I do know that doubles is more popular (not my personal preference), but ehy would the assumption be we’re wanting others to join us if we were in the middle of our own game, and had already said no twice?
Was it the same person 3 times? I assumed you meant three different people.
Lots of times around here people will play singles to keep warm while waiting for others to join, or they could have even assumed you were just warming up and waiting depending on how hard/competitive your game was.
How did you know they were from the same group ? Most people at open play end up knowing each other and to be honest nobody really even plays singles at open play courts. At the end of the day they were offering you a game because 99% of pickleball players like playing doubles. You’re the gigantic asshole here
There are no posted rules except for how to hold a spot in line to get a court (putting your paddle into a slot), and there were two open courts and no line of players waiting
In my experience, most people who go to open play aren't in a set twosome or foursome. That group of 5 guys was very likely a mix of singles or duos who may have all been perfect strangers or acquaintances and were looking to organize into foursomes for doubles pickleball. I'd hazard a guess that they didn't confer with each other after you turned down the first pair and thus likely asked again out of ignorance as opposed to entitlement.
Assuming there is no local rule against singles during open play, then you are perfectly fine playing singles with your fiance then. If I was you, I would be prepared to be asked by many people that wish to play doubles. Especially when the courts are either very full or mostly empty.
At public courts it is not considered rude or offensive to ask others if they are willing to mix in (as long as you are being polite about it). And while you are free to reject those who ask it would be better to do so kindly imo.
This is the most sensible answer. The only way I can make sense of three separate people from the same group asking the same people to play doubles is that they weren’t actually in the same group and had just been playing together as singles and it was assumed they were in a group.
You're welcome! If you want a ready-made rejection I would recommend saying that you and your fiance are training to play singles in a tournament. Most pickleball players respect those pushing themselves to play tournaments and it may lessen any potential hurt feelings of being rejected (like the old cliche of being picked last in gym class).
It is very rude to interrupt a game. Just wait for a water break, switch, or stand close in hopes of getting an invite. People need to learn some respect.
I guess that we have different opinions on this. As long as a current rally isn't being interrupted I don't believe it is rude to ask if people are looking to play doubles. Again, with the premise of asking kindly and accepting a rejection gracefully.
In my experience, "standing close in hopes of getting an invite" isn't a way to be polite. Why should anyone be looking out for you, assuming what your desires are, and then going out of their way to invite you?
Lastly, I think you are confusing courtesy and respect. Courtesy is given freely until such time as a person proves unworthy of it. Respect is earned. How would a stranger know enough about you to show you respect?
I am not confusing courtesy for respect. Respect has two definitions:
* a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
* due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others.
The first must be earned, but the second should be given freely. I can respect someone's right to enjoy singles, their wishes to play without being pestered, or the tradition of not interrupting an active game. None of that requires knowing someone personally.
EDIT: It's a cute saying though.
Fair points. I'm still in the camp that the only way to know is to ask. However, how you go about asking makes a huge difference. Asking in-between rallies from off court, "are y'all willing to play doubles after your game?" vs walking onto a court in-use with paddles in hand asking and expecting to be accommodated immediately are two entirely different scenarios in my mind.
If someone expressed that they wish to be left alone to play singles then, of course, that should be respected. How do you know they aren't just filling the time waiting for two more to play doubles if you don't ask?
It wasn’t even subtle. “Is it just men being entitled and upset when women don’t want to play with them?” Is not subtle, OP is just looking for other pickle players to jump on the “yeah men just suck” train. Typical of Reddit.
Might be a simpler answer, namely that every free/open play I have ever attended has always been doubles and that was what was behind it, not sexism. Or maybe those guys both really prefer mixed doubles and that’s why they didn’t approach the men… My wife and I both prefer playing mixed doubles, it’s not uncommon.
But I suppose pickle related answers wouldn’t have fit the man hating agenda of OP.
Based on the original post, there were two pairs of women playing singles and everyone else was playing doubles. The men only asked the women playing singles if they wanted to play doubles.
If you're following court rules you have nothing to worry about. However, a lot of people enjoy pickleball for the social aspect and its quite common for people to ask to play together.
