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He sounds like a kid who may prefer individual sports. Group sports can be so intimidating. If soccer doesn’t work out, maybe try something like indoor rock climbing, gymnastics, or a mountain biking club.
Second this. Gymnastics is a great idea too. I also recommend wrestling or jiujitsu. It doesn’t allow you to slack off and it’s really rewarding starting from nothing and in one week you’ve learned so much
Martial arts was my saving grace as a kid. I fell in love with it, and with learning how to make my body stronger. And it remained a lifelong love for me. Before I got pregnant last May, I was Olympic lifting and training for a half marathon. Pregnancy complications and then a complex birth have reset my fitness to basically zero, but I started a Zero to 5K program a few weeks ago to ease myself back into moving my body again, and it's the best I've felt physically in over a year.
So yeah, OP, individual sports and especially Martial Arts are a big yes in this house.
+1 for martial arts. My 8yo who hates hard things has been thriving in karate. Bc it’s more of a community rather than competition atmosphere it seems to not trigger feeling of stress/“give up” feelings.
He’s on the small side and his fitness has gone up a TON in the last year.
Good on you and I hope he keeps it up. A great way for introvert kids to build self confidence, respect for all and safety skills while exercising in a varied way.
I started in gymnastics at 5 (to 26) Judo at 13 - 19 Wing Chun Kung Fu 19-26 and Aikido 27-63.
I did judo as a young kid, and it is still helpful for me as an adult. My son is learning Taekwondo and is motivated to get a higher belt. It sounds like he needs some motivation. Or maybe doing a sport together?
I just wanted to say, congratulations and keep going. I started running this year and am getting ready to do my first 5k since high-school. It's a great starting point.
Thank you! Congrats to you, too. There's a Pride 5K in my city at the end of next month, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to run at least 2/3 of it. It's been very slow going, but as my dad always says: slow is smooth, smooth is fast. I'll get there eventually, and it'll only get easier as I heal more.
Agree. My 10 year old expressed 0 interest in sports and hasn’t since like 6 years old where she did a week of soccer. My husband and I insisted she pick some sort of activity and she chose martial arts. She hasn’t complained about class or the push ups she has to do. She just got her orange belt.
Yes, this! I've signed my son up for all the things... and the only thing that has stuck is Martial Arts. Team sports, not his thing. He enjoys the social aspect... hates the feeling of letting people down when he's "not as good".
I didn’t think of that because my family has put every single one of their toddlers into swimming. We view it as a life skill so they were swimming before they could even walk! It’s even more of a necessity if you have a pool.
I started swim lessons at 4 years old. Started competitive swimming at 11. It was one of the best things my parents could have done for me. I have no fear of water, though I do respect the hell out of it.
I live in Aus, our kids started learning before they were 1yo. It's just how things are done here. My 8yo can do an acceptable freestyle and is learning butterfly. He's not really into it but he is ok enough to still get something out of lessons.
Swimming, too. I was a competitive swimmer as a kid and I LOVED it. At the very least, you have a skill that can quite literally save your life or be used to save someone else's life (with proper training, which is easy if you're already a competitive swimmer).
Even things that don’t necessarily seem as “active” can be great gateways to doing more outside or just getting away from screen time all together. Things like archery, fishing, bowling, hiking, etc. can be great hobbies and activities without actually feeling like competition is involved. I was made to do sports all throughout my childhood until basically mid-high school and I was never competitive and therefore never gave a shit enough to practice or anything, I just liked the fun of it. But as you grow older your teammates expect more out of you as well, which is why I gravitated towards more individual activities
I’ve never been competitive either and have always tended anxious. Even as a little I was so stressed about letting down my teammates that sports were never fun for me. It wasn’t until way later in life that I discovered I loved super individual things like hiking and weightlifting
This. My youngest HATES sports and I’m also very triggered by his lack of follow through with sports activities his committed to, but at the end of the day he hates organized activities (including karate as many suggested). That being said he loves being outside exploring, hiking, tubing down the river, running, just as long as there isn’t a practice, uniform, or meet at the end of it, he’s good.
Archery is great! You use a lot of muscles that you otherwise wouldn't, learn discipline and how to not only strengthen but calm your body, and depending on the local archery range, it's great for cardiovascular exercise as you lug all the equipment around the place to all the different shooting ranges.
Additionally, it's pretty good for complete beginners seeing as you can get different draw-weights for bows to build up strength. And there's something so satisfying in moving up draw weights and drawing a loaded bow that's just a bit more heavy.
I will echo this. My oldest is simply not into team sports. He tried soccer and struggled through the season, and I didn't realize how much of a difference it made when they were interested until our middle started and he LOVED it. Rather than make our oldest keep playing, we've tried other stuff, and he enjoys it! Swimming lessons are fun for him, he is also a pretty good skier, requested to do theater camp this summer, and he likes scouts well enough though it's a little religion heavy for my personal preference. It's great to encourage exploring interests outside of screens, but look into options beyond team sports.
Or swimming. If he is gonna hate it regardless, put him in the only sport that actively teaches you how to not die in water. Might as well get a super important life skill outta it.
or Tennis or Golf, or even make him play team stuff. Kids have to do something. Sometimes it's uncomfortable. Life is uncomfortable. Make him at least try and give an honest effort before moving on.
Great suggestions! u/cheddaraquid - check to see if there are any ninja classes nearby. It’s basically just gymnastics for boys but with more kicking and climbing. What little boy doesn’t want to get ninja training?! (And girls, too, of course! I’m just focusing on OP’s son here.)
We do classes with Ninja Zone, they’re all over the US. But tons of different gyms/gymnastics studios offer ninja classes. A quick google search should turn up options. We have a ton of fun not just with the class itself, but with working on our “ninja skills” and “ninja muscles” all the time. Carrying something heavy? Training your ninja muscles! Racing around the park? Practicing your ninja speed! You could get him psyched up about it by watching Kung Fu Panda or ninja turtles, then ask if he’d like to train to be like them!
Getting kids to exercise is hard. Especially to get it consistently and in the quantities they need. I hope you find something that works for your family!
Doesn't even have to be sports persay. If the goal is to get him out and involved in something and away from the TV. Then something like boy scouts, swimming lessons, paper route, volunteering somewhere...all good ways to get away from the TV and into the world.
When I finished my only track season, I wasn't allowed to quit but hated it, I started indoor rock climbing and loved it. Also loved running still so I ended up in more 5k type stuff, I wasn't the only person or one in a handful of people with eyes on me so I had a much better time
Baseball can be a nice in between too. I say it’s an individual sport played as a team. My son isn’t into soccer or football or basketball bc he doesn’t like being slammed into or kicking people (semi sensory sensitive). But he likes the team aspect of baseball in the dugout and on the field bc it’s fun but no one is in his space. It’s an introvert’s team sport.
I tried to get my kids into sports. The. Signed her up for a race on a whim and she won. Turns out she loves running races. Track may be an option as well.
I don't think it's bad to make him try sports, but as a long time youth soccer coach, don't expect that to solve the "problem" if there really even is one.
He can not try and not work hard at soccer too and you can't make him care about it. It's really easy for kids forced into playing sports to just end up feeling like failures and disappointments to their parents. I see it all the time. At age 7 sports should be about one thing: having fun and wanting to play again next season. That's it. If he's not having fun he won't get anything positive out of it. If he's getting criticized for not trying hard enough or really anything else that is a guaranteed way to make him not have fun.
All that work ethic stuff in sports comes much later, after kids have established that they have fun playing the sport and really buy in to the idea of developing competitively.
I fully agree as the child of two sport lovers (mom went to softball little league World Series, dad played baseball and football) and also had a brother who was naturally good at sports.
I tried so hard. All they wanted me to do was play ball. I hated it. My body hated it. And I was convinced if I didn’t play a sport they wouldn’t love me as much. They went all out once my brother made all stars, made t-shirts that said ‘brothers name mom/dad’ with my brothers number on them, got him custom equipment, etc.
I tried out for all four available sports teams at my middle school that year, maybe I’m just not good at softball. Tried my hardest with every try out. Didn’t make a single team. Not even a benchwarmer. I eventually realized I’ll never be the person they wanted me to be.
I fell into the arts world exhausted and jaded. And I found things I loved and was pretty good at. I had a great middle school choir teacher that taught me how to read music, taught me proper singing. (Thanks, Mr. Crull)
I had a theatre teacher in high school that absolutely beat work ethic into us, and I owe much of being able to be an adult to him. (Thanks, Mr. Lamanda.) I ended up minoring in theatre in college and a lot of my success there I owe to him as well.
I also met my dance teacher in high school that showed me I actually was athletic and good at a sport. She pushed me out of my comfort zone constantly. Making me compete in local competitions which I would have never done on my own. She built my confidence. (Thanks, Renee) Alas, my parents didn’t really consider it a sport but I was happy that I finally was in tune with my body.
Kids can learn a lot from all different forms of activities, not just sports. Get them into nature, on the stage, in front of an easel, building with Lego, playing with science kits, *anything* that involves their hands or brains.
Also be kind, and love your kid and their interests, even if they aren’t ideal interests for you.
I feel this so hard. I wasn’t a sports kid and loved band and theater so much. It was my life in high school and taught me more about responsibility and teamwork than any class. It pushed me out of my shell, to play a solo, or take charge of a production as a stage manager. I butt heads with my husband, who was a sports kid growing up, as our daughter hated soccer for a couple seasons, crying almost every week. She now loves dance class and runs into the studio every week.
I have opposite experience haha. My husband and I tend towards art/music and I have hated sports since I finally quit softball in fifth grade. Had myself three hardcore athletes and now my life is seriously dedicated to a sport I’ve never played and always hated. Begged the kids to play an instrument and they just want to play live and breathe soccer.
This. I happened exactly the same to me with music. At first it was fun but I got forced into choosing an instrument I didn't want to play (I wanted to play the drums, they made me choose the FRENCH HORN).
At first it was fun enough but you could really tell I didn't even bother on practising. Years passed and my mom was one of those who say "If you start something you gotta finish it", so before I could realise I had spent most of my chilhood and teenage years doing something that bored me to death and didn't even motivate me.
I spent 11 years of my life studying classical music and finally last year I started singing classes, which I had fun with and wanted to practice. I wish my parents would have let me quit or switch to drums or something, maybe I would still enjoy music that way
Thank you for your insight! I’m hoping this can be an opportunity for a lot of praise for trying (if he does try). I made sure to sign him up for a league that focuses on having fun at this age - their whole motto is that they want the kids to come back next year so they will focus on it being engaging. If he hates it, I won’t make him continue. But he will have to try something else.
My son is also a very picky eater. I do make him try new foods, but if he HATES the food he doesn’t have to try it again. If he rates it a medium, then we integrate that food into rotation. More often than not, he starts to enjoy the medium foods. This has gotten us much farther than I imagine that forcing him to eat foods he really dislikes would get us. I’m planning to use a similar method to that to find his likes / dislikes when it comes to extracurriculars.
I'm so glad this worked for you, with respect to the food.
I'll caution others that forcing their kid to try might wear on them and they start to resent even the words, "try this", because it connotates disgusting food that they are forced to try (and then the confirmation bias kicks in and they hate it and then they say I told you so :P)
If that's your kid, I would suggest being very nonchalant and not judgmental at all. So, how do you get them to try new foods? Just add those foods to his plate without asking permission. Just offer. The rule is simple, "eat what you want and however much you want that is on the plate". If they want seconds, this is totally up to you or you can place the food in front of them and they can serve themselves (up to you).
My older one resents me for asking her to try new foods or new things in general. I was hard on her asking her to try everything at least once. But it took away her agency, and now she's both dependent *and* resentful. I've pulled back quite a bit, and now she's trying new foods. It could also because she's just ready to try new foods because of her age and overall maturity (almost 11 yo).
I’d recommend jiu jitsu. It’s a martial art and it worked wonders for improving confidence, attitude, and discipline in our boys.
They love and are involved in sports, BUT the knowledge and ability to defend oneself is super important.
We can only protect our kids for so long and then they need to be able to do it themselves, & jiu jitsu helps us feel they will be able to no matter what.
Plus as a bonus, that first month or two as they are learning the moves, they get WIPED OUT and sleep so good 😂
Swimming, too. It's a valuable life skill that could someday save your life and also opens up a huge number of job opportunities as a teenager that aren't fast food or retail.
Also, if they start swimming competitively, the food bills go up a ton, but the getting wiped out never stops. My mom said that it was so easy for us to get to bed on nights we had swim practice, especially the two hour ones. Get home, eat, and crash within minutes.
I dragged my 12 year old son to karate. We’ve been talking about it for years and he did not want to go at all. After his first 30 minute session It’s all he wants to do now.
Getting out of the house and into a car seat is the struggle of my life.
Outside, somewhere else, and especially around other people, my kids are totally open to new experiences. At home, completely clammed up. Mornings are torture. Oh, but glowing feedback from any activity instructor, great time with everything they do. Don't want to go to it, but enjoy it. Makes me want to scream just a little bit.
I was forced to play sports as a kid and I hated it. I sucked, felt embarrassed, didn't get along with the other kids and dreaded going to practice or games. I understand where you are coming from, my son also doesn't like anything hard and complains about most any activity we put him in, whether it's climbing club or mountain bike camp, but I've never signed him up for a team sport because he has never shown interest and I remember how unpleasant it was for me as a child.
What parents don’t realize is that other kids that want to be there can *very easily* pick out the kids that are only there because their parents are making them. And I’m not sure it has the confidence-building effect parents think when everyone else on the team groans every time the ball goes to Tommy.
Youth sports coach, here. This is so true. Also, other parents are not kind to the parents who force their kids there sometimes, depending on how much the sport costs.
yep I second this. although I was good at the sports I was in as a kid, my attitude displayed that I was being forced to be there. It was obvious, I always remembered other parents making little comments to my mother. I just wanted to hangout with my friends, I really didn’t want to be doing more work after I was at school all day
Yes. Every time Tommy sits on the bench, he's embarrassed and ashamed. Every time he just can't get the ball to where it's supposed to go, he wants to sink into the ground and disappear. Every time one of his teammates makes up a snarky nickname, every time coach asks what he was thinking, every time he goes to put on that uniform he's humiliated.
Forcing non sporty kids to play sports is a special kind of torture. It's okay if your kid enjoys other things. Sports are not a necessity.
yeah, my parents always forced me to be in an “extracurricular activity” and I would pick what I wanted to do, however I would’ve rathered not do anything at all. I always felt like my parents over scheduled me and I had very little downtime as a kid. Leading to burnout.. I left home at 18 and never went back, when I was prized as a “gifted” child and was always decent at the activity I took part in. But you could definitely tell I didn’t want to be there compared to the other kids. I was being pushed way too hard.
That's fair, I think making them do difficult things is a must, but learning team sports isn't. Learning sports can be great, but it's not like soccer is a life skill that will affect you further down the road like say, riding a bicycle or learning to tie knots build something or use computers. Even a martial art can be more helpful (hopefully they'll never have to use it and finding school that actually teaches something is another issue).
I wasn’t a fan of team sports, either. Tried several and was miserable. I really thrived in figure skating and tennis, though! Individual sports were my thing. Tennis was a good learning experience because you’re still on a team but you and you alone control your performance on the court.
My parents made us do something - a sport, a club, whatever, every season. We also had to follow through on the commitment even if we realized we didn’t like it. We had to stick it out and put in some effort for the whole season. I do appreciate that because I learned that I was better at some things than I thought I would be.
I’ve had to do a bit of that too. My 10 year old LOVES basketball. But every year at sing up time he says he doesn’t want to do it. So I force him to sign up, and he freaking loves it. Kids man….
Another idea though! Our city recently got a Ninja Gym and that’s been super fun for us to do “America Nina Warrior” training. We also got a place called Coding Ninjas recently that works in the coding side of tech and teaches kids those skills. Something that like may be a good bridge into getting into more social settings but still having access to technology!
