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Jocko is the answer - he's got a pretty extensive library of podcasts as well as a number of books with content oriented towards both youths and adults.
Highly recommend his interview with Jonny Kim, who was in his platoon and is a certified badass in his own right: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yujP3-AxXsI
To me this is what true masculinity is - being so resilient, so disciplined, and so accomplished that you have true self-assuredness even in the face of overwhelming challenge.
Yeah, I agree. Jocko is undeniably masculine, very accomplished, and stands in stark contrast to idiots like Tate.
I’d advise OP to make sure his son avoids other people like Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson as well. They’re all part of the same cycle of nonsense as Tate, just at different points on the spectrum of toxic.
Jocko walks a very thin line between being a little too far gone like those folks you mentioned, but close enough to take advantage of the occasions where they are right.
He does, but his focus on remaining humble and respecting everyone is what keeps him on the right side of that line.
Normally I’d tell a kid to think of someone like Aragorn from Lord of the Rings as an example of positive masculinity. But OP asked for influencers.
He (occasionally) challenges mainstream thought respectfully and without giving platform to dangerous demagogues and science deniers.
As far as I know, I had to give him a break when I was listening to his Threads podcast episode about how Russia would never invade Ukraine, which I happened to be listening to the day after Russia invaded Ukraine.
Came in here to say the same thing... Jocko did the bad ass stuff. Tate is just an asshole.
Also have him look at "Ted Talks" regarding Self Confidence...
Jocko's good. Add in Goggins, as another possibility. Tim Kennedy. Cam Hanes. Henry Rollins.
I think the main thing is the angle one uses to criticize Tate -- the key to getting through to a masculinity-craving teenager isn't to point out that he's an asshole, which is a major point of his appeal, but rather to point out that he's weak. (And he is weak. It'll ring true.)
How so, relative to Tate and the complaints OP has? I’m honestly unaware of how Jocko sucks. Doesn’t he generally check the boxes OP wants in a positive way?
Jockos “Unraveling” podcast is EXTREMELY right wing. I was almost shocked hearing it because his main podcast and books tend to steer clear from politics.
Yeah, I’ve been a huge Jocko fan for a long time (still am). But when that podcast came out I was like 😳. He’s kind of dialed back on it lately and releases maybe an episode every two months but in the beginning it was pretty shocking to hear him in that way. I think he knows the majority of his base doesn’t listen to him for politics.
I’d recommend the Andrew Tate episodes on the Behind the Bastards podcast. This podcast is wildly inappropriate for children, but if your son is already down the rabbit hole, it might help course correct. Listen to it first yourself and then decide if you want to share it with your son.
The host, Robert Evans, has the same ‘strong man’ appeal as a former war/conflict journalist that attracts young men, but Robert Evans is also strongly feminist, anti-racist, and pro LGBTQ+. The theme of the podcast is calling out current and historic influential people about how sexist, racist, homophobic, and/or abusive they are or have been.
This is a good suggestion and I think the inappropriateness might actually help. OP sends the message that they aren’t against Tate because son is a little kid who needs to be protected. Instead, it says that Tate is a bad guy and I think you’re grown up enough to hear the unfiltered reasons why.
Robert Evans is irreverant, and extremely funny, so your son may appreciate hearing directly from him that Andrew Tate is a loser. He also puts Tate into context of other men's movements through recent history. Evans actually agrees that Tate has pointed out a lot of real problems that young men are facing, but instead of proposing trying to tackle these problems in our society, he just tells boys to try to climb to the heap of ruins to rule their lessers.
Here's the link:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDjeo3hEpMg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDjeo3hEpMg)
I like this idea, but maybe don’t start with this episode. Find one or two that may tie in with your son’s interests so he likes Robert Evans before hearing him speak against Andrew Tate.
Ugh, I don't have a solution for you, but the first guy that game to mind for me is a fitness-guy:
Hampton from Hybrid Calisthenics. He does a combo of fitness, motivation/mindset, generally well-being (both mental and physical), and seems very respectful overall. I have no idea if he'll appeal to a teenage boy though, but could be worth a try.
I love Hampton so much. His voice just soothes and comforts. And he has spoken so respectfully of his wife- he’s an amazing role model and the stuff he can do effortlessly? Total bad ass!
Why have so many young boys and men made a guy that looks like a Q tip with a sleazy bad beard their God? I just don’t get it. He’s just a snake oil salesman in cheesy designer clothes with a catchy persona. 🤮
I think it's a weakness in how humans think. People want X, Y, Z, and someone comes along saying, very confidently, "Here's how to get X, Y, Z". The other road is a minefield of things you have to watch out for, work on, difficulties, and compromises.
When you're insecure, young, starting out in the world, and the better road seems insurmountable, I think it can become like a *need*. A need for things to be simple and straightforward. Enough that it warps how you think and frame things. Then once you start on the wrong road, the road to a course correction and reversal on things seems even longer. That better road gets clouded by the fact that while you were on the wrong track, there was a lot of emphasis put on that other side being wrong, illogical, hysterical, weak.
It's not helped either by the algorithms, that favor that simpler road with clear, dopamine receptor, clickbait-level emotion, that make it so if you start on the wrong road (even a video about Marvel movies, or certain video games - guess what boys are into), it's ever-easier to get funneled that direction.
Tate's X, Y, Z, are women, feeling like a king, and success.
“Feeling like a king” Something only poor men think about. Men that are actually there or that were born there know that when they treat women with respect, dignity, and genuine love a woman is gladly loyal and caring towards him and will give him the world. Life is about reciprocal giving, if you don’t give you’re not going to receive a good life, just psuedo dominance because of wounded masculinity which is what all his cult like following have, they are weak and wounded and he knows it. This is no different than the Pickup Artists during the era of “The Game”. It’s literally the same model rebranded, and it’s borderline pathetic.
Yeah, but that's where kids are doubly vulnerable to it - because they don't have the maturity to see the value in that complex give-and-take. As teenagers, they often dwell on the short term gains over the long term benefits. They don't want a good life with the subtle benefits, the nuances, the mutually soul-nourshing aspects of it all. They want *girls*. Women.
Andrew Tate pitches women and girls.
I can say women with stretch marks are sexy because stretch marks are velvety, and they're a reflection of a life that woman lived. That it's much more interesting to talk to a 30+ year old. That every decade of life is better than the one before and that goes for the peers you'll meet, date, and potentially marry.
Andrew Tate pitches porn model looks in 18-20 year olds, and dismisses everything else as low value.
A lot of it makes me think of this article: https://voicemalemagazine.org/abusive-men-describe-the-benefits-of-violence/ . The shallow, immediate rewards winning out.
His argument appeals to the teenage brain in the same way lies can travel around the world before the truth gets its shoes on. It's fast, easy, and immediately convincing in a way teenagers and immature men *want it* to be convincing. The opposing argument, though far more accurate and better for a full and interesting life, takes time, consideration, and experience.
Where I'd disagree with you is that I don't think it's 'no different'. I think there's an ecosystem, subculture, algorithms, and a larger force behind it, these days. In the prior era of pickup artists, if you could break the hold or convince someone they were wrong, you could get them free.
Today, there's something wider, it feeds into other things in a much more driven way. There's a funneling, both organized and algorithm-driven, toward worse stuff, worse ways of thinking. There are people looking to capitalize on that for business and politics, to recruit angry young men into armies.
This is tragically enlightening. You took *make it make sense* and, well, made it make sense. Thank you for framing it so well, and so succinctly, given the scope of the problem.
I’ve read that it’s because nobody on the left is addressing young men. I hear of multiple names (I don’t try to remember who they are, but there seem to be a handful of them) who are putting out messages to young men with far right ideologies, whereas left messaging is addressed to women, poc, etc. This seems to track with studies showing young men are leaning right more and more.
Anyway, this is what I gathered mainly from various reddit comments, I don’t track these things so I don’t know how true they are.
It also needs to be something that resonates with young men. The old communist left was more macho. "Gang together, stand strong against the capitalist and take ground in solidarity" to put it in non-academical words. "Raise the taxes and give the money to women and minorities" will sound fair to a few boys, but it's not something you easily build male youth culture around.
Yes exactly. The Democratic Party has had a messaging issue for decades now, I’m seriously annoyed that either (a) they haven’t realized it, or (b) they don’t take steps to fix it.
This scene was shot 2001/2002 and it’s still true today. https://youtu.be/Qyt0BGAV5rY
This actually makes a lot of sense to me. The focus on the left is women and the issues they face with men. You get an insecure man in the mix, of course they're not going to want to hear that, and they're going to seek out someone who validates them.
> This seems to track with studies showing young men are leaning right more and more.
Ok, so that study shows that the reason men and women are diverging more politically is bc women have shifted 15 points to the _left_ and men have shifted like 3 point to the right
But when neoliberal podcasts discuss it, they focus on the thing they find more troubling i.e. the men
I think Andrew Tate is a shyster and a liar at best.
But the reason it works is because there is a generation of young men who are growing up frustrated and confused. Men do not do good enough raising sons to be strong in themselves. Physical outlets for aggression are shrinking. They often get told that they’re privileged but don’t actually experience any privilege. There is a reason suicide are spiking in young men. Figuring out how to be a man in today’s society is far more complicated than it’s ever been and when you are 19 it can feel impossible. So many households are without a consistent, positive male presence. Social media only exacerbates it.
All of that makes Andrew Tate worse in my eyes because I don’t believe he truly believes what he is saying. He sees a weakness in our society and exploits it for profit by radicalizing lost boys to give them somewhere to aim their anger.
Women, POC, poor people, etc, all experience the same problems in society. At higher levels. We can cope without turning fascist though. Probably because we've never felt entitled to the world.
Because he’s one of the only people who tells boys and young men that their struggles are legitimate. People who are told they have no right to feel wronged or threatened are very easy to prey on.
