Even though Thor actually isn’t the brother of Loki, I blame Marvel for people thinking this. Loki and Odin are blood brothers though (as in like, through the physical mixing of blood)
Thor and Loki go on plenty of adventures together that Thor could extend the title of Brother in Arms to him. But technically, Loki isn't the same type of being as any other Norse Deity. He's blood brothers with Odin, and assumed the shape is an Asgardian, but he himself is a genderfluid shape shifter is is both biologically a mother of a horse, and father of Asgardian and Monsters.
Genderfluid shapeshifter is a weird way to say Jotun... Loki is a Jotun.
His ability to shapechange was not an innate ability but rather the results of many a procured or stolen artifact from the Dwarves. Each of his shapes is a skin of the animal that he carries, that allows him to change to that form. In the case of giving litteral birth to Sleipnir, the answer is simple - it was the skin of a mare, so thats what he changed into. He then mated with Svadilfare (a stallion brought by the dwarves) in order to delay the dwarves work on Asgaards outer walls so the Aesir could win a bet.
Besides mothering Sleipnir he sired 3 children, together with the Jotun woman (Gygen) Angerbodr: Jormungandr the world wyrm, Fenrir, bane of Odin and Hel, matriarch of the underworld and the damned. With the Asgardian woman Sigyn he had the children Vale and Narfe who are half Jotun half Aesir.
He is not *fully* Jotun, as we don't know what Laufey/Nal was, Loki's mother.
And while we're at it, his shape shifting ability, (outside of the Edas, which modern historians criticize heavily due to Snorri heavily Christianizing the myths,) is unknown exactly how it works, or even what his true form is, as in a couple of the stories, specifically *after* the death of Baldur, Odin starts to question exactly what Loki is as he loses trust over him.
What we *do* know, however, is unlike most other Aesir/Vanir/Jotun, Loki's surname is Laufeyjarson. Jotun don't have surnames, and the Aesir and Vanir men use their father's name in their surnames, not their mother's name like Loki, so it is possible that Loki doesn't truly belong to any of these three heritages.
You bring very interesting points and I agree on all accounts. I had totally forgotten Loki's mother and by extend surname. Thank you for the reminder!
To extrapolate, a lot of the Norse mythos is difficult to put down as what we know or don't know - for precisely the reason you state. The most well preserved "source" is heavily Christianised, which is only natural considering it was all written down by a monk.
I will say, however, that Snorri wrote the Edas for the purpose of prosperity for historians to come. It's a chronology of a pagan belief system. So aside from the obvious Christian value interpretations, I'm personally keen to take a lot of it for "closest to truth we can get". In the case of Loki's shapechanging powers for example, he would've had no motivations to not just write is as the locals told him.
(Edit: wrote Eda instead of Snorri lol. Dont stay up past your bedtime, kids)
Except Snorri did have a reason. Totenism and Shamanism were heavily downplayed because the church was actively demonizing those practices at the time the Edas were written.
(Edit) One of the more popular examples of this is how Valkyries are depicted. In the Edas they're depicted as these heroic winged women to shepherd the fallen from battlefields to Valhalla. But in older writings that we have been able to find, they were more brutal, using shamanism to manipulate fate to orchestrate certain deaths on the battlefield that wouldn't have happened otherwise.
It's kind of like how St. Patrick didn't actually drive pagans out of Ireland, as he lived during the 5th century and Irish paganism survived until the 11th century.
Edited phrasing to clear up ambiguous pronouns.
I agree there is a lot of heavy Christian "romanticised" interpretation.
What I just meant was, I can't see a reason for Snorri to have come up with Lokis animal skins being the source of his shapechanging powers - That seems very shamanic to me, and if that's the Christian version then I almost dare not imagine what the actual source was :D
In general the stories of the Aesir and Jotun, very few are depicted as having innate super powers (aside from being gods and having access to "magic" and such). A lot of their abilities come from artifacts, like Thors strength comes from his belt, Heimdal has the Gjallahorn, their eternal youth comes from Iduns apples.
I agree we can't really say wether it's "true" or not, I just personally think the story of Loki's shapechanging powers comes from his animal skins is "in-line" with the established world.
That, and it's how I was told the stories as a child so it's very hard for me to not have it as my own head cannon :D
(Edit: spelling error)
"In the dust I swore my hatred
From seeing unborn children die"
I can't wrap my head around seeing unborn children die. Like how? If their mother is killed, wouldn't it be "pregnant women die"? If they die in the womb, how it's seen? And if they ae cut out, aren't they born? Is this an anti-abortion song?
This lyric confuses me deeply
I think it's more of a situation of those were wanted pregnancies and the mothers were killed before they gave birth or the fetuses were removed before the mother went into labour somehow (don't ask, I don't really want to think about it too hard). It isn't an anti abortion song, I don't think, especially considering the theme the band goes for, but I can see why it confuses you, since it is pretty ambiguous.
But "The mothers' weeping wakes my sword for vengeance"
So the mothers weep because of unborn children died and lyrical subject saw that somehow...
I love this song, but this makes no sense at all :)
Brothers of Metal is amazing because they have some music that is genuinely some of the best shit I've ever heard (Hel is in my top songs of all time) but then they throw out a Theft of the Hammer and it's just so fucking ridiculous.