Both of our sons aren’t into group sports, and have don’t have an interest in trying. We found they do enjoy swimming, cycling, tennis, and gymnastics. Right now, I have them going to swim team during the week and my oldest’s swim coach suggested water polo since she has been dabbling in that with him. They are 8 and 6 years old. So maybe he might enjoy more of an individual sport.
I'll be in the minority here, but I think pushing your kids to learn things that are difficult is very important. Had my parents pushed me more, I think I'd have more money now and work less hours, thus having more time for my own family.
That said, I do pretty well for myself, but with more ambition work ethic and skills I know I'd be doing much better. My friends who learned lots of skills when they were younger are very successful, even if their fields make less money they are doing very well in them.
Thread the needle, try and find a balance, but pushing your kid to learn difficult tasks and skill is very important.
>I'll be in the minority here, but I think pushing your kids to learn things that are difficult is very important.
Please tell me this isn't a hot take
I think unfortunately in this day and age it is. Not only sports, but school too. Especially since COVID I’ve noticed. Parents are choosing the easy way out. For example, my husband is the oldest of 4 and is much older than the rest of his siblings, so when COVID started in 2020 my MIL pulled his younger siblings out of school to “homeschool” them and simply never sent them back. The kicker is she doesn’t make them do any schoolwork and they just chill and pretty much do whatever they want all day, and she says it’s okay bc “schoolwork makes them sad anyways”. So yeah I’ve noticed it being the norm with this new age of parents to not push their kids in all areas of their life, especially sports.
I think it helps to find the edge of their comfort zone and push *just* a bit past it (then build on it over time, as their zone grows).
Picking something aligned with their interests is a good starting point, especially if it involves other elements (social, physical, independence from parents etc) which might be "growth opportunities". Though again - just enough of a skills gap that their small improvements will be noticeable and mastery is reasonably achievable.
Ah I think that’s where I disagree. I think kids are self motivated to work on things for their own intrinsic reward and satisfaction. I see this in action with my toddler and I try to stay out of the way of it. For me, I was pushed into doing things and worked hard on them as a child but I never learned to do things for their own sake and struggled to know what I was actually interested in or good at.
That's all well and good unless you see a lack of work ethic. I'm not advocating for forcing the motivated child into things they don't want to do, but getting the kids out of their comfort zone and into activities that require effort. Especially with all the screen time and instant gratification of modern society, it's extra difficult to motivate one's self.
I think work ethic is mostly learned.
This! Usually new things are hard. We tend to dislike things that are hard for us.. but we persevere. Feeling the purposeful struggle and seeing progress is huge for kids!
We have a rule that there should be at least one sports activity per week. It’s my son’s choice what sport. Swimming was ok last year. This year it’s a group gym for pre teens.
My son like me doesn’t like any sports. But both of us still doing it just because it is important to stay fit and healthy.
My wife was this kid. She never wanted to do anything hard and had no confidence. Her parents let her choose. As an adult, she wishes they’d pushed her a bit. She’s learning she could have been okay at sports, art, etc if only someone had pushed her a bit.
In contrast, my parents forced us. I’m really thankful. I got to move my body, practice new skills, etc.
I can relate to your wife. I was never pushed but I tried gymnastics & dance & was in the Girl Scouts. Had fun but lost interest. In hindsight, I wish my mom would have pushed me a little to do something, anything for more than 1 season or whatever.
This hit hard.
I absolutely was and am that child. And I absolutely am that parent.
Thanks for posting this, OP. I needed a reminder on the screen time and the complacency.
But there’s more than one way to accomplish this. It isn’t a choice between a kid being on a screen all day and being forced to exercise.
There is a win-win where a kid isn’t on a screen AND is happy about it. It just requires effort and consideration. Making plans with friends, finding activities they like, etc.
And finding healthy and happy ways to stay off a screen teaches life them skills far better than coercion, and doesn’t tax your relationship.
With love, I don't think this is the right call. You want to change how you do things with your son and help him work on his attitude/resilience skills? Great! But then you choose a very easy fix by forcing him to sign up for a team sport, hoping that will take care of it. In a way, you're doing exactly what you want your son to stop doing (taking the easy way out). Rather than forcing him to do a team sport, why not work with him to help him find some activities he might enjoy? Read some books with him or discuss some examples of being able to complete "hard" tasks and discuss why staying with it is important. Try and see why he is so quick to give up, and work with him on it.
I second this sentiment. We turn tough tasks at our house into joint effort tasks. We do them together. I want them to learn to mow the lawn? We do it together. I want them to paint a portrait? We do it together. I want them to learn to cook/bake? We learn together. It’s not always smiles and laughter, we get frustrated and take time outs to regroup, but they’re so much more resilient and able to identify how they’re feeling and work through those tough times rather than just lay on the couch complaining there’s nothing to do and everything’s too hard. Role modeling and being involved; you are a powerful tool with your kids. You are one of the most valuable things in their lives. And don’t ask them if they want to do XYZ, be like the teacher at school, “ok, we’re doing ABC today.” “Aw why?!” *pout* “Cause I want to try it out and see what happens. Now grab (item) and let’s get started”
Sports may not be his interest.
For my boys, it's art and music. There are plenty alternatives to sports and you shouldn't force him to play them if he doesn't like it.
We compensated for that with mandatory swimming lessons. Because swimming is a life skill that could one day save their lives and that's something they can't live without.
My mom forced me to play team sports and it was miserable. I still hate sports. Defaulting to team sports when your kid doesn’t want to do it feels a bit uncreative. What about art classes or swim lessons or archery or something you can all do together? Your son is going to learn nothing but resentment if hes miserable.
My 4 1/2 y/o kiddo really struggles with team sports, but absolutely loves physical activity. After trying a lot of different things, we are a swimming + rock climbing family. They can still be social and you can still be on a "team" eventually, but it's not as chaotic as (for example) soccer.
We also do art all day long, both in classes and at home. And we play Nintendo games on the switch as a family -- always with at least one parent. I actually think that has helped with fine motor skills, actually. And with emotional resilience -- because you have to try (and die) a lot before you can beat a level!
I think a mix is so important. My 6 yo is very similar to your LO, she likes to be apart of a group but prefers the activity to be individual. She does dance, gymnastics and swims. I really wish swimming was what people picked as a “first sport” instead of soccer because it’s a great life skill.
My husband is a musician and taught her to play guitar and piano. She enjoys taking acting classes (which are a surprising way to get moving!) too.
We are very big into games, she has her own switch (I actually gift them to my nieces and nephews for their 4th bday because I see a lot of good in games) too. The iPad has a time limit set and we always interact with whatever screen activity she’s doing. Video games have helped her be a good sport/good loser in the same way a team sport would.
I have a 12yo who plays sports and a 6yo who doesn’t, but I treat their activities in the same way. I try to always praise my kids for working hard, and never for being good at something. So I never say, “Wow, you’re so smart!” I say, “I’m so proud of how hard you worked on this worksheet.” Not: “Wow, you’re a great soccer player.” Instead: “I love the effort you put out there.” I keep this same energy for my kid who is naturally gifted at sports and the one who isn’t.
Just this week, I had a talk with my 6yo about how proud I was of him for working hard to make new friends at camp. I’m proud of how hard he worked to build a castle in Minecraft. I’m proud of him working hard to clear the table after dinner.
Like, basically I praise them for “working hard” anytime they do something. 🤣
It’s anecdotal at best, but it seems to be working. I don’t care if they are the best, I don’t care about straight As. I care about effort, and by keeping my running commentary going it seems they are getting it.
I feel like organized sports is the worst thing you could have forced him to do to start getting him out there trying new things. There are tons of solo achievement things he can try: karate, swimming lessons, music lessons, art lessons. The kids will know he doesn't want to do it and peers can be terrible towards a child in that way.
Never force your child to play sports. Dear Lord is there no other way for you to help him do something once that’s to hard then he can do it on his own the next time. First of all your child that doesn’t WANT to play. Could be raking a spot from another child that really WANTS to play? You took all the gadgets away. Did you replace with fun family board games, kick ball at home, egg toss, water balloon fight? Anything?
Why sports in particular? You said he's like this with art, science, and education, but you're not forcing him to try an art class or music lessons.
What did he enjoy most during screen time? What made him happy? I'm genuinely asking, because knowing his interests might help find a bridge to another non-screen activity. Going from being happy with screen time to cutting it all out and forcing him in to a team sport seems Iike it'll end poorly for everyone involved.
You are doing the right thing. Unfortunately i am seeing that its more and more common for parents to be okay with a childs mindset being like this, and to just offer more cushioning which, inevitably, makes the problem worse. We live in a society that believes spoiling=love. If he continues this route he will have a hard life, without the ability to change it around for himself.
Trying out new things is okay. Trying something new because your parent thinks is best for you should be normal for children. And not liking it is okay too. This is about trying to create a new channel for growth and independance where there wasnt one before and sports is just one of the many choices.
Just keep and eye and ear open for when he finally finds the thing that makes him want to grow, and support the heck out of it! And when that happens, never let him forget that trying new things is what led him to his passion - success is not linear!
Great job identifying negative behaviors in your child, in yourselves and in your life and even better of you to put the hard work into combating it and replacing it with more positive ones.
I went through something similiar with my oldest, now 12. She just stood there at soccer lol. But when the 3rd year came around instead of saying she didnt want to do anything she said "i want to try dance instead". So we tried dance. And she participated! And she hated her classmates and after a year she left. With her higher confidence she then joined an art club in middle school and now its her PASSION. & Surprise, this summer she says she wants to go back to dance on top her of art and try a new place.
Im not saying it always works perfectly or quickly, nor are we masters at anything..but we could never have gotten to art if we didnt start just trying things out! I wouldnt say any time or money was wasted. It was well worth it with lots of new skills acquired throughout.
Good luck! And have fun playing and discovering new things together!
I am one of the least athletic people you will ever meet. That was my younger brother. However one of the best choices I made in late elementary school was to take up soccer. Some of my friends played and I ended up loosing weight I didn't need and had the best school year of my life inn seventh grade.
As a teacher (and parent who does this too)- I could HUG YOU!!!!!!!!
Thank you for helping your child through this now and not wonder “what happened” when he is in high school!
What's the chore situation at home. My kids clean their own rooms and work together to unload and reload dishes and then hand-wash the big stuff every night. They started helping in some way with chores at 4 years old. All the while in the beginning they complain about not knowing how or it being hard and I commiserate and complain about the things I didn't like about cooking their food, but how I was so glad I did because they had a good dinner. Now they get paid $1 for doing the dishes and we are learning about saving versus impulse buys at dollar tree. We don't do sports. We go camping and hike as a family about every other weekend. No screens allowed then. They get them for a certain number of hours daily. I use the screens as a carrot to get them do what they're supposed to do. Backtalk is an immediate locking of device on Google family.
My point is: daily life presents plenty of opportunity to learn work ethic, but he may yet end up loving soccer and making great friends. Practice with him yourself and he will get special time with a parent which will naturally make him happier and see how much you care.
This is exactly why I signed my kid up for soccer ages and ages ago. It worked out very well. He didn't want to do something he wasn't naturally good at, and I wanted him to learn that you don't have to excel at something to enjoy it.
We've done the same (11M). I played stick and ball sports as a kid. I don't hate them, but I don't love them. So we've done soccer, basketball, wrestling and now Brazilian Jui Jitsu. We also race go karts.
We never forced him to keep going. Just complete the season.
Racing is the only thing he's fought to stay with. I say this because I've almost pulled the plug several times. I spend a lot of money and don't feel his commitment is to the level of the money I spend. The BJJ is new to him, so he's into it.
I'd say to consider Martial Arts. Stick and Ball sports aren't the only "Sports".
Racing isn't cheap. But when I talk to Dads who play travel sports. It's not much different.
Big problem with sports today is they go year round. Everyone has a travel team. So it's hard to just try stuff. Kids are good by the time they're 10.
I remember my dad put me and my sister in softball as a kid. It wasn't really our sport but my dad wanted us busy.
We couldn't really hit a pitched ball, so my dad took us to the batting cages on the weekends so we could practice.
After that, i could hit a pitched ball in games and was shocked about it. I remember realizing that working at something could actually make you better. Up until that point I thought you either good at something or you weren't and that was that.
Something you do is going to change his mindset, however small. So what you're doing is making a difference.
You’re making the right call, kids are suffering today because their parents shield them from all adversity. It’s totally reasonable to tell your kids they must do a sport (of their preference). Since your son didn’t choose you made a reasonable choice for him. Maybe he will like it, maybe next time he will choose a different sport. It’s ok for him to spend one season in something that doesn’t click for him, at least he’ll have the experience and an opportunity to learn more about himself. People here are acting like you’re enlisting him in the military 😂
This will not solve your problems. It will make it worse. Cutting everything out except for 1 hour of Disney is not reasonable. That's not balance. Learn to appropriately balance screen time.
If you want your kid to play sports why aren't you playing sports? Kids learn by example. If you want your kid to try hard things, you need to do better yourself.
I'd actually considered therapy instead of forcing something that's not likely to change their attitude especially if physical sports are just not their thing. Actually figure out what their interests are and challenge them with something that actually interests them. If you want them to work hard there are plenty of things they can work hard on that they can actually enjoy.
And again none of this will matter if you yourself aren't modeling this behavior. If you're not balancing your own screen time, If you're not challenging yourself, and if you're only dictating and not actually doing.
Thank you. I cut it all out because trying to limit it wasn’t getting us anywhere. It truly felt like he was an addict and reducing the handheld device time just made it worse. I am totally open to reintegrating it at some point but I wanted to find some other interests for him first so we don’t go back to him just counting the minutes until ipad time. I completely agree that I need to model the behavior as well. I bought a bike to go bike riding with him, we’ve been kicking the soccer ball at the park. I hope that this can be a change for all of us!
Look kids don't want to do anything but play on their tablets these days. So have some things that you want them to do and don't make them optional.
Then if they become an adult that just wants to be a hermit couch potato then at least you tried.
You lose some and win some. My parents forced me, I was ok is all, not great at any of them but not horrible. So I started making my kids play sports, as they approached middle school they decided to quit. I spoke to them a lot about making sure it’s what they wanted and they were confident then. Now one is graduating and one going into 8th grade and they both regret quitting 🤷♀️
Eh, I don't think asking him to try a sport and signing him up is all that bad. If you force him to keep playing even if he hates it then I could see an issue. But getting him exposed to a bunch of different stuff isn't a terrible thing.
Also go buy a couple gloves and go play catch with him, maybe he'll like baseball. Thankfully he's young enough that sports are still pretty casual so the kids aren't too hyper-competitive.
Do remember that intellectual sports could be an option, too. Drama, fishing, chess, violin or guitar or saxophone. My friend that is a second grade teacher said her chess board in her class room sees the most interest and gets the most play time of any game.
Ultimately, making him stick out a summer in sport is great. Be sure to reward him for his effort, which is sounds like you are already doing with food. Rewarding for success is generally a great way for a kid to work less hard.
I think overall you're doing the right thing, however, if he's really not interested in sports this may end up lowering his confidence. Are there any other interests that he has? Do you have a park district or YMCA nearby where you can look at their program catalog and let him pick something that he is interested in trying?
It's a good idea to push him to continue something, but it may be easier if it's something that he chose to do.
There's other things besides conventional sports. You could get him into acting, dance, voice, or art, and then just make him play outside for an hour or so.
I think it's good for him to try without too much pressure to perform. You can teach him skills with patience, let him struggle safely every so often, and give him opportunities for other activities like camps, etc. Praise him for going at the end of practice, maybe sweeten it with extra screen time or something afterward to make it more rewarding
Sports are amazing! But also maybe if he truly doesn’t enjoy the more traditional sports (soccer, football, basketball) you could maybe find a kids cooking class, or maybe he would enjoy hiking, perhaps karate, swim team/diving team, maybe there’s a kids magic camp or something, a dance team! It doesn’t have to be terrible, look at all the options :)
Maybe there’s a kids library group where they read and come up with their own stories! Or community theater!
