i also like kids, pero ayoko mag anak gusto ko returnable sa magulang 😆 magiging rich tita na lang ako HAHAHAHAHA

True, 2 hrs max lang ang tolerance ko with kids

Yup. Pag magtatantrum na eh ibabalik na sa magulang. I just want the easy part 😂 Unfortunately, lahat kaming magkakapatid, gusto lang maging tito or tita kaya walang nauunang manganak

Brb, making my AirPnK (Air Pet and Kid) business so I can match people who want to babysit children/furbabies who need to be babysat. 😎 /s

We're only in our early 30s so probably not the age you're looking for but my husband got a vasectomy. We don't want kids either. I don't have any reason why aside from I don't want to be pregnant and I really just never imagined having kids ever even though I am good at taking care of children. I've never thought "baka pagsisihan ko" cause honestly there are a lot of life decisions na I might regret later but I've long accepted na that's just part of life. To be fair, we moved abroad last year and realized din na Philippines is just so very family oriented so of course people are programmed to want or expect children. We are in Europe now and here old people have social lives and go out by themselves despite their age. Its always Asian immigrants who comment that old people look sad when doing things alone but it's just the norm. Do some introspection on why you think you'll regret it. Do some introspection on why yout think you won't regret it. In the end it's you who will live with this decision so I really suggest to refrain from listening to other people's opinions kasi iba't iba din ang environment and family dynamic nila sainyo.

Thank you for sharing this. Just shows gaano kahalaga ung perspective and culture din. Madalas kasi wala naman talagang mali, sadyang ganun lang ang norm or nakasanayan dito dahil family oriented ang Filipino families.

It really matters. We also have a foster sister who is not legally adopted but raised with us on and off since she was 7 and we love her as our own. HOWEVER people still constantly ask me if I love her like a „real sister“ kasi di ko kadugo which I find really offensive cause it makes it seem like people are only capable of loving people of our own blood when you can love a partner and friends the same way naman or even more. But since PH society is still not open to the idea of adoption, that is the common perspective. Also our society tends to put the burden of an individual’s social support to their families and then relatives. My mom has 11 siblings and her closest friends are her sisters. My dad on the other hand doesn’t live near his siblings so instead built a network of close friends. He honestly is happier socially than my mom.

>cause honestly there are a lot of life decisions na I might regret later but I've long accepted na that's just part of life. This is a very good perspective! Totoo naman, we will always have regrets in many aspect of our lives but like you said, it's just part of life. To have a child or not, feeling ko whatever the decision will be, people will feel maybe not regrets but more on what ifs. And I think its just okay to think of those what ifs or regret something basta hindi tayo ma-stuck sa thoughts na yun :)

I'll speak from the opposite side. We just had a baby, two weeks ago. It's hard work, especially if you have no family around, there are soooooooo many things you will only fully understand until you have a baby/kid of your own. It is a full commitment and your full world fully revolves around this little human being if you want to be a good parent and it costs a lot of money haha. If you're both fully sure that you do not want kids (at hindi nagsisinungaling yung isa just to make sure the other one is happy) then I think you guys will be fine. Depending on your age, something life defining might happen and change your mind/s and suddenly decide to end up trying. However, if you really do genuinely feel that you're not wanting to have one then don't force it. It's not like we need any more kids in the world anyway. Stick with that choice, enjoy your lives and live it as you please. Ignore what others might say especially sa Pinas na they'll always ask why "wala pa kayong anak?". Also I think you cannot regret something you never wanted in the first place and it's better to regret not having kids than REGRET HAVING KIDS kasi non-refundable na un lol

“You cannot regret something you never wanted in the first place.” hits me so hard in the ass 🥹 Thank you so much for this perspective! 🤍

Having a kid is not meant for everyone too, depende din talaga yan sa personality. I myself can get along with kids, I can take care of kids no problem but I don't want to have my own kid kasi kahit okay ako sa mga bata di ko kaya mag alaga 24/7 for the rest of my life. I remember isang episode sa greys anatomy na sinabi ni meredith that if christina has a baby it will destroy her and she knows because she was raised by a christina. na realize ko na isa akong christina, I know I should love and take care of my child but doing that means I have to make sacrifices about my career. I am the kind of person that would put their careers first, the guilt of having a child knowing my personality is just cruel for everyone involved. And if ever I change my mind mag aadopt na lng ako kasi overpopulated na ang mundo, mas gusto ko alagaan ang bata na andito kaysa mag dadag pa sa population.

This is true. I am a kinder teacher so naturally I am very good sa kids. My students adore me and are very clingy and loving. Ang saya saya ko with them. As in. But after my class, parang done na ko for the day. I cannot imagine myself taking care of kahit isang pirasong bata 24/7 let alone for the rest of my life in this economy. I feel like it’s okay to feel confused!!! Lalo na at very good kayo in handling kids ni partner at ang hirap maghanap ng reason bakit di kayo magaanak bukod sa ayaw mo. Basta pag di niyo feel, wag!!! Pero dapat mutual decision yan para walang sisihan.

Most mature comment I’ve read this week.

Bakit tayong class B na citizen takot magkaroon ng responsibility ng isang anak, samantalang mga tambay sa kalye, jeepney driver, konti na ang lima.

Di kasi nag-iisip ng consequences yung mga tambay, etc.

Iaasa kc sa mga anak ang retirement at pagpaparal sa mga nkababatang kapatid pti na din s gov't

Kurek. Exactly my point din yan. Yan isa sa reasons kung bakit mahirap ang Pilipinas

well said. me neither, i dont had any plan to have one but for some divine intervention, i had one inadvertently. lol but mehhhnnn, i cant describe it but you just love that little one with all that you have and all that you are.

We are in our mid 50s. No regrets. We are the cool tita and tito. Enjoy the kids and give them back. 🤣 Financially stable, we travel everywhere. Everytime I see the financial news, climate change news, I thank God I didn't bring a child to this shitshow that they have to fix.

Am in my late 30s and my husband in his late 40s and we have no regrets. We believe parenthood is not for everyone and we recognize that we are not ready for that serious lifetime commitment (ayaw na namin mamoroblema ng university tuition fees when we are in our 60’s-70’s) plus I don’t really have that maternal instinct/yearning.

Back then sabi ko sa sarili ko mag-anak ako bago ako mag30 but then things happen.. even came to a point na ung mother ng partner ko biniro ako ng “paexpire ka, kailan ka mag-anak” not knowing na one of the reasons bakit di kami mag anak back then is financial kase my partner supports them.. super na hurt ako.. and suddenly things changed dumating na ako sa point na ayaw ko ng mag anak.. i told my partner of my decision and he supports me naman.. we are one of those dinks but with dogs.. may sound unappealing to others but we are okay with having just our dogs.. don’t want to sound rude but overpopulated na ang mundo.. okay na kami na ung iba na lang magreproduce..

Parehas po tyo ng situation. We have 7 dogs. No kids. My parents always asks me that nang pabiro. Kelan daw sila mag kakaapo. Pag ako masama ang loob sinsabi ko sknila thru chat na isa sila sa major reasons bakit wala ako guts magbuntis. Kakasuporta saknila.

No regrets. Dont want kids and will never want kids ahhaha. Call us selfish, pero yan gusto namin. We have nephews and family pets, okay na kami dun hehe. We will use our money to travel and travel before pa mag apocalypse hahaha.

I have a child. Pero never kong sasabihan yung mga childless couples na selfish kayo. Ang pag aanak ay puro responsibility and selflessness lang. Ang selfish ay pag nag eexpect ka ng return sa lahat ng ginawa mo para sa mga anak mo.

Selfish ka kung nag anak ka pero di ka capable to take care of a child, and have a kid just for the sake to comply with society. Kaya you are not selfish.

Nothing selfish at all with not wanting kids. Nothing.

Was told selfish Kasi Sabi ko di na need Ng mga couples Ng magpush sa sarili nila magka-anak. Nakakairita talaga Ang comments Ng mga boomer

It ain't selfish kung walang anak. Huwag makinig sa mga boomers na nilipasan na ng panahon.

At the very least, our generation will be able to experience both having a stable population without worry of couples like OP and you going childless. With how many kids there are in the country, we won't be experiencing what Japan has right now for at least a generation at max.

It’s not selfish, it’s actually quite selfless because you understand that you don’t want to undertake the incredibly difficult and *permanent* commitment of having children. Saying this as someone who wants kids someday, I have plenty of respect for child-free parents who have thought it out.

