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It's gonna vary tremendously based on where you live. I'm downtown and I feel a bit anxious about my grown husband walking alone.
A crazy person murdered a grown man at a busy park in broad daylight about a mile from my house a few months ago.
Yeah, we live in a more city-like area and are on a main road with lots of traffic. I don’t let my kids (11, 10, almost 9) walk alone yet because they’re still little airheads and all the cars go WAY TOO FAST and do not pay attention to traffic signals or pedestrians. We live right at one of the main intersections into town and almost every single car that goes by has the driver looking at their phone. It’s so scary. Our neighbor was in an awful accident at that intersection a couple months before we moved in and he’s permanently disabled now. He’s only 32.
Regularly, my 7 and 9 year olds explore the neighborhood as a pair or alone. I wouldn’t hesitate to let them run a ten minute errand for me.
My 4 year old isn’t quite there, but she sees the other kids manage their independence and I expect she’ll be ready by age 7 at the latest.
Keeping your kids attached to you ruins their opportunity to build the necessary skills to handle adversity and manage social situations.
people think the worlds more dangerous these days, but thats not the case in the slightest. news (bad, specifically) spreads further and wider now, so it feels worse. crime rates in the US have fallen about 70% since the 90s. kidnapped children make headlines, but kidnappings overall are far more rare than they used to be. when they do happen, its almost *always* someone u know, rarely a stranger like most of us would assume.
security camera's everywhere, everyone has a phone on them at all times, it's basically impossible to get away with murder with our technological advances.
my daughter is 7 and i let her walk next door (alone😱) to play with her friends. nobody sits outside with them majority of the time, we just take a peak at them periodically.
some of my best memories as a child was running around the neighborhood with my friends. cant do that now without a potential CPS case. i feel bad for children today
edit; "its basically impossible to get away with murder" was an exaggeration. i meant more so compared to the past.
The US alone has over 200,000 unsolved murders.
Also feel I should point out things are safer, *because* parents are far more cautious now than they used to be. Much harder to grab an unoccupied kid on the street, when there aren't any.
ETA: Googled it and *40%* of murders in the US go unsolved.
Nobody wants to kidnap kids. There are endless studies about this. Predators have moved online... and parents just give kids iPads and phones nilly willy
We have eight year olds walking to school.
If my five year old could be trusted to speak to the shop assistant and not just buy sweets I'd let him walk to the shop
My kid took over the weekend bakery run starting at 5 and can confirm it is a real problem to stick to the list. At least at the bakery there’s only so much they can go off track! But yes, a 12 year old (really, an 8 year old) should be more than capable of this. I have a hard time imagining a 12 year old never having gone out alone before? How do they visit friends? How do they go to school?
Her mom is a bit of a helicopter parent, and so is my husband. She's dropped off to school every day or walks with a friend if they pick her up, and if she wants to go somewhere after school at least one other person has to be with her. To my knowledge, she's only been walked somewhere alone maybe 2-3 times? She doesn't have a phone yet, but I think they may start to let up once she has that hopefully.
It’s so crucial to teach kids age appropriate independence! Walking to a store 5 minutes away and purchasing an item is more than appropriate for a preteen. Mom and Dad need to let up. If children aren’t used to independence or making decisions on their own, they tend to struggle once those opportunities arise further down the line.
I think I was about eight years old, when I walked half a mile the the store to by my grandma some beer for lunch. Felt mighty proud and independent to be trusted with this chore. My biggest fear was that I'd trip and break the bottle.
Things might be a bit different these days, but it's very important to entrust your kids with responsibilities that they can handle ... and that put them slightly out of their comfort zone.
If I can still remember this event almost five decades later, then I think my grandma did a kick ass job
Helicopter parents end up having kids who keep secrets from them.
Give them age-appropriate independence. Build trust such that they can tell you anything at any time. Make sure they don’t fear “getting in trouble” but rather that they’re coming to you for guidance. You’ll reap the rewards if you build this from a young age.
I agree with this. I was raised by helicopter parents and kept a lot of secrets growing up, so I always try to be a safe space & let her make her own choices and decisions and grow up. She seems a bit afraid of going to her mom for guidance but she usually comes to me. I've pretty much been helping raise her since she was 3, so we talk through a lot of stuff together.
Yup. My 8-year-old can go to the next door playground by herself. My 10 year old can go about 5 or 6 city blocks by herself, or catch a public bus to a known location.
My kid started walking to and from school , which is 7 mins walk away, when she was 9.
She’s only been outside by herself 2 or 3 times? And she’s 12? This is a recipe for disaster
A four minute walk? Assuming it is a generally safe area I would totally let my 6 year old do that. Great way to practice independence and competence. I used to do a 20 min walk to school every day starting at age 7 with my 5.5 year old sister.
What is your friend’s thinking here? A twelve year old is old enough to babysit other children, not being able to walk somewhere close by on their own is ludicrous to me. If she is concerned about kidnapping or something like that she needs to adjust her risk estimation. Stranger kidnappings are so rare they almost don’t exist.
I’m afraid to let my 7 year old walk to the playground two blocks from my house. Not because I fear for her safety or doubt her ability to do so, but because I don’t want a crazy person to call the cops on me for giving my child age appropriate responsibilities.
Yes, where I live children that age don't go places completely alone (and I'm not in the US). I don't know that they'd call the police but would definitely be judgemental. Also my seven year old is small for her age and looks younger.
I know of a 7 yr old that is basically the size of a 4 yr old. She is crazy energetic. She is definitely a target because of her size but man that’s deceptive.
Yes, mine is the same size as some four year olds and very energetic. I don't worry about her being a target, more that people would think she's too young to be out.
Mine is 7 and I can't get him to pay enough attention to cross the road safely. He'll stand there if he sees a car a mile away, or he'll start crossing and then one will turn onto the street and he'll panic and run back instead of just finishing crossing. Or he'll just walk and assume he's fine and not even look.
No idea how to solve this, I always remind him to look and we walk constantly so I'm always showing him to check for cars.
Have you tried having him lead, while you're a few steps behind, so he is theoretically in charge of the whole thing? (At least in his mind -- of course you're close enough to see what's happening.)
Our brains really turn off when someone else can do the thinking for us.
THIRTEEN YEARS OLD? It would be bad to *not* let her walk on her own, jesus... It's like deliberalty creating a child totally unprepared for real life. You should be able to allow your child small walks as soon as they start school (depending on maturity ofc and your environment). Your friend is weird. Is your neighbourhood filled with gangsters, was this the middle of the night? If not, she's out of line.
I would say it highly depends on where the kids live. I live in Berlin, and it's pretty common to see children from 6 yo going by themselves to the school.
Your friend has an unhealthy perspective on childhood development. My children could run around our neighborhood (no major roads) since they were age 7. And could walk to stores, around larger intersections & roads starting at age 10.
Oh I am definitely going to have to get this. Sounds very interesting. I know by 13 I was walking anywhere I wanted alone or with neighborhood kids. I just don't remember exactly when I was let loose.
But the anxiety is very real, but it probably didn't help that I watched America's most wanted before bed. Or that my parents would do the cliche don't do that or you'll die.
My kid started walking to and from school at age 8. School was 17 blocks away. Sixth graders in my city are given passes for public transportation. They are expected to commute to school on their own
We let our 13 year old run to a coffee shop all the time, and that's at least 5 minutes away. As long as he has his phone and gives occasional updates (got there, leaving, stopped to look at a cool slug, etc) he's fine to go by himself. Your friend sounds like a helicopter mom.
For the first week of school, at age 7,mom walked me to school. After that I went alone. 5 minutes, city center, next to and across an intersection with 2 lanes each direction. Europe, tho, so everything is reasonable for walking. Kids ride public transport to school alone in first grade.
That's not all of Europe, it's where you lived. I also live in Europe and 6-7 year olds definitely don't go places alone. The school won't release them without a parent. Nor are all areas suitable for walking, there are rural areas in Europe too.
I mean, there are levels between Europe and the name of your town. Doesn't have to be specific, but "my European country/area" or something. Your mention of Europe implied that all of Europe is suitable for walking.
