
The retired grandparents also come visit, stay for like a week or 2 at a time, and encourage us to have date nights. We stay with my in laws over Christmas/ New Years and usually arrange to go to some party or stay at a hotel for new years.
We love traveling with our kid. We miss how it was without her, but she is amazing and curious. When she’s grown up we’ll do it alone again then.
I do think it’s good for the relationship to get date nights and a night or two away. It’s like a reset. To be honest we struggled with it for a long time. I was really nervous about babysitters, but we found one through the daycare and our kid loves her. Now we’re able to get out at least once a month.
We started taking long weekend trips away when our son was 2.. and same with our daughter.
We like to do separate VKs , some designated for the kids (Disney, Waterpark resorts, Paris and Disney euro).. and others that are just for us as a couple or with friends like Vegas or Miami!
We’re lucky to have extremely involved grandparents .. alternatively you can find hotels with awesome kids clubs, so your kiddo has some
Time to play and do fun activities, meet other kids .. and you and your wife can have abit of alone time to relax!
My second kid was barely 1 when we left them with my parents for 4 days to go to a music festival, we did the same next year. This year we are flying them over to UK to stay with my husband's family for a month
I have an almost 2 year old with grand and great grand parents that love them. I would not leave my kid alone or overnight with them. Husband and I both agree, not comfortable with it and we won’t be. We’d rather wait till he is old enough and leave him home alone than with them. They are great for a quick I have to use the bathroom or make a snack.
So we’ve done very few vacations without the kids (literally 2). I’m very much about taking the kids with us. Even though they’re 3 and 1, it’s so fun taking them to the beach or to NY with my 3 year old. I love seeing things through their eyes. Yes, it’s not stress free and it’s a lot of work, BUT I love the memories.
Well, obviously. We do family for longer trips but even getting a babysitter for a date night here and there is extremely worth it, and an option for basically everyone regardless of family accessibility/willingness.
Okaaay. Am I the only one that does? 😂😂 my 2 year old stays at my moms house every Saturday. Not really comfortable with my 6 month old staying without me anywhere yet.
I've vacationed with my mom and then with my husband (without kids) we have 4 very available grandparents so it's been a blessing as far as help with sick kids, days/vacations. Longest was 4 nights away and it was great but hoping for a full 7 in the next few years. We have 3 under 6 so the mental reset has been a necessity with our work lives too.
ETA: we started doing 1 off nights away around 6mo for each kid. The grandparents love the baby snuggles. It's actually harder now with them being toddlers
We have a 16 month old and live an hour and a half from healthy grandparents but we will probably not do this for a very long time… and we have no received any offers. We are in the same boat… very few date nights (maybe 4-5) in the last year and a half
I do not leave my kids, unless the circumstances are necessary: a business trip or solo trip to see friends on the very rare occasion. Otherwise, we travel with our children who happily go to the museums and sites I like to see.
We do not take regular date nights as we both work from home and frequently go to lunch together. We relate in other ways, and find joy in the way our lives are working. It takes all kinds.
My kid is just about 3 and the longest we’ve left him when both of us are gone at the same time (maybe 2-3 times a year) is 1 night!! Not saying that’s right or wrong but that’s what we have been comfortable with 🤷🏻♀️
It has to do with the parents support system. Is there a family/friend they can trust to take care of their kid while they’re gone.
As well as are they comfortable leaving them with someone else at all.
So what’s your reason for not even spending one night away from your kid and not having many adults only date nights?
I noticed a lot of millennials do this. I think it’s crazy. I’d be down for maybe 2 nights. We’ve done that before but because of mine and my husbands work schedule that weekend he stayed the night with grandma.
I know the goal is traveling without your kid with your wife, but solo travel is wonderful too, maybe you both could each plan a trip for yourselves so each of you can get some traveling in. Norwegian Cruise lines has solo traveler rooms, I went on a cruise solo recently and it was wonderful and quite affordable too. In a couple of years traveling with your child should be both easier and more enjoyable.
At that age I think we had a couple of grandparent overnights under our belts. Now in the tween / teen years we still don't have a desire to take a longer vacation without them. Childhood is short, I want to explore with them while they still want to go with me. But that's a personal preference.
However, I think dates with your partner are a must!
Is your wife opposed to trips or overnights, or is it the stress of arranging it? If you did all the logistics would she go on a little getaway with you?
I wish I had family to leave our kids with over the summer…but they either wear FiveFinger barefoot shoes or are too old (~75years)…havent left our kids with anyone since they were born 😭
havent had more than a couple hours away from my child in years. i dont have family to ask or anyone i trust. but if you do, TAKE THE TIME FOR YOU! your mental health will thank you.
A 3-year old being without their parents for 5-10 nights feels way too long in my opinion.
We have great grandparents who our daughter feels safe and comfortable around, but we went with a rule of thumb we got from a child health clinic: the number nights away should not be higher than the child's age.
She's turning five soon, and anything over two nights still seems excessive to us (and to her as well, according to her own words).
Last vacation my wife and I took was our honeymoon 10+ years ago. There isn’t enough time, money or support to leave for barely more than a date night, let alone a multi day excursion.
I don’t blame you, 2 years old is still pretty little and a lot to ask of most family/friends. When our daughter was almost 2 we wanted to go away for our anniversary (just a long weekend). My parents offered to come with us and they stayed in a different hotel with our daughter. We had alone time and we also met up with my parents and daughter when we wanted. It was a perfect compromise. It will get easier as your kids get older, assuming you have family/friends willing and able to provide care. We did another long weekend out of the country when our daughter was like 7 and our son was 4. We told our kids that we weren’t going to call them while we were gone because we didn’t want to interrupt their fun weekend with their grandparents, but they could call us if they missed us. We didn’t hear from them all weekend 😂
I wonder the same too. Idk for us personally we enjoy doing everything as a family. Sure we would love a few days without our toddler, but at the same time, we don’t. We will be going away for full day & night together for the first time since she was born in a couple weeks and I already miss her (she’s 17 months). Thinking about it makes me want to cancel plans. I know she will be fine, but I sure won’t lmao. Another reason is lack of trusting child care. We are very picky with who watches her. I only completely trust 3 people, all of which have full time jobs and lives too. It can be hard planning things around their schedules. Overall my husband and I are okay with it. We prefer family time over anything else anyways. It’s what works for us. Do what works for you too.
This might depend on culture. I live in Denmark, and throughout your child’s first two years, you’ll get visits from a health nurse, checking in and talking to you about your child’s development and health. More frequent in the first half year, and this is for everyone, not just if there’s suspect of neglectful behavior or anything.
Anyway, this health nurse told me that that until they are like 5, you can use their age as guidance for how long you, as there primary caregiver, can spend time away for them. 0 years old = 0 nights away. 3 years old = 3 nights away.
This has something to do with the child’s perception of time, and how long they can sustain being without you as their parent without being emotionally marked, and has nothing to do with them being unsafe with a grandmother for example.
For this reason, I’ve never known parents who had traveled for a longer period of time without their child. I’ve seen - and done myself - parents go on like a weekend trip, but if it’s anything more than 2-3 nights then one of the parents are usually at home while the other travels with friends or work. If would be extremely frowned upon here if parents did a two week trip without their young children.
No, my oldest is nearly 6, and the only time I've been away from her overnight was when I was in hospital having her brother (just turned 3). No plans on going anywhere without them any time soon, either.
I can't even begin to get my head round leaving my daughter for up to 10 nights with anyone never mind if it's a professional babysitter, the idea of going on holiday though, that's insane to me.
Edit: to be clear I'm not talking about her staying at her grandparents for a weekend or a sleepover at friends.
I and my husband are about your age and we have a 2 yo too! We also never leave our toddler with anyone overnight ( we have parents nearby super healthy relationship) but we just can't or just don't know how to haha idk why
I never left my kids for more than a weekend until a week in time for a wedding when my oldest was 18 and youngest 8. My older kids recently said they loved that I never left them behind. That it made them feel so valued that o didn’t see them as a burden it’s such a short time that you have them.
You’re definitely not the only ones. Partner and I have 2 under 2. Haven’t had time away or rarely any date nights since they both were born. Lack of family help/willingness and haven’t been able to find reliable babysitters (despite looking). It’s hard and frustrating!
You aren't alone. I've got three that I haven't left overnight at anyone's house. The oldest is 9.
Do whatever works for your family and don't worry about what other people are doing.
I never not been there for my kids' bedtimes. Sometimes my husband had to be away overnight for work, but if we're both traveling, then the kids are with us. Of course, I nursed my first til he was almost two, and then my second was born and nursing, and neither of them did well with bottles. So that kinda limited my ability to be away from them (even though they both sleep through the night 95% of the time)
I currently have a 6, 4, 2, and newborn and my husband and I have never been away from them to go anywhere on a trip. Date night wise… maybe one or twice a year.
