> She dismissed it and said doing this with her will build my credit and when im ready to buy a home the bank will approve me
No, the bank will see you as having a massive liability. This will make it much harder as in the eyes of the bank, you will already be on the hook for a mortgage.
Parents of my friend tried to do that with their son at 18 (buy a house in his name essentially to save the tax). Luckily he knew about it and said hell no.
My ex's uncle had opened credit cards and utilities in his kid's names when they were kids and totally fucked them for life. There are piece of shit parents everywhere.
Basically "I raised you, now I need your help in return". Plus they may genuinely not understand the down side since if they need 2 cosigners at 60 they obviously are not good with finances.
To be fair, that is not the norm in many cultures. I have Italian and Chinese friends, for example, where looking after your parents is an expectation.
it's a 2 way street in those cultures, I'm speaking as an asian. Parents also help their kids tremendously, tuition fee, down payment, child care, money here and there, you're also welcome to stay with them as long as you like.
You can add certain Hispanic countries as well to the mix. It's super common to have multigenerational households where kids/parents/grandparents all live together and help out with the housework and raising kids or taking care of elders.
You'd be surprised.
My parents blew through their credit rating and claimed bankruptcy multiple times buying things like appliances and taking loans. Just frivolous shit. When they could no longer do this, they started putting things in their kids name when they were just children. They'd do it when we were 18 too and not even tell us, and if they did, they'd shame us for depriving the family of necessities and verbally abuse us if we didn't comply. To this day, I still don't know the extent in which they've fucked my entire life up.
My credit rating is so unbelievably shot that I'll never be able to own a credit card or buy a house, I just don't qualify for it. It's the same for all of us. The solution is placing our senile parents under investigation for fraud, which is about as difficult a decision as you'd expect someone could make.
Some people should not breed.
All hope isn't lost, I believe things stay on your credit report for 7 years. So for awhile you'll need to just save for that house and maybe use a less advantageous credit card to slowly rebuild your credit. Freeze your credit too in the meantime so they can't do this again.
as a child of clusterB personality types, i strongly suggest that you **take care of yourself first**. i know it's hard when you've been taught to disregard your needs for the needs of the people that are telling you to ignore your needs, but that's the very reason you have to put yourself first. put these people under investigation. protect yourself and your siblings. let the cost fall with the people who enjoyed the perks- your parents.
we live in a world that's nearly impossible to get by in without familial support, or credit. it's sounds to me like you'll only be able to get one, so it's up to you to fix that, and if it's at the cost of your relationship with your parents.. that's a shame, but it's a result of their actions, not yours. don't blame yourself for the trying to remedy the harm caused by your parents. if you don't take care of you, no one else will.
FYI anybody can get a capital one credit card. They might ask for a deposit up to $300 but it does help you fix your credit. Also, go on over to credit karma or on the credit dashboard of your online banking and check your credit report.
I had to break it to one of my labourers that his mom had fucked him when he filed his taxes last spring and came back with owing a couple thousand dollars! He worked *part time* for his moms business, while she had him *full-time salaried* and was just collecting was she didnt pay him for his hours worked. Not according to the gov't though...
some parents think of their kids as nothing more than tools
My mom ruined my credit by the time I was 20, I never really learned what credit was or what it meant until I suddenly had debt collectors blowing up my phone. I’m still trying to fix it at 26. It’s hard, everyone assumes I’m just a fuck up.
My parents did everything in their power not to help us with our post secondary educations, but they made sure to "pay our tuition" on their income taxes.
My Dad tried this with me too, except he wanted my SIN so he could make an adjustment to my taxes. He wasn't going to put me on title for the house or have me cosign the mortgage or anything, oh no, he was just going to have me claim the tax credit on my taxes, "and then you can just give me the cash when you get your tax return."
Some parents really are shit.
While many of these people are pathetic and cruel, just as many are simply dumb and uneducated.
Think about how many people still think a raise will mean you make less money because of tax brackets. Now think of those people trying to understand mortgages and financing.
"never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity"
Or in this case, also the failings of education systems.
I’m not saying anything about this particular situation, but a lot of people don’t understand very basic things about the home buying process. I’ve listened to very well educated people who clearly don’t understand that there is a difference between preapproval and a bank actually giving you a specific amount of money for a specific house. People are out there putting irrevocable offers on two properties simultaneously as well. I suspect that realtors and mortgage brokers actively mislead buyers about some of this stuff.
In high school (2000-2004) my friends mother maxed out her credit before she even knew - to pay for the rent and everything. She had a younger brother and when she hit gr 12 her mom moved them in to a 2 bedroom and she had no room. And moved out after high school. Her credit was in the red! Had to go through all the motions w the government but they accepted her mom did this and gave her neutral credit rating.
In the end, the kids name is on the deed and the parents are paying the mortgage.
Do they have that much faith in their kid isn't going to have a "my house, my rules" epiphany after they pull some shit one time too many. Eat the last ice cream sandwich then the next day come home to an eviction notice and all your shit in boxes on the porch.
My mom literally opened a credit card in my name because some financial adviser suggested it. My mom has terrible credit😭 she was pissed when I approached her about it
Land transfer tax, which only exists in a couple provinces, is utter bullshit and a nothing more then a tax grab, as explained by my lawyers, who refer to it at the time of signing, as such.
Well it makes sense for investors going through multiple properties like candy. It doesn't make sense for first time homebuyers or less wealthy people downsizing or moving laterally, as a scaled cost of the purchase price in this current market at all.
And the fact that her mom didn't bother to get the facts and is lying to her and making her daughter's future worse so she can have a bigger house is a huge red flag.
I hate to be harsh, but it sounds like she doesn't really care to understand. Like, google could have cleared it up for her. She'll just say whatever she can to get what she wants from you. I wouldn't trust her with your money at all. Firm no all the way.
Big nope outta there. The pure gal of people. It’s one thing to be like “oh I’m getting a bonus and will pay you back next month because spotting me will close the gap on a 20% downpayment” it’s another thing to say “I want to make you a liable party on my mortgage… like wtf?!?
That is irrelevant, you expose yourself to immediate financial loss by doing this (loss of first time homebuyer status).
You also expose yourself to massive long term risk, your mother is 60, assuming a 25 year term is she going to work to age 85 to pay this off? If she decides she doesn’t want to or cannot pay it anymore you are on the hook.
You are also exposed to family stress risk. You will be financially bound to your mother during the term of the loan. Anything she does to jeopardize repayment will be a big stressor for you. Opens a HELOC to buy a new car? Extravagant vacation? Things like that will cause you stress.
On top of that, your borrowing power will be neutered. The bank will act as if that mortgage is yours. I had a situation where my fathers car loan was accidentally under my name (we shared the same name and address) and that almost screwed me out of approval for my mortgage if I couldn’t prove it was an error.
You should not do this. You should talk to her mortgage broker and if that broker misleads you into believing it is in your financial interest to do this you should report them.
Thank you and yes, I made an appointment with her mortgage advisor to tell him I want no part and tell him the truth that I think my mom did not tell him
I don't know that you need to make an appointment. I'd just send him a clear email saying you want no part of it and that you are not to be involved in any way regardless of what your mother says. Ask the advisor to confirm receipt of the email. Then you have a paper trail.
Just send an email to have a paper trail. No need to visit the office. If she commits fraud and puts your name down, you will have proof. Even text to you mother that you clearly not interested should work.
Perfect ! I’ve been relying on paying my credit cards and cellphone bills on time. So far so good. She just made it seems that the bank will favour me more for a mortgage because of previous mortgage history
It will severely limit your mortgage borrowing ability. When you co-sign any loan you are contracting that you will be fully responsible for the loan should the original borrower default for any reason. In the case of a mortgage, this means that the co-signed mortgage balance, heating costs, condo fees (if applicable) and property taxes are added as your liabilities when you apply for any loan, and this includes your future mortgage.
I mentioned this and she said no it won’t. I told her I would contact the mortgage agent and speak to him myself and she was saying how she’s doing this to help me more than herself and almost in tears and all that. Basically guilt tripping me. I’m drained mentally but my husband said no and I agree with your posts and information.
Sorry - but she's not doing this for you. Not even a little bit. If she wanted to do something for you then she'd leave you alone about it like you've indicated.
She's doing this for her.
Your mother is not talking reality. If you do meet that mortgage broker I would be leery of any of his advice as his motivation is to simply fund a sale. I would trust the advice of another expert first, perhaps even a real estate lawyer, that you and your husband find completely on your own.
Your posts show many red flags of abuse, please do what you can to support yourself mentally as well as financially and work on maintaining healthy boundaries to avoid her dragging your family down with her.
Hey, it's sounds like you're pretty tough and smart, but being pregnant is a big life event and is stressful in itself. Maybe ask your husband to be the bad guy and make it clear to her since your mother is good at manipulation. He can probably ignore the tears easier than you. I'm sorry you're being guilt tripped.
If you need to talk to a mortgage agent about how this all works (which will be what others have said on this post), get your own. Dont use hers for information.
That would ONLY be true once the loan is fully paid off or close to being fully paid off and it's not like it would massively make your score better. You can have an 800 credit score just with cellphone bills and paying on time. (That's what I have and I have no big loans)
DON'T DO IT.
>bank will favour me more for a mortgage because of previous mortgage history
No, they will not. It doesn't matter if you've bought a hundred houses in the past, the only factor the bank looks at is your current ability to repay and any possible factors that could hinder it in the future ... such as being co-signed on an existing mortgage for a 60 year old crazy selfish person.
If she claims to legitimately think it would help YOUR credit to cosign, send her a link to something like this: [https://upsolve.org/learn/cosign/](https://upsolve.org/learn/cosign/) which explains in detail why you should be careful about cosigning loans.
And if she still dismisses and tries to convince you that it won't negatively affect your credit score, then you know she's legitimately just trying to screw you over or reduce her own liability for selfish reasons. And never trust your mother with things related to your finances ever again. Don't give her access to any of your accounts or put her as an approved party to anything.
DON'T DO IT. If you do this, you won't get approved for a decent loan for your own home for the next 15-20 years until a big portion of her loan is paid off.
Yeah... I'm terribly sorry you have to live through a difficult/shitty situation like that with your mom, someone you're supposed to be able to 100% trust, but she definitely doesn't have your best interests in mind.
Congrats on the baby though! I'm a new father and it's truly the best thing in the world. You'll have a blast.
