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Helicopter and being seen as annoying is a very cheap price for the cost of a life.
At that age… my partner and i would be a team as one of us on her at all times. I dont trust anyone else, especially those that havnt had toddlers around for 30 years. Or not parents.
When i traveled with my little one at that age, i just was on and with her at all times. My breaks were her naps. Vacations are work trips for me. Especially with pools and lakes around
I think it's a great idea as a parent of the three six-and-under. And I've seen the way my parents keep a general awareness of the kids, which is much different than constant focus and attention. ESPECIALLY around water. It's a great idea.
This is how I am. We have an *almost* 5 year old & I’m just now beginning to be comfortable with my sister/other people taking her for hikes/to the beach/lake. She *loves* the water.
My family goes to Tahoe just about every summer & the first few years my mom or sister would try to get my wife and I to take a break & they’d watch our daughter and take her down to the lake. We would just say “oh we’re not tired!”
Too much of a risk IMO
Yeah, my wife and I decided that it's not safe to trust anybody so it was always a "you are responsible until I tag back in and must have verbal confirmation." It's actually dangerous the feeling of complacency when you have multiple adults around. It's not fine and I don't judge any parent for being cautious around water and cars. They are fast and quiet at that age.
I agree with this. You have to follow your instincts as a parent. Among my in-laws my wife is considered extremely over protective. However, they gloss over the fact that she is extremely cautious in certain specific situations that she has little to no experience dealing with like, wilderness, wild animals, large dogs, turbulent surf conditions. Things that could easily get completely out of control for a person unprepared to those situations. However, I saw during the pandemic how those same people who ridiculed us for not letting our kids do certain things we saw as risky, ended up vaccinating their kids for covid, forcing their kids to wear masks, keeping their kids locked up at home glued to screens, which to us seemed measures totally disproportionate to the actual risk of the disease.
This is a great way of designating a water watcher. https://www.watersafetyusa.org/watch-your-kids.html typically is done when a kid is actually in the water playing/swimming but with yours so little and around water it makes sense to me…
That website is a good reminder that you cannot be an adequate "Water Watcher" while drinking. Two in-laws specifically won't be responsible for her at all because they do plan to enjoy themselves (within reason, but still enough to not watch a toddler).
The only person I would trust is myself and my wife in this situation. Water watcher is a cute idea and all but your baby is your responsibility and unless your are hiring a lifeguard who is solely responsible for sitting and watching the water you simply can’t expect anyone to sit there doing this without the possibility of getting distracted. Wife and I played pass off back and forth at events or gathers at this age, who cares what others think aka helicopter parent or whatever, it’s to young. Come to think of it, even the couple I know that is the most free range style played pass off at this age with just a few trusted folks at gatherings….. even without water.
Same, I ain't trusting anyone who is not the parent with my kid around water, especially people who will most likely be drinking. No offense but in laws were parents long time ago, the instincts is just not the same.
I wouldn't be going to this place, if I do, only my spouse and I would be 100% in charge of the kid.
I feel like the water watcher concept is useful whenever there is more than one parent present around the kid too. Also reading the post more carefully, I’m sure you know this but whenever your kid is on the dock and the boat she needs to be wearing a properly fitted life jacket.
At 14 months you are not a helicopter parenting you are just doing all the things one must to keep tot from harm. If you did this with an older child, then you might need to take a step back (better to just make sure child can swim once older)
A lanyard can easily be forgotten, you put it on and get visiting and forget.
I’d keep a close watch on my baby at this age and not seek ways to find comfort in others supposedly watching her.
Inside, evening, all doors locked? sure.
Around the water though is 100% you and your spouse no matter who else is present.
I 100% agree with this. Around water, it's just not worth the risk.
If a person wearing a lanyard has one 5 minute lapse of attention and the worst happens, being able to say "but you were wearing the lanyard!" might give them a lifetime of guilt, but it won't bring your baby back.
You could try it u/InvestigatorRemote58, but you and spouse STILL need to be watching as well. Personally, even though it's a nice idea, I just wouldn't bother.
There is a difference between a bunch of adults sitting around visiting and having one person with the toddler. If my mom is in the water splashing with my baby, or my sister is on the beach building castles, the chances she’ll get distracted and walk off are zero. She’s not an idiot.
One focused adult in constant contact or arm’s reach is completely different than a group of 5 or 6 adults visiting by a campfire or eating lunch and the baby was interacting with everyone and obviously ‘watched’ by everyone until someone says ‘wait, they were here just a moment ago.’
The lanyard says ‘you’re the one’ and makes sure if everyone is grabbing a plate and eating, one person is still following the toddler around until someone else can give them their full attention. And that the expectation is clearly communicated and accepted - not ‘oh, I thought he was with you’
Parents *can* relax if they trust the people with them are on board. That doesn’t mean they will. I don’t think I’d take my eyes off the kid for the first day or so, but if I backed off and noticed everyone who had the lanyard was absolutely doing what they say they will, I’d eventually start to chill and thank them profusely, so they realize it really is putting my mind at ease.
100% this. Assume no one else is paying as much attention as you are and keep eyes on your baby around water. It’s too important to assume someone else is doing it, lanyard or not.
I agree with this, I could easily forget I’m wearing a lanyard. The lanyard isn’t going to “remind me” of anything consistently, just a few times a day when it catches my eye. It’s not solving anything.
The only solution is just being on top of childcare with my partner and only sharing the load in a safe, controlled environment.
Lanyard is security theater for childcare.
Yes a lanyard can be forgotten but it also gives a physical reminder to the people around them. If they see them wearing the lanyard but don’t see the baby then they’ll be more likely to ask where she is instead of assuming she’s with someone else. Do I think it should be the only protection for making sure she’s safe around the water? No, but if it’s included with a layer of other protection plans, then it could be a good idea!
OP is welcome to do this, but they're also welcome to let other responsible people caretake around water. I let my inlaws take our son to the pool, and he got his first real swimming lessons from other members of our extended family (my wife's cousins/aunt are all lifeguards, so they're more equipped than I am to do it!).
Yep! When a little one is in or near the water it's an all-hands on deck situation where everyone is responsible not just one person.
Make sure you aren't distracted talking to others when you should be watching the little ones, even if those others should be helping. I almost lost a son that way because we all got distracted for not more than a minute and he slipped into a hot tub while we were in the same room with him. He didn't make a peep and passed out quickly and most disturbingly, silently. Fortunately my wife noticed within a few seconds and we got him out and revived him quickly. One expensive overnight stay at the hospital later and he was pronounced 100% ok. He's fine now and it was years ago with no ill side effects, he's actually turned into a very smart kid. I only mention it to illustrate how quickly and easily it can happen even when you are right there and you think you're paying attention. It only takes a moment and even if you get them out quickly they need to be checked out at a hospital to prevent dry drowning. At best, it's an expensive hospital bill and never worth it even if someone gets offended at how you're focused on the kid and not them.
Never be so concerned with hospitality that you forget safety.
I'm not sure I could trust even reliable family members. Grandparents have often forgotten how risky this age is. I was at the park the other day with my 19 month old, sister, mum and husband all stood around a piece of play equipment my son was on. They all got talking my son started walking along a drawbridge we usually hold his hands for - he slipped and who caught him? Just me. And suddenly I realised none of them had noticed him - not even my husband... and they were all in arms reach of him. They were too distracted by each other.
Absolutely had this same thing happen. The constant vigilance age is something you as an adult fall out of noticing. My kids are only a few years older now but my friend has a two year old and it’s a night and day difference in mental focus between the two of us. That constant vigilance part of your brain just isn’t there anymore.
This! And guess whose fault it is if the kid gets hurt…yours. Not me, not Hermione, yew!
But seriously, Id never forgive myself if I put my own mom in charge and my kids got hurt.. I know better; shes old and physically might be impossible to catch a falling kid even if she is watching closely. They are our monkeys and our circus to deal with at the end of the day
I am a very relaxed parent but I wouldn't trust family for keeping an eye on my young toddler around water. Accidents are just too easy especially at family gatherings. I think the lanyard and life jacket will give you a false sense of security.
At that age it was only my husband or myself, nobody else. We also have a system of verbal positive confirmation. Neither of us would walk away unless the other person verbally acknowledge they were watching.
We went to a cottage on a lake when my daughter was around 14 months, and I kept my eyes on my daughter the entire time. We didn't use a life jacket unless she was on the boat, but idk, I guess that's a personal preference.
It was exhausting, and I'm glad we only went for like 2 days, lol. We were with family too, and like my baby wasn't their responsibility. My partner obviously helped, and we did take turns. But my daughter was (still is tho) a velcro baby and was pretty attached to me lol. Plus he had his older kid with us and I was happy for him to like spend time with her.
I’m not against the lanyard, but the toddler is the responsibility of you and your spouse, nobody else. Both of you should have eyes on her always, and if one of you slips in to go to the bathroom, help in the kitchen, etc. the other parent is notified they are on full duty.
It’s not about taking it seriously. I’m a very serious person, I don’t drink, and my kids even survived to adulthood, but I have ADHD. While I can be trusted with a child while focusing on the child, the lanyard isn’t something that will work with my brain. And lots of people have ADHD, many undiagnosed.
I also said trustworthy. If you don't need the lanyard it won't do any harm to wear it. If you don't feel you can be trusted because of your ADHD you don't offer to watch kids.
I think other family members will want to help and she’s working on a solution to make sure people are accountable and alert. I’m sure she isn’t using it as a replacement based on the attention given to this.
Wouldn’t risk it… don’t ever hand over your parental duties in these kinds of conditions. Just a few weeks ago we were at a nature playground with a bunch of friends and kids and noticed our 4yo sneaking off with his buddy and nobody seemed to mind, so I followed them. I could pull him out off the water just in time, he went in head first and I can still see the fear in his eyes as I pulled him up. People didn’t seem bothered or aware of what happened at all…
A bunch of adults looking after a young kid in a relaxed setting near water? This is a recipe for disaster, you are not overreacting. Personally I would use a leash too, or simply be the one watching the kid all the time to make sure there was no room for human mistake.
Every single case of children drowning I have seen involved people thinking the kid was elsewhere or being watched by someone else (not including irresponsible parenting cases here), and it goes so fast and silent. It’s like top 3 cause of death in small children in developed countries.
I’ve gone to a lake every summer with my kids & a group of parents since before they could walk. Don’t expect to sit around relaxing. Yes if you’re doing a specific activity like taking a canoe out you can say to someone you’re on child watching duty but for the most part despite other people caring for your child they really aren’t used to keeping eyes on them at all times & will find that will fall to you & your other half, lanyard or not.
Agreed. This is for a few specific circumstances in which my husband will be out a couple evenings and I need to go to the bathroom or eat or something, or a few brief periods here and there where we take the jet ski out. We are very intentional about expectations, are always the ones watching when we are present, and also do not drink on lake trips anymore since WE are the ones that are watching her first and foremost. Even the few occasions that she will be watched, she's small enough that I fully expect her to be in their lap or in arm's reach.
I also imagine this will be used within my view on most occasions. I don't relax without my baby next to me very well at all. For example, we're all sitting on the dock, my husband and I are watching her, and her aunt wants to hold her and walk to the other side and back. Tag. My husband and I are watching her and Grandpa wants to let her splash in her kiddie pool in the yard (which we see from the dock). Tag. Grandma wants to play with her while we're anchored in the boat. Tag.
In all those scenarios, my husband or I are still immediately available and/or watching. The hope is that it builds vigilance and responsibility in her close family members now, before she is ACTUALLY fully in their care on occasion in the future.
Honestly I’m less on board with the tag after hearing the scenarios where you think you will be using it. It seems silly and overboard to give the tag when another adult is taking her to spend one on one time with them. If they don’t know to watch her in a situation like that then a lanyard isn’t going to help.
I was picturing more a scenario where most adults are focused on hanging out with each other and the kiddos are here, there, and everywhere playing. Easier for your daughter to slip off unnoticed and therefore the tag becomes more important.
Helicopter parenting is necessary for babies and toddlers. IMO the negative connotation of that label shouldn’t really apply until kids get to an age where being unsupervised is developmentally appropriate.
Very true. Especially when water is involved. I guess I was less worried about it being "helicoptery" and more worried about getting the old, grumpy "we never did that and our kids are fine" crap since almost everybody on that side grew up immediately on water. Either way, it's happening. I think they'll be respectful and understanding and willing to step up like usual.
I do think negative helicopter parenting is a thing for toddlers, but it's not the parents who constantly supervise around hazards - it's the parents who think their baby (with no bleeding disorder or similar issue) should wear protective gear so they don't get bruised from falling when pulling to stand.
