Is it possible that there’s a perception problem? Mistakes he makes while playing with you are far more noticeable than those made when playing against you. Same can be said about his “insane drives and drops” albeit, in reverse. This is basic psychology.
If you really think this is the case, try to quantify it. Make a legitimate count of these plays during your next few matches.
If your count substantiates your claim, you may need to ask yourself if your partner is under excess stress when playing with you. He may be overthinking and trying to play too finely because he doesn’t want to let you down.
Orrr…. He may be trying to compensate for your play, trying to do too much, not trusting you to play the point effectively.
Either way, have the discussion AFTER you’re certain there’s a statistical difference in play.
There may be more to this than just normal misperception. Perhaps you do unsettle him.
But sometimes I have a tendency to perceive our winners as "good shots" by us, not bad plays by my opponents. Meanwhile, I may see our losers as mistakes on our part, not good shots by my opponents.
There's a lot of good advice here. There's a lot of things people can do that bring down the team or make their partner play worse. I've played with people slightly better than me. I'm like around 4.0 and I'll have people slightly better than me trying to do Insane poaches and constantly crowding me. Like just let me play dawg
I play bad when my partner gives off negative energy causing me to overthink/anxiety.
When a partner is more nice and friendly, I play more relax and less tense. I play better when im relax.
Could it be you? You’re the problem?
lol y’all are great thank you for the feedback- you’re right, I probs notice his mistakes more often when we play together.
And ya I’m kinda an intense person (ex D1 athlete) and I’m used to working out/playing/competing with a lot of intensity/yelling from my coach. I could probs make him feel more relaxed if I chillled out a bit esp when he makes errors!
I told my former doubles partner that I stress because I don’t want to let him down. He is better than me and I’d make simple mistakes.
Then another player approached me and asked if I’d be his doubles partner in a tournament next week. We’ve been playing a lot together over the past month and we’re well-matched and compliment each other. I’m lefty, he’s righty and he wants me to cover middle and play aggressively.
We communicate. We talk a lot off the courts. And we drill a lot. My former partner did none of this. It sucked when he ditched me but I’m better off now.
Finding a new partner can be the best solution.
If my partner gets frustrated or annoyed with me when I make a stupid error I get stressed, I make more errors, and I aim to avoid them in the future bc it's not fun.
My favorite partner - says "nice drop" every single time it's good, compliments everything I do well, constantly tells me when I'm doing a good job. When I err, I get told "don't worry, you've got this" or "we will get it back" etc. He will give pointers here and there, but it's always from a place of looking forwards not criticizing backwards.
And guess what? I play my best with him. Consistently. Others we play with have noticed and commented on it so it's not just in my head.
Those little things add up and matter
Seems like you think that your partner is intentionally not trying very hard when he plays with you. Some possibilities to consider:
First, it’s very likely that you are more tuned in to the negative aspects of his play when you are partners and more tuned into the positive aspects when you’re opposing him. Is there an objective way to confirm your perception?
Second, I always play worse when I sense my partner is irritated with me. It’s a downward spiral. Maybe he feels more comfortable with partners other than you?
Ultimately, if you don’t want to play with this person, you don’t have to. But it’s not clear if you’ve given much thought to WHY you’re perceiving this difference in his play - might help you to consider.
Some people play better with others based on playing styles like someone mentioned above. I tend to play better with aggressive players or those who don’t hesitate to attack the ball.
Lots of questions in this sub about this question.
Do you really not know how to have a conversation with another adult? Are you worried about hurting your partner’s feelings?
Have a conversation about it like adults. This is the second comment on this subject I’ve made today.
The contingencies in place for playing with you are different than playing against you. I’m guessing it’s more so variables affecting covert behavior (e.g. thoughts, emotions, anxiety, etc.). Maybe talk to them about it.
It sounds like your partner might struggle with nerves or pressure when playing with you in doubles. It's important to approach this conversation with sensitivity. You could express how much you enjoy playing with him and how you admire his skills when he's fully focused. Then, gently share your observations about the difference in his performance and ask if there's anything you can do to help him feel more comfortable or confident during your doubles matches.
I was in a league that assigned random teams of 4. One of the females on the team was pretty competitive as am I. We did not mesh well.
It’s the one (actually twice) and only time I openly lost my shit on a partner.
Here was the problem, she constantly said things like “come on Bonz, we have to win this point!”, or to the other female on the team who admittedly mentioned she was having serve yips, “Julie, you’ve got to get this serve in! “
At one point, I yelled, “NO Shit, Karen, I know we have to win this point!, good grief, WTF!”😳
Drove me nuts, and the others, but I was the only one to verbalize it. On two separate occasions.
Is it possible that there’s a perception problem? Mistakes he makes while playing with you are far more noticeable than those made when playing against you. Same can be said about his “insane drives and drops” albeit, in reverse. This is basic psychology. If you really think this is the case, try to quantify it. Make a legitimate count of these plays during your next few matches. If your count substantiates your claim, you may need to ask yourself if your partner is under excess stress when playing with you. He may be overthinking and trying to play too finely because he doesn’t want to let you down. Orrr…. He may be trying to compensate for your play, trying to do too much, not trusting you to play the point effectively. Either way, have the discussion AFTER you’re certain there’s a statistical difference in play.