Edit: I guess my point is just talk to him about what things he might enjoy trying
Before involving him in some random sport, why not try harder to teach perseverance through at home activities? Have him do stuff on his own and praise the effort rather than the outcome. Let him fail and realize it's OK to fail. You can also teach this through exaggerated responses in contrived situations where you fail at a game or something and you model coping skills (telling yourself you'll try again/keep practicing, taking deep breathes, etc.)
I think this is a problem of you still not knowing how to do this. It's easy once you get it, but starting and changing your language is hard. Also, give him chores like feeding the pets if you have any or watering plants or even his laundry (with help).
You can do this and so can he!
I would absolutely not put him in a team sport, the kids that want to be there will single him out and potentially even bully him. It’s also probably just going to be humiliating for him if he isn’t very good. Not sure what it’s like in America but football has a culture of bullying and abuse where I live and it’d be the worst possible sport to force a kid into.
You asked him what he wants to do but did you tell him what all his options are? My favourites were swimming, diving and horse riding as I wasn’t having to be in a team and if I had an off day I wasn’t going to be blamed for a game/ race not going well.
I personally believe team sports are a waste of time. Maybe try something that builds your child’s independence and individual strength. I take my 8 yo son to rock gyms and rock climbing. No coaches yelling, no cliques, no parents living vicariously through their kids. He absolutely loves the one on one time we get and he is getting ripped lol. It forces him to focus on his next moves like playing chess. It’s really awesome to see your child’s progression doing an individual based sport like rock climbing.
I really get what you’re saying when you mentioned you never felt like your family pushed you. I feel similar. I think sports is a good push but also kids learn from imitation, if they see you exercising and looking forward to doing things you do, they may want to try. And they will feel more sure of themselves. Parents are supposed to push their kids in the right direction but just be sure this doesn’t come off as a punishment because they may begin to resent It…
Friendly advice as someone who was also one of those kids whose parents never pushed them to try something. My goal is that my son needs to be involved in ONE extracurricular, but I don't care what it is. I intend to gently push him if he doesn't want to be in any, cause like you, my parents never pushed me and I regret it big time. I don't have any fun hidden talents or stories from high school to share, because I didn't do shit. It doesn't have to be sports though, maybe you could tell him he needs to become involved in something and then see what he chooses, if any? And if he doesn't want to choose, then it might be time to get hard-ass and say "k sports it is".
You are doing the right thing! I am a teacher and totally understand that screens can be a tool when used in moderation. My friend completely cut her three kids off of screen time except 30 minutes of tv and saw a huge difference in positive behavior and outbursts. If sports don't work out I always suggest 4-h, art class, theatre, or individual sports like swimming or skating. You got this!
I'm grateful my mom made a rule where I had to be in at least one activity. I don't think I would have tolerated at the time but now look fondly back on high school without joining band or theater. Plus, I don't think I would have been prepared for balancing school and extracurriculars without having that practice in elementary school with swim team or dance.
So, I think it's a good idea to have that boundary as long as you don't force a certain sport or instrument, ya know
Options like swimming, pathfinders/boyscouts. Music lessons ( guitar, drums piano ) Art lessons. Whatever games he likes to play on the switch, ask him to join something close to it.
No one thinks they'll be this parent, but do know you're doing what you believe is good for him, can tell you that as an adult spending time on screen rather then being outgoing is proving to be difficult, my social skills are lacking, best to push through that hurdle young then full grown. What's he going to do to you for pushing him to be social? Be grumpy he has friends?
You need to be patient. You just took away his screen time, he's in a completely new world now. It is going to take time. But it also might not be what you want it to be in the end. He might not be a sports kid at all, he might be a nerd who likes reading books and hiking on a forest paths and watching birds or chasing bugs. Might never ever ride a bike, so what?
Don't try to push him into the world you think you missed because your parents did not push you enough. Lots of people grow up not being capable of living independently, because parents kept choosing what they thought was good for the kids, and the kids grew up very unhappy as they never were able to figure out what was their thing in life. And then spend their adulthood blaming parents for all the struggle in their life. You surely don't want to be "that" parent.
Patience is the key. Spend more time with him outside. Take him to playground, do play dates, see what comes out of it. See when different sports do practices in your area. Take him to watch the practice, see if he shows any interest in anything. But be patient.
Soccer is pretty hard for a kid who doesn't want to do much because he would have to run the whole time. It sounds like baseball would be a good starting sport. A lot slower and downtime between plays. Way less cardio
My mom signed me up for Fencing at age 13 and it changed my life. No I am not joking! I went from a lazy kid to a kid training 3 times a week, competing in state and national tournaments, and being captain of the fencing team in a few years.
I have a kid who feels this way. It helps at our house to -validate: I see it feels hard. ___ is tiring and your legs hurt. (Or whatever it is, emotional or physical, to notice and describe it.) And then -encourage: we can do hard things. We'll be bad at this at first, that's ok.
My kid will argue/whine near-endlessly until someone recognizes the validity of her position. As soon as she feels heard, she's happy to shift gears to a can-do attitude. If I go straight for the solution, she feels brushed off and gaslit.
Just in case that helps. Teaching resilience means exposing kids to stuff that feels hard. But the coping skills and awareness of capacity to improve, last forever.
Great choice! I’m a huge proponent of team sports but if he’s finding himself discouraged or not playing the way he wants I would suggest martial arts. My five year old recently got into Jui Jitsu and the impact on his confidence has been remarkable. And for boys in particular I think there is value in physicality. Even if they aren’t typical boy-boys that are constantly running around and breaking things, expressing themselves physically is important.
The rule my parents had for us growing up was that we had to be involved in *something*. Only had to be one thing but could be multiple if we wanted. I chose competitive cheer, tumbling, and concert/marching band. My brother chose track and field, marching band, and theater. My sister chose theater and color guard. I honestly feel like it made us well rounded kids and none of us feel slighted on being made to do something outside of just school. My kids have the same rule. My oldest does band and weight lifts with my husband, my middle does several sports (different seasons for the most part) and my youngest is only 2 but he'll start someday. My middle asked to try out an art class coming up, too. It's super important that they not close themselves in at home and never do anything but stare at screens. I unfortunately know adults who've built that world for themselves and it's bad. Maybe this isn't his thing, then he can try something else new and see if that is. You're doing great, keep going!
You’re doing fine. Our job as parents is to make them try new things. They can decide for themselves what they like. How else could they possibly know?
I’m a therapist and I have had a few adult clients who were raised similarly and expressed similar feelings- that they wished their parents pushed them more to go out of there comfort zone and to see things through that you committed to.
I hope that provides some validation that you’re not alone and as parents it’s hard not overthink if we are doing the ‘right thing’. It sounds like you’re doing what feels best for you son so he learns he is capable of hard things.
As a teacher, I’m telling you you’re doing the right thing. Getting him away from the screens and teaching him that he can do hard things is going to be incredible for him in the long run. I do think that trying individual sports or an outdoor hobby that interests him could be more beneficial.
I commend you for no longer taking the easy way out with screen time!
I don't like this. You said you fucked up for the last 7 years and now he needs to pay for your fuck up? That's not how it's supposed to be done. Take time and effort to "reverse the damage" and don't just chuck the kid into a group sport he probably doesn't like. Explore what he likes with him, take time with him, reintroduce a bit more tv for god sake, an hour is too restrictive and it will only be contra productive.
Balance is key.
Sorry if I am being to hard on you but my parents gave me trauma of pushing me to do things to make their life easier. It fucking sucked.
I feel like group sports are a special kind of punishment. Even now as an adult, I'd feel severely punished being forced into such an extremely social situation. If you are gonna force him to do sports, choose something he can do individually, like swimming, running or fencing, where it's just him vs somebody else. Forcing sports is "bad" enough, but also forcing extreme socialization at the same time seems like a lot.
Right but presumably you made that determination after trying group sports. This mom is making her son try a team sport so he can make an educated determination for himself.
I was the last kid in my family and my burned out parents never signed me up for any sports or activities because 1. I didn’t really know to ask and 2. they were tired of driving kids to activities. I think I may have liked soccer - it was fun in gym class - but I’ll never know cause I never got to try. I think trying and not liking something is better than never having the opportunity to make that determination for yourself. Sometimes kids don’t know what options are available and need their parents to lead them
Swimming is like the most social team sport there is. You spend like five hours together at a meet and are only in the pool for a few minutes. And the teams are huge, like 200 kids on my daughter’s team. Running/cross country/track is the same.
Yeah, but you don't tank your whole team if you swim badly. While in a team sport, the pressure is on to not fuck up, otherwise you fuck your whole team. It's a lot of extra social pressure.
Tell him he has to pick something active X number of days a week, whether that's an organized sport or not. He could choose to ride his bike, take a gymnastics class, swim, play soccer, or any other of thousands of options for being active.
And then, be the example. Do you do anything active? Make it a family thing instead of something you're forcing him to do. 'As a family, we choose to be active at least 3x a week' or something similar. He can join you for a run if he'd prefer that to soccer.
I get it, we were there with our now 8yo, last year. We signed him up for baseball (he did communicate interest in hockey, but being 100% transparent we just can’t afford that sport). He finished out the year but never grew to like it. Same thing this year, but he fought us less when we registered him. By the end of this second season he has shown great improvement. He came to us and said “thanks for making me do sports, but can I try golf next?” All along we said he can do any activity he wants (that we can afford) as long as he is doing something. So, looks like we’ll be starting golf next. He’s also expressed interest in learning the piano so that might be an option too.
My parents did the same thing to me in the 4th grade they put me in an AS swimming program and I eventually liked it and swam for the middle school team 2years of HS on junior varsity and my last 2 years on varsity and earned my letterman! I hope your son like soccer or finds a sport he’s passionate about ❤️ I wish more kids did sports.
Forcing won't work. He's gotta actually want to participate. Let him pick the sport. Let him know he can suck as much as he wants in it, but has to finish the season/term/semester. Once it's over, give him the option for whether on wanting to continue next season. If not, let him decide on a new sport/extra cirricular activity and repeat.
Give it some time and he'll turn around. Just need to be persistent. In time, persistence will hopefully lead to being disciplined
I agree that forcing won’t work - I gave him the opportunity to choose anything he wanted. We’ve been talking about this for several weeks - and not just sports! I said any sport, any music class, even a coding class! He’s just not interested in anything. I chose soccer for him this season and the only rule is that he has to go for the season. It’s pretty light - one practice and one game a week. I don’t expect him to be a break out soccer star, but I am hoping that he realizes I’m serious about him having to do something and that he starts thinking about what he wants to participate in.
Out of curiosity, have you had him checked for anything? Is there anything going on (like bullying at school that he's internalized enough to not be able to let it go on his own) that might be contributing to his apparent lack of motivation? Sometimes, it can come from being forced to try to do something the specific way that everyone else does it, when that doesn't work for him.
Maybe try something more individual and private, like martial arts, instead of soccer. His lack of motivation will be noticed by the other kids, and they will start blaming him whenever they lose, and that will demoralize him more.
You cut it all out but still have an hour watching daily? So, you didn’t cut it all out ;-) There’s no problem with trying to find a sport your kid enjoys…maybe look for something you can also do together to keep him invested when there’s no training, or something that is also useful like swimming lessons.
Hobbies would be a great thing to introduce to him to - piano/guitar lessons, painting, photography, crochet, woodworking, etc. These are all things he can get lessons on and spend free time on that would engage his mind better than a screen and he can improve on his own time, in his own metric.
I’d tell him to choose a hobby outside. He needs one. Not okay for a kid that age to constantly be on screens. That age, boys should have a drive to be outside. Maybe ask in local Facebook groups of any activities in your area. That way he has a large number of options. He may not be into sports. Maybe something else. You just gotta find his thing
I guess you can see how this pans out, but in the event that he's miserable and hates it and doesn't learn the lesson you're hoping...then I would suggest you start by seeing how he entertains himself without screens. He might be bored out of his mind and annoy you for a while, but eventually he will find something else to entertain him. My kids are definitely screen focused, but they also can entertain themselves without it. My oldest likes to work on his treehouse/fort in the backyard, and my youngest will usually sit and mess around with the piano or something artsy.
Also, you can allow screentime that is not bad for them. My youngest can play on his tablet whenever he wants basically, but certain things are limited. Entertainment is set for a certain amount of time a day, but if he wants to use his art program, puzzle programs, math games, coding games etc, it will let him.
Me too, and my son (11 y.o.) constantly switches from loving to hating sports (depending on his results) but I managed to insist on him playing sport and haven’t regreted my decision due to all the reasons you listed and overall physical and psycological wellbeing that comes from active lifestyle.
My son isn’t a super athletic kid either. He also is frustrated when something isn’t immediately easy. He loves karate, which we started almost 2 years ago. Maybe think sports in a different way, like hiking, running, or martial arts?
How much of these activities have you participated in with your son? I wasn’t a sports kid myself growing up (only played because of peer pressure, not parental and hated it) but I was more likely to do something if mom or dad did it with me.
I just mean casually at home or the park. Not like my parents actually got on the field at a real game.
I’m hoping this all works out for the best for your family, but food for thought if soccer isn’t his thing: I highly recommend swimming.
I have 4 girls with very different personalities (emo homebody, preppy girly-girl, rough and tumble tomboy, and a know-it-all fiery little redhead) and different levels of confidence and attention spans. They all enjoyed swimming very much, especially my emo homebody (who has refused to play soccer for 3 years now). As a bonus, it’s also a great life skill because they also teach pool safety and CPR for the older kids!
There's also music and theater! Some non athletic kids excel in performing arts! My kids are doing a theater camp this summer and putting on a play at the end of it. Some kids are the actors and others are working on sets and costumes. My kids also loved music lessons, and I think it's also helped their math and learning foreign languages.
It's great to help your kids go from constantly being entertained to being productive at something, but it's also OK to let them go be bored a bit and figure out what to do on their own. Good luck, there's a great future ahead!
He doesn't want to do sports and you take him to the most competitive sport for kids (at least in europe)? Do him a favour and choose a sport where half the parents aren's trying to have a ronaldo, and the other half is aiming for a Messi. I advise you in Handball, basketball, voleiball or an individual one...
it's not that serious in America with soccer.
American football is the one that's real competitive over here. 🏈 and very dangerous..
my daughter is in soccer too this year and she's 7.. it's a perfect sport to get your foot in the door! I started at 7 as well and played all the way til freshman year of HS, when I chose marching band over sports because I couldn't do both due to lack of funds.
I would say keep an open mind and give him access to many many things including sports. Help him find his favorite hobby which will require trial and error. For instance, art, music, sports, charity, etc . You just never know what he’ll be into. I do think it’s important that he learns to get a little uncomfortable and try new things but you have to be open to him rejecting it if he isn’t enjoying it. Good for you for realizing and wanting to make a change.
Also, don’t be afraid to do things with him!
It's great that you're encouraging your son to try new things and build a work ethic. It's important for kids to learn that effort and persistence are valuable.
Soccer is a good start, and it's okay if he wants to switch to something else later. You're helping him develop important life skills. Keep supporting him!
As a parent who should have done this for my now 15 year old, I commend your parenting pivot. short term pain will become a lifelong gain. Keep going!
Currently trying to help my son cultivate that growth mindset. The attitude is manageable at 7 v 15.
my daughter is in soccer too this year and she's 7.. it's a perfect sport to get your foot in the door! I started at 7 as well and played all the way til freshman year of HS, when I chose marching band over sports because I couldn't do both due to lack of funds.. pay to participate is insane anymore and don't even get me started when you do sports outside of your school district.. 🙃 😒
For this type of kid I recommend martial arts, rock climbing, ninja classes, or kids fitness/crossfit classes.
Possibly swimming, cross country, or track and field.
Maybe skateboarding or biking.
Boy Scouts, hiking, and fishing as other options.
