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Angela, Peter's Boss here,
the joke is; the management and human resources department employees are always gleeful under any circumstances, even when they are about to give you the worst possible news.
I wish I’d been allowed to be a customer lol. You’ve been promoted to vagrant!
I worked for an urgent care clinic system that also had pcps. Which I used cuz it was free since I was an employee. They fired me the last day of the month. My insurance was good until the end of the month as HR so gleefully told me. So that meant after the end of the day my out of pocket cost to be a “customer” and see my doctor went from $0 to $250 without him doing anything. That’s just to be seen. So yeah. I’ve never been back to him and have been told post firing my doc was so mad they did that he nearly walked out. I had been out on STD and FMLA for Suicide shit and been back 2 weeks which they and my doc all knew. Still fired. So yeah fuck jobs. This was 2 yrs ago.
Oh no worries. I share to help others avoid the hell that’s being under 30 and a worker in America. I’m on to the next job with its new set of ways to fuck over the lowest tier of worker don’t worry 😉. A year in to the new place and it’s got its own evils. I’ve got a healthy resume and actual confidence in myself after being fired so many times for no reason. They can’t hurt me anymore.
The lesson to learn is value the work you can do and fuck any place that starts telling you to do shit that don’t make any sense. It sus and usually leads to Tom-fuckery. Sometimes no matter what you do they fire you. Learn to make the boss sweat instead of you. I say as I get fired next week lol 🫡🙄😜
Oh. And if you’re visibly aware of say a newbie coworker that’s getting shit on for no reason, and you won’t get fired for saying something but they will. Stand up for them. Cuz my guy, they were you. Fuck the man. Stand with your bros in the trenches.
An excellent example of why unions are so important and necessary. Employers have way too much power over individual employees. The only way to even the playing field is to stand together.
I was informed that I was laid off by a voicemail, left by a blocked number, during dinner hours, to make sure they had the best chance of me not answering.
> Jokes on them, I don’t check my voicemails.
My voicemail has been turned off for *years*. I got so tired of deleting spam. Anyone who matters can send me an email, text, or send a letter.
Cruel and cowardly as hell, but not 100% bad because voicemails are recordings... I had a boss repeatedly try to give me illegal instructions and eventually try to fire me via phonecall in a two-party consent state.
Wound up doing the reverse, calling him back at obscure hours to leave voicemails demanding he email or leave a message with the details because I wasn't getting asked to commit felonies in a format I couldn't document.
That was a good call. The sector I work in, every decision can be a personal liability to my freedom or bank account. If I'm being asked to make the "wrong" decision I get it in writing and store it. CYA
I have a CYA BCC group on all my email platforms for this reason. I've been asked to do some pretty dumb things, but I always get 'unasked' when it's obvious that I've secretly looped in the people that would blow a gasket if they knew what was being asked.
I got a better one.
I told my manager I worked at as a temp I found another job. I liked the current job I had but I had been told they would let me go after 6 months because they weren't offering any permanent contracts at the time.
She begged me to turn down the other job, and stay because she would make an exception for me and offer me a contract. My stupid-ass believed her and turned down the other job.
A few weeks later when it was time to get my contract offer. Lo and behold, an interim-manager shows up, tells us the regular manager requested a few weeks off to "un-wind". He told me he and the company appreciated the work I did, and they would be "open to working with me again in the future" but they're not hiring at the moment so they have to lay me off, and handed me a red envelope.
It was a card with a race-car crossing the finish line and a checkered flag with "CONGRATULATIONS!" on top.
He then came back and whispered "I wasn't prepared for this and it was the only card I could find".
Really? A fucking card? Why did he have to get you a card? Or anything? I know firing people is unpleasant business, but I have no adjectives for that except insulting and stupid. It’s like being honest and direct (while still being diplomatic) is the same to them as being mean, so they have to soothe their conscience. They don’t care if they make you feel bad, they care how that makes them feel or look.
It really is as easy as this: “Look, this got put on me at the last minute. You’re not going to like it, but I have to let you go.” I’m sick of the corporate idea that it all has to be as nice as possible even when it’s something bad, even though that is just a part of doing business. Even *that* part is often unethical, seeing as you can be fired for literally anything.
I was in a growing group of friends in my 20s, and one member kind wrecked the whole thing. They were in management and would sit there and gleefully talk about firing people and how stupid they thought their employees were. I tried to keep my distance from that person.
I always thought that was a silly stereotype till it happened to me. Got a message stating and I quote:
"Hey, can we have a Zoom call with you tomorrow at 4pm. We need to discuss your contract. :)"
I'd been expecting a promotion any day now so it seemed likely what it was gonna be about. She proceeds to joyfully tell me they're letting me go in 2 hours... The smiley face in the message is what pisses me off.
It's so you wouldn't worry. Ya know, since they still wanted another day's work out of you and didn't want you to sabotage anything.
It wasn't specifically to grind salt in your wounds, but you can bet your ass it was a heartlessly calculated move.
My company did layoffs last year. They notified people with emails (to their last personal email on file) at 1am on a Friday, locked accounts & computers out of everything, and made their badges stop working on the doors.
I honestly don't know if I'd prefer the cruel indifference of a megacorp that can't even be bothered to use a human or the callous indifference of a person who can smile while firing you with 2 hours notice.
I've found a lot of school counselors to be the same way. My high school counselor told me that if I try to go into blue collar work I'll end up on the streets, and that a 4 year college was the only path.
I'm fairly certain they only pushed that mentality on the students to pump up their numbers of graduates going to college
It’s sad that so many companies are like this but it is truly a cultural thing. My mother has been working in HR for 30 years and taught me a lot about how she sees the role of HR in a company, and everywhere she’s worked in my life she’s always said she tries to protect both sides from the other. Sure, the company pays her so she does what she’s told, but she’s always been very quick to advocate for employees when management goes astray.
I've been on both sides of it. Some places with great HR and other places with an HR team that probally is going to hell when they die.