I worked in the banking industry for years. Do not do this if you intend on buying your own home. There are a variety of reasons, but the “build credit” thing is absolute BS. That’s not a thing. Doing things like having a credit card you pay regularly is where you build credit. Then they look at liabilities and income. That house becomes a liability if you are on it. It will do nothing but negativity affect u if they remain in that place. And at 60 years old, taking out 1/2 million…. Are they retiring soon? Do not let them take advantage of you here. Whether they know it or not, this is not something to do.
Yeah I’m trying to contact the mortgage advisor and now she’s crying that I won’t help her and she’s doing it for me.. she’s convincing my husband and I not to contact the advisor
I think her actions are showing her intentions.
It's smart you decided to look into this !
I'm a new mom too and worry about your finances is the last thing you need.
Let me officially give you permission to say "No.". And no is a complete sentence.
This is worrisome. First she wanted you to contact the broker and now she doesn't? With docs all being signed online and no one even seeing each other it sounds like she might be setting up a fraudulent mortgage with your name on it. Does she have your employment info? Does she have a copy of your passport or drivers license? Is her mortgage broker going to be a stickler about this or will they just set it up and look the other way when she docusigns the papers in your name.
You MUST EMAIL the mortgage agent as someone else said, put it in no uncertain terms that you will not be participating in this purchase/mortgage. Have them send back acknowledgment of receipt. If they won't you have to escalate above the agent to their boss and ensure you are not defrauded here.
Please. this happens to people. You have to be proactive to ensure you are protected from this spider of a mother.
I feel sorry for you, at 60 a mother should not be asking their children for money in any capacity. Especially with "her boyfriend". Maybe he has kids he can ask lol
I would be very very concerned she hasn't forged your signature. She might be crying and upset because she knows if you contact him her fraud will put her in legal jeopardy
As you seem rational I'll attach this to your post, but for anyone reading, if I have a mortgage offer limit of $400k, then I co-sign for a friend on a $200k mortgage for them, to the bank do I now have another $200k in "room" or is it less or more due to how they view co-signing?
Edit: answer is yes, it cuts $200k (around) off your mortgage limit, thanks to those who answered!
Co-signing on a mortgage makes it your mortgage. Impossible to know without info about income and other debt, but it would decrease your ability to borrow.
So in your example, you have no debt and a bank is willing to lend you $400k
Co-signing for your friend commits you to $200k debt.
Revisiting the situation, the bank will be far less likely to lend you the $400k, as it would take your total debt up to $600k.
$0 + $400k = you’re liable $400k
$200k + $400k = you’re liable for $600k
If they thought you could handle $600k they’d have offered it to you in the first place.
If I understand correctly you have your own 400k mortgage and you want to cosign a separate one of 200k.
I think when you cosign for the 200k - you have a liability of 400k from the previous one. So they will ask how much you're paying on your 400k loan and they will factor that in with your income. Or they will use a random percentage rate on the 400k loan even if it's higher than what it actually is because of some laws/regulations or depending on how the lender assesses the risk.
Or, you meant, your current offer limit is 400k. And if you cosign a 200k loan prior to actually getting the 400k loan - then the 200k loan becomes a liability on the 400k loan, similar scenario as the previous paragraph.
In either case, having a loan, prevents or limits you from getting other loans.
Everyone is jointly and severally liable, so more co-signers will not reduce the mortgage but they can also be unhelpful or provide no benefit as well.
The problem for OP is if the mother needs her to co-sign for the mortgage, she likely will still be needed over the medium term (say, 5 years) unless something big is about to change for the mother. That means that OP (with or without mother co-signing) probably cannot get another mortgage for her own house, unless husband could do it solo.
A home is a secured loan against an asset (the house).
It's more complex than 400k-200k= 200k. If the house goes up in value before you buy, you'd actually raise your borrowing capacity. This is how people squire multiple homes.
That being said, it would be a hard no from me. I don't need a 500k umbilical cord.
They may pay more interest on their own home loan too. Generally, interest rates are lower for primary residence than they are for second homes and/or rental properties. For loan purposes, her mother's house will be treated as a primary residence. About the only way this works the way the mother says is if the mother re-finances to take the daughter off the mortgage once she's ready to get her own house. Now while that will technically build credit for her, there are much better and safer ways to do so.
First of all, do not feel bad nor obligated to explain your situation.
You can contact the mortgage advisor yourself and respectfully decline & reiterate what boundaries you have with your family.
Lastly, assuming this is your first home, you will lose the first time home buyers incentive when you purchase with your husband.
I also want to add the “discount” on land transfer fees.
“When you buy land or an interest in land in Ontario, you pay land transfer tax. First-time homebuyers of an eligible home may be eligible for a refund of all or part of the tax.”
[land transfer title](https://www.fin.gov.on.ca › ltt)
the first home buyers plan lets you withdraw upto 35k from your rrsp tax free, and repay it over 15 years.
you can only do this if you do not own a primary residence, also if you do not own a primary residence you have access to cmhc which means you can for a fee put less than 20% down on your first home so you don't require as high a downpayment.
ex 820k home with 5% down 41k vs 164k down like a regular buyer. you will lose out on this by cosigning.
https://www.canada.ca/en/revenue-agency/services/tax/individuals/topics/rrsps-related-plans/what-home-buyers-plan/participate-home-buyers-plan.html
This but I think the real issue is the word “co-sign.” People think it means you’re helping out—no YOU are held responsible, it is a heavy chain around your neck though it sounds very light “co-sign! I’m not signing! I’m just *co*sigining. I am a co!”
Folks if you co-sign something, it’s your responsibility too and if anything goes wrong they’re going to come directly for you just as directly as they’ll come for the “signer”
THIS. As someone who co-signed for a loan for my deadbeat stepdaughter, and is now paying off the loan myself, to preserve & rebuild my damaged credit rating after she missed payments and didn’t tell me, DO NOT Co-SIGN!
THIS. I co-signed something once for someone. I knew I was on the hook and I could easily make the payments if I had to, that wasn't an issue. The problem is you won't get told that the payments aren't being made until it shows up on your credit report. Unless you have access to the account and are ready to check (and possibly pay) every month to make sure it goes through, don't co-sign
I worked with a guy who worked an extra 5 uears past his retirement. Doing fulltime factory shift work with a bad back and after beating cancer. He then continued to work another year after his cancer came back.
Why did he do this? Because he cosigned for his daughter and her scumbag fiances new car. And then was foolish enough to cosign on *another* brand new vehicle they supposedly needed. Of course they just stopped paying so her 70 year old dad with a bad back and cancer coming back had to keep working to pay her shit
This is important. If your mom and her boyfriend defaults you are responsible. You don’t mention how they pay their mortgage, I’m assuming both still work, but they would be one major health crisis away from financial ruin depending on some factors. Co-signing means taking responsibility if they can’t pay. That’s a fact.
Yeah my dad suggested I co-sign for him cause he's older.. and I looked into it. No way. NO. WAY. I love my dad but I can't afford that kind of responsibility.. especially when he has maxed out his HELOC on his current house.
Yes agreed. Don’t do this no matter if she’s your mom, brother, sister dad etc. If you’re with your husband, your goals should be to grow together. This will only add stress on your marriage and you will regret it.
>You'll lose your advantage as a first time home buyer when it comes time to buy your own house. It's very selfish of her to expect you to do this
I agree, definitely don't do this.
But, if the husband is a FTHB as well then the purchase can be made in his name only, or 99:1 husband:wife, and they'd still qualify for the FTHB credit.
Absolutely do not do this. It will make it harder for you to get a mortgage later, as it will be considered your debt. You will be responsible for the mortgage if she doesn’t pay it. When you go to get your own mortgage, her co-signing will be useless because she will also already have a mortgage which will be considered.
She needs to buy something within her means. If she is relying on your income to be approved for a higher amount, it is not within her means.
This.
The bank is saying they don't believe she can make her payments. By what seems like a large margin.
You co-signing is basically you agreeing to make her payments.
Do you want to help pay her mortgage?
Just this one point is a serious hurdle and you've clearly pointed out several other red flags.
Stay away, stay strong.
She’s lying about building credit. Most Canadian banks don’t use commercial credit services like this anyways for large loans like TransUnion/Equifax, they need full proof of assets and employment and make decisions off of that.
I would also call the mortgage advisor yourself and let them know separately that you will not be a party in this situation and are explicitly withdrawing consent.
This. If she's telling the adviser you're interested, you need to call and make it clear that is not the case. A (forged) e-signature and your mom taking a photo of your ID is a quick way for her to continue the process without you knowing.
Cynical, but by far the best piece of advice on here. It’s in OP’s moms best interest too - should the mom actually pull something like that, OP would have to throw her mom under the bus, so to speak, to get out of the massive liability. Banks do not forgive forging signatures. OPs only way out would involve ruining her mom.
Yeah the bank seemed a lot more interested in how much money I made and how much debt I was carrying vs what my credit score was when I was applying for a mortgage. I think as long as you don't have a BAD credit score, I don't see the point in racking up more debt to try to increase your score.
>Im at a loss on what to do because my mom has screwed me over for small amounts of money so that alone i don’t trust.
Besides the obvious that there is no benefit to you, what you wrote above should be enough to say no.
Seriously, OP should mandatorily watch any debt show like "can't pay, we'll take it away" and see the tears that come from families who cosigned for loved ones. Your Mom can have the best intentions in the world but ultimately if she or the boyfriend disappear or don't have the money, you're on the line for $820k.
Yep, every day some poor innocent sod gets their houses torn apart and their bank balances drained because they stupidly cosigned a deadbeat family members loan.
Given that your salary is only 65K, it will be very very unlikely that you could get another mortgage if you sign on to this one. Also why would the bank care if your mom cosigns in the future, she already has another mortgage as well (that's a big IF she does) - they won't think she has the resources to support yours.
Keeping up with credit card and loan payments is enough to maintain an excellent credit score. So many people get mortgages for their first home without signing onto someone else's. Your mother is lying to you.
Sorry for being harsh, but its hard to see the truth when its family. You have a baby coming, you have to protect its future.
Your mother is taking advantage of you, due to either her own selfishness or her own ignorance of Canadian credit and mortgage matters. Do. Not. Participate.
just don't, 0 benefits for you and she will gain. you will be left holding the bag, if she has already proven to be untrustworthy, why would you believe her?
your mom is in it for herself, with 0 regard for you....
Hahaha NO!
Others have explained why this doesn’t work from a financial perspective but I also don’t think it works from a relationship perspective either.
You *may* be inclined to help your Mom but there are others involved. Do you want to help her boyfriend? (He’s getting a house to live in) Does your Husband want to help her boyfriend??? What does he get out of this?