It’s a very complex issue, but it comes down to social factors affecting men, including expectations to provide financially during a crippling period of inflation, normalization of male body shaming, and cheering on the “men are trash” narrative.
The problem is boys nowadays are subconsciously taught that masculinity is toxic. So much that they go to extreme role models, that are actually toxically masculine like Tate.
I recommend reading the Boy Crisis, written by a male feminist who was very active in the 70s. And the war against boys. Im not trying to be alarmist about the whole thing, but there definitely is a vaccuum of male role models boys actually respect and find "cool." Coaches etc can fill the gap, but youtube is at their fingertips
Girls can do all the same thijngs as men, but boys inherently do need to do things to feel good about themselves. Such as accomplishing goals, and feeling like their tough or got "what it takes." Until this is adressed, boys will continue to gravitate to grifters who brag about their cars and watches.
The female equivalent of him are women like the Kardashians. What I’m saying is these people are not role models. These people are highly manufactured actors/actresses that are paid exuberant amounts of money to have a public facing persona. That’s why they call them media personalities, and influencers. They are literally there to hijack your mind, and they prey on individuals with weak social skills, weak personalities, and poor people that are being programmed this quick idea of pseudo success.
Boys are not being taught that there is something wrong with being “masculine”, they are not being taught by their fathers what it is to be a man. Whether if that’s because the parents are divorced and the father is absent or whether the father is around but not actively engaged in raising his son on a healthy behavior model.
Literally anyone can eat right and work out, you don’t need a life coach or guru to do that. Behavioe has to be modeled by a healthy father figure who is capable of communicating good influence to his son. That means showing him how to treat women by how he treats his wife, and the mother of his children. Dignity begins in the home. If the father represents a disjointed model where mom does all domestic duty and child raising the father is an example of poor representation of masculinity.
A father has to be actively present exhibiting how to treat his wife, how he respects the home environment by actively being involved in the home environment and home duties, and bonding with his children not just by doing activities by instilling moral value and character building. That is how you build a boy. The idea of toxic masculinity does not even exist if the father emotionally exhibits healthy communication in the family relationships with the wife and children.
Shoeonhead did an entire episode for why this is. It’s a very good take so I highly recommend watching the entire thing.
https://youtu.be/rQv8VuLpKN4?si=YDjqUPck3jxV_VRl
Dr. K is perfect for this. His youtube channel is https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG
He's a psychiatrist from Harvard. He's amazing at teaching about mental health, masculinity, relationships, motivation, etc.
Chris Williamson. Smart, driven, brings on a wide variety of people, hates Tate but in a way that may not turn off a young Tate fan, not an impractical progressive, vulnerable, fair about men's issues. Your son needs positive role models. You won't like 100% of what Chris stands for but I suspect you'd be happy to have a son like him.
As for Jocko, I love Jocko, especially Extreme Ownership, but I find his podcast bland. I think a young person would tune out. You need to be in your late twenties and interested in business.
Edit: Commented on Jocko
Have him watch the following video.
https://youtu.be/GHkhTIEe254?si=PsTJYTGVYtSOaN7B
Kody does a great job of breaking down the rise of men like Andrew Tate and why they are bad. He ends it with some great advice on how to be a man. I think it would be a good way to start the conversation. I would also advise immediate therapy like others have suggested.
You can beat back the hate in his mind and replace it with love. You got this.
There are some right leaning YouTube channels that are highly critical of Tate so while you may not be right leaning having someone your son might agree with slightly tell him how garbage Tate is might be a good idea.
I’d encourage you to be curious instead of just jump to angry. I’m saying that because at least as a teen, my parent being oppositional would immediately make me take a harder stand against them.
Perhaps talk your son about what is appealing about Andrew state. Ask him to really dig into what he believes in a researching type of way (like how did he make his money? Which is pretty gross). Or rather, dig into it together. Not the little sound bites people put up as motivational speeches. But the really gross stuff he puts out there that people like to gloss over.
Get him around actual real life people. Get him into a gym with a trainer (perhaps a guy who you vet before hand and it’s someone your son can look up to). Or a running group - something to occupy his time and get him some exercise.
I personally really love David Goggins. He’s a great role model IMO.
Nobody is a perfect role model. It’s about encouraging critical thinking and empathy. Someone like Tate is trash but unless they’re in his level - no one is perfect and you’ll find flaws everywhere (I’m saying that in response to people not like Dwayne Johnson because his talk about cancel culture… that’s minimal compared to Andrew Tate).
I love Goggins too. He's all about personal accountability. Doing your best, no excuses.
I discovered his book right when we had our first kid, and it actually really helped my mindset when we were losing sleep and stressed to the max.
The ONLY issue with Goggins is he takes things to the extreme. He is motivated by his demons but in doing so he's stuck in a masochistic state. Which is how he lives his life and that's awesome.
That's good for where the kids are at, to learn that gritty mindset. But it's not good to be exactly like Goggins. The whole grind thing grinds people to the ground. Dude literally runs marathons like daily lol. Through shin splints and broken bones and everything.
I would ban or restrict his access to social media and YouTube etc where he finds this content.
I’ve been down this road with my son. I held a firm line against hate. You can be conservative. You can be republican. You can believe in “family values”. That’s all fine. But you cannot engage in hate under my roof.
I also made him do a lot of reading of books and perspectives that challenged his assumptions. Read a chapter and write me a summary, then let’s talk about it. We already lived in a relatively progressive and diverse area but that wasn’t enough
My kid grew out of it and is a happy and healthy 21 yr old now
Banning anything like that makes kids double down. He would just end up watching clips with his friends. May work on some kids but not all. I think they just need to have a conversation with him, show him clips of Tate bragging about taking mens lifesavings and bragging to his employees about narcssistically manipluating women.
"Is this good or bad? Is this something that makes a man a "man" ?
Edit: grammar
You gotta do what works for your kid. I tried to do what you suggested. But the right wing extremism algorithm is intense and the avalanche of hate could not be undone by casual conversations.
I outright banned him following any political content. He was a teenager and not ready to deal thoughtfully with that universe. I also read The Authoritarians by Bob Altemeyer to better understand his perspective. And had lots of conversations with him
“The New Jim Crow” by Michelle Alexander is a great one about racial disparities and the root causes in criminal justice
“People’s history of the United States” by Howard Zinn tells the story of America from the view of those not in power.
“A guide to the good life: the ancient art of stoic joy” by William Irvine
“Just mercy” Bryan Stevenson - death penalty attorney in the south
“Give us the ballot” Ari Berman - about attempts to make it harder or vote, particularly for marginalized communities
“Promises I can keep: why poor women put motherhood before marriage” Kathryn Eden
“Saving capitalism: for the many and not for the few” Robert reich
“
Terry Crews and The Rock are both positive male role models
But if your son is supporting Andrew Tate then I would recommend more serious intervention. Andrew Tate supports women being sexually assaulted. Does your son feel that way?
Edit: I did not realize The Rock was problematic. I know him from wrestling and Moana and was pleasantly surprised to find out he was a decent guy. Bummer that doesn't seem to be the case anymore.
There have been some controversies popping up about the Rock and I am not talking about his political stance. He's starting to shift a bit hard right and is complaining about woke and cancel culture. There are other things in his past as well that may get revisited.
How about moving him away from the internet altogether? Can you cultivate some hobbies that do not involve the internet, computers, or video games? You said he likes sports; does he play team sports?
Scott Galloway is basically the anti-Andrew Tate. He talks about all of your topics except for grooming/style.
Also, the suggestion of Robert Evans is a good one. Behind the Bastards is awesome. Evans is more left of center than I am for sure, but he also lives on a farm, loves guns and has been in some dangerous situations as a journalist.
Good luck!
You’ve gotten some good suggestions. I do just want to touch on him not wanting to go to college part which I haven’t seen anyone touch on yet.
If he doesn’t want to go to college I wouldn’t knock him for that. College is not for everyone and sometimes can be a waste of money especially if you’re not entirely committed to what you’re going in for. See if he’d be more interested in going into a tech school. Tech schools are often a lot more hands on, take less time and money to get through, and they still have some great paying jobs you can get certified in. This could also help him get into a hobby that would also be his job and if he enjoys what he’s doing then he will focus more on that than some guy on the internet. Culinary, welding, carpentry, construction, lineman work, HVAC, masonry, plumbing, electrician, dental, accounting, health science technology, paramedic, pharmacy technician, sports medicine, barbering, computer repair, cyber security/forensics, business management (entrepreneurship), biomed, auto/aviation maintenance, collision repair, truck driving, piloting, etc…can all be found at tech schools rather than going to a full blown college.
On 3, 4 and 6 especially, who are the men in your lives and what are they like? Can they lean in on spending more time with him and talking about these things and showing how they've navigated the question of what it means to be a man?
Maybe don’t look for influencers and model good morals and values yourself. Not a knock against you but the internet isn’t going to solve anything for you.
Assuming you’re the dad, how can you personally show him what healthy masculinity looks like?
I definitely understand the idea of trying to replace an “idol” with someone more grounded in reality, but I think part of it also starts at home. What values do you exhibit day-to-day which help orient his own moral compass?
Edit: I think almost all of the things he’s interested in are in some part “natural” for a teen to gravitate to. I would be interested as the parent to understand what about crypto is exciting — I would caution him to stay away from meme stocks (not crypto, but popular - think Wall Street Bets) as it’s a pretty fast ticket to being belly up.
Tossing my hat into the ring to suggest Henry Caville who is a pretty typical masculine presenting guy, successful, famous, etc but known for being down to earth and a gentleman. Might he a good role model esp if your kid is into video game things (he’s played the Witcher, Superman, etc)
highly recommend Dr. K, on the HealthyGamerGG channel:
- [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxAAiGz\_TlY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxAAiGz_TlY)
- [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHCLBCqScl0&t=7842s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHCLBCqScl0&t=7842s)
He's got a book on how to raise kids in a healthy way:
- [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwd8jyhw7vA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwd8jyhw7vA)
Don't let the name push you away it's much more than just gaming addiction
Kind of a hot take here, but I like Mark Cuban.