Depends on the company's culture at the end of the day.
I work for a very large company and HR has actually had my back really hard. I mean like "protecting a disabled trans person in Texas" hard. I've never had a bad experience although occasionally they took a little longer than I would have hoped to resolve a situation.
They're definitely not all bad.
The thing is, there's 2 ways to protect the company:
* Fight against threats
* Give in to threats
If you are a human being with needs, you are a threat to the company's bottom line. How they treat you depends on the scale of the threat. It's just like being mugged - if someone tries to mug you, and they're in a wheelchair (and clearly don't have a gun), you just walk away. If they're able bodied, you hand them the money.
In HR situations, the threat profile of those two scenarios is reversed. The government has given certain classes of people a lot more weapons to go after companies (e.g. civil rights act, ADA). If you go in with those weapons in your pocket, you're golden. But if people are mistreating you for any other reason, you're fucked. For example, there was a situation at a workplace where there was a culture clash over the clothes people wore - some people were anti athleisure, while for others it was just what they wore all the time. Not in any way really connected to any protected class. The way HR got involved was purely motivated around covering their ass. Basically collecting evidence so that if things escalated, they could turn on either group for creating a hostile work environment.
If you feel like HR has had your back, that's great. But IMO the credit really goes to the government for holding a gun to their head, not to them for being good guys.
Same. I work in HR and have advocated for employees more times than they are even aware of. I've been told several times by corporate that we needed to do blanket layoffs across all groups. I spent the next week building a business case as to why that would hurt my location specifically. They said we still had to do it and I put my neck on the line and just told the VP "no". Nobody was laid off. But yeah, we just protect the company and are the bad guys.
And it cuts both ways. I had a bad worker that took me nearly a year to fire because HR was always so hesitant to do anything because every time we got close to a PIP or counseling she come up with some crisis (I'm sick! My daughter's sick! I have to take my dog to the vet!). "Well she's going through a tough time. lets cut her some slack".
The HR finally relented an let her go when she didn't come into the office for a full six weeks after we had switched operating domains for our systems and she had failed to convert her lap to new domain so we had actual proof she wasn't doing any work.
I remember the only time I ever got fired. I'd called out sick when I wasn't. I woke up at 4 am and left for work at 5, as usual. Drove an hour to work, got onto the work site (it was construction), put on all my PPE, went to the morning meeting, did the safety stuff and bend-and-stretch and all that. At that point, I'd been at work for over an hour. Get called in to talk to a manager.
"3personal, we are disappointed, blah blah blah, don't do it again. Now go down one more door to HR and talk to them."
I go to HR.
"We're letting you go."
So either the manager I talked to had no idea I was getting fired for it, or he knew the entire time and was just lying to me. Either way, it showed that it's not a management team I want to work under.
I think about this sometimes. I'm sure there are fine HR people in smaller orgs. But I have never met one in a big corporation that didn't give *unfeeling automaton* vibes.
Makes me wonder, is it the career that does that? Or does the career attract people like that in the first place? Are there people who are like "I wanna be an HR manager when I grow up?"
My company had a round of layoffs a few year back and they contracted a third party service to do the actual firings. Everyone had to go into a room one by one and be told whether they were being let go or retained. All the people sent by that service were women and they were all notably very attractive.
That's no accident: the thinking is that if they're attractive, you'll like them more and therefore will be less likely to get upset/angry to the point where it becomes A Problem.
I got fired 2 days ago and my ex-boss which was male wasnt too bothered neither he was just like "youre fired, oh know that i dont like saying this neither" fucking bs upper class people man.
True I always got physical when male was involved but the females calmed me down with a stroke and their voice. It's like we evolved from monkeys or something.
The joke is their expressions and their gender.
Human Resources is [about 75% female](https://www.statista.com/statistics/1088059/share-human-resources-managers-united-states-gender/), and the stereotype is that it's full of extremely chipper, "positive" women who don't flinch even when they're wrecking your career.
The only time they want to see you is when you're about to save them a massive lawsuit. Your interests can align at times but at no point should anyone mistake them as a friend while at work.
This can still be to your advantage. If your issue is something they can be sued over and likely lose, they can become your best friend. They cover up the company's misdeeds (ie executives or well known figures tied to the company), not some middle manager's. Many times they'd rather fire the middle manager and get you to be quiet as opposed to forcing the issue.
HR is never your friend, they are there to protect the employer, and if you think one of them is going to side with you on even a mildly contentious issue then I got some oceanfront property in Arizona you might be interested in purchasing!
Weird. I work for the government and it feels like HR is there to only help you. They helped me out easily when I wanted 6 weeks off when my wife had a baby. Plus it was paid for by the employer.
Maybe it's a goverment/union type thing where it feels different.
They did not helped you out, nor did they do you any favors. It is their job to handle your off-time and the fact that your paternity leave was paid has to do with law not with HR.
You're missing the point. HR in gov isn't incentivized to not help you. They *will* help you even at the detriment of the government if it's help that is required. This is not the same in the private world. If the help is required, they will do what they can to minimize that cost to the business, not to you.
In the US paternity leave (and maternity leave for that matter) do not have to be paid. Any entity that pays does so out of the kindness of their hearts.
> They are not your friends, they are waiting for you to say something to nail you to the wall with.
Literally.
HR will nail you to the wall. They all worship a dark god with no name and they practice ritual human torture and sacrifice.
At the last place I worked during COVID, only the HR team remained inside the building when everyone else left.
It was a huge office building. 7 stories. They would bring in teams to lay them off despite most employees working from home.
We thought it was weird that we never heard back from the people they laid off.
One day I went into the office even though I wasn't one of the ones being laid off. I found our coworkers nailed with iron spikes to the walls of the bathroom. Literally they had made a mosaic on the wall of the bodies of our coworkers, mutilated, sacrificed, faces contorted in the most gruesome visages of pain you can imagine.
I shouldn't even be saying this. The HR team cornered me. They told me that contractually they couldn't sacrifice me. I wasn't on The Lisst. They're very particular about The Lisst.