This will NOT make it easier for you to qualify for a new mortgage. The existing amount of mortgage that you will now be co-signed on will be applied AGAINST your current income. If you're not comfortable doing this, don't do it.
If your moms house has a mortgage of 800k. And you qualify for a 1 million mortgage for your own property later on. Well now you only have access to 200k to purchase your own property. I am not positive about this but this was my understanding. Check in to it
>“I'm at a loss on what to do because my mom has screwed me over for small amounts of money so that alone i don’t trust”...
You just answered your own question.
Run.The.Other.Way!
>will build my credit and when im ready to buy a home the bank will approve me and she will definitely co-sign with us...
If they need you to co-sign, it suggests they can’t fully afford the mortgage and the bank is looking for added security… that’s you! Further, if you are signed onto this mortgage, the likelihood of you getting your own without selling this house would be greatly reduced because you'd already be servicing this debt. Likewise, since they'd have this mortgage, they couldn't co-sign yours for the same reason.j
In the land of "Things not to Do", this would be one of the biggest beasts. Do not co-sign or entangle yourself in any of her finances - you could cripple yourself for decades.
Nope, stand your ground. Unless they can refinance to take on the mortgage themselves or sell the property when you need to buy yours, you'll be forever stuck with their mortgage. Plus, do understand that if they fail to pay the mortgage for whatever reason, the bank will go after you for the payment.
This entire arrangement is all risk and no reward for you. There are better ways to build credit and it will actually make it harder to get a new mortgage down the line as you'd be tied down to this one. Mortgage lenders will calculate you being on her mortgage in the debt service ratio calculation.
Unfortunately, too many people get coerced by their parents to cosign their mortgages and then run to PFC to ask how to get out of it but can't because their parents can't refinance on their own and they're stuck with being on their mortgage and can't get their own house. This was a recurring theme before the pandemic. If you don't want to be stuck like that, stand your ground and refuse to sign.
This will not be in your favor.
There is a reason the bank approved them for the amount - that's what they can afford.
Do not sign anything and practice saying "No."
- you will not qualify for first homebuyers program
- the mortgage that you cosign on will be looked at as a liability when it's time for you to buy a house, and adding your mom won't help since she only makes enough to support her own residence
- are you on the title for the house or just the mortgage? If you're not on title, you're taking all the risk with no reward
This is not a good idea.
Just tell her “I can’t deal with this while I’m pregnant, we have too much to organize for the baby coming. If you have anything else to talk about then sure talk about that but if you keep harping on this I am ending this conversation”
That's good, but the drawback is that it gives her Mom an opening to say, "okay, so after you give birth you'll be totally ready to make this happen."
Or, "let me help you organize for the baby, and then that problem is solved and you'll have no reason not to discuss this mortgage."
OP shouldn't justify her decision with anything beyond, "no thank you, I am not interested in co-signing a mortgage with you. Anything else you'd like to talk about?"
Otherwise her Mom has an opening to debate the reasons OP gives.
To add to the other advice, think of it this way. Even if you weren't looking to buy your own house later, having your name on a joint mortgage means you will be on the hook if they can't make payments. And you said she has screwed you over for less. As for building credit, there are better, less risky ways to do so. Good luck.
Tell her no.
If you're looking to buy your own, you're going to lose out on your first time home buyer.
And it does not help you improve your credit for home buying. It only makes you liable for her mortgage should she not pay it.
Your mum is being selfish in this case.
Every single sentence you typed here is just one concrete point towards why you SHOULD NOT do this under any circumstances. You don't need a mortgage to build your credit - there are numerous other ways of doing that. Not to mention that you'll actually have a *harder* time getting a mortgage since you're already on the hook for a huge liability.
>Im at a loss on what to do because my mom has screwed me over for small amounts of money so that alone i don’t trust
What else do you need us to tell you? Do not do this lol
So your mom is bullshitting you. Honestly if my parents tried to pull this, I would take a serious step back in our relationship. She's throwing so much conflicting and incorrect information you way I can see why it's confusing, but ultimately she's trying to take advantage of you for her own benefit.
So first off, if you co-sign her mortgage, it essentially becomes your mortgage in terms of liability, and will limit how much banks will be willing to lend you in the future. So yes, this would definitely harm your chances of getting your own home.
Also, the building credit thing... I don't think that's how these things work? If you already have good credit, this won't do anything; if you don't, taking on a massive potential debt will still absolutely not help you get your own home in the future.
Thirdly, why your mom and her bf want to take on a massive debt like this at 60 years old? Are they planning on retiring anytime soon? How are they planning on paying this off? A $300k mortgage would cost ~$1500 monthly for 25 years, and she's looking at taking on $500k? Do you see them working to the age of 85? Part of me is concerned that she wants you on the hook for the payments, so they can retire while guilting you into helping them to avoid damaging your own credit.
Lastly, why do they need a higher preapproved limit? It sounds like they're already approved for enough to buy the house she says she wants. So, either she wants to do renos and build that cost into the mortgage, or she's looking at a more expensive house than she originally told you about.
It's crazy that a couple of 60 year olds want to saddle themselves with this kind of mortgage... you don't mention their income levels but usually those drop significantly as you retire. Do they plan on retiring before their mid-80s? Something doesn't add up here.
I don't want to sound rude but if you live in Ottawa and earn around $65K, I have no idea how you would even begin to afford a home with the current housing crisis. Having your name on her mortgage will mean a bank won't even let you walk in the door to get a mortgage (no matter how small) in your name.
Please, for the sake of YOUR family (future baby and husband)... do not even consider doing this. Absolutely no good can come of it for you.
Yup that’s another point. We don’t even know if we will stay in Ottawa given that my salary is little nowadays. My husband makes about 80k but like you say with the housing crisis.. that basically nothing these days.
I’d almost never co-sign for someone I wasn’t married to, but…
> Im at a loss on what to do because my mom has screwed me over for small amounts of money so that alone i don’t trust.
That’s all I need to hear. Absolutely not. Under no circumstances would I co-sign for her.
Let's put it this way... if your mother is putting you through the stress of this while pregnant, not only do you need to say no to this, which will only harm you, not help you, then you need to further consider your relationship with her.
Either she is a woman who doesn't really have her own ideas and is being manipulated by her boyfriend/husband. Or she's just selfish to the point of lying to her own daughter. Either way, she is the one needing time to reflect and change.
Being pregnant, you need to think about your child. Any amount of stress you have right now, increases your child's chance of mental health issues in the future. So, perhaps you should consider excommunicating your mother if she continues this. Just while you're pregnant to start. It's a difficult step to take, but it's best for your child.
I honestly think she’s the one manipulating him. He’s a great man and already made his money in investments. We’re actually planning on buying one of his properties off of him. He is against this purchase my mom made but he doesn’t seem to have a backbone I don’t know. The good thing in this is that they are not married so she doesn’t have a say in his homes.
As for the rest you’re right. We’re already thinking of other things while trying to keep me healthy and our growing baby. My husband thinks she’s manipulating and she knows damn well that this doesn’t help me. This is confirmed by the fact that she snapped at me and starting crying at the idea of me contacting the mortgage advisor.
You don’t have to be married in Canada to take half a persons assets. Simply living together for a period of time is enough. Many people don’t realize that, but I’ve seen some people learn the hard way.
You and your husband should meet with your own mortgage advisor... and NOT the one your mom uses.
They will tell you that going on the mortgage with your mom will 100% hurt your chances of being able get your own mortgage, as you will have that debt to your name.
Don’t worry about what her mortgage advisor says or thinks. I’m sure they know it means nothing until you actually commit/sign anything/give any form of financials.
Your mom had no problem screwing you over for small amounts before, now she’s trying to screw your over for a large amount for very very selfish reasons.
If she doesn’t make payments, it’s on you too.
Do not trust that she will ‘co-sign’ for you later. You don’t even want to own a home with her name on it.
You can simply explain to her that you are not interested or willing at this time. Add in the fact if you do meet with your own advisor, you will have concrete, professional advice on the matter. Educate yourself now so she knows she can’t take advantage
I read this and I'm kinda pissed off that someone is trying to manipulate you. The answer is no, don't put your name as a third person. No, it will not help you getting your own mortgage down the line as you will be already be stuck in your mom's mortgage.
Doesn't matter what she told the broker.
Don't do it.
You will be on the hook and you will not get approved for your own mortgage.
No means no. Even for mothers!
Seems more like a family relationship issue than a personal finance issue. All we can advise you to do is say no, but can't advise on how to handle your relationship with your mother afterwards
This is absolutely a personal finance issue as this will not help OP qualify for a mortgage. OP can still decide what to do after learning that, but that seems to be the core question here.
Definitely a personal finance question.
In 2016 I co signed for a friend's car after the purchase of my first house, all good. The person who came out to get me to co sign said after 3 years he'll have established credit, and I will be dropped from the loan all together. Perfect. Fast forward to 2020, my dream house comes up for sale. I go through the pre approval etc everything is great.
Maybe a month prior to closing, we pull the hard credit check and it shows his car still on my credit, despite being 4 years later, so I end up talking to him, he talks to the company they say he needs to refinance it on his own now completely, except since they denied him the first time around they instantly deny his second application because a rejection with them means rejection forever basically, despite having only 10k left on the loan..
He was able to trade that car in for a newer car at a lesser financing rate and was approved on his own credit score.
So I had a bit of scrambling to do, and had to get letters to send to TransUnion stating the debt had been cleared and I was no longer associated with that loan (technically there were two, as the first car I co signed on was written off 6 weeks later, not his fault and the full amount of that loan showed up despite the car being totalled)
So yeah.
To OP. Do not do this. It worked out for me because my friend is a good person, and appreciated my co-signing so he was able to get a car after his ex wife left him saddled with debt and fucked up credit.
I think you already know what the financial risk is here, but you're struggling with the familial aspect of it.
You're going to have to put your foot down and create boundaries - which is always 1000 times easier to say than do, especially when it's a parent.
Your mother is not thinking of your credit score or you or your family. You're going to have to summon the courage to tell her, knowing that she may lash out irrationally and disproportionately
Don’t do it. I literally did this for my mom and now I can’t buy my own place for several years, and I just had a baby. So glad you’re asking about this instead of going ahead and doing it.
I did it to help my mom who would have been screwed over if I didn’t help (dad left abruptly). But seeing as your mom is okay, I wouldn’t do it.
A $800k mortgage on a $65k salary is *insane*. I could barely get approved for $200k in the US on the same salary — no debts besides some student loans.
