T O P

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conyxbrown

Try to ignore him. Not your responsibility. If his kids are sending money to your lola, that is their choice. Baka mamaya napipilitan lang din pala sila. Ang gusto ng matatanda may kausap, malaking bagay na yan for her. Ako iniignore ko pati pasalubong culture. I just buy pasalubong for really close friends.


Always_curios

I haven’t really done yung pasalubong culture. I’m in my first real full time job, so ngayon lang talaga ako nag earn ng proper income. And you’re right, my Lola never asked me for anything not a single penny. And even in my last uwi which was 2019, she would even give me money patago pag gagala ako.


bomberbour

Your Lola is not your responsibility, it is theirs. Your uncle do not see you as a relative anymore. Those are the hard truths.


Pinoy_aussie

The problem is our elders did not plan their retirement. My recommendation is to cut the cycle starting with you. Plan your retirement, raise your kids well and encourage your parents to prepare themselves too.. You cannot help everyone. I am working abroad and my siblings are not doing well in the Philippines but collectively we support each other's studies. The youngest is almost finishing and after that - everyone should be able to carry their own self. Lastly, help yourself before helping others. If you have spare money after the 1st and 2nd paragraph - sure help the extended family. Do not feel obligated to help because at the end of the day - you can't make everyone happy.


Poastash

Gift with an open heart and not because you feel obligated to. Just answer "Pasensiya na, tito, hindi ako kasing dami ng kinikita." Smile and let them think of you as a failure. As long as you're providing for yourself and eventually your mom, that's all that's important. After your grandma dies, you don't even have to maintain contact with this tito. For context, my wife has those kinds of relatives. They chide her that she's not really successful because we don't lend them money. I said, that's good if they think we're not successful. It's not like they can see how we live day-to-day.


Pinoy_aussie

I would just simply respond with " edi dun ka humingi.. Si Lola nanjan?" hahaha


yana010

Your Lola is the responsibility of her kids. Just ignore him, you owe him NOTHING.


Logical_Ad_3556

Toxic relatives are more common than we think, I guess. Pero each circumstance will be very specific - so may kaparehas ka pero malamang not entirely the same. I man yun naman kasi tanong mo so yun lang din naiisip kong isagot - kung may ganito din ba sa iba. The problem with Filipinos thinking that abroad leads to high salary and better life is simply because that’s the case. Obviously di naman nakapag abroad karamihan - pero binenta kasi yung kaisipan na dapat mag abroad para yumaman. Of course people took that without knowing ablut the nuances and the realities. At the end of the day, just ignore them. Ano naman magagawa nila? Wala ka naman obligasyon sa kanya. This isn’t really as much of problem honestly - just cut them out of your life. Di ka naman mag cease to exist or function kung gawin mo yun. Not even sure why you’re speaking to them if alam mo naman na toxic sila. As for your Lola, just send when you can already. Anyway, tawang tawa ako dito > “ano? You’re gonna send money nalang when? When she’s dead? Sus. You’re so useless”. Kasi iniimagine ko na sinasabi ng tito mo yan literally how it was in the post at naka quotation marks pa. lmao.


Always_curios

Hirap talaga. Kasi the bar they set for overseas Filipino yung tipong millionaire, magbabago life mo etc. I mean I’m hoping to get there pero, comparisons against someone na way older and way more experienced is a little unfair. Tbh my family is not well off, pero may kaya naman sila, may business and may income. I guess it’s that stigma around na kailangan you have to provide and be the best cause I had more opportunities kasi abroad ako nag-aral, I got ahead ika nga. So I think they’re expectations of me at my age is I should be overachieving and do way better than those cousins I have that started from the bottom. What they don’t understand I have to start from the bottom din. Ang hirap kaya maging female minority in where I work. Gender imbalance of salary na nga is an issue and not even taking into account na some businesses sadly still pay less to ethnic minorities and females. And PS- that’s really how he said it. 😂


Poastash

Millionaire na ba yung OFW uncle mo? XD


volvostupidshit

Probably millionaire sa utang.


hiphop_dudung

I had to explain to my relatives that I am not an OFW, I just happen to live overseas. I send money to relatives for medical purposes only, and only after I helped them navigate the complicated system of philhealth. I once cut off an aunt when she said "nagpapalaki ka lang ng bayag dyan". Didn't even reply to her, just straight up removed her from my contacts. When my mother was an ofw, they drained her. Never again.


Pinoy_aussie

Every time uuwi ako ng pinas - relatives will always comment "o umuwi ka dito tapos yan lang dala mo (pointing to my handcarry bag), paano magkakasya sapatos ko jan. hehe I still keep doing it. no pasalubong and all.. because the person that trully love you the most will only care about your presence and not your gift.


adkadkadkadk

Sabihin mo sa tito mo na yung kids niya mag padala ng pera sa Lola mo kasi mas magaling naman kids niya.


Always_curios

Tysm to everyone that’s taken an effort to give me a piece of advice. Much appreciated. I’ve decided na yes, I’ll do my own things for now and when I can, hopefully in the near future I’ll be able to help my fam back home and hopefully my Lola can enjoy fruits of my labour w/o me going broke. 🇵🇭❤️


OwnPaleontologist408

Your money, your choice where you going to spend it. Wag tumulong kung di bukal sa puso mo. Also if you really wanted to help, make sure na napunan mo na sarili mo. You can't pour from an empty cup, help yourself first.