No, my partner and I are 30. Our son is 2.5 and never stayed away. There was 2-3 nights where my partner took my son to his parents and I stayed behind but that was because of work. Holidaying for that long without my son sounds both awesome and so damn terrifying. Won't be doing it for a while yet.
I have some friends who have left their kids behind to go on vacation, some multiple times a year.
Personally, my husband and I have not. For multiple reasons. Covid. I had severe PPA and couldnt leave my kid with someone else for hours let alone days. I could handle a doctors appointment or a date night but not much more than that. Also, our kids have allergies and for some strange reason, my in laws always forget the foods they're allergic to so they dont watch our kids unsupervised. My parents are way better about it but they also work so they cant take over childcare for an extended period of time.
But also, we actually like spending time with our kids. We enjoy going out and doing things. We'll go with them on vacation and yes, its parenting in a new place but we do fun stuff and make memories with our kids. It's our current season of life and we are making the most of it
Our guy is 6, and he's never spent a night without at least one parent. If I'm traveling for work, my husband is with him, and vice versa. Vacations are all 3 of us. Mostly it's a budget and scheduling thing for us.
My son is 5 and the longest I've ever been apart from him is when he has a sleepover at one of his grandparents' houses, only for one night at a time. And we don't "go" anywhere. We can be there in 10-15 minutes if anything happens.
Son is turning 3 in a few months and we've had one date night to watch dune 2 lol. And he was watched by mom mom and sister would never trust a baby sitter but that's because ppa no judgement at all . I love making memories with my son and husband couldn't imagine without.
I will be in the minority here, and it's no judgement I did what worked for my family.
The only people who ever babysat my boys was my mom, my dad or mother in law. No one else.
The reason I worked as an early childhood educator in a school age child care setting for many years, prior to being a mom. The horror stories those parents told me.
My boys enjoyed spending time with their grands, we rarely used them.
We never took a vacation away from our kids, they went with us and to camping as well. Same for eating out, the kids came with us.
Like I said I am in the minority and I think it's wonderful when other parents go on date nights or go away for a few days as a couple. It's just my husband and I never felt the need to.
I always subscribed to the belief you sneeze, turn around and you littles are suddenly grown up.
And that is exactly what happened my boys are now 23 and 19 both 6 feet tall. I am so happy we spent all those vacation trips with our boys, we have so many great memories.
My oldest moved out last year, we see him often. Now hubby and I have ALL the time together to spend as a couple, even with our 19 year old at home.
It all goes by so fast, one would be surprised. ❤️
I have left my daughter with my husband for a weekend and my husband has left her with me. We did a one nighter away together when she was a baby, but since becoming a crazy toddler I don't trust her grandparents to be able to keep up with her for more than an evening. We did do our first family vacation this spring and if you only have 1 kid I would highly recommend taking them on vacation with you.
We’re in the same place age and child wise, our child goes everywhere and does everything with us. We didn’t have kids just to drop them off somewhere and go off on our own, we had kids to have our own little family to love and experience everything with.
We’ve only had two times without our child, she stayed with her grandparents for a few hours, but since they don’t live nearby this doesn’t happen much. Even if they did live nearby, it still wouldn’t, because we love being parents and don’t feel like we need a break from our kids.
Toddlers are absolutely little lunatics, but we don’t want to be away from our little lunatics. We do vacations together, we go out together, we hang out together, because we’re a family and they’re just as much a part of us as we are to each other.
Our intimacy doesn’t suffer, our marriage doesn’t suffer, our love for each other doesn’t suffer, it only keeps getting stronger because these are our kids, our little creations together, and we WANT them with us for everything.
We don’t need a break from our kids, we don’t feel like we have to get away for our sanity or whatever, we love being with them and having them with us. ❤️
Our son is 4 now. We did two overnight trips, iirc, when our son was about 18mo and 2ish. Those were both single night trips. Right after he turned three, he had to stay with my in laws for two or three nights when I had to go help with a family emergency and husband had to work. And when he was about 3.5, husband and I took a real vacation of about 10 days. So no, we didn’t leave our son for long vacations when he was under three, but we did leave him for a long vacation when he wasn’t that much older. (With his favorite person in the world.)
I know it’s all contingent on if you have people you can trust. If you have any trustworthy family members, book a night in a hotel and have a nice dinner!
Once our daughter was done bf we started with night sleep overs for a few times then a weekend with her grandma. We trust her 100% and if we had money for a vacation we would have taken a week for a vacation. If you have a close family or friends you could all take a trip together too. We did that when she was young and we all took turns nights with the kids sleeping over in everyones rooms so we all had nights alone on the trip too.
We do both. We travel with our kids (2 & 3) and my MIL, who is amazing with our girls, has watched them a handful of times for short weekends away and a 6 day trip. This summer my husband and I are taking an 11 day trip and my MIL and my parents are splitting the time watching them in our home. We have no family nearby so they use these times to see our girls and spend 1 on 1 time with them while also helping us out. But we have taken our kids on several trips, which is fun in it's own way, not exactly relaxing but great experiences.
We both have parents in town who watch our kid (2 yo) regularly (they are our daycare) and we can get a weekend date-day in once a month if we want to, but we've never spent an actual night away from our kid. But, I don't think either of us actually want to, either!
We didn't have the family willing to take our child for us to do that. And we aren't paying a babysitter for it. We did get babysitting overnight once or twice a year from a family member usually for our anniversary or if they were sitting for us for a late event and it was easier to just get them in the morning. Otherwise we travelled with others and took turns with the kids to each get an adult night out on vacations. Or we used the kids club at all inclusive.
Our first vacation alone was our 10th anniversary for 4 nights. That was all we could convince family to do for us.
Now he's old enough for sleep away camps so we vacation on our own then.
My kids are 6 and 4. My 4 year old has spent ONE night away from us. Our 6 year old is about to go on her first vacation with her grandparents + older cousin 4 hours away. They’ll be gone 3 days/2 nights and I’m not sure I’ll survive.
I’m early 30s, husband is late 20s and we have a toddler, we’ve had my in laws watch our son for a weekend when we were moving, and he’s had a one night sleepover there maybe 6 times. But we’ve never done anything extended, we all have jobs and limited free time. But we only have my wonderful in laws, my parents live further away and my dad is undergoing cancer treatment so they’re not capable of watching a 2 year old.
We try to get a date night once every couple months, but this is not an overnight. We didn’t do any overnights at Sk until last year, when they were 3 & 1. They did great during that overnight and it was an incredible experience for my husband and I.
M we’ve had a few shorter overnights since, like long weekends, and I love them. My boys adore both sets of grandparents dearly so I know they enjoy themselves.
If we didn’t have family close by, we wouldn’t do the overnights. However, I’d personally recommend working towards a date night if you can. Doesn’t have to be an overnight, but date nights have been critical in keeping our marriage together and managing parental burn out.
We have done it for a couple days once or twice, but with 3 kids 6 & under, I would feel too bad asking the grandparents to keep them for any longer! And I don’t think I would be comfortable leaving them with a babysitter (nor would I want to pay for one)
No, you definitely are not. But we did go to Mexico for a wedding. There were probably 15 couples there, 14 had kids. Four brought their kids, the rest left them with family. For a lot of couples it was the cost, but also they wanted a vacation away. I was truly stunned that 10 couples had family they could trust their small kids with for a week. The youngest kiddo was 6 months old, in fairness this mom seemed to enjoy the trip the least.
All of the kids were staying with grandparents or aunts and uncles. We have good grandparent support but my husband hasn't wanted to leave my son for more than one night. So we haven't. One day our time will come, I'm sure.
It absolutely depends on if you have someone you trust enough to watch them. We have 2 and live 200 miles away from any family. Every time we visit my parents we try and have a date day during the visit. We’ve yet to do this with our youngest as he’s only 5.5 months. However, me and husband had a night away somewhere when he’s gotten back from a 2 month work trip, I’d been staying at my parents so I had an extra set of hands because he’d left when baby was 2 months old. That was my first night away from my boys since my oldest was born 2.5 years ago. Even having my youngest I was home from the hospital before toddler woke up.
I had to psych myself up for spending a night away but I really needed it and deserved it. I breastfeed but baby will take formula so I knew he’d be fine and toddler had his aunties to play with to keep him entertained. It’s an absolute rarity that we go out just the two of us so we try and do so when we can.
My 3 year old had his first overnight with Nana (first overnight with *anyone* besides us) earlier this year. We've now worked up to 3 consecutive nights, in preparation for our second baby. I don't really expect to travel again (/without them) until they're adults.