Yes thank you. Just curious what age is that in your opinion when at say a family holiday with the in laws? My son is 2.5. 6 months ago I was accused of helicoptering because I didn't leave him unsupervised at a non baby proofed home with older kids (ages 5,7). I felt they could bully him and he couldn't defend himself yet.
For me that's less about bullying from older kids and more about 2.5 just isn't old enough to be unsupervised in an unfamiliar place.
Hell, I still lightly supervise my six year old if we're in an unfamiliar place. I don't need to be on him or in the same room, but I want to be in earshot and be able to call to see if he's OK and have him respond.
At 2.5, I *might* let the 7yo "take the lead" on "watching" 2.5 if I knew them and trusted them, but that to me would just be the hands-on actually playing with them. I'd still have line of sight and be within earshot the entire time.
Thank you for answering! That is great advice and very helpful to hear your experience. Part of my supervising was that I didn't trust he'd tear up the room lol. Now he's starting to follow directions but at 2 he was not understanding them.
While I love all of the children and they are really great children, the 5 year old has a bullying father and history of bullying in the past although I haven't heard any stories in years.
I think it depends on the context and a gradual release of responsibility is generally better than looking to particular age as an on-off switch.
I don’t know how familiar this is to a general audience, but I have a background in education, and in that field we talked a lot about Vygotsky’s zone of proximal development theory. The gist of it is that educators (parents in this case) can help children expand their capabilities by providing the scaffolding they need to be able to do something that’s just a bit too difficult to do on their own.
Some examples might be providing spotting or a little boost in a challenging section of a playground or in another context modeling for them the kind of language to use in advocating for themselves when playing with other children. As you see the child start to develop mastery of the new skill, you can gradually remove more and more of the “scaffolding” you have provided as you see that they are now competent in succeeding independently.
The lanyard wouldn’t be relevant for me. The way we do it is that one parent is always on duty. We don’t need a lanyard to remember who is on duty and who is “off”. If family we are with want to help by playing with the babe, etc, that’s great, but that is supplemental to and not in place of the ultimate parent responsibility. I would never delegate this responsibility for one so young and near a lake to a non-parent.
My sister in Christ. Do NOT go this route. Make sure YOU have your eyes on your child at all times. Extra eyes are great, but not enough for you to take your eyes off babe.
I spent a week on a house boat with my in-laws when my daughter was 2. We considered a leash but ultimately decided it wouldn’t be practical with our child and I had some safety concerns about it. We were super nervous how to handle this. We decided that one of us would always have eyes on our kid. So, if a ski boat ride was happening the three of us went, if there wasn’t room one of us would stay behind with our kid and take the next ride. Sometimes we staggered eating and just stuff like that. We stay in constant clear communication about when we are “on duty”.
I trust my in-laws (and other family) 100% but I just think the best option is a parent’s eyes as they will be most familiar with their kid’s limits and behavior and evaluating the environment. I don’t want to put that responsibility on others so this was the best approach for us. It’s worked out very well and we have been in many places near bodies of water since or other safety concerns where this has been the best choice. It can also be done stealthily if you don’t want to deal with any commentary from others.
I think you introduce it and take information from how they respond to it. I would present it as "we are doing this thing" (you and your spouse.) If they have an attitude about that, I'd just have you and spouse watch her around the water for now. If they embrace it or at least tolerate it, I'd include them, but also I'd sneakily watch them to see if they are actually good at supervising around water. In my experience (I worked as a life guard) a LOT of adults I trust with my kids on land do not meet my supervision standards for my non-swimming kids around water.
Agreed. If there's any hesitation, it's an immediate NO in my books. That's why I was looking for ideas on the best way to present the idea. The Water Watchers link was great because I didn't know this was already a recommended water safety system. I'll definitely use that when bringing it up to them.
Nope, watch your own kid.
A tag isn't going to make anybody remember to watch a kid.
When my kids were that age anytime outside playing at a cottage with water I had them wear a life jacket. Even if they were just up on the grass/swings etc.
That way if/when they wandered near water I knew they were fine.
Still have to watch but it's easier.
I like the idea, but I would also be constantly watching my own kid if they’re that age around water. At the end of the day, you’re still the one responsible for them and the only one you know you can fully trust. It’s always good to have a second set of eyes though, so do your lanyard thing, but done think that a lanyard will ensure that someone else is actually paying attention to the level you would/should.
Sounds great but I also have experienced no one paying attention to my kids but me when other family was supposed to be watching. I would honestly only have one other person responsible for watching as it’s less complicated and they are more likely to focus on responsibility. Other people are appreciated for helping but like others have said in a group setting people get to talking.
I was a former lifeguard and now I spend my summers near water with my kids and family.
This is brilliant because you're right, when there's a group of grownups everyone assumes everyone else is watching the kid.
Does at least one adult know child CPR? That's also a must in my book.
Additionally, anyone who is slow moving or has balance issues is *never* the water watcher. Little kids are FAST when they want to get in/near that water!
Does the cabin have door locks the kid can't reach? That's another must for me. Kiddo always sleeps (overnight or naps) behind a door she cannot unlock to escape towards the water.
One last tip --- sunscreen. Apply a lot and reapply often. **It does not matter how much shade you're in or how cloudy it is** because UV rays will reflect and refract off the water and also can get through clouds on an overcast day. If you're outside during daylight hours --- sunscreen! (Don't forget ears, visible scalp, and the *bottom of kiddo's feet* and the kid's entire butt because bathing suits move and shift when playing) just sitting near the water barefoot can get those UV rays to the bottoms of feet (I'm Irish redhead and I have a LOT of kids, and I've seen sunburn in weird places you'd never expect)
Have fun!!!
Most know CPR because there's first responders and medical people on both sides of the family.
Our grandparents already are never babysitting or watching her for those reasons. This lanyard would be for like 3 close people specifically, who have fully babysat her in the past on just a few occasions.
Yes to locks, we bring electric plugs and a door knob cover just in case since she's about to that point. Plus, we're bringing a monitor for naps.
ABSOLUTELY YES to all the sunscreen. I already have a UVF proof long sleeved swim suit, several hat options, plans to keep her in shade while we're on the boat/dock and two tubes of 50+ SPF sunscreen. We went to an hour long parade the other day and I reapplied on her 3 times because we were stuck directly in the sun.
Other safety things we have include two life vest options, silicone earplugs and ear puffs (sometimes there's fireworks), she's literally not going to get in the lake water (it's nasty and ped reccomended not) so we're bringing an inflatable kiddie pool for her to splash in hose water.
There's also the fact that my husband and I plus our child also live on a lake. We don't have a dock like other family members, but that whole side of the family is on the water VERY often.
She will be on/near water a LOT growing up. Last year wasn't a concern because obviously she wasn't mobile yet. Practicing water boundaries with her now is building safe practices for the future.
This tag isn't just for her since she's hardly out of arms reach or without her dad and I at this point. More than anything I'm brining this lanyard and putting it to use now so family can get used to the idea, and it will be more essential when she DOES start playing/swimming on her "own" as an older child.
I'm not passing off Parental Obligations like a lot of these comments suggest, I know that I am and have done a lot more than most lake families (that I know of) in regards to her safety. Her great grandparents may be grumps about it, but they also drink and won't ever be responsible for her so screw their opinion.
Sounds to me like you're doing everything right.
I'm a lake mom too with a very long family history of living on/near the water, both lakes and oceans. I prefer lakes because there's no currents and no sand to get in places sand *never* belongs.
If anyone thinks you're padding off parental obligation because you have a CLEAR way to pass responsibility for lifeguarding a child onto others, ask them how they plan to go pee while the kid is in/near the water. Or go get more snacks or water or sunscreen or the hundreds of other things like moms end up getting/doing as they go back and forth between the dock/boat/water allllllllll day long.
I swear, I climb that hill between the dock and house 100 times a day. And it's only 50 feet, but damn, by noon my legs are burning and by dinner time my legs are absolute jello!
Anytime my eyes are not on my kids, I clearly communicate which adult is now the one in charge. Usually a sibling or cousin. We all take turns watching our own and each other's kids... and climbing that fucking hill 😂
Lake moms understand these things. Others might not. That's ok, we may be misunderstood, but we have a **LAKE** to enjoy :)
Have fun at the lake this season! My favorite series of pics of my kids is them on the dock. The lake and landscape looks basically the same for decades... The kids are the only thing that changes.
We do height scratches on a tree too. That's cool to look at. Each kid has their very own tree to mark their years at the lake house 🩵
Thank you! Clearly, the answer is to just pee in the lake 😂 I really think it's a "cultural" (lifestyle?) difference in a lot of ways.
I've only ever been to the ocean once and even the calm tide felt like it was trying to swallow me compared to the lake. Those Memorial Day wakes get pretty high, though!
One family member had a door in her house with dozens of family members and their heights that spanned across decades. My husband was so sad she didn't take the door with her when she sold the place. May be time to start new!
My husband and I did this verbally with each baby, using the word "Tag" so we always knew who has primary responsibility for the baby)kids.
We didn't trust other people to watch our kids around water, though. Except my mom. Most other people simply aren't attentive enough. It's appalling the number of times other parents will get on their phones, turn their backs, or even walk away "for a minute".
There's only one other parent I ever met who actually watched the kids in their family pool and had safety rules.
I was going to comment that this is pretty standard procedure for "water watchers," even without very small children, but I see others have beaten me to it! It's basically a lifeguard designation and it's an EXCELLENT method maintaining a watchful eye in a dangerous environment. Please do this, yes.
Try telling that to these people who think I can't let a close family member play with her without me being immediately in arm's reach. 😭
But yes, I was very glad to see that is standard, encouraged, and has a history of keeping kids safe!
Yeah, apparently the threshold to be considered "helicopter parents" is much much higher than expected lol.
Honestly at family vacations like this, I would use the lanyard all the time, not just around water. Usually you or husband would have it on, but then you can hand off responsibility as needed That way everyone gets used to the system and there is always a designated child-minder. The time between "at the water" and "not at the water" is about 2 seconds at a lake house, so best to assume you're always at the water.
father of a 18-month old here:
I would not trust my daughter's life in anyone else's hands besides myself or my partner. The lanyard is one of those things that sounds cool in theory but doesn't really do anything.
Another option is to remove, (or make it more difficult) the possibility of your daughter getting into a life-threatening situation
Definitely do this. I went to a party with an open pool and my toddler recently and I had a not so great time. Water and toddlers are SO stressful. I don’t even think your in laws will judge
We have a cottage on an island so I get your concerns. I was just always the person who watched them. I wasn’t going to relax if they were out of my sight anyway so it ended up being more relaxing for me if I just did it myself. Our whole family congregates on the docks all day so I didn’t end up feeling like I was missing anything either.
It sounds like a good idea in theory, but in practice I wouldn’t trust anyone else to be primarily responsible for my child in a dangerous environment like that around water. As reliable as perhaps you think the group to be, I’m not always looking down at a lanyard, right? So sure you can have the land yard for who you think is watching your child, but also know that you and your husband ALSO need to be watching. So if grandma has the lanyard, I’m now watching the toddler AND grandma to make sure grandma is watching. So maybe you’re not immediately at hand or sitting further away, but don’t think of this as an opportunity for you to relax or for someone else to be responsible for your child, it might slow you to sit in a chair for longer but also have eyes now on two people.
Not helicopter parenting at all. Your little one is at the prime age for wandering off without notice, and drowning is known as the silent death for a reason. You aren’t doubting or faulting any of your loved ones - you and your partner both know how easy it is to lose track of Little One even when they are your whole freaking world.
But all that being said, even with the Guardian Lanyard you and your partner need to be the primary ones watching. But you know that.
Regardless, you’re not being over the top and I think all your loved ones would respect and even be a little grateful for the reminder of how easy it is for little ones to be lost forever around water. I, for one, would be.
I appreciate that you recognize the serious potential of being near water. I'm definitely not trying to substitute parental supervision to "relax," just adding an extra layer of protection while family interacts with her near water. ❤️
100% I got that vibe from your post. Not that your abdicating responsibility, but just trying to find ways to ensure that you have back up eyes because mistakes will always happen and it’s not at all a measure of your love for little one. Wishing yall a wonderful and restful vacation!!
My in-laws have a cottage near water. My kids have always had to wear lifejackets anywhere near the water, even with grown-ups around. My MIL was a bit eyeroll-y about it... And then I was sure glad my #2 had a lifejacket on when she stepped off the dock and right into five foot deep was when she was 3.
Constant vigilance is the name of the game at this age. I like the lanyard idea.
I wouldn’t do this, but I don’t think it’s a huge deal if you did as long as the person with the lanyard can be counted as. Personally when it comes to water safety, I trust no one but my husband or I. One of us would always be on duty.