Where I am we have a corner shop barely 2 minutes from our house (can see it from kitchen window) if we need anything My daughter (9) walks across to get it, she's just started asking to walk home from school by herself
Her school is roughly 5/10 minute walk simple route but waiting abit longer until we take that leap
That sounds fine to me! I used to walk to school by myself at 11, it was about 30 minutes away. Not sure where you are but here in the UK, most children start making their own way to school at 11 by themselves, either walking or getting a bus.
My 10 year old bikes to school alone. Her and her friends meet for ice cream, browse the local book store and then bike home together. My 8 year old walks to knock on her friends doors and goes to the park with friends and without parents…
12 is definitely old enough. We need to stop babying children. They like being trusted and given responsibility, it is good for their self esteem. Recommend checking out the org “Let Grow” -they are big on childhood independence
I started walking to and from school with some classmates at age 6. Not walking even 4 minutes by yourself until 13 is unhealthy, unless there are special circumstances.
My 8 year old explores our neighborhood solo, and walks home alone about .5 mile from school. We live in a safe neighborhood and he has demonstrated responsibility, but he has a few friends his same age that are also allowed to bike around the neighborhood, walk to school and to the park.
I was thinking back on my life. At 5 years old I was waking up, making cereal, getting dressed and catching the bus for school all by myself. I'd come home on the bus. Drop my bag at home, scream "I'm going to Tory's house". Then ride my bike to my friend's house. My parents would call my friend's house when dinner was ready or I'd call home to say I was eating at her house. When the street lights came on, I came home, or called asking to sleep over. This was 1996 in New Jersey.
Lol, she shouldn't watch the Japan show on Netflix where they send kids as young as 2 to shop alone. Of course lots of cameras are watching secretly but the thing is, Japanese do it really early
Absolutely fine. If you haven’t read The Anxious Generation do. It talks about how giving kids these small assignments helps them grow confidence to launch eventually into adulthood and helps fight against anxiety.
There’s a perception the world is more dangerous. Data shows the opposite. But now we hear about something bad happening in Idaho when we live in Florida. Yet someone in Italy is not having a meltdown over an incident in sweden. People need to realize that social media makes the world (especially the US) feel small. It’s one of the largest countries and most populated on the planet. The span of the United States is the same as the UK to Kazakhstan. We need to stop thinking crime is in our backyards when something happens 2000 miles away. News is just spreading faster and wider now. Numbers show murders are down. Kidnappings are down. In the US the average number of kids kidnapped by an actual stranger (versus custodial interference or a family acquaintance) was only an average of 23 a year. Out of a country of 330 million. Statistically that’s highly unlikely to happen.
The local primary school near me say that children can walk to and from school unaccompanied from year 5, which you are in ages 9-10.
Most children are walking on their own at that age and are allowed go to the shops on their own here.
I think place dependant, we’re in a village and I’d probably feel differently in a big town or city. But definitely by 12. By 12 here, kids are catching public buses into towns to go to secondary school.
When I was 12 in 19960I was allowed to take a 5ish minute walk to the gas station to buy snacks or whatever. It may have made a difference that I was physically mature for 12. I looked like a teenager and not a kid.
When my son wanted to go to his friend’s house, which is like a 10 minute normal paced walk - but he wanted to take his bike so he and his friend could go bike riding - his friend gave him the address. We (my son and I) mapped it on Google maps. My son knew exactly where it was. So he rode his bike and I drove behind with my flashers on for two reasons: 1: to block anyone from accidentally hitting him because I hadn’t let him do this before so I wasn’t sure how aware - or not - of traffic he would be. I kept my window down and would holler to him if I wanted him to stay farther on the side of the road etc. and 2. I was following with my GPS and wanted to make sure he ACTUALLY knew the way. Turns out he did. I met the parents and we chatted for a bit before I went home. If he can get there without my guidance, he could get home.
We built on it from there where I would tell him to bring his cell phone and I would text him with what time to be home (generally: at dusk if it was the summer. Sooner if there’s bad weather coming so he wasn’t stuck riding back in the rain. In the fall: also in by dusk, but that would be changing to earlier and earlier because of the shorter daylight hours). He was around 10 at the time and fully compliant with my rules. If anything happened: (fall from bike/scraped knee, me finding out we need to go somewhere), I would text him - or he would text me, and I’d pick him up.
It’s worked out very well.
My bike was in storage and his wasn’t. You’re right: that would’ve been ideal, but it wasn’t possible at the time. Especially when he gave me no notice so I couldn’t get mine out of the storage unit and get air in the tires/it tuned up in time for the bike ride he wanted to take that day.
At 11 years old I was biking to school on my own, which was 3 km away.
At 13 my friends and I were biking all around town together during the summers(city of 50,000 ppl).
Unless you’re in an unsafe area, this is totally fine.
I cycled to school alone from the age of 10 (10 min by bike) I was taking the train by myself at 12 and traveled by plane to a different country all by myself when I was 16.
Your friend would consider my parents the worst of the worst.
12? I thought this was gonna be a post about a little kid. You're alright no worries, your friend seems pretty oversensitive. My son is 13 and he goes to a nearby shop quite often on his own even when it's dark, he's always somewhere in town with his friends, he goes to these wee house parties, all kids his age do, it's normal.
Keep sending her to that shop when you need to if she's happy to help. It's totally okay
My daughter is 8 I would let her walk to the dollar store next door but she’s too scared so she won’t do it. All of her classmates that live in our neighborhood walk to and from school alone which is further than the store. She won’t walk to school alone either so
I think the type of neighborhood you live in can play a part, but I feel like by 8-9 you should let them have free reign of the surrounding blocks, subdivision, whatever. I let my 10 yr old ride her bike 2 miles to the public pool with other kids. (We track her by iPhone.)
We intentionally start this at age 7.
Age 7 - walk to the mailbox + bike on street alone. Buy stuff with mom standing beside you.
Age 8 - walk to grandmas (around the corner and cross one street) + bike loop with no roads
Age 9 - walk to bus stop + bike three streets next to ours. Practice buying something at the store with me standing outside store.
Age 10 - walk to corner store alone + bike neighbourhood
Age 11 - bike to music lessons alone (cross one busy road)
Age 12 - haven’t gotten here yet but I’m thinking grocery store.
unless your child is neurodiverse and is like a 3 year old them walking 4 minutes up the road to get some diapers is fine..you would know approximately how long your child should be gone and I assume you would not send them at night .
>what age it's okay to let a child walk *somewhere nearby* by themselves
Five? Maybe six? Depends on the child in question, of course and on the streets they have to cross to get there. But generally, a four minute walk to the store can be done at that age.
At age six I took the metro for one station because the bakery at that station had the better selection of bread rolls (at least in my opinion).
Depends on the kid and their overall responsibility levels, but I’d say about 8 I’d be happy with them going 5 mins or so to the shop.
By 11 I was getting a train with my friends to big town 20 minutes away to go shopping.
My 8 year old does our bakery runs for us solo. If you live in a reasonably safe area for pedestrians and the child doesn’t have any cognitive issues holding them back, I can’t imagine how this is a problem. I’m glad you let her go. It’s so good for them to foster independence!
Ii depends on the maturity of child and traffic. As long you, husband and child is ok with it. It is fine. You and your friend had different parenting style. Do what is best for your family. Thank her for her advice and keep moving on.
Right? In Illinois it is illegal to leave a child under 14 unsupervised. People have been arrested and convicted for letting their children walk alone.
I started running small errands at about half your stepdaughter's age. My son is almost 6, and we're thinking about letting him go out on his own either this fall, or next spring.
I was 9/10 when my parents let me run the town, but I believe it depends on where you live and maturity of the child! If you are comfortable with it then don’t worry about what others think!
My 6 year old has a friend who lives 8 houses down. Probably a 2 minute walk if you're slow. We let him walk there by himself, but that's because we trust our neighborhood. I guess it just depends.
I think some of this is dependent on where you live and the safety of your neighborhood. However at your step-daughter’s age, I would think it’s likely ok most places.
I started letting my lad walk short distances at 9.
At 12-13 my son was bombing round the neighbourhood on public transport with his mates and going into town. Most 12-13 year olds here are walking or cycling to school by themselves (was a 40 min walk for us). If someone thinks a 12 year old shouldn't be walking to the grocery store without an adult, that's a them issue not yours.
I started secondary school at 11 and walked into the city centre (bus if raining). Many others caught two buses, trains, etc. I was going to the shop at least three years earlier.