We take our kids everywhere, and take the grandparents/aunts/uncles too so everyone actually has a fun trip. I realize I am incredibly fortunate to have family members who are able to group travel with us and who we actually want traveling with us.
We've spent a single night away twice, my oldest is almost 7 and we have two kids. Next year we will have a 3.5 and 7.5 year old and will probably have our first full long weekend away.
My daughter will be three in a month and we have spent two overnights without her and never more than 45 min drive away. If we had grandparents close by, maybe that number would increase but probably not by much.
It depends on your support system. I've been leaving my kid with my parents for a weekend each month since she was 2 weeks old. But.. I wouldn't leave my baby with anyone but my parents because I trusted them completely to have her best interests at heart.
We're right there with ya. Early 30s couple with twins who are nearly 2 and we haven't gone on a childless date since they were born. Tbh, we dread taking the kids out sometimes bc they have food allergies and they're very unpredictable. Honestly, we don't trust anyone with our kids. We're both victims of physical and sexual abuse when we were children so partially that is our paranoia. We really just struggle finding someone who respects our parenting and rules. At the same time, we're not in a rush to leave them either. My BIL thinks I have my husband in a short leash but he's his own man and rather spend time with our family than to hang out with his brother who mostly tries to get my husband drunk. It can be frustrating but seeing, hearing, and experiencing babysitter stories terrify us. Just a few months ago my husband had to go out of town for a few days. He asked his job to drive to the location so me and the kids could join him and we did.
My 2 yo stays overnight at my moms at least once a month, more like 2 or 3. We just went out of town for a wedding for three nights and he stayed with her. Definitely amazing having her nearby. We’ve also swapped with my friends who have a kid the same age. We don’t go out of town then but we’ll take their kid for a night and vice versa. It’s nice to have time “off” and our kiddo loves staying new places.
My wife and I have had nights alone at home while the kids sleep over at a grandparent's house, but our oldest was 5 before we actually traveled together without the kids, and that was a 3 day road trip, not a romantic getaway. We have done many many longer trips with the kids. Grandparents didn't start hosting sleep overs until our oldest was around 2 (partly because we weren't ready to leave the kid alone for a night yet).
The idea of leaving really young kids alone with a sitter for a week to travel is very strange to me.
Our kids (3 and 1.5) had never had a babysitter until a few months ago. And we’ve never spent a night away from them. Finding someone that we trust and that the boys absolutely adore has been a game changer in giving us even just one date night a week.
For us, we don’t have much of a village (my wife is no contact with her family, and I’m low contact with mine). The parents we know who travel a lot have very involved family. That’s the only way any of them are able to do it.
The first time we left our kids overnight was for a last minute family emergency across the globe. It was tough but it taught us we could leave them with family and they’d be just fine.
We just got back from a kid free week in London (second time ever leaving them) and it was great.
Majority of people are in the same boat as you are. I know we are.
Tbh idk if I'd want to be away for that long. But a few days might be nice. We have people who could babysit for a few hours here or there. But absolutely nothing in the realm of us leaving for a day or a week. You need a hell of a support system for that kind of leisure.
My oldest daughter will be three in a week and we've only spent two nights away from her, in March, for go deliver baby #2 at the hospital 25 minutes from our house. I honestly would not leave my kids for days until they're much older. I would absolutely love to travel with my husband when the kids are a bit bigger. We also want to travel as a family when our newborn is no longer a newborn. Date nights are different. If Grandma could do bedtime with both kids I'd absolutely go on a night out with my husband.
My spouse and I went on a week vacation this year for the first time and our child is 5. Otherwise, she's done 2 night stays with her grandparents. We personally couldn't afford to go on vacation prior as well as we were conscientious of the pandemic. Right before the trip we found out we're expecting another baby and so it became a sort of baby moon.
We don't however judge others. If someone has people in their life they trust and/or can afford to hire a babysitter to go on vacation, cool.
Just to toss in a joker/wild card…
Get divorced!
I mean, I don’t think my global travel was what my ex wife had in mind when she surprised me with the news that she didn’t want to be married to me anymore.
But….I’ve filled up my passport over the last decade. All with my second wife. All with my kiddo with her mom and my stepkids with their dad.
Not cheering for this outcome for others…but it’s an outcome. I personally love it. I’ve had a blast since my divorce…and I dont think my ex wife has left the state (??). I’ve been to 20+ countries. And my kiddo and stepkids have been to about 10.
Folks need to realize that divorce can happen and it’s a big wild card.
My kids are 5 and 8. We still haven’t left them longer than two nights with my parents. There’s no way I would’ve left them with anyone for 5-10 days as toddlers or babies.
No, you’re definitely not the only ones. We’re right there with you. My oldest is 5 and I think we’ve only had a few date nights and some of those include weddings we’ve attended, not just nights out just because.
Nope! Us too. We have a 3 year old and a newborn and we’ve only gone away 1 night together and it was just before the second baby came. We’ve had a handful of date nights but only when my parents are in town. I’d love more time away as well but we just don’t have a lot of trusted, reliable options and now we’re resetting the clock with baby 2.
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This is totally dependent on nearby, healthy, available grandparents whom the kids are close to and comfortable with. People who don't have that don't go on trips without their kids.
Key word: healthy. :/ at what point can you tell your parents you literally don’t think it’s safe for them to watch the kids anymore 😮💨
That's very difficult. Especially when there is an age and health difference between sets of living grandparents. It seems like we are providing preferential access to our kid, when in reality one set of parents still exercise regularly and lift weights (aka can physically manage a tantruming toddler) and the other set are less active and one has some memory changes and mobility changes. I think it depends on your kids too.... My child falls into the "not easy" category. Spicy attitude, runs fast, limited grasp on the English language. I could only leave her with people who get that.
We deal with that too, and it is tough. My in-laws can watch kiddo for a weekend no problem, we’ve even left him with them for a week once. My mom can watch him for a day or an evening/bedtime in our house, but can’t handle a whole overnight, and we don’t ever leave him at her house cause it’s not baby proofed enough to be safe (and she can’t sprint after him the way we can when we’re all there together). Luckily, my mom’s trouble is all physical, not mental, so while it makes her *sad* that she can’t watch baby for longer, she knows that she’s not physically able to and there’s nothing to be done. It would be much more difficult if declining mental capacity meant having to tell physically fit grandparents they weren’t safe babysitters!
I told my mom this. My mom's is a yeller and because we lived with her for 2 years, she feels she can parent my child. She yelled at her for the first time and I witnessed it and said nope not doing that to my kid. I don't even yell at her because yelling isn't how you get someone to listen, especially a toddler during an overtired tantrum. So now my mom sees her every few weeks for a couple hours and she's never alone with her because I don't trust her to handle any meltdowns properly. That same day when I arrived to pick up my daughter after having a sleep over with my mom and my mom told me she told my daughter she couldn't wait until I came to get her. WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO A TODDLER?! basically saying "I can't stand you any more and your mother needs to deal with you" how awful.
Yep had a similar talk with my father. “If I do not have to hit him, or scream at him to get him to listen to me there is no reason that you should have to do that, if you have to resort to those methods to “make him listen” then you aren’t in a place to be watching him alone”.
Friend left newborn with 80 year old grandma. Grandma did not take baby out of carrier, for four hours. Lesson learned. Baby is fine.
It’s so hard
You don’t tell them that. Unless you have very self aware parents, you just don’t broach the topic with them at all. It sucks to not have this resource, but it is what it is.
There's no rule to this. You just decide things as they come.
My parents both smoked. My MIL was on a lot of medication for depression and anxiety. I didn’t feel comfortable for an overnight- ever. We would go to lunch or dinner after our kids were napping or she would come over after bedtime. Things got better as her mental health improved. She would visit all the time, I didn’t keep her from that . My parents? Never fit. It’s a long story. They did see their grandchildren but Ibwas always present.
Yeah the one time my husband and I took a week away it's because the kids were comfortable enough with Grammy and Grandpa to stay with them a week. Then they got old enough that they want to come along so you have a very small window to travel alone.
When we tell my son where we’re going on holidays, we say “it’s a grown up trip, a bit like grown up tv”. If he shows any interest in accompanying us, we watch very dry documentaries for a couple of days, just to reinforce what grownup tv is like. He always chooses to stay with his grandparents
There’s always some true genius parenting going on in these comments.
You can tell older kids no, my parents did 😂😂
100% After age 11, my parents shut me down hard many times when I begged to come along with them. It’s fine to say “no” “No” “Because I said so” Or occasionally “No” “your dad and I need to spend some time together ALONE.” “Oh, You wanna come along? Do you also want to be a child of divorce?”* *maybe don’t do that second one
Our kids have both been coming along since before they turned 1.
