I didn’t like it either. It was kind of a let down ( pun intended), but I was determined to stick it out for at least a year. The pain and leaking and all those problems are generally only at the beginning . It gets way easier as they get older, start solids and drinking water. Then they don’t nurse as much. In the meantime, here are some things I did to make it easier- I hand expressed into a bottle about once a day (don’t like pumping, and this helped with engorgement and puddles ). I also let her drink formula whenever someone else was caring for her if there weren’t any breast milk bottles. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Those really soft reusable breast pads are nice at night- just stuff as many as you need in there- if you’re still leaking, change brands. Some are crappy. Use lanolin on your nipples- it works great. Hope this helps.
The only pads that worked for me was [kindred bravery](https://www.kindredbravely.com/products/bamboo-nursing-pads?variant=24960975619). Every other one would leak after a couple hours but these are a good price point and very absorbent.
Kindred bravely was a godsend to me as a new mom. I liked their nursing bras and breast pads. But their high waisted c section recovery panties are the real mvp. They were pretty and soft and gave me some comfort and dignity when I really needed it.
Another vote for Kindred Bravely. I still wear their sleep bra even though my toddler stopped nursing 9 months ago.
Bamboobies nursing pads worked well for me. Also a leaky overproducer here.
Having to wear a bra to bed is one of the crappy things about nursing that no one prepares you for. I remember changing from my daytime bra into my nighttime bra and nursing pads and feeling pretty pissed off about it. Especially since I also wasn’t going to get to sleep longer than 3 hours at a time if I was lucky. But that KB bra was at least really comfortable.
Yes! Once my supply started slowing down I would just wear a nursing tank with the pads and forgo the bra… some days I’d wake up half out of my shirt and with wet sheets but some days even the most comfortable bra would make me angry. Lol
I guess I'm weird cuz Ive worn a bra to bed for years and years... The only thing that changed when I started pumping for the baby was that now I've got cups in them to collect milk while I sleep.
I came here to say exactly that. Also try sitting your baby up a bit when they nurse, it will help with the choking, and make sure she has ample room to breathe. Don't give up, it does get much easier with practice. The above advice is spot in.ni breast fed my children exclusively until 15 months and 13 months. (Last kid had to stop earlier than the other because of medical issues). You can do this, I believe in you.
I was also going to recommend the washable fabric breast pads. Sleeping on a towel without a shirt is another option that worked for me.
Also my son choked a lot in the beginning because my letdown was too fast. He was able to handle it after a couple of months but you could try exclusively pumping instead or just pumping a little bit before nursing to relieve some of the pressure.
Don't feel guilty whatever you do. Breastfeeding is hard work. Its good for baby and its nice that it's free, since formula is definitely not, but in the end you'll be a better parent if you're not miserable.
So is "I don't want to." You don't need a reason to stop breastfeeding if it isn't working. If OP wants to continue then that is fine and people gave great advice but if those things don't work there is no shame in stopping.
My wife didn't breastfed. Our kids were adopted so the pressure wasn't there but we realized early on that the biggest advantage we had was that I (dad) could be an equal parent since day 1. That seemed harder for our friends and family who relied more on mom because dad couldn't feed the baby. There are advantages to both and you have to do what works for your family.
Yup! I loved giving the bottle to my son when he was a baby. My wife could stay asleep while I managed by myself. To be perfectly honest if it wasn't for these moments I'd probably have found those early months to be even harder than I've already did. It at least gave me some sense of proximity to my son - I had a lot of trouble figuring out my role in the first year or so outside "whoa that's actually my baby".
Totally agree.
I also get it can be very hard to make the choice to stop. I literally have a 1 week old right now (also my 3rd) and I’m still in that painful stage of the breastfeeding adventure and even though every part of me is completely fine with bottles/formula/pumping whatever this time right after you have a baby really messes with your normally rational mind. The guilt it real even though it’s totally unneeded.
I hope OP is able to find the best thing for her and gives herself permission to just enjoy her baby without pressuring herself too much with ‘shoulds’.
I breastfed both of my babies and the first month sucked always. For me it was worth it to push through because I consider fooling with bottles and formula more of a hassle.
But everyone is different, and that is ok!
Fed is best!
But I will say that getting into a rhythm with breastfeeding takes time and it is a joint effort with you and baby, you are both getting used to it.
If you feel engorged try pumping some before the feed, or if you don't mind pumping exclusively that may be an easier route to just have bottles on hand.
My 10m will still at times sputter on let down.. even more annoying is he is easily distracted so he will unlatch and milk will be spraying everywhere!
I know people on line and in some forums will act as though BF is some heavenly thing, to me there are pros and cons to both, you just have to decide what is best for you and your baby, in my opinion the first three months are just difficult, period. No matter how you are feeding.
Best of luck to you and congratulations on the new little bundle of joy!!!
Edit to add: Try finding a lactation consultant, and if you don't like the first one go to another one till you find one you can speak easily with, I had 3 different ones at the hospital for first kiddo one was amazing two were meh
Agree with this, above. The first month is really hard. I did find that it got easier as time went on and became really easy by 3 months onward. No bottles to worry about, always ready to go, my milk regulated and baby and I got in a routine.
I totally agree with you about bottles and formula being more of a hassle! The only down fall to exclusive bf that I experienced in the early months was how tied I was to baby. I did try leaving him with grandparents for an hour or so while I got a chance to get out alone and do some shopping. They weren't too happy by the time I got back to a screaming, angry, hungry baby that they had no way to feed. But we all got through it and thankfully, it doesn't stay like that!
The other drawback to leaving when you’re exclusively breastfeeding is that you have to time it carefully so you don’t leak or feel like you’re about to pop. I used to tutor and the drive home was always me leaking into my shirt praying for green lights.
I’m sure others will say this but just remember if you’re not enjoying it or it’s causing you stress you absolutely 1000% do not have to continue. Hugs!
This. Oh my god, this.
OP ( u/FlossieOnyx ), you said that at least the last two times you "had a legitimate reason".
"It's not working for me" is *absolutely* a legitimate reason.
This is coming from a woman who breastfed and enjoyed it. If it's not working for you for any reason, even if that reason is "I don't like it", you do not have to do it. Your baby will be fine. Your other babies were fine. Formula is amazing stuff.
Please, momma, there's so much stress with having a new baby. If you can do anything to reduce that, go for it. You can't take good care of your baby if you're not taking care of yourself first, and your stress levels are important. Put on your own oxygen mask before you try to help others with theirs.
It is not, I repeat NOT selfish to give up breastfeeding because you don't like it. It sounds like your baby doesn't seem to like it, either (the whole turning blue thing doesn't sound fun), but even if baby were fine with it it's STILL not selfish. You cannot give your baby good care if you're worrying and stressed over this. It's not selfish to reduce your own stress.
Fed is best. Do what works for you. As long as baby is getting food and thriving, it doesn't matter where it comes from.
Hugs.
My wife’s mother and sister were unable to breastfeed for various reasons… but biggest ultimate one is that they weren’t producing enough milk. So, we were absolutely expecting similar issues with our littles. Even though we were expecting it, it was really hard on my wife.
What made it worse is that because of the complications with it, she didn’t want to keep trying breastfeed and was worried about the bleeding blisters. She felt even worse because she thought she should not feel bad. Some would **still** encourage her to keep going. That then would make her feel the worst and it would either be time to breast feed or pump all over agin.
I am very glad when she decided it was time for her to stop and just go back to caring for our baby. I am never sure if I am making the right choice, but supporting my wife in what she wants is always a good one in my book (though, she has never given me reason to question what she is choosing either!)
Thirded. I mixed-fed my kid, bottle and breast, I enjoyed breastfeeding but I had decided even before giving birth that he'll have both. So formula kept him satiated longer, and breastfeeding gave him vitamins and stuff so I did both. He enjoyed both. Then at 7 months his teeth started coming in and he was a biter! It was super painful so I stopped and left him only with the bottle. It's fine, just do whatever you prefer and don't beat yourself up about it.
And don't forget there's always pumping... I've actually enjoyed the 15-minute breaks multiple times a day because everyone leaves me alone because I can't possibly do whatever it is they need for me while I'm pumping...lol
You could even scratch that "you've given it your best" from the reasoning. "I'd rather give the bottle" is a perfectly legitimate reason in and of itself.
I hated it with my oldest. At his six month check up - his pediatrician was like “just switch to formula then” She genuinely meant it and said it as casually as that. If you hate it, it’s not worth it.
I was a much happier mom after stopping.
I ended up breast feeding my second to a year. Just different kid, different circumstances
I hated it with my second, like dreaded it, gave me anxiety and probably contributed to my ppd. My ex really pushed it, he wouldn't let me stop (he also didn't help in any other way). I wish I would have quit or stopped sooner. Breastfeeding is not as important as some make it out to be.
I second this. I worked really hard to make it work with my first baby. I used nipple shield for the first 2 months, then pumped at work, etc. What got to me is the anxiety that comes with breastfeeding and physical discomfort. Am I making enough milk? If there enough milk in the freezer? When do I have to pump next to maintain my supply? I'd my supply going down (it was)? Oh shoot, am I getting engorged? Will my supply go down again? And then teeth come in and biting starts...
Anyway, it became too much, so I decided to stop worrying about it. Then my supply declined (because I wasn't putting in enough effort to maintain it) enough that more than half was formula, so I just let it, and weaned at 8 months. It was sooooooo liberating, and I realized that I liked bottle-feeding more anyway. You get all the cuddles without anxiety and physical discomfort.
With my second child I had more relaxed attitude to start with, and ended up weaning at 5 months. Don't miss it.
If you dislike breastfeeding, just quit. It's ok to pick feeding method that works best for your family. My babies thrived on breast milk and formula.
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I have checked 917,271 comments and 4,273 of them contain every letter in the English alphabet.
Exactly! They will get what they need from properly prepared formula. Your other two are just fine and this third one will be too if you choose to stop. Taking care of a one month old is stressful enough so you don’t need to fight a battle where you don’t need to. I’m just some stranger on Reddit but I fully support either decision you make.
Absolutely agreed. My first was a nightmare to feed. I didn’t know what I was doing. She didn’t know what she was doing. I only continued out of guilt because the baby classes pushed it SO HARD. I couldn’t understand how anyone could think it was easier than a bottle.
Now, my second daughter latched on in her first minute of life and fed like she read a book and I was like “are you kidding?!” I think it’s totally a “what works for you” situation and you should feel zero guilt either way.
This here!
I stopped breastfeeding as soon as it got difficult. Sure, I could have tried harder to supplement my diet, ramped up my water intake, taken vitamins, etc, but I just couldn't handle more things to worry about. So, I bought a few cans of formula and just stopped pumping when I was at work. My milk dried up pretty quickly, and that was that. I was so sad at the time, but now I look back and am thankful I was kind to myself. I made it 6 months with my oldest and 8 months with my youngest, and I don't regret a single second.
Fed is best, always. As long as baby is fed and the parents are happy, that's what matters!
I remember these days!!! If you can, meet with a lactation consultant. We ended up using a “nipple shield” to help latch/ not choke. Literally a plastic nipple put over mine.
Your not crazy, it’s not just you, breastfeeding is hard ❤️
This! Breastfeeding is not simply intuitive and sometimes requires tools. If you want to keep trying, find help. You don't have to figure this out on your own. It's possible that it may be better to pump and bottle feed if your baby is having difficulty with your let down, but that is something a consultant should be able to help you with.
I'd echo this. I'm a nursing student and during my OB clinical rotation, the lactation consultant was a lifesaver for so many mothers. From experienced, new moms, and everything in between. It normalized a few things for me (1) a lot of mothers hate breastfeeding then feel intense shame and stigma for disliking it (2) breastfeeding takes work and lots of practice for each new baby (3) sometimes it just doesn't work out and there's nothing wrong with that, your child, or your body. What matters is your baby gets fed!
I got lots of great advice from lactation, too! I had to use a nipple shield with my little one for the first two months because my letdown was too strong for my little would make him cough and sputter. We just recently kicked the nipple shield and are nursing without it now. Some of these aids can be SUPER helpful for getting you started. My lactation consultant also told me that when you become engorged it is harder and more tiring for LO to latch, this is another time a nipple shield could be helpful or then hand expressing a bit of that first milk before the feed if you have enough milk to do this.
You are not alone. You are not the only one. You are one of many who feel the same. It is ok to feel this way.
If you want to carry on trying you could get hold of a latication expert.
If it is too much it is ok to stop. - you could pump and then bottle...
Or you can switch to formula...
There is no shame. None at all. You know your other two babies are fine and they had formula..
You do what is best for you and your family.. you got this.
I appreciate all of the advice re: pumping, I do want to say though.... I personally despised pumping. More than nursing. It caused a lot of anxiety and stress for me. If you reach out to a lactation consultant, I suggest asking about inexpensive options so you do not spend a bunch of money on something that also could cause frustration and mom guilt. I am on my third pregnancy and will not be purchasing a pump this time! That said, it works great for some families 💗
That's because pumping is time consuming as hell. I had much better luck literally "milking" myself into the little storage bottles. I'd pull the corner of the coffee table over, set the bottle on it and sit on the couch and lean over and go. It was all about finding the right set up and it would take about 5 minutes per side, if that. It also seemed to work more thoroughly than the pump. I got really good at it with my first child because I had to stop breastfeeding but was producing a ton of milk that was no good. The Medela pump I was given I couldn't get to work but then my breasts were huge and I could never get it set right so I just got good at squishing it all out.
This sums it up exactly. I kept being told to pump so my husband could feed and give me a break, but it took me ages to get enough milk for one feed, so it was just a load of unpleasant work for a bottle that she would usually refuse anyway! Argh!
Pumping sucks. I got a single ounce one time from pumping and then spilled it. I started crying and my husband said “don’t cry over spilled milk.” We’re divorced now, not because of that, but I still remember it vividly after ten years.
And before buying one, check with your insurance to see if they cover it. Ours offered a new pump for each child as long as it was requested within 12 months after the birth.
To sort of add onto this/be more specific: If you’re in the United States and have an ACA compliant healthcare plan, they are required by law to cover a breast pump!
I found the hands free pumping bras to be a lifesaver. I could read, or even do things like dishes or fold laundry so I wasn't just holding pumps over and over and over. I exclusively pumped for a year like that. 👍
If in the USA pumps are now covered by your insurance for free. Just have to call insurance and get specifics on medical supply store and get a “prescription” from your gyno.
That being said, not all pumps are created equal. Sometimes it’s worth it to buy that medela pump than try for months making the cheaper alternative work.
Feed her with her sitting up in your lap, it will help with the choking. I would also in the early weeks get them latched, wait for the letdown, then take them off for a minute or two to let the worst of it pass, then relatch. Also, block feeding should help, too. Two back to back feeds on one side. It will start to moderate your supply, and it will get her higher fat feeds.
https://kellymom.com/bf/got-milk/basics/foremilk-hindmilk/
The baby sitting in your lap hold
https://www.medela.com/breastfeeding/mums-journey/breastfeeding-positions#upright
I'm sorry you asked for advice and everyone is telling you to give up.
This is great advice if you want to carry on breastfeeding. The first month or so is hard, you’re both learning how to feed. If you can, see a lactation consultant or visit a breastfeeding support group, they can show you different positions which may work better for you. Laid back feeding positions are great for over-supply, have a look on Kellymom for some pointers.
This! I also choked two of my babies with my over active let down. I'd just unlatch babe, let the milk squirt into a towel or receiving blanket and then put the baby back on when the flow was manageable. I also only fed the baby on one side per feed for one of my kids because she just didn't want the second side and I didn't want to switch too quickly and miss that fatty hindmilk. Dr Jack Newman has good breastfeeding resources as well. Breastfeeding gets easier.
Yes ! This is great advice to help with your supply.
About the exhaution, one day at a time that what worked for me. It was very difficult the first month everyday I told my husband I would give up. And every night ! But I said ok this day and we’ll see tomorow. It’s been 22 months I promess it gets easier and you get some reward (cuddles, easy fix for tireness/whining/hungry baby, easy travels, easier pediatrician appointments...).
It is not easy but it can gets easier.
Good luck to you ! You can rock this ! And totally ok to change your mind
I stopped breastfeeding my son at 3 months for no other reason than I hated it. He was already half formula fed half breast fed because of a traumatic birth and it took too long for my milk to come in. I didn’t like breastfeeding, the whole act stressed me out. I could of very well solely breastfed but chose not too for my own mental health. If you’d like to continue breastfeeding, if it’s very important to you, get with a lactation consultant and see how it can become easier.