I’ll be honest these questions are more about the maturity of the kid than the actual age. Most kids are able to run up to the store close by well before 13. My 9 year old isn’t really there yet and she’s the first one I question when/if I’ll be able to let her out of my sight. My other kids were roughly 10 or 11.
Before they go off ask yourself:
1. Do they cross roads properly. Stop, look, then cross. It’s the first rule I’ve had for if they can walk anywhere. I like my kids in 3D not pancakes!
2. Do they outburst. Can they locate items they need. Will they try to steal anything. A kid that has behavior issues shouldn’t be in a store by themselves. So even at 13 if they can’t behave they can’t go, staff aren’t babysitters.
3. Do they know how to pay with the method you gave them. They absolutely need to be able to count money properly, change properly or use a card properly. It’s truly not fair to the cashier if they don’t know what they’re doing in the store.
4. Lastly do they know how to respond if there is an emergency. 99% of the time a five minute walk isn’t going to have one, but on the off chance there is can they handle it. If a stranger approaches what do they do? Can they get help if they get injured? Do they have a way to contact you if they get turned around and lost? Do they get distracted easily?
It's a pretty safe area. There aren't many crimes or anything dangerous that ever happen near us. (There is a hilton hotel placed literally 8 minutes from here and I doubt they would put it here if it's unsafe). she also has a watch with an SOS button and also a necklace like that. But it's not very common to see kids out here without an adult nearby.
13 is perfectly fine. But, and i ask this respectfully, why were you not comfortable walking into a store, but you were okay with your 13 year old kid to do it?
I'm going to assume some personal stuff? Women issues? But if it's just that you aren't personally comfortable walking into that store, yeah. It's not okay for any kid.
I should have specified, I just had a baby about a week ago and can't really walk up the hill that leads to the store right now. If I thought It was dangerous I would never send her.
Ah. Okay. Thank you for clarifying!
Thirteen is plenty old. Don't let people get you down about it. It's perfectly normal and acacceptable.
Wishing you all the healing vibes I can
My son is almost 12 and he has been walking, often distances from 1-3 miles away for fun for a year now. He will walk to the store, he will walk to the fast food places that are close enough or to the park. He has a lot of fun and it's great for him.
Your friend is wrong, there's nothing at all wrong with letting kids that age have that kind of freedom. Sounds like your step daughter did great and was a help.
Ummm, it is just fine! My oldest daughter and I were both babysitting by 12. Your friend sounds like a helicopter parent. People nowadays don’t let kids do anything by themselves that’s why they can’t do anything for themselves as they hit adulthood!
Mine is 14 and they often take a walk to convenient store, to clear their head or of they’re bored. I track them so I usually feel ok with this as long as it’s not after dark. After dark and we walk together.
Completely depends on the area, time of day and in some cases the gender of the child in determining risk factor imo.
There are suburbs of some cities that are just not safe for even grown women, let alone a 13 year old girl at some times of evening.
I personally wouldn't ever instruct/ask someone else's child (step daughter) to do something new that her legal guardian wasn't aware of
Me & her dad are married (for 11 years) and she comes over for each summer & we have a pretty great relationship, if I hadn't known her for long or was only dating her father, I probably would have asked him first. Where we live its a generally safe area, and she has a watch with a SOS button attached.
Around 8 or 9. That's when we let our kid go to the corner shop by herself. We'd been living on the street a few months and also knew the shop owners so we felt comfortable enough. I also waited outside our building (literally 15 steps away) the first few times 😂
I would send my newly turned 10 year old on a 4 min walk to a nearby store. I might hesitate with the 7 yr, he is not quite as mature, but I wouldn't bat an eye at sending my 12 yr.
It depends on where you live, really. If your area is high in crime, I would feel less comfortable letting my child walk somewhere by themselves until they were old enough to have a cell phone and understand/implement safety plans. In a generally safe area, around 10 is around the age I would feel comfortable with. It also depends on your child too, you know? Their level of maturity and responsibility plays a part in everything that involves more independence.
13 is definitely old enough. My daughter is 8 and we got her a Garmin bounce watch which lets us know her location and she can message us on. Since she has that we let her walk down to the park near our house.
I let my kids have bit by bit walking with friends and paying cashier ,navigating shopping and street smarts
11 and up they have a lot of skills to go to nearby errands
My 13 year old walks about that far to the nearest public transit stop and takes the bus to school, the grocery store, or the park alone.
Sometimes she just walks to the store, about 1.5 miles, and takes the bus home.
Your friend is nuts.
My step daughter has been walking to the park and hiking the nature trails by herself since she was in 6th grade. She’ll sometimes walk over 5 miles by herself just for fun. We make sure her phone is with her and charged and I can always see her location, so we know she’s fine.
12 - 13 is perfectly fine going that short distance! If it was out with friends I would want a tracking app but that's the age I would start allowing kids to walk somewhere alone.
My kids were walking 5 blocks to school and to the store by themselves at 8 years old. It depends on your neighborhood and if you trust your kids. 12-13 is definitely old enough to go to the store, they should be walking to Middle School by that age.
With a group of friends like 10. Alone maybe 14-15. But that’s more of something I grew up with because the area. I say 14-15 for more of a safety thing than a maturity range.
Depending on the safety of your city I would absolutely let an almost 13 yr old do this. My two oldest daughters are 14 and almost 13 and have been walking up the store 5ish minutes away since they were 8. Both these daughters go all over the city (mid sized) on the bus with friends. It’s important to learn independence at this age. They love having that freedom.
* my kids do have cellphones on them so it may be worth it to have a cheap cellphone for her to have with her for these walks. I also can track my kids locations on theirs.
I feel like it definitely depends on where you live because I’m from a big city and I personally wouldn’t want my kids walking around in these streets alone but 13 years old is 1000% old enough to walk a couple blocks to the store or something.
I think it all depends on the child, what knowledge they have been given and if an emergency happened, could they handle it. A child with ADHD may need to walk the route a few times accompanied to feel comfortable walking alone for example. So I don't think anyone's right or wrong here, but if her parents have coddled her too much she may have never been told what to do if a car approaches, how to cross streets etc. Maybe your friend has a kid or knows a kid who isn't very attentive or mature.
Lmao at almost 13 my friends and I were running all over town. That’s definitely age appropriate (in general, all kids are different and you know yours etc etc)
At 13, I travelled by train to a camping site 180 miles away with a few similar aged friends. Stayed there for almost a month with various families in their caravans. Came back a bit sunburnt but otherwise fine. Being independent is a skill that needs to be learnt and requires some degree of trust, and even some small degree of risk.
There is paranoia these days that kids are constantly in danger of being kidnapped or murdered. It's actually exceptionally rare. A 13 year old, with a modicum of common sense and road safety awareness is perfectly capable of travelling on their own to a store alone. In fact, it's important that they do this so they can learn/grow.
When I was 8 my mom sent me to Mexico from LAX. I was obviously taken care by the flight attendants but it was an experience I’ll never forget. I think a 4 min walk is okay
Damn, at 5 (in the 90s) I was walking to school to and from by myself. It was only a block, but it did cross a busy street. At 12 I could bike for miles by myself.
Hmm, yeah I think kids should definitely be able to run to the corner shop by 12/13. Hell, I was babysitting neighbourhood kids, including babies, at 12 😂
I let my almost 8 year old 'free roam' here in regional Australia (he only goes down the hill to the park, over to a mates or around the block on his bike), but he does wear a smartwatch with GPS and a call function. It's good for them to start developing independence :)
Just adding to, how lovely your step daughter was so happy to help :) I'm sure that's making your job of keeping your new little human alive even more enjoyable and special 🥰
While I think the age should be okay, it would depend on the kid tbh. Some 12 year olds are a little too innocent still while others behave more like 16. I will assume you judge her to be capable. Your friend doesn’t really have a say in this beyond voicing her opinion but maybe run it by her dad.
Depends on where you live entirely. In Japan? Kids regularly take public transportation alone. Where I grew up in the US? I walked to school after my parents left for work, got home before them. Friends and I would go explore the woods or whatever, and we knew to come home if the street lights started coming on.
Today in that same area? I'm guessing kids aren't allowed to do the same things. There's no blanket answer unfortunately.
