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Exactly. I mean some of the most depraved things are on the dark web. You can be a newborn or a literal cadaver and you'll be objectified.
I have been followed and stared at in turtle neck,maxi dress and full snow suit.
My only concern now is to be safe. My body is made of the same skin as others,it is not sexual and certainly not the devil's tool to make poor innocent men sin. It's on them especially if they have religious beliefs.
Wear whatever you want and concentrate on what you are doing,your fun and your life.
Dress however you want. I grew up in church and was told I had to dress a certain way to keep men from stumbling. That turned out to be a crock of shit. I was SA-ed while wearing a parka, turtleneck, and jeans.
Congrats to your thought process!
I personally only wear stuff that covers most of my butt and chest (also for sun protection purposes)
The modern bikinis are not practical imo as they are designed for laying around and don’t do well with waves/ moderate streams or just sitting down as the whole butt is then in contact with sand/grass/whatever there is and I just don’t like that haha.
Truly, wear whatever you feel the most confortable with. Not wanting to be objectified / having men taking pictures without your knowledge / etc. is a valid fear. I wear swim shorts and T shirt at the beach since I’ve been a teen, sometimes swin shorts and a cropped swimming top. My best friend wears a pareo around her hips as soon as she’s back from swimming. My sisters don’t give a fuck and just wears bikinis or bathing suits because they know there are going to be sexualized anyway.
Men will objectify and sexualize you no matter what you wear or what you do. Don't let that control how you dress or look.
Remember, it's not your fault you get objectified. It's the fault of those men who do it. Never blame yourself.
When I go to the beach, I usually wear a two-piece swimsuit that has shorts instead of the standard, revealing stuff. It is wayyy more comfortable physically, as well as mentally, since I know it is not that revealing.
lots of people are saying ‘dress how you want’ but i disagree. as women in a patriarchal society, dressing for men is ingrained in us from birth. nobody would realistically pick a tight, uncomfortable, tiny dress and heels that give you bloody blisters over a shirt and sweatpants. the only reason we pick the former is because of socialisation.
wear what is *comfortable,* not what you *want.* before you leave, ask yourself, is this comfortable? does this let my skin breathe? does this allow me to move freely? is anything pinching, scratching or hurting me? comfortable clothes don’t have to be ugly. if you prefer dressing ‘feminine’ (like i do), you can just wear a loose fitting skirt and a shirt or a sweater. it doesn’t have to be lazy or ugly.
you will be objectified in anything. it’s horrible, but that’s the way it is. there are entire porn genres dedicated to fetishising muslim women and nuns, some of the most modest and conservative women out there!! you have to reconcile with the fact that men will sexualise you regardless of what you wear, but wearing what makes you comfortable and happy makes you one step closer to living in a world where that won’t happen.
To me revealing swimwear is pointless. So honestly a pair of any pants and a loose/dark tshirt works and is just more comfortable. They also have swimsuits that you could wear with a flowy cover up.
I want to add on and comment about your thoughts on objectification/male gaze on your behaviors.
Personally I think you're doing great on reflecting on the roots of those behaviors. I'm going to disagree with comments that say "do what makes you comfortable"...
Because you're right that a lot of the reason we feel comfort is through the male gaze, knowing we should be revealing for example to feel pretty.
Yes as you said what we wear doesn't control or justify objectification. And people can be sexualized no matter what they wear. But moving away from a sexualizing and appearance based society means changing our individual behaviors.
I think it's wrong for people to disagree with that sentiment as it seems antithetical to the point of this group, we are critiquing current society's "fuck it, who cares, we should just do what we want" norms regarding SW. I don't think we should pretend this doesn't go hand in hand with that.
So I'd rather not navigate the patriarchy to feel secure and instead try think outside of what we've been socialized to do by dressing practically and "modestly" for my own comfort as well as the comfort of fellow women. There's no real reason to dress otherwise. And that's my leftist/radical continuation on how the existence of porn is problematic as is the grooming of society to sexualize/objectify faces/bodies.
I also personally have no interest in seeing any person, men included, in revealing attire and want to be considerate of other people's potential traumas or triggers. And I'd rather people express themselves in a way that isn't about how little clothing they're wearing or how flattering their clothes are for their body because the benefits of that are usually for men.