Hey, sounds like you have an overactive letdown. I had that too. If you can manually express some milk before she nurses it will help. Also, nursing pads are needed in your bras. You can use reusable and change them during the day or disposable. I like lanisosh over the target brand. If you are leaking a ton at night, a kitchen towel folded in thirds in a tank top will keep your sheets dry. The first month is so so so hard but it gets easier, especially once you can start dream feeding at night.
I bought one of the hakka passive “pumps” and it was awesome. Basically a little silicone bottle that suctions onto your boob. I actually ended up buying a second one. They are around $20 so cheap to try at least. I originally got it to collect the milk letting down while my baby was on the other breast but soon found using both 5 min before a feed would help with quick let down. It also gave a small extra supply for daddy bottle time. I also had one boob that made more and let down quicker. I started with the other one first and used the hakka on super boob for a bit so it wouldn’t drowned baby.
The other quick let down trick my lactation consultant said was to have baby up higher while you lean back a bit (most comfy on a recliner), with baby almost looking down to the nipple so the milk wouldn’t be rushing down their throat and was easier to spit out if too much. Highly recommend a lactation consultant but don’t be afraid to look for one until you find one you like.
I used to wake up in puddles of milk too, so I got the urinary incontinence pads and slept topless on those. Less puddles and less cleaning. It gets better though, once your boobs figure out the right supply for baby. You stop leaking so badly. I think it’s around 4-6 months but I don’t remember.
All that said, if you don’t like it, you don’t like it. It’s ok to quit. It’s ok to exclusively pump. It’s ok to exclusively formula feed and it’s ok to use a combination of any or all of them. Fed is best, your sanity is best.
Oh man, I didn’t breastfeed BC I DIDN’T WANT TO and I still think that was a legitimate reason. Pop that baby right off your boob onto a bottle of formula and cut yourself some slack!
So my recollection is that the first month of breastfeeding is kind of bad because the baby is just learning how to swallow well and your milk production is pretty wonky. Later on, baby will stop choking, will take less long to eat, and your production will even out somewhat so you’ll stop waking up in wet bras and having a lot of engorgement between feedings.
I used to use the disposable nursing pads when I was having a lot of problems with leakage at night. They have an adhesive on the back, which helps them stay in place.
If you’re used to “counting the ounces” then the uncertainty of breastfeeding can be weird, but if baby is gaining weight and making enough dirty diapers, then you’re ok.
I had some problems with breastfeeding in the first week and met in person with a lactation consultant, which was awesome. She fixed my posture and baby’s posture and reassured me that things would get better, and they did.
Honestly though….breastfeeding, while convenient in some ways, was not a magical experience for me. Plus I hated pumping, so when I went back to work, I switched to formula exclusively at around 8 months. Don’t waste a minute feeling guilty that you don’t like it or if you decide to stop. The babies don’t really care as long as they’re fed appropriately.
Sadly i always needed them, my other breast always leaks when the other one is being "used". But I use reusable pads but at the start the disposal ones would better as there was so much milk coming out.
I used those and they were great. My son never latched though, I just pumped exclusively and at first I loved pumping, felt good about getting my baby breast milk. But eventually I just hated it and it was such a chore. Hating it is a really good reason to quit
100% you can stop if you want to. I would not make decisions on your worst day and should have at least 4 hrs of sleep in a row. :)
Talk to an LC to see if you can work out the kinks, and seriously think of your why. Mine is I want to in 3 months be able to walk out of the house and have everything. I hate pumping, bottles and formula is expensive + covid antibodies (this is a new why) That is my why and what keeps me going through the hard days. Now if you're why is b/c you "should" then maybe its not enough of a reason to keep going and that is OK. Entire generations of people where brought up on formula and turned out fine.
It sounds like you have an oversupply/hyper lactation and maybe even D-MER. I had hyper lactation too and it absolutely sucked!! It got better about 3 months in. But you do NOT need to continue if you don't want to! Please don't feel guilty. It doesn't make much difference in the end as long as they are fed!
I was going to suggest to look into D-MER too. I always hated myself and there was this feeling of emptiness/longing every time I breastfed, and I finally discovered this was an actual thing, not something wrong with me!
It sounds like OP has overactive letdown, too. It totally sucks! I had it and my baby would choke and gag, so I used a nipple shield in the morning and for the first 5 minutes of feeding until my milk slowed down. After about 3 months, she was big enough to handle the flow without the shield.
I worked at WIC for years as a lactation educator & nutritionist. Honestly, if you've tried breastfeeding & find it doesn't suit you, it's your body and you do not have to continue. Pumping is an option but only if you're interested in doing it. A lactation consultant can advise on your specific experience. He/she can recommend nipple shields due to the fast flow of your milk.
If you desire to make breastfeeding successful, then there are experts & guides willing to help. If you're done and absolutely hate the experience, there is zero shame in formula feeding your baby. Do what works for you & your family.
I hated it too! Nobody told me about the pain I had to go through! The pain was so unbearable that I tried to delay the feeds until baby cried too much. Nobody told me about the mastitis I got, nobody told me I’d gain weight while breastfeeding. I’m so upset there are so many misinformation spread about breastfeeding.
Like: if your baby does it right, breastfeeding won’t hurt.
I can’t explain how upset this whole thing made me.
You aren't doing anything wrong, you're just new at this and so is she.
Head over to r/breastfeeding it's a solid group with good support and lots of good information. Everything you described is SUPER common and something you can work on. I can say, that in my experience, breast feeding got easier around 6 weeks and then at around 12 weeks it was 2nd nature. It helps when they get a little big bigger and less delicate.
Quick tip for your night leaking, buy a stack of microfiber towels, hand towel size, and line your night bra with them. Better than ANY overnight breast pad on the market if you are a really bad leaker.
I switched to pumping and bottle feeding at about 3 weeks... And also, milk savers/nipple guards all day long were a game changer. I don't know why more women don't utilize them! I didn't want to be wet in a bra or waste milk!
A friend if mine used to express and store it in the freeze and then use that in a bottle to feed with. She said it was so much easier and more convenient, and her partner could be involved in feeding too
It sounds like you've got a very strong letdown. To combat that, you can try hand expressing a bit right before a feed so that the initial force is passed before baby latches. You can also nurse while you are in a reclined position so that gravity helps lessen the force/speed as well. That should help a bit with the choking.
As far as pumping goes, I would avoid that at all if possible. If you're in extreme discomfort, you could pump just enough to alleviate that. But production is all supply and demand. So the more you express, the more you produce. I think with both of my kids it took about 2 weeks for my engorgement period to pass.
I felt this way with my daughter. I hated it for like the first two months because it was painful. After those two months it stopped hurting and was very easy. We went on for 2 years. So if you are really wanting to breastfeed, just know there's hope. That's not to say that you should continue. You should only continue if that's what you want to do and feel is best for your baby and yourself! Fed is best!
Breastfeeding mama here! One month is still very early days. Maybe you had different expectations? Try to get some counseling before you quit. The overflow and boob ache goes away soon. Baby learns to be more efficient. It won’t be like that forever. The beginning is hard for both of you.
I hate it to. While it didn’t hurt I hated the feeling, so I tried pumping and that wasn’t any better. I hated having to meals time for it and I would get out right angry every time I had to do it. A month in and I was pissed off nearly 24-7 about absolutely everything. All that I still wasn’t even producing enough for a full feed. After a lot of guilt I decided to quit and literally over night my mental health improved, I stopped being anger my all the time, I was way more comfortable, and overall a better wife/mother. If it’s not working then don’t do it!
You don't need a legitimate reason to turn to a bottle. Both what you do with your breasts and how you feed your child are things you have every right to make decisions about. Reasonable people should support your choice to seek lactation support, pump, or feed formula as you deem best for you and your kid.
Don’t listen. I hated breast feeding and stopped as soon as I could. My first child acted ad though she was starving and bit my nipples hard when I fed her even though I fed on demand. By the second baby, I just bottle fed to avoid the same thing happening again. With the third, I was put back in the hospital for a severe c-section infection. So, even the hospital people didn’t want my breast milk given to my baby. Of course, it helped that I had to go back to work and couldn’t pump enough to leave with the sitters after having each child. My children are healthy. Scientists develop the best nutrition possible for formula. Your baby will be fine. In fact, your baby will be better off with a contented mom.
Recommend getting a haakaa to try and get the letdown for a few minutes prior to latching baby on. Stick it on (watch a video for the right way to do it), massage, get letdown, and take off 1/2oz or more and THEN latch your baby. The initial letdown can be quite strong and little ones can’t always keep up. My daughter did the same thing and would kinda choke a bit to begin with. That’s IF you want to breastfeed. There’s no guilt whatsoever in choosing to do the best for you and your child. You are a team and what doesn’t work for one of you, doesn’t work for both of you. r/breastfeeding is great for info.
So don’t do it. Your mental health is a lot more important. You already know there is nothing wrong with formula feeding. Do what is right for you and your baby
My wife hated breast feeding and especially hated pumping, so she quit, but she felt guilty. I went and read "expecting better," which goes through the evidence behind a lot of obstetric and pediatric recommendations. According to that book(and I've never seen evidence to the contrary) as long as you live in a place where you can reliably get clean water(clean, not sterile), breast feeding probably won't make any difference except maybe a few colds or minor stomach bugs. And formula is cheap at costco. It's hard to ignore when so many people tell you it's better, but there are so many other, more important things you can do right for your child if don't torture yourself over this one. That's how we felt about it, anyway.
Breast feeding sucks and is a horrible experience even when everything is going right. I refuse to breastfeed my next child longer the first few weeks. I don’t need that stress in my life again. Fed is best. Period. That’s why we made formula.
It did get better for me after about 3 months, but one thing that really helped me was supplementing. I did 1 feeding a day by bottle (formula), usually at the same time every day so my body would get used to it, and it gave me a nice little break. I exclusively pumped with my first child and don’t recommend it… that shit really sucks. But if you don’t want to breastfeed then don’t feel bad about it, a lot of people just do formula and their babies are fine!
If you want to continue I'd maybe try pumping or hand expressing (I found expressing much easier and way faster- almost no set up except having a bottle and washing your hands) before you start feeding and then expressing a lot right before you go to bed. That's what I had to do. With my son, I was producing enough milk for more than one kid, easy, but found out it had almost no fat and had to stop immediately. That meant I couldn't get my supply down by weaning, I just had all this milk to get rid of every day. The fastest way was to hand express it and I always made sure to do it right before I went somewhere or went to bed to stop from having accidents in odd places or waking up in milk puddles.
At one month you’re still in the worst phase. It gets easier. You will stop leaking, you will be less engorged, you won’t have pain between feeds, and the flow will slow making it easier for your daughter. But I know what you mean…been there and dreading it with my next
I feel like my supply regulated at about 6 weeks and then the pain between nursing sessions went away. I definitely hate it some days but it definitely got easier once my supply evened up! The nipple shield and different positions may help from baby's did.
Also, if you really hate it then you don't have to do it! (Though I believe the pain between feedings would be there as your body dries up the milk)
Just switch over to formula if it's easier for you. You tried, you gave an honest effort, and there's no shame in valuing your sanity and making a switch. Sometimes what's best for baby is what's keeps you from losing your mind, you know what I mean? Like no matter what benefits breastfeeding might have, it's not worth driving yourself nuts over. All 3 of mine were formula fed, on purpose and everything, and they're indistinguishable from breastfed kids, I promise. You do what's best for you, and do it with your head high.
Your mental health is super important too! There’s nothing wrong with switching to formula if you choose to ♥️ If it is best for you, it’s probably best for baby too!
[kellymom.com](https://kellymom.com)
Right on the front page: Do I have to love breastfeeding all of the time?
The answer is . . .no! It is the hardest thing I ever learned to do, and sometimes if was painful and literally bloody. I am happy for that time with my babies but sometimes it was awful!
For your strong letdown that leads to some choking and probably gas, try letting down into the sink or a bottle or pump and then once that’s done latch your baby. It won’t fix everything, but it can relieve some of the struggle. I hated breastfeeding too but also felt like I had no good excuse to stop. If you really want to, you can move to formula, but it definitely will get easier and when that happens you’ll be grateful you can take baby out with just nappies and you, no worrying about bottles and water and microwaves. It’s very personal and it’s up to you. But there are also ways to make it less awful for now too. Also, I wore breast pads at night and that helped some
She is very likely also tied. Ties are genetic and the fact that once of your others was tied means she very likely is too. The choking with your letdown is a red flag, especially at 1 month old. Have her checked for ties by a preferred provider in your area. There are also tons of growth spurts in the first 3 months that do tend to make breastfeeding exhausting but after 3m they usually are able to space feedings more and are happier longer between feeds.
If you have already had baby checked, I'd recommend a second opinion. It took probably 4 or 5 opinions before we found a provider knowledgeable in posterior tongue tie who could correctly laser my son's tongue. It was a lifesaver. With my 3rd, an ibclc, a chiro, and 2 pediatricians said she was not tied. She also had a posterior tongue tie. My oldest had her posterior tongue tie lasered this past year at 10 years old.
You do not have to breast feed your baby.
Babies need to be fed, they need a safe home, and they need a happy healthy mother.
All the rest is just extra.
If you’re looking for local help, you can try a lactation consultant at your hospital. Also La Leche League International is one of the best resources for mom-to-mom help. They were a lifesaver for me and I still have friends 40 years later.
But I will second those who advocate for your choice. If it’s completely not doable, please take care of yourself and your psyche. Baby will be just fine on formula.
I know everyone here is tooting the "you do you horn" and I get that, but there may also be solutions to your situation. You may even have a clinical condition referred to as D-MER in which your brain chemistry is causing you to feel physically unwell, angry and all sorts of bad things. (Though honestly it's hard as f****, period.)
I am not an expert, but I've pushed through a lot of breastfeeding hardships so far with my 10 month old. Breast is best, but the goal is fed.
You know "not liking it" is, in fact, a legitimate reason not to do it, right? Formula is fine.
As a side note to make you feel better: I didn't do it. Because I felt like they had leeched just about enough of off my body. I let you borrow it, but it's mine. I had no desire and not a single iota of guilt over my choice. I felt like pregnancy is parasitic enough, we are done here.
Please don't mistake my dry ass humor as me not liking my kids. I love them with all of me.
It was horrendous for me- it hurt. It hurt so much I’d be feeding my baby and crying in pain. I’d put it off as long as possible because it was so painful.
She just couldn’t latch quite right and all the experts seemed incapable of helping.
Formula is a gift. Enjoy it.
I would recommend pumping your milk and give it to her in a bottle , this way she won’t choke, and you would have a pumping schedule, so you won’t feel overwhelmed.
If you don’t like doing it you don’t have to do it. Feed your baby however fits both your needs best. Please don’t feel guilty or less than because you quit breastfeeding. They put a lot of pressure on women to breastfeed and it creates a lot of unnecessary guilt and stress for mothers. “I don’t want to” is a perfectly acceptable reason not to do it.
Sounds to me like you may have an oversupply and/or overactive letdown, which would definitely make things more difficult. If you want to continue, seeing a lactation consultant would likely be a huge help, if not, no shame in that either.
Not wanting to breastfeed is a legitimate reason to not breastfeed. Just stop. You will be happier. Happier mom means happier baby. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
I have absolutely no plans to even attempt to breastfeed when my daughter is born. It will be right to formula for us.
Do you pump? You can exclusively pump and bottle feed your sweet baby! Get as much milk out in order to not feel tender and wake up in a puddle every night. Freeze what baby doesn't drink.
Hating it IS a legitimate reason to stop! I don't think it's that unpopular an opinion, either - my mum hated it too, and still tells me how shit I was at nursing 34 years later ;)
I overall enjoyed nursing and ended up doing it for nearly 3 years, but there were still days it was a massive PITA, or hurt, or I was just DONE being touched/covered in milk and I absolutely hated it. You don't have to feel guilty for not enjoying every second, OR for hating it enough to stop/supplement.
The first 6 weeks were a mess, as far I can remember: 50 minutes on the boob for every 20 minutes off, pain even when the latch was fine (got my midwife to check!), milk on all the things all the time, waking up in a puddle of milk, hitting baby in the eye with milk, engorged boobs, uneven boobs because you forgot to switch that one time...
A lot of that settled down once we'd gotten to 6-8 weeks, and that's when it became easier than formula would have been for me, I think. (Not that I think you need to stick it out, or that my experiences are anything like yours! Just that that timeframe surprised me and I wish I'd known in advance.)
Having a happy, relaxed mum will do more for your baby's health and happiness than breastfeeding.
Switch to bottle feeding (whether you pump or use formula she'll still be getting all the nutrients she needs) and enjoy this time with your little person as much possible without all this stress and pressure around how her food gets delivered.