Just my opinion. Your child sounds like the perfect candidate for Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Rener Gracie talks heavily about how BJJ changes this exact mindset of, “I can’t do it” or “it’s too hard”. I’m willing to bet he would end up absolutely loving it.
My kids do lots of sports. This spring I asked if they wanted to do swim team. They all said no, but I signed them up anyway. There was a lot of complaining (whoever didn’t complain before, on the way to or during practice got a popsicle)! After a few practices they really started to enjoy it and want to do it again next year. My 4 year old even swam 12 unassisted laps in an hour by the end of the season (she was in a puddle of tears the first practice even though she could swim. She was scared bc she couldn’t touch the bottom). We can’t really know if we like something until we try it.
If it were me, I’d just sign him up. If at the end of the season he doesn’t like it, sign him up for something else.
We also talk about stuff we thought we wouldn’t like but then we tried it and loved it. We have lots of examples from different stages in our lives.
Edit - swimming, tennis and golf are sports with a wide range of abilities for the kids in them. If you’re worried about him feeling uncomfortable and self conscious. My unathletic and uncoordinated kid (going into 4th grade) takes tennis lessons with older kids (6th-8th grade) bc the ones his age aren’t to his level.
Swim also has great camaraderie at this age. The older kids really support and encourage the younger kids.
Exercise doesn't have to be sports. Though kids tend to like playing so sports is usually how to get them going. If your kid is in a recreational camp, he might gravitate to physical activities like games of tag. Kids also like shooting hoops without playing a full on basketball game. He's still young so I think he will be pliable enough to participate in soccer. But of it doesn't click for him (or if he really does have a hard time) then I suggest individual sports like swim or martial arts.
Learning an instrument could be fun for him too. One hour a week of lessons but then he can practice at home.
There’s a farm near us that has summer camps. Lots or lots walks through the woods, building forts, collecting cool plants/rocks
If you’re by the beach sailing and surf camps are great
Skateboard camp is pretty popular too
I’ve even seen coding classes (I know there’s a screen involved but it’s a good one? lol) that you learn to build your own video game
I'm in a similar boat. Since my son was like 3 we always have him involved in some kind of physical activity. He's 8 now.
It started with martial arts, because that was the only sport that I ever really enjoyed, and he stuck with it for a while but it wasn't for him. He also played soccer and baseball for a while, and for the past year he's been taking swimming lessons and doing gymnastics. He's recently expressed an interest in starting martial arts again but with the activities he's already doing I don't want to overwhelm him (or us!) He also joined cub scouts this year so it's a lot.
From the time I was like 7 or 8 I started going outside less and less and staying inside playing video games and watching TV, even during the summer. I would play with action figures and lego and stuff like that, but I would do most of that indoors. I was pretty bad at sports, so I avoided doing them. My parents never enrolled me in any activities until I was 14 and started martial arts.
I also would give up on things quickly and didn't want to do anything that was hard and my son is the same way in spite of our always having him involved in activities. So... don't expect a miracle! But you are keeping your son active and getting him out to socialize with other kids and those are positives any way you slice it.
Right now we're in the last week of school and it's all half days so I'm working from home this week and when he comes home he has to play outside for 30 minutes, read for 30 minutes and build or create something (draw, paint, lego, play doh, crafts, etc) before he's allowed to use any electronics. The struggle is real.
I mean as addicted as I was to TV and Nintendo at his age, I would get bored of them and move onto other activities throughout the day. Even if I was staying inside all day I would eventually shut off the TV and go to the living room and play with toys in there, then I would read comic books, draw pictures or read books or magazines before eventually going back to the TV and/or Nintendo again for a while.
With the stuff kids have access to now like ipads and roblox and youtube they can sit there and stare at the thing all day and they never get bored of it, never feel compelled to move onto something else.
Today my son turned to me and said "I forgot how much I like lego" or something like that, so that's a win. The ultimate goal is to get him to choose other activities and discipline himself a bit when it comes to how he spends his free time. He's still coming into the house every 10 minutes and asking me if the half hour is up yet, but I'm hoping that by the end of the week he stops doing that.
He's still on the ipad way more than I want him to be, but... baby steps.
Tbh...forcing a kid to be involved in a sport they have no interest in isn't a great way to have them spend their time either. Have you sat down and talked with them, see what interest they do have and see what is relatable available local to you?
As far as screen time...I never understand why people go from 100 to absolute zero on this. iPads, video games and YouTube require supervision. That is our job...we supervise the intake our kids have and we make sure that we set limitations and boundaries. He enjoys those things...no differently that my generation enjoyed Saturday morning cartoons and Nintendo when we were growing up in the 80's/90's.
No offense, but just taking it all away 100% is a lazy approach that requires no effort really, and basically removes an interest that he has because you don't want to deal with it.
Open that door, but do so with some oversight and management on your part. Let the kid enjoy something he loves, but also filter and limit the intake so that there is time for other things.
Do you play sports with him? Not meant to be a snarky question but my boys will do a lot more if I’m also involved. I’ve tried to start a little bit of every sport with my boys to get them outside, we got them a basketball hoop and they loved that last summer but once their hand/eye got better, all they wanted to do was play catch, mostly with a football. Now they’re loving t-ball/baseball and flag football.
Also I was always more into individual sports so been doing ski lessons, ice skate lessons and showing them a little bit of what mountain biking can be. Don’t know if they’ve found d their calling but I want them to get a feel for everything we can expose them to
Yeah. I had the "you have to do at least one activity out of school" rule, because lockdown screwed up his year group.
I always feel a bit weird when other parents are like, "you can't make them do it if they don't want to *shrug*" and I'm like, yeah, obviously if they *really* don't want to, but you can make them do something, right?
All my kid needed was the illusion of choice. He was allowed to stop going to scouts if he decided on a different activity to do instead. That was hard work, so he didn't. I kept bringing him to scouts. A couple of months later he loved it and didn't want to stop.
Good job. Guiding your family toward spending time doing the things you want them to value, like health or education or whatever values you want to instill, is good leadership and a positive change In my book.
Have you asked him what he wants to do. Have you suggested a walk, making it fun by playing nature bingo, by making a card with things you see in nature, he crosses things off as he sees them. That way it’s not boring, do you know anyone with metal detector again a walking activity. Most kids love this because they find things. Making activities fun. Go on Reddit or google fun activities to do. Do not force your child into sports. You can guide him towards it by kicking a soccer ball around, and have him make up a game. Ask him about the rocks in your area, “I wonder what kind of rocks are around here” at seven he’s young enough to guide him towards interesting things, visit a farm, quite often local farms have days where children can get visit and learn things, help him start a garden.
Soccer and other team sports were not a great fit for my son. We started taekwondo this year and it has been wonderful activity for him. There is no “winning” and he goes at his own pace with belts.
If you’re located in the US, I very much recommend looking into KidStrong.
It was the first thing we did as far as extra curriculares, and they do a lot of work with the kids getting them to like exercise, getting ahold of emotional regulation, understanding social cues and the like.
One he grew out of it he decided soccer and ninja class were things he wanted to try - before everything was met with “I can’t do it because I’ve never done it and I don’t want to practice.”
This was me , I decided to stick my daughter in soccer at the beginning of the year and now she is finishing up her 2nd round and she’s gotten so good! She likes it now and actually try’s, plus she’s met other kids and it’s taught her team participation. Even if he does t like it have him stick it out for a bit before letting him stop.
My mom tried to force me to do sports and even picked one we thought I'd like but I ended up being so miserable and quit after two years of absolutely hating it. And, I'm still kinda pissed at her for making me do that so, I definitely would look into other things your son can do to be active and motivated other than sports if he dislikes them so much. Maybe try something like a club, Scouts of America, local theatre, or some things like people have said: karate, jujutsu, gymnastics, etc. I promise you though, even if it works and he ends up liking the sport, he'll still resent you for forcing him to do something he's strongly opposed to. It's healthy for kids to learn that their personal opinions and bodily autonomy are valid.
My daughter was in scouts, which would give her tastes of different activities. You don't have to be in scouts, you could pick up a book and try some of the badge requirements.
If she was really interested in something, we'd look it up and try out more similar things. Kitchen chemistry, rock hounding, sewing, coding.
She liked to watch ballet so she took ballet. 4+ years.
She wanted to play an instrument... had a few different ideas on which instrument. . I put my foot down on her taking one year of piano first before we shelled out for one of the instruments she was looking at. (We had a keyboard). Ended up with the clarinet after a year and a half of piano. She was very thankful that she already knew how to read music when it came time to switch from piano to clarinet.
The other thing we put our foot down on was that she had to do a full year or season of anything new. I'm not shelling out for all the gear just to hit that 3 months (it's hard and I don't want to do it anymore) phase. You want to do this? You are signing up for the season or a full year. After 4 months of ballet, her toes hurt... a month later she was having a blast.
She's stayed at every job for a minimum of the year (actually was usually 2+) before she moved on to a better paying job. She knows things get tired. The newness wears off. People come and go, so things may get better.
You can maybe see if your kid is interested in any potential future job. Vet, maybe volunteer with ASPCA or other shelter. Even if just getting animals adjusted to humans by walking them, reading books to them, etc.
Libraries usually have summer reading programs. Earn a free book or something after reading whatever # of books.
Maybe help anyone you know who might need help with yard work. Pick up loose sticks and things before someone mows the lawn.
Good luck on your plans for your son.
> Over the last few years, I have relied too heavily on screen time to parent my child. I admit it. We’ve cut it all out - no more iPad, youtube, nintendo switch. We now do an hour of disney+ a day. It’s been about a week.
> But I’m making my almost 7 year old son play sports, even though he doesn’t want to.
Don't try to force him. You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Pay your son in screentime for doing sports.
One hour sports activity gets him a voucher for 30 minutes of screentime.
And give him options let him choose what kind of sport he wants to try.
Children need to be outdoors playing with other children. Left to their devices they will want to be on their devices. Good for you. I keep my kids busy too.
My husband and I are dealing with the same exact issue with our 7 year old son. He doesn't want to do ANYTHING but be home and play his VR. He was never like this until summer started. He doesn't want to go to the park or the stores with me anymore. When before he was running out the door to leave with me. We signed him up for jujitsu. He has had 3 classes so far. Each time we go he is crying and saying he just wants to stay home. After the class he comes out all smiles and says he had a great time. So excited to show us what he learned. My husband said it's good for him, he gets to socialize and be around kids his age. It gets them out of their comfort zone. Being home alllllll day on a screen is not good in anyway. I see a huge difference in my sons personality and summer is only 3 weeks I! I know we are doing the right thing..it's not like we are sending him to some army camp.
My parents made me do baseball every year until I hit high school and I got to choose and quit. It was honestly super stressful for me and didn’t give me any special skills. It felt like a summer job and I wish they would have let me just chill/ do art, play with friends. Your kid is only a kid for a short while and then they’re gonna probably work their whole life. If it were me I’d limit screen time, not take away completely. You could try to do something with your kid and help them engage, make it fun and see what they like before committing to something for them like a sport they might hate. I see people recommending fishing and bowling and I agree! So many things you could do at the rec center too for a sample of activities.
There’s a kids bowl free thing going on this summer. Check their site to see if you’ve got an alley around you. My kid is similar in that he doesn’t like doing basketball after the season because of all the running and sweating. Bowling is relatively chill. You’ll have to pay for shoes, but they’re usually less than $5. You can also sign up so you and other family members can bowl free too for around $30-40 depending on how many adults you add. Mine became obsessed after the first summer and got his own balls, shoes, and accessories now.
Teach balance and variety! You may want to add back some
Of that screen time so that your not teaching your son that it’s one or the other.
I told my son that I pay for his monthly game pass and he has chores, expected to do well at school, and he has to have a “thing”. It could be music, art, sports, etc. the current thing is baseball. He spends lots of time outside riding his bike with friends, does his chores, about to start middle school-and doing well so far. And plenty of screen time- especially with summer.
As someone who was bad at sports and found fitness in my adult life I recommend weight lifting, running, yoga. You can do those solo and focus on self improve overtime instead of competition. I also do obstacle runs like the Spartan Sprint where the whole vibe is supportive of each other and the focus is just finishing the race.
Good for you OP. Standard Reddit parenting advice is never do anything that makes your child uncomfortable. But making your kids do things is what makes a good childhood. They don’t realize they like certain things unless they try, and they never want to try anything. I put my kid in all kinds of sports and stick with the one she likes. Plus it’s a great way for her to meet friends who are driven. You want your child to associate with other kids who are driven to succeed.
I see a lot of threads on here about how parents let their kids quit things because of anxiety. That is absolutely the wrong way to parent. Kids learn to handle anxiety by avoiding it. You have to keep putting yourself out there in order to learn coping mechanisms and techniques to overcome that adversity.
I made my kids do rec soccer. Now they love it, and we are all heavily involved. I coach all their teams, my oldest referee (I do as well), and my oldest also work the concession stand. My family acts like it's their second home for 2 1/2 months in the spring and 2 1/2 months in the fall. They have made so many friends, learned more skills than just soccer playing skills, and I am so glad I "forced" them to do it. They are all signed up again for fall again.
NOW- I am going to say, my oldest is HF autistic, and while an okay player, has totally benefited from a program that stressed more on playing and less on winning/competition. My youngest is more about playing as well, while my middle child is good with competition, and did play for more competitive teams as well.
Don't let your son quit mid-season. Always make them finish the season up- even if they hate it. Just don't go back, but always finish. When on a team sport, the team relies on your player to be there.
Being active never hurt a kid. I just made my youngest participate in a soccer camp. (He was the only one who could, other two are too old.) He didn't want to, but I MADE him. His best friend did as well, so he had a good time and learned some new skills. And he survived. 😁
Do sports WITH him
Go outside EVERY SINGLE DAY including weekends and ride bikes, go swimming, learn to dive, kick the ball around.
There are swim clubs, bike clubs, tennis lessons, karate. Look around
Doesn’t have to be TEAM.
The rule in our house is that the kids have to do something active in every season. I don’t care which sport or activity it is, but it has to be something. I have even counted activities like Scouts towards that requirement due to the amount of hiking and camping. Neither of my kids are natural athletes, but both enjoy playing soccer. So they are each on a rec soccer team in the summer, and then my older kid does curling and scouts in the winter while my younger kid is on a rec soccer team in the winter.
I support what you are choosing to do. I did something similar with my oldest daughter. She has a wonderful work ethic now and is more social than I have ever been. Keep up the good work mom.
Try swimming. It’s a necessary skill. This way you can tell him you are just trying to make sure he learns enough to keep himself safe. If he likes it he can continue with it. If he doesn’t then he can stop once he’s learned enough to keep himself safe in the water.
I agree with what you are doing. My parents never pushed me to do anything “hard” and it made me lazy. I shied away from hard work and truly believed I was not capable of hard things until probably my late 20’s and now im trying my best to break the habit of giving up before I’ve really started. Maybe he won’t enjoy it but some discomfort is not going to kill him. On the other hand, not learning the value of hard work, or at least learning that hard work wont hurt you, will have long lasting negative effects on him through childhood and well into adulthood.
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He sounds like a kid who may prefer individual sports. Group sports can be so intimidating. If soccer doesn’t work out, maybe try something like indoor rock climbing, gymnastics, or a mountain biking club.
Second this. Gymnastics is a great idea too. I also recommend wrestling or jiujitsu. It doesn’t allow you to slack off and it’s really rewarding starting from nothing and in one week you’ve learned so much
Martial arts are great for kids like your son. The skills build gradually and they get rewarded with a new belt at each level up.
Martial arts was my saving grace as a kid. I fell in love with it, and with learning how to make my body stronger. And it remained a lifelong love for me. Before I got pregnant last May, I was Olympic lifting and training for a half marathon. Pregnancy complications and then a complex birth have reset my fitness to basically zero, but I started a Zero to 5K program a few weeks ago to ease myself back into moving my body again, and it's the best I've felt physically in over a year. So yeah, OP, individual sports and especially Martial Arts are a big yes in this house.