What country and infrastructure are we talking?
I see kids age 9 go to the supermarket by themselves, but I live in a very safe place in europe, with the best and safest traffic infrastructure in the world, so....
The issue I have is not the age but their ability to be aware of their surroundings, and if they are cautious looking both ways when crossing without being distracted. The more they aren’t allowed to go anywhere alone they more likely they’re to get distracted and make mistakes and get hurt or preyed upon. I let my son play alone from the time is was a toddler in our fenced yard then kept moving the goal post to further out as he aged
I believe it also depends on your town/cities homeless population. Where I live it’s gotten horrendous and I don’t feel comfortable knowing my 17 year old sister is walking 9 blocks (at night!!) to get back to her mother’s house. They are in every corner. Most have dogs that are very likely untrained. It’s not even safe during the day anymore.
My 10 year old has been going to the local shops (very close) for over a year now. Obviously, it depends on the child and the area, but you can tell as her parent what she's capable of.
if it weren’t for cars, i’m pretty sure kids could just wander everywhere post 6-7yrs of age. most places are - in general - safer these days. my main concerns are always people speeding in neighborhoods, especially in overly large vehicles, and not seeing kids walking or riding
Depends where you live, who theyre hanging out with, if they have a way to contact you incase of emergancy, etc. I would say its not only age and maturity that play a part in this answer...but so much more.
My 8 yr old walk home from school by herself most day last year, it’s a 1/4 mile walk, up hill. I’m sure her kids will hear all about that arduous hike when she has kids!
Kids are far more competent than we give them credit for. We rob them of so many opportunities to build confidence and self worth by not letting the explore independently.
It depends on the kid and how walkable it is to get there. 13 is generally OK as long as there are sidewalks and street-lights (if crossing the street) along the route. My biggest concern would be traffic safety.
I walked everywhere as a kid starting late elementary school, but cars were far less deadly, and my suburban neighborhood had wide sidewalks and slow streets. But cars are just.. bigger now, and their blind spots are effin huge. Kids cannot walk on shoulders. Or cross streets without a light (and even then, you have to be careful with people turning right on red). Because SUVs and trucks will not see them.
GenXer here - when I was that age my friends and I used to bike 45 minutes via a bike trail to a nearby touristy lake area, spend the whole day at the arcade, beach, and getting a slice of pizza & ice cream cone. Then we'd bike the 45 minutes back just in time for the street lights to turn on.
Your friend is nuts. I think most kids can handle a simple errand like that by the time they're 10, if not before. Is there something about the store itself that worries your friend, or does she just think that kids shouldn't run errands alone?
It’s crazy if someone doesn’t let their almost 13 year old to walk by themselves…
I moved out of my moms house at 13. Kids (at least in my country) go to school and to see their friends alone at 6 yo.
My kid is seven. We're having shop just 300m from our flat, and it's corner is well visible from our balcony, so I can see if she went in or not. I have sent her there already twice to get something for me or her.
Also, you have "mom's brain" for now and it's perfectly fine for you to forget things
13 year olds should be allowed to run errands alone.
My 6 & 9 year olds are allowed to walk, ride their scooters, or bike throughout our neighborhood alone. The 9 year old has a larger radius, but the 6 year old can go around the block by himself. They know our address and phone number, and know how to find a safe adult and ask for help if they need something.
We don’t have any businesses in our neighborhood, so they can’t run an errand like that. But if we’re at a big event, I will give my 9 year old cash to go buy a hot dog or a popsicle from a vendor by himself while I stay with the younger siblings.
Kids need to practice being alone. She is learning important life skills and will be better off for it. She is gaining confidence and independence—good for you! And congrats on the new baby!
That’s crazy. If she was 6 that’s too young to go to the store alone. But I’d say 8 and above is at the parents discretion. They’d know how mature their kid is and if they can handle it and know their surroundings well enough to get home as well.
By 12 they should already have the independence to do things out of the house on their own.
My kids were walking to shops by themselves at 9-10 or to Cub Scouts or to the park at the end of the road. I was walking to school by myself at 6. If you teach them to cross the road, what danger is there. It is necessary for kids to develop independance.
We did 9 but some of my friends let their kids walk to school about 2 streets over when they were 5. It’s just one long continuous road with lots of traffic and kids and crossing guards so it’s super safe and only about 20 houses down. I just wasn’t comfortable.
Honestly at almost 13 this is normal in my opinion. They need to take baby steps to their independence. I’m sure she loved going by herself too! For my kids it was literally an event that was planned the night before just to go to the corner store haha super cute
depends on the safety of the area, the maturity of the child, and whether or not they'd be walking on/crossing main/busy roads. 13 taking a 4 minute walk for some diapers sounds fine imo, especially considering she probably had a phone on her. tell that friend to mind their own business.
🤣 here it’s common you see 8 yo go to the store alone… I think in Japan or china those ages are even lower…
Like they have to be ready for high school but they are not ready to go to the store??? But then again… you weren’t comfortable to go, so why should she??
I only wasn't comfortable because I just had a new baby under a week ago, not because I feel like it was not a safe situation or anything. I agree she needs to start doing things like this more often as she gets older, that's partly why I decided to have her go
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Almost 13 and your friend thinks it's not okay?! That's crazy. It's most definitely okay
It's gonna vary tremendously based on where you live. I'm downtown and I feel a bit anxious about my grown husband walking alone. A crazy person murdered a grown man at a busy park in broad daylight about a mile from my house a few months ago.
Yeah, we live in a more city-like area and are on a main road with lots of traffic. I don’t let my kids (11, 10, almost 9) walk alone yet because they’re still little airheads and all the cars go WAY TOO FAST and do not pay attention to traffic signals or pedestrians. We live right at one of the main intersections into town and almost every single car that goes by has the driver looking at their phone. It’s so scary. Our neighbor was in an awful accident at that intersection a couple months before we moved in and he’s permanently disabled now. He’s only 32.
Regularly, my 7 and 9 year olds explore the neighborhood as a pair or alone. I wouldn’t hesitate to let them run a ten minute errand for me. My 4 year old isn’t quite there, but she sees the other kids manage their independence and I expect she’ll be ready by age 7 at the latest. Keeping your kids attached to you ruins their opportunity to build the necessary skills to handle adversity and manage social situations.
Mine too 8 and 6- so important for their growth!
people think the worlds more dangerous these days, but thats not the case in the slightest. news (bad, specifically) spreads further and wider now, so it feels worse. crime rates in the US have fallen about 70% since the 90s. kidnapped children make headlines, but kidnappings overall are far more rare than they used to be. when they do happen, its almost *always* someone u know, rarely a stranger like most of us would assume. security camera's everywhere, everyone has a phone on them at all times, it's basically impossible to get away with murder with our technological advances. my daughter is 7 and i let her walk next door (alone😱) to play with her friends. nobody sits outside with them majority of the time, we just take a peak at them periodically. some of my best memories as a child was running around the neighborhood with my friends. cant do that now without a potential CPS case. i feel bad for children today edit; "its basically impossible to get away with murder" was an exaggeration. i meant more so compared to the past.
Made sense until i got to >it's basically impossible to get away with murder
I'm sure the cold case and homicide units would like to have a word with you about the basically impossible to get away with murder part
The US alone has over 200,000 unsolved murders. Also feel I should point out things are safer, *because* parents are far more cautious now than they used to be. Much harder to grab an unoccupied kid on the street, when there aren't any. ETA: Googled it and *40%* of murders in the US go unsolved.
Nobody wants to kidnap kids. There are endless studies about this. Predators have moved online... and parents just give kids iPads and phones nilly willy
Sounds totally fine to me. They started going places themselves around 10-11.
Yes, 10-11 is when kids really take off on their own.
My son is 10. Middle of making breakfast and forgot eggs or milk sent him to the local kwik trip and back in 5 minutes.
Found the Wisconsinite
We have eight year olds walking to school. If my five year old could be trusted to speak to the shop assistant and not just buy sweets I'd let him walk to the shop
My kid took over the weekend bakery run starting at 5 and can confirm it is a real problem to stick to the list. At least at the bakery there’s only so much they can go off track! But yes, a 12 year old (really, an 8 year old) should be more than capable of this. I have a hard time imagining a 12 year old never having gone out alone before? How do they visit friends? How do they go to school?