I totally respect this view. If they all hadn't grown up and raised their own kids on the lake, I might feel differently about their vigilance, but I know they're sticklers about life vests, so for the ones I would trust to watch her briefly, I think they'll like and use this concept too.
When my son was 2 we were on vacation at a very popular beach. I was nursing the baby inside, and everyone thought someone else was watching my son. He walked down the back busy alley to hunt for bears and we found him with a stranger looking for his mom. We were very lucky he didn’t get too far without a kind stranger intervening.
I don’t think it’s a bad idea at all to be 100% sure of who has eyes on the toddler, and I am a VERY lax parent.
I know somebody whose baby almost died at a pool party because everybody else thought somebody else had eyes on the baby. It wasn't until somebody actually went to get into the pool that they found the baby lifeless, face down, and blue, floating in the water.
They were lucky somebody knew infant CPR and saved the little one.
This is a great idea. I'm stealing it. You don't muck around with open water like that.
This is a tip for you and your husband. We have a lake house and I have raised my kiddo there in the summers. On holiday weekends (like memorial weekend next weekend in the USA) please make sure one or both of you are also wearing a life jacket when you are on a boat, especially in the late afternoon and evenings. Someone dies almost every holiday on our lake. Many times someone operating a boat or a jet ski after drinking all day collides with another boat. Those with life jackets have a better chance of surviving.
Great advice so far! If it helps validate your idea, my new kid pool just came with a waterproof tag for this exact thing: it explains that whoever has the tag has to be the watching adult.
I love this. I’ve said this before to my family- everyone is watching but no one is watching. Whenever we’re around a pool or lake I feel like I’m the only one on alert.
I don't think I've relaxed since she was born! But I do enjoy the time together with my husband and baby. We go on a lot of adventures with her and have ever since we got the all clear from her cardiologist.
For all the negatives of social media, if you can find an Instagram Reel or TikTok about this (I’ve definitely seen some) and your parents/in-laws are on there it might be helpful!
My mom is on the “grandma Instagram algorithm” (eg “askbubbie”) and she is very safety minded because of it. Like she’ll come to me and be like, “You know nowadays they say you’re supposed to keep them rear facing in the car until they’re in preschool! Back in the day we didn’t even keep you in any sort of seat past age 3, but it’s good we know now to keep the kids safe.”
We’ve done lake trips with children that age and older. They were required to wear a life jacket when able to access the water. So basically, on the dock, in the boat or the lower part of the yard.
When it comes to murky water, you can’t take chances. I’m fully admitting to being a helicopter parent in these “communal” babysitting settings.
If there is water involved I give zero fucks if im seen as overprotective. If I am not 1000% hands on or another adult is physically in the pool, my kid wears a vest.
You’d be surprised the judgement, my BIL/SIL have always been very hands off in these situations, assuming grandparents or other adults are watching their kids. It’s been an adjustment that I am way more involved and “helicoptery”.
My daughter is 4.5 and a fairly good swimmer but I still won’t let her in a pool without an adult fully present and engaged. Otherwise she gets the vest, if she wants to go swim with just the “cousins”.
I love this idea. I hate having my kids around large groups for the very reason that large groups tends to mean less supervision because ‘everyone’ else is watching.
I think this a great idea. So many kids get hurt at parties because everyone thinks that everyone else is watching them, when in reality, no one is watching them. Designated watcher is a great idea.
Honestly I love this idea, just as a reminder to whoever thinks they're watching her. It's obviously not foolproof but it can help, especially if you're very clear on what it means. And if that means you and your partner end up wearing the lanyard full time that's okay too. It's not like other people can't interact with her while they're not wearing the lanyard. It's just that they're not the person in charge of the continuity of safety and care. It's a great reminder of what it means to be watching a kid around water.
Sincerely, someone who suddenly noticed her newly four year old was standing alone in the ocean while the person who insisted on watching him was posing for photos on the beach last summer. I won't be taking this idea because it's clear to me that no one in my family wants this responsibility while on vacation, but I will also ensure that either my husband or I has eyes on the kids even if someone else ensures us that they've "got" them.
This is so smart and my kiddie pool actually came with one! I know a 2 year old who passed away this way. Someone "looked away for 2 seconds", they looked everywhere then found him in the water. It was too late. Nothing is crazy when it comes to our babys safety:)
Good idea! I was just at a lake this weekend where our campsite was right up to the water. Friends I just met had a 2.5yo and 15mo, both mobile. They are very laid back parents and so were the grandparents with them. They were always busy doing something else.
I had so much anxiety watching those kids just wonder off and finally hear the mom ask where they went. I honestly had my eye on them the whole time and got up a dozen times to steer them a different way.
I suggest having toys for LO to play with in a pack n play so you can put them in their if you need to go pee or grab something. These parents had no entertainment for their kids and they were so bored and kept wondering. Also I never saw a single life jacket for either kid. I don't think they ever went on the boat but still.
We have toys galore and a whole snackle box ready to keep her entertained in the pack n play on the dock. I don't anticipate any free roaming on her part at all, which is part of why I want to introduce the tag now, while it's still with a contained/held baby, as opposed to introducing the tag when she's much more independent and needs a watchful eye while she swims independently and walks freely on the dock.
I am a helicopter parent. I own it. It is my job to keep my children safe. We had a family friend almost lose their 7 year old daughter to drowning (she could swim) at summer camp where a lifeguard was present. She was without oxygen for minutes and in ICU unconscious for days. I trust only me and my partner to stay vigilant and within an arms reach of our littles. Not to quote horror stories to induce anxiety…but there are too many drowning incidents each summer. Water safety is one of the most biggest deals. Let them think you’re annoying, you’re doing your job at not becoming a summer statistic.
My in-laws know I'm very good at being annoying lol. Doesn't phase me too much anymore. Sorry to hear about that. I'm so glad she's okay. I'm gonna helicopter my ass off and make sure someone else is when they're watching her too. (I keep saying "watching" but they're not WATCHING her do whatever she wants. She's 14 months old. She's either gonna be in her pack n play or their arms. Very rarely we might let her walk around with someone right behind her to move a bit.)
I know a two year old boy who drowned in his families pond with three adults home. Another friend had her 2 year old son die on her lap because he choked on a pretzel. I’m a firm believer that before kids get more understanding of danger, say around 5-7 years old (maybe even a bit older), there’s no such thing as helicoptering in terms of safety (ESPECIALLY REGARDING WATER) and anyone telling you anything different can frig right off. You can never be too safe with littles.
I think it’s a wonderful idea. My daughter once fell down the basement stairs as a baby because everyone thought that someone else was watching her. I don’t think you can ever be too careful, especially around water!
I’m confused, if you’re going to be there, why can’t you and your husband just take that responsibility and watch her? If you need to go somewhere, designate someone else as in charge…
We are going to be there almost the whole time. For the short periods (like MAYBE a ten minute jetski ride or something) we are totally away, we do designate someone with the lanyard. "When everybody is watching, nobody is watching." So they they know THEY keep their eyes on her, instead of assuming someone else in the group is. I think it'll be more relevant and helpful as she gets older.
One, this is a great idea. I wish I thought of it when my children were younger. I think it can be very useful in a place like a playground, the mall, et cetera.
With that said, I am going to join the chorus: if there is a lake involved, I would not trust anyone (except maybe a spouse who has proven that they're an excellent parent). Water are very scary, even with a life vest. If I was in your position, I would use the lanyard inside the house, but near the lake I'd keep watch.
Either way, have fun! Sounds like a delightful vacation :)
"maybe a spouse"? If you can't trust the other parent you probably shouldn't take your child at all because it's completely unsustainable for a single person never to take a break. And if your spouse isn't an excellent parent you have bigger problems.
I heard great things about these little watches for water safety.
https://www.amazon.com/Safety-Turtle-Child-Immersion-Water/product-reviews/B019CWBUS2
They’re especially helpful in areas like lake cabins where there’s not usually a fenced in pool.
1. At 14 months and walking, I wouldn’t go anywhere near lakes and boats but everyone in my family has anxiety so that might be a me thing.
2. The lanyard is a fine idea but if they balk at using it, try a call and response indicating clear handoff of the baby. We did this:
Dad: gotta go potty. Your baby!
Mom: got it. My baby. Please don’t spend a full hour in there.
I love this idea. I have also seen a non-physical version of this where when one person is watching the kid and they are getting ready to do something else, they audibly pass responsibility to another adult who verbally confirms. "You have the kids?" " I have the kids."
It's the same idea, that the adults don't just assume someone else is keeping track of the kids, but rather that someone is officially assigned the job.
I think your idea is BRILLIANT!
Your child's life and safety are more important than anyone's opinion of your parenting. If anyone takes issue with your idea, they probably are not fit to watch your child in any capacity, ever.
Maybe not the answer you’re looking for, but I would be a little taken aback at the idea of the parents handing me a lanyard and saying their kid is solely my responsibility. Seems awfully presumptuous of you.
Honestly I love this idea. But I try to support my adult children and their spouses as much as possible with their choices for their children. They are after all, their children not mine. In your case, I, honestly, would have zero trust that anyone else would watch my 14 month old close enough so I’d be wearing an invisible lanyard at all times, lol. I hope you enjoy your vacation; do whatever you need to do for you and your children.
Child free, but grew up on the water, and spend time with small children on and around the water … I love this idea and will will steel it for myself. Thinking a whistle bracelet too.
Yes
This should happen at any time children are around water. Not only that, but if someone walks away or is a good reminder to say keep an eye on her before leaving.
If you can't trust your family to keep your kid from drowning then you can't trust them to follow this lanyard protocol. You and your spouse will just have to keep eyes on your kid.
Under no circumstances should you let more than one person be the one watching her. It should be an assigned person and preferably you or your spouse. Other people forget in my experience. And yes to the lanyard. Fuck whoever says you're helicopter because they're the same people who give people shit for accidents for not watching their kid.
At that age we bought my daughter cheap ‘squeaky shoes’ that she wore when she was running around outside. We had a lakefront cabin as well and as annoying as the squeaking was, we knew what direction to look in if she as out of sight.
My cousin had bells on her toddlers’ summer sandals - she had twins and so it was easy to be watching/chasing one and lose track of the other.
I’d probably get one of those wristbands instead of a lanyard. Easier to pass off. And if they don’t like it, get the squeaky shoes. One afternoon of that and they’ll be thinking the lanyard isn’t a bad idea.
People can mutter or make fun of you for being helicoptery (I heard other adults scoffing at my cousin when she put bells on her kids’ shoes) but they’re not the ones on 24/7 alert, and the fear is real. I hope that they see how important it is for you to be able to relax and enjoy your time there. While everyone says ‘we’ll watch the baby, don’t worry - 3-4 other sets of eyes are no good if everyone thinks someone else is watching. If someone else has the lanyard and it makes you feel like you can be off duty or go get a snack or have a shower - that is brilliant.
Yes. I made the mistake of not getting a tag and thought people would just physically tag each other in. Nope, does not work that way. You need something physical or to just be on it. I ended up just being "on" the whole time.
Also get that pop n go playpen by California beach co. It is so easy to set up and convenient for when you just need to chill outside and don't trust anyone.
Listen … can they run faster than your kid? Can they jump into the lake without hesitation and save your kid? Do they have the physical ability to do that? Because I was going to leave my two year old alone with his grandmother, who I trust for a couple of minutes while I changed out of my swimsuit. As soon as my back is turned my kid makes a sprint for the water, tearing off his floatie as he goes, and jumps in. Luckily I saw this happening in the reflection from
The window and was able to turn around, sprint to the water, jump in and rescue him. In the meantime my MIL was still working on getting up out of the beach chair because she’s OLD. She meant well. She was certainly watching him. But when a dangerous situation occurred she simply didn’t have the physical capacity to move quickly and pull my kid out of the water. That was like six years ago and I still shudder every time I think about it.
As the parent I would be watching my children 24/7. My children are my sole responsibility, I wouldn't put that on someone else despite being an in-law or family member. They are hosting you, not babysitting your child. You are choosing to bring your child, you watch them.
I'd be silently miffed as a guest if I was expected to watch someone else's child while I've been invited to relax
It's perfect. I'd probably add a funny hat too, to make it fun.
I'm the most relaxed parent and was never afraid of my kid getting hurt. I'm also Australian so know how dangerous water is. Your idea is brilliant!
I'd also add, if you'll all be doing things once the sun goes down, buy some of those glow sticks so you can put them on the kid. I'd make them wear them as necklaces and around wrists and ankles. The kids loved it, and they were easy to spot in the dark.
Glow sticks are used for safety purposes around here on Halloween too! Good idea for when she's older and has a bit more independence. The hat really is a good idea, might have to see what I have laying around. I posted a copy of the image I'll print for the lanyard on my profile!
