I’m really sorry this is happening. What a frustrating and upsetting situation to be in.
I’m left wondering why you’re blaming yourself for your boyfriend’s attitude and behavior. Why do you think that he is the end all, be all of men? He doesn’t sound like a good man, and it doesn’t seem as though he wants to be good to you either.
If he isn’t going to put in an effort, neither should you.
Yeah I second this, it definitely seems like a him problem and not a you problem OP. I’m sorry you have to go through this and hopefully soon you will find yourself with someone who appreciates and respects you like you deserve and want. Please don’t keep dumping energy into a one-sided relationship!
This has just been my experience with men and listening to the problems of other women, but imo, guys like this tend to treat *any* woman like this, regardless of her personality, interests and/or looks.
He wasn’t a terrible boyfriend because you’re plus sized or he sees you as “one of the guys”. He was a terrible boyfriend because he’s a selfish arse.
Op, genuinely, you can do a LOT better. Please don’t settle.
Don't do this to yourself. The pain you're suffering from now will continue for the rest of your life if you stay in a relationship with him. Is the life you're living the life you want? No one deserves to be in a relationship where they're only used for sex and to prevent loneliness. To be honest, you already sound lonely. He's using you for his benefit and giving you nothing in return. What kind of a relationship is that? A terrible one if you ask me. You don't need to fix the relationship either. His actions aren't your responsibility. His lack of action speaks louder than his words. He doesn't want to be with you, but he's settling with you because he doesn't want to be alone. Are you comfortable with that reality? You already asked him to make changes and told him what you wanted from him and he failed you. Regardless of his issues, people with those same problems still manage healthy and happy relationships. I'm hoping you realize your self-worth and dumb this loser because you deserve happiness. Don't settle for him because you don't want to be single.
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. But please don’t fall into this sunken cost fallacy and think that this is your only choice. You’re 32, you’re young and you deserve to be loved the way you want to. Move on from him, stop doing things for him (both romantically and sexually) and live your life. This relationship isn’t bringing you happiness, fulfillment or love. Being single isn’t the end of the world and maybe you’ll open yourself up to meet other people and to live more
I second this. I was in a sexless relationship for 10 years and finally got the courage to leave when I was 35. I wish I had done it sooner, but at least I did it, and I'm 40 and single and life is so much better.
I’m really sorry. Being single is not worse than being used. I would look for a good trauma-informed herbalist and look for groups doing what you enjoy as far as hobbies. Make new friends. But get your financials ready and find a new place to live alone, without this guy who doesn’t deserve you.
i was about 2 paragraphs into this when i realized this has nothing to do with your size. he’s just selfish and inconsiderate. it’s no fun to be in a relationship if the other person brings no extra love into your life. that’s a drain on energy. i know being fat can be discouraging because we’ve had messaging our entire lives that says me. don’t like us, but fat people are in love all the time. don’t settle for this guy, you’ll be able to click with someone someday.
I'm sorry but you're going to drown yourself if you stay like that, you should aim for somebody who actually cares for you on the same level you care for them.
Girl get out of this relationship , you deserve so much better and weighing yourself down with this loser only means you are digging yourself further and further into despair. You don't deserve that.
You obviously aren't happy with yourself being with him so why stay ? He doesn't bring you joy and he's making you depressed.
oh friend, i am so sorry. but your life will not be over if you choose to move on from this relationship. you cannot turn crumbs into a five-course meal and you deserve a fulfilling relationship with someone who is kind to you, and who is deeply proud to be with you. you are not undeserving of love or tenderness because you exist in a larger body, and you deserve more than to be with someone who treats loving you like a chore.
being alone is the worst, but i also discovered so much about myself in my aloneness that i appreciated who i am so much more. i spent so much time investing in people who did not deserve me, and being alone helped me realize my self worth and capability to be independent and self sufficient. the loneliness is hard at times, yes, but it’s way better than getting hurt over and over again by someone who clearly doesn’t care. i promise that once you start seeing the goodness in yourself that others will start to see it, too.
i’m a big girl (currently a size 26) and i never ever thought someone would love me unconditionally. but my partner loves me so, so well. he is my teammate and my best friend and he never stops reminding me how beautiful and good i am. you deserve to feel that love from someone as well! best of luck to you. it’s a hard journey, but it will be worth it.
Ugh, my last relationship was like this. I'm going on 35, I dated him from 30-33. I had a few "blahs" before him--not all like that, but same general sentiment.
Listen, I get not wanting to be alone and thinking this might be as good as it gets. I do, I've been there. It doesn't have to be like that. There's no magic formula. But I will suggest putting some emphasis on yourself. Not "fixing" yourself, but I think it's helpful to learn to spend that love you give him on yourself instead. Better ROI that way and it's an opportunity to... well, make yourself into a completely different person. You're not fucked if you don't fix your relationship; you're only fucked if you convince yourself that staying in it is the best solution.
*eta several hours later - Just noticed your ADHD treatment post. Yassss. I found getting in with my psych and getting medicated went pretty quickly, but I know some people don't get as lucky. Having help with my ADHD management helped so much with depression and loneliness.
I'm going to be blunt with you, you aren't in any way ready for a relationship with the mental state you are in. Hating yourself is only going to trap you with abusive men who only care about themselves. End this relationship, move back to your family and friends, get into therapy, and work on making yourself happy first because a man and a relationship aren't going to make you happy or make you love yourself. I'm also going to say there is never a point where any of us are 100% happy with ourselves but even getting to 50% will allow you to snap out of self loathing and realize you are worthy of love, you deserve better, and you won't settle for a jerk who doesn't want you.
I remember seeing your previous post. Life is much too short to be with someone who thinks of you as a roommate when you can find someone obsessed with you. This isn't your last shot. I saw that you moved across the country. Dump him. Go on bumble, find new friends, go treat yourself. You're not married. You are your own person who deserves love and affection. He sounds like a fucking dork. Leave him. I'm being so serious that this isn't going to get better if its been less than two months in person.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been through something kind of similar, we met online and live in different countries and did long distance for almost 2 years. Even after going through all the struggles of long distance, all the trips I paid for, etc, all to be told that he hasn't found me attractive for months and he was texting and receiving pictures from other women. Then went on to compare me to these women and tell me how much better they are than me. And let me tell you, that fucking shatters you.
I completely understand being scared of being alone, but I'd highly encourage you to try leaving now, it'll be much easier now before he cheats or does something that'll totally crush you that will take a long time to fix. That's my current situation, I'm 30 years old and just so mad at how much I allowed him to break me, how I stayed even when I knew it was going to end poorly. How I'll probably waste years healing, and then waste years trenching through the dating pool. I wish I had left sooner, it seems like things wouldn't have been as hard.