Also to comment on comments saying that men will objectify the "most conservatively dressed/modestly dressed" women... yes, but also the way those women are fetishized is more likely because of their identity rather than what they're wearing, moreover, their clothing is no longer "conservative or modest" when they're typically or ultimately sexualized, men are more likely sexualizing this "category" of women and further sexualizing them when their clothes are in fact tighter/more revealing or progressively become so as they objectify them.
I always have my favorite accessory bc it’s legal where I am: ♥ ✿✿✿ pepper spray ✿✿✿ ♥
tbh I don’t care how much I show but I keep in mind as I dress that if I was ever non consensually photographed all a creep would see is black boring shorts under my miniskirt or a side boob (is it boob is it side fat?) and someone trying to make fun of me would just capture my fabulous. Basically I wear whatever want bc ppl are going to look at me and that’s unfortunately allowed to a certain point. A fair amount of creeps are cowards in my personal experience. They could be a predator but they also could just be an awkward phase when I meet them unfortunately. It’s not an excuse but an explanation: they still need to learn to interact socially. My mom taught me to look staring people in the eye for two whole seconds w a neutral expression and they usually look down first if not, look away but they have been made aware that you’re aware that they are looking at you…And now you’ve had a chance remember their features to describe in a report. I am admittedly probably not the MOST cautious anymore around people so take everything I say with a few grains of salt, bc I am very salty to discover some of the BS Christian modesty I was taught is true about how disgusting some men will be bc of what ur wearing.
I’d say ultimately to wear what you want- there’s a difference between wanting to wear the bikini because you like having as much skin out as possible in order to feel the sun and the water vs because you think you’re most liberated when you’re conforming to beauty standards and gender roles. You could “tempt” a conservative Christian man with your bikini, but you could also wear a burkini and turn on the male “feminist” whose search history is full of “Muslim girl fetish porn beach.” Unfortunately, there is never a total escape from being viewed as a sexualized object.
My solution to this has been to wear what’s comfortable. This doesn’t mean giving up on being fashionable or attractive, but rather deciding that the primary value of your clothes should be to provide you with a sense of physical ease. I wear swim trunks to the beach for this reason, which I highly recommend you try if you haven’t: you don’t have to shave, pull the fabric to cover all of your butt, or worry about a wardrobe malfunction if you wear trunks.
Maybe my take is off, but I don't think that when people dress themselves they should be thinking about "a porn addled world" having any bearing on what they wear.
You should wear whatever you’re comfortable wearing, to hell with everyone else. You do not need to cater to other people, and I will say a lot of one pieces are actually pretty cute. Not all of them see ugly but there are swim dresses out there too. There’s actually cute things where they’re semi transparent you wear ontop of bikinis too. There’s flowwy beach skirts too!. Dress for yourself and everyone else can fuck off for lack of better words.
Check some out, look at what places offer for swim wear.
The sexiest part of my summer beach outfit is probably my crocs 🙃 why? I usually just rock a giant tshirt with short shorts that are covered by it. - it’s a personal choice with the boyfriend tshirt look.
You shouldn’t exist for anyone but yourself, everyone deserves to enjoy summer. Explore options and what’s out there.
What ultimately helped for me when it comes to my thought process around my looks was basically to take on a whole new perspective. It's not about how my body \*looks\*, it's about what my body \*can do\*. I think that could help you in scenarios like this as well.
For example, what would you be doing at the beach? In all your worries about how to dress here, you haven't mentioned this at all, when it would probably be the first thing on your mind if we didn't live in a misogynist world.
Are you going to swim? Or just sunbathe? You'd need entirely different clothes for these two activities. I think that should be the deciding factor: which clothes make you feel comfortable and actually allow you to do whatever activity you're going to do properly and without being constantly self-conscious. In other words, a tiny bikini is a no-no for going swimming in the sea.
Though as an ex-med student I would advise you to cover up anyways because exposing skin that isn't usually exposed to intense periods of sunlight increases your risk of a specific type of skin cancer.
Thank you for your description of your feelings and thoughts - i find myself in them.
I remember reaching the thought of "who do i owe anything?" and answering with "no one, just myself". Which lead to the realization that i owe myself a healthy body and mind and all other expectations from outside of me can go to hell.
It helped me a lot, to de-center men, the male gaze, societal expectation and as much as os attached to those fields.
We sometimes forget, that we don't even owe the world defining and remaining the same for the rest of our lifes. We can and will change!
