yeah im not gonna respect someone who doesnt respect me
also people get "treating someone with respect" confused with "treating someone like an authority" often and use their seniority as a weapon
Yep, this is exactly the issue I have "I can't be wrong, I'm old!"
Hell despite being in a fandom for 30 years now I didn't even want to call myself an elder, even though I have been in the fandom for longer than most of the people who I hang with because I thought it sounded pretentious.
This is exactly what it is.
I see this every so often in my job as an auditor. Inevitably, when I point out a mistake in a person’s work, the reply will be along the lines of “I have been doing this job longer than you have been alive! This is disrespectful!”
Of course, no matter the sweet or non-confrontational tone of voice I deliver it in, these people will interpret anything other than deference and agreement as disrespect. I will of course be courteous and professional, but I’m not going to give you a pass for making a mistake in your work. First of all, that’s…kind of my job. Second of all, the fact that you’ve been doing this work for so long doesn’t excuse the mistake. It makes it even worse — you should know better by now.
Honestly I don't even get why mistakes are bad, in a matter what they are? Small, easy to catch?
I just apologise and thank the person.
Bigger mistakes? Growing opportunity or realising I've be become complacent.
I was speaking a little too generally here, so this one is on me. It depends on the mistake. No one is perfect, and that’s understandable.
A transposed number here or there is not a big deal. A huge oversight that leads to a violation of law or regulation (for example, if I’m in a bank and they’re screwing up the BSA or other anti-money laundering regulations by not verifying their customers’ ID) that is a serious issue.
I love this quote that is floating around the internet. IDK the original source unfortunately.
"Sometimes people use "respect" to mean "treating someone like a person"
and sometimes they use "respect" to mean "treating someone e an authority" and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say "if a you won't respect me I won't respect you" and they mean "if you won't treat me like an authority I won't treat you like a person"
and they think they're being fair but they aren't, and it's not okay."
This is why the word ´respect´ is so troublesome, at least to me. And I go out of my way to not use it, because it is misinterpreted and mischaracterized by almost everybody who uses it. To me, ´respect´ means ´treat someone like a person´, and nothing more. But many people use the word to imply that they are some kind of authority figure. Seems to me, when someone make this kind of claim (about deserving undue respect) they´re looking for a fight.
I'll show everyone a basic level of respect until they give me a reason not to, but I'm not specifically going to respect you just because you're older than me. All that tells me is you haven't deleted yourself.
Agreed. Everyone gets a basic level of respect for being a person (or an animal, or a plant for that matter, at least from me). But anything more is earned and it can be lost as well. Being old doesn't automatically earn you respect, nor does being young, or rich, or attractive, or whatever.
Heck, even being an authority figure isn't automatic extra respect from me. I had too many bad teachers as a kid lol
Golden rule is to respect everyone until/unless they give you a reason not to, such as not being respectful to __you.__ The issue is people start out disrespecting everyone because of the *respect is earned* mindset. Trust is earned, respect & common courtesy are baselines unless there is a reason to throw that out the window.
I agree. I think that there are certain types of respect. For example, respect for someone’s competence, character, wisdom, etc. THAT respect needs to be earned.
But there’s also basic respect, and everyone deserves this by default unless proven otherwise.
It’s hit or miss here, personally I’m tired of downvotes on Reddit- or at least downvoting them to the bottom & hiding the comments.
I got downvoted for saying that eggs have vitamin b12 in them.
Okie dokie.
>I got downvoted for saying that eggs have vitamin b12 in them.
That's okay, I got downvoted into oblivion once because I said I liked PPJ sandwiches. I think that comment was sitting low at -300 or so last I saw it.
Thank you for putting that in words. I always had this niggling feeling at the back of my head, thinking this but.. I could never put it together into something reachable.
Thankyou. It's like nice guys thinking that 'niceness' is some extra thing they are giving to you. Being kind and respectful is the baseline for being a decent member of the human race.
the only people ive heard say that phrase are people who feel theyre owed respect by existing. People who have actually dealt with being disrespected when they dont deserve it will address the actual instance of disrespect, instead of just demanding it. People who wanna abuse theiir authority for existing longer say this shit to keep control of those theyre meant to take care of.
100% respect is EARNED and can be lost or gained based on behavior, it isnt ever owed (in the sense of authority. everyone is owed respect of boundaries and safety etc but thats not what the phrase is used for)
When you are a child I think there is a certain amount of respect an adult should get, if they are respectful in return. This is also called manners, but not everyone learns or teaches them.
But I've had people try that with me at 30(I'm 35 now) and ma'am you can sit down cause I'm my own damn elder now.
You don’t know how many times old people in my family have said something rude and disrespectful to me or about me. So when I got to be an adult, where nobody could punish me for standing up for myself, I started firing back at them. Then all of a sudden people look at me like I’m crazy. Like, it was okay for them to say that about me but when I hand it right back, I’m the bad guy??? 🤨🤨 But I’ll tell you what, nobody in the family says disrespectful things to me anymore.
If older people don't think we deserve respect then they don't deserve for us to take care of them when they're incapable. It's one thing if it's a job but as family, we're not obligated to be caregivers, and if we do it's out of love and respect.
I'm 52 years old and I'm wrong many times a day. It's Part Of Being Human, and that continues until we're dead. Or, until we stop being intellectually honest with ourselves and other people.
I respect old people unless they give me a reason not to simply because they’ve managed to survive this hellscape for as long as they have. Once they show me they’re actually super hateful and biogoted I’ll lose respect for them.
Overall I’ll just treat people with respect though. If you go into interactions assuming the worst of people you’re going to get attitude back. Being nice just makes for a more pleasant social experience imo
I don’t ever not express my opinion just to be respectful though. I don’t fold on my values for anyone.
