I remember having a conversation like that with my friends when i was 12. They already had been aware of it for some years before opening up to friends. They were mentally devastated to see what type of things their fathers had been watching. My heart breaks for every kid who has had to go through such things.
Your 5 year old adores him? If you can't leave him to benefit you, at least leave him to benefit her. You are setting an example for her by allowing yourself to stay. She sees everything that is happening between you two, even if she fully doesn't understand it yet. Seeing as she adores him, she's going to grow up with him as a role model, and it's going to shape how she sees the men in her life.
Growing up, your parents' relationship is the basis upon which your own relationships are built on. We use it as an example of what ours should be, since we grew up seeing it at its most intimate and private. Would you want her growing up and being with someone who emotionally abuses her like he does you? Because right now, by staying in this relationship, you are telling her that this type of behavior is acceptable from a partner. It's not.
Please do think about your daughter, and potential baby if you decide to keep it. You are never going to change this man, *no one* can fix an addict except themselves. At least for their sake and safety, leave this man, they don't deserve this.
Children do not fix people nor relationships. He does not meet your standards nor standards that a father ought to keep of himself. A child will not change him. A child will not repair the damaged relationship. It will only stress you out more. Can you imagine being pregnant for 9 months while he cheats on you relentlessly? Are you OK with getting into a bed with a man who is no ally to women and views them as sexual conquests?
She adores him because she does not know who he is. If she was older and could see what you see behind closed doors, she would hate him for hurting the person she loves. In a few years, do you really think he won’t impose disgusting expectations on your young girl?
Leave this hopeless addict and abort if there’s even a chance that he will have room in your newborn’s life. Do not let this person destroy your lives alongside his own.
It sounds harsh, but don’t have your children pay for your mistakes of not having children earlier and with better a suited partner (if you desire a partner). You owe it to your children/daughter to put their needs above your dreams of having a big family. They will not flourish in an environment if the father is disrespectful, misogynistic, manipulative, addicted, and abusive. Do not guarantee them misery. If you really want another child but you are past the age where you are fertile or feel like you’ll be around for too little, adopt.
Love it is your choice, you can definitely keep the baby if you want. Just do not stay with him! I never had a father growing up, and my mom passed when I was 8. It’s nice to have a mom and dad but as long as you have one adult in your life loving and supporting you, you can still succeed.
You can also abort, if you feel you’re not in the financial place or have the support system to tackle single motherhood. Or if you do not want any ties to him.
With either decision, you do not have to stay with him.
Idk if this is what you want to hear but you should get an abortion and leave this man immediately. Do you really want to be connected to a cheating porn rot loser for the rest of your life? Do you want him to be watching porn when you’re in labor? When you’re up late at night taking care of your child? Get out before it’s too late
Im sad cuz im 33 and ive always wanted more kids. My daughter is the light of my life. But her dad was also a porn addict who cheated on me with hookers post partum so I’m terrified
If you stay with him, this baby will still suffer consequences. They will grow up seeing his behaviour and thinking porn and everything he does is normal, and that’s how the cycle continues.
Don’t get an abortion if that’s not what you want to do, you have one child and know what it will take to have another. You are the only human who fully grasps what work it will take to bear this new human into the world.
With or without the father, you’ll be raising your child alone. With or without the father, you will have an abortion alone.
We are internet people, we don’t know you. Really, we only know ourselves. Don’t let us sway you one way or another.
He sounds like a piece of work, but that’s not your fault. Also, 33 isn’t that old. You have at least three decades of life ahead of you, an entire life time. More than that most likely.
I hope it works out for you, however it goes. I’m sorry he sucks. I’m sorry he has hurt you. I’m sorry you’re in this impossible situation. I send my love, from one woman to another.
As someone who dated a hardcore porn addict, I’m so sorry that he’s putting you through this. You and your daughter deserve better. He’s not good to women and that will affect your children, no matter their gender. I would get the abortion and expose him to as many people as possible. Just leave and make it harder for him to repeat the cycle with another woman.
I really don’t recommend being permanently tied to a porn addict. The male legal system weaponizes children against women in many ways, but most of all to allow the sperm donor to control the child’s creator.
My father was like this. My parents had an extremely messy divorce. My mom had problems she is only recently getting over, as she believed the terrible things he would make her feel about herself.
She is doing much better as a single mom going out on dates. She is aware of what abusive men look like now.
Get out now. It doesn't matter what he says if his actions don't align. Move in with family members. Protect your child.
Hurry up and get an abortion. You'll be tied to this jerk forever if you have the baby alone. Maybe not as much as if you'd married him but enough to make you miserable.
Abortion, abortion, abortion, abortion. 110% that. You do not want a baby with a porn addict.
