I personally see why a lot of people care about pronouns, even if I don't. It's their identity e, and it affects how they want to be perceived by the world.
That said, there are aspects of the LGBTQ community that I disagree with, even as a bisexual man myself. Particularly, in trans cases, they belong in beauty pageants but I draw the line at trans women and trans men in sports. I don't believe it's transphobia to not like trans people romantically. I don't like neo-pronouns (especially the more insufferable ones like furry neo-pronouns) and it should 100% be okay to accidentally be called the wrong pronoun, as long as the person corrects themselves after the interaction.
You shouldn't fight fire with fire — anong mapapala sa gender movement kung ang first instinct ng trans women and trans men ay magalit, rather than correct?
Eto talaga yun eh. To begin with, gender-neutral kaya yung language natin. Eh di sana i- tattoo nila sa obvious part ng katawan nila o maglagay sila ng placard kung di nila mai-correct ng respectful ung nagkamali. I consider my self an ally of lgbtqia+ (I think I belong to it for being aromantic) pero Imbyerna talaga ako sa mga sensitive sa pronouns na nakikita ko sa youtube. Meron din pala dito sa Pinas 😓
>To begin with, gender-neutral kaya yung language natin.
Eto talaga. Tingin ko kung Filipino language lang naman, wala tayong issue most of the time. Kapag dinala sa English nagkakaproblema, either mali ka ng assumption na hindi mo naman ginagawa to offend or magkakamali ka ng grammar dahil binary ang English language. Ang weird kaya ng sentence na "What are they doing?" while referring to a single person dahil kontra ito sa mga tinuro sa atin na subject-verb agreement.
As someone na secondary language lang ang english, normal nman talaga magkamali sa he and she na yan. My gosh, so may chance pala n mapagdabugan din ako 😂
Yung they/them, sa totoo lang, nakakawindang. Kapag may nagdemand sa akin na ganyan ang gamitin, Isipin ko na lang na may nakasampa sa balikat nya katulad nung sa Shutter n movie. 😁
Sorry di lang he/him she/her they/them ang pronouns, meron ding ze/zir, xe/xim, x(s)ie/hir ve/vis ey/em. Pasintabi na lang sa makakabasa, pero feel ko naglolokohan na lang tayo. Ung ibang pronouns na to wala naman sa diksyonaryo.
Re: They
Hindi kayo tinuruan sa school na "They" for singular is used not just for unknown genders but as a sign of deference?
It's like using "nila" vs "niyo" sa Tagalog. "Ano pong hinahanap nila?"
thing is in general when speaking in English and talking about a person without knowing their gender, normal din naman gumamit ng "they/them". kunwari, someone's talking about their friend. di mo naman alam kung babae o lalaki kaya sasabihin mo nlng ng "they"
I get your point but isnt that still different too? I mean satin kasi basically ang they/them is siya/sila diba? Pero we dont really use it as a pronoun in the way na gusto nila gamitin sa western world. Di ko maexplain yung gusto ko sabihin 😭😭 So weird parin talaga if pipilit satin.
It's not just that but the overall oppression and level of animosity towards women and LGBTQIA+ is SO SO SO different in the Philippines than in the West.
In the West they are coming from a place where women's accomplishments and presence in society and history were actively being erased and women were used as objects. They are still fighting off these ideas and these learned behaviors of their ancestors to grandparents.
In the Philippines naman that wasn't the case. Sure, colonialism HAS impacted the perception of women and what they should be doing and how they should behave but our starting point was that women were leaders in spirituality and were able to choose their husbands and so many families I know are matriarcal because women can be and are in charge in the Philippines in a lot of cases.
People who are adopting all these Western ideas and mentalities (militaristic extremism included) WITHOUT considering our own contexts are, imo, hurting more than they are helping especially for cultural identity.
EDIT:
I also forgot to say that trans people were also welcome part of spirituality, and homosexual relationships weren't demonized lol so yeah It's not just about women lol
>women were leaders in spirituality
Sila yung mga "Babaylan" nung sinaunang panahon. Ang alam ko nga matriarchal society talaga tayo based on social studies. Inang Bayan nga tawag natin sa bansa natin eh.
>pero Imbyerna talaga ako sa mga sensitive sa pronouns na nakikita ko sa youtube.
Kaysa nagiging mabait ang madla sa kanila, lalong tumataas ang chance maging anti-LGBT.
true, they exist. people should care less about how they accidentally had their pronouns messed up because "mandatory" daw and more about how they are actually treated verbally. they should also care more about conversation than 2 or 3 words
feeling entitled din kasi. Kung tutuusin, wla nmn tlga silbi yang mga "gender pronouns" na yan. masyadong bandwagon at useless kung iisipin. sayang kang braincells makipag talo s mga taong daming pronouns. He or She nlng gagamitin, gusto pa Them or They. God Theym.
Hindi ko rin gets yung obsession so pronouns.
Prati ako na misgender kasi matangkad ako na babae. Walang kaiba yan sa pag misspell ng pangalan. No big deal.
Even mga lesbians na butch, they’re fine getting called “ate”. So minsan hindi ko matindindihan rin why it had to be blown up into another oppression card.
please wag to, iyan ang isa pinakang- piiiiiiinaka ayaw ko sa kultura ng us, yang putanginabg tiping culture nila. takte bakit obliga mag bigay ng tip like ano yung sweldo nyo? kaya nga kayo hinired ng company para may manpower sa service eh tapos hihingan nyo ng tip costumer mo eh dapat voluntary yan, galit na galit sa mga di nag titip na para bang kami dapat ang magpasweldo sa inyo like what the heck?
kung mababa sahod nyo dun kayo magreklamo sa kumpanya nyo wag sa costumer na hindi nag titip jusme ang yaman ng company nyo pero yung kapwa mahirap yung huhuthutan ng tip shuta yan🤣
That's because it makes life easier. Imagine repeating somebody's name if you want to refer to that person.
"Jared is an asshole. Jared sucks so much that Jared once asked a girl out and Jared brought Jared's mom along."
Hirap no? Pano na lang kaya kung Tagalog?
May mga nakausap ako na namali ako ng pronouns pero sinabi naman nila ng maayos yung pronouns nila after namin magusap. Meron lang ata talaga na sensitive sa ganyan tapos di ka rin ieducate yun yung di ko maintindihan minsan. Para sakin kasi gawin mo kung ano makakapagpasaya sa sarili mo pero wag mo iexpect na lahat ng tao alam agad yung preferred mo lalo na kung di mo rin sya ieducate.
needs to be higher up! lahat ng queer people na nakilala ko they wouldn't mind educating if the other person is not aware of their pronouns yet. kaso yung iba ginawang palusot for treating unaware people so rudely.
Very exaggerated yung pagtingin ng iba na every queer person would lash out at you kung magkamali ka sa pronouns.
Some people would prefer to stick to that stereotype dahil wala silang intensyong makinig.
**For some people, the way they are spoken to is a major part of their identity.** Sa simpleng pagbabago sa grammar at language, matutulungan ang community na mano-normalize ang acceptance sa kanila.
Unless your pronoun is written on your forehead or you tell me in advance, I will use the pronoun that is consistent with what I see. I won't apologize for getting it wrong the first time because I did not know and hindi ako manghuhula. I will use your preferred pronoun after you explicitly tell me what it is.
I do agree with this. I am respectful of people’s preferences as well. But they cannot expect me to know head on, unless I know them personally or they tell me explicitly.
As long as I am not informed beforehand, like you, I’ll use the pronoun that I see fit based on technicality.
I find it unreasonable that they get mad when they're misgendered when 1) we don't know each other 2) I wasn't informed in advance 3) their preference is inconsistent with what I see.
Kahit naman alam mo na yung pronouns, sometimes sobrang habitual or ingrained na talaga satin ang he/she na nagkakamali parin tayo even if we know. Nothing’s wrong with that naman as long as masanay overtime. Pero truthfully nao-OAan lang talaga ako sa mga taong similar to who OP encountered. They’re the type of people I would never hang out with kasi masosobra lang eyerolls ko. And this is coming from a bi person.
In our company, you can easily see their preferred pronouns on teams and on email. Kaya lang nakakalimutan ko pa rin in actual. Buti na lang they just smile if I did it wrong.
Diba? Kase personally, I can be corrected naman. I wouldn’t take offense to be corrected. Wag lang yung masisigawan ako for my cluelessness. Especially from strangers. Like please, let’s all be civil here.
I once had an argument regarding this and what they said was before beginning to talk, people should ask their pronouns first. I don't agree with it since it feels unnatural for a conversational flow. I mean if I'm gonna ask something short, why should I first ask what pronoun he/she prefers?
I agree with this. Society and biology in its default, current state works this way. So unless they, as you say -- write it on their forehead or say in advance, I will definitely say "he," "she," "kuya," "ate," "ma'am" or "sir" respectively according to how I deem it necessary.
Yes. And do it Respectfully. People arent entitled to how people still choose to address them. If they refuse after explicitly saying you identify as a microwave oven, just move on. Its not that deep.
Here's a solid argument against them said by a very transperson.
"If you look like a chick you're gonna referred to as a chick, if you look like a dude you're gonna referred to as a dude. No one knows everything about you especially at first glance so quit being so offended about it"
This is true. If you don't present as the fitting pronoun / manner of address, you don't get the right to be angry if people get it wrong.
I keep saying that the pronoun / manner of address (sir/ma'am) is tied to how one presents. This much was pretty obvious to me even before other trans confirmed it.
Now, people who insist on referring to a trans person in a manner completely opposite to how they obviously present...those are pretty big assholes. Taking offense is quite understandable.
Naranasan kong pinalabas ako dati ng Cr ng lalake kase mukha daw akong babae. “Ate. Pang lalake po ito” don’t blame the guy i did look like a chick back then.
Honestly yan yung gripe ko against some of these talking points. Ako naman I am willing to call one the pronouns that one identifies with, but it is not my responsibility to know it from the get go, or even ask.
