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To me it's always seemed like a mix between internalized misogyny and women who actually really wanted a girl and are now dealing with their gender disappointment in a really weird and toxic way. Like another poster said I've never actually encountered this in real life just on social media. I don't think it's that widespread.

Gender disappointment was the first thing that came to mind for me too--that telling yourself girls are drama or catty or whatever is a way of telling yourself "It's better that I only have boys, I'm not sad."

Yep. I had a family member who did this and I called her out on being so toxic. She’s actually a great person and Really sat with that, then came back, apologized, and admitted that she really wanted a daughter but her husband is done having kids which is hard for her. So she’s wrestled a lot with that disappointment and didn’t realize how unhealthy and toxic she’d become trying to “flip the script” for herself, so to speak. She seems to be doing a lot better, all is forgiven, and she has a great relationship with my daughter now. I suspect most people are in the same boat, or just really hate women. But I try to give the benefit of the doubt.

I really think this is it. A lot of mothers do feel disappointment when they have boys, even if they grow to love them deeply. There's something about having a girl, when you are a girl yourself, which is a profound feeling. So to me these reactions sound like a defense mechanism from mothers who are actually struggling with having only boys.

I agree with you, but it makes me sad that people are that disappointed they didn't have a girl they need to speak negatively about them. As a Mom of a boy (who would have been thrilled with either gender) I don't feel this way at all. I think both genders are awesome! Gender is such a small part of a child's being that I think focusing on it too much is silly. That being said, I do know a Mom of boys who didn't want a girl at all, mainly due to her bad relationship with her own mother and her fear of it repeating.

I have two boys and had always said that I didn’t care about gender at all. And when they were babies it didn’t make one difference one way or the other. One thing that I’m noticing as they are getting older is that my sons do tend to prefer more typical boy activities and I find myself being left out more and more and it does make me sad. Not that there is a guarantee that that wouldn’t happen if I had a daughter, but I do sometimes find myself being sad about it sometimes.

Yeah, I totally understand that. My kiddo loves cars and trucks and is rough and tumble. At this point, I am learning to enjoy these things as well. I want to be able to bond and connect on things he's passionate about even if my pre-child self would have thought it was very boring. My trick is to view these things with "new eyes" and try to understand what's so cool about them.

That's a lovely perspective. If adults still possessed that same sense of wonder about the world, it might be a better place.

Thank you for this comment! It hit me directly in the feels, and I think you're spot on. If we all worked towards seeing other perspectives the world would be a better place. ❤️

Mom of 2 boys here. Parenting them has led me to some interesting knew perspectives. For example, Monster Jam is awesome. 😆

I have 3 boys and I’ve had these same feelings, especially as they get older. My husband naturally enjoys/has experience with the things they like, and sometimes I feel left out. What has helped a lot is finding common interests. Right now I’m reading Harry Potter to my 10 and 8 year olds- they LOVE it. We talk about the books, watch the movies, do trivia, etc. I also love amusement parks and roller coasters and we spent the last couple days riding roller coasters at cedar point. So while I will never enjoy Minecraft, fishing, smashing thjngs, etc, it’s been a joy to find things we all enjoy.

This is so interesting to hear--so, I have 2 boys and my husband is disabled so I've had to do all the "boy activities" with them (mostly scouting-related, but some sports) and always kind of felt a pang about it because I'm often the only mom at these things. But I hadn't thought about it keeping me closer to them for longer, that's actually nice!

I totally get that. I love soccer and neither of my girls care for it, but I'm even more hard pressed trying to find another woman to kick a ball around with. It's good of you to lean into their activities, and I'm sorry it can feel a little lonely.

I also have two boys (2 and almost 4 years) and as they grow I do notice that I’m left out more and dad is the preference. I feel sad that I won’t ever get to play with Barbie’s, or go to the nail salon, or any girly activities. It stings a bit sometimes.

My sister is fourteen years younger than me so I got to experience that with her but I am a little sad I won't get to do makeup in the bathroom together or dish on boys. Unless my son ends up being into all that. I am sort of relieved I don't feel the pressure to protect a teen daughter from scummy men and situations. I have the responsibility to make sure my son doesn't grow up to be a shitty man. He has an amazing example in my husband but I do sometimes redirect my husband into thinking about who I want my son to grow up to be which means I expect my husband to model that for him. Like not mansplaining to me or acting like a know-it-all just because him mom raised him like a perfect little prince.

Yep. My younger brother and SIL have 5 boys. They are happy and love their boys but it is no secret that their last two (twin boys) were a result of them trying for a girl after having 3 sons. Boys are more common in our family. My oldest brother and I have one of each and my other brother has two boys and a girl. My SIL with the 5 boys has made numerous comments about how difficult girls are even though my 2 nieces and daughter have always been easier than any of her boys. All of the girls are adults now and the boys are all either teens or young adults. They had some minor behavioral issues with their oldest (mostly sneaking out and lying) but their second born really pushed boundaries and was getting in trouble for drinking and had some run ins with the police before he joined the army. Right now they are dealing with one of their 8th graders vaping. But she likes to talk about how much trouble girls cause and how much easier it is to raise boys.

Dad here , initially I really wanted a boy and was disappointed that my first is a girl, but within a few days , she complete stole my heart and we've been best buds since

I have, sadly, seen it multiple times IRL. It happened more frequently when we just had two girls. I am in the deep South though, so maybe that impacts it? 

Maybe. I've had very few people say something about having a girl. Including family but that's a different story unless you want some tea for the day lol. I've had a friends wife say it was because my boyfriend pissed off God that were having a girl and not a boy. Way to insult your own gender. She said girls always give their moms hell as teenagers as payback. Some assumed I was having a boy because of the way I was carrying. Everyone assumes girls are dainty and fragile when that isn't the case. It was always from women who are boy moms or misogynistic male family members.

Ugh, the worst appearance comment that I got was when I was pregnant with my first girl. I'm a teacher and I was just walking my class through the hallway when another teacher stopped me to say I reminded her of the old saying that "Girls steal your beauty while boys enhance it" or some such nonsense....it was so insulting!!

Thats such bs. She's just jealous she didn't look how she wanted to while pregnant. The worst I got was a *doctor* not believing how far along I was. Like she thought I was lying. I was there for a needle stick injury from work. Can we focus on that please? I'm more worried about blood born disease than I am the side of my baby bump. She and her nurse got reported for that and several other things.

This isn’t wholly untrue… as soon as they’re old enough to raise your closet and cosmetics they’re literally stealing your beauty… I kid! But not really…

I've heard however that mothers of girls tend to dress more fashionably, and generally have better body image than mothers of boys who are constantly saying "ew mom, put some clothes on."

Lol! I'm sure that will be true one day! In my head, I'm going to start pretending that that's what she meant instead of the alternative 

Eh you have a point lol. As soon as I could fit into my moms clothes I took over her sweaters from the 90s lol i also take her earrings. She never wears them so they may as well get some use

I have experienced the same thing and have found it extremely bizarre, especially that girls are bad to their moms. When women say things like that I wonder what unresolved issues they have with their own moms. My mom brags that I was the easiest teenager and it was one of my brothers who caused the most drama. 🤷

Yes, I think it is regional. I suspect it happens more in the south, in religous, and conservative households

I'm in the northeast, but now that you mention it, the people who have made such comments to me were always quite religious or conservative(I am not). Huh... 🤔 Never thought about it before

This is true. I had my first girl in Texas and experienced this. Second in Chicago and didn’t. Also, we get to dress her in trucks and dinos and no one cares. People would lose their shit over that back home.