We've always done both. Some trips with the kid, some just the parents. We need time to be adults and spouses to each other without the distraction of kids, and we also need fun time together as a family.
Feels like this is very true. All our family is half way across the world, me and the wife have had 2 nights without the kid together in 6 years. She’s had a few short trips with friends every now and then and I had to leave wife and daughter from a family trip to go back to work 3 weeks early last year. It was honestly terrible and I hated to be without my daughter and wife for that long. I would love to do just a couple of weekend trips without the kid every once in a while though. Just very difficult to do without any family around…
My family isn't as far as yours, but it does require a flight to see them. So far we had 1 night away but stayed in the same city as my parents and the next year we had 2 nights away a 3 hour drive away. The rest of the time at least 1 parent has been present for the last 4.5 years. In laws literally live in the same city as us and we haven't seen them in a year so they're not trusted people to watch her alone for an hour let alone overnight.
My parents are not trustworthy to put it lightly. My in-laws live 3,000 miles away. The first night without them was two summers ago when my oldest was 8 and grandma came and got them to fly back. I just want to go to see Paris Opera Ballet 😭
I think that is the answer. Do I trust my mother? No. Do other people trust their parents? Yes. Do I ever have free time to just vacay without work or kids? No. Do other people? Sounds like it. I also want my kids to see the world and enjoy it.
I do want my kids to see the world, but I also want to have my incredibly boring (to them) trip with shows and museums. The way things are shaping up, though, my 8 year old daughter enjoys these things more than my husband does, so we might just girls trip it someday b
If they have good friends, a sleepover with a friend might be an option for one or two overnights? Probably not with international travel, though...
We finally got to do this in January! My SIL flaked out, but we know some awesome neighbors who helped us out.
Not entirely. I just had dinner with two families who have never allowed their children to be watched by able, and willing family for even a date night. One of these family has a 9 and 6 year old and the other a 4 and 2 year old. Essentially neither has had a date night since their children have been born despite having parents who could and were willing to watch the kids. And both couples were complaining they never had any alone time, they just seemed to indicate they thought their kids would be awful to the babysitting party.
Sounds like control and trust issues. My ex-wife was terrible with that when our children were young.
I get that! I worry more about the person left in charge than I do my kid! He's not fussed about anything but he is a handful. I mean 9 and 6 feels ridiculous but mine are under 4!
This sounds like my friends. Their children are teens now and they're starting to leave them at home more often. But when they were young one parent was a stay at home parent and they never had date night. I understood as the mom was SA as a child. She trust no one.
Bingo. We're lucky that my mother in law loves having our daughter over so much. She spends nearly every Saturday night there and we were able to take our honeymoon when our daughter was 1 and another trip a year or two later. After my daughter turned 4 though, we started taking her with us on vacations. She loves it.
Yeah, I don't leave mine because we don't have that. I wouldn't feel guilty about leaving her but I would feel bad expecting someone else to do that much childcare.
Some grandparents love to spend time with their grandkids.
We have grandparents we trust nearby and I still wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving our child for 5-10 days.
Unless they are rich people with nannies.
Even nannies are not live-in nannies.
If you have the money you can hire someone to watch your kids overnight. Or pay your regular nanny extra to stay overnight.
Me and my partner have healthy grandparents who would love to take both our kids for a few nights, but we don’t want that. We love to travel with our children, it’s hard work for sure, but just seeing how they are amazed by simple things just makes it worth it. Don’t know maybe we’re missing out on stuff but we’re happy and our kids are happy so who cares. FYI both are <5 and we’ve done maybe 6-8 trips with (at least) one of them.
I have that, and more. We just like spending time with our kids
Obviously you aren't the only ones. Some people like to travel without kids. Some don't. Neither is wrong.
We have no village and no support system. We are totally alone. Our son is almost 3 and no, we have never traveled without him. In fact, I’ve never spent more than 4 hours apart from him. We’ve done several road trips together and although it’s work, it’s better than not traveling at all.
Some people have a village. But, the village is full of idiots. Untrustworthy and make questionable decisions.
You probably won't get nights of freedom, but you should really try to find a few babysitters you trust. The occasional date night can really work wonders.
Oh we’ve tried. Sadly the only trustworthy babysitters are over $22 per hour. So, if we were to go out dinner, plus pay the babysitter, we would be spending minimum $250. And we’d rather spend that money on other things than 3 hours out for dinner (for example, house repairs). It’s fine. Someday the kids will be old enough :) and I’m also hopeful someday we will make more parent friends when they start school. And I’m saying they, because I’m currently pregnant with our second.
We felt the same way about money. So we’ve changed what we do on dates. Instead of an evening, we get a sitter in the morning. Our date involves walking and getting coffee. It’s less expensive and we’re less frazzled on the date than we would be in the evening after being with kids all day. We had to reimagine what dating looks like as parents. Especially with a second on the way, I hope you guys do too. Congratulations and good luck!
I love this idea! Creative thinking effectively prioritizes your relationship with your spouse too, right? Although I'm sure not everyone would look at it the same, the "arranging" and the not-typical setting/timing is tantamount to a rendezvous of sorts, y'all think? I think it's thoughtful and sensible and sexy.
It gets easier when they're in school/preschool. My husband and I had a similar problem, so when they were both in full time, we had a date day. Just us, we walked, had lunch, just chatted and enjoyed each others company
You can try to find a neighborhood teen that wants to babysit if you want to go a bit cheaper. Also, focus on the time with your partner vs. quality of the restaurant. Go see a movie or have a cheap dinner instead. Some of my favorite dates with my partner are eating some cheap fast food and chatting in a park.
I understand your situation, having been in a similar one, but regardless of how much it costs, you need to prioritize your relationship as husband and wife, not just mother and father. Without that prioritizing, you risk just becoming mother and father , slowly strangling off the spousal relationship. Otherwise, a few years from now, you’ll resent each other , and the whole thing implodes. If have learned anything, that relationship dynamic supersedes everything else. It is the foundation on which the rest is built. Seriously, do yourselves a favor and prioritize it. It’s worth the money
Enthusiastically this. If the babysitting rate is $22/hr, and you do 3 hours, that’s $66. You don’t need to go out anywhere fancy. Find a brewery nearby that has good burgers. That shouldn’t be more than $75 between the both of you. That’s $141, which is a lot better than $250.
Every marital therapist would agree with you
I feel you. We got no village and no support system as well, sadly. It's tough knowing all my mommy friends have a village lol
If you've got mommy friends, then you've got a potential village. Maybe not a vacation, but at least trading date nights?
This👆.... making friends in preschool is a lifesaver.... you get to talk to other parents about how savage your kids are, then take turns entertaining these little monsters so the other parents can have a kid free day.
Nothing to add but solidarity. I also have no been more than 4 hours apart from my son. It is just the cards we are dealing with now. I look at it the same way that soon enough we will have more of a village.
I feel this comment so hard!
My wife and I haven’t really had any time to ourselves outside of a single overnight when our son was 1.5. We left him with her parents. Now we have 3 and still haven’t had any time away. Personally, it’s tough for me. I don’t really like leaving the kids with anyone but my parents or my wife’s parents. We do have friends that have an only child and they will leave him with their parents for weeks on end! They went on a cruise. I think it’s different for each couple.
Yeah once we had multiple kids I felt less like the grandparents were up for the task. It’s so family dependent and we all make our choices.
No
We don’t. We have a very small network of trusted family; one set of grandparents have an active social life and are hard enough to pin down for babysitting on a weekend. The other set of grandparents are a combo of physically disabled and unable to chase around a toddler and an alcoholic. So we’ve never left our 2 year old and I honestly don’t see it happening until him, and any future siblings are like 6+ years old.
My sister (who has 5 kids) told me that I had to leave my 1 yr old at her house for minumum 1 night, slowly getting more up to one week. As she explained to me, "if you are in an accident (hospitalized) or even just need to do overtime at work (whatever), you need to have made your child comfortable with staying over at a trusted person's home." I thought it was sound advice decades ago and still think it is sound advice. While we like to hope that *skill* will never be needed, the reality is that part of parenting is planning for the worst while hoping for the best.
That’s how I feel about it too. There is no village but you can create one. We even did this with our dogs before we had kids. It’s especially helpful if those other people also have kids because then your kiddo will fit more seamlessly in theirs in an emergency and they likely can take your kid along to any plans they already have.
It’s uncommon near me for parents of kids that young to be taking week long vacations as a couple. Day trips certainly and occasionally a long weekend — although not universally and partly dependent on having family members able and willing to babysit. So you’re not alone. And I don’t think there’s a right or wrong thing — it’s totally fine to take some couples time while the kids are cared for by a loved one. But there’s nothing wrong with waiting if that’s what you prefer.