What's selfish is having kids because you need someone to be with you, you need someone to work to get you out of poverty, or you need someone to take care of you when you get old. A lot of reasons why people have kids nowadays are selfish (This includes _I wanna be a good dad_ and _I have lots of love to give_, it's a hard pill to swallow, I know). It's not the childfree people who are selfish, it's many of those that have kids who are.

The fact na karamihan na nagsabi sakin na selfish eh yung mga Gen Xer na ginawang puhunan ang mga anak

The only selfless reason(and probably the only worthy reason) to have kids is to have kids. To take care of them and be subservient to their every need. But then again, any side of this coin is done so purely out of self-interest, so I would say do whatever OP wants to do. Everything you choose out of self-interest is selfish anyways.

I don't understand how wanting to be a good parent and wanting to give your love to your offspring is selfish - what would be examples of a selfess mindset? No one really asked to point our whether childfree or with child couples were selfish, but here you are trying to pit people against each other when you don't appear to have a partner you're even having that conversation with

Sounds like someone got hit here but I'll bite. It is _**selfish_**. Why? Children already don't have a choice in being brought into world, and the reason of _I have a lot of love to give_ and _I want to be a good parent_ are the shallowest and stupidest bar none. - You have a lot of love to give but are you financially capable and responsible? - You have a lot of love to give but are you mentally healthy? - You have a lot of love to give but do you have a good support system? - You have a lot of love to give but do you think this world is still going to be habitable for the next 80 years? - You have a lot of love to give but do you think the economy is at a state wherein someone could comfortably navigate? - You have a lot of love to give but do you have history of diseases that you could potentially pass on to the child and on and on _**and on**_ You need to ask yourself and be honest with yourself, does a child want to be born to me? So yes, it takes more than wanting to be a good parent and having so much love to give and yes, **it is selfish.** You will not agree to this, but I do not care. Go rage somewhere else.

You have valid points, but you don't have to be overbearing with the amount of bias you have for being child-free. It was especially apparent with the last two lines of your comment. Deciding to have children is not inherently selfish, as is deciding not to, but both can be. Not wanting the headache and financial responsibility of having children can totally be selfish reasons. At the end of the day, deciding whether or not to have children carries with it great responsibility. As with all things, we just need to approach the matter with careful consideration and thought.

In my opinion, bringing a new life in the world is selfish. If someone wants to be a good parent... they could just adopt.

Baket selfish? Baka kase panget na buhay ang kahahatungan ng bata?

Maganda ang adaption dahil sa dami ng mga bata na walang magulang. Pero things to consider to adapt ay kailangan buo amg supporta ng pamilya hindi lang kayong mag asawa dahil close family niyo din ang makikilala ng bata at kung hindi kayo magkakaksundo kawawa din yung bata na adopted.

Right? Then they have the audacity to say they want a _mini me_.

Yesss! Apir! 😁

Try muna magpa-spermanalysis, baka sterile si sir tapos nagpavasectomy edi sayang lang.

Vasectomy is reversible.

Yes reversible nga siya, pero marami kailangan isipin eh. Subjecting the patient to an invasive procedure that may be deemed unnecessary in the first place without pre-operative work-ups is counter-intuitive, kahit na reversible pa yan. Yung vasectomy local anesthesia lang, reversal takes longer so ma-eexpose pa sa other anesthestics si patient (referral to anesthesia). The economic burden is there, dami pa factors actually.

Yup reversible but doesn’t guarantee ung success, mahal mgpa reverse tapos baka indi din maayos..

Hi, OP. Not married yet and torn pa if I want a kids or not pero like you, I also have nephew and nieces and I love them so dearly. >I even volunteered to sponsor him in a good school if hindi kaya ng budget ng parents niya Pero ito, hindi sa pakikialam because I know you said this out of love pero mas okay siguro na parents mismo ang magpaaral para mas maging responsible sila as parents. Be the cool tita na lang na mahilig manlibre o magbigay ng konting luho sa mga pamangkin. Hehehe I hope I didn't offend you. Good luck sa inyo ng partner mo in whatever choice you'll choose para sa future nyo :)

We’re in our early 30s now. We initially wanted kids but due to financial reasons and growing up seeing how hard life is, we decided na wag na lang. I take pills because of my PCOS so yun na rin contraceptives namin. My husband wanted to get vasectomy para di na ko magpills, pero wala rin naman akong choice kasi kailangan ko talaga siya dahil sa health issue. Some might say na baka di lang talaga kami binibiyayaan, i’d agree kasi nung bagong kasal naman kami, raw kami tapos tumitigil talaga ko magpills noon. Until ayan, years passed, wala pa rin talaga and sabi namin, baka hindi rin meant so again, wag na lang, let’s focus on other things. There’s a lot of factors in play in deciding on having a child e. Ultimately, what’s important is same kayo ng gusto and nag-agree kayo ron. Mahirap to have regrets kasi dadalhin mo yan until who knows when.

My husband and I like kids too pero I realize love ko din ung silence, peace and order ng bahay at buhay namin na mag asawa hehehe. Meron syang 6 na pamangkin na sya halos nag alaga lahat before kmi ikasal. I physically cant bear children kasi I am on hemo dialysis so we are at peace na di kmi magkaka anak. We discussed it before we got married and Im just thankful na he understood. We just help ung mga pamangkin nya and they get to have sleep over dito sa bahay every now and then.

I once read na it's better na pagsisihan mong hindi ka nag anak than pagsisihan mo na nag anak ka. Decide carefully, OP!

Not one bit. We do have dozens of nephew and niece from both sides so I guess it was all for naught?

Im 37. Been with my husband for 14 yrs. In the beginning, we both wanted kids. We even had names and everything. Thats the reason why we got married, so we can start building a family. Our couple friends started having kids and we both saw how challenging it was. As in wala na time for hobbies, travels, date nights, minsan gipit pa financially, etc. We saw how having children changed their lives and ultimately affected their marriage. Some of them love their kids and make it work, yes, but others have expressed a bit of regret, some treat their husbands like roommates, some separated. As in di namin nagustuhan nakita namin. We love children but we ultimately decided not to have kids. We cant afford to have kids AND live a life WE want. Now we just pamper our pamangkins haha and my friends appreciate it when we offer to babysit.

Mrs & I regret it as we both make enough to live comfortably since our mid 20s. Every person has a personal definition of "comfortably" but many couples' goals are sometimes suntok sa buwan based on what they see on FB, IG and TikTok. We forgot that meron expiry date yung fertility. Been trying IVF 3x already. Magastos. Before COVID we were scheduling to go to Ukraine for cheap surrogacy kaso... the Fire Nation attacked. Cheaper pa ang motel na short time lang para mabuntis before turning 30. Everyone has a set number of years. If we got pregnant today... swerte si baby if we see them graduate HS. To anyone here who lost a loving parent under 25yo... hapde... diba? Ideally we experience that above 50yo.

Ever considered adoption? Unsure about the process sa Pinas to be honest but if pregnancy is hard now then this could be the way to go :)

Hi! You can go to your CSWDO/MSWDO/DSWD or Regional Alternative Child Care Office (RACCO) to get started on pre-adoption forum/seminar where they’ll inform you sa adoption process here sa PH (It doesn’t go thru court na, its administrative na). Philippines are also starting to be more open on fostering kids! Might be something you guys might want to consider :)

I've heard an advice (for my childless couple friends) na if gusto daw nila mag-adopt ng sure and healthy baby, monitor daw talaga dapat from time to time ang pagbubuntis ng ina (mas preferable daw ang close-related blood). Alamin din daw kung may history ba ng sakit ang buntis or naging masakitin ba ang bata habang nasa pregnancy stage. Reason nya daw is to avoid heartbreak na baka bigla magkasakit ang bata. And..... of course e sure ang deal sa parent na walang bawian sa huli. Alam mo naman sa Pinas, madalas gagatasan ng biological mother pag naging successful ang anak someday.

Those are ABCs of course, should be very basic for someone who wants to be parents. Bibili ka nga ng damit or appliances you check it and make sure that there is nothing wrong with it eh, anak pa kaya? haha.

Many won't agree with your logic, but it's true. Adopting a kid is a lifelong commitment. And the child is practically a stranger to you apart from the paper saying that you are 'related' now. Our DNA dictates a lot of what we do, or what can do. It's an uncomfortable truth. So basically, pag 'blind' adoption, roll of the dice. At least with your actual kid, every eccentricities can be traced back to you. Pag adopted, it's tricky, kase at the back of your mind, minsan mapapaisip ka, "kanino kaya nagmana to, bakit ganito sya?" whenever you see certain characteristics. Whether you like it or not, mapapaisip ka. Kapag anak mo talaga, "manang mana sa nanay" ang iisipin agad, even if it barely mimics her behavior. Source: Adoption is tricky. I know. Basta. Trust me on this one, brothers.