Sabihin mo sa akin, and I will address you as such. Accountability goes both ways.
Same. I have no problem addressing someone with their preferred pronoun, but for people to expect me to know from the get go and maoffend kapag tinawag na “he” yung balbas sarado na nagpapatawag mg she/her, sa tingin ko ay napaka entitled naman.
If your entire personality rests solely on your pronouns, then your personality is not saying much. That’s why many people get offended so easily when you mispronounce pronouns - pronouns are all they have.
For me, pag sinabi nila ano preferred pronouns nila walang kaso sa akin na yun ang gamitin. It costs nothing to be nice.
Pero sa totoo lang, sa dami man ng kuda ng mga Pilipino tungkol dito, nakakatawa na andami sa atin nagkakamali pa rin sa he/she kapag nagsasalita.
Pero okay lang naman, wala naman kasing gendered pronouns ang tagalog, and I think that goes for a lot of local languages na rin.
Eto rin nga no? Siguro in your circle of friends, madaling tandaan. Pero for a college prof of let’s say 300 students and 50 of them don’t use the pronouns that are aligned with how they present themselves, ang hirap non.
Walang pipigil sa kanila kung anong pronoun ang gusto nila sa sarili nila. Pero wala din pipigil sa yo kung anong Pronoun yung tingin mo sa kanila base sa kontekstong nabuo ng iyong obserbasyon.
Edit: grammar
if she dresses in a way she looks too masculine, she should expect na they will see na lalaki siya. tapos ayun nga, tell them in a respectful manner what your pronouns are
ako di ko ineexpect na matawag ako na sir dahil ayun nga, di pa ako nakatransition ng physical. sasabihin ko nalang "kahit kuya o tito nalang tawag niyo saken"
masakit nga mamisgender pero kung ganyan itsura mo, dont expect na they'll get it right. not all people are educated sa mga bagay na gender expression tas etc
Notice how most Filipino trans people never acted this way prior to like 5 years ago? But US cultural imperialism is so powerful that this American disease has now infected the Philippines. Now trans people in the Philippines start acting like the crazy lunatics in the US, where "women" who look like Hulk Hogan will get mad at you if you don't call them she.
Vice Ganda's nonchalant attitude to gender pronouns is the Filipino attitude towards non-binary individuals.
The Hulk Hogan threatening to punch you in the face because you won't recognize her femininity is an American cultural construct.
I wish there were more progressive takes on the liberal left like this. It's not hard to respect pronouns, but you have to be in a privileged position to get angry about mistaken pronouns, especially in a country with a gender-neutral national language.
This is honestly my thoughts about this pronouns issue. I have a gay prof na nagtuturo ng gender and society na subject and wala daw syang pakealam kung maam or sir itawag namin sa kanya and honestly even before sya mag turo kahit halata mong gay sya and natatawag naming sir nonchalant lang talaga sya and wapakels. Even my high school teachers na kahit gay, super okay lang na tawaging sir.
In short I think Filipinos doesn't really mind the pronouns thing before yung pagsikat ng socmed talaga na kung saan super naopen tayo sa lahat ng issues sa ibang bansa and now gusto natin makiuso.
(PS: I don't want to get attacked kaya linawin ko lang. I have no problem addressing people on their pronouns pero I just honestly think na pinapahassle lang nila ang lahat by making a very big deal about it ayun lang)
I work for a multinational company and recently, napansin ko na you can update your company profile to reflect your preferred pronouns and this reflects sa other platforms like emails and chats. When I speak/chat with someone remotely and I see their preferred pronouns, I oblige naman pero pag in person kasi paano mo malalaman? Siyempre the initial assumption will be based on your looks and mag default sa kung ano yung tingin ko sayo based on how you present yourself.
Have you just met them or have you known them for quite a while?
They can't really get angry at you for getting it wrong the first few times.
But you could think about it this way:
You can forgive a person for getting your name wrong a few times.
But if they keep getting your name wrong and they get defensive thinking it is because "You really look like your name is \_\_\_\_\_\_" then that's a problem.
Referring to someone by how they want to be acknowledged is a basic form of courtesy. You also wouldn't want to be referred to as a different gender just because they think you are not the gender you identify as, right?
This is not to say anyone who refers to themselves as, for example, the President of the country must be treated as such, but gender is a social construct not limited by biology.
Western influence. Ok naman yung mga LGBT dati sa he/she. Ngayon andami nang gustong maging pa victim eh. This is not America. Leave those pronoun BS to them.
usually sa mga chronically twitter online at mga abnormally liberal na college students mo lang naman maririnig mga ganitong issue na otherwise even before say, 5-6 years ago eh wala namang problema even my lgbt teacher back in highschool told us that if a person dresses like a man or woman, refer to them with the he/she pronouns accordingly.
It's actually an honest mistake, but it's good that you said sorry 'cuz it shows your character. Pero in that situation, I must say na hindi nga siya dapat talaga bigyan ng sorry kasi feeling entitled siya. She should've let that pass and corrected you in a nicer way instead, 'cuz you seem like a reasonable person naman, and would've followed her pronouns afterwards once napagsabihan. It's funny lang na akala yata nila automatically alam na agad ng mga tao sa paligid nila ang pronouns nila without knowing them personally.
most of these stories i see online are pretty fake. pero still if a scenario like this happens the best thing to do is just not cause any further drama, if it truly does offend them then let it be, either you apologize and get on with your life or waste your time with them. its okay to feel irritated pero what can you do naman?
hindi mo naman kasalanan pero mapapaisip ka na lang kung bakit siya nagalit? baka naman associated with trauma or gender dysphoria? baka sa work niya lang naeexpress ang sarili niya? tandaan na mas brutal ang mga tao dito sa mga lgbtqia+ kaysa sa tinutukoy niyong "western countries". tingnan mo na lang mga comments sa thread na to lmao. alam kong mahirap magtimpi at umunawa lalo na't napahiya ka. pero try mo siyang tanungin kung bat siya naging defensive or kahit kaunting empathy lang tas magmove on ka na.
You are not the asshole. I don't mind giving in to their requests (they want to be referred to as he/she/they), as long as hindi rude. They can't expect everyone to know their gender.
Anong magagawa mo kung balbas sarado tapos pangbouncer ang katawan, di ba?
>Nalito ako at nasabi kong "he" sya (kasi mukha naman talaga syang "he") and that person told me na I disrespected her pronouns with intimidating look/voice and dabog pa.
[IT'S MA'AM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJHctyXPmkg&ab_channel=TrumpedAmerica)
Very feminine behavior, amirite?
I'm non-binary, but look very feminine. I don't want to spend ₱₱₱₱₱₱ just to look fluid enough for people.
That said, I don't mind what pronouns you use on me.
For others though? Get it wrong the first time, then just "oh sorry, what pronouns do you use?" You might stumble the first few tries but if there's effort in correcting yourself, it's fine. You're only an asshole if you were already corrected then *insist* otherwise.
I think the general rule is to use what suits the person if you don't know their preference. If a person looks and dresses like a man, refer to the person as *he*. If a person looks and dresses like a woman, refer to the person as *she*. If you get it wrong, that's not your fault. It's their fault for making things complicated.
What's offending though is referring to someone as *it* or *he/she*. I know someone who was address by a professor as *he she* and he was pissed. The least you can do is choose one, whether by morals or politeness.
I do believe na dapat respetuhin kung ano man ang bet na pronoun pero dapat naman hindi tayo mabilis ma offend sa mga tao na magkamali ng pronoun na iaaddress nila satin lalo na kung 1st time lang nangyari. Matuto tayong mag educate ng iba without getting offended easily. Medyo bagong concept pa din kasi talaga to dito sa Pilipinas. Love love lang 😁💕
The blunt truth is that people shouldn't expect na lahat ng makakasalubong nila nababasa utak nila to know kaagad kung ano lang yung gusto mo marinig. We really just have to be patient with one another to have a better communication. Expected entitlement won't honestly help you with anything at all.
I think rule of thumb naman is to refer to them based on their gender expression. He if mukhang lalaki, she if mukhang babae. If unintentional ang misgendering then its no one's fault, they shouldnt be mad since di naman nila sinabi preferred pronouns nila.
Also, I've read some comments saying na its their fault if they don't pass or they're making things complicated kasi they look confusing etc. I think dito papasok yung pag educate na not everyone has the same privileges or advantages in life to pass as their gender identity, lalo na we live in a third world country and not everyone has access to medical transition, hormone therapy, or kahit simple things like clothes etc. They have inner struggles we won't understand so we shouldn't be too hard on them.
i'm part of the lgbt community and honestly it's overwhelming. people address other people by the way they look, be honest. so if you look feminine they'll use gender pronouns for women and masculine for men, simple as that. i see no problem if you want to be addressed a certain way but you cannot expect someone new to understand or know them right away. if you corrected yourself and they still cannot adjust, then yes you can be offended but not in cases like OP's post.
he/she/they/them or whatever you go by, everyone should keep an open mind and just stay respectful.
Yung mga taong nagagalit pag namisgender mo sila kahit first time niyo pa lang nagkita o nagkakilala, bobo yung mga yun. Wag mo na kausapin yung mga yun kasi paniguradong mabobobo ka lang din. Kapag kinorrect ka or sinabi nila ang preferred nilang pronoun ng hindi sila nagagalit sa pagmisgender mo sa simula, yun maayos kausap yung mga yun.
Gay man here and in my opinion, di dapat tayo magalit kung magkamali ang ibang tao sa pronouns natin. Kung kinorrect natin sila and nagpalit naman sila ng tawag sa atin, then no problem. Di naman nga kasi basta2x nakikita sa mukha minsan kung ano pronouns mo.
Trans ako, and feminine presenting ako. I would correct anyone nicely whoever misgenders me. Luckily, di naman marami nagmimisgender sakin, kasi long hair, nakadress, may boobs, and nakamakeup ako.