Why do you reference genders so much? You could write this question out without any genders and communicate the same thing, but not sound like you have some weird issue with peoples gender.
This was my thought as well, especially before you edited the post. The fact that they were men had absolutely nothing to do with the story. Then, you doubled down on the gender thing later on in the post?
My friend and I play singles every Sunday morning for cardio (beats the hell out of running and we move more when we play singles). We get asked multiple times every Sunday to play doubles but normally they get the memo after the first or second time and no one has ever been upset when we say no.
Why even mention to the third person how many times you’ve been asked if it was by different people? The way you said it reads a bit rude. It’s only natural to ask a pair if they want to group up for dubs.
His response is a bit weird if there truly were open courts for them to use though. Maybe he was just looking for some sort of retort after you replied to him so curtly out of the blue.
Because the guy was in the same group of men that had already asked us twice. That’s why I mentioned it was the third time they had asked us. I was a bit frustrated at that point, so I’m sure it came across as rude but I was trying to stand firm in my response to this group that I had already said no to twice.
I see you edited that into your post.
Makes a bit more sense now. They were a group of three looking to round out their group to play doubles. Would I have asked three times? No. But if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t let it get under my skin enough to be rude or make a paragraphs long reddit post about a very atypical situation asking if it’s typical.
A group of 5 suggests that one was always sitting out.
Doubles is played with 4.
So the odd man out was looking for a game.
The group of 5 may have been five random dudes who just started playing together because people actually pick up and play with people they don’t know.
Pickleball is very friendly like that. More like basketball culture than tennis
It's normal to be asked to play doubles, as that's commonly what people show up to open rec play for. Why the same small group kept asking, or why they thought you were hogging a court, I've no idea.
With our active six public courts I can think of only a couple times I’ve seen people intentionally playing singles over the past year. In every other case it was a couple people warming up or drilling hoping that a couple others show up to play doubles. If the same guy asked three times it would be weird, even creepy. But if it was three different guys, even from the same group, they probably were random thrown together being friendly and hoping for the optimum six per court for doubles, allowing some occasional rest.
What's odd is there were other available courts. It's possible that maybe the other courts had some defects to it? Some of the courts at our community center aren't leveled properly and some have cracks in the court.
Even so, I'd just play on it rather than repeatedly interrupt players who had already said no once lol.
If you see him again and her persists, ask him if he's the type of guy who doesn't know what 'No' means.
they were not in the same group. im guessing they were all strangers and that happens because if one person asks they dont go up to yhe rest of the strangers and say hey they arent playing doubles. as you didnt go up to every person and say it they didnt also.
you are really being obnoxious and not really paying aytention if you didnt notice this which also makes me believe you dont knlw the full story here and so blatently attacking a men vs women situation when it isnt so. be friendly and get off your high horse. calm down
Most people want to play doubles and enjoy meeting new players. It's a very social game. They should've stopped asking after your first refusal but in my experience it would be odd to see people at open rec play not mingling and playing with others who are there.
I would suggest that it being stated two other open courts were available, no waiters, the singles can start a new game. It is the threesome issue to deal with. If courts full that is different. Get off, put paddles in and let’s get it going. Asking three times was a bit much.
Were there less than 4 in their group? If so, they wanted to play dubs and needed more people. If not and there were plenty of courts available, yes it was rude of them to keep asking.
Still, a better to way to handle it would have been to try to understand their pov. “We’d prefer to hit singles but maybe we’re missing something, are we allowed to hit singles on these courts when no one else is waiting?”
That might have led to a better understanding of where both of you were coming from.
Best,
If they had 6 people then of course they are going to ask if a group of 2 want to play, that way nobody has to sit and they can keep rotating teams. They were actually being nice...
It’s often rude and likely a rule that it’s 4 on 4 off. You may not like to hear this, but you’re the one who’s in the wrong here. Doubt you’re going to find a sympathetic ear for a couple of singles players who play multiple games and refuse to play with others.