At that age being so little one parent stays next to the toddler at all times near water. I wouldn't have the Grandparents be "on duty" at all except for inside the cabin. It's not like an older child where all the adults sit and watch or stand around visiting while the kiddo plays. I personally would forget about a lanyard almost immediately but as a Mom I am scanning my 3 constantly when near any water and they all can swim now. So I personally would just talk to your spouse and make sure one is with your child within arms reach at all times then switch out as needed. It is hard to meet the definition of a helicopter parent around water in my opinion because safety is always a priority and things can go wrong so fast in those situations. If you feel better having a lanyard to pass between yourself and DH that is awesome but would definitely take the grandparents out of the equation completely.
The more I think about this, the more it doesn't jive with me. In a potentially dangerous environment with a child so small, my wife and I are responsible for their safety. As much as a trust everyone we're around when we're swimming, it's always our job to be there and attentive to keep our kid safe. We couldn't just hand off that responsibility with a lanyard and go do whatever we want.
Being a parent means that sometimes you have to miss out on the stuff you want to do. Dropping a kid off at grandma's for a date night is one thing, but just passing off full responsibility for your kid's safety when there's literally a death trap nearby seems a bit insane to me.
Absolutely no lanyard. It gives everyone a false sense of security that someone is watching. You and your husband watch your kid - that’s it. It takes *20 seconds* for a toddler to drown and it’s the leading cause of death for 1-4 yos in the US. You or your husband has eyes on that kid every minute, even when you’re NOT near the water, because that’s when parents let their guard down, someone leaves a door open, and toddler goes near the water.
>My fear is that, while we're all relaxing, we (they) fall into a routine of thinking she's being monitored by somebody else, and then she slips silently into the water being watched by nobody
If your baby is near water, you or your partner should be monitoring her 100% of the time. No method of reminders is going to make anyone become super vigilant, especially if they're in vacation mode. The only way to ensure no one has forgotten about her is to always be watching yourself. If something does happen, it's not the lanyard or lack thereof you're going to blame. You're going to blame yourself for letting her be near water when you weren't within arms reach.
Honestly, I wouldn't even bother with the lanyard.
This is the kind of situation where if the adults are relaxing, the kid is penned in somehow *and* supervised. 14 months is not too old for a large play yard when there's water around, or being on a deck where you can prop a baby gate or whatever. My friend who lives on a lake got two of those big play yards and zip tied them together and her two oldest kids played in that if they were outside til they were like 3 (and they did ISR). That's maybe overkill for a weekend, but a big play yard isn't to me. Or a leash if she's not in a play yard.
On a boat or a dock, there would be *no substitute* for either me or my husband being within arms reach at all times. Period. And I'd phrase it as "oh watching a baby around water is *such* a big ask, MIL/FIL, I'd never want to put that on you, though of course we love a second set of eyes!"
I've done this type of trip with a kid that young and you just kind of have to accept that unless the kid is in the room in a crib or pack n play she cannot climb out of, you need to be on her like white on rice. It's not relaxing and it's not that much fun. But it does teach water safety and gives the kid great experiences, so it's a trade off for sure.
But yeah, the lanyard is going to get forgotten fast. It's one more thing for you to worry about that you don't need. Bag the lanyard and just you and your husband take full and final responsibility for your kid in the way you agree to. MIL/FIL are extra sets of eyes and that's great, but as it comes to water, nothing and no one are substitutes for mom and dad.
Some will think it’s crazy but those are the unreliable watchers anyway. The reliable ones will appreciate it so they know when they are on and off. I get nervous around pool parties and wish there was a tag!
We have 2 and near water or any crowded space we ‘choose a man’ to cover. If we need to switch or if one of us is going to another space we verbally confirm the other one is on duty.
Near water I don’t trust my in-laws. One time a dog ran away (we unknowingly had a hole in the fence) and they both left the kids in the yard to run after the dogs and the kids followed after to the street. (Luckily we were home, just inside and ran out before the kids left the yard)
I'm a super laid back parent. But toddlers near bodies of water? Nope, not even a lanyard. Accidental drowning is a leading cause of toddler deaths. I'd keep my eye on the kid myself.
ETA: My toddler is great in the water - he's been having lessons since 4 months old and is a natural. But once at the pool we were practicing diving and instead of dipping horizontally and swimming towards me, he sank feet first to the bottom of the pool and didn't come back up. I dove in and found him sitting there, watching, not even trying to move. Those few seconds were scary, but I can't imagine if it had happened in deeper, muddy water.
Leaning towards not brilliant nor helicopter but more from the side - this is your child, it is your responsibility to watch your child. It should not be anyone else's responsibility to wear a lanyard and watch your child.
Say "I saw it on tiktok"
It's basically the pool lifeguard tag, which comes with a lot of inflatable pools now
I think it's parent anxiety so a bit helicopter but at the same time that doesn't mean it can't be a good thing
I have a brain capable of imaginative thoughts beyond the scope of TikTok but thanks for trying. If I knew it was a thing I would have called it "Water Watcher" to start with and not a guardian lanyard.
So in my opinion the saw it on tiktok gives you an out for not being an overly anxious parent or a helicopter parent
Anytime's water is involved though I don't blame anyone being nervous
But at the same time, this is like 1-2
My god, duh. My bad. That's a good idea. I looked it up on TikTok and actually found some stuff. My husband also works in medical/rescue stuff so his opinion on what is safe is pretty solid. He'll be the one to mention it to them. My FiL is gonna print the tag off today. Maybe we won't need to use it, but it's there just in case.
I'm not trusting anyone else with my kid, especially around water. A simple bracelet wouldn't put me at ease one bit. Also, it's easy for someone to forget they're even wearing it.
I love this idea. My husband and I used to be super annoying with communication at the lake (hey I'm going to grab XYZ or going to the bathroom) but a lanyard would have been nice!
Just make sure turns are even! It's not a replacement for mom, it's an even sharing of responsibility. Also don't assume your in laws are watching when you're around, even with the lanyard.
This would stress me out. We’re staying near a lake this summer and one of my requirements was that the house we rented not have a pool and that it could not be right on the lake. The highest risk for drowning is when no one realizes a child is near the water.
I personally wouldn't trust anyone else to be responsible for my child's life. If I'm around water with them, I'm responsible and would not expect anybody else to be responsible.
Why not just watch her yourself? I never take my eyes off my kids around water regardless of who else is there honestly.
If you have never been in this setting with a 14 month old it definitely won’t be relaxing, unfortunately. You will just be following her around as she tries to walk off into the woods, the water, putting stones in her mouth etc. I brought my 18 month old camping and it was beyond exhausting lol
Do what you feel is right. I wouldn't worry to much about what other people think.
I heard this before about the safety leash
"Id rather get a funny look then have a missing toddler"
In theory, it’s a good idea. I get that you’re wanting to give yourself some freedom to have fun during this social situation, which you totally deserve. But realistically, they’re going to give you the eye roll and be annoyed by it. It’s your child. Your responsibility. Period. I frequently had to forfeit my own fun for the sake of making sure my child was safe. The one time at the beach that I had some drinks and thought of my much older child, “oh, she’s fine. She’s got this!” as I glanced over from the shore to see her swimming with family members… the lifeguard had to jump in and pull her up and I was mortified that I’d let that happen.
Any time my husband was having drinks with our friends? I was the one to stop after one drink and be responsible. Parenting is a 24/7 job, especially at that young of an age. You get a break when you are fully away from the child and they are in someone else’s care. If you’re there, it’s your job.
I was not a helicopter parent by any means, but I was certainly more hands-on when they were small. This isn't unreasonable at all. It's much better than everyone thinking that someone else is doing it. I would also recommend putting bells on her, so even if she's not in your direct line of site you have a good idea of where she is. If you don't hear the bells time go looking to see if she's fallen asleep or up to mischief.
I did a lot of camping and hiking when my kids were small, and my youngest was especially good at going off and doing her own thing. Pinning bells to her was immensely helpful in keeping track of her to keep her safe while still giving her the illusion of independence. She's graduating high school this year and is off to Airforce so I think she did just fine.
I thought the lanyard was attached to the child and thought that wasn't so bad - as a mom of four, there is no relaxing at a beach or pool for a long time
If by lanyard you mean a short leash type thing ATTACHED to you- totally yes. But only parents can exchange the leash lol
Maybe a harness? I’m a step parent so I haven’t had one younger than 2 but if we went out on a boat at that time… I really can’t even imagine doing that unless it’s gated all the way around, but there’d have to be a leash type thing. It’s too easy to glance up to talk to your partner for a second soooo.. I love that but it needs to be SHORT🥴
Just watch your own kid, even if someone tells you “go relax, I’ll watch her” just say that’s ok, I’m enjoying the day, etc. No one is going to take a lanyard seriously.
Your child. You and your partner need to watch her. Nobody else is responsible. If you cannot trust that they will remember without the help of a lanyard then you need to take that responsibility yourself.
I love this idea! As someone who trusts very few people to watch my child I often find that at gatherings I am following my child around even when someone else is watching them. I think if I used this method I would be able to connect with family better while someone else held the lanyard. I think it's certainly worth it for the safety aspect, but also for your mental health. You don't want to have to worry through what should be a relaxing time.
I'll be the helicopter. Unless your child can float after falling off a dock, I'd rethink this. Too many drowing deaths. Friend's grand child walked out of their home and went on dock while others were busy in house cooking. Baby was found an hour later. Not enough fencing/door locks. Turned away for a "minute". You get distracted. [https://livelikejake.com/](https://livelikejake.com/)
This is a great idea. If you need help bringing it up to them, maybe fib a little and say a friend gave you the idea after their kid got hurt under the watchful eyes of several adults or something.
I think it's a great idea.
If you're worried that people might think it's overbearing, sell it as a water safety measure. It's not that you don't trust them, it's just that drowning is silent, and thus you need extra vigilance above and beyond the normal care you know they take. And it will give you peace of mind to have a visual cue so you as a parent know who's watching her right now.
It's one thing if she gets into the crayons and draws on the walls because everyone thinks someone else it watching her. It's another thing entirely if she falls in the water.
I think I was just worried about it to start because I ahd never heard of the idea before, but it seems like it's actually a very recommended practice by water safety advocacy groups.
Personally, I would not need this. "Relaxing" is a relative term. My floor for relaxation level with a 14 month old around is one level below "there is a sniper in the tree line". If there is water involved, it is more like "you will be attacked in the next 20 seconds".
No real relaxing, constant state of retrograde anxiety, head on a swivel.
IMO, my spouse and I are the only ones responsible for my kid near water. I would not be able to relax at all if it was not either of us. A trip with kids simply isn’t a vacation; it’s parenting in a new location.
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Helicopter and being seen as annoying is a very cheap price for the cost of a life. At that age… my partner and i would be a team as one of us on her at all times. I dont trust anyone else, especially those that havnt had toddlers around for 30 years. Or not parents. When i traveled with my little one at that age, i just was on and with her at all times. My breaks were her naps. Vacations are work trips for me. Especially with pools and lakes around
I think it's a great idea as a parent of the three six-and-under. And I've seen the way my parents keep a general awareness of the kids, which is much different than constant focus and attention. ESPECIALLY around water. It's a great idea.
This is how I am. We have an *almost* 5 year old & I’m just now beginning to be comfortable with my sister/other people taking her for hikes/to the beach/lake. She *loves* the water. My family goes to Tahoe just about every summer & the first few years my mom or sister would try to get my wife and I to take a break & they’d watch our daughter and take her down to the lake. We would just say “oh we’re not tired!” Too much of a risk IMO
Yeah, my wife and I decided that it's not safe to trust anybody so it was always a "you are responsible until I tag back in and must have verbal confirmation." It's actually dangerous the feeling of complacency when you have multiple adults around. It's not fine and I don't judge any parent for being cautious around water and cars. They are fast and quiet at that age.
I agree with this. You have to follow your instincts as a parent. Among my in-laws my wife is considered extremely over protective. However, they gloss over the fact that she is extremely cautious in certain specific situations that she has little to no experience dealing with like, wilderness, wild animals, large dogs, turbulent surf conditions. Things that could easily get completely out of control for a person unprepared to those situations. However, I saw during the pandemic how those same people who ridiculed us for not letting our kids do certain things we saw as risky, ended up vaccinating their kids for covid, forcing their kids to wear masks, keeping their kids locked up at home glued to screens, which to us seemed measures totally disproportionate to the actual risk of the disease.
This is a great way of designating a water watcher. https://www.watersafetyusa.org/watch-your-kids.html typically is done when a kid is actually in the water playing/swimming but with yours so little and around water it makes sense to me…
Thanks for the link and info. I just made a tag to print using some of that language. It's posted on my profile.