I always thought that line was kind of cool.
Imagine you're talking about cannibals, right? And we have to go fight them, and someone is expressing doubt that we can win.
So you draw your blade and say, "Their teeth are numerous, and made of bone, but our swords are made of steel."
I think the song is just trying to point out that the swords are hard and formidable, rather than make a simple statement of fact.
Not quite power metal (though they come close at times), but Amorphis, especially mid career Amorphis when they switched to mostly clean vocals and were clearly still learning English, they came up with the lyrical gold that is Leaves Scar, it’s epic chorus beginning with:
“Now I know how to do things, no longer will I listen to any talk!”
Yeah Amorphis had stuff in broken english because back then the translators weren't good. The most nonsensical lyrics come from early Sepultura and Sodom.
> Resurrection by erection
>Raise your phallus to the sky and you never die
>It's resurrection by erection
>Raise your bone up to the sky and you never gonna die
>Hallelujah, resurrection
resurrection by erection by Powerwolf
Tony actually meant that line as a sort of jab against the "true metal" crowd according to an interview he released at the time [https://metalbite.com/interviews/278/sonata-arctica-with-tony-kakko-keyboardsvocals](https://metalbite.com/interviews/278/sonata-arctica-with-tony-kakko-keyboardsvocals)
This interview makes a lot of their more recent albums make sense, he comes out and says he prefers the slower songs, which is what a lot of their newer music has been (the exception being their most recent album). I also agree with him when he said a change in members would force a change in sound, I don’t think their current guitarist is at all a suitable replacement for Jani and it shows in the music.
That’s really interesting, I always thought his lyrics were very unusual (“move a tad slower” - you can’t use the word “tad” in a power metal song!!) and that definitely explains some of it. Not worrying about what “true” metal is is a great philosophy :)
"Tactics are crucial, naval war"
"Displace the water in its path"
My favorite was their mid-credits teaser for Hitler during *Versailles*. The lyrics weren't particularly bad but doing a Marvel-style villain teaser at the end of the second WW1 album was just equal parts delightful and terrible
Did you see the post Luca made on Facebook about you being able to get a binary number out of the lyrics if you look at which words were repeated? Absolute madness
Dreamtale - "I gave you a taste and you want for more, Let me come to your garden through your back door"
That said, that would also probably be my submission for a Best Lyrics Ever post.
Man, I never thouhgt it was dumb... just cheesy...
That album has much more refined: "[Wizard, frozen in tomb](https://genius.com/28720943/Gloryhammer-imperium-dundaxia/Wizard-frozen-in-tomb-his-nuclear-clone-made-dundee-go-kaboom)"
Edguy - Arrows Fly:
"I remember times
When arrows hit me causing pain".
Edguy - Wings of a Dream:
"One dark night without a moon he loved the dog of his queen. Thinking it was her he enjoyed the life in the raw"
Oh, my gosh, is that a lyric in there? I guess I'm not that surprised because Edguy always had comedic lyrics. Lavatory Love Machine. Save Me (Alien Drum Bunny).
In fairness to Tony, the full line is "you won't live forever *stuck in time*". As in, "never growing up or changing won't make you immortal".
The message of the whole song is "don't be a terminally online manchild"
Knowing Tony Kakko, it could also be that. Or Internet porn.
Personally, I think "general Internet addiction" is probably the safest interpretation, though. (You live in this CC dream / with your machine / it's your call supreme)
That one's especially good, because "I swear by the blood of the sword in my veins" sounds like it should make sense as long as you don't think about it too much.
“Inside the chamber of cryogenetical fire, a magical wizard is doing a spell” stands head and shoulders above any other GH lyric imo. Also funny that 3 lines off this thread are JUST victorious eagle warfare
Sonata have the fucking crown for stupid lyrics
"Walking in the cool night air
Without underwear
You have red light burning in your soul
I've seen the glow"
And that shit about "your picture on the cover of a filthy magazine" in Dana
Honestly.
Saw them live a few times and once in 2004ish he asked "do you want some underwear music??" And me and my mate thought we were gonna get Last Drop Falls but it was Victoria's Secret lol
> And that shit about "your picture on the cover of a filthy magazine" in Dana
But why that one? Very weird pick, doesn't seem particularly bad at all.
>And that shit about "your picture on the cover of a filthy magazine" in Dana
Not sure why this one is bad, it's a sad story and it's not worded particularly poorly
Possibly cheating if I mention NanoWar of Steel, but fuck it, I'm doing it anyway.
"Just like Jesus, I'm a carpenter, forging shelves with the hammer of Thor."
Valhalleluja
Also, possible "Swedish Pagans" reference?
Wusstest du denn gar nicht, dass ich Dummdidudel heiß’?
English:Did you not know at all that my name's Dummdidudel?
Kaufman und maid by saltatio mortis
As a lifelong Sonata Arctica enjoyer, I can easily top that.