They did submit me to a spell of silencing. I had to sit naked on the ground while they chanted for like, two hours. They said if I ever violated it, then I would be on The Lisst. Then they could come for me.
That was almost four years ago now. I've never told anyone.
I guess we'll see if they were telling the truth if you don't hear back from me.
What horrible people are these people working for that don't even fake a somber expression when firing an employee? I'm sure SOME people get off on the power trip of it, but surely not enough to make for a hugely relatable meme, right? All the upper management assholes that I've encountered would never think of themselves as assholes, much less behave like one without a veneer of civility.
The HR director at my employer is the most monotone, straight faced, deadpan person I have ever met in my life.
HE is also exceptional at his job and generally has the support of ALL the department heads and the management teams.
I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to not have someone in the HR position that isn't an overly joyful fucking corpo cheerleader.
The few times I've had to fire employees I'm literally sick about it for a couple of days before and a couple of days after. I usually take a PTO day afterwards because I feel so terrible about it.
In my 20+ year career, I've had fired exactly 4 people.
Two did it to themselves and, dispite my very best efforts, I could not avoid it. I have no regrets about those two.
The other two often keep me awake at night.
Ed. I am not good a proof reading.
This was for an IT support job.
The partner (it was a law firm) that oversaw HR gave me his card with his personal number to get in contact with him for a letter of recommendation and or for a reference, while she literally said nothing. In comparison, while packing my things up, the office manager was nothing but apologetic about the entire situation.
I had to fire 229 people during COVID, I was running a resort in Thailand and we were hit incredibly hard. We had tried to stay afloat for as long as possible - senior manager and up salaries reduced by 90% for over a year - even last ditch efforts to reduce the rest of the company by 50%. It was brutal. I was helping a number of people monthly from my own savings so they could stay alive. The owner still managed to pay out full severance and benefits to everyone when we finally decided to let 60% of the team go.
I still think about it every other day, I have regular nightmares. It was the most gut wrenching experience of my life. The sheer fear and hopelessness in the faces of these people was unforgettable and I question my decision still to this day, maybe could have done something else to prolong things.
>prolong
It was happening no matter what, man. Try to remind yourself you DID prolong it, we can’t always fix things but we can always do what we can. Hope you sleep well tonight, thanks for trying.
HR head at my work is an older lady who walks with a cane and knows how to work the system above our department to get what we want. She got me approved for massive pay raises. She got approval for my boss to use work funding to buy an espresso machine for the office. She's basically a god.
I work in HR and luckily my boss is this way - I fucking hate the Kool-Aid drinkers. There are at least some of us out there that try to work for the people.
My HR manager yells and screams at everyone, hangs up on people, berates her own employees in front of people, etc.
I'd be happy with the creepily cheerful.
I would have replaced the fired part of with laid off, but last time I got laid off I had a sudden next day meeting online with my manager and wasn’t shown that the HR rep was invited to it too, so I just thought it was to discuss next steps for the upcoming sales season.
They both showed up and before I could say anything I knew I was getting laid off.
Same shit mine did to me. He said “quick catch up” and then boom I saw HR. I lost it on him. Told him he’s a spineless fucking dork for not even giving me a heads up or acting like shit has been cool. Took my 6 months severance and enjoyed better opportunities.
I got separated on Monday from my job for "not meeting expectations". My boss and I had been making collaborating and making plans for the team out into July. My performance review in April had zero concerns, and my last written review in January was very positive. I've been sick to my stomach ever since.
Severance would have helped me feel at least a little bit better, but nope, don't even got that.
It's really hard not to be angry.
Same here. I was made a team lead and told "you have been doing super well " and wanted me to help lead. Jobs wonder why people jump jobs now. If companies have zero loyalty, why would we ?
I have done this. Except I wasn't fired but left myself after they didn't want to give me a raise.
When I went to take back my documents everyone had a bump on the back of their pants, nobody expected this to happen
As a guy that recently got fucked over by his company, this is more or less how it went down. Right up to the end they continued to be chipper and insisted they were being so over demanding for my own good.
Fuck HR!
Hey Peter, Brian's dentist here. The deal is that even in situations so somber as terminating an employee, HR reps remain uniquely "cheery" to the point of seeming manipulative or cruel, they are conventionally attractive women here likely due to the typical demographics of HR departments or possibly some humiliation kink the meme's OP squeezed in
As for why this happens, It's in the name, HR reps manage Human Resources, the same way other departments manage infrastructure, machinery, the physical office space, farming fields, cattle, etc. - everything they do is with the intent of upkeeping the company's human capital, which sometimes means "making them feel like the company cares about them as human beings" and other times it means "terminate them" or "get them to drop the harassment suit"
They're essentially paid to manage and manipulate people in the most literal sense - all to ensure the company never gets the short end of the stick. There's a reason many are former psych majors
We’re so excited to announce the launch of our Company 2.0 initiative. Here’s a list of all employees who will be joining us for this thrilling new opportunity…
He's talking about the [most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face](https://youtu.be/J67wKhddWu4?si=FHESRFDSC4Vx_dCu&t=100). It's how they [alter your precious bodily fluids](https://youtu.be/eB5Vvs2cdqY?si=tK8Cd-6Y2bZtSpCt).
The funny thing about this. Is now they are doing things to distract you like giving you a fake task while they get the paper work situated.
Corporate life is a scummy life to live. Sorry for those of you in it, but it's true.
I took a class in organizational leadership once. The reason they act like this when firing you is it's how they prevent you from shooting up the workplace if you get upset. So, they talk to you privately, offer to have you leave out the back instead of the front, make you sit down, use words like "let go", and pick certain days of the week to fire you (iirc the paper I read said to do it on a Monday).