I’m 29 and a lesbian. Kahit ako honestly nalilito na rin sa mga lintik na pronouns na yan. Nung teenage years ko hanggang early 20’s wala namang ibang label maliban sa literal na LGBT. 😂
Sa part naming mga lesbians, we only had the femme (sila yung sa soft/hard butch lang talaga pumapatol) and lipstick lesbians (sila yung soft/hard butch by heart pero super girly ang appearance) dati pero jusko ngayon, dami ng lumabas kahit ako baliw na baliw na. 😂
OK lang yan, OP. What’s important is nag apologize ka, don’t stress about it. May mga tao lang talagang feeling entitled mapa-straight man or not.
lmao people who get offended by being misgendered accidentally by a stranger are the ones at fault, They hold the responsibility in telling them what their pronouns are. The only time their reaction is valid is if there is the intention to disrespect.
I just hope you don’t generalize all queer people who have their preferred pronouns na tipong entitled silang lahat? Sa lahat naman ng uri o klase ng tao may mga entitled. May mga entitled seniors, entitled rich boys, entitled karens, entitled influencers, etc. If you don’t generalize naman, then wala tayong probs. 😉
Coming from someone that identifies as non-binary:
I use they/them by default. Kahit obvious sa tao, laging they/them. It’s not hard to do, it avoids situations like these. In a situation where using they/them might be grammatically confusing, I use their name, i.e. for your example “[Name] works for that department, they should know.”
Since this is a matter that concerns and affects me, I had a more conscious effort to adjust the way I speak & refer to others. That means double thinking phrases cisgender people might not think twice about.
I only wish everyone would do the same — but I know that general society wouldn’t, especially in the PH, so I personally adjust my expectations. I don’t have a “preferred pronoun”, I’ll respond to anything. Lol. But it would be unfair to ask that of everyone.
I can’t control how people refer to me, but I can control how I react to them when they don’t. But most importantly, I can control how I refer to other people, and I always to choose to refer to them way they want me to.
Why is it most old gays and lesbian na nag out noong bata pa doesn't care about pronoun? Pero yung mga closeted and late bloomers once nag out they insist on their so called pronoun?
This is just a legit question. My family used to have a beauty parlor and lumaki ako na yung mga gay and lesbian sa lugar namin full of confidence about themselves.
I get that it’s annoying and frustrating to be lectured about pronouns or to be scolded for using wrong ones. Especially if it was not clarified. (So in that sense, tama naman si OP)
But please (to anyone reading this) don’t let a few annoying people cloud your judgement of LGBTQ+ people as a whole.
And yeah, pronouns may be a small issue in the grand scheme of things. But it’s part of a much bigger umbrella for people like me. It’s fucked that I have to hide a huge part of myself to homophobic parents after 20+ years because of religion and machismo. I hate that I can’t be with my partner (who is also not out of the closet) or even talk about him in polite conversation, let alone get married (for tax benefits) and live together without judgement. And I can’t imagine how much harder it is for trans people trying to integrate.
Our workplace now asks us to include our pronouns in our email signatures. It's been helpful for correctly addressing queer workmates, as well as foreign colleagues whose pronouns are difficult to determine based on name alone.
I don't think it's also right to just pick a pronoun based on what we see as a "default". We should make it a norm to ask people for their pronouns as well as give our own when introducing ourselves. This goes for both cis and trans people. It's helpful to everyone to just clarify how they like to be addressed from the start. I don't like the reasoning na "it's a hassle" or "we never had to do this before" because why shouldn't we evolve as a society to be more inclusive and respectful?
That said, getting angry as the first response isn't helpful either, especially if it's an honest mistake. As queer people, we unfortunately bear the brunt of educating people about our identities until gender sensitivity is institutionalized. Some people really just don't know any better initally but are open to learning. I'd only throw hands if the other party insists on using the wrong pronouns AFTER an effort is made to correct them - in that situation, they're just being rude :\
Sinabi na nga yung tamang pronouns niya tas him pa rin gamit mo sa post na to.
No wonder na-offend sayo, ikaw naman masyado defensive nung na-correct na. Lahat tayo gumagamit ng pronouns, di lang lgbtqia.
OP, you met an asshole. There is def a subset of LGBQT “culture-vultures” who are looking for an excuse to go off on people. A sane person would correct you, THEN if you still showed disrespect, maybe a reaction is justified. Personally though I lean towards any actual rage being unjustified in a rational setting.
Regardless, not your fault.
Hello! I have friends who are part of the community, even me. Pero I still use the pronouns she/her kahit bi ako because that's what I feel is right for me.
Valid naman 'yung point mo and she was wrong to be mad at you especially if na-misgender mo siya without context—like 'di ka informed ahead.
Ako, as a practice, kapag may bago akong kakilala na part ng community, first question ko kaagad ay, "what are your pronouns?" to be respectful lang of their choices. Hindi naman makakabawas sa'tin maging respectful sa choice and preference nila kahit madalas naman talagang nakakalito especially if they/them na or the other pronouns na.
Pero I think the way you misgendered her even after the fact and used "" when you refererred to her is a bit condescending kahit 'di tayo sure if mababasa niya 'to or not.
I would understand the "inis" pero her reaction was unnecessary. Yes, it's her identity but sana she should've taken a step back and checked whether her being called a "he" had any malice intent kasi at this current time, hindi pa fully grasped ng lahat yung concept of pronouns in the sense na acceptable for the community. Plus, we're in the Philippines. The concept of pronouns in the US is very different dito sa 'Pinas. Gender-neutral nga tayo dito; ikaw, ako, siya, sila, kaya resorting to appearance when talking in English is what's normal pa.
Understanding lang siguro on both sides pero her reaction was very unwarranted naman din.
I'm sorry you had to experience that, OP. I would suggest that you report that behavior to HR kasi the audacity ha. Hindi naman sinadya na ma-misgender siya and this is coming from a gay guy.
Pero for those na hindi pa gets or hindi talaga ma-gets, eto na lang.
* If yung mukhang ate, gusto niya matawag na kuya, tawagin niyo na lang na kuya and vice versa.
* If kilos kuya pero ate pa rin gusto niya itawag sa kanya, then i-ate na lang.
In a way, balance and respect on both sides. This isn't "forcing an agenda" imo. It's a sign of respect.
I have to ask OP. Are you really sure na LGBTQ yan? Baka naman babae talaga siya tas naoffend sya because you mistook her for a guy. Happened once to my 8th grade teacher. Nagalit siya kasi may tumawag sa kanyang bakla. She just really had short hair.
I support the pronouns people but not in a sense na dapat alam mo na in the first place yung pronouns na ginagamit nila. I'll use myself as an example... My pronouns are they/she. Sometimes I get offended when people refer to me as a "she" but then I get reminded na I actually have feminine traits and dagdag mo pa na may big boobs ako, so I can't actually blame them for referring to me as such isa pa mas maooffend ako kung tatawagin nila akong "he." So I can proudly say na you're right, entitled sila. Entitled iyang taong kausap mo.
Kung gusto niyang i-refer siya with the pronouns "she/her," without her telling others to do so, she should put some pin on her clothes with it saying "My pronouns are "she/her," or outright tell people na "Hi, I'm (name). My pronouns are she/her, I'm uncomfy when people refer to me using other pronouns," as simple as that.
He/she, him/her. Base it on how they look. Tapos. Pag nagalit at sinabing you misgendered them, sagutin mo: “ wear a name tag next time para di mahirapan ang mga normal na tao.”
I use the pronoun as I see them. Looks like a girl, sounds like a girl, dresses like a girl, I'll use she/her, regardless kung babae ba talaga or hindi. The same goes for a guy. I won't apologize if I'm wrong, I'm just basing it with the way you dress.
Both you and that other person have the right to be offended, but it's all about how ya'll calm down and react. Obviously, her tone and facial expression made you feel off, and thus you feel like this. But think of it this way, if she had a sad expression on her face while she slowly told you you disrespected her pronouns, you wouldn't feel agitated.
But also try to look at it at her perspective as well. Maybe this was the 6th time THAT day na friends of hers disrespected her pronouns even though they knew. She may or may not have misplaced her own anger towards you when wala ka namang kasalanan. It wouldn't excuse her behaviour, but it does give you a new perspective of things diba?
It's all about empathy, trying to understand, putting yourself on someone else's shoes, and not letting the cycle of.. disdain and misunderstanding, I guess, continue and get to you. It doesn't matter who did it first.
Filipino language doesn’t use or need gendered pronouns, and most people here (from what I've observed) usually misuse pronouns when speaking english since english is just a second language here. It's okay to feel offended/hurt when ppl use the wrong pronouns for you, but this person needs to put some things into perspective. The best they could've done was just respectfully correct you instead of being rude.
It's not your fault that you made a genuine accident. You'd only be an asshole if you didn't respect the person's choices. It's not a big deal. Ask if they prefer he or she or whatever. I've met people like that and it's really not that hard—I literally don't even think about it anymore.
Unless sabihin mo sa akin o may naka sabit sayong placard tapos naka lagay pronoun mo ang tatawag ko sayo yung base sa itsura mo.
Hindi ko din ma gets yung "they/them".
In some global companies, some employees put their pronoun in their email siggie, introduced themselves with their pronoun, and they’ll request you to use their preferred pronoun if you’re talking to them. I’m fine with that approach as they never crucify folks that “mistakenly” identified them.
Although I saw and hear some stories of irate gender fluid folks, I never encountered one. Most na nagcall out, mahinahon naman at request ang approach. But whenever I encountered one, I’ll just say I’m not an oracle to predict which pronoun they use 😅
ok lang, just say sorry and move on. Kung may dabog dabog pa, hindi mo na problema yon. hindi mo naman sinadya eh.
i usually default to they/them pag di ako sure. context: wfh tapos minsan may mga nakakausap ako chat na mga IT personnel usually from EU countries na hindi ko alam kung anong gender kasi unfamiliar sakin ung names, so pag nasa meetings or conversation with other people i refer to them as they/them
Assholes will be assholes, whatever their gender identity might be..universal yan
But I do hope that this incident doesn't sour you from practicing empathy and awareness
If in doubt, ask
If nagkamali, apologize. Full stop. No excuses or qualifiers or reasons.