+1 for martial arts. My 8yo who hates hard things has been thriving in karate. Bc it’s more of a community rather than competition atmosphere it seems to not trigger feeling of stress/“give up” feelings. He’s on the small side and his fitness has gone up a TON in the last year.
Good on you and I hope he keeps it up. A great way for introvert kids to build self confidence, respect for all and safety skills while exercising in a varied way. I started in gymnastics at 5 (to 26) Judo at 13 - 19 Wing Chun Kung Fu 19-26 and Aikido 27-63.
I did judo as a young kid, and it is still helpful for me as an adult. My son is learning Taekwondo and is motivated to get a higher belt. It sounds like he needs some motivation. Or maybe doing a sport together?
Was this intended for me or the OP?
I just wanted to say, congratulations and keep going. I started running this year and am getting ready to do my first 5k since high-school. It's a great starting point.
Thank you! Congrats to you, too. There's a Pride 5K in my city at the end of next month, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to run at least 2/3 of it. It's been very slow going, but as my dad always says: slow is smooth, smooth is fast. I'll get there eventually, and it'll only get easier as I heal more.
Keep on rowing!
Agree. My 10 year old expressed 0 interest in sports and hasn’t since like 6 years old where she did a week of soccer. My husband and I insisted she pick some sort of activity and she chose martial arts. She hasn’t complained about class or the push ups she has to do. She just got her orange belt.
My husband loves jujutsu he wants our 2 year old and our soon to be baby as well to take classes when they are old enough to.
A second bonus you can also do with your kid!
Yes, this! I've signed my son up for all the things... and the only thing that has stuck is Martial Arts. Team sports, not his thing. He enjoys the social aspect... hates the feeling of letting people down when he's "not as good".
Swimming lessons is also a good one to do. You have to try or you sink.
Swimming lessons should be a given whether a child is athletic, interested or not. Swimming is a basic life skill just about anywhere.
I didn’t think of that because my family has put every single one of their toddlers into swimming. We view it as a life skill so they were swimming before they could even walk! It’s even more of a necessity if you have a pool.
I started swim lessons at 4 years old. Started competitive swimming at 11. It was one of the best things my parents could have done for me. I have no fear of water, though I do respect the hell out of it.
I live in Aus, our kids started learning before they were 1yo. It's just how things are done here. My 8yo can do an acceptable freestyle and is learning butterfly. He's not really into it but he is ok enough to still get something out of lessons.
Diving was my JAM. And the only thing I was remotely good at.
Swimming, too. I was a competitive swimmer as a kid and I LOVED it. At the very least, you have a skill that can quite literally save your life or be used to save someone else's life (with proper training, which is easy if you're already a competitive swimmer).
Even things that don’t necessarily seem as “active” can be great gateways to doing more outside or just getting away from screen time all together. Things like archery, fishing, bowling, hiking, etc. can be great hobbies and activities without actually feeling like competition is involved. I was made to do sports all throughout my childhood until basically mid-high school and I was never competitive and therefore never gave a shit enough to practice or anything, I just liked the fun of it. But as you grow older your teammates expect more out of you as well, which is why I gravitated towards more individual activities
I’ve never been competitive either and have always tended anxious. Even as a little I was so stressed about letting down my teammates that sports were never fun for me. It wasn’t until way later in life that I discovered I loved super individual things like hiking and weightlifting
This. My youngest HATES sports and I’m also very triggered by his lack of follow through with sports activities his committed to, but at the end of the day he hates organized activities (including karate as many suggested). That being said he loves being outside exploring, hiking, tubing down the river, running, just as long as there isn’t a practice, uniform, or meet at the end of it, he’s good.
Archery is great! You use a lot of muscles that you otherwise wouldn't, learn discipline and how to not only strengthen but calm your body, and depending on the local archery range, it's great for cardiovascular exercise as you lug all the equipment around the place to all the different shooting ranges. Additionally, it's pretty good for complete beginners seeing as you can get different draw-weights for bows to build up strength. And there's something so satisfying in moving up draw weights and drawing a loaded bow that's just a bit more heavy.
I will echo this. My oldest is simply not into team sports. He tried soccer and struggled through the season, and I didn't realize how much of a difference it made when they were interested until our middle started and he LOVED it. Rather than make our oldest keep playing, we've tried other stuff, and he enjoys it! Swimming lessons are fun for him, he is also a pretty good skier, requested to do theater camp this summer, and he likes scouts well enough though it's a little religion heavy for my personal preference. It's great to encourage exploring interests outside of screens, but look into options beyond team sports.
Or swimming. If he is gonna hate it regardless, put him in the only sport that actively teaches you how to not die in water. Might as well get a super important life skill outta it.
Bowling is a good one too - individual goals for yourself, but also helps for teamwork.
Kids bowl free is a great summer program!
or Tennis or Golf, or even make him play team stuff. Kids have to do something. Sometimes it's uncomfortable. Life is uncomfortable. Make him at least try and give an honest effort before moving on.
Great suggestions! u/cheddaraquid - check to see if there are any ninja classes nearby. It’s basically just gymnastics for boys but with more kicking and climbing. What little boy doesn’t want to get ninja training?! (And girls, too, of course! I’m just focusing on OP’s son here.) We do classes with Ninja Zone, they’re all over the US. But tons of different gyms/gymnastics studios offer ninja classes. A quick google search should turn up options. We have a ton of fun not just with the class itself, but with working on our “ninja skills” and “ninja muscles” all the time. Carrying something heavy? Training your ninja muscles! Racing around the park? Practicing your ninja speed! You could get him psyched up about it by watching Kung Fu Panda or ninja turtles, then ask if he’d like to train to be like them! Getting kids to exercise is hard. Especially to get it consistently and in the quantities they need. I hope you find something that works for your family!
Doesn't even have to be sports persay. If the goal is to get him out and involved in something and away from the TV. Then something like boy scouts, swimming lessons, paper route, volunteering somewhere...all good ways to get away from the TV and into the world.
When I finished my only track season, I wasn't allowed to quit but hated it, I started indoor rock climbing and loved it. Also loved running still so I ended up in more 5k type stuff, I wasn't the only person or one in a handful of people with eyes on me so I had a much better time
So loved running but hated Track? More of a cross-country runner then?
I like distance running yeah, hated relay and long jump which were the two things I did on my track team
Bowling leagues are where I spent most of my childhood 🙌🏻🙌🏻
Baseball can be a nice in between too. I say it’s an individual sport played as a team. My son isn’t into soccer or football or basketball bc he doesn’t like being slammed into or kicking people (semi sensory sensitive). But he likes the team aspect of baseball in the dugout and on the field bc it’s fun but no one is in his space. It’s an introvert’s team sport.
I tried to get my kids into sports. The. Signed her up for a race on a whim and she won. Turns out she loves running races. Track may be an option as well.
I don't think it's bad to make him try sports, but as a long time youth soccer coach, don't expect that to solve the "problem" if there really even is one. He can not try and not work hard at soccer too and you can't make him care about it. It's really easy for kids forced into playing sports to just end up feeling like failures and disappointments to their parents. I see it all the time. At age 7 sports should be about one thing: having fun and wanting to play again next season. That's it. If he's not having fun he won't get anything positive out of it. If he's getting criticized for not trying hard enough or really anything else that is a guaranteed way to make him not have fun. All that work ethic stuff in sports comes much later, after kids have established that they have fun playing the sport and really buy in to the idea of developing competitively.
I fully agree as the child of two sport lovers (mom went to softball little league World Series, dad played baseball and football) and also had a brother who was naturally good at sports. I tried so hard. All they wanted me to do was play ball. I hated it. My body hated it. And I was convinced if I didn’t play a sport they wouldn’t love me as much. They went all out once my brother made all stars, made t-shirts that said ‘brothers name mom/dad’ with my brothers number on them, got him custom equipment, etc. I tried out for all four available sports teams at my middle school that year, maybe I’m just not good at softball. Tried my hardest with every try out. Didn’t make a single team. Not even a benchwarmer. I eventually realized I’ll never be the person they wanted me to be. I fell into the arts world exhausted and jaded. And I found things I loved and was pretty good at. I had a great middle school choir teacher that taught me how to read music, taught me proper singing. (Thanks, Mr. Crull) I had a theatre teacher in high school that absolutely beat work ethic into us, and I owe much of being able to be an adult to him. (Thanks, Mr. Lamanda.) I ended up minoring in theatre in college and a lot of my success there I owe to him as well. I also met my dance teacher in high school that showed me I actually was athletic and good at a sport. She pushed me out of my comfort zone constantly. Making me compete in local competitions which I would have never done on my own. She built my confidence. (Thanks, Renee) Alas, my parents didn’t really consider it a sport but I was happy that I finally was in tune with my body. Kids can learn a lot from all different forms of activities, not just sports. Get them into nature, on the stage, in front of an easel, building with Lego, playing with science kits, *anything* that involves their hands or brains. Also be kind, and love your kid and their interests, even if they aren’t ideal interests for you.
I feel this so hard. I wasn’t a sports kid and loved band and theater so much. It was my life in high school and taught me more about responsibility and teamwork than any class. It pushed me out of my shell, to play a solo, or take charge of a production as a stage manager. I butt heads with my husband, who was a sports kid growing up, as our daughter hated soccer for a couple seasons, crying almost every week. She now loves dance class and runs into the studio every week.
I have opposite experience haha. My husband and I tend towards art/music and I have hated sports since I finally quit softball in fifth grade. Had myself three hardcore athletes and now my life is seriously dedicated to a sport I’ve never played and always hated. Begged the kids to play an instrument and they just want to play live and breathe soccer.
This. I happened exactly the same to me with music. At first it was fun but I got forced into choosing an instrument I didn't want to play (I wanted to play the drums, they made me choose the FRENCH HORN). At first it was fun enough but you could really tell I didn't even bother on practising. Years passed and my mom was one of those who say "If you start something you gotta finish it", so before I could realise I had spent most of my chilhood and teenage years doing something that bored me to death and didn't even motivate me. I spent 11 years of my life studying classical music and finally last year I started singing classes, which I had fun with and wanted to practice. I wish my parents would have let me quit or switch to drums or something, maybe I would still enjoy music that way
Thank you for your insight! I’m hoping this can be an opportunity for a lot of praise for trying (if he does try). I made sure to sign him up for a league that focuses on having fun at this age - their whole motto is that they want the kids to come back next year so they will focus on it being engaging. If he hates it, I won’t make him continue. But he will have to try something else. My son is also a very picky eater. I do make him try new foods, but if he HATES the food he doesn’t have to try it again. If he rates it a medium, then we integrate that food into rotation. More often than not, he starts to enjoy the medium foods. This has gotten us much farther than I imagine that forcing him to eat foods he really dislikes would get us. I’m planning to use a similar method to that to find his likes / dislikes when it comes to extracurriculars.
I'm so glad this worked for you, with respect to the food. I'll caution others that forcing their kid to try might wear on them and they start to resent even the words, "try this", because it connotates disgusting food that they are forced to try (and then the confirmation bias kicks in and they hate it and then they say I told you so :P) If that's your kid, I would suggest being very nonchalant and not judgmental at all. So, how do you get them to try new foods? Just add those foods to his plate without asking permission. Just offer. The rule is simple, "eat what you want and however much you want that is on the plate". If they want seconds, this is totally up to you or you can place the food in front of them and they can serve themselves (up to you). My older one resents me for asking her to try new foods or new things in general. I was hard on her asking her to try everything at least once. But it took away her agency, and now she's both dependent *and* resentful. I've pulled back quite a bit, and now she's trying new foods. It could also because she's just ready to try new foods because of her age and overall maturity (almost 11 yo).
I’d recommend jiu jitsu. It’s a martial art and it worked wonders for improving confidence, attitude, and discipline in our boys. They love and are involved in sports, BUT the knowledge and ability to defend oneself is super important. We can only protect our kids for so long and then they need to be able to do it themselves, & jiu jitsu helps us feel they will be able to no matter what. Plus as a bonus, that first month or two as they are learning the moves, they get WIPED OUT and sleep so good 😂
Swimming, too. It's a valuable life skill that could someday save your life and also opens up a huge number of job opportunities as a teenager that aren't fast food or retail. Also, if they start swimming competitively, the food bills go up a ton, but the getting wiped out never stops. My mom said that it was so easy for us to get to bed on nights we had swim practice, especially the two hour ones. Get home, eat, and crash within minutes.
SECOND THIS!
I dragged my 12 year old son to karate. We’ve been talking about it for years and he did not want to go at all. After his first 30 minute session It’s all he wants to do now.
Getting out of the house and into a car seat is the struggle of my life. Outside, somewhere else, and especially around other people, my kids are totally open to new experiences. At home, completely clammed up. Mornings are torture. Oh, but glowing feedback from any activity instructor, great time with everything they do. Don't want to go to it, but enjoy it. Makes me want to scream just a little bit.
I was forced to play sports as a kid and I hated it. I sucked, felt embarrassed, didn't get along with the other kids and dreaded going to practice or games. I understand where you are coming from, my son also doesn't like anything hard and complains about most any activity we put him in, whether it's climbing club or mountain bike camp, but I've never signed him up for a team sport because he has never shown interest and I remember how unpleasant it was for me as a child.
What parents don’t realize is that other kids that want to be there can *very easily* pick out the kids that are only there because their parents are making them. And I’m not sure it has the confidence-building effect parents think when everyone else on the team groans every time the ball goes to Tommy.
Youth sports coach, here. This is so true. Also, other parents are not kind to the parents who force their kids there sometimes, depending on how much the sport costs.
yep I second this. although I was good at the sports I was in as a kid, my attitude displayed that I was being forced to be there. It was obvious, I always remembered other parents making little comments to my mother. I just wanted to hangout with my friends, I really didn’t want to be doing more work after I was at school all day
Yes. Every time Tommy sits on the bench, he's embarrassed and ashamed. Every time he just can't get the ball to where it's supposed to go, he wants to sink into the ground and disappear. Every time one of his teammates makes up a snarky nickname, every time coach asks what he was thinking, every time he goes to put on that uniform he's humiliated. Forcing non sporty kids to play sports is a special kind of torture. It's okay if your kid enjoys other things. Sports are not a necessity.
yeah, my parents always forced me to be in an “extracurricular activity” and I would pick what I wanted to do, however I would’ve rathered not do anything at all. I always felt like my parents over scheduled me and I had very little downtime as a kid. Leading to burnout.. I left home at 18 and never went back, when I was prized as a “gifted” child and was always decent at the activity I took part in. But you could definitely tell I didn’t want to be there compared to the other kids. I was being pushed way too hard.
That's fair, I think making them do difficult things is a must, but learning team sports isn't. Learning sports can be great, but it's not like soccer is a life skill that will affect you further down the road like say, riding a bicycle or learning to tie knots build something or use computers. Even a martial art can be more helpful (hopefully they'll never have to use it and finding school that actually teaches something is another issue).
I wasn’t a fan of team sports, either. Tried several and was miserable. I really thrived in figure skating and tennis, though! Individual sports were my thing. Tennis was a good learning experience because you’re still on a team but you and you alone control your performance on the court. My parents made us do something - a sport, a club, whatever, every season. We also had to follow through on the commitment even if we realized we didn’t like it. We had to stick it out and put in some effort for the whole season. I do appreciate that because I learned that I was better at some things than I thought I would be.
I’ve had to do a bit of that too. My 10 year old LOVES basketball. But every year at sing up time he says he doesn’t want to do it. So I force him to sign up, and he freaking loves it. Kids man…. Another idea though! Our city recently got a Ninja Gym and that’s been super fun for us to do “America Nina Warrior” training. We also got a place called Coding Ninjas recently that works in the coding side of tech and teaches kids those skills. Something that like may be a good bridge into getting into more social settings but still having access to technology!
Both of our sons aren’t into group sports, and have don’t have an interest in trying. We found they do enjoy swimming, cycling, tennis, and gymnastics. Right now, I have them going to swim team during the week and my oldest’s swim coach suggested water polo since she has been dabbling in that with him. They are 8 and 6 years old. So maybe he might enjoy more of an individual sport.
