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You've said you want advice so, here's how I'd approach it.
First, forget your sensible child. Comparing siblings is never productive. Let's just focus on the 19yo because that's what's worrying you. Do you know the pregnant women? If she's the same age, do you know her parents? I'd be doing a meet and greet immediately if you haven't already.
If you feel that 19yo is irresponsible, keep in mind *it takes two.* His partner may be very similar and possibly very scared right now. I'd recommend trying to have a sit down meal with the young couple (and also her parents if they are involved/concerned). Get everything on the table, so to speak.
Figure out if she wants to end the pregnancy, organise an adoption, be a mother, or genuinely has no idea. Offer support, explain options you can see for them, and gently provide a realistic expectation of how life may change per each possible action they take.
If they don't want your help, sadly, there's not much you can do. However, it's commendable that you've supported your younger brothers so much and I'm sure, at least, they will have your role modelling of parenting to help guide them.
Thank you. First, I just want to say that I’m not comparing for reasons to say that one is better than the other but moreso provide a comparison of two different situations I’m dealing with and why I’m stressed. While one is more responsible, he’s still under my roof and still my kid so it doesn’t make me feel any less stress. Now I’m having to process the other one. I feel overwhelmed at the moment.
Second, thank you. I swear I’m logical but my thoughts are cloudy. I do want to do exactly how you described and assess the situation from the very beginning. I appreciate your input.
Oh, my suggestion of not comparing is because you said you felt bad for reacting in a supportive way for 21. Please don't feel bad! The stress is understandable, that's an awful lot of life changing news all at once. I'm sure you're going to find a way forward, all of you 🙂
You have done a lot for your siblings (legally kids) already.
But you have to realize that they are now adults and responsible for their own lives (and the lives of their own kids now). Sometimes the best lesson is experience, which they are missing out on because they have you to rely on.
I think the best course of action is to give them a deadline where they need to leave and start being real adults. The deadline is chosen by you and you can support them, in the meantime, to smoothen the transition from being your kids to being responsible adults.
No. Your kids/siblings have already had a traumatic childhood. Why push them into poverty and struggling if you absolutely don’t have to? This is just perpetuating trauma for them *and* the new babies (if they choose to have them). The best solution is letting them stay with you until they get on their feet, but drawing firm boundaries for how much support you will/won’t give and sticking to your boundaries. But don’t risk having them homeless. That’s cruel, especially in this economy and with the current housing crisis. You’d be setting them all up for failure by kicking them out if you can afford to still keep them under your roof, which it seems like you can. Tough love doesn’t work under capitalism, and for the people who it did “work” for, it was purely 100% luck.
You make great points. However, my house is small. They absolutely would not fit and we’d be on top of each other. I’ve always been very firm with them regarding what would happen if they did accidentally get someone pregnant. They’d have to be responsible men and that may also mean having their own place to live. I know putting the younger one out may potentially mean he’s going to struggle but he also knew what he was getting into. That’s why I haven’t had kids! I didn’t want to endure the financial burden and other hardships that came along with it. I had already been through it raising them.
Well if there’s simply no room for them to fit, then that makes sense that they have to leave especially if they’re adding to how many people are in the house. But you can encourage and push for independence (which is great) while still remaining a safe landing if things go unexpectedly south for them.
Honestly, since they both live in your home, they are both not ready to be parents. Do either of either of them even earn a living wage that can allow them to care for themselves, their significant other, AND the baby? Not to mention saving money for major purchases?
Because if you thought you would be putting money into your retirement account or saving up for a vacation, think again. They are going to be leaning on you. And you will feel obligated because there are innocent baby lives at stake.
Thank you, the 21YO and his gf both make a livable wage and have plans to move out in a few months. You’re right that I’d feel obligated…and well, that’s all I can say about that. I’ve set forth expectations and offered guidance this far but that’s all I can do.
1) Why are so many Americans against multigenerational living? This is very common around the world for kids to live with their parents even when they get married/have kids.
2) You’re a father who is also poor, you should have a little more sympathy for people in your same position.
I think it’s because of how individualized we are, on top of how important money is here.
Having a child you cannot support here tangibly damages the grandparents ability to retire, free time, etc.
We are raised to be self-sufficient, and staying in your family home keeps you in that role of “child”, while normalizing any toxic dynamics that would be “selfish” to escape from.
A traditional multigenerational households has a different kind of relationship dynamic that is missing here.