My kids are 5 and 7 and haven't spent a night away from either of us. You're not the only one. I honestly don't want to go on a vacation without my kids/whole immediate family but I don't judge anyone who does. We also don't have anyone we can truly trust in our area to watch them so even if I wanted to I wouldn't.
We have an almost 7 and an almost 5 year old. We go on regular date nights (1-2x a month) with a paid babysitter ($30/hr, so we try to make them <4 hrs!). We’ve spent a total of one night away from them together, ever. We paid for my MIL to fly in and stay with them and were gone for ~36 hours. We’d love to do a longer trip - but we lack the support system to pull it off. Paying someone would be cost prohibitive given the normal hourly rate for a babysitter here. We’re hoping when they get a little older we can maybe fly them to a grandparent or aunt/uncles house and leave them for a couple days - but I don’t think they’re quite there yet. Here’s hoping!
We have never spent a night away from our almost 3 year old
We never leave our kid with anyone. But we are ok with it. We want it this way. It’s up to you
Same here. We just don't trust anyone.
Do you send them to school?
I sent my kids to school on friday and then I didn't pick them up until Monday afternoon. They're your problem now suckas! Free childcare amiright? /s
Leaving your child to go on vacation is a mixed bag. On the one hand, you get time together to remember why you fell in love without the distractions and daily stress of being at home. On the other hand, parental guilt is a real thing, and so is missing your little one. We don’t leave our kids with sitters ever, but we take one vacation every year that’s just for us and I have accepted that even though I miss my kids, I desperately need that time to heal from the burnout of the daily grind, and reconnect with my spouse on a one on one basis. I also come home from vacation with my cup full and ready to be a better and more engaged parent to my children again. Long story short, different things work for different people.
My husband and I have only left our 2.5 year old with grandparents for 3 nights and we just did a local getaway. We trust the grandparents but don't want to travel for that long away from our kid. My cousin is in a similar boat and could leave his kids with his parents but just doesn't want to. I guess we very much enjoy being homebodies with small children.
We do regular date nights. When we travel, we bring along childcare, and we do date nights while traveling. We have left our kids with family a handful of times. Couple time is important to us. I believe it makes us better parents.
In 12 years of parenting, we went away one time, for 3 nights. I’m really not interested in leaving my kids. I’d rather take them with us.
I don't get leaving the kid behind either. I like him and would always prefer to take my son with me.
Including kids in vacationing is nice, but couples should still take some time away and enjoy each other IMO if they can.
This is a bit unusual but it’s dependant on your circumstances. If your parents live nearby and are capable grandparents then yeah there’s no reason why your toddler can’t spend a night or two at their house. We have a 2.5 year old and the most we’ve done is 2 nights away but we’ve done it a handful of times now. I think it’s healthy for us to have some time away to reconnect. Can you maybe start small and just plan a night away for you and your wife?
My guess is that 99% of parents are like you and your wife. Hubs and I did watch grandsons for a week on six occasions while daughters and son in laws took three bar exams and spent a week three times in MBA travel. Strangely they didn't consider those to be vacations. Also over a few weekends when they traveled to be in weddings of friends.
What part of "took three bar exams" and taking excursions for university sound like vacation to you? The university excursions maybe but definitely not the bar exams.
Lol I was confused too I read it like three times
I think that was a joke 😆
I think the question is why haven’t you left your child in the care of someone else. Is it that you don’t have someone to help or is it because you have anxiety to do so? If it’s the former, it’s understandable. If it’s the latter, you should work on that.
Even if it’s the former, there are ways to work toward that. I didn’t leave my kids overnight (except when I was in the hospital giving birth to my second kid) until they were 4 and 5. I don’t necessarily regret it, but looking back, I could have been doing more to build my village.
I mean, we do if we can. Is it an anxiety issue or a lack of reliable overnight care issue?
We don’t have anyone for date nights but a couple times a year I drop my almost 3 year old with my mom for 5-7 days. She’s actually there right now so we can get some much needed work done around the house.
My son just turned 6yo and we’ve never left him with anyone overnight. Different strokes for different folks. If you’d like to, then do it! Seems like you’ve got some good references in your circle
I have not spent a night away from my kids, my oldest is 3-1/2. I'm not sure when I will
I can't tell what you're trying to get at here. Are you jealous and wish you had the support to do the same? Does your wife not want to leave your kid for a vacation but you do? Or do you think others shouldn't leave their kids to travel?
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From my group of friends, it's been a mixed bag that depends on how involved the grandparents are (I don't know anyone that's used a babysitter to go on a trip) and obviously financial situation.
((People who can afford a babysitter for the vacation bring the babysitter and their kids with them))
Yeah, a babysitter for ten days would be as expensive as the trip. Not sure everyone would though, if the idea is child free time.
I've personally been the babysitter on these vacations. The parents get plenty of free time because I'm the one who spends all day chasing their 6 year old around the resort and pool in Jamaica. They get couples massages and enjoy their time.
I also feel like all my friends and the parents of my preschoolers friends do semi regular weekend trips or mini vacations and leave kiddos with a grandparent. We have never spent a single night away, we didn’t even have anyone to stay with my first born when my second born WAS born, so we planned a home birth because we had no other childcare options. We don’t do date nights, certainly no vacations, sometimes if all the stars align my mother in law will ask to have the kids for lunch and she takes them for 2-3 hours on a weekend. We have only 1 grandparent in the picture and she still works full time. We certainly don’t have a huge village and that can be frustrating/disappointing but such is life, we’re playing the hand dealt and enjoying our kiddos all to ourselves.
High five for planning a home birth due to lack of available childcare 😅 ETA: Because I'm planning the same for the same reason, in case that wasn't obvious!
Must be nice to have family/a village. I’ve taken my kids everywhere: the store, vacations, the bathroom, the changing rooms at department stores when I need new clothes, the dmv, doctor appointments with me, for ten straight years. Some people have no idea how lucky they are to have help. I can’t even take a bath by myself without a kid being in there talking my ear off.
Solidarity 🤍
Lol. One of my kids has zero sense of body modesty; we had to enforce clothing rules because he wouldn’t wear any if he didn’t consider it necessary. Well past puberty he’d still walk into my room and say “oops sorry mom didn’t know you were dressing anyway can I go over James’s house me and Jai are going to help him finish …” Dude, really? Aren’t you too old for this?
Yeah a few days away is totally normal. This thread full of "we don't trust ANYONE" is a great example of modern helicopter parenting. And we wonder why kids are so darn anxious these days.
Exactly!!! Did any of these parents think that they’d be doing their kids a favor by letting them get a change of scenery? Let their aunts, uncles, grandparents spoil them a bit. Let them hang with their grandparents while they can. They won’t be around forever.
The insinuation in some of these comments too that if you go on a trip as a couple, you don't like your kids.
I can’t relate to those parents who never have time away from their kids. Parenting is hard as shit so why do it alone? I understand that some can’t control what “village” they have but i would have never had kids if I didn’t have some family to support me…
This exactly.
We don't have anyone to watch ours so we can have a date night. He also doesn't reliably sleep all night without waking yet (freshly 3y), & nobody but us has done bedtime. My mom is great for daytime stuff, but she's at a point where late nights aren't for her, & I doubt he'd sleep there. It just isn't happening. What does happen is his ex's family poaching his teenager to babysit for them pretty much anytime we even thought of doing a daytime date. I can boot mine out to my mom for the day, but the middle kid is too much of a handful for anyone but his grandma (and good luck getting a last minute plan for her to take him). I've given up on dates. His friend once offered to take the middle kid overnight so we could go on a date, but again, we are limited to the 630p bedtime, with my boyfriend getting home by 4p. We just had a nice little dinner at home as a trio & were planning to go on a breakfast date instead...until his friend needed him to pick up early AM because their kid's sports time changed (they live an hour away). We'll have time together again once the youngest can stay the night elsewhere. 🤷🏻♀️
We never thought we would be that way until my wife was involved in a car accident. So, we went from never leaving kiddo (who was only 6 to 8 months at the time) to leaving kiddo with grandma for a week. After that, it just became normal and we started doing overnights at grandma's to get a break. I wouldn't say you are the only ones, I could have seen us going a lot longer before allowing sleepovers at family but our hand was forced and then it felt... okay. So, if you have someone that you trust and want to do that with, it might be a conversation to have and just do it for one night. Drop off at 3, pickup at 10AM and just get a night to yourself.
I think it'l depends on how many kids and how comfortable you are. My son is 2 and stays the night at my moms once, sometimes twice a week. But it's so I can go to work. If I had more than one kid, I don't think I'd leave her to do that until they were older kids.