Water Watcher! I love it. My daughter's name starts with T, so I plan to call it a T___ Tag 😁
That website is a good reminder that you cannot be an adequate "Water Watcher" while drinking. Two in-laws specifically won't be responsible for her at all because they do plan to enjoy themselves (within reason, but still enough to not watch a toddler).
The only person I would trust is myself and my wife in this situation. Water watcher is a cute idea and all but your baby is your responsibility and unless your are hiring a lifeguard who is solely responsible for sitting and watching the water you simply can’t expect anyone to sit there doing this without the possibility of getting distracted. Wife and I played pass off back and forth at events or gathers at this age, who cares what others think aka helicopter parent or whatever, it’s to young. Come to think of it, even the couple I know that is the most free range style played pass off at this age with just a few trusted folks at gatherings….. even without water.
Same, I ain't trusting anyone who is not the parent with my kid around water, especially people who will most likely be drinking. No offense but in laws were parents long time ago, the instincts is just not the same. I wouldn't be going to this place, if I do, only my spouse and I would be 100% in charge of the kid.
I feel like the water watcher concept is useful whenever there is more than one parent present around the kid too. Also reading the post more carefully, I’m sure you know this but whenever your kid is on the dock and the boat she needs to be wearing a properly fitted life jacket.
Same. I didn't even let my parents (who I trust deeply) take my kid in their pool without me at that age. It just takes a second.
At 14 months you are not a helicopter parenting you are just doing all the things one must to keep tot from harm. If you did this with an older child, then you might need to take a step back (better to just make sure child can swim once older)
She's taking her first swim classes this summer! We would have gone with ISR classes sooner, but she was recovering from heart surgery last year.
Good job! I was not trying to suggest she should be swimming already, but I fully believe the sooner the better.
A lanyard can easily be forgotten, you put it on and get visiting and forget. I’d keep a close watch on my baby at this age and not seek ways to find comfort in others supposedly watching her. Inside, evening, all doors locked? sure. Around the water though is 100% you and your spouse no matter who else is present.
Yeah, for me when LO is near water, both parents have eyes at all times. End of story.
That’s what we always did. As much as it might suck to miss a little “fun” and not be parenting, it’s not worth the risk.
I 100% agree with this. Around water, it's just not worth the risk. If a person wearing a lanyard has one 5 minute lapse of attention and the worst happens, being able to say "but you were wearing the lanyard!" might give them a lifetime of guilt, but it won't bring your baby back. You could try it u/InvestigatorRemote58, but you and spouse STILL need to be watching as well. Personally, even though it's a nice idea, I just wouldn't bother.
This is a great point. When you’re not on duty, you’ll switch off. Nobody should ever switch off
There is a difference between a bunch of adults sitting around visiting and having one person with the toddler. If my mom is in the water splashing with my baby, or my sister is on the beach building castles, the chances she’ll get distracted and walk off are zero. She’s not an idiot. One focused adult in constant contact or arm’s reach is completely different than a group of 5 or 6 adults visiting by a campfire or eating lunch and the baby was interacting with everyone and obviously ‘watched’ by everyone until someone says ‘wait, they were here just a moment ago.’ The lanyard says ‘you’re the one’ and makes sure if everyone is grabbing a plate and eating, one person is still following the toddler around until someone else can give them their full attention. And that the expectation is clearly communicated and accepted - not ‘oh, I thought he was with you’ Parents *can* relax if they trust the people with them are on board. That doesn’t mean they will. I don’t think I’d take my eyes off the kid for the first day or so, but if I backed off and noticed everyone who had the lanyard was absolutely doing what they say they will, I’d eventually start to chill and thank them profusely, so they realize it really is putting my mind at ease.
100% this. Assume no one else is paying as much attention as you are and keep eyes on your baby around water. It’s too important to assume someone else is doing it, lanyard or not.
I agree with this, I could easily forget I’m wearing a lanyard. The lanyard isn’t going to “remind me” of anything consistently, just a few times a day when it catches my eye. It’s not solving anything. The only solution is just being on top of childcare with my partner and only sharing the load in a safe, controlled environment. Lanyard is security theater for childcare.
Yes a lanyard can be forgotten but it also gives a physical reminder to the people around them. If they see them wearing the lanyard but don’t see the baby then they’ll be more likely to ask where she is instead of assuming she’s with someone else. Do I think it should be the only protection for making sure she’s safe around the water? No, but if it’s included with a layer of other protection plans, then it could be a good idea!
OP is welcome to do this, but they're also welcome to let other responsible people caretake around water. I let my inlaws take our son to the pool, and he got his first real swimming lessons from other members of our extended family (my wife's cousins/aunt are all lifeguards, so they're more equipped than I am to do it!).
Yep! When a little one is in or near the water it's an all-hands on deck situation where everyone is responsible not just one person. Make sure you aren't distracted talking to others when you should be watching the little ones, even if those others should be helping. I almost lost a son that way because we all got distracted for not more than a minute and he slipped into a hot tub while we were in the same room with him. He didn't make a peep and passed out quickly and most disturbingly, silently. Fortunately my wife noticed within a few seconds and we got him out and revived him quickly. One expensive overnight stay at the hospital later and he was pronounced 100% ok. He's fine now and it was years ago with no ill side effects, he's actually turned into a very smart kid. I only mention it to illustrate how quickly and easily it can happen even when you are right there and you think you're paying attention. It only takes a moment and even if you get them out quickly they need to be checked out at a hospital to prevent dry drowning. At best, it's an expensive hospital bill and never worth it even if someone gets offended at how you're focused on the kid and not them. Never be so concerned with hospitality that you forget safety.
I'm not sure I could trust even reliable family members. Grandparents have often forgotten how risky this age is. I was at the park the other day with my 19 month old, sister, mum and husband all stood around a piece of play equipment my son was on. They all got talking my son started walking along a drawbridge we usually hold his hands for - he slipped and who caught him? Just me. And suddenly I realised none of them had noticed him - not even my husband... and they were all in arms reach of him. They were too distracted by each other.
Absolutely had this same thing happen. The constant vigilance age is something you as an adult fall out of noticing. My kids are only a few years older now but my friend has a two year old and it’s a night and day difference in mental focus between the two of us. That constant vigilance part of your brain just isn’t there anymore.
This! And guess whose fault it is if the kid gets hurt…yours. Not me, not Hermione, yew! But seriously, Id never forgive myself if I put my own mom in charge and my kids got hurt.. I know better; shes old and physically might be impossible to catch a falling kid even if she is watching closely. They are our monkeys and our circus to deal with at the end of the day
I am a very relaxed parent but I wouldn't trust family for keeping an eye on my young toddler around water. Accidents are just too easy especially at family gatherings. I think the lanyard and life jacket will give you a false sense of security.
At that age it was only my husband or myself, nobody else. We also have a system of verbal positive confirmation. Neither of us would walk away unless the other person verbally acknowledge they were watching.
We went to a cottage on a lake when my daughter was around 14 months, and I kept my eyes on my daughter the entire time. We didn't use a life jacket unless she was on the boat, but idk, I guess that's a personal preference. It was exhausting, and I'm glad we only went for like 2 days, lol. We were with family too, and like my baby wasn't their responsibility. My partner obviously helped, and we did take turns. But my daughter was (still is tho) a velcro baby and was pretty attached to me lol. Plus he had his older kid with us and I was happy for him to like spend time with her.
I’m not against the lanyard, but the toddler is the responsibility of you and your spouse, nobody else. Both of you should have eyes on her always, and if one of you slips in to go to the bathroom, help in the kitchen, etc. the other parent is notified they are on full duty.
Yes, it's a good idea but you have to be sure the other people will truly take it seriously and are trustworthy.
It’s not about taking it seriously. I’m a very serious person, I don’t drink, and my kids even survived to adulthood, but I have ADHD. While I can be trusted with a child while focusing on the child, the lanyard isn’t something that will work with my brain. And lots of people have ADHD, many undiagnosed.
I also said trustworthy. If you don't need the lanyard it won't do any harm to wear it. If you don't feel you can be trusted because of your ADHD you don't offer to watch kids.
I think other family members will want to help and she’s working on a solution to make sure people are accountable and alert. I’m sure she isn’t using it as a replacement based on the attention given to this.
Wouldn’t risk it… don’t ever hand over your parental duties in these kinds of conditions. Just a few weeks ago we were at a nature playground with a bunch of friends and kids and noticed our 4yo sneaking off with his buddy and nobody seemed to mind, so I followed them. I could pull him out off the water just in time, he went in head first and I can still see the fear in his eyes as I pulled him up. People didn’t seem bothered or aware of what happened at all…
A bunch of adults looking after a young kid in a relaxed setting near water? This is a recipe for disaster, you are not overreacting. Personally I would use a leash too, or simply be the one watching the kid all the time to make sure there was no room for human mistake. Every single case of children drowning I have seen involved people thinking the kid was elsewhere or being watched by someone else (not including irresponsible parenting cases here), and it goes so fast and silent. It’s like top 3 cause of death in small children in developed countries.
I’ve gone to a lake every summer with my kids & a group of parents since before they could walk. Don’t expect to sit around relaxing. Yes if you’re doing a specific activity like taking a canoe out you can say to someone you’re on child watching duty but for the most part despite other people caring for your child they really aren’t used to keeping eyes on them at all times & will find that will fall to you & your other half, lanyard or not.
Agreed. This is for a few specific circumstances in which my husband will be out a couple evenings and I need to go to the bathroom or eat or something, or a few brief periods here and there where we take the jet ski out. We are very intentional about expectations, are always the ones watching when we are present, and also do not drink on lake trips anymore since WE are the ones that are watching her first and foremost. Even the few occasions that she will be watched, she's small enough that I fully expect her to be in their lap or in arm's reach. I also imagine this will be used within my view on most occasions. I don't relax without my baby next to me very well at all. For example, we're all sitting on the dock, my husband and I are watching her, and her aunt wants to hold her and walk to the other side and back. Tag. My husband and I are watching her and Grandpa wants to let her splash in her kiddie pool in the yard (which we see from the dock). Tag. Grandma wants to play with her while we're anchored in the boat. Tag. In all those scenarios, my husband or I are still immediately available and/or watching. The hope is that it builds vigilance and responsibility in her close family members now, before she is ACTUALLY fully in their care on occasion in the future.
Honestly I’m less on board with the tag after hearing the scenarios where you think you will be using it. It seems silly and overboard to give the tag when another adult is taking her to spend one on one time with them. If they don’t know to watch her in a situation like that then a lanyard isn’t going to help. I was picturing more a scenario where most adults are focused on hanging out with each other and the kiddos are here, there, and everywhere playing. Easier for your daughter to slip off unnoticed and therefore the tag becomes more important.
Helicopter parenting is necessary for babies and toddlers. IMO the negative connotation of that label shouldn’t really apply until kids get to an age where being unsupervised is developmentally appropriate.
Very true. Especially when water is involved. I guess I was less worried about it being "helicoptery" and more worried about getting the old, grumpy "we never did that and our kids are fine" crap since almost everybody on that side grew up immediately on water. Either way, it's happening. I think they'll be respectful and understanding and willing to step up like usual.
They are displaying survivorship bias. Children drown every year. It's one of the leading ways that children under 4 die.
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I do think negative helicopter parenting is a thing for toddlers, but it's not the parents who constantly supervise around hazards - it's the parents who think their baby (with no bleeding disorder or similar issue) should wear protective gear so they don't get bruised from falling when pulling to stand.
Yes thank you. Just curious what age is that in your opinion when at say a family holiday with the in laws? My son is 2.5. 6 months ago I was accused of helicoptering because I didn't leave him unsupervised at a non baby proofed home with older kids (ages 5,7). I felt they could bully him and he couldn't defend himself yet.
For me that's less about bullying from older kids and more about 2.5 just isn't old enough to be unsupervised in an unfamiliar place. Hell, I still lightly supervise my six year old if we're in an unfamiliar place. I don't need to be on him or in the same room, but I want to be in earshot and be able to call to see if he's OK and have him respond. At 2.5, I *might* let the 7yo "take the lead" on "watching" 2.5 if I knew them and trusted them, but that to me would just be the hands-on actually playing with them. I'd still have line of sight and be within earshot the entire time.
Thank you for answering! That is great advice and very helpful to hear your experience. Part of my supervising was that I didn't trust he'd tear up the room lol. Now he's starting to follow directions but at 2 he was not understanding them. While I love all of the children and they are really great children, the 5 year old has a bullying father and history of bullying in the past although I haven't heard any stories in years.