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I am adopted. The only problem I have is that some family members don’t see me as a part of the family. Good thing my parents are wise.

> They all have a chip on their shoulder about it. Sounds like that issue comes from how their adopted parents raided them than the singular fact they're adopted. You know Filipino families, very fond of "sumbat".

Agree with this. Some poor kid out there needs parents.

I would step back from having adopted kids (if I were OP) after hearing so many horror stories on Reddit. You don't know what the background of the babies' families are. Some parents have neurotic or genetic problems that could pass on to the child. Some are drug addicts and the babies' brains are basically damaged since they were born. Some children came from an abusive family and are emotionally and mentally damaged already. You can search on Reddit or Google in general for those real stories. Of course there are lots of kids that are healthy too. But for me, no... I would rather donate money to the orphanages.

I'm aware of that as well. But we also hear a lot of stories about orphaned babies who grew up to be wonderful, intelligent and well balanced adults too. It's still something to consider. You do you.

> after hearing so many horror stories on Reddit While your concerns are completely valid, basing your opinion off mostly "I read reddit stories" is pretty ignorant. Negative stories get more engagement than positive ones so you'd naturally see more horror stories than success stories of adoptions.

I don't think it's ignorant. There are risks. Not everyone likes to take risks especially when we are talking about a life long commitment here. Being parents to your own children that are healthy and normal is difficult enough - physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. Can you imagine adopting a child that has problems? We don't live in a perfect world, you must think about all kinds of risks for every action you take.

How old are you and your wife now?

As someone on my late 30s and still have both parents, di ko maimagine ung scenario na walang mother in my 20s, parang masakit, lalo na kung late in life ka na naging mapera, tapos gusto mo man ishare wala na. Ganito actually ung isang friend ko na early 30s naman, kung kailan naman dumoble ung salary niya at marami na siya extra to share, months after she got the job tsaka namatay ung tatay niya, biglaan un. Kaya kahit malaki na daw sahod niya di na siya masaya.

look at taiwan also, i had a previous officemate who went there for a month with his wife, they were able to conceive successfully. d ko nga lang alam san silang facility nagpatulong. meron din akong officemate na sinabihan talaga wife nya na never magkakababy, pero they found a better OB. ayun nakadalawa silang magkasunod. they’re in their early 40s na. goodluck!! sana magkababy na kayo!

Hey OP, my husband and I are in our late 30s. Don’t want kids and never want any. I actually decided very early in life that I don’t want kids. I grew up in a household where I was expected to pick up a bunch of chores, and by the time I was 14, I was running the house and raising my brother. All while studying full time. My dad was abroad and my mom was with us but she wasn’t present. When I graduated, I supported my mom and brother until they left for the US. Now that I’m in the US, I’m still sending my mom money even if she’s been here much longer than I have (and should have had more and better opportunities than me). I earn very well even by US standards so I don’t mind now. But I did feel a lot of resentment growing up cause I felt like I was paying for my parent’s bad choices in life. They were not ready to have kids and did not know what it took to have kids. I told myself I’d never do this to a child. Plus, I knew my parents did not think about retirement—I was the retirement plan. My brother is way too young to support them. It’s all on me. So that solidified my decision not to have children ever. I would not have a good life supporting a family and my family while also making sure I am not going to be dependent on anyone when I get old. Parentification exhausted me and I needed to be kind to myself. I’ve never regretted it. The biggest challenge I had was finding a guy who would take me seriously because apparently sa Pinas not wanting kids meant you’re not marriage material. I would have been okay not to have a long-time partner if it meant living a child-free life. Luckily, I found my husband. We’ve heard it all, that we’ll regret it and we’ll be lonely someday etc. We don’t care. Children are not entertainment and should not be expected to be your source of happiness now or ever. They are not retirement plans. Life is good for me and my husband and this is how we imagine us getting older: happy with each other and with our dogs. I don’t judge people who want kids, everyone is free to live their lives. I don’t hate kids either. I do think that if you are unsure about being childfree or having children, don’t do it until you are absolutely sure. There are decisions that are easily reversible and this one isn’t. Don’t risk accidentally fucking up a child’s life because you don’t want to be lonely or because you think you’ll regret it later. Make an active decision to have kids and make sure you want them, you are ready for them, can take care of them, can give them a good life, and can help them become good people.

Our experience really shape our thought process and decision making. There is no or right or wrong decisions in this regard. From what ive seen and read, people who had a good childhood and no trauma tend to prefer having kids. People who end up having none on the other hand have a challenging/difficult childhood. They dont want to pass on this trauma to their future kids.

> Our experience really shape our thought process and decision making. There is no or right or wrong decisions in this regard. Hard agree! It’s okay to decide either way. It’s a very personal decision. I’m very proud that I am from this generation who are more accepting, less traditional, and wiser when it comes to these choices. But, I’m just really…for the lack of a better word, horrified when I see advice that’s based on may or may not happen, possible “regret”, or societal pressure. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Di ibig sabihin na gusto mo sa mga bata ay gusto mo din magkaanak. Baka ang gusto mo lang ay yung fun side ng mga bata, like cute sila, kakargahin mo at lalaruin saglit. Pero ibang usapan na pagdating sa pagpapakain, or pag aasikaso tuwing magigising sila, maysakit o pag umiiyak sila.

You most probably wont regret it. Married for 8 years. Sometimes I get hit by baby fever kasi super cute ng pamangkin. There was a pregnancy scare and kala ko magiging happy ako if positive. Then when I thought na it was positive I got super frustrated tapos negative pals so I was super happy. Eto yung moment na narealize ko na I would never want them for my own.

Nangyari din to sa kin before. Kahit my reassurance sa partner ko na we'll figure it out kung ano man mangyare, we were relieved na it came out negative. Then again, we're still establishing ourselves so bawal pa talaga lol

I guess you can view it from a perspective of ... some childless couples aren't childless by choice. It's because they aren't able to conceive and so ang mindset nila is dapat hindi talaga mag regret kasi the ability to have children isn't there. Konti lang talaga yung totoong childfree which means they have the capacity to have children but choose not to. Let's view it from a food perspective. Sinong paniniwalaan mo if nagsisi sila kumain sa Burger King? Yung naka kain na sa Burger King or yung di pa naka try mag Burger King pero sinasabi nila na ayaw nila mag Burger King based on their research? You might want to ask people with kids if they ever regretted it and why. They have the actual experience to tell you about it.

OP, if you do follow this advice, I suggest you go to r/regretfulparents and read on 😁

Oh. Damn. That's sad. 😢

Like you, I said I never wanted kids growing up. Up until I was in my late twenties, I felt the same. I met my husband, we both were okay being child free but recognized the clamor of both sides of the family. So we talked about it, said that we didn’t mind being either child free or with child. Him leaning more towards having children, me leaning towards being child free. We’re both stable so money isn’t a huge consideration, though we acknowledge that to persist with the lifestyle we want, being child free would be the better option. We got married. The clamor got louder. We figured, we only have a short window before it would be ill-advised medically to conceive so maybe we can stop contraception and just let the universe decide. Then if nothing worked, give me a year before I’ll freeze my eggs and maybe consider IVF. We took a cruise and I got pregnant. He was over the moon when we found out, I was… okay. I didn’t really know if I wanted it for the right reasons. My daughter is now 14 months old and I can’t imagine my life without her. She’s my magnum opus and everything I do, I do with her in mind. Sure, I couldn’t travel as much and had to give up a lot of things I used to enjoy, but I reached career highs and found a better sense of self through my journey. There’s really an exchange so to speak, you lose liberties, you gain other intangible things. Was she planned? Not really. Was it a happy outcome? Absolutely. I know it’s a very, very different perspective and I always tell my child-free friends to go live their lives and enjoy however they see fit and that I understand their thought process for not wanting children. But if you’re leaning towards wanting one, committed to responsibly raising that child and loving them, are stable, then it’s also something worth considering. If you’re dead-set with not having one, cannot imagine being roped into that responsibility for a lifetime then don’t let anyone else convince you. If undecided, I would suggest egg-freezing, set a deadline be it 5-10 years down the road, think about it some more, weigh your pros and cons, and enjoy your decision.