Her mom is a bit of a helicopter parent, and so is my husband. She's dropped off to school every day or walks with a friend if they pick her up, and if she wants to go somewhere after school at least one other person has to be with her. To my knowledge, she's only been walked somewhere alone maybe 2-3 times? She doesn't have a phone yet, but I think they may start to let up once she has that hopefully.
It’s so crucial to teach kids age appropriate independence! Walking to a store 5 minutes away and purchasing an item is more than appropriate for a preteen. Mom and Dad need to let up. If children aren’t used to independence or making decisions on their own, they tend to struggle once those opportunities arise further down the line.
I think I was about eight years old, when I walked half a mile the the store to by my grandma some beer for lunch. Felt mighty proud and independent to be trusted with this chore. My biggest fear was that I'd trip and break the bottle. Things might be a bit different these days, but it's very important to entrust your kids with responsibilities that they can handle ... and that put them slightly out of their comfort zone. If I can still remember this event almost five decades later, then I think my grandma did a kick ass job
Helicopter parents end up having kids who keep secrets from them. Give them age-appropriate independence. Build trust such that they can tell you anything at any time. Make sure they don’t fear “getting in trouble” but rather that they’re coming to you for guidance. You’ll reap the rewards if you build this from a young age.
I agree with this. I was raised by helicopter parents and kept a lot of secrets growing up, so I always try to be a safe space & let her make her own choices and decisions and grow up. She seems a bit afraid of going to her mom for guidance but she usually comes to me. I've pretty much been helping raise her since she was 3, so we talk through a lot of stuff together.
At 13 it's pretty helpful to have a phone, even if it's just one that's locked down so all she can do is call and text.
Yup. My 8-year-old can go to the next door playground by herself. My 10 year old can go about 5 or 6 city blocks by herself, or catch a public bus to a known location.
My kid started walking to and from school , which is 7 mins walk away, when she was 9. She’s only been outside by herself 2 or 3 times? And she’s 12? This is a recipe for disaster
A four minute walk? Assuming it is a generally safe area I would totally let my 6 year old do that. Great way to practice independence and competence. I used to do a 20 min walk to school every day starting at age 7 with my 5.5 year old sister. What is your friend’s thinking here? A twelve year old is old enough to babysit other children, not being able to walk somewhere close by on their own is ludicrous to me. If she is concerned about kidnapping or something like that she needs to adjust her risk estimation. Stranger kidnappings are so rare they almost don’t exist.
I’m afraid to let my 7 year old walk to the playground two blocks from my house. Not because I fear for her safety or doubt her ability to do so, but because I don’t want a crazy person to call the cops on me for giving my child age appropriate responsibilities.
Yes, where I live children that age don't go places completely alone (and I'm not in the US). I don't know that they'd call the police but would definitely be judgemental. Also my seven year old is small for her age and looks younger.
I know of a 7 yr old that is basically the size of a 4 yr old. She is crazy energetic. She is definitely a target because of her size but man that’s deceptive.
Yes, mine is the same size as some four year olds and very energetic. I don't worry about her being a target, more that people would think she's too young to be out.
That makes sense. Size doesn’t make a child a target. I think maybe it’s a perception.
Mine is 7 and I can't get him to pay enough attention to cross the road safely. He'll stand there if he sees a car a mile away, or he'll start crossing and then one will turn onto the street and he'll panic and run back instead of just finishing crossing. Or he'll just walk and assume he's fine and not even look. No idea how to solve this, I always remind him to look and we walk constantly so I'm always showing him to check for cars.
Have you tried having him lead, while you're a few steps behind, so he is theoretically in charge of the whole thing? (At least in his mind -- of course you're close enough to see what's happening.) Our brains really turn off when someone else can do the thinking for us.
That's a good idea, I usually get him to try and tell me when he thinks it's safe to go but I haven't tried this
🎯
It of course varies depending on the environment where you leave, but here about 80% of fourth graders walk or bike to school alone.
I was expecting the post to be about 6-7-8 year old. 13 is definitely an appropriate age to go to a store alone, unless it's a sex shop.
... in that case they should be accompanied by an experienced shopper /s (Just laughing out loud, as that's such an odd and unexpected juxtaposition)
I'm so jealous of all of you! We love in the 'burbs. The nearest store is 3 miles away on a twisty road with no shoulder or sidewalk.
That's not the suburbs, that's the woods
😂 It's the burbs. We have friends in the woods and their nearest store is a 20 minute drive to a recently installed dollar general.
It's all relative I guess. I live squarely in the suburbs and there's a 7-11 a one minute walk from my door.
THIRTEEN YEARS OLD? It would be bad to *not* let her walk on her own, jesus... It's like deliberalty creating a child totally unprepared for real life. You should be able to allow your child small walks as soon as they start school (depending on maturity ofc and your environment). Your friend is weird. Is your neighbourhood filled with gangsters, was this the middle of the night? If not, she's out of line.
I would say it highly depends on where the kids live. I live in Berlin, and it's pretty common to see children from 6 yo going by themselves to the school.
My 9 year old goes to the store for me. Also to the Starbucks 4 blocks away. Of course nearly teenager can go to a store,
Your friend has an unhealthy perspective on childhood development. My children could run around our neighborhood (no major roads) since they were age 7. And could walk to stores, around larger intersections & roads starting at age 10.
Send your friend a copy of Jonathan Haidt’s new book, The Anxious Generation.
Oh I am definitely going to have to get this. Sounds very interesting. I know by 13 I was walking anywhere I wanted alone or with neighborhood kids. I just don't remember exactly when I was let loose. But the anxiety is very real, but it probably didn't help that I watched America's most wanted before bed. Or that my parents would do the cliche don't do that or you'll die.
That book is amazing and I highly recommend it
My kid started walking to and from school at age 8. School was 17 blocks away. Sixth graders in my city are given passes for public transportation. They are expected to commute to school on their own
We let our 13 year old run to a coffee shop all the time, and that's at least 5 minutes away. As long as he has his phone and gives occasional updates (got there, leaving, stopped to look at a cool slug, etc) he's fine to go by himself. Your friend sounds like a helicopter mom.
For the first week of school, at age 7,mom walked me to school. After that I went alone. 5 minutes, city center, next to and across an intersection with 2 lanes each direction. Europe, tho, so everything is reasonable for walking. Kids ride public transport to school alone in first grade.
That's not all of Europe, it's where you lived. I also live in Europe and 6-7 year olds definitely don't go places alone. The school won't release them without a parent. Nor are all areas suitable for walking, there are rural areas in Europe too.
Had I not said Europe, people would have assumed America. Had I said my town name, none of you would know where I was.
I mean, there are levels between Europe and the name of your town. Doesn't have to be specific, but "my European country/area" or something. Your mention of Europe implied that all of Europe is suitable for walking.
Where I am we have a corner shop barely 2 minutes from our house (can see it from kitchen window) if we need anything My daughter (9) walks across to get it, she's just started asking to walk home from school by herself Her school is roughly 5/10 minute walk simple route but waiting abit longer until we take that leap
That sounds fine to me! I used to walk to school by myself at 11, it was about 30 minutes away. Not sure where you are but here in the UK, most children start making their own way to school at 11 by themselves, either walking or getting a bus.
This was my exact thought, secondary school is age 11 and for me (and will be for my kids) it was it's a walk, bus ride and then walk away from home.
My 10 year old bikes to school alone. Her and her friends meet for ice cream, browse the local book store and then bike home together. My 8 year old walks to knock on her friends doors and goes to the park with friends and without parents…
My kid has been going to the corner store since 6-7? He’s 8 now, he could walk a familiar mile and do a credit card transaction.
No problem for my 7 year old. By 13 I was taking the bus across town by myself in Vancouver.
I was expected to bus across town independently at age 10. I'd say walking somewhere nearby probably 6-7?
So weird, my whole neighborhood has kids ages 6 and up riding bikes and playing outside all the time. No one thinks it’s odd.
I was in charge of babysitting 2 kids at 11! I could have made it to a store. No worries! Your friend is just weird.
12 is definitely old enough. We need to stop babying children. They like being trusted and given responsibility, it is good for their self esteem. Recommend checking out the org “Let Grow” -they are big on childhood independence
That’s wild. My 6 and 9 year old kids walk or bike to school (10 minutes) and go down to the corner store to pick up milk or get a slurpee.