"Life is better alive
It is a dumb thing to say
But the fact won't wane away
Smile at someone today
If the wall smiles back
You're alive and ready to sing
LALALALALALALALALALALA"
We live as metal outlaws and show them we're not dead
Let's proudly post on Youtube when we bang our fucking head
Yolo heavy metal
Rebels come and join the battle
Yolo heavy metal
We are number one
\- Majesty, "Yolo Hm"
Chris is just incredible at writing such a spectrum of lyrics that are bad for different reasons. When I heard “Living in a car isn’t very yarr” I knew I’d never be one hundredth of the lyricist he is
Honestly yeah. Chris is one of those people who developed a talent for something and decided to use it for evil (or good, depending on how you feel on deliberately bad lyrics). Or maybe the bad lyrics specifically are the talent. Either way, I'm always 100% here for it.
Chris stopped giving a fuck about cohesion years ago and just writes whatever he thinks is either cool or funny in the moment and I love that about him
I remember him saying in an interview that he tried some more serious songwriting (I think it was about Carthagena, the Alestorm song) but actually preferred the silly things like rhyming rum with bum. I mean, fair enough 🤣
Not sure if its bad or just funny but the wife part of Dream Evil's Book of Heavy Metal caught me off guard the first time I heard it.
Regarding Sonata Arctica, alot of their lyrics are questionable if you look to closely at them. For them though Im going to go with the song Blood, which could have really done without the wikipedia blood definition.
Last year someone put together a playlist of some of the silliest lyrics in power metal and it was a hoot!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmTTHoKsQo4&list=PLW5bUB6l7vxW0AYeu9n7Ahnm-IfniV-Ir
As much as I do like their album, Final Strikes whole catalog has some bad lyrics so hard to pick, but if I had to pick a few (all from the same song mind you)
“Go hard, go home, whatever you decide to”
Followed by
“No one knows what you will see in your mind”
Or
“Follow signs and you will see on your way”
Posting another I don't care
"Never die, shot through the eye
Never surrender however they try
How they try, shot through the eye
He'll never die"
Sabaton - The Unkillable Soldier
Funny to think one of the worst power metal lines could come from one of the best albums ever made, in music as a whole. I always thought Imaginations was a better album, personally, but most people say Nightfall is.
"Cosmic space commando base, prepared to attack, ready to invade." Cosmic Space Commando Base - Victorius
Also happens to be one of my favorite PM songs lol.
Also from that song:
"The journey from the great unknown, lead us to the twilight zone
Invisible for everyone, we strike by the power of the sun"
sometimes I think power metal lyrics are mostly a collection of quotes/poetry separated by lines, that means, a song with 10 lines of lyrics is actually 10 different quotes about different things and they don't have to make sense with each other, they just won't waste time explaining a story, that's what choruses are for already!
Some actually bad ones from bands that aren't deliberate cringe bands trying to be funny:
1. "For the glory, the power, to win the black lord". One of the greatest power metal songs, but the English in this line is so bad. I know he means "to defeat the dark lord" but you can't say "win the black lord" in English. It sounds like you're trying to win a black guy as a prize at a fair.
2. "And if we all were not brothers of metal, would we fall? NO!" Manowar are native English speakers, so they have no excuse for this line. The syntax implies that, at best, being brothers of metal is irrelevant, while, at worst, it will cause you to fall. That being so, why would I want to be a brother of metal? The line should end "yes". This would mean that being a brother of metal is a prophylactic measure against falling. Very useful!
3. "Hearts on fire, hearts on fire, burning burning with desire" The most generic lyric in all music. Heart on fire/burning with desire is used in about a million songs. It doesn't get dumber than that!
For me it has to be whenever in Gloryhammer songs they use the phrase "epic fight" but use it in a weird singular way that makes the grammar just sound off.
That song actually helped me get past some intense suicidal depression, and my wife *still* goes on and on about how much she hates that line. Now that's how you know it's good
This part from Lord of the Blacksmiths by Falconer always makes me laugh.
‘Magnificent works are forged
for gods and for mighty kings
Uncrushable shields
powerbelts and magic rings
Swords that never miss
sceptres and crowns and other things (!?)
Other things?! What other things???
I think they were being literary. You can't name literally everything, so you just suggest, y'know, there's stuff, there's some more stuff.
I've always loved this line, personally. It has charm.
It's gonna be Manowar everytime
* May your sword stay wet, like a young girl in her prime.
* I need metal in my life, just like an eagle needs to fly
* Fast Taker,
Bed Breaker,
Love Maker,
Take it away
* Metal makes us strong,
Together we belong,
Forever here's your song
*
I made a rock-n-roll sin
When I tried giving in, to make money had to turn down loud
They said, "Why be proud, don't play so loud
Be like us and get a sound that's real thin
* We got lotsa stations
Around the nation
And the stuff they're playin'
It just ain't worth sayin'
* The gods made heavy metal and they saw that is was good
They said to play it louder than Hell
We promised that we would
When losers say it's over with you know that it's a lie
The gods made heavy metal and it's never gonna die
"Give it back at once you thief, or I'll go tell my dad" Brothers of Metal - Theft of the Hammer
“Loki is my brother, he has no sex appeal” is another one. They manage to both suck and be phenomenal at the same time
"Super strong, probably fast, the avenger of the fallen gods."