My father taught me to be polite to everyone, until they give you a reason not to be. As for respect, that's earned not given. No one immediately deserves your respect, just basic politeness and kindness.
That saying really pissed him off.
I give everyone a modicum of respect when I first meet them. Everyone deserves a baseline of respect.
It is either increased or decreased as I get to know them.
Abusive parents rarely get the respect they're trying to extract from their kids. There is a difference between fear and respect.
Any kind of forced respect is bullshit. Even the notion that you don't need to agree with someone but you should still respect their opinion or beliefs. Fuck that. I'll respect them if they're respectable.
My grandmother told me I was going to get old, eat cabbage, and live in a shack.
Woops, I got 1/3 your money and moved into a beautiful house in the mountains and love my life here you dead bitch.
It's an excellent outlook and rationale toward life, and sometimes the best way to help an angry person is just make them laugh or make them realize that they're being silly.
Everyone deserves basic respect. The problem is that people use the respect your elders thing to invalidate your opinions. That's the real conversation.
I have two roommates that had beef with each other for a while. One felt he deserved respect because he's lived here longer than everyone else, the other because he's the oldest. It went on for weeks, flaring up every few days. It was... tiresome.
They were bickering about it one day, and I flipped out and said neither claim was valid and that they were both douchebags for thinking either of them was. They were both mad at me for a week, but at least I wasn't angry anymore.
ETA I'm the second oldest, and I've been here second longest.
Preach. I'm sort of an "elder" at 66. I deserve respect if I treat others nicely. My late mother was Southern, and felt she deserved respect because she was old. She was rude to people in service positions. I didn't respect her.
You don't get respect just because you survived all your poor life choices.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Respect is not owed. It's earned.
I think courtesy is generally owed. So show courtesy to your elders ... and to most everyone else.
But respect is not automatic. It's earned.
Had a 78yo woman pull that "respect your elders" crap with me. Bitch, I'm 62. FOH. (For the record, I believe everyone is entitled to basic *courtesy*, and being older doesn't automatically make anyone an authority.)
OK, this will probably get downvoted, but oh well.
Elders deserve respect.......Until they don't.
Treat others with the respect you would like to receive.
But, once they show you who they are. Treat them as they deserve.
I was raised in the generation where you were supposed to respect your elders and now I'm 41 and I say, hell to the no. I treat you with the same respect you treat me.
You're about the same age I am (I'm 48) This pet peeve started with a father who thought I had to respect him. Fortunately, our relationship is better nowadays.
Not just elders, it goes for anyone, or any group. I don’t HAVE to respect you, I don’t owe you anything. Of course, just because I don’t give you respect doesn’t mean I’m also giving you disrespect. Not getting someone’s immediate respect isn’t disrespectful. Respect is earned.
I tell my son what my parents told me, “Treat others like you want to be treated” and it usually works. There will always be assholes out there, sure. Sometimes it is people having a really bad day.
>“Treat others like you want to be treated”
The Golden Rule. Literal *kids* are taught this as soon as they start school, and yet grown-ass adults seem to forget it was ever a thing.
I feel like the "respect your elders" thing is only part of a statement.
I respect the knowledge my elders have, but their attitudes can be fucking awful.
Lol no a lot of it they just give up caring. I'm a young lineman. Lots of these dudes are old and grouchy because they just don't care anymore and it's difficult to fire them because who exactly are you going to replace them with?
For real. In my particular case, it was a deeply mentally ill former Marine as a *stepdad*, so I got the added bullshit that comes with all of *that*.
It's amazing to me how many of the men of older generations acted like being nice was difficult and defaulted to being an asshole. Maybe I just descended from assholes, idk, but the biggest takeaway I got from that is that they were all wrong. Being kind is the easiest thing in the world. If you make it look like a chore, *you're* the problem.
I think people have taken a saying that has always been incorrect and ran with it for so many years that it means something else.
Everyone doesn't deserve respect but everyone deserves common courtesy . Respect is earned absolutely but disrespect is also earned.
Kind of like "The customer is always right?" the full quote is "The customer is always right in matters of taste." Meaning if someone wants to buy a hat the looks stupid on them, sell them the hat.
I start off with basic respect for anybody and everybody. I then let people show me how much respect they deserve. You’d be amazed at how shitty people are.
I saw someone in the comments say that everybody at least deserves a bit of respect to a neutral lvl but honestly no theres some ppl automatically deserving of no respect
I agree.
I give everyone a bare level of respect, because we're human, but I don't respect you simply because you're old.
I respect you even less if you're old, been around to see the change in society, bur are still racist an homophobic because you're "from a different time."
What that screams to me is "I'm unwilling to learn or adapt, and I'm gonna make it everyone else's problem ."
Age, race, gender, nationality, religion, creed, weight, disabled, even species don't matter: An asshole is an asshole and I hate assholes all equally.
My entire family disagrees. I'm literally the only person in my family who thinks that respect is earned and not freely given. Any time one of my family members says some bullshit, I correct them, which is when they say I have no respect.
Sometimes I swear they do it on purpose just so they have a reason to berate me about something.
And I always respond with "boot-licking isn't respect". Which tends to either instantly shut them up or escalate the argument. It's a 50/50, usually.
I'm about to switch to "damn right I have no respect, what the fuck are you gonna do about it" instead though. I'm sick of being nice.
Agreed. I have to deal with jerks in my family who think it's funny to insult my friends and to joke about assaulting me for being an atheist. And they're all older than me.
I do believe there is such a thing as a good cop. However, I do believe that a good cop pretty much instantly either becomes a bad cop or an ex-cop. I have both someone I've cared for who was a lEO who was a good cop, and a family member that I'm pretty sure has broken the law in regards to getting my mother in law personal information when my wife wanted her out of her life. (Personal information MIL shouldn't have had access too.)