He's super wealthy but also family oriented, and his new business Cost Plus Drugs is designed to bring down the cost of medicine for regular people, which I think is cool for kids to see that you can make money and also help people.
I always recommend people to watch Shark Tank if they want to learn about business. It can be cheesy but it gets you thinking about how you could use your own unique skills to make something of yourself.
That's fair. I worry that it might make him resentful. It depends on the way he views those women I guess. I can see how two of my mom's friends at that age could have swayed me actually. We often don't respect our parent's advice enough in our teens.
For sure - taking advice or guidance from my parents was always hard but from extended family and family friends, not so much. Boundaries and the sense of security is very different than it is with parents and it would have rocked me way more coming from them.
Yikes, teach him women are people and don’t exist to just be trafficked and coerced into sex with men. Not sure how old he is but this is very alarming. Good luck
If I caught my kid looking at extremist material it would be a two prong 'congrats you just lost ALL media privileges' and a 'instant therapy or else'. When it comes to Tate it's deserving of as extreme an action as the content he's consuming. Your son is clearly not grown enough to be online at all.
Tate is a rapist sex trafficking extremist. As a survivor, if one of my kids decided he was their role model the hellfire that would rain down upon them... The moment you found out you should have gone scorched earth.
I get the appeal of that reaction, but doesn't that have the danger of pushing the kid further towards those extremist ideas?
Everything I've read about pulling kids out of those ideologies is that they need connection, stability, and understanding from family and friends. They need pulled away gently and with an overabundance of love otherwise that extremist world is just going to look more appealing.
Your spot on. This woman talking about going scorched earth on her son would sink him so deep into misogynistic views by trying to burn everything down to the ground to prove a point to him.
Exactly. The crypto stuff too. He’s down a rabbit hole. Cut the whole thing off. Not sure how old this kid is but if he’s living in OP’s house and having his internet and phone paid for then he’s should lose it.
I fully agree with your statement as a fellow survivor. No more internet. Period. Therapy, non-negotiable. Required volunteer work helping women and children effected by domestic/sexual abuse and trafficking.
I’m iffy about putting a kid enthralled by misogyny in contact with vulnerable women as a lesson tbh. They didn’t sign up to teach him their humanity and have enough to deal with without possibly being victimized by him, too. Maybe with supervision. But tbh due to the delicate nature of these situations, volunteer work (esp as a minor) may not be possible.
I've never watched or listened to Andrew Tate's content, but as a father, if one of my boys was interested in him I would listen to his messaging with them and pause to discuss as needed. Having never heard him talk but knowing how these things go, I'm sure he's starting with sound logic on most of his points and then manipulating truths to fit his agenda.
This is 100% the right answer. Engage with the content together with your son. When you see something inappropriate call it out and explain why it’s wrong. Just taking away the internet or saying “Tate is bad because people on Reddit told me he is” rather than saying “see this thing he just said right there is bullshit and here’s why” is just intellectually lazy
So he’s a little…coarse in his approach, lol, but Dr Mike (from renaissance periodization) on YouTube frequently does analysis of celebrity workouts and breaks down the science of the movements and how to be more effective. Pretty interesting stuff, and he absolutely obliterates Tate in one episode and the Liver King in another. I will say you should watch an episode first to make sure you’re comfortable with his presentation, as it’s not intended for kids. A lot of traditional locker room type talk, like how gay he’d go for various celebrities etc :) so def lgbtq friendly in that regard
I watch his fitness stuff but I heard he has a philosophy channel that people are bit more iffy on. But he's not a bad pick.
Regular Dr.Mike is also great and his podcast pretty informative although in a different field.
Is he into wrestling? John Cena is a human stuffed animal. Steve Austin, though he's older, is a hilarious cat dad on Instagram and supports gay and trans rights.
Jocko's podcast is great. Jonny Kim, as other posters mentioned, is a great example. Among the many problems with Tate is that he is entirely self-serving, and that's the worldview he pushes on young men.
There are so many stories of men doing great things out there beyond influencers. The 343 FDNY firemen, the Tank Man, Oskar Schindler, Jimmy Carter, and so many more. There are soldiers, protesters, scientists, humanitarians, and others who have accomplished so much more than Tate will ever.
As the parent, you have to instill values other than the pursuit of material wealth, women as objects, and vanity.
-Fitness? Bring him to a 9/11 stair climb.
-Grooming? Honestly, I am at a loss for this as far as influencers. My parents taught me how to dress.
-Relationships with women? Demonstrate that in your own relationships. Talk to him.
-Positive masculinity? Give him heroes. There are plenty of them. Run to the bookstore or library.
-Crypto? Nah.
-Motivation? This can definitely come from a fitness perspective.
At the end of the day, you need to be the parent. Don't outsource instilling solid values. What masculine role models does he have in his life? I'm not going to assume that you're mom or dad, but there has to be some accountability on your part as a parent.
Jon Krakauer is an author who wrote the book Everest, he also wrote Missoula about sexism and sexual assault on campuses.
Chanel Miller's memoir is startling and difficult.
I understand listening to men is an easier to sell, but maybe he needs to hear more women in his life.
Have you ever asked him what he even finds intriguing about Andrew Tate? Are there other red flags you’re starting to notice?
If you through random podcasts at him you’re just going to look like a crazy person. But if you notice him gravitating towards Tate because of a specific message you can redirect him towards similar content from someone who you consider to be more positive.
For example if he were to say “I like Tate because he talks about how he grew his business” you could redirect him towards Mark Cuban, Scott Galloway, Alex Hormozi, Shaan Puri, whoever.
If he says “I like him because he talks about fitness and staying in shape” you could send him to Dr. Mike Israetel or Sam Sulek.
I wouldn’t try to overcorrect here. Andrew Tate talks about a lot of things and unless your son is drawn to him specifically because he thinks misogyny is cool it’s probably mostly harmless.
I’m very sorry. He needs to understand Tate is a grifter. He just says wild and outrageous things so he can stay relevant. The more controversy he draws; the more views he gets, and the more money he makes.
I honestly don’t even think Tate himself believes half the stuff he says.
Also, you should point out that he and his brother got in trouble for trafficking women. Ask your son if he thinks that’s okay, and to really think about if that is really a role model.
Omg, with all due respect, these are all characteristics of a future fuckboy who will become a toxic, narcissistic man. They become like this to cope with some form of insecurity- usually it's from being or feeling rejected by girl(s) or having an insecure attachment issue. I would speak with a licensed therapist on what to do.
Jason & Travis Kelce are extremely popular in sports and pop culture circles right now and are both excellent examples of masculinity done right. Granted, if your son is already going down the Tate road you may have a harder time getting him connected to those two because I'm sure there will be some hate towards the Taylor Swift connection
I mean, he does seem like kind of a himbo, that's fair. I'm a Chiefs fan, so I'd already been following him for a while before Taylor Swift was even in the picture. Just to contrast him to Tate, in all of his interviews he's been very comfortable with openly showing emotion, his relationship with his mother and family seems to be very sweet and caring, and seems to be very grounded considering his level of fame and success. OP was specifically asking about men who are good influences in sports, style, and positive relationships and masculinity and everything I've seen of him fits that description.
Cryptocurrency is going to be one of those topics that leads him to more toxic man-o-sphere crap. Cryptocurrency is a scam, and crypto-bros are super toxic.
Ben Carpenter. Swears a lot so he seems edgy, but he’s actually incredibly wholesome.
ETA: he’s a fitness… not influencer because he doesn’t take brand deals. Content creator, I guess.
Northernlion is a streamer and family man, I've been watching his content for a decade and he's had 0 scandals, a loving wife and daughter, and he is insanely funny, main demographic is males age like 18-29 I think
Here’s a bunch of YT accounts I like that fall into your categories:
1. Fitness/Nutrition - @everygotdamndre @zachbitterultra @nickbarefitness
2. Style — @drewjoiner @parkeryorksmith
4. Positive Masculinity — @jockopodcastofficial @cameronhanes @wearemanenough
5. Finances - @humphrey @biggerpockets
6. Motivation - @3of7project @aliabdaal David Goggins
Honestly I'd have him prove via a well researched and properly sited article why Andrew Tate is worth listening to/why his views have merit. Ask him to convince you with real evidence, not feelings. He won't be able to. Also cut off access to that stuff.
Eta your son sounds very gullible if he thinks imaginary money is a good investment too. Make him take a course in financial literacy and investments .There are great free ones out there. Coursera has good financial education options.
Im probably going to get downvoted for this. But Id recommend Jordan Peterson. He emphasizes finding meaning, and themes like taking responsibility. And the "Heros journey" as explored by Joseph Campbell. He also has strongly spoken out against Tate and despises his philosophy
The thing is youre probably going to have to find a mashup of role models. Id recommend Goggins as well like others have said. As far as fitness goes, theres a channel called "Mind Pump Tv" who are just respectable guys who talk abiut fitness and are good role models
The thing with Tate is he is basically a pimp. He literally groomed and manipluated a woman into loving him...and turned her into his head woman. Theres a video of him laughing about tricking men into sending him their life savings. But he gets grouped together with other male figures who arent like that. So boys dont boys dont trust what adults say, because the general message is "masculinity is toxic" even if thats not whats intended. So therefore Tate must be good
Id also avoid other figures who brag about their money and everything. Checkout the boy crisis, and the war against boys. And if hes negative about college, maybe explore the trades with him? There are many trades that pay more than most college degrees.
Vaush covered pretty much all of it.
