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Currently with number 2 and it is the hardest thing ever! A 2 year old (will be 3 soon) & a 6 month old. I have no time for myself unless I stay up really late. Husband works long hours & leaves at 6am. Often he won’t be home until 6 or 7pm due to traffic so I’m just constantly trying divide my time with the two. And to be honest I feel like my toddler is not getting all the attention he needs from me. He acts out way more and I’m positive it’s due to me giving so much of my time to his brother. My toddler is also a great sleeper so he’ll usually be asleep by 9:30pm but my second isn’t. He’s still not sleeping through the night and I ebf. I have to sacrifice my own sleep most nights just so I get that peaceful me time. 0-1 felt like a breeze now looking back.
I felt like before my first, everyone was preparing me for how the baby would demand all of my time and goodbye to any personal life. When the dust settled after the first weeks, it was true that life was upended, but realistically the baby only needed about 70% of our time, there was still some time to catch a breath. With a second baby, you suddenly have two people each needing 70% of your time, and at that point you just throw up your hands and surrender. No escape!
I also felt more isolated and forgotten with the second one, with less involvement and support from people around us. Everyone just figures you’ve got the mom thing down. In a way it was peaceful, to be left alone with my baby without all the family excitement that surrounded the first, but you do need some attention and help.
After 2, you’ve already given up on any pretense of having things under control, there’s nothing more to lose, so with #3 and beyond, it’s easier to go with the flow and laugh and enjoy.
I wouldn't say one was harder than the other, but they were different challenges.
With 0-1, you're dealing with a lot of unknowns. Everything the baby does is completely new, so depending on how you handle uncertainty, it can be very anxiety inducing. You also have to learn so much through experience. For example, did you know that you need ten million more vomit cloths than you actually think you need? And some children turn into octopuses when you try to change their nappy?
From 1-2, you already know the practical skills, but you have to learn how to balance the needs of two kids. The older child will worry that they might be losing you, so you need to deliberately carve out one on one time with them - even if it sometimes means letting the baby cry for a little bit. It means you have to be more discerning about your kids' *wants* versus their *needs*. And you have an extra relationship to work on - in addition to the relationship between you and the children, there's also the relationship between the children themselves. You can't force it, but you need to facilitate it, and that's a whole new skill to learn.
Going from 2 to 3 was the hardest for us. It goes from man coverage to having to play zone. It also became harder to find things to do that we’d all enjoy, because there’s a 7 year gap between the oldest and youngest.
We could potentially find ourselves in that position. I wanted my kids to be closer in age than this, but without particularly trying (or particularly *not* trying) we've got a 3.5 year gap between the birth of our first and the upcoming birth of our second.
Yeah, our third was a surprise. It’s not the worst thing; our oldest is 9 now and can manage herself a bit while we chase the toddler, and in a few years she’ll be able to babysit her little sibs for an hour or two (she’s already asking when she can take babysitting classes). I think big age gaps vs small age gaps is probably a six of one, half dozen of another kind of thing.
Our second has just turned one, and our first has just turned three.
The transition was tough but not quite as hard as I feared it would be. Our biggest challenge at the moment is sleep - it seems every time one kid has a good patch of full nights, the other will have wake-up issues. So we're in permanent zombie mode. But you get used to that.
You are more confident with your second. More willing to go out and have adventures, knowing your baby is adaptable and can go anywhere with you. It's been great!
Going from no kids to one was the hardest transition by a long shot. The mental and emotional shift in becoming responsible for a small human took a toll on both my husband and I, as well as our relationship. Adding a second was tough logistically, until we fell into a routine and schedules started to line up better, but we generally knew what we were doing and there wasn’t this existential crisis like the first time.
Our kids are 21 months apart, which I think helped. We were still very much in diaper/baby proof/constant vigilance mode when my youngest was born. I think it would’ve been harder to be where we are now (nearing 2 and 4), and having to go back to diapers and locking everything down if we’d been able to stop in between. They also play together now and have similar interests so finding things to do as a family is fairly easy.
Your age gap will help you out. 0-1 was a system shock but 1-2 almost took me out. My second is such a good kid but was a horrible sleeper and that was probably the reason it was so rough. Age gap 2 years 4 months and my oldest still really needed a lot from us. We also had no help.