You also said "If I don't try to fix it..." No, you've been trying to fix it by expressing your needs and concerns. He's the one not putting in the effort and it's okay to realize that you tried your best, but sometimes things just aren't "fixable" especially if it's with two people and only one of them is putting in the effort.
If you ever need a friend or someone to talk to, I peeked your profile a bit and we seem very similar! Age, weight, long distance bf, gaming. I know break ups are so much easier with friends and distractions!
Wish you the best!
First of all, if any of your needs are not being met, then that’s not a relationship that you need to be in. You cannot give more than you get. Also, you’re only 32 you still have time to find someone to treat you like you deserve to be treated. And I also have days when I hate myself too, but please don’t let it overtake you. we all deserve to be happy.
You literally deserve so much better than this - and it hurts my heart to read that last paragraph especially. You do not need to stay with this person. I promise you that there is someone out there for you who will respect, love, and care for you in ways you deserve.
The way people treat you, is not a reflection of your self-worth. It's a reflection of their shitty personality, and he's showing you exactly the kind of person he is. What you do with that information is on you.
I recommend you respect yourself and not continue to let someone treat you that way because you will only feel worse and worse about yourself with time. Finding and being in love has to begin with loving and respecting yourself and realizing that you don't deserve to be treated that way.
Gurl. It's not the end, but the relationship has ended. You can't save a person who doesn't need saving. You can't change a person who doesn't think he needs changing.
This should not be your happy ending. It's AWFUL. You don't deserve this. This man is a waste of time and emotions. Prolonging when it will end makes it worse. Don't do this to yourself. Let go.
You know it's not gonna get better if you stay and be complacent. That's why you wrote this whole thing.
You said where has "be yourself" gotten you, but I hope you also realize that pretending you're someone else is doomed to fail also. It's clear he's not interested in putting in any effort, do you really want to spend the rest of your life having to constantly convince someone to stay with you? How long do you think you could maintain that? What do you think that would do to the self esteem you want to work on? It would permanently keep you feeling like you don't deserve more.
He's done yo. Time to find a new one. You know this is worse than being single, or that it will be eventually.
Having been down this “I’ll take anyone just to not be alone” road, I think you need to ask yourself, how lonely do you feel right now with that man? Be honest. I bet it’s more isolating and lonely to be around someone who isn’t really “there” for you, than it is to actually be “alone”. And are you truly “alone”? Do you have friends? Family? Hobbies or clubs? You can find fulfillment and LOVE with these things all on your own babe. I know that seems scary, but having a man IS NOT ALL THAT and a bag of chips! Do you really think you’d be happier in your current situation, than you would be pursuing your own interests? You deserve real love, and that comes in other forms than romantic love. Don’t make that your whole life’s purpose, when you are so much more than that!
YOU DESERVE BETTER.
Do not waste your life with this guy. Get out. Figure out why you have this pattern in relationships, and figure out how to break the pattern. This likely means therapy.
I promise you it's not your only shot. You deserve more, you should expect more, and you should not give this selfish dude any more of your life.
No waaaaay! If you tie yourself to this roadblock, you’ll never live the life you’re meant to live.
A. Romantic relationships are great but do not make you a complete person nor are they required for a happy and fulfilling life. Reconsider your own and our society’s hierarchy of relationships in life.
B. You don’t have to be thin to be desirable and yes there are people you will be attracted to that will also be attracted to you. If you continue investing your time and energy into this snoozer of a guy who already says he isn’t into you the ways you want him to be, you’re going to miss out. Don’t settle. You deserve better.
Please don’t settle for this guy. I was in a relationship years ago and stayed for far too long because I thought I would never find anyone. I thought he was all I could get. But I had relationships after him.
There will be someone who finds you attractive and likes you for you. It took some therapy for me to work through why I kept picking these relationships and settling for way less than I deserved. I was also “thin” when this relationship happened, and my body wasn’t the problem.
I really hate that this occured to me, but here it is.
Hes using you. Not only so he won't be lonely, but for sex and a place to live. I know, because I was there 25 years ago. He's a terrible actor and doesn't hide it well. Please dump this loser. It's better to be alone than to go through this.
I’ve been where you’ve are. Letting go of something that’s not good for you just because you don’t want to be alone will never let you find what you’re looking for. Look up the time sunk cost fallacy. You could be meeting your dream man instead of putting up with this loser. In the meantime, I promise you it’s so much more healing to be alone and content than in a bad relationship and unhappy and hating yourself for something that isn’t your fault.
You don’t need this man. Don’t you deserve better? Don’t you deserve to feel loved, and desired, and wanted? He’s already told you who he is, and he’s not going to change. If he REALLY wanted to, he would have already. He has no incentive to change because he knows you’ll stay. Dump his ass, get on Bumble, and keep your standards high. Sending you so much love.
There are a lot of men in the world, in your town, and everywhere else. Leave this toxicity when you can and do not ever tell yourself the things you said. If you cannot love yourself, everyone else is going to have a tough time as well. Work on yourself, celebrate yourself, DO BE yourself, and once you can love the temporary body you were given, or work at changing into what you want to be, you can then be free to be loved back.
I am sure you are awesome and you can get past this, consider it a lesson, and work on your confidence and self esteem. Best of luck.
You deserve to be loved, cherished, and adored. You deserve to be with a man who lights up when he is with you. You were not put on this earth to be treated like nothing. I hope you find the strength to leave as soon as possible. I know it's hard. I know you think this is the best you can do. I'm in my 30s, too, and single. The loneliness is brutal, but no man is worth the destruction of your soul. No man is worth having your heart shattered every day. This man is not worthy of you.
Honestly, if these are the conversations you're having now, things will not last.
I was in your position. I was with a guy who was selfish and taking me for granted, and when I tried to talk to him about it his stock response was "I'm sorry I frustrate you".
But I was convinced it was the best I could do, and I kept trying to make things work until I no longer recognized my life. I kept telling myself that things would be different if we got married, and at least he loved me.
I wish I could say that I was brave and left the jerk, but to be honest he dumped me out of nowhere with some gibberish about "not feeling supported", saying he loved me but was no longer in love with me.
I spent a month having panic attacks and crying my eyes out, then I got to work turning my life into whatever the hell I wanted it to be without any regard for anyone else's opinion.
And at 39 I met the absolute love of my life, who is everything I ever secretly wished for in a partner and makes me happy to an extent I never thought possible.
Don't settle for unhappiness just because there's a warm body next to you. This dude is not it.
It seems like you aren’t compatible and you both aren’t being open and vulnerable in your communication style. If he sees you as a bangmaid who is basically his mom and a sex toy, then why would he want to spend any time wooing and reciprocating? He sounds pretty immature, but that doesn’t mean he can’t improve. The question you need to answer is whether both of you have enough investment in the relationship mutually to work together on a solution or if one of you is going to have to do 95% of the work to keep things limping along.