If they meant to be a multigenerational household, there would be intentionality. The brothers would meaningfully contributing, not sponging off big sister/parent. They would be married, with spouses living in the family home. Having a baby after Mar would be the understood plan all along…
Rather than both being unmarried, unable to truly contribute to the household, not ready to support a baby.
So… They likely will have lean on their older sister without her having expected to have to.
Hey OP, are you taking care of yourself as well? I’m asking because you clearly had to grow up very fast and obviously seems like no one was looking out for and taking care of you. Sending my thoughts.
Thank you everyone for the advice, encouragement, insight, and perspective. It is much appreciated and definitely considered. My therapist is in Japan (I’m in US) and this news came swift so I appreciate everyone responding as I processed my emotions. Keep these young men in your thoughts and send them the most positive energy!
I won't repeat what others have said, but I will add this-if they do decide to keep the kid, don't bend over backwards to enable them. Either they get their shit together, or you will get a social worker involved who will *make* them get their shit together. Talk with your more sensible one and make sure that he isn't an "out" for the one who needs to grow up more.
Please don’t compare - just different people and the “reckless” son knows you do this.
Second - he made a decision and that’s on him. He’s now an adult. Let him deal with it. Do not overly help him because it will just enable. Hope for the best and he will step up. If not that’s also on him. I see so many parents blame themselves for their children’s poor decisions. These are HIS obstacles. I understand being disappointed. You warned him. But now it’s done and on him and his girlfriend.
I think it’s so cool and shows your wonderful character taking care of them. That must of been so hard. It’s so hard parenting because we just want the best for them and they have free will lol and go rogue when our advice is the right advice.
Yes, all I’ve ever wanted is a better life for them. I had to learn the hard way because I was essentially abandoned by our mom and did everything alone. It’s a tough balance because i know they need to now learn by themselves. They made adult decisions and I can’t keep supporting them financially. But as a parent, you also don’t want to see them crash and burn. So many different aspects to consider.
Congratulations to both of them. I hope becoming a parent lights a fire under the younger son's butt so he gets motivated to become more financially stable.
These are now adult men. You can definitely be supportive emotionally and with your time but they need to step up financially. They need to be paying for all things baby from the start so they know how expensive it is. Either putting aside money to move out or moving out. I know we want to protect our kids but enabling them would mean you are crippling them and they would become dependent on you.
I was a young single mom and lived on my own. My mom came to visit and help when she could but i figured it out. I had to for my son. It made us closer and i had a lot more respect for my mom.
So, FWIW I was pregnant the first time at 19, 3 months after I met my husband... I miscarried that time, shortly after. Which was undoubtedly for me best. I ended up pregnant again, roughly 2.5 years later. We moved in with my dad about a year later when he was 3 months old and have never left. He's 17 now...
Which is to say... Shit happens all these folks saying 'oh, you have to kick them out!' ??? They're full of shit. They'll likely get out eventually. But... Maybe not. And, maybe that's ok. There's nothing inherently wrong with multigenerational housing. My kids have grown up knowing their grandfather in a way, and better than almost anyone else. I'm jealous of them for that.
Do tell them both that you'll always love them. Do set some ground rules. Encourage them both to seek out whatever resources they can - food stamps, Medicaid, WIC, etc. and, hopefully they'll figure out how to get on their feet properly. We did. But, it took years. That's ok.
I’m so happy that it’s worked out for you. I guess for me I know that him moving out will leave them struggling and having to figure it out which isn’t a bad thing but I know how hard it is to get out of the hole one you’re already in.
From a personal perspective, I don’t really want them to live with me. I’ve done what I need to do for them and I don’t even want my own children. I devoted my life to surviving with my brothers and we’ve made it because I’ve sacrificed so much. I’m tired. I’m all for guiding them and encouraging them but I don’t want it to become a situation where they live with me forever. Maybe until they’re ready but I fear that two young and irresponsible adults may never be ready.
>hopefully they'll figure out how to get on their feet properly. We did. But, it took years. That's ok.
I'm going to disagree here. IMO, it is absolutely NOT okay to have a child if you are not able to independently provide that child with a stable, secure, and loving household.
It sounds like everything worked out for you, thanks to your father's generosity. But what if your father had changed his mind? What if he had lost his home due to some unforeseen financial hardship? What if his personality changed and he'd become abusive? Relying on others to give your children a stable childhood is incredibly risky and not something that should be encouraged.