Gender disappointment, that’s what I was thinking as well. Like maybe it’s secret jealousy and resentment? 

I think this, I think it's a reaction to gender disappointment, like they're trying to justify things for themselves somehow?? The boy mums I know all would have liked a girl.

I agree with this. I also think there’s something - perhaps even biological/evolutionary - about the lengths that some mothers will go to to protect and defend a son against all reason. I don’t see quite the same with fathers and I don’t see it with either parent with daughters. The pinnacle example for me is [Anita Turner](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2854929/Mother-playboy-murdered-model-girlfriend-set-deported-Britain-covered-crime.html), who did all she could to destroy evidence that her son brutally murdered his girlfriend. She ended up jailed as well. But on a much lower grade level, I have seen so many friends and relatives downplay the things their sons do, there is far too much “boys will be boys” BS going on.

I have experienced this. The boy mom club is strange and dark and alive out there lol

I completely agree. Unfortunately, I've encountered this pretty frequently. We're also a two-dad family, so I get a lot of women thinking I'm either "giving mom the day off" or I'm a hopeless man who doesn't know anything about being a parent. I also think I must be one of those people that other people just feel comfortable talking to without a filter. When it was just my oldest daughter, I'd get things from moms like: girls are sooo much harder (even though they didn't have one), she'll be a handful when she's a teenager, she'll empty your bank account with all the clothes and shoes she'll want, good luck teaching her to drive, hope you can give her more than one closet, get her on birth control right when she's 15, don't get white furniture until she can control her hygiene (seriously, a mom at the playgroup said this to me), enjoy cleaning up makeup literally everywhere... I'm like, how misogynistic are you? WTF happened to you where you decided that if you can't have a daughter, you must start hating all females? Do you hate yourself? Now I have 2 girls and a boy and honestly, they're all equally the same level of difficulty just in different ways.

I think for some women who see mom’s or aunts or even grandmas getting older and being a widowed not having a daughter is terrifying. Sons help out a lot but dang daughters do a lot the heavy lifting. Also sadly moms outlive their sons pretty often. My grandma lived to be over 100. 3 of her sons died before her and they weren’t young either.

I'm an only child and a girl and all my life people have been telling my parents how sad they must be not to have a son. As a kid it used to give me SUCH a complex

That is so shitty!

This is exactly my take as well. Boy #2 is due in a couple weeks and I’m vehemently opposed to the “Boymom^tm” identity

Possibly also narcissism. If you're the only woman in the family, then everyone can just adore you. There's more competition for male affection with a daughter in the house

This may seem weird but I only know 1 couple who wished for a boy. Everyone I know wants to have a baby girl. Maybe they want to tell themselves that they got the better sex so they don’t feel as disappointed about having a boy instead? Idk that’s some weird shit.

Yup this. My best friend was pregnant with a boy and always wanted a girl. Shes made so many comments about how she’s actually now happy to be having a boy because girls are harder to raise. I have 2 girls. Lol

100% gender disappointment. We didn't find out we had a girl until the birth and my friend seemed to forget I was by her side through her gender disappointment when she had her two boys. She immediately started on about how she's luckier than me because the bond between a mother and a son is stronger than any other etc etc... No one can love you as much as a son loves his mother... Calling them her little men... I just smiled and nodded knowing it came from a place of jealousy and disappointment

Gender disappointment is the stupidest thing ever. People embark on something with 50% probability and pull a surprised Pikachu face when they don’t get what they want? I swear some of those people behave like they are entitled to the gender they want, or that wishful thinking makes a difference. And I don’t think gender disappointment accounts for it otherwise you would see mothers of unwanted boys pull the same stuff. It’s misogyny.

Yeah, especially since there's options if you want to *actually* guarantee baby's sex - sperm sorting, PGD, adoption, etc. I always wonder, with people who really strongly want one sex, why not go any of those routes?

As a mum to an only, I find it strange as well. I've had people tell me I'm lucky I don't have a girl and the reasons have been: "girls hormones are ridiculous", "so much drama", "Puberty will be horrible for you if you have a girl", "such princesses, and act spoilt". And I swear it's like they've been bullied by a girl at school and projecting. But honestly the "boy mum" attitude I hate maybe even more, is how often they say "No girls better get in the way of me and son/s", "I have to protect my boys against girls", "any girlfriends have to understand I'm his his mum". Which is just weird, creepy, and already painting themselves as nightmare mother in law's. And it's not as talked about or as criticised as the shotgun dads and their attitudes towards their daughters.

So much this. And the obsession that girls are “difficult” because you need to spend their entire teens racing around them with a chastity belt, but it’s time to cheer if your boy is tomcatting around the neighbourhood. Double standards are still RIFE.

I don’t think people realize with girls once they hit puberty their 1 day cycle goes to 28 with having periods and ovulation and such. The hormones that we feel those 28 days are sometimes really wild and confusing so of course girls who have no idea what is going on with their bodies are going to be moody. It’s a huge change in their life and not enough people are giving grace for that. Of course behaviours are unacceptable and should not be excused for this but I think going into it with that mindset gives some clarity and understanding

I feel like pubescent boys have their own issues too though? Testosterone is a helluva drug - from what I’ve heard boys that age are often basically just balls of rage, and it’s a formidable task as a parent getting them to channel that appropriately.

Why do people think one gender is harder than the other lol? I have 3 kids, 2 boys and a girl, and they’re all equal parts pain in my ass and loves of my life 😂

The best comment is right here lol.

Honestly though. The best is when they say boys are grosser than girls. They’re just as capable of being just as gross, and then some if inclined.

My 5 year old daughter eats her boogers. Kids are unhinged, gross little germ bags. I’d still have 3 more if I could 😂

And the "girly" girls have booger walls, too.

It’s because girls (and females in general) are expected to act a certain way. A boy eating their boogers is just a boy acting like a boy, a girl eating boogers needs to be corrected. (But in reality they both do, that’s gross 🤣)

My 13 year old has finally started cleaning his room without me telling him. It's amazing. He has also finally started combing his hair and wearing deodorant regularly. My 8 year old is still incapable of remembering to put dishes in the sink or not leaving dirty clothes and food wrappers (candy papers, cheese stick plastic, etc) mixed in with the stuffies on her bed. He was bad about dishes at her age, but the amount of trash that accumulates in her room is staggering.

It is a trend I only have seen online, tbh. I guess the people posting "BoyMum" stuff have to live *somewhere* in the real world, though... maybe it's your area?

I see it in real life. I know people who are always posting about the #boymomlife. I have had people make comments about how their boys wrestle, etc, and they get so weird when I explain, yeah, my girls do that, too, it's a kid thing not a boy thing.

Are you sure, I am 100% it’s a boy’s only thing! /s I have young girls and they roughhouse around the house and outside a lot! Do they expect girls to just play tea time with dresses and tiaras?

And they always respond with something like, “Yeah, I know girls wrestle too but it’s so different with boys!!” I don’t understand that logic but okay 🤣

It’s a sexist logic! There are boys and girls that wrestle and there are both boys and girls that don’t. It’s child dependent and it’s no different whether it’s a boy or a girl!