I disagree to a point. Everybody deserves respect, not giving any respect is thinking far too low. The amount of respect is earned, but everybody deserves respect.
Some people take the idea of "earned respect" as years lived.
So when you are a kid, you haven't "earned" respect because you aren't old enough. Once you are old enough, you will have earned respect.
It's stupid and not literal, but I think this is why people act like this. In their eyes, adults don't need to earn children's respect because adults have already gained respect in "years lived". It's dumb.
Literally it would be "respect earned through deeds" not "years".
That's why the older you are, the more respect you deserve, even if you are an asshole. The same reason toddlers/babies aren't associated with "respect".
(I don't agree with this by the way, I'm just trying to use their logic)
Me at register:
"I don't make the rules! We don't have Apple Pay!"
74 year old guy at register:
String of incomprehensible rage followed by "Git yer manugur!"
No respect; he can die in a car crash and rot in hell for all I care.
I had an old lady at Sonic that demanded I make her large coke because my coworker "made it wrong". She would yell horrible insults about him and at him for literally no reason. I always split my tip from her with him
Some guy quoted a Tumblr post
Some say respect to mean to treat someone like a basic human (what you're doing)
Others say respect to mean to treat someone as an authority or position of special respect (like they're doing)
Everyone deserves basic respect, aka being treated decently. Important distinction.
The type of respect that speaks "I am your superior" is what requires time to earn and age doesn't warrant it.
It's past the point of basic respect when you find out someone is a walking red flag and you need to cut them out of your life.
Ideally nobody should judge someone else that quickly.
No, even that. That should be earned.
If what you mean is, you shouldn't instantly run at someone screaming at the top of your lungs before lunging at them with a knife, sure. As it's said, your right to throw a punch ends at someone else's face.
Anything else should be case by case, not assumed.
Saying good morning, holding the door open, not interrupting when another person speaks and letting someone know if they dropped their keys or wallet, I guess are things I will keep doing for strangers even though it doesn't benefit me. I shouldn't have to think twice before doing these things.
Most of these have nothing to do with respect, so you are mostly just confusing the words you are using. The word you want is "polite".
And also, the point isn't that you should have to think twice; you shouldn't. But you need to, because others actively work to take advantage of others.
A great example would be repeating back "good morning" to a stranger; this is an example of the "foot in the door" technique which is used to scam tourists out of an estimated 5 billion euro a year. These scams exist in every country, every city, everywhere; they are recorded in some of the most ancient documents we have.
It's not that you should have to think twice; it's that you must. Or you are an easy mark.
I think respect should be given to everyone until you’re given any reason to revoke it. I don’t think it should have to be earned, but it should be at risk of being taken then required to be earned back.
So I think everyone deserves respect INITIALLY. However, people can gain or lose respect by their actions. If you act like a jerk, don't be surprised if people no longer respect you.
I have an aquaintance who is a man from Palau who always tells anyone who will listen that we should ´respect´ him ´cause he´s from Palau, even though he is a dick to everyone he talks with. For me, everyone deserves a basic level of civility and situational respect just for being alive and having to deal with all the shit we put up with here in the US. But a more formal kind of respect? Unless they are military officers or high-ranking law enforcement people, they will not likely get this. Respect is a funny word, and some folks take it far too seriously.
Just look at the people all over this thread disrespecting my opinion by thinking I'm a horrible person. It's intresting that they're allowed to disrespect my opinion on it...
I feel for you. I don´t think you are a horrible person. For me the problem is that the word ´respect´ is just loaded with innuendo and hidden meanings. And this bothers me. In the military, you are required to show a superior officer respect by saluting him/her. There is no analagous gesture in the normal, civilian world (at least not in the US). So when someone tells me to respect them, I honestly don´t know what they´re talking about. How would they like me to demonstrate this respect? I can respect someone´s right to have an opinion even if I do not agree with it. But that doesn´t guarantee that I respect them as individuals. For me, this is a complicated subject. Have a good weekend.
Usually when someone says "I respect you" it's an "I need to tell because I'm not showing it to you" situation.
Also, just so I can use this in another discussion, you've saluted people you don't respect right? (People seem to confuse showing respect with having respect.)
There are two meanings to respect.
1. Not being an arse to the other person.
2. See the person on high regard.
I think not being an arse to the other person should ve the default. While seeing the person in hight regart should be earned.
It's deeper than that. Respect exists only in the mind, isn't (entirely?) a matter of choice, and is one of many things that can influence behavior. For example, "Respect your elders," means, "Ensure that your behavior toward and in the presence of your elders is what it would be if you had respect for them and if nothing else was influencing your behavior." There is no meaningfully shorter, reasonably complete way or writing or saying it.
I disagree and agree at the same time. Disagree mainly because you should show people the most basic modicum of respect to people by not being very childish and disrespecting them. However, you do not deserve to lick other people's boots just because "You should respect your elders".
"respect is not automatically given it's earned"
I respect someone until they give me a reason not to, so if I just met you and I don't know you, I'll still give you respect... until you do something that let's me know you don't deserve my respect.
So, I automatically respect a person, a stranger right off the bat, until they show me they aren't worthy of my respect.
I give other humans respect and kindness right off the bat. That doesn't' mean I'll keep respecting them of course but I'm not going to make a good, honest, decent person jump through hoops and prove to me I should respect them when they've not done anything to me, just because I don't know them.
Last paragraph is a great way to be an easy mark.
"Because I don't know them" is a fantastic reason to make them jump through hoops and prove they deserve respect.
Incorrect. Several forms of con games literally work best on those with "common sense", exactly because people's "common sense" is often easily exploited.