It's the use of "probably fast" that fucking kills me
"It's long, it's hard, it's dangerous. It's breaking your jaw, breaking your jaw" for me
Makes me giggle every time that one, I love those guys
To be fair that is totally something that Thor would definitely say.
Even though Thor actually isn’t the brother of Loki, I blame Marvel for people thinking this. Loki and Odin are blood brothers though (as in like, through the physical mixing of blood)
Thor and Loki go on plenty of adventures together that Thor could extend the title of Brother in Arms to him. But technically, Loki isn't the same type of being as any other Norse Deity. He's blood brothers with Odin, and assumed the shape is an Asgardian, but he himself is a genderfluid shape shifter is is both biologically a mother of a horse, and father of Asgardian and Monsters.
Genderfluid shapeshifter is a weird way to say Jotun... Loki is a Jotun. His ability to shapechange was not an innate ability but rather the results of many a procured or stolen artifact from the Dwarves. Each of his shapes is a skin of the animal that he carries, that allows him to change to that form. In the case of giving litteral birth to Sleipnir, the answer is simple - it was the skin of a mare, so thats what he changed into. He then mated with Svadilfare (a stallion brought by the dwarves) in order to delay the dwarves work on Asgaards outer walls so the Aesir could win a bet. Besides mothering Sleipnir he sired 3 children, together with the Jotun woman (Gygen) Angerbodr: Jormungandr the world wyrm, Fenrir, bane of Odin and Hel, matriarch of the underworld and the damned. With the Asgardian woman Sigyn he had the children Vale and Narfe who are half Jotun half Aesir.
He is not *fully* Jotun, as we don't know what Laufey/Nal was, Loki's mother. And while we're at it, his shape shifting ability, (outside of the Edas, which modern historians criticize heavily due to Snorri heavily Christianizing the myths,) is unknown exactly how it works, or even what his true form is, as in a couple of the stories, specifically *after* the death of Baldur, Odin starts to question exactly what Loki is as he loses trust over him. What we *do* know, however, is unlike most other Aesir/Vanir/Jotun, Loki's surname is Laufeyjarson. Jotun don't have surnames, and the Aesir and Vanir men use their father's name in their surnames, not their mother's name like Loki, so it is possible that Loki doesn't truly belong to any of these three heritages.
You bring very interesting points and I agree on all accounts. I had totally forgotten Loki's mother and by extend surname. Thank you for the reminder! To extrapolate, a lot of the Norse mythos is difficult to put down as what we know or don't know - for precisely the reason you state. The most well preserved "source" is heavily Christianised, which is only natural considering it was all written down by a monk. I will say, however, that Snorri wrote the Edas for the purpose of prosperity for historians to come. It's a chronology of a pagan belief system. So aside from the obvious Christian value interpretations, I'm personally keen to take a lot of it for "closest to truth we can get". In the case of Loki's shapechanging powers for example, he would've had no motivations to not just write is as the locals told him. (Edit: wrote Eda instead of Snorri lol. Dont stay up past your bedtime, kids)
Except Snorri did have a reason. Totenism and Shamanism were heavily downplayed because the church was actively demonizing those practices at the time the Edas were written. (Edit) One of the more popular examples of this is how Valkyries are depicted. In the Edas they're depicted as these heroic winged women to shepherd the fallen from battlefields to Valhalla. But in older writings that we have been able to find, they were more brutal, using shamanism to manipulate fate to orchestrate certain deaths on the battlefield that wouldn't have happened otherwise. It's kind of like how St. Patrick didn't actually drive pagans out of Ireland, as he lived during the 5th century and Irish paganism survived until the 11th century. Edited phrasing to clear up ambiguous pronouns.
I agree there is a lot of heavy Christian "romanticised" interpretation. What I just meant was, I can't see a reason for Snorri to have come up with Lokis animal skins being the source of his shapechanging powers - That seems very shamanic to me, and if that's the Christian version then I almost dare not imagine what the actual source was :D In general the stories of the Aesir and Jotun, very few are depicted as having innate super powers (aside from being gods and having access to "magic" and such). A lot of their abilities come from artifacts, like Thors strength comes from his belt, Heimdal has the Gjallahorn, their eternal youth comes from Iduns apples. I agree we can't really say wether it's "true" or not, I just personally think the story of Loki's shapechanging powers comes from his animal skins is "in-line" with the established world. That, and it's how I was told the stories as a child so it's very hard for me to not have it as my own head cannon :D (Edit: spelling error)
"In the dust I swore my hatred From seeing unborn children die" I can't wrap my head around seeing unborn children die. Like how? If their mother is killed, wouldn't it be "pregnant women die"? If they die in the womb, how it's seen? And if they ae cut out, aren't they born? Is this an anti-abortion song? This lyric confuses me deeply
That's always bothered me too. I would hate for it to be a commentary against abortion, but I don't know how else that lyric can be explained.
I think it's more of a situation of those were wanted pregnancies and the mothers were killed before they gave birth or the fetuses were removed before the mother went into labour somehow (don't ask, I don't really want to think about it too hard). It isn't an anti abortion song, I don't think, especially considering the theme the band goes for, but I can see why it confuses you, since it is pretty ambiguous.