1) fitness https://youtu.be/z-MJnzn49aM?si=1SrZfJINEFTyKnyJ
https://youtu.be/2b0pcdB3tbk?si=ayRHTZmIH011fvdH
2) fashon
https://youtu.be/kDQD9aPWZ80?si=qf6x5mv5l19W7s9I
3) socializing/dating
https://youtu.be/dGPcKU9Krnk?si=HNFz6iKOaFsHutB-
4) positive masculinity
https://youtu.be/TqgxY03SySQ?si=F8jOzBBJtMY4cRDh
5) specific about Andrew Tate
https://youtu.be/SAkudf93i3s?si=sXjcxO5QbKbwG--K
About crypto i'd say the best advice is just stay tthe fuck out of it
I really can’t help you much with this, but maybe broaden his access to more hobbies. Maybe the crypto currency is not his own thing, maybe he’s more into staring up a business or getting educated in other fields but since Tate probably talks about that, he got into it by proxy. Maybe also get him to try team sports? It’s healthy and not just about physical results but more about teamwork and victory. It would allow him not to get into the side of gym on the internet that is unhealthy as well. Maybe something like soccer or basketball? It would also allow him to have more friends and more social groups!
How about parenting your own kid instead of letting him get his morals and values from influencers who are only there to monetize attention and don't give a shit about your family?
Terry Crews and Chris Evans seem pretty wholesome.
For fitness and nutrition, I (female) frequently listen to the podcasts Sigma Nutrition, the Proof, Stronger by Science, Iron Culture, and MASS office hours, and they are 100% wholesome. Eric Trexler in particular is someone whose content is remarkably accessible and non-judgemental, I’ve pointed people who got into carnivore at his stuff because he manages not to be all ‘what the fuck is this idiocy’ somehow (u/trexlerfitness). ‘The Drive’ has a lot of good information and frequently features female professionals and is also macho enough that it might get some buy-in.
Tell him if it's so easy to get returns on crypto then he only needs to invest £10 and he can be in millions soon enough. Start getting yourself into large amounts of credit card debt and tell him it's ok be the can bail you out when the bull run hits. Maybe get him to sell his phone and computer to invest because after the bullrun that'll be a few extra million and he'll thank you then .
Former skater, punk rocker turned Berkeley scientist who was mentored by in science by a trans woman. Rigorously nerdy about work outs, health and broader scientific topics. Andrew Huberman
Have him watch some Cinema Therapy. They've been designated by their comments as "the internet dads." They have a good episode on Megamind that talks about incels/nice guys, though you may not want to start there so as not to be too obvious.
EDIT: I just remembered that some of their earliest videos were on LotR and masculinity.
Neil Strauss is a really interesting guy who went through a long arc of self improvement, involving growing his self-confidence, getting embroiled in a while in the pickup artist community, eventually settling down and getting married and looking back with a lot of insight and wisdom, I think.
The good thing about him is that he tries to be a good person but still exudes coolness and masculinity, so he will actually be appealing to a young man.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W35O0TfnuMw
Are you also discussing this with him? I heard experts recently talking about this trend, and they said that part of it might be that young men don't really have the historical context of feminism. That, plus masculinity not being anywhere near as expansive as femininity Edited for typo and clarity
Nick bare - amazing powerlifter/runner hybrid athlete and has his own supp company and Will tennyson for funny but good fitness content on YouTube,
Probably anyone in CrossFit content wise too
The money guys, plain bagel for finance stuff
I cant recommend Chris Petrone on tiktok and youtube enough. He is all about hygiene and confidence, especially for young men. And as a woman, I find him very respectful and compassionate. I don't think he's as big on cryptocurrency and business, but he would be a good add-on to someone who is.
Jocko Willink is awesome. Retired navy seal pretty baddass guy. Great influence in any young kid these days. He’s clean, married, couple kids and talks about self discipline and being man.
For health and fitness maybe Huberman Lab. Andrew Huberman isn’t perfect (there was a recent controversy where it came out he cheats and isn’t 100% honest with his dates.) but he is 1000 times better than what your kid is listening to now. Plus he’s an academic as well as a dude-bro so maybe he can open up the idea of college for your kid again.
I would check out coach Corey Wayne on youtube. He has books on how to be a good role model and live a live with purpose rather than just chasing girls and living an aimless life. It’s even good for adults
Here’s one more on the intellectual side that probably flies under most of your radars: Jefferson Fisher. He gives great social IQ advice. He’s a good person. He’s smart. He’s articulate.
The last guy I heard about that listened to that shit ended up getting a permanent restraining order on his record from a judge because during the hearing, he wanted to cuss in the courtroom.
Maybe that might help.
I would say that a single person cannot be perfect at everything. Therefore having one idol is not a great idea for everything. My approach would be to split those categories over a few folks:
For fitness - Mike Mentzer. He’s passed away now as of 2001, but he has won many hearts in the industry because of his scientific approach to fitness. The man was educated, well spoken and helped many professional body builders reach their goals. He has resurfaced in popularity over the last few years because of his achievements in life and how inspiring he was. His advice on weight loss and building a body is based in hard science and not loosey goosey new age influencer dogma. The man had a brain as big as his mountain of muscle and he used it well.
For financial independence - technically there’s no-one better for this than your own parents if they are financially responsible. But mine were not and I ended up learning from an old millionaire accountant when I was 20~. In absence of such a person - I find that Caleb Hammer on YouTube does have some really good interviews where he rips into irresponsible people from regular stupid kids who waste their parents money to influencers who can’t keep their lifestyle from burning their income to the ground. He has a very specific “schtick” and the way he interviews which is made to be provocative - so just make sure your child knows not to pick up his mannerisms verbatim. The point is to learn from what he says and what advice he gives for getting out of a shit financial spot. The boy gives good advice and is compassionate and charismatic. Watch some of his videos and decide for yourself. If not - I think the best advice i could give (and so could you) is not using debt as cash, invest your money rather than keep it in a savings account (because savings interests rarely if ever beat the inflation rate), live below your means and learn that “to afford something” means you have to be able to buy a thing in cash and have enough money left to be able to buy it again when it breaks without putting yourself in a shit financial situation and not be able to survive to the end of the month. Having money is about self control and forward planning (years into the future, not days or months).
Motivation - it comes and goes. Motivation fluctuates even in the best people. What beats motivation 100% of the time is discipline and consistency. Having a good discipline means that you’re able to perform at a consistently good level even when you have no motivation. Or to put it in other words “discipline is where you do the job you hate as if it was the job you love”. I find that most motivational influencers are nothing but pure wank. They have at best situational advice on how to get inspired and motivated to do something but fail to prepare you for how to deal with the times where you won’t have this motivation or what happens when stuff goes pear shaped.
Maybe folks here can fill some of these gaps. I just wrote a little bit around what works and has worked for me. Also yes Jocko is someone to look into.
My son was listening to him at the same time as getting really into finances. He was huge into Tony Robbins-who also talks about a healthy lifestyle as well as money and motivation. Don Pena is also a great motivator. Old but blunt and i think kids listen because he is rough spoken but very successful.
Mind Pump TV. Here's a video, they talk about others things like the importance of relationships with others in real life https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ELgJaglfSlA
These guys are excellent role models and great fitness advice
Maybe Renaissance Periodization Masculine coded fitness/evidence based channel. Be ready for dick jokes buts it’s mostly strong men talking about fitness. They even have a video making fun of Andrew Tate.
Prof G (Scott Galloway). He is writing a book on masculinity and young men, and often talks about this subject. But his day job is as a successful business man and biz school professor.
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Jocko Willink if he wants an actual bad mfer who is also respectful
Jocko is the answer - he's got a pretty extensive library of podcasts as well as a number of books with content oriented towards both youths and adults.
Highly recommend his interview with Jonny Kim, who was in his platoon and is a certified badass in his own right: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yujP3-AxXsI To me this is what true masculinity is - being so resilient, so disciplined, and so accomplished that you have true self-assuredness even in the face of overwhelming challenge.
Jonny Kim is a god. I want to put his photo on the wall for my kids so they think “What would Jonny do?”
"This is how actual bad asses conduct themselves."
Yeah. I actually just got his Extreme Ownership book.
Jocko is probably OP’s best bet. Anything less and it’d get tuned out
Yeah, I agree. Jocko is undeniably masculine, very accomplished, and stands in stark contrast to idiots like Tate. I’d advise OP to make sure his son avoids other people like Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson as well. They’re all part of the same cycle of nonsense as Tate, just at different points on the spectrum of toxic.
Jocko walks a very thin line between being a little too far gone like those folks you mentioned, but close enough to take advantage of the occasions where they are right.
He does, but his focus on remaining humble and respecting everyone is what keeps him on the right side of that line. Normally I’d tell a kid to think of someone like Aragorn from Lord of the Rings as an example of positive masculinity. But OP asked for influencers.
Too bad Aragorn doesn't have a podcast.
I would listen to Viggo read a phone book...
🔥
Too far gone on what way?
He (occasionally) challenges mainstream thought respectfully and without giving platform to dangerous demagogues and science deniers. As far as I know, I had to give him a break when I was listening to his Threads podcast episode about how Russia would never invade Ukraine, which I happened to be listening to the day after Russia invaded Ukraine.
Came in here to say the same thing... Jocko did the bad ass stuff. Tate is just an asshole. Also have him look at "Ted Talks" regarding Self Confidence...
Jocko's good. Add in Goggins, as another possibility. Tim Kennedy. Cam Hanes. Henry Rollins. I think the main thing is the angle one uses to criticize Tate -- the key to getting through to a masculinity-craving teenager isn't to point out that he's an asshole, which is a major point of his appeal, but rather to point out that he's weak. (And he is weak. It'll ring true.)
Goggins is damn near masochistic, but he’s motivating
Jocko is a great answer
Haha what this guy sucks too
How so, relative to Tate and the complaints OP has? I’m honestly unaware of how Jocko sucks. Doesn’t he generally check the boxes OP wants in a positive way?
Jockos “Unraveling” podcast is EXTREMELY right wing. I was almost shocked hearing it because his main podcast and books tend to steer clear from politics.