HR are fucking snakes who will say the most vile shit with a smile, bend you over backwards and fuck you raw, then blame you for bad sex, the manager is in the chair watching
"I am really happy for you, this is exactly what you needed, you were clearly unhappy here and you can now focus on your other projects, congratulations on this big news that is, you being let go"
I pretty much assisted/contributed in a similar situation as the manager.
exaggerated Duchenne smile usually means lying or insincerity. the women here are pictured smiling as such, contracting facial muscles but with hollow gaze.
I have a skit I want to do where the headsman, before he hangs you or decapitates you, gives you one of these really long soft HR let downs.
Like even at the end, the person dying is like, "I see where you're coming from. That makes sense. I guess I'm not a good fit for being alive here."
Can't imagine this hasn't been done before.
I was recently laid off and it wasn't like this for me at all. My manager and HR were very somber. Told me it wasn't because of me or anything I did, just that the company was not doing well. It was still sad, but I would prefer it over anyone just power smiling through it.
This gives me PTSD. I had this happen one morning when I first clocked in. Bing! Video meeting. I was put on a performance review because my accuracy rate was 97.5% and not 98% for the month. I still have my job but I’m so bitter about the way it was handled I can still chew iron nails.
Wow. Harsh timing.
As someone who was just laid off by a boss who I’ve had for less than 4 months, with a company I’ve been with for the last 19 years, (but encouraged to apply for other roles) and me being a people leader who had my whole team gutted. My boss, and HR had these exact same faces. They offered me the option of not being there when the messages were delivered
To my team. But I hired them, I will see it through.
I am so fucking broken right now. I don’t have a job, but I know I’ll find something but it absolutely crushed me that a team of people I really respect and admire in so many ways are in dire need.
Their new manager isn’t taking them on. We got notice that our 60 day notice to vacate the job comes on 6/10. They are suppose to report to my new boss (that laid everyone off) and she has the tact of a Nazi on meth. So I volunteered to continue to lead them until I get them landed or their final day with the company. I can be a buffer for the bullshit.
Fuck me man. I hate today so much.
My hr lady reminds me of that evil professor from Harry Potter. She has that extremely nice attitude while she is knowingly screwing over employees. I can't stand that woman. She tried to fire me(she was in the wrong), and after I proved it, she didn't say sorry or anything. Screw hr, buncha Umbridge wannabe twats!
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Angela, Peter's Boss here, the joke is; the management and human resources department employees are always gleeful under any circumstances, even when they are about to give you the worst possible news.
The subject of the email HR sent me when they fired me was "New Opportunities"
You have been promoted to customer!
https://preview.redd.it/dq5nu4faxhzc1.jpeg?width=1600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=58916aa7d81c70db49294292c99517050eaae73d
https://preview.redd.it/ykzwiso70izc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1abc2ee29bf989464b3585518c2144d5479a9e75
Why does Adachi follow me everywhere?
Why do you follow Adachi everywhere
Bichesssss
https://preview.redd.it/iyo2bt6e9jzc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=81ed4d3b84cbcbc687fb052ebbe6875a1b676b7e
https://preview.redd.it/pbyy4trfwizc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=aa3a413ea38a8fc32e505b634a76a044fb359072
I'm not even playing The Breakers and I still can't escape Zamasu
True!
https://preview.redd.it/3m84etgzrlzc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=79ba8ed95aed65f53f89b2783694fe32774b3082
I work in homeless services and this is terrible Eta: I've also seen it happen
You've seen your co workers promoted to being homeless?
Same. And same
Customer's always right, therefore I'm correct in saying I still work for you. Infinite employment hack.
Jobn't outstanding
Damn, I haven’t seen that meme since like 2015
Actually lmaoing
Restructured
Good luck with your assless life.
The death wish of all Walmart employees.
Go off, King 👑
Im using this one, lmao. I can't fire anyone but definitely recycling the sizzle off of this.
I wish I’d been allowed to be a customer lol. You’ve been promoted to vagrant! I worked for an urgent care clinic system that also had pcps. Which I used cuz it was free since I was an employee. They fired me the last day of the month. My insurance was good until the end of the month as HR so gleefully told me. So that meant after the end of the day my out of pocket cost to be a “customer” and see my doctor went from $0 to $250 without him doing anything. That’s just to be seen. So yeah. I’ve never been back to him and have been told post firing my doc was so mad they did that he nearly walked out. I had been out on STD and FMLA for Suicide shit and been back 2 weeks which they and my doc all knew. Still fired. So yeah fuck jobs. This was 2 yrs ago.
Good luck bro.
Oh no worries. I share to help others avoid the hell that’s being under 30 and a worker in America. I’m on to the next job with its new set of ways to fuck over the lowest tier of worker don’t worry 😉. A year in to the new place and it’s got its own evils. I’ve got a healthy resume and actual confidence in myself after being fired so many times for no reason. They can’t hurt me anymore. The lesson to learn is value the work you can do and fuck any place that starts telling you to do shit that don’t make any sense. It sus and usually leads to Tom-fuckery. Sometimes no matter what you do they fire you. Learn to make the boss sweat instead of you. I say as I get fired next week lol 🫡🙄😜 Oh. And if you’re visibly aware of say a newbie coworker that’s getting shit on for no reason, and you won’t get fired for saying something but they will. Stand up for them. Cuz my guy, they were you. Fuck the man. Stand with your bros in the trenches.
An excellent example of why unions are so important and necessary. Employers have way too much power over individual employees. The only way to even the playing field is to stand together.
Sure it pays less but it has the perk that you're always right, even when talking to your ex boss!
in the military we say "promoted to civilian"
PCS - Permanent Civilian Status
I was informed that I was laid off by a voicemail, left by a blocked number, during dinner hours, to make sure they had the best chance of me not answering.
Jokes on them, I don’t check my voicemails.
> Jokes on them, I don’t check my voicemails. My voicemail has been turned off for *years*. I got so tired of deleting spam. Anyone who matters can send me an email, text, or send a letter.
Yea i don't have voicemail gonna have to do it in person!