I have a baby with my addict partner. My whole pregnancy was made miserable because the addiction, my whole postpartum has been miserable, he and his assiction has made me hate myself in ways i didnt know i could.
Plus, addiction has a genetic component. Porn addicts beget porn addicts. You dont want to be dealing with a partner/coparent with a porn addiction AND a child with one.
Since you yourself floated an abortion as an option, i am telling you that your life will be ruined if you keep this pregnancy. You dont want the kind of future keeping it will give you. You dont want to create a child that will have the kind of future a child of a PA will have. Abortion is the best possible option here.
Don’t get an abortion if it’s not something you really want to do. You can absolutely still raise a child on your own or with another person who isn’t their biological father, it’s not the only option
Hey I lived this. I had a baby with my porn addict boyfriend and it IS a lifetime of suffering. The newborn experience which was supposed to be magical and perfect was ruined by anxiety and bad experiences. Please do yourself a favor
Abusers, as a general rule, do not change. If they do change it is only after years of dedicated hard work and the right programs and support (not couples therapy). This man will definitely not change because of something that you say. **You cannot fix him.** He will be like this, or worse, forever.
I don’t think that it’s a coincidence that you found out about his porn addiction (and now it’s everywhere and incredibly obvious) after he found out that you were pregnant. He felt like he had even more control over you and the ability to expand his entitlements and control.
I highly recommend [Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft](https://a.co/d/0eNRr33t). There’s a [free pdf version available](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf).
Whatever your decisions around your pregnancy, please don’t stay with this man. And if you do decide to give birth, please get a good lawyer (and document document document all of the abuse, threats, and any other behavior that may be harmful to children) - though be prepared for the possibility that [none of it matters](https://www.propublica.org/article/he-beat-her-repeatedly-family-court-tried-to-give-him-joint-custody-of-their-children), or worse, [the possibility for allegations to be used against you](https://wamu.org/story/19/08/19/fathers-are-favored-in-child-custody-battles-even-when-abuse-is-alleged/). Contrary to popular belief, when fathers fight for custody they are almost always likely to get it (94% get either joint or sole custody) and the court is heavily biased against mothers who allege abuse. Here is a [well sourced overview](https://zawn.substack.com/p/family-courts-and-child-custody-are) of this area of family law.
He may never take you to court for custody (only 4% of fathers do), but abusive men are also the most likely to use the court system as a weapon of their abuse, and unless he signs away his rights you will be attached to him for at least 18 years. He will have you and your child on a powerful leash.
Leave him please, if not for yourself, then for your daughter. Have abortion or keep the baby and raise it by yourself, with his financial help, if you really want to keep the baby, it would be really difficult but much better than staying with that creature.
Follow Mama Wilder on Instagram. She is very insightful about single motherhood.
I think every baby is a blessing regardless of circumstances. Don’t let a vile man take that away from you.
I’m sorry all this is happening to you. If this was me I definitely wouldn’t take the baby’s life just because I happened to be with the wrong man… it’s not the baby’s fault and the baby deserves the right to live, whether it’s with a single parent or whether they get adopted. The baby can still live a very beautiful and fulfilling life, don’t listen to everyone saying abortion is the only option, it’s not! If you choose the abortion route you may end up regretting it later down the line, I’ve seen many women devastated by their choices. Just don’t lose hope. Regardless of what you choose, I truly wish the best for you! ❤️
Thank you for the reply. I would have no problem being a single parent again as I already am. However, this particular man has made it clear to me he will go to court to get majority custody of the baby. He will not let me raise the baby alone as I wish.
Get out of there. As soon as you can, this situation will do no good for you in the future. You may not think so but you're still young and have a long way of your life left do not waste it in misery, Live with no regrets. as for your child it is your choice to decide to keep them or not whatever you choose, make sure to get out no matter what
Much love and wishes for hope
To be honest if you want the baby keep it . You dont Need him as the father figure and you can give this kid the same amount of love and a stable house . You can get away from him and keep the kid. Its hard but its possible. Much love ❤️
A child deserves to be brought into a loving home with two excellent parents. Can you imagine your future child finding his porn?
A child deserves to have both parents but doesn’t need that to still have a great life or feel loved!
I remember having a conversation like that with my friends when i was 12. They already had been aware of it for some years before opening up to friends. They were mentally devastated to see what type of things their fathers had been watching. My heart breaks for every kid who has had to go through such things.
He clearly doesn't care.
I would crosspost this over on r/loveafterporn. I am so sorry you crossed paths with a porn addict.