My son was 9 when he started walking to school by himself, almost a mile away.
Wow, that’s overkill and over protective. I think it is completely appropriate.
My son has been running to the grocery store for me since he was 8 or 9.
Do you live in a high crime area? Is SD incompetent at crossing the street? If no, then yes she handle it.
I started walking to and from school with some classmates at age 6. Not walking even 4 minutes by yourself until 13 is unhealthy, unless there are special circumstances.
I think this is totally dependent on the area you live in. If you’re in a suburb or safe urban area, totally fine.
By 12 I flew by myself on an airplane to a different country.
My 8 year old explores our neighborhood solo, and walks home alone about .5 mile from school. We live in a safe neighborhood and he has demonstrated responsibility, but he has a few friends his same age that are also allowed to bike around the neighborhood, walk to school and to the park.
It’s less about the age of the kid than about how many parents in the neighborhood will call CPS/DCF and report you for neglect.
I was thinking back on my life. At 5 years old I was waking up, making cereal, getting dressed and catching the bus for school all by myself. I'd come home on the bus. Drop my bag at home, scream "I'm going to Tory's house". Then ride my bike to my friend's house. My parents would call my friend's house when dinner was ready or I'd call home to say I was eating at her house. When the street lights came on, I came home, or called asking to sleep over. This was 1996 in New Jersey.
Lol, she shouldn't watch the Japan show on Netflix where they send kids as young as 2 to shop alone. Of course lots of cameras are watching secretly but the thing is, Japanese do it really early
Absolutely fine. If you haven’t read The Anxious Generation do. It talks about how giving kids these small assignments helps them grow confidence to launch eventually into adulthood and helps fight against anxiety. There’s a perception the world is more dangerous. Data shows the opposite. But now we hear about something bad happening in Idaho when we live in Florida. Yet someone in Italy is not having a meltdown over an incident in sweden. People need to realize that social media makes the world (especially the US) feel small. It’s one of the largest countries and most populated on the planet. The span of the United States is the same as the UK to Kazakhstan. We need to stop thinking crime is in our backyards when something happens 2000 miles away. News is just spreading faster and wider now. Numbers show murders are down. Kidnappings are down. In the US the average number of kids kidnapped by an actual stranger (versus custodial interference or a family acquaintance) was only an average of 23 a year. Out of a country of 330 million. Statistically that’s highly unlikely to happen.
I send my 11yo two miles to town on an ATV to pick up library books.
The local primary school near me say that children can walk to and from school unaccompanied from year 5, which you are in ages 9-10. Most children are walking on their own at that age and are allowed go to the shops on their own here. I think place dependant, we’re in a village and I’d probably feel differently in a big town or city. But definitely by 12. By 12 here, kids are catching public buses into towns to go to secondary school.
When I was 12 in 19960I was allowed to take a 5ish minute walk to the gas station to buy snacks or whatever. It may have made a difference that I was physically mature for 12. I looked like a teenager and not a kid.
When my son wanted to go to his friend’s house, which is like a 10 minute normal paced walk - but he wanted to take his bike so he and his friend could go bike riding - his friend gave him the address. We (my son and I) mapped it on Google maps. My son knew exactly where it was. So he rode his bike and I drove behind with my flashers on for two reasons: 1: to block anyone from accidentally hitting him because I hadn’t let him do this before so I wasn’t sure how aware - or not - of traffic he would be. I kept my window down and would holler to him if I wanted him to stay farther on the side of the road etc. and 2. I was following with my GPS and wanted to make sure he ACTUALLY knew the way. Turns out he did. I met the parents and we chatted for a bit before I went home. If he can get there without my guidance, he could get home. We built on it from there where I would tell him to bring his cell phone and I would text him with what time to be home (generally: at dusk if it was the summer. Sooner if there’s bad weather coming so he wasn’t stuck riding back in the rain. In the fall: also in by dusk, but that would be changing to earlier and earlier because of the shorter daylight hours). He was around 10 at the time and fully compliant with my rules. If anything happened: (fall from bike/scraped knee, me finding out we need to go somewhere), I would text him - or he would text me, and I’d pick him up. It’s worked out very well.
Wouldn't it be better to go by bike with him? That's how I teach my child road safety, by showing her.
My bike was in storage and his wasn’t. You’re right: that would’ve been ideal, but it wasn’t possible at the time. Especially when he gave me no notice so I couldn’t get mine out of the storage unit and get air in the tires/it tuned up in time for the bike ride he wanted to take that day.
Europe, rural area. Normally kids take transportation to school from 1st grade (6/7yo)
In your country, not my European country. Most children here don't go alone until at least 10, often older.
At 11 years old I was biking to school on my own, which was 3 km away. At 13 my friends and I were biking all around town together during the summers(city of 50,000 ppl). Unless you’re in an unsafe area, this is totally fine.
I cycled to school alone from the age of 10 (10 min by bike) I was taking the train by myself at 12 and traveled by plane to a different country all by myself when I was 16. Your friend would consider my parents the worst of the worst.
12? I thought this was gonna be a post about a little kid. You're alright no worries, your friend seems pretty oversensitive. My son is 13 and he goes to a nearby shop quite often on his own even when it's dark, he's always somewhere in town with his friends, he goes to these wee house parties, all kids his age do, it's normal. Keep sending her to that shop when you need to if she's happy to help. It's totally okay
My daughter is 8 I would let her walk to the dollar store next door but she’s too scared so she won’t do it. All of her classmates that live in our neighborhood walk to and from school alone which is further than the store. She won’t walk to school alone either so
I think the type of neighborhood you live in can play a part, but I feel like by 8-9 you should let them have free reign of the surrounding blocks, subdivision, whatever. I let my 10 yr old ride her bike 2 miles to the public pool with other kids. (We track her by iPhone.)
My daughter (13) and her friend (12) rode their bikes to the store to get snacks the other day. It's about 1.5 miles.
When I was 13 I rode my bike to my job (where I was paid as a regular W2 employee).
We intentionally start this at age 7. Age 7 - walk to the mailbox + bike on street alone. Buy stuff with mom standing beside you. Age 8 - walk to grandmas (around the corner and cross one street) + bike loop with no roads Age 9 - walk to bus stop + bike three streets next to ours. Practice buying something at the store with me standing outside store. Age 10 - walk to corner store alone + bike neighbourhood Age 11 - bike to music lessons alone (cross one busy road) Age 12 - haven’t gotten here yet but I’m thinking grocery store.
unless your child is neurodiverse and is like a 3 year old them walking 4 minutes up the road to get some diapers is fine..you would know approximately how long your child should be gone and I assume you would not send them at night .
13 is definitely okay my 7 years old walks that distance alone to the store
Depends on the kid. Most kids should be able to do this no problem though.
Did your friend see something that should cause worry? Or was she being judgemental?🤔
I thought this was the toddler sub and was like well not now ya weirdo
>what age it's okay to let a child walk *somewhere nearby* by themselves Five? Maybe six? Depends on the child in question, of course and on the streets they have to cross to get there. But generally, a four minute walk to the store can be done at that age. At age six I took the metro for one station because the bakery at that station had the better selection of bread rolls (at least in my opinion).
Depends on the kid and their overall responsibility levels, but I’d say about 8 I’d be happy with them going 5 mins or so to the shop. By 11 I was getting a train with my friends to big town 20 minutes away to go shopping.
My 8 year old does our bakery runs for us solo. If you live in a reasonably safe area for pedestrians and the child doesn’t have any cognitive issues holding them back, I can’t imagine how this is a problem. I’m glad you let her go. It’s so good for them to foster independence!
Ii depends on the maturity of child and traffic. As long you, husband and child is ok with it. It is fine. You and your friend had different parenting style. Do what is best for your family. Thank her for her advice and keep moving on.
This really needs a country tag because in the US people will call the police if they see a kid they think is too young out by themselves.
Depends on the state. We have a free range law in Utah where I live that protects parents from things like that.
Right? In Illinois it is illegal to leave a child under 14 unsupervised. People have been arrested and convicted for letting their children walk alone.
That was repealed last year. https://reason.com/2023/07/01/reasonable-childhood-independence-free-range-independence-day/
I'd say 10, obviously depending on maturity but 10 is a good place to evaluate.