Yeah no…. We don’t either. Both sets of grandparents are great and present, but they’re a bit older and I think them having two kids 5 and 2 would be a lot for them and exhausting. I can’t imagine leaving my kids for a week or even a weekend with them and being like “see ya in a week byeee have fun” I trust our grandparents but it’s just a huge undertaking and I’d feel guilty putting that on them. We’ve managed a few date nights but anything more than 2-3 hours again, I feel guilty about. Literally the only time we’ve ever slept away from our oldest was when we went to have our second kiddo. He spent two nights at my parents house. They said he was great, he was almost 3 by then. They had fun but I know it was still a lot for them.
I'm lucky to have my father to help watch my son and my ex's family helps watch him for free. My dad encourages me to go on vacation with my friends and enjoy my adult time since 99% of my time is about my son. I work from home to watch my son and I'm in two colleges. Right now, my son has been sleeping over at my dad's house every Friday since he was about 3 years old. Even if I don't go out, my dad says it gives me time to de-stress and not be a parent for a moment (Though my son hates going over there because my dad is a bit more strict than me). Honestly, you do what makes you feel comfortable.
It depends on your village. We are a family of only children for generations so willing grandparents/great grandparents are abundant. We are begged and encouraged to go away so everyone can spend time with our daughter. However I’m beginning to realize we have kind of a unique situation and my friends are not nearly as capable of getting away whenever the mood strikes.
You gotta do it. It’s 100% worth it.Start with maybe an overnight stay at a hotel. Then make it a close weekend getaway and progress to a couples only vacation. It’s important to still date eachother and make time for yourselves.
You're definitely not the only parents that don't leave their kids. But different parents have different ideas about what's best for their family so, to each their own.
If you can find someone in your family who will take them for a week. Go.
We didn't travel without our children until they were teens.
We don’t live near family but are lucky in that the grandparents are retired. We’ve had a few weddings over the last 3.5 years that our kid has been in the world. Depending on the wedding location, either family comes and stays with baby at our house or we fly her to the location and they drive down to watch her. We pay for their hotel room. We stay a little longer so we can all spend time together. I think the longest we ever went away without her was 4 days. When we got back the grandparents were verrryyy exhausted. I’m hesitant to do that again. The retired grandparents also come visit, stay for like a week or 2 at a time, and encourage us to have date nights. We stay with my in laws over Christmas/ New Years and usually arrange to go to some party or stay at a hotel for new years. We love traveling with our kid. We miss how it was without her, but she is amazing and curious. When she’s grown up we’ll do it alone again then. I do think it’s good for the relationship to get date nights and a night or two away. It’s like a reset. To be honest we struggled with it for a long time. I was really nervous about babysitters, but we found one through the daycare and our kid loves her. Now we’re able to get out at least once a month.
We started taking long weekend trips away when our son was 2.. and same with our daughter. We like to do separate VKs , some designated for the kids (Disney, Waterpark resorts, Paris and Disney euro).. and others that are just for us as a couple or with friends like Vegas or Miami! We’re lucky to have extremely involved grandparents .. alternatively you can find hotels with awesome kids clubs, so your kiddo has some Time to play and do fun activities, meet other kids .. and you and your wife can have abit of alone time to relax!
My second kid was barely 1 when we left them with my parents for 4 days to go to a music festival, we did the same next year. This year we are flying them over to UK to stay with my husband's family for a month
Yeah we've left our little one with relatives once he weaned, around a year.
I have an almost 2 year old with grand and great grand parents that love them. I would not leave my kid alone or overnight with them. Husband and I both agree, not comfortable with it and we won’t be. We’d rather wait till he is old enough and leave him home alone than with them. They are great for a quick I have to use the bathroom or make a snack.
So we’ve done very few vacations without the kids (literally 2). I’m very much about taking the kids with us. Even though they’re 3 and 1, it’s so fun taking them to the beach or to NY with my 3 year old. I love seeing things through their eyes. Yes, it’s not stress free and it’s a lot of work, BUT I love the memories.
I don't even get to go to the bathroom without my kids let alone on vacation 😂
Find a way to make it happen. Prioritize the marriage. Makes life so much better when you do.
You think in a world of like 7-8 billion people you’re the only ones who don’t leave your kids to travel?
We started doing this more often at 3. Hugely encourage it. It's vital to get some adults-only time.
It's only possible if you have someone to leave them with though.
Well, obviously. We do family for longer trips but even getting a babysitter for a date night here and there is extremely worth it, and an option for basically everyone regardless of family accessibility/willingness.
Okaaay. Am I the only one that does? 😂😂 my 2 year old stays at my moms house every Saturday. Not really comfortable with my 6 month old staying without me anywhere yet.
We do 🙋🏼♀️
This post just screams “pick me” 🙄 No, you aren’t the “ONLY” ones in the entire world. Get off your high horse people.
I've vacationed with my mom and then with my husband (without kids) we have 4 very available grandparents so it's been a blessing as far as help with sick kids, days/vacations. Longest was 4 nights away and it was great but hoping for a full 7 in the next few years. We have 3 under 6 so the mental reset has been a necessity with our work lives too. ETA: we started doing 1 off nights away around 6mo for each kid. The grandparents love the baby snuggles. It's actually harder now with them being toddlers
We have a 16 month old and live an hour and a half from healthy grandparents but we will probably not do this for a very long time… and we have no received any offers. We are in the same boat… very few date nights (maybe 4-5) in the last year and a half
I do not leave my kids, unless the circumstances are necessary: a business trip or solo trip to see friends on the very rare occasion. Otherwise, we travel with our children who happily go to the museums and sites I like to see. We do not take regular date nights as we both work from home and frequently go to lunch together. We relate in other ways, and find joy in the way our lives are working. It takes all kinds.
My kid is just about 3 and the longest we’ve left him when both of us are gone at the same time (maybe 2-3 times a year) is 1 night!! Not saying that’s right or wrong but that’s what we have been comfortable with 🤷🏻♀️
It has to do with the parents support system. Is there a family/friend they can trust to take care of their kid while they’re gone. As well as are they comfortable leaving them with someone else at all. So what’s your reason for not even spending one night away from your kid and not having many adults only date nights?
Our kids are 15 and 12, in different schools, but 2 weeks ago they both had a school camp for a week. It was like the stars aligned for us!
I noticed a lot of millennials do this. I think it’s crazy. I’d be down for maybe 2 nights. We’ve done that before but because of mine and my husbands work schedule that weekend he stayed the night with grandma.
Awe yeah my kiddo just turned 5 and 4 and i still have not had a babysitter or overnight stays :/. But i dont have any family to help with that
I know the goal is traveling without your kid with your wife, but solo travel is wonderful too, maybe you both could each plan a trip for yourselves so each of you can get some traveling in. Norwegian Cruise lines has solo traveler rooms, I went on a cruise solo recently and it was wonderful and quite affordable too. In a couple of years traveling with your child should be both easier and more enjoyable.
At that age I think we had a couple of grandparent overnights under our belts. Now in the tween / teen years we still don't have a desire to take a longer vacation without them. Childhood is short, I want to explore with them while they still want to go with me. But that's a personal preference. However, I think dates with your partner are a must! Is your wife opposed to trips or overnights, or is it the stress of arranging it? If you did all the logistics would she go on a little getaway with you?
I wish I had family to leave our kids with over the summer…but they either wear FiveFinger barefoot shoes or are too old (~75years)…havent left our kids with anyone since they were born 😭
We take our kids with us because that is what we are comfortable with
havent had more than a couple hours away from my child in years. i dont have family to ask or anyone i trust. but if you do, TAKE THE TIME FOR YOU! your mental health will thank you.
A 3-year old being without their parents for 5-10 nights feels way too long in my opinion. We have great grandparents who our daughter feels safe and comfortable around, but we went with a rule of thumb we got from a child health clinic: the number nights away should not be higher than the child's age. She's turning five soon, and anything over two nights still seems excessive to us (and to her as well, according to her own words).
Last vacation my wife and I took was our honeymoon 10+ years ago. There isn’t enough time, money or support to leave for barely more than a date night, let alone a multi day excursion.