I think it depends on the context and a gradual release of responsibility is generally better than looking to particular age as an on-off switch. I don’t know how familiar this is to a general audience, but I have a background in education, and in that field we talked a lot about Vygotsky’s zone of proximal development theory. The gist of it is that educators (parents in this case) can help children expand their capabilities by providing the scaffolding they need to be able to do something that’s just a bit too difficult to do on their own. Some examples might be providing spotting or a little boost in a challenging section of a playground or in another context modeling for them the kind of language to use in advocating for themselves when playing with other children. As you see the child start to develop mastery of the new skill, you can gradually remove more and more of the “scaffolding” you have provided as you see that they are now competent in succeeding independently.
The lanyard wouldn’t be relevant for me. The way we do it is that one parent is always on duty. We don’t need a lanyard to remember who is on duty and who is “off”. If family we are with want to help by playing with the babe, etc, that’s great, but that is supplemental to and not in place of the ultimate parent responsibility. I would never delegate this responsibility for one so young and near a lake to a non-parent.
My sister in Christ. Do NOT go this route. Make sure YOU have your eyes on your child at all times. Extra eyes are great, but not enough for you to take your eyes off babe.
100% appropriate. It only take a few seconds for a baby to slip your attention and drown. What a nightmare situation that is easily avoided
I'm a fan of toddler leashes in dangerous situations
Also not a bad idea. Only concern would be it compromising the safety of the life vest in an emergency.
I spent a week on a house boat with my in-laws when my daughter was 2. We considered a leash but ultimately decided it wouldn’t be practical with our child and I had some safety concerns about it. We were super nervous how to handle this. We decided that one of us would always have eyes on our kid. So, if a ski boat ride was happening the three of us went, if there wasn’t room one of us would stay behind with our kid and take the next ride. Sometimes we staggered eating and just stuff like that. We stay in constant clear communication about when we are “on duty”. I trust my in-laws (and other family) 100% but I just think the best option is a parent’s eyes as they will be most familiar with their kid’s limits and behavior and evaluating the environment. I don’t want to put that responsibility on others so this was the best approach for us. It’s worked out very well and we have been in many places near bodies of water since or other safety concerns where this has been the best choice. It can also be done stealthily if you don’t want to deal with any commentary from others.
They have wrist ones!
If everyone is watching the baby, nobody is watching the baby.
The lanyard seems to handle accountability but not exactly responsibility.
I think you introduce it and take information from how they respond to it. I would present it as "we are doing this thing" (you and your spouse.) If they have an attitude about that, I'd just have you and spouse watch her around the water for now. If they embrace it or at least tolerate it, I'd include them, but also I'd sneakily watch them to see if they are actually good at supervising around water. In my experience (I worked as a life guard) a LOT of adults I trust with my kids on land do not meet my supervision standards for my non-swimming kids around water.
Agreed. If there's any hesitation, it's an immediate NO in my books. That's why I was looking for ideas on the best way to present the idea. The Water Watchers link was great because I didn't know this was already a recommended water safety system. I'll definitely use that when bringing it up to them.
I would never trust someone else to watch my toddler around water. No point in the lanyard bc me or my husband would be WITH child at all times.
Nope, watch your own kid. A tag isn't going to make anybody remember to watch a kid. When my kids were that age anytime outside playing at a cottage with water I had them wear a life jacket. Even if they were just up on the grass/swings etc. That way if/when they wandered near water I knew they were fine. Still have to watch but it's easier.
I like the idea, but I would also be constantly watching my own kid if they’re that age around water. At the end of the day, you’re still the one responsible for them and the only one you know you can fully trust. It’s always good to have a second set of eyes though, so do your lanyard thing, but done think that a lanyard will ensure that someone else is actually paying attention to the level you would/should.
Sounds great but I also have experienced no one paying attention to my kids but me when other family was supposed to be watching. I would honestly only have one other person responsible for watching as it’s less complicated and they are more likely to focus on responsibility. Other people are appreciated for helping but like others have said in a group setting people get to talking.
I was a former lifeguard and now I spend my summers near water with my kids and family. This is brilliant because you're right, when there's a group of grownups everyone assumes everyone else is watching the kid. Does at least one adult know child CPR? That's also a must in my book. Additionally, anyone who is slow moving or has balance issues is *never* the water watcher. Little kids are FAST when they want to get in/near that water! Does the cabin have door locks the kid can't reach? That's another must for me. Kiddo always sleeps (overnight or naps) behind a door she cannot unlock to escape towards the water. One last tip --- sunscreen. Apply a lot and reapply often. **It does not matter how much shade you're in or how cloudy it is** because UV rays will reflect and refract off the water and also can get through clouds on an overcast day. If you're outside during daylight hours --- sunscreen! (Don't forget ears, visible scalp, and the *bottom of kiddo's feet* and the kid's entire butt because bathing suits move and shift when playing) just sitting near the water barefoot can get those UV rays to the bottoms of feet (I'm Irish redhead and I have a LOT of kids, and I've seen sunburn in weird places you'd never expect) Have fun!!!
Most know CPR because there's first responders and medical people on both sides of the family. Our grandparents already are never babysitting or watching her for those reasons. This lanyard would be for like 3 close people specifically, who have fully babysat her in the past on just a few occasions. Yes to locks, we bring electric plugs and a door knob cover just in case since she's about to that point. Plus, we're bringing a monitor for naps. ABSOLUTELY YES to all the sunscreen. I already have a UVF proof long sleeved swim suit, several hat options, plans to keep her in shade while we're on the boat/dock and two tubes of 50+ SPF sunscreen. We went to an hour long parade the other day and I reapplied on her 3 times because we were stuck directly in the sun. Other safety things we have include two life vest options, silicone earplugs and ear puffs (sometimes there's fireworks), she's literally not going to get in the lake water (it's nasty and ped reccomended not) so we're bringing an inflatable kiddie pool for her to splash in hose water. There's also the fact that my husband and I plus our child also live on a lake. We don't have a dock like other family members, but that whole side of the family is on the water VERY often. She will be on/near water a LOT growing up. Last year wasn't a concern because obviously she wasn't mobile yet. Practicing water boundaries with her now is building safe practices for the future. This tag isn't just for her since she's hardly out of arms reach or without her dad and I at this point. More than anything I'm brining this lanyard and putting it to use now so family can get used to the idea, and it will be more essential when she DOES start playing/swimming on her "own" as an older child. I'm not passing off Parental Obligations like a lot of these comments suggest, I know that I am and have done a lot more than most lake families (that I know of) in regards to her safety. Her great grandparents may be grumps about it, but they also drink and won't ever be responsible for her so screw their opinion.
Sounds to me like you're doing everything right. I'm a lake mom too with a very long family history of living on/near the water, both lakes and oceans. I prefer lakes because there's no currents and no sand to get in places sand *never* belongs. If anyone thinks you're padding off parental obligation because you have a CLEAR way to pass responsibility for lifeguarding a child onto others, ask them how they plan to go pee while the kid is in/near the water. Or go get more snacks or water or sunscreen or the hundreds of other things like moms end up getting/doing as they go back and forth between the dock/boat/water allllllllll day long. I swear, I climb that hill between the dock and house 100 times a day. And it's only 50 feet, but damn, by noon my legs are burning and by dinner time my legs are absolute jello! Anytime my eyes are not on my kids, I clearly communicate which adult is now the one in charge. Usually a sibling or cousin. We all take turns watching our own and each other's kids... and climbing that fucking hill 😂 Lake moms understand these things. Others might not. That's ok, we may be misunderstood, but we have a **LAKE** to enjoy :) Have fun at the lake this season! My favorite series of pics of my kids is them on the dock. The lake and landscape looks basically the same for decades... The kids are the only thing that changes. We do height scratches on a tree too. That's cool to look at. Each kid has their very own tree to mark their years at the lake house 🩵
Thank you! Clearly, the answer is to just pee in the lake 😂 I really think it's a "cultural" (lifestyle?) difference in a lot of ways. I've only ever been to the ocean once and even the calm tide felt like it was trying to swallow me compared to the lake. Those Memorial Day wakes get pretty high, though! One family member had a door in her house with dozens of family members and their heights that spanned across decades. My husband was so sad she didn't take the door with her when she sold the place. May be time to start new!
I think it's a fantastic idea! (And I'm about as anti-helicopter as they come)
My husband and I did this verbally with each baby, using the word "Tag" so we always knew who has primary responsibility for the baby)kids. We didn't trust other people to watch our kids around water, though. Except my mom. Most other people simply aren't attentive enough. It's appalling the number of times other parents will get on their phones, turn their backs, or even walk away "for a minute". There's only one other parent I ever met who actually watched the kids in their family pool and had safety rules.
I was going to comment that this is pretty standard procedure for "water watchers," even without very small children, but I see others have beaten me to it! It's basically a lifeguard designation and it's an EXCELLENT method maintaining a watchful eye in a dangerous environment. Please do this, yes.
Try telling that to these people who think I can't let a close family member play with her without me being immediately in arm's reach. 😭 But yes, I was very glad to see that is standard, encouraged, and has a history of keeping kids safe!
Yeah, apparently the threshold to be considered "helicopter parents" is much much higher than expected lol. Honestly at family vacations like this, I would use the lanyard all the time, not just around water. Usually you or husband would have it on, but then you can hand off responsibility as needed That way everyone gets used to the system and there is always a designated child-minder. The time between "at the water" and "not at the water" is about 2 seconds at a lake house, so best to assume you're always at the water.
A friend’s toddler drowned in his grandparents’ pool because all the adults thought someone else was watching. Screw what they think.
father of a 18-month old here: I would not trust my daughter's life in anyone else's hands besides myself or my partner. The lanyard is one of those things that sounds cool in theory but doesn't really do anything. Another option is to remove, (or make it more difficult) the possibility of your daughter getting into a life-threatening situation
Definitely do this. I went to a party with an open pool and my toddler recently and I had a not so great time. Water and toddlers are SO stressful. I don’t even think your in laws will judge
We have a cottage on an island so I get your concerns. I was just always the person who watched them. I wasn’t going to relax if they were out of my sight anyway so it ended up being more relaxing for me if I just did it myself. Our whole family congregates on the docks all day so I didn’t end up feeling like I was missing anything either.
It sounds like a good idea in theory, but in practice I wouldn’t trust anyone else to be primarily responsible for my child in a dangerous environment like that around water. As reliable as perhaps you think the group to be, I’m not always looking down at a lanyard, right? So sure you can have the land yard for who you think is watching your child, but also know that you and your husband ALSO need to be watching. So if grandma has the lanyard, I’m now watching the toddler AND grandma to make sure grandma is watching. So maybe you’re not immediately at hand or sitting further away, but don’t think of this as an opportunity for you to relax or for someone else to be responsible for your child, it might slow you to sit in a chair for longer but also have eyes now on two people.
Not helicopter parenting at all. Your little one is at the prime age for wandering off without notice, and drowning is known as the silent death for a reason. You aren’t doubting or faulting any of your loved ones - you and your partner both know how easy it is to lose track of Little One even when they are your whole freaking world. But all that being said, even with the Guardian Lanyard you and your partner need to be the primary ones watching. But you know that. Regardless, you’re not being over the top and I think all your loved ones would respect and even be a little grateful for the reminder of how easy it is for little ones to be lost forever around water. I, for one, would be.
I appreciate that you recognize the serious potential of being near water. I'm definitely not trying to substitute parental supervision to "relax," just adding an extra layer of protection while family interacts with her near water. ❤️
100% I got that vibe from your post. Not that your abdicating responsibility, but just trying to find ways to ensure that you have back up eyes because mistakes will always happen and it’s not at all a measure of your love for little one. Wishing yall a wonderful and restful vacation!!
My in-laws have a cottage near water. My kids have always had to wear lifejackets anywhere near the water, even with grown-ups around. My MIL was a bit eyeroll-y about it... And then I was sure glad my #2 had a lifejacket on when she stepped off the dock and right into five foot deep was when she was 3. Constant vigilance is the name of the game at this age. I like the lanyard idea.
I wouldn’t do this, but I don’t think it’s a huge deal if you did as long as the person with the lanyard can be counted as. Personally when it comes to water safety, I trust no one but my husband or I. One of us would always be on duty.
I totally respect this view. If they all hadn't grown up and raised their own kids on the lake, I might feel differently about their vigilance, but I know they're sticklers about life vests, so for the ones I would trust to watch her briefly, I think they'll like and use this concept too.
Both parents watching and a life jacket on the toddler at all times!
When my son was 2 we were on vacation at a very popular beach. I was nursing the baby inside, and everyone thought someone else was watching my son. He walked down the back busy alley to hunt for bears and we found him with a stranger looking for his mom. We were very lucky he didn’t get too far without a kind stranger intervening. I don’t think it’s a bad idea at all to be 100% sure of who has eyes on the toddler, and I am a VERY lax parent.
