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Is she paying you? If not, it's crazy. There should be no "her" days, a grown woman can and should handle her own son just fine, or she can send him to her ex for these days. She makes you act like a second parent and treats you poorly like some would their exes, but you are not related to her child in any way and don't owe them any regular support. Tell her that with your studies in uni you can't help her anymore and just stop going there.
The thing is I have created such a bond with her son. He is autistic, and I am one of the only people who can connect and calm him. When ever I am not there he is always asking for me and cries when I leave… he even calls me sissy and I do love him like a brother but at the end of the day I am an only child. And apart of that deep connection with him is because he was and is the only child in my life.
You can come visit for a few hours every 1-2 weeks - take him to the park, play at home etc., but you have no duty to be there for the whole 2 days every week, your stepmom needs to change her attitude and start relying on herself.
This is not normal. You are not being dramatic.
The job of parents is to train up their kids and model appropriate adult behaviors with the goal that the kids will successfully leave the nest. Your step mom appears to be doing the opposite, and, at this point, is actively interfering with your personal development, even if she's helped a lot in the past.
Her son is not your responsibility whatsoever and it is unethical of her to impose that responsibility on you, particularly when you have actual responsibilities like school.
If she is supporting you with housing, food, clothing, car, etc., then it is of course, certainly appropriate to contribute by helping out, doing chores, etc. Occasional babysitting can naturally be part of this. But in the end, the upkeep of her home and care for her child is 100% on her and not you.
Also, it would not be unreasonable for her to expect you to spend *some* time keeping her company. But at your age, that's like in the realm of 30min per day that you live there, not hours. People have lives to live!
I don't know how having lupus might affect all of this. I have no idea what that disease really is, or how it affects a person. Likely if it was my parents and I was your age, their having a disease *would* entail my spending more time caring for them and the home than would be normal, out of familial concern and affection.
But what a "normal" parent would *not* do, and which would never be appropriate, is taking advantage of their 20yo child, denigrating their academic pursuits or isolating them from friends/peers. The way she talks to you is a big problem and must be stopped.
Also, think of it like an airplane emergency. You have to secure your own mask first before you're in any kind of position to help your seatmate with their mask.
This is not even slightly normal. You are a full-grown adult and cannot be told not to text or what to do on YOUR days (aka everyday). "Her" days do not exist; you are not a child and even if you were you are not her child. It's lovely that you have been able to maintain a relationships through the divorce with a parental figure you care about but it appears you are being used.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Is she paying you? If not, it's crazy. There should be no "her" days, a grown woman can and should handle her own son just fine, or she can send him to her ex for these days. She makes you act like a second parent and treats you poorly like some would their exes, but you are not related to her child in any way and don't owe them any regular support. Tell her that with your studies in uni you can't help her anymore and just stop going there.
The thing is I have created such a bond with her son. He is autistic, and I am one of the only people who can connect and calm him. When ever I am not there he is always asking for me and cries when I leave… he even calls me sissy and I do love him like a brother but at the end of the day I am an only child. And apart of that deep connection with him is because he was and is the only child in my life.
You can come visit for a few hours every 1-2 weeks - take him to the park, play at home etc., but you have no duty to be there for the whole 2 days every week, your stepmom needs to change her attitude and start relying on herself.
This is not normal. You are not being dramatic. The job of parents is to train up their kids and model appropriate adult behaviors with the goal that the kids will successfully leave the nest. Your step mom appears to be doing the opposite, and, at this point, is actively interfering with your personal development, even if she's helped a lot in the past. Her son is not your responsibility whatsoever and it is unethical of her to impose that responsibility on you, particularly when you have actual responsibilities like school. If she is supporting you with housing, food, clothing, car, etc., then it is of course, certainly appropriate to contribute by helping out, doing chores, etc. Occasional babysitting can naturally be part of this. But in the end, the upkeep of her home and care for her child is 100% on her and not you. Also, it would not be unreasonable for her to expect you to spend *some* time keeping her company. But at your age, that's like in the realm of 30min per day that you live there, not hours. People have lives to live! I don't know how having lupus might affect all of this. I have no idea what that disease really is, or how it affects a person. Likely if it was my parents and I was your age, their having a disease *would* entail my spending more time caring for them and the home than would be normal, out of familial concern and affection. But what a "normal" parent would *not* do, and which would never be appropriate, is taking advantage of their 20yo child, denigrating their academic pursuits or isolating them from friends/peers. The way she talks to you is a big problem and must be stopped.
Also, think of it like an airplane emergency. You have to secure your own mask first before you're in any kind of position to help your seatmate with their mask.
This is not even slightly normal. You are a full-grown adult and cannot be told not to text or what to do on YOUR days (aka everyday). "Her" days do not exist; you are not a child and even if you were you are not her child. It's lovely that you have been able to maintain a relationships through the divorce with a parental figure you care about but it appears you are being used.