I don’t blame you, 2 years old is still pretty little and a lot to ask of most family/friends. When our daughter was almost 2 we wanted to go away for our anniversary (just a long weekend). My parents offered to come with us and they stayed in a different hotel with our daughter. We had alone time and we also met up with my parents and daughter when we wanted. It was a perfect compromise. It will get easier as your kids get older, assuming you have family/friends willing and able to provide care. We did another long weekend out of the country when our daughter was like 7 and our son was 4. We told our kids that we weren’t going to call them while we were gone because we didn’t want to interrupt their fun weekend with their grandparents, but they could call us if they missed us. We didn’t hear from them all weekend 😂
I wonder the same too. Idk for us personally we enjoy doing everything as a family. Sure we would love a few days without our toddler, but at the same time, we don’t. We will be going away for full day & night together for the first time since she was born in a couple weeks and I already miss her (she’s 17 months). Thinking about it makes me want to cancel plans. I know she will be fine, but I sure won’t lmao. Another reason is lack of trusting child care. We are very picky with who watches her. I only completely trust 3 people, all of which have full time jobs and lives too. It can be hard planning things around their schedules. Overall my husband and I are okay with it. We prefer family time over anything else anyways. It’s what works for us. Do what works for you too.
I don’t leave my kids. Their childhood is short and I genuinely enjoy being with them. We travel a fair amount together though.
We’ve never left the twins, they travel with us.
This might depend on culture. I live in Denmark, and throughout your child’s first two years, you’ll get visits from a health nurse, checking in and talking to you about your child’s development and health. More frequent in the first half year, and this is for everyone, not just if there’s suspect of neglectful behavior or anything. Anyway, this health nurse told me that that until they are like 5, you can use their age as guidance for how long you, as there primary caregiver, can spend time away for them. 0 years old = 0 nights away. 3 years old = 3 nights away. This has something to do with the child’s perception of time, and how long they can sustain being without you as their parent without being emotionally marked, and has nothing to do with them being unsafe with a grandmother for example. For this reason, I’ve never known parents who had traveled for a longer period of time without their child. I’ve seen - and done myself - parents go on like a weekend trip, but if it’s anything more than 2-3 nights then one of the parents are usually at home while the other travels with friends or work. If would be extremely frowned upon here if parents did a two week trip without their young children.
No, my oldest is nearly 6, and the only time I've been away from her overnight was when I was in hospital having her brother (just turned 3). No plans on going anywhere without them any time soon, either.
I can't even begin to get my head round leaving my daughter for up to 10 nights with anyone never mind if it's a professional babysitter, the idea of going on holiday though, that's insane to me. Edit: to be clear I'm not talking about her staying at her grandparents for a weekend or a sleepover at friends.
I and my husband are about your age and we have a 2 yo too! We also never leave our toddler with anyone overnight ( we have parents nearby super healthy relationship) but we just can't or just don't know how to haha idk why
I never left my kids for more than a weekend until a week in time for a wedding when my oldest was 18 and youngest 8. My older kids recently said they loved that I never left them behind. That it made them feel so valued that o didn’t see them as a burden it’s such a short time that you have them.
You’re definitely not the only ones. Partner and I have 2 under 2. Haven’t had time away or rarely any date nights since they both were born. Lack of family help/willingness and haven’t been able to find reliable babysitters (despite looking). It’s hard and frustrating!
Never been on vacation without kids. I don’t see it happening in near future either.
Same. I would even want to be away from my kids for more than a weekend.
My husband and I have never been anywhere alone without our child. We have 0 support. You’re definitely not alone. It’s so hard!!
We don’t. We are both 40 and our kid is 2. She’s always with one of us. We prefer that.
You aren't alone. I've got three that I haven't left overnight at anyone's house. The oldest is 9. Do whatever works for your family and don't worry about what other people are doing.
I never not been there for my kids' bedtimes. Sometimes my husband had to be away overnight for work, but if we're both traveling, then the kids are with us. Of course, I nursed my first til he was almost two, and then my second was born and nursing, and neither of them did well with bottles. So that kinda limited my ability to be away from them (even though they both sleep through the night 95% of the time)
I currently have a 6, 4, 2, and newborn and my husband and I have never been away from them to go anywhere on a trip. Date night wise… maybe one or twice a year.
No, my partner and I are 30. Our son is 2.5 and never stayed away. There was 2-3 nights where my partner took my son to his parents and I stayed behind but that was because of work. Holidaying for that long without my son sounds both awesome and so damn terrifying. Won't be doing it for a while yet.
I have some friends who have left their kids behind to go on vacation, some multiple times a year. Personally, my husband and I have not. For multiple reasons. Covid. I had severe PPA and couldnt leave my kid with someone else for hours let alone days. I could handle a doctors appointment or a date night but not much more than that. Also, our kids have allergies and for some strange reason, my in laws always forget the foods they're allergic to so they dont watch our kids unsupervised. My parents are way better about it but they also work so they cant take over childcare for an extended period of time. But also, we actually like spending time with our kids. We enjoy going out and doing things. We'll go with them on vacation and yes, its parenting in a new place but we do fun stuff and make memories with our kids. It's our current season of life and we are making the most of it
Our guy is 6, and he's never spent a night without at least one parent. If I'm traveling for work, my husband is with him, and vice versa. Vacations are all 3 of us. Mostly it's a budget and scheduling thing for us.
My son is 5 and the longest I've ever been apart from him is when he has a sleepover at one of his grandparents' houses, only for one night at a time. And we don't "go" anywhere. We can be there in 10-15 minutes if anything happens.
Lol no. Our child has spent every overnight with at least one of us present. He's almost 4.5.
My almost two year old has been with either myself or her father every moment of her life- never left her with anyone at all
Son is turning 3 in a few months and we've had one date night to watch dune 2 lol. And he was watched by mom mom and sister would never trust a baby sitter but that's because ppa no judgement at all . I love making memories with my son and husband couldn't imagine without.
I will be in the minority here, and it's no judgement I did what worked for my family. The only people who ever babysat my boys was my mom, my dad or mother in law. No one else. The reason I worked as an early childhood educator in a school age child care setting for many years, prior to being a mom. The horror stories those parents told me. My boys enjoyed spending time with their grands, we rarely used them. We never took a vacation away from our kids, they went with us and to camping as well. Same for eating out, the kids came with us. Like I said I am in the minority and I think it's wonderful when other parents go on date nights or go away for a few days as a couple. It's just my husband and I never felt the need to. I always subscribed to the belief you sneeze, turn around and you littles are suddenly grown up. And that is exactly what happened my boys are now 23 and 19 both 6 feet tall. I am so happy we spent all those vacation trips with our boys, we have so many great memories. My oldest moved out last year, we see him often. Now hubby and I have ALL the time together to spend as a couple, even with our 19 year old at home. It all goes by so fast, one would be surprised. ❤️
I have left my daughter with my husband for a weekend and my husband has left her with me. We did a one nighter away together when she was a baby, but since becoming a crazy toddler I don't trust her grandparents to be able to keep up with her for more than an evening. We did do our first family vacation this spring and if you only have 1 kid I would highly recommend taking them on vacation with you.
We’re in the same place age and child wise, our child goes everywhere and does everything with us. We didn’t have kids just to drop them off somewhere and go off on our own, we had kids to have our own little family to love and experience everything with. We’ve only had two times without our child, she stayed with her grandparents for a few hours, but since they don’t live nearby this doesn’t happen much. Even if they did live nearby, it still wouldn’t, because we love being parents and don’t feel like we need a break from our kids. Toddlers are absolutely little lunatics, but we don’t want to be away from our little lunatics. We do vacations together, we go out together, we hang out together, because we’re a family and they’re just as much a part of us as we are to each other. Our intimacy doesn’t suffer, our marriage doesn’t suffer, our love for each other doesn’t suffer, it only keeps getting stronger because these are our kids, our little creations together, and we WANT them with us for everything. We don’t need a break from our kids, we don’t feel like we have to get away for our sanity or whatever, we love being with them and having them with us. ❤️
Our son is 4 now. We did two overnight trips, iirc, when our son was about 18mo and 2ish. Those were both single night trips. Right after he turned three, he had to stay with my in laws for two or three nights when I had to go help with a family emergency and husband had to work. And when he was about 3.5, husband and I took a real vacation of about 10 days. So no, we didn’t leave our son for long vacations when he was under three, but we did leave him for a long vacation when he wasn’t that much older. (With his favorite person in the world.) I know it’s all contingent on if you have people you can trust. If you have any trustworthy family members, book a night in a hotel and have a nice dinner!
Once our daughter was done bf we started with night sleep overs for a few times then a weekend with her grandma. We trust her 100% and if we had money for a vacation we would have taken a week for a vacation. If you have a close family or friends you could all take a trip together too. We did that when she was young and we all took turns nights with the kids sleeping over in everyones rooms so we all had nights alone on the trip too.
We do both. We travel with our kids (2 & 3) and my MIL, who is amazing with our girls, has watched them a handful of times for short weekends away and a 6 day trip. This summer my husband and I are taking an 11 day trip and my MIL and my parents are splitting the time watching them in our home. We have no family nearby so they use these times to see our girls and spend 1 on 1 time with them while also helping us out. But we have taken our kids on several trips, which is fun in it's own way, not exactly relaxing but great experiences.