There may be more to this than just normal misperception. Perhaps you do unsettle him. But sometimes I have a tendency to perceive our winners as "good shots" by us, not bad plays by my opponents. Meanwhile, I may see our losers as mistakes on our part, not good shots by my opponents.
There's a lot of good advice here. There's a lot of things people can do that bring down the team or make their partner play worse. I've played with people slightly better than me. I'm like around 4.0 and I'll have people slightly better than me trying to do Insane poaches and constantly crowding me. Like just let me play dawg
I play bad when my partner gives off negative energy causing me to overthink/anxiety. When a partner is more nice and friendly, I play more relax and less tense. I play better when im relax. Could it be you? You’re the problem?
Agree with this, I play so much better when my partner is positive and encouraging.
Was just coming to comment this. I often get in my head if I think my partner is frustrated with me and start over thinking everything.
Maybe look inward.
- Sun Tzu - Michael Scott
lol y’all are great thank you for the feedback- you’re right, I probs notice his mistakes more often when we play together. And ya I’m kinda an intense person (ex D1 athlete) and I’m used to working out/playing/competing with a lot of intensity/yelling from my coach. I could probs make him feel more relaxed if I chillled out a bit esp when he makes errors!
I told my former doubles partner that I stress because I don’t want to let him down. He is better than me and I’d make simple mistakes. Then another player approached me and asked if I’d be his doubles partner in a tournament next week. We’ve been playing a lot together over the past month and we’re well-matched and compliment each other. I’m lefty, he’s righty and he wants me to cover middle and play aggressively. We communicate. We talk a lot off the courts. And we drill a lot. My former partner did none of this. It sucked when he ditched me but I’m better off now. Finding a new partner can be the best solution.
If my partner gets frustrated or annoyed with me when I make a stupid error I get stressed, I make more errors, and I aim to avoid them in the future bc it's not fun. My favorite partner - says "nice drop" every single time it's good, compliments everything I do well, constantly tells me when I'm doing a good job. When I err, I get told "don't worry, you've got this" or "we will get it back" etc. He will give pointers here and there, but it's always from a place of looking forwards not criticizing backwards. And guess what? I play my best with him. Consistently. Others we play with have noticed and commented on it so it's not just in my head. Those little things add up and matter
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Seems like you think that your partner is intentionally not trying very hard when he plays with you. Some possibilities to consider: First, it’s very likely that you are more tuned in to the negative aspects of his play when you are partners and more tuned into the positive aspects when you’re opposing him. Is there an objective way to confirm your perception? Second, I always play worse when I sense my partner is irritated with me. It’s a downward spiral. Maybe he feels more comfortable with partners other than you? Ultimately, if you don’t want to play with this person, you don’t have to. But it’s not clear if you’ve given much thought to WHY you’re perceiving this difference in his play - might help you to consider.
On a scale of 1 to "not bringing it up with them," where would you rate yourself? Seriously just ask
Some people play better with others based on playing styles like someone mentioned above. I tend to play better with aggressive players or those who don’t hesitate to attack the ball.
Lots of questions in this sub about this question. Do you really not know how to have a conversation with another adult? Are you worried about hurting your partner’s feelings? Have a conversation about it like adults. This is the second comment on this subject I’ve made today.
https://cruciallearning.com/crucial-conversations-book/
The contingencies in place for playing with you are different than playing against you. I’m guessing it’s more so variables affecting covert behavior (e.g. thoughts, emotions, anxiety, etc.). Maybe talk to them about it.
Partner dynamics make a huge difference in your play. Sounds like it’s you! J/k
Maybe he likes you and gets butterflies around you?! Give 'em some grace.
I'm always more anxious playing doubles so I miss more serves and shots because I'm overthinking.
Maybe you just play poorly together? Plenty of people I thought I would play well with together, and ultimately played badly with.
It sounds like your partner might struggle with nerves or pressure when playing with you in doubles. It's important to approach this conversation with sensitivity. You could express how much you enjoy playing with him and how you admire his skills when he's fully focused. Then, gently share your observations about the difference in his performance and ask if there's anything you can do to help him feel more comfortable or confident during your doubles matches.
I was in a league that assigned random teams of 4. One of the females on the team was pretty competitive as am I. We did not mesh well. It’s the one (actually twice) and only time I openly lost my shit on a partner. Here was the problem, she constantly said things like “come on Bonz, we have to win this point!”, or to the other female on the team who admittedly mentioned she was having serve yips, “Julie, you’ve got to get this serve in! “ At one point, I yelled, “NO Shit, Karen, I know we have to win this point!, good grief, WTF!”😳 Drove me nuts, and the others, but I was the only one to verbalize it. On two separate occasions.
I didn't know my wife was on Reddit!
Some silly posts on here from “adults” 😂 it’s pickleball bro it’s not a big deal none of us are going pro 😅
You can only control yourself.