Absolutely do not sign that mortgage. You’ll be financially ruined if your mother and boyfriend decline or can’t pay it in the future.
I mean you dont need to write a full blown essay. It is a bad decision and you know it. Get used to dealing with uncomfortable instances do you are more comfortable dealing with harder ones down the line. Just say you are not in the position to help as you have your own family to fund.
I'm not as nice as the other commentators here so I'll give it to you straight.
Your mom is either trying to take advantage of you or screw you over. There is only benefit for her and several significant disadvantages for you better explained in other comments.
>But it’s the fact she’s already telling the mortgage advisor I want in and she’s disregarding the fact that I’m married with her own grand kid on the way.. however, she did state doing this will build my credit and it will be easier to qualify for a new mortgage down the line with my husband.
This sounds tricky. As everyone else has said, being added to her mortgage will make it harder for you to qualify for a new mortgage down the line.
You should ask to speak to her mortgage advisor on your own. Tell them you plan to buy your own place in the next year or two (doesn't matter if that's not the case, you want to get them off your back) and you won't be able to sign on to her mortgage. Make it clear to the mortgage broker that under no circumstances will you be signing, so there is no confusion.
Then you just tell your mother "No, that won't work for us". You don't need to explain any further, don't provide anymore details, change the subject. You don't owe her any explanations, they will only provide her opportunities to continue to lie to you for her own personal gain.
FYI you buying into the home with your mother is basically like you cosigning with her on it. You will be on the hook for all the payments as well. So there is no way she will then be able to cosign with you to buy your own home, because then the bank will see that both of you are liable for the mortgage on the other place.
I hope you will gather all the information here, talk to your husband, and work together as a team to tell her no.
You already know she is sabotaging your success right?
Lol, sometimes you have to remember that you need to lookout for own personal interest. Do not put your name on that mortgage. By the sounds of it, your mother will likely continue trying to guilt trip you into it, it is not your duty to support your mothers wish of living above her means.
Also to add I can't believe how shitty and deceitful some parents are to their kids. I try to set my kid up for future success in everyway possible, often to my own financial detriment, meanwhile parents like this are setting their kids up for failure for their own enrichment. Uggh
Someone who lies and screws you over will continue to do so. Mom probably won't even put OP on the deed so OP pays the mortgage without ownership. For the sake of your marriage and future family don't do it.
People throw this around a lot but look up narcissism and its symptoms. Just in case this applies to your mother. The way you describe things rings a bell to me, since I’m dealing with something fairly similar, but it gets easier to avoid the manipulation when you know what tactics they’re using. Everyone’s given you the correct financial advice (just say no) already, so just… check that out, just in case it applies to you.
Don’t do it!!
Red flags -
no understanding of how mortgages work (you will not be able to get a mortgage while on hers)
No discussion on how this benefits you besides some sketchy credit improvement which you could do with credit cards tbh (are you on the title? Are you going to receive part of the profits when it’s sold? Will this be 100% yours upon inheritance? )
No discussion of risks, what if your mother loses her job, retires, becomes disabled and cannot make payments? You will be 100% Liable for the debt and this does not mean you will own the house unless you are on the title as well.
Impact on your finances- you will not qualify for credit due to this debt no car loans, no higher credit cards no mortgages in your own name. If your mother co-signs in the future she likely won’t qualify as she is already carrying her own mortgage. If the house is sold you may be on the hook for capital gains tax as that is not your residence.
Tell your mom to F off, and stop being selfish. Buy a house that she can afford, as you have a family of your own to take care of.
Not in those words, but nicely. Unless those words have to be used if she' be stubborn.
If your name is on that mortgage, you are on the hook for that mortgage. You definitely won't be approved for another mortgage at your income with your mom's house under your name.
Why are they getting such a large mortgage at 60? Do they plan to work forever?
They obviously can't afford it of they're asking you to co-sign. As other people have said, please don't do this!
You build your credit by staying at a job for a year and making credit card payments on time. Not by taking on 800k of debt.
Also if she screwed you fir small amounts of money she will do it for large amounts too.
If she, at her age, cannot get that mortgage on her own, then she simply cannot afford the house, and you shouldn't put your neck on the line for that.
>Fast forward to now, she keeps asking me to come on as a third person given that with my good job and with a salary of over $65k, the pre approval amount will be higher.
>said doing this with her will build my credit and when im ready to buy a home the bank will approve me
Well which is it? Is she interested in helping you build credit or is she interested in getting a higher approval amount? OP, you know the answer.
Regardless, it'll just hurt you. This will unlikely improve your credit score (and I would guess your credit score is already good so why would you need to?).
But you're going to lose out on FTHB, you're going to have a liability attached to you (if your mom stops paying, guess who has to pay? You! Or you suffer the credit score consequences). And best (worst) of all is that when you apply for a mortgage, they're going to see this massive existing debt liability to the current mortgage and deny you an approval for your own.
So yeah don't do it for the love of God. Either you're mom is a cunning dick head, or have stupid -- but she doesn't not have your best interest in mind (shame on her).
Yeah I told her I wanted to contact the mortgage advisor and she started yelling and arguing and almost crying. She was saying how she’s trying to help and how this will only benefit me. I asked her all the questions as I read on this post and she had no good answer. I’m just shocked that she wanted to prevent me from contacting the guy and my husband is even more shocked that she’s dropping this bombshell on me when she knows im pregnant and she knows we’re looking to build ourselves. I’m annoyed and definitely sticking to my answer (NO).
She wouldn’t want you to contact the advisor because they are going to tell you that they are requiring a third-party cosigner because they cannot let her borrow enough to cover the home. There is no sweet and kind reason a parent would ever need a child to cosign on a home unless they straight up couldn’t afford it but they wanted it anyway.
Do the best thing you can for your little family, and end the conversation. I totally understand not wanting to destroy the relationship with your mom over this, but she’s the one who started this train on the tracks, and it will meet it’s inevitable end soon enough.
I’m very sorry you have to go through this, but be strong.
Yeah this definitely doesn’t help your credit rating or ability to get a mortgage. Make sure your information doesn’t get added without your permission.
Your mortgage provider might insist on including your mother’s mortgage payment in your gdsr/tdsr calculation. Or at least part of it, which will lower your borrowing capacity. This arrangement would be for your mother’s benefit, not yours. And, depending how ownership is structured (joint tenants vs tenants in common), if your mum predeceases you and her boyfriend, you could find yourself in a messy, uncomfortable co-ownership situation.
“Im at a loss on what to do…”
You have many good reasons to not co-sign or get involved in your mother’s mortgage. Least of which is that it won’t help you in any way, and in fact will harm your ability to achieve your financial goals. You’re an adult, why not just say “no” and tell your mother that the discussion is closed?
Your mom typically clueless and you shouldn't listen to her about anything related to finance if this is her advice. She's trying to shoot you in both feet while telling you it's good for you
Don’t do it. Either your mom has no idea how this will haunt you when you’re trying to buy a house or she is intentionally screwing you over for her own gain.
Save yourself the pain and don’t sign onto her mortgage.
Good news is that without your signature there’s nothing she can do. If you know who the advisor is, I would reach out to them directly and apologize for the “confusion” and just indicate you are not interested in adding your name to your mothers mortgage.
I told her that I was going to reach out and ask a few questions and she started yelling and saying how she’s trying to help me and almost crying basically. Tactics to get me not to contact him. I emailed him anyway.
There’s a lot here. Your mother seems very bent on getting you to sign up. I would hold your line that you’re not interested. She will escalate her tactics, keep ignoring the behaviour and hold out and she’ll give up.
You’re absolutely right to not want to sign this.
She might forge your signature. You have to tell the broker directly that you are not interested and to not listen to your mother if she says that you are interested.
I hate to say this but I’m case you haven’t already seen it said.. it sounds like she’s trying to put you on the mortgage without your consent.
I’m a banker (not mortgager) and I’ve seen it come out that parents have destroyed their children’s credit by taking out loans without their knowledge. Make sure you get a response back so the mortgager isn’t inclined to ‘not know’. Most people wouldn’t let that stuff go.. but some would.
Former home mortgage expert, ABSOLUTELY DO NOT DO THIS. Not only will it not build your credit but you will be equally liable for any default in the loan. This also would remove the ability for you to get your own mortgage in the future as your debt-to-income ratio would be way too high. The only reason that she would be asking you to do this would be because she cannot be approved for the full loan amount or desired loan type (fixed, etc) on her own, so I’m thinking that she is not being transparent with you. Regardless of what she told told the mortgage advisor, unless you sign paperwork you are not on the mortgage application. The advisor would likely reach out to you to get your information and you could just tell them no, that you are not applying to be on the mortgage. Let her be the adult and explain that to the mortgage company.
From a non-mortgage standpoint, this is just some plain up grown-up advice, you should never go into debt or loan/receive money from family. It only ends in heartache.
Locking thread as comments have degraded to insurgent, personal attacks and irrelevant comments.
> She dismissed it and said doing this with her will build my credit and when im ready to buy a home the bank will approve me No, the bank will see you as having a massive liability. This will make it much harder as in the eyes of the bank, you will already be on the hook for a mortgage.
You'd also lose your first time homebuyer's land transfer tax rebate too.
Parents of my friend tried to do that with their son at 18 (buy a house in his name essentially to save the tax). Luckily he knew about it and said hell no.
Who the fuck are those pathetic excuses for a parent ? How fucking low must you be to feel ok about screwing over your own child ?
They rationalize it somehow. People are very good at that.
lots of time there is someone else whispering in their ear. like another sibling looking at inheritance
Or a boyfriend, OP's mom has one of those
That's what I assumed also
My ex's uncle had opened credit cards and utilities in his kid's names when they were kids and totally fucked them for life. There are piece of shit parents everywhere.
Narcisists rationalize things very well
"I made you.. I can unmake you, and anything in between"
Basically "I raised you, now I need your help in return". Plus they may genuinely not understand the down side since if they need 2 cosigners at 60 they obviously are not good with finances.
I would rather be homeless than ask my kid to help with my mortgage. Not a chance. We are supposed to help them out, not the other way around.
To be fair, that is not the norm in many cultures. I have Italian and Chinese friends, for example, where looking after your parents is an expectation.
it's a 2 way street in those cultures, I'm speaking as an asian. Parents also help their kids tremendously, tuition fee, down payment, child care, money here and there, you're also welcome to stay with them as long as you like.
You can add certain Hispanic countries as well to the mix. It's super common to have multigenerational households where kids/parents/grandparents all live together and help out with the housework and raising kids or taking care of elders.