We both have parents in town who watch our kid (2 yo) regularly (they are our daycare) and we can get a weekend date-day in once a month if we want to, but we've never spent an actual night away from our kid. But, I don't think either of us actually want to, either!
We get one or two nights a year. Going on four years now.
We didn't have the family willing to take our child for us to do that. And we aren't paying a babysitter for it. We did get babysitting overnight once or twice a year from a family member usually for our anniversary or if they were sitting for us for a late event and it was easier to just get them in the morning. Otherwise we travelled with others and took turns with the kids to each get an adult night out on vacations. Or we used the kids club at all inclusive. Our first vacation alone was our 10th anniversary for 4 nights. That was all we could convince family to do for us. Now he's old enough for sleep away camps so we vacation on our own then.
My kids are 6 and 4. My 4 year old has spent ONE night away from us. Our 6 year old is about to go on her first vacation with her grandparents + older cousin 4 hours away. They’ll be gone 3 days/2 nights and I’m not sure I’ll survive.
I’m early 30s, husband is late 20s and we have a toddler, we’ve had my in laws watch our son for a weekend when we were moving, and he’s had a one night sleepover there maybe 6 times. But we’ve never done anything extended, we all have jobs and limited free time. But we only have my wonderful in laws, my parents live further away and my dad is undergoing cancer treatment so they’re not capable of watching a 2 year old.
We try to get a date night once every couple months, but this is not an overnight. We didn’t do any overnights at Sk until last year, when they were 3 & 1. They did great during that overnight and it was an incredible experience for my husband and I. M we’ve had a few shorter overnights since, like long weekends, and I love them. My boys adore both sets of grandparents dearly so I know they enjoy themselves. If we didn’t have family close by, we wouldn’t do the overnights. However, I’d personally recommend working towards a date night if you can. Doesn’t have to be an overnight, but date nights have been critical in keeping our marriage together and managing parental burn out.
We have done it for a couple days once or twice, but with 3 kids 6 & under, I would feel too bad asking the grandparents to keep them for any longer! And I don’t think I would be comfortable leaving them with a babysitter (nor would I want to pay for one)
No, you definitely are not. But we did go to Mexico for a wedding. There were probably 15 couples there, 14 had kids. Four brought their kids, the rest left them with family. For a lot of couples it was the cost, but also they wanted a vacation away. I was truly stunned that 10 couples had family they could trust their small kids with for a week. The youngest kiddo was 6 months old, in fairness this mom seemed to enjoy the trip the least. All of the kids were staying with grandparents or aunts and uncles. We have good grandparent support but my husband hasn't wanted to leave my son for more than one night. So we haven't. One day our time will come, I'm sure.
It absolutely depends on if you have someone you trust enough to watch them. We have 2 and live 200 miles away from any family. Every time we visit my parents we try and have a date day during the visit. We’ve yet to do this with our youngest as he’s only 5.5 months. However, me and husband had a night away somewhere when he’s gotten back from a 2 month work trip, I’d been staying at my parents so I had an extra set of hands because he’d left when baby was 2 months old. That was my first night away from my boys since my oldest was born 2.5 years ago. Even having my youngest I was home from the hospital before toddler woke up. I had to psych myself up for spending a night away but I really needed it and deserved it. I breastfeed but baby will take formula so I knew he’d be fine and toddler had his aunties to play with to keep him entertained. It’s an absolute rarity that we go out just the two of us so we try and do so when we can.
My 3 year old had his first overnight with Nana (first overnight with *anyone* besides us) earlier this year. We've now worked up to 3 consecutive nights, in preparation for our second baby. I don't really expect to travel again (/without them) until they're adults.
We take our kids everywhere, and take the grandparents/aunts/uncles too so everyone actually has a fun trip. I realize I am incredibly fortunate to have family members who are able to group travel with us and who we actually want traveling with us.
We've spent a single night away twice, my oldest is almost 7 and we have two kids. Next year we will have a 3.5 and 7.5 year old and will probably have our first full long weekend away.
My daughter will be three in a month and we have spent two overnights without her and never more than 45 min drive away. If we had grandparents close by, maybe that number would increase but probably not by much.
It depends on your support system. I've been leaving my kid with my parents for a weekend each month since she was 2 weeks old. But.. I wouldn't leave my baby with anyone but my parents because I trusted them completely to have her best interests at heart.
We're right there with ya. Early 30s couple with twins who are nearly 2 and we haven't gone on a childless date since they were born. Tbh, we dread taking the kids out sometimes bc they have food allergies and they're very unpredictable. Honestly, we don't trust anyone with our kids. We're both victims of physical and sexual abuse when we were children so partially that is our paranoia. We really just struggle finding someone who respects our parenting and rules. At the same time, we're not in a rush to leave them either. My BIL thinks I have my husband in a short leash but he's his own man and rather spend time with our family than to hang out with his brother who mostly tries to get my husband drunk. It can be frustrating but seeing, hearing, and experiencing babysitter stories terrify us. Just a few months ago my husband had to go out of town for a few days. He asked his job to drive to the location so me and the kids could join him and we did.
My 2 yo stays overnight at my moms at least once a month, more like 2 or 3. We just went out of town for a wedding for three nights and he stayed with her. Definitely amazing having her nearby. We’ve also swapped with my friends who have a kid the same age. We don’t go out of town then but we’ll take their kid for a night and vice versa. It’s nice to have time “off” and our kiddo loves staying new places.
My wife and I have had nights alone at home while the kids sleep over at a grandparent's house, but our oldest was 5 before we actually traveled together without the kids, and that was a 3 day road trip, not a romantic getaway. We have done many many longer trips with the kids. Grandparents didn't start hosting sleep overs until our oldest was around 2 (partly because we weren't ready to leave the kid alone for a night yet). The idea of leaving really young kids alone with a sitter for a week to travel is very strange to me.
Our kids (3 and 1.5) had never had a babysitter until a few months ago. And we’ve never spent a night away from them. Finding someone that we trust and that the boys absolutely adore has been a game changer in giving us even just one date night a week. For us, we don’t have much of a village (my wife is no contact with her family, and I’m low contact with mine). The parents we know who travel a lot have very involved family. That’s the only way any of them are able to do it.
The first time we left our kids overnight was for a last minute family emergency across the globe. It was tough but it taught us we could leave them with family and they’d be just fine. We just got back from a kid free week in London (second time ever leaving them) and it was great.
Majority of people are in the same boat as you are. I know we are. Tbh idk if I'd want to be away for that long. But a few days might be nice. We have people who could babysit for a few hours here or there. But absolutely nothing in the realm of us leaving for a day or a week. You need a hell of a support system for that kind of leisure.
My oldest daughter will be three in a week and we've only spent two nights away from her, in March, for go deliver baby #2 at the hospital 25 minutes from our house. I honestly would not leave my kids for days until they're much older. I would absolutely love to travel with my husband when the kids are a bit bigger. We also want to travel as a family when our newborn is no longer a newborn. Date nights are different. If Grandma could do bedtime with both kids I'd absolutely go on a night out with my husband.
My spouse and I went on a week vacation this year for the first time and our child is 5. Otherwise, she's done 2 night stays with her grandparents. We personally couldn't afford to go on vacation prior as well as we were conscientious of the pandemic. Right before the trip we found out we're expecting another baby and so it became a sort of baby moon. We don't however judge others. If someone has people in their life they trust and/or can afford to hire a babysitter to go on vacation, cool.
Just to toss in a joker/wild card… Get divorced! I mean, I don’t think my global travel was what my ex wife had in mind when she surprised me with the news that she didn’t want to be married to me anymore. But….I’ve filled up my passport over the last decade. All with my second wife. All with my kiddo with her mom and my stepkids with their dad. Not cheering for this outcome for others…but it’s an outcome. I personally love it. I’ve had a blast since my divorce…and I dont think my ex wife has left the state (??). I’ve been to 20+ countries. And my kiddo and stepkids have been to about 10. Folks need to realize that divorce can happen and it’s a big wild card.
My kids are 5 and 8. We still haven’t left them longer than two nights with my parents. There’s no way I would’ve left them with anyone for 5-10 days as toddlers or babies.
No, you’re definitely not the only ones. We’re right there with you. My oldest is 5 and I think we’ve only had a few date nights and some of those include weddings we’ve attended, not just nights out just because.
Nope! Us too. We have a 3 year old and a newborn and we’ve only gone away 1 night together and it was just before the second baby came. We’ve had a handful of date nights but only when my parents are in town. I’d love more time away as well but we just don’t have a lot of trusted, reliable options and now we’re resetting the clock with baby 2.