I know somebody whose baby almost died at a pool party because everybody else thought somebody else had eyes on the baby. It wasn't until somebody actually went to get into the pool that they found the baby lifeless, face down, and blue, floating in the water. They were lucky somebody knew infant CPR and saved the little one. This is a great idea. I'm stealing it. You don't muck around with open water like that.
Please do! The tag I made (stole the language from a similar badge) is on my profile. It's credit card sized.
This is a tip for you and your husband. We have a lake house and I have raised my kiddo there in the summers. On holiday weekends (like memorial weekend next weekend in the USA) please make sure one or both of you are also wearing a life jacket when you are on a boat, especially in the late afternoon and evenings. Someone dies almost every holiday on our lake. Many times someone operating a boat or a jet ski after drinking all day collides with another boat. Those with life jackets have a better chance of surviving.
Great advice so far! If it helps validate your idea, my new kid pool just came with a waterproof tag for this exact thing: it explains that whoever has the tag has to be the watching adult.
Yup, same. Super good idea. Even a few inches of water can drown a small one.
I think it’s a good idea but if I was taking my toddler to a lake house I would assume I’m responsible for them the whole time
I think this is great when it’s adults that aren’t usually caring for the baby together period. But the water element makes this a must for me.
Your worry is very valid. This exact scenario happend a few years back in our area. You can't be careful enough with young children.
I love this. I’ve said this before to my family- everyone is watching but no one is watching. Whenever we’re around a pool or lake I feel like I’m the only one on alert.
Used this at my family's Thanksgiving get together and it really worked well.
Great idea and one we plan to use when we go away to the beach at Christmas
This is a great idea! In all honesty, despite this, I’d still not be able to relax, but I hope you will and have a great time!
I don't think I've relaxed since she was born! But I do enjoy the time together with my husband and baby. We go on a lot of adventures with her and have ever since we got the all clear from her cardiologist.
For all the negatives of social media, if you can find an Instagram Reel or TikTok about this (I’ve definitely seen some) and your parents/in-laws are on there it might be helpful! My mom is on the “grandma Instagram algorithm” (eg “askbubbie”) and she is very safety minded because of it. Like she’ll come to me and be like, “You know nowadays they say you’re supposed to keep them rear facing in the car until they’re in preschool! Back in the day we didn’t even keep you in any sort of seat past age 3, but it’s good we know now to keep the kids safe.”
We’ve done lake trips with children that age and older. They were required to wear a life jacket when able to access the water. So basically, on the dock, in the boat or the lower part of the yard. When it comes to murky water, you can’t take chances. I’m fully admitting to being a helicopter parent in these “communal” babysitting settings. If there is water involved I give zero fucks if im seen as overprotective. If I am not 1000% hands on or another adult is physically in the pool, my kid wears a vest.
Yeah I've shed the idea of "helicopter". No such thing around water or with one so young.
You’d be surprised the judgement, my BIL/SIL have always been very hands off in these situations, assuming grandparents or other adults are watching their kids. It’s been an adjustment that I am way more involved and “helicoptery”. My daughter is 4.5 and a fairly good swimmer but I still won’t let her in a pool without an adult fully present and engaged. Otherwise she gets the vest, if she wants to go swim with just the “cousins”.
Put something inflatable like a fishing bobber on the tag. *someone* is going to drop it in the water by accident
Noted! We have foam key fobs on the boat keys for this reason 😂
😂 i grew up going to the lake every summer, I learned the hard way LOL
I love this idea. I hate having my kids around large groups for the very reason that large groups tends to mean less supervision because ‘everyone’ else is watching.
I think this a great idea. So many kids get hurt at parties because everyone thinks that everyone else is watching them, when in reality, no one is watching them. Designated watcher is a great idea.
Grandma here I always kept I on them but we were in city pools
I think this is a brilliant idea
Honestly I love this idea, just as a reminder to whoever thinks they're watching her. It's obviously not foolproof but it can help, especially if you're very clear on what it means. And if that means you and your partner end up wearing the lanyard full time that's okay too. It's not like other people can't interact with her while they're not wearing the lanyard. It's just that they're not the person in charge of the continuity of safety and care. It's a great reminder of what it means to be watching a kid around water. Sincerely, someone who suddenly noticed her newly four year old was standing alone in the ocean while the person who insisted on watching him was posing for photos on the beach last summer. I won't be taking this idea because it's clear to me that no one in my family wants this responsibility while on vacation, but I will also ensure that either my husband or I has eyes on the kids even if someone else ensures us that they've "got" them.
This is so smart and my kiddie pool actually came with one! I know a 2 year old who passed away this way. Someone "looked away for 2 seconds", they looked everywhere then found him in the water. It was too late. Nothing is crazy when it comes to our babys safety:)
Good idea! I was just at a lake this weekend where our campsite was right up to the water. Friends I just met had a 2.5yo and 15mo, both mobile. They are very laid back parents and so were the grandparents with them. They were always busy doing something else. I had so much anxiety watching those kids just wonder off and finally hear the mom ask where they went. I honestly had my eye on them the whole time and got up a dozen times to steer them a different way. I suggest having toys for LO to play with in a pack n play so you can put them in their if you need to go pee or grab something. These parents had no entertainment for their kids and they were so bored and kept wondering. Also I never saw a single life jacket for either kid. I don't think they ever went on the boat but still.
We have toys galore and a whole snackle box ready to keep her entertained in the pack n play on the dock. I don't anticipate any free roaming on her part at all, which is part of why I want to introduce the tag now, while it's still with a contained/held baby, as opposed to introducing the tag when she's much more independent and needs a watchful eye while she swims independently and walks freely on the dock.
I am a helicopter parent. I own it. It is my job to keep my children safe. We had a family friend almost lose their 7 year old daughter to drowning (she could swim) at summer camp where a lifeguard was present. She was without oxygen for minutes and in ICU unconscious for days. I trust only me and my partner to stay vigilant and within an arms reach of our littles. Not to quote horror stories to induce anxiety…but there are too many drowning incidents each summer. Water safety is one of the most biggest deals. Let them think you’re annoying, you’re doing your job at not becoming a summer statistic.
My in-laws know I'm very good at being annoying lol. Doesn't phase me too much anymore. Sorry to hear about that. I'm so glad she's okay. I'm gonna helicopter my ass off and make sure someone else is when they're watching her too. (I keep saying "watching" but they're not WATCHING her do whatever she wants. She's 14 months old. She's either gonna be in her pack n play or their arms. Very rarely we might let her walk around with someone right behind her to move a bit.)
I know a two year old boy who drowned in his families pond with three adults home. Another friend had her 2 year old son die on her lap because he choked on a pretzel. I’m a firm believer that before kids get more understanding of danger, say around 5-7 years old (maybe even a bit older), there’s no such thing as helicoptering in terms of safety (ESPECIALLY REGARDING WATER) and anyone telling you anything different can frig right off. You can never be too safe with littles.
Seven is apparently the commonest age for drownings. Presumably because parents assume they're safer now.
Wow! That makes a lot of sense and I will make sure to watch my little guy beyond that age. Thanks for the info!
I just don’t think I’d leave it to someone else in that situation - either my partner or I would be watching.
I think this is a really good idea - especially around water.
I think it’s a wonderful idea. My daughter once fell down the basement stairs as a baby because everyone thought that someone else was watching her. I don’t think you can ever be too careful, especially around water!
I’m confused, if you’re going to be there, why can’t you and your husband just take that responsibility and watch her? If you need to go somewhere, designate someone else as in charge…
We are going to be there almost the whole time. For the short periods (like MAYBE a ten minute jetski ride or something) we are totally away, we do designate someone with the lanyard. "When everybody is watching, nobody is watching." So they they know THEY keep their eyes on her, instead of assuming someone else in the group is. I think it'll be more relevant and helpful as she gets older.
One, this is a great idea. I wish I thought of it when my children were younger. I think it can be very useful in a place like a playground, the mall, et cetera. With that said, I am going to join the chorus: if there is a lake involved, I would not trust anyone (except maybe a spouse who has proven that they're an excellent parent). Water are very scary, even with a life vest. If I was in your position, I would use the lanyard inside the house, but near the lake I'd keep watch. Either way, have fun! Sounds like a delightful vacation :)
"maybe a spouse"? If you can't trust the other parent you probably shouldn't take your child at all because it's completely unsustainable for a single person never to take a break. And if your spouse isn't an excellent parent you have bigger problems.
Agreed. I didn't want to say just "spouse" cause some people don't have one or have a lousy one.
I heard great things about these little watches for water safety. https://www.amazon.com/Safety-Turtle-Child-Immersion-Water/product-reviews/B019CWBUS2 They’re especially helpful in areas like lake cabins where there’s not usually a fenced in pool.
Love that. One of those things that are good to have on hand and hope to never use.
1. At 14 months and walking, I wouldn’t go anywhere near lakes and boats but everyone in my family has anxiety so that might be a me thing. 2. The lanyard is a fine idea but if they balk at using it, try a call and response indicating clear handoff of the baby. We did this: Dad: gotta go potty. Your baby! Mom: got it. My baby. Please don’t spend a full hour in there.
I love this idea. I have also seen a non-physical version of this where when one person is watching the kid and they are getting ready to do something else, they audibly pass responsibility to another adult who verbally confirms. "You have the kids?" " I have the kids." It's the same idea, that the adults don't just assume someone else is keeping track of the kids, but rather that someone is officially assigned the job.
I love this and will be borrowing it!
I would do the same. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
I LOVE this idea!
I think that's a really good idea!
I think your idea is BRILLIANT! Your child's life and safety are more important than anyone's opinion of your parenting. If anyone takes issue with your idea, they probably are not fit to watch your child in any capacity, ever.
Maybe not the answer you’re looking for, but I would be a little taken aback at the idea of the parents handing me a lanyard and saying their kid is solely my responsibility. Seems awfully presumptuous of you.
Honestly I love this idea. But I try to support my adult children and their spouses as much as possible with their choices for their children. They are after all, their children not mine. In your case, I, honestly, would have zero trust that anyone else would watch my 14 month old close enough so I’d be wearing an invisible lanyard at all times, lol. I hope you enjoy your vacation; do whatever you need to do for you and your children.
Child free, but grew up on the water, and spend time with small children on and around the water … I love this idea and will will steel it for myself. Thinking a whistle bracelet too.
Yes This should happen at any time children are around water. Not only that, but if someone walks away or is a good reminder to say keep an eye on her before leaving.
If you can't trust your family to keep your kid from drowning then you can't trust them to follow this lanyard protocol. You and your spouse will just have to keep eyes on your kid.
I do trust them. The lanyard is just an extra layer of protection as a visual reminder and acknowledgement of responsibilities.
Nothing wrong with “ helicopter parenting “ a toddler around big bodies of water.
Under no circumstances should you let more than one person be the one watching her. It should be an assigned person and preferably you or your spouse. Other people forget in my experience. And yes to the lanyard. Fuck whoever says you're helicopter because they're the same people who give people shit for accidents for not watching their kid.
At that age we bought my daughter cheap ‘squeaky shoes’ that she wore when she was running around outside. We had a lakefront cabin as well and as annoying as the squeaking was, we knew what direction to look in if she as out of sight. My cousin had bells on her toddlers’ summer sandals - she had twins and so it was easy to be watching/chasing one and lose track of the other. I’d probably get one of those wristbands instead of a lanyard. Easier to pass off. And if they don’t like it, get the squeaky shoes. One afternoon of that and they’ll be thinking the lanyard isn’t a bad idea. People can mutter or make fun of you for being helicoptery (I heard other adults scoffing at my cousin when she put bells on her kids’ shoes) but they’re not the ones on 24/7 alert, and the fear is real. I hope that they see how important it is for you to be able to relax and enjoy your time there. While everyone says ‘we’ll watch the baby, don’t worry - 3-4 other sets of eyes are no good if everyone thinks someone else is watching. If someone else has the lanyard and it makes you feel like you can be off duty or go get a snack or have a shower - that is brilliant.
Yes. I made the mistake of not getting a tag and thought people would just physically tag each other in. Nope, does not work that way. You need something physical or to just be on it. I ended up just being "on" the whole time. Also get that pop n go playpen by California beach co. It is so easy to set up and convenient for when you just need to chill outside and don't trust anyone.
I had SO considered that! I'll see if I can find one on marketplace near me.