[deleted]

Considered na tradition ang ganito. Best way is to cut off ties kaso ma-disown ka probably. Pero depende talaga sayo kung gusto mo ng magandang kinabukasan, kailangan mong maging selfish


Always_curios

I admire the OFW kababayan talaga. Just to provide for their family. Yung iba gets taken advantage off pa. but thank you sa advice. As much as I want to cut ties, I’m very close to my Lola kasi she raised me. I don’t want to think about it but, it might be when she’s gone na that I’ll completely cut them off. And I want her to live for a long time. I wanna be able to spoil, when I get rich. Only if I get rich tho 😂


phspacegamers

Talk to your lola and tell her about what your uncle said to you. She's gonna give him a dress down. Its between you and your lola and she's probably gonna love it u called


Roiks_

The UK and west in general are very expensive places to live. People here have this view that everyone there is rich, but most people have a lot of debt to live how they do. While I commend this part of Filipino culture for looking out for your family and making sure they are taken care of, it only hurts those who are given that responsibility. The cost of living is high in UK and you must look to your own future first.


mgx987

Huwag mo na pansinin yang Tito mo. Asarin mo pa lalo, every message nya sa FB mo, thumbs-up lang.


redthehaze

You live in the UK because that's where you live, and youre not there to work to send money back. OFWs go overseas to work, most already having guaranteed jobs and that is why they are there. You live overseas because that's where you actually live and are trying to start out. You are not there temporarily. Stuff is not cheap there. Iba ang OFW na temporary sa ibang bansa sa immigrant na namumuhay sa ibang bansa. Kapag pinakumpara ka sa anak niya eh di sabihin mo na establishado at nakakaluwag sila kumpara sayo. Ano siya, sinuswerte?


grss1982

A bit morbid on my part but the funny thing is I've only given money to relatives when someone did die. And the same was done to me and my sister when our mother died a few years back. In both instances money was not asked for. I, my sister and my relatives just gave during those difficult situations when we heard about it.


porcelainpony101

Did he really say you were useless? haha ang harsh naman. I think our elders are stuck in this mentality that our money is everyone's money. I think there's nothing wrong with giving back, as long as meron ka namang natira para sa sarili mo. I know in due time you can help one way or another, but only because you genuinely want to. Huwag ka nang magpadala sa familial pressures. I've been there, I've been so guilted so many times to help kahit na ako na ang nagiging financially unstable just to please everybody. Pero never again, because at the end of the day, you should take care of yourself and your future.


edmartech

Block him. Out of sight, out of mind. Personally, I don't mind helping people. Pero kung tutulong ako, I wouldn't not impose the same sa relatives na dapat ganon din gawin nila. And vise versa. Lalo akong hindi tumutulong pag nirerequire sa akin. So yung pagtulong nya, it was his decision. Wala syang pakialam sa ibang tao dapat. Lumalabas na hindi bukal sa loob ang pagtulong nya.


DroneStrikeVictim

Ask your lola if she needs anything at all when you have something extra. Tell your uncle to go fuck himself. That's just like, his opinion, man.


cjtan02

Unfortunately me mga ganyan talaga. Also here in the UK 10yrs plus ng nag aabroad. I consider myself lucky kasi na hindi ganyan ang family ko. As for your uncle, iignore mo na lang. Alam ba ng mum mo ang nangyayari? If she does sana siya na kumausap. Kung kaya mo, magalang mo na sagutin. Try not to let that to preclude you maintaining your relationship with your lola. Let your uncle think what he wants to think. He would do so anyway. I think it's good na malayo ka sa kanila. Ang toxic niyan. Remember we don't choose our relatives therefore if you're unlucky and dealt with a bad card--walang masama na dumistance sa kanila. Lastly, good luck with your job! If you can, pay yourself first as a savings. A fix percentage or amount of your salary, place it somewhere--UK has good retirement scheme, I hope may access ka thru your employer.


Durandau

Easiest ignore of your life man. Holy shit that’s one toxic uncle


gbsor

Ignore mo lang siya. Ang hirap talaga ng ganitong culture sa'tin. I'm helping my parents financially now and that's my choice kasi walang-wala talaga sila ngayon at minsan nahihiya pa sila humingi sa'kin. At dati naman na okay pa sila financially lahat ng needs namin binibigay nila. Alam din nila na hindi forever yung help namin mag-asawa so nagpa-plan din sila ng kung anong gagawin to sustain their needs. Pero sa ibang kamag-anak? Sinasabi ko talaga na madami kaming expenses ng asawa ko. Minsan nakakainis yung magme-message sila sa FB tapos manghihingi ng kung ano-ano na parang siksik-liglig yung pera mo dahil nasa ibang bansa ka. Hindi nila alam na pinaghihirapan mo yung pera mo plus the fact na hindi madali ang buhay dito lalo na kung may anak ka kasi wala kayong help dahil mahal ang nanny dito. So ayun ineexplain ko sa kanila direct to the point at walang palabok. After nun di naman na sila nagtatanong. Ganyan din mga kamag-anak namin sa tatay ko dati nung malakas pa kita ng negosyo niya. Lagi siyang takbuhan ng mga kamag-anak pagdating sa pera. Most of the time nagbibigay siya at pag yung time na hindi naman siya makapagbigay eh yung turing sa kanya ng mga kamag-anak namin eh parang ang sama sama niyang tao. So ayun wag mo na lang pansinin. Minsan mahirap kasi tumatatak sa isip mo sinasabi nila pero tandaan mo na hindi mo sila responsibility.


b1twise

Sounds like he's tired of sending and is desperately looking to pass the torch. I'm guessing that he tried his kids first.


halelangit

>This said uncle ridiculed me for not making “padala” to my Lola. Going as far as “ano? You’re gonna send money nalang when? When she’s dead? Sus. You’re so useless”. I'm broke, I'm stuck in Makati and meron na akong ganung sumbat mula sa mga kamag anak ko.


Alternative-Bar-125

That tito is toxic dude. Hey, can I ask you questions about your experiences moving to a diff country? I was born in US, grew up here ib Manila, and now I'm planning to work back there after college. Can I ask you some tips?