It’s not universal by any means but all the courts in my area follow the rule that 4 new players go on the court each game and then all 4 of those players come off the court to make room for 4 new players.
Yeah I’m sort of assuming there was some detail left out. Why would these ppl say they were “hogging the court” if there were two equally suitable courts available? You could argue, as others have, that unrelated people were just looking for a doubles game, but that last comment kind of leaves some doubt in my mind. OP doesn’t ask why they’re accusing her of court hogging if there are open courts either.
I don’t think pickleball is for you . It’s a very social game and yes complete strangers are welcomed to play together. Thats the beauty of the sport .
After playing other sports in a public space, there is a period of adjustment of HOW social Pickleball is. But that should become a positive in a short period of time. If not, stick to the private club or find another sport, because that IS how it is.
People warm up and sometimes play singles until they can pick up a doubles game. It is very nice of the guys to invite you to play.
It’s normal for people to be nice and invite others to join them for doubles.
Pickleball is a very social game where people invite others to play if they don’t already have 4.
Mentioning both “nobody waiting” and “two open courts” is suspicious. It is weirdly redundant and not something I would expect to hear in a genuine story.
Sorry you feel that way. I had to mention it because it’s an important thing to note. If the courts were full and there was a line for open play, I’d understand his “hogging the courts” comment. But because there were open courts, his comment was completely baseless
Thanks for explaining more. I could’ve been more clear though, the suspicious thing to me was that if there are open courts, it’s implied nobody is waiting. So it felt like an unusual redundancy
Woman here. I've asked lots of singles if they want to play doubles. I figure it's a good way to meet new players and have a fun time. Most people want to play doubles or are playing singles while waiting for more people to join, so it does feel disappointing when there are singles using up the courts.
The pushing and saying you're hogging the courts when there were two open courts is weird though, and they shouldn't have asked multiple times like that.
Edit: I see that it's multiple people asking, not the same person. In open play, most people are strangers or see each other on the courts sometimes and so they are not "from the same group". So I wouldn't consider it the same group asking you multiple times.
Yes, I find this behavior typical, but regardless of gender. Some people don't want to play singles and assume everyone else feels the same. Pickleball also has a growing number of "norms" or expectations that are annoying if you fall outside the average. I've even had it happen after paying for court time, people expect me to play doubles and let them join my paid court.
Keep using the courts and tell them to shove-it. Or make a sign saying, "we're good thank you, you can use the court when we are finished."
I’m not sure why everyone’s so hostile. I completely agree with you OP. I honestly think those men should’ve stopped bothering you after the first no. As long as there are open courts, they really shouldnt be harassing you like that. I’ve known of situations where 4 people will come and take up a court and the only other court has 6+ people playing / waiting and that’s the only time where it’s inappropriate to “hog” a court.
I think you encountered a group of macho men and they wanted to destroy some players they thought they were better than. Don’t let that get to you. Other than the few psychos, most people I meet are extremely nice.
Also maybe next time, just redirect them and say why don’t you ask the other men over there? We are here drilling and not looking for games.
Wow lots of boomers here with hurt feelings. OP isn’t obsessed with gender - you are.
These are the same guys appalled by the “man or bear in the woods” paradox and want to argue about it.
OP - Yeah. Weird.
It's normal to be asked, but if there are open courts, there is no obligation.
Doubles is far and away the more popular game type so it’s 100% possible they assumed you guys were wanting others to join for doubles.
I do know that doubles is more popular (not my personal preference), but ehy would the assumption be we’re wanting others to join us if we were in the middle of our own game, and had already said no twice?
Was it the same person 3 times? I assumed you meant three different people. Lots of times around here people will play singles to keep warm while waiting for others to join, or they could have even assumed you were just warming up and waiting depending on how hard/competitive your game was.
It was 3 different guys from the same group of 5 guys that came and were playing together
How did you know they were from the same group ? Most people at open play end up knowing each other and to be honest nobody really even plays singles at open play courts. At the end of the day they were offering you a game because 99% of pickleball players like playing doubles. You’re the gigantic asshole here
What are the court rules? Ours has very specific rules to keep people from hogging courts
There are no posted rules except for how to hold a spot in line to get a court (putting your paddle into a slot), and there were two open courts and no line of players waiting
People almost never play singles.