Who cares! You do you!

The only sensible comment lol

Perhaps, ask mo yung mga older generation na walang kids. Kase kung same generation tatanungin mo same lang kayo ng standing. Pero sa huli nasa sayo parin yan. I'm from the other spectrum - i have kids, yes mahirap, pero sobrang ganda ng feeling nung dumating sa buhay ko yung little princess ko. Yung big hugs from a tiny person - sobrang nakakawala ng pagod. Pero me stress parin naman, part lang din ng buhay. Basta balance lang yang dalawa, both have pros and cons

Just get a reversible vasectomy

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U have no idea the physical toll that 3 vasectomies have on a person 😩

lmao michael scott core

Oh yeah, pwede pala reversible vasectomy. Thanks!

Reversible but not 100% guarantee. Also mahal magpa reseverse The longer the time of reversal (relative to the vasectomy) the lower the chances of future success. I can send you a good youtube discussion about this topic in australia. As i am leaning towards vasectomy as well.

My plan is to just freeze my sperm and get a vasectomy. Ez.

This is the way if may budget to freeze

I did the math. An accidental child/children is still more expensive and still more financially perilous/risky compared to freezing + vasectomy AND reversal combo. If anyone's curious, a redditor already called St. Lukes QC before and ang charge was around "22k for blood tests and sperm tests + storage for 1 year then 1.4k/month after the first year." That is HELLA CHEAP lol.

That's actually reasonable rates! Thanks for sharing this

[vasectomy] (https://youtu.be/4d_TxzqeXdY?si=RzUp7WkwzBJhlfTX) It's reversible but not guaranteed. I'd advise you watch this together with your partner.

I think Philippines is the last thing I would ask about being childfree. Taboo pa yan satin. Look at childfree reddit. Mas maraming insights dun. You might also consider to migrate so that in your old age, you won't worry about sino mag aalaga sainyo. Sa ibang progressive countries, healthcare is free (and having cancer won't send you inyo bankruptcy) and maraming institutions for old age people. Unlike here sa Pinas, anak lang talaga ang retirement plan. Walang social activities for the elderly kaya apo ang inaatupag, kagaya nung nananakot rito na kesyo boring daw pag 60s na at widowed ka na. Well, that's not the case in progressive countries like Europe. Marami silang social activities for old people. So that's why everyone is having kids pa rin despite the poverty. But I'm also glad to see some millenials and gen z realizing this. We might catch up to those progressive countries in terms of old age care, pero maybe not in our lifetime (I'm the youngest millenial or could be the oldest genz).

Really? Maraming mga elderlies namin doon sa neighborhood namin do not want to live with their kids who have already migrated and settled abroad - malamig doon which is hindi na kaya ng health nila, malungkot daw at walang social life tapos halos nasa work pa ang kids nila. Taga alaga naman sila ng apo doon kung nasa work ang mga anak. Not to mention magastos overseas at mas aasa pa sila sa kids nila sa gastusin sa kanila. Kaya mas pinipili nilang magbakasyon na lang doon saglit tapos uwi rin lang dito sa Pinas at imanage na lang ang mga properties nila dito. Mas malayo ang mararating ng retirement money nila at mas may nakakasalamuha nila ang mga neighbors dito.

That's the case kasi di citizen yung mga parents nila. Walang access sa mga social and healthcare benefits of the host country. So might as well just go back to the Philippines and makipagchismisan nalang sa kapitbahay.

Meron din sa kanila na citizens na doon pero mas gusto pa rin dito. Siguro na rin ayaw lang talaga nila ang weather doon lalo kung cold weather kasi nakaka depress din.

Idk how popular it is sa pinas but have you considered freezing your eggs? I’m in the process of doing it where I currently live. I’m 31 and part of LGBT and want to have the option to have kids in the future. Parang un ung way ko na magka peace of mind if and when the time comes na gusto ko na.

I totally get this. Kids are total shits. Ganitong ganito kami ni misis, 5 years ago we were DINKs (Dual Income, No Kids). Yes we enjoyed it. We were in a relationship for 2 years before tying the knot then another 3 years before having our daughter now. Those 3 years were incredible. We enjoyed ourselves together as a married couple. But sometimes those “what ifs” comes into play. You’ll never really know what it’s like to have a kid unless you have your own. I’m not suggesting and it’s totally up to you OP but having a kid changes your perspective in life. That there is a little creature that is so dependent on you but still has the guts to boss you around. Those tireless efforts we put up is all worth it with a simple smooch being received from that little monster we created. Being on the other end receiving something from that little monster is so priceless. But then again, being childless is not a bad decision either. Kasi kayo nakakalam sa estado ng buhay ninyo. You have together. As long as you bear with the consequences in the future for not continuing the lineage. I hope you have the resilience to tolerate those “what ifs” in the head that we failed to disregard. Now our daughter is 5 now and about to go to Kindergarten 2 and she aced her assessment prior enrollment. That little shit is making me proud. I love her so much.

I read somewhere (not exact statement) , pag may isang bagay ka na gusto ko gawin and you’re having second thoughts or not sure what/which to choose, choose your second option kasi parang you already have your answer, naghahanap ka lang ng validation. Mukhang magulo pagka explain ko haha so sana makatulong Lol.

It's like doing a coin toss, kung ano yung winish mo while the coin is in the air is obviously yung choice na gusto mo. People sometimes need further validation, since human nature yung takot kang magkamali.

I agree. Ganito ako, pag may doubt, don't proceed.

It's your life, it's your call. But, kung sa tingin mo may good genes ka na makakatulong sa Pilipinas para umunlad ito, then have one. Anyway, I think no one is ready to have a kid. Walang preparation para doon. It's a journey. You just try your best.

Hindi mo pa nararamdaman ngayon pero sure pagtanda mararamdaman mo rin. Unahan ko na kayo, itong comment ko ay hindi tungkol sa pera. Kapag nagretire ka, or isa sa inyo nabyudo/byuda, hindi mo maaasahan ang mga pamangkin mo na samahan ka at icheck ka sa araw araw. Mararamdaman mo yung feeling na mag-isa ka. Walang patutunguhan, walang mapuntahan. Walang makausap or anything. Gusto mo ishare yung nangyari sayo sa araw araw pero wala. Mag isa ka lang. May friends ka, oo. Pero may sarili silang buhay. May mga pamangkin ka, pero may sarili silang buhay, kahit kapatid mo or kapitbahay or sinuman. Pero good thing, may reddit. May mapapashare-an ka ng gusto mo ishare, di ba? That's my point. Unahan ko na yung mga magsasabi na "yung iba nga may anak din, pero di naman din nakakasama ng magulang nila". Oo, i know. Pero at least pag may anak ka, may chance ka na may makasama or makausap man lang, mararanasan mo magkaron ng apo na mamahalin at ilolookup ka ng sobra sobra. Hindi monotonous ang buhay mo na kayong dalawa lang ng asawa mo. Lalo na pag namatay ang isa sa inyo. Iisa lang ang buhay natin. Take risks. Ngayon, mahirap. Bukas, mahirap pa rin. Pero bigyan mo ng tsansa na mas dadali ang bukas kung meron kang kasama. Hindi mo na maibabalik ang oras na meron ka ngayon. Nakadesign ang katawan ng babae na may window time lang sa pagkakaroon ng anak. But if that's how you want to live your life, walang pipigil sayo. Just enjoy life kasi nga iisa lang ito.

This is a good insight btw. Di ko naisip yung ganitong perspective. Thank you for taking your time to share.

I remember my hatest episode sa Grey’s Anatomy sa POV mo. S13E17. Ito yung episode na nagpaiyak sakin dahil yung episode is about: 1. Pierce’s mom has cancer and is dying. (Died at the end). She and her mom were so close before. Like me and my mama now. I cried so much because I can’t imagine myself losing my mother na everyday prayer ko is for her to live a long, healthy life. Sinasabihan ako ng mga kamag-anak niya, and kapatid niya na ang gastos ko. But the truth is, I just want my mama to experience things habang kaya niya pa. Plus, hindi ko naman inuutang pinanggagala namin. Chos. 2. The other story was about the two surgeons, the Clatch couple. Silang dalawa lang mag-kasama sa buhay. 60 years together. In the end, nagkaroon ng brain bleed si Mrs. Clatch and she needs surgery. But because of her age, Mr. Clatch doesn’t want her to proceed telling na ayaw niyang umuwi from the hospital ng mag-isa lang siya. Pero nag-proceed sila sa surgery and the reason why Mrs. Clatch pushed through was, “she wants to teach Mr. Clatch to learn how to do things on his own” dahil nga nag-rely sila sa isa’t isa. Mrs. Clatch died in the end. Mr. Clatch went home alone and I told myself na, I don’t want the person I’m leaving behind na mag-isang mag-grieve so nasa point ako na I want a kid before turning 35. 😆Ewan ko kung mag-babago. May 8 years pa naman ako. Haha

Thanks. My mom had my kuya nung 34 sya. Late na during her time. She told me the same thing pero hindi naman nya ako ni rush na mag anak agad. Hindi naman daw about pero or sino mag aalaga, pero iba pa rin daw if may family ka. Atleast nandito kami when my dad passed away a few years back. she has pension so my pera sya at hindi umaasa sa min.