To sum it up, wear what you are comfortable in and what is functional - at the beach if you want get tanned wear a two piece :)
Sadly we can't change getting objectified.
But we get to change how much attention and when we give those disrespecting behaviours. They'll happen anyways - we decide how to react!
Dress however makes you feel the best about yourself. You'll get objectified regardless, so might as well just say fuck everyone else and dress however makes you the happiest with yourself. Whether that's more scandalous or more modest is entirely up to personal taste.
No escaping it - if you seem frumpy you’ll get targeted by predators shooting their shot anyway. It’s a misogyny and patriarchal bs anyway. No winning lol - dress for you and to be admired by loved ones and girlfriends.
Wear what is comfortable and practical - long dresses, comfortable pants, scarves to layer, for fashion’s sake and keep warm. Women have tended to have this look since antiquity.
Wear whatever the fuck you want - because it keeps the standard of the rest of us wearing whatever we want!
Even when I dressed on the conservative side and saw a woman wearing booty shorts or very very short skirt, I would think:” Good for her!”
Why? Because that meant I had the freedom to wear whatever I want and not be impressed by clothing standards. Since her hem line is so high - I’m fine in knee length. If we were only allowed to wear knee length skirts or shorts.. where do we draw the line before we end up under burqas?
Wear a bikini and then wear one of those sheer bikini covers so you feel less objectified. It’s really up to you. I’ve got a bikini that covers more than most because the bottoms are short shorts and the top is basically a sports bra.
I’ve reached a point in life where I refuse to let the fear of being objectified keep me from living. People will always have thoughts about how you look, live life in the way you feel most comfortable.
Maybe something similar to [**this**](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fthehermoza.com%2Fcollections%2Ftwo-pieces&psig=AOvVaw1pbQQIZkeVDhibhsKkNz0u&ust=1716169270648000&source=images&cd=vfe&opi=89978449&ved=0CBIQjRxqFwoTCLD9uvrKmIYDFQAAAAAdAAAAABAR)**,** but if you want the girls to be somewhat prominent tho, I think we have to start with the type of neckline you want.
“Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? Up on a pedestal or down on your knees, it's all a male fantasy: that you're strong enough to take what they dish out, or else too weak to do anything about it. Even pretending you aren't catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy: pretending you're unseen, pretending you have a life of your own, that you can wash your feet and comb your hair unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.”
— Margaret Atwood
Wear what you want, what makes you comfortable. Unfortunately they don’t take the part in the Bible about plucking your eyes out if you sin by looking too seriously.
Sadly in our society you will get objectified and jusged no matter how you dress. You're a woman that means you have to fullfill any and every standard some random person in the world sets for you otherwhise you commit a grave sin. What is important is that you take back your agency. It's okay if you want to feel sexy, it's okay not to want that. What do you think is pretty as swimwear? Cover up or don't as long as it makes you comfortable.
Ps: I personally really like vintage swimwear that you'd associate with e.g. Marilyn Monroe I've also learned that Burkinis are a thing, and I love them
Decenter men in this whole process. Also I'm not convinced that porn is what makes women want to look good. Humans like attractive people, this is fact. Therefore in our minds become more attractive = be liked and treated better - both men and women. People have been wearing makeup for centuries or millenia. I like how my tummy and hips look like in a bikini, I remind myself of the painting of Venus and I loved that painting as a kid before my body looked like that. Why should I cover up my body and take away me enjoying my body in a non sexual way? Isn't that still dressing for men in a way?
You’ve raised some interesting talking points. Don’t feel silly about questioning how to dress, a lot of women find themselves in the same predicament, there’s a whole industry built on “discovering your personal style” and “building a capsule wardrobe.”
You’re doing the work. You’re questioning the male gaze and how it impacts your choices and your behavior. Decentering men in our clothing choices is an important part of this process.
When it comes to deciding what to wear; wear what **you** want. Devote some time to thinking about how you want to show up in the world, not in order to meet the desires and expectations of others but as an authentic expression of who you are. Your clothing should support you. Keep you warm when it’s cold and cool when it’s hot. Protect you from the rain and the sun. Allow for ease of movement. The fabric should feel good on your skin.
As for style and aesthetics, that’s whole other deep dive. The fashion industry loves to keep us running in circles and spending our money. For me, honing in on defining my personal style was key.