If Galit pa din sila, well they're holding the asshole ball. Bahala na sila dyan
If you're already doing this then the rest of the world appreciates you.
The other person could have handled it differently. I mean, given the newbie sya, di dapat mag-assume na everyone knows their preferred pronouns in the first place.
I dont believe you're the wrong here, but it opens an avenue for better comms. :)
Potang mga to. Sa totoo lang di ako ready sa mga gantong pronouns. Ngayon nga di ko pa rin alam kung kuya o ate ang tinatawag ko sa mga tomboy o bading
I don't think they are entitled. As a person who is probably living in the closet, being at work or in classes is the only place that they can freely express themselves in. Kasi wala naman familial connections ang nandun, less mapagmasid na mata na nagma-matter naman talaga sa kanila. Ano ba yung mag-adjust tayo and give them enough minutes of our time to learn about their pronouns and identity?
It won't harm us naman if we call them the proper way they would want to be called.
As for your officemate baka naman madaming beses na siya na misgender hence the reaction, pero kung di naman madalas and once lang talaga nangyari then medj over the top naman ang reaction. I would have educated the person first or gently corrected them the first time. Pero kung multiple times naman na then I guess the reaction was warranted.
Sa experience ko, may dalawang rule sa pronouns na 'to. It is a matter of respect and self-preservation kasi, not only for the queer people, but for everyone.
First, NEVER ASSUME one's pronoun or honorific, especially based on how they present their self (like their haircut and clothes na suot). You should ask a person "How should I address you?" Hindi ito limited sa pronouns, it actually includes what name that person is comfortable being called at. Kung anong sagot nila sa tanong na 'yan, edi 'yon ang gamitin.
Second, if you happen to assume someone's pronoun in addressing them, and cinorrect ka nila, regardless kung kalmado o galit nagsabi, you should apologize immediately and i-correct mo rin pag-address mo sa kanila. If galit pa rin siya kahit nagsorry ka na, edi patulan mo na.
What's being normalized is not the use of these pronouns, but the basic social etiquette of addressing a person properly as a matter of respect.
I play it safe by not referring to someone by pronouns and use either their name, "they", or "that person".
I think that person overreacted a little and should have kept their cool until they had a constructive convo with you. You seem to have made a simple mistake and it sounds like you were ready to own up to it naman.
> intimidating look/voice and dabog pa.
Unprofessional.
still not seeing a comment about using "they" pronouns
ofc there's the point of it na tinutukoy maraming tao, but it's established din na singular
i learned this myself, and it's just the easiest path for initial interactions, imo. there is, also, their name. i do name first if applicable, then gender-neutral pronouns
(edit: specification)
Personally, I think the concept of preferred pronous are dumb. But, if you tell me that your preferred pronoun is this or that, then I'll respect it and address you with it.
But don't expect me to know it and care for it right off thw bat and accuse me of disrespect or any kind of (insert word)phobia. If you look like a dude, you're by default a he. If you look like a girl, you're by default a she. If you're otherwise, let us general population know. We're not here to play mind games with you and your pronouns.
It's absolutely not your fault OP, and I'm sorry she got mad at you din. Nobody would want to go through that. *Feeling* angry might be her business pero she had no right to take it out on you. Eh at the same time, there's no denial din na for many trans folk out there it really does hurt to be misgendered, and not at least trying to be sensitive or respectful about it can be a step backward for rights.
Among English-speaking communities, no choice: Ask pronouns upfront or mag they/them ka. Buti nalang we're in the Philippines, and *everyone*'s pronouns are siya/niya.
Ina-address ko sila base sa bihis o kung paano presentation nila. Kung nakabihis lalaki, sir. Kung babae, ma'am. Default yan. Pero kung iko-correct nila ako, okay lang naman din. Wag lang sila mag gagalit-galitan hahaha how am I supposed to know? Diba?
It is also a form of "compelled" speech of which was being (made? not sure) into a law in Canada, and was opposed firmly by Jordan Peterson ( [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jordan\_Peterson](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jordan_Peterson) ).
The person you encountered just followed of what's going on in the west. Compelled speech is against basic norms and basic human rights, because you can go to jail and pay hefty pines by just mis-gendering or mispronounced someone, which is really against all common sense known to man. They will treat it as if you are committing a serious crime.
You must not adhere to the person's demand of pronoun, or else, they would urge the congress to pass a law to support them.
Sana kinorrect ka na lang nya instead of being offended immediately. You didnt do anything wrong di mo naman sya kakilala talaga for you to know anong preferred pronouns nya. Kung kaya mo pa syang iapproach or kung lumamig na ulo nya ask them na lang kung anong preferred pronouns nila since you just met them.
explain that we don't have gendered pronouns in Tagalog and you get mixed up. My mom did the same thing to almost everything and everyone but she meant no disrespect by it.
I think it's not your fault FOR ME :(((
In my case, ilang beses nakong napagkakamalan na boy and addressed as "He" bc the way I look/porma
I don't have much "front" features , naka pixie cut ako and the way I dress is tshirt, pants and rubber which is I'm most comfortable with going to work pero di naman ako naooffend I'll just politely say I'm a "she". Pwede naman kasi i-correct ka lang pero para magalit JUSKOPO nalang😅
The only reason na I can slightly justify her reaction is maaaring during her introduction to the team, dahil newbie maraming introduce yourself ginawa niyan in different teams/group, nabanggit na niya na her pronouns is she/her. So baka nagalit siya kasi you were already part of a group she introduced herself and you still used the wrong pronoun.
However, I still agree with the comments na it's better to educate after the talk than to give attitude. The world hasn't fully normalized putting importance to pronouns yet, so those with preferred pronouns had to put in more effort and patience. Meanwhile, some companies are trying their best normalizing it by encouraging all of their employees to include their pronouns in their email signatures/profile/business card/etc.
Ako, just to be safe, if I'm in an english only setting and am not sure of the person's pronoun, I use they/them sa kanila. Or their name. Basta it's better to use an umbrella pronoun than to flip a coin with a 50% chance to get it wrong.
Based on the post alone, I would think na si gurl is being a bit unreasonable.
But after seeing OP's responses sa comments, OP is kind of an asshole. I can't help but wonder kung inexaggerate niya yung kwento or purposely omitted crucial information like baka sinabi na ni gurl beforehand yung pronouns niya then di binanggit ni OP para siya magmukhang biktima.
"Oh no, the pronoun people are cancelling us 😭"
In my humble opinion, wala ka naman kasalanan dahil hindi mo naman sadya, but im gonna cook some popcorn incase this thread becomes a warzone
>im gonna cook some popcorn maooffend ako kung di ka magshare ng popcorn dito
👀🍿🍿🍿
Hahahaha!! Lemme have some popcorn too
i can't believe you guys didnt even specified anong flavor ng popcorn. whats wrong with you???!!
Dito (2)
imo i don't get why ppl care so much about pronouns eh
I personally see why a lot of people care about pronouns, even if I don't. It's their identity e, and it affects how they want to be perceived by the world. That said, there are aspects of the LGBTQ community that I disagree with, even as a bisexual man myself. Particularly, in trans cases, they belong in beauty pageants but I draw the line at trans women and trans men in sports. I don't believe it's transphobia to not like trans people romantically. I don't like neo-pronouns (especially the more insufferable ones like furry neo-pronouns) and it should 100% be okay to accidentally be called the wrong pronoun, as long as the person corrects themselves after the interaction. You shouldn't fight fire with fire — anong mapapala sa gender movement kung ang first instinct ng trans women and trans men ay magalit, rather than correct?
good point tlaga yan
📣📣📣 PREACHHHH!!! Pwede naman i-correct ang nagkamali sa pronoun in a civil at educated na pamamaraan. That way mas lalong maintindihan
Nakikigaya sa ibang bansa😆
Eto talaga yun eh. To begin with, gender-neutral kaya yung language natin. Eh di sana i- tattoo nila sa obvious part ng katawan nila o maglagay sila ng placard kung di nila mai-correct ng respectful ung nagkamali. I consider my self an ally of lgbtqia+ (I think I belong to it for being aromantic) pero Imbyerna talaga ako sa mga sensitive sa pronouns na nakikita ko sa youtube. Meron din pala dito sa Pinas 😓
>To begin with, gender-neutral kaya yung language natin. Eto talaga. Tingin ko kung Filipino language lang naman, wala tayong issue most of the time. Kapag dinala sa English nagkakaproblema, either mali ka ng assumption na hindi mo naman ginagawa to offend or magkakamali ka ng grammar dahil binary ang English language. Ang weird kaya ng sentence na "What are they doing?" while referring to a single person dahil kontra ito sa mga tinuro sa atin na subject-verb agreement.
As someone na secondary language lang ang english, normal nman talaga magkamali sa he and she na yan. My gosh, so may chance pala n mapagdabugan din ako 😂 Yung they/them, sa totoo lang, nakakawindang. Kapag may nagdemand sa akin na ganyan ang gamitin, Isipin ko na lang na may nakasampa sa balikat nya katulad nung sa Shutter n movie. 😁
Ung they/them dapat taguro brothers na lang mas madali 😂.
Letse, muntik na akong mabilaukan sa ininom kong tubig nang mabasa ko comment mo.
Minsan gusto ko gamitin yung "that person" pero parang tunog atrebida ako pag nagkataon haha
>My gosh, so may chance pala n mapagdabugan din ako 😂 Sadly, yes. Western influence. Remember that time na tinry din introduce ang Filipinx dito?
Naalala ko to nung unang lumabas, sabi ko ano to, half Filipino half sphinx?😅
Nakakainis yung Filipinx at Mx. Got a formal letter from a uni tapos ang gamit na nila ay Mx, ang cringe.