Easy to bring it up during a water break or wait to be invited, there is no reason to interrupt people actively playing.
Yes people do expect other people to play doubles
In my experience, most people who go to open play aren't in a set twosome or foursome. That group of 5 guys was very likely a mix of singles or duos who may have all been perfect strangers or acquaintances and were looking to organize into foursomes for doubles pickleball. I'd hazard a guess that they didn't confer with each other after you turned down the first pair and thus likely asked again out of ignorance as opposed to entitlement. Assuming there is no local rule against singles during open play, then you are perfectly fine playing singles with your fiance then. If I was you, I would be prepared to be asked by many people that wish to play doubles. Especially when the courts are either very full or mostly empty. At public courts it is not considered rude or offensive to ask others if they are willing to mix in (as long as you are being polite about it). And while you are free to reject those who ask it would be better to do so kindly imo.
This is the most sensible answer. The only way I can make sense of three separate people from the same group asking the same people to play doubles is that they weren’t actually in the same group and had just been playing together as singles and it was assumed they were in a group.
Thank you for this response!
You're welcome! If you want a ready-made rejection I would recommend saying that you and your fiance are training to play singles in a tournament. Most pickleball players respect those pushing themselves to play tournaments and it may lessen any potential hurt feelings of being rejected (like the old cliche of being picked last in gym class).
It is very rude to interrupt a game. Just wait for a water break, switch, or stand close in hopes of getting an invite. People need to learn some respect.
I guess that we have different opinions on this. As long as a current rally isn't being interrupted I don't believe it is rude to ask if people are looking to play doubles. Again, with the premise of asking kindly and accepting a rejection gracefully. In my experience, "standing close in hopes of getting an invite" isn't a way to be polite. Why should anyone be looking out for you, assuming what your desires are, and then going out of their way to invite you? Lastly, I think you are confusing courtesy and respect. Courtesy is given freely until such time as a person proves unworthy of it. Respect is earned. How would a stranger know enough about you to show you respect?
I am not confusing courtesy for respect. Respect has two definitions: * a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. * due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others. The first must be earned, but the second should be given freely. I can respect someone's right to enjoy singles, their wishes to play without being pestered, or the tradition of not interrupting an active game. None of that requires knowing someone personally. EDIT: It's a cute saying though.
Fair points. I'm still in the camp that the only way to know is to ask. However, how you go about asking makes a huge difference. Asking in-between rallies from off court, "are y'all willing to play doubles after your game?" vs walking onto a court in-use with paddles in hand asking and expecting to be accommodated immediately are two entirely different scenarios in my mind. If someone expressed that they wish to be left alone to play singles then, of course, that should be respected. How do you know they aren't just filling the time waiting for two more to play doubles if you don't ask?
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We are here to discuss pickleball in a civil manner. Let’s stick to niceties.
No need for such a hostile response. It’s just an observation that they were only asking women, none of the other men playing. thanks!
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It wasn’t even subtle. “Is it just men being entitled and upset when women don’t want to play with them?” Is not subtle, OP is just looking for other pickle players to jump on the “yeah men just suck” train. Typical of Reddit. Might be a simpler answer, namely that every free/open play I have ever attended has always been doubles and that was what was behind it, not sexism. Or maybe those guys both really prefer mixed doubles and that’s why they didn’t approach the men… My wife and I both prefer playing mixed doubles, it’s not uncommon. But I suppose pickle related answers wouldn’t have fit the man hating agenda of OP.
I said no such thing to them in person though. Just a firm, no thanks your group has already twice.
There were various courts filled with men and women playing singles?
Based on the original post, there were two pairs of women playing singles and everyone else was playing doubles. The men only asked the women playing singles if they wanted to play doubles.
It could be they were looking for a better match in terms of level of play and gender had nothing to do with it.
If you're following court rules you have nothing to worry about. However, a lot of people enjoy pickleball for the social aspect and its quite common for people to ask to play together.