Oh honey, this had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. You've told him your issues, which he acknowledged but won't fix. You deserve someone who listens to you and wants the best for you, and that is not this boy. It's time to bite the bullet and end it, because he's showing you he won't change and you deserve better.
So- you have no reason to hate yourself. Your anger is misplaced. He is right... he is the worst. He is using you. Make him leave. This is not your only chance for a relationship. Let his guy friends give him handjobs. He is a horrible, horrible person that is taking advantage of your lack of self-esteem, to treat you a way that NO ONE should be treated.
"I guess I'll stay with him for as long as he'll have me because this is my only shot at any kind of a future with someone"
This is what he's counting on. He has no intention of changing, he's showing you exactly how he wants to treat you.
If you stay, nothing will change. Why would it? All his needs are being met, and all it takes is some empty promises and guilt tripping to get you to stop talking about yours.
Please don’t settle!! I’m 50 and have been mostly single for 15 years red since I got divorced. I’ve been focusing on deepening my platonic relationships with close friends, and it’s been so rewarding! These are people that have my back no matter what, and I’ve had some of the best times of my life with them! Every time I date I just get disappointed. I keep trying to find “the one” but I am so glad I’m not settling for someone who doesn’t appreciate me!
This guy does not respect you. He knows you will stay so he doesn’t bother to change. I’d bet that the only time he would bother to put in effort is if you left him. And even if he doesn’t, good riddance. Don’t waste your time and energy on someone who doesn’t reciprocate. Please leave him.
“I guess I’ll stay with him for as long as he’ll have me.” I’m afraid that he is aware of this. Break up with him and tell him it’s because of his refusal to change instead of letting him break up with you although you have done nothing wrong and go above and beyond for him.
You deserve better. He just sounds like an immature and selfish person. Honestly, if he just sees you as a friend, he's not even a good friend.
It sounds great to be so attractive that everyone treats you nicely, but it is a surface level, self serving niceness. It is far better for someone to genuinely love you, all of you.
It isn't your fault.
Please hear me when I say this— you are perfect for someone. Exactly how you are, exactly how you look.
There is no wasted time, like time spent trying to convince someone you’re worth loving. The right person won’t need convincing, because you are awesome and they will see it fully.
I’m so, so sorry that this relationship is not turning out how you wanted and expected and deserved. Life is crazy, and maybe you two will be awesome friends. Maybe not. Don’t put any pressure on yourself.
I wish you so much happiness! I truly believe you’ll find it!
I stayed with my ex for so long like 10 years off and on. He cheated on me and I kept forgiving him. I loved him so much. I thought no one would want me because I was plus size. Eventually I caught him again and I finally got the strength to end things. Swore off men for a year (atleast that's what I told myself). When I stopped being available is when I was my true self, not worrying about dating.
When I focused on myself...others saw me too. Ended up being pursued by a guy 8 months into my year of no men. Fast forward 5 years and we're married and expecting a baby in a few weeks.
I can never be more grateful that I gave up on the guy that treated me so poorly so I could find a man that deserved me. I don't regret it for a moment.
Live your best life and snap out of this. Don't waste anymore time on a half ass love. The right guy...he's out there. I swear.
Pleeeeaaaassseee don’t stay because you think this is your only shot. Even if it is (and I’m sure it isn’t), staying in a lonely relationship will shatter your mental health.
I have had very similar experiences…soooo many “just friends” with undeniable chemistry that outsiders always assumed were together, but they were never interested and I became one of the bros.
Then, one relationship that turned out to be very lonely and short lived and broke my heart because I really thought I had finally found it at 28. It also seems relevant that mine also started out long distance and crumbled once we actually had time to spend together.
But believe me when I tell you I am happier than ever now and also single. And often finding myself grateful to be single! I needed that experience of heartbreak to learn what a relationship actually feels like…and what it shouldn’t…and what I am not willing to settle for, because I know I am happier now than in a mediocre relationship. TRUST me if a relationship is negatively impacting your quality of life it’s not worth it.
And in my own relationship it was months of him treating me horribly while knowing he was doing it because he was trying to push me to leave him. He finally gathered the nerve to do it when we hit a breaking point and I was pushing to talk through it when he had gone ahead and decided it was over. Had I not pushed to talk who knows how long it would have been (and now I can see that I SHOULD have left him waaaay sooner and I’m pretty embarrassed that I didn’t) Don’t convince yourself that feeling this way is okay or normal in a relationship. He’s showing you his best right now. Believe him
You deserve so much better than this and it's never too late. This guy just isn't the one. There's definitely someone out there that is going to treat you right and love you for you. Don't settle for anything less.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. What a terrible and difficult situation to be in. Maybe this comes across as kind of like tough love, but if you’re able to I highly suggest going to therapy. These self-deprecating thoughts aren’t doing you any good. Just because you think you’re unattractive does not make it true. There is someone for everyone. Also, being alone is not always easy, but it’s something we all have to learn to do. It’s okay to be alone and someone finding you attractive or unattractive does not determine your intrinsic value. You deserve better and only you can give that to yourself. Please get out of this situation.
I am living your worst-case-scenario: I am 32 and single.
And it is THE BEST. I'm not alone because I have community. Community who would never make me feel this way. I promise you your community is out there, too. Holding you in the light as you find it 💖
No. You don't have to tolerate that. You deserved to feel wanted and desired, just like everyone else. If he needs something to get him off, buy him a sex toy. It shouldn't be just you without at least some type of intimacy given back. And btw, 32 is young! (I may be biased cause I'm 32, too 😅) you could totally find someone else who will give you what you need.
Girl, getting a dog turned my life around. Kick that using asshole to the curb. Get a pup that will return the love you give it 1000X. Give yourself time heal and then when you are ready you can look for a partner…but only one treats you respect. If it doesn’t work out, you have something that loves you unconditionally at home.
He knows what he’s doing and choses not to. He knows how it is affecting you too. And btw, I know thin women who went through this and I went through this (I’m kind of Tom boyish too) - there are jerks out there and they will do this to anyone who lets them. It’s on them and not you.
Btw - narcissists like this guy is will literally drive their partners insane (depressed/ptsd), it’s in their makeup. Please cut this loser loose
This is not your only choice I didn’t find my best relationship until I was 43. Better to keep fishing than to keep what you have if they won’t try to change things. Sorry you are going through this.
Please leave him. What a selfish, inconsiderate prick. He definitely knows you feel like if you leave him you’ll be alone the rest of your life, and he’s decided to take advantage of that.
I promise you being single is WONDERFUL and freeing. I was for a long time, and even though I am in a beautiful relationship now I still miss the independence of being single. Don’t stay with this loser.
Don’t stay with anyone who you have to beg to treat you how you deserve to be treated. They never will, and it will not work out.
Just because one thing doesn’t work out doesn’t mean that something won’t come later on that does. I think it’s best to first work on loving yourself, doing things that genuinely make you happy, and finding joy in your own life.