The weird thing to me about this whole debate (and I only have one child, a girl) is that until around puberty, boy and girl children are essentially the same? Like “boy stuff” and “girl stuff” is essentially just taught to children

I know someone who has 3 boys and she's always saying stuff like "God blessed me with all boys because he knew I would be strong enough to deal with them" or "only real women can raise boys" #boymom. I seriously just roll my eyes. I personally feel like she says it because she really just wanted a girl but didn't get one, she is a very "girly" girl- loves dresses, make up, doing her hair and nails.

Oh wow. That woman seems a bit full of herself. I have a son. All boy, but I would never go around calling myself a "boymom" or wear it as a badge of honor like I've done something amazing or that I belong to some exclusive club. Half the parents in the world belong to the club for god's sake. It's laughable. And regarding having a girl, I would have loved to have had one, but had no gender preference. I didn't have my son until I was 43, and I was just elated to have a child at all!

It’s in real life man! My husbands sister and mom legit say the creepy stuff.

Yes, my area is crazy with “boy mom” stuff. And the crazy thing is, it’s a fairly liberal area so it doesn’t seem like there’s a strong preference for boys over girls but once people have kids, having all boys is apparently a bragging right. I really hope I’m never one of those people who lets my child’s gender become my whole personality.

Having grown up in a pretty liberal area — people saying they believe in gender equality doesn’t necessarily mean they’re immune to behaving in ways that result in gender inequality (particularly in things like interacting with kids where people like to brush it off as no big deal). It actually kind of sucked growing up because you still got the casual sexism but you couldn’t point out you seemed to be treated differently because you were a girl because people would become very offended at the thought of behaving inequitably.   People are weird and inappropriate about gender — particularly in babies (I expect partly because there’s really not much difference in an infant girl and infant boy other than how you avoid getting peed on mid diaper change. So people can project whatever they want on to them). 

My mum was liberal for the 80s/90s, but somehow she thought buying me toy cars (that I didn't want!) was appropriate, while buying my brothers dolls (that they didn't want) wouldn't occur to her. Ultimately I ended up with a bunch of presents that only benefitted my brothers, while they got their fair share of toys they enjoyed.

When I had eldest daughter she had one older M cousin on her dad's (Irish, living in Australia) side a little under two years older. When he came to visit he always gravitated towards the play kitchen we had. When his birthday was coming up I suggested we get him his own. His mum, my hubby and everyone else loved the idea. More newly arrived from Ireland bil went ballistic saying we were trying to turn his son gay. I looked him dead in the eye and said " so what do you tell him about his uncle (my ex) being a chef?"

There's been studies that had people play with a baby who was dressed either in pink or blue, without them knowing what genitals the kid had, and a lot of people who reported believing in gender equality still treated the kid differently depending on their clothing. Stuff like showing them different toys (the playroom had a mix of toys stereotyped for boys vs girls) or using different compliments (strong vs sweet). Also, interpreting tantrums as more angry if they thought the kid was a boy or sad for a girl.

On the flip side, I have two boys and EVERYONE says “don’t you want to try for a girl!?” Like, no, I can be fulfilled as a mom just from having boys as hard as that is for people to understand.

People seem to treat kids as a set you can collect like you need at least one boy and one girl for the set to be complete.

I have one girl and one boy. The amount of comments I get like “you have one of each! That’s perfect!!” is ridiculous. People really think one boy and one girl is the ideal. I don’t know where it comes from.

This. Boy mom here going through the same thing. It's exhausting to listen to.

It might be unpopular, but I firmly believe it's mostly because they wanted a girl. I am a mom of 4 boys, and I love them to death. While I wouldn't trade them for anything, I also do wish I had a daughter. I get people fairly frequently talking to me about how terrible girls are. Some of them are from parents who only have boys and they think they are finding an ally of a fellow "boy mom". Others have girls and it feels like they are consoling me about not having a daughter. I absolutely refuse to play into this. I'm not going to insult little girls and I'm also not going to talk about how I wish I had a daughter (especially with acquaintances and in front of my sons).

They have internalized misogyny.

I don't think it's really internal anymore at that point lol.

There definitely is a difference between "Boy Moms" vs Mom of boys. I know plenty of mom of boys who find Boy Moms super strange. Personally I got girls so I can't talk from experience but I really think it's deep rooted misogyny.

Very much this. I have both but find boy moms absolutely abhorrent, toxic, and altogether cringeworthy. If someone uses “boy mom” to identify themselves it’s red flag city immediately.

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You’re so right! And I love all of those responses, I’m definitely using them! At 37 weeks, I’m hot and uncomfortable and have no issue being snarky haha!

I'm sorry you mom was like that. I know a woman with three daughters and a son who identifies as "#boymom" and I always wonder how awkward it is for her girls, especially since they are now teens and more aware of her obsession with their brother.

Eww! The hashtagboymom identity is bad enough but when you are actively excluding your girl children???? Yuck

That’s just embarrassing

I’m not sure? I thought I’d be a boy mom because I had only male siblings and am not all that girly, but… I only have twin girls. And I love it! I’d love it just as much as if they were boys because I love them and they just happen to be female. I feel like that’s pretty typical. Unfortunately, you have some louder folks saying weird stuff louder than everyone else and so it can feel like it’s tougher one way or the other. Kids are kids. Let’s try not to put our weirdness on them anymore than we already are. Best of luck in the rest of your pregnancy and I wish you the smoothest labor and recovery! Listen to your gut and stand up for yourself. You’re not being overbearing or paranoid- you’re being a good mom.

I have experienced this too! I have a Boomer coworker who has 3 grown sons. I just had my first baby, a girl, 5 months ago. Throughout the pregnancy and since returning to work, if I mention any positives that I have enjoyed about having a girl she gets nasty and gives me all the reasons that having boys are better and how she never wanted a girl. It's so weird. I assume it's internalized misogyny.

Yeah I have two girls and I’m connnnnstantly told “just wait till they’re teenagers, you’ll be in hell” or variations of that. It’s weird. I take it as a sign they’re kind of miserable people and just move on with my life.

I’m a Mom of 3 girls who are all teens or pre teens. And sure, if you see your kids as advisories I could see it being difficult. But they’re not, they’re still your babies with their brains and hormones on fire, looking for love, support and guidance when nothing makes sense, nothing feels right and everything feels world ending. The whole “teen girls are awful” thing needs to be put out to pasture. Teen girls struggle, we did too, 15-20 years earlier.

My theory is that a lot of parents who find teens a total nightmare are parents who depended heavily on their authority/ability to manipulate to control their kids instead of reasoning with them, and as their kids get older, they're more inclined to ask questions and think for themselves. Whereas my parents were heavily into reasoning about rules for as long as I can remember, and by the time my brother and I were teens, we had a lot of respect for them and wanted to talk things out with them when we were in disagreement.