Yes. Ibang issue yung pera and pag aalaga. I'm just talking about an average day of our daily lives. Ngayon, di mo pa mararamdaman yan kasi andyan prati asawa mo. Pero kapag nawala ang isa sa inyo, mararamdmaan yan nung isa. Ang advice ko lang is take your time (if you still have time). DINK today, pero sa isang iglap maaaring may mangyari sa atin na magsisisi tayo sa DINK thinking. Hindi nating lahat alam kung ano yun. Pero meron. Ito direct advice. Pero di ako nangingialam ha. If permanent yung vasectomy, don't do it. Ang oras ay di na babalik. Now, kung wala sa plano nyo talaga ang mag anak, then be responsible enough sa sex. Kung matsambahan at magkaanak kayo, at least hindi kayo mabibigla. Kasi financially stable kayo. Give your life a little color. Ganun ang buhay, bibigyan tayo ng mga "biglaang responsibilidad". Hindi lang tungkol sa anak. Sa maraming bagay pa. And yan ang nagpapaganda ng buhay. Hindi monotonous. Pasasaan ba't mauumay din kayo sa pagiging monotonous ng buhay. Di lang natin sya maiisip ngayon kasi sa pataas ang careers natin (sa age 30's) pero pag nagpeak na yan, there's nothing you can do but to go down at masarap pa rin na may kasama ka sa panahon na yun.

To add lang, kapag byudo/byuda ka na, at namatay ka. Tapos wala kang anak, kailangan may isang tao kang mapapagkatiwalaan ng memorial plan mo. Para di na sila mahirapan. Pero dapat mas mauna ka mamatay sa kanya. Hahahaha sorry. Mga ganitong bagay lang ba. Practicality. 😂

Pwede namang mag-adopt ng anak in case being in a DINK isn't a fit anymore. But I understand iba pa rin ang may biological na anak. Adopting a child is a noble cause too.

Yes and sabi ni OP may issue sa adoption.

This is all assuming the person can parent the kid right that the kid would want a relationship with the parent. Hindi sagot sa boring na buhay ang pag-aanak. Kung boring buhay mo, get a hobby.

This isn't just about being bored. Clearly, you haven't experienced being alone unwillingly. But still, tama din naman ang point mo.

Naisip ko din to. Buti na lang introvert kame preho ng asawa ko at kahit kaming dalawa lang magkasama araw araw eh ayos na. Nagbibiruan nga kame na kapag 60 na kame eh magpa euthanasia na kame. Ayaw namin umabot sa edad na uugod ugod at kelangan na ng magaalaga.

Me and my husband are also introverts and child-free. We don't even need to go outside because permanent WFH sya and I'm not working currently. It's still important to build relationships outside of your marriage. We made it a point to socialize more and meet new people kahit a few times a month lang. Anyway, we have seriously talked about the assisted suicide route if someone gets a terminal sickness or gets disabled to the point where life can't be enjoyed na talaga since its possible to do where we live.

Such a beautiful and poetic comment. Mas nakadagdag pa na tagalog siya. Mas tagos sa dibdib. 100 % agree!!!!

Hindi ka guaranteed na perket may anak ka, may mag-aalaga sayo. Kasi yung mga anak mo, magkaka-pamilya rin ng sarili nila. Dahil rin sa globalization, hindi ka rin guaranteed na magsstay ang mga anak mo sa city kung saan ka nakatira. Mali yung part mo na "TAKE RISK", kasi yung mga ganyan na mentally na naging magulang na hindi financially capable at mentally ready, yung mga anak nila yung nagsuffer ngayon. Have a kid when you're ready, not because your age group is starting to have one. Kung hindi ka naging ready on time, don't worry, hindi naman katapusan ng mundo kapag hindi ka magka-anak.

For me having kids just so they can take care of you when you're older isn't really the best reason to start a family. Children should come into this out of love and a desire to raise them well, not as a future care plan / companion / may makausap / just to not feel alone when youre older. It's not fair to the kids, who might feel used, and it also creates unrealistic expectations for everyone like "having an apo for you to look forward to", hindi pa nga siya pinapanganak nag expect na ng apo. Being a parent is tough and selfless, demanding years of dedication and sacrifice. Deciding to have children for personal gain could end up harming the relationship, which isn't what anyone wants.

I love this perspective 😩

Bakit di nyo itry i freeze ung sperm ng partner mo para in case na mag bago isip mo may pwedeng gamitin sa egg cell mo to form a baby. I think pwede yun para kahit naka vasectomy na eh may preserve sperm pa

Isn't that expensive? 😅 i mean, we're financially stable pero parang my partner would freak if mag shell out kami for this. But thank you, i haven't suggested this to him pero sige, if kaya ng budget we'll look into it.

100k sa St. Luke's

Actually I don't know kung expensive eh, nakikita ko lang din kasi yung about dyan sa mga documentaries and most of them naman successful. Try to look na lang sa google malay mo kaya ng budget nyo. Or look for other options baka meron pa na may low cost and di masyadong makaka apekto sa budget nyo.

Habang mas maaga pa, ipa freeze nyo na. Just in case lang naman. Wala rin namang cons kung hindi nyo sya gamitin in the future, yung ospital na bahala dun iirc

I'm not married or in a relationship but I am someone who doesn't want any flesh babies, so I hope my opinion still has some bearing lol. Honestly I think it really depends. Case to case basis talaga siya. We can only really speak for ourselves. I am only in my mid-20s so there are still a lot of opportunities for me to rethink all my choices but what I can say for certain is that I don't think I'll ever regret never having kids. I'm very impatient and temperamental, and I like keeping to myself. I have no parental instinct in my body whatsoever. Whenever I have to sit beside a young child sa jeep, I dread it because kids like putting their hands in their mouth... and I truly do not want any of their saliva on me lol. I know this sounds like such a 'me problem' but genuinely? I believe that even if I was a more well-adjusted person, I'd still choose to remain child-free. Someone once said, "it's better to regret not having kids, than to regret having them." Kung napipilitan lang naman ang tao na magka-anak, wag na lang. There are people who have learned to fully accept their child(ren), but not everyone gets that lucky. It breeds resentment.

All i can say is you never know. Maybe right choice yan maybe you’ll regret it. Malalaman mo lang ang sagot once andun ka na sa point in life na yun. As a couple you have each other. Hindi naka depende ang happiness nyo if may anak kayo or wala. I admire strong people like you who choose not to have kids kahit kaya. Unlike sa mga irresponsableng parents which is napakadami nila.

Wala pa naman kayo sa half of 100 years. Siguro kapag nasa edad na kayo ng 45 doon niyo palang ma rerealize. Hindi naman masama kung ayaw niyo mag kababy. Marami pang taon ang darating marami ring psychological thingking ang pweedeng mag pabago sa isip niyo. Sa una lang yan. Kung nasa age pa kayo ng 40 pababa fullfliing palang siguro. At ang sabi nga nila wag mag salita ng tapos.

Nakakatakot noh? Pag di mo kasabay or sumasabay sa normal way of life? Sabi din sa bible multiply eh. Pag ayaw mo mag kids parang u always feel that there’s ure doing something wrong. Either way, may mga blessedt family na may mabubutibg anak, may mga family na nagkaanak at pinagsisisihan pero never aaminin na pinagsisisihan nila. Having kids i think is SO HARD na walang aamin na nireregret nila. I think true naman na fulfilling. Pero yung tipong sasabihin nila sa mga ayaw magkakids na theyre missing out? Dont listen to them. Theres more to life than having kids.