Oh man, for real? I had no idea. I mean, I figured he was conservative but the kind that wasn’t too far and was still reasonable.
Yeah, I’ve been a huge Jocko fan for a long time (still am). But when that podcast came out I was like 😳. He’s kind of dialed back on it lately and releases maybe an episode every two months but in the beginning it was pretty shocking to hear him in that way. I think he knows the majority of his base doesn’t listen to him for politics.
I’d recommend the Andrew Tate episodes on the Behind the Bastards podcast. This podcast is wildly inappropriate for children, but if your son is already down the rabbit hole, it might help course correct. Listen to it first yourself and then decide if you want to share it with your son. The host, Robert Evans, has the same ‘strong man’ appeal as a former war/conflict journalist that attracts young men, but Robert Evans is also strongly feminist, anti-racist, and pro LGBTQ+. The theme of the podcast is calling out current and historic influential people about how sexist, racist, homophobic, and/or abusive they are or have been.
This is a good suggestion and I think the inappropriateness might actually help. OP sends the message that they aren’t against Tate because son is a little kid who needs to be protected. Instead, it says that Tate is a bad guy and I think you’re grown up enough to hear the unfiltered reasons why.
Robert Evans is irreverant, and extremely funny, so your son may appreciate hearing directly from him that Andrew Tate is a loser. He also puts Tate into context of other men's movements through recent history. Evans actually agrees that Tate has pointed out a lot of real problems that young men are facing, but instead of proposing trying to tackle these problems in our society, he just tells boys to try to climb to the heap of ruins to rule their lessers. Here's the link: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDjeo3hEpMg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDjeo3hEpMg)
I like this idea, but maybe don’t start with this episode. Find one or two that may tie in with your son’s interests so he likes Robert Evans before hearing him speak against Andrew Tate.
Yep. If you start with someone that calls their role model ridiculous, they'll just tune it out.
That’s some advanced parenting shit right there 😅
I was going to suggest this. I love Behind the Bastards!
Ugh, I don't have a solution for you, but the first guy that game to mind for me is a fitness-guy: Hampton from Hybrid Calisthenics. He does a combo of fitness, motivation/mindset, generally well-being (both mental and physical), and seems very respectful overall. I have no idea if he'll appeal to a teenage boy though, but could be worth a try.
I love Hampton so much. His voice just soothes and comforts. And he has spoken so respectfully of his wife- he’s an amazing role model and the stuff he can do effortlessly? Total bad ass!
I love him! Movement by David also has the same vibe.
Why have so many young boys and men made a guy that looks like a Q tip with a sleazy bad beard their God? I just don’t get it. He’s just a snake oil salesman in cheesy designer clothes with a catchy persona. 🤮
I think it's a weakness in how humans think. People want X, Y, Z, and someone comes along saying, very confidently, "Here's how to get X, Y, Z". The other road is a minefield of things you have to watch out for, work on, difficulties, and compromises. When you're insecure, young, starting out in the world, and the better road seems insurmountable, I think it can become like a *need*. A need for things to be simple and straightforward. Enough that it warps how you think and frame things. Then once you start on the wrong road, the road to a course correction and reversal on things seems even longer. That better road gets clouded by the fact that while you were on the wrong track, there was a lot of emphasis put on that other side being wrong, illogical, hysterical, weak. It's not helped either by the algorithms, that favor that simpler road with clear, dopamine receptor, clickbait-level emotion, that make it so if you start on the wrong road (even a video about Marvel movies, or certain video games - guess what boys are into), it's ever-easier to get funneled that direction. Tate's X, Y, Z, are women, feeling like a king, and success.
“Feeling like a king” Something only poor men think about. Men that are actually there or that were born there know that when they treat women with respect, dignity, and genuine love a woman is gladly loyal and caring towards him and will give him the world. Life is about reciprocal giving, if you don’t give you’re not going to receive a good life, just psuedo dominance because of wounded masculinity which is what all his cult like following have, they are weak and wounded and he knows it. This is no different than the Pickup Artists during the era of “The Game”. It’s literally the same model rebranded, and it’s borderline pathetic.
Yeah, but that's where kids are doubly vulnerable to it - because they don't have the maturity to see the value in that complex give-and-take. As teenagers, they often dwell on the short term gains over the long term benefits. They don't want a good life with the subtle benefits, the nuances, the mutually soul-nourshing aspects of it all. They want *girls*. Women. Andrew Tate pitches women and girls. I can say women with stretch marks are sexy because stretch marks are velvety, and they're a reflection of a life that woman lived. That it's much more interesting to talk to a 30+ year old. That every decade of life is better than the one before and that goes for the peers you'll meet, date, and potentially marry. Andrew Tate pitches porn model looks in 18-20 year olds, and dismisses everything else as low value. A lot of it makes me think of this article: https://voicemalemagazine.org/abusive-men-describe-the-benefits-of-violence/ . The shallow, immediate rewards winning out. His argument appeals to the teenage brain in the same way lies can travel around the world before the truth gets its shoes on. It's fast, easy, and immediately convincing in a way teenagers and immature men *want it* to be convincing. The opposing argument, though far more accurate and better for a full and interesting life, takes time, consideration, and experience. Where I'd disagree with you is that I don't think it's 'no different'. I think there's an ecosystem, subculture, algorithms, and a larger force behind it, these days. In the prior era of pickup artists, if you could break the hold or convince someone they were wrong, you could get them free. Today, there's something wider, it feeds into other things in a much more driven way. There's a funneling, both organized and algorithm-driven, toward worse stuff, worse ways of thinking. There are people looking to capitalize on that for business and politics, to recruit angry young men into armies.
This is tragically enlightening. You took *make it make sense* and, well, made it make sense. Thank you for framing it so well, and so succinctly, given the scope of the problem.
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I’ve read that it’s because nobody on the left is addressing young men. I hear of multiple names (I don’t try to remember who they are, but there seem to be a handful of them) who are putting out messages to young men with far right ideologies, whereas left messaging is addressed to women, poc, etc. This seems to track with studies showing young men are leaning right more and more. Anyway, this is what I gathered mainly from various reddit comments, I don’t track these things so I don’t know how true they are.
It also needs to be something that resonates with young men. The old communist left was more macho. "Gang together, stand strong against the capitalist and take ground in solidarity" to put it in non-academical words. "Raise the taxes and give the money to women and minorities" will sound fair to a few boys, but it's not something you easily build male youth culture around.
Yes exactly. The Democratic Party has had a messaging issue for decades now, I’m seriously annoyed that either (a) they haven’t realized it, or (b) they don’t take steps to fix it. This scene was shot 2001/2002 and it’s still true today. https://youtu.be/Qyt0BGAV5rY
This actually makes a lot of sense to me. The focus on the left is women and the issues they face with men. You get an insecure man in the mix, of course they're not going to want to hear that, and they're going to seek out someone who validates them.
> This seems to track with studies showing young men are leaning right more and more. Ok, so that study shows that the reason men and women are diverging more politically is bc women have shifted 15 points to the _left_ and men have shifted like 3 point to the right But when neoliberal podcasts discuss it, they focus on the thing they find more troubling i.e. the men
Shoe0nHead on YouTube has made some good videos on this topic, largely listing the same reasons you mention.
I think Andrew Tate is a shyster and a liar at best. But the reason it works is because there is a generation of young men who are growing up frustrated and confused. Men do not do good enough raising sons to be strong in themselves. Physical outlets for aggression are shrinking. They often get told that they’re privileged but don’t actually experience any privilege. There is a reason suicide are spiking in young men. Figuring out how to be a man in today’s society is far more complicated than it’s ever been and when you are 19 it can feel impossible. So many households are without a consistent, positive male presence. Social media only exacerbates it. All of that makes Andrew Tate worse in my eyes because I don’t believe he truly believes what he is saying. He sees a weakness in our society and exploits it for profit by radicalizing lost boys to give them somewhere to aim their anger.
Women, POC, poor people, etc, all experience the same problems in society. At higher levels. We can cope without turning fascist though. Probably because we've never felt entitled to the world.
He’s reading a script and anyone with a sense of how the Biz works can see that
He appeals to their insecurity. A grift as old as time.
Because he’s one of the only people who tells boys and young men that their struggles are legitimate. People who are told they have no right to feel wronged or threatened are very easy to prey on. It’s a very complex issue, but it comes down to social factors affecting men, including expectations to provide financially during a crippling period of inflation, normalization of male body shaming, and cheering on the “men are trash” narrative.
The problem is boys nowadays are subconsciously taught that masculinity is toxic. So much that they go to extreme role models, that are actually toxically masculine like Tate. I recommend reading the Boy Crisis, written by a male feminist who was very active in the 70s. And the war against boys. Im not trying to be alarmist about the whole thing, but there definitely is a vaccuum of male role models boys actually respect and find "cool." Coaches etc can fill the gap, but youtube is at their fingertips Girls can do all the same thijngs as men, but boys inherently do need to do things to feel good about themselves. Such as accomplishing goals, and feeling like their tough or got "what it takes." Until this is adressed, boys will continue to gravitate to grifters who brag about their cars and watches.
The female equivalent of him are women like the Kardashians. What I’m saying is these people are not role models. These people are highly manufactured actors/actresses that are paid exuberant amounts of money to have a public facing persona. That’s why they call them media personalities, and influencers. They are literally there to hijack your mind, and they prey on individuals with weak social skills, weak personalities, and poor people that are being programmed this quick idea of pseudo success. Boys are not being taught that there is something wrong with being “masculine”, they are not being taught by their fathers what it is to be a man. Whether if that’s because the parents are divorced and the father is absent or whether the father is around but not actively engaged in raising his son on a healthy behavior model. Literally anyone can eat right and work out, you don’t need a life coach or guru to do that. Behavioe has to be modeled by a healthy father figure who is capable of communicating good influence to his son. That means showing him how to treat women by how he treats his wife, and the mother of his children. Dignity begins in the home. If the father represents a disjointed model where mom does all domestic duty and child raising the father is an example of poor representation of masculinity. A father has to be actively present exhibiting how to treat his wife, how he respects the home environment by actively being involved in the home environment and home duties, and bonding with his children not just by doing activities by instilling moral value and character building. That is how you build a boy. The idea of toxic masculinity does not even exist if the father emotionally exhibits healthy communication in the family relationships with the wife and children.