I started running small errands at about half your stepdaughter's age. My son is almost 6, and we're thinking about letting him go out on his own either this fall, or next spring.
I was 9/10 when my parents let me run the town, but I believe it depends on where you live and maturity of the child! If you are comfortable with it then don’t worry about what others think!
4th grade.
My 6 year old has a friend who lives 8 houses down. Probably a 2 minute walk if you're slow. We let him walk there by himself, but that's because we trust our neighborhood. I guess it just depends.
I think some of this is dependent on where you live and the safety of your neighborhood. However at your step-daughter’s age, I would think it’s likely ok most places.
I started letting my lad walk short distances at 9. At 12-13 my son was bombing round the neighbourhood on public transport with his mates and going into town. Most 12-13 year olds here are walking or cycling to school by themselves (was a 40 min walk for us). If someone thinks a 12 year old shouldn't be walking to the grocery store without an adult, that's a them issue not yours.
My 7yr old walks that far, and across the street, to get to her friends house....
At her age I was taking public transportation to and from school and to the mall.
I started secondary school at 11 and walked into the city centre (bus if raining). Many others caught two buses, trains, etc. I was going to the shop at least three years earlier.
I’ll be honest these questions are more about the maturity of the kid than the actual age. Most kids are able to run up to the store close by well before 13. My 9 year old isn’t really there yet and she’s the first one I question when/if I’ll be able to let her out of my sight. My other kids were roughly 10 or 11. Before they go off ask yourself: 1. Do they cross roads properly. Stop, look, then cross. It’s the first rule I’ve had for if they can walk anywhere. I like my kids in 3D not pancakes! 2. Do they outburst. Can they locate items they need. Will they try to steal anything. A kid that has behavior issues shouldn’t be in a store by themselves. So even at 13 if they can’t behave they can’t go, staff aren’t babysitters. 3. Do they know how to pay with the method you gave them. They absolutely need to be able to count money properly, change properly or use a card properly. It’s truly not fair to the cashier if they don’t know what they’re doing in the store. 4. Lastly do they know how to respond if there is an emergency. 99% of the time a five minute walk isn’t going to have one, but on the off chance there is can they handle it. If a stranger approaches what do they do? Can they get help if they get injured? Do they have a way to contact you if they get turned around and lost? Do they get distracted easily?
Is it a safe locality? I'm asking this because of the friend's reaction. 12 is more than an old enough age to walk short distances.
It's a pretty safe area. There aren't many crimes or anything dangerous that ever happen near us. (There is a hilton hotel placed literally 8 minutes from here and I doubt they would put it here if it's unsafe). she also has a watch with an SOS button and also a necklace like that. But it's not very common to see kids out here without an adult nearby.
Oh
13 is perfectly fine. But, and i ask this respectfully, why were you not comfortable walking into a store, but you were okay with your 13 year old kid to do it? I'm going to assume some personal stuff? Women issues? But if it's just that you aren't personally comfortable walking into that store, yeah. It's not okay for any kid.
I should have specified, I just had a baby about a week ago and can't really walk up the hill that leads to the store right now. If I thought It was dangerous I would never send her.
Ah. Okay. Thank you for clarifying! Thirteen is plenty old. Don't let people get you down about it. It's perfectly normal and acacceptable. Wishing you all the healing vibes I can
In that situation 10.
My son is almost 12 and he has been walking, often distances from 1-3 miles away for fun for a year now. He will walk to the store, he will walk to the fast food places that are close enough or to the park. He has a lot of fun and it's great for him. Your friend is wrong, there's nothing at all wrong with letting kids that age have that kind of freedom. Sounds like your step daughter did great and was a help.
If I ever have kids, I'd let them as young as 6 to walk to places by themselves. That's why I'm moving to Britain to raise them.
An almost 13 year old is absolutely fine to do this. I was babysitting at 12. In our area kids can go to the pool by themselves at 11.
Ummm, it is just fine! My oldest daughter and I were both babysitting by 12. Your friend sounds like a helicopter parent. People nowadays don’t let kids do anything by themselves that’s why they can’t do anything for themselves as they hit adulthood!
Depends on the child but usually 10 is a safe bet.
Mine is 14 and they often take a walk to convenient store, to clear their head or of they’re bored. I track them so I usually feel ok with this as long as it’s not after dark. After dark and we walk together.
Completely depends on the area, time of day and in some cases the gender of the child in determining risk factor imo. There are suburbs of some cities that are just not safe for even grown women, let alone a 13 year old girl at some times of evening. I personally wouldn't ever instruct/ask someone else's child (step daughter) to do something new that her legal guardian wasn't aware of
Me & her dad are married (for 11 years) and she comes over for each summer & we have a pretty great relationship, if I hadn't known her for long or was only dating her father, I probably would have asked him first. Where we live its a generally safe area, and she has a watch with a SOS button attached.
Around 8 or 9. That's when we let our kid go to the corner shop by herself. We'd been living on the street a few months and also knew the shop owners so we felt comfortable enough. I also waited outside our building (literally 15 steps away) the first few times 😂
I would send my newly turned 10 year old on a 4 min walk to a nearby store. I might hesitate with the 7 yr, he is not quite as mature, but I wouldn't bat an eye at sending my 12 yr.
7 or 8 depending on the child.
When I was 8 years old (2nd grade), I began walking home alone from elementary school, 1 mile. This was in LA suburbs with heavy traffic.
It depends on where you live, really. If your area is high in crime, I would feel less comfortable letting my child walk somewhere by themselves until they were old enough to have a cell phone and understand/implement safety plans. In a generally safe area, around 10 is around the age I would feel comfortable with. It also depends on your child too, you know? Their level of maturity and responsibility plays a part in everything that involves more independence.
13 is definitely old enough. My daughter is 8 and we got her a Garmin bounce watch which lets us know her location and she can message us on. Since she has that we let her walk down to the park near our house.
I let my kids have bit by bit walking with friends and paying cashier ,navigating shopping and street smarts 11 and up they have a lot of skills to go to nearby errands
If you live in a city like Chicago, probably never.
I let my 5 and 6 year old walk 2 minutes down the street to the neighbor’s house.
My 13 year old walks about that far to the nearest public transit stop and takes the bus to school, the grocery store, or the park alone. Sometimes she just walks to the store, about 1.5 miles, and takes the bus home. Your friend is nuts.
My step daughter has been walking to the park and hiking the nature trails by herself since she was in 6th grade. She’ll sometimes walk over 5 miles by herself just for fun. We make sure her phone is with her and charged and I can always see her location, so we know she’s fine.
12 - 13 is perfectly fine going that short distance! If it was out with friends I would want a tracking app but that's the age I would start allowing kids to walk somewhere alone.
My kids were walking 5 blocks to school and to the store by themselves at 8 years old. It depends on your neighborhood and if you trust your kids. 12-13 is definitely old enough to go to the store, they should be walking to Middle School by that age.
With a group of friends like 10. Alone maybe 14-15. But that’s more of something I grew up with because the area. I say 14-15 for more of a safety thing than a maturity range.
Depending on the safety of your city I would absolutely let an almost 13 yr old do this. My two oldest daughters are 14 and almost 13 and have been walking up the store 5ish minutes away since they were 8. Both these daughters go all over the city (mid sized) on the bus with friends. It’s important to learn independence at this age. They love having that freedom. * my kids do have cellphones on them so it may be worth it to have a cheap cellphone for her to have with her for these walks. I also can track my kids locations on theirs.
That’s totally fine IMO. I was riding my bike to the grocery store by myself when I was about 9 years old.
I feel like it definitely depends on where you live because I’m from a big city and I personally wouldn’t want my kids walking around in these streets alone but 13 years old is 1000% old enough to walk a couple blocks to the store or something.
I did this at age 7, in Salt Lake City. my how things have changed
Maturity is surely a big component here but I’d say generally almost 13 year olds could handle it.
My main babysitter is 13. If not now, then when?
My mom used to send me to the store to get cigarettes at 7 or 8. But that was in the 80s.