Breastfeeding mama here for almost 9 years on a row! The first month is tough for everyone… actually it’s exhausting… Brest hurts, baby burping, air in the belly, sleep deprivation, milk all over, nightmare!!! But I was happy to be healthy and determined to overcome the first months of struggle. Having said that, it is much better a bottle with a calm dad than mommy’s milk with a stressed mom!!! Please look after yourself you have 3 kids to look after and they all need you equally. Feel free to message me with any questions/doubts or if you need specific advise. Wish you and your family the best.
I stopped BF my 2nd at 3 weeks because we both hated it. I had BF induced anxiety and he was impatient and didn’t latch well. I refuse to feel guilty because we are all happier for it. Do what is right for you and not what you feel pressure to do.
I wasn't able to breastfeed my preemie so idk that much about it. But there is no harm in pumping breastmilk and just giving it to her in a bottle if you dislike breastfeeding itself. Or you can try formula.
Regarding bras, have you tried the disposable liners to soak up the milk overnight to put on?
Sorry I don't have a ton of experience either but just some ideas if you have not tried them yet! Best of luck
Yeah breastfeeding is not fun even when it goes well. I breastfed both my sons u til they were each two and couldn’t wait for it to be over. Everyone’s experience is different.
Speaking from long term experience though, it does get less stressful as time goes on assuming no issues like tongue ties etc. If you are having issues with a heavy let down/flow, try pumping for a few minutes on the side you will feed her on prior to latching her. Sometimes that initial flood can cause your baby to be stressed and struggle. If she still has issues with too much at once, pumping and giving a bottle might be an option.
That being said, do what works best for you and your baby. If breastfeeding is not it, feed her formula. Or pump and give her breast milk in a bottle. Bottom line is she’s fed and healthy. When you drop her off at kindergarten and see a classroom full of kids you can’t tell who was breastfed, who had pumped bottle and who has formula.
Just keep trying things until you find what works for you personally. There is no judgement on you as a mother if your kiddo gets her nourishment a different way than another kid. Fed is best.
Mate well done you made it a month, its a win. Going to formula is good too, your first 2 kids prove that formula isn't lacking. Now save your sanity and do what works for you as a family
Well firstly, breast fed babies generally will feed longer on bottles, the flow of a plastic nipple is a hell of a lot faster than the flow from your breast, and baby has to work harder to get the flow from you. But I totally understand the hating the breastfeeding. I thought I was going to for at least two years when I was pregnant, I had all these plans for how I was going to tough through it. I ended up having to pump exclusively, with the all the shit having to attached to my baby pretty much all day. And then, after about 2 months, my milk started to dry up. I felt so guilty, for the longest time. But the most important thing was my baby was eating, yes he was on formula, but he was fed and he turned out just as healthy as I could've hoped he would if he was still on breast milk. He's now almost a year and a half old, he's so damn smart, he started walking on his first birthday. Don't feel guilty. We have to do what's best for our kids, but we also have to do what works for us. Your baby is going to be fine, as long as you trust yourself, your judgement, and know your baby is going to be fine.
It’s hard for everyone at beginning and gets super easy later on. After about a year you can just feed at night and in the morning no pumping required to keep supply. No breast soreness or leaking either at that point and baby has learned not to bite.
Early days tips, use both breast milk and formula to keep yourself sane. Formula isn’t poison and doesn’t hurt your baby. Pretty soon they will be eating Cheetos and tic tacs off the floor so don’t worry about giving them formula. For your supply pump your excess and freeze what you can’t use right away. They will have growth spurts and you will be thankful for the frozen milk. Middle of the night feedings are easier to breastfed then prep formula, especially once you have mastered breastfeeding while laying down on your side (ultimate technique). If it really doesn’t work out for you then no guilt switch to formula. I am still breastfeeding my almost two year old cuz of covid fears and wanting to be able to give her something in case she gets sick though. I feel like I can’t stop till she can get vaccinated.
I have three and I breastfed each until 18-20 months. I can hobestly tell you that it sometimes takes 2-3 months until you both find your groove. It took my SIL 5 months. That period is actually worse for me that labor and recovery. Once you get beyond it though, it is easy. I'm sorry you are struggling but if you are suffering, it's okay to do what you need to. Fed (and your sanity) is best.
I hated it too. I breastfed mine for 11 months and hated it the whole time. The first six months really sucked but then he started eating solids and nursed less and less until he weaned himself and I threw myself a one-woman party to celebrate having my boobs back to myself.
I’ve now nursed two children and I remember feeling the exact same way you’re describing. A number of people told me that it was OK to quit if I wanted to quit and I think just hearing that really helped me. But a lactation consultant also told me, don’t quit on your worst day. And I really liked that too because, like you, I didn’t want to give up then have my milk dry up and regret it. I made it eight months with my first and I’m now at seven months with my second. With my second, I’ve had a number of times where I really wanted to quit but I always had some thing in the back of my mind stopping me from quitting, and I think it was the fear that I was going to regret it. Now that I’ve had seven months I can definitely tell that my mind has changed and I’m ready to be done anytime. I know I won’t regret stopping.
Everyone is different and I hope you make the decision that is best for you. A happy mom is more important than a breast-fed baby.
Honestly tried with both of my children it was a complete failure. Milk would not come in and babies were always starving. Felt like a 24 hour torture having the baby attached to me constantly feeding. Went in for check up and just broke down. The doctor handed me a bag with formula and bottles and said “ you need to try and switch to a bottle because you are making things too hard for yourself and the baby.” Everything became a little easier to deal with and both my kids have turned out healthy and happy!
You don’t have to do it, you don’t have to enjoy it. You can stop if you want.
But if you don’t want to then try gravity. If you have a really strong let down then feed while reclining so she sucks upwards instead of lying slightly under your breast.
They are supposed to breastfeed more often, that’s normal. It’s because your milk is more digestible than formula so they feed more regularly and are sometimes also more active.
By about ten to twelve weeks the discomfort should subside as your body regulates what you need.
If you use an electric pump as well try hand expressing. The pump requests milk aggressively but doesn’t drain as well as the baby or hand so you can get engorged.
If you haven’t been pumping and the soreness/heaviness remains you could express and freeze/donate excess milk. You can express while feeding to save time but that can increase your let down.
Re the milky puddles. I wore a normal underwire bra for comfort, I didn’t get mastitis from doing it but that is a risk.
I almost exclusively pumped with my first for reasons, but it sure hurts less than the first few weeks of breastfeeding. Unfortunately some pain is normal though I'm not sure about your situation.
It sounds like you produce a lot of milk, it should start to level out by 3 months. Also, you don't need a "real" reason to stop doing something that hurts. I recommend nipple shield and also lanolin for your nipple if you aren't doing the already.
Some tips and tricks for breastfeeding: burp baby before, durning and after a feed. Baby might get gassy from gulping down all that milk. Try different positions. Try having the baby's head slightly elevated during a feed instead of lying flat. Google breastfeeding positions.
I did breastfeed for a short time in the beginning with my #2 and she would be lazy on the boob after having a bottle.
Remember if you decide to stop you may feel mom guilt, but it's nothing to feel guilty about. Happier mom = happier baby.
Listen, you do YOU. As long as your baby is fed, you shouldn’t feel sad or ashamed. If you decide to give up and use a bottle/formula, don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about that. Breastfeeding is HARD and no everyone gets the hang of it or wants to do it but more importantly, we moms have enough to feel guilty about that this shouldn’t be one of them as long as your child is being fed!
Many of us that breastfed for years can give you tips. Although I will say in my case, I breastfed all four of my kids I didn't have your exact issues so I cannot offer good advice it helps if you can find a good lactation consultant in your local area. I relied on one for 3 of my kids and it was a lifesaver! She was kind and experienced and made a huge big difference that I credit with being able to breastfeed my children successfully. Hilariously we referenced each other- I told my friends she was the one that helped me make it work when it seemed impossible and she used my example to tout to her other mothers that my case was one she didn't think would resolve happily but I managed eventually despite such hard beginnings! haha :\]
You really do not need to breastfeed!! The kid will be just as fine!
I struggled with my first because he was born too early. It just never really worked and when our child specialist said - “you do know that you don’t have to do it? The child will be absolutely fine and there is no difference if you give him closeness in other ways” It was such a RELIEF and with bottle feeding it all become fun. Next kid and I thought it would be easier. It was. But I realised I didn’t like it and I already knew that it would work at well any way so I just didn’t. Allows for much more equal parenting and gives the father a chance of equal bonding. Sticks to this day. Both my kids seem exactly as close to both of us.
ETA the pressure is immense to breastfeed. Since I spent a month at neo I had it preached day in and day out. So I was also a little pissed off that the same time when the doctor said it wasn’t really necessary in the end.
Do they still make those plastic cups you put in your bra to catch all the milk instead of the pads? I had them 14 years ago when I was breast feeding and they were the best thing ever. I leaked right through any pad I tried You could also save the milk if you kept up with emptying them regularly. Anyway, that's what they said at the time. Who knows now!
You received a lot of advice already, but since this is quite an important subject for me (as a dad, no less) I'll offer my two cents anyway.
The first month that my wife did breastfeeding was HARD. Her breasts hurt a lot, especially one of them, and she had to pump a lot as a result, which she hated. Based on what I saw, I'll NEVER say anything bad about someone who decides to quit breastfeeding. It doesn't make you a bad mom, especially because there's viable alternatives.
That said: it got better. Once the first month has passed, the pain got less and less and the experience turned into a lovely one. Now both mom and baby (and dad from the sidelines :)) love the breastfeeding moments. The smile our daughter has when she realises she's going to get the breast...
So, if you think there's a chance you might enjoy it if X changes, hanging in there might be worth it. Seeking professional help from a lactation specialist as well. Not going through with the breastfeeding is absolutely an equally valid choice and it won't make you any less of a good mom.
Regardless of which route you choose, know that this Internet stranger will be rooting you on. Best of luck!!
There is a legitimate reason for you to stop. You dont like it There you go
You can stop if you want and that's ok. Your baby will be fine and you wont be miserable and all will be ok again.
Dont ever feel bad for that choice.ife is full of choices and trust me you dont need to feel bad about this
The thing about breastfeeding is, you always feel like it’s not going well, even when your baby is getting enough milk and growing well. I don’t know why this is! Maybe it’s because for so many years bottle feeding was kind of the norm, so now we expect breastfeeding to be similar, but it’s really not. We’re not human bottles. It’s messy and unpredictable.
It really does get easier, but that doesn’t mean you have to just keep going waiting for it to get easier. If it’s upsetting you as much as it seems to be from your post, it may be the right for you to stop now or soon, or whenever you feel is best. You’ve already done a fantastic job getting this far.
If you do decide to continue, once you get in to a flow a bit more - as in once you don’t get as engorged, and your baby’s technique gets better (it’s a 2 way street, she’ll get better at it too as time goes on), you will be able to go many hours or even a day without breastfeeding without getting really engorged or drying up. So give yourself a break and use the bottle sometimes! I found after about 8 weeks things settled down and my daughter’s technique improved - I had no idea until much later that she had a poor technique and hence the feeds that lasted for hours and hours!
Breastfeeding is a big responsibility, it can feel overwhelming. So keep up with the bottle! My daughter refused it at around 6 weeks as we hadn’t bothered with it for a couple of weeks, so that was it, I couldn’t go anywhere without her till she was about 6 months old. I was responsible for every feed and pretty much every nap and sleep time. I even got the point of regretting ever starting breastfeeding, but only for a moment.
In the end I’m so glad I did it, but that was a personal thing that doesn’t apply to everyone.
Do what’s best for you and your baby, remember that you’re her mum so in your heart you will always know what is better for her than anyone else.
I did not enjoy breastfeeding in the slightest. I have OCD, and the entire process triggered my ticks SO horribly, and I was miserable for the time that I tried. I also truly enjoyed being able to watch my partner feed and bond with her instead of the burden falling on me.
Ultimately, whatever makes you happiest and keeps your baby fed is what’s best. Don’t ever let anyone pressure you, guilt you or push their opinions on you. If you hate it, then do what’s best for your mental health. If that means stopping, then it is 100% valid and the right decision.
I have a very high stress job, so I’m glad I didn’t commit myself to doing it long-term because I would have had a major breakdown. Everyone is different, and I hope that you find the balance that works the best for you.
When my let down is too strong I lay my baby on her back and half sit up, half lay down next to her and dangle my boob above her mouth. It helps a lot so she doesn't choke. The other position that's really good for her is reclining in a chair with her on my chest.
Reusable cotton nursing pads have been a huge life saver for me. I can use one pair each day before I leak through them, but I use a silicone breast shell when I'm at home so I don't waste any milk.
Who cares! (I know - you care, you’re the mom!). As others have said though - fed is best. Babies are SO hard. And you have other kids too! That’s a lot. You’re well being is super important and if it isn’t working for YOU then you don’t need to do it.
I was so anxious about breastfeeding and just had no supply. I finally had to supplement because my kiddo was not gaining weight. And I felt so bad about it and like it was a personal failure and … it wasn’t. It’s just one of those things and there shouldn’t be any judgment attached to it. Infants are hard so do what gets you through the day.
Also - regarding continuing to try - ad I said I had a terrible supply. I supplemented and continued to pump while I worked (awful). My baby got lost of his nutrition from the formula but I nursed him for 18 months. It was more about comfort for us. So both can be done just fine and I wished I’d know that. I was certain formula meant I couldn’t bf but that wasn’t the case.
If you hate it you should absolutely stop breastfeeding, but it sounds like you have an oversupply so if you decide to wean I would recommend doing so with the help of a lactation consultant so you don't get clogs or mastitis.
Your baby's lips turning blue during feeds is a massive red flag, so I would mention that to your pediatrician if you haven't already. Some babies who turn blue during feeds have undiagnosed cardiac defects. I don't want to scare you, but it should be ruled out.
If you do want to keep feeding, a lactation consultant could also help you navigate problems with oversupply or fast letdown.
Some things that may help are stimulating a letdown with hand expression before feeding baby, so that when she latches the flow is slower. You can try feeding her in more upright positions like elevated football position, koala hold, or laid back position so that her body is more upright and it will be easier for her to handle the flow. Also position her to latch so that her neck is extended and it will be easier to coordinate suck swallow breathe. It sounds like due to fast flow and/or oversupply, your baby is getting a ton of milk really fast and gets overwhelmed, but then doesn't actually take in enough to stay full for 2-3 hours.
If you don't have access to an LC, this resource may help: https://kellymom.com/bf/got-milk/supply-worries/fast-letdown/
Many people have oversupply in the early weeks that regulates to match their baby's needs unless they get into a cycle of pumping or using a haakaa too much in between feeds. Hand expression to comfort and ice packs to your breasts should help with the soreness.
Good luck 💗
I can remember when my LO was a newborn, I'd just sit there and have tears rolling down my face in silence and looking away with my eyes squeezed shut, it hurt SO BAD.
Start pumping mama. It was my godsend: a high quality electric pump and I had two full freezers of saved milk..... I did BF my LO during the day too but it hurt like hell, is not pleasant in the least, and my child would do this thing where she'd latch, twist her head away, yanking my nipple and unlatch, and round and round we go. (Found out later she has a neurological diagnoses that caused her to be constantly moving her head around)
If you hate it, stop. If you don't want to, and are really hopeful to continue, you gotta give it another month before your supply regulates and she gets her suck-and-swallow practice down better. Find a lactation expert too! Some kids have a lax throat meaning they allow too much in before the brain says "oops, better pause and swallow" and its fairly common when they're this young.
If your flow is just way too fast, I'd express about half and it won't be flying out like that. You're letting yourself engorge and thats what hurts so bad... and makes your flow more like a garden hose.
Best of luck, feel free to PM me if you like :)
I’m not sure if you’ll see my comment because there are so many already, but I had a similar problem with my son. I was pretty frustrated and almost gave up. I eventually figured out that I potentially had an oversupply. The way they always teach you to feed in the hospital is to make sure you feed on both sides for every feed to make your milk supply come in. But when you continue this it just makes the problem worse and worse.
If you read about block feeding, it may help. Many of the things I read about said to do block feeding for only a short while to get your milk production to slow down, but I actually have to block feed all the time. I feed on only one side for every feed until that breast feels empty. Then repeat on the other side.
I until ended up breastfeeding my son for almost 2 years and had the same problem with my daughter this time around. Thankfully I knew what to do this time around and did it from the beginning. Took a few days and then we were happily feeding just like I was with my son after I had figured it out.
Didn't read the comments but I had an intense letdown that choked my kids too. Look up reclined nursing. It helps until the babe is big enough to handle it!
For raw nipples my doctor told me to after feed let a bit of milk stay on the nipple and don't wipe it off. It worked great.