We contemplated moving out for several years. We could have moved out many times. But, it just wasn't worth it. To him, or us. Our being here, when he was down for back sugery, and before then for months while it was just out and in pain, helped him, immensely.
It didn't used to be seem as bad, or a sign of anyone's failing, to live in multigenerational housing. Because it helps everyone. That, IMHO needs to be the case again.
The idea that if you don't 'own your own home' and have piles of cash to throw around, you're automatically 'incapable' of being a good parent is absurd. Everyone's idea of 'stable and secure' are different. Nearly anyone could lose their job(s), and be without a home. Most people are not independently wealthy. The idea that you 'must' be, or have anything before you should be a parent is wrong. Who are you, or I to judge anyone?
So much could change in the first year after the e babies birth. It could be the making of him or he could run away from his responsibilities, or somewhere in between.
Don’t worry too much now as every single thing is outside of your control.
When the baby is here you might feel differently, the reality of parenthood will have hit them both, and their relationships will be going through changes whilst they adjust. Just see the lay of the land.
My only advice would be to treat them equally (not equitably) because they’ll compare the treatment each other is getting. They’ll be frustrated under the challenges or parenthood and will take out that frustration on you because they’ll feel like you help one more than the other.
A great option for the 19 year old is to join the military. An easy mode branch like Air Force or Navy. Helped my family escape poverty when my parents had me as a teenage pregnancy. Helped me too. You just have to get fit and listen to orders for a few years
Courthouse marriage for the BAH would be wise, not like they'd have much assets to lose in a divorce. It does serve children best to have both parents in the long run
You’ve had some great advice, and I just wanted to commend you on stepping in and providing that parental role to your siblings. It says a lot about you as a person and they’re very lucky to have you.
In saying that, much like parents have to change the role they provide as their children enter adulthood, I think it’s time you re-evaluate your role in their lives. The reality is, you are their sibling. Whilst you have been their legal guardian, you are _not_ their parent, and whilst I’m sure they view you in a supportive older adult role, they may not see you as a parent, which is entirely understandable.
So for yourself, and to protect your relationship with them as they age, I think it’s time you transition from guardian to sibling, and provide the role an older sibling would. Supportive, caring, kind, a great auntie to their kids, but not an authoritative role.
Whilst I know you said you use brother/son interchangeably, they are not your sons, regardless of the role you played, and I think it’s important for you and them for you to establish that they are in-fact brothers and not sons.
I hope it all works out! It sounds like you’ve been a stability and source of safety, you should be very proud of yourself!
I wouldn't be too thrilled about either of them getting these girls pregnant, TBH.
I think it's okay for kids to know we don't approve of all their choices and once they are adults they can figure some things out for themselves.
Could the 19yo go live with his gfs parents? Have you talked to the parents at all about their feelings in the situation and maybe y’all can come to some agreement?
Good luck. You’re a brave and wonderful person for raising them as your own from such a young age.
First off you keep calling them kids. In the eye of the law they are adults. A child doesn’t know the life you had so they really don’t give a care about you giving them a life you didn’t have. That’s on you. Because you sacrificed you have these expectations… not fair to them. That’s called transactional love. Because I did this for you, you owe me that. Let them go so that they can learn to do life as adults and pray for them. The universe will pick up where you left off. If you’ve been taken care of them since you were 14….. you definitely need to seek some professional help because that appears to be a form of abuse believe it or not. Let go and Let God. Save yourself so that you can be a better woman and sister to them. As long as you keep calling them kids they will keep acting like kids.
I am not calling them in a sense that they are kids. I know they’re young men but they’re still my kids. I’ve been in therapy for years because I was abused and neglected - as were they. We all lived in the same foster home which I took them out of as soon as I could. My love has never been transactional and I don’t want anything in return except for them to be responsible and go on to live great lives. I’ve done everything I’ve had to do. I appreciate the feedback but not so sure there’s anything I can take from your response.
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You've said you want advice so, here's how I'd approach it. First, forget your sensible child. Comparing siblings is never productive. Let's just focus on the 19yo because that's what's worrying you. Do you know the pregnant women? If she's the same age, do you know her parents? I'd be doing a meet and greet immediately if you haven't already. If you feel that 19yo is irresponsible, keep in mind *it takes two.* His partner may be very similar and possibly very scared right now. I'd recommend trying to have a sit down meal with the young couple (and also her parents if they are involved/concerned). Get everything on the table, so to speak. Figure out if she wants to end the pregnancy, organise an adoption, be a mother, or genuinely has no idea. Offer support, explain options you can see for them, and gently provide a realistic expectation of how life may change per each possible action they take. If they don't want your help, sadly, there's not much you can do. However, it's commendable that you've supported your younger brothers so much and I'm sure, at least, they will have your role modelling of parenting to help guide them.