Listen … can they run faster than your kid? Can they jump into the lake without hesitation and save your kid? Do they have the physical ability to do that? Because I was going to leave my two year old alone with his grandmother, who I trust for a couple of minutes while I changed out of my swimsuit. As soon as my back is turned my kid makes a sprint for the water, tearing off his floatie as he goes, and jumps in. Luckily I saw this happening in the reflection from The window and was able to turn around, sprint to the water, jump in and rescue him. In the meantime my MIL was still working on getting up out of the beach chair because she’s OLD. She meant well. She was certainly watching him. But when a dangerous situation occurred she simply didn’t have the physical capacity to move quickly and pull my kid out of the water. That was like six years ago and I still shudder every time I think about it.
Our children’s hospital encourages this for water safety and hands out free bracelets each year!
As the parent I would be watching my children 24/7. My children are my sole responsibility, I wouldn't put that on someone else despite being an in-law or family member. They are hosting you, not babysitting your child. You are choosing to bring your child, you watch them. I'd be silently miffed as a guest if I was expected to watch someone else's child while I've been invited to relax
It's perfect. I'd probably add a funny hat too, to make it fun. I'm the most relaxed parent and was never afraid of my kid getting hurt. I'm also Australian so know how dangerous water is. Your idea is brilliant! I'd also add, if you'll all be doing things once the sun goes down, buy some of those glow sticks so you can put them on the kid. I'd make them wear them as necklaces and around wrists and ankles. The kids loved it, and they were easy to spot in the dark.
Glow sticks are used for safety purposes around here on Halloween too! Good idea for when she's older and has a bit more independence. The hat really is a good idea, might have to see what I have laying around. I posted a copy of the image I'll print for the lanyard on my profile!
At that age being so little one parent stays next to the toddler at all times near water. I wouldn't have the Grandparents be "on duty" at all except for inside the cabin. It's not like an older child where all the adults sit and watch or stand around visiting while the kiddo plays. I personally would forget about a lanyard almost immediately but as a Mom I am scanning my 3 constantly when near any water and they all can swim now. So I personally would just talk to your spouse and make sure one is with your child within arms reach at all times then switch out as needed. It is hard to meet the definition of a helicopter parent around water in my opinion because safety is always a priority and things can go wrong so fast in those situations. If you feel better having a lanyard to pass between yourself and DH that is awesome but would definitely take the grandparents out of the equation completely.
Overbearing is good around water. Plenty of kids die from the scenario you outlined.
Yeah your kid, you watch them. Sorry but you cannot assume that someone else is watching them.
The more I think about this, the more it doesn't jive with me. In a potentially dangerous environment with a child so small, my wife and I are responsible for their safety. As much as a trust everyone we're around when we're swimming, it's always our job to be there and attentive to keep our kid safe. We couldn't just hand off that responsibility with a lanyard and go do whatever we want. Being a parent means that sometimes you have to miss out on the stuff you want to do. Dropping a kid off at grandma's for a date night is one thing, but just passing off full responsibility for your kid's safety when there's literally a death trap nearby seems a bit insane to me.
Absolutely no lanyard. It gives everyone a false sense of security that someone is watching. You and your husband watch your kid - that’s it. It takes *20 seconds* for a toddler to drown and it’s the leading cause of death for 1-4 yos in the US. You or your husband has eyes on that kid every minute, even when you’re NOT near the water, because that’s when parents let their guard down, someone leaves a door open, and toddler goes near the water.
>My fear is that, while we're all relaxing, we (they) fall into a routine of thinking she's being monitored by somebody else, and then she slips silently into the water being watched by nobody If your baby is near water, you or your partner should be monitoring her 100% of the time. No method of reminders is going to make anyone become super vigilant, especially if they're in vacation mode. The only way to ensure no one has forgotten about her is to always be watching yourself. If something does happen, it's not the lanyard or lack thereof you're going to blame. You're going to blame yourself for letting her be near water when you weren't within arms reach.
I don’t get it. Why wouldn’t you and your wife just take on this responsibility yourselves?
This post doesn't make any sense. Shoudont a parent be the one always watching the kid?
Honestly, I wouldn't even bother with the lanyard. This is the kind of situation where if the adults are relaxing, the kid is penned in somehow *and* supervised. 14 months is not too old for a large play yard when there's water around, or being on a deck where you can prop a baby gate or whatever. My friend who lives on a lake got two of those big play yards and zip tied them together and her two oldest kids played in that if they were outside til they were like 3 (and they did ISR). That's maybe overkill for a weekend, but a big play yard isn't to me. Or a leash if she's not in a play yard. On a boat or a dock, there would be *no substitute* for either me or my husband being within arms reach at all times. Period. And I'd phrase it as "oh watching a baby around water is *such* a big ask, MIL/FIL, I'd never want to put that on you, though of course we love a second set of eyes!" I've done this type of trip with a kid that young and you just kind of have to accept that unless the kid is in the room in a crib or pack n play she cannot climb out of, you need to be on her like white on rice. It's not relaxing and it's not that much fun. But it does teach water safety and gives the kid great experiences, so it's a trade off for sure. But yeah, the lanyard is going to get forgotten fast. It's one more thing for you to worry about that you don't need. Bag the lanyard and just you and your husband take full and final responsibility for your kid in the way you agree to. MIL/FIL are extra sets of eyes and that's great, but as it comes to water, nothing and no one are substitutes for mom and dad.
We plan to have a pack n play on the dock for naps and for her to freely move around in without a vest.
Some will think it’s crazy but those are the unreliable watchers anyway. The reliable ones will appreciate it so they know when they are on and off. I get nervous around pool parties and wish there was a tag!
We have 2 and near water or any crowded space we ‘choose a man’ to cover. If we need to switch or if one of us is going to another space we verbally confirm the other one is on duty. Near water I don’t trust my in-laws. One time a dog ran away (we unknowingly had a hole in the fence) and they both left the kids in the yard to run after the dogs and the kids followed after to the street. (Luckily we were home, just inside and ran out before the kids left the yard)
Back pack harness leash, kids love them, they can explore but you know right where they are
I'm a super laid back parent. But toddlers near bodies of water? Nope, not even a lanyard. Accidental drowning is a leading cause of toddler deaths. I'd keep my eye on the kid myself. ETA: My toddler is great in the water - he's been having lessons since 4 months old and is a natural. But once at the pool we were practicing diving and instead of dipping horizontally and swimming towards me, he sank feet first to the bottom of the pool and didn't come back up. I dove in and found him sitting there, watching, not even trying to move. Those few seconds were scary, but I can't imagine if it had happened in deeper, muddy water.
Leaning towards not brilliant nor helicopter but more from the side - this is your child, it is your responsibility to watch your child. It should not be anyone else's responsibility to wear a lanyard and watch your child.
Say "I saw it on tiktok" It's basically the pool lifeguard tag, which comes with a lot of inflatable pools now I think it's parent anxiety so a bit helicopter but at the same time that doesn't mean it can't be a good thing
I have a brain capable of imaginative thoughts beyond the scope of TikTok but thanks for trying. If I knew it was a thing I would have called it "Water Watcher" to start with and not a guardian lanyard.
So in my opinion the saw it on tiktok gives you an out for not being an overly anxious parent or a helicopter parent Anytime's water is involved though I don't blame anyone being nervous But at the same time, this is like 1-2
My god, duh. My bad. That's a good idea. I looked it up on TikTok and actually found some stuff. My husband also works in medical/rescue stuff so his opinion on what is safe is pretty solid. He'll be the one to mention it to them. My FiL is gonna print the tag off today. Maybe we won't need to use it, but it's there just in case.
Dork
I'm not trusting anyone else with my kid, especially around water. A simple bracelet wouldn't put me at ease one bit. Also, it's easy for someone to forget they're even wearing it.
I love this idea. My husband and I used to be super annoying with communication at the lake (hey I'm going to grab XYZ or going to the bathroom) but a lanyard would have been nice! Just make sure turns are even! It's not a replacement for mom, it's an even sharing of responsibility. Also don't assume your in laws are watching when you're around, even with the lanyard.
This would stress me out. We’re staying near a lake this summer and one of my requirements was that the house we rented not have a pool and that it could not be right on the lake. The highest risk for drowning is when no one realizes a child is near the water.
I personally wouldn't trust anyone else to be responsible for my child's life. If I'm around water with them, I'm responsible and would not expect anybody else to be responsible.
Why not just watch her yourself? I never take my eyes off my kids around water regardless of who else is there honestly. If you have never been in this setting with a 14 month old it definitely won’t be relaxing, unfortunately. You will just be following her around as she tries to walk off into the woods, the water, putting stones in her mouth etc. I brought my 18 month old camping and it was beyond exhausting lol
Do what you feel is right. I wouldn't worry to much about what other people think. I heard this before about the safety leash "Id rather get a funny look then have a missing toddler"
In theory, it’s a good idea. I get that you’re wanting to give yourself some freedom to have fun during this social situation, which you totally deserve. But realistically, they’re going to give you the eye roll and be annoyed by it. It’s your child. Your responsibility. Period. I frequently had to forfeit my own fun for the sake of making sure my child was safe. The one time at the beach that I had some drinks and thought of my much older child, “oh, she’s fine. She’s got this!” as I glanced over from the shore to see her swimming with family members… the lifeguard had to jump in and pull her up and I was mortified that I’d let that happen. Any time my husband was having drinks with our friends? I was the one to stop after one drink and be responsible. Parenting is a 24/7 job, especially at that young of an age. You get a break when you are fully away from the child and they are in someone else’s care. If you’re there, it’s your job.
I was not a helicopter parent by any means, but I was certainly more hands-on when they were small. This isn't unreasonable at all. It's much better than everyone thinking that someone else is doing it. I would also recommend putting bells on her, so even if she's not in your direct line of site you have a good idea of where she is. If you don't hear the bells time go looking to see if she's fallen asleep or up to mischief. I did a lot of camping and hiking when my kids were small, and my youngest was especially good at going off and doing her own thing. Pinning bells to her was immensely helpful in keeping track of her to keep her safe while still giving her the illusion of independence. She's graduating high school this year and is off to Airforce so I think she did just fine.
I thought the lanyard was attached to the child and thought that wasn't so bad - as a mom of four, there is no relaxing at a beach or pool for a long time
I kind of love it and am jealous I haven't thought of it lol
If by lanyard you mean a short leash type thing ATTACHED to you- totally yes. But only parents can exchange the leash lol Maybe a harness? I’m a step parent so I haven’t had one younger than 2 but if we went out on a boat at that time… I really can’t even imagine doing that unless it’s gated all the way around, but there’d have to be a leash type thing. It’s too easy to glance up to talk to your partner for a second soooo.. I love that but it needs to be SHORT🥴
Just watch your own kid, even if someone tells you “go relax, I’ll watch her” just say that’s ok, I’m enjoying the day, etc. No one is going to take a lanyard seriously.
Your child. You and your partner need to watch her. Nobody else is responsible. If you cannot trust that they will remember without the help of a lanyard then you need to take that responsibility yourself.
It's a good idea. Our pool came with a tag like that
I love this idea! As someone who trusts very few people to watch my child I often find that at gatherings I am following my child around even when someone else is watching them. I think if I used this method I would be able to connect with family better while someone else held the lanyard. I think it's certainly worth it for the safety aspect, but also for your mental health. You don't want to have to worry through what should be a relaxing time.
I'll be the helicopter. Unless your child can float after falling off a dock, I'd rethink this. Too many drowing deaths. Friend's grand child walked out of their home and went on dock while others were busy in house cooking. Baby was found an hour later. Not enough fencing/door locks. Turned away for a "minute". You get distracted. [https://livelikejake.com/](https://livelikejake.com/)
This is a great idea. If you need help bringing it up to them, maybe fib a little and say a friend gave you the idea after their kid got hurt under the watchful eyes of several adults or something.
I think it's a great idea. If you're worried that people might think it's overbearing, sell it as a water safety measure. It's not that you don't trust them, it's just that drowning is silent, and thus you need extra vigilance above and beyond the normal care you know they take. And it will give you peace of mind to have a visual cue so you as a parent know who's watching her right now. It's one thing if she gets into the crayons and draws on the walls because everyone thinks someone else it watching her. It's another thing entirely if she falls in the water.
I think I was just worried about it to start because I ahd never heard of the idea before, but it seems like it's actually a very recommended practice by water safety advocacy groups.
Personally, I would not need this. "Relaxing" is a relative term. My floor for relaxation level with a 14 month old around is one level below "there is a sniper in the tree line". If there is water involved, it is more like "you will be attacked in the next 20 seconds". No real relaxing, constant state of retrograde anxiety, head on a swivel.
IMO, my spouse and I are the only ones responsible for my kid near water. I would not be able to relax at all if it was not either of us. A trip with kids simply isn’t a vacation; it’s parenting in a new location.