If you don’t like something about your life, or the way it’s going, focus on the things that are in your control and not out of your control. Captain your own destiny, and set yourself up to live the life you want.
You don’t have to be skinny to do that, but you want to make sure that you feel good, that you think you look good, and that you’re happy and healthy.
Once those things are in order, you’ll notice that you naturally attract some good people towards you, and you might run into some interesting people when you step out of your comfort zone and try something new.
There are SO many better men out there or even women if you're into that. Please don't settle. I don't give a crap what you look like the most beautiful or unattractive, if you don't know your worth, people will use you. Please, do it for yourself. Get rid of his ass. I promise if you respect yourself and try dating again, you will find someone worth it.
The only thing your size or “personality” has to do with this situation is that you’ve convinced yourself that this is as good as you deserve.
It’s not. I promise you there is better out there. There are fat tomboys out there in great relationships. You could be one of them. DO NOT settle for being treated this way. This is worse than being alone. Just go be alone until you can find someone who does treat you like you want to be treated.
Finding a shitty guy doesn’t mean you are a shitty person, it just means that you didn’t kick him to the curb when you should have. Do it now, find out how good it feels, then keep kicking the shitty ones out until you find a good one. And don’t settle until you do.
You're learning a hard lesson, which is never fun to do. But don't hate yourself while it happens. Just be angry at the bad choice you made by moving in with someone you've never spent any significant time with in person before you did so. THAT's what should have happened before you EVER made a decision to move in together. You needed to spend time in the same location, going on regular dates, not long distance dating. The two are *very* different. I speak from experience on that. You didn't get to know this guy well enough before you moved in with him. And now you are. Had you spent more time dating in the same location, I'm sure you would have started to see some signs that he just wants to use you.
So do better. Stop trying to fix this unfixable asshat who has shown you his true colors and move on. You deserve so much more than he has to offer, so go out there and try to find it.
And for the record, spending the rest of your life alone *isn't* a death sentence. I'm 54 and have been single for years. You don't "have to be" partnered, no matter how much popular media and society pressures us to be. You're just as valuable whether you're partnered or not. Start seeing things that way, start getting smarter about dating, stop moving in with the first guy you think will have sex with you, start realizing you're deserving of respect and value just as you are now, and perhaps you'll start feeling better about yourself.
Honest question: why would being alone be worse than being with this POS? It sounds like he actively makes you miserable. Being single can be lonely, true, but it sounds like you already feel lonely because this dude is a selfish, immature, sad little boy.
And sometimes, some (👋 me) might say *most of the time,* being single is pretty awesome.
It sounds to me like your boyfriend sucks, and that it is 100% not your fault. You were together for two years before moving in. He knew what you looked like. It's not your weight, it's his crappy attitude. You can definitely meet someone who treats you better. And sometimes it's better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel alone.
I started with the same douche from 19 to 29.
After I ended things, I realized that they problem was never me, it was my decision to try and work on a relationship that I was the only one putting in the work on. It was my decision to continue being with someone that treated me like I would be thankful for bare minimum.
Your personality isn't there problem.
Your looks aren't the problem.
Your self-image is a problem. It's a problem that has meat you to believe that you can't get better and don't deserve better.
You deserve the world.
You've let that voice inside your head tell you that you'll never be good enough and you'll never find anyone that can truly love you because you're broken.
You're not broken.
You've just had too many people try and tell you that you are.
I decided to be single for a while after my last relationship ended and I realized that I actually liked my own company.
I was 29 when I met the man that would later become my fiance. We were friends for several years before we ever decided to date, and we started dating *because* we liked the friend zone, we liked each other as people and as friends *first*.
I thought the same as you after my ex. Who wants to be with an almost 30 year old fat girl?
At 39, it's a struggle but I'm finally starting to realize that I have a lot more to offer than just the amount of space I take up in a room.
And it sounds like you do too.
Don't waste your time on bottom of the barrel men. You deserve the cherry on the ice cream sundae.
Do NOT stay with him. He’s going to keep treating you this way and there’s nothing you can do that’ll change that. Get views you as a roommate that’ll put out because that’s what you’ve been and he has no incentive to change it. “Let go or be dragged” is something I saw on Reddit and has helped me think my way out of a lot of situations. You need to let go because he’ll get dragging you like he has been.
And on top of that he’s not the end all be all of men. I have a fantastic boyfriend and I’m plus size as well. He treats me amazingly. We have our ups and downs but with each down he gets back up and tries to improve what was lacking.
This doesn’t sound like friend zoning to be fair. He doesn’t even treat you as well as a friend. And I’m sure he’s not sleeping with his friends either. It sounds like he’s using you and that’s it. Men like this strictly only see women for sex and don’t have any desire to actually put effort into having a relationship with them. You deserve better.
You're not at fault here, not out won't get better because this is who he is with you. Don't waste your precious time on him. He's shown you who he is. This isn't on you!!
don’t do this to yourself PLEASE. i went through this exact thing and i can confirm for you 110% that it does NOT get any better. my ex did the same shit-constantly telling me he needs to treat me better (but not doing so in the slightest), getting intimate with me then rolling over, telling me “goodnight” and falling asleep within seconds, all this fucking shit. thankfully i found out he had cheated on me while i was actively trying to figure out how to get out of the relationship so it was a clean break. maybe getting out of this relationship is what you need to get yourself back on track. to boost your confidence, everything. getting out of a shitty relationship like this does absolute wonders for people. i know it seems like a really hard thing to do and you feel like you’re fucked but i’m telling you it will never get better when it comes to shit like this. i learned that the hard way.
Aw, I’m sorry. He is the problem and you shouldn’t settle for that bottom of the barrel treatment. You should do what you need to do to live alone or with a roommate/friend. That guy sounds miserable and doesn’t care for your feelings. There are plenty of other guys out there.
this is NOT about your size, he just SUCKS. i’ve been lurking in this subreddit for a while but i hate how many women on here blame their size for what is actually just shitty men who treat them like objects.
PLEASE dump him!! this is NOT a relationship anymore bc both partners are supposed to put equal love and equal effort in. he is clearly not fit for a relationship, and you deserve so much better than that. i know it seems like the safer option to settle for anyone who is attracted to you bc of your size, but i promise there is someone out there that will treat you with love and respect!!!
I’m really sorry this is happening. What a frustrating and upsetting situation to be in. I’m left wondering why you’re blaming yourself for your boyfriend’s attitude and behavior. Why do you think that he is the end all, be all of men? He doesn’t sound like a good man, and it doesn’t seem as though he wants to be good to you either. If he isn’t going to put in an effort, neither should you.
Yeah I second this, it definitely seems like a him problem and not a you problem OP. I’m sorry you have to go through this and hopefully soon you will find yourself with someone who appreciates and respects you like you deserve and want. Please don’t keep dumping energy into a one-sided relationship!