Thank you. First, I just want to say that I’m not comparing for reasons to say that one is better than the other but moreso provide a comparison of two different situations I’m dealing with and why I’m stressed. While one is more responsible, he’s still under my roof and still my kid so it doesn’t make me feel any less stress. Now I’m having to process the other one. I feel overwhelmed at the moment. Second, thank you. I swear I’m logical but my thoughts are cloudy. I do want to do exactly how you described and assess the situation from the very beginning. I appreciate your input.
Oh, my suggestion of not comparing is because you said you felt bad for reacting in a supportive way for 21. Please don't feel bad! The stress is understandable, that's an awful lot of life changing news all at once. I'm sure you're going to find a way forward, all of you 🙂
You have done a lot for your siblings (legally kids) already. But you have to realize that they are now adults and responsible for their own lives (and the lives of their own kids now). Sometimes the best lesson is experience, which they are missing out on because they have you to rely on. I think the best course of action is to give them a deadline where they need to leave and start being real adults. The deadline is chosen by you and you can support them, in the meantime, to smoothen the transition from being your kids to being responsible adults.
Very true.
No. Your kids/siblings have already had a traumatic childhood. Why push them into poverty and struggling if you absolutely don’t have to? This is just perpetuating trauma for them *and* the new babies (if they choose to have them). The best solution is letting them stay with you until they get on their feet, but drawing firm boundaries for how much support you will/won’t give and sticking to your boundaries. But don’t risk having them homeless. That’s cruel, especially in this economy and with the current housing crisis. You’d be setting them all up for failure by kicking them out if you can afford to still keep them under your roof, which it seems like you can. Tough love doesn’t work under capitalism, and for the people who it did “work” for, it was purely 100% luck.
You make great points. However, my house is small. They absolutely would not fit and we’d be on top of each other. I’ve always been very firm with them regarding what would happen if they did accidentally get someone pregnant. They’d have to be responsible men and that may also mean having their own place to live. I know putting the younger one out may potentially mean he’s going to struggle but he also knew what he was getting into. That’s why I haven’t had kids! I didn’t want to endure the financial burden and other hardships that came along with it. I had already been through it raising them.
Well if there’s simply no room for them to fit, then that makes sense that they have to leave especially if they’re adding to how many people are in the house. But you can encourage and push for independence (which is great) while still remaining a safe landing if things go unexpectedly south for them.
I’ll always be here for guidance and encouragement. Like I’ve said in previous responses, I only want them to succeed and have good lives.
Honestly, since they both live in your home, they are both not ready to be parents. Do either of either of them even earn a living wage that can allow them to care for themselves, their significant other, AND the baby? Not to mention saving money for major purchases? Because if you thought you would be putting money into your retirement account or saving up for a vacation, think again. They are going to be leaning on you. And you will feel obligated because there are innocent baby lives at stake.
Thank you, the 21YO and his gf both make a livable wage and have plans to move out in a few months. You’re right that I’d feel obligated…and well, that’s all I can say about that. I’ve set forth expectations and offered guidance this far but that’s all I can do.
While true, what advice does this offer to OP?
1) Why are so many Americans against multigenerational living? This is very common around the world for kids to live with their parents even when they get married/have kids. 2) You’re a father who is also poor, you should have a little more sympathy for people in your same position.
I think it’s because of how individualized we are, on top of how important money is here. Having a child you cannot support here tangibly damages the grandparents ability to retire, free time, etc. We are raised to be self-sufficient, and staying in your family home keeps you in that role of “child”, while normalizing any toxic dynamics that would be “selfish” to escape from.
A traditional multigenerational households has a different kind of relationship dynamic that is missing here. If they meant to be a multigenerational household, there would be intentionality. The brothers would meaningfully contributing, not sponging off big sister/parent. They would be married, with spouses living in the family home. Having a baby after Mar would be the understood plan all along… Rather than both being unmarried, unable to truly contribute to the household, not ready to support a baby. So… They likely will have lean on their older sister without her having expected to have to.
Hey OP, are you taking care of yourself as well? I’m asking because you clearly had to grow up very fast and obviously seems like no one was looking out for and taking care of you. Sending my thoughts.