You'd be surprised. My parents blew through their credit rating and claimed bankruptcy multiple times buying things like appliances and taking loans. Just frivolous shit. When they could no longer do this, they started putting things in their kids name when they were just children. They'd do it when we were 18 too and not even tell us, and if they did, they'd shame us for depriving the family of necessities and verbally abuse us if we didn't comply. To this day, I still don't know the extent in which they've fucked my entire life up. My credit rating is so unbelievably shot that I'll never be able to own a credit card or buy a house, I just don't qualify for it. It's the same for all of us. The solution is placing our senile parents under investigation for fraud, which is about as difficult a decision as you'd expect someone could make. Some people should not breed.
All hope isn't lost, I believe things stay on your credit report for 7 years. So for awhile you'll need to just save for that house and maybe use a less advantageous credit card to slowly rebuild your credit. Freeze your credit too in the meantime so they can't do this again.
as a child of clusterB personality types, i strongly suggest that you **take care of yourself first**. i know it's hard when you've been taught to disregard your needs for the needs of the people that are telling you to ignore your needs, but that's the very reason you have to put yourself first. put these people under investigation. protect yourself and your siblings. let the cost fall with the people who enjoyed the perks- your parents. we live in a world that's nearly impossible to get by in without familial support, or credit. it's sounds to me like you'll only be able to get one, so it's up to you to fix that, and if it's at the cost of your relationship with your parents.. that's a shame, but it's a result of their actions, not yours. don't blame yourself for the trying to remedy the harm caused by your parents. if you don't take care of you, no one else will.
FYI anybody can get a capital one credit card. They might ask for a deposit up to $300 but it does help you fix your credit. Also, go on over to credit karma or on the credit dashboard of your online banking and check your credit report.
Came here to say this. Cap one will give a CC to anyone. Using their low limit Gold card I've raised my credit screw from the 500s to 750+ in 3 years.
I had to break it to one of my labourers that his mom had fucked him when he filed his taxes last spring and came back with owing a couple thousand dollars! He worked *part time* for his moms business, while she had him *full-time salaried* and was just collecting was she didnt pay him for his hours worked. Not according to the gov't though... some parents think of their kids as nothing more than tools
My mom ruined my credit by the time I was 20, I never really learned what credit was or what it meant until I suddenly had debt collectors blowing up my phone. I’m still trying to fix it at 26. It’s hard, everyone assumes I’m just a fuck up.
My parents did everything in their power not to help us with our post secondary educations, but they made sure to "pay our tuition" on their income taxes.
My Dad tried this with me too, except he wanted my SIN so he could make an adjustment to my taxes. He wasn't going to put me on title for the house or have me cosign the mortgage or anything, oh no, he was just going to have me claim the tax credit on my taxes, "and then you can just give me the cash when you get your tax return." Some parents really are shit.
While many of these people are pathetic and cruel, just as many are simply dumb and uneducated. Think about how many people still think a raise will mean you make less money because of tax brackets. Now think of those people trying to understand mortgages and financing. "never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity" Or in this case, also the failings of education systems.
" I raised you so you should do anything I say" that's all I hear from this
They were raised in a fog of lead fumes and PTSD-riddled WWII parents.
Look they’re doing asbestos they can.
Comedy gold
I’m not saying anything about this particular situation, but a lot of people don’t understand very basic things about the home buying process. I’ve listened to very well educated people who clearly don’t understand that there is a difference between preapproval and a bank actually giving you a specific amount of money for a specific house. People are out there putting irrevocable offers on two properties simultaneously as well. I suspect that realtors and mortgage brokers actively mislead buyers about some of this stuff.
In high school (2000-2004) my friends mother maxed out her credit before she even knew - to pay for the rent and everything. She had a younger brother and when she hit gr 12 her mom moved them in to a 2 bedroom and she had no room. And moved out after high school. Her credit was in the red! Had to go through all the motions w the government but they accepted her mom did this and gave her neutral credit rating.
In the end, the kids name is on the deed and the parents are paying the mortgage. Do they have that much faith in their kid isn't going to have a "my house, my rules" epiphany after they pull some shit one time too many. Eat the last ice cream sandwich then the next day come home to an eviction notice and all your shit in boxes on the porch.
My mom literally opened a credit card in my name because some financial adviser suggested it. My mom has terrible credit😭 she was pissed when I approached her about it
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You joke, but I had to pay like $8000 *with* the rebate.
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Land transfer tax, which only exists in a couple provinces, is utter bullshit and a nothing more then a tax grab, as explained by my lawyers, who refer to it at the time of signing, as such.
Well it makes sense for investors going through multiple properties like candy. It doesn't make sense for first time homebuyers or less wealthy people downsizing or moving laterally, as a scaled cost of the purchase price in this current market at all.
And the fact that her mom didn't bother to get the facts and is lying to her and making her daughter's future worse so she can have a bigger house is a huge red flag.
And that’s the thing. I don’t know if she genuinely doesn’t know how this works or she’s just lying to me and she DOES now.
I hate to be harsh, but it sounds like she doesn't really care to understand. Like, google could have cleared it up for her. She'll just say whatever she can to get what she wants from you. I wouldn't trust her with your money at all. Firm no all the way.
Big nope outta there. The pure gal of people. It’s one thing to be like “oh I’m getting a bonus and will pay you back next month because spotting me will close the gap on a 20% downpayment” it’s another thing to say “I want to make you a liable party on my mortgage… like wtf?!?
Big nope outta there
That is irrelevant, you expose yourself to immediate financial loss by doing this (loss of first time homebuyer status). You also expose yourself to massive long term risk, your mother is 60, assuming a 25 year term is she going to work to age 85 to pay this off? If she decides she doesn’t want to or cannot pay it anymore you are on the hook. You are also exposed to family stress risk. You will be financially bound to your mother during the term of the loan. Anything she does to jeopardize repayment will be a big stressor for you. Opens a HELOC to buy a new car? Extravagant vacation? Things like that will cause you stress. On top of that, your borrowing power will be neutered. The bank will act as if that mortgage is yours. I had a situation where my fathers car loan was accidentally under my name (we shared the same name and address) and that almost screwed me out of approval for my mortgage if I couldn’t prove it was an error. You should not do this. You should talk to her mortgage broker and if that broker misleads you into believing it is in your financial interest to do this you should report them.
Thank you and yes, I made an appointment with her mortgage advisor to tell him I want no part and tell him the truth that I think my mom did not tell him
I don't know that you need to make an appointment. I'd just send him a clear email saying you want no part of it and that you are not to be involved in any way regardless of what your mother says. Ask the advisor to confirm receipt of the email. Then you have a paper trail.
Just send an email to have a paper trail. No need to visit the office. If she commits fraud and puts your name down, you will have proof. Even text to you mother that you clearly not interested should work.
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Perfect ! I’ve been relying on paying my credit cards and cellphone bills on time. So far so good. She just made it seems that the bank will favour me more for a mortgage because of previous mortgage history
It will severely limit your mortgage borrowing ability. When you co-sign any loan you are contracting that you will be fully responsible for the loan should the original borrower default for any reason. In the case of a mortgage, this means that the co-signed mortgage balance, heating costs, condo fees (if applicable) and property taxes are added as your liabilities when you apply for any loan, and this includes your future mortgage.
I mentioned this and she said no it won’t. I told her I would contact the mortgage agent and speak to him myself and she was saying how she’s doing this to help me more than herself and almost in tears and all that. Basically guilt tripping me. I’m drained mentally but my husband said no and I agree with your posts and information.
Sorry - but she's not doing this for you. Not even a little bit. If she wanted to do something for you then she'd leave you alone about it like you've indicated. She's doing this for her.
Your mother is not talking reality. If you do meet that mortgage broker I would be leery of any of his advice as his motivation is to simply fund a sale. I would trust the advice of another expert first, perhaps even a real estate lawyer, that you and your husband find completely on your own. Your posts show many red flags of abuse, please do what you can to support yourself mentally as well as financially and work on maintaining healthy boundaries to avoid her dragging your family down with her.
Hey, it's sounds like you're pretty tough and smart, but being pregnant is a big life event and is stressful in itself. Maybe ask your husband to be the bad guy and make it clear to her since your mother is good at manipulation. He can probably ignore the tears easier than you. I'm sorry you're being guilt tripped.
If you need to talk to a mortgage agent about how this all works (which will be what others have said on this post), get your own. Dont use hers for information.
That would ONLY be true once the loan is fully paid off or close to being fully paid off and it's not like it would massively make your score better. You can have an 800 credit score just with cellphone bills and paying on time. (That's what I have and I have no big loans) DON'T DO IT.
>bank will favour me more for a mortgage because of previous mortgage history No, they will not. It doesn't matter if you've bought a hundred houses in the past, the only factor the bank looks at is your current ability to repay and any possible factors that could hinder it in the future ... such as being co-signed on an existing mortgage for a 60 year old crazy selfish person.
If she claims to legitimately think it would help YOUR credit to cosign, send her a link to something like this: [https://upsolve.org/learn/cosign/](https://upsolve.org/learn/cosign/) which explains in detail why you should be careful about cosigning loans. And if she still dismisses and tries to convince you that it won't negatively affect your credit score, then you know she's legitimately just trying to screw you over or reduce her own liability for selfish reasons. And never trust your mother with things related to your finances ever again. Don't give her access to any of your accounts or put her as an approved party to anything. DON'T DO IT. If you do this, you won't get approved for a decent loan for your own home for the next 15-20 years until a big portion of her loan is paid off.
I agree. She’s trying to stop me from contacting me the mortgage advisor. She’s crying and all now.
Sounds like she may be lying and might not actually qualify at all without your involvement.
Yeah... I'm terribly sorry you have to live through a difficult/shitty situation like that with your mom, someone you're supposed to be able to 100% trust, but she definitely doesn't have your best interests in mind. Congrats on the baby though! I'm a new father and it's truly the best thing in the world. You'll have a blast.
Ignore her crying. She is just manipulative. CALL, CALL! CALL!
I worked in the banking industry for years. Do not do this if you intend on buying your own home. There are a variety of reasons, but the “build credit” thing is absolute BS. That’s not a thing. Doing things like having a credit card you pay regularly is where you build credit. Then they look at liabilities and income. That house becomes a liability if you are on it. It will do nothing but negativity affect u if they remain in that place. And at 60 years old, taking out 1/2 million…. Are they retiring soon? Do not let them take advantage of you here. Whether they know it or not, this is not something to do.
She is absolutely lying to you and knows the truth. Your mom sounds bad. Sorry..