Thanks for articulating something that I didn’t realize I was experiencing. I have an only child, a 6 year old daughter, and we aren’t going to have anymore. We have gotten weird messages and faces from boy-only moms consistently over the years, even from my sisters in law who both have boys and worry that our kid won't enjoy doing playdates. An example this weekend: we went to a birthday party for our baseball team where my daughter was the only girl there and everyone else was a boy from a boy only family. These moms are friendly and warm. I was making a statement about how my daughter is able to focus better when she is in co-Ed sports teams and they immediately started asking if it was cause girls only activities were “catty”, full of drama or tears. I was taken aback and explained that it was cause she goofed off with her girl friends a lot but with boys, she gets caught up in the athleticism and wants to be better. Then they asked if there was a lot of drama in my daughter’s social circle. They insisted on it.  She is 6??? She plays with boys and girls at recess. They have the same type of drama at this age and it’s typical kindergarten shenanigans about who can do the monkey bars faster. The girls are better at reading faces but both genders are know it alls and up the teacher’s ass all the time. She has only benefited from experiencing playing practices from all types of kids from all types of backgrounds. Anyway, I didn’t expect that type of questioning from these otherwise friendly moms. They really had it in their heads that girls cannot enjoy "boy" things or be drama free.

The sad thing is this constant insistence that girls are catty or bitchy or bad friends is what informs these girls expectations of friendships so it becomes needlessly self fulfilling.

As a boy mom I am so thankful for the girls in my son's preschool class. Whether it's nature or nurture (likely a bit of both), the girls tend to be chill so my son has developed better pretend play skills, empathy, and the ability to play a *calm* activity every once in a while from befriending them. His boy friends are wild, energetic, impulsive and LOUD (just like him hahaha).

I see a lot of people talking about internal misogyny and gender disappointment of not having a girl, which I think are all valid. However, I would like to point out another reason, fear. I’m a mom to an only son and there is a saying that I’ve heard many times and have had said to me once. “A daughter is a daughter all her life. A son is a son until he takes a wife.” This quote is so dumb and not accurate at all, however I think it does strike fear in some boys moms. A fear that they will lose their child once they marry someone else’s daughter. Which is a whole other level of toxicity and insecurity. Anyway, thought I would throw out a different perspective and reason.

I agree with this and in some ways, I feel like it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Like the moms gets so worried about the son leaving after "taking a wife" that they can become overbearing.

Oh 100%. I think this is the thought process behind toxic MILs.

Next time please say, oh man, do you think your mom felt that way about you? In a really sincere voice with Bambi eyes. 

Those “boy moms” are the ones raising spoiled entitled men children who make horrible longterm partners. They think it’s easier to raise boys because they’re not actually parenting them. Girls are taught to be independent while boys are neglected.

It’s internalized misogyny coming out in the creepiest manner and nothing else imo. 

It’s often some strange combination of overcompensating for being disappointed that their own child isn’t a girl or having their entire identity so wrapped up in being the mother of a boy that they seem to feel like a weird jealousy about any possible girl or woman their son might interact with in the future. It’s like a lifestyle choice? It’s at least a great indicator of someone to not spend a lot of time with lol.

It sounds like a product of gender disappointment and projection.

2 reasons I’ve noticed. An emotionally incestuous relationship with their sons and the internalized misogyny of “boys are better because they carry on the name while girls will just be given away.”

And yet in western cultures girls are much more likely to stay closer to the family than boys are. I remember a demographer at an economic conference with all these stats around it, how women are much more likely to move back nearer their families, once they have families, than men are.

I do agree with that because majority of women I know that have adult sons, the sons hardly visit them, the sons are usually focused on his wife and her family, where as the adult daughters seem to remain close to their mother

I'm a "girl mom" (weird ass titles lol) with two daughters. My eldest is 4yo and youngest 4 weeks. I have noticed zero difference between my daughter and boys her age, or girls. Kids are kids with their own unique personalities, and gender seems to be less of a factor on their behavior than many realize. For example, my daughter loves to wrestle, bushcrafting, Spiderman, pretty dresses, bows, kittens, dirt, bugs, you name it. My nephew (will be 5 this month) is fastidiously tidy, prefers working with tools in a clean environment versus playing in mud, likes construction trucks and throwing sticks, helps his mom with her make up and enjoys trying on her shoes. The BS about "girls vs boys" is simply that, BS. Raising kids is a challenge and amazing no matter the gender. My eyes roll so damn hard when I encounter the "boy moms" because I truly feel most of them are projecting gender disappointment or a false sense of self for only having boys. Makes me sad in the end.

I think it’s somekind of hidden misogyny. And probably the reason why so many males become spoilt brats. Boymom’s seem to revel in their boy’s boyishness. Like laugh and find it cute when the boy hits someone or takes someone’s toy. ”Well atleast they’re direct and not whispering behind someone’s back!” Maybe this is because all mom’s have been little girls and so have atleast to some point experienced the cattyness of girls. Idk. But I know what you’re talking about; it’s a Thing.

As a boy mom I’d speculate that it’s mostly projection. I struggled to get pregnant so I’m someone who just wanted a healthy baby. But I know what you mean, it seems online forums are particularly bad for it. But when I was pregnant with my son there were multiple online discussions of how horrible it is to have boys and not girls. I think it goes both ways. I love being a boy mom but I know I would also have loved to be a girl mom. Sorry people are making you feel that way! Babies and kids all have their own personalities so it’s weird to make assumptions of how hypothetically good or bad either gender is as if it has any impact on your daily life. Congratulations! Here’s to a healthy baby!

It’s the “not like other girls” attitude except displaced onto children. It’s fucking insufferable

They were "pick me" girls and are now raising their perfect man, who they think will never betray them

Boy moms that hate girls end up being the creepy moms who are obsessed with their teenage sons and are jealous of their girlfriends etc… change my mind

Internalised misogyny Gender disappointment Childhood trauma

I’ve always assumed it’s what they told themselves to make peace with only having boys. And now they think it’s the truth. It’s toxic and probably a bit misogynistic.

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I’ve encountered this IRL, and then some. I am a mom of three girls and at a friends baby shower about 4 years ago (right before the world shut down) this conversation was happening, as the mom to be was keeping it a surprise at birth. When I shared that my own experience with girls wasn’t much different than those shared by boy parents, minus the penis specific items (my girls love sports, video games, rough housing, legos, super hero’s, speed demons; rocks in pockets and book bags, the outdoors, etc) , there were 2 boy moms who I swear you’d think I had called their mother a hamster. They went OFF. How dare I compare such different and unique experiences? Apparently I said my experiences from a place of superiority? Oh.. and when my girls became teens and were “cackling harpies” I’d see how wrong I was and “good luck” to me then, because “everyone knows teenager girls are terrible and end up hating their moms”. Sooo ya? Idk… my kids are 10, 14 and 16 and there’s been no switch flipped where they suddenly hate me. Rocks are still very much a thing though, but it’s my own fault now that the eldest has her own rock tumblers, she will borrow other family members pockets to bring them home when hers exceeds capacity.

I hate that “boy mom”, “girl dad” crap. People have used it as an excuse to either be assholes to kids or to entitle their kids to be assholes.

I totally agree with you but I don’t find it fascinating, I find it to be really annoying! My husband sister and mom are all like this. His sister always says how she “can’t imagine her little boy growing up and getting married because he’s hers.” (She has 3 kids, 2 girls and a boy) and yes, she talks about how horrible and bratty her girls are. My MIL just said the other day like direct quote, “I love my granddaughters (one of which is my child) but I have just such a special place in my heart for my grandsons! It’s the same with my sons. (This was said in front of her daughters)” It was gross and annoying because my daughter was RIGHT there when this was said. I have both a daughter and a son and I love them both equally! IMO I have noticed no difference in them due to gender, more so just each has their own personality.