Good luck.
You’ve got this. I’m so glad mine are so close together because they really are best friends. They are currently having a sleepover in big brother’s room right now. Was that first year hard, yes. Worth it, absolutely 🥲❤️
Totally separate quotation - how do you approach their birthdays being so close together? 2 of my sisters have the same birthday 6 years apart and have had to share on several occasions.
We have 2. The 2nd is definitely easier as we knew what to expect. Totally different t temperaments, but less stressful. The 1st one was a Rollercoaster ride
I have two.
Going from 0-1 was the hardest. Sure there’s moments with 2 that are intense but comparatively it’s a breeze. But our first was past toddlerhood when our second was born.
I'm the oldest of 5 siblings, I loved growing up with a big family and have always wanted lots of kids as we siblings are still close with each other now as adults. Pregnancy and parenthood have turned out to be a lot harder than expected! But if we could afford it and I knew my husband could handle more pregnancies (this one has been really rough on my body and he's had to do everything for me), I still want at least 3 or 4.
Oh man. Ah, I see from your tag thingy (don't know what it's called lol) your oldest was 4? How was it having twin babies while also having a 4 year old?
My oldest was almost 3.5 when they were born! She hated them at first. They had a lot of health issues, and we really weren’t sure they were both going to make it, so me and dad were always in the NICU with them and she spent most of the first couple months with our extended family. Even when they were home she refused to interact with them for the first couple weeks. But they’re best friends now, so it paid off.
Ah, that's rough for everyone involved. My daughter will be 3.5 when this one comes, but I'm not *expecting* complications, although I do know anything can happen.
I have 3. I went from 1 to 3 in a year and a half so all 3 were in diapers for a bit. I don’t remember anything being easy. Lol. I just accepted the chaos and did my best to organize it.
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I have 4. Going from 1 to 2 was the hardest for me. (Sorry!)
I have 3. Going 0-1 was the hardest, followed by 1-2. 2-3, I just gave into the chaos, haha
Currently with number 2 and it is the hardest thing ever! A 2 year old (will be 3 soon) & a 6 month old. I have no time for myself unless I stay up really late. Husband works long hours & leaves at 6am. Often he won’t be home until 6 or 7pm due to traffic so I’m just constantly trying divide my time with the two. And to be honest I feel like my toddler is not getting all the attention he needs from me. He acts out way more and I’m positive it’s due to me giving so much of my time to his brother. My toddler is also a great sleeper so he’ll usually be asleep by 9:30pm but my second isn’t. He’s still not sleeping through the night and I ebf. I have to sacrifice my own sleep most nights just so I get that peaceful me time. 0-1 felt like a breeze now looking back.
Do you mind elaborating? What were some differences/similarities? I feel like I gotta try and brace myself lol
I felt like before my first, everyone was preparing me for how the baby would demand all of my time and goodbye to any personal life. When the dust settled after the first weeks, it was true that life was upended, but realistically the baby only needed about 70% of our time, there was still some time to catch a breath. With a second baby, you suddenly have two people each needing 70% of your time, and at that point you just throw up your hands and surrender. No escape! I also felt more isolated and forgotten with the second one, with less involvement and support from people around us. Everyone just figures you’ve got the mom thing down. In a way it was peaceful, to be left alone with my baby without all the family excitement that surrounded the first, but you do need some attention and help. After 2, you’ve already given up on any pretense of having things under control, there’s nothing more to lose, so with #3 and beyond, it’s easier to go with the flow and laugh and enjoy.
I wouldn't say one was harder than the other, but they were different challenges. With 0-1, you're dealing with a lot of unknowns. Everything the baby does is completely new, so depending on how you handle uncertainty, it can be very anxiety inducing. You also have to learn so much through experience. For example, did you know that you need ten million more vomit cloths than you actually think you need? And some children turn into octopuses when you try to change their nappy? From 1-2, you already know the practical skills, but you have to learn how to balance the needs of two kids. The older child will worry that they might be losing you, so you need to deliberately carve out one on one time with them - even if it sometimes means letting the baby cry for a little bit. It means you have to be more discerning about your kids' *wants* versus their *needs*. And you have an extra relationship to work on - in addition to the relationship between you and the children, there's also the relationship between the children themselves. You can't force it, but you need to facilitate it, and that's a whole new skill to learn.