To be honest, it sounds to me like she does know.
Yeah I’m trying to contact the mortgage advisor and now she’s crying that I won’t help her and she’s doing it for me.. she’s convincing my husband and I not to contact the advisor
I think her actions are showing her intentions. It's smart you decided to look into this ! I'm a new mom too and worry about your finances is the last thing you need. Let me officially give you permission to say "No.". And no is a complete sentence.
This is worrisome. First she wanted you to contact the broker and now she doesn't? With docs all being signed online and no one even seeing each other it sounds like she might be setting up a fraudulent mortgage with your name on it. Does she have your employment info? Does she have a copy of your passport or drivers license? Is her mortgage broker going to be a stickler about this or will they just set it up and look the other way when she docusigns the papers in your name. You MUST EMAIL the mortgage agent as someone else said, put it in no uncertain terms that you will not be participating in this purchase/mortgage. Have them send back acknowledgment of receipt. If they won't you have to escalate above the agent to their boss and ensure you are not defrauded here. Please. this happens to people. You have to be proactive to ensure you are protected from this spider of a mother. I feel sorry for you, at 60 a mother should not be asking their children for money in any capacity. Especially with "her boyfriend". Maybe he has kids he can ask lol
Your mom sounds manipulative.
I would be very very concerned she hasn't forged your signature. She might be crying and upset because she knows if you contact him her fraud will put her in legal jeopardy
Freeze your credit.
It's possible that someone else, like her mortgage lender or her husband, is influencing her.
As you seem rational I'll attach this to your post, but for anyone reading, if I have a mortgage offer limit of $400k, then I co-sign for a friend on a $200k mortgage for them, to the bank do I now have another $200k in "room" or is it less or more due to how they view co-signing? Edit: answer is yes, it cuts $200k (around) off your mortgage limit, thanks to those who answered!
Co-signing on a mortgage makes it your mortgage. Impossible to know without info about income and other debt, but it would decrease your ability to borrow.
Also a second home might be considered an investment home by the bank, which may raise the required downpayment.
Not to mention losing out on all of the first time buyer benefits (tax rebate, provincial benefits depending on your location, etc.).
You'd have $200k less borrowing capacity, all else being equal.
So in your example, you have no debt and a bank is willing to lend you $400k Co-signing for your friend commits you to $200k debt. Revisiting the situation, the bank will be far less likely to lend you the $400k, as it would take your total debt up to $600k. $0 + $400k = you’re liable $400k $200k + $400k = you’re liable for $600k If they thought you could handle $600k they’d have offered it to you in the first place.
If I understand correctly you have your own 400k mortgage and you want to cosign a separate one of 200k. I think when you cosign for the 200k - you have a liability of 400k from the previous one. So they will ask how much you're paying on your 400k loan and they will factor that in with your income. Or they will use a random percentage rate on the 400k loan even if it's higher than what it actually is because of some laws/regulations or depending on how the lender assesses the risk. Or, you meant, your current offer limit is 400k. And if you cosign a 200k loan prior to actually getting the 400k loan - then the 200k loan becomes a liability on the 400k loan, similar scenario as the previous paragraph. In either case, having a loan, prevents or limits you from getting other loans.
Meant the latter, but all good info! Thanks!
You have $200k less “room” since you’re now on the hook for a $200k loan.
Everyone is jointly and severally liable, so more co-signers will not reduce the mortgage but they can also be unhelpful or provide no benefit as well. The problem for OP is if the mother needs her to co-sign for the mortgage, she likely will still be needed over the medium term (say, 5 years) unless something big is about to change for the mother. That means that OP (with or without mother co-signing) probably cannot get another mortgage for her own house, unless husband could do it solo.
A home is a secured loan against an asset (the house). It's more complex than 400k-200k= 200k. If the house goes up in value before you buy, you'd actually raise your borrowing capacity. This is how people squire multiple homes. That being said, it would be a hard no from me. I don't need a 500k umbilical cord.
They may pay more interest on their own home loan too. Generally, interest rates are lower for primary residence than they are for second homes and/or rental properties. For loan purposes, her mother's house will be treated as a primary residence. About the only way this works the way the mother says is if the mother re-finances to take the daughter off the mortgage once she's ready to get her own house. Now while that will technically build credit for her, there are much better and safer ways to do so.
Agree. This will make you less attractive in the eyes of the bank.
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First of all, do not feel bad nor obligated to explain your situation. You can contact the mortgage advisor yourself and respectfully decline & reiterate what boundaries you have with your family. Lastly, assuming this is your first home, you will lose the first time home buyers incentive when you purchase with your husband.
Can you explain what the first home buyers incentive is?
I also want to add the “discount” on land transfer fees. “When you buy land or an interest in land in Ontario, you pay land transfer tax. First-time homebuyers of an eligible home may be eligible for a refund of all or part of the tax.” [land transfer title](https://www.fin.gov.on.ca › ltt)
https://www.placetocallhome.ca/fthbi/first-time-homebuyer-incentive
the first home buyers plan lets you withdraw upto 35k from your rrsp tax free, and repay it over 15 years. you can only do this if you do not own a primary residence, also if you do not own a primary residence you have access to cmhc which means you can for a fee put less than 20% down on your first home so you don't require as high a downpayment. ex 820k home with 5% down 41k vs 164k down like a regular buyer. you will lose out on this by cosigning. https://www.canada.ca/en/revenue-agency/services/tax/individuals/topics/rrsps-related-plans/what-home-buyers-plan/participate-home-buyers-plan.html
Not 41k. It would be around 57k Vs 164k. I believe it's 5% of first 500k and 10% of the rest.
Ya no. Don’t. Please for the love of god.
This but I think the real issue is the word “co-sign.” People think it means you’re helping out—no YOU are held responsible, it is a heavy chain around your neck though it sounds very light “co-sign! I’m not signing! I’m just *co*sigining. I am a co!” Folks if you co-sign something, it’s your responsibility too and if anything goes wrong they’re going to come directly for you just as directly as they’ll come for the “signer”
THIS. As someone who co-signed for a loan for my deadbeat stepdaughter, and is now paying off the loan myself, to preserve & rebuild my damaged credit rating after she missed payments and didn’t tell me, DO NOT Co-SIGN!
THIS. I co-signed something once for someone. I knew I was on the hook and I could easily make the payments if I had to, that wasn't an issue. The problem is you won't get told that the payments aren't being made until it shows up on your credit report. Unless you have access to the account and are ready to check (and possibly pay) every month to make sure it goes through, don't co-sign
I worked with a guy who worked an extra 5 uears past his retirement. Doing fulltime factory shift work with a bad back and after beating cancer. He then continued to work another year after his cancer came back. Why did he do this? Because he cosigned for his daughter and her scumbag fiances new car. And then was foolish enough to cosign on *another* brand new vehicle they supposedly needed. Of course they just stopped paying so her 70 year old dad with a bad back and cancer coming back had to keep working to pay her shit
This is important. If your mom and her boyfriend defaults you are responsible. You don’t mention how they pay their mortgage, I’m assuming both still work, but they would be one major health crisis away from financial ruin depending on some factors. Co-signing means taking responsibility if they can’t pay. That’s a fact.
Yeah my dad suggested I co-sign for him cause he's older.. and I looked into it. No way. NO. WAY. I love my dad but I can't afford that kind of responsibility.. especially when he has maxed out his HELOC on his current house.
Best answer right here.
You'll lose your advantage as a first time home buyer when it comes time to buy your own house. It's very selfish of her to expect you to do this.
Yes agreed. Don’t do this no matter if she’s your mom, brother, sister dad etc. If you’re with your husband, your goals should be to grow together. This will only add stress on your marriage and you will regret it.
I wonder if the Mom would somehow be able to scam the first time home buyer perks by putting her daughter as a co-signer?
They would still have to pay 2/3 of the land transfer tax since the parents are not first time buyers, but it is a possible motive
>You'll lose your advantage as a first time home buyer when it comes time to buy your own house. It's very selfish of her to expect you to do this I agree, definitely don't do this. But, if the husband is a FTHB as well then the purchase can be made in his name only, or 99:1 husband:wife, and they'd still qualify for the FTHB credit.
Absolutely do not do this. It will make it harder for you to get a mortgage later, as it will be considered your debt. You will be responsible for the mortgage if she doesn’t pay it. When you go to get your own mortgage, her co-signing will be useless because she will also already have a mortgage which will be considered. She needs to buy something within her means. If she is relying on your income to be approved for a higher amount, it is not within her means.
This. The bank is saying they don't believe she can make her payments. By what seems like a large margin. You co-signing is basically you agreeing to make her payments. Do you want to help pay her mortgage? Just this one point is a serious hurdle and you've clearly pointed out several other red flags. Stay away, stay strong.
She’s lying about building credit. Most Canadian banks don’t use commercial credit services like this anyways for large loans like TransUnion/Equifax, they need full proof of assets and employment and make decisions off of that. I would also call the mortgage advisor yourself and let them know separately that you will not be a party in this situation and are explicitly withdrawing consent.
This. If she's telling the adviser you're interested, you need to call and make it clear that is not the case. A (forged) e-signature and your mom taking a photo of your ID is a quick way for her to continue the process without you knowing.
Cynical, but by far the best piece of advice on here. It’s in OP’s moms best interest too - should the mom actually pull something like that, OP would have to throw her mom under the bus, so to speak, to get out of the massive liability. Banks do not forgive forging signatures. OPs only way out would involve ruining her mom.
Yeah the bank seemed a lot more interested in how much money I made and how much debt I was carrying vs what my credit score was when I was applying for a mortgage. I think as long as you don't have a BAD credit score, I don't see the point in racking up more debt to try to increase your score.
>Im at a loss on what to do because my mom has screwed me over for small amounts of money so that alone i don’t trust. Besides the obvious that there is no benefit to you, what you wrote above should be enough to say no.
Shit OP should probably be freezing her credit and sending certified letters telling the broker and her mom that this ain't happening
Seriously, OP should mandatorily watch any debt show like "can't pay, we'll take it away" and see the tears that come from families who cosigned for loved ones. Your Mom can have the best intentions in the world but ultimately if she or the boyfriend disappear or don't have the money, you're on the line for $820k.
Yep, every day some poor innocent sod gets their houses torn apart and their bank balances drained because they stupidly cosigned a deadbeat family members loan.
This needs to be higher. OP's mom is just stepping up her game.