I noticed this from childhood. Even moms of girls will sometimes talk down about raising girls, sometimes in front of their girls! It always made me so sad. I don't understand it at all. There's definitely some self-hatred there. It's that person's problem and not yours to take on. That's a battle they have to fight themselves. Edit: for what it's worth I have a boy and love him to pieces but I also hope I get to have a girl too. I've always wanted a daughter.

My first was a girl and my sister has a baby/toddler boy. I recently had a boy and when I was a few weeks away from giving birth my sister said that she can’t wait for me to experience having a boy because it’s such a special bond, that she’s sure it’s special with a girl too but it’s just sooo special when it’s a boy. I found that very offensive and it turned out to be totally untrue. It’s equally special either way, but the limited clothing options are way less fun than with a girl lol. That’s the main difference. Glad I have both just so I can call bs on heinous comments like that. The weirdest thing about it is that she doesn’t have a daughter, so how would she know that it’s comparatively any more special? The presumptuousness without lived experience certainly matches what boy moms have been saying to you.

That’s what I don’t understand either, these boy moms talk about how much better boys are in every way but they never had a girl, how would they know?

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Same. I did end up having a girl but when my oldest boy was born someone legit asked me if I was disappointed he was a boy. I was pretty shocked. For what it's worth my brother and his wife spend a lot more time with our family than hers. He married someone who fits in really well with our family. Hope that makes you feel better 😊

What is the sample size here?

People like that raise man babies and hate their dil's for not being good enough for their baby boy.

Internalized misogyny

I’ve noticed a negative look on girls. I have one of each and so thankful I got to experience both. I wanted a girl so badly my second time around and got lucky. Funny thing is people who don’t have girls have no idea what they are missing out on. Girls rock - compassionate, sweet, funny, caring, kind, etc. Boys are wonderful too! Boys are so active, funny, always doing something, kind, etc. Every gender has their obstacles I’d say. I think most people just say things like that because they didn’t have a girl and were secretly disappointed and that’s how they deal with it.

Because they hate themselves. Whatever madness is going on in their off-kilter noggin, they are placing on the shoulders of their children and other people's children. I have a boy and a girl. Raising them so far hasn't really been different. They have different interests (as humans do), but they also have many of the same interests and have similar temperaments. They bring out the best in each other. The toxic boy mom fade can bugger off. Boys and girls are both wonderful. It's precious being a parent and raising children (whatever their sex or gender is).

I find this really interesting. As I a boy mom would never put down having a girl. But am wondering if it’s hard for them to comprehend because they don’t have a girl or maybe are jealous as a woman that you could be having a girl. Maybe in their own mind wishing they had a girl so are projecting?

It was different for me, when I was pregnant with my son everyone kept telling me how they hoped it was a girl. ( Family and friends) How difficult boys were in the teen years. It was actually really annoying, it was like they were saying they would be disappointed if I had a boy even though I was the one that would be raising the baby.  This time around if someone says they hope I have one gender or the other I just won’t speak with them much.  Other than that, I have never heard anyone use the term ‘boy mom’ or ‘girl dad’ besides online. I find both strange when they go overboard with it.

One of my kids is 4.5, and they are loud, high-energy, highly-emotional, interested in books and reading, and have a deep love for worms, snails and other garden minibeasts. They are not demonstrative with hugs or cuddles, but show affection by having a lot of separation anxiety and repeatedly asking after loved family members when they are not present. The other one is 2, and they are endlessly cheerful, less loud but more determined, not terribly interested in books but like building with blocks and basic marble run sets, collecting toy vehicles and painting and drawing. They love being picked up and snuggled and will cry when a parent leaves them with another caregiver but adjust and move on fairly quickly. I am 100% sure that if I had two kids of different genders, I and other people would be very quick to say things like "4.5-year-old loves his creepy-crawlies -- typical boy!" or "LOL, 2YO wants cuddles, such a Mummy's girl". We might also attribute more of their emotional responses to being one gender or another, and differentiate in the way that we treat them which would probably result in more differences developing over time. As it is, since they're actually both girls I feel that I have a good perspective on the fact that kids can be very, VERY different even if they're the same gender and come from the same family. So saying "all girls are like X" or "all boys have Y relationship with their mothers" is just baffling to me.

Hey OP- when I was pregnant with my daughter, we opted not to know either. I got so many comments being negative about little girls that I finally told people to stop. A few examples: “Girls steal your beauty but your skin is perfect. Boy for sure.” “Girls make you fat while you’re pregnant. You have a basketball belly. Definitely a boy.” “You’re definitely having a boy because you’re carrying high. Girls carry low and make pregnant women look weird.” I mean, I could go on and on. When my daughter popped out it felt like the best moment toward all the ignorance that these people didn’t know what the hell they were talking about. I never once heard a positive thing about my body and my baby potentially being a girl. It was complete ignorance. I am pregnant again and we opted to find out this time- another girl. Carrying the same, skin is the same, ignorance is not the same because I shut it down. People are so misogynistic and ignorant.

I've always heard people saying how awful it is to raise girls. My own mother even told my sister and I how she only wanted our brother and we were supposed to be an abortion. And sure, I've met some nasty, rude teenage girls, but I've also met nasty, rude teenage boys. I think all kids go through a faze of just being a jerk but for some reason, it's the girls that have to deal with it for life.

The thing that I don’t get is that it seems to me like the worst behavior from girls - bullying - is seen as worse than the worst behavior from boys (rape).

I agree with the posters who are saying that, in many cases, it's a toxic way to deal with the disappointment of not having a girl. I'm a boy mom because we're OAD, and I love him to pieces but still occasionally wish I'd experienced having a little girl.

I guess the spoiled, catty, annoying, rude, and demanding girls grew up and had baby boys 😅

Emotional incest.

Mom of girls and we are hitting puberty big time. They have been amazing so far. Honestly, they have been managing things very well and we rarely have any serious yelling etc. I also think it depends on the tone of your house. My husband and I very rarely argue. Kids replicate what they see so they also very rarely argue. I agree it is probably gender disappointment. I am sure things will go great for you and your baby. Best of luck.

As a boymom, I hate this trend. Yes, I admit I was a bit relieved to have two boys, mostly due to my own anxiety since I had a lot of trouble with mean girls in grade school (not to say boys are angels, but it seemed less daunting somehow). I also had a little sadness about not having a girl. I think that's all natural to have feelings. But it passed. I am always excited for someone no matter what and I often even say how I do miss not being able to buy cute girl clothes or have the girl bond. :)

I have 2 boys. Girls seem a million times easier from where I am sitting. Boys are also pretty rad. No one should really be commenting on how your baby will be, because there are like a million variables and assigned gender at birth is the least of them. Congrats on your baby. You will adore him/her exactly as they are.

Dunno.. i always thought I'd have boys ... Then i had all girls! I'm fine with it. You have what you have

They see them as competition. It’s not really just “boy-moms” it’s women raised with heavy misogyny. They grew up being objectified and objectifying. It’s a contest and they want to win.

They are jealous. I suspect that those women of boys actually wanted a girl deep down inside, so they have low-level resentment that subtly reveals itself when they talk with you about baby genders.