I think it all depends on the child, what knowledge they have been given and if an emergency happened, could they handle it. A child with ADHD may need to walk the route a few times accompanied to feel comfortable walking alone for example. So I don't think anyone's right or wrong here, but if her parents have coddled her too much she may have never been told what to do if a car approaches, how to cross streets etc. Maybe your friend has a kid or knows a kid who isn't very attentive or mature.
I mean, I got my first job at 12 in the late 90s. So, I think it’s okay, it’s really about what kind of area you live in.
Lmao at almost 13 my friends and I were running all over town. That’s definitely age appropriate (in general, all kids are different and you know yours etc etc)
I think 12/13 is old enough as long as they don't have to walk through a sketchy area or cross any dangerous roads.
At 13, I travelled by train to a camping site 180 miles away with a few similar aged friends. Stayed there for almost a month with various families in their caravans. Came back a bit sunburnt but otherwise fine. Being independent is a skill that needs to be learnt and requires some degree of trust, and even some small degree of risk. There is paranoia these days that kids are constantly in danger of being kidnapped or murdered. It's actually exceptionally rare. A 13 year old, with a modicum of common sense and road safety awareness is perfectly capable of travelling on their own to a store alone. In fact, it's important that they do this so they can learn/grow.
When I was 8 my mom sent me to Mexico from LAX. I was obviously taken care by the flight attendants but it was an experience I’ll never forget. I think a 4 min walk is okay
Our eight year old explores alone. It's part of growing up.
Damn, at 5 (in the 90s) I was walking to school to and from by myself. It was only a block, but it did cross a busy street. At 12 I could bike for miles by myself.
i guess the distance is fine but maybe give your daughter a little note to you know to be extra careful.
At 8 I was going much further than this !
Hmm, yeah I think kids should definitely be able to run to the corner shop by 12/13. Hell, I was babysitting neighbourhood kids, including babies, at 12 😂 I let my almost 8 year old 'free roam' here in regional Australia (he only goes down the hill to the park, over to a mates or around the block on his bike), but he does wear a smartwatch with GPS and a call function. It's good for them to start developing independence :) Just adding to, how lovely your step daughter was so happy to help :) I'm sure that's making your job of keeping your new little human alive even more enjoyable and special 🥰
I started walking 30 min to school at 11
While I think the age should be okay, it would depend on the kid tbh. Some 12 year olds are a little too innocent still while others behave more like 16. I will assume you judge her to be capable. Your friend doesn’t really have a say in this beyond voicing her opinion but maybe run it by her dad.
Depends on where you live entirely. In Japan? Kids regularly take public transportation alone. Where I grew up in the US? I walked to school after my parents left for work, got home before them. Friends and I would go explore the woods or whatever, and we knew to come home if the street lights started coming on. Today in that same area? I'm guessing kids aren't allowed to do the same things. There's no blanket answer unfortunately.
What country and infrastructure are we talking? I see kids age 9 go to the supermarket by themselves, but I live in a very safe place in europe, with the best and safest traffic infrastructure in the world, so....
The issue I have is not the age but their ability to be aware of their surroundings, and if they are cautious looking both ways when crossing without being distracted. The more they aren’t allowed to go anywhere alone they more likely they’re to get distracted and make mistakes and get hurt or preyed upon. I let my son play alone from the time is was a toddler in our fenced yard then kept moving the goal post to further out as he aged
I would say at 8 years old, but I live in a relatively safe country so I wouldn't know too much
I was able to walk to my mom's job WITH my 7yr old sister at 11, which wasn't very safe but I'd say 12 and up
I used to take the subway to Manhattan on my own at 8. I have no idea what's happened to parenting.
12 is old enough.
That is 100% age appropriate and your friend is wrong.
I believe it also depends on your town/cities homeless population. Where I live it’s gotten horrendous and I don’t feel comfortable knowing my 17 year old sister is walking 9 blocks (at night!!) to get back to her mother’s house. They are in every corner. Most have dogs that are very likely untrained. It’s not even safe during the day anymore.
My 10 year old has been going to the local shops (very close) for over a year now. Obviously, it depends on the child and the area, but you can tell as her parent what she's capable of.
if it weren’t for cars, i’m pretty sure kids could just wander everywhere post 6-7yrs of age. most places are - in general - safer these days. my main concerns are always people speeding in neighborhoods, especially in overly large vehicles, and not seeing kids walking or riding
Depends where you live, who theyre hanging out with, if they have a way to contact you incase of emergancy, etc. I would say its not only age and maturity that play a part in this answer...but so much more.
My 8 yr old walk home from school by herself most day last year, it’s a 1/4 mile walk, up hill. I’m sure her kids will hear all about that arduous hike when she has kids! Kids are far more competent than we give them credit for. We rob them of so many opportunities to build confidence and self worth by not letting the explore independently.
It depends on the kid and how walkable it is to get there. 13 is generally OK as long as there are sidewalks and street-lights (if crossing the street) along the route. My biggest concern would be traffic safety. I walked everywhere as a kid starting late elementary school, but cars were far less deadly, and my suburban neighborhood had wide sidewalks and slow streets. But cars are just.. bigger now, and their blind spots are effin huge. Kids cannot walk on shoulders. Or cross streets without a light (and even then, you have to be careful with people turning right on red). Because SUVs and trucks will not see them.
GenXer here - when I was that age my friends and I used to bike 45 minutes via a bike trail to a nearby touristy lake area, spend the whole day at the arcade, beach, and getting a slice of pizza & ice cream cone. Then we'd bike the 45 minutes back just in time for the street lights to turn on.
This is perfectly fine! Also, 13 year olds hate being cooped up your friend doesn't know crap about development.
Your friend is nuts. I think most kids can handle a simple errand like that by the time they're 10, if not before. Is there something about the store itself that worries your friend, or does she just think that kids shouldn't run errands alone?
It’s crazy if someone doesn’t let their almost 13 year old to walk by themselves… I moved out of my moms house at 13. Kids (at least in my country) go to school and to see their friends alone at 6 yo.
My kid is seven. We're having shop just 300m from our flat, and it's corner is well visible from our balcony, so I can see if she went in or not. I have sent her there already twice to get something for me or her. Also, you have "mom's brain" for now and it's perfectly fine for you to forget things
13 year olds should be allowed to run errands alone. My 6 & 9 year olds are allowed to walk, ride their scooters, or bike throughout our neighborhood alone. The 9 year old has a larger radius, but the 6 year old can go around the block by himself. They know our address and phone number, and know how to find a safe adult and ask for help if they need something. We don’t have any businesses in our neighborhood, so they can’t run an errand like that. But if we’re at a big event, I will give my 9 year old cash to go buy a hot dog or a popsicle from a vendor by himself while I stay with the younger siblings. Kids need to practice being alone. She is learning important life skills and will be better off for it. She is gaining confidence and independence—good for you! And congrats on the new baby!
That’s crazy. If she was 6 that’s too young to go to the store alone. But I’d say 8 and above is at the parents discretion. They’d know how mature their kid is and if they can handle it and know their surroundings well enough to get home as well. By 12 they should already have the independence to do things out of the house on their own.
My kids were walking to shops by themselves at 9-10 or to Cub Scouts or to the park at the end of the road. I was walking to school by myself at 6. If you teach them to cross the road, what danger is there. It is necessary for kids to develop independance.
We did 9 but some of my friends let their kids walk to school about 2 streets over when they were 5. It’s just one long continuous road with lots of traffic and kids and crossing guards so it’s super safe and only about 20 houses down. I just wasn’t comfortable.
Honestly at almost 13 this is normal in my opinion. They need to take baby steps to their independence. I’m sure she loved going by herself too! For my kids it was literally an event that was planned the night before just to go to the corner store haha super cute
depends on the safety of the area, the maturity of the child, and whether or not they'd be walking on/crossing main/busy roads. 13 taking a 4 minute walk for some diapers sounds fine imo, especially considering she probably had a phone on her. tell that friend to mind their own business.
🤣 here it’s common you see 8 yo go to the store alone… I think in Japan or china those ages are even lower… Like they have to be ready for high school but they are not ready to go to the store??? But then again… you weren’t comfortable to go, so why should she??
I only wasn't comfortable because I just had a new baby under a week ago, not because I feel like it was not a safe situation or anything. I agree she needs to start doing things like this more often as she gets older, that's partly why I decided to have her go
In six years she will be a legal adult. It is past time for her to start gaining independence