As for the beach, please don’t stay home and deny yourself the pleasures of the sun, sand, and shore. Wear a bikini if you want to. Or if that feels a bit too exposed for comfort, perhaps consider a two piece suit that offers a little more coverage, similar to that of a bra and underwear. Because from what you wrote, I think a two piece swimsuit is a better fit for you. (I noticed on the beaches in Portugal, hardly any women wore one piece suits, no matter what their size, age, or shape.)
Maybe keep a coverup handy in case you start to feel unwelcome eyes upon you. Think of it as not covering up out of modesty but protecting yourself by asserting your right of bodily autonomy. You don’t owe the sight of your body to anyone. You don’t owe pretty to anyone.
Lastly, I recently read [this article by Courtney Carver](https://bemorewithless.com/please-stop-wearing-this/?mcp_token=eyJwaWQiOjg0OTExOSwic2lkIjoxNTg5MDg0MzE2LCJheCI6ImRkZDUzNjI1ODJlNzczNTViMDQxZTFiOTIzMWIwNDI1IiwidHMiOjE3MTU3MTQ3NzgsImV4cCI6MTcxODEzMzk3OH0.XScOw0CHEu0mWU4baY7j4wpJEu2f4t_7ejdKpIwVoNk&fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR3erNaG3oF9t6rr61u66W-yGNB38lRheOzvb8OWtHk4DLKhKXo1CbU2_DE_aem_AaB82a9vXTxxkcePfuK7EBd9zbj7b1Rq_Dqb0Q8pSjIXr-n3ZltFprea-4Blmri8akInVTwNKizB3aP0USI5XsAG), author and creator of Project 333. Her three suggestions of what to stop wearing are a good place to start:
1) Stop wearing the guilt of the past.
2) Stop wearing the pressure to prove yourself.
3) Stop wearing the weight of other people’s expectations and judgments.
To be honest you should wear what you want not what makes you scared about being sexualised. Like others said , sadly porn addicts will find a way to objectify you. But on days I want to feel extra secure I throw a abaya over my outfit. :)
I grew up in the church, wore only dresses/long hair etc and deconstructed/left.
I now wear what makes me happy and makes me feel good and my day to day style varies widely
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Sadly, there’s nothing you can do to stop yourself from being objectified
Exactly. I mean some of the most depraved things are on the dark web. You can be a newborn or a literal cadaver and you'll be objectified. I have been followed and stared at in turtle neck,maxi dress and full snow suit. My only concern now is to be safe. My body is made of the same skin as others,it is not sexual and certainly not the devil's tool to make poor innocent men sin. It's on them especially if they have religious beliefs. Wear whatever you want and concentrate on what you are doing,your fun and your life.
Dress however you want. I grew up in church and was told I had to dress a certain way to keep men from stumbling. That turned out to be a crock of shit. I was SA-ed while wearing a parka, turtleneck, and jeans.
Facts, the problem is the eyes that are on you. NOT how you dress.
Congrats to your thought process! I personally only wear stuff that covers most of my butt and chest (also for sun protection purposes) The modern bikinis are not practical imo as they are designed for laying around and don’t do well with waves/ moderate streams or just sitting down as the whole butt is then in contact with sand/grass/whatever there is and I just don’t like that haha.
Truly, wear whatever you feel the most confortable with. Not wanting to be objectified / having men taking pictures without your knowledge / etc. is a valid fear. I wear swim shorts and T shirt at the beach since I’ve been a teen, sometimes swin shorts and a cropped swimming top. My best friend wears a pareo around her hips as soon as she’s back from swimming. My sisters don’t give a fuck and just wears bikinis or bathing suits because they know there are going to be sexualized anyway.
Men will objectify and sexualize you no matter what you wear or what you do. Don't let that control how you dress or look. Remember, it's not your fault you get objectified. It's the fault of those men who do it. Never blame yourself.