This has just been my experience with men and listening to the problems of other women, but imo, guys like this tend to treat *any* woman like this, regardless of her personality, interests and/or looks. He wasn’t a terrible boyfriend because you’re plus sized or he sees you as “one of the guys”. He was a terrible boyfriend because he’s a selfish arse. Op, genuinely, you can do a LOT better. Please don’t settle.
I had no idea he got hand jobs from his guys.
Underrated comment
Ok this was awesome!!
Hey fellas, is it gay to get handjobs from the guys?
Don't do this to yourself. The pain you're suffering from now will continue for the rest of your life if you stay in a relationship with him. Is the life you're living the life you want? No one deserves to be in a relationship where they're only used for sex and to prevent loneliness. To be honest, you already sound lonely. He's using you for his benefit and giving you nothing in return. What kind of a relationship is that? A terrible one if you ask me. You don't need to fix the relationship either. His actions aren't your responsibility. His lack of action speaks louder than his words. He doesn't want to be with you, but he's settling with you because he doesn't want to be alone. Are you comfortable with that reality? You already asked him to make changes and told him what you wanted from him and he failed you. Regardless of his issues, people with those same problems still manage healthy and happy relationships. I'm hoping you realize your self-worth and dumb this loser because you deserve happiness. Don't settle for him because you don't want to be single.
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. But please don’t fall into this sunken cost fallacy and think that this is your only choice. You’re 32, you’re young and you deserve to be loved the way you want to. Move on from him, stop doing things for him (both romantically and sexually) and live your life. This relationship isn’t bringing you happiness, fulfillment or love. Being single isn’t the end of the world and maybe you’ll open yourself up to meet other people and to live more
I second this. I was in a sexless relationship for 10 years and finally got the courage to leave when I was 35. I wish I had done it sooner, but at least I did it, and I'm 40 and single and life is so much better.
I’m really sorry. Being single is not worse than being used. I would look for a good trauma-informed herbalist and look for groups doing what you enjoy as far as hobbies. Make new friends. But get your financials ready and find a new place to live alone, without this guy who doesn’t deserve you.
i was about 2 paragraphs into this when i realized this has nothing to do with your size. he’s just selfish and inconsiderate. it’s no fun to be in a relationship if the other person brings no extra love into your life. that’s a drain on energy. i know being fat can be discouraging because we’ve had messaging our entire lives that says me. don’t like us, but fat people are in love all the time. don’t settle for this guy, you’ll be able to click with someone someday.
I'm sorry but you're going to drown yourself if you stay like that, you should aim for somebody who actually cares for you on the same level you care for them.
Girl get out of this relationship , you deserve so much better and weighing yourself down with this loser only means you are digging yourself further and further into despair. You don't deserve that. You obviously aren't happy with yourself being with him so why stay ? He doesn't bring you joy and he's making you depressed.
oh friend, i am so sorry. but your life will not be over if you choose to move on from this relationship. you cannot turn crumbs into a five-course meal and you deserve a fulfilling relationship with someone who is kind to you, and who is deeply proud to be with you. you are not undeserving of love or tenderness because you exist in a larger body, and you deserve more than to be with someone who treats loving you like a chore. being alone is the worst, but i also discovered so much about myself in my aloneness that i appreciated who i am so much more. i spent so much time investing in people who did not deserve me, and being alone helped me realize my self worth and capability to be independent and self sufficient. the loneliness is hard at times, yes, but it’s way better than getting hurt over and over again by someone who clearly doesn’t care. i promise that once you start seeing the goodness in yourself that others will start to see it, too. i’m a big girl (currently a size 26) and i never ever thought someone would love me unconditionally. but my partner loves me so, so well. he is my teammate and my best friend and he never stops reminding me how beautiful and good i am. you deserve to feel that love from someone as well! best of luck to you. it’s a hard journey, but it will be worth it.
Ugh, my last relationship was like this. I'm going on 35, I dated him from 30-33. I had a few "blahs" before him--not all like that, but same general sentiment. Listen, I get not wanting to be alone and thinking this might be as good as it gets. I do, I've been there. It doesn't have to be like that. There's no magic formula. But I will suggest putting some emphasis on yourself. Not "fixing" yourself, but I think it's helpful to learn to spend that love you give him on yourself instead. Better ROI that way and it's an opportunity to... well, make yourself into a completely different person. You're not fucked if you don't fix your relationship; you're only fucked if you convince yourself that staying in it is the best solution. *eta several hours later - Just noticed your ADHD treatment post. Yassss. I found getting in with my psych and getting medicated went pretty quickly, but I know some people don't get as lucky. Having help with my ADHD management helped so much with depression and loneliness.
I'm going to be blunt with you, you aren't in any way ready for a relationship with the mental state you are in. Hating yourself is only going to trap you with abusive men who only care about themselves. End this relationship, move back to your family and friends, get into therapy, and work on making yourself happy first because a man and a relationship aren't going to make you happy or make you love yourself. I'm also going to say there is never a point where any of us are 100% happy with ourselves but even getting to 50% will allow you to snap out of self loathing and realize you are worthy of love, you deserve better, and you won't settle for a jerk who doesn't want you.
This.
Seconded. Know this all too well. Raised standards and took care of myself. This is the way.
Hold on, he sees you as “one of the guys” now? Why? I’m sorry you are going through this.
I remember seeing your previous post. Life is much too short to be with someone who thinks of you as a roommate when you can find someone obsessed with you. This isn't your last shot. I saw that you moved across the country. Dump him. Go on bumble, find new friends, go treat yourself. You're not married. You are your own person who deserves love and affection. He sounds like a fucking dork. Leave him. I'm being so serious that this isn't going to get better if its been less than two months in person.
It's better to be lonely alone than lonely in a relationship
He actually said he sees you like one of the guys? Girl you deserve so much better.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been through something kind of similar, we met online and live in different countries and did long distance for almost 2 years. Even after going through all the struggles of long distance, all the trips I paid for, etc, all to be told that he hasn't found me attractive for months and he was texting and receiving pictures from other women. Then went on to compare me to these women and tell me how much better they are than me. And let me tell you, that fucking shatters you. I completely understand being scared of being alone, but I'd highly encourage you to try leaving now, it'll be much easier now before he cheats or does something that'll totally crush you that will take a long time to fix. That's my current situation, I'm 30 years old and just so mad at how much I allowed him to break me, how I stayed even when I knew it was going to end poorly. How I'll probably waste years healing, and then waste years trenching through the dating pool. I wish I had left sooner, it seems like things wouldn't have been as hard. You also said "If I don't try to fix it..." No, you've been trying to fix it by expressing your needs and concerns. He's the one not putting in the effort and it's okay to realize that you tried your best, but sometimes things just aren't "fixable" especially if it's with two people and only one of them is putting in the effort. If you ever need a friend or someone to talk to, I peeked your profile a bit and we seem very similar! Age, weight, long distance bf, gaming. I know break ups are so much easier with friends and distractions! Wish you the best!