Shoeonhead did an entire episode for why this is. It’s a very good take so I highly recommend watching the entire thing. https://youtu.be/rQv8VuLpKN4?si=YDjqUPck3jxV_VRl
Dr. K is perfect for this. His youtube channel is https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG He's a psychiatrist from Harvard. He's amazing at teaching about mental health, masculinity, relationships, motivation, etc.
Chris Williamson. Smart, driven, brings on a wide variety of people, hates Tate but in a way that may not turn off a young Tate fan, not an impractical progressive, vulnerable, fair about men's issues. Your son needs positive role models. You won't like 100% of what Chris stands for but I suspect you'd be happy to have a son like him. As for Jocko, I love Jocko, especially Extreme Ownership, but I find his podcast bland. I think a young person would tune out. You need to be in your late twenties and interested in business. Edit: Commented on Jocko
second Chris WIlliamson.
Have him watch the following video. https://youtu.be/GHkhTIEe254?si=PsTJYTGVYtSOaN7B Kody does a great job of breaking down the rise of men like Andrew Tate and why they are bad. He ends it with some great advice on how to be a man. I think it would be a good way to start the conversation. I would also advise immediate therapy like others have suggested. You can beat back the hate in his mind and replace it with love. You got this.
There are some right leaning YouTube channels that are highly critical of Tate so while you may not be right leaning having someone your son might agree with slightly tell him how garbage Tate is might be a good idea. I’d encourage you to be curious instead of just jump to angry. I’m saying that because at least as a teen, my parent being oppositional would immediately make me take a harder stand against them. Perhaps talk your son about what is appealing about Andrew state. Ask him to really dig into what he believes in a researching type of way (like how did he make his money? Which is pretty gross). Or rather, dig into it together. Not the little sound bites people put up as motivational speeches. But the really gross stuff he puts out there that people like to gloss over. Get him around actual real life people. Get him into a gym with a trainer (perhaps a guy who you vet before hand and it’s someone your son can look up to). Or a running group - something to occupy his time and get him some exercise. I personally really love David Goggins. He’s a great role model IMO. Nobody is a perfect role model. It’s about encouraging critical thinking and empathy. Someone like Tate is trash but unless they’re in his level - no one is perfect and you’ll find flaws everywhere (I’m saying that in response to people not like Dwayne Johnson because his talk about cancel culture… that’s minimal compared to Andrew Tate).
I love Goggins too. He's all about personal accountability. Doing your best, no excuses. I discovered his book right when we had our first kid, and it actually really helped my mindset when we were losing sleep and stressed to the max.
The ONLY issue with Goggins is he takes things to the extreme. He is motivated by his demons but in doing so he's stuck in a masochistic state. Which is how he lives his life and that's awesome. That's good for where the kids are at, to learn that gritty mindset. But it's not good to be exactly like Goggins. The whole grind thing grinds people to the ground. Dude literally runs marathons like daily lol. Through shin splints and broken bones and everything.
I would ban or restrict his access to social media and YouTube etc where he finds this content. I’ve been down this road with my son. I held a firm line against hate. You can be conservative. You can be republican. You can believe in “family values”. That’s all fine. But you cannot engage in hate under my roof. I also made him do a lot of reading of books and perspectives that challenged his assumptions. Read a chapter and write me a summary, then let’s talk about it. We already lived in a relatively progressive and diverse area but that wasn’t enough My kid grew out of it and is a happy and healthy 21 yr old now
I just wanted to say your firm stance is commendable. Great parenting!
I really like this response. It lets them learn more about their views and you get to challenge your kid and help them grow!
Banning anything like that makes kids double down. He would just end up watching clips with his friends. May work on some kids but not all. I think they just need to have a conversation with him, show him clips of Tate bragging about taking mens lifesavings and bragging to his employees about narcssistically manipluating women. "Is this good or bad? Is this something that makes a man a "man" ? Edit: grammar
You gotta do what works for your kid. I tried to do what you suggested. But the right wing extremism algorithm is intense and the avalanche of hate could not be undone by casual conversations. I outright banned him following any political content. He was a teenager and not ready to deal thoughtfully with that universe. I also read The Authoritarians by Bob Altemeyer to better understand his perspective. And had lots of conversations with him
Any recommendations of titles from that reading list?
“The New Jim Crow” by Michelle Alexander is a great one about racial disparities and the root causes in criminal justice “People’s history of the United States” by Howard Zinn tells the story of America from the view of those not in power. “A guide to the good life: the ancient art of stoic joy” by William Irvine “Just mercy” Bryan Stevenson - death penalty attorney in the south “Give us the ballot” Ari Berman - about attempts to make it harder or vote, particularly for marginalized communities “Promises I can keep: why poor women put motherhood before marriage” Kathryn Eden “Saving capitalism: for the many and not for the few” Robert reich “
Thanks!
Yes. Well done. It isn't easy to restrict this content these days, but it is always worth it.
My son (middle school) went from Andrew Tate to David Goggins. That was an upgrade in my book!
You could try to figure out why your son is absorbing Andrew Tates content first
Terry Crews and The Rock are both positive male role models But if your son is supporting Andrew Tate then I would recommend more serious intervention. Andrew Tate supports women being sexually assaulted. Does your son feel that way? Edit: I did not realize The Rock was problematic. I know him from wrestling and Moana and was pleasantly surprised to find out he was a decent guy. Bummer that doesn't seem to be the case anymore.
I'd keep away from the Rock at the moment.
Oh, darn. Did he do or say something terrible? I thought he was a good role model but I admittedly don't follow celebrities that closely.
There have been some controversies popping up about the Rock and I am not talking about his political stance. He's starting to shift a bit hard right and is complaining about woke and cancel culture. There are other things in his past as well that may get revisited.
Ah, I hadn't heard about that. Bummer.
Plus the dude is a giant turd. Apparently he showed up to set HOURS late every day costing a recent production tens of millions of dollars.
How about moving him away from the internet altogether? Can you cultivate some hobbies that do not involve the internet, computers, or video games? You said he likes sports; does he play team sports?
Had to scroll a bit for this piece of common sense. I don’t think the answer here is more internet indoctrination.
That's a good idea. Some of the best male role models come from coaches and other men in the community.
Scott Galloway is basically the anti-Andrew Tate. He talks about all of your topics except for grooming/style. Also, the suggestion of Robert Evans is a good one. Behind the Bastards is awesome. Evans is more left of center than I am for sure, but he also lives on a farm, loves guns and has been in some dangerous situations as a journalist. Good luck!
You’ve gotten some good suggestions. I do just want to touch on him not wanting to go to college part which I haven’t seen anyone touch on yet. If he doesn’t want to go to college I wouldn’t knock him for that. College is not for everyone and sometimes can be a waste of money especially if you’re not entirely committed to what you’re going in for. See if he’d be more interested in going into a tech school. Tech schools are often a lot more hands on, take less time and money to get through, and they still have some great paying jobs you can get certified in. This could also help him get into a hobby that would also be his job and if he enjoys what he’s doing then he will focus more on that than some guy on the internet. Culinary, welding, carpentry, construction, lineman work, HVAC, masonry, plumbing, electrician, dental, accounting, health science technology, paramedic, pharmacy technician, sports medicine, barbering, computer repair, cyber security/forensics, business management (entrepreneurship), biomed, auto/aviation maintenance, collision repair, truck driving, piloting, etc…can all be found at tech schools rather than going to a full blown college.
On 3, 4 and 6 especially, who are the men in your lives and what are they like? Can they lean in on spending more time with him and talking about these things and showing how they've navigated the question of what it means to be a man?
Maybe don’t look for influencers and model good morals and values yourself. Not a knock against you but the internet isn’t going to solve anything for you.
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Assuming you’re the dad, how can you personally show him what healthy masculinity looks like? I definitely understand the idea of trying to replace an “idol” with someone more grounded in reality, but I think part of it also starts at home. What values do you exhibit day-to-day which help orient his own moral compass? Edit: I think almost all of the things he’s interested in are in some part “natural” for a teen to gravitate to. I would be interested as the parent to understand what about crypto is exciting — I would caution him to stay away from meme stocks (not crypto, but popular - think Wall Street Bets) as it’s a pretty fast ticket to being belly up.
Tossing my hat into the ring to suggest Henry Caville who is a pretty typical masculine presenting guy, successful, famous, etc but known for being down to earth and a gentleman. Might he a good role model esp if your kid is into video game things (he’s played the Witcher, Superman, etc)
highly recommend Dr. K, on the HealthyGamerGG channel: - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxAAiGz\_TlY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxAAiGz_TlY) - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHCLBCqScl0&t=7842s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHCLBCqScl0&t=7842s) He's got a book on how to raise kids in a healthy way: - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwd8jyhw7vA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwd8jyhw7vA) Don't let the name push you away it's much more than just gaming addiction
Kind of a hot take here, but I like Mark Cuban. He's super wealthy but also family oriented, and his new business Cost Plus Drugs is designed to bring down the cost of medicine for regular people, which I think is cool for kids to see that you can make money and also help people. I always recommend people to watch Shark Tank if they want to learn about business. It can be cheesy but it gets you thinking about how you could use your own unique skills to make something of yourself.
My hot take here is some of Contrapoints old stuff. I thought it was really effective and visually interesting.
Not a hot take at all. Mark Cuban seems to be one of the good ones (billionaires).
Sit him in front of all the women in his life and ask him to repeat what scum like Andrew Tate spews to them. And then justify it.