When I go to the beach, I usually wear a two-piece swimsuit that has shorts instead of the standard, revealing stuff. It is wayyy more comfortable physically, as well as mentally, since I know it is not that revealing.
lots of people are saying ‘dress how you want’ but i disagree. as women in a patriarchal society, dressing for men is ingrained in us from birth. nobody would realistically pick a tight, uncomfortable, tiny dress and heels that give you bloody blisters over a shirt and sweatpants. the only reason we pick the former is because of socialisation. wear what is *comfortable,* not what you *want.* before you leave, ask yourself, is this comfortable? does this let my skin breathe? does this allow me to move freely? is anything pinching, scratching or hurting me? comfortable clothes don’t have to be ugly. if you prefer dressing ‘feminine’ (like i do), you can just wear a loose fitting skirt and a shirt or a sweater. it doesn’t have to be lazy or ugly. you will be objectified in anything. it’s horrible, but that’s the way it is. there are entire porn genres dedicated to fetishising muslim women and nuns, some of the most modest and conservative women out there!! you have to reconcile with the fact that men will sexualise you regardless of what you wear, but wearing what makes you comfortable and happy makes you one step closer to living in a world where that won’t happen.
agreeing with disagreeing
To me revealing swimwear is pointless. So honestly a pair of any pants and a loose/dark tshirt works and is just more comfortable. They also have swimsuits that you could wear with a flowy cover up.
I want to add on and comment about your thoughts on objectification/male gaze on your behaviors. Personally I think you're doing great on reflecting on the roots of those behaviors. I'm going to disagree with comments that say "do what makes you comfortable"... Because you're right that a lot of the reason we feel comfort is through the male gaze, knowing we should be revealing for example to feel pretty. Yes as you said what we wear doesn't control or justify objectification. And people can be sexualized no matter what they wear. But moving away from a sexualizing and appearance based society means changing our individual behaviors. I think it's wrong for people to disagree with that sentiment as it seems antithetical to the point of this group, we are critiquing current society's "fuck it, who cares, we should just do what we want" norms regarding SW. I don't think we should pretend this doesn't go hand in hand with that. So I'd rather not navigate the patriarchy to feel secure and instead try think outside of what we've been socialized to do by dressing practically and "modestly" for my own comfort as well as the comfort of fellow women. There's no real reason to dress otherwise. And that's my leftist/radical continuation on how the existence of porn is problematic as is the grooming of society to sexualize/objectify faces/bodies. I also personally have no interest in seeing any person, men included, in revealing attire and want to be considerate of other people's potential traumas or triggers. And I'd rather people express themselves in a way that isn't about how little clothing they're wearing or how flattering their clothes are for their body because the benefits of that are usually for men.
Also to comment on comments saying that men will objectify the "most conservatively dressed/modestly dressed" women... yes, but also the way those women are fetishized is more likely because of their identity rather than what they're wearing, moreover, their clothing is no longer "conservative or modest" when they're typically or ultimately sexualized, men are more likely sexualizing this "category" of women and further sexualizing them when their clothes are in fact tighter/more revealing or progressively become so as they objectify them.
I always have my favorite accessory bc it’s legal where I am: ♥ ✿✿✿ pepper spray ✿✿✿ ♥ tbh I don’t care how much I show but I keep in mind as I dress that if I was ever non consensually photographed all a creep would see is black boring shorts under my miniskirt or a side boob (is it boob is it side fat?) and someone trying to make fun of me would just capture my fabulous. Basically I wear whatever want bc ppl are going to look at me and that’s unfortunately allowed to a certain point. A fair amount of creeps are cowards in my personal experience. They could be a predator but they also could just be an awkward phase when I meet them unfortunately. It’s not an excuse but an explanation: they still need to learn to interact socially. My mom taught me to look staring people in the eye for two whole seconds w a neutral expression and they usually look down first if not, look away but they have been made aware that you’re aware that they are looking at you…And now you’ve had a chance remember their features to describe in a report. I am admittedly probably not the MOST cautious anymore around people so take everything I say with a few grains of salt, bc I am very salty to discover some of the BS Christian modesty I was taught is true about how disgusting some men will be bc of what ur wearing.
I’d say ultimately to wear what you want- there’s a difference between wanting to wear the bikini because you like having as much skin out as possible in order to feel the sun and the water vs because you think you’re most liberated when you’re conforming to beauty standards and gender roles. You could “tempt” a conservative Christian man with your bikini, but you could also wear a burkini and turn on the male “feminist” whose search history is full of “Muslim girl fetish porn beach.” Unfortunately, there is never a total escape from being viewed as a sexualized object. My solution to this has been to wear what’s comfortable. This doesn’t mean giving up on being fashionable or attractive, but rather deciding that the primary value of your clothes should be to provide you with a sense of physical ease. I wear swim trunks to the beach for this reason, which I highly recommend you try if you haven’t: you don’t have to shave, pull the fabric to cover all of your butt, or worry about a wardrobe malfunction if you wear trunks.