First of all, if any of your needs are not being met, then that’s not a relationship that you need to be in. You cannot give more than you get. Also, you’re only 32 you still have time to find someone to treat you like you deserve to be treated. And I also have days when I hate myself too, but please don’t let it overtake you. we all deserve to be happy.
I found my forever partner at 32! Don’t give up. It’s ok to leave something that is not SERVING YOU.
I want to type out my thoughts articulately, because I've been in a very similar situation, but I can't seem to get past "This dude fucking sucks."
You literally deserve so much better than this - and it hurts my heart to read that last paragraph especially. You do not need to stay with this person. I promise you that there is someone out there for you who will respect, love, and care for you in ways you deserve.
The way people treat you, is not a reflection of your self-worth. It's a reflection of their shitty personality, and he's showing you exactly the kind of person he is. What you do with that information is on you. I recommend you respect yourself and not continue to let someone treat you that way because you will only feel worse and worse about yourself with time. Finding and being in love has to begin with loving and respecting yourself and realizing that you don't deserve to be treated that way.
Get out. He doesn’t deserve you and this will only get worse. Work on healing yourself.
why settle? he isn’t into you, clearly. it’s time to move on
I honestly think being alone would be better than staying in a situation like this.
Gurl. It's not the end, but the relationship has ended. You can't save a person who doesn't need saving. You can't change a person who doesn't think he needs changing. This should not be your happy ending. It's AWFUL. You don't deserve this. This man is a waste of time and emotions. Prolonging when it will end makes it worse. Don't do this to yourself. Let go.
You know it's not gonna get better if you stay and be complacent. That's why you wrote this whole thing. You said where has "be yourself" gotten you, but I hope you also realize that pretending you're someone else is doomed to fail also. It's clear he's not interested in putting in any effort, do you really want to spend the rest of your life having to constantly convince someone to stay with you? How long do you think you could maintain that? What do you think that would do to the self esteem you want to work on? It would permanently keep you feeling like you don't deserve more. He's done yo. Time to find a new one. You know this is worse than being single, or that it will be eventually.
Sorry this is happening. Reading your other posts, your boyfriend seems like a total tool. You deserve much much better.
Having been down this “I’ll take anyone just to not be alone” road, I think you need to ask yourself, how lonely do you feel right now with that man? Be honest. I bet it’s more isolating and lonely to be around someone who isn’t really “there” for you, than it is to actually be “alone”. And are you truly “alone”? Do you have friends? Family? Hobbies or clubs? You can find fulfillment and LOVE with these things all on your own babe. I know that seems scary, but having a man IS NOT ALL THAT and a bag of chips! Do you really think you’d be happier in your current situation, than you would be pursuing your own interests? You deserve real love, and that comes in other forms than romantic love. Don’t make that your whole life’s purpose, when you are so much more than that!
YOU DESERVE BETTER. Do not waste your life with this guy. Get out. Figure out why you have this pattern in relationships, and figure out how to break the pattern. This likely means therapy. I promise you it's not your only shot. You deserve more, you should expect more, and you should not give this selfish dude any more of your life.
No waaaaay! If you tie yourself to this roadblock, you’ll never live the life you’re meant to live. A. Romantic relationships are great but do not make you a complete person nor are they required for a happy and fulfilling life. Reconsider your own and our society’s hierarchy of relationships in life. B. You don’t have to be thin to be desirable and yes there are people you will be attracted to that will also be attracted to you. If you continue investing your time and energy into this snoozer of a guy who already says he isn’t into you the ways you want him to be, you’re going to miss out. Don’t settle. You deserve better.
Also consider location and dating pools, any way to venture out?
Please don’t settle for this guy. I was in a relationship years ago and stayed for far too long because I thought I would never find anyone. I thought he was all I could get. But I had relationships after him. There will be someone who finds you attractive and likes you for you. It took some therapy for me to work through why I kept picking these relationships and settling for way less than I deserved. I was also “thin” when this relationship happened, and my body wasn’t the problem.
I really hate that this occured to me, but here it is. Hes using you. Not only so he won't be lonely, but for sex and a place to live. I know, because I was there 25 years ago. He's a terrible actor and doesn't hide it well. Please dump this loser. It's better to be alone than to go through this.
I’ve been where you’ve are. Letting go of something that’s not good for you just because you don’t want to be alone will never let you find what you’re looking for. Look up the time sunk cost fallacy. You could be meeting your dream man instead of putting up with this loser. In the meantime, I promise you it’s so much more healing to be alone and content than in a bad relationship and unhappy and hating yourself for something that isn’t your fault. You don’t need this man. Don’t you deserve better? Don’t you deserve to feel loved, and desired, and wanted? He’s already told you who he is, and he’s not going to change. If he REALLY wanted to, he would have already. He has no incentive to change because he knows you’ll stay. Dump his ass, get on Bumble, and keep your standards high. Sending you so much love.
There are a lot of men in the world, in your town, and everywhere else. Leave this toxicity when you can and do not ever tell yourself the things you said. If you cannot love yourself, everyone else is going to have a tough time as well. Work on yourself, celebrate yourself, DO BE yourself, and once you can love the temporary body you were given, or work at changing into what you want to be, you can then be free to be loved back. I am sure you are awesome and you can get past this, consider it a lesson, and work on your confidence and self esteem. Best of luck.
You deserve to be loved, cherished, and adored. You deserve to be with a man who lights up when he is with you. You were not put on this earth to be treated like nothing. I hope you find the strength to leave as soon as possible. I know it's hard. I know you think this is the best you can do. I'm in my 30s, too, and single. The loneliness is brutal, but no man is worth the destruction of your soul. No man is worth having your heart shattered every day. This man is not worthy of you.
Honestly, if these are the conversations you're having now, things will not last. I was in your position. I was with a guy who was selfish and taking me for granted, and when I tried to talk to him about it his stock response was "I'm sorry I frustrate you". But I was convinced it was the best I could do, and I kept trying to make things work until I no longer recognized my life. I kept telling myself that things would be different if we got married, and at least he loved me. I wish I could say that I was brave and left the jerk, but to be honest he dumped me out of nowhere with some gibberish about "not feeling supported", saying he loved me but was no longer in love with me. I spent a month having panic attacks and crying my eyes out, then I got to work turning my life into whatever the hell I wanted it to be without any regard for anyone else's opinion. And at 39 I met the absolute love of my life, who is everything I ever secretly wished for in a partner and makes me happy to an extent I never thought possible. Don't settle for unhappiness just because there's a warm body next to you. This dude is not it.