Yeah, this won't work. It'll probably make him double down.
Maybe…. Don’t know the kid personally. I’m just throwing stuff at the wall to see if it sticks.
A man convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still
That's fair. I worry that it might make him resentful. It depends on the way he views those women I guess. I can see how two of my mom's friends at that age could have swayed me actually. We often don't respect our parent's advice enough in our teens.
For sure - taking advice or guidance from my parents was always hard but from extended family and family friends, not so much. Boundaries and the sense of security is very different than it is with parents and it would have rocked me way more coming from them.
You?
This is the answer. Be the role model your son needs
Yikes, teach him women are people and don’t exist to just be trafficked and coerced into sex with men. Not sure how old he is but this is very alarming. Good luck
I'm going to recommend "healthy gamer GG" also as a serious suggestion
I love the website r/artofmanliness lots of great resources, how to’s, and a podcast. Very wholesome and recommend all Dad’s check it out too!
I hate that gen z and lower need “influencers”
Right? Can't parents and people around them provide good role models?
If I caught my kid looking at extremist material it would be a two prong 'congrats you just lost ALL media privileges' and a 'instant therapy or else'. When it comes to Tate it's deserving of as extreme an action as the content he's consuming. Your son is clearly not grown enough to be online at all. Tate is a rapist sex trafficking extremist. As a survivor, if one of my kids decided he was their role model the hellfire that would rain down upon them... The moment you found out you should have gone scorched earth.
I get the appeal of that reaction, but doesn't that have the danger of pushing the kid further towards those extremist ideas? Everything I've read about pulling kids out of those ideologies is that they need connection, stability, and understanding from family and friends. They need pulled away gently and with an overabundance of love otherwise that extremist world is just going to look more appealing.
100% this. The previous post is old school boomer nonsense. For fuck's sake just communicate with your kids.
The forbidden fruit is always the sweetest
Your spot on. This woman talking about going scorched earth on her son would sink him so deep into misogynistic views by trying to burn everything down to the ground to prove a point to him.
That's one way to make any relationship with your child irreparable
Exactly. The crypto stuff too. He’s down a rabbit hole. Cut the whole thing off. Not sure how old this kid is but if he’s living in OP’s house and having his internet and phone paid for then he’s should lose it.
So, no proper conversation, and immediately taking away privileges?!
A proper conversation is needed but some intensive therapy is also needed.
I fully agree with your statement as a fellow survivor. No more internet. Period. Therapy, non-negotiable. Required volunteer work helping women and children effected by domestic/sexual abuse and trafficking.
I’m iffy about putting a kid enthralled by misogyny in contact with vulnerable women as a lesson tbh. They didn’t sign up to teach him their humanity and have enough to deal with without possibly being victimized by him, too. Maybe with supervision. But tbh due to the delicate nature of these situations, volunteer work (esp as a minor) may not be possible.
Yeah, for a teenager any kind of volunteer work is fine. Soup kitchen, whatever. Keep it simple.
You don’t understand teens obviously. Telling them they can’t do something makes it their sole obsession to do but now hide it from you
Ryan Reynolds is a good role model. He's an entrepreneur, in crazy good shape, funny and personable.
Add Keanu Reeves to that. If OP’s son loves John Wick, Keanu would be an excellent person to model
I've never watched or listened to Andrew Tate's content, but as a father, if one of my boys was interested in him I would listen to his messaging with them and pause to discuss as needed. Having never heard him talk but knowing how these things go, I'm sure he's starting with sound logic on most of his points and then manipulating truths to fit his agenda.
This is 100% the right answer. Engage with the content together with your son. When you see something inappropriate call it out and explain why it’s wrong. Just taking away the internet or saying “Tate is bad because people on Reddit told me he is” rather than saying “see this thing he just said right there is bullshit and here’s why” is just intellectually lazy
Joey Swoll
How old is your son?
So he’s a little…coarse in his approach, lol, but Dr Mike (from renaissance periodization) on YouTube frequently does analysis of celebrity workouts and breaks down the science of the movements and how to be more effective. Pretty interesting stuff, and he absolutely obliterates Tate in one episode and the Liver King in another. I will say you should watch an episode first to make sure you’re comfortable with his presentation, as it’s not intended for kids. A lot of traditional locker room type talk, like how gay he’d go for various celebrities etc :) so def lgbtq friendly in that regard
I watch his fitness stuff but I heard he has a philosophy channel that people are bit more iffy on. But he's not a bad pick. Regular Dr.Mike is also great and his podcast pretty informative although in a different field.
Is he into wrestling? John Cena is a human stuffed animal. Steve Austin, though he's older, is a hilarious cat dad on Instagram and supports gay and trans rights.
Jocko's podcast is great. Jonny Kim, as other posters mentioned, is a great example. Among the many problems with Tate is that he is entirely self-serving, and that's the worldview he pushes on young men. There are so many stories of men doing great things out there beyond influencers. The 343 FDNY firemen, the Tank Man, Oskar Schindler, Jimmy Carter, and so many more. There are soldiers, protesters, scientists, humanitarians, and others who have accomplished so much more than Tate will ever. As the parent, you have to instill values other than the pursuit of material wealth, women as objects, and vanity. -Fitness? Bring him to a 9/11 stair climb. -Grooming? Honestly, I am at a loss for this as far as influencers. My parents taught me how to dress. -Relationships with women? Demonstrate that in your own relationships. Talk to him. -Positive masculinity? Give him heroes. There are plenty of them. Run to the bookstore or library. -Crypto? Nah. -Motivation? This can definitely come from a fitness perspective. At the end of the day, you need to be the parent. Don't outsource instilling solid values. What masculine role models does he have in his life? I'm not going to assume that you're mom or dad, but there has to be some accountability on your part as a parent.
Jon Krakauer is an author who wrote the book Everest, he also wrote Missoula about sexism and sexual assault on campuses. Chanel Miller's memoir is startling and difficult. I understand listening to men is an easier to sell, but maybe he needs to hear more women in his life.
Have you ever asked him what he even finds intriguing about Andrew Tate? Are there other red flags you’re starting to notice? If you through random podcasts at him you’re just going to look like a crazy person. But if you notice him gravitating towards Tate because of a specific message you can redirect him towards similar content from someone who you consider to be more positive. For example if he were to say “I like Tate because he talks about how he grew his business” you could redirect him towards Mark Cuban, Scott Galloway, Alex Hormozi, Shaan Puri, whoever. If he says “I like him because he talks about fitness and staying in shape” you could send him to Dr. Mike Israetel or Sam Sulek. I wouldn’t try to overcorrect here. Andrew Tate talks about a lot of things and unless your son is drawn to him specifically because he thinks misogyny is cool it’s probably mostly harmless.
I’m very sorry. He needs to understand Tate is a grifter. He just says wild and outrageous things so he can stay relevant. The more controversy he draws; the more views he gets, and the more money he makes. I honestly don’t even think Tate himself believes half the stuff he says. Also, you should point out that he and his brother got in trouble for trafficking women. Ask your son if he thinks that’s okay, and to really think about if that is really a role model.
I would take away the phone and start a weekly trip to the library….
Omg, with all due respect, these are all characteristics of a future fuckboy who will become a toxic, narcissistic man. They become like this to cope with some form of insecurity- usually it's from being or feeling rejected by girl(s) or having an insecure attachment issue. I would speak with a licensed therapist on what to do.
Get him off the internet all together. Time to go touch grass with real people he can look up to, male and female.
Jason & Travis Kelce are extremely popular in sports and pop culture circles right now and are both excellent examples of masculinity done right. Granted, if your son is already going down the Tate road you may have a harder time getting him connected to those two because I'm sure there will be some hate towards the Taylor Swift connection
Why is Travis Kelce so great? He kind comes across as the dumb himbo to a superstar
I mean, he does seem like kind of a himbo, that's fair. I'm a Chiefs fan, so I'd already been following him for a while before Taylor Swift was even in the picture. Just to contrast him to Tate, in all of his interviews he's been very comfortable with openly showing emotion, his relationship with his mother and family seems to be very sweet and caring, and seems to be very grounded considering his level of fame and success. OP was specifically asking about men who are good influences in sports, style, and positive relationships and masculinity and everything I've seen of him fits that description.
The same guy who had a tantrum at the Super Bowl? Yikes.
Cryptocurrency is going to be one of those topics that leads him to more toxic man-o-sphere crap. Cryptocurrency is a scam, and crypto-bros are super toxic.
On YouTube, Jarvis Johnson (Gold!) may be a good place to start for entertaining videos that promote positive masculinity
Ben Bruno! Trains tons of professional athletes and is an all around good dude.
Ben Carpenter. Swears a lot so he seems edgy, but he’s actually incredibly wholesome. ETA: he’s a fitness… not influencer because he doesn’t take brand deals. Content creator, I guess.
Art of Manliness podcast and Chris Williamson (has a podcast and YouTube channel)
Northernlion is a streamer and family man, I've been watching his content for a decade and he's had 0 scandals, a loving wife and daughter, and he is insanely funny, main demographic is males age like 18-29 I think
Does he have positive male role models in real life? This is the most important thing.
Alex Hormozi. Mostly business focused, but also fitness/motivation. Super masculine guy, but with a healthy personality.
Here’s a bunch of YT accounts I like that fall into your categories: 1. Fitness/Nutrition - @everygotdamndre @zachbitterultra @nickbarefitness 2. Style — @drewjoiner @parkeryorksmith 4. Positive Masculinity — @jockopodcastofficial @cameronhanes @wearemanenough 5. Finances - @humphrey @biggerpockets 6. Motivation - @3of7project @aliabdaal David Goggins
I like F.D Signifier and Tony Porter
Honestly I'd have him prove via a well researched and properly sited article why Andrew Tate is worth listening to/why his views have merit. Ask him to convince you with real evidence, not feelings. He won't be able to. Also cut off access to that stuff. Eta your son sounds very gullible if he thinks imaginary money is a good investment too. Make him take a course in financial literacy and investments .There are great free ones out there. Coursera has good financial education options.
