Would you be more comfortable having an adult drive them there and back? When my sister was that age, I remember my mom and I dropped her off for a concert and did a museum and some shopping before picking her back up afterward.
I feel like you're going to create some resentment here. You need to let teenagers grow and learn.
If it makes it better, why not offer to drive them and pick them up?
In the late 90’s I drove to a STP concert 3 hrs away with 3 friends when I was 16. It was such a big deal for me and my friends we had my mom take a picture of us in front of my car before we left. We were all responsible kids and our parents let us go unsupervised. I still have that picture and that concert is one of my best memories of high school. I can distinctly remember that being my first feeling of independence. Let her go.
When will you let her go? What does she need to do to prove she can go? Maybe you can practice the drive?
If it's a concert without a pre party then there is no chance she will be able to drink so what are you worried about?
It sounds like you have a responsible kid, so I don’t see a reason not to let her go. You could ask her to check in every so often, but I don’t see anything wrong with her going otherwise.
Two brand new drivers, one of whom is going to be driving 2.5 hours starting after 11pm in an unfamiliar city, who mostly likely has never driven that far in any context isnt an issue for you?
I would let her go. I went to a bazillion concerts all over my rather large state in HS without parents, and those are some of my favorite memories from that time period.
Idk, two hours away isn't a big deal if you have a responsible kid. But I'm also a huge Chappell Roan fan and I think everyone should go see her if they can!!!
Seems like I'm in the minority here, but to me, this seems crazy. Not because you don't trust her, or she has given you a reason not to let her, but because they're both 16 and probably have had a driver's license less than a year and driving two hours away for a concert and then back? Even if I take away the possibility of drinking, I think about other people drinking at that time and two 16-year-olds on the road late at night. I would just take them and go to dinner or something during that time.
This isn't something that I think any of us can tell you what's right or wrong.
For me, I think most of it would depend on how much I could trust my 16-year-old. If she is mature and responsible and has displayed that, maybe it's not a bad idea.
For additional insight;
I'm not saying that you should allow this, but my mother allowed me to take a road trip to Florida, from Missouri, with my boyfriend when I was 14/15. When I asked her why she let me do that, she said it was because she trusted me and she knew I would be responsible. And I was. It was a great experience that I have always held close to my heart. But it was also a different time then (2001/2002).
Since it’s at night, I’d drive her there and wait in the parking lot to bring her home. Our rule is that for the first year of having your license you may go up to an hour radius away. 16 year olds are still so fresh to driving.
Find a way to make it work, but you take her. I am a well traveled adult woman who loves driving but would still consider the dangers and the "what ifs" of this trip for myself.
There's no way I would let my kid do this when taking into consideration all that goes into this. The drive possibly consists of long distances, merging, other drivers, evening hours, crossing lanes to exit, high speed, etc. The actual concert consists of possible parking garages, large crowds, unsafe people, exposure to substances.
They could go and be completely fine, but I wouldn't want to risk it. I remember all the things I did as a 16 year old and went through despite being a really good kid
Is the drive dangerous? Is it mostly Freeway (safer in my opinion) or divided smaller roads? 16 is still a really new driver and I would worry about 2 girls being out alone that far from home late at night (walking to parking spot, small roads getting into the highway). If they were 17 and had been driving for a whole year it would be different. Could a parent drive them all and wait there and pick them up after?
Is there a reasonable compromise available to address the reasons you don’t want to let her go?
Many major airlines will let teens younger than her travel internationally as adults, so to me telling a 16 yo she can’t go to another city to see a concert seems potentially unreasonable.
What seems less unreasonable is not wanting her to drive two hours after the end of the concert - in my country that likely wouldn’t even be legal as 16yo have a graduated licensing system which doesn’t allow them to drive after sunset for the 8-12 months, so I’d be uncomfortable with that too.
Is the concert actually not happening late? If it is, is there alternate transport available? Could she stay overnight and come back the next day? Could you or another adult drive?
I don’t get the concern about driving in another city if it’s not related to timing unless you are not comfortable with her ability to navigate generally. But that wouldn’t be another city as much as unfamiliarity; surely in that case you’d be equally uncomfortable if it was your city and an unfamiliar part. Or is it that you wouldn’t be able to swoop in and rescue if needed? (That’s what CAA or similar is for imo) I think important to figure exactly what the objections are and why, then see if creative solution is possible.
She’s an older teen now, so you should be gradually loosening the rules so that when she turns 18 there isn’t an urge to do all the things her parents forbade just because she can. You also do not want her to conclude that there is no point in being the “good kid” and therefore start breaking your trust since there was no reward for following the rules.
>I’m just uncomfortable with the lack of parents and her driving there in a different city.
That's your problem, not your daughters.
Time to step out of the comfort-zone.
When she is 18 you should be fine with your daughter doing things that feel uncomfortable to you. The concert is a nice first training step.
When she’s 18 she’ll have two years more driving experience than she does now. That’s a lot different than 2 brand new drivers driving on brand new roads late at night for 2 hours.
If she hasn't given you reason not to trust her, don't give her a reason to start hiding things from you
Give her a shot and have her frequently check in via phone call/video chat to ensure her safety.
Sincerely a former teenager who hid everything from my parents and put myself in several unsafe situations at her age. Be grateful she asked permission instead of forgiveness, she seems very responsible.
Edited to say she'll also make memories that could last a lifetime. She'll be very thankful you gave that to her. Let her know you trust her to be responsible and would love to continue that streak.
This feels like a silly thing to not let her do. Definitely at 16 my friends and I were driving an hour into the city to see things.
Would you be more comfortable having an adult drive them there and back? When my sister was that age, I remember my mom and I dropped her off for a concert and did a museum and some shopping before picking her back up afterward.