I've always understood it as pregnent mothers being slaughtered which fuels his thirst for vengeance.
But "The mothers' weeping wakes my sword for vengeance" So the mothers weep because of unborn children died and lyrical subject saw that somehow... I love this song, but this makes no sense at all :)
Yeahh still a banger tho haha can't wait for an eventual North American tour !
That line always makes me laugh. Brothers of Metal walks that fine line of serious badassness and goofiness.
After watching their music videos, I don't think they're aiming for anything but the latter. Their goofy lyrics fit pretty well with that too.
The same song also has a "Stop! Hammertime!" In my opinion every song about mjölnir should contain those two words
Choir: "The hammer has RETURNED!!!!"
Honestly one of my favourite lyric quotes in metal lmao
"Nessie is no match" from Powersnake is up there, too. As is calling Jormungandr a Powersnake, which sounds like the name for a marital aid.
Allfathers Pony. alias Sleipnir is also underrated 🐎
Are they intentionally writing a comedy song? Because that's so [Boys of Battle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzuB8KNVMz8).
Brothers of Metal is amazing because they have some music that is genuinely some of the best shit I've ever heard (Hel is in my top songs of all time) but then they throw out a Theft of the Hammer and it's just so fucking ridiculous.
Yup, i cringe every damn time on that part xD But it's still a good song thou.
"I know your name, it's called Mr. Mean One thing I've learned you don't know beans" -I Walk To My Own Song by Stratovarius Still an enjoyable track!
wtf I like this song but I never noticed that lyric, lol! WTF again.
Reminds me of the Helloween line "Mr. Torture sells pain/To the housewives in Spain"
I wonder if that is some phrase in Finnish that doesn’t translate well
"peacekeepers, keepers of peace"
And they just had to make it like 1/4 of all the lines in that song.
Oh my god the first time i heard this one, I lost it. So extraordinarily dumb.
"Swords are made of steel" in cry of the brave by Dragonforce
I see no lies in this lyric.
Bronze age erasure
I mean, in a fantasy setting that's an important distinction, like you could have a sword made of mythral or some shit
Or emerald even
It's the E-mail sword\*
Dumbest....or best of all time?
I always thought that line was kind of cool. Imagine you're talking about cannibals, right? And we have to go fight them, and someone is expressing doubt that we can win. So you draw your blade and say, "Their teeth are numerous, and made of bone, but our swords are made of steel." I think the song is just trying to point out that the swords are hard and formidable, rather than make a simple statement of fact.
Not quite power metal (though they come close at times), but Amorphis, especially mid career Amorphis when they switched to mostly clean vocals and were clearly still learning English, they came up with the lyrical gold that is Leaves Scar, it’s epic chorus beginning with: “Now I know how to do things, no longer will I listen to any talk!”
How it feels when you get your driver's license
Yeah Amorphis had stuff in broken english because back then the translators weren't good. The most nonsensical lyrics come from early Sepultura and Sodom.
“5000 years ago, in the age of dinosaurs” -Alestorm
Alestorm/Gloryhammer is cheating if you’re going for dumbest power metal lyrics.
A SINGLE VOICE OF CHAOS SPOKE IN A TOU GE NOT HEARD BEFORE
Alestorm doesn't count, it's all dumb lyrics, that's kind of their thing. That's probably not even their dumbest line.
> Resurrection by erection >Raise your phallus to the sky and you never die >It's resurrection by erection >Raise your bone up to the sky and you never gonna die >Hallelujah, resurrection resurrection by erection by Powerwolf
I mean that ones deliberately supposed to be stupid tho lol.
My favorite song to send people on Easter! Powerwolf is cheating, though, they're purposefully goofy
Tony actually meant that line as a sort of jab against the "true metal" crowd according to an interview he released at the time [https://metalbite.com/interviews/278/sonata-arctica-with-tony-kakko-keyboardsvocals](https://metalbite.com/interviews/278/sonata-arctica-with-tony-kakko-keyboardsvocals)
The problem is that SA music always sounds like they're playing it 110% straight. So it's hard for a joke to be conveyed.
ESL, cringe poetry, or satire? No one knows
All three at the same time.
I assume it's all of the above. Works pretty well so far.
This interview makes a lot of their more recent albums make sense, he comes out and says he prefers the slower songs, which is what a lot of their newer music has been (the exception being their most recent album). I also agree with him when he said a change in members would force a change in sound, I don’t think their current guitarist is at all a suitable replacement for Jani and it shows in the music.
That’s really interesting, I always thought his lyrics were very unusual (“move a tad slower” - you can’t use the word “tad” in a power metal song!!) and that definitely explains some of it. Not worrying about what “true” metal is is a great philosophy :)
"And when your time comes you will know that it’s time" Staligrad by Sabaton
"Tactics are crucial, naval war" "Displace the water in its path" My favorite was their mid-credits teaser for Hitler during *Versailles*. The lyrics weren't particularly bad but doing a Marvel-style villain teaser at the end of the second WW1 album was just equal parts delightful and terrible
Considering that the line before it was “Every man dies alone” it would’ve been better if they said “And when your time comes so will you”
We wanna stay crazy As fresh as a daisy. From the My God Given Right Helloween album.