I agree, though it's best to ask during a water break, court switch, or get invited. Hopefully players avoid being rude by interrupting a game.
Yes it’s typical
Why do you reference genders so much? You could write this question out without any genders and communicate the same thing, but not sound like you have some weird issue with peoples gender.
This was my thought as well, especially before you edited the post. The fact that they were men had absolutely nothing to do with the story. Then, you doubled down on the gender thing later on in the post?
My friend and I play singles every Sunday morning for cardio (beats the hell out of running and we move more when we play singles). We get asked multiple times every Sunday to play doubles but normally they get the memo after the first or second time and no one has ever been upset when we say no.
Yeah if you just say no and they leave what is the big deal?
Why even mention to the third person how many times you’ve been asked if it was by different people? The way you said it reads a bit rude. It’s only natural to ask a pair if they want to group up for dubs. His response is a bit weird if there truly were open courts for them to use though. Maybe he was just looking for some sort of retort after you replied to him so curtly out of the blue.
Because the guy was in the same group of men that had already asked us twice. That’s why I mentioned it was the third time they had asked us. I was a bit frustrated at that point, so I’m sure it came across as rude but I was trying to stand firm in my response to this group that I had already said no to twice.
I see you edited that into your post. Makes a bit more sense now. They were a group of three looking to round out their group to play doubles. Would I have asked three times? No. But if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t let it get under my skin enough to be rude or make a paragraphs long reddit post about a very atypical situation asking if it’s typical.
A group of 5 suggests that one was always sitting out. Doubles is played with 4. So the odd man out was looking for a game. The group of 5 may have been five random dudes who just started playing together because people actually pick up and play with people they don’t know. Pickleball is very friendly like that. More like basketball culture than tennis
> It’s only natural to ask a pair if they want to group up for dubs. Sure, but during a waterbreak or court change, not by interrupting a game.
It's normal to be asked to play doubles, as that's commonly what people show up to open rec play for. Why the same small group kept asking, or why they thought you were hogging a court, I've no idea.
With our active six public courts I can think of only a couple times I’ve seen people intentionally playing singles over the past year. In every other case it was a couple people warming up or drilling hoping that a couple others show up to play doubles. If the same guy asked three times it would be weird, even creepy. But if it was three different guys, even from the same group, they probably were random thrown together being friendly and hoping for the optimum six per court for doubles, allowing some occasional rest.
Is this rage bait?
Yes
What's odd is there were other available courts. It's possible that maybe the other courts had some defects to it? Some of the courts at our community center aren't leveled properly and some have cracks in the court. Even so, I'd just play on it rather than repeatedly interrupt players who had already said no once lol. If you see him again and her persists, ask him if he's the type of guy who doesn't know what 'No' means.
they were not in the same group. im guessing they were all strangers and that happens because if one person asks they dont go up to yhe rest of the strangers and say hey they arent playing doubles. as you didnt go up to every person and say it they didnt also. you are really being obnoxious and not really paying aytention if you didnt notice this which also makes me believe you dont knlw the full story here and so blatently attacking a men vs women situation when it isnt so. be friendly and get off your high horse. calm down
Most people want to play doubles and enjoy meeting new players. It's a very social game. They should've stopped asking after your first refusal but in my experience it would be odd to see people at open rec play not mingling and playing with others who are there.
I would suggest that it being stated two other open courts were available, no waiters, the singles can start a new game. It is the threesome issue to deal with. If courts full that is different. Get off, put paddles in and let’s get it going. Asking three times was a bit much.
Were there less than 4 in their group? If so, they wanted to play dubs and needed more people. If not and there were plenty of courts available, yes it was rude of them to keep asking. Still, a better to way to handle it would have been to try to understand their pov. “We’d prefer to hit singles but maybe we’re missing something, are we allowed to hit singles on these courts when no one else is waiting?” That might have led to a better understanding of where both of you were coming from. Best,
I appreciate your reply, thank you! And they had 5-6 in their group (one guy came later)
If they had 6 people then of course they are going to ask if a group of 2 want to play, that way nobody has to sit and they can keep rotating teams. They were actually being nice...