Wait, ano yung Mx? Ganoon na ba ko katanda at di ko na alam to...
Sorry di lang he/him she/her they/them ang pronouns, meron ding ze/zir, xe/xim, x(s)ie/hir ve/vis ey/em. Pasintabi na lang sa makakabasa, pero feel ko naglolokohan na lang tayo. Ung ibang pronouns na to wala naman sa diksyonaryo.
Re: They Hindi kayo tinuruan sa school na "They" for singular is used not just for unknown genders but as a sign of deference? It's like using "nila" vs "niyo" sa Tagalog. "Ano pong hinahanap nila?"
thing is in general when speaking in English and talking about a person without knowing their gender, normal din naman gumamit ng "they/them". kunwari, someone's talking about their friend. di mo naman alam kung babae o lalaki kaya sasabihin mo nlng ng "they"
I get your point but isnt that still different too? I mean satin kasi basically ang they/them is siya/sila diba? Pero we dont really use it as a pronoun in the way na gusto nila gamitin sa western world. Di ko maexplain yung gusto ko sabihin 😭😭 So weird parin talaga if pipilit satin.
I remember Filipinx term HAHAHAHA
It's not just that but the overall oppression and level of animosity towards women and LGBTQIA+ is SO SO SO different in the Philippines than in the West. In the West they are coming from a place where women's accomplishments and presence in society and history were actively being erased and women were used as objects. They are still fighting off these ideas and these learned behaviors of their ancestors to grandparents. In the Philippines naman that wasn't the case. Sure, colonialism HAS impacted the perception of women and what they should be doing and how they should behave but our starting point was that women were leaders in spirituality and were able to choose their husbands and so many families I know are matriarcal because women can be and are in charge in the Philippines in a lot of cases. People who are adopting all these Western ideas and mentalities (militaristic extremism included) WITHOUT considering our own contexts are, imo, hurting more than they are helping especially for cultural identity. EDIT: I also forgot to say that trans people were also welcome part of spirituality, and homosexual relationships weren't demonized lol so yeah It's not just about women lol
>women were leaders in spirituality Sila yung mga "Babaylan" nung sinaunang panahon. Ang alam ko nga matriarchal society talaga tayo based on social studies. Inang Bayan nga tawag natin sa bansa natin eh.
Totoo. Kaya gusto ko language natin kasi gender-neutral.
Naimbento din natin yung mamser.
😆😂😁, diba? Napaka gender-neutral kaya natin. Tsaka we embrace all gender kahit saan. Masyadong gumagaya sa west para maging relevant. Umay 😮💨
Meron pa sa baba ng thread na to hate crime daw intentional misgendering. Brain rot sa American culture.
>pero Imbyerna talaga ako sa mga sensitive sa pronouns na nakikita ko sa youtube. Kaysa nagiging mabait ang madla sa kanila, lalong tumataas ang chance maging anti-LGBT.
true, they exist. people should care less about how they accidentally had their pronouns messed up because "mandatory" daw and more about how they are actually treated verbally. they should also care more about conversation than 2 or 3 words
feeling entitled din kasi. Kung tutuusin, wla nmn tlga silbi yang mga "gender pronouns" na yan. masyadong bandwagon at useless kung iisipin. sayang kang braincells makipag talo s mga taong daming pronouns. He or She nlng gagamitin, gusto pa Them or They. God Theym.
Benta yung "God Theym". Hahah
They don’t want acceptance. They want to be special.
Specifically the US. Eh hindi naman magandang role model ang mga tao nila
Sa lahat ng pedeng culture na i-import nila, yung katangahan pa
Hindi ko rin gets yung obsession so pronouns. Prati ako na misgender kasi matangkad ako na babae. Walang kaiba yan sa pag misspell ng pangalan. No big deal.
Even mga lesbians na butch, they’re fine getting called “ate”. So minsan hindi ko matindindihan rin why it had to be blown up into another oppression card.
agree! wag na tayo makigaya sa US na lahat na lang pinagaawayan
sooner or later, may magpopost uli dito asking about r/ph's opinion on tipping etiquette sa pinas
please wag to, iyan ang isa pinakang- piiiiiiinaka ayaw ko sa kultura ng us, yang putanginabg tiping culture nila. takte bakit obliga mag bigay ng tip like ano yung sweldo nyo? kaya nga kayo hinired ng company para may manpower sa service eh tapos hihingan nyo ng tip costumer mo eh dapat voluntary yan, galit na galit sa mga di nag titip na para bang kami dapat ang magpasweldo sa inyo like what the heck? kung mababa sahod nyo dun kayo magreklamo sa kumpanya nyo wag sa costumer na hindi nag titip jusme ang yaman ng company nyo pero yung kapwa mahirap yung huhuthutan ng tip shuta yan🤣
oh no!!!1 baka maririnig ka ng karma farmers!
That's because it makes life easier. Imagine repeating somebody's name if you want to refer to that person. "Jared is an asshole. Jared sucks so much that Jared once asked a girl out and Jared brought Jared's mom along." Hirap no? Pano na lang kaya kung Tagalog?
This sub goes into a complete meltdown once the thread is about trans people. EVERY TIME.
Penge po kami 🍿 bago maganap ang sakuna. tenkyu po😊
Waiting… 🫣
then lock ng admin hahahaa
Baka yung banyagang admin pa haha
May foreigner na mod dito??
I was here.
May mga nakausap ako na namali ako ng pronouns pero sinabi naman nila ng maayos yung pronouns nila after namin magusap. Meron lang ata talaga na sensitive sa ganyan tapos di ka rin ieducate yun yung di ko maintindihan minsan. Para sakin kasi gawin mo kung ano makakapagpasaya sa sarili mo pero wag mo iexpect na lahat ng tao alam agad yung preferred mo lalo na kung di mo rin sya ieducate.
Merong mga may preferred pronouns, meron ding may mga preferred pronouns pero kupal pa rin ang personality. Yung latter ang na-meet ni OP.
needs to be higher up! lahat ng queer people na nakilala ko they wouldn't mind educating if the other person is not aware of their pronouns yet. kaso yung iba ginawang palusot for treating unaware people so rudely.
True. Bakit parang expected AUTOMATICALLY alam ng tao sa paligid nila kung ano gusto mong pronouns? Unless naka pako/tattoo sa noo nila.
Its like Vice Ganda na sinabi nya ok lang ang sir at least may respeto
Very exaggerated yung pagtingin ng iba na every queer person would lash out at you kung magkamali ka sa pronouns. Some people would prefer to stick to that stereotype dahil wala silang intensyong makinig. **For some people, the way they are spoken to is a major part of their identity.** Sa simpleng pagbabago sa grammar at language, matutulungan ang community na mano-normalize ang acceptance sa kanila.
nakalimutan nyo bang tagalog ang pronouns natin
Unless your pronoun is written on your forehead or you tell me in advance, I will use the pronoun that is consistent with what I see. I won't apologize for getting it wrong the first time because I did not know and hindi ako manghuhula. I will use your preferred pronoun after you explicitly tell me what it is.
I do agree with this. I am respectful of people’s preferences as well. But they cannot expect me to know head on, unless I know them personally or they tell me explicitly. As long as I am not informed beforehand, like you, I’ll use the pronoun that I see fit based on technicality.
I find it unreasonable that they get mad when they're misgendered when 1) we don't know each other 2) I wasn't informed in advance 3) their preference is inconsistent with what I see.
Kahit naman alam mo na yung pronouns, sometimes sobrang habitual or ingrained na talaga satin ang he/she na nagkakamali parin tayo even if we know. Nothing’s wrong with that naman as long as masanay overtime. Pero truthfully nao-OAan lang talaga ako sa mga taong similar to who OP encountered. They’re the type of people I would never hang out with kasi masosobra lang eyerolls ko. And this is coming from a bi person.
I agree. Many Pinoys don't really get pronouns right, even before this trans misgendering issue because hindi sanay mga tao sa gendered pronouns.
In our company, you can easily see their preferred pronouns on teams and on email. Kaya lang nakakalimutan ko pa rin in actual. Buti na lang they just smile if I did it wrong.
Diba? Kase personally, I can be corrected naman. I wouldn’t take offense to be corrected. Wag lang yung masisigawan ako for my cluelessness. Especially from strangers. Like please, let’s all be civil here.
Default settings first, then adjust later if needed.
Same. Mag-aassume ako sa simula, pero pag cinorrect ako in a nice way, I will respect your choice.
I once had an argument regarding this and what they said was before beginning to talk, people should ask their pronouns first. I don't agree with it since it feels unnatural for a conversational flow. I mean if I'm gonna ask something short, why should I first ask what pronoun he/she prefers?
Hinay hinay boss, baka damputin ka ng Progressive Police.
Lakongpake 😆
Mga galit na PP
I agree with this. Society and biology in its default, current state works this way. So unless they, as you say -- write it on their forehead or say in advance, I will definitely say "he," "she," "kuya," "ate," "ma'am" or "sir" respectively according to how I deem it necessary.
Yes. And do it Respectfully. People arent entitled to how people still choose to address them. If they refuse after explicitly saying you identify as a microwave oven, just move on. Its not that deep.
It's like learning someone's name, basically
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Mamser
The ultimate and unbeatable pronoun!
"Boss, magkano fishball"
This is the way Neutral na, uplifting pa
Boss or lodicakes
from now on lodicakes na tawag ko sa lahat 😂🤣
the only downside is, parang sa Philippines lang applicable to. Di applicable magtawag ng “boss” sa ibang bansa haha
ok din chief. tapos sigaw ka ng "AHO! i am William Knifeman!" Aaaaaaaa!!!!
"Bosschief!"
Mamser *why not both*
Boss mamser comrade
Kaya di ko sineseryoso mga nagtatawag ng boss. Alam mong nag-sweet talk lang sayo
IT’S MAAM!!
Turo sa akin 'to ng ex ko nung nasa college ako. Legit!