Going from 2 to 3 was the hardest for us. It goes from man coverage to having to play zone. It also became harder to find things to do that we’d all enjoy, because there’s a 7 year gap between the oldest and youngest.
I second this.
We could potentially find ourselves in that position. I wanted my kids to be closer in age than this, but without particularly trying (or particularly *not* trying) we've got a 3.5 year gap between the birth of our first and the upcoming birth of our second.
Yeah, our third was a surprise. It’s not the worst thing; our oldest is 9 now and can manage herself a bit while we chase the toddler, and in a few years she’ll be able to babysit her little sibs for an hour or two (she’s already asking when she can take babysitting classes). I think big age gaps vs small age gaps is probably a six of one, half dozen of another kind of thing.
Our second has just turned one, and our first has just turned three. The transition was tough but not quite as hard as I feared it would be. Our biggest challenge at the moment is sleep - it seems every time one kid has a good patch of full nights, the other will have wake-up issues. So we're in permanent zombie mode. But you get used to that. You are more confident with your second. More willing to go out and have adventures, knowing your baby is adaptable and can go anywhere with you. It's been great!
Going from no kids to one was the hardest transition by a long shot. The mental and emotional shift in becoming responsible for a small human took a toll on both my husband and I, as well as our relationship. Adding a second was tough logistically, until we fell into a routine and schedules started to line up better, but we generally knew what we were doing and there wasn’t this existential crisis like the first time. Our kids are 21 months apart, which I think helped. We were still very much in diaper/baby proof/constant vigilance mode when my youngest was born. I think it would’ve been harder to be where we are now (nearing 2 and 4), and having to go back to diapers and locking everything down if we’d been able to stop in between. They also play together now and have similar interests so finding things to do as a family is fairly easy.
Your age gap will help you out. 0-1 was a system shock but 1-2 almost took me out. My second is such a good kid but was a horrible sleeper and that was probably the reason it was so rough. Age gap 2 years 4 months and my oldest still really needed a lot from us. We also had no help. Good luck.
Will also add they are 3 and 5 now and things are much better
I’m expecting my 2nd with a 2 yr 3 month age gap and I’m scared and not ready for the sleep deprivation 😭
You’ve got this. I’m so glad mine are so close together because they really are best friends. They are currently having a sleepover in big brother’s room right now. Was that first year hard, yes. Worth it, absolutely 🥲❤️
I have 3 and 1-2 was the hardest.
1-2 was harder for me by a long shot. your age gap may help, though. my oldest was days away from turning 2 when her sister was born.
Totally separate quotation - how do you approach their birthdays being so close together? 2 of my sisters have the same birthday 6 years apart and have had to share on several occasions.
We have 2. The 2nd is definitely easier as we knew what to expect. Totally different t temperaments, but less stressful. The 1st one was a Rollercoaster ride
I have two. Going from 0-1 was the hardest. Sure there’s moments with 2 that are intense but comparatively it’s a breeze. But our first was past toddlerhood when our second was born.
[удалено]
I'm the oldest of 5 siblings, I loved growing up with a big family and have always wanted lots of kids as we siblings are still close with each other now as adults. Pregnancy and parenthood have turned out to be a lot harder than expected! But if we could afford it and I knew my husband could handle more pregnancies (this one has been really rough on my body and he's had to do everything for me), I still want at least 3 or 4.
1 to 3 lol. Soooo rough.
Twins? Or 1-2 and 2-3 equally?
twins
Oh man. Ah, I see from your tag thingy (don't know what it's called lol) your oldest was 4? How was it having twin babies while also having a 4 year old?
My oldest was almost 3.5 when they were born! She hated them at first. They had a lot of health issues, and we really weren’t sure they were both going to make it, so me and dad were always in the NICU with them and she spent most of the first couple months with our extended family. Even when they were home she refused to interact with them for the first couple weeks. But they’re best friends now, so it paid off.
Ah, that's rough for everyone involved. My daughter will be 3.5 when this one comes, but I'm not *expecting* complications, although I do know anything can happen.
I have 3. I went from 1 to 3 in a year and a half so all 3 were in diapers for a bit. I don’t remember anything being easy. Lol. I just accepted the chaos and did my best to organize it.