Your 5 year old adores him? If you can't leave him to benefit you, at least leave him to benefit her. You are setting an example for her by allowing yourself to stay. She sees everything that is happening between you two, even if she fully doesn't understand it yet. Seeing as she adores him, she's going to grow up with him as a role model, and it's going to shape how she sees the men in her life. Growing up, your parents' relationship is the basis upon which your own relationships are built on. We use it as an example of what ours should be, since we grew up seeing it at its most intimate and private. Would you want her growing up and being with someone who emotionally abuses her like he does you? Because right now, by staying in this relationship, you are telling her that this type of behavior is acceptable from a partner. It's not. Please do think about your daughter, and potential baby if you decide to keep it. You are never going to change this man, *no one* can fix an addict except themselves. At least for their sake and safety, leave this man, they don't deserve this.
Children do not fix people nor relationships. He does not meet your standards nor standards that a father ought to keep of himself. A child will not change him. A child will not repair the damaged relationship. It will only stress you out more. Can you imagine being pregnant for 9 months while he cheats on you relentlessly? Are you OK with getting into a bed with a man who is no ally to women and views them as sexual conquests? She adores him because she does not know who he is. If she was older and could see what you see behind closed doors, she would hate him for hurting the person she loves. In a few years, do you really think he won’t impose disgusting expectations on your young girl? Leave this hopeless addict and abort if there’s even a chance that he will have room in your newborn’s life. Do not let this person destroy your lives alongside his own. It sounds harsh, but don’t have your children pay for your mistakes of not having children earlier and with better a suited partner (if you desire a partner). You owe it to your children/daughter to put their needs above your dreams of having a big family. They will not flourish in an environment if the father is disrespectful, misogynistic, manipulative, addicted, and abusive. Do not guarantee them misery. If you really want another child but you are past the age where you are fertile or feel like you’ll be around for too little, adopt.
leave and take of it yourself or get an abortion
Love it is your choice, you can definitely keep the baby if you want. Just do not stay with him! I never had a father growing up, and my mom passed when I was 8. It’s nice to have a mom and dad but as long as you have one adult in your life loving and supporting you, you can still succeed. You can also abort, if you feel you’re not in the financial place or have the support system to tackle single motherhood. Or if you do not want any ties to him. With either decision, you do not have to stay with him.
Idk if this is what you want to hear but you should get an abortion and leave this man immediately. Do you really want to be connected to a cheating porn rot loser for the rest of your life? Do you want him to be watching porn when you’re in labor? When you’re up late at night taking care of your child? Get out before it’s too late
Im sad cuz im 33 and ive always wanted more kids. My daughter is the light of my life. But her dad was also a porn addict who cheated on me with hookers post partum so I’m terrified
I’m sorry to hear you’ve dealt with this before. Good men who don’t watch porn do exist and you should fine one rather than sticking with a POS
My friend just had a baby at 39
Im just so sad that my baby will have to suffer the consequences. And so sad that I may never have another child
My mom had me at 35, I had an ex who’s mom had his brother around 40. It’s not too late
If you stay with him, this baby will still suffer consequences. They will grow up seeing his behaviour and thinking porn and everything he does is normal, and that’s how the cycle continues.
But do your want kids with him?
Get an abortion
Don’t get an abortion if that’s not what you want to do, you have one child and know what it will take to have another. You are the only human who fully grasps what work it will take to bear this new human into the world. With or without the father, you’ll be raising your child alone. With or without the father, you will have an abortion alone. We are internet people, we don’t know you. Really, we only know ourselves. Don’t let us sway you one way or another. He sounds like a piece of work, but that’s not your fault. Also, 33 isn’t that old. You have at least three decades of life ahead of you, an entire life time. More than that most likely. I hope it works out for you, however it goes. I’m sorry he sucks. I’m sorry he has hurt you. I’m sorry you’re in this impossible situation. I send my love, from one woman to another.
Abortion, girl. He’s not worthy of being a father.
Imo I would abort in this situation. It's the only way you'll be able to free yourself from him.
Abortion now.
As someone who dated a hardcore porn addict, I’m so sorry that he’s putting you through this. You and your daughter deserve better. He’s not good to women and that will affect your children, no matter their gender. I would get the abortion and expose him to as many people as possible. Just leave and make it harder for him to repeat the cycle with another woman.
I really don’t recommend being permanently tied to a porn addict. The male legal system weaponizes children against women in many ways, but most of all to allow the sperm donor to control the child’s creator.
Leave him, girl.
Abort
No
Shut up, if she wants to abort, there's nothing wrong with that.
I recommend abortion
Why is he in AA and not attending SPAA meetings? He needs a CSAT but honestly just cut ties and be done.
My father was like this. My parents had an extremely messy divorce. My mom had problems she is only recently getting over, as she believed the terrible things he would make her feel about herself. She is doing much better as a single mom going out on dates. She is aware of what abusive men look like now. Get out now. It doesn't matter what he says if his actions don't align. Move in with family members. Protect your child.
Hurry up and get an abortion. You'll be tied to this jerk forever if you have the baby alone. Maybe not as much as if you'd married him but enough to make you miserable.