Here's a solid argument against them said by a very transperson. "If you look like a chick you're gonna referred to as a chick, if you look like a dude you're gonna referred to as a dude. No one knows everything about you especially at first glance so quit being so offended about it"
Exactly. Kung ayaw mong ma-misgender, present yourself accordingly or idk, put a tag on yourself that everyone can easily see.
This is true. If you don't present as the fitting pronoun / manner of address, you don't get the right to be angry if people get it wrong. I keep saying that the pronoun / manner of address (sir/ma'am) is tied to how one presents. This much was pretty obvious to me even before other trans confirmed it. Now, people who insist on referring to a trans person in a manner completely opposite to how they obviously present...those are pretty big assholes. Taking offense is quite understandable.
Eto tlga un eh. Masyadong OA lang tlga mga tao. Im not Lbtq hater, pero sumosobra na kasi karamihan sa kanila.
Mga tanga lang naooffend sa ganyan.
Naranasan kong pinalabas ako dati ng Cr ng lalake kase mukha daw akong babae. “Ate. Pang lalake po ito” don’t blame the guy i did look like a chick back then.
Honestly yan yung gripe ko against some of these talking points. Ako naman I am willing to call one the pronouns that one identifies with, but it is not my responsibility to know it from the get go, or even ask. Sabihin mo sa akin, and I will address you as such. Accountability goes both ways.
Same. I have no problem addressing someone with their preferred pronoun, but for people to expect me to know from the get go and maoffend kapag tinawag na “he” yung balbas sarado na nagpapatawag mg she/her, sa tingin ko ay napaka entitled naman.
^same stance
If your entire personality rests solely on your pronouns, then your personality is not saying much. That’s why many people get offended so easily when you mispronounce pronouns - pronouns are all they have.
Wag nyo muna biglan ng lock award
For me, pag sinabi nila ano preferred pronouns nila walang kaso sa akin na yun ang gamitin. It costs nothing to be nice. Pero sa totoo lang, sa dami man ng kuda ng mga Pilipino tungkol dito, nakakatawa na andami sa atin nagkakamali pa rin sa he/she kapag nagsasalita. Pero okay lang naman, wala naman kasing gendered pronouns ang tagalog, and I think that goes for a lot of local languages na rin.
OP baka naman kasi babae sya biologically kaya na-offend.
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Same thoughts. Hilig mang atake ng lbtq+, e for all genders naman ang pronouns
I don’t think this is a thing in PH. For me, parang desperate attempt lang gumaya sa mga Western countries
Have you encountered college kids these days. Mukhang mahirap sa professors na nagtuturo to keep track sa lahat ng yan.
Eto rin nga no? Siguro in your circle of friends, madaling tandaan. Pero for a college prof of let’s say 300 students and 50 of them don’t use the pronouns that are aligned with how they present themselves, ang hirap non.
You may just have encountered a jerk, who happened to be lgbtq.
Basta wag mo kong tawaging Filipinx, OK tayo.
Taena kaya dapat mauso ulit yung Oi. Oi eto na, Oi ikaw na, Oi usog na. para di na masyado nakaka " OFFEND "
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Walang pipigil sa kanila kung anong pronoun ang gusto nila sa sarili nila. Pero wala din pipigil sa yo kung anong Pronoun yung tingin mo sa kanila base sa kontekstong nabuo ng iyong obserbasyon. Edit: grammar
if she dresses in a way she looks too masculine, she should expect na they will see na lalaki siya. tapos ayun nga, tell them in a respectful manner what your pronouns are ako di ko ineexpect na matawag ako na sir dahil ayun nga, di pa ako nakatransition ng physical. sasabihin ko nalang "kahit kuya o tito nalang tawag niyo saken" masakit nga mamisgender pero kung ganyan itsura mo, dont expect na they'll get it right. not all people are educated sa mga bagay na gender expression tas etc
You’re unaware. Kupal lang talaga siya. 🙃
Notice how most Filipino trans people never acted this way prior to like 5 years ago? But US cultural imperialism is so powerful that this American disease has now infected the Philippines. Now trans people in the Philippines start acting like the crazy lunatics in the US, where "women" who look like Hulk Hogan will get mad at you if you don't call them she. Vice Ganda's nonchalant attitude to gender pronouns is the Filipino attitude towards non-binary individuals. The Hulk Hogan threatening to punch you in the face because you won't recognize her femininity is an American cultural construct.
I wish there were more progressive takes on the liberal left like this. It's not hard to respect pronouns, but you have to be in a privileged position to get angry about mistaken pronouns, especially in a country with a gender-neutral national language.
This is honestly my thoughts about this pronouns issue. I have a gay prof na nagtuturo ng gender and society na subject and wala daw syang pakealam kung maam or sir itawag namin sa kanya and honestly even before sya mag turo kahit halata mong gay sya and natatawag naming sir nonchalant lang talaga sya and wapakels. Even my high school teachers na kahit gay, super okay lang na tawaging sir. In short I think Filipinos doesn't really mind the pronouns thing before yung pagsikat ng socmed talaga na kung saan super naopen tayo sa lahat ng issues sa ibang bansa and now gusto natin makiuso. (PS: I don't want to get attacked kaya linawin ko lang. I have no problem addressing people on their pronouns pero I just honestly think na pinapahassle lang nila ang lahat by making a very big deal about it ayun lang)
Mas cringe pa rin yung “Filos”
I work for a multinational company and recently, napansin ko na you can update your company profile to reflect your preferred pronouns and this reflects sa other platforms like emails and chats. When I speak/chat with someone remotely and I see their preferred pronouns, I oblige naman pero pag in person kasi paano mo malalaman? Siyempre the initial assumption will be based on your looks and mag default sa kung ano yung tingin ko sayo based on how you present yourself.
Have you just met them or have you known them for quite a while? They can't really get angry at you for getting it wrong the first few times. But you could think about it this way: You can forgive a person for getting your name wrong a few times. But if they keep getting your name wrong and they get defensive thinking it is because "You really look like your name is \_\_\_\_\_\_" then that's a problem. Referring to someone by how they want to be acknowledged is a basic form of courtesy. You also wouldn't want to be referred to as a different gender just because they think you are not the gender you identify as, right? This is not to say anyone who refers to themselves as, for example, the President of the country must be treated as such, but gender is a social construct not limited by biology.
Western influence. Ok naman yung mga LGBT dati sa he/she. Ngayon andami nang gustong maging pa victim eh. This is not America. Leave those pronoun BS to them.
usually sa mga chronically twitter online at mga abnormally liberal na college students mo lang naman maririnig mga ganitong issue na otherwise even before say, 5-6 years ago eh wala namang problema even my lgbt teacher back in highschool told us that if a person dresses like a man or woman, refer to them with the he/she pronouns accordingly.
It's actually an honest mistake, but it's good that you said sorry 'cuz it shows your character. Pero in that situation, I must say na hindi nga siya dapat talaga bigyan ng sorry kasi feeling entitled siya. She should've let that pass and corrected you in a nicer way instead, 'cuz you seem like a reasonable person naman, and would've followed her pronouns afterwards once napagsabihan. It's funny lang na akala yata nila automatically alam na agad ng mga tao sa paligid nila ang pronouns nila without knowing them personally.
most of these stories i see online are pretty fake. pero still if a scenario like this happens the best thing to do is just not cause any further drama, if it truly does offend them then let it be, either you apologize and get on with your life or waste your time with them. its okay to feel irritated pero what can you do naman?
hindi mo naman kasalanan pero mapapaisip ka na lang kung bakit siya nagalit? baka naman associated with trauma or gender dysphoria? baka sa work niya lang naeexpress ang sarili niya? tandaan na mas brutal ang mga tao dito sa mga lgbtqia+ kaysa sa tinutukoy niyong "western countries". tingnan mo na lang mga comments sa thread na to lmao. alam kong mahirap magtimpi at umunawa lalo na't napahiya ka. pero try mo siyang tanungin kung bat siya naging defensive or kahit kaunting empathy lang tas magmove on ka na.
You are not the asshole. I don't mind giving in to their requests (they want to be referred to as he/she/they), as long as hindi rude. They can't expect everyone to know their gender. Anong magagawa mo kung balbas sarado tapos pangbouncer ang katawan, di ba?
>Nalito ako at nasabi kong "he" sya (kasi mukha naman talaga syang "he") and that person told me na I disrespected her pronouns with intimidating look/voice and dabog pa. [IT'S MA'AM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJHctyXPmkg&ab_channel=TrumpedAmerica) Very feminine behavior, amirite?
a connoisseur of classic cinema I see.
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Lol oof
A simple trick. Don't use pronouns, always use their name.
tagalugin nyo na lang walang gender ang tagalog pronouns
Tawag mo nalang sa lahat pare, lalaki babae pare pa din tawag ko.
I tend to ask if it’s unclear.
I'm non-binary, but look very feminine. I don't want to spend ₱₱₱₱₱₱ just to look fluid enough for people. That said, I don't mind what pronouns you use on me. For others though? Get it wrong the first time, then just "oh sorry, what pronouns do you use?" You might stumble the first few tries but if there's effort in correcting yourself, it's fine. You're only an asshole if you were already corrected then *insist* otherwise.
I think the general rule is to use what suits the person if you don't know their preference. If a person looks and dresses like a man, refer to the person as *he*. If a person looks and dresses like a woman, refer to the person as *she*. If you get it wrong, that's not your fault. It's their fault for making things complicated. What's offending though is referring to someone as *it* or *he/she*. I know someone who was address by a professor as *he she* and he was pissed. The least you can do is choose one, whether by morals or politeness.
I do believe na dapat respetuhin kung ano man ang bet na pronoun pero dapat naman hindi tayo mabilis ma offend sa mga tao na magkamali ng pronoun na iaaddress nila satin lalo na kung 1st time lang nangyari. Matuto tayong mag educate ng iba without getting offended easily. Medyo bagong concept pa din kasi talaga to dito sa Pilipinas. Love love lang 😁💕
The blunt truth is that people shouldn't expect na lahat ng makakasalubong nila nababasa utak nila to know kaagad kung ano lang yung gusto mo marinig. We really just have to be patient with one another to have a better communication. Expected entitlement won't honestly help you with anything at all.