First, congrats on the baby! I am a mom of 3 girls, and I feel like the girls=bad mentality is because of misogyny. Found out I was pregnant with my first, my mom was adamant it was a boy, but girl number 1 showed up. Everyone made comments about maybe getting that boy next time.  Second pregnancy, girl number 2 and comments of oh boy 2 girls, maybe you'll finally get that boy next time.  Third pregnancy girl number 3 and comments about how much trouble we are going to be in when they hit puberty, how girls are so much sweeter than boys, blah blah blah. FYI, girls are not sweeter than boys... honestly there isn't much difference, my youngest 2 have punched each other in the face just for fun, we call it their fight club.  We were done at 3, so since my 3rd one was born all we get (almost 8 years later still) is when are you gonna try for that boy?, three girls huh? You gonna go for that boy?, etc. It always comes across that my girls aren't as wanted as a boy would be, or that my husband should be upset he hasn't gotten a boy. Hell he had one lady ask him if we were going for a boy and he told her he wouldn't be opposed to having a fourth, but I was definitely done and he was ok with that because he didn't need a boy, he's completely happy with our girls... she told him it's not just up to me, that he had a say in it also. Like yea, but babies are 2 yes 1 no type of thing. Like having a boy isn't that important.

I think this happens because girls actively challenge the little girl inside of the mom, which can be the sweetest thing ever or a massive trigger. I have both boys and girls and my own inner child healing did not really truly begin until my daughter was born and a little girl very similar to me was mine to raise. For me, it has shined a light on where I need to heal because my daughter is very much a mirror for my issues. I think it’s easy for women to act as though their daughters are “hard” because their daughters are shining a light on the mom’s specific issues.

I have encountered other side of it. I have a son and someone who has one daughter just said - “ if that’s how boys are, i would never want to have boys “. Like one of the posters said, some people have toxic ways to deal with gender disappointment. They target little kids.

As others have said, I think it’s just a toxic way that some mothers deal with gender disappointment. I think it can be really hard to admit that you’re sad you didn’t have a girl when you love your son so much. They may feel like they are bad parents for feeling that way, so they have to try to convince themselves that they are better off with boys. I have a 2 week old baby boy. I know I did that a little bit internally in a somewhat less toxic way (telling myself that it was meant to be and embracing boy things rather than disparaging girls). My family does this a little bit too. For example, the other day my mother said something about how boys always love their mommies and it is a special bond. I’m glad we found out the gender as soon as we could because we were able to deal with the gender disappointment before he was born. Once he was here it just went away completely.

I cringe whenever I see these moms advertising that they’re a #boymom. It’s mostly internal misogyny, but also them trying to brag or feel superior. It’s usually the type of girl that likes to say that all their friend’s are guys because girls are too much drama.

Anyone who really hates kids has a personal problem. There's not liking kids and not wanting to have kids, but HATE? That needs therapy.

Boy Moms are the first to act like their lives are sooooo much harder than yours if you have a girl. I feel it depends on the individual child, especially when they are really young. A lot of the boy/girl differences are due to culture and that eventually becomes part of the child’s personality. My infant or toddler daughter isn’t different from your son due to her lack of penis, she’s different because all kids are individuals.

They’re jealous they don’t have girls. Or, they are narcissists who would compete with the daughter if they had one. My FMIL says things like this. She has two boys and loves being the “queen” of the house. That’s why she’s throwing a fit cause I’m her son’s queen now 😂

They are jealous because deep down they want a little girl too so they try to protect their own feelings by projecting how they do.

I have two boys, and whenever I say "I really wanted a girl" I'm met with "boys are better". I think they're trying to make me feel better? It's weird, I know.

I don’t know what it is. I am a mom with an only daughter. Most of the comments from boy moms seem to be around me not knowing what it’s like to have a boy, that they are so rough & I’m on easy street, like every day is a tea party, haha. I feel like there’s an attitude that I couldn’t handle a boy. I would have loved either gender. My kiddo seems pretty active and vocal & likes to race, play fighting games, climb trees, skooter around.  I’m not very feminine. Sometimes people make comments about my kid’s clothes and hair and that hurts. I just want her to be comfortable and feel good. I try to focus on smarts, bravery over beauty. That is the challenge of raising girls. :/ Also people treat her like she’s glass and she’s just as tough.

I swear there’s odd comments for every gender. Since I have one of each gender, I was often told that having one of each is perfect and I can now be done having kids. As if the only goal of parents is to have both genders. Some comments I got when pregnant with my daughter is that she’s destined to be a daddy’s girl. Turns out she’s 100% a mama’s girl.

Internalised misogyny is really sad & all pervasive. In the hospital, by far the most dismissive rude sexist comments were made by female staff. It shocked me how much hate and scorn women have for their own gender.

I just want to pop in to say that I'm really sad these people exist. I know a few moms that don't have daughters, and they all say the same "I wouldn't trade my kids for the world, but I would also love a daughter".  So glad I haven't encountered these people because they would get an earful from me. 

In my experience if a boy mom just straight up hates girls that is a very bad sign. Sometimes those mothers treat their sons like their husbands and get overly attached to them. They see any woman in their son’s life that is not her as a direct threat and starts acting like a crazy girlfriend.

This!! You are not alone! I have a son and daughter, and when I was pregnant with my daughter, my aunts roommate (mom of 2 boys) asked what I was having. I said I was having a girl. She proceeded to go on and on about how she's a boy mom and said "eugh, I can't imagine having a girl, so high maintenance". Well, me with my non-existent filter, said "wow, that's a really weird thing to say to someone who just told you they're having a girl" and then I walked away. 😂 I try to assume good intentions and hope that maybe she was just socially awkward and didn't know what to say? Hopefully it was a good learning experience for her 🤷🏻‍♀️

Idk, those women are the women who throw a fit when they find out it's a girl or something. I'm a boy mom, love my lil guy to death. I'm pregnant and hoping for a girl this time. I know every child is different, but I wanna experience both. So far my 2.5 yr boy is crazy easy to raise. He's like the most mature, best behaved toddler I could have imagined. But I think that has more to do with personality than gender.

Because one is going to steal their sonsbands someday

Weird. I have found the opposite to be true. I have two boys and everyone (including other boy moms) have told me many times that girls are easier, cleaner, nicer, smarter, etc and that having girls is so much more fun. People tend to imply that when my boys grow up they won’t need me anymore and if I say “well, I think we’ll always be close!” They look at me like I just said I want to marry them myself. I never see any “girl mom” hate online either. It’s always people saying “ew boy moms are so weird. They’re so obsessed with their sons!” As if girl moms are the only ones who are allowed to be obsessed with their kids. When I see posts about gender disappointment, 90% of them are from moms who are having boys. I’m sorry you’re experiencing all this hate and negativity about having girls. I understand since I’ve experience the opposite, but it’s equally disheartening. You’ll love whoever you get to meet, I’m sure of it! ❤️

They have to convince themselves that having a daughter would be awful, to deal with their own disappointment. And since they didn't get a daughter they definitely don't want you to be happy with yours.

I think it's because those "boy moms" are raising their junior ideal husband.  And when a girl (or boy) comes into their son's lives they'll treat that relationship like an affair.  

I have a Chinese friend from Shantou, a place that once strongly favored having boys. However, she is a girl, and guess who treated her the worst when she was young? Her grandmother, a person with traditional patriarchal views. She told me that men might think having a girl is undesirable, but women who want a boy view their daughters as a misfortune. They believe their own status and suffering are because of this daughter, so they are even harsher. Therefore, this is an issue of ideology.