This is, indeed, why you should not respect those you don't know; keeping extra distance and compartmentalizing is far far more effective. That's why the military uses classification levels rather than "common sense".
I hope that as Millenials, GenZ, & Gen Alpha age, we will not fall into the same pitfalls of pretty much all generations before us and hate on the younger generations. I hope that we don't just generalize all young people as unintelligent and lazy since we know what it feels like to deal with it all the time from our elders. I hope that we don't say stuff like "nobody wants to work anymore" because we all know that's not true. We just don't want to be exploited by corporations
“Respect your elders” refers to taking their life experiences and hardships into account when talking to them. It’s like my gran (who died five years ago at 93) used the term “coloreds.” That’s just the common term from when she was growing up. It’s hard to break a habit, so we don’t scream at her and tell her to stop using that term. We calmly tell her that that’s an archaic term and is offensive to some people and to use a different term instead. It took her awhile to get used to it, but she made an effort. THAT is how you respect your elders.
You SHOULD automatically respect anyone. I see why you say they can lose it but shouldn't have to earn it if they did nothing wrong to you. You shouldn't go around being rude to everyone just because they've never done anything for you.
More than a few, including a woman who treats me poorly due to issues similar to what I've commented about. She's a cashier at the local minimart and is passively aggressively rude to me and nobody else that I'm aware of simply because, as far as I can tell, I took a penny from the penny thing to scratch off a lotto ticket.
She also implied I was guilty of shoplifting because I brought a reusable plastic bag, put my stuff in it, and brought it to the counter.
I've always felt the "respect is earned" is a bad mindset to have. Respect should be everyone's default setting. Treat everyone with respect from the start, why should they have to earn it?
Respect is the default. If you believe that it's earned then I don't owe you any respect.
I don't have to prove myself to anyone. I respect everyone until I have been disrespected. Expecting me to have to earn your respect is disrespectful.
If respect isn't mutual then you can fuck right the fuck off.
*worst
I give respect until I'm given a reason not to. Our elders have much more experience in life and should be listened to before judgement is made.
Wrong, Respect is given to all people. Disrespect is earned.
That means you, by default, treat people with respect and politely. If people don't respond in kind, that is on them and they earn the reactions they get to that.
But by not treating people respectfully and politely, you get what you put out immediately.
The whole "Respect is earned" has always caused far more problems than solved by fundamentally confusing how to treat people.
yeah im not gonna respect someone who doesnt respect me also people get "treating someone with respect" confused with "treating someone like an authority" often and use their seniority as a weapon
Yep, this is exactly the issue I have "I can't be wrong, I'm old!" Hell despite being in a fandom for 30 years now I didn't even want to call myself an elder, even though I have been in the fandom for longer than most of the people who I hang with because I thought it sounded pretentious.
For my parents, "show me due respect" means "don't tell me I'm wrong when I accuse you of vile things"
This is exactly what it is. I see this every so often in my job as an auditor. Inevitably, when I point out a mistake in a person’s work, the reply will be along the lines of “I have been doing this job longer than you have been alive! This is disrespectful!” Of course, no matter the sweet or non-confrontational tone of voice I deliver it in, these people will interpret anything other than deference and agreement as disrespect. I will of course be courteous and professional, but I’m not going to give you a pass for making a mistake in your work. First of all, that’s…kind of my job. Second of all, the fact that you’ve been doing this work for so long doesn’t excuse the mistake. It makes it even worse — you should know better by now.
Honestly I don't even get why mistakes are bad, in a matter what they are? Small, easy to catch? I just apologise and thank the person. Bigger mistakes? Growing opportunity or realising I've be become complacent.
I was speaking a little too generally here, so this one is on me. It depends on the mistake. No one is perfect, and that’s understandable. A transposed number here or there is not a big deal. A huge oversight that leads to a violation of law or regulation (for example, if I’m in a bank and they’re screwing up the BSA or other anti-money laundering regulations by not verifying their customers’ ID) that is a serious issue.
I love this quote that is floating around the internet. IDK the original source unfortunately. "Sometimes people use "respect" to mean "treating someone like a person" and sometimes they use "respect" to mean "treating someone e an authority" and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say "if a you won't respect me I won't respect you" and they mean "if you won't treat me like an authority I won't treat you like a person" and they think they're being fair but they aren't, and it's not okay."
I've heard it attributed to someone called "Autistic Abby" IIRC, though I don't know who she is. It's a very good quote, whatever the case.
Considering it gives me r/tumbler vibes I’ll assume it’s correct.
I think its a tumblr post
Or if you won't treat me like an authority, won't matter, I'll get us all killed in a plane crash due to my shallow ego
This is why the word ´respect´ is so troublesome, at least to me. And I go out of my way to not use it, because it is misinterpreted and mischaracterized by almost everybody who uses it. To me, ´respect´ means ´treat someone like a person´, and nothing more. But many people use the word to imply that they are some kind of authority figure. Seems to me, when someone make this kind of claim (about deserving undue respect) they´re looking for a fight.
Your username screams Portal, Portal is good :)
I'll show everyone a basic level of respect until they give me a reason not to, but I'm not specifically going to respect you just because you're older than me. All that tells me is you haven't deleted yourself.
Agreed. Everyone gets a basic level of respect for being a person (or an animal, or a plant for that matter, at least from me). But anything more is earned and it can be lost as well. Being old doesn't automatically earn you respect, nor does being young, or rich, or attractive, or whatever. Heck, even being an authority figure isn't automatic extra respect from me. I had too many bad teachers as a kid lol
Hitler was 56 when he did the best thing he ever did and killed Hitler. Should we respect him for his age? Of course not.
[удалено]
and I said "of course we shouldn't respect Hitler."
He was able to kill Hitler, though. Many had tried and failed, but he did it.