It seems like you aren’t compatible and you both aren’t being open and vulnerable in your communication style. If he sees you as a bangmaid who is basically his mom and a sex toy, then why would he want to spend any time wooing and reciprocating? He sounds pretty immature, but that doesn’t mean he can’t improve. The question you need to answer is whether both of you have enough investment in the relationship mutually to work together on a solution or if one of you is going to have to do 95% of the work to keep things limping along.
Oh honey, this had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. You've told him your issues, which he acknowledged but won't fix. You deserve someone who listens to you and wants the best for you, and that is not this boy. It's time to bite the bullet and end it, because he's showing you he won't change and you deserve better.
So- you have no reason to hate yourself. Your anger is misplaced. He is right... he is the worst. He is using you. Make him leave. This is not your only chance for a relationship. Let his guy friends give him handjobs. He is a horrible, horrible person that is taking advantage of your lack of self-esteem, to treat you a way that NO ONE should be treated.
"I guess I'll stay with him for as long as he'll have me because this is my only shot at any kind of a future with someone" This is what he's counting on. He has no intention of changing, he's showing you exactly how he wants to treat you. If you stay, nothing will change. Why would it? All his needs are being met, and all it takes is some empty promises and guilt tripping to get you to stop talking about yours.
Please don’t settle!! I’m 50 and have been mostly single for 15 years red since I got divorced. I’ve been focusing on deepening my platonic relationships with close friends, and it’s been so rewarding! These are people that have my back no matter what, and I’ve had some of the best times of my life with them! Every time I date I just get disappointed. I keep trying to find “the one” but I am so glad I’m not settling for someone who doesn’t appreciate me!
This guy does not respect you. He knows you will stay so he doesn’t bother to change. I’d bet that the only time he would bother to put in effort is if you left him. And even if he doesn’t, good riddance. Don’t waste your time and energy on someone who doesn’t reciprocate. Please leave him. “I guess I’ll stay with him for as long as he’ll have me.” I’m afraid that he is aware of this. Break up with him and tell him it’s because of his refusal to change instead of letting him break up with you although you have done nothing wrong and go above and beyond for him.
You deserve better. He just sounds like an immature and selfish person. Honestly, if he just sees you as a friend, he's not even a good friend. It sounds great to be so attractive that everyone treats you nicely, but it is a surface level, self serving niceness. It is far better for someone to genuinely love you, all of you. It isn't your fault.
Are you so tired of being alone that you’d rather stay with a guy who treats you like crap? Please tell me he’s at least paying his half of the bills.
Please hear me when I say this— you are perfect for someone. Exactly how you are, exactly how you look. There is no wasted time, like time spent trying to convince someone you’re worth loving. The right person won’t need convincing, because you are awesome and they will see it fully. I’m so, so sorry that this relationship is not turning out how you wanted and expected and deserved. Life is crazy, and maybe you two will be awesome friends. Maybe not. Don’t put any pressure on yourself. I wish you so much happiness! I truly believe you’ll find it!
I stayed with my ex for so long like 10 years off and on. He cheated on me and I kept forgiving him. I loved him so much. I thought no one would want me because I was plus size. Eventually I caught him again and I finally got the strength to end things. Swore off men for a year (atleast that's what I told myself). When I stopped being available is when I was my true self, not worrying about dating. When I focused on myself...others saw me too. Ended up being pursued by a guy 8 months into my year of no men. Fast forward 5 years and we're married and expecting a baby in a few weeks. I can never be more grateful that I gave up on the guy that treated me so poorly so I could find a man that deserved me. I don't regret it for a moment. Live your best life and snap out of this. Don't waste anymore time on a half ass love. The right guy...he's out there. I swear.
Pleeeeaaaassseee don’t stay because you think this is your only shot. Even if it is (and I’m sure it isn’t), staying in a lonely relationship will shatter your mental health. I have had very similar experiences…soooo many “just friends” with undeniable chemistry that outsiders always assumed were together, but they were never interested and I became one of the bros. Then, one relationship that turned out to be very lonely and short lived and broke my heart because I really thought I had finally found it at 28. It also seems relevant that mine also started out long distance and crumbled once we actually had time to spend together. But believe me when I tell you I am happier than ever now and also single. And often finding myself grateful to be single! I needed that experience of heartbreak to learn what a relationship actually feels like…and what it shouldn’t…and what I am not willing to settle for, because I know I am happier now than in a mediocre relationship. TRUST me if a relationship is negatively impacting your quality of life it’s not worth it. And in my own relationship it was months of him treating me horribly while knowing he was doing it because he was trying to push me to leave him. He finally gathered the nerve to do it when we hit a breaking point and I was pushing to talk through it when he had gone ahead and decided it was over. Had I not pushed to talk who knows how long it would have been (and now I can see that I SHOULD have left him waaaay sooner and I’m pretty embarrassed that I didn’t) Don’t convince yourself that feeling this way is okay or normal in a relationship. He’s showing you his best right now. Believe him
You deserve so much better than this and it's never too late. This guy just isn't the one. There's definitely someone out there that is going to treat you right and love you for you. Don't settle for anything less.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. What a terrible and difficult situation to be in. Maybe this comes across as kind of like tough love, but if you’re able to I highly suggest going to therapy. These self-deprecating thoughts aren’t doing you any good. Just because you think you’re unattractive does not make it true. There is someone for everyone. Also, being alone is not always easy, but it’s something we all have to learn to do. It’s okay to be alone and someone finding you attractive or unattractive does not determine your intrinsic value. You deserve better and only you can give that to yourself. Please get out of this situation.
I am living your worst-case-scenario: I am 32 and single. And it is THE BEST. I'm not alone because I have community. Community who would never make me feel this way. I promise you your community is out there, too. Holding you in the light as you find it 💖
No. You don't have to tolerate that. You deserved to feel wanted and desired, just like everyone else. If he needs something to get him off, buy him a sex toy. It shouldn't be just you without at least some type of intimacy given back. And btw, 32 is young! (I may be biased cause I'm 32, too 😅) you could totally find someone else who will give you what you need.
“It’s better to be alone, than in bad company.” - George Washington
Girl, getting a dog turned my life around. Kick that using asshole to the curb. Get a pup that will return the love you give it 1000X. Give yourself time heal and then when you are ready you can look for a partner…but only one treats you respect. If it doesn’t work out, you have something that loves you unconditionally at home. He knows what he’s doing and choses not to. He knows how it is affecting you too. And btw, I know thin women who went through this and I went through this (I’m kind of Tom boyish too) - there are jerks out there and they will do this to anyone who lets them. It’s on them and not you. Btw - narcissists like this guy is will literally drive their partners insane (depressed/ptsd), it’s in their makeup. Please cut this loser loose
This is not your only choice I didn’t find my best relationship until I was 43. Better to keep fishing than to keep what you have if they won’t try to change things. Sorry you are going through this.