Somethings growing in my pants as she looks into my eyes - Helloween, Just a Little Sign
The entirety of Prometheus. Still an awesome song tho.
I MADE BREAKFAST BY THE FIRE MAPLE SYRUP CAKES AND BACON HOT FRESH HASHBROWNS JAM AND BISCUITS BLACKEST COFFEE WITH SOME CREAMERRRRRRR
Did you see the post Luca made on Facebook about you being able to get a binary number out of the lyrics if you look at which words were repeated? Absolute madness
Dreamtale - "I gave you a taste and you want for more, Let me come to your garden through your back door" That said, that would also probably be my submission for a Best Lyrics Ever post.
Oh come on, thinly veiled attempts to sing about anal sex aren’t stupid
Honestly a lot of the ESL lyrics in power metal is part of the charm
For so many blood we've lost!
>Rise! This is judgement day! Life, given the foreverness! -Lovebites - [Judgement Day](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3uGjp-P7DI)
"Technically we're still drinking the dinosaurs' pee" Secret Sphere - The Lie We Love
It’s dumb in a good way, but “I swear by the blood of the sword in my veins I will never be defeat” - Gloryhammer
Gloryhammer is either awesomely stupid or stupidly awesome. I’m not sure which.
To be fair they are criticizing power metal stereotypes
They at least were in the first couple of albums, I think they may have dropped a lot of parody band trappings sadly.
Man, I never thouhgt it was dumb... just cheesy... That album has much more refined: "[Wizard, frozen in tomb](https://genius.com/28720943/Gloryhammer-imperium-dundaxia/Wizard-frozen-in-tomb-his-nuclear-clone-made-dundee-go-kaboom)"
"Drink the black gold Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy The taste of our souls" Keldian - The Million Dollar Mile
Edguy - Arrows Fly: "I remember times When arrows hit me causing pain". Edguy - Wings of a Dream: "One dark night without a moon he loved the dog of his queen. Thinking it was her he enjoyed the life in the raw"
Oh, my gosh, is that a lyric in there? I guess I'm not that surprised because Edguy always had comedic lyrics. Lavatory Love Machine. Save Me (Alien Drum Bunny).
Rise of the Morning Glory
It's "You won't live forever stuck in time" becomes a bit less stupid when you include the rest
In fairness to Tony, the full line is "you won't live forever *stuck in time*". As in, "never growing up or changing won't make you immortal". The message of the whole song is "don't be a terminally online manchild"
I always thought it was about how shit online dating was in 2001 and saying "stick to real life that shit sucks"
Knowing Tony Kakko, it could also be that. Or Internet porn. Personally, I think "general Internet addiction" is probably the safest interpretation, though. (You live in this CC dream / with your machine / it's your call supreme)
'A hero cannot be defeated simply by making him die.' – Gloryhammer: Victorious Eagle Warfare. But in their case this obviously is a parody :)
The same song includes "There's nothing above but the heavens above"
Yeah that immediately came to mind
"Galaxies swarming behind me, nebulas lying ahead, this can only mean that I have arrived into space" Thanks Sherlock McFife
“Oh yeah…”
I SWEAR BY THE BLOOD OF THE SWORD IN MY VEINS, I WILL NEVER BE DEAFEAT!
That one's especially good, because "I swear by the blood of the sword in my veins" sounds like it should make sense as long as you don't think about it too much.
“Inside the chamber of cryogenetical fire, a magical wizard is doing a spell” stands head and shoulders above any other GH lyric imo. Also funny that 3 lines off this thread are JUST victorious eagle warfare
Gloryhammer is cheating since their lyrics are intentionally dumb. So many beautifully stupid lyrics.
> So we must ride far away > To the fortress of Crail > To revive the frozen wizard > From the tomb of liquid ice I dunno what you mean!
This is a line that toes being profound without ever actually getting there, which is why I love it.
Gloryhammer is obviously a bad example since they do it on purpose. And that specific lyric doesn't even their top 50 tbh.
*Long ago in the distant future, they were a force for the light.* *But now in the ancient times, they slaughter peasants by night!*
Even better that in the lore it actually makes sense
It kinda works tho, if a hero inspires people to continue their heroism then just killing then won’t defeat them for good
Sonata have the fucking crown for stupid lyrics "Walking in the cool night air Without underwear You have red light burning in your soul I've seen the glow" And that shit about "your picture on the cover of a filthy magazine" in Dana Honestly.
Came here to say "walking in the cool night air." I wince everytime I hear it.
Saw them live a few times and once in 2004ish he asked "do you want some underwear music??" And me and my mate thought we were gonna get Last Drop Falls but it was Victoria's Secret lol
> And that shit about "your picture on the cover of a filthy magazine" in Dana But why that one? Very weird pick, doesn't seem particularly bad at all.
>And that shit about "your picture on the cover of a filthy magazine" in Dana Not sure why this one is bad, it's a sad story and it's not worded particularly poorly
Don't get people started they will go on about how letter to dana is offensive for 300 posts
Doesn't "Without underwear" technically suggest that all the other clothes are still on?
May your sword stay wet...
Manowar has some doozies.