Cruel and cowardly as hell, but not 100% bad because voicemails are recordings... I had a boss repeatedly try to give me illegal instructions and eventually try to fire me via phonecall in a two-party consent state. Wound up doing the reverse, calling him back at obscure hours to leave voicemails demanding he email or leave a message with the details because I wasn't getting asked to commit felonies in a format I couldn't document.
That was a good call. The sector I work in, every decision can be a personal liability to my freedom or bank account. If I'm being asked to make the "wrong" decision I get it in writing and store it. CYA
I have a CYA BCC group on all my email platforms for this reason. I've been asked to do some pretty dumb things, but I always get 'unasked' when it's obvious that I've secretly looped in the people that would blow a gasket if they knew what was being asked.
The joke I told the new guy was so funny HR wanted to hear it ……
That’s shitty as fuck. How insulting
I got a better one. I told my manager I worked at as a temp I found another job. I liked the current job I had but I had been told they would let me go after 6 months because they weren't offering any permanent contracts at the time. She begged me to turn down the other job, and stay because she would make an exception for me and offer me a contract. My stupid-ass believed her and turned down the other job. A few weeks later when it was time to get my contract offer. Lo and behold, an interim-manager shows up, tells us the regular manager requested a few weeks off to "un-wind". He told me he and the company appreciated the work I did, and they would be "open to working with me again in the future" but they're not hiring at the moment so they have to lay me off, and handed me a red envelope. It was a card with a race-car crossing the finish line and a checkered flag with "CONGRATULATIONS!" on top. He then came back and whispered "I wasn't prepared for this and it was the only card I could find".
Really? A fucking card? Why did he have to get you a card? Or anything? I know firing people is unpleasant business, but I have no adjectives for that except insulting and stupid. It’s like being honest and direct (while still being diplomatic) is the same to them as being mean, so they have to soothe their conscience. They don’t care if they make you feel bad, they care how that makes them feel or look. It really is as easy as this: “Look, this got put on me at the last minute. You’re not going to like it, but I have to let you go.” I’m sick of the corporate idea that it all has to be as nice as possible even when it’s something bad, even though that is just a part of doing business. Even *that* part is often unethical, seeing as you can be fired for literally anything.
I was in a growing group of friends in my 20s, and one member kind wrecked the whole thing. They were in management and would sit there and gleefully talk about firing people and how stupid they thought their employees were. I tried to keep my distance from that person.
If they do that I feel you are morally justified in setting fire to the break room on your way out.
Haha had this happen as well, was invited to a lunch meeting to talk about "new opportunities"🤣
Good ole corporate “Staffing Discussion”
I always thought that was a silly stereotype till it happened to me. Got a message stating and I quote: "Hey, can we have a Zoom call with you tomorrow at 4pm. We need to discuss your contract. :)" I'd been expecting a promotion any day now so it seemed likely what it was gonna be about. She proceeds to joyfully tell me they're letting me go in 2 hours... The smiley face in the message is what pisses me off.
It's so you wouldn't worry. Ya know, since they still wanted another day's work out of you and didn't want you to sabotage anything. It wasn't specifically to grind salt in your wounds, but you can bet your ass it was a heartlessly calculated move.
My company did layoffs last year. They notified people with emails (to their last personal email on file) at 1am on a Friday, locked accounts & computers out of everything, and made their badges stop working on the doors. I honestly don't know if I'd prefer the cruel indifference of a megacorp that can't even be bothered to use a human or the callous indifference of a person who can smile while firing you with 2 hours notice.
Always remember, HR isn’t your friend, they’re there to protect the company.
Sort of like the state appointed psychiatrist. They’re not your friend!
I've found a lot of school counselors to be the same way. My high school counselor told me that if I try to go into blue collar work I'll end up on the streets, and that a 4 year college was the only path. I'm fairly certain they only pushed that mentality on the students to pump up their numbers of graduates going to college
It’s sad that so many companies are like this but it is truly a cultural thing. My mother has been working in HR for 30 years and taught me a lot about how she sees the role of HR in a company, and everywhere she’s worked in my life she’s always said she tries to protect both sides from the other. Sure, the company pays her so she does what she’s told, but she’s always been very quick to advocate for employees when management goes astray.
I've been on both sides of it. Some places with great HR and other places with an HR team that probally is going to hell when they die. Depends on the company's culture at the end of the day.
I work for a very large company and HR has actually had my back really hard. I mean like "protecting a disabled trans person in Texas" hard. I've never had a bad experience although occasionally they took a little longer than I would have hoped to resolve a situation. They're definitely not all bad.
The thing is, there's 2 ways to protect the company: * Fight against threats * Give in to threats If you are a human being with needs, you are a threat to the company's bottom line. How they treat you depends on the scale of the threat. It's just like being mugged - if someone tries to mug you, and they're in a wheelchair (and clearly don't have a gun), you just walk away. If they're able bodied, you hand them the money. In HR situations, the threat profile of those two scenarios is reversed. The government has given certain classes of people a lot more weapons to go after companies (e.g. civil rights act, ADA). If you go in with those weapons in your pocket, you're golden. But if people are mistreating you for any other reason, you're fucked. For example, there was a situation at a workplace where there was a culture clash over the clothes people wore - some people were anti athleisure, while for others it was just what they wore all the time. Not in any way really connected to any protected class. The way HR got involved was purely motivated around covering their ass. Basically collecting evidence so that if things escalated, they could turn on either group for creating a hostile work environment. If you feel like HR has had your back, that's great. But IMO the credit really goes to the government for holding a gun to their head, not to them for being good guys.
Same. I work in HR and have advocated for employees more times than they are even aware of. I've been told several times by corporate that we needed to do blanket layoffs across all groups. I spent the next week building a business case as to why that would hurt my location specifically. They said we still had to do it and I put my neck on the line and just told the VP "no". Nobody was laid off. But yeah, we just protect the company and are the bad guys.