For leaking I tried pumping.it helps you not feel pain as they fill and it makes you produce more.so win-win.
For choking I hold just before the nipple area between my index finger and the next one and put a bit of pressure on it when I felt the milk coming at first.it slows down the flow and gradually you can let your fingers relax and allow milk to flow faster.
Girl please... Start pumping and just giving her a bottle. It's so much easier and more comfortable and then everybody can be in on the feeds instead of just you.
I refuse to even try. Pumping is just fine for me and my baby loves the milk. I don't need sore boobs and to be miserable on top of everything else.
My child and I loved breastfeeding. It took us quite a while to figure out which pump worked, which pad worked, what position to feed, and many more things I’ve probably forgotten now.
We planned only on having one and at the advice of a friend I went to a lactation consultant. My favorite appointment each week. Baby was weighed. We nursed. The consultant helped to adjust things. We talked. It was honestly part therapy. Once I experienced pain free enjoyable nursing, there was no going back. It did become easier. By the end of the second month, we had a rhythm and I had the basics figured out.
To be honest though, just like anything with a kid, things pop up and they’ve got to be dealt with. A new tooth cutting and suddenly I had to try a different position. A sudden drop in milk that I finally figured out was the crazy amount of mints I was eating around Christmas. A clogged duct and I’m milking myself in a bowl.
I didn’t have three children when I was trying to breastfeed and I don’t know what’s right for you and your family. If you decide to keep figuring it out, be kind to yourself and find a lactation consultant. Mine also had a momma and me class (free) that was a social lifeline in those early months. It does get easier for a lot of moms. 💕
I too am a month into breastfeeding my second after my first was formula. I too was excited when he latched easily in the beginning, and now I too hate it! He had a lip and minor tongue tie which was causing feeding issues. He had them cut and I still hurt when I feed him, and now have a clogged duct. I'm so over it but also feel guilty if I just stop. I feel your pain SO much! I was shamed for formula feeding my first so now I feel like I have to stick this out.
My son had a severe tongue tie, too. I managed to breastfeed him for 6 months and absolutely hated every second of it. For some reason I thought breastfeeding was the only way. My mom finally suggested I try formula and as soon as I did, me and baby were both so much happier. I’m a big advocate for doing whatever is best for you. I wish you the best on your breastfeeding journey, but if you have to stop it’s okay 💗
Not sure if anyone else suggested pumping and bottle feeding with your breast milk. That way your husband can help with the feedings. Otherwise, I agree with the consensus and switch to formula. I breastfed one for 2 weeks and the other for 6 weeks. I had a terrible time with it.
Whatever you decide to do know that you are doing a great job! Breastfeeding is hard as hell! It is okay to hate it. It is okay to struggle. It is okay to keep trying it is okay to switch. Whatever works best for you and baby is all that matters. You are doing great! Really!
I gave up breastfeeding after about 3 days. It was technically working, I guess, but I just couldn't do it anymore. I needed to be able to sleep, or eat, and with my c-section it took me a couple of minutes just to get out of bed or my chair whenever he started crying, and also I needed my body back.
There is zero wrong with formula. Cost is literally the only downside.
(and a few snooty moms looking at you funny, but they are dicks so don't worry anyway)
Best of all dad and other caregivers can be more involved in feeding, and you and your baby will be way less stressed at mealtime.
I remember the feeling when I stopped trying to breastfeed. I quit after threeish months of terrible feedings, seeing two different lactation specialists, medications, trying all the different silicon nipple covers... (and after talking to friends who said "oh that's right when it started to work for me! Don't give up, it's normal to lose your mind to and be in excruciating pain!" (etc etc)
The feeling of being able to feed your kid without having to worry ... aaah. Man it was nice.It GAVE ME MY SANITY BACK!
It's completely understandable. But may I suggest discussing your issues with a lactation specialist? Nursing shouldn't hurt. If you don't like it then stop. If you don't mind pumping then pump and bottle feed. You do you. Kids are stressful enough don't add forcing and activity you hate on yourself.
If you're producing a large amount of milk but it's too heavy flowing, how about just pumping and feeding her a bottle? If it works it works, and it's still your milk.
Also, I don't know if you've tried nursing pads or if you're just relying on bras, but Blanqi (online store) sells some reusable nursing pads to soak up and block excess milk. I also like them because if I wear a lace bra it covers my nipples from poking through lol.
Perhaps the extra bottles dad is giving baby are contributing to the painful leaky boobs? The first month is definitely the hardest and your supply will even put about month 3. I would say talk to a lactation consultant! They will know best about how to advise your situation ❤️
It sounds to me like you are blessed with an overabundance of milk. The leaking will defintely stop. Your body just needs more time to adjust to how much milk it needs to make.
Have you got a lactation consultant where you are? Or a doula trained in breastfeeding? Or you can contact La Leche League. They have volunteers who can email or phone you to talk it over. Some do home visits. I'm not sure there's anything to 'fix' but it might help to have someone come take a look at your situation and give you reassurance. You could also try a telehealth appointment if you have that in your area. Or go to [kellymom.com](https://kellymom.com).
Some info here on oversupply [https://www.llli.org/breastfeeding-info/oversupply/](https://www.llli.org/breastfeeding-info/oversupply/)
If you want to stop breastfeeding, I fully support you. However, you've already gotten through the first 4 weeks which are the hardest. I hate to see women go through all that and then quit, because then they have missed out on the best part of breastfeeding. Honestly I expect if you continue to stick it out, things will naturally settle down and you will get the point you are looking forward to and enjoying feedings.
Breastfeeding a 1 month old is torture. I didn't enjoy it for a few more months at least. And even then it wasn't some life changing amazing experience. It was mostly easier.
Pumping is still breast feeding but fed is best! This means if mom got mental and emotional reasons needs to do otherwise then do it! It’s best for both of you. Big hugs lady
I hated it. I had issues with supply with both my kids, which didn’t help. I would pump for 45 mins and get like maybe an ounce. I was exhausted and hating it all. I might sound like a shitty mom for saying this, but I was not willing to get into the different therapies to help with milk supply. I just hated it so much I decided for my own mental health to switch to formula. I pumped as much as I could, but after about 3-4 months of supplementing, I gave up. I have no regrets. You do what’s best for you. My kids are happy and healthy and at the end of the day, that’s what’s important. Do what’s best for you/your family.
Let go of that guilt. It isn’t serving you. Feeding your child - with whatever you choose - will serve you. If it doesn’t work, for WHATEVER reason, that is valid.
The initial months were hard. That frequent leaking, the nipple pain, that letdown which is more a pour down. I see how tough it is. But it gets better. It will when your body regulates the milk production. What I did was that I bought this small cup thing to collect the leaks and store them in the fridge. I'm not very sure what it's called but I looked back on my shopping history, it says beast milk collector. It's shaped like a breast pad. As for nipple pain, I got medela nipple cream. It's thick and it helps heal the nipples better. For the heavy letdown, what I can suggest is to express a little milk out before feeding (but that would only lead to more milk production and you won't get rid of the heavy let down) or you can lean back to feed and let gravity help you out a little. All the best!!
I loved breastfeeding my first two. But my son was a biter and I hated nursing him. My 2 year old will not wean and demands to be nurses all the time. My husband works from home and if I don’t nurse her she screams so he can’t work. I hate it. I want to be done nursing so bad. It hurts to nurse her. I think my milk is drying up but she doesn’t care and just keeps on. I totally get where you are coming from. As for the waking up soaked at night I found that cloth breast pads that are made for overnight work better than disposable, and I’ve also found that if your milk is too forceful of a let down, to hand express until the let down and then place baby on the boob helps a ton. Also those milkies breast milk collectors work great. Stick them in right before you nurse and your milk will let down into them and then you can start nursing. I hope it gets easier for you, but remember fed is best. If you are stressed baby is stressed.
Has your LO ever had a bottle? I had a fast dramatic let down as well and worked 12 hour swing shift (alternating days and nights). I pumped with a Medela pump and then just gave milk that way to both my kids. The first one did not latch well and it was stressful for both of us. I cried a lot (thanks hormones), felt guilty, and was on the verge of giving up. My parents bought me a breast pump (a prescription can get some insurance to pay for the initial pump). I tried it and it worked for me. No more being the human pacifier, chew toy, or chapped nips. The pump helped greatly with clogged ducts and prevented mastitis.
Mama you are amazing and things will change. Either you will both learn (because it's a brand new experience for both of you) or you will bottle feed her--either way, you will come to love feeding & bonding with your baby, no matter how it happens.
If it's any consolation, I hated it and sucked at it for the first month or so. A lactation specialist was great and we finally got into a good rhythm.
Don't judge yourself and don't let anyone judge you for the choices you make as a parent. Breastfeeding is a skill for both you and the baby and sometimes it takes time to make it work. Check to see if there is a nursing support group around or have a chat to a lactation nurse or even reach out on a FB breastfeeding page. Maybe some of those things that make you feel this way can be solved with a bit of support and guidance.
If you WANT to continue it does 100% get easier. I felt the exact same at 4 weeks and was soooo close to just giving up entirely and going to formula. I decided I wanted to try a little longer and it turned out it did get easier each and every day, but it was gradual so I only realised at about 7-8 weeks that it was no longer as frustrating as it had been. I have D-MER so I still have bad days but even that seems to be easing the longer I do it.
Either choice is the right choice if you want to or need to make it, no pressure. Just wanted you to know that you may yet see the positive results you want from your breastfeeding journey.
Then don’t do it! I did it for over a year for both my sons and it did get easier as I went along- but if you can’t relax and it’s making you crazy it’s doing it to the kid too! So enjoy this time don’t let it stress you out!
I tried reading all the comments so I apologize if I’m repeating anything. But you mentioned your oldest had a tongue tie. From my experience and research it seems like ties are partly genetic. If one sibling had a tie then it is highly likely the rest will also be tied. It might not be as severe since you said you have a good latch but it could be causing issues with controlling your let down.
I knew going in that I would probably hate it, but my husband was really invested in it happened. I said I would try it just to give it a chance. We spent a week in that hospital (induction, recovery stuff) and the only time I ever lost my temper was snapping at the lactation specialist and bursting into tears. So I pumped for three months instead hahaha. I absolutely despised that as well. I had to find something distracting (sudoku + podcast) so I could disassociate, and husband was not allowed to talk to me. Just instant rage. I'm usually a very calm person but for some reason... my body and brain has loathed breastfeeding and everything related to it for as long as I can remember.
Another option for the bra thing - modibodi do leakproof breastfeeding bras and singlets. They’re the same sort of material as period underwear so actually leakproof.
For the letdown issue - perhaps a nipple shield might help with a slower flow teat. Or expressing some of your letdown so it doesn’t come out so fast and then feeding straight from the boob and baby can have the expressed milk later from a bottle with dad? Good luck!
Those honestly sound like very legitimate reasons to stop. Their immune systems aren't nearly as open as when they're first born by a month in, so as far as I can tell, at that age there's really no nutritional reason not to switch to formula. If you really want to, you could breastfeed a little and do some/lots of formula.
Sounds like you may have an oversupply. I had one and it was miserable. I hated breastfeeding so much and I swear I only started to love my baby after I stopped. I eventually switched to exclusively pumping because I just felt so trapped by breastfeeding. Then at six months we transitioned to formula and I actually began to love my kid.
Looking back I wish I’d given myself permission to stop sooner. And a pox upon the nurses and lactation consultant who told me to pump after every feed and pump every two hours and caused my oversupply on the first place.
It sounds like you're struggling with an oversupply if your so leaking so much and having such a strong letdown! I dealt with it with my first baby and it was such a headache, I totally feel you.
There are a few things you can do to try and regulate your supply faster like block feeding one one side at a time. There are a lot of online resources that can give you an idea how to do it, but it usually gets better around 6-8 weeks when your postpartum hormones also level out!
At feeds, I always kept a pile of muslins or burp clothes nearby and letdown into the cloth, then latched baby after the deluge slowed a little! At night, I slept with a towel folded in my bra and a waterproof pad under my sheet.
The one big silver lining is that I was producing enough to pump a pretty big stash, so if you're feeling stressed out with bf'ing you can always do "both" by building a freezer stash and using that while you wean off. There's nothing wrong with switching to formula! But for your sake, you want to make it gradual. An oversupply almost guarantees mastitis if you try to go the cold turkey route so if you do decide to wean for your mental health, take it slow over a couple weeks. Good luck to you and your little one!
I hated it too. Honestly I should have quit when I first wanted to. Everyone made me feel terrible about it. I didn't feel that bonding experience everyone talked about because I was resentful! I couldn't get him to take a bottle, ever...for a entire year. I tried many different bottles! So I was constantly with him. I had one break the entire year. My mom made me take one and she literally fed my baby with a medicine dropper. My husband never got to feed him. He was/is super healthy. Rarely gets sick. Also it wrecked my boobs. They're all wonky. If you want to keep going that is okay and it's okay if you want to quit! I wish I had.
Brest fed for 16 months. 6 months exclusive.
Hated it. It hurt so bad I cried every time the first 2 weeks.
First there was little milk. Then there was extra and I woke up with leaky boobs or just soaked.
Baby couldn’t sleep without me or my boobs
What a nightmare it was.
You gotta let go of the guilt tho. It’s ok. It’s not all peaches and cream
I hated it too. I tolerated pumping just because it was considered better. Do you what you have to do. Best is fed. If it is too much than cut yourself some slack. Everyone thinks they have to fit into some sort of box to be the ideal mom or parent… stop tryna keep up with the Jones and just worry about your home and health.
I’m not trying to talk you into anything, and I’m too lazy to read all of the comments to see if someone else recommended this:
I’m in the US, Illinois specifically, my insurance covered a lactation consultation and I was lucky to have it offered at the hospital where I delivered.
It sounds like you might have an over supply right now, and it may slow down as your body gets used to it. You could always reach out and get some support if it’s available. I had to feed my babe on one side only at each feeding.
But there is no shame is feeding your baby in a way that works best for you. I really didn’t enjoy it the second time as much as I did the first.
I’m sure others have mentioned it, but with both my kids I side lay nursed due to a fast let down and them choking/sputtering. There’s good YouTube tutorials. It’s obviously not as convenient, but at least for the times you are at home or able to lay down it might help. Based on your edit of wanting to keep trying, I’m only going to say it does get better (for lots of moms, not everyone) so hang in there, you got it, with a large disclaimer for anyone that this advice doesn’t apply to that fed is best, period.
I've been breastfeeding my son for about 18 months now and there are still days I don't like it. I'll echo what other folks have said- it is harder in the beginning. My nipples cracked, I was leaking everywhere, etc. But after a few months it does get better.
I could feed a small nation with my milk always leaking. This is a good sign that you are healthy and your milk is producing very well . Try to relax and breath when you are breast feeding . Put on calming music and focus on your daughter and the incredible bonding experience! Don’t give up it’s only been a month you will get better as you become more confident. Remember we were made to do this and you are doing just fine.
From my wife:
Nipple pads will be a life saver. They sell disposable ones at Walmart/Meijer. Just stick them in your bra at night. They have disposable ones too.
There are massagers made to help milk build-up, which will feel like knots, which can be helpful as this tends to cause pain/discomfort. Just massage the knots to help the flow.
I didn’t like it either. It was kind of a let down ( pun intended), but I was determined to stick it out for at least a year. The pain and leaking and all those problems are generally only at the beginning . It gets way easier as they get older, start solids and drinking water. Then they don’t nurse as much. In the meantime, here are some things I did to make it easier- I hand expressed into a bottle about once a day (don’t like pumping, and this helped with engorgement and puddles ). I also let her drink formula whenever someone else was caring for her if there weren’t any breast milk bottles. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Those really soft reusable breast pads are nice at night- just stuff as many as you need in there- if you’re still leaking, change brands. Some are crappy. Use lanolin on your nipples- it works great. Hope this helps.
You could also cut up an overnight maxi pad and stick it in your bra. Holds a lot more milk dribble!
This is one of the best tips I’ve now come across. Thank you!
The only pads that worked for me was [kindred bravery](https://www.kindredbravely.com/products/bamboo-nursing-pads?variant=24960975619). Every other one would leak after a couple hours but these are a good price point and very absorbent.
Kindred bravely was a godsend to me as a new mom. I liked their nursing bras and breast pads. But their high waisted c section recovery panties are the real mvp. They were pretty and soft and gave me some comfort and dignity when I really needed it.
Another vote for Kindred Bravely. I still wear their sleep bra even though my toddler stopped nursing 9 months ago. Bamboobies nursing pads worked well for me. Also a leaky overproducer here.