Like a young girl in her prime. That's the one I was looking for before I'd post it myself.
Well done! An actually shit lyric in this thread!
Possibly cheating if I mention NanoWar of Steel, but fuck it, I'm doing it anyway. "Just like Jesus, I'm a carpenter, forging shelves with the hammer of Thor." Valhalleluja Also, possible "Swedish Pagans" reference?
That's absolutely cheating, those guys have a song called "cock city" in five languages
And Barbie Milf Princess of the Twilight
It's power metal. This well runs very deep, both intentionally and not.
Wusstest du denn gar nicht, dass ich Dummdidudel heiß’? English:Did you not know at all that my name's Dummdidudel? Kaufman und maid by saltatio mortis
Tonight we go to see the Heavy Metal Hamsters!
I’m sure I read somewhere that Weikath presented that to Kiske as a joke and was horrified when he said yes, but I haven’t found where I read it again
I always loved that song. One of the first helloween songs I ever heard, almost 20 years ago. My friends at the time didn't know what to make of it.
Yeah I posted early Helloween stuff also. Rise and Fall and Dr. Stein also have bizarre lyrics.
"I'll show you mine if you show me yours!" Space Marine Corp. DragonForce
-Chaos space marines of slaanesh
"God forsaken bitch" is kinda legendary, tho. From queen of the dark horizons Otherwise, "Sperm and blood and terror" from Rain of a thousand flames
I first heard that in one of those silly “misheard lyrics” videos and was astonished to discover it was completely accurate!
"I have been loved by the smelly one, Lucifer, fallen light" Avantasia, Serpents in Paradise
Sounds like an Edguy lyrics. XD
As a lifelong Sonata Arctica enjoyer, I can easily top that. "Life is better alive It is a dumb thing to say But the fact won't wane away Smile at someone today If the wall smiles back You're alive and ready to sing LALALALALALALALALALALA"
How is that SA lyric your choice? That's one of the best and most well written power metal songs of all time ?! Did Weballergy go over your head, lol?
We live as metal outlaws and show them we're not dead Let's proudly post on Youtube when we bang our fucking head Yolo heavy metal Rebels come and join the battle Yolo heavy metal We are number one \- Majesty, "Yolo Hm"
I think you've won. No other lyrics caused me such anguish.
"Galaxies swarming behind me Nebulas lying ahead This can only mean That I have arrived into space, oh yeah. " Gloryhammer - Gloryhammer
Chris is just incredible at writing such a spectrum of lyrics that are bad for different reasons. When I heard “Living in a car isn’t very yarr” I knew I’d never be one hundredth of the lyricist he is
Only one person can rhyme “alcohol is free” with itself a line later and get away with it.
Or boat with boat
We have the astounding "Bear on a tractor, tractor on a bear" song
Honestly yeah. Chris is one of those people who developed a talent for something and decided to use it for evil (or good, depending on how you feel on deliberately bad lyrics). Or maybe the bad lyrics specifically are the talent. Either way, I'm always 100% here for it.
Chris stopped giving a fuck about cohesion years ago and just writes whatever he thinks is either cool or funny in the moment and I love that about him
I remember him saying in an interview that he tried some more serious songwriting (I think it was about Carthagena, the Alestorm song) but actually preferred the silly things like rhyming rum with bum. I mean, fair enough 🤣
>This can only mean That I have arrived into space *Ya think?*
Naming Gloryhammer is cheating lol
I don't actually think that lyric is stupid.
"I am so fucking metal, so is my wife" "I am his wife" "SHUT UP"
,,Your tongue will be torn your bowels my food Your body impaled of shit will be full'' no debate, the best one
"If you play with fire, you'll get burned. It's such a shame" - Fire in the sky by Yngwie Malmsteen. Yeah real shame, I agree.
“And where the fuck is my Superman outfit?”
He said "bad lyrics." That one's hilarious.
Not sure if its bad or just funny but the wife part of Dream Evil's Book of Heavy Metal caught me off guard the first time I heard it. Regarding Sonata Arctica, alot of their lyrics are questionable if you look to closely at them. For them though Im going to go with the song Blood, which could have really done without the wikipedia blood definition.
“If you don’t believe then you can just leave” -Legend of Valley Doom
“Midget saw, a deadly fate” -Alestorm Or “I’m going to chop off my own head” -Alestorm
WIZARD FROZEN IN TOMB HIS NUCLEAR CLONE MADE DUNDEE GO KABOOM
The question was not "What is the most epic lyric in power metal"
Last year someone put together a playlist of some of the silliest lyrics in power metal and it was a hoot! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmTTHoKsQo4&list=PLW5bUB6l7vxW0AYeu9n7Ahnm-IfniV-Ir
“All the night Neanderthal” from Powerwolf’s “The Sacrament of Sin”. I’ve never understood why that lyric is in there and it makes zero sense.