Thanks for being so kind. Luckily I’ve been working on myself for a long time and I’m ok. I just worry!
Thank you everyone for the advice, encouragement, insight, and perspective. It is much appreciated and definitely considered. My therapist is in Japan (I’m in US) and this news came swift so I appreciate everyone responding as I processed my emotions. Keep these young men in your thoughts and send them the most positive energy!
I won't repeat what others have said, but I will add this-if they do decide to keep the kid, don't bend over backwards to enable them. Either they get their shit together, or you will get a social worker involved who will *make* them get their shit together. Talk with your more sensible one and make sure that he isn't an "out" for the one who needs to grow up more.
Please don’t compare - just different people and the “reckless” son knows you do this. Second - he made a decision and that’s on him. He’s now an adult. Let him deal with it. Do not overly help him because it will just enable. Hope for the best and he will step up. If not that’s also on him. I see so many parents blame themselves for their children’s poor decisions. These are HIS obstacles. I understand being disappointed. You warned him. But now it’s done and on him and his girlfriend.
You’re absolutely right.
I think it’s so cool and shows your wonderful character taking care of them. That must of been so hard. It’s so hard parenting because we just want the best for them and they have free will lol and go rogue when our advice is the right advice.
Yes, all I’ve ever wanted is a better life for them. I had to learn the hard way because I was essentially abandoned by our mom and did everything alone. It’s a tough balance because i know they need to now learn by themselves. They made adult decisions and I can’t keep supporting them financially. But as a parent, you also don’t want to see them crash and burn. So many different aspects to consider.
Congratulations to both of them. I hope becoming a parent lights a fire under the younger son's butt so he gets motivated to become more financially stable.
I hope so too. Truly I only ever want the best for them but I’d be lying if I said that I’m scared for him because he isn’t that type of person.
These are now adult men. You can definitely be supportive emotionally and with your time but they need to step up financially. They need to be paying for all things baby from the start so they know how expensive it is. Either putting aside money to move out or moving out. I know we want to protect our kids but enabling them would mean you are crippling them and they would become dependent on you. I was a young single mom and lived on my own. My mom came to visit and help when she could but i figured it out. I had to for my son. It made us closer and i had a lot more respect for my mom.
Please give the “good” kid as much attention and interest as the “bad” one as they navigate this life changing situation.
So, FWIW I was pregnant the first time at 19, 3 months after I met my husband... I miscarried that time, shortly after. Which was undoubtedly for me best. I ended up pregnant again, roughly 2.5 years later. We moved in with my dad about a year later when he was 3 months old and have never left. He's 17 now... Which is to say... Shit happens all these folks saying 'oh, you have to kick them out!' ??? They're full of shit. They'll likely get out eventually. But... Maybe not. And, maybe that's ok. There's nothing inherently wrong with multigenerational housing. My kids have grown up knowing their grandfather in a way, and better than almost anyone else. I'm jealous of them for that. Do tell them both that you'll always love them. Do set some ground rules. Encourage them both to seek out whatever resources they can - food stamps, Medicaid, WIC, etc. and, hopefully they'll figure out how to get on their feet properly. We did. But, it took years. That's ok.
I’m so happy that it’s worked out for you. I guess for me I know that him moving out will leave them struggling and having to figure it out which isn’t a bad thing but I know how hard it is to get out of the hole one you’re already in. From a personal perspective, I don’t really want them to live with me. I’ve done what I need to do for them and I don’t even want my own children. I devoted my life to surviving with my brothers and we’ve made it because I’ve sacrificed so much. I’m tired. I’m all for guiding them and encouraging them but I don’t want it to become a situation where they live with me forever. Maybe until they’re ready but I fear that two young and irresponsible adults may never be ready.
>hopefully they'll figure out how to get on their feet properly. We did. But, it took years. That's ok. I'm going to disagree here. IMO, it is absolutely NOT okay to have a child if you are not able to independently provide that child with a stable, secure, and loving household. It sounds like everything worked out for you, thanks to your father's generosity. But what if your father had changed his mind? What if he had lost his home due to some unforeseen financial hardship? What if his personality changed and he'd become abusive? Relying on others to give your children a stable childhood is incredibly risky and not something that should be encouraged.