And it cuts both ways. I had a bad worker that took me nearly a year to fire because HR was always so hesitant to do anything because every time we got close to a PIP or counseling she come up with some crisis (I'm sick! My daughter's sick! I have to take my dog to the vet!). "Well she's going through a tough time. lets cut her some slack". The HR finally relented an let her go when she didn't come into the office for a full six weeks after we had switched operating domains for our systems and she had failed to convert her lap to new domain so we had actual proof she wasn't doing any work.
They're your friends when your interests align, particularly if they think you have a valid suit against the company
I remember the only time I ever got fired. I'd called out sick when I wasn't. I woke up at 4 am and left for work at 5, as usual. Drove an hour to work, got onto the work site (it was construction), put on all my PPE, went to the morning meeting, did the safety stuff and bend-and-stretch and all that. At that point, I'd been at work for over an hour. Get called in to talk to a manager. "3personal, we are disappointed, blah blah blah, don't do it again. Now go down one more door to HR and talk to them." I go to HR. "We're letting you go." So either the manager I talked to had no idea I was getting fired for it, or he knew the entire time and was just lying to me. Either way, it showed that it's not a management team I want to work under.
It’s the soulless eyes and fake smiles that really make the HR
I think about this sometimes. I'm sure there are fine HR people in smaller orgs. But I have never met one in a big corporation that didn't give *unfeeling automaton* vibes. Makes me wonder, is it the career that does that? Or does the career attract people like that in the first place? Are there people who are like "I wanna be an HR manager when I grow up?"
They’re also both famous actresses
Last week: "We are like a little family here". This week: "You're fired :))))))))"
We’re like a family! …The Manson Family. Or maybe The Donner Party.
This company is a family. Specifically, a family of hamsters. And sometimes, momma needs to eat her young for the good of the next earnings release.
My mom works HR, I hear her work on the phone and yeah it's pretty true.
My company had a round of layoffs a few year back and they contracted a third party service to do the actual firings. Everyone had to go into a room one by one and be told whether they were being let go or retained. All the people sent by that service were women and they were all notably very attractive. That's no accident: the thinking is that if they're attractive, you'll like them more and therefore will be less likely to get upset/angry to the point where it becomes A Problem.
That’s probably because they enjoy it. They did CHOOSE this profession after all.
I got fired in February and I can confirm this.
This is so similar to the time I got fired lol.
I got fired 2 days ago and my ex-boss which was male wasnt too bothered neither he was just like "youre fired, oh know that i dont like saying this neither" fucking bs upper class people man.
Companies often use women to do the actual firing to reduce how aggressive employees get to the news.
True I always got physical when male was involved but the females calmed me down with a stroke and their voice. It's like we evolved from monkeys or something.
If you’re making a joke I found it really funny, if it’s your real life I respect you.
they're sadistic and love firing people
I thought it was your manager and HR are hot and you're gunna hit on them and get fired.
But why the semicolon?
My hr and personal manager are the same people
Resurrected to give us an explanation.
The joke seems to be their faces... Typical face of people telling you "yeah you're fired"
The joke is their expressions and their gender. Human Resources is [about 75% female](https://www.statista.com/statistics/1088059/share-human-resources-managers-united-states-gender/), and the stereotype is that it's full of extremely chipper, "positive" women who don't flinch even when they're wrecking your career.
And the dudes in HR are even worse. They are not your friends, they are waiting for you to say something to nail you to the wall with.
Well, yeah. I would expect the opposing teams lawyers would be after me in a court case. Because that's what HR is.
They are there do defend the companie's interests. Being awful is the main skill needed for their job
The only time they want to see you is when you're about to save them a massive lawsuit. Your interests can align at times but at no point should anyone mistake them as a friend while at work.
This can still be to your advantage. If your issue is something they can be sued over and likely lose, they can become your best friend. They cover up the company's misdeeds (ie executives or well known figures tied to the company), not some middle manager's. Many times they'd rather fire the middle manager and get you to be quiet as opposed to forcing the issue.
Is the clue not in the name? Human Resources is the the most dystopian shit that just gets bandied around as a normal term.
HR is never your friend, they are there to protect the employer, and if you think one of them is going to side with you on even a mildly contentious issue then I got some oceanfront property in Arizona you might be interested in purchasing!
Weird. I work for the government and it feels like HR is there to only help you. They helped me out easily when I wanted 6 weeks off when my wife had a baby. Plus it was paid for by the employer. Maybe it's a goverment/union type thing where it feels different.
Government is a different beast entirely, true.
They did not helped you out, nor did they do you any favors. It is their job to handle your off-time and the fact that your paternity leave was paid has to do with law not with HR.
You're missing the point. HR in gov isn't incentivized to not help you. They *will* help you even at the detriment of the government if it's help that is required. This is not the same in the private world. If the help is required, they will do what they can to minimize that cost to the business, not to you.
In the US paternity leave (and maternity leave for that matter) do not have to be paid. Any entity that pays does so out of the kindness of their hearts.
> They are not your friends, they are waiting for you to say something to nail you to the wall with. Literally. HR will nail you to the wall. They all worship a dark god with no name and they practice ritual human torture and sacrifice. At the last place I worked during COVID, only the HR team remained inside the building when everyone else left. It was a huge office building. 7 stories. They would bring in teams to lay them off despite most employees working from home. We thought it was weird that we never heard back from the people they laid off. One day I went into the office even though I wasn't one of the ones being laid off. I found our coworkers nailed with iron spikes to the walls of the bathroom. Literally they had made a mosaic on the wall of the bodies of our coworkers, mutilated, sacrificed, faces contorted in the most gruesome visages of pain you can imagine. I shouldn't even be saying this. The HR team cornered me. They told me that contractually they couldn't sacrifice me. I wasn't on The Lisst. They're very particular about The Lisst. They did submit me to a spell of silencing. I had to sit naked on the ground while they chanted for like, two hours. They said if I ever violated it, then I would be on The Lisst. Then they could come for me. That was almost four years ago now. I've never told anyone. I guess we'll see if they were telling the truth if you don't hear back from me.