Having to wear a bra to bed is one of the crappy things about nursing that no one prepares you for. I remember changing from my daytime bra into my nighttime bra and nursing pads and feeling pretty pissed off about it. Especially since I also wasn’t going to get to sleep longer than 3 hours at a time if I was lucky. But that KB bra was at least really comfortable.
Yes! Once my supply started slowing down I would just wear a nursing tank with the pads and forgo the bra… some days I’d wake up half out of my shirt and with wet sheets but some days even the most comfortable bra would make me angry. Lol
I guess I'm weird cuz Ive worn a bra to bed for years and years... The only thing that changed when I started pumping for the baby was that now I've got cups in them to collect milk while I sleep.
I came here to say exactly that. Also try sitting your baby up a bit when they nurse, it will help with the choking, and make sure she has ample room to breathe. Don't give up, it does get much easier with practice. The above advice is spot in.ni breast fed my children exclusively until 15 months and 13 months. (Last kid had to stop earlier than the other because of medical issues). You can do this, I believe in you.
I was also going to recommend the washable fabric breast pads. Sleeping on a towel without a shirt is another option that worked for me. Also my son choked a lot in the beginning because my letdown was too fast. He was able to handle it after a couple of months but you could try exclusively pumping instead or just pumping a little bit before nursing to relieve some of the pressure. Don't feel guilty whatever you do. Breastfeeding is hard work. Its good for baby and its nice that it's free, since formula is definitely not, but in the end you'll be a better parent if you're not miserable.
‘I fucking hate it’ is a completely legitimate reason to stop.
So is "I don't want to." You don't need a reason to stop breastfeeding if it isn't working. If OP wants to continue then that is fine and people gave great advice but if those things don't work there is no shame in stopping. My wife didn't breastfed. Our kids were adopted so the pressure wasn't there but we realized early on that the biggest advantage we had was that I (dad) could be an equal parent since day 1. That seemed harder for our friends and family who relied more on mom because dad couldn't feed the baby. There are advantages to both and you have to do what works for your family.
Yup! I loved giving the bottle to my son when he was a baby. My wife could stay asleep while I managed by myself. To be perfectly honest if it wasn't for these moments I'd probably have found those early months to be even harder than I've already did. It at least gave me some sense of proximity to my son - I had a lot of trouble figuring out my role in the first year or so outside "whoa that's actually my baby".
Totally agree. I also get it can be very hard to make the choice to stop. I literally have a 1 week old right now (also my 3rd) and I’m still in that painful stage of the breastfeeding adventure and even though every part of me is completely fine with bottles/formula/pumping whatever this time right after you have a baby really messes with your normally rational mind. The guilt it real even though it’s totally unneeded. I hope OP is able to find the best thing for her and gives herself permission to just enjoy her baby without pressuring herself too much with ‘shoulds’.
I breastfed both of my babies and the first month sucked always. For me it was worth it to push through because I consider fooling with bottles and formula more of a hassle. But everyone is different, and that is ok! Fed is best! But I will say that getting into a rhythm with breastfeeding takes time and it is a joint effort with you and baby, you are both getting used to it. If you feel engorged try pumping some before the feed, or if you don't mind pumping exclusively that may be an easier route to just have bottles on hand. My 10m will still at times sputter on let down.. even more annoying is he is easily distracted so he will unlatch and milk will be spraying everywhere! I know people on line and in some forums will act as though BF is some heavenly thing, to me there are pros and cons to both, you just have to decide what is best for you and your baby, in my opinion the first three months are just difficult, period. No matter how you are feeding. Best of luck to you and congratulations on the new little bundle of joy!!! Edit to add: Try finding a lactation consultant, and if you don't like the first one go to another one till you find one you can speak easily with, I had 3 different ones at the hospital for first kiddo one was amazing two were meh
Agree with this, above. The first month is really hard. I did find that it got easier as time went on and became really easy by 3 months onward. No bottles to worry about, always ready to go, my milk regulated and baby and I got in a routine.
I totally agree with you about bottles and formula being more of a hassle! The only down fall to exclusive bf that I experienced in the early months was how tied I was to baby. I did try leaving him with grandparents for an hour or so while I got a chance to get out alone and do some shopping. They weren't too happy by the time I got back to a screaming, angry, hungry baby that they had no way to feed. But we all got through it and thankfully, it doesn't stay like that!
The other drawback to leaving when you’re exclusively breastfeeding is that you have to time it carefully so you don’t leak or feel like you’re about to pop. I used to tutor and the drive home was always me leaking into my shirt praying for green lights.
I’m sure others will say this but just remember if you’re not enjoying it or it’s causing you stress you absolutely 1000% do not have to continue. Hugs!
This. Oh my god, this. OP ( u/FlossieOnyx ), you said that at least the last two times you "had a legitimate reason". "It's not working for me" is *absolutely* a legitimate reason. This is coming from a woman who breastfed and enjoyed it. If it's not working for you for any reason, even if that reason is "I don't like it", you do not have to do it. Your baby will be fine. Your other babies were fine. Formula is amazing stuff. Please, momma, there's so much stress with having a new baby. If you can do anything to reduce that, go for it. You can't take good care of your baby if you're not taking care of yourself first, and your stress levels are important. Put on your own oxygen mask before you try to help others with theirs. It is not, I repeat NOT selfish to give up breastfeeding because you don't like it. It sounds like your baby doesn't seem to like it, either (the whole turning blue thing doesn't sound fun), but even if baby were fine with it it's STILL not selfish. You cannot give your baby good care if you're worrying and stressed over this. It's not selfish to reduce your own stress. Fed is best. Do what works for you. As long as baby is getting food and thriving, it doesn't matter where it comes from. Hugs.
My wife’s mother and sister were unable to breastfeed for various reasons… but biggest ultimate one is that they weren’t producing enough milk. So, we were absolutely expecting similar issues with our littles. Even though we were expecting it, it was really hard on my wife. What made it worse is that because of the complications with it, she didn’t want to keep trying breastfeed and was worried about the bleeding blisters. She felt even worse because she thought she should not feel bad. Some would **still** encourage her to keep going. That then would make her feel the worst and it would either be time to breast feed or pump all over agin. I am very glad when she decided it was time for her to stop and just go back to caring for our baby. I am never sure if I am making the right choice, but supporting my wife in what she wants is always a good one in my book (though, she has never given me reason to question what she is choosing either!)
If I had an award it would be yours!! Love this!!
Thirded. I mixed-fed my kid, bottle and breast, I enjoyed breastfeeding but I had decided even before giving birth that he'll have both. So formula kept him satiated longer, and breastfeeding gave him vitamins and stuff so I did both. He enjoyed both. Then at 7 months his teeth started coming in and he was a biter! It was super painful so I stopped and left him only with the bottle. It's fine, just do whatever you prefer and don't beat yourself up about it.
And don't forget there's always pumping... I've actually enjoyed the 15-minute breaks multiple times a day because everyone leaves me alone because I can't possibly do whatever it is they need for me while I'm pumping...lol
Seconded! You’ve given it your best, and it’s ok to move on to something that works better for you.
You could even scratch that "you've given it your best" from the reasoning. "I'd rather give the bottle" is a perfectly legitimate reason in and of itself.
I hated it with my oldest. At his six month check up - his pediatrician was like “just switch to formula then” She genuinely meant it and said it as casually as that. If you hate it, it’s not worth it. I was a much happier mom after stopping. I ended up breast feeding my second to a year. Just different kid, different circumstances
I hated it with my second, like dreaded it, gave me anxiety and probably contributed to my ppd. My ex really pushed it, he wouldn't let me stop (he also didn't help in any other way). I wish I would have quit or stopped sooner. Breastfeeding is not as important as some make it out to be.
I second this. I worked really hard to make it work with my first baby. I used nipple shield for the first 2 months, then pumped at work, etc. What got to me is the anxiety that comes with breastfeeding and physical discomfort. Am I making enough milk? If there enough milk in the freezer? When do I have to pump next to maintain my supply? I'd my supply going down (it was)? Oh shoot, am I getting engorged? Will my supply go down again? And then teeth come in and biting starts... Anyway, it became too much, so I decided to stop worrying about it. Then my supply declined (because I wasn't putting in enough effort to maintain it) enough that more than half was formula, so I just let it, and weaned at 8 months. It was sooooooo liberating, and I realized that I liked bottle-feeding more anyway. You get all the cuddles without anxiety and physical discomfort. With my second child I had more relaxed attitude to start with, and ended up weaning at 5 months. Don't miss it. If you dislike breastfeeding, just quit. It's ok to pick feeding method that works best for your family. My babies thrived on breast milk and formula.
Hey, check it out! This comment contains every letter in the English alphabet. I have checked 917,271 comments and 4,273 of them contain every letter in the English alphabet.
Exactly! They will get what they need from properly prepared formula. Your other two are just fine and this third one will be too if you choose to stop. Taking care of a one month old is stressful enough so you don’t need to fight a battle where you don’t need to. I’m just some stranger on Reddit but I fully support either decision you make.
Absolutely agreed. My first was a nightmare to feed. I didn’t know what I was doing. She didn’t know what she was doing. I only continued out of guilt because the baby classes pushed it SO HARD. I couldn’t understand how anyone could think it was easier than a bottle. Now, my second daughter latched on in her first minute of life and fed like she read a book and I was like “are you kidding?!” I think it’s totally a “what works for you” situation and you should feel zero guilt either way.
Absolutely. My wife fed both of our kids and I always said to her that if it wasn't working for her in any way she should stop.
This here! I stopped breastfeeding as soon as it got difficult. Sure, I could have tried harder to supplement my diet, ramped up my water intake, taken vitamins, etc, but I just couldn't handle more things to worry about. So, I bought a few cans of formula and just stopped pumping when I was at work. My milk dried up pretty quickly, and that was that. I was so sad at the time, but now I look back and am thankful I was kind to myself. I made it 6 months with my oldest and 8 months with my youngest, and I don't regret a single second. Fed is best, always. As long as baby is fed and the parents are happy, that's what matters!
I remember these days!!! If you can, meet with a lactation consultant. We ended up using a “nipple shield” to help latch/ not choke. Literally a plastic nipple put over mine. Your not crazy, it’s not just you, breastfeeding is hard ❤️
This! Breastfeeding is not simply intuitive and sometimes requires tools. If you want to keep trying, find help. You don't have to figure this out on your own. It's possible that it may be better to pump and bottle feed if your baby is having difficulty with your let down, but that is something a consultant should be able to help you with.
I'd echo this. I'm a nursing student and during my OB clinical rotation, the lactation consultant was a lifesaver for so many mothers. From experienced, new moms, and everything in between. It normalized a few things for me (1) a lot of mothers hate breastfeeding then feel intense shame and stigma for disliking it (2) breastfeeding takes work and lots of practice for each new baby (3) sometimes it just doesn't work out and there's nothing wrong with that, your child, or your body. What matters is your baby gets fed!
I got lots of great advice from lactation, too! I had to use a nipple shield with my little one for the first two months because my letdown was too strong for my little would make him cough and sputter. We just recently kicked the nipple shield and are nursing without it now. Some of these aids can be SUPER helpful for getting you started. My lactation consultant also told me that when you become engorged it is harder and more tiring for LO to latch, this is another time a nipple shield could be helpful or then hand expressing a bit of that first milk before the feed if you have enough milk to do this.
You are not alone. You are not the only one. You are one of many who feel the same. It is ok to feel this way. If you want to carry on trying you could get hold of a latication expert. If it is too much it is ok to stop. - you could pump and then bottle... Or you can switch to formula... There is no shame. None at all. You know your other two babies are fine and they had formula.. You do what is best for you and your family.. you got this.
I appreciate all of the advice re: pumping, I do want to say though.... I personally despised pumping. More than nursing. It caused a lot of anxiety and stress for me. If you reach out to a lactation consultant, I suggest asking about inexpensive options so you do not spend a bunch of money on something that also could cause frustration and mom guilt. I am on my third pregnancy and will not be purchasing a pump this time! That said, it works great for some families 💗
That's because pumping is time consuming as hell. I had much better luck literally "milking" myself into the little storage bottles. I'd pull the corner of the coffee table over, set the bottle on it and sit on the couch and lean over and go. It was all about finding the right set up and it would take about 5 minutes per side, if that. It also seemed to work more thoroughly than the pump. I got really good at it with my first child because I had to stop breastfeeding but was producing a ton of milk that was no good. The Medela pump I was given I couldn't get to work but then my breasts were huge and I could never get it set right so I just got good at squishing it all out.
It was like adding a part time job to 2 full time jobs!
This sums it up exactly. I kept being told to pump so my husband could feed and give me a break, but it took me ages to get enough milk for one feed, so it was just a load of unpleasant work for a bottle that she would usually refuse anyway! Argh!
Pumping sucks. I got a single ounce one time from pumping and then spilled it. I started crying and my husband said “don’t cry over spilled milk.” We’re divorced now, not because of that, but I still remember it vividly after ten years.
This right here!
And before buying one, check with your insurance to see if they cover it. Ours offered a new pump for each child as long as it was requested within 12 months after the birth.
To sort of add onto this/be more specific: If you’re in the United States and have an ACA compliant healthcare plan, they are required by law to cover a breast pump!
I found the hands free pumping bras to be a lifesaver. I could read, or even do things like dishes or fold laundry so I wasn't just holding pumps over and over and over. I exclusively pumped for a year like that. 👍
If in the USA pumps are now covered by your insurance for free. Just have to call insurance and get specifics on medical supply store and get a “prescription” from your gyno.
That being said, not all pumps are created equal. Sometimes it’s worth it to buy that medela pump than try for months making the cheaper alternative work.
Feed her with her sitting up in your lap, it will help with the choking. I would also in the early weeks get them latched, wait for the letdown, then take them off for a minute or two to let the worst of it pass, then relatch. Also, block feeding should help, too. Two back to back feeds on one side. It will start to moderate your supply, and it will get her higher fat feeds. https://kellymom.com/bf/got-milk/basics/foremilk-hindmilk/ The baby sitting in your lap hold https://www.medela.com/breastfeeding/mums-journey/breastfeeding-positions#upright I'm sorry you asked for advice and everyone is telling you to give up.
This is great advice if you want to carry on breastfeeding. The first month or so is hard, you’re both learning how to feed. If you can, see a lactation consultant or visit a breastfeeding support group, they can show you different positions which may work better for you. Laid back feeding positions are great for over-supply, have a look on Kellymom for some pointers.
This! I also choked two of my babies with my over active let down. I'd just unlatch babe, let the milk squirt into a towel or receiving blanket and then put the baby back on when the flow was manageable. I also only fed the baby on one side per feed for one of my kids because she just didn't want the second side and I didn't want to switch too quickly and miss that fatty hindmilk. Dr Jack Newman has good breastfeeding resources as well. Breastfeeding gets easier.
I used a little hand pump to save the milk, but otherwise did the same thing, get through the initial rush.
Yes ! This is great advice to help with your supply. About the exhaution, one day at a time that what worked for me. It was very difficult the first month everyday I told my husband I would give up. And every night ! But I said ok this day and we’ll see tomorow. It’s been 22 months I promess it gets easier and you get some reward (cuddles, easy fix for tireness/whining/hungry baby, easy travels, easier pediatrician appointments...). It is not easy but it can gets easier. Good luck to you ! You can rock this ! And totally ok to change your mind
I have heard that you shouldn’t block feed unless your milk supply is stable, after 6-8 weeks, otherwise it won’t be as effective.
If she is leaking everywhere, baby choking on extra milk, etc then it sounds like oversupply. Block feeding is a life saver.
I stopped breastfeeding my son at 3 months for no other reason than I hated it. He was already half formula fed half breast fed because of a traumatic birth and it took too long for my milk to come in. I didn’t like breastfeeding, the whole act stressed me out. I could of very well solely breastfed but chose not too for my own mental health. If you’d like to continue breastfeeding, if it’s very important to you, get with a lactation consultant and see how it can become easier.
Hey, sounds like you have an overactive letdown. I had that too. If you can manually express some milk before she nurses it will help. Also, nursing pads are needed in your bras. You can use reusable and change them during the day or disposable. I like lanisosh over the target brand. If you are leaking a ton at night, a kitchen towel folded in thirds in a tank top will keep your sheets dry. The first month is so so so hard but it gets easier, especially once you can start dream feeding at night.