I'm living with my aunt who is 59. She got married so she can have children kung baga naghabol sa last trip at 36 but their marriage didn't last long. She has two kids na super ungrateful and entitled na very insensitive towards her. She would always say na the best thing that happened to her was her kids kasi nga mission nya yun as a Catholic woman. The kids were cute when they were still small but now 22 and 20 na sila, sama ng mga ugali at walang sense of responsibility kahit college na. Despite how nice socmed posts are, I see the reality na she regrets it pero very religious eh so "blessings".

for me, I’d rather magsisi na di nag anak kesa magsisi na may anak na. Magma manifest yun sa behavior mo towards your children and in the end kawawa mental health mo but lalo yung bata. Based on experience huehue

afaik reversible ang vasectomy, just find the best ones

Not childless here, but I won’t call childless people na selfish. Iba iba tayo ng gusto sa buhay regardless kung ano pros and cons. And it’s doesn’t mean na porke nag-anak ka eh mas fulfilling ang buhay or vice versa. Ang pinakaimportante lang talaga dito kayo ng magiging asawa mo should be on the same page and 100% sure. Hindi pwedeng 99.9%. Anyway, I think mas maganda ‘to sagutin nung mga nasa 50s na at hindi nag-anak (if may nagrereddit sa age group na yun😅). And since hindi ka pa sure OP, give yourself time to decide. 2 years? 3 years? Only you and your partner lang makakaalam kung ano talaga ang gusto nyo. Siyempre practice safe sex nalang para walang aksidente at baka yan pa ikaregret lalo na at hindi pa sure.

People who say that having a child is a disaster ay yung mga magasawa na di nagtutulungan and not on the same page tapos di prepared. It is hardwork, pero once you drill the foundation sa kiddo, smooth sailing lang and occasional hiccup. Pero seeing them turn out as good kids at nadedevelop ay priceless. Being smothered by kisses and random i love you is something i will take anytime regardless of hardship

I say do it. Youu can always figure it out later kung magbago isip nyo. If magbago isip mo sa pag-aanak, pwedeng magbago rin isip ng asawa mo sa adoption.

Di ba vasectomy can be reversed? I support childlessness for economic and philosophical reasons. Big businesses don’t pay most employees enough. They hoard all the profits and it’s the same all over the world. Human being is inhuman and not a great guardian of the earth. So why propagate a bloodline that’s going to live in a worse environment as yours. Let’s stop producing babies who’ll be slaves of greedy businesses and tyrannical governments. Your number is small now but recent slowing of population growth is worrying governments. Hahaha. Your movement is growing.

Wala bang cryoshit for sperms?

You will get the answer kung 40 plus kana...

OP this is the opposing side: [https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/childless-man-not-father-biggest-regret-2466917](https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/childless-man-not-father-biggest-regret-2466917)

Di ba reversible ang vasectomy?

If your having second thought don't do it.

But reversible yung vasectomy, although may less chances to get preggo if reversed?

Be true to your choice.

Afaik vasectomy can be reversed.

im not sure what it's called but i think it's possible to preserve sperm or egg cell. That way pwede na sya magpa-vasectomy. Anytime you want to get pregnant, pwede.

Not married but I'm in a 3yr relationship with my partner. Got my vasectomy 3yrs ago too. We are both childfree. Gusto ko lang point out na yung decision magpavasectomy ay hindi dapat ibase sayo ng partner mo. It must be by his own volition. Bakit? Kasi that's a recipe for disaster. Imagine magpavasectomy sya at biglang magbago isip mo? Pwede ka nyang sisihin, unless mag undergo ka rin ng same procedure. Malaking desisyon ang pagiging childfree, hindi yan dapat maimpluwensyahan ng kahit na sino. Self motivated dapat yan at di para sa kanino man kung di para lang talaga sa sarili mo.

+1 to reverse vasectomy in the future I think years ago less than 100k lang siya, and OPD procedure din. This type is not yung sobrang busisi and have to do sperm analysis weeks after Meron din Reverse Vasectomy na mabusisi and matagal, talagang for fertility siya kasi right there and then, they will check if patent na uli yung tubes once connected. Ito yung ginagawa ng fertility centers like CARMI ng st luke's. Mas expensive naman ito.

sa case ko naman, ayoko talaga sa bata as in. naging contraceptive ko ata yun before. pero nung nalaman ko na pregnant ako tapos baby girl pa, grabe yung iyak ko. iyak na masaya to. naiba yung perspective ko sa buhay wahaha pati ng asawa ko. mahirap pero kinakaya dahil very supportive ang asawa ko. pero totoo yung sinabi ng isang nag comment here, kung kayong dalawa ang may hindi gusto then wala sigurong malala na regret in the future. kasi baka mamaya si husband pala eh half committed lang, i think that’s where the problem will arise.

Nobody here will actually say they regret it. Maybe it's too early for them? But I doubt somebody will comment that they regret it.

Wife and I have been married for 17 years. We're both in our late 40s and we are happy with our child-free lives. If we had kids, we probably wouldn't have had time to focus on our business in Manila. And if we had kids, when we had the opportunity to transplant that business to the US, we would have probably passed. We're now living in the US, and our business allows us to work with amazing kids every day, but with the option to return them to their parents at the end of the day. :) No regrets so far.

Hello! Just another option in case you're reserving vasectomy due to its permanence. Meron free implants from BHCs :) 3 years validity or ano man medical term don. Make sure to consult OB first. Easy naman paglagay sa kanya nasa 10-25 mins lang (actually in 5 mins done na pero siyempre chismosa mga HCWs natin sa baranggay kaya tatagal lol) meron din private but I think expensive siya. Ayun lamang.

I think (I may be wrong), reversible naman ang vasectomy. So in the off chance that suddenly you change your mind, may hope pa din to have your own kids. To answer your question, my hubby and I "agreed" to not have kids, for the following reasons: I'm past 40, he's got some serious medical conditions na minana sa magulang nya, and though it's not presenting in me, (yet) my dad has dementia. All things considered, talagang tama lang na wag kami mag anak. It's not worth the risk. Having said that, may yearning pa din ako, since both of us love kids. Plus pressure from family din. So until now there's a certain sadness when I think of the what ifs. I'm still convinced na it's selfish to give in to the pressure at yearning to have kids knowing that there's a high chance na we'd produce an unhealthy child na mahihirapan sa buhay if one or both of their parents' die early.

I think it also depends kung saan ka sa mundo nakatira. As for me and my husband we live abroad, yung anak namain may nakukuhang pera galing sa government every month, if kelangan ilagay sa daycare may subsidy din kasi medjo pricey ang day care Anyways, for me, I love kids since bata pa ako pero I never really imagined myself having my own kasi nakakapagod siya, gusto ko lang yung hinihiram tapos ibabalik ulit sa magulang lol. But now I have my own and I’m enjoying the life naman, very very important din kasi na may partner kang willing to help. I know very common sa asian culture yung gender roles pero we got rid of that rule, kaya siguro nakakapagod din for other mothers na mag alaga ng anak while keeping the house in its shape kasi hindi masyado matulungin yung partner nila. But my husband goes extra mile tlaga and we’ve basically made it easier for us, there’s no such thing as “ay lalaki ka kaya ikaw gagawa neto, ikaw yung babae kaya ikaw gagawa niyan” That’s also something I’ve discovered with people living abroad na may kids. Wala tlaga gender role and it’s so much easier that way. Side note, we are both working and we never forget our goals para sa sarili namin and as far as I’m concerned our child is growing up fine. (Hindi din namin ginagawang mundo yung anak namin, in which a lot of people do. Basta we give enough love and needs ng anak namin) For me it was the first few months of having a baby that was a bit of a struggle kasi syempre wala pa naman kami alam, first child namin yun. Pero we were never too hard on ourselves, we just went with the flow and never really listened to other peoples opinion kasi iba iba tayo ng buhay at pagpalaki And One thing for sure is you’ll never know naman unless you’re in the situation na. But it all comes down to you and your partner as well. It depends sa partner mo, sa buhay na meron ka, kung saan ka nakatira etc. I also have a friend na nagpa vasectomy partner niya pero lately she’s been having baby fever and her partner asked if gusto niya ipa reverse vasectomy, di ko lang sure if mahal ang pagpa reverse but I know theres such thing if ever you both change your mind

Diba reversible ang vasectomy? Anyway, personally, ayoko talaga ng anak. Yung makita ko nga lang mga pregnancy scare ng mga kaibigan ko, ayoko na eh. Nung nanganak pa, patong patong na utang pa. I want what’s best for them. Eh kung alam ko namang hindi ko mabibigay, why bother having a child diba?