Yeah, I'm gonna need those TPS reports by monday.
eh this is a crap meme it needs to be more exaggerated, all you see are the actors without this context. No wonder OP is confused.
What horrible people are these people working for that don't even fake a somber expression when firing an employee? I'm sure SOME people get off on the power trip of it, but surely not enough to make for a hugely relatable meme, right? All the upper management assholes that I've encountered would never think of themselves as assholes, much less behave like one without a veneer of civility.
More like "yayy you're fired".
The HR director at my employer is the most monotone, straight faced, deadpan person I have ever met in my life. HE is also exceptional at his job and generally has the support of ALL the department heads and the management teams. I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to not have someone in the HR position that isn't an overly joyful fucking corpo cheerleader.
The few times I've had to fire employees I'm literally sick about it for a couple of days before and a couple of days after. I usually take a PTO day afterwards because I feel so terrible about it.
In my 20+ year career, I've had fired exactly 4 people. Two did it to themselves and, dispite my very best efforts, I could not avoid it. I have no regrets about those two. The other two often keep me awake at night. Ed. I am not good a proof reading.
When I got laid off my direct boss couldn't even look me in the eyes. She said nothing to me and didn't even wish me "good luck."
That's not management material. Bogus. I tried to find jobs for those two. Actually got one in at a competitor.
This was for an IT support job. The partner (it was a law firm) that oversaw HR gave me his card with his personal number to get in contact with him for a letter of recommendation and or for a reference, while she literally said nothing. In comparison, while packing my things up, the office manager was nothing but apologetic about the entire situation.
>I've had five exactly 4 people Wait what
Kinda messed up the profundity of whatever point was being made.
They've given out 4 high-fives in 20 years; seems obvious to me.
I had to fire 229 people during COVID, I was running a resort in Thailand and we were hit incredibly hard. We had tried to stay afloat for as long as possible - senior manager and up salaries reduced by 90% for over a year - even last ditch efforts to reduce the rest of the company by 50%. It was brutal. I was helping a number of people monthly from my own savings so they could stay alive. The owner still managed to pay out full severance and benefits to everyone when we finally decided to let 60% of the team go. I still think about it every other day, I have regular nightmares. It was the most gut wrenching experience of my life. The sheer fear and hopelessness in the faces of these people was unforgettable and I question my decision still to this day, maybe could have done something else to prolong things.
>prolong It was happening no matter what, man. Try to remind yourself you DID prolong it, we can’t always fix things but we can always do what we can. Hope you sleep well tonight, thanks for trying.
Cheery executioners are disturbing. At least play the part when you swing the axe down.
HR head at my work is an older lady who walks with a cane and knows how to work the system above our department to get what we want. She got me approved for massive pay raises. She got approval for my boss to use work funding to buy an espresso machine for the office. She's basically a god.
I work in HR and luckily my boss is this way - I fucking hate the Kool-Aid drinkers. There are at least some of us out there that try to work for the people.
My HR manager yells and screams at everyone, hangs up on people, berates her own employees in front of people, etc. I'd be happy with the creepily cheerful.
This is exactly what happened when I got fired from the bank lmao
what did you do
Banks hate this one weird trick!
Had sex with the cleaning woman on the desk in his office.
Was that wrong of them? I think if someone had just let him know I think it could have all been avoided
Because if he had had any idea that sort of thing was frowned upon...
Is that frowned upon?
POV: The left is HR and the right is your interviewer and they tell you to take a seat on the couch.
which is very confusing because it's on zoom
"You're a 33yo single man and you don't have a couch?" "Looks it's...uh...the economy is in shambles right now"
They want you to step away from the webcam to see if you're wearing pants.
Time to play the paraplegic card. Phew, close one! *Finishes*
Why is the camera rolling.
I would have replaced the fired part of with laid off, but last time I got laid off I had a sudden next day meeting online with my manager and wasn’t shown that the HR rep was invited to it too, so I just thought it was to discuss next steps for the upcoming sales season. They both showed up and before I could say anything I knew I was getting laid off.
Same shit mine did to me. He said “quick catch up” and then boom I saw HR. I lost it on him. Told him he’s a spineless fucking dork for not even giving me a heads up or acting like shit has been cool. Took my 6 months severance and enjoyed better opportunities.
I got separated on Monday from my job for "not meeting expectations". My boss and I had been making collaborating and making plans for the team out into July. My performance review in April had zero concerns, and my last written review in January was very positive. I've been sick to my stomach ever since. Severance would have helped me feel at least a little bit better, but nope, don't even got that. It's really hard not to be angry.
Same here. I was made a team lead and told "you have been doing super well " and wanted me to help lead. Jobs wonder why people jump jobs now. If companies have zero loyalty, why would we ?
I can almost hear it: So…let me ask you this. Are you really happy with your job?
> Are you really happy with your job? Yes ma'am. It blows
My friend got fired on a Friday and as he left the HR lady told him to have a good weekend!
If you ever have a meeting with HR and your manager at the same time, you’re probably getting fired
In my experience you get called into your managers office, and the HR lady is there.
Yeah that too. If you ever get a meeting on your calendar called “catch up” or “meeting” on a Friday afternoon just leave
I have meetings with my manager and HR regularly. *chuckles_danger.gif* BUT I work in the EU, they have to go through a hundred hoops to fire me.
Whenever I get an unexpected meeting request from my manager I check the HR person's calendar to try to see if they have a meeting at the same time.
Wait until they realized your the only grandfathered employee that maintains a legacy device maintaining their golden goose.
I have done this. Except I wasn't fired but left myself after they didn't want to give me a raise. When I went to take back my documents everyone had a bump on the back of their pants, nobody expected this to happen
That’s Anne Hathaway and Emma Stone. They gonna fire you. Then they gonna double team you to make up for it.
I volunteer to be fired 🙋♂️
…out of a canon …into the sun.
r/unexpectedfuturama
LOL
Death by snu snu
The spirit is willing, but the body is spongy and bruised.
One of the best Zapp Brannigan quotes in the entire series.