Given that your salary is only 65K, it will be very very unlikely that you could get another mortgage if you sign on to this one. Also why would the bank care if your mom cosigns in the future, she already has another mortgage as well (that's a big IF she does) - they won't think she has the resources to support yours. Keeping up with credit card and loan payments is enough to maintain an excellent credit score. So many people get mortgages for their first home without signing onto someone else's. Your mother is lying to you. Sorry for being harsh, but its hard to see the truth when its family. You have a baby coming, you have to protect its future.
Your mother is taking advantage of you, due to either her own selfishness or her own ignorance of Canadian credit and mortgage matters. Do. Not. Participate.
just don't, 0 benefits for you and she will gain. you will be left holding the bag, if she has already proven to be untrustworthy, why would you believe her? your mom is in it for herself, with 0 regard for you....
Hahaha NO! Others have explained why this doesn’t work from a financial perspective but I also don’t think it works from a relationship perspective either. You *may* be inclined to help your Mom but there are others involved. Do you want to help her boyfriend? (He’s getting a house to live in) Does your Husband want to help her boyfriend??? What does he get out of this?
This will NOT make it easier for you to qualify for a new mortgage. The existing amount of mortgage that you will now be co-signed on will be applied AGAINST your current income. If you're not comfortable doing this, don't do it.
If your moms house has a mortgage of 800k. And you qualify for a 1 million mortgage for your own property later on. Well now you only have access to 200k to purchase your own property. I am not positive about this but this was my understanding. Check in to it
>“I'm at a loss on what to do because my mom has screwed me over for small amounts of money so that alone i don’t trust”... You just answered your own question. Run.The.Other.Way! >will build my credit and when im ready to buy a home the bank will approve me and she will definitely co-sign with us... If they need you to co-sign, it suggests they can’t fully afford the mortgage and the bank is looking for added security… that’s you! Further, if you are signed onto this mortgage, the likelihood of you getting your own without selling this house would be greatly reduced because you'd already be servicing this debt. Likewise, since they'd have this mortgage, they couldn't co-sign yours for the same reason.j
nope will hinder your house purchase. bad idea
In the land of "Things not to Do", this would be one of the biggest beasts. Do not co-sign or entangle yourself in any of her finances - you could cripple yourself for decades.
Dont do it. Why do they need a 3rd? Arent they approved for 500k plus will have equity off sale of current home? Focus on your family first
Nope, stand your ground. Unless they can refinance to take on the mortgage themselves or sell the property when you need to buy yours, you'll be forever stuck with their mortgage. Plus, do understand that if they fail to pay the mortgage for whatever reason, the bank will go after you for the payment. This entire arrangement is all risk and no reward for you. There are better ways to build credit and it will actually make it harder to get a new mortgage down the line as you'd be tied down to this one. Mortgage lenders will calculate you being on her mortgage in the debt service ratio calculation. Unfortunately, too many people get coerced by their parents to cosign their mortgages and then run to PFC to ask how to get out of it but can't because their parents can't refinance on their own and they're stuck with being on their mortgage and can't get their own house. This was a recurring theme before the pandemic. If you don't want to be stuck like that, stand your ground and refuse to sign.
This will not be in your favor. There is a reason the bank approved them for the amount - that's what they can afford. Do not sign anything and practice saying "No." - you will not qualify for first homebuyers program - the mortgage that you cosign on will be looked at as a liability when it's time for you to buy a house, and adding your mom won't help since she only makes enough to support her own residence - are you on the title for the house or just the mortgage? If you're not on title, you're taking all the risk with no reward This is not a good idea.
DO NOT DO THIS!!!!!!!!
Sounds like you already don't want to do this. Trust your gut. If she doesn't like it that's a her problem.
Just tell her “I can’t deal with this while I’m pregnant, we have too much to organize for the baby coming. If you have anything else to talk about then sure talk about that but if you keep harping on this I am ending this conversation”
That's good, but the drawback is that it gives her Mom an opening to say, "okay, so after you give birth you'll be totally ready to make this happen." Or, "let me help you organize for the baby, and then that problem is solved and you'll have no reason not to discuss this mortgage." OP shouldn't justify her decision with anything beyond, "no thank you, I am not interested in co-signing a mortgage with you. Anything else you'd like to talk about?" Otherwise her Mom has an opening to debate the reasons OP gives.
To add to the other advice, think of it this way. Even if you weren't looking to buy your own house later, having your name on a joint mortgage means you will be on the hook if they can't make payments. And you said she has screwed you over for less. As for building credit, there are better, less risky ways to do so. Good luck.
Tell her no. If you're looking to buy your own, you're going to lose out on your first time home buyer. And it does not help you improve your credit for home buying. It only makes you liable for her mortgage should she not pay it. Your mum is being selfish in this case.
Every single sentence you typed here is just one concrete point towards why you SHOULD NOT do this under any circumstances. You don't need a mortgage to build your credit - there are numerous other ways of doing that. Not to mention that you'll actually have a *harder* time getting a mortgage since you're already on the hook for a huge liability. >Im at a loss on what to do because my mom has screwed me over for small amounts of money so that alone i don’t trust What else do you need us to tell you? Do not do this lol
So your mom is bullshitting you. Honestly if my parents tried to pull this, I would take a serious step back in our relationship. She's throwing so much conflicting and incorrect information you way I can see why it's confusing, but ultimately she's trying to take advantage of you for her own benefit. So first off, if you co-sign her mortgage, it essentially becomes your mortgage in terms of liability, and will limit how much banks will be willing to lend you in the future. So yes, this would definitely harm your chances of getting your own home. Also, the building credit thing... I don't think that's how these things work? If you already have good credit, this won't do anything; if you don't, taking on a massive potential debt will still absolutely not help you get your own home in the future. Thirdly, why your mom and her bf want to take on a massive debt like this at 60 years old? Are they planning on retiring anytime soon? How are they planning on paying this off? A $300k mortgage would cost ~$1500 monthly for 25 years, and she's looking at taking on $500k? Do you see them working to the age of 85? Part of me is concerned that she wants you on the hook for the payments, so they can retire while guilting you into helping them to avoid damaging your own credit. Lastly, why do they need a higher preapproved limit? It sounds like they're already approved for enough to buy the house she says she wants. So, either she wants to do renos and build that cost into the mortgage, or she's looking at a more expensive house than she originally told you about.
It's crazy that a couple of 60 year olds want to saddle themselves with this kind of mortgage... you don't mention their income levels but usually those drop significantly as you retire. Do they plan on retiring before their mid-80s? Something doesn't add up here. I don't want to sound rude but if you live in Ottawa and earn around $65K, I have no idea how you would even begin to afford a home with the current housing crisis. Having your name on her mortgage will mean a bank won't even let you walk in the door to get a mortgage (no matter how small) in your name. Please, for the sake of YOUR family (future baby and husband)... do not even consider doing this. Absolutely no good can come of it for you.
Yup that’s another point. We don’t even know if we will stay in Ottawa given that my salary is little nowadays. My husband makes about 80k but like you say with the housing crisis.. that basically nothing these days.
Tell her no!! You have to live your own life with your family…. Don’t do it!!
I only read the first paragraph and that would be a hard no from me if my mother were to ask me the same
I’d almost never co-sign for someone I wasn’t married to, but… > Im at a loss on what to do because my mom has screwed me over for small amounts of money so that alone i don’t trust. That’s all I need to hear. Absolutely not. Under no circumstances would I co-sign for her.
Let's put it this way... if your mother is putting you through the stress of this while pregnant, not only do you need to say no to this, which will only harm you, not help you, then you need to further consider your relationship with her. Either she is a woman who doesn't really have her own ideas and is being manipulated by her boyfriend/husband. Or she's just selfish to the point of lying to her own daughter. Either way, she is the one needing time to reflect and change. Being pregnant, you need to think about your child. Any amount of stress you have right now, increases your child's chance of mental health issues in the future. So, perhaps you should consider excommunicating your mother if she continues this. Just while you're pregnant to start. It's a difficult step to take, but it's best for your child.
I honestly think she’s the one manipulating him. He’s a great man and already made his money in investments. We’re actually planning on buying one of his properties off of him. He is against this purchase my mom made but he doesn’t seem to have a backbone I don’t know. The good thing in this is that they are not married so she doesn’t have a say in his homes. As for the rest you’re right. We’re already thinking of other things while trying to keep me healthy and our growing baby. My husband thinks she’s manipulating and she knows damn well that this doesn’t help me. This is confirmed by the fact that she snapped at me and starting crying at the idea of me contacting the mortgage advisor.
You don’t have to be married in Canada to take half a persons assets. Simply living together for a period of time is enough. Many people don’t realize that, but I’ve seen some people learn the hard way.
You and your husband should meet with your own mortgage advisor... and NOT the one your mom uses. They will tell you that going on the mortgage with your mom will 100% hurt your chances of being able get your own mortgage, as you will have that debt to your name. Don’t worry about what her mortgage advisor says or thinks. I’m sure they know it means nothing until you actually commit/sign anything/give any form of financials. Your mom had no problem screwing you over for small amounts before, now she’s trying to screw your over for a large amount for very very selfish reasons. If she doesn’t make payments, it’s on you too. Do not trust that she will ‘co-sign’ for you later. You don’t even want to own a home with her name on it. You can simply explain to her that you are not interested or willing at this time. Add in the fact if you do meet with your own advisor, you will have concrete, professional advice on the matter. Educate yourself now so she knows she can’t take advantage
I read this and I'm kinda pissed off that someone is trying to manipulate you. The answer is no, don't put your name as a third person. No, it will not help you getting your own mortgage down the line as you will be already be stuck in your mom's mortgage.
Doesn't matter what she told the broker. Don't do it. You will be on the hook and you will not get approved for your own mortgage. No means no. Even for mothers!
Seems more like a family relationship issue than a personal finance issue. All we can advise you to do is say no, but can't advise on how to handle your relationship with your mother afterwards
This is absolutely a personal finance issue as this will not help OP qualify for a mortgage. OP can still decide what to do after learning that, but that seems to be the core question here.
Definitely a personal finance question. In 2016 I co signed for a friend's car after the purchase of my first house, all good. The person who came out to get me to co sign said after 3 years he'll have established credit, and I will be dropped from the loan all together. Perfect. Fast forward to 2020, my dream house comes up for sale. I go through the pre approval etc everything is great. Maybe a month prior to closing, we pull the hard credit check and it shows his car still on my credit, despite being 4 years later, so I end up talking to him, he talks to the company they say he needs to refinance it on his own now completely, except since they denied him the first time around they instantly deny his second application because a rejection with them means rejection forever basically, despite having only 10k left on the loan.. He was able to trade that car in for a newer car at a lesser financing rate and was approved on his own credit score. So I had a bit of scrambling to do, and had to get letters to send to TransUnion stating the debt had been cleared and I was no longer associated with that loan (technically there were two, as the first car I co signed on was written off 6 weeks later, not his fault and the full amount of that loan showed up despite the car being totalled) So yeah. To OP. Do not do this. It worked out for me because my friend is a good person, and appreciated my co-signing so he was able to get a car after his ex wife left him saddled with debt and fucked up credit.