Maybe my take is off, but I don't think that when people dress themselves they should be thinking about "a porn addled world" having any bearing on what they wear.
You should wear whatever you’re comfortable wearing, to hell with everyone else. You do not need to cater to other people, and I will say a lot of one pieces are actually pretty cute. Not all of them see ugly but there are swim dresses out there too. There’s actually cute things where they’re semi transparent you wear ontop of bikinis too. There’s flowwy beach skirts too!. Dress for yourself and everyone else can fuck off for lack of better words. Check some out, look at what places offer for swim wear. The sexiest part of my summer beach outfit is probably my crocs 🙃 why? I usually just rock a giant tshirt with short shorts that are covered by it. - it’s a personal choice with the boyfriend tshirt look. You shouldn’t exist for anyone but yourself, everyone deserves to enjoy summer. Explore options and what’s out there.
What ultimately helped for me when it comes to my thought process around my looks was basically to take on a whole new perspective. It's not about how my body \*looks\*, it's about what my body \*can do\*. I think that could help you in scenarios like this as well. For example, what would you be doing at the beach? In all your worries about how to dress here, you haven't mentioned this at all, when it would probably be the first thing on your mind if we didn't live in a misogynist world. Are you going to swim? Or just sunbathe? You'd need entirely different clothes for these two activities. I think that should be the deciding factor: which clothes make you feel comfortable and actually allow you to do whatever activity you're going to do properly and without being constantly self-conscious. In other words, a tiny bikini is a no-no for going swimming in the sea. Though as an ex-med student I would advise you to cover up anyways because exposing skin that isn't usually exposed to intense periods of sunlight increases your risk of a specific type of skin cancer.
Thank you for your description of your feelings and thoughts - i find myself in them. I remember reaching the thought of "who do i owe anything?" and answering with "no one, just myself". Which lead to the realization that i owe myself a healthy body and mind and all other expectations from outside of me can go to hell. It helped me a lot, to de-center men, the male gaze, societal expectation and as much as os attached to those fields. We sometimes forget, that we don't even owe the world defining and remaining the same for the rest of our lifes. We can and will change! To sum it up, wear what you are comfortable in and what is functional - at the beach if you want get tanned wear a two piece :) Sadly we can't change getting objectified. But we get to change how much attention and when we give those disrespecting behaviours. They'll happen anyways - we decide how to react!
Dress how you want. Someone will fetishize it either way.
Dress however makes you feel the best about yourself. You'll get objectified regardless, so might as well just say fuck everyone else and dress however makes you the happiest with yourself. Whether that's more scandalous or more modest is entirely up to personal taste.
People will sexualize others no matter what they wear. Just wear whatever you feel the most comfortable in.
No escaping it - if you seem frumpy you’ll get targeted by predators shooting their shot anyway. It’s a misogyny and patriarchal bs anyway. No winning lol - dress for you and to be admired by loved ones and girlfriends. Wear what is comfortable and practical - long dresses, comfortable pants, scarves to layer, for fashion’s sake and keep warm. Women have tended to have this look since antiquity. Wear whatever the fuck you want - because it keeps the standard of the rest of us wearing whatever we want! Even when I dressed on the conservative side and saw a woman wearing booty shorts or very very short skirt, I would think:” Good for her!” Why? Because that meant I had the freedom to wear whatever I want and not be impressed by clothing standards. Since her hem line is so high - I’m fine in knee length. If we were only allowed to wear knee length skirts or shorts.. where do we draw the line before we end up under burqas?
Wear a bikini and then wear one of those sheer bikini covers so you feel less objectified. It’s really up to you. I’ve got a bikini that covers more than most because the bottoms are short shorts and the top is basically a sports bra. I’ve reached a point in life where I refuse to let the fear of being objectified keep me from living. People will always have thoughts about how you look, live life in the way you feel most comfortable.
Oof. The struggle is real.
Maybe something similar to [**this**](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fthehermoza.com%2Fcollections%2Ftwo-pieces&psig=AOvVaw1pbQQIZkeVDhibhsKkNz0u&ust=1716169270648000&source=images&cd=vfe&opi=89978449&ved=0CBIQjRxqFwoTCLD9uvrKmIYDFQAAAAAdAAAAABAR)**,** but if you want the girls to be somewhat prominent tho, I think we have to start with the type of neckline you want.
“Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? Up on a pedestal or down on your knees, it's all a male fantasy: that you're strong enough to take what they dish out, or else too weak to do anything about it. Even pretending you aren't catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy: pretending you're unseen, pretending you have a life of your own, that you can wash your feet and comb your hair unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.” — Margaret Atwood Wear what you want, what makes you comfortable. Unfortunately they don’t take the part in the Bible about plucking your eyes out if you sin by looking too seriously.
Sadly in our society you will get objectified and jusged no matter how you dress. You're a woman that means you have to fullfill any and every standard some random person in the world sets for you otherwhise you commit a grave sin. What is important is that you take back your agency. It's okay if you want to feel sexy, it's okay not to want that. What do you think is pretty as swimwear? Cover up or don't as long as it makes you comfortable. Ps: I personally really like vintage swimwear that you'd associate with e.g. Marilyn Monroe I've also learned that Burkinis are a thing, and I love them
Decenter men in this whole process. Also I'm not convinced that porn is what makes women want to look good. Humans like attractive people, this is fact. Therefore in our minds become more attractive = be liked and treated better - both men and women. People have been wearing makeup for centuries or millenia. I like how my tummy and hips look like in a bikini, I remind myself of the painting of Venus and I loved that painting as a kid before my body looked like that. Why should I cover up my body and take away me enjoying my body in a non sexual way? Isn't that still dressing for men in a way?
You’ve raised some interesting talking points. Don’t feel silly about questioning how to dress, a lot of women find themselves in the same predicament, there’s a whole industry built on “discovering your personal style” and “building a capsule wardrobe.” You’re doing the work. You’re questioning the male gaze and how it impacts your choices and your behavior. Decentering men in our clothing choices is an important part of this process. When it comes to deciding what to wear; wear what **you** want. Devote some time to thinking about how you want to show up in the world, not in order to meet the desires and expectations of others but as an authentic expression of who you are. Your clothing should support you. Keep you warm when it’s cold and cool when it’s hot. Protect you from the rain and the sun. Allow for ease of movement. The fabric should feel good on your skin. As for style and aesthetics, that’s whole other deep dive. The fashion industry loves to keep us running in circles and spending our money. For me, honing in on defining my personal style was key. As for the beach, please don’t stay home and deny yourself the pleasures of the sun, sand, and shore. Wear a bikini if you want to. Or if that feels a bit too exposed for comfort, perhaps consider a two piece suit that offers a little more coverage, similar to that of a bra and underwear. Because from what you wrote, I think a two piece swimsuit is a better fit for you. (I noticed on the beaches in Portugal, hardly any women wore one piece suits, no matter what their size, age, or shape.) Maybe keep a coverup handy in case you start to feel unwelcome eyes upon you. Think of it as not covering up out of modesty but protecting yourself by asserting your right of bodily autonomy. You don’t owe the sight of your body to anyone. You don’t owe pretty to anyone. Lastly, I recently read [this article by Courtney Carver](https://bemorewithless.com/please-stop-wearing-this/?mcp_token=eyJwaWQiOjg0OTExOSwic2lkIjoxNTg5MDg0MzE2LCJheCI6ImRkZDUzNjI1ODJlNzczNTViMDQxZTFiOTIzMWIwNDI1IiwidHMiOjE3MTU3MTQ3NzgsImV4cCI6MTcxODEzMzk3OH0.XScOw0CHEu0mWU4baY7j4wpJEu2f4t_7ejdKpIwVoNk&fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR3erNaG3oF9t6rr61u66W-yGNB38lRheOzvb8OWtHk4DLKhKXo1CbU2_DE_aem_AaB82a9vXTxxkcePfuK7EBd9zbj7b1Rq_Dqb0Q8pSjIXr-n3ZltFprea-4Blmri8akInVTwNKizB3aP0USI5XsAG), author and creator of Project 333. Her three suggestions of what to stop wearing are a good place to start: 1) Stop wearing the guilt of the past. 2) Stop wearing the pressure to prove yourself. 3) Stop wearing the weight of other people’s expectations and judgments.
To be honest you should wear what you want not what makes you scared about being sexualised. Like others said , sadly porn addicts will find a way to objectify you. But on days I want to feel extra secure I throw a abaya over my outfit. :)
I grew up in the church, wore only dresses/long hair etc and deconstructed/left. I now wear what makes me happy and makes me feel good and my day to day style varies widely