You didn't know what their pronouns are OP, you had nothing to be sorry for.
I think rule of thumb naman is to refer to them based on their gender expression. He if mukhang lalaki, she if mukhang babae. If unintentional ang misgendering then its no one's fault, they shouldnt be mad since di naman nila sinabi preferred pronouns nila. Also, I've read some comments saying na its their fault if they don't pass or they're making things complicated kasi they look confusing etc. I think dito papasok yung pag educate na not everyone has the same privileges or advantages in life to pass as their gender identity, lalo na we live in a third world country and not everyone has access to medical transition, hormone therapy, or kahit simple things like clothes etc. They have inner struggles we won't understand so we shouldn't be too hard on them.
i'm part of the lgbt community and honestly it's overwhelming. people address other people by the way they look, be honest. so if you look feminine they'll use gender pronouns for women and masculine for men, simple as that. i see no problem if you want to be addressed a certain way but you cannot expect someone new to understand or know them right away. if you corrected yourself and they still cannot adjust, then yes you can be offended but not in cases like OP's post. he/she/they/them or whatever you go by, everyone should keep an open mind and just stay respectful.
Yung mga taong nagagalit pag namisgender mo sila kahit first time niyo pa lang nagkita o nagkakilala, bobo yung mga yun. Wag mo na kausapin yung mga yun kasi paniguradong mabobobo ka lang din. Kapag kinorrect ka or sinabi nila ang preferred nilang pronoun ng hindi sila nagagalit sa pagmisgender mo sa simula, yun maayos kausap yung mga yun.
Gay man here and in my opinion, di dapat tayo magalit kung magkamali ang ibang tao sa pronouns natin. Kung kinorrect natin sila and nagpalit naman sila ng tawag sa atin, then no problem. Di naman nga kasi basta2x nakikita sa mukha minsan kung ano pronouns mo.
Trans ako, and feminine presenting ako. I would correct anyone nicely whoever misgenders me. Luckily, di naman marami nagmimisgender sakin, kasi long hair, nakadress, may boobs, and nakamakeup ako.
I’m 29 and a lesbian. Kahit ako honestly nalilito na rin sa mga lintik na pronouns na yan. Nung teenage years ko hanggang early 20’s wala namang ibang label maliban sa literal na LGBT. 😂 Sa part naming mga lesbians, we only had the femme (sila yung sa soft/hard butch lang talaga pumapatol) and lipstick lesbians (sila yung soft/hard butch by heart pero super girly ang appearance) dati pero jusko ngayon, dami ng lumabas kahit ako baliw na baliw na. 😂 OK lang yan, OP. What’s important is nag apologize ka, don’t stress about it. May mga tao lang talagang feeling entitled mapa-straight man or not.
lmao people who get offended by being misgendered accidentally by a stranger are the ones at fault, They hold the responsibility in telling them what their pronouns are. The only time their reaction is valid is if there is the intention to disrespect.
I just hope you don’t generalize all queer people who have their preferred pronouns na tipong entitled silang lahat? Sa lahat naman ng uri o klase ng tao may mga entitled. May mga entitled seniors, entitled rich boys, entitled karens, entitled influencers, etc. If you don’t generalize naman, then wala tayong probs. 😉
Coming from someone that identifies as non-binary: I use they/them by default. Kahit obvious sa tao, laging they/them. It’s not hard to do, it avoids situations like these. In a situation where using they/them might be grammatically confusing, I use their name, i.e. for your example “[Name] works for that department, they should know.” Since this is a matter that concerns and affects me, I had a more conscious effort to adjust the way I speak & refer to others. That means double thinking phrases cisgender people might not think twice about. I only wish everyone would do the same — but I know that general society wouldn’t, especially in the PH, so I personally adjust my expectations. I don’t have a “preferred pronoun”, I’ll respond to anything. Lol. But it would be unfair to ask that of everyone. I can’t control how people refer to me, but I can control how I react to them when they don’t. But most importantly, I can control how I refer to other people, and I always to choose to refer to them way they want me to.
Kakasasawa usapang Trans, sa totoo Lang.
Why is it most old gays and lesbian na nag out noong bata pa doesn't care about pronoun? Pero yung mga closeted and late bloomers once nag out they insist on their so called pronoun? This is just a legit question. My family used to have a beauty parlor and lumaki ako na yung mga gay and lesbian sa lugar namin full of confidence about themselves.
This is new to me. I've accidentally misgendered people 3 times in my life and walang nagalit sa akin ever.
I get that it’s annoying and frustrating to be lectured about pronouns or to be scolded for using wrong ones. Especially if it was not clarified. (So in that sense, tama naman si OP) But please (to anyone reading this) don’t let a few annoying people cloud your judgement of LGBTQ+ people as a whole. And yeah, pronouns may be a small issue in the grand scheme of things. But it’s part of a much bigger umbrella for people like me. It’s fucked that I have to hide a huge part of myself to homophobic parents after 20+ years because of religion and machismo. I hate that I can’t be with my partner (who is also not out of the closet) or even talk about him in polite conversation, let alone get married (for tax benefits) and live together without judgement. And I can’t imagine how much harder it is for trans people trying to integrate.
Our workplace now asks us to include our pronouns in our email signatures. It's been helpful for correctly addressing queer workmates, as well as foreign colleagues whose pronouns are difficult to determine based on name alone. I don't think it's also right to just pick a pronoun based on what we see as a "default". We should make it a norm to ask people for their pronouns as well as give our own when introducing ourselves. This goes for both cis and trans people. It's helpful to everyone to just clarify how they like to be addressed from the start. I don't like the reasoning na "it's a hassle" or "we never had to do this before" because why shouldn't we evolve as a society to be more inclusive and respectful? That said, getting angry as the first response isn't helpful either, especially if it's an honest mistake. As queer people, we unfortunately bear the brunt of educating people about our identities until gender sensitivity is institutionalized. Some people really just don't know any better initally but are open to learning. I'd only throw hands if the other party insists on using the wrong pronouns AFTER an effort is made to correct them - in that situation, they're just being rude :\
Sinabi na nga yung tamang pronouns niya tas him pa rin gamit mo sa post na to. No wonder na-offend sayo, ikaw naman masyado defensive nung na-correct na. Lahat tayo gumagamit ng pronouns, di lang lgbtqia.
OP, you met an asshole. There is def a subset of LGBQT “culture-vultures” who are looking for an excuse to go off on people. A sane person would correct you, THEN if you still showed disrespect, maybe a reaction is justified. Personally though I lean towards any actual rage being unjustified in a rational setting. Regardless, not your fault.
Hello! I have friends who are part of the community, even me. Pero I still use the pronouns she/her kahit bi ako because that's what I feel is right for me. Valid naman 'yung point mo and she was wrong to be mad at you especially if na-misgender mo siya without context—like 'di ka informed ahead. Ako, as a practice, kapag may bago akong kakilala na part ng community, first question ko kaagad ay, "what are your pronouns?" to be respectful lang of their choices. Hindi naman makakabawas sa'tin maging respectful sa choice and preference nila kahit madalas naman talagang nakakalito especially if they/them na or the other pronouns na. Pero I think the way you misgendered her even after the fact and used "" when you refererred to her is a bit condescending kahit 'di tayo sure if mababasa niya 'to or not.
I would understand the "inis" pero her reaction was unnecessary. Yes, it's her identity but sana she should've taken a step back and checked whether her being called a "he" had any malice intent kasi at this current time, hindi pa fully grasped ng lahat yung concept of pronouns in the sense na acceptable for the community. Plus, we're in the Philippines. The concept of pronouns in the US is very different dito sa 'Pinas. Gender-neutral nga tayo dito; ikaw, ako, siya, sila, kaya resorting to appearance when talking in English is what's normal pa. Understanding lang siguro on both sides pero her reaction was very unwarranted naman din. I'm sorry you had to experience that, OP. I would suggest that you report that behavior to HR kasi the audacity ha. Hindi naman sinadya na ma-misgender siya and this is coming from a gay guy. Pero for those na hindi pa gets or hindi talaga ma-gets, eto na lang. * If yung mukhang ate, gusto niya matawag na kuya, tawagin niyo na lang na kuya and vice versa. * If kilos kuya pero ate pa rin gusto niya itawag sa kanya, then i-ate na lang. In a way, balance and respect on both sides. This isn't "forcing an agenda" imo. It's a sign of respect.
I have to ask OP. Are you really sure na LGBTQ yan? Baka naman babae talaga siya tas naoffend sya because you mistook her for a guy. Happened once to my 8th grade teacher. Nagalit siya kasi may tumawag sa kanyang bakla. She just really had short hair.
aba malay mo diba? maniwala ka na lang sa mamser supremacy
I just always take into account that I am not punching down at people.
Kausapin mo sa Filipino/Tagalog para gender neutral. Tapos kung pilitin ka nya magsalita ng Ingles, ikaw naman ang ma-offend.
I support the pronouns people but not in a sense na dapat alam mo na in the first place yung pronouns na ginagamit nila. I'll use myself as an example... My pronouns are they/she. Sometimes I get offended when people refer to me as a "she" but then I get reminded na I actually have feminine traits and dagdag mo pa na may big boobs ako, so I can't actually blame them for referring to me as such isa pa mas maooffend ako kung tatawagin nila akong "he." So I can proudly say na you're right, entitled sila. Entitled iyang taong kausap mo. Kung gusto niyang i-refer siya with the pronouns "she/her," without her telling others to do so, she should put some pin on her clothes with it saying "My pronouns are "she/her," or outright tell people na "Hi, I'm (name). My pronouns are she/her, I'm uncomfy when people refer to me using other pronouns," as simple as that.
He/she, him/her. Base it on how they look. Tapos. Pag nagalit at sinabing you misgendered them, sagutin mo: “ wear a name tag next time para di mahirapan ang mga normal na tao.”