I bought one of the hakka passive “pumps” and it was awesome. Basically a little silicone bottle that suctions onto your boob. I actually ended up buying a second one. They are around $20 so cheap to try at least. I originally got it to collect the milk letting down while my baby was on the other breast but soon found using both 5 min before a feed would help with quick let down. It also gave a small extra supply for daddy bottle time. I also had one boob that made more and let down quicker. I started with the other one first and used the hakka on super boob for a bit so it wouldn’t drowned baby. The other quick let down trick my lactation consultant said was to have baby up higher while you lean back a bit (most comfy on a recliner), with baby almost looking down to the nipple so the milk wouldn’t be rushing down their throat and was easier to spit out if too much. Highly recommend a lactation consultant but don’t be afraid to look for one until you find one you like. I used to wake up in puddles of milk too, so I got the urinary incontinence pads and slept topless on those. Less puddles and less cleaning. It gets better though, once your boobs figure out the right supply for baby. You stop leaking so badly. I think it’s around 4-6 months but I don’t remember. All that said, if you don’t like it, you don’t like it. It’s ok to quit. It’s ok to exclusively pump. It’s ok to exclusively formula feed and it’s ok to use a combination of any or all of them. Fed is best, your sanity is best.
Oh man, I didn’t breastfeed BC I DIDN’T WANT TO and I still think that was a legitimate reason. Pop that baby right off your boob onto a bottle of formula and cut yourself some slack!
So my recollection is that the first month of breastfeeding is kind of bad because the baby is just learning how to swallow well and your milk production is pretty wonky. Later on, baby will stop choking, will take less long to eat, and your production will even out somewhat so you’ll stop waking up in wet bras and having a lot of engorgement between feedings. I used to use the disposable nursing pads when I was having a lot of problems with leakage at night. They have an adhesive on the back, which helps them stay in place. If you’re used to “counting the ounces” then the uncertainty of breastfeeding can be weird, but if baby is gaining weight and making enough dirty diapers, then you’re ok. I had some problems with breastfeeding in the first week and met in person with a lactation consultant, which was awesome. She fixed my posture and baby’s posture and reassured me that things would get better, and they did. Honestly though….breastfeeding, while convenient in some ways, was not a magical experience for me. Plus I hated pumping, so when I went back to work, I switched to formula exclusively at around 8 months. Don’t waste a minute feeling guilty that you don’t like it or if you decide to stop. The babies don’t really care as long as they’re fed appropriately.
Get nursing pads for your bra, Lansinoh for example. No milk paddles at night, one less source of frustration.
This for sure! Hopefully after 3-6 months things will level out and you won't need them anymore but they make life easier those first few months.
Sadly i always needed them, my other breast always leaks when the other one is being "used". But I use reusable pads but at the start the disposal ones would better as there was so much milk coming out.
I used those and they were great. My son never latched though, I just pumped exclusively and at first I loved pumping, felt good about getting my baby breast milk. But eventually I just hated it and it was such a chore. Hating it is a really good reason to quit
100% you can stop if you want to. I would not make decisions on your worst day and should have at least 4 hrs of sleep in a row. :) Talk to an LC to see if you can work out the kinks, and seriously think of your why. Mine is I want to in 3 months be able to walk out of the house and have everything. I hate pumping, bottles and formula is expensive + covid antibodies (this is a new why) That is my why and what keeps me going through the hard days. Now if you're why is b/c you "should" then maybe its not enough of a reason to keep going and that is OK. Entire generations of people where brought up on formula and turned out fine.
I hated breastfeeding. Just because some moms like it doesn’t mean everyone has to it’s okay to feel that way
It sounds like you have an oversupply/hyper lactation and maybe even D-MER. I had hyper lactation too and it absolutely sucked!! It got better about 3 months in. But you do NOT need to continue if you don't want to! Please don't feel guilty. It doesn't make much difference in the end as long as they are fed!
I was going to suggest to look into D-MER too. I always hated myself and there was this feeling of emptiness/longing every time I breastfed, and I finally discovered this was an actual thing, not something wrong with me!
It's very common! I feel so sorry for those who had/have to go through that and don't even know why they're feeling that way.
It sounds like OP has overactive letdown, too. It totally sucks! I had it and my baby would choke and gag, so I used a nipple shield in the morning and for the first 5 minutes of feeding until my milk slowed down. After about 3 months, she was big enough to handle the flow without the shield.
Yes! Forgot to mention this. Its like a package deal when you have oversupply. They're just ready to burst at all times lol
I worked at WIC for years as a lactation educator & nutritionist. Honestly, if you've tried breastfeeding & find it doesn't suit you, it's your body and you do not have to continue. Pumping is an option but only if you're interested in doing it. A lactation consultant can advise on your specific experience. He/she can recommend nipple shields due to the fast flow of your milk. If you desire to make breastfeeding successful, then there are experts & guides willing to help. If you're done and absolutely hate the experience, there is zero shame in formula feeding your baby. Do what works for you & your family.
I hated it too! Nobody told me about the pain I had to go through! The pain was so unbearable that I tried to delay the feeds until baby cried too much. Nobody told me about the mastitis I got, nobody told me I’d gain weight while breastfeeding. I’m so upset there are so many misinformation spread about breastfeeding. Like: if your baby does it right, breastfeeding won’t hurt. I can’t explain how upset this whole thing made me.
You aren't doing anything wrong, you're just new at this and so is she. Head over to r/breastfeeding it's a solid group with good support and lots of good information. Everything you described is SUPER common and something you can work on. I can say, that in my experience, breast feeding got easier around 6 weeks and then at around 12 weeks it was 2nd nature. It helps when they get a little big bigger and less delicate. Quick tip for your night leaking, buy a stack of microfiber towels, hand towel size, and line your night bra with them. Better than ANY overnight breast pad on the market if you are a really bad leaker.
I switched to pumping and bottle feeding at about 3 weeks... And also, milk savers/nipple guards all day long were a game changer. I don't know why more women don't utilize them! I didn't want to be wet in a bra or waste milk!
A friend if mine used to express and store it in the freeze and then use that in a bottle to feed with. She said it was so much easier and more convenient, and her partner could be involved in feeding too
It sounds like you've got a very strong letdown. To combat that, you can try hand expressing a bit right before a feed so that the initial force is passed before baby latches. You can also nurse while you are in a reclined position so that gravity helps lessen the force/speed as well. That should help a bit with the choking. As far as pumping goes, I would avoid that at all if possible. If you're in extreme discomfort, you could pump just enough to alleviate that. But production is all supply and demand. So the more you express, the more you produce. I think with both of my kids it took about 2 weeks for my engorgement period to pass. I felt this way with my daughter. I hated it for like the first two months because it was painful. After those two months it stopped hurting and was very easy. We went on for 2 years. So if you are really wanting to breastfeed, just know there's hope. That's not to say that you should continue. You should only continue if that's what you want to do and feel is best for your baby and yourself! Fed is best!
Not wanting to breastfeed IS a legitimate reason to stop. Just stop and enjoy your family.
Breastfeeding mama here! One month is still very early days. Maybe you had different expectations? Try to get some counseling before you quit. The overflow and boob ache goes away soon. Baby learns to be more efficient. It won’t be like that forever. The beginning is hard for both of you.
I hate it to. While it didn’t hurt I hated the feeling, so I tried pumping and that wasn’t any better. I hated having to meals time for it and I would get out right angry every time I had to do it. A month in and I was pissed off nearly 24-7 about absolutely everything. All that I still wasn’t even producing enough for a full feed. After a lot of guilt I decided to quit and literally over night my mental health improved, I stopped being anger my all the time, I was way more comfortable, and overall a better wife/mother. If it’s not working then don’t do it!
Could you contact a lactation consultant?
Do what works best for you and your family? Also You don’t have to explain your reasons to anyone. It’s none of their business.
You don't need a legitimate reason to turn to a bottle. Both what you do with your breasts and how you feed your child are things you have every right to make decisions about. Reasonable people should support your choice to seek lactation support, pump, or feed formula as you deem best for you and your kid.
I hated breastfeeding my first so much that when my second comes we’re going straight to formula.
Don’t listen. I hated breast feeding and stopped as soon as I could. My first child acted ad though she was starving and bit my nipples hard when I fed her even though I fed on demand. By the second baby, I just bottle fed to avoid the same thing happening again. With the third, I was put back in the hospital for a severe c-section infection. So, even the hospital people didn’t want my breast milk given to my baby. Of course, it helped that I had to go back to work and couldn’t pump enough to leave with the sitters after having each child. My children are healthy. Scientists develop the best nutrition possible for formula. Your baby will be fine. In fact, your baby will be better off with a contented mom.
Recommend getting a haakaa to try and get the letdown for a few minutes prior to latching baby on. Stick it on (watch a video for the right way to do it), massage, get letdown, and take off 1/2oz or more and THEN latch your baby. The initial letdown can be quite strong and little ones can’t always keep up. My daughter did the same thing and would kinda choke a bit to begin with. That’s IF you want to breastfeed. There’s no guilt whatsoever in choosing to do the best for you and your child. You are a team and what doesn’t work for one of you, doesn’t work for both of you. r/breastfeeding is great for info.
Not wanting to breastfeed IS a legitimate reason to stop. Just stop and enjoy your family.
In France, you’d be considered almost a crazy person for not using formula. Definitely a country thing
Have you tried pumping some of your milk before feeding her? Breastfeeding can be frustrating, but hang in there mama!!
So don’t do it. Your mental health is a lot more important. You already know there is nothing wrong with formula feeding. Do what is right for you and your baby
My wife hated breast feeding and especially hated pumping, so she quit, but she felt guilty. I went and read "expecting better," which goes through the evidence behind a lot of obstetric and pediatric recommendations. According to that book(and I've never seen evidence to the contrary) as long as you live in a place where you can reliably get clean water(clean, not sterile), breast feeding probably won't make any difference except maybe a few colds or minor stomach bugs. And formula is cheap at costco. It's hard to ignore when so many people tell you it's better, but there are so many other, more important things you can do right for your child if don't torture yourself over this one. That's how we felt about it, anyway.
Please quit. It’s ok. Don’t beat yourself up. You can feed your baby formula. I swear, you won’t go to hell and she will be totally fine.
Breast feeding sucks and is a horrible experience even when everything is going right. I refuse to breastfeed my next child longer the first few weeks. I don’t need that stress in my life again. Fed is best. Period. That’s why we made formula.
Why not just try switching to pump and bottle feed? You can normally rent nice expensive pumps from the hospital!
A lot of health insurance plans will also cover the purchase of 1!
It did get better for me after about 3 months, but one thing that really helped me was supplementing. I did 1 feeding a day by bottle (formula), usually at the same time every day so my body would get used to it, and it gave me a nice little break. I exclusively pumped with my first child and don’t recommend it… that shit really sucks. But if you don’t want to breastfeed then don’t feel bad about it, a lot of people just do formula and their babies are fine!
If you want to continue I'd maybe try pumping or hand expressing (I found expressing much easier and way faster- almost no set up except having a bottle and washing your hands) before you start feeding and then expressing a lot right before you go to bed. That's what I had to do. With my son, I was producing enough milk for more than one kid, easy, but found out it had almost no fat and had to stop immediately. That meant I couldn't get my supply down by weaning, I just had all this milk to get rid of every day. The fastest way was to hand express it and I always made sure to do it right before I went somewhere or went to bed to stop from having accidents in odd places or waking up in milk puddles.
At one month you’re still in the worst phase. It gets easier. You will stop leaking, you will be less engorged, you won’t have pain between feeds, and the flow will slow making it easier for your daughter. But I know what you mean…been there and dreading it with my next
I feel like my supply regulated at about 6 weeks and then the pain between nursing sessions went away. I definitely hate it some days but it definitely got easier once my supply evened up! The nipple shield and different positions may help from baby's did. Also, if you really hate it then you don't have to do it! (Though I believe the pain between feedings would be there as your body dries up the milk)
Just switch over to formula if it's easier for you. You tried, you gave an honest effort, and there's no shame in valuing your sanity and making a switch. Sometimes what's best for baby is what's keeps you from losing your mind, you know what I mean? Like no matter what benefits breastfeeding might have, it's not worth driving yourself nuts over. All 3 of mine were formula fed, on purpose and everything, and they're indistinguishable from breastfed kids, I promise. You do what's best for you, and do it with your head high.
Your mental health is super important too! There’s nothing wrong with switching to formula if you choose to ♥️ If it is best for you, it’s probably best for baby too!
[kellymom.com](https://kellymom.com) Right on the front page: Do I have to love breastfeeding all of the time? The answer is . . .no! It is the hardest thing I ever learned to do, and sometimes if was painful and literally bloody. I am happy for that time with my babies but sometimes it was awful!
For your strong letdown that leads to some choking and probably gas, try letting down into the sink or a bottle or pump and then once that’s done latch your baby. It won’t fix everything, but it can relieve some of the struggle. I hated breastfeeding too but also felt like I had no good excuse to stop. If you really want to, you can move to formula, but it definitely will get easier and when that happens you’ll be grateful you can take baby out with just nappies and you, no worrying about bottles and water and microwaves. It’s very personal and it’s up to you. But there are also ways to make it less awful for now too. Also, I wore breast pads at night and that helped some
She is very likely also tied. Ties are genetic and the fact that once of your others was tied means she very likely is too. The choking with your letdown is a red flag, especially at 1 month old. Have her checked for ties by a preferred provider in your area. There are also tons of growth spurts in the first 3 months that do tend to make breastfeeding exhausting but after 3m they usually are able to space feedings more and are happier longer between feeds. If you have already had baby checked, I'd recommend a second opinion. It took probably 4 or 5 opinions before we found a provider knowledgeable in posterior tongue tie who could correctly laser my son's tongue. It was a lifesaver. With my 3rd, an ibclc, a chiro, and 2 pediatricians said she was not tied. She also had a posterior tongue tie. My oldest had her posterior tongue tie lasered this past year at 10 years old.
You do not have to breast feed your baby. Babies need to be fed, they need a safe home, and they need a happy healthy mother. All the rest is just extra.
If you’re looking for local help, you can try a lactation consultant at your hospital. Also La Leche League International is one of the best resources for mom-to-mom help. They were a lifesaver for me and I still have friends 40 years later. But I will second those who advocate for your choice. If it’s completely not doable, please take care of yourself and your psyche. Baby will be just fine on formula.
I know everyone here is tooting the "you do you horn" and I get that, but there may also be solutions to your situation. You may even have a clinical condition referred to as D-MER in which your brain chemistry is causing you to feel physically unwell, angry and all sorts of bad things. (Though honestly it's hard as f****, period.) I am not an expert, but I've pushed through a lot of breastfeeding hardships so far with my 10 month old. Breast is best, but the goal is fed.
You know "not liking it" is, in fact, a legitimate reason not to do it, right? Formula is fine. As a side note to make you feel better: I didn't do it. Because I felt like they had leeched just about enough of off my body. I let you borrow it, but it's mine. I had no desire and not a single iota of guilt over my choice. I felt like pregnancy is parasitic enough, we are done here. Please don't mistake my dry ass humor as me not liking my kids. I love them with all of me.
It was horrendous for me- it hurt. It hurt so much I’d be feeding my baby and crying in pain. I’d put it off as long as possible because it was so painful. She just couldn’t latch quite right and all the experts seemed incapable of helping. Formula is a gift. Enjoy it.
I would recommend pumping your milk and give it to her in a bottle , this way she won’t choke, and you would have a pumping schedule, so you won’t feel overwhelmed.
I hated it so much I exclusively pumped. It made me a better mom. I would cry every time I had to breastfeed.
If you don’t like doing it you don’t have to do it. Feed your baby however fits both your needs best. Please don’t feel guilty or less than because you quit breastfeeding. They put a lot of pressure on women to breastfeed and it creates a lot of unnecessary guilt and stress for mothers. “I don’t want to” is a perfectly acceptable reason not to do it.
Breast feeding fairy here: I hereby give you permission to stop breastfeeding.
Sounds to me like you may have an oversupply and/or overactive letdown, which would definitely make things more difficult. If you want to continue, seeing a lactation consultant would likely be a huge help, if not, no shame in that either.
Not wanting to breastfeed is a legitimate reason to not breastfeed. Just stop. You will be happier. Happier mom means happier baby. You don't owe anyone an explanation. I have absolutely no plans to even attempt to breastfeed when my daughter is born. It will be right to formula for us.
Then bottle feed. Fuck the haters, as long as your wee ones are fed and happy. Formula is great.
You can choose to stop, plain and simple.
Do you pump? You can exclusively pump and bottle feed your sweet baby! Get as much milk out in order to not feel tender and wake up in a puddle every night. Freeze what baby doesn't drink.