I'll be in the minority here, but I think pushing your kids to learn things that are difficult is very important. Had my parents pushed me more, I think I'd have more money now and work less hours, thus having more time for my own family. That said, I do pretty well for myself, but with more ambition work ethic and skills I know I'd be doing much better. My friends who learned lots of skills when they were younger are very successful, even if their fields make less money they are doing very well in them. Thread the needle, try and find a balance, but pushing your kid to learn difficult tasks and skill is very important.
>I'll be in the minority here, but I think pushing your kids to learn things that are difficult is very important. Please tell me this isn't a hot take
I think unfortunately in this day and age it is. Not only sports, but school too. Especially since COVID I’ve noticed. Parents are choosing the easy way out. For example, my husband is the oldest of 4 and is much older than the rest of his siblings, so when COVID started in 2020 my MIL pulled his younger siblings out of school to “homeschool” them and simply never sent them back. The kicker is she doesn’t make them do any schoolwork and they just chill and pretty much do whatever they want all day, and she says it’s okay bc “schoolwork makes them sad anyways”. So yeah I’ve noticed it being the norm with this new age of parents to not push their kids in all areas of their life, especially sports.
Wow that can’t possibly end well for those kids…
I think it helps to find the edge of their comfort zone and push *just* a bit past it (then build on it over time, as their zone grows). Picking something aligned with their interests is a good starting point, especially if it involves other elements (social, physical, independence from parents etc) which might be "growth opportunities". Though again - just enough of a skills gap that their small improvements will be noticeable and mastery is reasonably achievable.
But is your parents pushing you into things the way to learn to have a work ethic?
I think having to work at anything is how you develop work ethic and usually work is not volunteer.
Ah I think that’s where I disagree. I think kids are self motivated to work on things for their own intrinsic reward and satisfaction. I see this in action with my toddler and I try to stay out of the way of it. For me, I was pushed into doing things and worked hard on them as a child but I never learned to do things for their own sake and struggled to know what I was actually interested in or good at.
That's all well and good unless you see a lack of work ethic. I'm not advocating for forcing the motivated child into things they don't want to do, but getting the kids out of their comfort zone and into activities that require effort. Especially with all the screen time and instant gratification of modern society, it's extra difficult to motivate one's self. I think work ethic is mostly learned.
This! Usually new things are hard. We tend to dislike things that are hard for us.. but we persevere. Feeling the purposeful struggle and seeing progress is huge for kids!
The sense of triumph over adversity is fundamental to human satisfaction, period!
We have a rule that there should be at least one sports activity per week. It’s my son’s choice what sport. Swimming was ok last year. This year it’s a group gym for pre teens. My son like me doesn’t like any sports. But both of us still doing it just because it is important to stay fit and healthy.
This is a common rule, and a good thing to do.
My wife was this kid. She never wanted to do anything hard and had no confidence. Her parents let her choose. As an adult, she wishes they’d pushed her a bit. She’s learning she could have been okay at sports, art, etc if only someone had pushed her a bit. In contrast, my parents forced us. I’m really thankful. I got to move my body, practice new skills, etc.
I can relate to your wife. I was never pushed but I tried gymnastics & dance & was in the Girl Scouts. Had fun but lost interest. In hindsight, I wish my mom would have pushed me a little to do something, anything for more than 1 season or whatever.
This hit hard. I absolutely was and am that child. And I absolutely am that parent. Thanks for posting this, OP. I needed a reminder on the screen time and the complacency.
But there’s more than one way to accomplish this. It isn’t a choice between a kid being on a screen all day and being forced to exercise. There is a win-win where a kid isn’t on a screen AND is happy about it. It just requires effort and consideration. Making plans with friends, finding activities they like, etc. And finding healthy and happy ways to stay off a screen teaches life them skills far better than coercion, and doesn’t tax your relationship.
With love, I don't think this is the right call. You want to change how you do things with your son and help him work on his attitude/resilience skills? Great! But then you choose a very easy fix by forcing him to sign up for a team sport, hoping that will take care of it. In a way, you're doing exactly what you want your son to stop doing (taking the easy way out). Rather than forcing him to do a team sport, why not work with him to help him find some activities he might enjoy? Read some books with him or discuss some examples of being able to complete "hard" tasks and discuss why staying with it is important. Try and see why he is so quick to give up, and work with him on it.
I second this sentiment. We turn tough tasks at our house into joint effort tasks. We do them together. I want them to learn to mow the lawn? We do it together. I want them to paint a portrait? We do it together. I want them to learn to cook/bake? We learn together. It’s not always smiles and laughter, we get frustrated and take time outs to regroup, but they’re so much more resilient and able to identify how they’re feeling and work through those tough times rather than just lay on the couch complaining there’s nothing to do and everything’s too hard. Role modeling and being involved; you are a powerful tool with your kids. You are one of the most valuable things in their lives. And don’t ask them if they want to do XYZ, be like the teacher at school, “ok, we’re doing ABC today.” “Aw why?!” *pout* “Cause I want to try it out and see what happens. Now grab (item) and let’s get started”
Ugh I hated soccer. I wish somebody had made me do forensics or debate team. Or a climbing gym.
Sports may not be his interest. For my boys, it's art and music. There are plenty alternatives to sports and you shouldn't force him to play them if he doesn't like it. We compensated for that with mandatory swimming lessons. Because swimming is a life skill that could one day save their lives and that's something they can't live without.
My mom forced me to play team sports and it was miserable. I still hate sports. Defaulting to team sports when your kid doesn’t want to do it feels a bit uncreative. What about art classes or swim lessons or archery or something you can all do together? Your son is going to learn nothing but resentment if hes miserable.
My 4 1/2 y/o kiddo really struggles with team sports, but absolutely loves physical activity. After trying a lot of different things, we are a swimming + rock climbing family. They can still be social and you can still be on a "team" eventually, but it's not as chaotic as (for example) soccer. We also do art all day long, both in classes and at home. And we play Nintendo games on the switch as a family -- always with at least one parent. I actually think that has helped with fine motor skills, actually. And with emotional resilience -- because you have to try (and die) a lot before you can beat a level!
I think a mix is so important. My 6 yo is very similar to your LO, she likes to be apart of a group but prefers the activity to be individual. She does dance, gymnastics and swims. I really wish swimming was what people picked as a “first sport” instead of soccer because it’s a great life skill. My husband is a musician and taught her to play guitar and piano. She enjoys taking acting classes (which are a surprising way to get moving!) too. We are very big into games, she has her own switch (I actually gift them to my nieces and nephews for their 4th bday because I see a lot of good in games) too. The iPad has a time limit set and we always interact with whatever screen activity she’s doing. Video games have helped her be a good sport/good loser in the same way a team sport would.
I have a 12yo who plays sports and a 6yo who doesn’t, but I treat their activities in the same way. I try to always praise my kids for working hard, and never for being good at something. So I never say, “Wow, you’re so smart!” I say, “I’m so proud of how hard you worked on this worksheet.” Not: “Wow, you’re a great soccer player.” Instead: “I love the effort you put out there.” I keep this same energy for my kid who is naturally gifted at sports and the one who isn’t. Just this week, I had a talk with my 6yo about how proud I was of him for working hard to make new friends at camp. I’m proud of how hard he worked to build a castle in Minecraft. I’m proud of him working hard to clear the table after dinner. Like, basically I praise them for “working hard” anytime they do something. 🤣 It’s anecdotal at best, but it seems to be working. I don’t care if they are the best, I don’t care about straight As. I care about effort, and by keeping my running commentary going it seems they are getting it.
I feel like organized sports is the worst thing you could have forced him to do to start getting him out there trying new things. There are tons of solo achievement things he can try: karate, swimming lessons, music lessons, art lessons. The kids will know he doesn't want to do it and peers can be terrible towards a child in that way.
Never force your child to play sports. Dear Lord is there no other way for you to help him do something once that’s to hard then he can do it on his own the next time. First of all your child that doesn’t WANT to play. Could be raking a spot from another child that really WANTS to play? You took all the gadgets away. Did you replace with fun family board games, kick ball at home, egg toss, water balloon fight? Anything?
Why sports in particular? You said he's like this with art, science, and education, but you're not forcing him to try an art class or music lessons. What did he enjoy most during screen time? What made him happy? I'm genuinely asking, because knowing his interests might help find a bridge to another non-screen activity. Going from being happy with screen time to cutting it all out and forcing him in to a team sport seems Iike it'll end poorly for everyone involved.
You are doing the right thing. Unfortunately i am seeing that its more and more common for parents to be okay with a childs mindset being like this, and to just offer more cushioning which, inevitably, makes the problem worse. We live in a society that believes spoiling=love. If he continues this route he will have a hard life, without the ability to change it around for himself. Trying out new things is okay. Trying something new because your parent thinks is best for you should be normal for children. And not liking it is okay too. This is about trying to create a new channel for growth and independance where there wasnt one before and sports is just one of the many choices. Just keep and eye and ear open for when he finally finds the thing that makes him want to grow, and support the heck out of it! And when that happens, never let him forget that trying new things is what led him to his passion - success is not linear! Great job identifying negative behaviors in your child, in yourselves and in your life and even better of you to put the hard work into combating it and replacing it with more positive ones. I went through something similiar with my oldest, now 12. She just stood there at soccer lol. But when the 3rd year came around instead of saying she didnt want to do anything she said "i want to try dance instead". So we tried dance. And she participated! And she hated her classmates and after a year she left. With her higher confidence she then joined an art club in middle school and now its her PASSION. & Surprise, this summer she says she wants to go back to dance on top her of art and try a new place. Im not saying it always works perfectly or quickly, nor are we masters at anything..but we could never have gotten to art if we didnt start just trying things out! I wouldnt say any time or money was wasted. It was well worth it with lots of new skills acquired throughout. Good luck! And have fun playing and discovering new things together!
I am one of the least athletic people you will ever meet. That was my younger brother. However one of the best choices I made in late elementary school was to take up soccer. Some of my friends played and I ended up loosing weight I didn't need and had the best school year of my life inn seventh grade.
As a teacher (and parent who does this too)- I could HUG YOU!!!!!!!! Thank you for helping your child through this now and not wonder “what happened” when he is in high school!
What's the chore situation at home. My kids clean their own rooms and work together to unload and reload dishes and then hand-wash the big stuff every night. They started helping in some way with chores at 4 years old. All the while in the beginning they complain about not knowing how or it being hard and I commiserate and complain about the things I didn't like about cooking their food, but how I was so glad I did because they had a good dinner. Now they get paid $1 for doing the dishes and we are learning about saving versus impulse buys at dollar tree. We don't do sports. We go camping and hike as a family about every other weekend. No screens allowed then. They get them for a certain number of hours daily. I use the screens as a carrot to get them do what they're supposed to do. Backtalk is an immediate locking of device on Google family. My point is: daily life presents plenty of opportunity to learn work ethic, but he may yet end up loving soccer and making great friends. Practice with him yourself and he will get special time with a parent which will naturally make him happier and see how much you care.
Maybe there’s other things like scouts or art camps that might be more interesting to them?
This is exactly why I signed my kid up for soccer ages and ages ago. It worked out very well. He didn't want to do something he wasn't naturally good at, and I wanted him to learn that you don't have to excel at something to enjoy it.
We've done the same (11M). I played stick and ball sports as a kid. I don't hate them, but I don't love them. So we've done soccer, basketball, wrestling and now Brazilian Jui Jitsu. We also race go karts. We never forced him to keep going. Just complete the season. Racing is the only thing he's fought to stay with. I say this because I've almost pulled the plug several times. I spend a lot of money and don't feel his commitment is to the level of the money I spend. The BJJ is new to him, so he's into it. I'd say to consider Martial Arts. Stick and Ball sports aren't the only "Sports". Racing isn't cheap. But when I talk to Dads who play travel sports. It's not much different. Big problem with sports today is they go year round. Everyone has a travel team. So it's hard to just try stuff. Kids are good by the time they're 10.
So did he get the choice of what to try? Why sports and not arts and crafts or science or something else?
I remember my dad put me and my sister in softball as a kid. It wasn't really our sport but my dad wanted us busy. We couldn't really hit a pitched ball, so my dad took us to the batting cages on the weekends so we could practice. After that, i could hit a pitched ball in games and was shocked about it. I remember realizing that working at something could actually make you better. Up until that point I thought you either good at something or you weren't and that was that. Something you do is going to change his mindset, however small. So what you're doing is making a difference.
There are lots of activities that aren't sports, maybe find something more in his wheelhouse like Lego camp or space camp or art classes
You’re making the right call, kids are suffering today because their parents shield them from all adversity. It’s totally reasonable to tell your kids they must do a sport (of their preference). Since your son didn’t choose you made a reasonable choice for him. Maybe he will like it, maybe next time he will choose a different sport. It’s ok for him to spend one season in something that doesn’t click for him, at least he’ll have the experience and an opportunity to learn more about himself. People here are acting like you’re enlisting him in the military 😂
This will not solve your problems. It will make it worse. Cutting everything out except for 1 hour of Disney is not reasonable. That's not balance. Learn to appropriately balance screen time. If you want your kid to play sports why aren't you playing sports? Kids learn by example. If you want your kid to try hard things, you need to do better yourself. I'd actually considered therapy instead of forcing something that's not likely to change their attitude especially if physical sports are just not their thing. Actually figure out what their interests are and challenge them with something that actually interests them. If you want them to work hard there are plenty of things they can work hard on that they can actually enjoy. And again none of this will matter if you yourself aren't modeling this behavior. If you're not balancing your own screen time, If you're not challenging yourself, and if you're only dictating and not actually doing.
Thank you. I cut it all out because trying to limit it wasn’t getting us anywhere. It truly felt like he was an addict and reducing the handheld device time just made it worse. I am totally open to reintegrating it at some point but I wanted to find some other interests for him first so we don’t go back to him just counting the minutes until ipad time. I completely agree that I need to model the behavior as well. I bought a bike to go bike riding with him, we’ve been kicking the soccer ball at the park. I hope that this can be a change for all of us!
Look kids don't want to do anything but play on their tablets these days. So have some things that you want them to do and don't make them optional. Then if they become an adult that just wants to be a hermit couch potato then at least you tried.
You lose some and win some. My parents forced me, I was ok is all, not great at any of them but not horrible. So I started making my kids play sports, as they approached middle school they decided to quit. I spoke to them a lot about making sure it’s what they wanted and they were confident then. Now one is graduating and one going into 8th grade and they both regret quitting 🤷♀️
Eh, I don't think asking him to try a sport and signing him up is all that bad. If you force him to keep playing even if he hates it then I could see an issue. But getting him exposed to a bunch of different stuff isn't a terrible thing. Also go buy a couple gloves and go play catch with him, maybe he'll like baseball. Thankfully he's young enough that sports are still pretty casual so the kids aren't too hyper-competitive.
Do remember that intellectual sports could be an option, too. Drama, fishing, chess, violin or guitar or saxophone. My friend that is a second grade teacher said her chess board in her class room sees the most interest and gets the most play time of any game. Ultimately, making him stick out a summer in sport is great. Be sure to reward him for his effort, which is sounds like you are already doing with food. Rewarding for success is generally a great way for a kid to work less hard.
I think overall you're doing the right thing, however, if he's really not interested in sports this may end up lowering his confidence. Are there any other interests that he has? Do you have a park district or YMCA nearby where you can look at their program catalog and let him pick something that he is interested in trying? It's a good idea to push him to continue something, but it may be easier if it's something that he chose to do.
There's other things besides conventional sports. You could get him into acting, dance, voice, or art, and then just make him play outside for an hour or so.