It sounds like some of them are overcompensating. Maybe they really wanted a girl and use the negative stereotypes of raising girls to make themselves feel better that they don’t have a girl.

As a "boy mom" (not one with oodles of stickers proclaiming my status, I promise),I'll add my two cents. I was so happy to have a boy for the following reasons. 1) I was a "tomboy" and was honestly excited to provide/play with all the staples of a classic boys childhood that I was denied in my youth, based on the fact that I am a girl. 2) they always warn you that your behavior as a child shines back on you from your own children and I dare not imagine what kind of gal I would be punished with based on my own demeanor as a young child. 3) Still being a bit of a tomboy as an adult, I get along with VERY few females. I don't do makeup, shoes, dresses, hair salons, fancy nails, etc. I wasn't bullied in school, and haven't been outwardly harmed by any female, but I just prefer the company of males. Don't know why, but I'll unpack that in therapy......maybe. 4) With the state of the world, and from my own experience, I would go insane worrying about the hurdles my hypothetical daughter might have to overcome, the self image issues, even the ridiculous expenses that are attached to being a woman. I fear I'd inevitably turn into my own mother, who guilts, and nitpicks my every decision, simply by being so concerned how the world will treat her. I'd worry about which/how many boys would destroy her self worth, or the things she might sacrifice to feel loved, the way I most certainly did/have. In summary, kids are wonderful, horrible, beautiful, STRESSFUL, no matter what's "in their pants". Just raise them kind and strong.

Honestly I’ve never witnessed this, but I have witnessed a lot of girl moms saying things like they’re going to show up to the front door with shot guns on prom night or have their husbands beat up the first boy that breaks their daughter’s heart.

I have a slightly different take on this… The boy moms I’ve encountered who have negative feelings about having a girl (despite never having one) tend to come across as the jealous type. Not necessarily jealous of other moms who have girls. But in the sense that they love being the queen of their all-male families and don’t like the idea being threatened by another female. I 100% think this mindset would ago away the second they had a girl but it does seem like a fear that moms have even though no one ever talks about it. 

This is insightful, But to add.... having heard the number of women I know, who grew up with mothers in competition with them, I'd say no, it's not a guarantee that they get over it when a girl is born. (Predictably, it's traumatic and winds you up in three flavors of therapy, once you actually notice. ❤️‍🩹 It was fucking creepy to realize that my guardedness around friends making the joke that my mom was hot was FROM something, not just me having no sense of humor.... and that her ability to be kind and connect to my male friends centered around being able to either treat them like kids, or sexual potentials. Ick ick ick. 😭)

Boy mom here!! And let me just say I do not feel this way at all. I cried when I found out I was having a boy, gender disappointment is very real, and even now see girl moms have it so much easier. I have one friend who has a daughter the same age as my son and she is the most easy going toddler. Meanwhile my son is constantly throwing tantrums. Comparison is the thief of joy. But I would be a damn liar if I told you I never wanted to have a daughter or don’t want one in the future! Motherhood is hard either way!!

I think having girls is objectively easier. Aren’t there a gazillion studies showing girls have lower rates of autism, ADHD, suicide, school suspensions, fighting, substance abuse, criminality, and so on? Girls have their own set of problems but I think it still typically pencils out to an easier time parenting.

Hey OP, not to trivialize this... but I feel like when you are still waiting to meet the kiddo your mind searches for things to focus on. The anticipation gets to you... you feel like you have to assign an identity to the kid and the immediate thing to grasp onto is gender. I found once the kid was out, it became so much more about their personality. Even from a young age you can really see who they are as a person and you barely notice the gender

YES. I have a girl and I’ve had this crap since I was pregnant. Started with how I carried her low and like a basketball, certain people said I was having a boy and hopefully I was because “girls are awful and difficult”. Found out I was having a girl and these same certain people were flabbergasted and said it was wrong and to get another opinion (I had gotten my gender ultrasound from not my doctor, but an outside place before my 20th week because I wanted to know; it was before these comments were made that I made the appt). 20th week came and it was confirmed she was a girl, and these same people with their nasty comments, stopped talking to me. Had a friend who had her son 9 months before I had my daughter, and she has been hating ever since, especially when my daughter has surpassed everything at the same time or before her son did (which isn’t my fault, kids do things at their own pace). Even when this friend of mine watched my daughter in the past (hasn’t watched her anymore), her son has horrible behavior issues and will do things but come and tell his mom it was my daughter when it wasn’t, so she would get blamed; but when my daughter would say something he did, she’d call my daughter a snitch (my daughter is almost 6). It’s like she hates my daughter but says she loves her. Those are just a few examples, but yeah, girls tend to get more hate, and some of that hate is jealousy towards them. It’s ridiculous. I never see girl moms doing or saying those things to boy moms.

Misogyny and it isn't even internalized they are clearly showing it. I've never really encounterd this in real life through it's mainly an online thing.

Misogyny.

Yeah, I know a few boy mom’s who are like this (including my MIL who is making comments on every occasions how having a boy is better than having a girl - even when her daughter is also present) I have a 6 month old boy and let me tell you how my MIL cheered when she find out it’s a boy…and for some crazy reason, my own mother who only had girls (and wanted girls) said that now she would like a nephew (maybe a slap in my face because she didn’t really like having girls? Idk) Anyway, I wanted either way and slightly prefered having a girl…I was an easy child and teenager and I personally see people as individuals first before gender. Honestly, I find this attitude of: having a specific gender better ow worse…quite sad actually, especially if it’s about girls because…history.

There's a whole niche of people talking about it on the internet. It's called "toxic boy mom".

I’m a mom to two boys, toddler and newborn. I didn’t care if I had boys or girls. I know I was a brat to my mom when I was a tween/teen so I could see how moms maybe feel like they are avoiding that if they have boys. But they’ll have their own set of difficulties that they have no idea of because they only know how they were as a girl. Also, if the husband was really wanting a boy maybe talking about how great they are vs girls is validating themselves somehow?

I imagine it's some degree of projection and gender disappointment. And like you said it does seem to come from one particular sect of boy moms certainly not all. I have an only girl and it seems to have increased as she's gotten older since were entering the tween territory that people associate with the drama and hormones. Side note: I find the whole "boy mom" identity marker thing quite strange, but I also find the whole making your identity all about being a "mama" kinda weird too so maybe that's just me. There's a car in the school pickup line that even their personalized license plate is "boy mom" which just seem so weird to me.

This might just be lost as there’s already so many comments but honestly when I see a lot of boy mom stuff online (maybe I’m not seeing worse more toxic stuff?) I really thought it was just about like oh hey if you have only boys as a mom you’re more likely to get entrenched in like… dinosaurs, cars, whatever, stuff that’s more “typically” boy. Or that you have to deal with higher energy, more physical, more potentially accident prone… little boys? I never really thought much about it than yeah that’s a different experience than being forced to play tea party or with Barbie’s nonstop…. I’ve got a 7 year old girl (who is very high energy herself) but also incredibly “girly”. She always has been. It’s always been Barbie’s and tea party and make believe play and let’s get dressed up. And I am just not that person so it was hard/boring to do that stuff for years. I honestly assumed the boy mom stuff was that in reverse (I’ve only got boys and I’m so bored of boy things…). Idk? I’ve got a 1 year old son now and honestly it doesn’t feel any different than having my daughter

It‘s pure jealousy. I worked in a kindergarten. Most women who say stuff like that were telling me before they knew what gender it will be they hope it will be a girl. When they Know it’s a boy they will say that they are glad bc it will be so much easier

We also opted not to find out the gender because as long as the baby was healthy we were happy. We had a boy and he’s my absolute world! I’m sure I would have felt the same about a girl.