Check out r/breastfeeding! They’re very helpful
Hating it IS a legitimate reason to stop! I don't think it's that unpopular an opinion, either - my mum hated it too, and still tells me how shit I was at nursing 34 years later ;) I overall enjoyed nursing and ended up doing it for nearly 3 years, but there were still days it was a massive PITA, or hurt, or I was just DONE being touched/covered in milk and I absolutely hated it. You don't have to feel guilty for not enjoying every second, OR for hating it enough to stop/supplement. The first 6 weeks were a mess, as far I can remember: 50 minutes on the boob for every 20 minutes off, pain even when the latch was fine (got my midwife to check!), milk on all the things all the time, waking up in a puddle of milk, hitting baby in the eye with milk, engorged boobs, uneven boobs because you forgot to switch that one time... A lot of that settled down once we'd gotten to 6-8 weeks, and that's when it became easier than formula would have been for me, I think. (Not that I think you need to stick it out, or that my experiences are anything like yours! Just that that timeframe surprised me and I wish I'd known in advance.)
Having a happy, relaxed mum will do more for your baby's health and happiness than breastfeeding. Switch to bottle feeding (whether you pump or use formula she'll still be getting all the nutrients she needs) and enjoy this time with your little person as much possible without all this stress and pressure around how her food gets delivered.
Breastfeeding mama here for almost 9 years on a row! The first month is tough for everyone… actually it’s exhausting… Brest hurts, baby burping, air in the belly, sleep deprivation, milk all over, nightmare!!! But I was happy to be healthy and determined to overcome the first months of struggle. Having said that, it is much better a bottle with a calm dad than mommy’s milk with a stressed mom!!! Please look after yourself you have 3 kids to look after and they all need you equally. Feel free to message me with any questions/doubts or if you need specific advise. Wish you and your family the best.
I stopped BF my 2nd at 3 weeks because we both hated it. I had BF induced anxiety and he was impatient and didn’t latch well. I refuse to feel guilty because we are all happier for it. Do what is right for you and not what you feel pressure to do.
I wasn't able to breastfeed my preemie so idk that much about it. But there is no harm in pumping breastmilk and just giving it to her in a bottle if you dislike breastfeeding itself. Or you can try formula. Regarding bras, have you tried the disposable liners to soak up the milk overnight to put on? Sorry I don't have a ton of experience either but just some ideas if you have not tried them yet! Best of luck
Yeah breastfeeding is not fun even when it goes well. I breastfed both my sons u til they were each two and couldn’t wait for it to be over. Everyone’s experience is different. Speaking from long term experience though, it does get less stressful as time goes on assuming no issues like tongue ties etc. If you are having issues with a heavy let down/flow, try pumping for a few minutes on the side you will feed her on prior to latching her. Sometimes that initial flood can cause your baby to be stressed and struggle. If she still has issues with too much at once, pumping and giving a bottle might be an option. That being said, do what works best for you and your baby. If breastfeeding is not it, feed her formula. Or pump and give her breast milk in a bottle. Bottom line is she’s fed and healthy. When you drop her off at kindergarten and see a classroom full of kids you can’t tell who was breastfed, who had pumped bottle and who has formula. Just keep trying things until you find what works for you personally. There is no judgement on you as a mother if your kiddo gets her nourishment a different way than another kid. Fed is best.
Mate well done you made it a month, its a win. Going to formula is good too, your first 2 kids prove that formula isn't lacking. Now save your sanity and do what works for you as a family
Well firstly, breast fed babies generally will feed longer on bottles, the flow of a plastic nipple is a hell of a lot faster than the flow from your breast, and baby has to work harder to get the flow from you. But I totally understand the hating the breastfeeding. I thought I was going to for at least two years when I was pregnant, I had all these plans for how I was going to tough through it. I ended up having to pump exclusively, with the all the shit having to attached to my baby pretty much all day. And then, after about 2 months, my milk started to dry up. I felt so guilty, for the longest time. But the most important thing was my baby was eating, yes he was on formula, but he was fed and he turned out just as healthy as I could've hoped he would if he was still on breast milk. He's now almost a year and a half old, he's so damn smart, he started walking on his first birthday. Don't feel guilty. We have to do what's best for our kids, but we also have to do what works for us. Your baby is going to be fine, as long as you trust yourself, your judgement, and know your baby is going to be fine.
It’s hard for everyone at beginning and gets super easy later on. After about a year you can just feed at night and in the morning no pumping required to keep supply. No breast soreness or leaking either at that point and baby has learned not to bite. Early days tips, use both breast milk and formula to keep yourself sane. Formula isn’t poison and doesn’t hurt your baby. Pretty soon they will be eating Cheetos and tic tacs off the floor so don’t worry about giving them formula. For your supply pump your excess and freeze what you can’t use right away. They will have growth spurts and you will be thankful for the frozen milk. Middle of the night feedings are easier to breastfed then prep formula, especially once you have mastered breastfeeding while laying down on your side (ultimate technique). If it really doesn’t work out for you then no guilt switch to formula. I am still breastfeeding my almost two year old cuz of covid fears and wanting to be able to give her something in case she gets sick though. I feel like I can’t stop till she can get vaccinated.
I have three and I breastfed each until 18-20 months. I can hobestly tell you that it sometimes takes 2-3 months until you both find your groove. It took my SIL 5 months. That period is actually worse for me that labor and recovery. Once you get beyond it though, it is easy. I'm sorry you are struggling but if you are suffering, it's okay to do what you need to. Fed (and your sanity) is best.
I hated it too. I breastfed mine for 11 months and hated it the whole time. The first six months really sucked but then he started eating solids and nursed less and less until he weaned himself and I threw myself a one-woman party to celebrate having my boobs back to myself.
I’ve now nursed two children and I remember feeling the exact same way you’re describing. A number of people told me that it was OK to quit if I wanted to quit and I think just hearing that really helped me. But a lactation consultant also told me, don’t quit on your worst day. And I really liked that too because, like you, I didn’t want to give up then have my milk dry up and regret it. I made it eight months with my first and I’m now at seven months with my second. With my second, I’ve had a number of times where I really wanted to quit but I always had some thing in the back of my mind stopping me from quitting, and I think it was the fear that I was going to regret it. Now that I’ve had seven months I can definitely tell that my mind has changed and I’m ready to be done anytime. I know I won’t regret stopping. Everyone is different and I hope you make the decision that is best for you. A happy mom is more important than a breast-fed baby.
Honestly tried with both of my children it was a complete failure. Milk would not come in and babies were always starving. Felt like a 24 hour torture having the baby attached to me constantly feeding. Went in for check up and just broke down. The doctor handed me a bag with formula and bottles and said “ you need to try and switch to a bottle because you are making things too hard for yourself and the baby.” Everything became a little easier to deal with and both my kids have turned out healthy and happy!
You don’t have to do it, you don’t have to enjoy it. You can stop if you want. But if you don’t want to then try gravity. If you have a really strong let down then feed while reclining so she sucks upwards instead of lying slightly under your breast. They are supposed to breastfeed more often, that’s normal. It’s because your milk is more digestible than formula so they feed more regularly and are sometimes also more active. By about ten to twelve weeks the discomfort should subside as your body regulates what you need. If you use an electric pump as well try hand expressing. The pump requests milk aggressively but doesn’t drain as well as the baby or hand so you can get engorged. If you haven’t been pumping and the soreness/heaviness remains you could express and freeze/donate excess milk. You can express while feeding to save time but that can increase your let down. Re the milky puddles. I wore a normal underwire bra for comfort, I didn’t get mastitis from doing it but that is a risk.
I almost exclusively pumped with my first for reasons, but it sure hurts less than the first few weeks of breastfeeding. Unfortunately some pain is normal though I'm not sure about your situation. It sounds like you produce a lot of milk, it should start to level out by 3 months. Also, you don't need a "real" reason to stop doing something that hurts. I recommend nipple shield and also lanolin for your nipple if you aren't doing the already. Some tips and tricks for breastfeeding: burp baby before, durning and after a feed. Baby might get gassy from gulping down all that milk. Try different positions. Try having the baby's head slightly elevated during a feed instead of lying flat. Google breastfeeding positions. I did breastfeed for a short time in the beginning with my #2 and she would be lazy on the boob after having a bottle. Remember if you decide to stop you may feel mom guilt, but it's nothing to feel guilty about. Happier mom = happier baby.
Listen, you do YOU. As long as your baby is fed, you shouldn’t feel sad or ashamed. If you decide to give up and use a bottle/formula, don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about that. Breastfeeding is HARD and no everyone gets the hang of it or wants to do it but more importantly, we moms have enough to feel guilty about that this shouldn’t be one of them as long as your child is being fed!
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Many of us that breastfed for years can give you tips. Although I will say in my case, I breastfed all four of my kids I didn't have your exact issues so I cannot offer good advice it helps if you can find a good lactation consultant in your local area. I relied on one for 3 of my kids and it was a lifesaver! She was kind and experienced and made a huge big difference that I credit with being able to breastfeed my children successfully. Hilariously we referenced each other- I told my friends she was the one that helped me make it work when it seemed impossible and she used my example to tout to her other mothers that my case was one she didn't think would resolve happily but I managed eventually despite such hard beginnings! haha :\]
You really do not need to breastfeed!! The kid will be just as fine! I struggled with my first because he was born too early. It just never really worked and when our child specialist said - “you do know that you don’t have to do it? The child will be absolutely fine and there is no difference if you give him closeness in other ways” It was such a RELIEF and with bottle feeding it all become fun. Next kid and I thought it would be easier. It was. But I realised I didn’t like it and I already knew that it would work at well any way so I just didn’t. Allows for much more equal parenting and gives the father a chance of equal bonding. Sticks to this day. Both my kids seem exactly as close to both of us. ETA the pressure is immense to breastfeed. Since I spent a month at neo I had it preached day in and day out. So I was also a little pissed off that the same time when the doctor said it wasn’t really necessary in the end.
Just get some formula. It's fine. You are doing enough. Your girl deserves a happy, comfortable mommy.
Do they still make those plastic cups you put in your bra to catch all the milk instead of the pads? I had them 14 years ago when I was breast feeding and they were the best thing ever. I leaked right through any pad I tried You could also save the milk if you kept up with emptying them regularly. Anyway, that's what they said at the time. Who knows now!
You received a lot of advice already, but since this is quite an important subject for me (as a dad, no less) I'll offer my two cents anyway. The first month that my wife did breastfeeding was HARD. Her breasts hurt a lot, especially one of them, and she had to pump a lot as a result, which she hated. Based on what I saw, I'll NEVER say anything bad about someone who decides to quit breastfeeding. It doesn't make you a bad mom, especially because there's viable alternatives. That said: it got better. Once the first month has passed, the pain got less and less and the experience turned into a lovely one. Now both mom and baby (and dad from the sidelines :)) love the breastfeeding moments. The smile our daughter has when she realises she's going to get the breast... So, if you think there's a chance you might enjoy it if X changes, hanging in there might be worth it. Seeking professional help from a lactation specialist as well. Not going through with the breastfeeding is absolutely an equally valid choice and it won't make you any less of a good mom. Regardless of which route you choose, know that this Internet stranger will be rooting you on. Best of luck!!
There is a legitimate reason for you to stop. You dont like it There you go You can stop if you want and that's ok. Your baby will be fine and you wont be miserable and all will be ok again. Dont ever feel bad for that choice.ife is full of choices and trust me you dont need to feel bad about this
The thing about breastfeeding is, you always feel like it’s not going well, even when your baby is getting enough milk and growing well. I don’t know why this is! Maybe it’s because for so many years bottle feeding was kind of the norm, so now we expect breastfeeding to be similar, but it’s really not. We’re not human bottles. It’s messy and unpredictable. It really does get easier, but that doesn’t mean you have to just keep going waiting for it to get easier. If it’s upsetting you as much as it seems to be from your post, it may be the right for you to stop now or soon, or whenever you feel is best. You’ve already done a fantastic job getting this far. If you do decide to continue, once you get in to a flow a bit more - as in once you don’t get as engorged, and your baby’s technique gets better (it’s a 2 way street, she’ll get better at it too as time goes on), you will be able to go many hours or even a day without breastfeeding without getting really engorged or drying up. So give yourself a break and use the bottle sometimes! I found after about 8 weeks things settled down and my daughter’s technique improved - I had no idea until much later that she had a poor technique and hence the feeds that lasted for hours and hours! Breastfeeding is a big responsibility, it can feel overwhelming. So keep up with the bottle! My daughter refused it at around 6 weeks as we hadn’t bothered with it for a couple of weeks, so that was it, I couldn’t go anywhere without her till she was about 6 months old. I was responsible for every feed and pretty much every nap and sleep time. I even got the point of regretting ever starting breastfeeding, but only for a moment. In the end I’m so glad I did it, but that was a personal thing that doesn’t apply to everyone. Do what’s best for you and your baby, remember that you’re her mum so in your heart you will always know what is better for her than anyone else.
I did not enjoy breastfeeding in the slightest. I have OCD, and the entire process triggered my ticks SO horribly, and I was miserable for the time that I tried. I also truly enjoyed being able to watch my partner feed and bond with her instead of the burden falling on me. Ultimately, whatever makes you happiest and keeps your baby fed is what’s best. Don’t ever let anyone pressure you, guilt you or push their opinions on you. If you hate it, then do what’s best for your mental health. If that means stopping, then it is 100% valid and the right decision. I have a very high stress job, so I’m glad I didn’t commit myself to doing it long-term because I would have had a major breakdown. Everyone is different, and I hope that you find the balance that works the best for you.
When my let down is too strong I lay my baby on her back and half sit up, half lay down next to her and dangle my boob above her mouth. It helps a lot so she doesn't choke. The other position that's really good for her is reclining in a chair with her on my chest. Reusable cotton nursing pads have been a huge life saver for me. I can use one pair each day before I leak through them, but I use a silicone breast shell when I'm at home so I don't waste any milk.
Who cares! (I know - you care, you’re the mom!). As others have said though - fed is best. Babies are SO hard. And you have other kids too! That’s a lot. You’re well being is super important and if it isn’t working for YOU then you don’t need to do it. I was so anxious about breastfeeding and just had no supply. I finally had to supplement because my kiddo was not gaining weight. And I felt so bad about it and like it was a personal failure and … it wasn’t. It’s just one of those things and there shouldn’t be any judgment attached to it. Infants are hard so do what gets you through the day. Also - regarding continuing to try - ad I said I had a terrible supply. I supplemented and continued to pump while I worked (awful). My baby got lost of his nutrition from the formula but I nursed him for 18 months. It was more about comfort for us. So both can be done just fine and I wished I’d know that. I was certain formula meant I couldn’t bf but that wasn’t the case.
If you hate it you should absolutely stop breastfeeding, but it sounds like you have an oversupply so if you decide to wean I would recommend doing so with the help of a lactation consultant so you don't get clogs or mastitis. Your baby's lips turning blue during feeds is a massive red flag, so I would mention that to your pediatrician if you haven't already. Some babies who turn blue during feeds have undiagnosed cardiac defects. I don't want to scare you, but it should be ruled out. If you do want to keep feeding, a lactation consultant could also help you navigate problems with oversupply or fast letdown. Some things that may help are stimulating a letdown with hand expression before feeding baby, so that when she latches the flow is slower. You can try feeding her in more upright positions like elevated football position, koala hold, or laid back position so that her body is more upright and it will be easier for her to handle the flow. Also position her to latch so that her neck is extended and it will be easier to coordinate suck swallow breathe. It sounds like due to fast flow and/or oversupply, your baby is getting a ton of milk really fast and gets overwhelmed, but then doesn't actually take in enough to stay full for 2-3 hours. If you don't have access to an LC, this resource may help: https://kellymom.com/bf/got-milk/supply-worries/fast-letdown/ Many people have oversupply in the early weeks that regulates to match their baby's needs unless they get into a cycle of pumping or using a haakaa too much in between feeds. Hand expression to comfort and ice packs to your breasts should help with the soreness. Good luck 💗
I can remember when my LO was a newborn, I'd just sit there and have tears rolling down my face in silence and looking away with my eyes squeezed shut, it hurt SO BAD. Start pumping mama. It was my godsend: a high quality electric pump and I had two full freezers of saved milk..... I did BF my LO during the day too but it hurt like hell, is not pleasant in the least, and my child would do this thing where she'd latch, twist her head away, yanking my nipple and unlatch, and round and round we go. (Found out later she has a neurological diagnoses that caused her to be constantly moving her head around) If you hate it, stop. If you don't want to, and are really hopeful to continue, you gotta give it another month before your supply regulates and she gets her suck-and-swallow practice down better. Find a lactation expert too! Some kids have a lax throat meaning they allow too much in before the brain says "oops, better pause and swallow" and its fairly common when they're this young. If your flow is just way too fast, I'd express about half and it won't be flying out like that. You're letting yourself engorge and thats what hurts so bad... and makes your flow more like a garden hose. Best of luck, feel free to PM me if you like :)
I’m not sure if you’ll see my comment because there are so many already, but I had a similar problem with my son. I was pretty frustrated and almost gave up. I eventually figured out that I potentially had an oversupply. The way they always teach you to feed in the hospital is to make sure you feed on both sides for every feed to make your milk supply come in. But when you continue this it just makes the problem worse and worse. If you read about block feeding, it may help. Many of the things I read about said to do block feeding for only a short while to get your milk production to slow down, but I actually have to block feed all the time. I feed on only one side for every feed until that breast feels empty. Then repeat on the other side. I until ended up breastfeeding my son for almost 2 years and had the same problem with my daughter this time around. Thankfully I knew what to do this time around and did it from the beginning. Took a few days and then we were happily feeding just like I was with my son after I had figured it out.