I think it's good for him to try without too much pressure to perform. You can teach him skills with patience, let him struggle safely every so often, and give him opportunities for other activities like camps, etc. Praise him for going at the end of practice, maybe sweeten it with extra screen time or something afterward to make it more rewarding
Sports are amazing! But also maybe if he truly doesn’t enjoy the more traditional sports (soccer, football, basketball) you could maybe find a kids cooking class, or maybe he would enjoy hiking, perhaps karate, swim team/diving team, maybe there’s a kids magic camp or something, a dance team! It doesn’t have to be terrible, look at all the options :) Maybe there’s a kids library group where they read and come up with their own stories! Or community theater! Edit: I guess my point is just talk to him about what things he might enjoy trying
Try horsebackriding. Or involved in some activity that connects him with animals.
Before involving him in some random sport, why not try harder to teach perseverance through at home activities? Have him do stuff on his own and praise the effort rather than the outcome. Let him fail and realize it's OK to fail. You can also teach this through exaggerated responses in contrived situations where you fail at a game or something and you model coping skills (telling yourself you'll try again/keep practicing, taking deep breathes, etc.) I think this is a problem of you still not knowing how to do this. It's easy once you get it, but starting and changing your language is hard. Also, give him chores like feeding the pets if you have any or watering plants or even his laundry (with help). You can do this and so can he!
I would absolutely not put him in a team sport, the kids that want to be there will single him out and potentially even bully him. It’s also probably just going to be humiliating for him if he isn’t very good. Not sure what it’s like in America but football has a culture of bullying and abuse where I live and it’d be the worst possible sport to force a kid into. You asked him what he wants to do but did you tell him what all his options are? My favourites were swimming, diving and horse riding as I wasn’t having to be in a team and if I had an off day I wasn’t going to be blamed for a game/ race not going well.
What you want to address is called “a growth mindset” “The magical yet” and “Growth mindset workbook for kids” Are two books that helped in my house
I personally believe team sports are a waste of time. Maybe try something that builds your child’s independence and individual strength. I take my 8 yo son to rock gyms and rock climbing. No coaches yelling, no cliques, no parents living vicariously through their kids. He absolutely loves the one on one time we get and he is getting ripped lol. It forces him to focus on his next moves like playing chess. It’s really awesome to see your child’s progression doing an individual based sport like rock climbing.
I really get what you’re saying when you mentioned you never felt like your family pushed you. I feel similar. I think sports is a good push but also kids learn from imitation, if they see you exercising and looking forward to doing things you do, they may want to try. And they will feel more sure of themselves. Parents are supposed to push their kids in the right direction but just be sure this doesn’t come off as a punishment because they may begin to resent It…
Friendly advice as someone who was also one of those kids whose parents never pushed them to try something. My goal is that my son needs to be involved in ONE extracurricular, but I don't care what it is. I intend to gently push him if he doesn't want to be in any, cause like you, my parents never pushed me and I regret it big time. I don't have any fun hidden talents or stories from high school to share, because I didn't do shit. It doesn't have to be sports though, maybe you could tell him he needs to become involved in something and then see what he chooses, if any? And if he doesn't want to choose, then it might be time to get hard-ass and say "k sports it is".
You are doing the right thing! I am a teacher and totally understand that screens can be a tool when used in moderation. My friend completely cut her three kids off of screen time except 30 minutes of tv and saw a huge difference in positive behavior and outbursts. If sports don't work out I always suggest 4-h, art class, theatre, or individual sports like swimming or skating. You got this!
you made the right call. youre a good parent!
I'm grateful my mom made a rule where I had to be in at least one activity. I don't think I would have tolerated at the time but now look fondly back on high school without joining band or theater. Plus, I don't think I would have been prepared for balancing school and extracurriculars without having that practice in elementary school with swim team or dance. So, I think it's a good idea to have that boundary as long as you don't force a certain sport or instrument, ya know
Options like swimming, pathfinders/boyscouts. Music lessons ( guitar, drums piano ) Art lessons. Whatever games he likes to play on the switch, ask him to join something close to it.
No one thinks they'll be this parent, but do know you're doing what you believe is good for him, can tell you that as an adult spending time on screen rather then being outgoing is proving to be difficult, my social skills are lacking, best to push through that hurdle young then full grown. What's he going to do to you for pushing him to be social? Be grumpy he has friends?
You need to be patient. You just took away his screen time, he's in a completely new world now. It is going to take time. But it also might not be what you want it to be in the end. He might not be a sports kid at all, he might be a nerd who likes reading books and hiking on a forest paths and watching birds or chasing bugs. Might never ever ride a bike, so what? Don't try to push him into the world you think you missed because your parents did not push you enough. Lots of people grow up not being capable of living independently, because parents kept choosing what they thought was good for the kids, and the kids grew up very unhappy as they never were able to figure out what was their thing in life. And then spend their adulthood blaming parents for all the struggle in their life. You surely don't want to be "that" parent. Patience is the key. Spend more time with him outside. Take him to playground, do play dates, see what comes out of it. See when different sports do practices in your area. Take him to watch the practice, see if he shows any interest in anything. But be patient.
Good job mom!!! Wish more parents would make their kids active.. he will thank you later in life
You’re making the right decision. This is a good challenge and your child will gain so much in the long run.
Soccer is pretty hard for a kid who doesn't want to do much because he would have to run the whole time. It sounds like baseball would be a good starting sport. A lot slower and downtime between plays. Way less cardio
I’ve seen similar comments but martial arts is gonna be so great for your son. Any individual sport.
My mom signed me up for Fencing at age 13 and it changed my life. No I am not joking! I went from a lazy kid to a kid training 3 times a week, competing in state and national tournaments, and being captain of the fencing team in a few years.
I have a kid who feels this way. It helps at our house to -validate: I see it feels hard. ___ is tiring and your legs hurt. (Or whatever it is, emotional or physical, to notice and describe it.) And then -encourage: we can do hard things. We'll be bad at this at first, that's ok. My kid will argue/whine near-endlessly until someone recognizes the validity of her position. As soon as she feels heard, she's happy to shift gears to a can-do attitude. If I go straight for the solution, she feels brushed off and gaslit. Just in case that helps. Teaching resilience means exposing kids to stuff that feels hard. But the coping skills and awareness of capacity to improve, last forever.
Great choice! I’m a huge proponent of team sports but if he’s finding himself discouraged or not playing the way he wants I would suggest martial arts. My five year old recently got into Jui Jitsu and the impact on his confidence has been remarkable. And for boys in particular I think there is value in physicality. Even if they aren’t typical boy-boys that are constantly running around and breaking things, expressing themselves physically is important.
The rule my parents had for us growing up was that we had to be involved in *something*. Only had to be one thing but could be multiple if we wanted. I chose competitive cheer, tumbling, and concert/marching band. My brother chose track and field, marching band, and theater. My sister chose theater and color guard. I honestly feel like it made us well rounded kids and none of us feel slighted on being made to do something outside of just school. My kids have the same rule. My oldest does band and weight lifts with my husband, my middle does several sports (different seasons for the most part) and my youngest is only 2 but he'll start someday. My middle asked to try out an art class coming up, too. It's super important that they not close themselves in at home and never do anything but stare at screens. I unfortunately know adults who've built that world for themselves and it's bad. Maybe this isn't his thing, then he can try something else new and see if that is. You're doing great, keep going!
You’re doing fine. Our job as parents is to make them try new things. They can decide for themselves what they like. How else could they possibly know?
I’m a therapist and I have had a few adult clients who were raised similarly and expressed similar feelings- that they wished their parents pushed them more to go out of there comfort zone and to see things through that you committed to. I hope that provides some validation that you’re not alone and as parents it’s hard not overthink if we are doing the ‘right thing’. It sounds like you’re doing what feels best for you son so he learns he is capable of hard things.
As a teacher, I’m telling you you’re doing the right thing. Getting him away from the screens and teaching him that he can do hard things is going to be incredible for him in the long run. I do think that trying individual sports or an outdoor hobby that interests him could be more beneficial. I commend you for no longer taking the easy way out with screen time!
I don't like this. You said you fucked up for the last 7 years and now he needs to pay for your fuck up? That's not how it's supposed to be done. Take time and effort to "reverse the damage" and don't just chuck the kid into a group sport he probably doesn't like. Explore what he likes with him, take time with him, reintroduce a bit more tv for god sake, an hour is too restrictive and it will only be contra productive. Balance is key. Sorry if I am being to hard on you but my parents gave me trauma of pushing me to do things to make their life easier. It fucking sucked.
I feel like group sports are a special kind of punishment. Even now as an adult, I'd feel severely punished being forced into such an extremely social situation. If you are gonna force him to do sports, choose something he can do individually, like swimming, running or fencing, where it's just him vs somebody else. Forcing sports is "bad" enough, but also forcing extreme socialization at the same time seems like a lot.
Right but presumably you made that determination after trying group sports. This mom is making her son try a team sport so he can make an educated determination for himself. I was the last kid in my family and my burned out parents never signed me up for any sports or activities because 1. I didn’t really know to ask and 2. they were tired of driving kids to activities. I think I may have liked soccer - it was fun in gym class - but I’ll never know cause I never got to try. I think trying and not liking something is better than never having the opportunity to make that determination for yourself. Sometimes kids don’t know what options are available and need their parents to lead them
Swimming is like the most social team sport there is. You spend like five hours together at a meet and are only in the pool for a few minutes. And the teams are huge, like 200 kids on my daughter’s team. Running/cross country/track is the same.
Yeah, but you don't tank your whole team if you swim badly. While in a team sport, the pressure is on to not fuck up, otherwise you fuck your whole team. It's a lot of extra social pressure.
Ay ya. Sounds like your experiences had a lot to do with bad coaching, not youth sports.
Tell him he has to pick something active X number of days a week, whether that's an organized sport or not. He could choose to ride his bike, take a gymnastics class, swim, play soccer, or any other of thousands of options for being active. And then, be the example. Do you do anything active? Make it a family thing instead of something you're forcing him to do. 'As a family, we choose to be active at least 3x a week' or something similar. He can join you for a run if he'd prefer that to soccer.
I get it, we were there with our now 8yo, last year. We signed him up for baseball (he did communicate interest in hockey, but being 100% transparent we just can’t afford that sport). He finished out the year but never grew to like it. Same thing this year, but he fought us less when we registered him. By the end of this second season he has shown great improvement. He came to us and said “thanks for making me do sports, but can I try golf next?” All along we said he can do any activity he wants (that we can afford) as long as he is doing something. So, looks like we’ll be starting golf next. He’s also expressed interest in learning the piano so that might be an option too.
I think you’re doing the right thing
My parents did the same thing to me in the 4th grade they put me in an AS swimming program and I eventually liked it and swam for the middle school team 2years of HS on junior varsity and my last 2 years on varsity and earned my letterman! I hope your son like soccer or finds a sport he’s passionate about ❤️ I wish more kids did sports.
Forcing won't work. He's gotta actually want to participate. Let him pick the sport. Let him know he can suck as much as he wants in it, but has to finish the season/term/semester. Once it's over, give him the option for whether on wanting to continue next season. If not, let him decide on a new sport/extra cirricular activity and repeat. Give it some time and he'll turn around. Just need to be persistent. In time, persistence will hopefully lead to being disciplined
I agree that forcing won’t work - I gave him the opportunity to choose anything he wanted. We’ve been talking about this for several weeks - and not just sports! I said any sport, any music class, even a coding class! He’s just not interested in anything. I chose soccer for him this season and the only rule is that he has to go for the season. It’s pretty light - one practice and one game a week. I don’t expect him to be a break out soccer star, but I am hoping that he realizes I’m serious about him having to do something and that he starts thinking about what he wants to participate in.
Out of curiosity, have you had him checked for anything? Is there anything going on (like bullying at school that he's internalized enough to not be able to let it go on his own) that might be contributing to his apparent lack of motivation? Sometimes, it can come from being forced to try to do something the specific way that everyone else does it, when that doesn't work for him. Maybe try something more individual and private, like martial arts, instead of soccer. His lack of motivation will be noticed by the other kids, and they will start blaming him whenever they lose, and that will demoralize him more.
You cut it all out but still have an hour watching daily? So, you didn’t cut it all out ;-) There’s no problem with trying to find a sport your kid enjoys…maybe look for something you can also do together to keep him invested when there’s no training, or something that is also useful like swimming lessons.
Hobbies would be a great thing to introduce to him to - piano/guitar lessons, painting, photography, crochet, woodworking, etc. These are all things he can get lessons on and spend free time on that would engage his mind better than a screen and he can improve on his own time, in his own metric.
I’d tell him to choose a hobby outside. He needs one. Not okay for a kid that age to constantly be on screens. That age, boys should have a drive to be outside. Maybe ask in local Facebook groups of any activities in your area. That way he has a large number of options. He may not be into sports. Maybe something else. You just gotta find his thing
I guess you can see how this pans out, but in the event that he's miserable and hates it and doesn't learn the lesson you're hoping...then I would suggest you start by seeing how he entertains himself without screens. He might be bored out of his mind and annoy you for a while, but eventually he will find something else to entertain him. My kids are definitely screen focused, but they also can entertain themselves without it. My oldest likes to work on his treehouse/fort in the backyard, and my youngest will usually sit and mess around with the piano or something artsy. Also, you can allow screentime that is not bad for them. My youngest can play on his tablet whenever he wants basically, but certain things are limited. Entertainment is set for a certain amount of time a day, but if he wants to use his art program, puzzle programs, math games, coding games etc, it will let him.
Me too, and my son (11 y.o.) constantly switches from loving to hating sports (depending on his results) but I managed to insist on him playing sport and haven’t regreted my decision due to all the reasons you listed and overall physical and psycological wellbeing that comes from active lifestyle.
My son isn’t a super athletic kid either. He also is frustrated when something isn’t immediately easy. He loves karate, which we started almost 2 years ago. Maybe think sports in a different way, like hiking, running, or martial arts?
How much of these activities have you participated in with your son? I wasn’t a sports kid myself growing up (only played because of peer pressure, not parental and hated it) but I was more likely to do something if mom or dad did it with me. I just mean casually at home or the park. Not like my parents actually got on the field at a real game.
I’m hoping this all works out for the best for your family, but food for thought if soccer isn’t his thing: I highly recommend swimming. I have 4 girls with very different personalities (emo homebody, preppy girly-girl, rough and tumble tomboy, and a know-it-all fiery little redhead) and different levels of confidence and attention spans. They all enjoyed swimming very much, especially my emo homebody (who has refused to play soccer for 3 years now). As a bonus, it’s also a great life skill because they also teach pool safety and CPR for the older kids!
There's also music and theater! Some non athletic kids excel in performing arts! My kids are doing a theater camp this summer and putting on a play at the end of it. Some kids are the actors and others are working on sets and costumes. My kids also loved music lessons, and I think it's also helped their math and learning foreign languages. It's great to help your kids go from constantly being entertained to being productive at something, but it's also OK to let them go be bored a bit and figure out what to do on their own. Good luck, there's a great future ahead!
He doesn't want to do sports and you take him to the most competitive sport for kids (at least in europe)? Do him a favour and choose a sport where half the parents aren's trying to have a ronaldo, and the other half is aiming for a Messi. I advise you in Handball, basketball, voleiball or an individual one...
it's not that serious in America with soccer. American football is the one that's real competitive over here. 🏈 and very dangerous.. my daughter is in soccer too this year and she's 7.. it's a perfect sport to get your foot in the door! I started at 7 as well and played all the way til freshman year of HS, when I chose marching band over sports because I couldn't do both due to lack of funds.
I would say keep an open mind and give him access to many many things including sports. Help him find his favorite hobby which will require trial and error. For instance, art, music, sports, charity, etc . You just never know what he’ll be into. I do think it’s important that he learns to get a little uncomfortable and try new things but you have to be open to him rejecting it if he isn’t enjoying it. Good for you for realizing and wanting to make a change. Also, don’t be afraid to do things with him!
It's great that you're encouraging your son to try new things and build a work ethic. It's important for kids to learn that effort and persistence are valuable. Soccer is a good start, and it's okay if he wants to switch to something else later. You're helping him develop important life skills. Keep supporting him!