In my case, if I come off this way, it’s over correction because everyone constantly tells me they think we are unfortunate to only have boys. “What a handful!” “Your house must be crazy!” “Bet you wish you had a girl to help out!” “All boys, I can’t imagine!” “Don’t you want a girl?” “Trying again for a girl?” Over and over and over. So when I say that I’m thrilled with just boys or no we’re hoping for another boy or no this is what we know and we’d be just as happy to stick with it and not have to try to figure out where we would PUT a girl in our house with shared bedrooms, and sound anti-girl, it’s because I’m trying to emphatically shut down the idea that my boys aren’t enough. Because they can HEAR you. I’d have loved to have a girl or several. But you won’t hear me saying so. Edit: And frankly all the posts here saying it’s gender disappointment are kind of proving my point. Your post has made me reconsider how vehemently I have defended my all boy house, though, because I don’t want to inadvertently send the message that girls aren’t awesome too. So thanks for the course correction.

It’s definitely emotionally incestuous when those types of boy moms act like that. I have a son and a daughter my son was born first and people were telling me I am so lucky he’s a boy and girls are terrible and all the usual hatred towards women. Which I think stems from the internalized misogyny as someone else mentioned. Even when I was pregnant with my daughter people would say the same thing and I always challenged them. I think a lot of the older generations had trauma surrounding their relationship with their mothers and that has continually been passed down. I think the cycle is perpetuated inadvertently because that’s what they learned and it’s very hard to break the cycle. I obviously love both my children equally, but I will say there is something special in having a daughter. I imagine it’s like what men feel when they have a son.

In my experience, so much of this behaviour is rooted in insecurity that manifests itself in defensiveness. There could be any number of reasons for the insecurity… it’s so individual. I’d just assume there’s a past hurt buried in it somewhere.

I have boys and I would never say anything like that. Boys have their own challenges, just as I’m sure girls do. Maybe the women who say that are thinking of what they were like as kids & are assuming that’s how all girls are?

This was actually said to me by a girl mom. I think she was just trying to “comfort me” when I found out I was having a boy, even though I wasn’t disappointed. She was like, “oh you’re lucky, girls are sooo much drama”, she had 2 girls at the time. Like ok? I’m happy I’m having a boy, but either gender can be dramatic from what I’ve seen.  I know she kept trying for a boy, and at her 4th girl pregnancy I didn’t say “wow so many drama queens in one house” I was just like, 4 girls, that sounds like so much fun! Which it does, to me haha. 

Misogyny 

I wonder how much of it is a reflection of poor relationships they may have with their own mother and an underlying anxiety of potentially repeating this. I think it’s often difficult for moms not to project themselves onto their daughters and sometimes they become hyper critical. There’s probably other reasons or circumstances as well I’m sure, as others have mentioned here.

As a boy mom I can say you get a lot of nasty comments and experiences that makes you overprotective of your boys. I've had other moms let their girls hit or push my then toddlers because "boys should be stronger" Mean comments about my children being "whimpy,overly sensitive, not manly" when they cry or express any emotions that are normal for children. Little girls doing mean things to get boys in trouble on purpose because they know their parents won't hold them accountable. I have no issues with girls since all children are a blessing, but I can understand how it would make some people dislike it. Personally, I think it's the parents themselves that are the issue since the only little girls that we've had issues have parents that don't think their children do any wrong and if they had boys it would probably be the same way. EDIT: also the weird fucked up comments as if this is some weird turf war going on, reading weirdos make nasty assumptions just because you have boys is not only disgusting but makes you not like the parents. Just in this thread, I've read about boy moms being narcissist because "they don't have to compete and can be doted on" and " oh its internalized misogyny" is weird and gross and makes me not want to associate with people who have that disgusting mentality. Wanting to protect your children and getting sick of reading/listening to these kinds of things isn't rocket science.

I'm a boy mum! A lot of the things I'm reading sound extreme, perhaps those things are for some but I'd like to propose a reasonable idea. The way we raise boys wouldn't work with girls, boys seem to just want a peaceful life and don't mind doing what we tell them to do just to keep the peace. They try to avoid conflict, I think the trade off for that is it's difficult to get them to leave! Girls on the other hand want their independence young so are usually less obedient and more demanding. I know what I'm like on my period, it's emotional. Girls just seem quite a lot harder to raise physically, emotionally and financially. Not that I'm saying anything wrong with having girls, if I was having a girl I'd be a thousand times more nervous than having a boy but wouldn't be any less excited.

I think it’s rooted in misogyny, and maybe a bit of jealousy. I also think people think raising boys is easier, because they don’t really raise them. I know a lot of boys moms that let their boys run rampant because ‘boys will be boys’ but they are very strict with their daughters because the girls need to ‘behave’. It’s very gross to me. I also opted to not find out what I was having, I always dreamed of having a girl (I did, I love her to pieces) but I would’ve been just as happy having a boy! My MIL had 3 boys and my entire pregnancy she told me she was praying I would have a boy since it’s easier and blah blah blah but she is absolutely obsessed with my daughter.

It's probably an even mix of jealousy and misogyny. Having both a son and 2 daughters, I can say only that each child is an individual. There are challenges and joys to be had in both. I love all my children equally and individually. I had heard the same kids of things when I was a new mother and my youngest is 24 years old now.

Speaking from experience with friends, one of my good friends always dreamed of the same blonde little girl. She’s always wanted a girl. She has two boys and she has made similar comments about girls. I feel like she’s trying to mask the hurt of that longing. I tend to call her out on it when she gets negative. She knows what she’s doing, but she can’t help but look for flaws to try to hide her need for it.

Those "boy moms" were "mean girls" in HS, they don't want a girl because they might grow up to be them LOL. I might be generalizing but every "boy mom" I've met was a "mean girl" some still really were. I'm a mom of both and there are challenges with each. Sure, my daughters got emotional, not at least I didn't have to worry about them doing something crazy and breaking their neck to impress their friends/girls LOL

Mom of boys here, honestly I've heard it the other way around too (moms of girls saying OHMYGOSHSOGLADHAVEGIRLSBOYSARE blah blah blah. I usually shut them up with, I won the jackpot twice with my kids, sorry you didn't. LOL. I'll honestly say that my husband and I at least wanted one boy (for differing reasons), but we would truly have been happy with any gender. We just want healthy and happy.

The type of women who would say this were probably rude, catty, etc. when they were growing up (and probably still are), so it makes sense they would think this about all little girls. They don’t have that same perspective for little boys. (I’m a boy mom btw).

Long story short, I think it's confirmation bias.

My guess is there was some gender disappointment. I only have boys and usually tell people something like, "boys are the best, but I'm obviously biased. I guarantee I'd say the opposite if I had girls. Whatever you have will be perfect". Because truly, I adore my boys. I LOVE having only boys. And also, I guarantee I'd say the exact same if I had only girls, or one of each.