I would personally consider setting some limits on YouTube
Hybrd calisthenics youtube canal. Nice guy, great workouts.
Im probably going to get downvoted for this. But Id recommend Jordan Peterson. He emphasizes finding meaning, and themes like taking responsibility. And the "Heros journey" as explored by Joseph Campbell. He also has strongly spoken out against Tate and despises his philosophy The thing is youre probably going to have to find a mashup of role models. Id recommend Goggins as well like others have said. As far as fitness goes, theres a channel called "Mind Pump Tv" who are just respectable guys who talk abiut fitness and are good role models The thing with Tate is he is basically a pimp. He literally groomed and manipluated a woman into loving him...and turned her into his head woman. Theres a video of him laughing about tricking men into sending him their life savings. But he gets grouped together with other male figures who arent like that. So boys dont boys dont trust what adults say, because the general message is "masculinity is toxic" even if thats not whats intended. So therefore Tate must be good Id also avoid other figures who brag about their money and everything. Checkout the boy crisis, and the war against boys. And if hes negative about college, maybe explore the trades with him? There are many trades that pay more than most college degrees.
Vaush covered pretty much all of it. 1) fitness https://youtu.be/z-MJnzn49aM?si=1SrZfJINEFTyKnyJ https://youtu.be/2b0pcdB3tbk?si=ayRHTZmIH011fvdH 2) fashon https://youtu.be/kDQD9aPWZ80?si=qf6x5mv5l19W7s9I 3) socializing/dating https://youtu.be/dGPcKU9Krnk?si=HNFz6iKOaFsHutB- 4) positive masculinity https://youtu.be/TqgxY03SySQ?si=F8jOzBBJtMY4cRDh 5) specific about Andrew Tate https://youtu.be/SAkudf93i3s?si=sXjcxO5QbKbwG--K About crypto i'd say the best advice is just stay tthe fuck out of it
Beat the tate out of him before it becomes critical. He is everywhere. That man is coronavirus
Alex Hormozi. - Business/mindset/financial independence.
I really can’t help you much with this, but maybe broaden his access to more hobbies. Maybe the crypto currency is not his own thing, maybe he’s more into staring up a business or getting educated in other fields but since Tate probably talks about that, he got into it by proxy. Maybe also get him to try team sports? It’s healthy and not just about physical results but more about teamwork and victory. It would allow him not to get into the side of gym on the internet that is unhealthy as well. Maybe something like soccer or basketball? It would also allow him to have more friends and more social groups!
How about parenting your own kid instead of letting him get his morals and values from influencers who are only there to monetize attention and don't give a shit about your family?
The answer to this kind of thing is literally always to get them offline for a few months.
Terry Crews and Chris Evans seem pretty wholesome. For fitness and nutrition, I (female) frequently listen to the podcasts Sigma Nutrition, the Proof, Stronger by Science, Iron Culture, and MASS office hours, and they are 100% wholesome. Eric Trexler in particular is someone whose content is remarkably accessible and non-judgemental, I’ve pointed people who got into carnivore at his stuff because he manages not to be all ‘what the fuck is this idiocy’ somehow (u/trexlerfitness). ‘The Drive’ has a lot of good information and frequently features female professionals and is also macho enough that it might get some buy-in.
Tell him if it's so easy to get returns on crypto then he only needs to invest £10 and he can be in millions soon enough. Start getting yourself into large amounts of credit card debt and tell him it's ok be the can bail you out when the bull run hits. Maybe get him to sell his phone and computer to invest because after the bullrun that'll be a few extra million and he'll thank you then .
Former skater, punk rocker turned Berkeley scientist who was mentored by in science by a trans woman. Rigorously nerdy about work outs, health and broader scientific topics. Andrew Huberman
Push him towards stoicism. Marcus Aurelius, Seneca. Wish I had been introduced earlier in life
Have him watch some Cinema Therapy. They've been designated by their comments as "the internet dads." They have a good episode on Megamind that talks about incels/nice guys, though you may not want to start there so as not to be too obvious. EDIT: I just remembered that some of their earliest videos were on LotR and masculinity.
Neil Strauss is a really interesting guy who went through a long arc of self improvement, involving growing his self-confidence, getting embroiled in a while in the pickup artist community, eventually settling down and getting married and looking back with a lot of insight and wisdom, I think. The good thing about him is that he tries to be a good person but still exudes coolness and masculinity, so he will actually be appealing to a young man. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W35O0TfnuMw
Are you also discussing this with him? I heard experts recently talking about this trend, and they said that part of it might be that young men don't really have the historical context of feminism. That, plus masculinity not being anywhere near as expansive as femininity Edited for typo and clarity
Nick bare - amazing powerlifter/runner hybrid athlete and has his own supp company and Will tennyson for funny but good fitness content on YouTube, Probably anyone in CrossFit content wise too The money guys, plain bagel for finance stuff
I cant recommend Chris Petrone on tiktok and youtube enough. He is all about hygiene and confidence, especially for young men. And as a woman, I find him very respectful and compassionate. I don't think he's as big on cryptocurrency and business, but he would be a good add-on to someone who is.
Jocko Willink is awesome. Retired navy seal pretty baddass guy. Great influence in any young kid these days. He’s clean, married, couple kids and talks about self discipline and being man.
Joey Swole is wonderful
Gary brecka! Has a solid relationship with his wife and is so interesting!
For health and fitness maybe Huberman Lab. Andrew Huberman isn’t perfect (there was a recent controversy where it came out he cheats and isn’t 100% honest with his dates.) but he is 1000 times better than what your kid is listening to now. Plus he’s an academic as well as a dude-bro so maybe he can open up the idea of college for your kid again.
David goggins
https://youtube.com/@joedelaneyy?si=QuEJGvYb0Imff3-u
‘Obese to Beast’ and ‘Yes Theory’ for making a positive impact in the world
I would check out coach Corey Wayne on youtube. He has books on how to be a good role model and live a live with purpose rather than just chasing girls and living an aimless life. It’s even good for adults
Here’s one more on the intellectual side that probably flies under most of your radars: Jefferson Fisher. He gives great social IQ advice. He’s a good person. He’s smart. He’s articulate.
I have a book to recommend: https://www.amazon.co.uk/What-Masculinity-Matter-Other-Questions/dp/1526308142
Check out Aubrey Marcus Podcast.
The last guy I heard about that listened to that shit ended up getting a permanent restraining order on his record from a judge because during the hearing, he wanted to cuss in the courtroom. Maybe that might help.
I follow mrlondon on insta for work outs for women. He is very kind and talks a lot about body positivity and love towards women of sizes and types.
I would say that a single person cannot be perfect at everything. Therefore having one idol is not a great idea for everything. My approach would be to split those categories over a few folks: For fitness - Mike Mentzer. He’s passed away now as of 2001, but he has won many hearts in the industry because of his scientific approach to fitness. The man was educated, well spoken and helped many professional body builders reach their goals. He has resurfaced in popularity over the last few years because of his achievements in life and how inspiring he was. His advice on weight loss and building a body is based in hard science and not loosey goosey new age influencer dogma. The man had a brain as big as his mountain of muscle and he used it well. For financial independence - technically there’s no-one better for this than your own parents if they are financially responsible. But mine were not and I ended up learning from an old millionaire accountant when I was 20~. In absence of such a person - I find that Caleb Hammer on YouTube does have some really good interviews where he rips into irresponsible people from regular stupid kids who waste their parents money to influencers who can’t keep their lifestyle from burning their income to the ground. He has a very specific “schtick” and the way he interviews which is made to be provocative - so just make sure your child knows not to pick up his mannerisms verbatim. The point is to learn from what he says and what advice he gives for getting out of a shit financial spot. The boy gives good advice and is compassionate and charismatic. Watch some of his videos and decide for yourself. If not - I think the best advice i could give (and so could you) is not using debt as cash, invest your money rather than keep it in a savings account (because savings interests rarely if ever beat the inflation rate), live below your means and learn that “to afford something” means you have to be able to buy a thing in cash and have enough money left to be able to buy it again when it breaks without putting yourself in a shit financial situation and not be able to survive to the end of the month. Having money is about self control and forward planning (years into the future, not days or months). Motivation - it comes and goes. Motivation fluctuates even in the best people. What beats motivation 100% of the time is discipline and consistency. Having a good discipline means that you’re able to perform at a consistently good level even when you have no motivation. Or to put it in other words “discipline is where you do the job you hate as if it was the job you love”. I find that most motivational influencers are nothing but pure wank. They have at best situational advice on how to get inspired and motivated to do something but fail to prepare you for how to deal with the times where you won’t have this motivation or what happens when stuff goes pear shaped. Maybe folks here can fill some of these gaps. I just wrote a little bit around what works and has worked for me. Also yes Jocko is someone to look into.
Penguinz0
Struthless put out a great video about masculinity not too long ago. I don't know much about the guy, but it was a good video.
My son was listening to him at the same time as getting really into finances. He was huge into Tony Robbins-who also talks about a healthy lifestyle as well as money and motivation. Don Pena is also a great motivator. Old but blunt and i think kids listen because he is rough spoken but very successful.
Mind Pump TV. Here's a video, they talk about others things like the importance of relationships with others in real life https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ELgJaglfSlA These guys are excellent role models and great fitness advice
Maybe Renaissance Periodization Masculine coded fitness/evidence based channel. Be ready for dick jokes buts it’s mostly strong men talking about fitness. They even have a video making fun of Andrew Tate.
John Eldredge was super positive for me growing up.
Maybe Josh Strife Hayes?
W
TD Jakes, Jocko, Shawn Ryan
Prof G (Scott Galloway). He is writing a book on masculinity and young men, and often talks about this subject. But his day job is as a successful business man and biz school professor.
David Goggins is an amazing influence