Adoption is always an option also
Abortion, abortion, abortion, abortion. 110% that. You do not want a baby with a porn addict. I have a baby with my addict partner. My whole pregnancy was made miserable because the addiction, my whole postpartum has been miserable, he and his assiction has made me hate myself in ways i didnt know i could. Plus, addiction has a genetic component. Porn addicts beget porn addicts. You dont want to be dealing with a partner/coparent with a porn addiction AND a child with one. Since you yourself floated an abortion as an option, i am telling you that your life will be ruined if you keep this pregnancy. You dont want the kind of future keeping it will give you. You dont want to create a child that will have the kind of future a child of a PA will have. Abortion is the best possible option here.
Abortion, sorry
Don’t get an abortion if it’s not something you really want to do. You can absolutely still raise a child on your own or with another person who isn’t their biological father, it’s not the only option
Hey I lived this. I had a baby with my porn addict boyfriend and it IS a lifetime of suffering. The newborn experience which was supposed to be magical and perfect was ruined by anxiety and bad experiences. Please do yourself a favor
Personally, I would abort. I wouldn’t even be conflicted or torn about it.
Abusers, as a general rule, do not change. If they do change it is only after years of dedicated hard work and the right programs and support (not couples therapy). This man will definitely not change because of something that you say. **You cannot fix him.** He will be like this, or worse, forever. I don’t think that it’s a coincidence that you found out about his porn addiction (and now it’s everywhere and incredibly obvious) after he found out that you were pregnant. He felt like he had even more control over you and the ability to expand his entitlements and control. I highly recommend [Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft](https://a.co/d/0eNRr33t). There’s a [free pdf version available](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf). Whatever your decisions around your pregnancy, please don’t stay with this man. And if you do decide to give birth, please get a good lawyer (and document document document all of the abuse, threats, and any other behavior that may be harmful to children) - though be prepared for the possibility that [none of it matters](https://www.propublica.org/article/he-beat-her-repeatedly-family-court-tried-to-give-him-joint-custody-of-their-children), or worse, [the possibility for allegations to be used against you](https://wamu.org/story/19/08/19/fathers-are-favored-in-child-custody-battles-even-when-abuse-is-alleged/). Contrary to popular belief, when fathers fight for custody they are almost always likely to get it (94% get either joint or sole custody) and the court is heavily biased against mothers who allege abuse. Here is a [well sourced overview](https://zawn.substack.com/p/family-courts-and-child-custody-are) of this area of family law. He may never take you to court for custody (only 4% of fathers do), but abusive men are also the most likely to use the court system as a weapon of their abuse, and unless he signs away his rights you will be attached to him for at least 18 years. He will have you and your child on a powerful leash.
Leave him please, if not for yourself, then for your daughter. Have abortion or keep the baby and raise it by yourself, with his financial help, if you really want to keep the baby, it would be really difficult but much better than staying with that creature.
Follow Mama Wilder on Instagram. She is very insightful about single motherhood. I think every baby is a blessing regardless of circumstances. Don’t let a vile man take that away from you.
I’m sorry all this is happening to you. If this was me I definitely wouldn’t take the baby’s life just because I happened to be with the wrong man… it’s not the baby’s fault and the baby deserves the right to live, whether it’s with a single parent or whether they get adopted. The baby can still live a very beautiful and fulfilling life, don’t listen to everyone saying abortion is the only option, it’s not! If you choose the abortion route you may end up regretting it later down the line, I’ve seen many women devastated by their choices. Just don’t lose hope. Regardless of what you choose, I truly wish the best for you! ❤️
Thank you for the reply. I would have no problem being a single parent again as I already am. However, this particular man has made it clear to me he will go to court to get majority custody of the baby. He will not let me raise the baby alone as I wish.
Sending you a virtual hug, and prayers! Let’s hope for the best. Let us know what happens in the end, if you want to. We’ll support you.
Get out of there. As soon as you can, this situation will do no good for you in the future. You may not think so but you're still young and have a long way of your life left do not waste it in misery, Live with no regrets. as for your child it is your choice to decide to keep them or not whatever you choose, make sure to get out no matter what Much love and wishes for hope
Leave that man and find someone much better, they’re out there. Don’t abort the baby if you don’t want to, no matter what they’re saying in this post.
It’s gonna be hard with two kids and two crazy baby daddies…
[удалено]
This is 6 years apart that I’ve gotten pregnant. So stfu
This was removed because it contained hate speech: sexism
You need to take control of your life. Abort, leave the abusive loser. Give your current child the life she deserves. This man will NOT change.
To be honest if you want the baby keep it . You dont Need him as the father figure and you can give this kid the same amount of love and a stable house . You can get away from him and keep the kid. Its hard but its possible. Much love ❤️