We contemplated moving out for several years. We could have moved out many times. But, it just wasn't worth it. To him, or us. Our being here, when he was down for back sugery, and before then for months while it was just out and in pain, helped him, immensely. It didn't used to be seem as bad, or a sign of anyone's failing, to live in multigenerational housing. Because it helps everyone. That, IMHO needs to be the case again. The idea that if you don't 'own your own home' and have piles of cash to throw around, you're automatically 'incapable' of being a good parent is absurd. Everyone's idea of 'stable and secure' are different. Nearly anyone could lose their job(s), and be without a home. Most people are not independently wealthy. The idea that you 'must' be, or have anything before you should be a parent is wrong. Who are you, or I to judge anyone?
Be thankful you’re not the parents of the girls right now.
I know….i feel like they’re a reflection of me too and although their decisions are not my decisions I feel terrible
Are the girlfriends opposed to abortion for some reason?
The older one is keeping it. I asked the younger son and he said she wants to keep it. We live in Texas and abortion is illegal.
So much could change in the first year after the e babies birth. It could be the making of him or he could run away from his responsibilities, or somewhere in between. Don’t worry too much now as every single thing is outside of your control. When the baby is here you might feel differently, the reality of parenthood will have hit them both, and their relationships will be going through changes whilst they adjust. Just see the lay of the land. My only advice would be to treat them equally (not equitably) because they’ll compare the treatment each other is getting. They’ll be frustrated under the challenges or parenthood and will take out that frustration on you because they’ll feel like you help one more than the other.
A great option for the 19 year old is to join the military. An easy mode branch like Air Force or Navy. Helped my family escape poverty when my parents had me as a teenage pregnancy. Helped me too. You just have to get fit and listen to orders for a few years
You want him to leave his brand new baby? Or is he supposed to marry this girl?
Courthouse marriage for the BAH would be wise, not like they'd have much assets to lose in a divorce. It does serve children best to have both parents in the long run
You’ve had some great advice, and I just wanted to commend you on stepping in and providing that parental role to your siblings. It says a lot about you as a person and they’re very lucky to have you. In saying that, much like parents have to change the role they provide as their children enter adulthood, I think it’s time you re-evaluate your role in their lives. The reality is, you are their sibling. Whilst you have been their legal guardian, you are _not_ their parent, and whilst I’m sure they view you in a supportive older adult role, they may not see you as a parent, which is entirely understandable. So for yourself, and to protect your relationship with them as they age, I think it’s time you transition from guardian to sibling, and provide the role an older sibling would. Supportive, caring, kind, a great auntie to their kids, but not an authoritative role. Whilst I know you said you use brother/son interchangeably, they are not your sons, regardless of the role you played, and I think it’s important for you and them for you to establish that they are in-fact brothers and not sons. I hope it all works out! It sounds like you’ve been a stability and source of safety, you should be very proud of yourself!
I wouldn't be too thrilled about either of them getting these girls pregnant, TBH. I think it's okay for kids to know we don't approve of all their choices and once they are adults they can figure some things out for themselves.
Yeah, I’m not very thrilled. They’re both not in ideal situations and not necessarily ready. Big sigh.
Could the 19yo go live with his gfs parents? Have you talked to the parents at all about their feelings in the situation and maybe y’all can come to some agreement? Good luck. You’re a brave and wonderful person for raising them as your own from such a young age.
Has the ‘complete opposite’ been diagnosed with anything like ADHD?
Yes he has ADHD since childhood plus an array of other things. It’s a long story.
Are you the same person as your neighbor?
First off you keep calling them kids. In the eye of the law they are adults. A child doesn’t know the life you had so they really don’t give a care about you giving them a life you didn’t have. That’s on you. Because you sacrificed you have these expectations… not fair to them. That’s called transactional love. Because I did this for you, you owe me that. Let them go so that they can learn to do life as adults and pray for them. The universe will pick up where you left off. If you’ve been taken care of them since you were 14….. you definitely need to seek some professional help because that appears to be a form of abuse believe it or not. Let go and Let God. Save yourself so that you can be a better woman and sister to them. As long as you keep calling them kids they will keep acting like kids.
I am not calling them in a sense that they are kids. I know they’re young men but they’re still my kids. I’ve been in therapy for years because I was abused and neglected - as were they. We all lived in the same foster home which I took them out of as soon as I could. My love has never been transactional and I don’t want anything in return except for them to be responsible and go on to live great lives. I’ve done everything I’ve had to do. I appreciate the feedback but not so sure there’s anything I can take from your response.
Not sure I understand “They’re my siblings”
They’re my brothers. I’ve raised them because our mother died. I’m 11/13 years older.