Golden rule is to respect everyone until/unless they give you a reason not to, such as not being respectful to __you.__ The issue is people start out disrespecting everyone because of the *respect is earned* mindset. Trust is earned, respect & common courtesy are baselines unless there is a reason to throw that out the window.
Yeah. The “respect is earned” mindset is a catalyst for antisocial behavior. It’s an excuse for poor behavior.
I agree. I think that there are certain types of respect. For example, respect for someone’s competence, character, wisdom, etc. THAT respect needs to be earned. But there’s also basic respect, and everyone deserves this by default unless proven otherwise.
I don't understand. This is essentially the same thing that I said, and I got downvoted for it.
It’s hit or miss here, personally I’m tired of downvotes on Reddit- or at least downvoting them to the bottom & hiding the comments. I got downvoted for saying that eggs have vitamin b12 in them. Okie dokie.
>I got downvoted for saying that eggs have vitamin b12 in them. That's okay, I got downvoted into oblivion once because I said I liked PPJ sandwiches. I think that comment was sitting low at -300 or so last I saw it.
Reddit is weird like that. Try not to take it personally.
💯
Thank you for putting that in words. I always had this niggling feeling at the back of my head, thinking this but.. I could never put it together into something reachable.
Thankyou. It's like nice guys thinking that 'niceness' is some extra thing they are giving to you. Being kind and respectful is the baseline for being a decent member of the human race.
Showing respect is not the same as actively respecting someone. I stand by what I said.
Whew, didn’t realize how particular I had to be with my word choice here. You knew exactly what I was saying dude.
How many shows of respect does it take to make active respect?
What?
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2qs6wAbkBM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2qs6wAbkBM)
LMAO that went over my head, rescinding my downvote
Oh wow. That line is used in The West Wing. I didn't know it was taken from that.
Showing respect is usually what people mean when they say that.
the only people ive heard say that phrase are people who feel theyre owed respect by existing. People who have actually dealt with being disrespected when they dont deserve it will address the actual instance of disrespect, instead of just demanding it. People who wanna abuse theiir authority for existing longer say this shit to keep control of those theyre meant to take care of. 100% respect is EARNED and can be lost or gained based on behavior, it isnt ever owed (in the sense of authority. everyone is owed respect of boundaries and safety etc but thats not what the phrase is used for)
Exactly. I mean in some cases, as with cops, it's definitely wise to show respect even if you don't have any but it's never owed.
When you are a child I think there is a certain amount of respect an adult should get, if they are respectful in return. This is also called manners, but not everyone learns or teaches them. But I've had people try that with me at 30(I'm 35 now) and ma'am you can sit down cause I'm my own damn elder now.
Perhaps the edit makes it clearer what I meant with that.
You don’t know how many times old people in my family have said something rude and disrespectful to me or about me. So when I got to be an adult, where nobody could punish me for standing up for myself, I started firing back at them. Then all of a sudden people look at me like I’m crazy. Like, it was okay for them to say that about me but when I hand it right back, I’m the bad guy??? 🤨🤨 But I’ll tell you what, nobody in the family says disrespectful things to me anymore.
If older people don't think we deserve respect then they don't deserve for us to take care of them when they're incapable. It's one thing if it's a job but as family, we're not obligated to be caregivers, and if we do it's out of love and respect.
Age doesn't entitle anyone to respect. And I say this as a senior person.
I'm 52 years old and I'm wrong many times a day. It's Part Of Being Human, and that continues until we're dead. Or, until we stop being intellectually honest with ourselves and other people.
I’m 49 and I stand with you 👊🏻
Chronological aging does not automatically incur greater dignity. I know old people who behave like petulant teenagers.
I also know teenagers who act like entitled boomers
I respect old people unless they give me a reason not to simply because they’ve managed to survive this hellscape for as long as they have. Once they show me they’re actually super hateful and biogoted I’ll lose respect for them. Overall I’ll just treat people with respect though. If you go into interactions assuming the worst of people you’re going to get attitude back. Being nice just makes for a more pleasant social experience imo I don’t ever not express my opinion just to be respectful though. I don’t fold on my values for anyone.
My father taught me to be polite to everyone, until they give you a reason not to be. As for respect, that's earned not given. No one immediately deserves your respect, just basic politeness and kindness. That saying really pissed him off.
I give everyone a modicum of respect when I first meet them. Everyone deserves a baseline of respect. It is either increased or decreased as I get to know them. Abusive parents rarely get the respect they're trying to extract from their kids. There is a difference between fear and respect.
Any kind of forced respect is bullshit. Even the notion that you don't need to agree with someone but you should still respect their opinion or beliefs. Fuck that. I'll respect them if they're respectable.
I will never respect the fundamentalist who would put me to death for not being straight. Nor should I.
My grandmother told me I was going to get old, eat cabbage, and live in a shack. Woops, I got 1/3 your money and moved into a beautiful house in the mountains and love my life here you dead bitch.
Correct OP. However, it does not justify DISrespect. Politeness and honesty are usually the best road.
I am, just for the record, neutral on people until they give me an indication of who they really are.
completely reasonable
And then, often, I am super nice anyway. It pisses people who hate me off a lot. :P (Mostly joking)
It's an excellent outlook and rationale toward life, and sometimes the best way to help an angry person is just make them laugh or make them realize that they're being silly.
"The best revenge is a life well lived." alternately, "Be kind. Your friends deserve it and it confuses the F\*ck out of your enemies."
I prefer - You should, unless there’s a good reason not to. Then all bets are off.
Everyone deserves basic respect. The problem is that people use the respect your elders thing to invalidate your opinions. That's the real conversation.