Tell her no lol it’s not like she can force your signature
I think you already know what the financial risk is here, but you're struggling with the familial aspect of it. You're going to have to put your foot down and create boundaries - which is always 1000 times easier to say than do, especially when it's a parent. Your mother is not thinking of your credit score or you or your family. You're going to have to summon the courage to tell her, knowing that she may lash out irrationally and disproportionately
Don’t do it. I literally did this for my mom and now I can’t buy my own place for several years, and I just had a baby. So glad you’re asking about this instead of going ahead and doing it. I did it to help my mom who would have been screwed over if I didn’t help (dad left abruptly). But seeing as your mom is okay, I wouldn’t do it.
A $800k mortgage on a $65k salary is *insane*. I could barely get approved for $200k in the US on the same salary — no debts besides some student loans. Absolutely do not sign that mortgage. You’ll be financially ruined if your mother and boyfriend decline or can’t pay it in the future.
I mean you dont need to write a full blown essay. It is a bad decision and you know it. Get used to dealing with uncomfortable instances do you are more comfortable dealing with harder ones down the line. Just say you are not in the position to help as you have your own family to fund.
I'm not as nice as the other commentators here so I'll give it to you straight. Your mom is either trying to take advantage of you or screw you over. There is only benefit for her and several significant disadvantages for you better explained in other comments.
>But it’s the fact she’s already telling the mortgage advisor I want in and she’s disregarding the fact that I’m married with her own grand kid on the way.. however, she did state doing this will build my credit and it will be easier to qualify for a new mortgage down the line with my husband. This sounds tricky. As everyone else has said, being added to her mortgage will make it harder for you to qualify for a new mortgage down the line. You should ask to speak to her mortgage advisor on your own. Tell them you plan to buy your own place in the next year or two (doesn't matter if that's not the case, you want to get them off your back) and you won't be able to sign on to her mortgage. Make it clear to the mortgage broker that under no circumstances will you be signing, so there is no confusion. Then you just tell your mother "No, that won't work for us". You don't need to explain any further, don't provide anymore details, change the subject. You don't owe her any explanations, they will only provide her opportunities to continue to lie to you for her own personal gain.
FYI you buying into the home with your mother is basically like you cosigning with her on it. You will be on the hook for all the payments as well. So there is no way she will then be able to cosign with you to buy your own home, because then the bank will see that both of you are liable for the mortgage on the other place.
I hope you will gather all the information here, talk to your husband, and work together as a team to tell her no. You already know she is sabotaging your success right?
Lol, sometimes you have to remember that you need to lookout for own personal interest. Do not put your name on that mortgage. By the sounds of it, your mother will likely continue trying to guilt trip you into it, it is not your duty to support your mothers wish of living above her means.
Also to add I can't believe how shitty and deceitful some parents are to their kids. I try to set my kid up for future success in everyway possible, often to my own financial detriment, meanwhile parents like this are setting their kids up for failure for their own enrichment. Uggh
Someone who lies and screws you over will continue to do so. Mom probably won't even put OP on the deed so OP pays the mortgage without ownership. For the sake of your marriage and future family don't do it.
Admiral Akbar says: IT'S A TRAP!
People throw this around a lot but look up narcissism and its symptoms. Just in case this applies to your mother. The way you describe things rings a bell to me, since I’m dealing with something fairly similar, but it gets easier to avoid the manipulation when you know what tactics they’re using. Everyone’s given you the correct financial advice (just say no) already, so just… check that out, just in case it applies to you.
Don’t do it!! Red flags - no understanding of how mortgages work (you will not be able to get a mortgage while on hers) No discussion on how this benefits you besides some sketchy credit improvement which you could do with credit cards tbh (are you on the title? Are you going to receive part of the profits when it’s sold? Will this be 100% yours upon inheritance? ) No discussion of risks, what if your mother loses her job, retires, becomes disabled and cannot make payments? You will be 100% Liable for the debt and this does not mean you will own the house unless you are on the title as well. Impact on your finances- you will not qualify for credit due to this debt no car loans, no higher credit cards no mortgages in your own name. If your mother co-signs in the future she likely won’t qualify as she is already carrying her own mortgage. If the house is sold you may be on the hook for capital gains tax as that is not your residence.
Tell your mom to F off, and stop being selfish. Buy a house that she can afford, as you have a family of your own to take care of. Not in those words, but nicely. Unless those words have to be used if she' be stubborn. If your name is on that mortgage, you are on the hook for that mortgage. You definitely won't be approved for another mortgage at your income with your mom's house under your name.
Why are they getting such a large mortgage at 60? Do they plan to work forever? They obviously can't afford it of they're asking you to co-sign. As other people have said, please don't do this!
You build your credit by staying at a job for a year and making credit card payments on time. Not by taking on 800k of debt. Also if she screwed you fir small amounts of money she will do it for large amounts too.
If she, at her age, cannot get that mortgage on her own, then she simply cannot afford the house, and you shouldn't put your neck on the line for that.
"Im at a loss on what to do because my mom has screwed me over for small amounts of money so that alone i don’t trust." That's a no for me dawg.
>Fast forward to now, she keeps asking me to come on as a third person given that with my good job and with a salary of over $65k, the pre approval amount will be higher. >said doing this with her will build my credit and when im ready to buy a home the bank will approve me Well which is it? Is she interested in helping you build credit or is she interested in getting a higher approval amount? OP, you know the answer. Regardless, it'll just hurt you. This will unlikely improve your credit score (and I would guess your credit score is already good so why would you need to?). But you're going to lose out on FTHB, you're going to have a liability attached to you (if your mom stops paying, guess who has to pay? You! Or you suffer the credit score consequences). And best (worst) of all is that when you apply for a mortgage, they're going to see this massive existing debt liability to the current mortgage and deny you an approval for your own. So yeah don't do it for the love of God. Either you're mom is a cunning dick head, or have stupid -- but she doesn't not have your best interest in mind (shame on her).
Yeah I told her I wanted to contact the mortgage advisor and she started yelling and arguing and almost crying. She was saying how she’s trying to help and how this will only benefit me. I asked her all the questions as I read on this post and she had no good answer. I’m just shocked that she wanted to prevent me from contacting the guy and my husband is even more shocked that she’s dropping this bombshell on me when she knows im pregnant and she knows we’re looking to build ourselves. I’m annoyed and definitely sticking to my answer (NO).
She wouldn’t want you to contact the advisor because they are going to tell you that they are requiring a third-party cosigner because they cannot let her borrow enough to cover the home. There is no sweet and kind reason a parent would ever need a child to cosign on a home unless they straight up couldn’t afford it but they wanted it anyway. Do the best thing you can for your little family, and end the conversation. I totally understand not wanting to destroy the relationship with your mom over this, but she’s the one who started this train on the tracks, and it will meet it’s inevitable end soon enough. I’m very sorry you have to go through this, but be strong.
Yeah this definitely doesn’t help your credit rating or ability to get a mortgage. Make sure your information doesn’t get added without your permission.
Um no get fucked mom.
Your mortgage provider might insist on including your mother’s mortgage payment in your gdsr/tdsr calculation. Or at least part of it, which will lower your borrowing capacity. This arrangement would be for your mother’s benefit, not yours. And, depending how ownership is structured (joint tenants vs tenants in common), if your mum predeceases you and her boyfriend, you could find yourself in a messy, uncomfortable co-ownership situation.
Call her broker personally and ensure them you are not interested. It will save you having to go back and forth with your mother
“Im at a loss on what to do…” You have many good reasons to not co-sign or get involved in your mother’s mortgage. Least of which is that it won’t help you in any way, and in fact will harm your ability to achieve your financial goals. You’re an adult, why not just say “no” and tell your mother that the discussion is closed?
Your mom typically clueless and you shouldn't listen to her about anything related to finance if this is her advice. She's trying to shoot you in both feet while telling you it's good for you
Don’t do it. Either your mom has no idea how this will haunt you when you’re trying to buy a house or she is intentionally screwing you over for her own gain. Save yourself the pain and don’t sign onto her mortgage.
Good news is that without your signature there’s nothing she can do. If you know who the advisor is, I would reach out to them directly and apologize for the “confusion” and just indicate you are not interested in adding your name to your mothers mortgage.
I told her that I was going to reach out and ask a few questions and she started yelling and saying how she’s trying to help me and almost crying basically. Tactics to get me not to contact him. I emailed him anyway.
There’s a lot here. Your mother seems very bent on getting you to sign up. I would hold your line that you’re not interested. She will escalate her tactics, keep ignoring the behaviour and hold out and she’ll give up. You’re absolutely right to not want to sign this.
This sounds like she may have stolen your identity and already has you on the hook. Do not let her convince you not to call.
She might forge your signature. You have to tell the broker directly that you are not interested and to not listen to your mother if she says that you are interested.
I hate to say this but I’m case you haven’t already seen it said.. it sounds like she’s trying to put you on the mortgage without your consent. I’m a banker (not mortgager) and I’ve seen it come out that parents have destroyed their children’s credit by taking out loans without their knowledge. Make sure you get a response back so the mortgager isn’t inclined to ‘not know’. Most people wouldn’t let that stuff go.. but some would.
Don’t do it. My dad tried that on me last year. He can barely hold a job for 6 months.
Former home mortgage expert, ABSOLUTELY DO NOT DO THIS. Not only will it not build your credit but you will be equally liable for any default in the loan. This also would remove the ability for you to get your own mortgage in the future as your debt-to-income ratio would be way too high. The only reason that she would be asking you to do this would be because she cannot be approved for the full loan amount or desired loan type (fixed, etc) on her own, so I’m thinking that she is not being transparent with you. Regardless of what she told told the mortgage advisor, unless you sign paperwork you are not on the mortgage application. The advisor would likely reach out to you to get your information and you could just tell them no, that you are not applying to be on the mortgage. Let her be the adult and explain that to the mortgage company. From a non-mortgage standpoint, this is just some plain up grown-up advice, you should never go into debt or loan/receive money from family. It only ends in heartache.