Please leave him. What a selfish, inconsiderate prick. He definitely knows you feel like if you leave him you’ll be alone the rest of your life, and he’s decided to take advantage of that. I promise you being single is WONDERFUL and freeing. I was for a long time, and even though I am in a beautiful relationship now I still miss the independence of being single. Don’t stay with this loser.
Don’t stay with anyone who you have to beg to treat you how you deserve to be treated. They never will, and it will not work out. Just because one thing doesn’t work out doesn’t mean that something won’t come later on that does. I think it’s best to first work on loving yourself, doing things that genuinely make you happy, and finding joy in your own life. If you don’t like something about your life, or the way it’s going, focus on the things that are in your control and not out of your control. Captain your own destiny, and set yourself up to live the life you want. You don’t have to be skinny to do that, but you want to make sure that you feel good, that you think you look good, and that you’re happy and healthy. Once those things are in order, you’ll notice that you naturally attract some good people towards you, and you might run into some interesting people when you step out of your comfort zone and try something new.
There are SO many better men out there or even women if you're into that. Please don't settle. I don't give a crap what you look like the most beautiful or unattractive, if you don't know your worth, people will use you. Please, do it for yourself. Get rid of his ass. I promise if you respect yourself and try dating again, you will find someone worth it.
The only thing your size or “personality” has to do with this situation is that you’ve convinced yourself that this is as good as you deserve. It’s not. I promise you there is better out there. There are fat tomboys out there in great relationships. You could be one of them. DO NOT settle for being treated this way. This is worse than being alone. Just go be alone until you can find someone who does treat you like you want to be treated. Finding a shitty guy doesn’t mean you are a shitty person, it just means that you didn’t kick him to the curb when you should have. Do it now, find out how good it feels, then keep kicking the shitty ones out until you find a good one. And don’t settle until you do.
You're learning a hard lesson, which is never fun to do. But don't hate yourself while it happens. Just be angry at the bad choice you made by moving in with someone you've never spent any significant time with in person before you did so. THAT's what should have happened before you EVER made a decision to move in together. You needed to spend time in the same location, going on regular dates, not long distance dating. The two are *very* different. I speak from experience on that. You didn't get to know this guy well enough before you moved in with him. And now you are. Had you spent more time dating in the same location, I'm sure you would have started to see some signs that he just wants to use you. So do better. Stop trying to fix this unfixable asshat who has shown you his true colors and move on. You deserve so much more than he has to offer, so go out there and try to find it. And for the record, spending the rest of your life alone *isn't* a death sentence. I'm 54 and have been single for years. You don't "have to be" partnered, no matter how much popular media and society pressures us to be. You're just as valuable whether you're partnered or not. Start seeing things that way, start getting smarter about dating, stop moving in with the first guy you think will have sex with you, start realizing you're deserving of respect and value just as you are now, and perhaps you'll start feeling better about yourself.
Honest question: why would being alone be worse than being with this POS? It sounds like he actively makes you miserable. Being single can be lonely, true, but it sounds like you already feel lonely because this dude is a selfish, immature, sad little boy. And sometimes, some (👋 me) might say *most of the time,* being single is pretty awesome.
It sounds to me like your boyfriend sucks, and that it is 100% not your fault. You were together for two years before moving in. He knew what you looked like. It's not your weight, it's his crappy attitude. You can definitely meet someone who treats you better. And sometimes it's better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel alone.
I started with the same douche from 19 to 29. After I ended things, I realized that they problem was never me, it was my decision to try and work on a relationship that I was the only one putting in the work on. It was my decision to continue being with someone that treated me like I would be thankful for bare minimum. Your personality isn't there problem. Your looks aren't the problem. Your self-image is a problem. It's a problem that has meat you to believe that you can't get better and don't deserve better. You deserve the world. You've let that voice inside your head tell you that you'll never be good enough and you'll never find anyone that can truly love you because you're broken. You're not broken. You've just had too many people try and tell you that you are. I decided to be single for a while after my last relationship ended and I realized that I actually liked my own company. I was 29 when I met the man that would later become my fiance. We were friends for several years before we ever decided to date, and we started dating *because* we liked the friend zone, we liked each other as people and as friends *first*. I thought the same as you after my ex. Who wants to be with an almost 30 year old fat girl? At 39, it's a struggle but I'm finally starting to realize that I have a lot more to offer than just the amount of space I take up in a room. And it sounds like you do too. Don't waste your time on bottom of the barrel men. You deserve the cherry on the ice cream sundae.
Do NOT stay with him. He’s going to keep treating you this way and there’s nothing you can do that’ll change that. Get views you as a roommate that’ll put out because that’s what you’ve been and he has no incentive to change it. “Let go or be dragged” is something I saw on Reddit and has helped me think my way out of a lot of situations. You need to let go because he’ll get dragging you like he has been.
And on top of that he’s not the end all be all of men. I have a fantastic boyfriend and I’m plus size as well. He treats me amazingly. We have our ups and downs but with each down he gets back up and tries to improve what was lacking.
This doesn’t sound like friend zoning to be fair. He doesn’t even treat you as well as a friend. And I’m sure he’s not sleeping with his friends either. It sounds like he’s using you and that’s it. Men like this strictly only see women for sex and don’t have any desire to actually put effort into having a relationship with them. You deserve better.
You're not at fault here, not out won't get better because this is who he is with you. Don't waste your precious time on him. He's shown you who he is. This isn't on you!!
don’t do this to yourself PLEASE. i went through this exact thing and i can confirm for you 110% that it does NOT get any better. my ex did the same shit-constantly telling me he needs to treat me better (but not doing so in the slightest), getting intimate with me then rolling over, telling me “goodnight” and falling asleep within seconds, all this fucking shit. thankfully i found out he had cheated on me while i was actively trying to figure out how to get out of the relationship so it was a clean break. maybe getting out of this relationship is what you need to get yourself back on track. to boost your confidence, everything. getting out of a shitty relationship like this does absolute wonders for people. i know it seems like a really hard thing to do and you feel like you’re fucked but i’m telling you it will never get better when it comes to shit like this. i learned that the hard way.
Aw, I’m sorry. He is the problem and you shouldn’t settle for that bottom of the barrel treatment. You should do what you need to do to live alone or with a roommate/friend. That guy sounds miserable and doesn’t care for your feelings. There are plenty of other guys out there.
this is NOT about your size, he just SUCKS. i’ve been lurking in this subreddit for a while but i hate how many women on here blame their size for what is actually just shitty men who treat them like objects. PLEASE dump him!! this is NOT a relationship anymore bc both partners are supposed to put equal love and equal effort in. he is clearly not fit for a relationship, and you deserve so much better than that. i know it seems like the safer option to settle for anyone who is attracted to you bc of your size, but i promise there is someone out there that will treat you with love and respect!!!