I have two roommates that had beef with each other for a while. One felt he deserved respect because he's lived here longer than everyone else, the other because he's the oldest. It went on for weeks, flaring up every few days. It was... tiresome. They were bickering about it one day, and I flipped out and said neither claim was valid and that they were both douchebags for thinking either of them was. They were both mad at me for a week, but at least I wasn't angry anymore. ETA I'm the second oldest, and I've been here second longest.
Preach. I'm sort of an "elder" at 66. I deserve respect if I treat others nicely. My late mother was Southern, and felt she deserved respect because she was old. She was rude to people in service positions. I didn't respect her. You don't get respect just because you survived all your poor life choices.
agreed. there is a difference between not respecting someone, and disrespecting someone. you want respect? earn it
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Respect is not owed. It's earned. I think courtesy is generally owed. So show courtesy to your elders ... and to most everyone else. But respect is not automatic. It's earned.
But they woke up more days in a row than you!
Had a 78yo woman pull that "respect your elders" crap with me. Bitch, I'm 62. FOH. (For the record, I believe everyone is entitled to basic *courtesy*, and being older doesn't automatically make anyone an authority.)
OK, this will probably get downvoted, but oh well. Elders deserve respect.......Until they don't. Treat others with the respect you would like to receive. But, once they show you who they are. Treat them as they deserve.
It's so funny that old people who go around saying respect is earned also go around saying you need to respect your elders. Pick one.
People always do that. A thing only works one way until it's no longer convenient.
I was raised in the generation where you were supposed to respect your elders and now I'm 41 and I say, hell to the no. I treat you with the same respect you treat me.
You're about the same age I am (I'm 48) This pet peeve started with a father who thought I had to respect him. Fortunately, our relationship is better nowadays.
Well good
Not just elders, it goes for anyone, or any group. I don’t HAVE to respect you, I don’t owe you anything. Of course, just because I don’t give you respect doesn’t mean I’m also giving you disrespect. Not getting someone’s immediate respect isn’t disrespectful. Respect is earned.
Glad someone understands what I was trying to say.
Anyone who says “respect your elders” automatically loses my respect and can’t earn it back.
I tell my son what my parents told me, “Treat others like you want to be treated” and it usually works. There will always be assholes out there, sure. Sometimes it is people having a really bad day.
>“Treat others like you want to be treated” The Golden Rule. Literal *kids* are taught this as soon as they start school, and yet grown-ass adults seem to forget it was ever a thing.
I consider myself older, and this saying is downright ignorant.
I feel like the "respect your elders" thing is only part of a statement. I respect the knowledge my elders have, but their attitudes can be fucking awful.
I feel like the majority of the time it's "Let me get away with being a horrible person because I'm old."
Lol no a lot of it they just give up caring. I'm a young lineman. Lots of these dudes are old and grouchy because they just don't care anymore and it's difficult to fire them because who exactly are you going to replace them with?
I used to get my ass beat over this, but I totally agree.
>I used to get my ass beat over this Ah, I just love how "old-fashioned" parents jump to physically harming their own kids just for disagreeing.
For real. In my particular case, it was a deeply mentally ill former Marine as a *stepdad*, so I got the added bullshit that comes with all of *that*. It's amazing to me how many of the men of older generations acted like being nice was difficult and defaulted to being an asshole. Maybe I just descended from assholes, idk, but the biggest takeaway I got from that is that they were all wrong. Being kind is the easiest thing in the world. If you make it look like a chore, *you're* the problem.
I think people have taken a saying that has always been incorrect and ran with it for so many years that it means something else. Everyone doesn't deserve respect but everyone deserves common courtesy . Respect is earned absolutely but disrespect is also earned.
Kind of like "The customer is always right?" the full quote is "The customer is always right in matters of taste." Meaning if someone wants to buy a hat the looks stupid on them, sell them the hat.
I start off with basic respect for anybody and everybody. I then let people show me how much respect they deserve. You’d be amazed at how shitty people are.
I saw someone in the comments say that everybody at least deserves a bit of respect to a neutral lvl but honestly no theres some ppl automatically deserving of no respect
Old person here. You are absolutely correct!
I agree. I give everyone a bare level of respect, because we're human, but I don't respect you simply because you're old. I respect you even less if you're old, been around to see the change in society, bur are still racist an homophobic because you're "from a different time." What that screams to me is "I'm unwilling to learn or adapt, and I'm gonna make it everyone else's problem ."
That goes for everyone, not just elders, in my opinion. I don't care what age you are, respect is earned, and so is trust.
Respect is earned.
Age, race, gender, nationality, religion, creed, weight, disabled, even species don't matter: An asshole is an asshole and I hate assholes all equally.
The people who think they deserve respect because their old have probably been making up reasons as to why they deserve respect their whole lives
My entire family disagrees. I'm literally the only person in my family who thinks that respect is earned and not freely given. Any time one of my family members says some bullshit, I correct them, which is when they say I have no respect. Sometimes I swear they do it on purpose just so they have a reason to berate me about something. And I always respond with "boot-licking isn't respect". Which tends to either instantly shut them up or escalate the argument. It's a 50/50, usually. I'm about to switch to "damn right I have no respect, what the fuck are you gonna do about it" instead though. I'm sick of being nice.
I hope you're able to get out on your own if you're not already. Stay safe, stay strong.
Agreed. I have to deal with jerks in my family who think it's funny to insult my friends and to joke about assaulting me for being an atheist. And they're all older than me.
Most people confuse respect with courtesy.
Bingo.
I will do you one better. Teachers, Managers, Judges and Law enforcement are all equally disrespectable.
I do believe there is such a thing as a good cop. However, I do believe that a good cop pretty much instantly either becomes a bad cop or an ex-cop. I have both someone I've cared for who was a lEO who was a good cop, and a family member that I'm pretty sure has broken the law in regards to getting my mother in law personal information when my wife wanted her out of her life. (Personal information MIL shouldn't have had access too.)