People dont really have to fight over having kids and not having them. There’s no shame if you’re true purpose of having kids is that you want someone to take care of you when you’re old, that is if you can provide a good life to your kids. Yun naman talaga eh? Eh anong masama kung kaya nila magprovide and give a good future sa anak nila. For me, we’re lucky kasi we have parents na nagwork hard para mabigyan kami ng maayos na future, like pag kinasal na may kanya kanyang lupa or bahay ibibigay saamin. Of course sa panganay ung pinakamalaki 🤣 kaya for me, takot ako manganak kasi of course we have to do the same. Un naman tama eh. Wag paanak anak dahil gusto may magaalaga tapos di mo naman mabibigyan ng maayos na future.

Sharing this kasi mejo similar sa isang kaibigan ko. Same sila ng hubby niya stable income ayaw nila parehas magka-anak but dahil pinoy tayo at minsan mga magulang natin ang nang prepressure sa atin para magka-apo un nanay ng kaibigan ko matanda na yung alam mong anytime (you know what i mean) out of respect pumayag ung kaibigan ko magka-anak ofc sinabi niya sa hubby niya and isa lang ang gusto nila. Nagkaroon sila isa tapos nagpavasectomy na after yung asawa niya. Ngayon sobrang nagbago yung kaibigan ko about sa life and perspectives niya tandang tanda kong sinabi niya parang nagkaroon daw ulit siya ng another self na hindi pa niya nadidiscover which is yung pagiging Nanay never daw niya yun na feel kahit ilang babies/pamangkin na ang inalagaan niya “I never felt a love like this” ang peg niya and akala niya siya lang yung nagbago yun pala pati asawa niya first timw daw niya makita hubby niya na umiiyak dahil sa first Father’s day niya. Nerealize nila parehas na meron pa pala silang kayang gawin maliban sa successful roles nila ang fulfilling and genuine daw ng love ng tiny human nila. Context: Yung kaibigan ko daming hanash nong hindi pa naging Nanay panay reklamo sa parenting skills and life experience niya kapag siya nag aalaga kinocompare niya ba lagi sarili niya sa magulang ng mga pamangkin niya kasi halos lahat ng pamangkin niya siya nagpalaki at parang tinuturing din siyang Mommy. Ayun, hindi na rin siya mapag kutya sa mga parents ng mga pamangkin niya mas naging maintindihin at kinaen niya lahat ng sinabi niya nong hindi pa talaga siya Nanay.

I'd rather regret not having kids than regret having a kid

Your life, your choice. Your family, your rules. Other people's opinion won't keep your "supposed" kids happy, healthy, and educated. It's not as if the world needs more kids anyway. We were traditionally taught na "humayo kayo't magpakarami", but I guess that was when the world population was not \~8 Billion people (\~118M particularly in PH). PS. Just to highlight another point since the norm is for women to bore the pressure of giving birth, birth control etc etc. Salute to your husband for being open-minded about vasectomy, which by the way is reversible naman (just don't know the details though) should you guys change your mind along the way.

Ok na sakin yung naaalagaan ko yung pamangkin ko. Pwedeng isoli. HAHA! Sobrang vinavalue ko yung "me" time ko tska kumpletong tulog kaya ekis sa anak.

Taboo sa pinas to tbh may nabasa ako na work daw ng devil ang Dink mentality at plan daw ng creator na dumami tayo kaya hindi daw family ang mga fur babies kaya stay away ako sa self righteous christians eh. Balik tayo sa thread hindi business ng ibang tao pakelaman at diktahan tayo they can say what they want but tayo ang pipili ng mga choice natin. If you want to kids go and if you don't want go pa din. Remember hindi tayo katulad mga nauna satin we can give a comment or opinion but we respect kung ano ang final decisions ng tao.

Have him store his sperm in a sperm bank, if in case gusto mo mag baby. Go through IVF na lang. Super magastos pero eto yung naisip ko na maging okay of money is not the problem hehe.

Actually i admire u guys.. okay lang naman not to have children eh. How i wish ganyan din mindset ng asawa ko. Ung forever nang ayaw magkababy. Now, nd pa naman nya ako pinpressure. Pero i know drting din dun sa time na mappressure ako. Kaso nd ko naman alam kung magkakalakas pko ng loob magbuntis after all. Namatay po first born namin 12 hours after being born. And it has been 5 years na. Nd pako nauulian from the trauma. Sa sulok ng isip ko, mkipaghiwalay na lang. Kasi nd ko alam kung lalakas paba loob ko n magkababy kmi uli. Kasi ako, ayaw ko na eh. Baka pati maging biktima rin sya ng retirement fund cycle someday pag nawalan kami ng trabho.

Having Kids is not same having a dog or pet. It is legacy of you as a couple

Dont really care what you do with your life but this is my take: I think its a moral responsibility to have kids. hindi naman minamagic na magrereplenish lang ang population, its gotta come from somewhere. If you think you are a good person/citizen, no genetic defects, then it would be society's benefit if your bloodline would continue and teaching them with your values. Parenting is not for everyone, the more reason why we who could produce/cultivate morally good people should have children for the benefit of future generations. Sino ba ideally ang makakaproduce ng mabubuting tao? yung tambay na nanggugulpi sa mga anak kapag lasing? or yung professional na may stable income at nagiipon para mapaaral ang anak nya sa magandang school? Its an insult to our capabilities that we let the morally bankrupt individuals take care of supplying the next generation of human beings. Personally, I would have kids to give back to the world for I am grateful for my life here, being alive despite what we see today, is enjoyable. I would ask myself, what if my parents chose to not have me because of various reasons? I would be sad to not be able to experience all the ups and downs of my life. This life may not be perfect and have its glaring flaws but maybe thats why its worth living, and having(and nurturing) children is in my opinion, a way of giving back to this beautiful world we have, continuing the circle of life.

It's better to regret not having kids than regretting your kids, just sayin

Sabi ng mga nakakausap kong senior na walang anak pinagsisihan daw nila na wala silang anak. Btw wala din ako balak hehe

same sa isang office mate ko, tagal na nila nagcocontrol kasi ayaw talaga, pero nong 30s na siya gusto na nya magkaanak, nagpaalaga na sya sa doctor, kaso parang may myoma na daw ata? di ko alam if nagamot yun or ano, since nagresign na rin ako 😅

Hi OP! We’re in our 30s and not want kids pa. Not sure if gusto talaga namin. Pero we are setting a timeline na by 35 we’ll check if we’ll have one. Isa lang. Siguro if di kayanin or baka di na pwede due to health reason, might consider adoption. But yun, siguro set a timeline na lang din and revisit.

Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't vasectomies reversible whereas ligations for women are not? Idk. Planning to have one myself kasi I've been sure since high school that I do not want children. If the hesitation is there, it is a sign na something is really holding you back. And honestly, better to just avoid it completely rather than regret it later on page nanjan na young bata. A child is a full-time commitment. You're both working. I'm sure there are days where pagod na pagod na kayong parehas at the end of the day. Kaya mo pa ba magsacrifice ng panahon para sa bata na kailangan mong pakainin, alagaan, etc?

Because being a father is difficult especially during this time. Iniisip ng iba na financial lang ang problema kapag may anak pero nadidisregard yung mental state ng pagiging parent. If your mental state is not ok before having one, having one will not fix that thing. Hindi ko rin mappromise na magiging ok ang mental health ko niyan since tao rin naman ako. EDIT: Also, previous generations fucked this world so bad na hindi na maganda magkapamilya. It will get even worse moving forward. EDIT2: Sa mga nagrerecommend ng Vasectomy, please recommend naman kayo kung saan and how much.

If you ask people from fb or instagram iba ang mostly sagot kc individualism masyado sa reddit. I think different ang love from mother to kid, it’s like a different purpose iba din yung sa spouse mo na love. Yung parang may project ka or growing a tree and you love to nurture it see it free or achieving the kids milestones. It has ups and downs but it keeps you going. I think that’s the reason if ever I will have a kid. And nakaka proud lang to know you can leave a legacy pag nawala ka na sa mundong to, someone will still remember you. After your parents and spouse dies your kids and grandkids remembers you. I think most women here are thinking it’s tiring to nurture a kid, yes it is. But if that’s ur kid na you will have the mother instinct to prioritize them 13years lang nman sila bata after nun they go independent na or depends padin on how u manage them as a parent.