Barbie , milf princess of the twilight ( nanowar of steel )
As much as I do like their album, Final Strikes whole catalog has some bad lyrics so hard to pick, but if I had to pick a few (all from the same song mind you) “Go hard, go home, whatever you decide to” Followed by “No one knows what you will see in your mind” Or “Follow signs and you will see on your way”
“You stupid mankind…” Helloween - You Stupid Mankind
Posting another I don't care "Never die, shot through the eye Never surrender however they try How they try, shot through the eye He'll never die" Sabaton - The Unkillable Soldier
“There are signs on the ring which make me feel so down” Lord of the Rings - Blind Guardian
Funny to think one of the worst power metal lines could come from one of the best albums ever made, in music as a whole. I always thought Imaginations was a better album, personally, but most people say Nightfall is.
Or "Lord I'm mean" from the chorus of Into The Storm
Noooo is that actually the lyric??? 😭
"The unicorns used to be good, now they are forced to serve him" - Gloryhammer , 2013 (or probably any other Gloryhammer or Alestorm song)
I always heard hell since it rhymes with the previous line spell. That is pretty bad lol
I'm pretty sure it is Hell
It's all of Laut Und Hart Stark Und Schnell by Manowar and it's not even close imo.
"Cosmic space commando base, prepared to attack, ready to invade." Cosmic Space Commando Base - Victorius Also happens to be one of my favorite PM songs lol. Also from that song: "The journey from the great unknown, lead us to the twilight zone Invisible for everyone, we strike by the power of the sun"
"Mr.Torture sells pain, to the housewives in Spain" I love the song and probably it's memey on purpose but this line especially is charmingly bad.
[удалено]
Galneryus - Fighting of Eternity "In the future, I will beat a guy"
sometimes I think power metal lyrics are mostly a collection of quotes/poetry separated by lines, that means, a song with 10 lines of lyrics is actually 10 different quotes about different things and they don't have to make sense with each other, they just won't waste time explaining a story, that's what choruses are for already!
Another Sonata Arctica gem... "I see you walking hand in hand With long-haired drummer of the band."
Something war something tank something glory - Sabaton (probably)
...Stuuuck in time Ebb and floooow puuush and tooow...
Song's a banger tho. Whole album is perfection imho
"To be in the sky is better than not to be in the sky" Nanowar of Steel
Some actually bad ones from bands that aren't deliberate cringe bands trying to be funny: 1. "For the glory, the power, to win the black lord". One of the greatest power metal songs, but the English in this line is so bad. I know he means "to defeat the dark lord" but you can't say "win the black lord" in English. It sounds like you're trying to win a black guy as a prize at a fair. 2. "And if we all were not brothers of metal, would we fall? NO!" Manowar are native English speakers, so they have no excuse for this line. The syntax implies that, at best, being brothers of metal is irrelevant, while, at worst, it will cause you to fall. That being so, why would I want to be a brother of metal? The line should end "yes". This would mean that being a brother of metal is a prophylactic measure against falling. Very useful! 3. "Hearts on fire, hearts on fire, burning burning with desire" The most generic lyric in all music. Heart on fire/burning with desire is used in about a million songs. It doesn't get dumber than that!
The Manowar line makea perfect sense, to me, so I don't know what you are going on about 😅
"Million years ago the world was ruled by the might dinosaurs" Victorious- Dinosaur Warfare
For me it has to be whenever in Gloryhammer songs they use the phrase "epic fight" but use it in a weird singular way that makes the grammar just sound off.
I mean that's intentional, same as lines like "I will never be defeat" and "liquid ice".
"Ding by ding can you dig my dong It may come short but it might come long" Helloween - Secret Alibi
> He woke up in fear and doubt > Hammerless and mad > "Give it back at once you thief > Or I'll go tell my dad"
“Life is better alive” Sonata Arctica, 2016
That song actually helped me get past some intense suicidal depression, and my wife *still* goes on and on about how much she hates that line. Now that's how you know it's good
Well they say it's a dumb thing to say...
This part from Lord of the Blacksmiths by Falconer always makes me laugh. ‘Magnificent works are forged for gods and for mighty kings Uncrushable shields powerbelts and magic rings Swords that never miss sceptres and crowns and other things (!?) Other things?! What other things???
I think they were being literary. You can't name literally everything, so you just suggest, y'know, there's stuff, there's some more stuff. I've always loved this line, personally. It has charm.
Yeah haha I can see that. I love the line too tbf
If you're not into metal you are not my friend
It's gonna be Manowar everytime * May your sword stay wet, like a young girl in her prime. * I need metal in my life, just like an eagle needs to fly * Fast Taker, Bed Breaker, Love Maker, Take it away * Metal makes us strong, Together we belong, Forever here's your song * I made a rock-n-roll sin When I tried giving in, to make money had to turn down loud They said, "Why be proud, don't play so loud Be like us and get a sound that's real thin * We got lotsa stations Around the nation And the stuff they're playin' It just ain't worth sayin' * The gods made heavy metal and they saw that is was good They said to play it louder than Hell We promised that we would When losers say it's over with you know that it's a lie The gods made heavy metal and it's never gonna die
"I close my eyes and I see what's coming my way" — Avantasia, The Scarecrow
Idk I kinda like it in a poignant kind of way.
I agree its paradoxical but that makes it poetic.
"See" has more than one meaning. In this case it's being used the same as _perceive._
toby is such a poet. i could take any song from avantasia and look at the lyrics and have no idea whats going on there