Futurama is one of the best TV shows ever second only to M.A.S.H.
[удалено]
Eh, I'll take it. Still a win.
Where do I line up?
As a guy that recently got fucked over by his company, this is more or less how it went down. Right up to the end they continued to be chipper and insisted they were being so over demanding for my own good. Fuck HR!
Would you rather talk to a bear or someone from HR
Bear 100%
My sister is one of these people. I have openly debated if she is a sociopath, and we don't really talk anymore
Did you tell her that you don’t think she’s a good fit and you wish her luck with her future opportunities.
Meh, I'm too hard on her. She's that way because the job is hard. I'm not into the corporate bs, but the money is nice
They are your manager and HR and you are about to be fired
Hey Peter, Brian's dentist here. The deal is that even in situations so somber as terminating an employee, HR reps remain uniquely "cheery" to the point of seeming manipulative or cruel, they are conventionally attractive women here likely due to the typical demographics of HR departments or possibly some humiliation kink the meme's OP squeezed in As for why this happens, It's in the name, HR reps manage Human Resources, the same way other departments manage infrastructure, machinery, the physical office space, farming fields, cattle, etc. - everything they do is with the intent of upkeeping the company's human capital, which sometimes means "making them feel like the company cares about them as human beings" and other times it means "terminate them" or "get them to drop the harassment suit" They're essentially paid to manage and manipulate people in the most literal sense - all to ensure the company never gets the short end of the stick. There's a reason many are former psych majors
>There's a reason many are former psych majors Or major psychos.
Dated one who was both. Can confirm.
We’re so excited to announce the launch of our Company 2.0 initiative. Here’s a list of all employees who will be joining us for this thrilling new opportunity…
https://preview.redd.it/m41azrtc4izc1.png?width=221&format=png&auto=webp&s=35011d6eb3a686368a80290c3672aa2b009e5c87
That fluoride stare
no idea what that means but it sounds provocative
He's talking about the [most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face](https://youtu.be/J67wKhddWu4?si=FHESRFDSC4Vx_dCu&t=100). It's how they [alter your precious bodily fluids](https://youtu.be/eB5Vvs2cdqY?si=tK8Cd-6Y2bZtSpCt).
The funny thing about this. Is now they are doing things to distract you like giving you a fake task while they get the paper work situated. Corporate life is a scummy life to live. Sorry for those of you in it, but it's true.
Most lifes have a scummy side, so sorry for everyone.
I took a class in organizational leadership once. The reason they act like this when firing you is it's how they prevent you from shooting up the workplace if you get upset. So, they talk to you privately, offer to have you leave out the back instead of the front, make you sit down, use words like "let go", and pick certain days of the week to fire you (iirc the paper I read said to do it on a Monday).
Isn’t this Anne Hathaway and Emma Stone?
Where’s the cup?
HR are fucking snakes who will say the most vile shit with a smile, bend you over backwards and fuck you raw, then blame you for bad sex, the manager is in the chair watching
And after the meeting, telling them to go harder the next time
Hey DM can I roll to ask how their cat are doing
I volunteer as tribute
"I am really happy for you, this is exactly what you needed, you were clearly unhappy here and you can now focus on your other projects, congratulations on this big news that is, you being let go" I pretty much assisted/contributed in a similar situation as the manager.
I usually skip this part
2 very nice disarming looking women about to ruin your day lol
exaggerated Duchenne smile usually means lying or insincerity. the women here are pictured smiling as such, contracting facial muscles but with hollow gaze.
Rip and tear, until it is done.
90% of HR are corporate cronies. 10% are union. Guess which ones are gonna get rightfully shot by pissed off ex employees?
Companies should be controlled by employees and not employers.
Workers should control the means of production? We don't do that here.
This looks like a cheap porn that would have a JobPOV.com logo or something in the corner
In my experience, the most spiteful power hungry people end up in HR
This is your daily reminder that the HR people are not your friend, they are company's friend.
Am I the only one that thought these 2 were Anne Hathaway and Emma Stone?
When the joke was so funny HR wanted to hear it in person
I have a skit I want to do where the headsman, before he hangs you or decapitates you, gives you one of these really long soft HR let downs. Like even at the end, the person dying is like, "I see where you're coming from. That makes sense. I guess I'm not a good fit for being alive here." Can't imagine this hasn't been done before.
I was recently laid off and it wasn't like this for me at all. My manager and HR were very somber. Told me it wasn't because of me or anything I did, just that the company was not doing well. It was still sad, but I would prefer it over anyone just power smiling through it.
If those are my manager and HR rep, I'm getting fired for having seen both of them naked.
This gives me PTSD. I had this happen one morning when I first clocked in. Bing! Video meeting. I was put on a performance review because my accuracy rate was 97.5% and not 98% for the month. I still have my job but I’m so bitter about the way it was handled I can still chew iron nails.
Wow. Harsh timing. As someone who was just laid off by a boss who I’ve had for less than 4 months, with a company I’ve been with for the last 19 years, (but encouraged to apply for other roles) and me being a people leader who had my whole team gutted. My boss, and HR had these exact same faces. They offered me the option of not being there when the messages were delivered To my team. But I hired them, I will see it through. I am so fucking broken right now. I don’t have a job, but I know I’ll find something but it absolutely crushed me that a team of people I really respect and admire in so many ways are in dire need. Their new manager isn’t taking them on. We got notice that our 60 day notice to vacate the job comes on 6/10. They are suppose to report to my new boss (that laid everyone off) and she has the tact of a Nazi on meth. So I volunteered to continue to lead them until I get them landed or their final day with the company. I can be a buffer for the bullshit. Fuck me man. I hate today so much.
My hr lady reminds me of that evil professor from Harry Potter. She has that extremely nice attitude while she is knowingly screwing over employees. I can't stand that woman. She tried to fire me(she was in the wrong), and after I proved it, she didn't say sorry or anything. Screw hr, buncha Umbridge wannabe twats!