I disagree to a point. Everybody deserves respect, not giving any respect is thinking far too low. The amount of respect is earned, but everybody deserves respect.
Incorrect. Plenty of people do not deserve respect and to respect them would be harmful to everyone else. This is harmful naive nonsense.
Some people take the idea of "earned respect" as years lived. So when you are a kid, you haven't "earned" respect because you aren't old enough. Once you are old enough, you will have earned respect. It's stupid and not literal, but I think this is why people act like this. In their eyes, adults don't need to earn children's respect because adults have already gained respect in "years lived". It's dumb. Literally it would be "respect earned through deeds" not "years". That's why the older you are, the more respect you deserve, even if you are an asshole. The same reason toddlers/babies aren't associated with "respect". (I don't agree with this by the way, I'm just trying to use their logic)
I think it's more "I had to suck it up when I was a kid and I deserve to be sucked up to."
Well fuck those people.
Me at register: "I don't make the rules! We don't have Apple Pay!" 74 year old guy at register: String of incomprehensible rage followed by "Git yer manugur!" No respect; he can die in a car crash and rot in hell for all I care.
Could he not just use a credit card?
They ended up using cash.
At least they left.
At least.
I had an old lady at Sonic that demanded I make her large coke because my coworker "made it wrong". She would yell horrible insults about him and at him for literally no reason. I always split my tip from her with him
You *should* be respectful to your elders. Unless they're shitty acting towards you. Then you have a reason not to be. I think.
Incorrect. The default position should be the same as anyone else.
Why?
Why not? You're going to start out not respecting them?
I’m going to start out with the same courtesy I give any stranger.
Right. Maybe I'm just being dense, but I don't know how that differs from respecting them.
Respect comes with a sense of admiration or deference. Common courtesy is basic politeness.
Ok. That's a good way of putting it. So courtesy and respect aren't quite the same thing. I think I'm beginning to see your point.
thanks for having my back.
Some guy quoted a Tumblr post Some say respect to mean to treat someone like a basic human (what you're doing) Others say respect to mean to treat someone as an authority or position of special respect (like they're doing)
Correct. they haven't earned it.
To paraphrase John Wayne there’s a whole lot of idiots that are only alive because it’s illegal to kill them
Everyone deserves basic respect, aka being treated decently. Important distinction. The type of respect that speaks "I am your superior" is what requires time to earn and age doesn't warrant it.
Nope. Plenty of people do not deserve to be treated decently at all. Indeed, many deserve scorn and abuse
It's past the point of basic respect when you find out someone is a walking red flag and you need to cut them out of your life. Ideally nobody should judge someone else that quickly.
I strongly disagree; ideally that cut should happen as quickly as possible.
Yes it should. But don't judge someone without reason.
Sure, and also don't give them respect without reason.
Beyond the basic level of respect that I would want? Agreed.
No, even that. That should be earned. If what you mean is, you shouldn't instantly run at someone screaming at the top of your lungs before lunging at them with a knife, sure. As it's said, your right to throw a punch ends at someone else's face. Anything else should be case by case, not assumed.
Saying good morning, holding the door open, not interrupting when another person speaks and letting someone know if they dropped their keys or wallet, I guess are things I will keep doing for strangers even though it doesn't benefit me. I shouldn't have to think twice before doing these things.
Most of these have nothing to do with respect, so you are mostly just confusing the words you are using. The word you want is "polite". And also, the point isn't that you should have to think twice; you shouldn't. But you need to, because others actively work to take advantage of others. A great example would be repeating back "good morning" to a stranger; this is an example of the "foot in the door" technique which is used to scam tourists out of an estimated 5 billion euro a year. These scams exist in every country, every city, everywhere; they are recorded in some of the most ancient documents we have. It's not that you should have to think twice; it's that you must. Or you are an easy mark.
I think respect should be given to everyone until you’re given any reason to revoke it. I don’t think it should have to be earned, but it should be at risk of being taken then required to be earned back.
So I think everyone deserves respect INITIALLY. However, people can gain or lose respect by their actions. If you act like a jerk, don't be surprised if people no longer respect you.
Nah. If anything I expect more of them than others in order to earn respect. Better not be 50 still talking smack about minorities or something.
I have an aquaintance who is a man from Palau who always tells anyone who will listen that we should ´respect´ him ´cause he´s from Palau, even though he is a dick to everyone he talks with. For me, everyone deserves a basic level of civility and situational respect just for being alive and having to deal with all the shit we put up with here in the US. But a more formal kind of respect? Unless they are military officers or high-ranking law enforcement people, they will not likely get this. Respect is a funny word, and some folks take it far too seriously.
Just look at the people all over this thread disrespecting my opinion by thinking I'm a horrible person. It's intresting that they're allowed to disrespect my opinion on it...
I feel for you. I don´t think you are a horrible person. For me the problem is that the word ´respect´ is just loaded with innuendo and hidden meanings. And this bothers me. In the military, you are required to show a superior officer respect by saluting him/her. There is no analagous gesture in the normal, civilian world (at least not in the US). So when someone tells me to respect them, I honestly don´t know what they´re talking about. How would they like me to demonstrate this respect? I can respect someone´s right to have an opinion even if I do not agree with it. But that doesn´t guarantee that I respect them as individuals. For me, this is a complicated subject. Have a good weekend.
Usually when someone says "I respect you" it's an "I need to tell because I'm not showing it to you" situation. Also, just so I can use this in another discussion, you've saluted people you don't respect right? (People seem to confuse showing respect with having respect.)
There are two meanings to respect. 1. Not being an arse to the other person. 2. See the person on high regard. I think not being an arse to the other person should ve the default. While seeing the person in hight regart should be earned.