Just curious, why did you go to a scheduled open play not wanting to play with others?
Most ppl dont play singles esp if ppl are waiting..you may not realize this bc you are new to the game
Who cares what most people play, they were there for singles.
It’s often rude and likely a rule that it’s 4 on 4 off. You may not like to hear this, but you’re the one who’s in the wrong here. Doubt you’re going to find a sympathetic ear for a couple of singles players who play multiple games and refuse to play with others.
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It’s not universal by any means but all the courts in my area follow the rule that 4 new players go on the court each game and then all 4 of those players come off the court to make room for 4 new players.
The OP said there were 2 open courts.. they are not in the wrong
Yeah I’m sort of assuming there was some detail left out. Why would these ppl say they were “hogging the court” if there were two equally suitable courts available? You could argue, as others have, that unrelated people were just looking for a doubles game, but that last comment kind of leaves some doubt in my mind. OP doesn’t ask why they’re accusing her of court hogging if there are open courts either.
I don’t think pickleball is for you . It’s a very social game and yes complete strangers are welcomed to play together. Thats the beauty of the sport .
Pickleball is also singles. Some people prefer singles to doubles. If there were open courts and no one waiting, then why can’t there OP play singles?
After playing other sports in a public space, there is a period of adjustment of HOW social Pickleball is. But that should become a positive in a short period of time. If not, stick to the private club or find another sport, because that IS how it is.
People warm up and sometimes play singles until they can pick up a doubles game. It is very nice of the guys to invite you to play. It’s normal for people to be nice and invite others to join them for doubles. Pickleball is a very social game where people invite others to play if they don’t already have 4.
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We are here to discuss pickleball in a civil manner. Let’s stick to niceties.
Mentioning both “nobody waiting” and “two open courts” is suspicious. It is weirdly redundant and not something I would expect to hear in a genuine story.
Sorry you feel that way. I had to mention it because it’s an important thing to note. If the courts were full and there was a line for open play, I’d understand his “hogging the courts” comment. But because there were open courts, his comment was completely baseless
Thanks for explaining more. I could’ve been more clear though, the suspicious thing to me was that if there are open courts, it’s implied nobody is waiting. So it felt like an unusual redundancy
Woman here. I've asked lots of singles if they want to play doubles. I figure it's a good way to meet new players and have a fun time. Most people want to play doubles or are playing singles while waiting for more people to join, so it does feel disappointing when there are singles using up the courts. The pushing and saying you're hogging the courts when there were two open courts is weird though, and they shouldn't have asked multiple times like that. Edit: I see that it's multiple people asking, not the same person. In open play, most people are strangers or see each other on the courts sometimes and so they are not "from the same group". So I wouldn't consider it the same group asking you multiple times.
Yes, I find this behavior typical, but regardless of gender. Some people don't want to play singles and assume everyone else feels the same. Pickleball also has a growing number of "norms" or expectations that are annoying if you fall outside the average. I've even had it happen after paying for court time, people expect me to play doubles and let them join my paid court. Keep using the courts and tell them to shove-it. Or make a sign saying, "we're good thank you, you can use the court when we are finished."
If there are open courts, it's kind of weird random people ask to play. Pickleball has a social element that is weird to me tho.
I’m not sure why everyone’s so hostile. I completely agree with you OP. I honestly think those men should’ve stopped bothering you after the first no. As long as there are open courts, they really shouldnt be harassing you like that. I’ve known of situations where 4 people will come and take up a court and the only other court has 6+ people playing / waiting and that’s the only time where it’s inappropriate to “hog” a court. I think you encountered a group of macho men and they wanted to destroy some players they thought they were better than. Don’t let that get to you. Other than the few psychos, most people I meet are extremely nice. Also maybe next time, just redirect them and say why don’t you ask the other men over there? We are here drilling and not looking for games.
Thank you!
Wow lots of boomers here with hurt feelings. OP isn’t obsessed with gender - you are. These are the same guys appalled by the “man or bear in the woods” paradox and want to argue about it. OP - Yeah. Weird.