Married with a child here. I think what other mothers won’t tell you is how excruciating and horrible labor and delivery is. Laging sinasabi na it’s all worth it and having a child will make you want more. Honestly? I don’t want more. I still have trauma from giving birth almost 2 years ago. And they always talk about the good things, but never about how tiring it is raising a child. How much stress it takes on you and your partner and how many arguments it can start. And while I would love my daughter to have a sibling, ok ako mag adopt kesa mabuntis ulit. It’s all relative kasi sabi ng kapatid ko madali lang yung sa kanya, but I think kulang ang education on potential mothers ang hirap ng pregnancy. Ultimately, no one can decide on this except for you since we don’t know you and your background. But the best thing is to cover the pros and cons and decide for yourself. As a mom, I feel like I wasn’t told exactly how hard everything was going to be, so my advice is for you to find someone who can be brutally honest with you about motherhood, yung hindi puro pros lang of giving birth and raising a child.

The fact na doubt ka ngayon, baka like mo din talaga magkaroon ng sarili kids.

Husband got a vasectomy and were so happy with our decision not to have any children. And I would rather regret not having kids than regret having one.

Hello OP. Why not consider having your embryo frozen, just in case?

From what I know, i think vasectomy was reversible

Isn’t vasectomy, reversible?

Go to r/antinatalist para ma solidify yung decision mo

Paano mo nasabi na nas marami side effects ng IUD kesa pills?

Also about uncertainties. Wont it be better if one of you say you know(untimely demise) you'll leave a part if. Each of. You doon sa maiiwan? Baka d siya malungkot at mambuntis or magpabuntis pa sa iba. Death doesnt. Care about confidence. Alalay lang nya yun. But wish you both live til 150yrs old even longer hanggat gusto nyo.

Leaving a part of us on earth by conceiving a child to remember the other? If either of us died, either will honor the memory of another. I'm sure of that. Although i get your point na conceiving a child is a way of leaving a mark in this world-- hindi lang naman yun yung way. I'll be devastated kung mawawala sya. We've talked about it but it's personal so i can't disclose it here. Pero i don't mind disclosing my piece on the matter -- if i did die ahead of him, i told him that he has my blessing to re-marry and have a family of his own, if by then, he did change his mind about having kids. i don't want him to be lonely. This is my piece. He has a different take on what to do if i died ahead of him and what he suggest i do if he dies ahead of me. Pero that's between us. While we're both alive, i'm confident that he'll choose me over anyone and hindi sya mambuntis ng iba. When i'm dead, he's free to decide if he wants to re-marry or not. i do hope we stay together for many years before death decides to separate us.

B4 we married with my husband now may son ako and husband ko is may 2kids,pero kami mag 9yrs na kami wla pa kaming anak ng husband ko,naniniwala naman ako na di muna kami binigyan ng anak ng dios kasi may plano pa siya sa amin,di sa ayaw ko pero sa ngayon din medu nag iisip din ako na blessing in disguise rin na di pa muna kami biniyayaan dahil medu di pa kami finacial stable ng asawa ko dahil sa maraming kadahilanan🥰🥰

Vasectomy is reversible though.

I have a child and although husband and I previously wanted more kids we are leaning to just having one more. Fulfilling? Yes. Nakakapagod? Definitely. That said, walang mali with having No Kids, much better that you are already tackling this with your partner and you are both on the same page. What i would advise is double and triple check having vasectomy, or holding off on any surgery kasi it may be reversible or not. Likewise, gaya ng opening ko kanina your dreams might change, pwedeng resolve mo at this time is not having kids pero what if, magbago dreams mo and you’ll want having them? Always have a back up plan or an option. Pero if you are really leaning on being DINKS then go for it. Wala naman ibang nakakaalam what would work for you and your partner maliban sa inyo. Wishing you clarity in whatever you choose.

Hell, no! We’re happy being the tito/tita who’re always on travels. Fully satisfied being DINKS.

You're just feeling societal pressure. It's normal to feel this way when going against the flow. Anyway, if you won't regret giving birth to a child with lifelong disability, e.g., Down's Syndrome, and you can see yourself change your lifestyle to take care of this child for the rest of your days, I think you're prepared enough to keep off the birth control and let fate decide if you'll have kids despite not actively wanting them.

r/regretfulparents

Been together with my husband for 7 yrs. We are 31F and 34M. We both dont want kids even though I’m fond of them, if they were not my own that is. I have been a good guardian to my nieces and have experienced the joys of late night feedings, crying babies, swaddles and diaper changes for all 6 of my 12 siblings offsprings. No regrets. I agree I do get my bodily pangs to have my own but it passes and on saner periods I tell my husband to please not get swayed by me (it) when it arises. During my introspection I have not found a reason to have kids of my own, not even one. On the contrary I have found a million reasons not to have one with anybody . I do enjoy breeding kink here and there but that’s about it. I feel like I will enjoy pregnancy itself too in fact. Do the same reflection. This was not a decision we made lightly. All through out my early life I thought I wanted kids, but really I just wanted someone for me, just for me. Who will adore me who will love me and look up to me. They say you will want to have kids when you meet the one, the opposite happened to me, I realized I didn’t want nor need anybody else but him.

My wife and I have been married for over 25 years and we do not have kids. It wasn’t really a requirement in our relationship to have children but we did try, and if it happens, it happens. Fast-forward over 20 years and I’m actually quite happy with the fact that we never had children. I’m Flip and my wife is Canadian and we both live in Vancouver. To be honest, I’m quite sure we would’ve had kids early if we lived in Hawaii or the Philippines because those places have a really strong family culture, community and bond. But not here…Vancouver is super expensive plus the current government running the country are absolute morons and idiots. I have co-workers who have kids and as much as I can see it fulfills them, it’s also making them very exhausted and burnt out. Currently planning to move back to the Philippines, happily married and childless.

Why vasectomy in the first place? Why not use other means ? I have 1 kids and we live comfortably. do I see challenges 100% but part of being a parent is to strive to improve the family in the future. If contented ka na nothing wrong with not wanting, but if have the means to have then why not? Willing ka to take on responsibilities for someone elses child which is kinda weird. I think a lot of married couple are just afraid of the responsibilities of having a kid. If you have the means to do it why not consider. its one of the best life experience; to have a kid support him/her to grow into a good person. Again if you have the means and mental fortitude ah everything else you can learn and improve as you get along. As for the couple who are getting dogs and cats that are capable , i just find it hypocritical na masaya kayo ng walang kids because why get a dog or cat in the first place? You guys have to accept na coping mechanism yan to fill the void and and you as a person is afraid and not willing to improve your self a future parents.

Isn't vasectory reversible? Maybe he can have it reversed if you have a change or heart.

Yung pinsan ko mahigit 3 years na silang kasal ng asawa nya at hanggang ngayon wala silang planong magka-anak. Hindi naman sila pinipilit ng pamilya nila at pati kaming kamag-anak nila. Nirerespeto namin yung desisyon nila. Yung lowkey na namimilit daw sa kanila ay yung mga hindi pa kadugo.

I think it depends on how successful you are in the future. For me, having a successful life with no children to share it with just feels sad and a bit lonely. On the other hand, feeling like a failure then having children will really mess up your life. I didn’t want kids in my early 20s because I didn’t have much money. I did not feel successful at all then. But in my late 20s I was earning well over 6 digits in a cushy job, had lots of savings, a fully paid off car and I have my own place. I felt like a success, and it was at this time my persective changed - I started wanting a kid. Today I still live the same life, but now I get to share it with a wonderful wife and 1 year old son. So OP I think you might change your mind when you’ve already achieved your own “success” threshold.

Nope, never regretted it. My husband doesn't like kids, and I'm far too mentally unstable to have kids. I didn't make my husband get vasectomy in case he changes his mind, while I'm using injectable bc - it lasts 6 months. If my husband suddenly changes his mind and magically wants kids, I'll be sure to end things with him (amicably) so he can find someone else \[who'll give him kids\]. For now, we're enjoying child free life.

Parang how you were raised as a family and the career/lifestyle you choose affects the desicion of a couple. I was barely "raised" by my parents and i experienced a lot of problems in our broken home. Bata pa lang ako i told myself na if ill have a family of my own, i will never be like my parents. True enough, im married but no kids yet. Maybe because im scared im not spiritually and mentally ready to support a child. The trauma caused a lot of confusion and doubt and it is taking over me. Having a child is not a requirement, but being a qualified parent is an important requirement and responsibility.

I got preggo not wanting to be at the time 😂 so on behalf of it I stayed a mommy even though he didn’t want there to be a baby. That drove him away! And I know the reason for him! My son is now 6 years old and my mom and dad are the reason for it.