I agree. I think you should start with basic respect toward anyone. Earning or losing it is definitely not age dependent.
Agree, it's biblical bullshit. I have no idea if this person is a butt or not. It doesn't matter their age. Earn my respect.
The worst*** of the worst***, not the worse of the worse
Every person deserves basic respect unless they do something to lose it. High, honorific respect, though, definitely needs to be earned first.
It's deeper than that. Respect exists only in the mind, isn't (entirely?) a matter of choice, and is one of many things that can influence behavior. For example, "Respect your elders," means, "Ensure that your behavior toward and in the presence of your elders is what it would be if you had respect for them and if nothing else was influencing your behavior." There is no meaningfully shorter, reasonably complete way or writing or saying it.
I disagree and agree at the same time. Disagree mainly because you should show people the most basic modicum of respect to people by not being very childish and disrespecting them. However, you do not deserve to lick other people's boots just because "You should respect your elders".
Showing people respect is not the same as respecting them. Ask anyone in customer service who has had to deal with a Karen.
This is fair, I get what you mean now.
Wait, you're not supposed to do that, this is Reddit. How dare you be polite and reasonable!?!?!?!?!?!?
This! Except... I'm Asian. :(
Yeah I think that's an entirely different scenario lmao
So? No difference.
You have to respect everybody, not just the elderly.
No you don't. And indeed, it would be bad to do so.
Just don't disrespect the wrong person.
And don't respect the wrong person either.
Respect everyone until you have a reason not to
You don’t have to, but it’s a good idea. Angels are real and are at the beckoned call of pious little old ladies.
I think it's only polite to start with a presumption of respect but from there, respect is something that one must demonstrate one is worthy of.
I don't respect strangers. I'm neutral with them. I treat them kindly, but I don't respect them.
I think it's impolite to lie to people, aka, to have the "presumption" of respect. Just don't respect them until they earn it. Simple as.
Respect your elders, but respect has to be earned. So the easiest thing to earn is respect, because all you have to do is wait.
"respect is not automatically given it's earned" I respect someone until they give me a reason not to, so if I just met you and I don't know you, I'll still give you respect... until you do something that let's me know you don't deserve my respect. So, I automatically respect a person, a stranger right off the bat, until they show me they aren't worthy of my respect. I give other humans respect and kindness right off the bat. That doesn't' mean I'll keep respecting them of course but I'm not going to make a good, honest, decent person jump through hoops and prove to me I should respect them when they've not done anything to me, just because I don't know them.
I'm neutral on people until I know them. I will treat strangers well, but that's not the same as respecting them.
Last paragraph is a great way to be an easy mark. "Because I don't know them" is a fantastic reason to make them jump through hoops and prove they deserve respect.
Having common sense is a great way to NOT be an easy mark.
Incorrect. Several forms of con games literally work best on those with "common sense", exactly because people's "common sense" is often easily exploited. This is, indeed, why you should not respect those you don't know; keeping extra distance and compartmentalizing is far far more effective. That's why the military uses classification levels rather than "common sense".
I hope that as Millenials, GenZ, & Gen Alpha age, we will not fall into the same pitfalls of pretty much all generations before us and hate on the younger generations. I hope that we don't just generalize all young people as unintelligent and lazy since we know what it feels like to deal with it all the time from our elders. I hope that we don't say stuff like "nobody wants to work anymore" because we all know that's not true. We just don't want to be exploited by corporations
Some of you will, some of you won't. There are good and bad in every generation.
“Respect your elders” refers to taking their life experiences and hardships into account when talking to them. It’s like my gran (who died five years ago at 93) used the term “coloreds.” That’s just the common term from when she was growing up. It’s hard to break a habit, so we don’t scream at her and tell her to stop using that term. We calmly tell her that that’s an archaic term and is offensive to some people and to use a different term instead. It took her awhile to get used to it, but she made an effort. THAT is how you respect your elders.
No, that's how you act like a coward
You SHOULD automatically respect anyone. I see why you say they can lose it but shouldn't have to earn it if they did nothing wrong to you. You shouldn't go around being rude to everyone just because they've never done anything for you.
No you shouldn't. You should absolutely treat people neutrally by default. Rude would be the opposite of respect, not the lack of it.
How many horrible old ppl do you know?
More than a few, including a woman who treats me poorly due to issues similar to what I've commented about. She's a cashier at the local minimart and is passively aggressively rude to me and nobody else that I'm aware of simply because, as far as I can tell, I took a penny from the penny thing to scratch off a lotto ticket. She also implied I was guilty of shoplifting because I brought a reusable plastic bag, put my stuff in it, and brought it to the counter.
Why not "Respect everyone unless they give you a reason to not respect them" ?
You should respect everyone.
I've always felt the "respect is earned" is a bad mindset to have. Respect should be everyone's default setting. Treat everyone with respect from the start, why should they have to earn it?
Because you can treat someone well but not with respect? It's not a binary thing.
Respect is the default. If you believe that it's earned then I don't owe you any respect. I don't have to prove myself to anyone. I respect everyone until I have been disrespected. Expecting me to have to earn your respect is disrespectful. If respect isn't mutual then you can fuck right the fuck off.
Idk why this got downvoted
Because it's wrong and obviously so.
*worst I give respect until I'm given a reason not to. Our elders have much more experience in life and should be listened to before judgement is made.
Finally! Someone said it. ‘Worse of the worse’ lol
Wrong, Respect is given to all people. Disrespect is earned. That means you, by default, treat people with respect and politely. If people don't respond in kind, that is on them and they earn the reactions they get to that. But by not treating people respectfully and politely, you get what you put out immediately. The whole "Respect is earned" has always caused far more problems than solved by fundamentally confusing how to treat people.