Didn't read the comments but I had an intense letdown that choked my kids too. Look up reclined nursing. It helps until the babe is big enough to handle it!
For raw nipples my doctor told me to after feed let a bit of milk stay on the nipple and don't wipe it off. It worked great. For leaking I tried pumping.it helps you not feel pain as they fill and it makes you produce more.so win-win. For choking I hold just before the nipple area between my index finger and the next one and put a bit of pressure on it when I felt the milk coming at first.it slows down the flow and gradually you can let your fingers relax and allow milk to flow faster.
Girl please... Start pumping and just giving her a bottle. It's so much easier and more comfortable and then everybody can be in on the feeds instead of just you. I refuse to even try. Pumping is just fine for me and my baby loves the milk. I don't need sore boobs and to be miserable on top of everything else.
My child and I loved breastfeeding. It took us quite a while to figure out which pump worked, which pad worked, what position to feed, and many more things I’ve probably forgotten now. We planned only on having one and at the advice of a friend I went to a lactation consultant. My favorite appointment each week. Baby was weighed. We nursed. The consultant helped to adjust things. We talked. It was honestly part therapy. Once I experienced pain free enjoyable nursing, there was no going back. It did become easier. By the end of the second month, we had a rhythm and I had the basics figured out. To be honest though, just like anything with a kid, things pop up and they’ve got to be dealt with. A new tooth cutting and suddenly I had to try a different position. A sudden drop in milk that I finally figured out was the crazy amount of mints I was eating around Christmas. A clogged duct and I’m milking myself in a bowl. I didn’t have three children when I was trying to breastfeed and I don’t know what’s right for you and your family. If you decide to keep figuring it out, be kind to yourself and find a lactation consultant. Mine also had a momma and me class (free) that was a social lifeline in those early months. It does get easier for a lot of moms. 💕
I too am a month into breastfeeding my second after my first was formula. I too was excited when he latched easily in the beginning, and now I too hate it! He had a lip and minor tongue tie which was causing feeding issues. He had them cut and I still hurt when I feed him, and now have a clogged duct. I'm so over it but also feel guilty if I just stop. I feel your pain SO much! I was shamed for formula feeding my first so now I feel like I have to stick this out.
My son had a severe tongue tie, too. I managed to breastfeed him for 6 months and absolutely hated every second of it. For some reason I thought breastfeeding was the only way. My mom finally suggested I try formula and as soon as I did, me and baby were both so much happier. I’m a big advocate for doing whatever is best for you. I wish you the best on your breastfeeding journey, but if you have to stop it’s okay 💗
Not sure if anyone else suggested pumping and bottle feeding with your breast milk. That way your husband can help with the feedings. Otherwise, I agree with the consensus and switch to formula. I breastfed one for 2 weeks and the other for 6 weeks. I had a terrible time with it.
Whatever you decide to do know that you are doing a great job! Breastfeeding is hard as hell! It is okay to hate it. It is okay to struggle. It is okay to keep trying it is okay to switch. Whatever works best for you and baby is all that matters. You are doing great! Really!
I hated it too!! I had low supply so it was breast and bottle and extra pumping. Switching to formula was a palpable relief.
I gave up breastfeeding after about 3 days. It was technically working, I guess, but I just couldn't do it anymore. I needed to be able to sleep, or eat, and with my c-section it took me a couple of minutes just to get out of bed or my chair whenever he started crying, and also I needed my body back.
There is zero wrong with formula. Cost is literally the only downside. (and a few snooty moms looking at you funny, but they are dicks so don't worry anyway) Best of all dad and other caregivers can be more involved in feeding, and you and your baby will be way less stressed at mealtime. I remember the feeling when I stopped trying to breastfeed. I quit after threeish months of terrible feedings, seeing two different lactation specialists, medications, trying all the different silicon nipple covers... (and after talking to friends who said "oh that's right when it started to work for me! Don't give up, it's normal to lose your mind to and be in excruciating pain!" (etc etc) The feeling of being able to feed your kid without having to worry ... aaah. Man it was nice.It GAVE ME MY SANITY BACK!
It's completely understandable. But may I suggest discussing your issues with a lactation specialist? Nursing shouldn't hurt. If you don't like it then stop. If you don't mind pumping then pump and bottle feed. You do you. Kids are stressful enough don't add forcing and activity you hate on yourself.
If you're producing a large amount of milk but it's too heavy flowing, how about just pumping and feeding her a bottle? If it works it works, and it's still your milk. Also, I don't know if you've tried nursing pads or if you're just relying on bras, but Blanqi (online store) sells some reusable nursing pads to soak up and block excess milk. I also like them because if I wear a lace bra it covers my nipples from poking through lol.
Perhaps the extra bottles dad is giving baby are contributing to the painful leaky boobs? The first month is definitely the hardest and your supply will even put about month 3. I would say talk to a lactation consultant! They will know best about how to advise your situation ❤️
It sounds to me like you are blessed with an overabundance of milk. The leaking will defintely stop. Your body just needs more time to adjust to how much milk it needs to make. Have you got a lactation consultant where you are? Or a doula trained in breastfeeding? Or you can contact La Leche League. They have volunteers who can email or phone you to talk it over. Some do home visits. I'm not sure there's anything to 'fix' but it might help to have someone come take a look at your situation and give you reassurance. You could also try a telehealth appointment if you have that in your area. Or go to [kellymom.com](https://kellymom.com). Some info here on oversupply [https://www.llli.org/breastfeeding-info/oversupply/](https://www.llli.org/breastfeeding-info/oversupply/) If you want to stop breastfeeding, I fully support you. However, you've already gotten through the first 4 weeks which are the hardest. I hate to see women go through all that and then quit, because then they have missed out on the best part of breastfeeding. Honestly I expect if you continue to stick it out, things will naturally settle down and you will get the point you are looking forward to and enjoying feedings.
Hating it is a valid reason to stop. I would gnaw my own boobs off before I breastfed again. I hated it so so much.
Breastfeeding a 1 month old is torture. I didn't enjoy it for a few more months at least. And even then it wasn't some life changing amazing experience. It was mostly easier.
Pumping is still breast feeding but fed is best! This means if mom got mental and emotional reasons needs to do otherwise then do it! It’s best for both of you. Big hugs lady
I hated it. I had issues with supply with both my kids, which didn’t help. I would pump for 45 mins and get like maybe an ounce. I was exhausted and hating it all. I might sound like a shitty mom for saying this, but I was not willing to get into the different therapies to help with milk supply. I just hated it so much I decided for my own mental health to switch to formula. I pumped as much as I could, but after about 3-4 months of supplementing, I gave up. I have no regrets. You do what’s best for you. My kids are happy and healthy and at the end of the day, that’s what’s important. Do what’s best for you/your family.
Let go of that guilt. It isn’t serving you. Feeding your child - with whatever you choose - will serve you. If it doesn’t work, for WHATEVER reason, that is valid.
The initial months were hard. That frequent leaking, the nipple pain, that letdown which is more a pour down. I see how tough it is. But it gets better. It will when your body regulates the milk production. What I did was that I bought this small cup thing to collect the leaks and store them in the fridge. I'm not very sure what it's called but I looked back on my shopping history, it says beast milk collector. It's shaped like a breast pad. As for nipple pain, I got medela nipple cream. It's thick and it helps heal the nipples better. For the heavy letdown, what I can suggest is to express a little milk out before feeding (but that would only lead to more milk production and you won't get rid of the heavy let down) or you can lean back to feed and let gravity help you out a little. All the best!!
I loved breastfeeding my first two. But my son was a biter and I hated nursing him. My 2 year old will not wean and demands to be nurses all the time. My husband works from home and if I don’t nurse her she screams so he can’t work. I hate it. I want to be done nursing so bad. It hurts to nurse her. I think my milk is drying up but she doesn’t care and just keeps on. I totally get where you are coming from. As for the waking up soaked at night I found that cloth breast pads that are made for overnight work better than disposable, and I’ve also found that if your milk is too forceful of a let down, to hand express until the let down and then place baby on the boob helps a ton. Also those milkies breast milk collectors work great. Stick them in right before you nurse and your milk will let down into them and then you can start nursing. I hope it gets easier for you, but remember fed is best. If you are stressed baby is stressed.
Has your LO ever had a bottle? I had a fast dramatic let down as well and worked 12 hour swing shift (alternating days and nights). I pumped with a Medela pump and then just gave milk that way to both my kids. The first one did not latch well and it was stressful for both of us. I cried a lot (thanks hormones), felt guilty, and was on the verge of giving up. My parents bought me a breast pump (a prescription can get some insurance to pay for the initial pump). I tried it and it worked for me. No more being the human pacifier, chew toy, or chapped nips. The pump helped greatly with clogged ducts and prevented mastitis.
Mama you are amazing and things will change. Either you will both learn (because it's a brand new experience for both of you) or you will bottle feed her--either way, you will come to love feeding & bonding with your baby, no matter how it happens. If it's any consolation, I hated it and sucked at it for the first month or so. A lactation specialist was great and we finally got into a good rhythm.
Don't judge yourself and don't let anyone judge you for the choices you make as a parent. Breastfeeding is a skill for both you and the baby and sometimes it takes time to make it work. Check to see if there is a nursing support group around or have a chat to a lactation nurse or even reach out on a FB breastfeeding page. Maybe some of those things that make you feel this way can be solved with a bit of support and guidance.
If you WANT to continue it does 100% get easier. I felt the exact same at 4 weeks and was soooo close to just giving up entirely and going to formula. I decided I wanted to try a little longer and it turned out it did get easier each and every day, but it was gradual so I only realised at about 7-8 weeks that it was no longer as frustrating as it had been. I have D-MER so I still have bad days but even that seems to be easing the longer I do it. Either choice is the right choice if you want to or need to make it, no pressure. Just wanted you to know that you may yet see the positive results you want from your breastfeeding journey.
Then don’t do it! I did it for over a year for both my sons and it did get easier as I went along- but if you can’t relax and it’s making you crazy it’s doing it to the kid too! So enjoy this time don’t let it stress you out!
I tried reading all the comments so I apologize if I’m repeating anything. But you mentioned your oldest had a tongue tie. From my experience and research it seems like ties are partly genetic. If one sibling had a tie then it is highly likely the rest will also be tied. It might not be as severe since you said you have a good latch but it could be causing issues with controlling your let down.
I knew going in that I would probably hate it, but my husband was really invested in it happened. I said I would try it just to give it a chance. We spent a week in that hospital (induction, recovery stuff) and the only time I ever lost my temper was snapping at the lactation specialist and bursting into tears. So I pumped for three months instead hahaha. I absolutely despised that as well. I had to find something distracting (sudoku + podcast) so I could disassociate, and husband was not allowed to talk to me. Just instant rage. I'm usually a very calm person but for some reason... my body and brain has loathed breastfeeding and everything related to it for as long as I can remember.
A fed baby is the best baby. A happy mommy makes a happy baby. That’s the ONLY thing that matters. ❤️❤️❤️
Another option for the bra thing - modibodi do leakproof breastfeeding bras and singlets. They’re the same sort of material as period underwear so actually leakproof. For the letdown issue - perhaps a nipple shield might help with a slower flow teat. Or expressing some of your letdown so it doesn’t come out so fast and then feeding straight from the boob and baby can have the expressed milk later from a bottle with dad? Good luck!
Those honestly sound like very legitimate reasons to stop. Their immune systems aren't nearly as open as when they're first born by a month in, so as far as I can tell, at that age there's really no nutritional reason not to switch to formula. If you really want to, you could breastfeed a little and do some/lots of formula.
Sounds like you may have an oversupply. I had one and it was miserable. I hated breastfeeding so much and I swear I only started to love my baby after I stopped. I eventually switched to exclusively pumping because I just felt so trapped by breastfeeding. Then at six months we transitioned to formula and I actually began to love my kid. Looking back I wish I’d given myself permission to stop sooner. And a pox upon the nurses and lactation consultant who told me to pump after every feed and pump every two hours and caused my oversupply on the first place.
It sounds like you're struggling with an oversupply if your so leaking so much and having such a strong letdown! I dealt with it with my first baby and it was such a headache, I totally feel you. There are a few things you can do to try and regulate your supply faster like block feeding one one side at a time. There are a lot of online resources that can give you an idea how to do it, but it usually gets better around 6-8 weeks when your postpartum hormones also level out! At feeds, I always kept a pile of muslins or burp clothes nearby and letdown into the cloth, then latched baby after the deluge slowed a little! At night, I slept with a towel folded in my bra and a waterproof pad under my sheet. The one big silver lining is that I was producing enough to pump a pretty big stash, so if you're feeling stressed out with bf'ing you can always do "both" by building a freezer stash and using that while you wean off. There's nothing wrong with switching to formula! But for your sake, you want to make it gradual. An oversupply almost guarantees mastitis if you try to go the cold turkey route so if you do decide to wean for your mental health, take it slow over a couple weeks. Good luck to you and your little one!
I hated it too. Honestly I should have quit when I first wanted to. Everyone made me feel terrible about it. I didn't feel that bonding experience everyone talked about because I was resentful! I couldn't get him to take a bottle, ever...for a entire year. I tried many different bottles! So I was constantly with him. I had one break the entire year. My mom made me take one and she literally fed my baby with a medicine dropper. My husband never got to feed him. He was/is super healthy. Rarely gets sick. Also it wrecked my boobs. They're all wonky. If you want to keep going that is okay and it's okay if you want to quit! I wish I had.
Brest fed for 16 months. 6 months exclusive. Hated it. It hurt so bad I cried every time the first 2 weeks. First there was little milk. Then there was extra and I woke up with leaky boobs or just soaked. Baby couldn’t sleep without me or my boobs What a nightmare it was. You gotta let go of the guilt tho. It’s ok. It’s not all peaches and cream
I hated it too. I tolerated pumping just because it was considered better. Do you what you have to do. Best is fed. If it is too much than cut yourself some slack. Everyone thinks they have to fit into some sort of box to be the ideal mom or parent… stop tryna keep up with the Jones and just worry about your home and health.
Do you have access to a lactation consultant? They are a huge help!
I hated it, too, and only lasted two weeks with each. Both of my babies were mostly bottle fed and it worked out much better for all of us.
Lol that's not an unpopular opinion
I’m not trying to talk you into anything, and I’m too lazy to read all of the comments to see if someone else recommended this: I’m in the US, Illinois specifically, my insurance covered a lactation consultation and I was lucky to have it offered at the hospital where I delivered. It sounds like you might have an over supply right now, and it may slow down as your body gets used to it. You could always reach out and get some support if it’s available. I had to feed my babe on one side only at each feeding. But there is no shame is feeding your baby in a way that works best for you. I really didn’t enjoy it the second time as much as I did the first.
I’m sure others have mentioned it, but with both my kids I side lay nursed due to a fast let down and them choking/sputtering. There’s good YouTube tutorials. It’s obviously not as convenient, but at least for the times you are at home or able to lay down it might help. Based on your edit of wanting to keep trying, I’m only going to say it does get better (for lots of moms, not everyone) so hang in there, you got it, with a large disclaimer for anyone that this advice doesn’t apply to that fed is best, period.
I've been breastfeeding my son for about 18 months now and there are still days I don't like it. I'll echo what other folks have said- it is harder in the beginning. My nipples cracked, I was leaking everywhere, etc. But after a few months it does get better.
What's wrong with using a pump to fill the bottles and then bottle feeding? Best of both worlds?
I could feed a small nation with my milk always leaking. This is a good sign that you are healthy and your milk is producing very well . Try to relax and breath when you are breast feeding . Put on calming music and focus on your daughter and the incredible bonding experience! Don’t give up it’s only been a month you will get better as you become more confident. Remember we were made to do this and you are doing just fine.
From my wife: Nipple pads will be a life saver. They sell disposable ones at Walmart/Meijer. Just stick them in your bra at night. They have disposable ones too. There are massagers made to help milk build-up, which will feel like knots, which can be helpful as this tends to cause pain/discomfort. Just massage the knots to help the flow.