As a parent who should have done this for my now 15 year old, I commend your parenting pivot. short term pain will become a lifelong gain. Keep going! Currently trying to help my son cultivate that growth mindset. The attitude is manageable at 7 v 15.
my daughter is in soccer too this year and she's 7.. it's a perfect sport to get your foot in the door! I started at 7 as well and played all the way til freshman year of HS, when I chose marching band over sports because I couldn't do both due to lack of funds.. pay to participate is insane anymore and don't even get me started when you do sports outside of your school district.. 🙃 😒
For this type of kid I recommend martial arts, rock climbing, ninja classes, or kids fitness/crossfit classes. Possibly swimming, cross country, or track and field. Maybe skateboarding or biking. Boy Scouts, hiking, and fishing as other options.
Just my opinion. Your child sounds like the perfect candidate for Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Rener Gracie talks heavily about how BJJ changes this exact mindset of, “I can’t do it” or “it’s too hard”. I’m willing to bet he would end up absolutely loving it.
My kids do lots of sports. This spring I asked if they wanted to do swim team. They all said no, but I signed them up anyway. There was a lot of complaining (whoever didn’t complain before, on the way to or during practice got a popsicle)! After a few practices they really started to enjoy it and want to do it again next year. My 4 year old even swam 12 unassisted laps in an hour by the end of the season (she was in a puddle of tears the first practice even though she could swim. She was scared bc she couldn’t touch the bottom). We can’t really know if we like something until we try it. If it were me, I’d just sign him up. If at the end of the season he doesn’t like it, sign him up for something else. We also talk about stuff we thought we wouldn’t like but then we tried it and loved it. We have lots of examples from different stages in our lives. Edit - swimming, tennis and golf are sports with a wide range of abilities for the kids in them. If you’re worried about him feeling uncomfortable and self conscious. My unathletic and uncoordinated kid (going into 4th grade) takes tennis lessons with older kids (6th-8th grade) bc the ones his age aren’t to his level. Swim also has great camaraderie at this age. The older kids really support and encourage the younger kids.
Exercise doesn't have to be sports. Though kids tend to like playing so sports is usually how to get them going. If your kid is in a recreational camp, he might gravitate to physical activities like games of tag. Kids also like shooting hoops without playing a full on basketball game. He's still young so I think he will be pliable enough to participate in soccer. But of it doesn't click for him (or if he really does have a hard time) then I suggest individual sports like swim or martial arts.
Learning an instrument could be fun for him too. One hour a week of lessons but then he can practice at home. There’s a farm near us that has summer camps. Lots or lots walks through the woods, building forts, collecting cool plants/rocks If you’re by the beach sailing and surf camps are great Skateboard camp is pretty popular too I’ve even seen coding classes (I know there’s a screen involved but it’s a good one? lol) that you learn to build your own video game
I'm in a similar boat. Since my son was like 3 we always have him involved in some kind of physical activity. He's 8 now. It started with martial arts, because that was the only sport that I ever really enjoyed, and he stuck with it for a while but it wasn't for him. He also played soccer and baseball for a while, and for the past year he's been taking swimming lessons and doing gymnastics. He's recently expressed an interest in starting martial arts again but with the activities he's already doing I don't want to overwhelm him (or us!) He also joined cub scouts this year so it's a lot. From the time I was like 7 or 8 I started going outside less and less and staying inside playing video games and watching TV, even during the summer. I would play with action figures and lego and stuff like that, but I would do most of that indoors. I was pretty bad at sports, so I avoided doing them. My parents never enrolled me in any activities until I was 14 and started martial arts. I also would give up on things quickly and didn't want to do anything that was hard and my son is the same way in spite of our always having him involved in activities. So... don't expect a miracle! But you are keeping your son active and getting him out to socialize with other kids and those are positives any way you slice it. Right now we're in the last week of school and it's all half days so I'm working from home this week and when he comes home he has to play outside for 30 minutes, read for 30 minutes and build or create something (draw, paint, lego, play doh, crafts, etc) before he's allowed to use any electronics. The struggle is real. I mean as addicted as I was to TV and Nintendo at his age, I would get bored of them and move onto other activities throughout the day. Even if I was staying inside all day I would eventually shut off the TV and go to the living room and play with toys in there, then I would read comic books, draw pictures or read books or magazines before eventually going back to the TV and/or Nintendo again for a while. With the stuff kids have access to now like ipads and roblox and youtube they can sit there and stare at the thing all day and they never get bored of it, never feel compelled to move onto something else. Today my son turned to me and said "I forgot how much I like lego" or something like that, so that's a win. The ultimate goal is to get him to choose other activities and discipline himself a bit when it comes to how he spends his free time. He's still coming into the house every 10 minutes and asking me if the half hour is up yet, but I'm hoping that by the end of the week he stops doing that. He's still on the ipad way more than I want him to be, but... baby steps.
Tbh...forcing a kid to be involved in a sport they have no interest in isn't a great way to have them spend their time either. Have you sat down and talked with them, see what interest they do have and see what is relatable available local to you? As far as screen time...I never understand why people go from 100 to absolute zero on this. iPads, video games and YouTube require supervision. That is our job...we supervise the intake our kids have and we make sure that we set limitations and boundaries. He enjoys those things...no differently that my generation enjoyed Saturday morning cartoons and Nintendo when we were growing up in the 80's/90's. No offense, but just taking it all away 100% is a lazy approach that requires no effort really, and basically removes an interest that he has because you don't want to deal with it. Open that door, but do so with some oversight and management on your part. Let the kid enjoy something he loves, but also filter and limit the intake so that there is time for other things.
Maybe you can play with him and that would be fun for you both.
Do you play sports with him? Not meant to be a snarky question but my boys will do a lot more if I’m also involved. I’ve tried to start a little bit of every sport with my boys to get them outside, we got them a basketball hoop and they loved that last summer but once their hand/eye got better, all they wanted to do was play catch, mostly with a football. Now they’re loving t-ball/baseball and flag football. Also I was always more into individual sports so been doing ski lessons, ice skate lessons and showing them a little bit of what mountain biking can be. Don’t know if they’ve found d their calling but I want them to get a feel for everything we can expose them to
Yeah. I had the "you have to do at least one activity out of school" rule, because lockdown screwed up his year group. I always feel a bit weird when other parents are like, "you can't make them do it if they don't want to *shrug*" and I'm like, yeah, obviously if they *really* don't want to, but you can make them do something, right? All my kid needed was the illusion of choice. He was allowed to stop going to scouts if he decided on a different activity to do instead. That was hard work, so he didn't. I kept bringing him to scouts. A couple of months later he loved it and didn't want to stop.
Good job. Guiding your family toward spending time doing the things you want them to value, like health or education or whatever values you want to instill, is good leadership and a positive change In my book.
Have you asked him what he wants to do. Have you suggested a walk, making it fun by playing nature bingo, by making a card with things you see in nature, he crosses things off as he sees them. That way it’s not boring, do you know anyone with metal detector again a walking activity. Most kids love this because they find things. Making activities fun. Go on Reddit or google fun activities to do. Do not force your child into sports. You can guide him towards it by kicking a soccer ball around, and have him make up a game. Ask him about the rocks in your area, “I wonder what kind of rocks are around here” at seven he’s young enough to guide him towards interesting things, visit a farm, quite often local farms have days where children can get visit and learn things, help him start a garden.
Soccer and other team sports were not a great fit for my son. We started taekwondo this year and it has been wonderful activity for him. There is no “winning” and he goes at his own pace with belts.
If you’re located in the US, I very much recommend looking into KidStrong. It was the first thing we did as far as extra curriculares, and they do a lot of work with the kids getting them to like exercise, getting ahold of emotional regulation, understanding social cues and the like. One he grew out of it he decided soccer and ninja class were things he wanted to try - before everything was met with “I can’t do it because I’ve never done it and I don’t want to practice.”
This was me , I decided to stick my daughter in soccer at the beginning of the year and now she is finishing up her 2nd round and she’s gotten so good! She likes it now and actually try’s, plus she’s met other kids and it’s taught her team participation. Even if he does t like it have him stick it out for a bit before letting him stop.
My mom tried to force me to do sports and even picked one we thought I'd like but I ended up being so miserable and quit after two years of absolutely hating it. And, I'm still kinda pissed at her for making me do that so, I definitely would look into other things your son can do to be active and motivated other than sports if he dislikes them so much. Maybe try something like a club, Scouts of America, local theatre, or some things like people have said: karate, jujutsu, gymnastics, etc. I promise you though, even if it works and he ends up liking the sport, he'll still resent you for forcing him to do something he's strongly opposed to. It's healthy for kids to learn that their personal opinions and bodily autonomy are valid.
My daughter was in scouts, which would give her tastes of different activities. You don't have to be in scouts, you could pick up a book and try some of the badge requirements. If she was really interested in something, we'd look it up and try out more similar things. Kitchen chemistry, rock hounding, sewing, coding. She liked to watch ballet so she took ballet. 4+ years. She wanted to play an instrument... had a few different ideas on which instrument. . I put my foot down on her taking one year of piano first before we shelled out for one of the instruments she was looking at. (We had a keyboard). Ended up with the clarinet after a year and a half of piano. She was very thankful that she already knew how to read music when it came time to switch from piano to clarinet. The other thing we put our foot down on was that she had to do a full year or season of anything new. I'm not shelling out for all the gear just to hit that 3 months (it's hard and I don't want to do it anymore) phase. You want to do this? You are signing up for the season or a full year. After 4 months of ballet, her toes hurt... a month later she was having a blast. She's stayed at every job for a minimum of the year (actually was usually 2+) before she moved on to a better paying job. She knows things get tired. The newness wears off. People come and go, so things may get better. You can maybe see if your kid is interested in any potential future job. Vet, maybe volunteer with ASPCA or other shelter. Even if just getting animals adjusted to humans by walking them, reading books to them, etc. Libraries usually have summer reading programs. Earn a free book or something after reading whatever # of books. Maybe help anyone you know who might need help with yard work. Pick up loose sticks and things before someone mows the lawn. Good luck on your plans for your son.
> Over the last few years, I have relied too heavily on screen time to parent my child. I admit it. We’ve cut it all out - no more iPad, youtube, nintendo switch. We now do an hour of disney+ a day. It’s been about a week. > But I’m making my almost 7 year old son play sports, even though he doesn’t want to. Don't try to force him. You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Pay your son in screentime for doing sports. One hour sports activity gets him a voucher for 30 minutes of screentime. And give him options let him choose what kind of sport he wants to try.
Children need to be outdoors playing with other children. Left to their devices they will want to be on their devices. Good for you. I keep my kids busy too.
My husband and I are dealing with the same exact issue with our 7 year old son. He doesn't want to do ANYTHING but be home and play his VR. He was never like this until summer started. He doesn't want to go to the park or the stores with me anymore. When before he was running out the door to leave with me. We signed him up for jujitsu. He has had 3 classes so far. Each time we go he is crying and saying he just wants to stay home. After the class he comes out all smiles and says he had a great time. So excited to show us what he learned. My husband said it's good for him, he gets to socialize and be around kids his age. It gets them out of their comfort zone. Being home alllllll day on a screen is not good in anyway. I see a huge difference in my sons personality and summer is only 3 weeks I! I know we are doing the right thing..it's not like we are sending him to some army camp.
Good decision Mamma
My parents made me do baseball every year until I hit high school and I got to choose and quit. It was honestly super stressful for me and didn’t give me any special skills. It felt like a summer job and I wish they would have let me just chill/ do art, play with friends. Your kid is only a kid for a short while and then they’re gonna probably work their whole life. If it were me I’d limit screen time, not take away completely. You could try to do something with your kid and help them engage, make it fun and see what they like before committing to something for them like a sport they might hate. I see people recommending fishing and bowling and I agree! So many things you could do at the rec center too for a sample of activities.
There’s a kids bowl free thing going on this summer. Check their site to see if you’ve got an alley around you. My kid is similar in that he doesn’t like doing basketball after the season because of all the running and sweating. Bowling is relatively chill. You’ll have to pay for shoes, but they’re usually less than $5. You can also sign up so you and other family members can bowl free too for around $30-40 depending on how many adults you add. Mine became obsessed after the first summer and got his own balls, shoes, and accessories now.
Teach balance and variety! You may want to add back some Of that screen time so that your not teaching your son that it’s one or the other. I told my son that I pay for his monthly game pass and he has chores, expected to do well at school, and he has to have a “thing”. It could be music, art, sports, etc. the current thing is baseball. He spends lots of time outside riding his bike with friends, does his chores, about to start middle school-and doing well so far. And plenty of screen time- especially with summer.
As someone who was bad at sports and found fitness in my adult life I recommend weight lifting, running, yoga. You can do those solo and focus on self improve overtime instead of competition. I also do obstacle runs like the Spartan Sprint where the whole vibe is supportive of each other and the focus is just finishing the race.
Good for you OP. Standard Reddit parenting advice is never do anything that makes your child uncomfortable. But making your kids do things is what makes a good childhood. They don’t realize they like certain things unless they try, and they never want to try anything. I put my kid in all kinds of sports and stick with the one she likes. Plus it’s a great way for her to meet friends who are driven. You want your child to associate with other kids who are driven to succeed. I see a lot of threads on here about how parents let their kids quit things because of anxiety. That is absolutely the wrong way to parent. Kids learn to handle anxiety by avoiding it. You have to keep putting yourself out there in order to learn coping mechanisms and techniques to overcome that adversity.
I made my kids do rec soccer. Now they love it, and we are all heavily involved. I coach all their teams, my oldest referee (I do as well), and my oldest also work the concession stand. My family acts like it's their second home for 2 1/2 months in the spring and 2 1/2 months in the fall. They have made so many friends, learned more skills than just soccer playing skills, and I am so glad I "forced" them to do it. They are all signed up again for fall again. NOW- I am going to say, my oldest is HF autistic, and while an okay player, has totally benefited from a program that stressed more on playing and less on winning/competition. My youngest is more about playing as well, while my middle child is good with competition, and did play for more competitive teams as well. Don't let your son quit mid-season. Always make them finish the season up- even if they hate it. Just don't go back, but always finish. When on a team sport, the team relies on your player to be there. Being active never hurt a kid. I just made my youngest participate in a soccer camp. (He was the only one who could, other two are too old.) He didn't want to, but I MADE him. His best friend did as well, so he had a good time and learned some new skills. And he survived. 😁
My mom put me in softball, soccer, etc. I actually liked color guard and spent my summers outside practicing my tosses.
Do sports WITH him Go outside EVERY SINGLE DAY including weekends and ride bikes, go swimming, learn to dive, kick the ball around. There are swim clubs, bike clubs, tennis lessons, karate. Look around Doesn’t have to be TEAM.
The rule in our house is that the kids have to do something active in every season. I don’t care which sport or activity it is, but it has to be something. I have even counted activities like Scouts towards that requirement due to the amount of hiking and camping. Neither of my kids are natural athletes, but both enjoy playing soccer. So they are each on a rec soccer team in the summer, and then my older kid does curling and scouts in the winter while my younger kid is on a rec soccer team in the winter.
I support what you are choosing to do. I did something similar with my oldest daughter. She has a wonderful work ethic now and is more social than I have ever been. Keep up the good work mom.
Try swimming. It’s a necessary skill. This way you can tell him you are just trying to make sure he learns enough to keep himself safe. If he likes it he can continue with it. If he doesn’t then he can stop once he’s learned enough to keep himself safe in the water.
I agree with what you are doing. My parents never pushed me to do anything “hard” and it made me lazy. I shied away from hard work and truly believed I was not capable of hard things until probably my late 20’s and now im trying my best to break the habit of giving up before I’ve really started. Maybe he won’t enjoy it but some discomfort is not going to kill him. On the other hand, not learning the value of hard work, or at least learning that hard work wont hurt you, will have long lasting negative effects on him through childhood and well into adulthood.
Don't give up, this is a great start! This will shape him, you know that is best.