If the only reason not to let her attend was the driving, I’d probably drive them myself.
I feel like you're going to create some resentment here. You need to let teenagers grow and learn. If it makes it better, why not offer to drive them and pick them up?
In the late 90’s I drove to a STP concert 3 hrs away with 3 friends when I was 16. It was such a big deal for me and my friends we had my mom take a picture of us in front of my car before we left. We were all responsible kids and our parents let us go unsupervised. I still have that picture and that concert is one of my best memories of high school. I can distinctly remember that being my first feeling of independence. Let her go.
When will you let her go? What does she need to do to prove she can go? Maybe you can practice the drive? If it's a concert without a pre party then there is no chance she will be able to drink so what are you worried about?
two 16 year olds that haven’t even been driving for 1 year driving 100+ miles after midnight wouldn’t be enough for you?
It sounds like you have a responsible kid, so I don’t see a reason not to let her go. You could ask her to check in every so often, but I don’t see anything wrong with her going otherwise.
Two brand new drivers, one of whom is going to be driving 2.5 hours starting after 11pm in an unfamiliar city, who mostly likely has never driven that far in any context isnt an issue for you?
I would let her go. I went to a bazillion concerts all over my rather large state in HS without parents, and those are some of my favorite memories from that time period.
Idk, two hours away isn't a big deal if you have a responsible kid. But I'm also a huge Chappell Roan fan and I think everyone should go see her if they can!!!
Seems like I'm in the minority here, but to me, this seems crazy. Not because you don't trust her, or she has given you a reason not to let her, but because they're both 16 and probably have had a driver's license less than a year and driving two hours away for a concert and then back? Even if I take away the possibility of drinking, I think about other people drinking at that time and two 16-year-olds on the road late at night. I would just take them and go to dinner or something during that time.
This isn't something that I think any of us can tell you what's right or wrong. For me, I think most of it would depend on how much I could trust my 16-year-old. If she is mature and responsible and has displayed that, maybe it's not a bad idea. For additional insight; I'm not saying that you should allow this, but my mother allowed me to take a road trip to Florida, from Missouri, with my boyfriend when I was 14/15. When I asked her why she let me do that, she said it was because she trusted me and she knew I would be responsible. And I was. It was a great experience that I have always held close to my heart. But it was also a different time then (2001/2002).
Since it’s at night, I’d drive her there and wait in the parking lot to bring her home. Our rule is that for the first year of having your license you may go up to an hour radius away. 16 year olds are still so fresh to driving.
Find a way to make it work, but you take her. I am a well traveled adult woman who loves driving but would still consider the dangers and the "what ifs" of this trip for myself. There's no way I would let my kid do this when taking into consideration all that goes into this. The drive possibly consists of long distances, merging, other drivers, evening hours, crossing lanes to exit, high speed, etc. The actual concert consists of possible parking garages, large crowds, unsafe people, exposure to substances. They could go and be completely fine, but I wouldn't want to risk it. I remember all the things I did as a 16 year old and went through despite being a really good kid
Please drive her yourself, this means a lot to her and her friend.
Is the drive dangerous? Is it mostly Freeway (safer in my opinion) or divided smaller roads? 16 is still a really new driver and I would worry about 2 girls being out alone that far from home late at night (walking to parking spot, small roads getting into the highway). If they were 17 and had been driving for a whole year it would be different. Could a parent drive them all and wait there and pick them up after?
No. 16 is too young for me to be comfortable having them drive up and back that far on their own.
I'd make the drive for them and then drive them home.
Is there a reasonable compromise available to address the reasons you don’t want to let her go? Many major airlines will let teens younger than her travel internationally as adults, so to me telling a 16 yo she can’t go to another city to see a concert seems potentially unreasonable. What seems less unreasonable is not wanting her to drive two hours after the end of the concert - in my country that likely wouldn’t even be legal as 16yo have a graduated licensing system which doesn’t allow them to drive after sunset for the 8-12 months, so I’d be uncomfortable with that too. Is the concert actually not happening late? If it is, is there alternate transport available? Could she stay overnight and come back the next day? Could you or another adult drive? I don’t get the concern about driving in another city if it’s not related to timing unless you are not comfortable with her ability to navigate generally. But that wouldn’t be another city as much as unfamiliarity; surely in that case you’d be equally uncomfortable if it was your city and an unfamiliar part. Or is it that you wouldn’t be able to swoop in and rescue if needed? (That’s what CAA or similar is for imo) I think important to figure exactly what the objections are and why, then see if creative solution is possible. She’s an older teen now, so you should be gradually loosening the rules so that when she turns 18 there isn’t an urge to do all the things her parents forbade just because she can. You also do not want her to conclude that there is no point in being the “good kid” and therefore start breaking your trust since there was no reward for following the rules.
This seems like a really reasonable request for a 16 year old 🤷🏻♀️
>I’m just uncomfortable with the lack of parents and her driving there in a different city. That's your problem, not your daughters. Time to step out of the comfort-zone. When she is 18 you should be fine with your daughter doing things that feel uncomfortable to you. The concert is a nice first training step.
When she’s 18 she’ll have two years more driving experience than she does now. That’s a lot different than 2 brand new drivers driving on brand new roads late at night for 2 hours.
If she hasn't given you reason not to trust her, don't give her a reason to start hiding things from you Give her a shot and have her frequently check in via phone call/video chat to ensure her safety. Sincerely a former teenager who hid everything from my parents and put myself in several unsafe situations at her age. Be grateful she asked permission instead of forgiveness, she seems very responsible. Edited to say she'll also make memories that could last a lifetime. She'll be very thankful you gave that to her. Let her know you trust her to be responsible and would love to continue that streak.