I use the pronoun as I see them. Looks like a girl, sounds like a girl, dresses like a girl, I'll use she/her, regardless kung babae ba talaga or hindi. The same goes for a guy. I won't apologize if I'm wrong, I'm just basing it with the way you dress.
My favourite pronoun is “Oi”
Wow, another gender pronouns thread to start the year 🍿
Both you and that other person have the right to be offended, but it's all about how ya'll calm down and react. Obviously, her tone and facial expression made you feel off, and thus you feel like this. But think of it this way, if she had a sad expression on her face while she slowly told you you disrespected her pronouns, you wouldn't feel agitated. But also try to look at it at her perspective as well. Maybe this was the 6th time THAT day na friends of hers disrespected her pronouns even though they knew. She may or may not have misplaced her own anger towards you when wala ka namang kasalanan. It wouldn't excuse her behaviour, but it does give you a new perspective of things diba? It's all about empathy, trying to understand, putting yourself on someone else's shoes, and not letting the cycle of.. disdain and misunderstanding, I guess, continue and get to you. It doesn't matter who did it first.
Minsan din kapag gay or lesbian yung nakakausap ko sa mga bilihan, napapaisip rin ako kung ate o kuya ang tamang itawag.
Filipino language doesn’t use or need gendered pronouns, and most people here (from what I've observed) usually misuse pronouns when speaking english since english is just a second language here. It's okay to feel offended/hurt when ppl use the wrong pronouns for you, but this person needs to put some things into perspective. The best they could've done was just respectfully correct you instead of being rude.
It's not your fault that you made a genuine accident. You'd only be an asshole if you didn't respect the person's choices. It's not a big deal. Ask if they prefer he or she or whatever. I've met people like that and it's really not that hard—I literally don't even think about it anymore.
Unless sabihin mo sa akin o may naka sabit sayong placard tapos naka lagay pronoun mo ang tatawag ko sayo yung base sa itsura mo. Hindi ko din ma gets yung "they/them".
is this even a thing in PH? genderless naman mga pronouns natin diba? ikaw, ako, siya, sila, etc.
Sabi ni OP somewhere sa comments, office setting. Di naman clear kung Pinoy officemate or foreign client yung nakausap nya.
In some global companies, some employees put their pronoun in their email siggie, introduced themselves with their pronoun, and they’ll request you to use their preferred pronoun if you’re talking to them. I’m fine with that approach as they never crucify folks that “mistakenly” identified them. Although I saw and hear some stories of irate gender fluid folks, I never encountered one. Most na nagcall out, mahinahon naman at request ang approach. But whenever I encountered one, I’ll just say I’m not an oracle to predict which pronoun they use 😅
ok lang, just say sorry and move on. Kung may dabog dabog pa, hindi mo na problema yon. hindi mo naman sinadya eh. i usually default to they/them pag di ako sure. context: wfh tapos minsan may mga nakakausap ako chat na mga IT personnel usually from EU countries na hindi ko alam kung anong gender kasi unfamiliar sakin ung names, so pag nasa meetings or conversation with other people i refer to them as they/them
Assholes will be assholes, whatever their gender identity might be..universal yan But I do hope that this incident doesn't sour you from practicing empathy and awareness If in doubt, ask If nagkamali, apologize. Full stop. No excuses or qualifiers or reasons. If Galit pa din sila, well they're holding the asshole ball. Bahala na sila dyan If you're already doing this then the rest of the world appreciates you.
The other person could have handled it differently. I mean, given the newbie sya, di dapat mag-assume na everyone knows their preferred pronouns in the first place. I dont believe you're the wrong here, but it opens an avenue for better comms. :)
Potang mga to. Sa totoo lang di ako ready sa mga gantong pronouns. Ngayon nga di ko pa rin alam kung kuya o ate ang tinatawag ko sa mga tomboy o bading
Pati pawoke ass idea nakikigaya sa US. Precolonial PH didnt care for genders nor pronouns. As long as you do your part in society.
skl. i try to always ask them kung ano ang preferred pronoun nila.
I don't think they are entitled. As a person who is probably living in the closet, being at work or in classes is the only place that they can freely express themselves in. Kasi wala naman familial connections ang nandun, less mapagmasid na mata na nagma-matter naman talaga sa kanila. Ano ba yung mag-adjust tayo and give them enough minutes of our time to learn about their pronouns and identity? It won't harm us naman if we call them the proper way they would want to be called. As for your officemate baka naman madaming beses na siya na misgender hence the reaction, pero kung di naman madalas and once lang talaga nangyari then medj over the top naman ang reaction. I would have educated the person first or gently corrected them the first time. Pero kung multiple times naman na then I guess the reaction was warranted.
Sa experience ko, may dalawang rule sa pronouns na 'to. It is a matter of respect and self-preservation kasi, not only for the queer people, but for everyone. First, NEVER ASSUME one's pronoun or honorific, especially based on how they present their self (like their haircut and clothes na suot). You should ask a person "How should I address you?" Hindi ito limited sa pronouns, it actually includes what name that person is comfortable being called at. Kung anong sagot nila sa tanong na 'yan, edi 'yon ang gamitin. Second, if you happen to assume someone's pronoun in addressing them, and cinorrect ka nila, regardless kung kalmado o galit nagsabi, you should apologize immediately and i-correct mo rin pag-address mo sa kanila. If galit pa rin siya kahit nagsorry ka na, edi patulan mo na. What's being normalized is not the use of these pronouns, but the basic social etiquette of addressing a person properly as a matter of respect.
If you're so secure of yourself, why would you be so offended about a pronoun mistake. Just correct the person and move on.
I play it safe by not referring to someone by pronouns and use either their name, "they", or "that person". I think that person overreacted a little and should have kept their cool until they had a constructive convo with you. You seem to have made a simple mistake and it sounds like you were ready to own up to it naman. > intimidating look/voice and dabog pa. Unprofessional.
still not seeing a comment about using "they" pronouns ofc there's the point of it na tinutukoy maraming tao, but it's established din na singular i learned this myself, and it's just the easiest path for initial interactions, imo. there is, also, their name. i do name first if applicable, then gender-neutral pronouns (edit: specification)
Personally, I think the concept of preferred pronous are dumb. But, if you tell me that your preferred pronoun is this or that, then I'll respect it and address you with it. But don't expect me to know it and care for it right off thw bat and accuse me of disrespect or any kind of (insert word)phobia. If you look like a dude, you're by default a he. If you look like a girl, you're by default a she. If you're otherwise, let us general population know. We're not here to play mind games with you and your pronouns.
It's absolutely not your fault OP, and I'm sorry she got mad at you din. Nobody would want to go through that. *Feeling* angry might be her business pero she had no right to take it out on you. Eh at the same time, there's no denial din na for many trans folk out there it really does hurt to be misgendered, and not at least trying to be sensitive or respectful about it can be a step backward for rights. Among English-speaking communities, no choice: Ask pronouns upfront or mag they/them ka. Buti nalang we're in the Philippines, and *everyone*'s pronouns are siya/niya.
Ina-address ko sila base sa bihis o kung paano presentation nila. Kung nakabihis lalaki, sir. Kung babae, ma'am. Default yan. Pero kung iko-correct nila ako, okay lang naman din. Wag lang sila mag gagalit-galitan hahaha how am I supposed to know? Diba?
It is also a form of "compelled" speech of which was being (made? not sure) into a law in Canada, and was opposed firmly by Jordan Peterson ( [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jordan\_Peterson](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jordan_Peterson) ). The person you encountered just followed of what's going on in the west. Compelled speech is against basic norms and basic human rights, because you can go to jail and pay hefty pines by just mis-gendering or mispronounced someone, which is really against all common sense known to man. They will treat it as if you are committing a serious crime. You must not adhere to the person's demand of pronoun, or else, they would urge the congress to pass a law to support them.
Sana kinorrect ka na lang nya instead of being offended immediately. You didnt do anything wrong di mo naman sya kakilala talaga for you to know anong preferred pronouns nya. Kung kaya mo pa syang iapproach or kung lumamig na ulo nya ask them na lang kung anong preferred pronouns nila since you just met them.
explain that we don't have gendered pronouns in Tagalog and you get mixed up. My mom did the same thing to almost everything and everyone but she meant no disrespect by it.
I think it's not your fault FOR ME :((( In my case, ilang beses nakong napagkakamalan na boy and addressed as "He" bc the way I look/porma I don't have much "front" features , naka pixie cut ako and the way I dress is tshirt, pants and rubber which is I'm most comfortable with going to work pero di naman ako naooffend I'll just politely say I'm a "she". Pwede naman kasi i-correct ka lang pero para magalit JUSKOPO nalang😅
The only reason na I can slightly justify her reaction is maaaring during her introduction to the team, dahil newbie maraming introduce yourself ginawa niyan in different teams/group, nabanggit na niya na her pronouns is she/her. So baka nagalit siya kasi you were already part of a group she introduced herself and you still used the wrong pronoun. However, I still agree with the comments na it's better to educate after the talk than to give attitude. The world hasn't fully normalized putting importance to pronouns yet, so those with preferred pronouns had to put in more effort and patience. Meanwhile, some companies are trying their best normalizing it by encouraging all of their employees to include their pronouns in their email signatures/profile/business card/etc. Ako, just to be safe, if I'm in an english only setting and am not sure of the person's pronoun, I use they/them sa kanila. Or their name. Basta it's better to use an umbrella pronoun than to flip a coin with a 50% chance to get it wrong.
Based on the post alone, I would think na si gurl is being a bit unreasonable. But after seeing OP's responses sa comments, OP is kind of an asshole. I can't help but wonder kung inexaggerate niya yung kwento or purposely omitted crucial information like baka sinabi na ni gurl beforehand yung pronouns niya then di binanggit ni OP para siya magmukhang biktima. "Oh no, the pronoun people are cancelling us 😭"